#and also because its just a mix of everything

[starboy-sirius]

may 4 | cease | @jegulus-microfic | 1057 words

“Stop,” Regulus begs, pushing James away. “Please just stop.”

James stares at him with heartbroken eyes, his face crumpled as he attempts to grab Regulus’ shaking hands. They’re in the Astronomy Tower, the night sky dark and thunderous, threatening a storm it’s waiting to unleash. The moon shines down on them and Regulus can’t help but realise the irony of losing James when the sun isn’t shining, but he doesn’t know when else he’s meant to do this. 

They’ve been meeting in the tower for the past few months and at first it was fun, the two of them snarking and bickering with each other until slowly it became more physical, a push here and a jab there. Until one day James pulled. He pulled Regulus into him, his back against the bannister in the tower and pressed his lips to Regulus’ passionately. Regulus had just called him some ungodly name and James couldn’t take it anymore. 

Soon the tower became a place where they not only argued but also just talked. About everything and everyone. Without realising it they had become each other’s safe space and the kisses soon turned tender and soft, and the fucking transitioned into something with a little more meaning. Regulus didn’t dive off straight away and actually allowed James to wrap his arms tightly around his middle, pulling him back into his embrace.

But that was then and this is now. 

Now, Regulus is staring at James imploringly, eyes shining with tears not yet fallen and James wants to scoop him up and kiss his pain away, only Regulus won’t let him come near him. James doesn’t understand. “Regulus? What happened?”

Regulus lets out a bitter laugh, wet and humourless. “What happened? Did you get concussed whilst kissing that Prewett twin or are you just an imbecile?”

James feels as though he’s been slapped and staggers backwards, because he had kissed Gideon. Or rather, Gideon kissed him and James had spluttered and pulled away so quickly that he’d almost torn a muscle in his neck. It happened just now at the Gryffindor party, one that Regulus didn’t want to go to, preferring to be in the Astronomy Tower watching the stars. James, apologising to Gideon profusely about not being available, had rushed to get the map and find Regulus, opting to spend the rest of the night with him. 

Which is where he finds himself now, staring down a furious Regulus, his eyes rimmed with red. He had obviously decided to come to the party last minute and walked right in on the worst scene imaginable. 

“Regulus, it’s not what it seems at all. Please let me explain,” James begs, his heart pounding its way up his throat. 

Scoffing, Regulus sniffs and wipes his cheeks harshly. The sight of his tears makes James ache something fierce. He wishes he could reach out and comfort him but he knows Regulus isn’t going to allow that. Has this horrible sinking feeling that Regulus might not let him ever again. 

“What is there to explain? You kissed him, and I’m the idiot because I actually thought that this meant something to you,” Regulus’ shoulders droop suddenly and he stops wiping his cheeks, it’s all in vain anyway because the tears won’t stop. “Like it meant something to me.”

“Regulus,” James breathes, taken aback by this impromptu confession. 

They never spoke about what they were to each other, just that they enjoyed finding release in each other’s bodies and didn’t want to stop. The sneaking about was fun, or at least James had thought so until his heart wrangled its way into the mix and then he sort of just wanted to snog Regulus whenever and wherever. But he refrained because he knew that Regulus was scared. Scared of what Sirius would think, scared of it getting back to his parents. They’d spoken about it, lying on blankets in the tower as the sweat cooled on their bodies, and James had sworn that he would protect Regulus from everyone that wished to harm him. 

Looking at him now, James thinks that the only person harming Regulus is him. 

“Just go, James.”

“No,” James declares, stepping forward with determination, because Regulus basically just confessed to him and there is no way in hell that he’s going to leave here without telling him how he feels. Even if Regulus doesn’t want anything to do with him now. He has to do this. 

So he starts speaking whilst Regulus is quiet. “Gideon kissed me. We were dancing, surrounded by everyone else, it wasn't just us, and he sort of just attached himself to me. I pulled away instantly, hurt my neck a bit doing it so fast, and told him that I wasn’t available. Then I came here to find you, and well, you know the rest.”

By the end of the speech he’s shyly rubbing at the nape of his neck, eyes intently focused on Regulus. The younger boy is looking at James warily, but somewhere deep in his eyes James can see that he wants to believe what he’s saying.

“You’re not available?” Regulus asks, voice small and vulnerable. But his eyes. Merlin, his beautiful grey eyes are shining with something James thinks looks like hope, and it’s what spurs him forward. 

