#and as for this one. this is def something ive been meaning to address

[swearyshera]

Advance apology for the long ask in a likely sea of 'em. A lot of people talk about wishing they could experience something they love again for the first time, this series was genuinely as close to that as I've ever felt. Just given the span of time my attention flucuated on and off but once the latter half of s4/s5 began my attention was absolutely nailed to your feed. Its up with Dragon Ball Z Abridged as parody series that become so dramatically effective they become a valid or definitive way to experience the series. Goddamned sensational.

Your portrayals of the characters soar. They provide a hilarious, cruder take on each that still cuts right to the soul of who these people are and lays it bare, which I think is the mission of any good-natured parody. Adora, Catra, Glimmer, Scorpia, Bow, Prime etc. There is not one that does not shine. It tackled a ton of issues and misgivings I had about canon, and even elevated or clarified many scenes and arcs through addressing them a more direct fashion. You took full advantage of not having to dress up and dance around the dark subjects canon was sort of doomed to handle inadequately given its age bracket and thematic priorities. Many scenes were jawdropping. Ive raved about it before, but your scene with Glimmer actually talking about her mom with Catra still leaves me gobsmacked every time I reread it. Your big moments towards the finale btwn Adora and Catra are obviously sublime and tie their wonderful arc off fantastically, but in my heart of hearts that cell talk will be the crown jewel of this project. Loved seeing the LGBT message take center stage in way canon had to hold back. To paraphrase Tolkien, I'm can't count myself among those gifted people, and youve def got a target audience in mind, but if youve ever worried if your stories resonate on a quote unquote "more universal" level, I promise you can put those worries to bed. Since becoming an adult ive intentionally sought out more and more queer-inclusive/created stories and I havent regretted it a bit, and the rising tide of fascist sexist/homo/transphobic bile in politics gets more and more frightening. But I've also seen how strong and resilient LGBT people are in the face of it, empowering themselves in no small part thru stories like yours. Please don't ever give up on your art. The world needs artists like you. Sorry if I come off pretentious or condescending, I feel like that when I try to get everything I think out at once. I'll be among the first to come running if you ever start another project like this or make something on an even grander scale. Thank you a thousand times for this. Also writing a wholeass sitcom pilot based on an offhand quasi-joke I made is the most weirdly touching thing I think anyones ever done "for me" (at least nominally cuz of me), especially a stranger. So thank you for that too.

Aw, you'll make me cry, you know! I think you've understood everything I wanted to do with this strip (or at least, when I started thinking beyond just 'characters saying fuck'), and... yeah, it's been an incredible journey, both for the blog and for me personally.

I've always tried to keep the parody good-natured. You can often tell, particularly in parody, when the creator dislikes one particular character (I mean, Horde Prime was probably the exception here), but I love all of them, so it really comes from a place of love. It's quite odd because I never set out to "fix" the show, and I wouldn't want to, but some things I've done seem to have had such an impact that a lot of people think I have done just that.

The Glimmer/Catra conversation is absolutely one of my favourite things I've written from this. It's such a pivotal moment in both their stories and character development, and I am truly humbled that multiple people have called it 'better than canon'. Like... I'm just some person trying to be funny and occasionally serious, and people are saying something I wrote is better than what a team of experienced professional writers did? Give over, no... But it's still a moment I can be proud of.

I won't be stopping writing things. This whole blog has given me a new lease of life and something to aim towards. I've got an excellent pilot script pretty much finished, and I do want to bring Hellspawn up to that standard too (thank you for suggesting someone make a Sweary Frosta sitcom - I'm someone!). That may well involve a complete re-write, but I'll be sure to share it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words along the way. It really keeps me going :)

[maxdark158]

Making my own rottmnt timeline (that includes lost episodes) and i think I'm going to start making vent posts instead of finding new friends to harass with my problems until they're exhausted/hj

So far I've put the episodes in a tenuous order. Because they aired out of order (evidence: hypno part deux happens at the same time as repo mantis but airs well after repo mantis AND the appearance of the turtle tank, also the first episode to show hueso is the fast and furriest, NOT the episode they meet him) I've had to basically just. Use context clues to the best of my ability and a lot of pain, suffering, and some tears. Now I'm going to try and make a timeline based on. Ya know. Time. As much as I can anyway with the like 4 dates the series provides

Below the cut is copy pasted woes I've sent to a friend

(These messages are sent to a friend over 24 hours of agony)

Fml btw

I'm trying to figure out a timeline for rottmnt

It is n ot easy

Also... I think I'm going to make my life even more hellish and include the lost episodes

I do actually have a pretty great source for those luckily!

https://turtlepedia.fandom.com/wiki/User_blog:Archer.Warrior/The_Lost_ROTTMNT_Episodes

There's a number of episodes that have nothing besides their episode name, some of which one of the creators said could be fake episide names. It's mentioned in this post

https://www.tumblr.com/yujateaandpi/704460357578670080/our-happygirl500-fan-so-ive-been-digging?source=share

these are all the episodes that have NO released stuff besides the episode name. not a description, not any concepts, nothing. some of them i do think are real (april showers and mayhem flowers) but some of them. no idea tbh

the post discusses 2 that person thinks are real based on context clues but yeah idk how many of these ill include in my timeline given i have NOTHING to go off of 😭

April showers mayhem flowers I think is to address mayhem leaving

Maybe splash hogs is something to do with the shell hogs or meat sweats?

In the og battle nexus NY, big mama and shredder were supposed to fall down to the hidden city, her hotel completely crashing down through NY. Maybe spiders web widens was supposed to be them helping big mama, or trying to, something referenced in the aired version of the episode when splinter tried to help her?

Friend: I think that could be likely. Read something awhile a back stating that, season 2 was gonna be more focused on big mama as the villain n so on and that.. would've really fit

Yepp. Cause the funny thing is that battle nexus NY was supposed to happen MID SEASON

And after that, they're basically trying to find her and the shredder cause they both booked it, racing against the foot to do so

Also something I realized since I'm obsessing over rottmnt atm:

It's Mrs. Cuddles

Who the FUCK is she married to??

-later-

I can feel my brain deteriorating

So fast and the furriest, newsworthy, and mascot melee, HAVE to occur before Bug Busters in the timeline. That also means hypno part deux and repo HAVE to occur before then, as well as donnie's gifts and newsworthy. Mascot Melee is the latest to occur in that bunch, because it's the only one post turtle tank debut. The rest are either the debut episode or don't have any turtle tank

So far so good, right?

Thing is timeline wise I'm trying to also follow along mystic power trends, so raphs episodes struggling with mystic powers/not yet doing a full body mode has to also be before bug busters. War and pizza, minotaur maze, and maybe longest fight? If I remember right?

Well longest fight does have to be earlier in the timeline because raph says "the freaky flame guys are back stealing jewelry", kind of implying this is the second time they've seen the foot, so it's def earlier/mid season

Friend: I admire you for how dedicated you are to this- doing what Nick refused to do.

That does sound right!

(Thank you dude that helped a lot)

Not to mention they underestimate the flame guys enough to keep watching skateboarding, cause they got a decently good victory against them the first time

Minotaur maze ALSO has to be pre turtle tank, because that's the episode they discover the mutant pizza place, which they visit when trying to find the turtle tankI think the gumbus happened while donnie was building the turtle tank. It's an introduction episode, so its earlier in the series, but there's 0 donnie (or raph, but raph could also be doing his own thing or helping get materials for don)I do think there should be some episodes between repo and turtle tank, because that was NOT a quick build, but there's only like 3 episodes without donnie and 2 of them have to happen a bit later

You got served has to happen after portal jacked, because portal jacked is when leo went from "annoying ass gremlin" to "begrudgingly my nephew". Why would hueso call for Leo's help pre portal jacked with how he was acting during the start of portal jacked? I think portal jacked is after the fast and the furriest, and cause Leo's been going there a lot he sees hueso as an adult he can get help from even tho hueso is annoyed af by him

And portal jacked should also happen earlier cause leo still doesn't understand how to get to the hidden city on his own, but if it happened after splinter began getting involved again not only would he be able to ask for the doohickey again, he'd probably *go to his dad for help in the first place*

So portal jacked is definitely BEFORE shadows of evil, despite what air dates tell you

Leo's portal powers are also more improved than the start, he's able to make large portals and usually succeeds at making them, but he gets the location wrong. Its probably just before or after late fee, where he also makes a large portal, but seems unsure if it'll work. Probably similar timing to mutant menace too, cause he makes a large portal but doesn't control where it'll go very well

So portal jacked is earlier making you got served later so it can't happen before bug busters

Nothing but truffle is the other no donnie episode, it has to happen AFTER Mrs cuddles though because she's in the episode. It also happens after repo, which does mean it *could* be while donnie is building the tank, but it's kind of implied meat sweats has seen mikey more than once or twice.

