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problematicfavesareproblematic · 4 years

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Band of Brothers-

Cute/charming things they say when they walk into a room and see you/you walk into a room and they see you:

Babe:

“oh SHIIIIIT! There’s my BABY! Do you see her, fellas? GodDAMN, I’m a lucky sonofabitch!”

(you blush so hard and are just like Babe, we’re at work stahp it but he dgaf).

It’s embarrassing and always makes Martin glare so imploringly at you that you’ll go over to Babe just to make him be quiet. Because, you know, YOU’RE AT WORK.

This bitch is shameless when it comes to loving on you, having once come to stand next to you when Sink was giving an important announcement and straight-up PINCHED. YOUR. ASS.

how you didn’t yelp is a miracle, and how no one else seemed to notice was equally astounding

(oh, the boys noticed. They kinda shipped it tho, so it was more a matter of hiding their joy).

Needless to say, it only happened the once, something you made Babe swear after you pulled him aside and punched him in the arm.

Don’t worry, you kissed it better.

Roe:

bb boy doesn’t say anything at first,

the smile he saves just for you is playing at his lips as you walk up to meet him, tho.

The moment you’re close enough that he can smell the sweet mint of your gum, he’ll whisper something sweet like “hey you” or “mon amor”, or maybe just your name

(bc let’s be honest, his accent is 10 out of 10 and he could read me the dictionary and I’d still rock an ugly giggle/snort combo).

If it’s a more serious situation, like if you’re hurt oh lordy

he will literally shout your name until either you shout back or someone tells him where you are.

I could see him being a face holder, in the sense that he does it to reassure himself that you’re okay and make sure he has your undivided attention.

Since getting injured in Carentan, you hadn’t been as close to the frontlines as you had been, so when you were needed you are REALLY NEEDED,

and even if he didn’t like it Gene knew you were the best at what you did.

Gene also feels better if he knows where you are.

Even when you eventually return to Easy, he will feel better knowing which Foxhole you’re in, and knowing he’s seen to it your first aid kit was fully stocked.

Liebgott:

THAT FUCKER’S SMIRKING AT YOU SO OPENLY that whoever he had been talking to instantly goes

*sigh* y/n’s just came in, didn’t she?

And he won’t even ANSWER because he’s already shoving past them to walk up and eye you with obvious satisfaction.

“Bout time you showed up,” he’d say casually, hands finding your hips giving them a quick squeeze.

“Sooner we get briefed, sooner we can get outta here.”

(You’re not fully sure what ‘getting outta here’ entails, but if the way he looked at you was any indication, you had a feeling it didn’t involve anything less than PG-13 sexy times.)

Bull:

“Hey, little lady.”

He’ll say it no matter how tall or short you are, how wide or how narrow.

He will always say it to you that when you first see each other in the morning

(sometimes, you wake up to Hey, little lady being kissed into the soft skin behind your ear.)

(Once while on a 48 hour pass, he’d woken you up that way in a REAL bed and the two of you had nearly gotten him sent up Curahee for being late coming back because you’d ended up spending more time in that bed than either of you anticipated Whoops)

(Even if he had been late, he definitely wouldnt have minded, tbh. He fully considered going AWOL if it mean neither of you had to leave the bed)

but throughout the day he’s more concerned about getting his hands on some part of you whenever the two of you had been apart-

even if it was for like five minutes.

Nothing over the top- holding his arm up and out so you can step into his side, a press of his lips to your temple.

Idk guys i just feel like he’d just love you so much that everyone would be able to see, which they do and they all think it’s fucking cute

Buck:

He doesn’t always call out when he sees you, mostly because your eyes always seem to find his.

The two of you could be across a field from one another with a thousand angry Germans between you, guns blazing, and the two of you would always spot each other like two honing beacons.

If its downtime and you guys don’t have to be on your guard he’ll ABSOLUTELY wolf whistle in at you,

You’ll see a stupid grin lighting up his face as he nods in your direction.

“Take a look, boys. I think we’ve got ourselves a…”

and he always waits until you’re close enough that he can wrap a quick arm around your waist and pat your hip.

“Certified babe-asaurus!”

(in a foxhole somewhere, a wild Babe’s head pokes up in confusion).

You groan and boo him, and whoever he was with inevitably ends up booing him too.

But he doesn’t care because seeing you smile makes him so happy you guys.

Lipton:

If you’re in public, he will quietly step up beside you and place his hand gently between your shoulder blades.

He’s not super into PDA, which you didn’t mind because what he didn’t show in physical touch he more than made up for in open admiration.

He is in awe of you

sometimes he worries you forget how highly he thinks of you, how highly everybody thinks of you

(you don’t forget, but he’s just one of those people who will get intrusive thoughts like that and sometimes has a hard time shaking them so plz just let him say it ok?)

so he always whispers some praise with his greeting

(Hey, beautiful...Doin’ okay, love?...What’re you thinking, brilliant girl?).

It’d probably seem like overkill if anyone else did it but Carwood is just so goddamn sincere that you can’t help but duck a quick kiss to his shoulder.

HOWEVER!

If you two kids are alone….

OH BOI.

He is handsy, coming up and caging you with his arms,

probably pulling you close quickly so you lose your balance and he can hold you a lil bit.

(He likes to sweep you off your feet im so sorry)

That’s when his praises are hushed and sighed between long slow kisses.

Nixon:

Like Liebgott, he’s a snarky motherfucker who will get the most self-satisfied grin on his face the moment he sees you, instantly turning on the famous Lewis Nixon charm ( something he’d long since decided belonged to you and you alone.)

“Uh oh,” he’d say, looking you up and down before raising an eyebrow.

(bc your hot but also he doesn’t want to get all flirty if you’re hurt or sick or something’s up bc ur not just something to flirt with- YOU ARE A BADASS WITH BADASS RESPONSIBILITIES AND THAT WAS SOMETHING HE very often and sometimes FOUND SO HOT THAT IT MADE HIM THINK HE MAY HAVE AN AUTHORITY FETISH this has been a PSA)

“Here comes trouble.”

you roll your eyes, the behavior you once found cocky and arrogant having becoming endearing somewhere between Toccoa and England.

He has absolutely no qualms about PDA (verbal or physical), so it’s up to you to reign him in

(especially if he’s a lil tipsy, poor Luz didn’t need to hear Lewis’s sloppy and shameless plea for you to let him eat you out on top of piano he’d found in the attic of the billet he’d been assigned. You weren’t able to look at George for a week without wanting to die of embarrassment and Lewis Nixon didn’t get any for two weeks. He was sure to never make such a mistake ever again)

And Dick had probably grown blind to how Lewis liked to pull you his lap and run his hands up and down your thighs while you played with his hair.