Regulus allows him to take his hands as he approaches and soon they’re standing with their faces close. It’s intimate and it’s all James wants for the rest of his life. “I’m not. You see, there’s this really prickly Slytherin who I’m a little bit in love with. Even when he’s insulting me I can’t help but adore him.”

“He sounds like a right tosser,” Regulus says and James laughs, feeling brighter as Regulus smiles at him. 

“Hey!” James scolds jokingly. “That’s my lover you’re talking about.”

Regulus rolls his eyes, cheeks staining a pretty red. The younger boy’s face turns grave once more, though. “You better not be messing with me, Potter.”

“Never,” James swears, leaning down so that his nose brushes Regulus’.

“Good,” Regulus breathes. “Because I’m in love with you, too.”

James surges to press his lips to Regulus’, heart pounding as he smiles into it. Nothing has ever felt sweeter than the press of Regulus’ lips to his, and he’s sure nothing will ever be as sweet as this moment. 

#jegulus #james potter #regulus black #james x regulus #jegulus microfic #marauders #starchaser #regulus x james #sunseeker #dead gay wizards #writing #microficmay2024 #the mauraders #the marauders fandom

[chipadequeso]

hi so i posted a drawing just now and heres a long post under the cut on my design choices If you were curious . or you can just look at this image for the basic color motifs

Ok. hi. waves

overall its 100% obc + motf oobc based etcetera If you know me you know this is Always basis for everything marvin trilogy i draw

detailed descriptions + other things linking characters together that arent covered by the Image:

marvin dresses like shit but there's Some cohesion there keeping it together. his family shares his warm colors; mendel uses his browns a little differently, and whizzer doesn't share his pallete at all

trina's favorite color is pink :) there are literal articles of clothing that are tied on her, one is red for marvin and the other is green for mendel. as the story goes on she would probably swap this and have a green tichel instead

trinamarvin have similar shades of pants/skirt, and jason has the mix of their yellow and red as an orange on his arms. travel travel travel from side to side!!!

^ on this note jason has things from his 4 parents and theyre all strangely layered all together

ie both him and whizzer have white over the rest of their clothes

whizdel and whizzvin are the only combinations which don't share at least one color, but:

whizdel have light/dark blue contrast and complementing red-green

whizzvin blue yellow contrast babyyyyyyy yeaaaahh boyyyyy!!!!!!!!! they wont agree

whizzer's got the most unique color palette also the least direct connections to everyone else: only trina, who wears a tichel paralleling his ascot and ties them back to marvin, and jason

trinamarvin's shoes are the same, each their corresponding hair color; mendel wears something most similar to marvin's shoes but he gets silly with it; whizzer gets to have shoes that stand more. he's cool; jason's got sneakers! and theyre whizzer colored because whizzer has his own whole deal with running

^ jason trina and whizzer all have red around their necks; mendel also very specifically doesnt have it

mendel and jason Dont have belts or anything resembling ones. this was deliberate but honestly theres not meaning to it

so yes. marvins setting the base the others generally interact with; trina tries to be plain; mendel is goofiest; jason is still figuring things out; and whizzer outsider themes Save me. whizzer outsider themes. save me whizzer outsider themes

ok That is all thank you. small bow

#chipa art? #falsettos #LAST POST SORRY EVERYONE

[wildpeachfarm]

Hi, Moku!

It’s been a while. Life has been a whirlwind of hurricanes and tornadoes mixed with occasional sunshine and rainbows recently, and I’ve been tackling everything I can. (Congrats on making it through another academic year, and for completing finals).

Not to beat a dead horse here, but I just wanted to input my thoughts on the q.smp bs happening.

Obviously, I hope all the workers who were wronged and never fairly compensated for their free labor, win their lawsuit and get more than what they’re owed for dealing with that narcissistic, egotistical, clout-chasing fuck. Now that I’ve said that, moving on to my thoughts.

I’ve seen discussion on how many servers are popping up post-dsmp era, and I have some thoughts on that.

Pre-dsmp, the only other SMP I heard of was Hermit-craft SMP. Then, we went through a deadly, lengthy, life-altering, and generational changing pandemic, which forced the world inside. The dsmp arose out of that, cause with everyone being at home, there wasn’t much to do. The gaming sphere/streaming sphere was dominant in a way I’d never seen it before, and it was incredible to witness. Minecraft especially experienced a resurgence, and Mr. Greenman himself was a huge part of that-through manhunts and the dsmp.