Idk, tbh I have a lot of trouble placing nothing but truffle

so far this is the timeline im most sure on. the highlighted episodes I have concrete evidence for their placement. i've inferenced the other two tbh but they make sense

as you can see, i havent even gotten to bug busters yet. it's so confusing rip

i think purple jacket has to be pre turtle tank because if the dragons could steal donnie's leathal weapon filled tank and use it, why would they NOT?? but they only stole his battle shells and tech bo, so i presume the tank wasn't finished yet so they didn't bother stealing it

shell in a cell just has to happen earlier to allow ghost bear to continue being a nuicence, i put it where it makes sense i think? may move it an episode or two higher or lower, but it's definitely within this list somewhere

I just thought this placement made sense cause the raph/leo fight in minotaur maze wasn't really resolved, so that tension could carry over to shell in a cell in which they make up and fight together

Smart lair I think is post bullhop, and bullhop is ABSOLUTELY post pizza pit

Things get more muddled after bug busters

The only things that have to happen a certain way is Pizza Pit -> Bullhop -> Smart Lair -> Mind Meld. There can be episodes between them, but they have to be in that order

-later-

Oh my god

Oh my god

Cloak and swaggart might be WAY EARLIER in the timeline than i ever expected what

There's a potential cameo of the Sandro Brothers pre mutation in it???

I'm losing my mind this would move every sunita episode up by a LOT

Cause this is the last sunita episode!!! But it has to happen pre evil league of mutants??

Oh my god

Now are they wearing cloaking brooches or name tags?

Probably name tags

Cause of the shape. Brooches are. Well. Brooches. Very semicircle. These are flat

But also this fucks with the timeline so badly?? Cause now shelldon has to be moved up, but also splinter is taking them on a training mission?? He didn't begin seriously training them until AFTER shadows of evil!

Fuck it. They're cloaking brooches. They panicked cause "I recognize that pig dude"

-later-

Should mystic library be before or after shadows of evil?

It's definitely later, cause raph uses full form mystic powers and increased size, his mystic powers are very adept. But how late?

Friend: Aftwr

Thank you

-later-

Tbh the biggest wrench in everything is Snow Day

Because Snow Day clearly takes place in *winter*

But there is NO WINTER IN ANY OTHER EPISODE

So it is just. An outlier

-later-

(NO SHAME ON THE PERSON WHO MADE THE INCORRECT TIMELINE BTW, THIS SHIT IS H ARD, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND MISTAKES)

If you read through all that thank you, you're lovely

#rottmnt #rottmnt timeline #rottmnt timeline torture saga #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #bring back rise #bring back rise of the tmnt

[partytricks]

young royals s3 thoughts (SPOILERS!!!!)

- first and foremost i think they tried to fit waaaayy too many things into this season. it feels like they wrote two seasons worth of content and instead of trying to cut plotlines that were unimportant to the overall narrative, they just said fuck it lets do them all. and it...did not work

- LOVE the idea of wille's speech having repercussions outside of wilmon and the royal family, and i love that the hazing was addressed, but again the whole reveal about erik and august felt like it was just thrown in to have sympathy for august and to lead to wille's breakdown at the bday dinner (which like...he had more than enough reason to do already). i do like the idea of erik actually being fucked up behind the scenes, but i wish they would have hinted at it in season 2 or something instead of just dropping it out of nowhere. idk

- WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THEY FORGOT ABOUT WILLE HAVING ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS UNTIL THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES???? his anxious habits and the physical toll that stress takes on him were pretty consistently shown in the first two seasons and then suddenly not a thing until the halfway point???????? like idk something about that really bothered me. my one big hope for this season was that wille would get to address his panic attacks but it seems like theyre just not gonna acknowledge it, which i guess is true to real life anxiety it's just something you live with, but it was teased to be such a crucial thing about wille that im a little disappointed its not getting explored

- wilmon cannot communicate to save their lives and i feel like neither of them are ready to be in a relationship. they have a good dynamic and you can tell they care about each other, but they never look at issues from a dual perspective, only as an individual. and then when they call each other out they just get defensive. i think they only want the lovey dovey fun part of a relationship, and they cant accept the fact that things WILL go wrong and they have to work through it TOGETHER

- ive seen a lot of people say that wille got really mean out of nowhere this season and i kind of disagree?? yes, his aggression is def at the forefront of almost all his scenes, but we've seen in the past two seasons that he doesnt know how to deal with stress and takes frustration out on other people. it's just that now he's constantly stressed and therefore on a hair trigger. is it right of him?? no. but does it make sense?? yeah, for me at least

- i HATE that wille's anxiety is constantly pushed aside because it "isnt princely" but the MINUTE that kristina has mental health issues she gets to step back from her duties and see a therapist, get meds, etc... now to clarify, i hate it because wille deserves better and its so hypocritical. i LOVE that it was included in the story because you really get to see plain as day just how much wille's family does not give a shit about him. he was so worried about his mom because he knows what it feels like and wants to be there for her when she never was for him, but she cant even make eye contact with him. and his dad is no better. that scene where wille calls to ask about erik and his dad just goes "yeah i cant think of any of erik's flaws he was perfect" EVEN IF YOU THINK THAT YOU DONT SAY IT TO YOUR OTHER KID???? who, to wille's point, is CURRENTLY YOUR ONLY SON.

- simon dealt with a lot of shit this season, and he was right to be scared of wille during his blowup at the royals, but CALL ME CRAZY i think he couldve waited until like, idk, the NEXT DAY?? to breakup with him???? yes, wille has been an ass to simon this season and taking family drama out on him, thats not cool, but striking while the iron is hot is an AWFUL idea. bring it up while wille is in a more rational headspace and not as riled-up. like simon my bby i was with you til then

#young royals spoilers #young royals #young royals season 3 #uhhhh if i think of more ill add it

[kitmoas]

hey kit i just wanna send an appreciation message. tgu had brought me a lot of joy this past year. its generally the AU i daydream about like. 24/7. im always checking for new posts from you, you're my fav account on here. i just really like the way you utilize established character points to explore what that means in a dynamic like this one. i dont see many stories go into depth with its characters the way you do. it adds a layer of depth that makes it all the more compelling. i just really appreciate the time and effort you put into exploring all of this and sharing it with us. ive been especially invested in kates past storyline and wandas destiny storylines. i cant wait to see how you play it all out given the set up you've established with wanda, and what im guessing is a yet to be concluded arc with kate given what just happened to her. i also feel like, a relation to toy when you go into their feelings about having to be the glue that keeps them together. ive def been there (albeit in terms of friendship but yk) and its nice seeing that actually addressed in fic in a real way. filling that role leads to a lot of stress and pressure and i love how you represent that in toys frustration. and their ability to stand up for themselves !!! super proud of them. natashas characterization is also spectacular. id imagine most people would write a storyline similar to kates and have natasha be the ultimate comfort, which is valid! but i really think the way you wrote her response tracks with what we know of her. something like that.. is too much. but whereas wanda has a maternal instinct and is able to swallow that and be there for kate, natasha clams up about her lack of ability to do anything. and then just.. doesnt wanna talk about it lol. fits so well. ok ive rambled a bit now sorry but yea i just. tgu is like. the best thing to happen to me in a while even if that sounds corny asf. i just really appreciate you as a creator and person

Lol okay I took a little break from tumblr after the first half of my fic was flagged…But…I woke up to a couple of these really big asks and I cried

I dont even know what to say because I truly didnt think any one took tgu as serious as I did. I get the smut is fun and the smut between 3 of the hottest people to exist is perfect but..idk to hear that people look at the storylines that like I’ve been planning for a year like this literally leaves me speechless

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sticking around with me for a year and I hope that you stick around for Season 2 as well. I have already started planning it, and I’m really excited. I truly think TGU all day even if I act like I sometimes want to work on other stuff more. It’s like my brain is stuck in the universe.

I appreciate you, so much sweet sweet non <3

Read both Now, Then, and Forever/ /Evermore : The two parts of the Season 1 TGU Finale Here!

#sweet non #kitmoas answers #k: training grounds

[dyketectivecomics]

Idk what took Steph is so tell me about it? Also ☠️ thing for magicfam!raven from that ask thing like 2(?) weeks ago?

Ooof ok two part q here we GO~ pt 1:

Rook is the identity Steph takes on in me & tee’s “Helena & Renee adopt Steph” AU! The core idea being that Steph gets Tired™️ of watching her moms go night after night on their own separate Crime Crusades, and decides for herself that Huntress & Question deserve a sidekick ala Batman & Robin ofc!

