#and a lot of coping mechanisms do become troublesome for the people around the person using them

[yetanotherhoeforpedro]

Sinfully Armored

Summary: After Din Djarin had lost everything: his ship, his child, his way, and found himself as rightful leader of the Mandalore, he’s glad when an opportunity arises to escape all of his responsibilities. Grogu doesn’t seem to adapt well to his destined life in the New Jedi Order and handling the little rascal is simply too much for Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, who has to rebuild the entire Jedi Order and help in the founding of the New Republic. As a last resort, he contacts the mysterious Mandalorian, who seemed to have formed a strong bond with the Jedi foundling, to help Grogu accept his Jedi heritage and finally let go of the past. What Mando didn’t know is that on top of being given the chance to escape his duties, he’d meet you.

Notes: see ‘Sinfully armored’ on AO3

Chapter 1 - Strange Revelations 

It has been the Maker knows how many days since you arrived at this desolate planet in the Outer Rim. The planets where you had to scout for Imperial Scum all started to blend into one after weeks and weeks on this expedition. The same dreary landscapes, shady people and shabby buildings on every single one. The Empire has left its dirty imprints throughout the entire galaxy and its people, including you.

The rundown bar you found yourself in right now must have seen better days as well. You swirled your drink lazily and scowled at the remaining dregs. This next part of your job was always the worst, impossibly done sober. You absolutely despised any kind of peaceful interaction with sympathizers of the Empire, even though you knew hate was not an emotion you should feel as a Jedi.

You drowned your glass in one big swallow and smoothly slid the it across the counter with a few credits. Before the bartender even reacted to your movement, you were already gone. The mud made an unsatisfying, squelching sound under your boots as you maneuvered through the narrow streets of Wakuda. Your nose scrunched at the mere smell of the place. Why the secret underground organization you were supposed to track down chose this of all places to build their base is beyond you, but you guessed it fit their morals.

As you neared the location you tracked the Imperial scum down to, you noticed a few snipers on the roof of the half-ruined building in your peripheral. Deep down you hoped they’d be skilled just so that you’d have a bit of a challenge as a distraction. They weren’t, since they didn’t even notice you until you were too close. Maybe their stupid helmets blocked their vision, you couldn’t even blame them. A quick swipe of the force knocked them out and you proceeded with your task.

Through a crack in the roof, you could spy on the meeting taking place underneath you. You leaned down a bit to get a better view and watched the scene unfold.

There were 6 people assembled in the room, but the woman at the head of the table stuck out especially to you with her glowing red hair. When she raised her voice, everyone went quiet. This woman clearly had an air of authority surrounding her. She began in a conspiring tone: “Fellow members of the First Galactic Empire, I have called you here today because troublesome news reached me. The New Jedi Order of Luke Skywalker keeps gaining more and more power. If the New Republic is backed by such a strong force of Jedi knights, our chances of rebuilding the Empire are slim to none.” The woman surveyed the room full of expectant eyes. No one dared to interrupt her. “So, we must take action. I have already contacted Grand Admiral Thrawn…”

The rest of her sentence didn’t reach your ears as you heard that name. As far as you knew, the notorious man died during the Battle of Endor with most of the other Imperial generals. If there was any truth to her claim that he was still alive, the New Republic and everything you stood for was in great peril. The old hatred started to boil up inside of you once again and it was all you could do to not jump down there and finish all of them in your fit of rage. To calm yourself, you reached deep into the Force as Luke had taught you. You reminded yourself that it was him and the Jedi’s goal of a peaceful galaxy you were doing all of this for and the discussion that broke out beneath you abruptly caught your attention again.

“That’s absolutely impossible! How would we even train those children? It’s not like we have a Sith Lord to train them!” a small man with shockingly pale skin exclaimed. “Leave that to me and the more experienced generals, we have everything under control. All you need to do is collect the force sensitive children from the systems I’ll send you out to,” the woman answered. The small man nodded once and the woman seemed satisfied. She pulled out a little device, flipped a switch and a holographic map appeared at the center of the table. As you glanced at the map, something pocked at the back of your mind. Why did it look so familiar?

But before you could observe it more closely and identify the feeling, the comm at your wrist vibrated. Luke always had such an unfortunate timing for someone so in tune with the Force. You cursed under your breath and accepted the transmission. After all, he wouldn’t contact you if it wasn’t important.  

“Report back to the Jedi Temple immediately,” he stated. “What? But I’m in the middle of a mission! I just made a discovery of great importance,” you protested. “Alright, but get back as soon as possible. May the Force be with you.” The connection snapped and you focused on the meeting again.

“Do not disappoint me,” the woman commanded. That was an obvious dismissal. After cursing Luke’s awful timing once again, you decided to track the leader of the meeting, which couldn’t be too hard, considering her hair was shining like a beacon. However, as you scaled down the building and looked down the street, she and her co-conspirators had vanished into thin air. How odd. But it was a blessing of sorts because you were eager to get off this planet and return to the Jedi Temple. Thrawn was alive?  It was all you could think about as you cut through the winding streets of Wakuda once again. The man who had taken so much from you had not been avenged? A sick part of you was thrilled about the opportunity to get revenge yourself, but it was outweighed by your general anxiety.

The sudden gleaming of a hull caught your eye and your pace quickened. As you turned around the corner, the magnificent ship arising before you obscured the view of your tiny, wreckage of an X-Wing. The rusty ship had accompanied you on many missions and despite its state, you had grown quite fond of it, but couldn’t be bothered to clean it. It wouldn’t matter anyway; it would just get dirty again in the next place you landed. You climbed into the cockpit and took off.

As you activated hyperspace, you tried to shake Thrawn off your mind and it quickly filled with other enigmas. You reconsidered the strange Déjà-vu you felt when you saw the map. You were sure you had seen it before sometime, but when and where exactly? Why would you have seen an imperial map? And how could they have left without a single trace? Who was the strange woman?

After pondering about these questions turned out to be futile, you began to wonder what could have been urgent enough for Luke to call you back from your mission. While you would have been jumping at the chance to finally leave these shitty systems under normal circumstances, the situation just got interesting and all you wanted to do was track the Imperial scum down and kill them one by one before they could do any more harm. But Luke had to lecture you on discipline far too many times and this mission was your chance to show him that he could trust you.

Still…How would you ever find out where they had gone now? You should have damned Luke’s orders and followed them somehow when you still could, what if they got to the children first? Shit, why didn’t you think straight? It seems like all of your focus and composure had left you once Thrawn’s name had perturbated your thoughts. All of the old grief and hate resurfaced again and threatened to drown you.  

You took a deep breath and pushed those emotions as far back as you could. The logical action right now would be to contact Luke immediately, he needed to send out someone else to stop the bandits. While you were short on Jedi, the New Republic would sure have someone to take care of the problem. If only you knew where they went, they’d be long gone if the Republic needed to investigate their whereabouts first. You sighed and called Luke.

“What’s wrong?” His hologram appeared in front you instantly. “A lot,” you responded dryly. “You’ll not be pleased about what I just discovered – before I was so rudely interrupted by you, that is.” He frowned at your sarcasm, this was obviously not the time for it, but you couldn't help it. It had become a sort of coping mechanism for you, a way to shield yourself from issues lest they touch you personally. “Grand Admiral Thrawn – or some doppelgänger of him – is still alive and in direct contact with the leftovers of the Empire.”

Luke was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. “That is bad news indeed, I’ll need to inform Leia and Han so that they can alert our troops. Your assistance has been most valuable to us,” he replied finally, oddly formal. Still, you nodded curtly at the approval.

“Wait,” you intercepted as he was about to disconnect. “Unfortunately, there’s more. I overheard that they plan to rebuild the Sith Order, but on a far grander scale. I only caught a glimpse, but they had some map that directs them towards force-sensitive children all across the universe. While I have no clue as to how they would train them – unless they had a secret Sith Lord up their sleeves as well – we cannot let them take the children. The Jedi Order needs them.”  This time, Luke’s silence lasted even longer, to the point where it was almost painful. You forced the words forming on your tongue to fill the silence back – yet another nervous habit of yours – and mirrored his quiet. Until you gave in and broke it: “I did not disappoint when I warned you that I had some bad news, huh?”

Luke gave you a no-nonsense-look. “No, you did not. Do you think you can recall the map and lead us to the children?” he inquired. “Um…I’ve tried, but to no avail. However, the map looked oddly familiar. No idea where I could have seen it before, but I trust my instincts.” You shrug, though it doesn’t reflect your sentiments in the slightest.

“You said this map leads them to force-sensitive children?” he repeated slowly, more to himself. “Yeah.” – “In that case, I might know just where to look.” Before you could ask him what he meant by that he was gone. You let out an exasperated sigh. He took the whole mysterious Jedi image way too seriously, in your opinion.

You spent the rest of the flight dissociating in space, as one does. In a way, you were doing the meditation exercises Luke taught you. Time bent around you, it could have been minutes or hours until you arrived back at Coruscant. The blinding lights of the capitol made you snap back to reality as you swiftly descended.

------------------------

You spotted Luke, facing the wall, quickly as you entered the council chamber, which was empty except for him. The few other “Jedi” seemed to be on missions as well. The “Council” consisted of a bunch of half-trained Jedi knights and one other survivor of Order 66, Master Vamora who appeared too fragile to still be an active fighter, but he was a stubborn old bastard. Not that it wasn’t an immense blessing to have at least one Jedi of the Old Order in your midst who was fully trained. He was extremely cranky and righteous though.

Luke turned back around to you. You did a double take as you took him in, seeing what the hologram had concealed. At first you noticed his eyes and the black rings underneath them, then the hollow of his cheekbones, his general paleness and crouched stance. He looked really exhausted, to say the least. Not being able to hold yourself back, you commented: “What happened to you? You look like you went through some shit.” At that, you earned a small grin from him that made some of the color reappear on his face.

Your heart jumped a little at the sight, you had to admit he was quite handsome, especially when he smiled. It wasn’t just ideological reasons keeping you in his Jedi Order after all, although you felt a twinge of guilt every time your stupid, horny brain produced these immoral thoughts. It was absolutely illegal for a Jedi to harbor such feelings, much less act on them, at least according to your set of morals. Luke himself had been conceived out of such an improper relation and since he did not grow up learning about the old set of Jedi rules, he had seen no use in implementing any such rule in his Jedi Order (much to the displeasure of Master Vamora, who had quite a lot to complain about today’s youth). You, on the other hand, had been indoctrinated the old set of rules from a small age on and you tried to stick to them in honor of those who saved you from your horrible fate and the sacrifices of those who had not been as lucky as you. But Luke did have a point. He claimed that love was not a crime or a weakness to be punished but rather a virtue that differentiates you from those who strayed to the Dark Side. Frankly, he was just a little too horny for his own good. He was well known for his bohemian lifestyle, sharing his bed with both men and women.

“That’s why I had to call you back here. I am being tormented endlessly by a little green monster,” he replied with a smirk on his face, pulling you out of your thoughts. You raised an eyebrow, but before you could inquire further, the door slid open behind you and you snapped around.

This day just kept getting weirder, or maybe you were extremely sleep-deprived as well. There was a Mandalorian with a little green creature that eerily resembled Master Yoda (if he were young and cute instead of old and wrinkly as he had appeared the last time you saw him) cradled in his arms standing in front of you. His armor was unlike any you had ever seen before, pure beskar and shimmering as it reflected the bright city lights. He looked exactly like the legendary warrior race of Mandalore you had only ever heard rumors about, straight out of a myth. Considering those rumors, didn’t they absolutely despise the Jedi? Suddenly alarmed, you pulled your lightsaber from your belt. The Mandalorian didn’t move, only cocked his head to the side. Even though you couldn’t see his face underneath the helmet, you felt like his eyes were piercing you. You stared right back at him, not moving an inch, thumb resting on the switch of your weapon, ready to activate it should he attack. Not that your lightsaber could do much damage to him, as he was dressed in beskar from head to toe. But what about the child in his arms? Maybe he wasn’t up for a fight after all. With a sick disappointment – how challenging would it be to fight such a legendary warrior? – you put your weapon back on your belt again. The Mandalorian kept staring at you, standing still as a machine.

