#and I know I’m not but her saying that made me feel really invalid and shitty

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Sorry this ask turned into an essay — as I explain I have a personal connection to this topic and a lot of thoughts on it, ha

On the topic of Taylor’s discussion of Joe’s depression — I have never seen anyone claim that she has made fun of it, but I have seen some discussions from people who feel that she’s been unfair or insensitive with how she’s spoken about it, or that she broke up with him because he was “too depressed” and that she was blaming him for things he can’t control. Renegade has been used as an example of this, and more recently So Long London (specifically “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days).

I don’t want to speak for anyone but myself here or invalidate anyone’s feelings of hurt with how Taylor addresses these topics (because that is entirely fair to be hurt by if you interpret it in that way), but I will say this: as someone who has been on both sides of this equation (I have clinical depression that I’m in the process of getting medication for, and I’ve also had multiple relationships with people who were going through severe mental health struggles that I was trying to support them through), I don’t think that the way Taylor has referenced Joe’s depression affecting her in her music seems cruel to him. I’ve never gotten the impression that she is blaming him for struggling or that she expected him to just stop struggling and get better, or even that that’s the reason their relationship ended. I think there’s a lot of frustration in those songs, and while I understand why some may balk at that, it can be really frustrating at times to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, or who is pushing you away at every turn. It’s not their fault, and I don’t think Taylor is framing it as such, but that can make it even more frustrating when it feels like things are breaking down and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

And I feel like it’s kind of taboo to talk about those feelings because (in my experience at least) they’re wrapped up in so much guilt? I was in a relationship very similar to the one described in Renegade once, and I would get into this cycle where my partner would be struggling, I would try to help them, they would push me away and/or say things that would really hurt me, I would feel upset and hurt, but then feel so guilty for being upset and hurt because I knew they didn’t mean it the way it felt and that this wasn’t about me, so I would just keep those feelings to myself and say nothing, and it would start all over again. These aren’t pretty emotions at all, and I fully understand why some people are hurt by the way Taylor talks about them, but I think there’s a big difference between “I’m frustrated because my partner is struggling and I feel like I’m giving them everything I have but nothing ever changes and it’s hurting me” and “my partner is too depressed to deal with, why won’t they just get over it?”

I’ve had loved ones tell me tell me to just stop being depressed before — I know that hurt very well, and at least to me, this feels different. Honestly I really appreciate songs like Renegade and So Long London because hearing someone else talk about that experience has made me feel less like I was some uniquely horrible person incapable of being the perfect supporting partner that I should have been. I think it’s just a shitty, frustrating situation where no one is solely to blame, and I think that’s how Taylor presents it.

But again, this is just my opinion — I can totally see how and why people might interpret them differently and feel hurt by them, and I don’t want to speak over those feelings at all

Hi friend! First of all tysm for being so open and honest about your personal struggles with both yourself and past relationships - I'm grateful you feel you can be safe here talking about that. And secondly in your grace and empathy in understanding the many potential sticky layers of feeling here and how this might be ruffly and uncomfortable for people. I love that so much.

My interpretation has always very much been in alignment with yours. And I think if this album was seeking to do any one thing it was to wield honesty like a blunt force instrument - even and especially when the truth is uncomfortable and can be alienating. I've never once interpreted her documentation of a partner's mental health struggles as "get over it" (is there anyone who better understands how fucking hard it is to get over literally anything than Taylor?). But I feel the line that haunts me most is, "I gave you all my best me's / My endless empathy / And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier". And the uncomfortable truth is that it is so incredibly painful to be in love with someone who doesn't love themselves and who has proven (despite years of begging and pleading and patience and kindness) that they are not interested in becoming someone who can love you better. And it's unfair and shitty and horrible to have your "spine split from carrying [both of you] up the hill" for years. You feel sad for them. You feel sad for you. You feel sad that you feel sad. And then you feel mad that they are making you sad. And and and.

#tss ttpd party #opinion

[honeymaki]

Achievement: 💭 went out for lunch with some friends!! 💭 changed my bed 💭 had a shower

#🌱.happy kitty #22/05/22 #i had a really good day!! i had yummy food nd caught up with my friends🥺 #i left when I felt too overwhelmed and overstimulated #and then had like an extended meltdown for the rest of the day BUT I DIGRESS #i just cried a lot I just got tired and burnt out from masking #and then mum invalidated me without meaning to #i explained why I had a bath then a shower and apparently had a weird tone to my voice and was acting weird #‘you’ve never done that before so why did you do it now?’ and it really upset me like massively #because the more I unmask and discover things about myself I have this little voice in my head that’s like ‘you’re making everything up #and I’m not really autistic I’m just faking it #and I know I’m not but her saying that made me feel really invalid and shitty #and idk what I can say to her that won’t immediately be turned into me attacking her #I’ll talk maybe tomorrow but I was already upset and she just - made it worse

[clockwayswrites]

Like Beta Fish Do Part 21

wc 3874 Masterpost

“I’ve got nothing else to add,” Jason said as he turned from closing the door behind Danny. He refused to let his boyfriend miss any more classes because of him. He understood yesterday, but he was up and moving now and it wasn’t like Dick was going to leave any time soon.

Dick who obviously still had questions.

Questions Jason didn’t want to answer.

He wasn’t ready to tell his brother he was still dead.

“Jay…,” Dick sighed, setting the plate he’d just finished washing carefully on the towel where the others were drying. It was careful in a way that told Jason Dick had half wanted to throw the plate across the room. “You’ve got to understand… I didn’t look into Danny. No one has looked into Danny. I ignored my instincts and my training and just let you have this because you trusted me. And then I come into that…”

“I do trust you, Dickie,” Jason forced himself to say. It was easier to admit than it used to be. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Jaybird, you know I do,” Dick said as he crossed the room. He rested his hands on Jason’s cheeks, brushing his thumbs under those green tinted eyes. “But you scared me.”

“I get that. I’m not…” Jason huffed out a breath of air and let his head thud back against the door. Why did finding the right words still have to be so hard? “It’s not wrong that you were scared. I’m not trying to… this isn’t me invalidating that. But I’ve… haven’t I been happier, big bird?”

“You have,” Dick whispered his assurance.

“Then trust me,” Jason pleaded. “And trust that I trust Danny. I’m happier because of him. Not just… not just because I care about him. I promise, Dick, this isn’t my heart clouding my head. I was taking the ectoshots before my heart got involved, and they are helping. I feel… it’s so much easier now, Dick, so much easier just to feel.”

Dick slumped forward, his head rested against Jason’s chest. Jason let him, wrapping one heavy arm around Dick’s shoulder’s. He didn’t miss how his brother’s ear was pressed right over his heart.

“Will it go away? The Pit rage?” The question caught in a hitched breath, like Dick was afraid to ask it.

“Completely? I don’t know— we don’t know.” Jason said honestly. He had to swallow his own unsteady breath back. “I don’t think so. I think it’s too far burrowed into my bones to ever go away. I think it’s stained my soul. But I think… I think that a lot of the active parts of it are being washed away. I may always be stained by it, but I don’t have to live by it.”

Dick sighed. His shoulders slumped as he let himself lean almost boneless against Jason. “And he makes you want to live.”

“He does.”

“Alright, Jay, I’ll trust him. Because I want you to keep wanting.”

Jason dropped a kiss to the top of Dick's head, murmuring into his hair, “Thanks, big bird.”

-

“You’ve been quiet, Danny,” Sam suspiciously pointed out.

It was their monthly ‘is everyone still (mostly) alive’ video chat, as Tucker named it. Which normally Danny enjoyed; it was great to be able to check up with the others. It’s just that right then was really, really bad timing.

Because he did have things to tell and they were going to flip.

“He has been,” Val agreed, leaning forward. “What are you hiding?”

Danny rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, um, I’m just getting ready to go to the Realms?”

“On ‘is everyone still, mostly, alive’ chat day? Dude!” Tucker said, clutching a dramatic hand to his chest. “How could you?”

“Oh come on— Sam and Val made plans first! We always had a hard cut off,” Danny defended himself.

“Oh excuse us for wanting to support our friends and go see the play they’re in,” Val said.

“I’m not— I’m not the one with the issue!”

“No— don’t let him get off topic,” Sam said, throwing her arm in front of Valerie. “He’s trying to distract us.”

Rude. It was true, but rude.

“Right, so um, Jason?” Danny started. He had gotten permission from Jason to tell them, but it was still a struggle to start.

“Your ‘friend’,” Sam said, with air quotes.

“Who could kill you with his thighs,” Val added.

“And who you won’t let me stalk,” Tucker sulked.

“Yes, him.” Danny rolled his eyes. He tried to not let the nerves get him and continued right into it. “So he’s, well, um, sorta a halfa?”

Danny practically lunged to turn down the volume on the call as everyone shouted at once.

“Everyone shut up!” Sam eventually yelled. “Danny, what the fuck do you mean he’s sorta a halfa?”

“I, um, well, I mean that he died and came back, but his ecto was a little messed up so he didn’t really form fully? Like, he felt like a ghost but he doesn’t— didn’t have a real core. We’re pretty sure it’s forming fully now, which is why we’re going to the Far Frozen to get him checked out.”

“Dude,” Tucker said.

Danny managed a crooked smile. “I know, right?”

“How?” Val stressed.

“I’ve been giving him ectoshots. Sorta like a transfusion? It’s jump starting things,” Danny said. “He had his third one just the other day.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” Sam said, crossing her arms. “And he doesn’t want to kill you?”

“Look, it was his secret! I couldn’t just tell people—” Danny cut himself off at a knock on his door.

“Is that him?” Tucker asked, leaning forward. “Dude, bring him in!”

“Well will you look at the time! I guess Sam and Val have to get going!”

Sam scowled. “Danny, don’t you dare—”

“And he’s totally not trying to kill me!” Danny said loudly over her. “Since we’re, you know, dating. Bye guys! Have fun at the play!”

He hung up over their renewed shouting with a grin. That would come back to bite him, but he couldn’t regret it— not when it got him out of that conversation for now.

Danny’s smile fell into something uneasy as he opened the door. “Hey, come in.”

They had talked since that night, of course, but they hadn’t seen each other. Danny raked his eyes over Jason, as if just by looking he could tell how the other was doing.

“Hey fish, I’m alright. I’m healing well thanks to you,” Jason assured him.

Danny almost bristled. It was what he wanted to know, of course, but he didn’t want to be coddled. “Good, because we’re going into the Infinite Realms and they can be dangerous. So you’re going to stay close to my side and you’re going to listen to everything I say and we are going to see Frostbite to make sure you didn’t permanently injure your core getting stabbed as it was coming in! Because you were a reckless idiot and were out fighting crime while going through a transformation of your very being!”

“Are we talking about this now?”

“Don’t get cheeky—”

“I’m not,” Jason insisted. When Danny just scowled, Jason stepped forward. He cradled Danny’s face gently. “I’m not. I just want to make sure now is when you want to talk about this. I don’t want to push you.”

Danny swallowed around the lump of tension in his throat and gave a nod.

Jason let out a little breath. “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been out like that while this was going on. I was just— you know the first time I got sick from the ectoshot? The family was bugging me for weeks about it. They were…” Jason paused as if turning the words around in his head. “They were worried, I guess— no, I get now, because I had missed a few patrols, because I never miss patrols. I’m used to going out there and doing what I need to do no matter what’s going on or what state I’m in. I’m used to not having anyone… no, I’m used to not relying on anyone because I feel like I can’t. Because the Pit lies. It makes it feel like… I’m used to feeling like I don’t have anyone. Even though I have my family and you… I’m still trying to get used to that idea without the Pit in the way. So you’re right, and I’m sorry.”

“You could have died,” Danny choked out.

“I know.”