Also, like Lipton, he probably saves the more explicit acts of PDA for when the company has scheduled downtime

(but only bc you told him he needed to keep it in his pants any other time he tried to get cute with you)

but you can bet your ass his hand will always try to tap it (your ass, that is.)at least once

a day when he isn’t supposed to.

That’s when you get to punish him whoopsies

Dick:

since the day you were introduced to Dick in Georgia, the boy always made sure to stand when you entered a room and will call you “ma’am”,

(you know, LIKE HE DOES ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO FOR SOBEL BC RANKS. I feel like he has a “we salute the woman, not the rank” speech queued up for anyone who tried to give him shit for it BUT THAT’s JUST ME)

but he has a knowing look in his eye that makes the term ‘ma’am’ feel anything but impersonal.

It confused the shit out of replacements, who would automatically stand because their superior officer (that would be Big Dick Winters) did- only to see you standing there in your fatigues with a coffee in each hand with a look of mutual confusion on your face.

(bc while they like you, but they’re confused still bc while you’re a boss ass bitch, you didn’t outrank him...or at least they theink you dont?)

Babe had been the one to ask you about the longing looks and lingering glances, and when you didn’t know how to answer him you’d gone to Nixon,

He’d burst into tearful laughter and was unable to get it together enough to explain anything.

Dick had been the one to bring it up the next time they were alone, weirdly enough, as she proofread his report for errors that didn’t exist.

Because you warrant it, he’d said when pressed for a reason why he greeted her like a ranking officer, looking down at his boots as they both blushed like teenagers at a school dance.

After that, he still stood wherever you walked in

but now he made a point to brush his fingers against yours at some point during the time you were together.

He’s the definition of a slow burn friends-to-lovers story, and boi can get spicy LEMME TELL YOU.

(this is my first writing thing ever plz let a sister know if there are any glaring typos. Also i’m roughly 97 years late to fandom but I brought y’all some starbucks so plz let me in thank you)

#band of brothers imagine #band of brothers x reader #babe heffron x reader #eugene roe x reader #joe liebgott x reader #bull randleman x reader #carwood lipton x reader #lewis nixon x reader #dick winters x reader #hbo war x reader #it's vv bad but I'll just add it to the pile of already burning garbage pile that is my bibliography #buck compton x reader

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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survivor-ingary · 3 years

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Episode 3 - "RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful" - Riley

The 3 tribes of Pendragon, Hatter, and Jenkins have been reorganized and condensed into 2 new Hatter and Pendragon Tribes. Tribal immunity is Scavenger Hunt.

The fact I have Brayden and Toph in my merged tribe boosts my serotonin. i have a feeling colin may be someone to keep an eye out for in the future now...

RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful. I guess we'll see how Pendragon pans out.

yall doin me dirty putting me with brayden i just hope that by some miracle me him anastasia and ellie can work together? like i still dont know if theyre plotting on my ass vdshibshj i know brayden told anastasia to take me out when this game started oop but lemme see if dis works. i hope riley follows the logic of the old tribe sticking together and thatll be 5 votes. im kinda obsessed with toph like since the beginning of the game he looks like someone i could totally play with so def wanna work on that relationship. ava and nya? i believe? lets say hello and work on those relationships as well. dis is a bit overwhelming but we shall see how it goes

uh... well... i am SCREWED. me and ginny were the only ones separated from the Jenkins tribe... RIP. 4 pendragons, 2 hatters, and 2 jenkins... the main things i see here are pendragon yoinking one of the hatters / jenkins and voting the other off... OR a 4-4 tie... OR they're gonna target one of me or ginny cuz none of us have gone to tribal council yet. this is really dicey, and I need to tread very, very carefully from hereon. (ALSO GINNY BARELY TALKS PLS I NEED YOUR HELP GIRL)

This swap actually turned out pretty amazing for me. I still have Keith and Moth who I worked semi-close with in the pre-swap. Additionally, I've met up with Colin and Babs. A little Raffy magic could keep me very safe on this tribe. I think Kenneth is super fun as he is a newbie AND active. He will definitely make it far in this game. I hope, at the very least, that I can be by his side to make that happen. However, I am wary he might just be making these strong social connections with everyone. As a final note, OG Pendragons have this tribe 4 to 8. That's both good and bad. Good because we have numbers. Bad because that may make people target me very early on just for being a part of it. So, I have decided that if I were to throw any of my OG Pendragons to the wolves it would be Jonathan as I haven't been able to connect with them as well as Keith and Moth. Other than that, I hope this tribe doesn't have to go to tribal all that often between now and the next swap/merge. These people are lovely.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Since most of my Jenkins tribemates are on the other tribe, I KNOW they're good cuz we just keep getting W's... so I think there is a good chance we might lose the challenge. I contributed a good amount, so I hope that the target won't be on me if ever we lose the challenge :( I really don't wanna go, and I wanna reunite with Dennis/Ellie and maybe Anastasia and get further in the game.

youtube

i worked hard on this confessional

Our tribe did our absolute best in this challenge. I have no idea who is getting targeted if we go to tribal as everyone is so quiet. All I know is that I want to keep Colin, Kenneth, and Keith close to me for this stage of the game. They are the only ones who consistently talk to me. Challenge results: Pendragon wins due to a 10% advantage, Hatter Tribe must go to tribal council the following day.

THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO GO TO A TRIBAL, ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!!

Look, before you go to tribal with a group of people it feels like there’s a barrier of game socialization because you haven’t been able to go to tribal with them. But leading up to tribal and after it, a whole new can of worms is available for game talk. Unfortunately it’s an extremely simple vote because Nya has ghosted all of us, but at least we still get to go to tribal so I can talk game with more people even if it’s only a small amount with this easy vote. But who knows, someone might decide to switch shit up!

And also I absolutely love this tribe (Minus Nya cause I haven’t met them) so I’m glad that I get to go forward with this group although I won’t be nearly as happy if we go to tribal again because as I said, I do enjoy this group of people a lot

Moth (Tumblr will only allow me 10 images so player banners stop now, whoops) I believe the only reason I will make it to the next round is because of Raffys advantage. I’d be so screwed otherwise

I like Babs. They got good vibes.