Me & Tee chose Rook bc its both a play on the bird motif & on a chess motif, so it works well with Huntress (ala a hunter and their hawk for ex), or Question (conspiracy and corruption have to be dealt with like a game of chess afterall). Actually while you’ve got the chess thing going, we could Maybe make an argument that it connects w/ the Spoiler theme, a hero who uses cunning & intelligence to get an advantage over her enemies first. Idk I just really love the way Rook works as a Potential hero ID overall.

Personally, I’ve decided the one constant for her costume will def be both the psuedoderm & domino mask, bc i like the idea that, even with them letting Steph be a Young Vigilante, they’re Extra Protective of her identity. And also the redundancy jokes to be had

Alright now Part dos!

☠️ - angry/violent headcanon

So raven lived a kinda idyllic childhood compared to canon, right? Like not Normal by any stretch, but something with a lot more normalities and exposure to Normal Goddamn People. (She’s more well-adjusted to pop culture & more relaxed around people basically) BUT. She’s also been much much more tempted by that demon half as a result. So anytime she’s been shown a penchant for Violence (starting with breaking toys or playing Too Roughly with others as a child) John and Zee shut that down Immediately. As she grows up ofc she needs to find an outlet for it, since she’s been allowed to Feel more fully and freely. While meditation does help when she’s more of a tween, she eventually needs Even More Outlets which leads (drum roll please 🥁 🥁 🥁) to Sports!

Now I know what ur thinking. “Raven? And sports? Ew” but LISTEN this is a DIFFERENT earth. This is a DIFFERENT background. One where she’s Encouraged to Try All The Things & Meet All The People & Feel All The Emotions (okay. Whoa wait. Dial it back there kiddo JUUUUST a Tad.) so ofc that means doing things that aren’t considered by fanon, Normal for her.

Something ya gotta understand too is, not all sports are Team Sports.

Ye THATS right. I’m talking running, I’m talking swimming, I’m talking track & field and weightlifting and boxing and all of the little Individual Exercises that she can do w/out wanting to get too many other people involved.

Bc Ravens not a violent person, by her human nature at least. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t need an outlet when she’s already given her demonic half a little too much freedom already

#au: helenarenee adopts steph #au: magic foster family #asked and answered #thedevilrunsthisnow #chris tag #the first au is VERY new ofc so dont worry. theres not much to catch up on with it akshaks #and as for this one. this is def something ive been meaning to address #bc obvsly in canon ravens demon half is treated as Seperate from herself. her Other Half and #idk. that kind of thinking has always bothered me? like. theres not Two Of You (for at least someone w/out DID which. for this sake we’ll #assume raven doesnt) so why treat something that clearly comes with your powers as... seperate. when its Still You? like?? #idk. either way. john n zee are shutting that thinking down and running more with #‘you are who you are and you get to decide who you want to be’ #idk like. thats some iron giant thinking i guess but that movie licherally made me who i am today so /shrug/ we’re gonna keep that theme for #this au bc its my au and ill make homages when i want to aksjaksj

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

[zoefandom127]

Uhhhh this title is def subject to change. I saw a comment for a drabble idea but ive been dreaming abt this for a while and i dont want to forget it so im gonna write this real quick

No Answer

"You stay here while we go inside to find the refugees. We'll radio you when we need transport from the inside."

John explained as he, Marcos, and Lauren jumped through the portal and into a dimly lit hallway. Rumors say that Sentinel Services have set up random stations all around the city, harboring troubled mutants who seek help and liberation. Though many are widely known, they are extremely hard to locate let alone infiltrate. But Sage, being the genius that she is, found one just on the outskirts of the city in a manner of hours.

This warehouse had a series of buildings surrounding it, one of the larger facilities in the system meaning more blind spots in the security. They were hidden in an alley between what looked to be a conference building and the east side of the main warehouse. After going through the blueprints of the warehouse, Clarice memorized every section and hall, every nook and cranny while Marcos, John, and Lauren memorized keypad codes and camera placements.

"Copy that."

John looked back at Clarice. "Be safe. Stay out of sight." Don't get caught. Don't die. Unspoken but so clearly heard.

"Right back at you." Clarice nodded back.

He wasn't too keen on leaving her alone but for the sake of the mission, he kept his mouth shut. Plus, he definitely didn't want to be on the end of Clarice's hard glare and cocked hip at the discussion that he "thinks she can't take of herself." The portal closed behind them and Marcos pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket.

"Sage wrote down the directions. We take a left up here."

The group cautiously walked down a hallway and turned into a wider, main hall. Lauren placed bubbled air in front of cameras to blur the lenses, dropping them as soon as all three of them were not in view. They took another left and stopped in front of a large metal door labeled "Rfge Subjects". Lauren stepped up to enter the code, whispering the numbers under her breath before pushing them on the keypad. The door opened to reveal ten, maybe twelve, mutants ranging from ages 12-18, every one of them huddled in the farthest corner of the room. They kept their heads down and didn't make eye contact with Lauren and Marcos when they walked in, John standing outside the door to watch for Sentinel agents walking by.

Marcos flashed his hands in the dark room to make everything easier to see. The refugees perked up slightly when Marcos showed his abilities. Lauren walked up to one of the younger mutants with hands held up in front of her to show she meant no harm.

"Hi. We're from the Mutant Underground. We're going to get you all out of here." She looked around, addressing everyone.

The refugees looked at one another wearily.

Lauren tried again. "We're one of the good guys. I promise. We can explain later but right now we've got to go."

The 15-year-old, the one Lauren was trying to get through to first, stood and quickly walked over to Lauren's side of the room, looking back at the others and waving at them to join. One by one each refugee stood up to join one another. Lauren smiled down at the 15-year-old and nodded her head.

"John, we're all good here," Marcos spoke up.

John looked in to see if everything was okay before pulling a walkie-talkie from the waist of his jeans and pushing a button to call Clarice.

"Clare, we're done. Portal to room 118."

He released the button and waited but was met with static for a good 20 seconds.

"Clarice?" John's eyebrows knitted together as the tone in his voice changed to concern.

Marcos looked back at John's stiff posture. "What's going on?"

John waited a moment before answering, hoping Clarice would respond before he spoke.

"Something's wrong."

"Guy's what's happening? Why isn't the portal here yet." Lauren questioned, worriedly.

John placed the walkie back in his waistband in stiff movements. "I don't know but Clarice isn't answering. We gotta find another way out."

Marcos took out a paper with written directions to an exit in the south wing. If they opened any door without clearance an alarm would sound throughout the whole building and alert everyone in the building. So much for being discreet.

"Alright, let's go quickly." Marcos ushered everyone out of the room and into the hallway, Lauren already disorienting the cameras that could potentially see them.

"You guys go ahead without me," John spoke gruffly once the big metal door that held the mutants was closed. "I have to find Clarice."

Marcos simply nodded. There was no way he was stopping him. "Be careful."

With that, he and Lauren turned and led everyone down the opposite hall.

John ran down his intended hall, taking the rights, and left he memorized to take him to the side door of the east wing. Without anything to cover the cameras, he would surely be recognized so he had to move fast before people were sent to find him.

As soon as it was in sight, John busted through the east side door without hesitation. The alarm blared through the building loud and unyielding but he didn't care. He looked both ways of the alley before his eyes landed on Clarice with her back turned to him slumped on her knees in front of a figure dressed in a black and red trench coat. The figure had both hands just inches away from either side of Clarice's head. Their hands had red electrical beams coming from the palms and directed to Clarice's temples.

He rushed to her before he even knew his feet were moving. "Clarice!"

The figure looked up, alarmed, to see John and very quickly sunk into the ground. Gone.

John kneeled down in front of Clarice, cupping her face in his hands. Her face was tear-stained and her eyes were glassy. She kept staring ahead. It didn't even seem like she was aware of John's presence.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry," she whispered shakily, still looking past John's face ahead of her.

"Clarice?" John whispered to her, rocks dug into his knees but weren't registered.

On both temples, red-looking veins expanded from her hairline to her eyes and the apples of her cheeks.

"I didn't know. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

John looked behind to see if he could find who she was speaking to. Nothing.

"Clarice," he brushed a tear just as it fell from her eyes. She was trembling, distraught. It was scary to see. "Clarice we've got to go."

No answer.

He could hear Sentinels and they're not too far. They needed to get out of there.

He stood up and hauled her up with him but her legs proved to not work as she slumped against him. Still, her gaze didn't move. John bent down to place an arm behind her legs and back, lifting her up against his chest. She shuddered and muttered more apologies, to who and for what, he had no idea.

John held her more firmly and brushed a gentle kiss against her hairline as he ran to find Marcos and the others.

there will be a part 2 just so y’all kno😂 i wrote 2 chapters yesterday so go check out the other one on fanfiction.net and ao3. Im prob gonna go back and edit this one l8r but i was really excited to write this! Call me out on any mistakes cuz u alr kno i didnt proofread!