Unlike the nature of the q.smp, and some of these other short-lived smps, the dsmp started authentically. It was originally a server meant for Dteam to play on together and just have fun with each other. Then Dream added some of his friends and those friends knew people who they thought would enjoy the server and it just kept growing. Eventually, when all these people were added, the lore started, and that took the server to new heights and popularity (everyone loves a good story, regardless of the method of storytelling).

Dream himself never streamed his perspective, so as not to take away viewers from the notably smaller streamers on the SMP (which is opposite of a certain duckwhodoesntquack who only streams his perspective). He was also an active member in creating the lore/storylines of not only his character, but others as well (a certain unapologetic abusive cc was a big part, as well but we don’t talk about “Bruno”). Again, this is opposite of the q.smp, as the owner had people write the lore for him, and then was also never satisfied with what was written.

I think one of the biggest differences was the dsmp wasnt meant to be a roleplay server. It happened cause the people occupying the server wanted to do it, and made that decision on their own. It wasn’t marketed as a “passion project” so there wasn’t much build-up and hype for its release/existence (until after the lore started, and then it became more hyped). There was no competing server of its kind, cause the only other one that most people knew about had long since been established-the notoriety, popularity, and clout was already there, and didn’t need to be earned.

And the biggest difference of them all, no one got payed. There were not “workers” meant to move the server along; everything happened via the streamers themselves. So although there were some communication issues, there were no legal issues cause no one was being payed, unless you streamed playing it on a streaming site and made the money through donos.

It breaks my heart watching the q.smp play out like this, cause if it was done in good faith and genuineness, it could’ve been so good-bridging language barrier gaps and creating endless opportunities to learn a language you don’t know, and/or a culture you also don’t know-but it fell victim to a greedy owner and all good qualities were made null. I hate that this is how it transpired, especially for those that were working for free, and everyone who got doxxed/swatted over this.

TLDR; dsmp’s authenticity, genuineness, lack of greed from the owner played into what made it so successful. They’re also the reason it can’t be replicated, because it wasn’t manufactured- it just happened. And that’s why all these other servers have failed before they started, only lasted a bit of time, or ended up buckling under the consequences of the decisions of the owner. Dsmp is THAT girl and she will always be.

I’m sorry this was so long; has a lot of thoughts. Thanks for reading this anyway, and I hope this finds you well.

Have an amazing day, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself!

-L :)

Yeah I 100% agree i think something that a lot of newer servers lack is genuine authenticity that isn't built off of an expectation or hope of fame. the dsmp was never even supposed to be something other than a chill server between the dteam so obviously their intentions when just starting out were nothing but pure. However, there is no denying that anyone who made a server after that had the fame of the dsmp in the back of their mind- it's just impossible with how famous the server got.

And with how sterile the qsmp felt with how much the rp was pushed onto the streamers and the fact that there was essentially a business being run through the server, it killed the authentic feeling of everything (if it was even there to begin with)

#hope you've been doing well too L! #ask #anon #anti drummyache tag

[rederiswrites]

So ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and fibromyalgia are two syndromes (collections of symptoms often found together, with unknown causative mechanisms) with largely overlapping symptoms. They're currently classified as different diagnoses, but there are plenty of people who aren't convinced that they're actually different things. The biggest diagnostic difference seems to be whether the pain or the fatigue is the biggest problem.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who, like me, couldn't possibly say which of those is ruining my life more. I, like many, fulfill all the diagnostic criteria for both. I have the specific patterns of pain and inflammation characteristic of fibro, but I also have the postural orthostatic problems (Stand Up Feel Real Bad disorder) and extreme fatigue of ME/CFS. There's no test; diagnosis is an inherently subjective thing.

This is just gonna keep being about medical problems, so have a cut.

I also have problems that may be related or may be separate or may be part of the constellation of physical issues associated with ADHD, like loose tendons that lead to terrible core strength and janky joints. So while generally the pain spots for fibromyalgia are considered to have no actual material cause, I am pretty sure that my right hip and shoulder are in fact fucked up, and fibro is just making it experientially worse. I've also got a rib that spends more than half its time in just slightly the wrong goddamn place. I have multiple friends who have hypermobility problems that make mine look like a papercut, but combining them with fibro isn't a lot of fun.

