#and I’ve been fading for days

[stuckinapril]

And on this Valentine’s I almost broke down in tears at a wife’s dedication to her heart surgeon husband whose brain is deteriorating with a rare case of dementia

#I shadowed the doctor for the first time today and almost broke down in tears multiple times listening to her talk about her story #he performed his last heart surgery last October. and ever since he’s been fading away and had to retire. rapid onset but behavior changes #were happening over the last like 6 years #this HEART SURGEON BRAINIAC started chewing tobacco in his 60s beyond his wife’s knowledge. a very common sign of this brain disease #I’m still in clinic but have to ride down to the office and get some chart stuff done now and I’m like?? spiraling about it still #at least love is real. they’ve been married for 45 years and she’s on top of her shit taking caring of him all by herself #and she only has glowing things to say about him #she wants her heart surgeon husband back but he’s fading away #I’ve wanted to be a doctor my whole life but I’m such a crybaby OK I’m going now #happy valentine’s day #p #v day

[spoohie]

I found a stuffed toy for Vil.

Look at this shit. It’s a potato. Someone get his credit card; he needs it whether he knows it or not:

Epel: Ah don’t give a darn tootin’ about this goshdarned hair routine!

Vil: *chucks the potato stuffy at him*

Rook: Roi du Poison! My discerning eye has caught that you’ve gained an ounce-

Vil: *chucks the potato stuffy at him*

Neige: *exists*

Vil: *accidentally throws potato stuffy with force to kill*

#I’ve been having a hay day going through and finding the most obscure stuffed animals ever #It’s brought me immense joy #I think Rook would have a lot of obscure ones #He brought them to NRC because he wasn’t allowed to bring his hunting trophies #Epel refuses to admit he has one but his grandma made him one when he was little #like one of the harveston sleigh pulling ones but cuddly and without magic #it’s loved to near death but he refuses to fix it up #like that repair boat philosophy question #how long can you change out it’s parts until it’s not the same stuffed bunny anymore yknow #the faded fabric and floppiness gives it character #twst vil #vil schoenheit #twst rook #rook hunt #twst epel #epel felmier #twst neige #neige leblanche #twst #twisted wonderland #pomefiore

[lem-argentum]

artist boyz will draw for 24 hours for school n then go “yaay free time :D <3” and draw for 24 hours for fun

#lem text #i do stretches but ​my hands are absolutely going to suffer in the future because of me living like this ekfndn <33 #helloooo i have been drawing n painting nonstop for the past few days <3 …. #also my siblings all got l.ethal company n that’s fun :) #i’ve never really thought of myself as reckless in games but i guess i totally am. i’m just easily bored hfndjn <33 #*siblings discussing which way we should go* ‘BYEE <] *runs off*’ ‘THIS IS WHY WE WOULD DIE IN A HORROR MOVIE’ #doug would like the game. and prom n noct <33. #OH SPEAKING OF PROM N NOCT ONE OF MY FAVORITE FF.XV ARTISTS RESTOCKED THEIR CHARMS OF THEM.. REMIND ME TO BUY THOSE SOON <3 #and umm that’s all i wanted to say i think. <3 i’m very glad it’s almost winter my summer depression should be fading off soon :’) <3 #it was the most difficult it’s ever been this year. BUT I LIVE FOREVER !!!!!!!!!! 💪💛 #AND UMM. YEAH :> <3 GOODNIGHT WORLD HKFND <333 💞💞💞

[sunlessea]

FINALLY. AT LONG LAST. GODS TAG DROP. FREE ME.

