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#and also just weary

lunnule · 1 year

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it's only ever 'idly wondering'

what is your family like? where do you live? do you keep your living space tidy or not so much? I have rarely thought about you with friends or in groups and now that i think of it i never really thought about whether you have siblings. i don't know why but i think that you have a bad relationship with your dad. and sometimes i think you have two kids, sometimes i think you don't have any. sometimes i try to guess what sort of hobbies you might have, music? sewing? writing? there's no way for me to tell

and then there's the few times i've been able to tell that you'd been crying before i came in. the fact that you are taking fewer holidays now but haven't raised your prices. that often counsellors work with what they have experience of and abuse is one of the things you specialise in.

i've reached the point where i'm not really burning with curiosity. instead i have reluctant curiosity; i can't help but notice and wonder. but i know why you wouldn't tell me if i asked. the boundaries are as much there for your benefit as they are for yours.

but if we had the luxury of reciprocity

if i could finally stop talking about myself

and shut up, listen and watch for once,

i would ask

what would you

like me to know

about you?

#never to be sent #letters to my therapist #i would find an intense sense of satisfaction #if i ever found out that i deduced some things about her life correctly just bc of vibes #i would feel so smug #insufferably so #but tbh i'm probably wrong about most things #and where before i had a strong curiosity that felt almost voyeuristic #now i'm wary of my curiosity #and also just weary #there's something quite tiring about being the one who has to take up the space #even though it has also been amazing in other ways #if a peer to peer and reciprocal relationship with her was possible #which liekly will never happen #but if #this is the only question i would ask #what would you like me to know about you

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yourlocalrandombisexual · 3 months

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does the multiverse exist within the different sherlock adaptions? bc i think sherlock and co sherlock would hit bbc sherlock up the backside of the head the first time he tried to say he was a sociopath and tell him “your not a sociopath your autistic you dick” and then solve the murder in like 20 seconds

#also he would cal bbc sherlock an old man who’s slowing down and bbc john would be very weary of sherlock and co john #but sherlock and co john would just be in awe #sherlock and co #don’t listen to me

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wheretheresawyll · 6 months

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Character parallels - Tabris Origin | Loghain Mac Tir

"I see that the path that led you here was not easy. There is suffering in your past: your suffering, and the suffering of others. By the time you reached Shianni, she was broken, brutalized – you were too late. Tell me, pilgrim, did you fail Shianni?" "Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir, the brilliant commander. Pity the one time you tried to rule, you failed so miserably. You had to be beaten, humiliated, lest you destroy your own country. You even doomed the Wardens by bringing the Inquisitor down on them. You destroy everything you touch."

#dragon age #dragon age origins #da:o #loghain mac tir #warden tabris #kallian tabris #my stuff #this doesnt look my own tabris at all lol BUT #kristen stewart would deliver a world-weary tabris so well #i know loghain can parallel any of the wardens #but there's something about kallian tabris that just makes it COMPLETE #and its also why i love anora becoming queen and bestowing that title #it just makes SO much sense for it to come from her #to use the myth of her father to create a new one #youre stepping into loghain's shoes. you're taking his mantle #and the knowledge of his fate dangling over your head #of what he became #how both the warden and loghain have death seem to be dead from the start #heroes living past their time!!!#anyway this got out of control #but point is:#tabris and anora and loghain and the weird chain of mythology and legend my BELOVEDS

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hood-ex · 7 months

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No you don't understand. Jack Skellington wrapped his bony hands around my heart with these parts of his lament:

Yet year after year, it's the same routine And I grow so weary of the sound of screams And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King Have grown so tired of the same old thing

~.~

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones That calls out for something unknown The fame and praise come year after year Does nothing for these empty tears

#IT'S THE WAY HE SAYS IT #so much passion for ''and i jack!! the pumpkin king!!'' and then the weariness of ''have grown so tired of the same old thing''#GENIUS. RELATABLE AF.#and then he starts sounding really upset when he sings ''the fame and praise come year after year. does nothing for these empty tears''#and again relatable!! like without relating it to a desire for a change/something new (though that is also relatable!)#but yeah!! when people praise you but it doesn't touch you and you're just fuckin sad and miserable!! yeah!! fuck yeah skeleton man!!#Jack Skellington #Jack's Lament

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greeenchrysanthemums · 4 months

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Hey! I love the gg rivals au, it has been rolling around in my brain for a while (<-that’s positive). I was wondering what the relationship other characters have with the ranchers / the role they have.