A few months back, at my bestie's prompting and with his help, I started eating keto, which is essentially just restricting carbohydrates so harshly that they represent less than 20% (or less than 10%, this seems to be bioindividual) of your diet, at which point your body begins building energy transport molecules out of fat (ketones) instead of glucose. This has a history of treating several conditions (originally, seizures, but now also diabetes and inflammatory conditions), well before it became popular for weight loss.

It was an experiment. Believe me, I have mixed feelings about the fact that it worked. At first, it worked really, really well. I went from mostly bedbound to up and working full days outside. I've started to hit diminishing returns and having to nap more often, but it's still a radical improvement. I just forget how bad it was too fast. I hate how fast we forget how far we've come.

I haven't talking about it though, because I am so conflicted about restrictive diets as a thing. This started as an experiment, and as an experiment I could sell myself on no apples no potatoes no rice no crackers no no no no etc for a few weeks. After a few weeks I could decide whether it was worth it. And now here we are and it works.

But I've gone through So Much food restriction, starting when Phantom was two and we discovered that gluten fucks us both up. Then the Boy was sensitive to so many things as a baby that I cut out the entire Top Eight allergens (let's see, can I remember? Milk, eggs, peanuts, gluten, corn, soy, uhh....others...) for a year while he was nursing. Once you've cut wheat AND eggs AND corn out there is almost no commercial product you can eat and you have to prepare everything from scratch. With a toddler and a baby. I was literally starving. I used a calorie tracker for a while and found that I was nearly a thousand calories short per day, on average. I could barely think.

It's become a huge depression trigger for me. I tell people that my last major depressive episode was triggered by not being able to eat dairy, and I'm not kidding. I'm struggling with it now, too. Most of the time I'm good, but still, despite medication, I get very low and I just want to be able to fucking eat something tasty and comforting and EASY. I just want...cheese and crackers. A whole piece of fruit. A baked potato. Rice with my stir fry. But then I eat too much fucking watermelon and I can tell the difference in my wellbeing the next day.

Food becomes a minefield. Every meal becomes a struggle. You question every bite, every symptom. At least once a day the whole thing is just too annoying and I decide to just not eat, because fuck it. I dunno if it reaches eating disorder levels, but it's certainly maladaptive. I hate that I've gotten here because what you eat actually DOES matter. it's like the question of how you talk yourself out of anxiety when the world is objectively falling apart.

But I can do the things I love. I owe all this garden progress to not having had a glass of juice or a bowl of pasta in four months. Not to mention the abrupt cessation of all my dermatitis problems, frequent "silent" heartburn, a ton of digestive problems, migraines, most headaches, and more. "Nothing is worth risking depression" but is it though?

I'm holding on to the hope that these changes will allow me to heal. That I'll be able to make long-term progress, as many people say they have, and reintroduce restricted foods gradually. That I'll be able to cement the opportunity diet gave me with regular movement and conditioning and slowly claw my way up the spiral.

But on days when I feel like shit anyway, and I can't have some fucking chips about it....yeah. It's not great.

#medical

[lunarharp]

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly: #well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that. #eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone. #course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me..... #just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly) #and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..! #his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass. #I know all about u. and i will save u

[not-a-font]

So I've just recently watched Arcane, and it's an absolute banger of a show. 10/10 would recommend.

A part of why I think it's good it because it's doesn't really have heros and villains in the conventional sense. All the "villainous" characters have clear motivations, and the narrative highlights the ways they justify their own actions in a way that frames them as understandable even if they are undeniably wrong.

That is... With two not-so-notable exceptions.

These two assholes, whose names I completely forgot and had to look up.

These two are some of the few characters framed as completely and totally unsympathetic. This is very intentional because each one is meant to exemplify what exactly is wrong with the place they help lord over.

For Piltover, the story presents it as an elitist society full of decadence that doesn't care for anything except for it's own economic expansion.

Of the main characters that could exemplify this, there's Jayce, who's actually a pretty decent guy who wants to use science to improve lives but gets stuck in the politics of it all. There's also Mel, who at first seems to be the very pinnacle of an ambitious corrupt politician, only for the story to juxtapose her with her war mongering mother and have her start a relationship with Jayce, which rounds her character and also paints her as sympathetic.