#` ✞ sapphir’d king. ⁞ white light fades to red as i enter the city of the dead. #` ✞ king of hours. ⁞ if the pen is mightier than the sword‚ how is war so adored? #` ✞ dawn machine. ⁞ they let me lie to them and don't feel like they've been misled. #` ✞ clockwork sun. ⁞ but the time to forgive is gone‚ the day has passed‚ the night has come. #` ✞ salt. ⁞ done with my graceless heart‚ i’ll cut it out and restart. #` ✞ stone. ⁞ sanctus espiritus‚ redeem us from our solemn hour. #` ✞ storm. ⁞ convicted for my faith‚ addicted to my fate‚ i was drowned in waves. #` ✞ flowermaker. ⁞ weaved revelations like the flowers through his hair. #` ✞ moth. ⁞ recognize that i could be the eye of the storm. #` ✞ velvet. ⁞ if i drown in the river‚ will my soul be delivered? #` ✞ wolf divided. ⁞ holy water cannot help you now‚ i’ve come to burn your kingdom down. #` ✞ mare in the trees. ⁞ deep into the woods with you‚ a creature with no god in you. #` ✞ witness. ⁞ touch my mouth and cut out my tongue‚ i will never be your chosen one. #` ✞ crowned growth. ⁞ when you become untouchable‚ you're unable to touch. #` ✞ andromeda. ⁞ forgiving who you are‚ for what you stand to gain. #` ✞ orionis. ⁞ just know that if you hide‚ it doesn't go away. #` ✞ red grail. ⁞ one misstep‚ you're mine : better stay clever if you want to survive. #` ✞ sun in rags. ⁞ hanging by threads of palest silver‚ i could've stayed that way forever. #` ✞ nymphesse. ⁞ i dream of rain‚ i dream of love as time runs through my hand. #` ✞ beachcomber. ⁞ he’s such a charmer‚ all the bugs and their larvae follow‚ a modern desperado. #` ✞ watchman. ⁞ i am the observer‚ i’m a witness of life‚ i live in the space between the stars and the sky. #` ✞ thunderskin. ⁞ i know i'll never reclaim your love‚ all those nights you made me swoon. #` ✞ flowergirl. ⁞ they thought they heard a voice that said‚ come and take me away from here. #` ✞ cassiopeia. ⁞ our chains were meant to break‚ you'll never change me. #` ✞ comtesse. ⁞ and can't you tell the way i reach for you‚ i wear my halo in disguise. #` ✞ waste waif. ⁞ follow me into the endless night‚ i can bring your fears to life. #` ✞ the unseelie court. ⁞ don't be afraid‚ the shadows know you.

[merevide]

hiiii everyone.goodmorning ♥️

#get it because it’s 9PM and i haven’t. been on. yeah #honestly i’ve been stressing myself out so mainly i’ve just been listening to music for hours and hours straight #and then got my hair done. color it’s fading into is burgundy #but now mainly I AM TIRED but i’m gonna.try and watch movie. #i honestly might not be online at all tomorrow.again. bc it’s my last full day before classes start again. talking myself off the ledge #anyway life update no1cares HERES MUSIC #lost girls #bat for lashes #Spotify

[floral-hex]

I try not to hype up anything I do, but my brain is abuzz. abuzzy bee. Got given a gift card for a crappy clothing store (thankful, but I mean, hard to find good items), so I finally bit the bullet and ordered a denim jacket. Now begins the slow process of bleaching, dying, and decorating. Finally going to live out my very simple dream of having a cool denim jacket