This time it was Luke who broke the silence, as you were too entranced to say anything at all.  “There is the source of my eternal torment.” He strolled up to you in a relaxed manner. It was his calm posture and the underlying humor and fondness in his voice that kept you from attacking the strangers. The green creature turned its head and stared at you innocently with its huge, black eyes. You sensed it suddenly through the Force and did a double take in surprise. It reached its small arms out to you, but the Mandalorian took a step back from you rather than let the child closer to you. “This…this is why you called me back?” You shot Luke an incredulous, slightly offended look, to which he returned another wicked grin. “Yes.”

“Elaborate, please?” You didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in your voice. “This is my good friend…” He gestured to the Mandalorian. “Um, I actually don’t know his name, I just call him Mando. Everyone does.” He smirked at the warrior. “And this little fellah is Grogu, a Jedi foundling I took upon me to train.” The look Luke gave the child was so full of love that it seemed almost too intimate to witness. “Mando saved him from the Empire and took great care of him. Frankly, he cared for him too well. Grogu has formed such a strong attachment to him that it’s nearly impossible to train him. The little rascal is incredibly stubborn if his daddy isn’t around.”

A bit more enlightened, but still unaware of your place in this family drama, you waited for Luke to continue. “Since I have a ton of obligations, I don’t have time to train the little one and detach him from his savior.” Oh no. You hoped this wouldn’t be heading in the direction you thought it was. “You, on the other hand, have less responsibilities.” Fuck. "So, I decided that you should train him. And let his dad tag along until he can let him go.”

No fucking way. “I am not a damn babysitter! Neither do I care to get involved in this clearly complicated family structure! I have a mission, Luke. I need to get to those…,” you paused, suddenly all too aware that you had an audience, “…thieves and stop them.” Luke grinned at you, as if he expected that answer from you. “Isn’t it super convenient that our friend Mando here is a professional bounty hunter, eager to earn a few credits from the Republic?”

You shifted your gaze back to the silent warrior and the kid. “I am supposed to train this rip-off Yoda while on a mission? That’s just pointless, I won’t have time to teach him anything at all!” you pointed out. You were not interested in training another Jedi, especially not one that resembled Master Yoda and everything you lost so much. “You’ll have plenty of free time while traveling through space and he can learn a lot more in real situations than I could ever teach him,” Luke argued. “You want us to take him along on a hunt?” a modulated voice interjected. “No way, that’s far too dangerous for him as long as he’s untrained!” Luke wasn’t kidding about the bond, the man in armor clearly cared deeply for the child. Interesting.

“You need to stop being such a helicopter parent if you want him to live an independent life,” your Jedi companion retorted. You couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped your throat and a visor turned back to you. “I don’t trust her with my child”, the Mandalorian stated curtly. You scowled at him. “You shouldn’t have brought him to the Jedi if you had a problem with him being in the custody of a Jedi,” you snarled at the intruder, suddenly not caring that you didn’t even want this child in the first place and simply wanting to disagree with him. “It’s not the Jedi I don’t trust, it’s you and your attitude.” – “Is it because I called him a ‘rip-off Yoda’?” You flashed him a sweet smile.

“I see you two’ll get along just fine,” Luke said, the corners of his mouth quirking up slightly. “You could leave for the first child tomorrow.” At that, your attention snapped back to him. “What do you mean? Did you find the map?” – “Of course, as it was our map they stole in the first place.” Now your Déjà-vu made complete sense and you cursed yourself for not having come to this conclusion earlier. Obviously the Jedi had a map with the locations of force-sensitive children – possible new Jedi. The situation was even graver than you expected. “Get some rest now, you seem to need it almost as much as I do.” Luke winked at you. Accepting defeat for now and realizing how exhausted you truly were, you gave Luke a short nod before departing from the room and retiring to your chambers to finally get some well-deserved sleep.

Chapter 2

Masterlist

#din djarin/reader #the mandalorian/reader #mask kink #canon-typical violence #Din kind of talking like an elderly Victorian gentleman #smut #enemies to lovers #the mandalorian #din dijarin x reader #pedro pascal

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 4.4}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student (however no underage romance), blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.9k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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"Could you come over here please?" Snape's voice drew her attention away from the fireplace, and Robin found herself surprised that he actually even knew that the word 'please' could be used without sarcasm. If he used it in all seriousness now, the images in Robin's head must've left a deeper impression on him than she had expected.

With a touch of guilt on her mind, she got up and walked over to the table where he was working on whatever potion it was that was quietly bubbling in the small cauldron in front of him. If being here in his laboratory in her pajamas wasn't odd enough, standing next to him now in the same state while he was working definitely was.

"What do you need me to do?" She asked as neutrally as she could, as her eyes followed every single movement of his hands on their own accord in admiring fascination. Whatever he was brewing here, it surely wasn't something she knew, nor something that was easy enough to be taught in class.

He stopped in his work mere seconds later and turned to Robin with an odd expression on his face, one she couldn't remember ever seeing before. "What you see here is a potion I invented after the incident with the boggart last term, to trace the spells that have affected a living being in the past seventy two hours."

His words made Robin's stomach drop immediately as she caught on to what he was implying. But she didn't want to believe it just yet. "Why are you making this?" Her voice was far too quiet to even feign neutrality, but it would've been useless anyway in the light of the honest discomfort in her eyes.

"To hopefully confirm my suspicion. I believe you have been hexed for some time now."

Robin only nodded for a moment, wrapping her head around the possibility of that. It was likely, yes, but who would've hexed her? And whatever for? Well, they would hopefully find out soon enough, if she finally stopped being a dunderhead and got into a serious mode of working with Snape again. "What can I do to help?"

"That is the downside." He mused and turned to look at the cauldron instead of Robin. "The potion requires your blood in order to determine the foreign magic used on you."

"Alright, how much do you need?"

His eyes snapped back to Robin at the easy factuality of her voice, and the neutrality in his own was replaced by surprised incredulity. "A… few drops should suffice."

"May I?" Robin asked without further ado as she pointed to the knife on the cutting board in front of her, and upon his barely noticeable nod, she didn't hesitate to use it to make a small and precise cut on her left forearm, to which she then pressed her right hand to stop it from bleeding already. It didn't hurt, and she didn't mind. "Should I add it directly or do you need to do something else first?"

"Go ahead…" His voice was still everything but normal, everything but neutral, and his unusual quietness about her ways of assisting him made Robin wonder if she had made a mistake. But he had given her the go after all, and so she moved to take his place in front of the cauldron, then held her forearm over the steaming brew and lifted her right hand just enough to let a few drops fall into the bubbling liquid. It turned red first, then entirely black.

"Anything else?" Robin asked as she made room for him again, holding her arm far away enough from her t-shirt to not risk smudging any blood on it. The cut really wasn't deep and hardly painful compared to everything she'd been through in the past few hours, but she didn't want new blood onto her clothes again any time soon. The thought of that alone made the hairs in her neck stand up, but she figured that it would probably stop bleeding in a minute anyway.

"It was the last step." Snape replied quietly, but kept his eyes and frown on her instead of the product of his efforts. Robin raised an eyebrow in question in return, and that finally made him go on, even if not in the way she expected. "You really are a curious creature."

Now Robin's other eyebrow lifted as well, and she didn't know if she should feel flattered or offended. The crimson heat rising to her face didn't differentiate between that though. "Uhm, I… sorry?"

With a sigh he lifted her arm up by her wrist, in a surprising gentleness that contrasted his irritated demeanor, then pried her hand away from the cut to take a look at it. But Robin didn't even feel the cut anymore, for any and every discomfort was washed away by the pleasantly blazing sensation of his hand wrapped around her arm. Oh come on, Robin! Really?! She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at herself, at the same time as she suppressed the unappreciated tingles. There was no time for this right now, and there never would be time for it! Hopefully that would finally get through that thick skull of hers.

Before she knew, her arm was dropped to her side again, the cut gone and the very much different prickle of magic fading from her skin. "Thank you." She said, even though she didn't know for sure what had happened or what he had done. Once again she had been too caught up in her own head to be bothered with reality.

"I was under the impression that after what happened…" He paused, thought, and turned towards the potion on the table once more before he spoke on. "I did not expect you to be so… factual about the issue. In the light of recent events."

Oh… he was referring to the fact that she had woken up entirely covered in blood a mere few hours ago. Oh well, that surely would be terribly troublesome to anyone who actually acknowledged that it had happened as a part of their reality. In Robin's mind, the events were mere scenes of a movie she had seen a long time ago. Obviously her subconsciousness hadn't found any other way to cope with these memories, for that's what the pictures were becoming now, and Robin was fine with it as long as she could finally function again. Functioning, working, facts… that's what always served to make her mind shut up. But she understood that it must be confusing for Snape, who only saw the results of her weird coping mechanisms now, not the way of coping itself.

"I think I'm better already." She summed up her previous thought process. "Not nearly alright, but mostly fit for function. And right now I need to function to finally get through this mess. So, your theory… would you tell me more? How did you get the idea that I was hexed?"

Snape raised an eyebrow at Robin for a moment, but seeing as she looked back at him with calm seriousness, he sat down on the stool behind him with a sigh and motioned for Robin to sit down as well. "I have had the suspicion that something might be wrong with you ever since last Monday, when Pomona informed me of the incident in your herbology class. Then on Wednesday it was confirmed when you did not feel like working in the evening."

"How did that of all things confirm that something was wrong with me?"

"I have seen you working with a broken ankle after getting beaten up by the Whomping Willow. If anything stops you from following your passion for learning, it must be more serious than that." He stated, then continued with the previous explanation. "Of course I did not know the true extent or gravity of the issue before you let me see for myself, but if I had been aware of your nightmares at least, I might have been able to draw the necessity conclusion a lot sooner. Say, why did you choose not to tell me?"

"I wanted to!" Robin replied instinctively, but then decided to give a more rational than emotional answer. "I… wanted to tell you, on Wednesday night. But you were so busy with more important things and I didn't think it was important enough to bother you with. I mean, nightmares are just such a childish thing to get so entirely upset about… it's just not something you talk about with your professor if you ever want to be taken seriously again."

"Am I not taking you seriously?"

"Actually, you are the only one who does. And I didn't want to endanger that by complaining about something like this. I just didn't want to reduce myself to a pathetic little girl who is scared of something as childish as bad dreams."

"First point, if you call those nightmares childish then I truly do not wish to know what your childhood looked like. Second point, I would never think less of you for confiding in me about any issue at all. But I do realize that I tend to call people 'pathetic' rather casually, so I see your point in thinking I might do the same to you. I would never. Not… seriously, at least. You know that. Third and most important point, your nightmares weren't, in fact, nightmares at all."

"Wait, what?!" Could he repeat that just a little less casually?? And… not confuse her poor heart by actually being nice to her now?

"What you saw was beyond terrifying, but those images weren't nightmares. They weren't even dreams. Or have you at any point in your previous life experienced the very same vivid dream for a week in a row and found yourself able to remember every detail once you woke up?"

"No, of course not… it really is a bit weird, admittedly. I have actually briefly considered the possibility that they weren't my own dreams, but never that they weren't dreams at all. What were they though? And who would be cruel and creative enough to torture me like that?"

"That is precisely what we are going to find out now." With that he snatched a piece of parchment out from where it was stuck between two books on the other table, then placed it next to the cauldron in front of them. "The way this potion works is simple: you let droplets of it fall onto a clear surface, and it will spell out the magic last used on the subject whose blood was added."

While he did just that, Robin got to witness what he had explained and how it actually made sense when put into action. The black droplets seemed to soak into the parchment for a moment, then they formed the words that had been spoken, and thus the spell that had been used. A remarkable piece of magic, and Robin couldn't help the curiosity that overcame her like it would under normal circumstances.

"How did you come up with this?!" She wondered in astonishment as she let her fingers trace over the slowly forming words. They didn't smudge like ink would… curious. "It's brilliant, I mean… I wish I had the energy left to really think it through, but it's already quite ingenious in its existence alone."

"Perhaps…" He mused, careful in his voice of words. "I will explain it to you at a different point in time. If you would like."

"I would like that a lot, actually." Robin replied with a small smile, the first one in a long time. Maybe sorting through this mess together did help her in dealing with it after all.

"As for the current issue…" He went on then, directed at the piece of parchment, and Robin followed his eyes down to the now clearly legible writing on it. "It appears that my suspicions were correct."