Thank you and have a nice rest of your day/night! :D

Hello!

Jimmy is friends with Scott and knew him when they were both children, as mentioned in this post. Despite his relationship with Scott, he doesn't really have much of a relationship with either Impulse or Gem. He's met both of them maybe once or twice in his whole life.

He had actually never met Grian until the year that he and Tango joined the resistance. He and Grian don't get along very well, mostly because Grian finds it funny to mess with him and Jimmy finds it frustrating/annoying. However, Jimmy also finds the teasing endearing in a way, and he would most likely miss it if it ever stopped. Not that he would ever admit this, though.

He and Tango supply Bigb with flour and other products for his bakery, so they are pretty good friends with him; which was actually how Grian got into contact with Bigb as well.

Tango used to be friends with Skizz and Impulse. He grew up in the capital with them and trained alongside Skizz to be a medic, but they have grown apart over the years; mostly as a result of Tango disagreeing with their choice to work in the royal army and a lack of any time to hang out with each other. He hasn't spoken to them in years, despite the opportunity to do so due to Scott's connection with them.

Tango has sensed that there was something rotten within Wintertide since he was young. A dark aura that surrounded the kingdom and the castle which only brought suffering. He fully disagreed with the war and the constant fighting and was never silent about his distaste for either. In fact, he was quite vocal about it to the point that he almost got himself in trouble several times. That was how Grian found him. He was causing a ruckus in the town square, having a very loud argument with a Wintertide solider.

Grian pulled him away from the fight and told him all about the resistance and about how well he would fit in. It was only natural that he jumped at the opportunity to help when Grian offered him a place in the resistance.

I have said in the past that the ranchers mostly only help out with supplying food and the occasional intel, but that's only really true for Jimmy, to be entirely honest. Jimmy is a bit clumsy and easily injured, so he voluntarily chooses to stay away from active fighting and missions as much as possible. For Tango it is a bit different.

He's hot headed and quick to get himself in trouble, so Grian doesn't really let him participate in most things, despite heavy protest from Tango (this will cause problems). However, if they need another person for whatever reason, or need intel from somewhere they wouldn't be able to get it otherwise without being suspicious (say, from a shopkeeper who would know and talk to Tango but not them) then Tango is their go to.

Jimmy is happy with this arrangement. Tango is not.

Scott and Tango have a bit of an odd relationship. Tango doesn't like him very much by virtue of him being a Wintertide knight, but he knows that Scott is an important person to Jimmy so he keeps his mouth shut whenever Scott comes around for Jim's sake. Scott knows Tango dislikes him, but he also tries his best to keep the peace. They mostly sit in an awkward, slightly hostile, silence around each other.

Tango used to not like Etho and was very suspicious of his intentions, but they very slowly grew close over the years and bonded over a hate for the Wintertide army and its corruption, as well as a love for creation. Tango invents as a hobby and occasionally helps Etho and Mumbo out in their workshop.