#I’m so easy to please #this is so dumb and I’ll probably screw it up and I shouldn’t even say anything lest I embarrass myself #but what started as a joke idea years ago (30+ yr old loser with a hardcore jacket who is he kidding?) is slowly coming to fruition #I have TWO (2) disparate but rad ideas for the design but I’m very torn #I’ll have to poll some people as time goes on #but right now the ideas are: emerald green dye and red roses & floral theme #or: faded goldish dye with a big patch of the Great Red Dragon on the back #it would be cool to have both but tbh shit isn’t cheap in the long run #I’m very torn #bright greens and reds would be beautiful but maybe a little over gaudy? like hard to coordinate an outfit around all that zazz #I do love zazz though… #but a nice muted gold with lots of blacks would definitely go with a lot more outfits. wouldn’t clash with colorful shirts #plus that would look hardcore as fuck. #big William Blake patch on the back. studs and spikes. edgy philosophy patches or whatever #I know it’s a total poser thing to say but I just want to wear something that people are like ‘whoa that dude is dark as hell dawg’ #stupid idea but I’ve been thinking about it for awhile #and I want a cool jacket to cover my ugly body so sue me #sorry sorry I’m just pumped up #I ordered it this afternoon so I’ve been thinking about it all day #I wanted a big one and they don’t exactly sell the size I want in local stores so that’s why it’s taken so long to get one #I want lots of room to breathe #rather it be too big than too small #I am really excited though. this’ll be a nice little distraction for awhile. a nice achievable goal. #umm hi I love you #I’m in a really good mood #smooch smooch smooch #you can ignore this #but feel free to shoot me ideas or tell me if you have a cool jacket or anything like that #and also thanks for reading this if you did. I don’t know why you would but I love you for it stranger. #text

[lyriumsings]

i couldn’t remember why i had it to where lailani drinks from the well of sorrows and THEN i remembered solas like absorbs?? mythal and therefore it seems like you could be attached to *his will* since he did ??? whatever to her?? and that feels likes angst material but also it now feels like a safe choice since it’s solas lmaooo

#those words could bite me in the ass #but i like to THINK a romanced/friendly lavellan shOULD have nothing to worry about #bUTTT idk SJSJ #lyriumsings txt #i’ve been thinking about her nonstop for like three days #i’ve mentally made a lot of changes to her backstory and i need to write them down #i added more like depth to her parents and why she is the way she is i also changed her fade fear and it’s so much better i think #realizing 17 yr old me had decent bases of ideas and fleshing them out now #so many years later is really satisfying

[booskwan]

felix dyeing his hair blue is tempting me to dye mine blue

#i’ve been debating dyeing my ends cause they’re pretty faded #and i have some old old blue day that may work #dye* #theo.txt

[the-lost-kids]

#vent #gd been a while since I’ve used that tag LMAO #girls when the downward spiral ig 🤩 #anyway uh. gritting my teeth. less than two weeks left until I’m 2 years sh free. 12 days #I can do that #idk what the fuck I’m gonna do after idk how long I can keep doing this shit it doesn’t fucking get any easier. But I can make it 12 days #idk I just fucken. All my old scars r so faded u can’t even rly see them anymore #Gotta make new ones just so it stops feeling like I made it up #idk. Im gonna go to bed early tonight ig

[inplateaus]

spotify shuffle the worst thing ever created

#i’ve been listening to the same 6 songs for days because they won’t show me anything else #they really want me to listen to watching him fade away

[samwisefamgee]

Been wondering why my depression’s been kicking my ass even though I have more energy than usual and upon reflection it is, as usual, the lack of weed

#like yeah it makes me a bit more lethargic at a base level #and that’s pretty much a constant effect with my use #but holy shit I was not aware of just how effective self medicating has been #like I’m less lethargic now but everything else is just gone #I’ve been wondering why my depression used to feel like an emptiness instead of a sorrow #and the emptiness has been missing #but upon reflection and experimentation kush clearly just obliterates that emptiness for me and replaces it with real emotional capability #it doesn’t remove the depression but it removes that emptiness and oh my god that’s what’s kept me alive for seven years #that and a few good friends #they pair well #weed tag #I’ve been in a bad bad depressive spell lately and it’s helping me finally see how this works for me #I’ve run this cycle soo many times #the emptiness creeps back in and I makes me hopeless. i only get this bad when life hits rock bottom too so that hopelessness thrives #and the emptiness is filled by it and it alone #dependence on drugs is bad kids but killing yourself is worse 👍 I’ll do my shit my way thanks #DONT do hard drugs. that can actually be worse #but #if a phatty phat bowl of green takes me from crying in bed to dancing in the halls I’ll live that manic hellscape rather than fade any day

[historyofrobots]

I know this probably isn’t very nice to say and I know a lot of people feel wistful about old friendships where they mostly drifted away but then had to firmly but maturely end things for some reason or other…

but looking back at one particular close friendship from when I was a teenager, who I was still friends with up till a year ago - my blood boils looking back at how I let her talk to me and make me feel. I’m de-romanticizing it.