#the gifted #writing #ao3 #fanfic #john proudstar #clarice fong #thunderblink #lauren strucker #marcos diaz #mission gone wrong #angst with a happy ending #part 1

[jaybarou]

I agree with you abt ao3, but recently there's been news abt +18 nsfw real person fanfiction that was abt actual minors being written and posted on ao3. I havent kept up to date with the news of it because ngl, its incredibly distressing since ive always said to support ao3, and this refusal to take down something so clearly crossing a line is very upsetting. Wanted to let you know. But yeah - i do agree in most cases, its just this most recent fiasco that impacts real people should def be addressed properly.

Thank you for the warning, because I think it is a well-meaning one.

However, I stand by what I said.

That’s where the actual reply ends, and here is my pedantic essay on why, so you may want to stop reading here and press “j”.

This is not an answer to you particularly, anon, just general ranting, so don’t take it personally. Whenever I say “you” from now on I mean a metaphorical “you” and not you you, anon. I do appreciate the attempt to warn me.

Last chance to skip this. I promise I will get long and tedious. And so so pedantic.

Now.

I assume you kept reading with enthusiastic consent. If you are here for fun jump to the bullet points below.

I stand by what I said for many reasons. Number one is that no work should be censored. (Because that implies someone censoring and who would you give that kind of tool to?) I might be squicked or even triggered by what someone said, but I will defend their right to say it, especially in fiction.

Now I could start with the old rant of the slippery slope tendency (it is), the foot on the threshold tactic (don’t let it fool you), the insidiousnes behind the pearl clutching, the consent given when you join the page or the “learn your history or you will doom us to repeat it” (learn in fanlore, boys and girls and folks), or how you don’t find things by chance in the Archive, you have to look for them (which means the antis have been searching actively).

But today I’ll leave the implications and history and how haters always have a new excuse aside. Because today I’m especially annoyed by the matter of rules.

Let’s get down to the earthy business of policies and TOS. The words used here are “addressed properly”. And if we go by the TOS, the fic is not in violation of the TOS, so the issue was technically “addressed properly”.

And then there is the “clearly crossing a line”. The TOS draw lines, those lines were not crossed. The laws draws lines, those lines were not crossed either; the legal department makes sure of that.

So wich line was crossed exactly? And how was it clearly crossed when it is not clearly defined in either TOS or laws? Technical aspects aside, I KNOW you mean a moral line: a non written law. And the thing with nonwritten laws is that whoever can make of them whatever they want, and obeying them is a matter of politeness and opinion (which makes them not-so-clear-lines (by the way, a nonwritten rule of fandom is YKINMK and “don’t like, don’t read” and those ones got clearly broken here)).

So what you really want to say is that you find the TOS morally lacking and that it should be changed. Good! We need different opinions to try to become better people. Let’s make rules, right? Easy, right?

For that we have to start with definitions. You gave three parameters that mixed should create that line crossed, right? Easy. Let’s break it down.

Minors+nsfw+RPF= a clear “too much” line?

Minors - How old does the minor have to be? 21? Why? Do we base it in the age of consent for minors? 16 then? Let’s throw a dice and say 18

NSFW - The interesting thing here is that this is an euphemism for sex. This could encompass violence, abuse, but those don’t seem to elicit cries as much as sex does, so for the sake of the crying people, let’s say we mean sex.

RPF- Real person fiction, what is there to define? it is self explaining, right?

There, well-defined, right? RIGHT? It wasn’t that hard.

Ouf, but now that that is defined. What is the “punishment” if this rule is broken?

Take down the fic

Ban the user from posting for x time (how long)

Take down the whole account (do we take down the fics that don’t break the rules too? Do we orphan them? Do we have any right to rob the offender of their author rights? Do we allow comments in those fics if we keep them? should we let the author get those comments? And answer them?)

Too harash? Too lenient? I promise you whatever you choose someone will say you chose wrong.

First time offender, should we have leniency?

Repeated offender, should the punishment be worse?

Should we give a warning before taking action?

Perfect! Now we have a clear rule. Don’t we? Let’s send an e-mail to everyone, because these are not the terms they signed when they joined. Should we give them time to take down their fics? No? Yes? How long? Should we open an ask box for doubts? We don’t have resources for that? Are we ready then for the influx of denounces of every shape and colour that will come with this rule (and many will be non-pertinent, but who cares?), are we ready for the complaints too?

Now, let’s see who this TOS change WOULD affect:

Sports RPF hooking up (many athletes are minors)

That means your 17 yo lesbian hokey canadian/USA captains can’t get out of their protections sorry

Kpop bands (when minor)

Boybands (when minor)

A fanfic where there are RPF!minors living in a sex environment, even if they don’t engage in the activity

Any horny fanfics with Anastasia (so RPF was selfexplaining, huh?)

Forget about giving Anne Frank a “happy ending”

(Am I allowed to ship Annestasia after this?)

Let’s see a grey area this TOS change would be hard to regulate:

Any sexy deaged RPF fic, be it High school AU

Any RPF with a x reader, since the reader could technically be a minor

Any RPF set in a period of time wherethe now adult was a minor

This particular RPF fic where the character gets deaged and reaged constantly

This RPF fic in which reincarnation comes with the past lives memories

This PRF took the minor and made them drink a potion and now they are 18 (you and I know the author did it to pass our censorship, but can we prove it?)

What shall we do with those meta fandoms where the characters become their actors or similar mental gymnastics?

This RPF is also a crossover. Magic took them to Narnia, to fuck. (We know this one is an attempt to pass the censors, but we didn’t define RPF all that well, right?)

Nevermind, we took it down and the author reuploaded it, now the lion made the minor a Narnia monarch, gave them a new name, citizenship and they are fucking. Again. A side character named Censor gets hung in chapter 6. (can we take it down now? I feel like this asshole will try something else if we do)

This RPF made the minors elves or something, which means the age is really confusing, but they still look like minors. (I have no idea what to do with this one, I’m going to cry, let Jack decide in this one, let me sleep)

Call Jack again, this asshole set the fanfic in four years time so the minor now is technically an adult in the fanfic, literally nothing has changed except there is a calendar in the nightstand where the minor is geting nailed where ir says the date

Let’s see an area this TOS change would NOT affect: 

RPF with minors drinking, or forced to do drugs

RPF with minors suffering violence or abuse

RPF with minors getting killed

RPF with minors getting touched or kissed as long as there is not sex (we forgot defining sex explicitly in the rule, so non penetrative sex or a bj would be up to discussion depending on where you draw the definition sex)

Any non RPF fanfic where an OC (minor) with a name suspiciously similar to a real person  has sex

Any non RPF fanfic where a 7 year old is raped by tentacles

Any RPF where the girl (now technically not a minor) on the night of their 18th birthday gets violently raped

Then should we make this policy more strict to ban those last ones too? Those are clearly crossing a moral line, right? Or is a 16 year old getting fictionally frisky somehow worse than a minor getting fictionally killed? But in the way we are going to define what is violence (a slap? a punch? from a classmate? from a parent?), what is doing drugs (cocaine? alcohol at 16? do drugs for medication count? do fictional drugs count?), what is killed (what if they come back to life? What if it is just the evil double?)

What about the fics that we have already banned but aren’t maybe crossing that moral line that is so clear in your mind? More like those will be taken down

“Fine, then rules are hard, don’t make a rule, just take down this one fanfic that has become popular for being problematic”.

????

If you don’t have a rule to support why you are banning you are advocating for a tyranny where pointing enough fingers at someone makes it disappear and I HOPE I don’t have to explain why leaving the right to exist in a platform to the popular opinion is not a good choice.

I just mean to say: When in doubt, always err in the side of freedom.

Freedom of speech in this case. And yes, even at the cost of a few uncomfortable clashes.

And I will leave you with a little nugget of my paranoia as a treat. If I was antiAO3 I would find the worst of the worst, dig it out and expose it as the epitome of the corruption of the page I want to see taken down. And if my little twisted mind could think of something even worse, something that would weight the balance of public opinion in my favour, I would write it myself and burn my username in effigy to force the staff to change the terms. Food for thought.

GOD I HAD FUN WRITING ALL THOSE PREMISES

ESPECIALLY THE CHEEKY ONES TRYING TO PASS THE CENSORING RULE (I bet there would be challenges to see what would and wouldn’t pass the censors) I would be delighted to learn how YOU would troll the censors, please, I need to laugh about this

#discourse #ask #anon #tw rape #tw violence #tw minors #tw censorship #tw drugs #ao3 #Anonymous

[sothischickshe]

Hi!!! Green: Pencil, typewriter, or computer? Red: What type of writer’s block do you experience the most?