Also I’d kill to know how the other tribe reacted

Dennis in a perfect world i would try to not vote out nya but bdksksksoksks theyve done it to themselves. no need to make waves. unless someone else is secretly plotting on me i think this is about to be an easy tribal. damn one point. miss ellie had her name down on stuff that she didnt do. also overslept that first challenge is she purposey trying to sabotage and play the villain? who knowssss also ive broken my streak of never going to tribe tribal sigh

Toph So what’s happening, I can’t remember the last time I made a confession but the tea yall ?! Soooo the tribe swap happened and my gut was right soooo okay intuition work ! I feel like I really like everyone from the merge and nya as remained inactive since, after losing the challenge it seems like an easy vote but you can never be to safe, I have my little allinnce with Brayden and Ava which is wig and I really dig Ellie , Anastasia, and Dennis too, I’m gonna be so nervous if we have to go to tribal agian because it could be me ! I’m not to sure about Reilly but they seem nice ! I feel pretty good with Anastasia as well and feel we could rope her into an alliance easily, I’m just gonna due my best right now to play the middle, keep my head down and speak positively. I really need to find an idol or something even better just so I don’t have to worry as super much and just plain worry then lol. If anything I’m gonna stay loyal to brayden and Ava the most since there my day one homies. Brayden seems to be close with Anastasia which could definitely help in are favor of having the numbers on are side. But could mean he would easily cut me for her if needed, so that mean I need to get closer with Ava, just to gaurnetee my safety, I have to look out for me this game and only me, making sure the numbers are kn my side I’m constantly on the right side of the vote should help me strageticly float to the end and win my crown thank you very much. I’m also lowkey worried about alliance’s being made right now without me! Everyone seems to be online but my chats are a bit quite but this could be me overthinking things mmmhmm I’m not sure, we’ll anyways it was nice to vent to y’all. :)

Riley Nooooooo I can't believe we lost by just one point. Damn the Hatter tribe's secret bonus point boost >:(

Kenneth I am honestly in such a shock that we won that challenge... Raffy really came in clutch and helped us win AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now I don't have to worry about being randomly blindsided or targeted for at least a couple more days now pls I just hope we get lucky again and another swap happens where I would be on the right side of the numbers, all prepared for merge domination >:) Raffy Oof. I know the other tribe is MAD because I would be too. Like, we only won because of my advantage giving us a 1 POINT LEAD. That's crazy! Honestly, this works for me as I can still focus o n making strong social connections within this tribe. By the time we go to tribal, I will be so integrated with this tribe that voting me out would do a lot more short-term harm than long-term good. I want to see if Kenneth would start an alliance with me as that is someone I want to work closely with. In this alliance? I have no idea. I'll probably let Kenneth take the lead on that since I want him to feel like he is in charge. Dennis nothing is real

if i go tonight i would applaud it bc i am so sure nya is going. it would be a goop if the vote really wasnt nya but everyone is more or less trying to do the easy thing i think. i just hope she is okay and just too busy for dis.

some time has gone by and im just chilling. im not chilling because i feel safe, im chilling because i dont know what else to do. i cant be all game talk 24/7 because then im an outcast and would get targeted. besides the obvi alliances like a+b and maybe(?!?!??) an e(?!) in there, idk what alliances there are. like there has to be something but i dont have the picture yet. as yall know im not in any alliances in my current tribe besides i guess ellie who i fear is a saboteur lol and most likely working with a+b. a+b are such a double edged sword for me ugh. am i really in their best interests???????????????? am i really in ellies best interest???? do they know about her idol too?????????? likeeeee thats the issue. if im not really in their best interests then im the next to go after nya. i am probs very low if not the lowest on this tribe if dats true. i mean what if i really am in their best interests and theyre all genuinely trying to work with me? idk! if not then im next to go efuhijdhvbf and i fear im probably not.

i really like toph. taurus sun (in the 12th!) gemini everything else king. hes got social game on lock like who wouldnt wanna work with him ?! and hes a cutie ?! ?! ?! but i seen the chart -.- i know what hes doin. i think hes working with ellie. but he reaches out to me and probably others but i like our conversations. (but im sure everyone loves their conversations with toph!! hes great!!!!! friendly ol toph wont harm a fly ?!) i hope he likes me and sees i actually would wanna work with him above all the gorls and chooses me over them too.

ava also knows what theyre doing. saturnian legend. we barely talk but little short bits here and there. i hope its bc theyre busy but im sure ellie is talking to them more than me amongst others too. oop also possible alliance, brayden toph ava who all swapped together. so gotta keep that in mind. but yeah i dont really think im much of their priority esp if theyre on vacay they would hear a name and not stress too much if its mine bc we dont have ties like that.

riley and i talk here and there, had a lil chat today

someone once told me that i just look like someone you cant trust but you can :( sometimes :)

so yeah here i am having lots of thoughts over the last few days.

maybe im not super super invested just yet bc i feel like the rug is gonna get swept out right from under me again :))) also back on my bs telling people im a leo moon. i shouldnt weaponize astrology but hey.

#episodes

0 notes

simkjrs · 7 years

Text

msa ch3 asks

Anonymous said: I love how msa Izuku comes across as an honest to god cryptid: can't see his face, absolutely the kind of person you'd find at a gas station at 3 am, doesn't want attention, most likely distant cousins with Mothman

msa au is just me fulfilling all of my ‘protagonist is a cryptid’ dreams by making msa izuku as cryptid as possible. favorite character archetype: cryptid

Anonymous said: so the msa au is my life right now thank u for that & I just read through the update twice so thank you for that x2 and I had to go back and look for Izuku and Kirishima's deal when it came up again and realized oh hey Kirishima agreed not to try and stop Izuku from leaving after 3 minutes and they didn't put a time limit on that i wonder if that'll come up again (& then my brain jumped to Izuku using that Forever. "we had a deal" every time it comes up. he cannot be stopped bc kiri promised)

got it in one!! izuku will abuse the wording of that deal forever if he can. good eye!

Anonymous said: relatability of msa izuku: trying, doesnt trust feds, inability to sleep, ready to jump out 4th story window at a moments notice, anti-attention-

that’s msa izuku living the cryptid life of his dreams

Anonymous said: So wait you don't have to answer this if it's a spoiler but the collarbone blood tattoo™ is what's making deku's existence confusing to electronics, maybe?

yep, you got it! normally izuku is able to keep his presence from overtly affecting the electronics around him but scripting really starts messing with them.