She was the most arrogant, patronizing, pushy, and draining person and I should never have put up with it as long as I did, but I felt like I had to because we were always a month away from the next crisis. I wouldn’t tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone else.

Understanding the healthy long-term friendships I have with people who respect me is what helped me realize that no one else made me feel anxious and apprehensive that often. It is not normal for your friends to make you feel like that and it’s not normal for them to lay incredibly long winded, dramatic guilt trips on you over and over again whenever they feel you’re not putting enough effort into the relationship (I wonder why!).

I am so very very grateful that it’s over and I can’t see myself looking back at it fondly any time soon.

#personal #please do not reblog #I just have this pit of anger looking back at it #I know one day that will fade but I don’t want to forget it #I have a loving partner and two amazing very close friends I can rely on #and who can rely on me - although maybe not with remembering to send cards but I am always here for them and will drop everything #if they need me #they are genuinely amazing #I’ve been up since 4am because that’s when I woke up and I haven’t been able to fall back to sleep because this has been weighing on me #but I feel a bit better #deep breaths #oh and I can’t even enjoy witchy stuff anymore even though that was my thing way before it was hers #explaining things I already knew to me at length #like enough

[iiigris]

hey guysss I’m kinda going thru a random bout of art dysphoria slash imposter syndrome depression so I probably won’t be online much tonight or tomorrow, possibly lurking but :] yeah

#it’s not art block for once??? #like I’ve been drawing all day which is nice #I just don’t really like how anything looks #and then I come on here and see a ton of other incredible artists’ stuff and it’s just like.. wow #y’all are amazing lol #and I just feel so behind in skill so yeahhh I’m gonna just #*insert meme with the guy fading out of the panel* #baiiii #eve's thoughts

[wonderlandmoonrose7]

I’m just here to remind everyone once again that we can’t stop protesting and boycotting and spreading the word for Palestine, even if it’s been a while. The people in power (mainly the Israeli and US governments) are relying on us losing steam.

And I do want to mention that a small bit of hope to be found among all of this is that things aren’t losing steam. I still see dozens of posts about Palestine every day, I see footage of protests almost every day, and the boycotts are working. I just want to encourage everyone that we just need to keep it up! I’ve seen so many social issues fade out over time, a week of outrage and then things settle down, but that isn’t the case here and I really respect everyone who’s still posting and protesting and seeking out information to end this once and for all. Focus on that hope, and use it to keep going :)

#palestine #pro palestine #free palestine #israel #anti israel #us politics #world politics #social issues #protest #boycott #from the river to the sea palestine will be free

[bemejaybee]

Also lately I’ve been having trouble with remembering old dreams and they feel like memories. Just leaving that here for future me’s archeological digs to find

#jay bee ramblin #and not like normal boring dreams #ones that are definitely not real and weren’t even about me #but the feeling of them is real in that nebulous way that faded memories are #maybe it’s just that my memories feel weirder? but I don’t think that’s it #maybe it is #I’ve been in stasis for like 4 days and have only just started to come out of it

[atlasiiae]

bleached n dyed my hair again bc i got tired of seeing my roots growing out and i only got dye in my eyeball thrice .

#buck says things #decided to go back to like a black cherry color that i haven’t done in a while #i love red in general it’s my personal favorite hair color but lately it’s just been fading pink and then blonde which is boring #one of these days i swear i’ll dye my hair a proper ginger color #tenth doctor voice . i want to be ginger i’ve never been ginger