Green: Pencil, typewriter, or computer?

I answered this one before and the answer was none of the above! i want a PEN, please! if i must choose from one of those then i guess pencil, but i would complain about it the whole time and demand a pen.

Red: What type of writer’s block do you experience the most?

well, i don’t really run into it much, and i’m not sure i believe in it. or at least, i think it’s a very broad term trying to shove too much under its umbrella, and it gets weirdly romanticised.

ive definitely been ‘blocked’ on stories im not ready to tell, but i havent fussed about it and ive waited till the idea has grown and felt more complete, and ive felt more capable of writing it well.

when i started writing-and-posting, i felt like i had a lot of ideas and stories in a short space of time, and then it started to take longer, both to have an idea and then for it to come to fruition. and i def had moments of like oh no what if i never write/post anything again??? but then i was like, ok calm down it’s been a week or whatever.

i think i’m pretty good at just getting SOMETHING down, even if i know this section is rough or missing a lot or ooc or probably going to be deleted, bc you can edit the fuck out of something bad, but there’s not a lot you can do to something that doesn’t exist. (i find writing by hand really helpful for this.)

there are DEFINITELY times when ive wanted to write or edit (especially early in quarantine) and ive not been able to get as much done as i wanted. however, i think that was less ‘writer’s block’ and more... being exhausted? like i literally kept falling asleep when i was writing the first drafts, lol. and i reallllly need curtains in the living room man, me and my overtired eyes would try to go edit and just be like... i do NOT know about this burning sunlight. time for a nap methinks.

and ive DEFINITELY been frustrated during editing, like knowing something’s off but not knowing what exactly the problem is and therefore not knowing how to fix it, but i think i’m hopefully getting better at trusting in my instincts and the process and understanding that: im gonna hate the first draft but i can fix from there, all the fixes cannot possibly come at once, discovering stuff in the edit is so fucking fun, a lot of the fixes come from thinking about it but not looking at the doc, the unconscious mind is very powerful, if it’s not fun you can just stop.

i know ive got a fairly atypical writing process, but it works well for me! 

and i realise this wasnt exactly the q but some things which i have found help me avoid feeling blocked are:

having a list of stories i want to get to one day (and thinking about them a little more all the time but not approaching them till i feel ready to write them)

taking breaks in between finishing something and starting something (i mean i only write one thing at a time, but i think even if you write lots of things at a time, breaks of some kind are still important! otherwise your brain overheats and explodes)

not stressing and getting some sleep

finding a process that works for you and trusting in it and following it (and if it doesn’t work for something, being willing to try something else! being dogmatic is no fun)

skipping over what you can’t address now (whether that’s writing a bad first version you can edit from, or realising there’s a problem with a scene but saving fixing that for later, or acknowledging you’ve identified a flaw in your writing but going hey that’s too significant to address for this story but it’s something i’ll be more attendant to in the future)

not assuming that an inability to write or finish something is some deep significant writer’s block.... you might just be hungry or stressed about work or unable to focus till you reply to that email. if you have to attend to something else to get your mind in gear, that’s cool!

try to shut down on procrastination options while you’re trying to focus, but also don’t beat yourself up if you can’t focus rn. indulge! fuck it! the weird shit you end up googling might make itself into the story or a future one! you might end up relaxing into a writing mood!

just be kind to yourself. especially if you’re (primarily) writing as a hobby. if deadlines aren’t something you enjoy, don’t force them. things take as long as they take!

writey askys

#writing #on writing #srsly can anyone explain to me what it is abt adult americans + pencils? #i dont get it #i cant see shiiiiiiit #this might be all extreme gibberish #one day me n them curtains man....one dayyyy #technology

[transrightsjimin]

this might seem like a silly question but do you think tae has been okay this past year? i used to be super into bts 2013-17 and im getting back into them again so ive been watching run bts but he seems so much more quiet than i remember, ive only watched the last maybe 6 eps but i was just wondering do u think hes just tired or is this something thats been consistent? idk how to phrase my question properly i hope you understand

i dont want to psychoanalyze him too much (and have already been accused of doing so nd been attacked bc i once said i relate to him a lot in terms of my autism nd that seeing him makes me happy but. whatever lol) so i’ll just go by what he shared w us nd what is known. i’ve been a fan since 2014 and knew the group since 2013 so i will share what i know and read throughout the years. i hope my answer is a bit more helpful than the quora pages where people ask something similar to your ask (but with infantilizing nd ableist language instead) but in the end, i don’t know him nd just go by interviews and past observations.

Taehyung has shared w fans that he has been feeling depressed the past year and dealt w sleeping problems, which i think he has mentioned in a few times but the first one i can think of is in his interview in Weverse magazine, where he discusses how tired and down he’s felt in 2020. He also explains his thoughts behind the song Blue & Grey, which is meant to comfort people in that sort of headspace. while i think he has become more quiet over the years in general, you can def see his mood change the past year. as a side note, i notice the same about the other members when watching old concerts and such. they put a lot of effort and energy into activities they could do lately but i was still really caught off guard seeing how much more happy and excitable they all looked when in front of a real audience. which is all understandable of c bc as they noted before, an audience recharges their energy of course.

i thought he had become generally more reserved over the years, even before 2020. fans have speculated it is because his grandmother (who raised him for 10+ years nd whom he had a great bond w) had passed away and he has even received a lot of hate for expressing at a show that she died as he was portrayed as ‘attention seeking‘. a good friend of him also died by suicide in 2017 and in 2018 his grandfather died. these deaths are some of the possible reasons he might be looking less excitable.

in bts festa 2019 the members talk about how much more taehyung has matured over the years, e.g. being more mindful of others. Tae adds that he changed his mind on what happiness means for him, as he used to think it meant when everything was great for him, but later on he realized that it made him most happy when all members are happy together and when he sees the positive in things. so there’s a part of maturity there in terms of being less careless / stubborn / free-spirited, even if (as the members state) that is also what used to draw in fans back in the day because he drew attention in shows.

so it’s not per se bad he became more quiet / reserved and less stubborn as it helps be mor considerate of other ppl and he reflected on how he could make the most out of difficult situations.

i’m not sure if it was him too but members have mentioned in songs and interviews (I thought also Jimin did so in the same festa but i couldn’t find the moment quickly) that many people have tried to get close to them, just because they found them interesting for their fame but not care for them. the group has become more critical to such interests and cut off people who mistreated their openness. this might not per se be the whole reason for him smiling less or a reason at all, but his character did change over the years.

it might be important to add that his character / vibe (which i will rather refer to as autistic traits than any of the ableist language people online use :S ) is what drew a lot of negative attention by netizens, such as when he mentioned his grandma on tv, or when he cried on mama 2018 stage, or when he mouthed along to a song when they won an award in 2015. him just being goofy and happy were falsely flagged as misbehaviour in controversies caused by (then) larger fandoms that tried to undermine bts.

i am in no way saying Taehyung is the only one targeted or anything. i actually really hate that framework considering all of bangtan have been targeted by hate nd went through hard times mentally as a whole. and there is a HUGE issue recently within the fandom, where solo stans of tae have been popping up, who pretend bangtan mistreats tae and that he needs to go solo. which is just insulting considering he keeps emphasising they are a group /family and that he wants people to care for all of them and not just one. what i meant to say instead is that his behaviour has changed a lot bc it has been criticized a lot.

and as a final note i want to say that it is not particularly unnatural for Tae to be more quiet / depressed / reserved. i remember that early on in my army days, either in early 2014 or early 2015, Tae was not active on social media and generally more reclusive to the public for several months in a row. then too, people speculated he was tired or overwhelmed or depressed and idk if that is true, he was just less present to the public, but i meant to address that in the past too he could be more quiet or reserved at times so it’s not completely new or different for him to be more in the background. which is totally ok and in this case, we know he is more down and why. i dont think the members are obligated to talk to us about their mental or physical health, but i do appreciate them speaking up anyway bc it is very reassuring nd opens up healthy conversations.