Danny shook his head. “You could have died and would I have even known? Would Dick have thought to tell me? And even if he did what lie would he have given? I would have just felt you… you would have just been gone, Jason! You would have died and shattered apart and you would have been gone! And I never would have known how—”

Jason yanked Danny against him, holding him so tightly that it was almost hard for Danny to breathe.

He pressed in closer.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

They stood there, clinging to each other, and Danny let himself fall apart a little— like he had been putting off since that night. Jason carded gentle fingers through Danny’s hair as Danny shook in his arms.

“Great. Now I’m crying,” Danny said with a pathetic sniffle when he felt worn out by his emotions.

“That’s okay,” Jason murmured.

“I didn’t mean to make this about me.”

“That’s okay too. You’re allowed to be upset, fish.”

“I’ll feel better once we get your core checked out,” Danny admitted, finally pulling back, wiping at his face.

“I’ll listen to everything you say,” Jason promised.

“You better,” Danny said, trying to sound firm. “First off, wear this.”

Danny shoved an absurdly thick coat at Jason, but he took it and put it on without comment. He really did seem like he was going to listen to Danny. Danny just tossed his own ectocase around his shoulders and let the white rings wash over him, transforming into Phantom.

He turned away from Jason, taking a moment to gather himself, before he ripped open a portal to the Realms.

-

“I know you told me yetis, but still,” Jason said with a motion at the village around him.

“Something to see, isn’t it?” Danny asked with a little grin. The smile was still a little shaky looking, but it was far better than how Danny had looked in his apartment.

Jason felt horrible for how he had worried Danny and Dick. He had been stupid, and it had been people he cared about that had paid for it. He would take any smiles that Danny could muster right then, even shaky ones.

“So how does it work, having a yeti as a doctor when you’re human?”

“I mean, I’m not right now, am I?” Danny said, motioning to his stark white hair. “I’m a ghost and all ghosts are just a core surrounded by an ectoplasmic form. That form can look like a human or a yeti or an evil plant with a chip on its shoulder—”

A what?

“—but, like, that’s just the appearance of the ectoplasm. With enough effort and will we can completely change that appearance, but most beings stick with something close to their living form, at least for those of us that were alive. Frostbite has explained that because the form we had as the living is basically imprinted on our core, so it’s the easiest and the most natural form for our ectoplasm to take. Minor changes like hair and clothing are easy, because we changed those all the time when alive, but bigger changes take more effort and a level of upkeep.

“You and I are a little unique as halfas. We’re in flux in a way that other ghosts aren’t. My from has pretty naturally aged up as my human half has, for example, though Frostbite thinks that I could still very easily revert back to the age I was when I died if I wanted too, since that’s part of the original imprint.”

Not for the first time, Jason couldn’t help but dread what his ghost form might be. If he was lucky, he’d simply change into an inverted Red Hood. But when has he been lucky like that? There was a far too certain part of Jason that knew he’d come back as he had been in the warehouse: a scared kid who had been murdered.

A Robin.

He didn’t know if he could stand to be back in that uniform.

Jason did his best to push the thought aside. If he worried about it, he’d just let it consume him. He didn’t want to be in that mindset— especially not when he was in an unknown place; not that Danny would let anything happen to him.

Besides, there was too much to look at to be lost in his own head.

“Frostbite!” Danny called out suddenly, rushing forward towards a large yeti with a crystal arm.

The yeti smiled. That was… a lot of teeth. “Great One!”

Great one?

“Are you unwell or simply here for a visit? How are you handling the lack of haunt? Come, we should look you over anyways.”

“Frostbite, I’m fine, really, but I want you to check over Jason. There was a little… incident,” Danny said. He turned to motion to Jason and waved him over. “Frostbite, this is Jason, the other halfa I’ve told you about. Jason, this is Frostbite, chief of this village and my physician.”

“It is an honor to meet another friend of the Great One,” the Chief said with a pleasant smile.

“Thanks,” Jason said, shooting Danny a look at the ‘great one’ title. Danny just rubbed at the back of his neck bashfully. “Danny’s told me how you both worked out the idea for the ecotshots for me. I appreciate the help.”

“Of course! I am always here to help a halfa with their health. There are so few of you, it is the least that I can do to offer my aid,” Frostbite said with a little half bow. “Come, we should head inside where we will have some privacy.”

“Thank you,” Jason said, aware that he was getting more than a few looks from the residents. He bundled a little deeper into his coat as they made their way inside to what was clearly a medical room, despite the wholly unusual architecture.

Frostbite motioned for Jason to take a seat on the medical bed. “Now, are you alright with King Phantom being in the room for your examination?”

“Yes,” Jason answered quickly, swallowing back the words that he’d much rather Danny be there than not. “He’s been involved so far anyways.”

“Very well,” Frostbite said and shut the door behind Danny. “There was an incident I am told?”

Jason gave a little nod. “Danny thinks it was my core coming in finally. But I was in the middle of a fight. I, ah… help protect my city. It threw me off and I got stabbed. It was a pretty bad wound.”

Danny scoffed. When Frostbite looked his way he crossed his arms with a scowl. “He could have died. I gave him an ectoshot, third one, but I’m still worried that getting hurt that badly when his core was properly forming hurt something.”

“Ah, well, we can certainly look into that, hum?” Frostbite pulled on something that seemed to be a stethoscope of some sort connected to a pitch tuner. He gestured with it for permission and Jason nodded. “What did your core feel like?”

“Burning,” Jason answered. “Is… that a bad thing?”

“Not if it is a core that is meant to burn,” the yeti said with a rumbling chuckle as he pressed the stethoscope to Jason’s chest. “Now, think a happy thought.”

“Really? What is this, Peter Pan?”

Danny covered a snort of laughter.

“Not a reference I know,” Frostbite admitted.

“They, ah, think happy thoughts to fly in the story,” Jason explained awkwardly.

“Well, as ghosts can fly and our cores are heavily responsive to our emotions, perhaps not a bad analogy,” Frostbite said. “Now, happy thoughts, please.”

Closing his eyes, Jason took a breath and let it out slowly as he grasped for something happy to think of. It was… easier than it used to be. Meals with the family, tea with Alfred, and Danny. Danny smiling in wonder in the planetarium. Danny whooping as he dashed through the waves. Dancing with Danny in the town square.

Kissing Danny.

“And there we are,” Frostbite murmured.

“How is it?” Danny asked anxiously.

“Shush.”

Now Jason felt anxious.

“Such worry,” Frostbite said as he pulled away with a chuckle. “The core is a bit quiet, perhaps, but it is still young. I do not hear any cracking or strange reverberations. The humming was strong for the age of the core. You have not transformed yet?”

“No,” Jason said, trying not to let that fear grip him about that.

Frostbit nodded. “It would be best to not yet do so. One more ectoshot at least before you try, perhaps two. There would be no harm in having another one soon to help with the growth.”

“Can you top us off?” Danny asked as he wiggled the case he’d brought at Frostbite.

“Of course, we will see to that before you leave. While you are here, Jason, would you wish to find out what type of core you have?”

“Yes, of course,” Jason said, both curious and wanting to make sure the burning was something he was supposed to feel.

“I will be right back then,” Frostbite said.

Once the yeti had left, Jason glanced over at Danny. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. I’m glad it’s nothing, but I needed us to check, you know?”

“Hey, fish, I get it. I don’t mind having come. Who gets to say they’ve met yetis?”

“You will plenty, he’s your doctor now too,” Danny pointed out. “Oh, and I want you to take this ectocase and store it somewhere Dick can get to it if you’re hurt again, alright?”

“Sure, fish,” Jason said. He’d give Danny that little bit of security. “I’ll have it stored in the Cave and tell Dick about it.”

“Okay, good,” Danny said, letting out a tense breath.

“Hey, come here.”

When Danny stepped close, Jason tucked Danny to stand in between his lefts and gently cupped his face. “I’m going to do everything I can to be safe. I’m not going to go out on patrol right now. I’ll work with Dick to find an excuse until my core is solid. I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t think about how this would affect everything else. But I promise you, I’m going to do everything I can to be safe now that I get it.”

“Sorry I’m worrying.”

“None of that, you’re allowed to worry,” Jason said, brushing his lips against Danny’s forehead. “Just also trust me to do my best. I just got you, I’m not going to leave you.”

“Okay,” Danny said with another measured breath. “I trust you, I do.”

“Ah, should I return in a moment?” Frostbite asked softly from the doorway.

“No, it’s fine,” Danny said, pulling back from Jason. “Really. I want to know what Jason’s core is also.”

Frostbite gave a little nod and opened the case he was carrying. In it, cradled in soft velvet, was a glass ball. Or, at least, what looked like a glass ball to Jason. It was slightly cool when Frostbite set it in Jason’s cupped hands.

“Now Jason, this will show us what your core is by projecting the appropriate imagery into the sphere. You must close your eyes and focus inside yourself. It may be harder for you in this form, but attempt to feel that burning again.”

Jason did as he was told, thinking back to the feeling on the night he was stabbed and the little flares of heat he had sensed since. He could feel it, just barely, as this heat inside his chest. It was this faint, churning ball of warmth sitting under his sternum.

“Oh,” Danny breathed. “That’s beautiful.”

“Yes,” Frostbite rumbled. “Stay focused, but you may open your eyes.”

Jason paused. He was almost afraid to know. This was the first real thing— the first proof that he was still half dead. But he had to face it.

He opened his eyes.

The sphere was glowing so brightly orange it was almost hard to look at. The light spilled through cracks and fissures of an ashen black surface that split and shifted and formed.

“…lava?”

“Lava,” Frostbite confirmed. “A powerful force. It can be destructive. It can spread across the land, decimating everything in front of it.”

Jason’s breath hitched. Of course he was a force of destruction and death. Of course he—

Frostbit’s large hands gently surrounded his, partially shielding the light from the sphere. “But it can also be creation. It can make whole new islands. And the earth left behind by a lava flow is incredibly rich— life blooms from it. It is a duality. Very fitting, I would think, for a halfa.”

The next breath shuddered through Jason, right to his center where that warmth sat. He swallowed heavily against the lump in his throat. “I… yeah.”

Frostbite carefully took the sphere from Jason’s hand, the lava flared once before it the sphere was clear again. Frostbite turned around to put it away, and Jason was pretty certain it was all so that he could have a moment to compose himself.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until Danny stepped close to wipe the tears away. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just…” Jason cleared his throat. “I guess it was just a lot suddenly, seeing that.”

“I meant what I said, it was beautiful,” Danny said.

Jason smiled. He was sure it was more than a little watery, but it was an honest smile. “Thank you.”

“Now, do you have any questions about your core?” Frostbite asked.

Jason took a moment to think about that. “I won’t… there’s no way for me to hurt Danny, is there? With him having an ice core.”

“No,” Frostbite said with another one of his chuckles. “In a normal situation, you would have an advantage in a fight, should you use your elemental powers, but King Phantom has a way of assuming the powers that he battles against. He has very few weaknesses in that manner. And you will be of no harm being simply near him. In fact, it may be a nice balance— he runs cold and you warm. If one was being poetic, one could say you are made for each other.”

“You’re talking like it’s fate.”

“With the Great One, it’s never wise to rule anything out,” Frostbite said with a chuckle. “Come now, let us see to getting you ecto and let you go on your way. I am sure it has been a long day.”

It really had; long, but not bad.

Not bad at all.

-----

AN: This chapter fought me with my poor health, but here we are! And we finally figure out what Jason's core is! I hope everyone likes the choice~

And things also continue to settle down a little. Though Danny is going to be hounded by his friends for sure!

Stay delightful, darlings!

I no longer tag people. You can instead subscribe to be notified at the masterpost!