So when all your main characters to complex to properly convey to the audience the problems of your society, you have to show it off through the side characters. Hence, we have Hoskel (that I originally misspelled as Holdaak for some reason lol)

Hoskel is in no way sympathetic. He's fat and greedy and stupid. Mel gives him a children's toy and he's still trying to solve it six years later. When there's a crisis, his first concern is his wine shipments. He's everything wrong with Piltover, so when the audience is done being captivated by the compelling characters, they can look at Holdaak and go "ah yes, this is why the poor is repressed and the government is completely corrupt."

Same goes for Zaun. It's hard to use Silco as a way to represent all the problems with Zaun because the audience is too focused on his compelling relationship with Jinx. Yes he's a kingpin controlling the masses with drugs, but the audience can see how he got there, and right now he cares more about Jinx than his own power.

Meanwhile we have Finn, a lesser kingpin complicit in Silco's regime and actively riding off of his coat tails for the sake of his own power. He's dissociated with the plight the average Zaun denizen to the point that he can't even breath the same air as them without choking on the ground.

When the audience is wondering why Zaun is so much worse after Silco took over, they can look at that guy and go, "ah yes, it's because people like this guy are benefitting from the addicted masses."

#arcane #arcane analysis #arcane silco #arcane mel #arcane jayce #zaun #piltover #first time doing the thing where you make an actual analysis instead of ranting incoherently #hope i did well #anyways i just love arcane and it's foils #literally everything and everyone is a foil #goes very well with the two city narrative #also both holdaak and Finn are totally under the thumb of the better character (Mel/Silco) #but for holdaak its willingly but for Finn it's because he can't do anything about #also mel giving holdaak a children's toy amd him keeping onto it for so long is really funny for me #Mel was like: lol he's to dumb for a 3x3 let's just give him a pyra-mix

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china” #my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

[cruelsister-moved2]

cant tell you how fulfilling and comforting it feels to be in a classroom full of women being lectured by a woman on the work of other women about subjects who are also women like i just got a small taste of what men are experiencing every day of their lives its intoxicating

#and she showed us her own work which was a response to the work of a female victorian novelist #and I got so excited because it reminded me of some other work I've come across lately #that excited me and I couldn't work out why #and it's because it feels like a secret 3rd thing for ways of knowing and academia #instead of either being wholly Within the thing and trying to replace it #or trying to Objectively report on it frm the outside and trying not to infringe on it at all #I cant put into words even but #I think its wht I looooved amy Jeffs work so much #thabk you ezra if youre reading this!! #and like ive been reading abt women's oral storytelling cultures again #and the way it's basically a proto-mixed media approach #and just completely outside of the binary norms of knowing established by both masculine academia and Folk culture #like it feels like a cliche to use this metaphor but women are literally weaving...... #and like case in point the way all the roles in that classroom were so blended #it wasn't this obvious static unidirectional subject>observer >lecturer>student paradigm at all #honestly I know it's so easy to be completely hopeless but actually #I'm increasingly so excited about the potential of women to just undermine every single system and paradigm thay even exists #gerda lerner was right about that #but it's also overwhelming how basically everything is founded in patriarchy

[lionblaze03-2]

idk about anyone else but for me /personally/ assigning any of the wof dragon tribes a single equivalent human culture or accent feels kind of weird or off. Unless you’re like. Specifically from that culture and know what you’re interpreting

like sure the ‘nightwings are British because they’re voiced that way in the audiobooks’ is funny at first but I once saw a post break down the accents by tribe and assign sandwings a Nigerian accent. Which IMMEDIATELY makes the fact that they’re commonly rogues and thieves in the story not a fun cowboy thing but a vaguely racist thing suggesting that all Nigerian people scam and steal, which. Given the ‘Nigerian prince’ thing is already a stereotype, well…-

and it definitely isn’t JUST that, I’m not trying to call a single person out. But these kind of 1-1 correlations lead to results like this 9/10 times and it just feels strange. Just mix stuff together. Mash ideas from different places into one. Don’t make the dragons a 1-1 parallel to a specific human culture because then any story you tell that may connect to a stereotype of that culture will come off really, really bad