TLDR; tae’s personality and public persona did change over the years, for both bad and good reasons, but morever it is true that he struggled w being depressed and w sleeping problems (as he himself discussed). the pandemic doesn’t help those issues.

i hope this answers your question?

i ended up still going WAY in to depth and speculating but i tend to ramble and look up links to support stuff i remember jfhgk sorry about the long answer, i always forget where im going once im typing. my answer already feels too much like psychoananalyzing him and im not a fan who disect a picture of e.g. a member smiling / looking somewhere / not smiling and writing a whole essay on his thoughts or traumas or whatnot behind it. so i hope i didn’t come off as going that route. ^^;

#death mention / #family death mention / #suicide mention / #god my answer looks 1000 x worse w these tags #anon #asks

[festeringfae]

i honestly cannot believe this movie introduced a plot like 10 minutes ago about separating the girls so they don’t catch the gay and now the girls are literally naked bathing together in a bathtub and we are not shown how or why this is allowed to happen and i know, i KNOW, it is never going to be addressed

this is just. not one of the ways i expected heavenly creatures to be bad, you know? they interviewed 40 people! they have diaries! i did not think a problem was going to be fucking CONTINUITY!

i mean one thing thats nice is that im barely creeped out anymore im just annoyed so thats sort of phobia conquering, but also i know saying that has jynxed it, especially since Kate Winslet has been both the most horrifying and cringe-inducing character, and shes been offscreen awhile but shes back now. you know. IN A BATHTUB.

Ok an adult did notice they were in the bathroom together but only when they were taking, like, photographs or something or maybe cutting their hair, idk, but the fact that a) hankypanky is a word spoken about a thing they could have been DOING IN THE BEDROOM and not them getting caught IN A BATH TOGETHER and b) that they were alone long enough to take a bath together and not get caught.....the hulme mom is rightfully telling her husband to calm the fuck down but i feel like theyre gonna paint her as an apathetic sex vixen again which just like STOP

ok not necessarily sexual but they really had her say “im sure its perfectly innocent” and then jump cut to them grabbing valuables to sell so they can move abroad to live together so like YEAH U DEF JUST IMPLIED IF U R WORRIED ABOUT YR GIRLS BEING LESBIANS AND DECIDE TO BE CHILL ABOUT IT THEY WILL ACTUALLY STEAL YOUR VALUABLES TO RUN OFF TOGETHER AT AGE 14 AND MAYBE ALSO MURDER ONE OF THEIR PARENTS

Weirdly i think this is where i tuned in and also its both weird that they still demonstrate the girls having “real”/explicit crushes on the men (not even in a diary entry!) but also juliet suggests for the first time irl “simply murder” for their wives, and because its juliet its not a first hand source and ive noticed a pattern of juliet suggesting things first/being the leader to the Melanie Igor and its like??? is that supposed to be a statement on class? is it what is suggested by history? is it a thing in the diary they just don’t quote, like. These Are Key Details About the Why and the story does not appear to be a whydunnit which i guess is what i assumed so WHAT! IS! THIS! STORY! ABOUT!

oh my God, this is exactly where i tuned in at 15, and other than the backstory about the assault (which went??? nowhere for some reason??), the TB context, and maaaaybe the gay concern, there is. absolutely nothing the story told me in that previous hour and 7 minutes that explains or drives us toward the actual action/plot, which is them deciding to move to hollywood and....i feel like thats relaed to the mom killer plan? this movie literally could have been 45 minutes, is what i’m saying. 60 at most. which like......what would those 45 minutes be ah yes other than the intro/establishing scenes MOSTLY JUST THE DIARY. JUST DO A DAMN DOCUMENTARY CENTERED AROUND THE DIARY AND CONDUCT INTERVIEWS TO GIVE FURTHER CONTEXT,, PETER JACKSON! YOU HAD TO DO THE INTERVIEWS FOR THIS ANYWAY AND YOU KNEW HOW TO MAKE A DOCUMENTARY AT THE TIME! WHAT THE FUCK!

also again im sure there was a REASON, if not a good one, that the girl’s grades slipped and so they felt threatened and decided to run off to hollywood but to avoid suspicion sucked up to their parents, but since WE ARE NEVER TOLD WHAT THAT REASON IS it’s just like.......why go through the effort to steal all the stuff and run off to hollywood NOW when u could just suck up and fake it until they graduate? like we’re told their grades are failing and that they think theyre smarter and more important than everyone else, but we never see them venting to each other about that or lamenting how they think its a trial to think about english class when all they wanna do is think about fantasy world instead. CHARACTERIZATION! RISING ACTION! ANYTHING!

oh my God, why is the juliet’s mom is a slut “subplot” back. how is this RELEVANT.

I feel like i’m supposed to be horrified by juliet’s preoccupation with the macabre but its like a of all ive met a goth person before b of all it makes sense given how shes literally been in hospitals all alone at lengths of a time that shed romanticize it c) see point a but specifically: she kinda just talks like Katya.

HOW IS THIS THE FIRST TIME WE’RE SEEING HENRY/JULIETS DAD HAVING ISSUES AT HIS JOB WHEN ITS THE DRIVING FORCE THREATENING TO TAKE JULIET AWAY, PRESUMABLY? WHAT WAS THE POINT IN INTRODUCING ALL OF THOSE OTHER THREATS ABOUT SEPARATING THEM PURPOSEFULLY EVEN LIVING IN THE SAME PLACE THAT WAS TRULY NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED BY ANYONE AGAIN WHATSOEVER? JUST TO DO SOME COMMENTARY ON LESOPHOBIA THAT I CANNOT FATHOM THE INTENTION OF? THATS THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF AND IM NOT EVEN CONFIDENT ABOUT IT BC WTF IS GOING ON. I never got why people were swearing The Hobbit movies were bad when they claimed the LOTR ones were cinematic genius but the thought of the director of THIS movie having to decide what to split and change into two whole movies with new plot elements..........Godspeed, you poor,poor nerds.

look, i dont want to be heartless while this man who is a real person is openly weeping about losing his job while his wife is cheating on him in the next room and his only child is shortly going to murder someone. that being said. the introduction of this element of the story is so ridiculously random and shoehorned that it literally FEELS LIKE the point in a documentary where a new context is introduced to events we already know about. like i not only WANT multiple peoples interpretations of how he experienced this and how it impacted later events, i literally FEEL LIKE the talking head section is gonna switch heads in a second and some lady who knew him from church is gonna say something like “he seemed....different after that” or whatever. i have gone from wanting this to be a documentary to just plain stymied that it isn’t. WHO IS LAURIE? IS HE A BOARDER? I think so. WHY DOES SHE NEED TO STILL BE IIN THE BATHTUBE TO FINISH WHAT SHES WRITING? she doesn’t have a look or anything that conveys “oh shit i took my notebook into the bath with me to get this thought down but i lost track of time and i haven’t washed my hair yet”

also with all this sexuality stuff is no one worried shes in their masturbating?

also-also NOW people are worried about the length of baths??? after SHE TOOK A BATH WITH JULIET AT THE HULMES??? we also still don’t know fucking why pauline is losing wait or if its related to her mental health or even her emotions towards the thing happening outside of the consequence of her not being well enough by her moms approximation also for a movie thats supposed to show like the Real Story of who these girls really were, this animosity towards her mother seems to be coming from fucking NOWHERE, and it doesn’t help that she has had on FULL HORROR MOVIE CREEPY CHILD TERRIFYING STEWING SCOWL the whole movie, so there’s no slow shift from relatable teenage annoyance and hyberbolic “i could kill you!” feelings to legit murder feelings. like a diary entry that was just “mom was being annoying again and so i rang deborah becausei simply had to ltell someone who would listen with a sympathetic ear. i really hate my mom” doesn’t have any kind of build to that last sentence, or casual teenage cadence because its in front of more diary entries about being mad at the mom. it is literally just. full angry ghost child face being read in a way where YOU CAN HEAR. THE CAPITAL LETTERS. THROUGH GRITTED TEETH. like. where is this coming from?? and if the movie doesn’t know, why isn’t the horror based in how you can’t know where its coming from, sometimes theyre sweet and sometimes tehy aren’t?? i just realized the getting up early to do all the chores thing went. absolutely nowhere. they didnt run off for hollywood the next day, they didn’t talk about it again, nd pauline specifically mentioned acting cheerful, which she has clearly given up here since improved/cheery disposition is one of the things her mom tells her she needs before shell be allowed to go to the event she wants to go to at the end of the week. like WHY ARE THINGS HAPPENING? what is ANYONE’S motivation about ANYTHING? what does this have to do with matricide?????