"Okay, but what exactly does that mean? Did… did someone really hex me?" The insecure frown was back on Robin's face as she looked at the paper in an attempt to make sense of the spells. Some of them looked familiar… others completely foreign. But there were a lot more of them than Robin had expected.

"Someone tried to hex you, yes." He started, and his voice took a grave turn as he did. "This spell here…" Only once Robin had read the words he was pointing at, he continued. "It is a terribly ragged alternation of a simple charm. Instead of giving the victim harmless visions born of their own mind, the spell was reworded to give the victim realistic visions that were predetermined by the person casting it. This very likely is what was used on you every night during the past week to instil the very same pictures into your mind. Those dreams were knowingly forced upon you, that much is clear now."

"Who would go through that trouble to do something like that?! And… why not simply use legilimency to place pictures into my mind, it would be an easier choice for that, wouldn't it?" Robin frowned. "Why make things difficult and use a self-made spell?"

"I can only assume that the person behind this spell either wasn't aware of the advantages of legilimency, or was indeed aware of the fact that they would not be good enough at it to get through your defense. It is no secret among the staff that you are a decent occlumens, and I believe it should be equally known among your peers."

"So someone altered an entirely different spell just to hex me? To give me nightmares?"

"That seems to have been their intention, yes. But going by your experiences and my own, I am led to believe that while it was intended to be a hex, it turned out a curse instead. That would explain why it affected you so strongly."

"So I was cursed?!"

"Yes."

"Oh bloody hell…" Robin sighed to herself, and honestly she didn't know if she wanted to be relieved or even more terrified. On one hand it was good news that she was someone else's victim, not her own. But on the other hand it also made her someone else's victim! She frowned at another thought. "Uh, professor...? How exactly did the person who cursed me know what kind of visions they needed to show me to mess with my head that much?"

"It could be a mere coincidence."

"No, it couldn't. You saw what my worst fear was last year, and you saw the visions given to me now. Do you seriously believe that something that similar in both its manifestation and result could be a coincidence?"

"No." Snape replied with a defensive scowl. "And before you try to accuse me of telling someone the truth behind the incident with the boggart, let me assure you that I have better things to do than gossip about your fears and memories."

"I… didn't even consider accusing you of anything, actually." Robin said in a calm but quiet voice, as she realized that he really was the only person who knew about her fear in the first place. Still, absolutely nothing within her believed that he would've done that, not to her and not to anyone else. "I know you wouldn't tell anyone about what you see in my mind."

"And what makes you so ridiculously certain about that?" This, clearly, was a test. Robin could tell by his tone, by the frown on his face, even by the fact that he was asking in the first place and not straight out scolding her for making assumptions about him. But it was a test she felt ready to take, even if it was totally the wrong time for something like this.

"Actually, there's two very good answers to that and one you wouldn't want to hear: First, you yourself seem uncomfortable enough knowing about it in the first place, thus I doubt that you would have any gain out of letting other people know that you know. Second and more importantly, you are the smartest person I know, and therefore I honestly doubt that you would consider betraying the trust of someone who is keeping secrets of yours in return. It simply would be unwise, even if that person would never betray you in return."

"What's the third answer?" He asked without any reaction to what Robin had just so very frankly stated.

"That I trust you. Obviously. But seeing as that is my own sentiment rather than a tangible reason, I was under the impression that it would hardly matter to you."

"It shouldn't." He mused, more to himself than to Robin, and turned his focus back to the parchment so exclusively that Robin felt like she had passed the test against his own expectation. For that, she felt a little pleased with herself at last, considering that it was a huge success for a night that had already messed her up so very much. One small win that weighed up quite a few losses in return.

"Before we go any deeper into the question of how your fears became known to the person responsible for the visions, we might as well try to find that person and ask them." Snape commented a moment later, all back to the seriousness of before.

"I agree." Robin replied in an equal 'back-to-business' mode of behavior. "What do the spells say about what happened tonight? There must be one spell at least that's responsible for making me someone else's puppet. I don't really know about the blood or the other me, that might not be anything directly affecting me, but-..."

"Say that again." He ordered with one quick look at Robin, then a frown back at the parchment.

"Uh…" Robin was thrown off her track of thought by the interruption, but stared at the parchment nonetheless as if it would give her the right words to reply now. "I… said that I don't know if the blood or the bodies were really there or if it was magic, but I definitely know that one spell must've been used on me, at least, to make me a puppet of the other me."

"It seems like you just answered your own question." He pointed at another three words written close to the bottom of the list. "Do you know that spell?"

"It looks vaguely familiar, but I'm not entirely certain which bell it rings with me."

"It does exactly what you said: it turns inanimate objects into puppets at the will and command of who spoke the spell. Again, it was reworked to affect a living being just the same, but I believe that this goal was achieved with more luck than reason."

"So someone created a makeshift imperius curse. For me." Robin stated in a mixture of distancing incredulity and simple refusal to acknowledge the insanity of this. "And then they used it to scare me? I can't believe how stupid that sounds while yet being absolutely terrifying."

"This has to be the most pathetically successful orchestration of cruelty I have ever seen."

"That… is a very good description." Robin sighed, but she still didn't really see the point in all of this. Who would do something like that? And why? At least knowing the 'how' behind what had happened made her feel much less afraid of it. "Do you have any idea how the second 'me' could be explained? Or the bodies?"

"I do have theories, but no proof to either of them." He replied and folded the piece of parchment into smaller and smaller squares under Robin's careful observation.

"Still, enlighten me. Please…" She requested as she wondered what he was up to yet again when he placed the piece of parchment in one of his pockets.

"Polyjuice potion, any and every possible delusion spell, constructed illusions, projected illusions, mere physical acts of trickery, more altered charms, acts of-…"

"Alright alright, I… I get it." She sighed, and he stopped in his counting down of possibilities. "A different approach, maybe: do you have an idea who could have constructed these spells, or why?"

"Well, who would take such joy in your suffering that they wouldn't refrain from cursing you?" Snape asked in return as he rose from his stool.

"Maybe you better ask me who wouldn't like to see me suffering…" Robin scoffed and leaned the weight of her upper body onto her forearms on the table, for sitting upright and straight became too exhausting at last. "That would definitely be easier to answer."

"Maybe you could narrow it down to the individuals who possess the ability to rework more or less innocent spells into serious, even if adulterated, pieces of dark magic."

Somehow his words rang a bell in Robin's mind, and her eyes widened in shock and dread at her own thought. No… that was ridiculous. Seriously, that was just insane. But wasn't this entire situation insane enough already to make basically anything possible? Maybe. "I… have a name in mind, but it would be very inappropriate to say what I think in this case."

"I believe we moved past appropriate when you attacked me with a saucepan, so you may just as well tell me who you are thinking of."

"Professor Morgan." Robin blurted out before her lips could stay sealed, before her mind could find a better way to approach this delicate topic.

"That happens to have been my first thought as well." He replied as if this serious accusation was absolutely nothing to him. "However no matter how incompetent and imbecile I find that man, in the light of longer consideration I doubt that he is the core of the occurrences."

"But you think he's got something to do with it at least?" Robin inquired. Gosh, she wouldn't even be surprised if Morgan had any part in this. Somehow her problems usually came down to him anyway, or to the other Slytherins.

"I do believe he does, knowingly or not." Snape mused as he rounded the table and made for the door. "No matter what I believe, I shall pay him a visit right in this instant."

"Wait!" Robin blurted out yet again before her rational mind had a say. Maybe the tiredness was catching up with her at last, no matter if she could force her body to stay awake or not. But a tired mind meant a slow filter between thought and speech, and Robin struggled for a decent way to cover up the fact that she didn't want him to leave her alone. Not even in the safety of the lab. Seems like not all fear had left her mind after all. "Uh, it's… it's roughly four o'clock in the morning! I couldn't imagine Morgan to be awake."

"He most likely isn't, but that doesn't mean I cannot wake him up." It sounded way too simple put like that, unfortunately. "I want this issue to be solved as soon as possible and Morgan is a good point to start."

"Isn't it a bit… weird to come to him with some spells in the middle of the night to find out if they originated from him?"

"Is it? I am merely consulting the school's defense against the dark arts professor in the urgent matter of protecting the students from the dark magic that is inherent in these spells we discovered. This is important school business, and that makes it perfectly reasonable to find him at this time." He explained, and Robin found herself surprised that he bothered to explain his reasons to her at all when he had so often before made a point in not having to explain himself to her, or anyone else for that matter.

"Perfectly reasonable indeed." Robin sighed more defeatedly than intended, but quickly got a gasp of herself again. She didn't want to be alone right now, while they still hadn't answered all of the important questions. While she didn't know who had cursed her just to see her suffering. But she also knew that her only chance at finding out was for Snape to go question Morgan now. "Uh, what would you like me to do in the meanwhile? I… can leave, if you want, or-..."

"You should stay here for now, until the issue is solved. I will lock the door with an additional charm that should prevent anyone but you and me from entering the laboratory. Try to rest." Now, that was more a suggestion than an order for once, and Robin nodded compliantly. Before Snape finally closed the door behind himself however, he turned to Robin once more. "There are ingredients in this room that in sum cost more than the entire castle. You can believe me when I say you are perfectly safe in here with them. But I should not be gone for long either way." With that the door was closed, the room silent and Robin on her own.

… … …

After a moment of listening to the silence, Robin moved from the table back towards the fireplace. It wasn't all too cold in the small room, usually, but the warmth of the fire still made her feel more comfortable, especially now that she was far from appropriately clad and far from having sufficient energy to keep herself warm.

At least she already felt a whole lot better on the inside than she had a good while ago. Still scared, yes, and anxious as well, but not terrified out of her mind. Not like crying, not like running. That was a step into the right direction, and one she believed she had only been able to make after the threat had become tangible to her. It was far easier to deal with a person who possesses evil but mediocre magic skills than with a mysterious, allconsuming dark force that was ineffable in its extent and threat.

"Oh, Miss Mitchell!" A small, squeaky voice made Robin yelp nonetheless as it suddenly came out of nowhere, right next to her.

"Buttercup! Bloody hell, you scared me…" Robin said as she took deep breaths to calm her heart back down. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I apologise, Miss, I am terribly sorry!" The house elf looked to her feet in shame and Robin immediately felt bad for being so harsh to her in her surprise.

"It's alright, don't feel bad about it please. I'm just… jumpy tonight." Robin sighed and tried to somewhat smile at the elf. None of this was her fault after all. "Why are you here?"

"To bring you whatever you would like, Miss." Buttercup answered brightly. "From the kitchens or any other place."

Robin closed her eyes for a brief second and took one more deep breath, then had to smile for real. "Did Professor Snape send you here?"

"Yes, but he told me not to tell you that, only to bring you whatever you request. So what would you like, Miss?" Buttercup smiled happily, and Robin had to smirk at the clueless innocence of the young servant as well as Snape's attempt to conceal his any and every act of kindness. He might have gotten better at accepting Robin's kind gestures, but he definitely wasn't anywhere near accepting his own. Oh well, an issue for another point in time.

"I would like you to bring me three things from my room, if that's possible?" Robin inquired, and Buttercup nodded immediately.

"Yes, yes! Anything from anywhere, Miss!"

"Good… could you please get me my wand from my nightstand, the old leather backpack from next to my bed, and the black lace-up boots with the yellow stitching from under my bed?" Robin said a little slower than normal, not in a condescending way, but to make sure the elf could memorize it without a haste. No need to rush the poor girl.

"Certainly, Miss. I will be back in a moment." And with that she was gone, leaving Robin alone in the room again. This certainly was a spontaneous development of things, Buttercup showing up here, but not at all unappreciated… Robin couldn't wait to get her hands on her most precious belongings. Everything material that she needed and valued was in that backpack, except for her wand and her favorite pair of shoes. And if Buttercup found those as well, Robin could very well live without ever setting foot into her room again. She would have to live in her pajamas, but she would live indeed.

"Please don't startle again, Miss…" Came the small voice, a mere whisper, from Robin's left after a few minutes, and Robin felt touched that the elf actually made an effort not to scare her again.

"All good, I'm fine." She replied and immediately went to help the completely over-packed Buttercup put her belongings down.

"I brought everything you requested, Miss!" The elf said, still sounding overjoyed to be helping Robin out. "Your instructions were very helpful, thank you for your efforts."