#Instead of they have ___ accent #Say. Well their accent is closest to like this one with a hint of this one. And it varies throughout the regions of the kingdom #Because that is not saying something about a specific ‘kind’ of person. It’s just taking your favorite ideas and playing with them #This is specifically why everything in righteous pines has like 2 religions and then random other cultural factors thrown in #+ the source material and stuff I just made up for me that isn’t from ANY culture #Because I am NOT gonna get caught stereotyping a specific group and be seen as spreading hate #wings of fire #also I don’t mean like. If you’re specifically from a culture and paying informed homage to your heritage #I mean just. Like. White teenagers picking random races based on general regions for the tribes #Like I probably would’ve done when I was 12-14. Like a fool #anyway this isn’t really an angry post at all it’s just kind of a vague opinion #I’m not genuinely mad at anyone who does this I’m just like. Wary for them. Like #Look out girl you’re gonna get cancelled you need to be more CAREFUL #Because I’m 90% sure most people don’t MEAN it to be racist. It’s just. Internalized ideas or general assumptions or something. Uninformed. #But you cannot be uninformed or you will get got. Inform yourselves folks!!! Play safe!! With many mixed ideas! #lion’s lair #invalid white persons opinion by the way. I’m downright vampiric so you can entirely disregard this post if that affects its meaning #My icks literally do not matter in this situation. I know that. I’m just ATTEMPTING to read the room #And not hurt anybody #👍?

[aro-sora]

Heartless

This month's Carnival of Aros theme is "Humanity and the Non-Human" and these prompts were particularly resonant with me:

It’s been a fairly well-documented phenomenon that many aromantics tend to feel some sort of connection to some sort of fictional non-human species, whether as specific examples, or as a whole. If you relate, what are your thoughts on these characters and concepts as an aro(-spec)? Do you have any experiences in any subcultures related to non-humanity, such as Voidpunk?

So I thought I'd write something about my personal experiences.

It will come as no surprise to people who follow this blog that I am a heartless aromantic and I'm also a huge Kingdom Hearts fan. (To anyone who isn't familiar with KH, in the games there are beings of darkness called Heartless. There's a lot of designs and some are cooler than others so here are a few of my favorites:)

[ID: Various Heartless from Kingdom Heartles, in order, a Shadow, a Neoshadow, a Soldier, and a Darkling. End ID]

These beings are both literally and very much not literally (it's complicated) heartless. They are manifestations of the darkness in people's hearts and seek to steal more hearts to transform into Heartless.

(something something beings that are recognizably human but also . . . not and yet still have the instinctual desire to reclaim what was taken)

A common stereotype about aromantic people is that we are heartless and unfeeling because we don't experience romantic love. Aromanticism may influence a person's emotions and definitely impacts views on romance, but to say that all aros are cold and emotionless is hurtful and arophobic. But I also genuinely identify with the term "heartless." Not feeling romantic attractions makes me feel alienated from amatonormative society, and "heartless aro" is the best way for me to describe that feeling.

My love of Kingdom Hearts is also a huge influence on that. When I say KH rewired my brain, it's only a half joke. I was 5-6 years old when I first discovered these games and this bizarre Disney/Final Fantasy crossover was a very formative experience. "Heartless" is not just a way to describe my aromanticism, its a defining aspect.

What is it, to be Heartless? To be human, once, but now something . . . other: a being born of darkness. Darkness is a force that is often used for evil, but still KH makes a point of not making it inherently evil. Darkness exists in every heart. It can overwhelm, but it can also be accepted and mastered, like in Riku's case. To choose to become Heartless, in Sora's case, is a defining moment of humanity.

My blog url might be aro-sora (because let's be honest, he's super arospec) but the title, "My Heart Belongs to Me," is quote from Roxas, one of the best examples in KH of someone being denied humanity for supposedly not having a heart, yet being one of the most caring and emotional characters in the series. He's not an actual capital-H Heartless (that's Sora, briefly) but his story and his struggles just . . . resonate with me. "I am me! Nobody else!" I want for people to stop thinking of me as something I am not, as desiring relationships I don't want, or even being a gender I am not.

I don't have much experience with voidpunk culture (but now I want to look into it), but recently I discovered the term otherhearted: "Identifying strongly with something nonhuman and/or fictional, without literally identifying as that thing." (I'm a bit on the fence between being otherhearted and otherkin, but otherheart literally has the word "heart" in it and the KH influence is strong.) It's a very queer experience to want to change your identity and be something other than what people see you as. Sometimes I imagine that for myself—claws of darkness, eyes of burning gold. Darkness cannot exist without light, but neither can light exist without darkness. Nothing can destroy me, because I am the shadow at the very heart of the world.