#dp x dc #dead on main #like betta fish do

[gothicayomi]

Edit: I made a post about Alex’s reponse: Here

Okay. The Alex callout is so fucking wishy washy that I’m genuinely getting whiplash. When I first read Ven’s callout document several days ago, I honestly skimmed it because I’m the type of person who has always just assumed callouts are fully honest. And siding with the victims immediately is always a must, especially if it’s about grooming minors, or severe abuse. At that time I was also under the impression DB was a minor, thus I automatically denounced Alex Kister. However, last night I wanted to see any updates regarding this development and I’m so glad I saw Ven’s tumblr post before he updated it, because it provided vital information (such as reminding everyone DB is an adult during all this) and I was able to see people’s responses to it. I decided to reread the document with this new, updated information in mind and I’m very upset with how badly this has gotten. Particularly about how feeble Ven’s doc is and how some of the things they said rubbed me the wrong way. For now, I’m just pointing out some things that really stood out to me with how much it didn’t make sense or it was particularly antagonizing toward Alex.

So… in the tumblr post Ven made, they were saying that the point of the doc wasn’t to say Alex was a groomer. And yet they made it VERY CLEAR that Alex’s gender identity was, in their opinion, a way for Alex to “lure victims”. Basically calling a transfem a predator cuz she expressed her gender identity AND sexuality relative to her gender identity to her partner and not minors. but Ven was also backing up from that claim, which clearly was the whole point of the doc???? But it was never stated in the introduction of the document. So first of all, I thought that was weird. It just said “Alex’s predatory and manipulative behavior.” Here we go.

So. Apparently a content creator wanting to make friends and connect with people is parasocial? Sure, content creators have to be aware of their “high status” or whatever, but i think people are also weird for idol worshipping in the first place. Alex (which I’ve seen stated uses any pronouns) has been self aware about parasocial relationships from the beginning and he’s not saying he never was aware of it. 😐 but several screenshots of him explaining himself tells that he never even thought about the potential power imbalance— he wanted some fucking friends.

These screenshots would show someone expressing their discomfort and assert their boundaries. And Alex always seemed very genuine in their apologies and would acknowledge the person’s feelings wholeheartedly. None of it was brushed off by her in the screenshots. She never downplayed anything. And yet you guys are still offended???????????????? Let me get this straight. You want someone to own up to their mistakes and apologize for making you feel weird, but when they do, you’re somehow still upset? Hm. Make it make sense. Like what the fuck you want, blood from a rock??????

By the way, what’s transphobic to one trans person might not be transphobic for someone else. As a gender-fluid person, I’m not going to be pissed off if a different gender fluid person “”“changes their gender every day”,””” (i say this particular thing because I’ve seen people act very upset over it while others aren’t) because it’s not my fucking business and it doesn’t affect me or my daily life. If they’re comfortable and happy, that’s all that matters. I have no say in what other trans people makes them comfortable with themselves. What’s transphobic is invalidating another trans person’s gender identity, expression, and sexuality, (which CAN co exist by the fucking way) and demonizing it just because you don’t like that person or you don’t want to try and understand them. Just so you know. :) that’s like misgendering someone on purpose just because they’re a terrible person, or saying neopronouns are invalid.

Here’s the thing: when you’re exploring gender identity, you’re not going to get it on the first fucking try. From what I’m seeing in the docs, this was Alex around the time they were first stepping into that comfort zone. They were trying new things. Wanting to feel comfortable. Wanting to be validated. Wanting to connect with other trans people. That’s what every trans person wants. You seriously shamed her for that? To the point where Alex admitted they felt so ashamed of their gender expression that they lied about saying it was joke? All to reassure everyone and make people feel better? Fuck you. You don’t fucking get to say what someone should and shouldn’t do regarding their body and gender— he wasn’t saying explicit things to the minors. Not stuff similar to what was said to Ven or D8 so why the fuck is anyone tripping??????

I will say that I understand why Ven would be concerned about this in the first place since when they dating Alex, Alex did make sexual comments about wanting to wear their clothes and look like them. I get it. But Ven, you were his partner, obviously when you guys were comfortably having intimate discussions that he’d be willing to share vulnerable desires with you regarding gender identity woven with sexuality. But why did you automatically, outside of your personal conversations with him, try so desperately to search for that in his convos with other people? When they had nothing to do with you I understand wanting to be concerned and looking out for other people but this was so blown out of proportion that it’s insane.

Alex trusted you so much. And one thing I was really disgusted by was the creepy ass way of you posting screenshots of his sexual fantasies. If Alex does decide to post YOURS you sent to HIM, you have no fucking right to be upset over it, okay? :) fair’s fair, my dude.

So this screenshot being posted after Ven writing in the document “venting to a minor about his sexual frustration” all I have to say is Ven what the fuck are you talking about? being touch-starved isn’t Inherently sexual. Why the fuck is Ven saying this is sexual frustration. ?????????????????????????????????????????? So it’s sexual when it’s said to a minor? Oh okay, good thinking, Ven. /sarcasm. I didn’t know cuddles and hugs were bad. I guess grown adults shouldn’t cuddle their children, or adults can’t hug their child family members. Idk what to say about the “I wish you lived closer thing” tbh because i don’t know what the person said— it could have been taken out of context. Which brings me to my next point.

Ven stated there were people who came forward with their own screenshots of what Alex said. But if someone is going to crop them into tiny little boxes and obscure what the victim said before and after, it’s going to be pretty fucking difficult to even make a proper judgment on whether or not the context is inappropriate, or if it was said to the actual victim themselves in the first fucking place. Sure, the screenshots aren’t fabricated, but we don’t know who the fuck they were sent to. That’s on y’all.

Btw I’m so fucking convinced none of these ppl have ever experienced normal, healthy friendships or relationships, oh my fucking god. No fucking basis for proper judgment, imo.

One thing that also pissed me off was Ven targeting Alex’s mental health and symptoms throughout the doc. They targeted Alex’s paranoia and suicidal tendencies. First off, I’m pretty sure everyone part of tmc + the fandom know that the most prominent themes of tmc are SUICIDE and religious trauma. I once saw Alex post a tweet about various poetry written during his high school years venting his depression and suicidal ideation. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation way before that. I’m gonna be so honest, after seeing the way Ven twisted a lot of this around, when I look back on Ven saying “Alex said he’d kill himself if I broke up with him” makes me think Alex could have said something like “you mean a lot to me and I’d be devastated if we split.” like. I can’t be the only fucking person who thinks this. Alex has always been self aware. I know he’s really struggling right now.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO BITCH YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!! You either genuinely don’t know what paranoia is (symptom of mental illness) or you, of course, are genuinely trying to demonize an aspect of someone’s symptoms they can’t control. All to justify your bullying against Alex. Maybe research what paranoia is, and you’d be more understanding of Alex.

Mental illness doesn’t fit into your neat little boxes, by the way. And everybody experiences mental illness differently, so don’t act like you 100% know what someone is going through. I understand wanting to see the people you care about getting therapy and professional support. But you don’t have the right to demonize them when they aren’t being outright shitty.

Not to mention, every single fucking time Alex would explain their feelings and perspectives, Ven, you would shut them down in the doc. Invalidating Alex’s feelings. That’s the sort of thing manipulative people do, just so you know, Ven!! The same type of person you claim Alex is!!! Don’t throw stones in glass houses. That’s coward behavior, and projection is damaging to both parties.

Im gojng to be so deadass right now. If I could nitpick every single little detail in Ven’s document that I found weirdly uncomfortable or suspicious or confusing, I’d be making my own goddamn google doc which would be two or three times as long as Ven’s.

This entire matter genuinely could have been dealt with privately. Alex even expressed that and Ven shut him down!!! Do you know how fucking frustrating that is? And no, Alex never shut you guys down so don’t even try and twist the blame back onto him. You wanted him to own up to what he’s done and said, but y’all don’t want to do the same. Sigh!

Also, what the fuck is the takeaway supposed to be? Y’all said he isn’t a groomer. Ven said somewhere in the doc that people aren’t trying to be transmisogynistic. But clearly you are fucking using Alex’s gender identity against her. I hope you burn in hell. Also, since none of the minors were being groomed, what the fuck are you trying to prove?????????? That wanting friends is fucked up and evil???? That you and D8, grown ass adults who were consensually engaging in sexual conversations with Alex, were fucking manipulated? Evidence shows you guys were comfortable with expressing your discomfort and asserting boundaries, but like I said, y’all are still pissed off Alex took accountability. You’re adults. Act like it.

I could go on and on about this shit but these are the key points I wanted to bring up. I saw the post that donut made and I read through it thoroughly but since there is no evidence suggesting Alex was grooming minors, and he was genuinely apologizing for making Donut and other people uncomfortable, it honestly came off as a kid (kids shouldn’t even be in online without a fucking parent’s supervision anyway) being a kid: immature. So I genuinely do not give a fuck. Have your parents watch what people say to you online.

I’m a 23 year old adult who’s been in both toxic and healthy friendships and relationships with people and I can honestly say y’all are fucking stupid for even writing these dumbass callouts. I’m looking forward to Alex’s response and I will be supporting him unless there is substantial evidence showing Alex is a bad person. Ok?

Feelings and perspectives are valid and important on both ends. You don’t need me to tell you that. The point of this post is that the doc was very feeble and lacked proper documentation at numerous points. you shouldn’t purposely misconstrue Alex’s words and actions just to make him look bad, especially if your evidence (screenshots, in this case) isn’t consistent or fully exposed. I will mention what I said earlier: plenty of people here, from what I saw, were able to express their feelings and assert boundaries just fine and Alex was completely open, and whoever needed that help definitely got it. Despite everything that has happened, I’m glad people did have others who understood what they felt.

I may be editing this post if I find I think certain things need to be (re)addressed or corrected. Because like I said, there are various things I want to point out. Stay updated or not!

#Alex kister #the Mandela catalogue #Mandela catalogue #tmc #stirringjuice

[crazylittlejester]

I’m gonna go on a crazy ass rant because I’m upset and also very tired

A huge reason as to why I characterize Warriors the way that I do, regarding his fear of being poisoned and his food anxiety, is a way to explain myself and my own anxieties caused by my allergies, because when I say to someone I don’t think I can eat the food at the party/function/their house EVEN IF it was specifically made to be free of my allergens, they just don’t understand why I can’t eat it. They just don’t understand that just because it’s ‘safe’ doesn’t mean I feel safe enough to eat it, because there’s always that lingering ‘What if’ in my mind that food made outside of my vision is contaminated somehow.

It is so HARD to explain to people the genuine fear that you are going to die because a food created an odd texture in your mouth and you gave yourself a panic attack over nothing. It breaks my heart every time I go to my friends house and her mom offers to make me food because I’ve been at her house for thirteen hours and haven’t eaten a meal with them, because even though she cleans everything and offers to let me watch her make it, there’s still this loud screaming voice in my mind saying that that food is not safe to eat. And it just NEVER goes away. I feel awful because her mom is so sweet and willing to help me, and I just can’t ever accept because I manage to convince myself it’s contaminated every time

I have been dealing with this for my entire life and never not once have I been able to get someone to understand what this feels like or seen it shown in a media form anywhere. I’ve had family and therapists both just tell me to get over myself, because I’m being ‘ridiculous’ and the craziest thing to me EVER is that for the first time in nineteen years, I have had an outlet to throw this frustration into. Warriors and the food issues I have given him are so important to me because for the first time in my life I can explain this fear through a character and even if people may not relate or really, truly get what it’s like, they understand. They understand and they recognize it as a valid fear, and it’s because of a fanfiction about a traumatized war hero. (which is INSANE to me that this is what it took for people to understand, but you know what, I’ll take it)

This rant was inspired because I opened a sealed container of ice cream and the allergen labels were incorrect and now I can’t eat it and I’ve wasted money and I’m so upset and it’s been a really long week, but also because I never saw anyone talking about this when I was a kid, and if I’d had someone there to represent me like this, or just be there for me to connect with, I would’ve felt a lot better. Understanding allergies and food restrictions is so important for so many reasons, the most important being that if you know how to help someone, you can save their LIFE. And for other people who feel the same way I do, it’s so GOOD to know you’re not alone and that there’s someone out there who gets what you’re dealing with

If I can make people understand what it’s like to live life this way, then that is so important to me. If I can explain to people what to do in an emergency situation because their friend is having a allergic reaction, I will, because not enough people understand how allergies work, and I’m sick and tired of hearing stories about kids with allergies who were peer pressured into eating when they didn’t feel comfortable and then suffering the consequences, and I am TIRED of seeing companies mislabel their fucking food.