You have a wonderful day/night as well!!💚💚

#GG rivals au #GG asks #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #rancher duo #sorry again I know the popular headcannon is that jimmy and grian are related but it just doesn't work for this au #they're the same age in this au as well #tango and jimmy aren't together in this au per say but they are definitely close #so I will tag this #trafficshipping #just to be safe #Tango's mouth has put him and Jimmy on the radar as possible members of the resistance multiple times #but they can never get difinitive proof either way #so they have not been arrested yet #though they have been investigated many times #making the farm a rare meeting place #grian is also weary of jimmy's relationship with scott and thinks its an unneeded risk #but he thinks jimmy is too loyal to betray them so he lets it be #and he also thinks jimmy is to obvious to work as a double agent so he doesn't try to exploit it like he does pearl and gem's friendship #i didn't know if you also wanted to know how jimmy and tango met and what their relationship is like so i left it out #but i'd be willing to make a post about it if anyone wanted to hear about it #i'm also sorry if i keep being vague about what kind of corruption Wintertide has going on #i don't want to spoil anything too much but i also don't want to confuse anyone too badly #so i will also elaborate on that if anyone is too confused

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twilight-zoned-out · 1 year

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About Jonathan’s “It is very annoying, for I do not see how I am to shave” response to Dracula throwing his glass out the window:

Jonathan begins the entry stating that he can’t speculate or he’s going to completely spiral.

Let me be prosaic so far as facts can be; it will help me to bear up, and imagination must not run riot with me. If it does I am lost.

Jonathan has no certain way to know what Dracula’s invisibility or response to the glass means, but he does know what losing the glass means physically for himself, so he focuses on that.

Jonathan refuses to write down any speculations. He has them - he airs fears at the beginning of the entry that he’s “the only living soul within the place” - but in this isolated castle filled with shadows, he needs his journal to be an account he can trust, and to do that he can only write what he’s certain of.

He does something similar when mentioning Dracula’s eating habits:

It is strange that as yet I have not seen the Count eat or drink. He must be a very peculiar man!

Jonathan doesn’t dare speculate further, but he can’t help but note that it is, indeed, strange.

#dracula #dracula daily #may 8 #jonathan harker #analysis #dracula analysis #foul bauble of man's vanity #it's not that he doesn't notice #he has to be nonchalant for his own sanity #he also tends to understate a lot of things about himself in his entries #but in this particular display with the mirror he seems knowingly nonchalant #where with some other moments its uncertain if he realizes that he is understating #especially concerning his distress #minor spoiler in the next tag:#as shown later on when mina describes him in near collapse while he logs himsefl much more casually as being weary and disheartened #end of spoiler #just some thoughts #twilight-zoned-out

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givehimthemedicine · 8 months

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that massacre blood won't let me rest

(bloodstain pattern analysis)

warning, this will contain some graphic explanations of how blood stains get made and a couple pictures of real blood (no people) as I attempt to apply my modicum of education on this subject to the HNL massacre

I'm mostly focusing on that main blood stain that goes across One's chest, but toward the end I'll touch on other stains in the RR.

tldr: I think that chest stain leaves plenty of room for doubt about whether One was the attacker.

so. bloodstain analysis crash course.

your main types of blood stains:

active - blood flying and landing on a surface as a result of force/motion. this includes spatters, splashes, arterial sprays.

passive - blood falling from plain old gravity. stains like drops and pools.

transfer - a surface coming into contact with another surface with blood on it. smears, maybe a hand or shoe print.

two lovely volunteers to demonstrate:

One's neck bleeding on his collar is an example of a passive blood stain. if any of those larger vertical blood drops on his shirt are supposed to be nose blood, (his nose barely bled but his shirt looks like it dripped) that's also passive. victims' eye blood is passive.

One mopping the floor with El leaving her with blood smeared on her gown is transfer.

that main pattern of blood droplets across One's chest is an active type stain. all the blood on him, apart from his own, appears to have flown through the air and landed on him.

the costume dept clearly put effort into depicting those types differently, going as far as to actually drag someone around the floor to find out what El's gown blood should look like as a result of the actions that put it there. I think it's fair to expect a similar level of research went into designing One's stains.

but discussing those methods in the interview might have revealed too much.

some types of active blood stains

arterial spray is when a vein or artery is cut and blood squirts out, flies through the air and lands on nearby surfaces. it's not usually just a little blood. here are two real examples of arterial spray:

to me, it seems like a severed artery would produce a more blood than is on One.