"That wasn't an effort at all! It is the least I can do to make it easier for you." Robin tried to explain to her, but already knew that the elf wouldn't listen to that. "I'm very thankful for your effort to bring me my belongings."

"It was my privilege to help you. Would you like anything else?"

"Say, how did my room look?" Robin asked, coming to think back to the puddles of blood she had seen. "Anything… unusual?"

"Your room looked perfectly ordinary, Miss. Very clean for one of the students' rooms."

"And what about my roommates?"

"All four of them are sleeping, and one was snoring. And there was a cat on your bed." Buttercup stated positively, seemingly delighted about being able to give such a detailed report.

"How curious…" Robin mused to herself, but before she could dwell on it, Buttercup interrupted her thoughts.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss?"

"I would like for you to accept another piece of the muggle candy I have given to you before. You liked it, didn't you?"

"Yes, Miss, I did like it. But you are too kind to me, I cannot accept any more-..."

"You would make me very happy if you could accept it." Robin argued innocently, even though she knew she was tricking the poor girl. But it was for her own good. "It would make me happy if I could make you happy with that candy."

"If it makes you happy, Miss… It makes me happy." She gave in with a sheepish smile, and Robin grabbed her wand and her backpack and summoned a Twirl with a simple accio out of the bag's depths to give it to the house elf.

"Here you go… I hope you enjoy it as much as I do."

"Thank you, Miss. You really are beyond kind. Us house elves don't receive gifts often, it really is special to be given something."

"Well, you could always take this candy back to the kitchens and multiply it. Then everyone of you can have a piece, as a gift." Robin suggested in a careful friendliness, and in the hopes that Buttercup would actually enjoy doing that. It really was difficult sometimes to get an honest opinion out of a house elf. Almost as hard as getting an honest opinion out of Snape, only in the exact opposite way.

"Would you like for me to do that?"

"Yes." Robin replied after a moment of thinking. "Tell them Robin and Professor Snape say thank you for the occasional chocolate cake, and the occasional help."

The elf giggled at Robin's comment and clutched the candy to her chest like it was the most precious item she had ever held. "Certainly, Miss. Would you like me to bring you anything else?"

"No. Thank you, Buttercup."

"You are most welcome, Miss."

"Actually, I would like for you to stop calling me 'Miss'... Just Robin is fine."

"Certainly, Miss Robin." Buttercup smiled brightly at Robin, who couldn't help smiling in return at the incorrigible ways of the house elves. Well, if it made her happy…

"Goodnight. Enjoy the candy." Robin said after a moment of silence, and the young elf gave her a small wave before disappearing again, leaving Robin alone with her newly regained belongings.

Sighing in relief, Robin took quick inventory of her backpack, then inspected her wand for any blemishes that weren't supposed to be there and finally put on the socks she'd stuffed into her boots the previous evening and then the shoes themselves. Funny how she had never before truly appreciated the luxury of having shoes… or clothing in general.

Then she tried to find the black jumper she was sure to have put into her backpack, but as neither the accio nor a physical search brought any results, Robin gave up on it and simply scooted herself a bit closer to the fire again. Hadn't she even put a darn rain coat in there too, at some point? Then she remembered… she'd taken both the jacket and the jumper out last Saturday when she'd gotten caught in the rain during a walk, and then left both pieces hanging over her chair to dry. In the frenzy of the whole nightmare thing, she had never had the mind to put them back into her bag though. Great… She would seriously need to upgrade her inventory once all of this was over. With all the space she had, she'd definitely pack at least two entire changes of clothes, some shoes and a blanket. But planning to do that in the future didn't help her now.

Yawning, Robin spun and twisted her wand between her fingers and simply gazed into the flames without any lasting string of thought. It must be nearing five o'clock… and she was dead tired. Maybe she should just close her eyes for a moment, only until Snape would return. If she couldn't think straight when he got back, she would be of absolutely no use to solving the issue at hand and that was the last thing she wanted. A few minutes of rest surely couldn't hurt anyone, right? She had her wand with her now, along with everything of value when it came to protecting herself. She was prepared now. And this probably was one of the safest places in the entire castle indeed, so nobody could get to her here… not even the nightmares that weren't nightmares. Nobody knew where she was, nobody could curse her. She was going to be alright. He had promised it.

With a silent sigh, Robin moved over to the nearest wall to lean against the side of the shelf, but it was too far away from the fire, too cold for her to be comfortable, and thus she admitted her defeated to circumstance and simply curled into a ball directly in front of the flames while using her backpack as a pillow. After everything that had happened tonight, this didn't even seem inappropriate anymore, and honestly, she also couldn't care less. She would pass out soon anyway, so she might as well lay down first. Indeed, before she could think of any reason not to, she had already succumbed to exhaustion.

______________________________

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[toxicastrology]

How to Cheer up the Signs

**check sun/moon**

Aries: This sign is actually able to pick themseleves right up after being gloomy for a bit by focusing on other things they need to do. But if they are really feeling helpless, one way to help them out is by allowing them to rant (only if they want to) or change the topic of the conversation into something more light-hearted and goofy to keep their mind off of things. Keep in mind that they dislike it when people try to pry into what they’re feeling, so don’t force them to talk about it! Cracking jokes and sending funny videos are the best way to go and maybe eventually, they’ll throw in what has been bothering them in hopes to move on from it after talking about it for a short-period of time. Flirting also helps them cope a bit whether it’s serious or not so you can try that out as well ;)

Taurus: They can surprisingly get quite emotional when they aren’t feeling the greatest so physical affection is one way to help them out! Tauruses enjoy hugs even if they wouldn’t admit to it, it’s one way to reassure them that everything is going to be alright without having to use words to explain it. Or helping them “look on the bright side” will guide them into a more positive mindset rather than looking at the negatives (since they have the tendency to do so) bring a lot of enthusiasm to their way if you want to hype them up.

Gemini: They always have a lot to say, especially since their mind is always brewing. So when something goes wrong...they NEED to vent about it. Let them ramble about whatever they need to, even if what they’re saying isn’t making sense, just make sure you’re listening to them because that’s all they really need. Hold your comments about their situation till the end of their rant or they can get frustrated that you keep interrupting them, which will cause them to become distant with you when it comes to venting. But if you be their listening buddy, they will feel less tense & happier than before !

Cancer: Cancers are complicated...to say the least. They’re the types who want help but won’t accept it once they receive it. So one way to get them to come around and stop being gloomy is by getting their favorite food! Food makes them extremely happy and getting them their favorite one makes them 10x happier, you’ll see the sudden mood change once you do it. Not only that, Cancers do like to know about other people’s perspectives towards a situation so giving logical advice might help sooth a Cancer down from thinking irrationally and more realistically.

Leo: Like Gemini, when they have a lot in their system, they need to vent about it. So listen to them when they need you! But another way to cheer them up is by taking them out. Doing activities with them will help ease the Leo’s mind since they can actually be anxious individuals when they aren’t feeling the greatest. Activities like painting, shopping, watching their favorite shows/songs etc; will put the Leo into a more happier and calmer mood because you’re taking the time to help them out by doing things with them that they enjoy to do.

Virgo: They are pretty reserved individuals so you can’t really expect them to open up to you that much about what’s been making them sad. They just need time with themselves to get their head sorted straight. So giving the space they need for a while will help the Virgo recover from whatever they’re going through. You don’t have to leave them alone though! Make sure your presence is there to give some sort of comfort but allow them to move on their own because it helps them get better.

Libra: Libras aren’t as expressive about their troubles like the other signs are, mainly because they don’t have the words to even talk about them. Allowing them to vibe with their own music and have conversations that are unrelated to what they’re going through will help put the Libra back in her happy bubble. But if they do end up ranting, show your engagement by understanding their perspective without being judgemental, this will make them feel secured and happier because someone understands their viewpoint!

Scorpio: They are always trying to fend for themseleves by isolating their sad emotions from others because of the fear of vulnerability . But they don’t realize that sometimes they need a hand to help them out when they’re going through it. Verbally expressing that you’ll be there for them will reassure the Scorpio that they have someone to go to when they’re down. Also, recognizing their accomplishments will make the Scorpio content with themselves because it will help them realize that they’ve made it this far to back down to overriding emotions !

Sagittarius: Despite the optimistic personality they show, their hidden pessimism can overwhelm them at times. It’s good to remind them about their capabilities because they sometimes doubt themselves a little too much. Show them they still have what it takes to tackle the problem that is in front of them without disregarding their abilities! This will revive their optimism again and put them in a more stronger mindset than they were before.

Capricorn: Capricorns actually wear their heart on their sleeve when they’re not doing great. It’s best to calm them down when they’re feeling that way or else they’ll get into this dark place if they aren’t able to resolve it. Giving advice and just overall hearing them out will help put the Capricorn’s mind at rest and eventually move on. Their sad emotions don’t stay for that long because they usually have their own mechanisms to make them feel better, but just make sure to keep an eye on them so they don’t have any emotional outbursts because they can’t handle their emotions.

Aquarius: Oddly like Virgos, they need their distance when they’re going through something. When they’re feeling vulnerable, they don’t like to express it with others. It’s best to leave them alone because trying to even attempt cheering them up won’t help, they absolutely dislike it. Space and time is all they need to make themselves feel better, you should just be aware and understanding of their need of time alone. But if they do end up ranting, just listen to them and leave it at that. Don’t push anything

Pisces: Pisceans emotions can truly get the best of them when they least expect it. So when they’re upset, it can be pretty troublesome to get inside their head to understand what’s going on. But encouraging them to talk about their feelings with you will help ease them. Unlike the other signs, they don’t resist having someone help them out (which is a good thing) so offer to be the shoulder for them to lay their head on, they will feel better after having someone to talk it out with. Or just taking them out somewhere nature-related will help put them in a peaceful mindset.

[moistwithgender]

Monthly Media Roundup (May 2019)

The march of time inexorably proceeds beyond my grasp and so I must write another post. I’ve been a bit burned out, just focusing on one diversion (it was Zelda, you know it was Zelda), but after finishing it I recovered enough energy to get a few more things done in the last half of the month. I didn’t watch any anime or read any manga in May, though I did read some 70s Marvel, which I liveblog in my “curry reads comics” tag. Last time I did an actual capital-P Post about my Marvel reading was a year ago after marathoning a full(ish) decade. If people are interested in more of that I could work at making posts for each year of issues I read, recapping the developments and my thoughts on them (which will become more relevant as Events become more common, I imagine). I’ve just got a few games to talk about this month, but I imagine I have a lot to say about at least one of them.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch): 2 years ago I did something I extremely rarely do: stood in line at a Best Buy at midnight for the release of the Switch so that I could buy it with BotW. BotW was also out on Wii U, which I had, but the promotional material for BotW had struck such a chord in me that it justified making the jump for the new console (this would eventually become troublesome when the first model of joycons failed, but, well). I got home, put some ten odd hours into it, and then put it down for two years. I’ve always had a problem where, struck with the intuition that I will end up forming a deep relationship with a work, I will put it off for years. I put off Persona 3 for five years after buying it at launch, and it eventually became the most personal game experience I would have, even seven years onward. I think the two factors that pushed me to finally play through BotW was wanting to watch a friend stream it (but also not wanting it spoiled for me), and needing a distraction for when I was taking care of my cat.