Also do NOT be afraid to ask any friends or classmates or coworkers with allergies how to use an epi pen because You Could Save Their Life. If anyone is curious, I’LL tell you, or look up a youtube video I’m sure there are some on there

Anyways, this is why I give Warriors the food issues I do in my fics, for anyone else out there with allergies who’s ever felt invalidated by people telling them their anxieties were stupid, and so people who have no idea what it’s like to fear your food will kill you can try to understand that this is the irritating reality for some of your peers. (not that everyone with allergies has this exact experience, I have a friend with allergies who just eats whatever and prays it wont kill them, but I know now that there are plenty of people out there with allergies who DO have this experience)

Sorry for kinda ranting, (I’m just a little guy 🥺), but this is something that is so hugely important to me, and sorry Warriors but you had too similar of a problem so now you get my exact issues 🫶

#linked universe #lu warriors #tw vent #kind of?? tagging it just in case #anyways i am FINE just really annoyed 🕺🕺🕺 #jes talks #jes rambles #jes rants

[barsformars]

Disrespect

//

g - angst

p - wooyoung x f!reader

w.c - 1.1k

t.w - mentions of insecurities regarding looks and body

c - wooyoung is mad at you for starting rumours and you’re pissed at his insensitivity

a.n - have not written an angst piece in a very long time, idk if anyone is interested to read this tbh but it comforted me a little to write this because something similar happened to me quite a while back so 🥴 also disclaimer, this is completely fictional im not saying wooyoung is an asshole irl

//

“i don’t ever want to see you again” doesn’t really work when you’re working together and have to see each other literally the next day. not only is it painfully obvious and awkward to your coworkers. it’s also incredibly exhausting switching from being mad at him to seriously missing the good times with him every half an hour or so.

it took one more glare sent towards wooyoung’s direction for san to finally decide to come talk to you. “you wanna talk to me about it?” he asked softly as he sat himself beside you.

you furrowed your eyebrows at san, wondering if he was serious about it, especially considering the cause of the whole fight. “what, and have you report everything back to your best friend? no thanks.”

“my lips are sealed,” san tried to reassure, slightly taken aback by your attitude. he has never once betrayed anyone’s trust, unless they were doing something illegal but that’s a story for another day.

that phrase meant nothing to you but empty promises to you now. your only fault was telling your fellow backup dancers that you felt uncomfortable with how close wooyoung was being with a certain girl group member, and now he was blaming you for calling him a womaniser and a cheater because rumours had spread. and instead of apologising for causing your trust in him to waver, wooyoung was more concerned about his reputation.

“i’ll respect your wishes if you don’t want to talk about it, but i strongly encourage for the both of you to talk it out,” san advised, “the atmosphere is kind of heavy because of the two of you.”

san got up and walked away, revealing wooyoung who was staring at you from the mirror as the stylist fixed his hair.

“have you been crying?” was the first thing that came out from his mouth after the both of you excused yourselves to a more private space. you swear you could have punched him right there and then.

surely it was obvious that you had been bawling all night with how swollen your eyes were, and the sunken eye bags that formed overnight – an observation wooyoung had made when you had cried to sleep in his arms a long time ago.

“which answer will hurt you more?” you spat, provoking your boyfriend.

“drop your glare, you’re being rude.”

“rude? you know what’s rude? not respecting my boundaries, then proceeding to invalidate my feelings,” you replied as you balled your hands into tight fists.

the following were wooyoung’s claims: he did not pat her head or rest his hand on her lower back and that you were delusional and lying because you’re insecure that you’re not as attractive, face or body wise, as compared to girl idols.

“and you did not respect my career, your words have spread and if the media catches wind of this i could be ruined!” wooyoung rebutted, his voice louder than before.

“again, like i said, all i wanted was to tell somebody that i was uncomfortable with it! i never meant to say that you were a cheater, nor did i want to spread it to the whole world.”

“what you intended to do doesn’t matter, that’s how the media industry is! and you could have told me directly how you felt-“

“so you can tell me i was overthinking and extra sensitive?” you were now face to face with the man, extremely agitated.

wooyoung backed away from you with a few steps and audibly sighed. he turned his head to the side in an attempt to calm down, biting down on his lower lip.

“look, i don’t know how else to explain myself other than saying that i did not do whatever you said i did. regardless, i’m sorry you felt that way and i apologise.” wooyoung decided to be the one to back down first, his arms opening up as an invitation for the both of you to hug it out.

you don’t accept it, also taking steps away from him while shaking your head in dismay. you were not going to let him get away so easily with this, not after he utterly shattered your heart. what wooyoung did, misunderstanding or not, was not what hurt you the most, but how he reacted when he heard about it.

wooyoung had always reassured you that you were the most beautiful in his eyes, that no one else could compare to you. you were not stupid enough to think it was an objective statement, you have seen enough idols to know that even the ones that aren’t photogenic are on another level. but he has now turned this insecurity of yours into a weapon to make you think you’re an insane jealous girlfriend.

“what do you want me to do to show that i still love you?” wooyoung questioned. again, his choice of words irked you.

you felt tears welling up in your eyes, the disappointment you were feeling made your heart ache so much. you love your boyfriend, but not this version of him. and you don’t know the answer to his question because the damage feels irreversible.

“please just come here,” wooyoung carefully takes a step closer to you, his arms opening once again for you, his voice still firm but slightly more gentle now. he wished you would understand the reason he, in your words, ‘overreacted’ is because ateez is at the height of their career and he can’t risk having anything knock it down right now. he knows, he knows it seems never ending for you, being patient until he reaches his next goal. there’s always a next goal, and it’s always harder to reach than the last, and each time there’s more at stakes. he knows he’s being selfish, one can’t have it all but here he is, greedy for both success and love.

“i’m sorry,” he apologised again, his two hands cupping your face as the tears begun to roll down your cheeks, “i shouldn’t have been so harsh on you.”

“i think we should break up.” you felt like choking on your own words. yet for some reason, your body still gravitated towards him, and the next moment your lips are already on his.

wooyoung did not have time to react to what you had just said, but he doesn’t care. all he wants to do right now is melt into your kiss so he reaches for the back of your head.

the both of you are grown enough to know this was not the healthiest way to resolve conflicts, but everything just felt right. “we are so not breaking up,” he breathed heavily as he pulled away for a second.

“you are mine.”

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #ateez blurbs #ateez drabbles #ateez fic #wooyoung #wooyoung angst

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my dad homophobic?

I (18f) identify as an asexual queer girl, and i live with my parents. My dad (52m) as well as the rest of my family are all devout mormons. surprisingly, my mom (47f) took my coming out fairly well. there was a phase of her telling me we could fix it and a phase of her avoiding the situation altogether, but ultimately she’s grown a lot and has become a huge ally over the past two years since i came out to her.

my dad was a bit more of an issue. he took the coming out with a grain of salt, and has since admitted that he thought i was just trying to be rebellious, and he completely brushed me off when i told him i was leaving the church, telling me and i quote “i don’t care if you leave because i know you’ll come back”, which always irritated me but i brushed it off. he’s also gotten a lot better at being respectful and while he still makes tasteless jokes sometimes, he usually seems to respect my identity and love me for who i am.

flash forward to a few days ago. i get home from work and i end up chatting with my parents as i usually do. the conversation turns to sexuality and my dad mentions how accepting he and my mom are, and i raise my eyebrows and remind him how uncomfortable they were when i first came out. i wasn’t upset at this point, rather just poking holes in his story. i mentioned how awkward he was when i came out as asexual, and my mom (who has found herself to be a bit on the asexual spectrum as well) and i chuckle about it for a second, before my dad defends that he wasn’t weird about it.

i reminded him how he COMPLETELY brushed it off when i first told him, and he told me that it means im not gay. i asked what he meant at the time, and his response was that “i consider the definition of gay to be having sex with someone of the same gender”. my sister was in a serious committed relationship with a man at this point in time, but (being mormon) they hadn’t had sex, so i asked my dad if i had that same level of relationship with a woman, if he would consider it gay, and his response was no. i proceeded to ask him if i married a woman and spent the rest of my life with her, kissing and sharing a bed and everything, would he consider it gay? he kind of scoffed at me and said “well, if you’re sleeping in the same bed, then EVENTUALLY you’re going to have sex”. that really upset me at the time, but he had only just learned about asexuality, so i cut him a break.

flash forward to a few days ago, i bring this up and rather than shrug it off and cringe the way he and my mom had been at other behaviors of theirs, he scowled and began to defend himself. he said that it didn’t make any sense to him, and why should it matter if he thinks that? i pointed out that learning to respect other people even if you don’t understand them is important, and he got a bit huffy. i mentioned the not considering me gay thing, and asked if he still felt that way. i expected a no or some sort of explanation, but instead he said “well if you’re not having sex with another woman then you’re not doing anything wrong.”

that immediately made me upset, and i responded with “are you saying that being gay is wrong?” and my mom jumped in and accused me of twisting his words. i left the room and eventually he came in and gave an awkward apology without really saying anything just before he went to bed (one of those “im sorry you got upset because of what i said” apologies rather than an actual apology), and i reluctantly told him it was fine, but i still don’t feel fine about it. i feel like he’s invalidating my identity and pretending like he did nothing wrong, but i don’t want to confront him about it if i’m actually just making a big deal out of nothing. aita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[codename-adler]

is there any reason why Dan specifically? a lot of the foxes have dad issues, but Dan doesn't show any signs of trying to seek out anything romantic from older men becuz of that. if it were any fox, i feel like it'd be more likely to be Andrew? idk how old Roland is but we know he was older than Andrew, and he's a position of authority just like Wymack. I don't WANT it to be Andrew. I just feel like if it had to be someone, its him, yknow?

hmm not sure how to answer this.

i just transposed my experience onto her, as a hc, for shits & giggles. i never said i based myself on canon? was just vibing.

if i did have to justify it, i’d say the EC kind of could point that way, if you really wanted it to be as close to canon as possible? but i’d don’t! cause it’s just for fun! and not that serious!

as for the Andrew thing, um, i feel like i gotta say something. just as nothing in canon points to Danielle having lingering daddy issues / seeking much older male validation because of her past, neither does Andrew. Roland is what? a few years older, max? legally an adult (which is still BAD, in case i wasn't clear......), but not the way Wymack is, a fully grown man in his forties/fifties. he’s not a dad’s age. no dad potential whatsoever. Roland & Andrew is different than the possibility of Andrew seeking out Wymack. you have to know that. it's not the same at all.

the reason Andrew sought out Roland was not specifically bc of his age, but bc Andrew could be in control and Roland would follow his rules, for the most part. when he would not, Andrew could tie him up, and Roland would let him. if there was an age-related reason, it’d be that Roland is a mature, consenting adult in full possession of his independence. Andrew would be inclined to see that as good (for Roland). Andrew would not consider this as also bad (for himself). Roland has no authority at all over Andrew, though. not according to canon Andrew. he may have been his boss at one point, but Andrew is holding the reins of the situationship. Andrew is the one in control.

so to say that Andrew, specifically, would be the one most likely to seek out much older males is… icky. iffy. yucky. you “don’t want it to be Andrew” and why is that? bc of his past abuse, right? and you know that. you know why. i know i’m probably more on the defensive than i ought to be, but there are already harmful stereotypes in aftg when it comes to queer representations and identities. we don’t need more in fanon. i don’t need more in fanon.