impact spatter is created when an object forcefully hits exposed blood and little droplets fly. forward spatter is made in the direction of the force, backward spatter is thrown back toward the direction the force came from.

in many cases forward and back spatter look much the same, so the main distinguishing clue is location.

back spatter is, without us even thinking about it, the type of stain we assume is on One's chest, because we also assume that he is the attacker. that he did something violent to someone and their blood splashed back on him. that is one valid explanation, but not the only.

see, spatter flies in all directions from an impact, 360. it looks like this (simulation). not all spatter is automatically back spatter. if it's forward spatter, it suggests One was facing the impact from opposite where the force came from. it's hard to imagine a scenario where the attacker gets forward spatter on himself.

castoff is another type of spatter typical of repetitious stabbing or beating where a weapon that's covered in blood, when swung back for another blow, flings off an arc of small blood droplets.

examples:

the attacker virtually never gets castoff on themselves. rather they fling it on the walls/ceiling around them, depending on the arc of their swings.

telekinetic blows cannot possibly create castoff because there would be nothing for the blood to stick to.

so if the stains on One are castoff, A) there was a bloody physical weapon/object involved and B) he seems very unlikely the attacker.

to me, the main stain on One looks consistent with either impact or castoff spatter. let's consider some more characteristics:

blood velocity

droplet size can also tell the speed at which the blood was moving, which helps reconstruct what amount of force and therefore type of injury it came from. generally, the smaller the droplets the higher the velocity.

One's chest spatter looks medium velocity. no surprises here.

blood directionality

the shape of droplets helps determine the direction the blood came from.

a drop onto a 90 degree angle, like if you're just standing there and your blood drips on the ground, leaves a circular droplet. an elongated blood droplet shows that the blood was flying through the air at an angle.

blood tails are what you call the pointy end of an elongated blood drop, which points in the direction of the motion. the bottoms of these more acute examples are the tails, indicating the blood was moving toward the bottoms.

now look at One. he definitely has multiple spatters on him, but I'm focusing on the main spatter that goes diagonally across his chest.

note how blood tails go in a consistent direction (bottom screen left moving towards upper screen right). this creates a strong idea of the spatter having originated low around One's right hip and flown upwards across his body.

of course we can't get too into analyzing this as legit forensic evidence, because it isn't. but the fact that they kept consistent with the direction of the blood tails when recreating these stains by hand multiple times seems like that detail mattered to them.

(I don't wanna shoplift directly from em's jumpsuit blood post but that has the best collection of pics and you can see that all iterations are in agreement with the direction of motion suggested).

here's a quick video showing a guy creating a bloodstain that illustrates both castoff and blood tails:

youtube

how'd homeboy get blood on his back?

I wish I could get a clearer look, but those are absolutely active spatters and not transfer. do you wanna tell me how, if you are the attacker, you'd manage to get your victim's blood to spatter onto your own back? like, even if he can Vecna someone behind his back, why? was he showboating like shredding guitar behind his head?? was it like the champagne in that one kim kardashian photo??

whose blood is on him?

neither castoff nor impact spatter makes sense for the bodies we see.

as I've discussed in other posts, none of the ways we saw anyone get killed in the massacre, nor any of the dead bodies in the RR, should produce blood stains like the ones on One.

the only external bleeding that getting Vecna'd™ produces is passive drips from the eyes. nobody got stabbed or struck repeatedly. even the eyes getting sucked out (or whatever?) doesn't result in any spatter. you can watch One kill Two, and there's no new blood on his face or on the floor between them. you can watch him throw guards into walls without a speck of blood on the walls or on himself.

for the amount of blood around the scene, there should be at least one much, much bloodier wounded person around here somewhere.

what is telekinetic force shaped like?

I'm unclear on what kind of spatter to expect when the weapon is telekinesis because I have so many unknowns about the nature of the impact. it really seems up to the person what shape and force of power they want to use in each instance (think the brute force of flipping a van vs the fine motor skills of turning a tv knob).

what I want is to picture the telekinesis used in the massacre as an invisible physical object so I can draw conclusions about the impact spatter it might create, but I can't.