#hell creatures lb

[siirkaian]

its about time i actually started designing the antagonists instead of just daydreaming about where the protags occasionally meet them

i dont generally put warnings here but. some talk of suicide below def. worth the heads up............ the read more is just because its Fucking Long tho lmao

this one has actually been slightly fleshed out in my mind? they dont have a name yet, and its hard to know what Rank they are since ive been moving the story away from violence and A Coming War for a few reasons, most recent one being my friends story (tho they dont know about mine) has gone down the route of having a war at the end.. mostly tho i want to explore telling a good and worthwhile story without a focus on just who can beat up the other team better. The main protag Barren, for example, im bringing down the route of using their visions and ability to see inside peoples minds (in cryptic, symbolic landscapes and stuff) to take down people from the inside out, generally by working through their reasoning and traumas and whatnot to enable them to see clearer and with more empowerment........  and then one protag (Kindle) who joins later knows how to fight, and the third protag (Stardust) keeps them out of trouble, but later reveals that, well, spoilers that have already been seen a million times, hes actually one of the gods who fought in the huge war that happened in the past, and when thats revealed its when he has to fight again but......... he avoids it due to carrying the trauma and issues surrounding that war, as well as his own virulent self doubt and self hatred. so. this character to get back to the point? Wouldve been like a general or something, but im not sure how far I want to take them away from that, maybe to being a high priestex or something? the gods are supremely important to the story, and, spoilers, the main goal of the main antagonist is to bring back the original creator deity of the world, Siirka

I actually have a lot of appreciation for this particular antagonist character, they werent involved with Barren’s mistreatment when Barren was raised in their city by their masters so..... Theyre very much blinded to whats going on, I guess when youre raised in a city which glorifies what the leaders are doing and you get the chance to work for them, and you havent seen the depths of their evil youre going to work extra hard and...... push little red flags out of your mind............ They were extremely loyal and fully or. Mostly. on board with everything happening that they were told about, and worked super fuckin hard to get to the rank theyre at, always pushing boundaries and training and improving and grasping for any sort of genuine praise and signs theyre doing good that they can get, wanting to do their absolute best for the cause and. be worth something to someone. it gets very obsessive, especially as doubts and red flags start actually encroaching on their goals

As Barren and co start causing more trouble, this character’s storyline actually develops separate to the protags. Definitely influenced by them and their continuous defying of the antagonists, which doesnt plant seeds in their mind but waters the ones that are there....... They start realising things arent as peachy and golden as everyone was teaching them it was, they realise their betters either dont really know what theyre doing or may have selfish intentions, or, god forbid, intentions that could land everyone in a fucktonne of trouble - basically all the views they were raised on start having major cracks and Plot Holes in them and they have to come to terms with that. They do a lot of inner work struggling both with their crumbling view of reality and with the fight between either breaking it down more or trying to patch it up with lies, the sort of lies that even the person telling them doesnt know are lies. They get more and more frantic, more detached from reality as much as they try to hold on, struggling with their own identity and with dissociation, and with their mental state unravelling under stress and the inversion of what they were taught as right being morally dangerous, and what they were told to hate being morally good, until finally their boss is killed to further the protag’s goals......... before the protagonists can get to him............ by them. and then they end their own life to prevent themselves being tortured and imprisoned by their masters. I had a scene in mind where the protag’s spend a little arc trying to get to him because they need to take him out, and this character knows theyre coming, so the protags finally get to him at night and find him dead with this character standing over him. They get a brief chat before telling the protags to run, that theyll take the blame for it and the protags will get away without being harmed if they go quick enough, and then they step out of the window BUT its very fuckin important that its made clear that theyre left with no choice - or, more importantly, that theyve finally made their own moral choice in life with their own mind and own feelings - that theyre in their right mind/not acting on despair and need to go before theyre captured - both for theirself but also so they cant be interrogated and have no chance to spill that the protags were there. They basically redeem all the bloodshed and indoctrination theyve had a hand in - and oh, i forgot this bit of important context. Because of the whole staying away from violence thing, they do it to redeem themselves, to stop at least their boss spreading anymore shit, partially also to get revenge for all the lies and stuff, but also importantly because they dont want that on the protag’s conscious. They can handle it, and since they intend to die, they will bring it to their own grave. Death happens rarely in the story, because I want it to be as heavy and serious and soul-destroying as it is irl. They do the traumatising act of having to kill someone and live with the blame because theyve already planned out that they’re going to die to avoid capture. 

Im really.......... wary of portraying suicide in Siirkaia but given Stardust is heavily implied to be back from the dead (having the god of death, Mercy’s, black hair which only he has, though for most of the story its ambiguous as to whether hes working for or is Mercy ((its neither they were lovers lmao))) and Barren and Kindle’s mother Inferno also killed herself its............... im just gonna have to cave and realise im gonna need to address it. I mean, the protags already show (as being the grandchildren/children of and a suicide victim) that its a fuckin tragedy not a solution to anything, but, look. the story is intricately tied to my own mental health and thats shit ive dealt with for years so its going in the melting pot baybey! Also. as if i will EVER write this....... but i still want however i portray it to make clear that..... its a fuckin tragedy and honestly Not The Right Choice IMO

Basically, as a character theyre very hardworking, very Very ambitious, slightly obsessive, and i guess Unhinged because oh boy i am just giving out free personal issues to these characters huh. Their story is ideally going to be a bit more fleshed out than the other antags, because theyre meant to be a bit of the protags in that side of the story. Theyre like.... a case study in the complex and not black/white concept of redemption. The Demos, the people of the story, are at their core defined by submission and being led to terrible things. They were all originally created by the terrible god of life and chaos Siirka to be entertainment. Siirka had passed by Earth and took a liking to the pain and suffering of humanity, specifically loving the way they scream, and so built a fake Earth out of his own substance/power (in universe his body and hair) that was an unoriginal almost exact copy of Earth with.... absent details, like all the animal species being just identical copies of one example of each species, in all white, and a submissive race that looked like humans so that he could rule over them..... The Demos have since been taken from Siirka’s reign, since Siirka was banished in a war by Mercy and the trio of Stardust/Moonshine/Midnight (Siirkaia until i change it roughly translating to “Siirka’s absence”/”no Siirka”/etc), but its still central to the story of the world that the Demos are susceptible to being taken advantage of - though strangely they arent Super different to humans - and to being oppressed, since thats what they were made to be............. Like, Cool Backstory Bro, but its central to everything, it represents whats happening now both metaphorically and literally, the race thats susceptible to being betrayed and used is now starting to be betrayed and used again. Cycles of abuse continuing, learning the worth of the spirit, thats all the story of Siirkaia. The protags of the story represent the spreading empowerment, thats what Mercy gave to the Demos, the power to choose, to exist, to create your own path........ And this character represents that right to choose. Theyre a flower beginning to bloom in a garden full of frost. Theyre hope, and hope taking root and being received and acted on, showing that even if your actions just help one person they were worthwhile. Of course other Demos receive that enlightenment, but this character represents the hope in the Demos, but also the “good” in the “evil”, that, while most of the antagonists’ actions are unforgivable at worst and in no way exempt from criticism at best, theres a reason people are driven to do evil things, and theres a lot of corruption of the mind and personality that happens to drive people to those points. People can act in horrible ways, but its always for a reason, whether its their own trauma or not....  Even “I wanted to” has heavy implications of reasons behind it. This character is one of the few that did the work to begin to escape the cycles they were born into and its important they have their part in the story be heard

as much as i want them to be understood by everyone, as a schizotypal person i see that most people............ do not even try to Start understand people they find slightly odd, so making them “understandably mad” as in showing them show some of the Odd traits of being detached from reality/humanity with the reasons those things come about, and, you know, with the appreciation that its not just “ooo crazy random, unpredictable, youll never know what theyll do next!!” its....... actions that just seem different to those who dont do those actions..... Either way, however i push their character in regards to being misunderstood, i really want their end to be understood, or rather. I want them to be understood in the end. Barren can be incredibly empathetic and understanding, id really love for their final moments to be..... mutual? They did what had to be done for things to change and get better, and in the moments where they meet Barren/Kindle/SD, they finally get seen for what they are, they finally get seen as an entity beyond all the lies pushed onto them, a person who was led astray, who had the goodness in their heart and found the strength to multiply it, to try and right their wrongs, who was, although it looks on the outside like they had it all, actually been manipulated and mistreated by their higher ups and used as a pawn so they didnt have to get their hands dirty, they could just pass on the work to someone else. I really want them to, while they cant really be redeemed because of the damage thats been done, have a few moments of actual peace at the end of their story

.............................or maybe they could run away with the main trio lmao but no, that cant........ really happen because of the important dynamics and the personal (as in interpersonal not about me) nature of the protags and also. while i want the Demos to be revived again at the end, they do get swept away into Siirka’s hair when hes brought back through the big boss of the antags, Ka-UrenKa-, oo spoilers. so. i dont really know if i want to kill a protagonist it seems cheap (the main trio survive because they werent made by siirka........... literally a long fuckin story) because. at current, Siirka being brought back happens out of nowhere, and while the audience technically know its coming should they piece together the symbolism of Barren’s visions, its supposed to be unexpected and. idk man. 

anything else? Oh yeah i think they were originally conceptually conceived to Brutus by the Buttress so you fucking KNOW that i couldve skipped ALL this writing just to put that song in but hey. i would say its their theme song but while inspo was taken from theme and lyrics its actually not accurate to their life beyond a few lines?? and also the overall fucking Mood