Anonymous said: quirkless msa deku anon and can i just say that deku looking eraserhead straight in the eye with lie detector policeman there and him saying "i don't have a quirk" and said policeman not detecting a lie is arguably the best thing i have thought of today.

tsukauchi: tsukauchi: wh tsukuachi: how did you even do all of [gestures at ch2 events] that without a quirk? izuku: it’s a special talent of mine.

Anonymous said: I just read chapter 3 and oh my god oh my god oh my god. Your Izuku is who i aspire to be 24:7. Like everything he says makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. You did good. <3

haha we are all aspiring to izuku’s levels of impromptu sass. im glad you liked the new chapter!

Anonymous said: I'm probs rlly late cuz I Love in GMT+1 which means 9 HOURS of difference but I love your writing. Man, dude, being from beyond time and space, you always manage to create the perfect harmony between comedy and suspense that has you giggling while trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe. Just. OH BOI.

this ask is so funny and sweet at the same time. i love you

@arinrowan said: it's kind of ironic that msa!izuku is exactly the kind of person who would benefit from friendship with/interacting with canon izuku.

msa izuku would benefit from friendship in general but you’re right. he needs the kind of quiet but aggressive support that canon izuku gives

Anonymous said: Cuz I'm trying to see if I can figure this out, by "told me about Kamino Ward", does that mean that Izuku tipped kirishima that that was where bakugou was? How did he know tho, did baku's spirit go to him and tell him that? Did izuku actually play a part in the rescue???? So many questions

THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE... [spoiler alert] is actually ‘yes.’ more soon...

Anonymous said: when they start asking questions abt kamino ward at some point he just gets fed up and says "I JUST DID IT BECAUSE THE GODDAMN CAT WOULDNT LEAVE ME ALONE. I DONT EVEN LIKE BAKUGOU" and the heroes are like :0? what if, we brought bakugou here?

izuku doesn’t even acknowledge that the kamino ward incident happens it’s like theyre just talking to a brick wall

Anonymous said: Izuku has no control over his own sass anymore and it's glorious?? Says "that'll be 500 yen" and looks surprised at himslef, says "now it's 600 yen" and looks downright mortified, the sass is too much for his smol body, sassmaster izuku ftw

to quote @salvainterra, “i love the fact that izuku never stops even when he himself thinks he should stop.” izuku listens to every nonviolent intrusive thought that crosses his mind and it both incredible and unfortunate. izuku is no longer bound by human limits

Anonymous said: msa izuku is the living embodiment of the "fuck this shit im out" song

ABSOLUTELY

Anonymous said: tbh when msa chapter 3 said that izuku slept 12 hours at nighteye's office, i was guessing that he would just passive aggressively sleep as much as possible for as long as they had him. won't give them the satisfaction of watching him wander around in his holding cell. hes in the middle of the interrogation and he puts his head down and goes to sleep (btw love your work!)

haha no he was just so exhausted he passed out for 12 hours. he hasn’t had a good nights sleep in weeks, as soon as all [gestures at ch2] this was over he just crashed

Anonymous said: Wow the new chapter is great!! Stellar as always. I can't help but imagine what's going on from Izuku's point of view with the spirits. Am I the only one who thinks Aizawa's spirit was trying to apologize or something when Izuku talked about not being forced into anything?

there was definitely some spirit stuff happening... i will say that aizawa’s fox spirit is the one who asked/persuaded izuku to tell aizawa what was Up with his quirk

Anonymous said: tbh i want to see them question izuku with a lie-detector quirk or something. like he'll say something positively ridiculous and everyone's gonna go "wait wtf he's telling the truth??!!?!!?!?!?!?"

hoho... well... buddy im not gonna say anything...

Anonymous said: Hello! I found your works recently and have an insane amount of time in the past few days going through it all, cause is all beautiful. I want to scream at you about all of them but you only get so many words with this so I'll focus on msa rn and I read chapter 3 of msa last night and since then I've been switching laughing at Izuku's sass, crying cause Izuku has so much angst involved him and I just wanna hug him, and screaming cause whAT WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER?!! Just what. Thanks for ur works-A

THANKS, thats the kind of reaction i aim for when i write something. im super happy you liked it!! <3

Anonymous said: Technically his quirk is "Being alive" or "Having a functioning body" but saying that would probably end with the same blank stares. As a side note, in the manga (and canon in general) they mentioned quirks are activated by the 'quirk factor energy' or whatever... Do you think that might mean that people who are quirkless just don't naturally have enough quirk energy to activate their latent quirks? it would also make some sense from an evolutionary standpoint, the glowing baby is from the first

generation that had enough of the qfe to actually manifest their quirk and after that generation the lowering number of quirkless could be attributed to those that have a deficit in the production of said energy and they might actually have latent quirks. The pinky toe missing could be the final mutation that causes them to have enough energy for their quirks to work.. The only issue with the theory I see is OFA not awakening latent quirks with it's energy jumpstart...

i think that’s a pretty good theory! it lines up pretty well w/ the worldbuilding in msa. as for afo, :3c

Anonymous said: Hey uh.. I know this is probably 100% non canon in your AU but I was re-reading your MSA fic and I misread something that made me think that Izuku is actually dead and his body is actually being run by his guardian spirit who possessed his body/took his place when he died... *sweats* Its a really weird.. dark idea but I thought it was sorta cool and you might like it..? um.. I'll just let myself out now

god yeah that would be so dark and everything in msa would actually be even worse than it was before

Anonymous said: When deku explains nighteye's quirk i can only think of that's so raven.

theyre valid questions...

Anonymous said: I spent my break reading the asks sent to you RE: chapter 3 of msa and I cannot stop fucking laughing over "look eraserhead dead in the eyes and tell him you don't have a quirk" thank GOD I'm supposed to be happy and smiley to everyone

honestly, this is conceptually such a powerful moment that i can’t not put it in the fic now

Anonymous said: msa izuka finally get set free but kiri has started following him around. States its official hero business but really just wants to see what other "cool shit" izuka will do.

izuku pulls an Official Cryptid Move (tm) and disappears while walking thru a liminal space

Anonymous said: i love that when aizawa starts asking about deku's quirk he's like, 'screw this i'm answering in riddles now'. this is such a great fic!!