I guess that would make me Heartless-hearted. An ironic term, I know, but similarly to my personal heartless aro identity I find it absolutely hilarious. So many parts of my identity are "contradictions": being bigender, being human and heartless. It fits with the lore of the Heartless themselves: some technically do possess hearts and some don't. (it's complicated)

I call myself heartless the same way I call myself queer. Bigots will use them as insults and an attempt to make me lesser and other and nonhuman, but to me these are my words. They are mine and I give them power, no one else. Someone thinks I'm "heartless" for not experiencing a certain feeling? Fuck them, I AM heartless. And I am still human because I choose to be, not because humanity is something to be given or taken away. I don't have to prove anything about myself to anyone. I define my own heart, NO ONE ELSE.

And if they still think that being heartless—being aromantic—is something "wrong" or "unnatural" or not human? I only have a warning for them:

Beware the darkness in your heart. The Heartless prey upon it.

#kh #carnival of aros #a carnival of aros #aromantic #aro #heartless #heartless aro #otherhearted #my ideal gender presentation is either a mix of masculine and feminine or literally just a neoshadow. or a darkling #semi-related note: the terms “Heartless” and “Nobody” make sense for their respective beings and I will fight anyone who says otherwise #i was very tempted to include images of the wackier heartless designs but it would have taken away from the point #non kh fans reading this i highly recommend browsing the kh wiki and seeing all the designs. some are . . . interesting #like scar. yes. scar the lion from the lion king #you may have heard of him #i also use loveless and lovequeer but mostly heartless because. as i said. the kh influence is very strong #it's about beings that USED TO BE human but AREN'T ANYMORE yet still have that instinctive desire to restore their missing heart #*gestures wildly to the air* DO YOU SEE MY POINT #ITS ABOUT A SCARED CONFUSED BOY HAVING EVERYTHING TAKEN AWAY AND HUMANITY DENIED FROM HIM YET STILL SO PAINFULLY HUMAN #i'm going to go cry about roxas now #happy spooky month everybody!

[aroacehanzawa]

didnt asagiri say he had a specific ending in mind for the series since the start? do you think it will pull together in the end?

No i have trust issues with asagiri </3

#i've heard contradictory things bc i also read somewhere based on an interview with him that he kind of makes things up as he goes along #also he retroactively incroporated dead apple into canon when it was originally an anime only storyline primarily created by bones #and if he did in fact plan for everything in the start then he's been doing a sloppy job at writing #because things are hinted at and introduced with no delivery (e.g. agatha christie or the revived guild) #meanwhile a hundred other things are introduced with zero foreshadowing zero buildup and zero narrative basis #to rely on plot twists and shock value and cliffhangers to keep the audience engaged when there is nothing cohesive to look forward to #that's just bad writing and that's why i don't have faith that it will pull together in the end #compare for example attack on titan. which is a series i have mixed opinions about and don't necessarily like the direction it took either #but it similarly has a very different tone a style between the early and later parts of the series. however its ending was clearly planned #in advance and it managed to pull everything together in a way that connection seemingly unrelated plot points #that were hinted at since the very beginning. and that i must applaud

[dq1]

thinking again

#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society #partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so #no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can #especially around the old head bosses i meat #stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live #i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself #but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore #sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again #i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist #i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes #but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time #if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen #i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it #this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be #but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way #that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened #this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people #i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think #i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes #hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly #and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me #but alas i am stuck in a human body #one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable #ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk. #to be born again.. sighs.

[sysig]

Your Weekly TV Guide

On Monday you can expect:

2:30 PM: Fandom mix (Deltarune/Adventure Time)

And Tuesday:

2:30 PM: Adventure Time - Winterkov

Wednesday:

2:30 PM: AT - Winterkov +4:20 PM: Speed draw video!