ST has given us a couple great visuals of what impression telekinetic force actually creates when impacting various substances, revealing its "shape," and it varies a lot. my ruling is that telekinetic force has no default shape, so this is kind of a dead end.

but regardless, here's the curious thing about spatter:

(and that IS spatter on One, whether it's impact or castoff): spatter is the result of force upon exposed blood.

and a bunch of blood is not exposed yet until after a victim has been struck/stabbed/whatever at least once. meaning the victim that One's bloodstain belongs to was likely struck in the same spot repeatedly. twice minimum.

"well, blood is already exposed from the eye thing, couldn't it just be that?" yes, but striking victims after the eye thing isn't the MO. watch Virginia, Two, Chrissy, Fred, and Patrick die - after the eyes, they simply drop in place. he doesn't throw or hit them in any way.

if that is castoff, what was the blood cast off OF?

if there was a physical weapon, it's either missing from the scene or not shown.

I'd love to finish this section by suggesting an object in the lab that would make a thematically fitting murder weapon, but nothing jumps out at me.

it would be unlike them not to have brought our attention to the murder weapon before it's revealed as such. like, we need to be able to go "ohhh, they killed everybody with the 8 ball!" or whatever later or else it's not as fun.

the blood being castoff from a weapon would tend to suggest that the attacker wasn't telekinetic (or wasn't currently able to use their telekinesis). I mean, would you bother doing the manual labor if you didn't have to?

I don't see any very bloody objects lying around the RR, but I do see extremely clear evidence that there were very bloody hands.

hands are absolutely a thing that can cast off blood.

and there's only one person I know of who was ever shown with bloody hands in conjunction with the massacre.

let's talk about hands, then

we've got a diagonal thing going on here:

this bottom-left-upper-right orientation that would tend to result from a right-handed person casting off blood from an upward swing of either a weapon or their bloody hand. a lefty's swing would most likely create a bottom right-upper left diagonal castoff.

so which lab folk are what-handed?

lefties:

righties:

(I found only 2 lefts from El: manipulating the helicopter and stopping Vecna from killing Max. I could do a whole post on that. stop me)

ok, but what if that's backsplash, not castoff? same logic.

One is left handed, and when he throws someone with telekinesis, say like if he slams them downward, he uses his left hand. the way the arm swings naturally seems more likely to create an impact on that same side of the body. but the spatter originates from his right hip.

(NOT saying otherwise is impossible, it's totally possible, just seems less likely. go ahead and pretend you have telekinesis for a sec and see what direction of arm sweeps feel most natural.)

this is why when I look at the stain on One, I'm not totally convinced it's back spatter.

so what are some possible scenarios that might be consistent with blood like that?

where One is the attacker:

One strikes Victim with either a physical weapon or telekinesis. either from the strike or from falling and hitting some surface, their blood back spatters onto his shirt.

where One is not the attacker:

Attacker is striking Victim with a physical object or telekinesis. One stands opposite Attacker. forward or sideways impact spatter flies onto One's shirt.

Attacker is beating Victim with a physical object. One stands opposite Attacker. blood is cast up onto his shirt on one of Attacker's upswings.

One stands near Attacker or Victim who swings a bloody hand upward and casts blood across his shirt. (I'm liking this best)

now that I've been serious for a whole post, let me go insane about the scene overall (I'M JUST BRAINSTORMING DON'T SNIPE ME):

what if, by timeline shenanigans or I don't know what, some versions of Henry, Edward, and El are all present in the RR during the massacre.

Edward is doing some or all of the killing in such a way that impact spatters are being sent onto Henry. the bloody face of one of Edward's victims hits the floor while Henry's back is turned, causing that small spatter on the back of his pant leg.