Anonymous said: “It’s a secret,” he says. “A secret that no one knows, that one will suffer, and one-half loathes. Who knows if it’s true or not? The only thing we can confidently say is that it’s one thing that should not be.” Okay, so this is probably one of my favourite little scenes from your fic, partially because it sounds so ominous and badass and makes pretty much no sense. I loved your update, I was so tense the entire time I was reading it, but also giggling hysterically because /Izuku/ just - Izukus

hmm i sure do wonder where izuku got that riddle from... and what it means...

this riddle is just izuku complaining about everything because as long as he’s in this situation, he might as well make it perfectly clear how unhappy he is about EVERYTHING. when else is he going to have an audience for him complaining about his various maladies

Anonymous said: I think that a part thats particularly true to izuku's character is when kirishima makes the observation "damn maybe it IS good we arrested him so he can sleep" & izuku goes into a miniature coma for 12 hours bc being arrested presented the perfect opportunity for him to finally be able to sleep

nfdfsljndslfnjdf YEAH, everyone please stop this child it’s for his own good

Anonymous said: Reading know what i've made by the marks on my hands is really terrifying when not in Izuku's pov because you now know how scary?? it is for some other characters and Izuku looks crazy-- but you know he's not because cheesus???? This kid???????? Honestly I love it so much, thanks for your amazing writing and I want you to know that I enjoy it a LOT.

that’s the goal... showing how weird and strange and bizarre izuku is from everyone else’s point of view... i loved the outside pov bc i got the chance to show how much of a cryptid izuku is, something that izuku himself isn’t even aware of and thus would not make it into his pov

Anonymous said: anon who ((still)) hasn't read bnha here. chapter 3 of msa is amazing. i cannot get over the sheer amount of sass found in such a smol boy. also kirishima is quickly becoming my favorite character because of how supportive and caring he is. kirishima/deku is apparently now something to add to my armada of ships. for that i thank you. also i cannot wait for deku to meet spirit!one for all. it will either be glorious or horrible.

haha im always happy to introduce someone to the wonders of kiri/deku!! its an extremely good friendship... and in my professional opinion everyone should get on it and make it the Hot New Thing. as for ofa, ;3c

Anonymous said: I just thought of this but during Aizawa's interrogation I could totally see his spirit just blatantly looking away from Izuku while Aizawa is asking about his benefactor.

HAHA YUP, i love izuku saying all kinds of stuff about spirits and no one can make any sense of it and meanwhile the spirits are trying to tell him to stop. but izuku cannot and will not be stopped from passive aggressively vaguing about them. he WILL get his complaints in if its the last thing he does

Anonymous said: “I just fixed your entire Quirk, you cabbage.” I'm sorry but this. This is beautiful. I'M GOING TO GO AROUND CALLING PEOPLE CABBAGE NOW

i was worried it was a bit of an overused classic internet insult but this is reassuring :p

Anonymous said: every word that comes out of MSA Izuku's mouth is a blessing

but not to our three heroes and their intrepid intern sidekick...

Anonymous said: Shit after the msa chapter i've got so many questions about Kamino. Did the rescue occur the same with minor variations? Is AfO still down? Did All Might fckin die? Has OfA been passed down yet? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

im uncreative and unoriginal with canon events so we’ll see.... we’ll see.

Anonymous said: MSA CHAPTER 4! I just found it today and I'm already rereading it. I did not know how much I needed sassy dead inside izuku. I Love this fic so much! That cliff hanger was so good! I'm so exciting to see more of izuku's pov. I love kiri but like I can't get enough of this izuku and his thoughts and reactions to things. This is so well written. The pacing in chapter 2 was so good. It felt like a heist and then keeping the readers guessing with not knowing if he was gonna get away was so good!

thank you so much!! im really glad you enjoyed the story that much <3 <3 sassy izuku is a pleasure to write honestly, can’t wait to see him more in future chapters

Anonymous said: Ohhhhhh you should update msa! It's so unbelievably good! I love the interaction between kirishima and izuku! Like I'm so excited to learn more about kamino ward and how that's gonna affect izuku going free and keeping his identy safe

:3c

Anonymous said: In chalter 2 of the msa au, did Kirishima think anything about how Deku said "I swear to every spirit I know"?

he dismissed it as a kind of weird, niche turn of phrase. like oh, guess this guy believes in spirits and junk, but im more worried about literally every other weird thing he’s done today

Anonymous said: So does MSA!Izuku always mess with attempts to record his presence? I feel like this would be kind of a major problem when it comes to getting himself a school ID or the like. (He's going to school somewhere, so he must have a school ID stashed somewhere). You know, they could potentially use this to track his identity down. They can try contacting schools to see if any had issues with one student needing to have an excessive number of photo retakes.

nope, usually izuku can keep it under control! the blood sigil on his collarbone is what really let him passively affect the electronics.

Anonymous said: Ok so msa!Izuku says "he shouldn't" exists, and when I first read that I was really confused, do you mean he shouldn't exist in the way that he sees things he shouldn't, or that he literally should not exists and Inko has no freaking clue where he came from/he was not a planned child?

yes to the first proposal. other than that, spoilers...

#I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS BEFORE I FINISHED ABORT ABORT ABORT #ok i finished we're all good now.#ask #ask compilation #msa stuff

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

youtube

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

youtube

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

youtube

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

0 notes

buddaheadcannonsonice · 7 years

Text

Rika’s back and MC gets left P. 5

Rika is back and MC gets sick at the same time she feels abandoned. Part 1 (x) | Part 2 (x) | Part 3 (x) | Part 4 (x) | Part 5 (x)

Some say that people experience 3 different loves throughout their lifetime

The first: the young, idealistic kind of love that looks right but may not feel right

The second: the hard love; where lessons are learned and the kind of unbalanced love where making it work is more important that if is actually should work

The love we wished was right

And finally

The third: the wrecking ball; the one we never see coming and teaches us why the rest didnt work out

Looks wrong; but feels right and lasts

Not always will each be experienced in close age gaps following another; some never experience all three

Others are fortuante and only experience one or two

and others believe they have experienced all three in another life

But sometimes love is only a concept and not real for some people in the sense that love only has to be sexual or romantic and not familial

Whatever the case you need to acknowledge the different loves

Because love is more than just romantic or classified;

Not always will they be romantic or have enough power in them to stir a storm in you, but there is always a level of light within each love

Sometimes, it can be hard to realize, accept, and even move on from; but sometimes it’s best to move on from them, even if they are your family

---

You don't think you can move

The sounds of blades ripping through the air make your ears hurt and pop

Someone is caressing your head

and someone else is gripping your hand

You don't know where you are or why

But you don't feel like you should be there

The voices are distant and unlike anything you can understand

Sometime later the loud blades stop and you’re being lowered by a few people and wheeled away

You hear people arguing and yelling and you still can't open your eyes

Why can't I see?