Thursday:

2:30 PM: Patreon Promo

Friday:

2:30 PM: AT - Winterkov

Saturday:

2:30 PM: AT - Simon

Sunday:

2:30 PM: Star Control II - Helix

Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)

#Weekly TV Guide #The threat finally hits its mark: I told you'd it'd be awfully Winterkov-y over here for a while >:3c #There'll be a few others to freshen the mix tho! Here and there now and then ♪ #It was so hard to sit on these for a month lol I just kept building and building on them - this still isn't to the point of The Project #Working its way there tho :3c #Oh yeah and just because I'm highlighting this video doesn't mean there haven't been others - please keep an eye out for the Requestobers! #Quite a handful have posted already - gotta catch up with my alt reblogs pffbtl like I don't have enough things to get in order lol #This is also the current last Patreon Promo buuuut I have been considering making two new tiers #Not that there have been any takers so far haha - but it's at least something I'm considering #As always if you'd like to support me there are links ♪ #Anyway tho lol - clearing out a few of my warmups this week! Good :) #I'm looking forward to Sunday's as well ahh!! #The timing on everything haha #Busy busy

[jarvis-cockhead]

i dont rlly have a big following here at all but i do appreciate anyone who interacts with my stuff immensely and suddenly felt the need to say it. ive been going through some stuffTM and its been a whole ass time and im still reeling tbh. it has been a hell of a time but tumblr still feels like such a cozy comfy place .. i forever long to connect more with people here but never know how. anyway idk where this post is going but haii hi im still here forever just a little funny in the head rn :3

#i havent rlly spoken publicly abt whats been going on but this place is so disconnected from p much everywhere else i exist so #i realised my ex was emotionally abusive and actually SAed me once. we havent been together since the start of this year but were #still trying to be friends. but surprise surprise it never worked and i am entirely scared of them #so a few weeks ago i actually cut them off for good. and its been such a time just processing all of That #never thought this would happen to me.. knew in my heart during that it was bad but never realised it was That Bad #weird mix of everything feeling raw and fresh while also so far away because most of the rlly bad stuff happened before about feb this year #but yeah i have good support systems im doing okay but ig this is smth ill have to deal with and recover from for the foreseeable future #sucks immensely but it is what it is. everyones been very kind to me and i feel cared for #but it has made me withdraw a lot from my online circles ive realised which is sad bc i miss being sillay #but yeah erm. that happened 😺 #realising about a year and a half of my life has been devoted to someone who has treated me so badly is nor fun #but anyways. i am really happy theyre gone from my life entirely #and i will heal. and i will be okay

[13eyond13]

.

#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately #and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc. #anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion #for people like my mom #because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive #and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise #but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied #how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well #she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism #and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do #yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself #i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really #affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you #under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up #to the multiple events she hosts every single week #anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts #critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just #takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons #even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her #when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a #board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved #our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!' #it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world #anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him #by watching and admiring and mimicking #because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing #if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult #i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but #something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly #because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves

[woahajimes]

i feel such an incredibly frustriating yearn

#when i went to ecuador everyone was so warm #like strangers to you probably not since its dangerous and crime rates and stuff but the general love and care dynamics are so different #like im super anxious and closed up and im not very touchy nor do i say a lot but it wasnt ALWAYS like this and i thought oh maybe i just #grew up but also maybe i just moved to canada #like yeah canadians are super nice but friendships are so strict and dynamics are so like. idk its different #I mean there's obviously the fact that i havent' met a lot of people and that i am closed off and stuff but at least in my old school in #Ecuador friendships are the same and theres boy/girl friendships and its not romantic and hugs are normal and #ive messed up so many guy friendships because of that like im “oh my god yes new guy friend unlocked” and sudenly ive been sending them #mixed signals all along even tho im like yeah we chillin and ahhhhh #like #if i got shit wasted drunk here id probably get filmed and posted on the gc #but in ecuador i did get terribly drunk and i was with a friend (guy) and it was a pool party #this party i did not KNOW it was a pool party so i got thrown in with jeans and all but i got super drunk and everyone was kinda drunk and #there was a point in which he like sat me down and kept giving me water and like its just that care that #ah in canada it could never #at least not at this age i dont think #not at my school at least lmao #like in everything theres no judgement and theres a general friendship thats really good #god i miss it #but i never really had it #yk #like im gonna talk a little more abt this party k #it was the whole graduating year bc we're seniors and they all knew each other #nobody knew we were getting in the pool but by the time i got there EVERYOEN was in #like in jeans and school uniform and all #and people were like DRAGGING YOU #like it was all laughs and skjfhjkdhjjhkdhjkdfsjkhdsjhkdsfkjdfjkhdfs #like physically throwing you in the pool #obv no harm bc it wasnt deep but like everyone was just #like bridal style and wrestling and there were drinks and music