Andrew grew up in foster care without a mom or a dad. if he had daddy issues, he’d most likely have mommy issues too, no? but what did he do to his mommy? killed her. for laying a finger on Aaron. that’s a mommy issue alright, but not a mainstream, freudian one. not the kind we’re talking about here. so why would he develop those with older men in parallel? he actively avoids these types of men because of the abuse he endured at their hands. not just Drake's.

it’s just. awfully close to right down saying Andrew is gay bc he was abused by men as a child. that’s a dangerous, slippery slope.

again! in case it wasn't blindingly clear and glaringly obvious! the Danielle post was about Danielle herself. David Wymack would not and never was involved. David Wymack never even knew Dan harbored these misplaced (misplaced!) feelings. she is taking this one to the grave.

if you come from the perspective of personal experience and you’re projecting too, sorry. i don’t mean to invalidate your feelings or your experience.

i think i’m done now.

tl:dr it wasn’t that serious + it doesn’t need to be made serious. just me and my dad-baggage against the world.

#tl:dr it wasn’t that serious + it doesn’t need to be made serious. just me and my dad-baggage against the world. #this is an open invitation to *block me* #aftg ask #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #danielle wilds #dan wilds #david wymack

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi Ralph. I hope you’re doing as well as you can be and I thank you for being so patient with all of us.

As someone who’s been involved in social justice movements, organizing etc, how do you deal with confusion, conflicting feelings, and nuance? And how do you handle a potential disagreement with a close friend about it? Also I’m sorry that this is long. I’m thinking out loud and I don’t expect you to answer the questions or even the anon. It’s more to represent my conflicting thoughts and I was wondering how you deal with this kind of thing. Obviously I’m not struggling compared to people there, or the majority of people anywhere, but I thought you might relate, maybe?

My friend (she’s fifty years older and like a grandma to me) is Jewish and supports Israel completely, is a democrat. She’s brilliant, funny, has her phD, has traveled, knows Palestinians, dated one while living in Europe, etc. She said that he believed that members of groups like Hamas cared more about glory and freedom than the health of their people. We were talking about pro-Palestine tweets among Taylor fans. She said she hopes someone like Taylor would come forward supporting Israel and condemning Hamas. I agreed with her aloud even though I don’t agree. How would you deal with this situation?

I’m conflicted about Israel/Palestine. I don’t know if Hamas cares about regular Palestinian lives. I wonder how many Palestinians they thought would die after Israel retaliates. It’s almost as if they’re provoking an even worse humanitarian crisis. But then Israel provoked the creation of Hamas. Im revolted by the excessive bombing and use of white phosphorus. Who I am to judge Hamas, really? But I judge them anyway. I can’t fathom what’s happening to Palestinians.

It’s absolutely understandable that Jews wanted their own country after the Holocaust. I think if the majority of major religions have countries, it’s important that Jews have one too. I don’t think Israel’s an invalid state but I think it’s run by a terrible man and I don’t like much of what they do. It bothers me when people online call it “isntreal.” Aldo I don’t get why they say Israel didn’t exist until 1949 because that land is referred to in the Bible as Israel? Are Israelis and Jews more indigenous to the land than Palestinians if the Jews were there thousands of years ago? How do people declare who’s the most indigenous? Some people think the Jews are taking their land back? Some people think Hamas is a resistance movement? But justification of terrorism is horrifying. It’s not like there was a vote in Palestine to decide whether to attack Israel. If there were, and the majority voted to hurt Israel, Israel would have more justification. But it’s terrifying that Hamas has decided they represent everyone. So many more Palestinians are dying because Hamas gave israel justification to kill more. Israel’s treatment of Gaza will radicalize more young people into joining organizations like Hamas. It’s a disaster.

Iran’s involvement makes me suspicious. I think they want Israel destroyed and don’t care about Palestinians. Why would they care about Palestinians when they murder or arrest women who don’t “properly” cover their hair? But also, the US helped overthrow Iran’s last democratic leader? But also it’s important for israel to exist to have a democratic ally in the Middle East?

I’m 18 and I’m trying to learn everything I can before making judgments. Did you feel conflicted like this when you were younger? Do you still feel like this? I think social media has made it even more confusing. I can’t tell what’s reliable and what’s not. But also, how would someone allegedly live-tweeting from Gaza prove that they’re reliable? Why should they have to? How do you decide what to trust or not trust?

I’m especially worried about American republicans who appear to be supporting Palestine only because Biden supports Israel. I’m worried that young leftists will begin to trust these republicans because they agree with the republicans on one international issue. So many young people supporting Israel are retweeting a man who’s pinned tweet is about how he had a great time chatting with tucker Carlson. That man supports palestine because he wants to prove that Biden is evil or incompetent etc. How does one trust anyone in government ever? I’m worried Biden will lose the 2024 election because of his support for Israel will cost him the support of democrats. And then we’ll end up with someone astronomically worse.

Thank you.

Also just for anyone reading, I listened to this amazing podcast about the history of Israel/Palestine. It was published in September and august of this year so it isn’t colored by the recent events and subsequent/sudden pity for Israel. I like especially the explanation about how Israelis and Palestinians have different names for the same event. It can be the worst day ever or the best day ever, depending on who you are

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2uaV7mS3cTEKITWp7T3JL2?si=aYXRTgRCTJSBXNaHDyH-qw

Thanks so much for your thoughts anon - sending you all the love as you make sense of the world. It took me a long time to figure out what I thought about Israel and Palestine and at times I felt it was too complicated and found the way people talked about Israel stressful, even when I was on Palestinian solidarity protests.

You don't have to have this all figured out to take action. You think the current actions of the Israeli state are terrible - that's enough to take action in solidarity with Palestinians. I really encourage you to do what you can in this week - you don't need to have untangled and resolved everything to take solidarity action.

In terms of the advice you were asking for - my main point is that it's OK that you feel confused and unclear and give yourself time to figure out almost all of this. You will learn more about Israel and Palestine with time. It's OK to take time to figure out how to have friends with people who you disagree with and who pressure you to agree. You will figure out that with time - and my only advice is to give yourself time. The only urgency right now is to take action in solidarity with Palestine - and you can do that with all the confusion and ambiguous feelings you have.

For the rest - rather than trying to respond to everything you say - I'm going to focus on two specific ideas. There are beliefs that seem to underlie what you say and where I understand things very differently. I am offering these alternative ways of understanding the world as a way of showing how I see things. I don't know if they'll speak to where you're coming from or not, but they seemed like a good place to start.

The first is that I don't think religions having countries is a good thing - it's a cause of horrendous oppression and injustice. There are all sorts of examples from history of this idea (the reformation), but I think one particularly good and recent example is the partition of India and the consequences that flow down through till today.

It's easy, I think, for things to be naturalised or talked about as if they are natural - and so when people say oh X is OK because it's an example of Y - there can be a lot of ignorance about Y, which is actually terrible. I think being clear eyed about what ethnic or religious national states are actually like (and have been like) really helps see through some of the false equivalence that goes on with Israel.

You might have seen an anon come back twice and say 'don't you think Jewish people should have a state' and treat this as if the answer was obviously yes. If you understand what it means to say that only this group of people who live in this land should control the state that rules over it, then it becomes very clear why the answer should be no - and that's not a statement about Jewishness, but about the nature of states.

The second is that I disagree with your understanding of indigeneity in a way that is quite important - and might be useful. As you probably know I've spent most my life in New Zealand and that shapes how I see settler colonisation and resistance to it.

There's a simple rendition of the idea of indigeneity - which is the people who have had the longest connection with a particular piece of land are indigenous and therefore should be able to control what happens to it (or the other side where you look back and see who has the longest connection with land to decide who is right) - really quickly unravels and there's lots of the world where it would lead to supporting terrible things.

The alternative is to see that people become indigenous as a result of the process of dispossession through settler colonialism. Before settler colonies there are no indigenous people - there are just people who live places - just like there have been people who lives places all over the world for as long as there have been people

Settler colonisation is a way of controlling land and resources - and it's different from other sorts of imperialism. In the Americas, and later in New Zealand and Australia resources were taken by new societies that were built where people were already living. This was only possible because huge numbers of people were moved to that land on the basis of a promise that they would have access to land that they wouldn't have otherwise (alongside an ideology that the land they are claiming is their right). Settler colonialism is the process of taking over a society by offering people access to resources, particularly land, to move to the new place (in the Americas obviously there was also the forcible movement of enslaved people in addition to settler colonisation, but it is this movement of free people that characterises settler colonisation). It is the combination of offering inducement to move people, and using those people to maintain power, that makes settler colonisation different from other forms of migration. It's only in the face of settler colonialism that people who are living their lives become indigenous people.

That is the sense in which Palestinians are indigenous to the land of Israel - they were dispossessed from their land and homes by people who lived elsewhere and moved with the assistance of the state and the intention to displace them. It's not about the ancient history of who deserves the land in some kind of mystical way - it's about a very specific (and in this case recent) history of intentional dispossession. I think the way that appeals the bible are used to obscure the very recent history is really well captured by Michael Rosen's poem Promised Land.

The final thing I want to say is to respond to your characterisation of that podcast. Because my response to what you said was to think: 'what a great summary of why it's impossible to support the state of Israel'. I don't think mine or anyone else's freedom or liberation can be built through the oppression of others. One of the most basic building blocks of my politics is the idea of solidarity 'an injury to one is an injury to all'. It's not at all unusual for horrors on one people to be a source of triumph for another - but I believe none of us have a chance unless we can build a different sort of world that is based on solidarity as opposed to fighting over scarcity. If a great joy for one people, is a catastrophe for another - it's a really clear sign that that great joy is not something that I can support politically.

#I hope this connected with you anon #and feel free to come back any time #on or off anon #to talk more

[stvharrngton]

Hi! Can I request something with either Steve, Eddie or Billy. Something sweet based on the song ”I’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you.” Like maybe reader is friends with one of the boys (and he has a crush on her but she doesn’t know) and then she gets asked out by someone else and asks for advice or somwthing but he gets upset about thw thought of her with someone else and at last confesses and happy ending, you can do with it what ever you like if you decide to write it! Hope you do cause i love to read your stuff! Thank you!

hey anon, i only write for our boy stevie atm so i chose him! i hope that’s okay 🥺 anyway here it is i hope you enjoy 💞

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none really, cursing, a little angsty, best friends to lovers

The bell above the door of Family Video chimed as you walked into the store. Robin and Steve were both stood behind the counter, barely acknowledging the sound until you skipped up towards them, a beaming smile on your face.

“Oh, hey!” Robin greeted, taking her eyes off the computer screen for a second, “What’s got you smiling like that?”

“Oh, it’s nothing..” you grinned, leaning over the counter now, “just Ryan asked me on a date, is all.”

Steve prayed he didn’t hear you right, trying his best to pay as little attention as possible to the conversation. He really wasn’t in the mood to hear you fawn over Ryan. The boy thought it was torture, hearing any mention of you and the dumb college boy, especially as Steve was head over heels for you himself.

He could only scowl at your happiness, meeting Robin’s enthusiasm with a glare. The younger girl frowned at him, nudging him with her elbow.

“Did you hear that, Stevie?” She asked, a knowing grimace painting her features, heart a little sympathetic for the boy, “She’s gone and got herself a date with Ryan, isn’t that great?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, eyes never reaching your gaze, continuing to flick through the magazine on the desk, “that’s… it’s great! Just great.” His shoulders shrugged as he stood up straight, “I’m made up for you. Really, I am.” Voice a little sad, his tone laced with a hint of sarcasm.

You watched him carefully as he made his way out from behind the counter and towards the back office, away from you and Robin. You shared a confused look with Robin, waiting until you heard the door shut behind him.

“What was that all about?” you asked, “That was weird, right?”

Robin stammered for the right response, so not to invalidate your feelings because yeah, Steve’s reaction was weird, to you. To you who was totally oblivious to Steve’s feelings towards you. But also not blab about Steve’s secret.