You can't move either

You feel needles entering you

Machines all around

And feel nice, clean oxygen enter your nose through tubes

Am I in trouble?

You still cant hear well

But you can feel

You feel someone squeeze your hand and someone kiss your cheek

You don't know where they went but after a few minutes they all left

--- Jahee ---

She can't believe it

She doesn't

Not at first, not until V explains

He explains that Rika had always been sick

that she needed to save everyone and help in anyway she could to feel needed and loved

V explained how she could only help them by hurting them and by making MC the middle person

But he didn't think she would hurt MC

Not in a way that would kill her way at least

By the request of Mr. Han

Jahee had both lawyers and psychologist at the standby ready

But her main concern was MC

She thought MC was gone, that she left without goodbye and was hurt

But no; she was wrong

MC was the victim

What will become of her, she didn't know

She wondered if anyone felt like she did bc no one seemed to think that Rika and V needed to be held accountable

It was a game of pointing fingers and “If MC dies what then?”

She needed something more awakening and filling than coffee atm

She needed MC to be okay

--- Yoosung ----

He was livid

How could V blame everything on Rika? She would never do this!

After he saw the messages he threw his phone

He went to Zen to be caught up and both went with Jahee to the hospital where Jumin and Seven were waiting for MC

He needed to see Rika though

Neither Jahee nor Zen complied

He asked Jumin to take him to see Rika but Jumin just looked at him with an unreadable expression and if he asked Seven, Seven wouldnt have answered since he’d have been busy on his laptop

He almost gave up but then saw Rika in a separate room with V

He couldn't stand V

V did this; by allowing this to continue he hurt MC and RIka

He would never ever forgive him

---- Zen ----

The surgery was long and tiring

He canceled everything and stayed in the waiting room Jumin had set up for them rich kid problems

He really had a need just to smoke all his stress away but didnt want to knowing that MC wasnt a fan of the smell and he didnt want her to say that when she woke up from the surgery

He had it all planned out

“Forget Rika and the rest, let's go and travel without responsibilities MC”

And he hoped she'd agree and maybe even offer to take them all to visit her home and family and

he was excited that the pet she had was a dog and not a cat bc poor bby cant sneeze and have fun at the same time

But he knew he just needed to ask for trust fund over there for some help and once MC was out of here hed propose the idea to her and the other members

BUt first he’d need to know how they found her and everything because V was vague and it irritated him how they kept secrets

He thought they were all family; is this how a family should be?

He really just needed a smoke

---- Seven ----

It's an endless nightmare for him

Hacking into the system worked up until he couldn't continue to watch her stats drop

He didnt want to imagine what damage would befall onto MC

AFter flatlining a few times, he was sure that the doctors would call her time of death but they kept at it

Until finally MC stabilized

When the doctors told the rest the news he didnt think he could breathe until he saw for himself that MC was okay and not taken away again by an occult-following quack of a doctor

So he kept an eye on her through the video

He read on the reports the doctors and nurses were inputting into the system but all he could think about was who Unknown was

V would know, but he didnt trust himself to go to V to get answers

Not at the moment anyways

They must have been good to have helped MC

And isn’t there some saying that if a dog likes a person, it’s because they are good?

----

You can hear and feel and think

But you can't see

Am i even moving?

You being to wonder where you have come to that you don’t understand anything anyone is saying

You panic because you feel people touch you,

but you can’t see anyone or anything and it scares you because they cant hear you to know to stop

You try to hear out for your mom or dad

You feel hands on your face and you panic because you dont want anyone touching you there; you cant stand anyone touching you anywhere

You feel something cold run up your arm and then you fall back to calmness...

---- Jumin ----

He couldnt look at her let alone hug her

He wanted to know that she would forgive him

BUt at the moment he really wanted to know that she would overcome this and wake up and smile

Just to see her smile would make everything else fall into a prefecture of being able to breath easy

The doctors said that she would have to continue on the medication and get on a clinical trial that can possibly help her we all know Jumin pushed for her to be in one

But Jumin didnt think everything would ever be the same

They wrapped her face becasue of the medication that Rika gave her, that caused some deformities in her eyes

They got to her in time to save her eyes, but she won’t be able to see for a few days until she fully recovered

They said she would be groggy when waking up and even confused, which should go away in time

They gave her a sedative to relax her so she wouldnt further injure herself

But it made him confused that she didnt understand them at all or know who was talking

Or how she was feeling all over herself, which caused her to think someone else was touching her and which caused her to panic even more

He knew he should go and see Rika and V but he couldn’t atm, not while MC was like this

Jahee left to get coffee and to make sure the lawyers were ready for whatever was to come:

Either RIka and V are held accountable or not, or if MC decides to leave everyone and order a restraining order- whatever she wanted, he was sure to deliver

--- Rika ---

“It was all for the sake of everyone”

she chanted over and over, not knowing that she was mumbling to herself as V and her cousin stood by watching her from the doorway

Some time had passed, not knowing what day it was, or what happened after the girl... the one with the sin... after that sinful girl was taken it all went blank for Rika

She tried to remember but she couldn’t push past the hazy clouds of incoherent memories she didn’t trust anymore

There was one doctor she liked that she saw

He was a man of his word and talked to her about religion and even let her explain how that sinful girl made her way into hurting everyone

and how it was only possible becuase she and how it was only possible becuase she let it happen

If it had not been for Rika, no one would have met MC

No one would have been saved!

No one would have been liberated from the tribulations and trials and suffering that came with life had it not been for Rika allowing MC into the RFA

And the doctor understood that.