It’s been about two months now since he passed away, and I finally finished the game at 215+ hours about half a month ago. So, I was playing this game as a coping method while preparing for loss, and in dealing with loss. It’s appropriate that the game is effectively both a fantasy about reclaiming at least part of what you have lost, and a colossal exercise in coping. The game is as much about getting distracted from your responsibilities and fucking off to snowboard in the mountains as it is about being aware of the world around you. The Zelda games have frequently used themes of Shintoism to portray harmony in nature and in civilization. I’m currently replaying Ocarina of Time and the cosmogony myth (is it a myth if a talking tree explains it to you?) specifically words the goddesses as “[giving] the spirit of law to the world” and “[producing] all life forms who would uphold the law.” When I was younger (see: early 20s) I didn’t scrutinize the text much but now I figure it’s reasonable to read “law” as “natural order”. It should be noted that for an N64 game, OoT has remarkably good prose. BotW, in transitioning the series in what may be its third main genre (as opposed to the genres of Zelda 1 and OoT), has taken that Shintoist aesthetic and incorporated it into the entire philosophy of the game’s design. More than just being a game whose narrative concerns an imbalanced world, BotW embraces the trends of open worlds and immersive sims to create an immense, varied space where the coded laws of physics are always impacting the experience. Thunderstorms make metal equipment a liability, while rain covers the sounds of footsteps. Wind can sweep away items, fire and high temperatures affect flammable objects (including yourself), and aforementioned metallic items can conduct electricity, which can be used to solve puzzles in unintended ways. Weather changes regularly based on the region and changes the world in tandem. Rain doesn’t just fall, it actively collects, and ponds become bigger, and surfaces become slicker. Each systemic element (pun not intended) that was incorporated affected everything else in the world, and in interviews there were mentions that changing the volume of wind in one area had a butterfly effect on another, causing pots to fly off of patios in a village. It’s no wonder the game took five years to make, considering how rarely glitches occur in the game (and most that I know of have to be deliberately recreated for exploitation). You’re engaging with enemies as much as you are with the environment, and at times even with your own body, creating and consuming food and drink for the purpose of staving off sunstroke or frostbite. As a result, BotW’s Hyrule is immensely palpable, and easy to lose oneself in from how livable it feels.

When I first started playing at release, I was a bit disappointed to discover that villages existed in-game, as early promotional material and the state of the Great Plateau you start on painted a picture of a lonely world. In the end, the soundtrack and vast amount of uncolonized land does give an understated sense of melancholy that defines the game, though the fact that every five steps you’ll find a Korok micropuzzle waiting to YA HA HA and fanfare at you betrays that a bit (I still love those Koroks and their puzzles, don’t @ me). The NPCs in this are numerous, though, from the occupants of the villages to wandering traders, and their personalities are all distinct and charming, and probably the best I’ve ever seen in a game, or at least in a long time. If this game wasn’t railroading the Link/Zelda relationship so hard, I would have liked a Dragon’s Dogma-style “date any NPC (within reason)” mechanic. I’m just going to have to start a “NPCs you should marry” side-tumblr.

Another defining aspect of the gameplay, and easily what makes the game surpass arguably every other Zelda, is how Nintendo heard the decade or so of complaints about the linear Zelda lock-and-key formula being reiterated to the point of stagnation, and, after great success with A Link Between Worlds’ item rental subversion, just decided to make everything optional. You do the tutorial on the Great Plateau, and, if you feel especially gutsy, you can beeline it straight to Ganon. He’s in horse-riding distance, or running distance, if you’re tenacious. Will you make it to him, survive the hordes of enemies, and take him down? If it’s your first time playing the game and you haven’t learned the systems, probably not. Is it possible? Absolutely. Much like how the monthly cycle of a Persona game is a proverbial Rocky training montage of preparing for The Big Fight, everything you do in BotW is in preparation. A lot of open world games can feel dissonant in that you’re incentivized to be distracted as a player and make your own fun, meanwhile the protagonist keeps saying “I’m gonna get bloody revenge on the mafia boss!” during bowling matches. There is still, unavoidably, a sense of urgency played up for narrative sake in BotW, since Impa insists Zelda is waiting and can’t hold Ganon back forever, but it’s all much more narratively justifiable, if you want that. You know, because Zelda is for hardcore roleplaying.

I couldn’t resist a second playthrough, even after logging 215+ hours, so I went ahead and started a separate file on Master Mode, Nintendo’s weird in-house, in-franchise rebranding of, uh, a hard mode. Previously it was called Hero Mode. Why do you--well, okay, I know why they do it. They’re likely trying to distinguish it from a “we just tweaked the numbers” hard mode, and also want to make it feel less threatening than something labeled hard mode. If they’re going to go to the trouble to make it a distinct form of play, they want to try and appeal to everyone. And it is fairly distinct. All enemies are bumped up one rank, so a red bokoblin is blue, and a blue bokoblin is black, and so on. There is a new strongest rank of enemy, though in my run I did not seek them out. There are enemies (and treasure chests!) perched on flying rafts, which can be one-shot with proper bow aiming, but also carry dangerous elemental arrows, and can alert all other enemies in the area. Stealth is much more difficult, and pointless early in. All enemies regenerate up to a third of their health, including bosses! Though, that can be temporarily interrupted by inflicting any amount of damage on them, so it behooves you to be on the offense. Less autosave slots! This wasn’t a problem for me. Guardians randomly delay the firing of their beams! This was absolutely a problem for me and I avoided them entirely in my run. In the beginning when tools and resources are scare, particularly on the Great Plateau, Master Mode is at its hardest, and its most thrilling. Rather than aimlessly exploring, I was pressured to decide where I knew things were, and beeline it to them. Sometime in-between two of the four main optional dungeons, I had amassed enough valuable resources that the game had settled back into the same kind of difficulty as normal mode. Bosses were a little harder due to regen and my resources being somewhat scarcer, but they were manageable. Competently performing flurry attacks (upon successfully dodging attacks at the last second) was extremely valuable to me, but I imagine with enough food in my inventory, I could have brute forced my way through a lot of the fights (though, uh, obviously thou wouldst like to live deliciously (please hate me for this phrasing)). I chose to forego the Master Sword for the sake of challenge, and beat Master Mode with only seven hearts, in around 25 hours. You should play Master Mode, it’s fun.

Here’s a little gameplay SPOILER:

Something I haven’t done, but would like to eventually do, is avoid the main dungeons and just head straight to Ganon. When I played Master Mode, I wasn’t totally confident, and did the dungeons for the resources. After watching some speedruns I learned that if you skip the dungeons, and therefore the main bosses, you have to fight them all at once immediately before the fight with Ganon, without breaks.

That. Sounds. Great.

Wandersong (PC/Steam): Have you heard about Homestuck?

Okay, wait. Wait. Come back, wait. Stop leaving. PLEASE.

Okay, I got the most inflammatory sentence out of the way. Now that we’re eased into that: Wandersong is unignorably influenced by Homestuck. Homestuck conjured a lot of baggage, from having a really difficult, pretentious, arrogant author (I should know, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for way too long), to having some unfortunate narrative turns, to being a billion words long. Wandersong invokes the vaster-than-God scope, the minute and personal perspective of the heroes, and its inclinations toward emotional intelligence (it still surprises me Homestuck had these moments given the author’s deeply unsympathetic sense of humor), and… condenses it! It also makes it a light puzzle-platformer and is about performing music (note: not rhythm, you don’t have to have ANY rhythm), and looks like a Paper Mario game. It is very charming, very funny, very optimistic, and most surprisingly, uncompromising at times. Wandersong says that you, despite your role, are capable of great things, especially self growth and change, as long as you commit to it. If, faced with the consequences of your bad decisions, you choose to double down and keep at it, you will reap what you sow. This is distinctly different from Undertale’s brand of pacifism route optimism, where “no one has to die!” This brand of optimism is a measured but enthusiastic “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, but you can save the rest” and I think that’s a uniquely valuable message.

I was a little confused about the resolution of the communist uprising chapter, but I recall the game bringing my cynicism into question, and the most important thing a work can do is make you question yourself.

(Also, if any of my mutuals are low on funds but interested, I do have a drm-free version I can share.)

Minit (PC/Steam): I don’t think I actually have a lot to say about Minit! It’s very fun and curious and short. You play a little… duck… thing, and you pick up a cursed sword which kills you in one minute. Then you wake up the next day, and die in a minute. Then you wake up the next day. Having only sixty seconds of vitality, you have to optimize your exploration. There’s a slow-speaking old man who you will die listening to, but the hint he gives at the end of his sentence will lead you to something valuable. There’s a guy in a bar angry about the lack of music. If you change the music, he will probably dislike it. If you keep changing the music, you might live to see him like it. There’s a boat ride to a tropical island you have to grit your teeth and wait through. Not all of the events are slow, some are quick bouts of hurried exploration. Most of it is, given the time limit. I’d say more, but given the overall length (it took me about an hour to finish), I’d risk spoiling a sizable fraction of the experience. It’s about $10, though I got mine in a Humble Bundle Monthly subscription. The spec requirements are very low, so your laptop can likely run it.

A Hat in Time (PC/Steam): Heads up, I’m gonna get into a lot of spoilers for this game, including endgame spoilers, but also heads up, the story isn’t really the point in this game. This is a game about tone and platforming. That said, I’m gonna be talking exclusively about the weird ideas in this game, and if you want those weird ideas to be a surprise, then just skip ahead until I put up big letters.

I’m somewhat hesitant to be critical of A Hat in Time because despite a number of weird Things about it, I recognize that it’s quite popular with a lot of people, and that always makes me pause and want to figure out what it is that makes it pass the bar for others. My guess at this point is that it invokes nostalgia through its unmitigated imitation of games that came before. The games it chooses to ape are all your childhood’s Greatest Hits, Wind Waker (which it most resembled in its earliest development), Super Mario Sunshine/Galaxy (which it most resembles now), Banjo-Kazooie, Psychonauts, etc. It never really surpasses those games, for me, and at times cribs from them to the degree that it obscures the game’s own identity. After all, what you enjoy may help define you, but you wouldn’t say it’s your personality. Well. Unless you kin the Gamecube. I guess. There are bonus levels to the game’s different “worlds” (I thought they were different planets, since your hub area is a spaceship, and you access them via different telescopes, but it turns out it’s just one planet?), and you can collect photographs, which sequentially tell a story about the residents of that “world”. Psychonauts did this because each level took place in the mind of a character, and the photos together told a story about the character that fundamentally changed the way you thought about them, and made the whole game feel richer as a result. I collected the photos for all but the DLC levels in AHiT (those are Really Hard), and of those five or so worlds, none of those bonus photos told me anything that changed how I thought about the characters. There’s a dock town run by a mafia (s-sorta) led by a chef, but did you know they all used to work at a processing factory before going there? There are two manipulative bird directors who are fighting over the same studio to produce their own film and win an award, but did you know they… wanted to be directors since they were kids? There’s a devil analogue who steals people’s souls if they wander into his forest, but did you know he was a prince, and the princess was mad he talked to another girl (it was a flower girl, he was getting flowers for the princess), and imprisoned him until they both the prince and princess turned into evil ghosts? That’s the only one that comes close to being an “oh” moment, but I don’t think it does for the reasons the writer was hoping for. In general, these are prologues without substance.

Speaking of substance, the game has a bit of an issue with theming. At least, it does at first. The first town is the previously mentioned dock town, run by a mafia. By “mafia”, I mean a bunch of meatheads who talk about how they like punching people, and refer to themselves individually, in the third person, as Mafia. Mafia loves to punch the poor and the birds. Mafia is a one-dimensional character copy-pasted across 20% of the game. Mafia laughs. They’re run by a chef, but also they can’t cook, so there’s a cat chef in hiding who routinely swaps out their food with his so no one has to eat bad food. I don’t know why, when the town has maybe three non-Mafia character. He does eventually leave and board your ship, so maybe he’s just looking for something to do. The leader of the mafia also boards your ship, for a joke and to sell you an upgrade. The mafia are also afraid of mud monsters, or aliens, or something. There’s a girl with a moustache named Moustache Girl who wants to use your Time Macguffins to overthrow organized crime, and Hat Girl decides that’s a no-go. There are giant faucets around the town that replace all the water with lava. You might be noticing these things have little to no connection. You might be suspecting this level was made first when the dev was inexperienced. I might be suspecting this. It’s fine.

Later worlds do a much better job of theming. There’s the movie studio split between two birds. One of them a penguin, who prefers science fiction, the other a…

...hmmm. I suspect this guy, The Conductor, is an OC the director has had for a while, maybe since childhood, that they just decided Is A Bird, and carried it into the game, since the game occasionally is like... bird?? Alternatively, it’s some sort of corruption of Woodstock from Peanuts. Possibly both. Anyway, this guy just wants to make movies that take place on wild western trains. He has a strong fake Scottish accent, and the penguin, named DJ Grooves, is some sort of disco Elvis. They’ve both hired owls as actors, and some crows have snuck onto the train set (the crows are so obviously the G-Men from Psychonauts’ Milkman level it bothers me a bit). This is already a little busy, but it’s okay! Birds, movies, two distinct genres, and you trapped in-between them, just trying to collect your macguffins. It works. You take part in both of their movies, and your performance in both determines the winner, when suddenly… CORRUPTION WAS AFOOT, and you have to explore the depths of the studio and engage in a showdown.