“I’m, uh—“ she chuckled nervously, fingers scratching her head, “yeah, I mean that was a little weird,” shoulders shrugging, “but that’s just… Steve, right? You know how he is. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Right…” you dragged out, unsure whether to believe her or not. You shrugged it off but still couldn’t get the look on Steve’s face out of your head.

~

Your date with Ryan was coming up in a couple days and it was safe to say you were nervous. You liked the boy a lot, always having a crush on him in high school. He was a couple years older than you and, of course, never paid you the slight bit of attention whilst you were in school together.

You ran into him again a month or so ago, walking straight into him in the middle of the movie theatre, spilling his large Coke down your shirt. He apologised profusely, insisting that he take you out to lunch to make it up to you.

You hung out a couple more times before he asked you on a date and you were crushing hard. You thought the boy was handsome, the right amount of charm and confidence.

Steve insisted he was a bad apple, that he was no good for you. Trying his best to convince you that someone who wouldn’t pay you the time of day a few years ago certainly didn’t deserve your attention now you were a little more grown.

You would always roll your eyes, of course. Mind always foggy with infatuation and always wanting to see the good in people, insisting that high school was, well, bullshit.

But you wanted this to go well and so you needed some advice. You had no idea what the date would entail, Ryan insisting it would be a surprise. You wanted to make sure you were ready for anything.

So you sauntered your way into Family Video again, fingers dinging the bell on the counter.

“One second!” you heard Steve call out from the back.

You tapped your freshly manicured nails on the hard wooden counter as you waited for the boy. Steve was your best friend, and despite his weird mood the other day you needed his help.

“Welcome to Family Video, how can I— oh!” Steve exclaimed, “Hey, what brings you here on this fine evening?”

Chucking at his lighthearted reaction, you leaned over the counter on your elbows, giving Steve your prettiest pout. Your eyelashes flattering up at the boy.

“I… need your help, Steve. Need some advice.”

He quirked his eyebrows at you, leaning his head to the side slightly, “Oh yeah? And what exactly can I do for you, sweetheart?”

“It’s about my date with Ryan,” you started, shifting on your feet, not meeting Steve’s gaze, “I jus’ feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Like, what if he wants to go dancing or—“

“I’ll stop you there,” he said with a sigh, “he is not going to take you dancing. The guy’s got two left feet! Didn’t you see him at Tina’s party a few years ago?”

“Steve,” you whined, “I’m being serious!”

“And so am I,” the boy shrugged, rolling his eyes, “I don’t even know why you’re bothering with college boy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You scoffed at Steve, arms folding over your chest in annoyance, “Why do you have such a problem with me hanging out with Ryan?”

“What?” Steve gawped, “I don’t have a problem.”

“Oh, come on, Steve,” it was your turn to roll your eyes now, “you always have that grumpy look on your face whenever I mention him! And you were acting so strange when I said he asked me out.”

Steve’s heart was thumping against his chest, teeth gnawing at his lip. The heat was rising up his neck, not sure he was liking where this conversation was heading. He watched as your tone turned accusatory, your usual soft features turning hard in irritation.

“I wasn’t acting strange.” was the only response Steve could give.

“Sure,” you jeered, “whatever, Steve.” Spinning on your heel towards the door, turning to leave.

“Fuck,” Steve grumbled under his breath, “are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Say what?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at the boy.

He sighed, stepping out from behind the counter to walk after you. He took your hand in his much larger one, thumb rubbing over your skin. Steve’s eyes locked on where your fingers were laced together.

“You are— shit, how do I say this,” he winced at his stumbling voice, “you are the girl that I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was a kid.”

“Steve,” you whispered, voice quieter, features softening at his confession.

“Let me finish, please, sweetheart?” You nodded in response, heart swelling in your chest.

The boy smiled softly at you, his fingers tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, “I don’t like you hanging out with Ryan because you’re too good for him. You deserve someone who knows you inside out, someone who’s always gonna go that extra mile for you,” he paused, giving your hand a squeeze, grinning before he said, “you deserve someone who knows how to dance with you.”

You giggled, a smile pinching at your cheeks, shaking your head at his words.

You had no idea. Really, you had no clue at all. Steve was your best friend. Sure, you had toyed with the idea of being with him. What it would be like to wake up in his arms, what it would feel like for him to call you baby. To rake your hands through his mussed hair as he laid his head in your lap. You failed to pick up on any signs though, and so you shut down your imagination.

“And who’s that, Steve?” you asked teasingly, head lolling to the side in a taunt.

Steve chuckled as he leaned in a bit closer, breath fanning over your cheeks. A pretty pink flush spread across his cheeks, decorating the moles and freckles, “I think you know the answer to that.” was all he said.

You nodded, gazing up into his warm brown eyes. They were bright and inviting, glimmering with sincerity, “Why didn’t you say anything?

He shrugged, “I just couldn’t, had to bite my tongue every time and prayed that you would somehow catch on.”

“You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

“Sure am,” he chuckled, nodding in agreement with you. His warm palm cupped your cheek now, the rough pad of his thumb stroking over the flushed skin, “now can I kiss you?”

You leaned into his palm, enjoying the way his touch made you feel. How your skin lit up with excitement, heart thumping against your chest at the possibility of having something with your best friend.

“What’re you waiting for, Steve?”

The boy didn’t need to be told twice, both hands holding your face so delicately. Steve leaned into you as your eyes fluttered closed, his lips brushing against yours in a sweet kiss.

The kiss was soft, his pretty pink lips moving against yours so gently, as if you would break if he kissed you any harder. Your knees wobbled as your legs turned to jelly, fully melting into Steve’s kiss. Your arms snaking around his neck, your fingers brushing at the hair at the nape of his neck.

Steve sighed contently into your mouth, a noise that had you both smiling against one another. He broke the kiss for a second, forehead resting against your own. The tip of his nose came to brush along the slope of yours before he pecked your lips again.

“So, is he better than me?”

You rolled your eyes, swatting at the boy’s chest playfully, a smug smirk tugging at your kiss bitten lips.

“No, Steve.”

You pulled him back down to you again, fisting the thin green work vest he wore. Lips crashing against Steve’s, wondering why you couldn’t see what was right in front of you this whole time.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fic #stranger things fic #k.fic #request #i have not heard this song in years… what a banger #anon i tried my best i hope you like! #i always get really nervy when i write sfw stuff lmao

[stellagibs0ns]

another pregnant fic request! Bedelia is heavily pregnant. She's super clingy to Hannibal (in her own way) and then some days she just despises him. And Hannibal's just super confused but of course, he understands what's up (hormones!)

parents bedannibal parents bedannibal parents bedannibal im so normal

—

Bedelia props herself up against the pillows, huffing uncomfortably. Hannibal has been awake since seven or so, and it’s coming on nine and Bedelia has no intentions of getting out of bed for at least another hour.

He’s clattering in the kitchen, and it sets her jaw on edge. She isn’t usually quick to anger, but she’s uncomfortable and hormonal, and all but ready to snap. She makes a conscious effort not to snap at him — his intentions are always good. But he’s making it royally difficult.

She closes her eyes, exhaling slowly and resting her hand on the swell of her stomach. Bedelia falls into a light sleep, before she wakes to a dip in the bed. She opens one eye, and meets Hannibal’s attentive gaze.

“Good morning,” he says, leaning in to kiss her. She turns her cheek slightly.

“Mm. Not until I’ve brushed my teeth.”

Hannibal doesn’t react, but simply kisses her forehead and sits back.

“How do you feel?”

Bedelia huffs, her hand resting at the base of her belly. Just gone eight months pregnant. She’s hardly overjoyed. Naturally, she’s anticipating motherhood. She’s thrilled, really. She never thought much of being a mother until she fell pregnant, and she didn’t have it in her to pass on the opportunity. Her own mother was neglectful and cold, and she saw this as an opportunity to be better.

Still, she’s always been slight, and this has taken an immense toll on her body. With the backache, and the soreness. Her hormones scattered, and the weight gain, and the preparations. It’s driving her insane.

“I’m fine. Tired,” she says, closing her eyes and exhaling.

“Understandable,” Hannibal says gently, his thumb caressing her shoulder. “How is the back pain? Any nausea? It’s perfectly normal to feel run down.”

“I’m fine, Hannibal,” she snaps, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I understand what’s normal, because I’m the one carrying a child. I do not need to be coddled. I’m pregnant, not an invalid.”

She’s a live wire at this point. The pregnancy has been hard enough with her age, and she’s never liked to be fussed over. She’s made it this far alone, and she has no intention of being pandered to now.

Hannibal chooses not to argue with her. She assumes it’s because he’s attuned to her moods by now, but she partly wishes he’d argue back for once.

“I understand that, Bedelia,” he says, not an ounce of anger in his voice. “Your body is creating a new life. You are far from an invalid. But you know that I worry about you. I don’t want you to keep things from me, now or at any other point.”

“Yes, and I told you, I’m perfectly fine.”

Hannibal purses his lips, and he lifts his chin slightly. He stands, pushing back her hair and pressing a kiss to her hairline. Bedelia bites her tongue.

“I’ll be in my study, should you need anything.”

As he turns to leave, Bedelia exhales and reaches for his hand. She doesn’t look at him — she’s too stubborn for that.

“Mm. Stay a minute. My back is…acting up,” she says, and while her back is always aching these days, that was simply an excuse to keep him around.

Hannibal settles onto the bed beside her, and she shifts herself closer to him. His chin rests atop her head, his hand settling on her swollen stomach.

“I don’t mean to be short with you, darling,” she admits with a sigh, clearing her throat and resting her hand over his. “I’m…agitated. More so than usual.”

Hannibal nestles his nose in her hair, closing his eyes.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he says, his free hand thumbing at the hair at the nape of her neck. “A little while longer, and things will balance out.”

“Mm,” she hums in concurrence, resting her head against his shoulder. “I feel enormous. I can’t stand it.”

“I’d prefer not to argue with you,” he starts. “But that, I cannot agree with. You’ve never looked so beautiful.”

“You’re obliged to say that. I might very well break down if you don’t.”

“You know as well as I do that I rarely say things I don’t mean.”

“Stop talking,” she mumbles, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “I love you.”

Hannibal holds her that bit closer.

“And I you.”