Rika didnt ask for updates on the sinful girl bc she wanted to know that it was all worth it in the end to save everyone

“She woke up and scared everyone when she didnt understand them” V talked to Rika as she continued to mumble her chant

“Thankfully Jumin is fluent in English and was able to talk to MC for the few moments she didn’t remember Hangul”

Rika slightly upset that she failed

Hearing the angels mock her as she sat there listening to V talk about that sinful girl made her angry

She didnt want to be mocked by the angels anymore

--- V ---

He felt guilty in ways that he knew were sick and twisted

He shouldnt have defended Rika or he should have gone to seek help for her

He let Rika’s condition continue and grow until she no longer was the same Rika he first met at the gallery all those years ago

He was too scared to meet everyone face to face after all that had happened; he didn’t want to see anyone out of fear and shame

MC woke up confused and only understandable through English

The only thing that kept V sane was the small conversations Jumin would have with him

granted they were mainly one-sided, he felt warm and almost forgiven when Jumin talked to him

He didn’t know if he would ever recieve forgiveness from MC

at this point, he wasnt sure he even deserved it

But to know that MC would turn out fine despite all he had done and let Rika do would give him comfort for the rest of his days

------

Jumin calmly explained how you were not in America anymore and that you were in South Korea

He helped you remember things you already knew but you didn't want them to know you knew

You figured it would make things easier if you let them think you forgot the majority of everything

From them abandoning you to the drugs and to the now; you wanted them all to think you forgot the major events

You did, however, let them know that you did not forget Paco poor bby was sad until he saw you

You found it hard to lie to them for the first day and then went to slowly ‘remembering’ Hangul

It was not hard to pretend to be weary around them bc they did abandon you and thought you left them without having known you better

You wanted to forgive them for having left you and forgotten about you

but you couldnt find it in you to forgive them

Try as they might, you could not go back to before Rika resurfaced

Zen offered a trip to the States to visit your family, and Jumin ofc said he would pay for the trip for everyone

Jahee provided a lot of amazing coffee for you to indulge in such the coffee whore you ever are

Yoosung would stop by and cry for a few seconds each visit and then leave the room in an uncomfortable manner

and then there was Seven

You dont know why but you couldn't find it in you to ever stay mad at him

You did want to ask him about Saeran, bc you weren’t sure if you should expose Unknown’s identity to a hacker who works for bosses that dont seem to be the best runner-ups for ‘Boss-of-the-year-award’

Would he get in trouble? What if by exposing his name, I’d get him in trouble? I don’t want Saeran to be involved. He shouldn’t have to hide either. Where did he go? Would Seven keep this a secret if I asked him to?

--- Unknown ---

He watched MC convey confusion and watched how she reacted towards everyone

How she was at ease with Saeyoung and Jumin the most out of all the RFA

How she smiled when the secretary would give her coffee and when the red-eyed boy would smile back at her after he would helplessly flirt

Or how she would tense up when the young blonde boy walked in sad and left sad, but how she would fondly smile at the boy when he was not apologizing

Saeran felt like he was part to blame for what happened to her

Maybe one day he will come back and see how things would work out if he could find out more about Saeyoung

He felt like he was making all the right choices and for all the right reasons, that is until MC and Paco became his mission, making him loose the game and goal he set out to win

His primary concern was how to come back to face Saeyoung without malicious intent

until then, he figured he would go to America and see how things were for a few weeks how convenient that it would be during their trip to visiting MC’s home town

----

You didnt know if Yoosung would ever look at you the same

it bothered you slightly how the one person who you thought would have stayed by your side would leave you a lot more than the rest

But you knew

you knew how this must have all been confusing for him to have discovered what mental issues his cousin was dealing with

You just wished that he didn't blame V for everything

bc it wasnt V, it was all Rika

You know you should forgive and forget but you couldnt

It didnt feel right to lie to Seven and Jumin

but you got the sense that they knew you knew

Somehow it a silent agreement between the 3 of you to pretend that you dindt remember most of the past few weeks

You were scared of leaving teh hospital because you didnt want to be alone anymore

but you were scared of the hospital from the beginning since most of everything started with the hospital

Jumin offered you the best lawyers and doctors and space as an apology

while Seven kept you company and when he thought you slept, you could hear him profusely apologize

You agreed to Zen’s idea of a vacation only after V admitted Rika into the psychiatric ward

Yoosung wouldnt talk to you for days or to anyone, but you felt like maybe he needed to take time to re-evaluate his thoughts

You enjoyed it when Jahee would bring in a good cup of coffee and talk to you like you used to before

No one mentioned the illness you had or the Rika events

It made you happy to not think about the stress or heartbreaking moments

but it made you sad too because it was your life

and no one was acknowledging it at all

You did, however, receive only one letter from Unknown who asked you to keep his real name a secret until the next time you would meet

He reminded you that you could still talk to Paco about the part of your life everyone was okay with omitting

And you understood why they wanted to omit that bit of your life, but omitting it doesn't completely mask the fact that it happened

Maybe this will all catch up and resurface some day to where everyone would come to terms with it all

and maybe then Rika would be back to how everyone said she was but you found it hard to believe and less thrilling to picture

But until then you figured out to slowly let them into your heart instead of you into theirs, things could be different

Maybe you would learn to forgive them and learn to trust them as they did to you before Rika

But you figured it would take time

A person can only hold out so much before they crumble after having pieces of them chipped and filled away to make space for other people to fit with them

Maybe if you had stayed home instead of venturing for adventure, you wouldnt have become terrified of the dark, needles, and strangers so much

Maybe if you didn’t answer those messages you wouldnt have become so traumitized by a group of people you considered family

But maybe if Rika didn’t go crazy on you, you wouldn’t have formed such bonds with people

And you know that there was still a lot of more to discover of each member of the RFA before you could ever think of leaving your family

For the moment you would settle with: Rika staying far away from you,

everyone hovering including the ever so distant smoll angry Yoosung,

the constant suppression of events you wanted to make everyone feel guilty about but couldnt bc they did that on their own,

and the knowledge that this dysfunctional group of misfits would be your final, unforeseen, and third love.