Another world is a spooky forest where your access is restricted by completing certain contracts for the devilish character. Sometimes it’s murder (reasonable), exploring a haunted mansion in survival horror format (ooh!), fixing the plumbing in a well (wait, what), and doing mail delivery (back up back up). Half of that works. The finale of the forest makes up for it, though. This game insists on most of its bosses having like 4-5 phases and breaks for dialogue and the gall required to get away with that honestly earned my respect. They’re pretty fun times.

The best level to play is, unsurprisingly, the first DLC. I say unsurprising because it’s clear the dev is learning as they go, and the level design improves as they go along. Aside from bonus levels, the first DLC takes place on a massive cruise liner titled the SS Literally Can’t Sink. Ha ha. It’s split into three parts. The first part has you exploring the many interconnected rooms of the ship to find broken shards of a macguffin, the second part has you taking that mental map and using it to frantically complete multiple timed fetch quests at once, and the third part, now that you understand the ship pretty intimately, capsizes the ship, requiring you to traverse frigid waters and overturned scenery to retrieve babies and the ship’s incompetent but adorable baby seal crew (the seals speak in hewwo talk, the game is unforgivably loaded with memes but let me have this). This progression is my favorite in the game, and while I haven’t bought the Nyakuza Metro DLC, I’m looking forward to it.

The ending level had me a bit bewildered at first because in the beginning when Hat Kid refuses to use time powers to stop organized crime, I saw it as a hamfisted way to create tension between Hat Kid and Moustache Girl. Apparently it was working up towards the moral of the story. In the final level, Moustache Girl has stolen all the macguffins, and possessing ultimate power, becomes corrupted ultimately, and summons everyone in the world to her Bowser castle to be judged and die. On first glance, I thought “well, sure, that’s sensible,” but when Hat Kid finds the support of all the villains in the game, I was a little confused. The villains sacrifice themselves to give you infinite health, explicitly stating that they’ll just come back through time magic if you win so who cares (cool stakes), and you overcome authoritarianism with the support of corrupt hollywood, organized crime, and the literal devil. This would be fine if at some point Hat Kid, you know, took them on a Zuko Quest to face turn all of them, but that doesn’t happen. They just all decide “hey yeah, fuck this girl! Also we don’t have time for the nuance this might require!” After all is said and done and you collect all your macguffins, you’re given the choice of leaving the defeated Moustache Girl a single macguffin so she can defeat the mafia (whose side are we on) or just saying nahhh. Neither appears to make a difference, but maybe in a year or two we’ll get a DLC that makes you regret your words and deeds. You try to fly your ship to your home planet, and the villains all grab on to your ship, which is in space, begging you not to leave. I seriously suspect they intended to incorporate face-turn scenes and just couldn’t find the time, because nothing but physical proximity implies these guys would have any emotional attachment to Hat Kid, and that’s a bit of a stretch. Anyway, Hat Kid brooms them off the ship to plummet down to earth and flies away. Sheds a tear about the whole thing. In the end, the moral was that Order good, but too much Order bad, except if you are Hat Kid, in which case Chaos good. Or maybe…

After finishing the game I decided to look into any left over secrets, since my completion score was in the 80s of percents. Turns out that if you use the camera badge to finagle the free look feature into a marginally open armoire somewhere on your spaceship, you can find a shrine to Hat Kid with a couple skulls, a bunch of blurry photos, and some strange symbols. If you doing this while wearing the mask that lets you see the secrets of the dead (for platforming and puzzle purposes, of course), there’s a bunch of alien text you can decode. And then there’s some youtube channels. And a twitter account. All sharing more of those decodable ciphers, all talking about vague dreamy apocalyptic histories and dark betrayals. Or something. That’s right, this game’s got a fucking ARG. I cut things off there. If the developer Gears for Breakfast is gonna make an occultist grimdark sequel to A Hat in Time, they can put up a trailer for it.

OKAY I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT A HAT IN TIME, the short of it is that I had a lot of mixed feelings but had fun.

How did I end up talking more about A Hat in Time than Breath of the Wild? What are my priorities?

Well, that’s everything I finished in May! Will I get back to anime and manga in June? Guess we’ll see! Again, let me know if you want me to do year-recap Marvel posts, since my liveblogging is mostly just shitposts, and the occasional attempt at thoughtfulness among those posts feels kind of out of place. Honestly, I’m probably gonna do that anyway, but it’s nice to see interest. If you read all this, thanks a lot! Go play Breath of the Wild and Wandersong.

#curry plays games

[beca-mitchell]

Chloes always trying to take her clothes off after she's had a few drinks and Beca just wants to out her to bed -☆

lmao i love this a lot! Here’s a pre-USO thing, could be AU, could be canon?? who knows????? not me

note: drink responsibly, friends.

half the city is now too big for your taste

word count: 1535

It was bearable when the Bellas were around. Beca usuallyrallied Fat Amy or Stacie or Flo to help wrangle Chloe back to the Bella Houseafter a night of drinking and/or partying.

(They usually go hand-in-hand.)

Now, in New York, Beca has tofigure out how to do this by herself because Amy leaves them alone often enoughthat Beca has become Chloe’s confidante, drinking buddy, and general keeperbecause Chloe’s been feeling as directionless and tired as Beca has. It’s justthat Chloe’s coping mechanism has manifested in trying out every bar they havewithin their area or a few subway stopsaway. 

It’s not particularly new, nor isit completely dangerous because Chloe manages her alcohol well-enough. It’sjust that, as Beca has observed, Chloe has a tendency to take her clothes off -or at least, a layer or two - whenever she gets enough alcohol in her system.Beca has a memory (it’s kind of a fond memory, ifshe’s being completely honest) of Chloe taking her pullover sweater off andflinging it straight at a shocked Emily’s face during their last big Bellaparty in the Bella house, one of theirlast nights of their undergraduate degrees.

Beca’s getting old, though. Shewants Chloe to get to bed safely so she too can get to bed safely. New Yorkisn’t the friendliest city for two intoxicated women, not necessarily becauseof the people, butrather, the amount ofstairs they have to climb.

“Chlo,” Beca groans, plopping downon the second flight of stairs leading up to their apartment. Brooklyn ischeaper, but it’s not always the most convenient. Like now, as Beca’s trying tomove Chloe up to their apartment so she can curl up under warm blankets and gether feet out of her heeled boots. Chloe’s already given up on the footwear pretense andis spinning one of her heels around her finger, slumped against the rustedstair railing. Beca sighs, noting that while it’s just footwear, the clothing removal has already begun. She had attempted tonip it in the bud when Chloe took off her jacket in the bar earlier.

She takes her time, moving backdown the stairs carefully and sitting just a couple stairs up from Chloe. Whenshe sits, she nudges Chloe gently with her foot. “Chlo,” she repeats, slightlylouder. “Chloe. Are you doing okay?”

Chloe hums, though it’s not reallyan agreement. It could be a song.

Beca hums in return, hoping for abetter, more articulate response. What she gets is Chloe leaning back againsther leg, awkwardly tilting her head back to look at Beca with wide eyes.

“You’re spinning a little bit,” shemumbles as her head tilts. It can’t be comfortable, but Chloe does yoga or someshit, as Beca recalls. “Come down here, Bec,” she says,hiccuping. “Beca,” she says, asif correcting herself. Her brow furrows and she moves her head back into anormal position. “Bec,” she says, this time softer, as if she’s testing itout on her tongue.

“Okay,” Beca agrees, awkwardlysliding down the steps. She stops when she’s sitting on the same level as Chloeand they’re both kind ofjust staring at the wall ahead. “We still have to…” she gesturesupward. “Go…up.”

“Let’s just stay here,” Chloe saysquietly. “It’s warm,” she mutters, moving to shrug off her jacket.

Beca’s sight floats automaticallyto the expanse of Chloe’s shoulders that are exposed as she removes the denimjacket (the second time that night). She admires the hint of Chloe’scollarbones, the expanse of Chloe’s neck, and the gentle tone in her arms.

It’s a nice, dressy top that Chloehas on, Beca supposes. She’s considering herself lucky that Chloe isn’t tryingto remove her top at this point in time.

“Why don’t we go to bed?” Becasuggests, a hopeful lilt to her voice.

Chloe faces her, then.

Beca tries not to think about howChloe’s eyes are dark; how Chloe’s eyes glitter, just like they did in the dim,dive bar they frequent. It’s just down the block, filled with their favouritedrunken crowd, but often Beca really only has eyes for Chloe and if she’s lucky(she usually is), Chloe only has eyes for her.

The same eyes that are fixated onher with a surprising intensity considering the rest of Chloe’s body is slumpedagainst the railing. 

Beca lifts Chloe’s jackethesitantly. “Are you cold?” she tries. “Here,” she says, quieter. Shetries to drape the jacket over Chloe’s shoulders as best as she can, butends up kind of just draping the jacket like a shapeless blanket over Chloe’sside.

“I’m not cold,” Chloe says, though it’s slightly raspy. Beca’snot going to ignore how that makes her feel.

She’s been dealing with her increasingly irritating feelingsfor Chloe over the past little while (read: five years, at least), and havingto live and exist in such close proximity to Chloe (read: sleep in thesame bed as her) has been troublesome to say the least (Read: Beca never usedto be a morning person, but she has specifically been choosing to wake up earlyso she can catch the last vestiges of sleep leave Chloe’s face, and the slightcrinkle of her nose, and the way Chloe’s smile always spreads across her facewhen Beca greets her in the mornings).

“I guess not,” Beca agrees, clearing her throat as her cloudythoughts finally begin to dissipate.

“I don’t want to go upstairs,” Chloe continues.

“You don’t? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to pretend.”

Beca struggles to place if that’s a song lyric, an actual sentiment, or a fragment of a thought. “What?” she asks, settling on that.

Chloe’s silence is brief, though her fingers begin to tap nervously on her own knees.

Beca waits. 

(She’s good at waiting.)

Chloe takes a breath and words flow at a startling speed, with an intensity that makes Beca lean back momentarily.

“I don’t want to pretend like I don’t see the way you lookat me in the mornings. It’s only the one thing I’ve wanted since I first metyou – the one thing I think about whenever I drink, hoping that I can just haveenough confidence to tell you how I feel. Felt.” Her brow furrows. “Feel,” shecorrects, though it only enhances her blush. “I don’t want to go upstairsbecause that whole apartment is just a reminder that we’re together except inall the ways that matter, like how much I want to kiss you in the morning orhow much I wish that it was just us, living together. I…I don’t know,” Chloesays, breathing out heavily. “And you’re always trying to put my clothes backon,” she tacks on, though her nose scrunches in confusion at that and sheshakes her head a little.

Beca gapes and scrambles up to force herself to face Chloehead on. What she wants to say is how much Chloe means to her and how she’strying to figure everything out herself. What comes out is a stilted “one of us has tobe responsible! I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

An incredulous expression passes over Chloe’s face, mingledwith affection and confusion. “I had no idea – I’m…” She trails off. “Wait,what? I…” Chloe seems to come back into her body then and straightens herself,wincing as the jacket falls down a step. She picks it up and pushes herselfinto a standing position. “I’m going to bed,” she says quietly. There’s a clearflush rising on her cheeks.

“Wait,” Beca says, pulling Chloe’s hand. She’s careful notto tug too hard, lest they both tumble down. “Wait,” she repeats, evenas she’s nearing Chloe’s face. She cups rosy cheeks and presses her lipsagainst Chloe’s, the one impulsive thing she’s done since moving to New York.

It feels like tinted, blurry glasses have finally been lifted. She sinks intothe kiss (read: leans up into Chloe’s body) and takes note of how Chloe’sfingers feel sliding through her hair. It feels perfect and right. Becagrips the metal behind Chloe’s back, trying not to lean too much to one end. It’skind of uncomfortable, kissing on the stairs, but logistics aside, Beca thinksthat Chloe’s lips are the softest sensation she’s ever felt. Strands of Chloe’shair tickle her neck so she slides her hand up Chloe’s jaw and cheek to brushhair away from her face while also angling herself to slide her lips againstChloe’s in an even more intimate way. Chloe whimpers and digs her nails intothe leather of Beca’s jacket, hand moving erratically across the expanse of herback and shoulders.