#my babies <3333 #bedelia du maurier #hannibal lecter #hannibal #bedannibal #hannidelia #hannibal x bedelia #my fics #answered asks

[formulakatya]

I’LL JUST LET YOU LIVE | PIERRE GASLY

“there’s things i wanna say to you but i’ll just let you live”

not my gif :)

pairing: pierre gasly x reader

summary: having broken up with your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 2 years, you struggle to move on and resort to writing letters.

notes: loosely based off ‘cinnamon girl’ by lana del rey, hence the title. a little sloppy and messy which i apologise for, none of my writing seem to be up to satisfaction recently and i still don’t really know how to edit my work :(

warnings: none, just a little angsty

—

dear pierre,

sometimes, i look back at our relationship only to find memories where i can’t remember anything but pure joy. i look back at the pictures and videos and i can only see genuine love.

maybe you just do happen to be an excellent actor and were pretending all this while, or maybe you just stopped loving me and decided to pretend that you still did so that i would be able to prepare for my exams in peace. but whatever the reason, none of them are exactly better than the other.

i hate how france and the streets of rouen remind me too much of us to the point i had to move out to switzerland to let myself live without a depressing memory playing at the back of my head or with a constant worry i’d run into you somehow.

thankfully, i can still watch formula 1 and motorsport in peace without a single thought about the memories we made over the years. but i guess my love for motorsport is rooted in me. that’s how we became friends anyway. but, for as long as i think i’ll be watching racing for, i’ll never cheer you on.

though it hurts me to say that because i know i’d give injustice to my heart. i hate how my heart can still long for you though i tell myself that i hate you. i hate how i can’t delete the pictures from my camera roll because as soon as i do because my heart skips at least 10 beats at once when i take a look at how we were happy and the way you used to look at me.

my smiles were genuine, and it pains me to know that yours were never quite as real.

i hate how i could tell myself that i hate you again and again but still wish that i could have what we had back. i hate how i could say ‘i love you’ to you easily and struggle to say it with the same amount of admiration and love to someone else. i hate that i can say ‘i love you’ to you a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough.

i hate that i still love you.

love,

(y/n)

_________________

dear pierre,

it’s been 3 months since i last wrote, 7 since we broke up. it’s been months since the last time i had seen you and yet, as much as i try to, i can’t get over you.

i’m not surprised that you haven’t responded yet, not that i expected you to, i put your old address on it anyway and it’s probably invalid. i just didn’t want sad letters around my house.

i’ve tried everything i possibly can. i increased my practice hours in my sports, and in case you were wondering which you probably weren’t, i still play golf, i still go skiing in the winter, i still do everything i used to do and more, yet i still feel significantly emptier. it’s probably one of the few things giving me joy at the moment apart from my dog.

if you no longer love me, i hope you still love belle. or at least as much as she loved you because you picked her name. she’s still attached to the toy you got her, by the way, and she misses you. she’s also taken up your side of the bed in case you were wondering.

although i’m feeling better than i was since i sat down to write that letter, my heart still aches. it hurts to lose your boyfriend and best friend at the same time, and it hurts even more to know that you probably carried on with your life just fine.

i’ve been told that i lost my sparkle, which is something you probably took along with you considering the state of your car the race after we broke up. was that a bad joke? i feel like it was, for that i apologise, it was insensitive (kind of).

but in all seriousness, i’ve lost my spark and any kind of positive mood.

i still struggle to find peace with myself, i struggle to find my happiness. and maybe with my spark, you also took them away.

if you did, give it back. it was mine first.

love,

(y/n)

_________________

dear pierre,

your mum asked me how i was today, apparently she had lunch with mine and the topic of me moving to switzerland to try and run away from my misery was brought up. obviously, mamma told her that i was fine.

if you see this, tell her that i miss her but it’ll be a while since i see the streets of rouen. and tell her that i’m doing okay in switzerland.

but since i’m writing this letter, i’m not exactly okay. no one tells you how hard it is to move on and heal, much less find peace with yourself again.

sometimes wish i was egotistical about myself, that i was self-centered, because that would mean that i actually liked myself. instead, i’ve become complacent with my own company. everytime i look at myself in the mirror, i can’t help but analyse and critique myself to shreds just to figure out which part of me wasn’t good enough for you.

do you know how hard it is? to know that there’s no way of winning in life? to know that you’ll never be good enough? to know that you’re the second choice?

no, you obviously don’t. now that you’ve won in formula 1, you can officially say that you don’t know how it’s like to know that there’s no way of winning. take that statement how you will.

but i guess for my own sake, i’ll learn how to come to terms with it.

love,

(y/n)

_________________

dear pierre,

i went back to rouen for the first time in a year. that’s how long it’s been. i was meant to be there for a week, which used to be far too short of a trip back, but now it feels too long.

my bedroom at mamma’s house is still filled with pictures of us, ever since the day we became friends when i moved a couple blocks down from you. from this i think you can guess how hellish it must’ve been having to stay in the place that once used to give me so much comfort.

i passed by your old karting track— there was a picture of you hung up on one of the walls. i can’t escape you, can i?

although it scares me how easily i brushed off any questions or mentions of you, or us, because that means i’ve healed and i’m moving on. it scares me because i never thought i’d see the day i would stop loving you.

but now that i think about it, it probably is a good sign that i’m healing.

it’s bad to cling onto the bad things in life after all.

love,

(y/n)

_________________

dear pierre,

remember all the things you said you’d do with me but never did? yeah, i do too, so i went to do all of them by myself. call it a solo date, if you will. at the end of the day, all you really have is yourself, so i figured i’d at least enjoyed my company.

though sometimes, you need someone to help you learn these things with life. but learning isn’t always easy, and i know that i still have a long way to go with my healing.

and considering i’m still writing these pathetic little letters, i have a long way to go but it’s a road i’m willing to take. if that means healing and moving on, if that means appreciating myself, if that means finding my peace and bright spark back, it’s a road i’m willing to go down.

though i’m mad at the broken promises and maybe there’ll still be a small part of me hurt by everything, i’ll try to forgive you.

love,

(y/n)

p.s: congrats on your podium finish

_________________

dear pierre,

thank you for everything i’ve learned.

maybe things do happen for a reason.

love,

(y/n)

#f1 fic #f1 fiction #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fanfic #pierre gasly fic #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly angst #pierre gasly fluff #f1 imagine #pierre gasly imagine #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #f1 fic recc

[meraki-yao]

This is gonna be really personal, and really venty and probably really selfish, and I’m most likely gonna delete it in the morning, but I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it, so I’m just gonna shout this into the void. If you’re not in a good space either, please stop reading and keep scrolling.

I’m not in a good place in my life right now. Truth be told my mental health has been shit since I was 7, but this is the worst I’ve ever been. Long story short, I was pressured into a college major that I didn’t want by family, and I thought I could pull through the four years of school, but it’s the first semester of the second year and I can’t handle it. I do not suit this major, nor do I find any purpose or joy in trying to deal with it. I hate it, I struggle with, yet it consumes all the time in my life. It’s been like this since the start of college, and it’s just getting worse. It doesn’t help that adults around me keep telling me how good this major is as a career and how I need to start looking for internships. It’s gotten to the point where I’m mentally and physically unhealthy, and I skipped school for the entirety of October without anyone but my sister knowing because classes gave me panic attacks. My parents aren’t people I can talk to about this because 1, they invalidate mental health issues as my fault for not trying hard enough because engineering and science came easy to them 2, they’re the ones who put me in this position in the first place. My sister listens but I help her more than she knows how to help me, and my friends are all busy with their own stuff.

I am seeking professional help on my own, I have bimonthly counselling which helps, and I recently started taking prescribed antidepressants. But for me to find a psychiatrist for a diagnosis on my life long issues and more meds, or for me to start looking into switching a major (which is a fucking arduous process where I am, fuck), I need to wait till I’m done with my exams which will be the last two weeks of December

So for the following month, I’m stuck, and fucked.

RWRB saved me in a way. I accidentally stumbled upon the trailer when it came out and suddenly I had a source of joy, a reason to keep going and keep looking forward to the next day. RWRB made me the happiest I’ve been since January of 2022. I can’t explain why, maybe it’s how I relate to Henry, maybe it’s how firstprince’s relationship is so beautiful, maybe it’s how it’s a rom com, I don’t know. But I have a couple of movies/shows that make a huge impact on my life, and RWRB is one of them. Waking up to something new, waking up happy with something to look forward to felt so good after so long of wanting time to just pass by me. I’ve haven’t watched a movie on repeat since I was 6 and repeating the original Lion King. I started this account because I had so many thoughts about the movie and I wanted to share them.

And I know it’s not the healthiest to hook all of my sanity onto a fandom/movie. But I’m not in a space where I can deal with my actual problems directly right now. And I do have other things in my real life that make me feel a bit better, but RWRB really has been the most effective/impactful one right now.

This is also the first time since Infinity War in 2019 were I followed a movie’s promo and release rather than discover it when all is said and done. And it happened to coincide with the strikes. Which again I’m supportive of and proud of the agreements they achieved, but the timing of everything just makes me so upset.

I thought that Prime would keep it going for a bit, especially after the strike resolved. And right now I’m not saying they’re definitively not doing anything. We don’t know that.

But I thought they would release a new deleted scene on 18th since that’s the date the last two deleted scenes were released, and it was the 100th day since release. When that didn’t happen, I thought they would release it on Thanksgiving. I lost sleep over waiting for it. But that didn’t happen either.

I got an anon ask who kindly but objectively explained the situation on the business side. And after reading and answering those asks…

I felt really fucking bad.

I kinda just lied down, panting and trembling.

It kinda felt like drug addiction withdrawal. Which is a morbid thing to compare it to, because if it weren’t for my myriad of problems this would just be a hyperfixation, but withdrawal is genuinely the only way I can explain my reaction (but to clarify I never actually did drugs)

And the following days I just had this ache and weight in my chest.

I think the reason my reaction is visceral is because RWRB is really my only, singular source of unbridled happiness right now. It’s literally the only thing I’m trying to hold on and stay afloat for, the reason I wake up in the morning. I thought Prime would keep going for a while with a relatively fixed monthly schedule of something new, but that broke off.

And that’s not to say that the fandom isn’t included in my RWRB happiness. I still fucking love the fanart and fanfics I come across.

But the jump from August and September to now, and my worsening issues because of school, it just hits harder.

I’m kind of at a lost right now. I’m getting worse in my own life with exams that I’ll definitely straight up fail (and I used to be a star student: I’ve needed academic validation my whole life) on the horizon, and I feel like I’m losing the only thing I held on to for the past couple of months.

I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do.  

#personal

[tojikai]

OH GOD KAI… (sorry in advance for the thesis that is this message)

I know that Satoru always plays it safe with condoms/plan B but birth control isn’t 100% 😭 she could still be pregnant 😭

I’m going to find comfort in the fact that Satoru probably would’ve had a more emotional reaction on the spot if Naomi was pregnant. (I’m coping so hard right now) I’m hoping that Satoru finally cuts his mother out for good and let’s his father know how fucking disgusting she is.

I can’t imagine what Satoru was thinking. The woman that raised him using him as a security blanket for her own selfishness and then the woman he thought he could have a companion in proving that she’ll do whatever it takes to tie him to her even if it’s not what he wants. aside from himself… who does he really have as a support system? he has his therapist yeah, but that’s not the same as having your person. my heart definitely goes out to him.

What the fuck was Naomi calling his mom for??? “Hey I tried to r*pe your son and it didn’t work and he’s really angry what do we do now?” YOU made the decision to follow through with it knowing damn well he doesn’t love you, you own it. don’t try to blame literally everyone else for your cruel actions because no one forced her to do anything. she made the decision to take the decision away from satoru and for that, she’s scum 🤷🏽‍♀️

i sincerely hope Satoru does put Naomi behind bars… and his mom, or at least gets a restraining order on the two of them. they’re horrible people worth less than the ground they walk on and i hope satoru’s dad lets him rain hell on them two.

now toji… i’m happy they’re both open about not being each others first choices but that’s Yui’s dad. he has every right to be uncomfortable with the fact that Satoru has openly confessed his love for y/n but i hate that he invalidated her feelings of being uncomfortable and told her to get over it when it came to a pet name she didn’t wanna be called. y/n even said it’s not the fact that he talks about his late wife in general, it’s about HOW he makes her feel when he does mention her. there’s a big difference because he only does it in a way that compares the two. and then weaponizing her pain to drive home his point??? that’s definitely not cool.

it’s safe to say the honeymoon period is over and now they’re going to be dealing with the baggage of their past relationships. satoru is always going to be a presence in their lives and so will megumi’s mother (through toji’s words) whether they like it or not. i kind of hate that satoru is willing to give up time with his daughter to make sure toji doesn’t get upset (don’t punish yui 😭) communication is going to be key and they’re going to need to see if they want to work through it because love isn’t enough sometimes.

i wonder what y/n would do if satoru told her what naomi and his mother tried to do… i think she probably should know since it involves yui’s grandmother and who knows what that crazy bitch will do (to yui) to keep satoru. personally, i think that y/n should beat the shit out of her, for EVERYTHING that woman has done. to y/n, to satoru, to yui, to satoru’s dad? i know for a fact she wouldn’t let him deal with everything alone if she found out and part of me hopes they can rely on each other for this.

i’m still hoping for a gojo endgame with a reunited family myself, but i mostly just want everyone to be at peace regardless of what happens 😭 i think satoru has shown actual progress and willingness to ensure y/n and yui’s happiness at the cost of his own and i’d love to see them reunite and get through this stronger than ever 🥹

you killed it again kai! i have so many emotions and thoughts and i can’t wait to see what happens next. thank you for sharing your work and i hope you have a fantastic week! much love 🥰

OMGGGG i enjoyed reading this a lot !! esp. the part where you pointed out how yn's problem was not just toji mentioning his late wife. but rather, how it makes her feel. it wasn't a surprise to her that he'd talk about her at times since she knows about his past, what made yn sad was how it seems like he was trying to tell her to do what she does. that's why she said she felt like a 'placeholder.' :'(( and yeah, the betrayal satoru felt when he found out how his mom spoke w naomi abt it is just too much, and the fact that he has to bear it by himself too :((( as for him giving up their time together w Yui so as to not upset toji, does not only show selflessness but also his hopelessness. he's thinking abt long term, like the school events thing mentioned, which implies that he really thinks that he's got no chance w yn anymore yet he's still trying to make it all up to her 🥹 i feel like satoru's been through too much during these past few chapters😭 anyways, thank you much for sharing your thoughts and for your support <33 it took a bit for me to respond to asks, but i hope you're doing well~ take care !!