El's hands are covered with blood. she makes a sweeping motion like this, up and to her right, to throw Edward, and blood casts off her hand onto Henry's shirt.

if an action like the above gif happened, we'd expect to see damage and/or blood on the walls or ceiling of the RR. there are multiple drippy blood impacts on the RR walls. we assume them to have come from the kids (even though this is not consistent with their injuries). what if some or all of that is Edward's blood?

whoever hit the walls would have needed to already be bloody when they hit the wall. (we know from the hallway guards and Two that neither getting thrown against a wall nor Vecna'd up against a wall leaves blood.)

another explanation for already-bloody-Ed and Henry shirt castoff/forward spatter from a physical weapon is if Brenner comes in and tries to stop Edward by beating him with [?object]. but I feel like Ed would overpower Brenner too quickly to get very bloody. this isn't a strong one, I feel better about the bloody hands idea

re: the blood pools on the floor all being smeared even before El gets dragged... you know how El has some way-too-different-to-be-accidental variations in the blood transfer patterns on her gown? could we have multiple Els in play? like, by the time we see our El arrive in the RR, other-bloody-handed-El has already been mucking around the scene?

varying El blood and multiple El concept plays well with the way there are also at least two different crime scenes.

"Nat you idiot, that shot is filmed in the mirror, you're just confusing two different sides of the room. why are your green and purple circles on the same bookcase when they're clearly on two different bookcases on opposite sides of the room?":

YEAH I SURE AM CONFUSED! BC WHY WERE THOSE TWO BOOKCASE STAINS BOTH SHOWN ON THE RED-TOP-RAINBOW-BEND-ON-THE-WALL SIDE OF THE ROOM? the side with that pyramid thing and the plinko board has a red-top rainbow bend. the opposite side, with the benches and the drawing tables, has a purple-top rainbow bend (see below). like, whatever mirror tricks you wanna pull, shouldn't the side of the room with the bookcase corner stain be purple-top-bend? seriously, am I picturing this wrong??

anyway, many of those RR bloodstains could be explained by at least one unaccounted for person being thrown repeatedly around the room. telekinetic people really seem to like doing this to each other.

say El makes that hand motion, which makes One's shirt castoff and throws Edward. Ed hits that bookcase hard enough to get bloodied. Edward gets thrown around some more, leaving various stains around the walls and floors. El or Ed stomps in the blood puddle by the bookcase, resulting in the purple-circled splatter and the spatter on Henry's pant leg.

but if we're allowed to have multiple Els maybe some of the blood is other-El's too. or One's. or Brenner's

I DON'T KNOW. I'M DONE. END MY SUFFERING

#I don't care anymore!!!!! (throws up and dies from caring) (will make another post about this)#I have SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS about the other blood stains in the RR but Im also SO TIRED OF THIS POST #did they MIRROR the BLOOD in the rr? am I having a STROKE?#lab stuff #massacre stuff #analysis #tw blood #mine #givehimthemedicine analysis #a few forensic science classes do not an expert make but there's my five cents (adjusted for inflation). it just looks more castoffy to me #Ive got it: El freezes Edward like Troy and makes him pee his pants while Brenner beats the crap out of him #also I'm saying 'One' thoughout this post because I just don't know what to call this guy anymore. but ykwim #I didn't even get into the monster attack concept I'm just so weary #everyone (me) is just waiting waiting for it all (this post) to be over

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soldier-poet-king · 3 months

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I am slowly trying and learning to be more comfortable with unanswerable complexity. Everything is both wonderful and terrible. 'Despite everything it's still you' is both a curse and a blessing. Life is just like. How beautiful. How awful. Is it more accurately, awe-ful? I don't know, it's a both/and, perhaps.

#its the. i love you. itll pass #ykwim???#im going to bed but also. its so much. there is so much.#im full to bursting with it. and yet i am starving and hungrier than ive ever been #i will never be satisfied.#i should read more historical figures journals except that would probably make me more insufferable #me reading fuckin like. kafka everyday. god. i would be even more annoying and PRETENTIOUS #im just. trying to wring meaning of it all. and love. i am so hungry and so bone deep weary #the duality of fran

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