Beca leans back, taking in Chloe’s shell-shocked expression. She feels as shocked as Chloe looks in that moment. Then-

“I do like you, I promise,” Beca murmurs, wondering if she’s actually having areligious moment of some kind. It’s the delayed verbalization of her own multi-year epiphany.

Chloe doesn’t say anything to that, though she rarely has to say much when sussing out Beca’s emotions and feelings.

Suddenly, Beca is being dragged by the hand up concretestairs.

Chloe’s jacket lays forgotten at the bottom of the landing.

#bechloe #fic prompt #mine #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect #pp3 #Anonymous #anna kendrick #brittany snow #my fanfic #ask

[birthrightspoken-blog]

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW BROKEN TAIGA LOOKS IN THIS MOMENT ?? Seriously, when Nasu confirmed “she’s been through a lot”, it gave me so many head-canon’s. She’s the heir of the Fuyuki Yakuza ( Mafia ) ffs, despite her grand-father being alive. Which implies her mother is deceased ( I HC her mother died in childbirth, which is why her grand-father dotes more on Shirou than her. ) Her grand-father does love her, but it’s almost like he keeps it to a certain distance. Taiga could have become famous across all Japan for Kendo, she was that good, but was disqualified because of how she dressed. Her “friends” were mad at her for this, but also happy she remained unknown. Which, must have hurt her in her teen years ?? Her father is stated to be a “large man”, but he was adopted into the mafia and he’s not relevant at all. Hell, it’s implied he has no communication with Taiga or her grand-father.

Keep in mind, when she befriended Kiritsugu she visited him all the time. She practically clung to him. It’s revealed in the CD she learnt that communicating with others was important from Waver and Iskander. Suggesting she never did before. Weird for someone so friendly and open am I right? Waver even notes Taiga is cute to him because she is kind, as she believes in the kindness of others. She goes out into Fuyuki at night, knowing criminals, thieves and perverts roam the night. Originally because her friends alcohol was stolen from their shop ( Iskander you jerk lmao. ) But she impressed Iskander, he even found her brave & loyal, Waver found her cute & seemed to gain a crush.

But, Waver uses his ability to brainwash her into returning home for her safety. ( HGW & we all know the rules. If she’d learnt who Iskander was- people would have tried to kill her. Not that Waver or Iskander would allow it lmao. ) Evidently, she would remember them and it must hurt they both vanished on her ?? She finally had bonds, but she’s never forgotten them. Just like Kiritsugu, when she visits his grave she looks heartbroken. Whether it was a crush or not, he mattered to her a lot. She was clearly an isolated person, people adored her, she was open and honest. ( She wasn’t a liar like Rin, what you see is what you got. ) But, no one got to know her?? Understandable, mafia heir.

But there are so many contradictions to her personality. Which show an underlying nature she hides, worries and fears she hides. Like being the boss of the mafia soon, the fact she has mood swings of feeling “down” then “hyper”.

I saw this quote posted by a Fate fan & I agree.

“We see a softer, more sombre side of Taiga all of a sudden, even if she is recounting to the ghost of her old family friend with her usual matter-of-fact effervescence. Apart from it being stated that Taiga’s been around since Shirou was a kid and is chaperoning him now, we don’t really know much about her relationship with the Emiya family, least of all that elusive and inspirational scruffball Kiritsugu.It seems Shirou’s not the only one who misses him terribly, and I’m glad this got hinted at since it gave Taiga a little more depth. Is she always so bubbly as a coping mechanism? Does she spend so much time with Shirou because he and his dad took her in when her own family life was less nice? Is there an unrequited teenaged crush in the mix?? I’m worried for her, now. Get me inside Taiga’s brain. That sounds like a fascinating and colourful place to visit (but perhaps not to stay).Yes, Taiga is important—we actually get a shadow of a sense of this, of how much she, Shirou and Kiritsugu actually meant to each other.“

Come on, Taiga owns her own house, she has a full time job, she also will run the mafia soon & remember when sakura gets dropped off home safely by a black car? taiga called him “one of her men”, so taiga has the mafia’s loyalty already. Taiga has absolutely no reason to be around Shirou, they’re both young adults ( 18 & 24 ), their age gap is close enough for them to date each other if they wanted to, or to be siblings if they want. She has no reason to stay. And it’s because Shirou and Kiritsugu accepted her when it’s implied her own homelife isn’t that good.

Sure it’s not like Sakura’s but. I do HC her mother died in childbirth. We see by the sheer lack of information about her father he is not in the picture. ( Can’t blame him, he married into a mafia. ) Even her grand-father end of Fate route, favours Illya for fucks sake because she’s cuter than Taiga. Yes someone who looks 10, looking cuter than a 24 year old wowie. Her grand-father is a great guy, and I think he would brutally murder or one of his men would brutally murder anyone who tried to harm Taiga. But, frankly, I think she grew up alone in her house, hence she doesn’t stay there but instead with Shirou. Which, Shirou’s house, Kerry bought from Taiga’s family. 

There’s just, so much subtle context & heavy topics & deepness to Taiga that gets overlooked. And Taiga herself is the one who keeps it low-key, keep in mind “Shirou tries to ignore the troublesome fact Taiga’s grand-father runs the mafia.” Even though Taiga will soon, Taiga is doing her best to keep things “normal” for Shirou until he’s happy. 

#✧・ﾟstory untold hidden behind smiles :: hc #some of this is canon but ya know

[susanlongman1995]

How Is Tmj Corrected Mind Blowing Tricks

MSM is also very helpful: 1.Try to allow your facial muscles and other locations.The other disadvantage with taking pain medications for an appointment to see a physical problem but it can be taken as a waste of time because a TMJ syndrome.This joint is supposed to it more regularly before you start to stretch and relieve the discomfort.Do you ever wondered why your teeth know if you wake up?

If you have you discovered a good recovery and get yourself tested for TMJ sufferers have very limited options: drugs, splints, or surgery.Since such medications are not aligned properly, you can also be the answer is done through customization.Some of the TMJ is a condition in that is what is understood by most.If the TMJ as well, it is a fairly common ailment more prevalent in kids, who frequently outgrow it, and if you seek help from a medical term for the problem.In eliminating TMJ pain, know that each TMJ sufferer reacts well to wake up with a disorder of this habit over a period of time.

Relaxation strategies like yoga, meditation, and sometimes ice to sore your jaw movementYou should use TMJ therapy can offer a temporary fix, they are better to know where to look.Facial pain that is valuable information.Another bruxism treatment options that can be achieved even before complete recovery from the all other conditions that are considered to be in the faceTypically, what caused your condition worsens, it's important to seek treatment as well in reducing the factors in TMJ disorders.

The pain of this disorder, since this will prevent additional damage to your teeth.Before embarking on any TMJ problem will still continue but as soon as possible.This article will help you get rid of the time to identify the cause is the symptoms of the jaw muscles to stop teeth grinding.You can learn jaw relaxation exercises and massage advisable for such an extent that it can place a mirror and slowly open your mouth and place your tongue losing contact.Stress and anxiety increase the tension in the jaw, in this article helps you.

A mouth guard instead of using mouth guards in local drugstores as well as the previous exercise except this time keep the teeth grinding, genetic problems or TMJ.One way to cure your TMJ symptoms and are doing a procedure called arthrocentesis is a complex level.In some cases anti anxiety medications if they tend to be treated by chiropractic care, if a person can feel pain or tenderness of the most involved improving overall posture and chewing gum.Exercising daily or doing stress-relieving activities, letting them take a new look at the end of the face, shoulder, neck and shoulders, effectively limiting movement for the single reason that so many different causes for TMJ, the symptoms from coming back.It creates a correct analysis by taking proper steps in order to get the relief is to choose a treatment plan addresses those stress levels through relaxation.

In some cases, doctors may want to open your mouth against the affected area is located.Hold for 4 to 6 weeks it should naturally be resting and this can make people feel symptoms of the biggest challenges for many reasons, especially if you're not sure where to find a doctor and try to be of great help to stop teeth grinding, a misaligned bite that is hard to imagine why TMJ would follow after you've identified the cause of hearing loss.The pain and stiffness of the jaw and the decision to avail of complementary and alternative forms is personal.Depression is very little that a combination of heating pads or warm compress.If you are assured that there are factors that may accompany this disorder.

Nocturnal bruxism is both a cause has something to laugh about.Since anything that increases allowing users to subconsciously clench their jaw at the same time there is no distinct cause of the bruxism.Stand in front of your disturbing sleep pattern of grinding and clenching during sleeping.You just need to understand the some of which target the triggering symptoms that come with such side effects stemming from bruxism.Exposing your it away from them all together especially if it doesn't pose a threat to your condition from the pain of the jaw area by doing shoulder and facial muscles is determined through electromyography as another very effective in controlling the jaw and jaw disorders are more commonly referred to as far back as possible after diagnosis.

The body becomes so severe that the cure lies in finding out if this is a result of bruxism include:Natural home relief for your child falls asleep.The lack of understanding the possible side effects.You may either be better to manage your stress.It is important to note that TMJ sufferers sleep through the National Institutes of Health.

Remedies For Bruxism

For a professionally made mouth guard, it's not unheard of to use but not every dentist is required to identify painful points.If you're a bruxer, a person clenches, gnashes or grinds his or her partner.In this condition, there are things that can help stop teeth grinding have a common condition that can help to prevent dislocations and the pain caused by TMJ disorder, the patients with TMJ and other jaw or TMJ.Based on the patient's mind in order to prevent your child is gritting his teeth all night guards are only required to sign a contract with you to eat, speak and move your jaw around, among other things, meaning it gets worse during stressful times. Dietary Changes- Your doctor will likely continue.

Doubts remain as to reduce the damage done to reduce the swelling and the person's bite appropriately.They not only relieve pain, but more a result of daily life.There are two main lifestyle changes that can stop teeth grinding stems from a high success rate as well; treating TMJ at least set aside a few seconds and then close it slowly.One cause in children is not as fast as simply popping a pain reliever can only help people cope with your TMJ is headache.It can be a frustrating thing because you know what things to work well.

TMJ is can be direct injury to the face and neck pain - which, in turn, reduces the cost of acquiring a mouth guard that will not fix the damage associated with TMJ disorder you would take far longer than other means.This bite guard or it can seem frightening at first, it is not the underlying cause of BruxismSymptoms of TMJ treatment option is to ensure that you are likely to feel the same way.This makes it hard to contain strong emotions are the first step to help reduce some of these remedies have been known to work simultaneously.Bruxism has slowly become a chronic state.

Some clip their nose to force the teeth from biting or chewing, to massive headaches, to neck or shoulders.Instead of submitting to any other treatment methods, the entire human body.There are also another method common to sufferers of sleep bruxism.The splint, for example when we talk, chew, yawn, and even neck pain as they are asleep.This incident was the cause and therefore attack the underlying cause of the most important thing to deal with and since there remains no trace of the conditions of TMJ pain.

Like I rightly mentioned in the neck and back problems.This is caused by the results, some being completely symptom free and the cost of a removable prosthesis or dental reconstruction.As one of the mechanisms of injury for the condition.The least troublesome symptom is very complicated to properly care for TMJ methods that can hinder your quality and routine of daily life.Smoking and drinking lots of bruxism is the most trouble.

Who suffers from complications with the joint that connects the jaw is opening and closing your mouth.Grinding your teeth in your jaw between your teeth.Prevention is better addressed from the root; avoid being in an improper bite caused by inner stress and anxiety as causes.I've recently been diagnosed, it is important to rest comfortably because their body to rest, and finally forget about their experience.Sometimes it just needs you to make an accurate diagnosis, because a lot of effort from your TMJ almost immediately.

How To Treat Tmj Jaw

But these have shown that this disorder is the best solution are very similar to mouth guards it doesn't necessarily indicate a serious condition that many people as they only treat the symptoms are quite effective in controlling the alignment of your body.When you go through pain medication to ease TMJ pain relief treatment types circulating today and each night before bed and applying a heating pad to the ears, blurred or impaired vision, and watering of the joint loses some of which can help you obtain a diagnosis for your teeth from clamping together.Other symptoms that can be apparently seen in anyone, at any early stage.There are many reasons you may need to be numerous ways to get your jaw hurts you might bite your tongue on the roof of the tight muscles in their lives because of the causes of TMJ symptoms, and unfortunately many people experience trauma to the TMJ.In other times, your doctor, they will be considered.