#🍭—kaitalks #f: sundered

[rabbittwinrithings]

I’m finally making it, My Beyond Reach Review

Disclaimer: While I didn’t have the best time with this mod, that doesn’t mean you may not. I never want my opinion to sour someone else’s, and have the risk of them not playing the mod. So I highly recommend you check it out. 

I’m putting this disclaimer as well since my playthrough of the mod is a bit unfair. I played it with godmode (since I suck at game combat,) and after a while started to clip through dungeons to get them over with. This started to happen around halfway through as I found myself more frustrated with the mod and kinda wanted it done. I also played through only mostly the main quest. However, a friend of mine did tell me about one sidequest I do have a problem with. So keep this in mind with my review that I may be treating it a little unfairly. 

There’s also the point that mods are hard to make, let alone one of this scale. The mod author did an amazing job at creating this mod and I never want to invalidate that. With all that said, let’s get going. 

CW: Sexual Assault, Child Abuse, Ped*****, Cannibalism, and Harm Towards Women.

And Obviously Spoilers!

First off, I’m not the best at writing reviews. It won’t be wonderfully crafted or anything, just mostly detailed bullet notes of what I liked and disliked. While there is more I disliked, I did find some positives and will be layouting things in a sandwich review (that’s the right word?) going from positive to negative. Here we go!

This is a review for the mod, Beyond Reach by razorkid. 

Good: Grimdark. I will always love me some Grimdark. Hell, my current playthrough of Skyrim is currently a grimdark playthrough all with dead trees, gallows, horror monsters, ect. And while I think some parts of Beyond Reach’s grimdark-ness falls flat, most of it holds up and creates an eerie atmosphere. There were bodies hanging, creepy monsters, creepy dungeons, and a lot of stuff that fit the tone of the mod. However... some of it did not... 

Bad: A lot felt like shock value. In grimdark there’s always a tendency to add a lot of stuff for shock value, and sadly, BR had an abundance of it. I knew the mod got dark, but still I decided to play the uncensored version as I did want to get all the content. However, some it felt just... unneeded. At one point the player is tasked to go raid an Orc stronghold where there are legionnaire prisoners. However, you end up finding two of them, both women, one alive, one dead. The player can piece together what happened from that alone, and yet the mod goes as far as to have the alive prisoner wail at one of the soilders about how she was raped and would have an Orc child. The only purpose of this scene felt like to show how horrible these Orcs were. But why not just do that with dead prisoners (doesn’t need to be SA,) or why have her go on a whole speech about it.     After playing through this part I really was trying to rack my head around how it could have been done better. And honestly, after a day, I was reminded of Red Dead Redemption 2, and the scene were Arthur finds a woman who was also SAed. The only difference is that the scene added more than just “wow, those guys we killed were pretty bad,” instead, it added to Arthur's character. He helps the woman home. When she’s about to explain what they did he simply said “I know.” Subtly in situations like this tend to be the most powerful. As people our brains peice together what we want to see and having the woman simply say “They...” and the solider reply with “I know,” would have made the scene much more powerful. (She’s also naked during the whole ordeal, let me give the woman a blanket, something!)    There’s other darker themes that I felt like were shock value (mainly the ending place with some children, however, talking about will just make me sick. So I think I’ll just move on. Basically, some stuff happens to kids and again I feel like it’s only there to prove how bad someone is and doesn’t give much of anything else. I feel like something horrible and big like that need to have numerous reasons to be there than a singular “look how terrible this dude is!”)

Good: Cool enemies. I don’t really feel like there’s much to say on this part. I just thought some enemies were really cool. I think the ones that stuck out to me are part of Vicn’s Creature Pack, but could be wrong. Mostly it was the bloody skeleton monsters. Very cool to see. 

Bad: Not much role playing. Honestly, this part kinda made me the saddest as after one sidequest (which may have been my favorite part of the mod,) I had become an enemy of the state. It felt super in character as I was playing Alllin and despite being a serious guy, is also a little chaos gremlin who will flip off authority. But despite all that, I still ended up becoming a knight of the very state I was an enemy of and was forced to pick dialogue options that bended my knee to the king and was very formal. I’m not saying multiple path options in the way of a knight or criminal are needed, I just wish there were more dialogue options. 

Good: Neat dungeon horror design. So this one is a bit here and there as the dungeons I went through had super neat astrosphere that did have the grimdark feel to them. One was an asylum dungeon which I found pretty neat. However, there was also a problem with length... 

Bad: Long Dungeons. While this whole review is subjective, this part may be the most as I hate dungeons. If they’re neat looking I don’t mind. But when they take around thirty minutes to complete and little progress has been made I get real tired of them. This is why I started clipping through dungeons to just get the thing I needed and get out. 

Good: Music is nice. (But as I type this I went to go find the composer. But I don’t see any credits to music, so a slight bummer. If you know who did the music, please let me know and I’ll edit this part with credits.)

Bad: A lot of dead women. And I get it, a lot of people in general die in this mod. And maybe I’m misremembering stuff, or looking to deep, but in the main questline there was one main female character. And she is killed. And then there are several spots that are just about women in harm. (Like the SA I mentioned before, a part where a little girl is killed by a griffin, an Orc woman being tortured, a brothel getting massacred.) And I just didn’t see so much focus on men. And that sounds weird. But when it leans to one side so much, it is just super noticeable. 

Good: Voice Acting is nice. I know there isn’t too much to say there. I just really liked it. There were some unvoiced lines, but I don’t have too much of a problem with that since they are still looking for voice actors for various roles. I think the only problem I have with the unvoiced lines is that there’s no white noise for the line so the dialogue would just blink in and out and I couldn’t read what was said. 

Bad: Very railroad path. You are forced to be a knight, and see red flags of the nobility and yet you can’t do anything. Most of the time when you question a noble why you should do something it’s “well I’ll just have you killed,” and sure, not dying is great, but then the next line I’ll talk as if my life wasn’t just threatened.     A friend of mine who tried to be a bit more through in the mod took a sidequest where it told you a noble (who turns out to be evil later on in the main quest,) is a cannibal. Can we confront the noble about it? No. Can we warn those who may be hurt by him in the future? No. Do we talk to him as if we don’t know that he eats people? Yep! It’s all just odd and I think again it just falls back to the lack of player choice. 

Good: So on my list I wrote “Liked sick town,” which makes no sense to those who haven’t played it. So to explain it better there was a Side quest I really liked. Not only did it give a ton of player choice, but it actually made me feel like a good person, and the people were nice to me!    During my playthrough I made a rule that if someone was mean to me, I wouldn’t help them outside of the main questline. Cause why would I help someone who is rude to me? (There’s also an issue that most of the place is filled with mean people, so it creates little to no agency to help High Rock.) But one event was with some guards at a city I had to get into. I had to help them with an issue of some sick people and one of their guards who went missing. Come to find out the guard got sick and was trying to find medicine for the town so that they could live about three more years in peace. And in the end I was given a choice to kill the town, or help it. Obviously I helped it and became an enemy of the state. But I loved it! While the sick people would threaten you if you got to close to them, the guard with them was understanding. And his compassion for these people really stood out to me. It’s a shame I later had to bend my knee to the very people that wanted to kill them... 

Bad: Lore Friendliness. This one is very short as I see lore in ES as free real estate. I don’t care what you add in your mod. That what makes it fun. However, I know this will be a turn off for some so I thought I would say it. I think the main factor is you talk to Mara on various occasions and I’ve been told that isn’t possible. 

Good: City Design. I just like the layouts and looks of the city. What else can I say? Districts were interesting. (I think I'm running out of typing juices...)

Bad: Too much going on at one. There’s an Orc extremist group, there’s reach men attacking, there’s Namira shit, there’s a plague, and there’s a civil war starting. That is a lot, and it’s just the main quest. I realize it’s good to have a lot going on in a location, but not all of it needs to be in the main quest. All this stuff makes it super confusing and hard to keep track of what is really going on. 

Bad: Buggy. I’m doing two bads in a row as I do want to leave the review off on a good note. There were quite a few buggy stuff. However, considering how I played through it I wouldn’t doubt if a lot was my fault. That being said, I know some who did play through it correctly did also suffer from bugs. That being said, I know the mod author is still working on the mod so bugs will most likely get fixed.

Good: Dialogue explanation. One thing I really found helpful was that in front of dialogue options were [lore], [quest]. These little tidbits made it super easy to tell what dialogue I was picking or which one I needed to pick. Very small detail, but works wonders. 

Oh me, oh my, that is long... Sorry about that. 

TLDR: The mod is successful in it’s eerie astrosphere, but is dragged down by heavy writing. lack of player choice, and shock value issues. 

Thanks for reading all this and want to say again I don’t want to sway anyone away from this mod. I think it’s always important to try out something for yourself. Though, if the Content Warnings from above upset you, I recommend playing through the censored version (it will ask you in the game.) I haven’t played through the censored version, but it says it get’s rid of those events. 

I may try and do more reviews in the future, but understand these reviews are never an attack on the modder as I get modding is extermley difficult. My reviews are here to be optional constructive critism, and if I’ve said anything wrong or you disagree with I’m more than happy to have a conversation in the comments.  (I also say optional as sometimes modders aren’t looking for critism and just want to mod/create and that is 100% valid.) 

Thanks for reading again, and hope y’all enjoyed! 

#skyrim mods #beyond reach #Skyrim Beyond Reach #Skyrim modding #Modding Review

[skimmoons]

It’s really hard to be a closeted queer and a gaylor at the same time because as much as I want to see myself in her I still have a hard time believing that it’s my place to define anything about her private life and her sexuality when she herself isn’t doing so. It feels like I’m betraying my old self who hated when people made comments about my sexuality when I wasn’t officially out of the closet to them (even though most of them were right).

It’s a bittersweet position to be.

Edit: I also interpret her lyrics in a queer light, this comment was meant to be about how her relationships are being discredited because people don’t seem to believe she can love both men and women. This is exactly why I don’t come out of the closet as a bisexual, I know the same will happen to me as it happens with many other bisexual folks. If you’re with a woman you can only be a lesbian, if you’re with a man you can only be straight, and if you dated a man and, afterwards, a woman, then your previous relationship is automatically invalidated because it’s not comprehensible that you love them both. I feel like is not my place to say if she likes men, women or both because as far as we know she says publicly she’s straight “and an ally” and all her public relationships were with men. Who are we to say they weren’t genuine, that she didn’t love them? That’s my problem. That’s exactly why I can count in one hand the number of friends I have told the truth about me. I don’t want my future relationships and previous one to be questioned mercilessly.

#gaylor #taylor swift #hetlor