#unnamed #storyline #SO much of it. too much text jfc #antagonists

[spearxwind]

>:)ccc exactly as intended

jdkfdhjkk ok but. this is a REALLY big compliment,, its literally my whole intent w him just.. he’s rly scary and there’s no getting around that, no matter how many shitposts i do or how much he pretends 

im so glad i can actually make him FEEL scary though gosh

thank you so much!!! i just love my friends a lot i would Die For Them but that would make them unhappy so i can Live For Them

that being said, if anyone wants to fuck up my face hmu but u gotta be willing to go out in an epic fight, just saying

cries thank u sm im so grateful for them,, and im grateful for everyone who’s happy for me it really really means a lot. i want to be able to express my love for my friends without people guilting me about it. i want it to be something people can relate to, or look forward to rather than something to be jealous about

i was in such a place as well!! and i had been for so many years, to a ridiculous point

for a multitude of reasons i lost or cut contact with all my friends and i was just. really not where i was supposed to be, quite literally. that was my big problem but then ive switched majors, to someplace i AM supposed to be; and got out of a bunch of different shitty situations and fought to be in better ones until i managed 

and here i am!! things always get better dude. you’re always going to find people to love and care for, and who love you and care back. it might take a long time, but itll happen. sometimes ir requires more things to change but itll happen. you absolutely will find good friends dude, i believe in you

sobs its quite honestly all i wanted and all i could hope for 

also! we just all met through this site, either through art or mutual friends/follows or just... some sort of contact. we all kinda knew of and followed each other for a good while though but not much else (id been in a few mutual public servers w others but ultimately left). i made a server a lil while ago and just invited them all there, bc i liked them a lot and wanted to get to know them better. 

i was terrified that they might not want to join but they all did and .. it was just uphill from there honestly 

you didnt make me mad, i know what you meant, but in doing that you ARE quite literally invalidating me. 

im expressing that im upset at something shitty that happened to me, and you go “okay but... what about the shitty things that happen to other people huh???” its a topic horribly out of place to say the least, and even if you did not mean to white knight my post but it very much came across as that, or alternatively, you trying to pull an “all lives matter” on me ((for lack of a better term, sorry))

you said “im not talking about where people obviously copy your designs ... etc“ and thats absolutely right. its what, again, I was talking about, and you came out of left field with something else.  if you wanted to talk about this other topic itd have been fine, but preceding your previous ask topic with “not to say people dont do this to you but....” ties it to MY post, so either way, you threw a completely out of place message at me

and literally all the things you mention here i addressed in my last response as well. i know what your intentions were but this has been an all around bad way to go about it man.

oh i meant i need a name for the whole story itself!! been toying with a few titles but nothing quite fits yet 

oh!!! i followed them on here, but they apparently have an instagram account and a youtube channel? i havent checked those out, are they like,, the same kind of content? or does it vary with pics/audio/etc 

oh!! man that sounds really really cool im def gonna look into it :O

#ask #anon #ask dump

[rosefromc0ncret3]

its funny how I always think I have no tears left to cry until im faced with new (or should I say, old and recurring) emotions time and time again. ive been processing a lot of my feelings lately and just reflecting on who I am as a person. I literally always find myself thinking too much about how others perceive me and how they view me in their life. am I important to people just as much as they are to me? do they value me as much as I do them? do they even think this hard the way I am rn. im trying to release and let go of these habits because they rly aren't doing me any good. its like my mind is just spiraling. I guess lately ive just been thinking a lot about my friendships with people and I mean this is something that I always think about I guess. sometimes, I wonder if I have poor boundaries with the ones close to me just cuz they are so close. and ive had conversations with other ppl before about how setting boundaries with people doesn't mean to never talk to them again. but just rly limiting interactions with them and what you choose to share just to protect your own peace. I guess sometimes I just feel obligated to tell people whats going on with me just cuz I know a lot about their life but I know I shouldn't feel the need to share parts of that with others just cuz they do. I know I need to do whats best for me. things have just been feeling really isolating and lonely lately. like im getting so mad and upset over every little thing. which some can argue thats how I always am lol. but ive just been needing a lot of space from others so I can be on my own shit. also I just find myself getting so annoyed by everything lately and I just cant deal. idk tho, cuz sometimes im so torn between wanting to be around people and then wanting to be alone. there's so many times where I am alone and I feel like no ones there for me.. or that no one understands or cares for me. and then there's times where im with a group of people and im like what am I even doing here cuz I truly feel like I dont belong. I guess this is just some internal battle shit that I have to figure out on my own. especially since I find myself having the same behaviors that I wanted to get rid of. sigh. times like this I just rly wish I had my therapist to talk to. just so I can have an unbiased perspective and for someone to just to tell me lol. but I know as much as I talk about this or feel this shit, it is truly up to me to figure out how I want to move forward. this is literally what my career is gonna be lol. so I know I need to have that understanding myself so I can actually believe it when im preaching it to my present and future kids. sigh. what a trip. anyway, was thinking out loud earlier and was just thinking about everything going on in my life and how overwhelming shit is. but as I was saying it, I was telling myself that there is a lot of good going for me and I know I have the opportunities to learn at school and at work which is so beneficial. I guess I get overwhelmed bc I think about all the work I have to do and if I'll be able to keep my sanity through it all lol. but I know that self care practices really start now cuz its def gonna be go go go when im in my career. however, I know I should be grateful. I just have to create and find moments to breathe. cuz its super hard out here. sigh. I hope that one day I won't have to constantly determine my worth thru my relationships with people. sometimes, I feel like I get so caught up in thinking that im no ones go to or no ones best friend and it just hella takes a toll on my worth. I know it shouldn't be like that. but I guess thats just how it is when you grow up with low self esteem. Its little things like not being included in a comment or being forgotten about that truly trigger something in me. I know I have to face these feelings head on otherwise the same shit will just keep happening. ive cried so much during the month of august and I feel like I just need to let all these tears out. every time I cry, its like a different type of sob. like just an extreme amount of feelings that I cant contain and the only way I know how to release it is to just fucken cry. I know I have to address them though. and it doesn't have to necessarily be with another person. it really starts with me cuz I know that I have to give myself the solutions that work best for me in order to just release myself from this negativity and heavy emotions. sigh. I hope I find those solutions soon. one day. one day at a time forsure. I believe in my heart that one day I'll be okay and everything will be okay. everything will be okay. 

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

[elftwink]

honestly this episode has made rose seem like a more complete character its so cool!! shes also sort of frustrating though, like chloe kinda was at her beginning

yeah definitely!!!! tbh i relate to rose more than i did to chloe already so agree 2 disagree but i can def see where you’re coming from w/that

speaking of chloe i think it’d be cool to see them interact actually bc rose talks about the boundaries w/mental powers in much the same way chloe does AND she has a telepathic brother so i think that also would be really helpful for chloe. also those are our two #confirmed wlw (chloe being pan is word of god still im pretty sure but i digress) and obviously rose has a relationship but sometimes… its just good to see gays interacting,, @ tbs give us the friendship between two canon lgbt+ women that we deserve PLEASE 

EDIT: my tags are REALLY unclear (& i’m not changing them in this edit just for transparency or w/e) and i should have addressed this in my response but i don’t understand what you mean by “[rose] she’s sort of frustrating” nor do i understand why you describe chloe that way especially specifically at her beginning bc the only time i’ve ever personally been frustrated by anything chloe does is the couple times she’s shared info that wasn’t hers to share but ultimately that’s uh,,, a flaw. that characters have. and beyond that imo neither of them have done anything frustrating? and certainly not anything outside the realm of what other characters have done or anything that would be unnecessary to the narrative thread? and its def worth noting that like... chloe especially often gets shit for being “annoying” & quite a lot of it is directed at actions that either would be praised or accepted if her character was male or literally are accepted (damien for example, having a similar power to hers, having similar moral dilemmas, and chosing every time to be a jackass and still being loved and/or excused). obvs you’re an anon and i can’t tell the extent of your tbs opinions from one ask but. i think it’s worth mentioning and it’s something i should’ve brought up in my answer originally, especially since i’ve discussed it before.

ive also strikethroughed part of this response bc i wrote it mostly bc i don’t like to shut people down but... i don’t. really see where you’re coming from and it’d be really helpful if you explained like. at all what you mean. 

#the bright sessions #the bright sessions spoilers #u mention chloe being frustrating at the beginning which... come back and explain that actually please #bc i found when i was most frustrated w/chloe was that one ep #where she blurted out stuff abt caleb #& said things out loud that wasnt her info to share #but that was pretty far in i think? #and i wanna know other ppls opinions #also. i do want 2 make it clear that i love both rose & chloe #just that its an interesting convo imo #anonymous #answered