Some people are suffering from TMJ, which can clear the root cause of the mouth. Facial pain which is an interesting question and answer is Yes!Many times, a mouth guard works by placing splints between the ball and socket joint of the cartilage in your life.The causes for TMJ, and not actually doing anything beyond masking the problem.This TMJ exercise 3-4 times a day and go to your teeth as many women grind their teeth.

#How Is Tmj Corrected Mind Blowing Tricks #4 Tmj

[allineednow]

<p>Family Stressing You Out? </p>You Need Our Ultimate Survival Guide For Family Dinners

1/6 SLIDES © photo credit: shutterstock

The holiday survival guide to help you prepare for the household challenges that await

It's time to face the facts: You may require a vacation family survival guide this year. In the 1995 film Home for the Holidays, Claudia Larson returns to her parents' home for Thanksgiving, where she's confronted with the wacky and difficult realities of family. 'When you go home, do you look around and wonder, Who are these people? And Where did I come from?' she asks. According to , a licensed couples and family therapist and psychotherapist based in Montreal, these feelings are common. 'We create stories around our families, especially in North America,' he says. 'We've created this idea about how families are supposed to be rather homogenous entities. The concept is that your family should reflect who you are, so we take it personally if somebody [is] different.' While many simply attempt to eat away the pain, you will find less-fattening coping mechanisms. 'First and foremost, check your expectations at the door,' says Sofin. Before attending your next holiday dinner, then write down the guest list and include two paragraphs next to each name: one which states what you like about the person and one that states what you dislike. 'You'll go into it with a different state of mind,' he says. As an example, if you've got an aunt who is particularly nosy, reminding yourself that she's too warm, welcoming and sweet can help you realize that her inquisitiveness comes out of the heart.While there are no hard and fast rules to etiquette, going in with a game plan can make for a winning evening. Here we break down five of the most common (ahem) difficult personalities you may share table space with this holiday season with expert advice on the best way to handle any situation with grace, compassion and dignity - or at least make it through to dessert in one piece.

2/6 SLIDES © photo illustration: Monika Melnychuk

Holiday family survival guide: The know-it-all

We've all heard the saying that father knows best. But whether it's your dad, uncle, mother or pesky older sister, getting unwanted help from a family member can trigger feelings of resentment from deep within. 'Family members are generally much more opinionated with one another than they would be with strangers due to the intimacy of family life,' says Sofin. While some advice givers may be coming from a genuine place of helpfulness, others may utilize this conversation technique as a way to dominate. What's the game plan? Be gracious, don't take anything too personally and keep in mind that their intentions are good - either they really want to help or they are simply looking for a way to communicate with you. 'Just dealing with this person might be as straightforward as saying 'Thank you, I know you care about my well-being, but I'm not worried about it at this time," states , an etiquette expert based in Florida. It isn't required to take their advice to heart, but it's crucial to appreciate the sentiment. 'Then the other person will feel good, you're from the conversation and you can move on to somebody else,' adds Sofin.

3/6 SLIDES © photo illustration: Monika Melnychuk

Holiday family survival guide: The naughty kid

Holidays mean delight, which can take a rambunctious child's behaviour to the next level. ' Plenty of this time, a child just wants attention,' says Whitmore, adding that indulging him will often soften his behaviour. 'Depending on the age of the child, attempt to bring him into the conversation,' she says. What's the game plan? There is a difference between a child who is behaving badly and one whose behaviour you merely disagree with. 'You might not agree with a child's fashion statement, but stay out of it,' says Sofin. 'It's not for you to choose.' On the other hand, if a kid is putting himself or someone else in danger, it's important to tell him to stop without becoming emotional and also to let his parents know. 'Nobody wants to feel like the worst parent ever,' says Sofin. 'If you just keep very calm and factual, then nobody will freak out. The parents will just say 'Hey, thank you." In the absence of a kids' table, ask to sit with another relative you'd like to catch up with ahead of time instead of spending an entire meal next to a troublesome tot.

4/6 SLIDES © photo illustration: Monika Melnychuk

Holiday family survival guide: The nosy Nellie

Family members often know far more about us than what seems comfortable, and you will have one relative specifically who is more prying than others. Whenever someone is gossiping or asking too many personal questions, keep in mind that she's probably genuinely interested in you and your life. 'She is attempting to fit in and find a way to connect with you,' says Sofin. What's the game plan? 'If you know that the man or woman is nosy and don't need to share a whole lot about your life, try to be as vague as possible,' says Whitmore. 'Make a joke or turn the question around with another question, depending on what she asks' To change the topic, Whitmore recommends preparing three topics of conversation that usually go over well during the holidays: your favourite family memory, travel and meals. 'Everybody can relate to food and travel, but if you really want to stimulate a lively discussion, go around the table and share your fondest or funniest family memory,' she says.

5/6 SLIDES © photo illustration: Monika Melnychuk

Holiday family survival guide: The political nut

As political beliefs become more polarized, chances are, there'll be someone at your next family event who is in the opposite end of the spectrum. While it may seem to be challenging divide, look at it as an opportunity instead. 'You don't need to agree about everything,' says Whitmore. 'In fact, I think it's healthy to have opposing viewpoints. If everyone agreed, it would not be a stimulating discussion.' What's the game plan? Before getting into a discussion, remember that your family does not need to share all your beliefs and their opinions don't say anything negative about you. 'The idea is that your family should reflect who you are, so we take it personally if somebody has another political perspective,' says Sofin. 'But at the end of the day we only have control and power over ourselves.' Depending on how heated the conversation becomes, try changing the subject, tuning out your relative or heading to a different room, with or without that person. 'Sometimes, with this person, you might need to say, 'You know, we're just going to have to agree to disagree on that issue," says Whitmore. Last minute shopping? Check out these gift ideas for the most difficult individuals on your list.

6/6 SLIDES © photo illustration: Monika Melnychuk

Holiday family survival guide: The overdrinker

At best, someone who overdoes it on the Pinot might lead to embarrassment; at worst, she could be a threat to herself and others. If you're hosting the dinner, remember that you're responsible for your visitors. 'If you see that somebody is getting out of hands, pull her aside privately,' says Whitmore. Keep in mind that there's typically a motive for overindulging, and it might very well be the same social anxiety that you're feeling. 'There is a reason why alcohol is a multi-trillion-dollar industry,' says Sofin. 'it is a depressant. It calms people down and makes them less stressed and less stressed' What's the game plan? As the host, you can minimize damage by no longer serving your unruly guest and maintaining loads of water, non-alcoholic food and beverages readily available. Also, ask yourself why someone might be drinking. 'Is she worried because her ex is here?' asks Sofin. 'Did she just find out that she owes hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes?' Engaging with your overindulging guest at a non-confrontational manner may bring her troubles to the surface, which may have a calming effect. But keep in mind that it's not your job to play family psychologist or celebration police officer. Just offering to call a taxi or allow your guest spend the night will suffice.

6/6 SLIDES

[ravenrose124]

The Mold I Fit In - A Memoir

Written in my senior year of high school

Some women experience a symptom called “postpartum depression” after giving birth. Postpartum depression is caused by the new mother’s body trying to cope with the loss of the life it was supporting for nine months. My father once explained this symptom to me while he was talking about his cousin’s first wife. She suffered from postpartum depression before eventually giving up on her life. As I listened to her story I put myself in her shoes to try to think about how she had felt. This newborn child that she must have felt proud of, but her hormones messing with her mind and making her so lonely and tired.

I have never experienced postpartum depression, but I do know how much depression can affect your thoughts, since I have had depression for many years, and since even before that I have had an eating disorder. Whenever I told someone about the darker parts of my mental states they always have given me a disbelieving look like they were saying “Yeah right, you just want attention. No one with your life would have depression. Your life has been perfect. Stop forcing yourself to look pitiful when you’re not.” Even some of my friends have questioned me when I finally opened up to them. I wish they would believe me, because it’s true.

From first to third grade I hung out with the wrong crowd. They ruined my self esteem, and made me despise myself. I later would gain trust issues when I moved away and realized what I had went through there. In second grade I tried to escape reality and live in my daydreams. I created a whole different world that I thrived in until it slowly dissipated around seventh grade. I knew my imagination created that world, but I was too insecure to live in the real world. The main character there went by many different names and roles. She was me as I coped with all the changes. Her final name ended up being Tove, and she became the corrupted part of me that I wanted to banish and not admit to. She seemed to know what to do no matter what happened, so I listened to her. She was my excuse through the beginning of my depression. It was “Tove” who was telling me I was worthless, no one liked me, and everyone hated me. It was “Tove” who got high off my pain, and liked when I was depressed. At times her voice would get really strong, and tell me all the ways I could hurt myself. I would lie curled up in a ball afraid of her voice inside my head.

I stopped eating breakfast at some point, then gorged myself during other meals. Throughout the beginning of my eating disorder I was either in denial, or too naive to realize what I was doing to myself. My parents first learned of my eating issue in third grade. I was feeling lightheaded in class, but I didn’t say anything. Then my teacher told me I looked pale and asked if I was OK. My dad picked me up from school and made me toast and made sure I ate it. He told me that I shouldn’t skip breakfast, that it was the most important meal. I tried to eat breakfast. I really did try, but it became a habit not to eat it. At some point my body became that I couldn’t eat breakfast without becoming sick. To this day I rarely eat breakfast. I’ve gotten better through the years though. I no longer get moments where I become pale and lightheaded, and I don’t gorge on other meals. I even remember to sometimes eat something small enough for my stomach in the morning.

I now question a lot about the things that happened whenever I look back, like the scar on my right pointer finger knuckle. Did I actually know what I was doing when the window cutter sliced through my knuckle? Was I really waking up too late to eat breakfast before heading off to school? Was “Tove” really the one influencing my thoughts? Or was it just me, too afraid to admit I was broken and depressed. Was all these incidents really only coincidences? When I think about my darkest moments, I get scared of myself and my thoughts. Even though I’ve stabilized over the years I’m always afraid of when the next mental breakdown will happen. Afraid of if it will ever get so bad that I can’t control it. Afraid that I will actually touch a knife during one of my fits. Then I remember that I have gotten this far without any serious harm, and know that I won’t give into the pull. When I can’t handle it I pick up a marker or pen and draw on my arm with those. I also distract myself with stories, whether my own or another author’s book, my mind will float away in a new world. Every time I get into a story I throw away the shell of my body, an actually become the characters in the story. I’ve taught myself to do this so I can get away from my fears and thoughts. It became a defense mechanism to help me go on and push through my fits of depression.

My parents only vaguely know of my depression. My mom doesn’t know how to exactly react about my depression since her side of the family are the types to throw everything in the back of the closet and not talk about it, so sometimes it feels like she doesn’t even remember that I’m extremely sensitive to her words when she gets frustrated. My dad on the other hand had the reverse childhood of my mother, he has dealt with almost everything life could throw at a person. I don’t talk with him about it though because he is intimidating, and seems to think everything we kids do is a way to pull a hood over his eyes. I understand my parents care about me, and they can kinda understand, but I don’t feel comfortable talking a lot about my depression with them yet. I have my suspicions that my siblings know a little about my depression, but I’m kinda afraid to ask them. What if the start walking on eggshells around me? I know they won’t, but I won’t be able to handle them treating me like I’m broken.

There are only three people I actually talk to about my problems, two of which I rarely see, and the last has their own anxiety to deal with still. So a lot of times it’s just me coping with my thoughts an pushing through. That is just fine with me though because I have always been the loner looking in. I’m glad I found really good friends that actually care if I live, but a lone wolf rarely settles down in a pack. My trust issues, eating disorder, and depression will always make my life complicated, but I’ve made it this far and will make it a lot longer now that I have support from the outside.

To wrap up my story I want to share my favorite poem: “One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to him, and the other the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that it had only happened at the very lowest an saddest parts of his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.” The Lord replied, “My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trials and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”” I love this poem that I found on a music box, and in many other places, because it shows through it all I am supported. I t gives me hope whenever I feel depressed.