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chikotos · 7 years

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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bathyssal · 7 years

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DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT SEE?????????? HUEHEHUEHE okay answer all the unanswered questions on the Body Ask meme

OH DEAR GOD you’re supposed to be SLEEPING YOU HEATHEN

What's your favorite music genre? i love p much any genre of music but i guess if i had to choose one i would choose pop! Do you have any piercings? three in each ear and my belly! i rly want my tongue pierced but we’ll see Favorite non musical sound? waves crashing on a shore

Do you have a favorite taste? i have...so many...this rly depends on what i’m in the mood for. i love sweet and salty and sour...all flavors lol Least? LEMON again, i hate lemons. i hate them, eugh. and i can pick out the taste no matter what so like even sneaky lemons i’m like oh god why Do you like kisses? i LOVE kisses i haven’t been smooched in so long... How do you feel about teeth? um i love teeth. i take rly good care of my own teeth and teeth are one of the first things i notice on other ppl! i like all kinds of teeth and i actually love going to the dentist lmao Do wear lipstick? b o i YES are you kidding i have so many lipsticks it’s almost embarrassing What's your favorite shade? omg...how could i pick just one...ok there’s this loreal one called “eva’s pink” i think it’s eva longoria’s nude? and it’s. gorgeous. i love EVERY gloss from nyx butter glosses and colourpop makes the BEST lippies i love them too

Where are you most sensitive? uhhh idk my stomach i think? How deep is your voice? not very lol it sounds deeper to me?? but when i’ve heard my own voice it’s actually kinda high Do you like your voice? it’s alright! i wouldn’t mind if it was deeper i kind of like deeper voices tbh but my voice is nice! Can you sing? i can and i do. does it sound good?? who knows but i’m having a fun time

sticks the rest of this nonsense under a readmore

Are you strong, physically? not anymore! can you believe these fists and elbows used to be able to break boards and now i’m a weak baby??? i need to get into a gym i want to buff up so bad Do you think you give good hugs? probably not lol i usually give rly quick hugs?? i feel awkward hugging ppl unless i’m like SUPER needy for a hug

Do you wear a lot of jewelry? i don’t! i wear some out like if i’m going somewhere but otherwise the only jewelry i wear consistently is my belly button ring bc i’m not letting that sucker close up What kind? i just answered that lol but when i go out i usually put in at least one pair of earrings and sometimes a necklace! i have rly slender wrists and fingers so bracelets and rings are hard to find bc they just fall off Is there a certain type of jewelry that you just can't stop getting? i’ve tried to stick to getting earrings bc i know i’ll wear them but i used to get rings ALL THE TIME

Are you artsy? i...guess? Do you play any sort of instrument? i played the violin in elementary school and the trumpet from 4-8th grade! Do you draw? i used to! i kinda lost interest in it bc i was an impatient child who, if i didn’t see immediate results, i just stopped. which is. kind of still how i am. i’m working on it Do you write? i do! i’m trying to write more frequently these days and work WITH my scattered brain rather than against it. i’ve just posted a captive prince fic (chap 1 is up ;) and i’m nearly done with a grelliam fic. i’d like to work on maybe some original work but? i’m not sure how to get started? Do you have soft hands? they’re pretty soft! i try and moisturize them every night Do your hands ever idle or do you always have to be doing something with them? ho boy no i’m always doing something with them

Do you paint your nails? ALL THE TIME! Are they painted now? yep! What color? a deep teal!

Where do you feel safest? hmm my room What comforts you the most? being wrapped up in a blanket burrito and watching/listening to something i love How do you usually calm down? usually listening to music helps or jumping on my lil trampoline

What's your favorite thing to eat? PIE also any breakfast food. also pasta What gives you butterflies? thinking about the ocean Have you ever been on a roller coaster? NOPE and i never plan to be Do you have any food allergies? nope!

Do you put your hands on your hips a lot? hmm no i don’t think so Do you close doors and things with your hips? omg yes all the time Can you dance? i sure can. not that well but i’m doing it anyway Have you tried? ya. i actually did this after school dance club in middle school, mostly bc my friends wanted to do it. i was not v good

What position do you sleep in? on my side with a pillow between my legs and another under my face. i have two body pillows in bed with me at all times lmao i love pillows Got any tattoos? nope!

Ever really hurt yourself slipping on something? i’m ALWAYS hurting myself slipping or tripping Ever accidentally sit on something you really wish you hadn't? hmmm no i’ve never sat in anything BUT i did once fall in goose poop and got it all over my knees

Do you feel like you have enough support? sometimes? idk i don’t like to talk about feelings What would you consider a weak spot, physical or mental? i have weak ankles lol. and i can’t handle rejection worth a darn Have you ever broken something on purpose? (Smashed a window, knocked over a lamp, ect.) not that i remember...i usually break things on accident bc i’m clumsy

Do you ever go outside barefoot? yes! i used to all the time when i was little and playing outside with my friend. i actually stepped on one of those spiky seed ball things that fall off trees and had to have my friend’s dad pull little spines out of my foot Do you like slippers? i LOVE slippers i have so many Have you ever stepped on a lego or something similarly bad? OOPS I TOLD THAT STORY IN THE WRONG PLACE but yeah the seed thing was the worst. also i used to step on my brother’s toy cars

#asks #this took forever #lordlaurent

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pansexualbatgirl-blog · 7 years

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So like. Some people were kinda confused by the scattered posts and talking from my mutuals bout my new medical issues so I’m just going to quickly explain stuff here rather than to everyone individually. Anyways below this is my horror story of my gallbladder so far. No I did not have surgery yet but I’m scheduling stuff tomorrow when their office is open from the holidays. I’m alright now but occasionally still in pain and have been p much forced onto a diet.

Anyways without further ado, have the extended story of how 2016 fucked me up one more time right at the end. Anyways, I’m avoiding the majority of the gross details (the worst being probably my ultrasound and the pain which was bad)

My gallbladder got infected AND has gallstones (which is like a complicated thing im not gonna explain but long story short: OW) which happened some time just before christmas (the infection part).

Anyways I thought I had the flu the day after so I was tryna rest and stuff but all day on the 26th and 27th I was sick super bad and wasn’t able to eat. and on the 28th i was STILL sick superbad but the pain i thought was just the flu had just gotten super intense. And by that I mean when my moms boyfriend drove me to the hospital I cried at every bump. I was in so much pain it had just taken over my whole stomach and made it hard to walk and move and do anything p much (which was why I had been going to the hospital)

So anyways my mom had work in the morning and so did her boyfriend so nobody was able to stay there with me (and hospitals terrify me, for the record). So anyways I finally get to a room in emerge and the doctor comes in and THANK GOD it had been long enough for the initial tests to come in so I didn’t have to tell them I was a virgin and therefore Not Pregnant 30 billion times (because as a girl going to the hospital for stomach issues, thats their first thought). So he has me lay on my back and then starts pressing on my stomach and I screamed really loud and was caught between shaking and holding still because it hurt so bad i didnt want to move but like. He kept pressing on different places trying to find out where the pain was worst and it was on the right side (which I couldn’t really tell before since it had p much taken over half my body) which is Bad. Like, pain in the right side of your stomach is bad and they thought it was my appendix maybe so I got told I was going to get an xray and an ultrasound.

Which freaked me out.

So after he left the room my nurse came in and told me that it’d only be a few more minutes and then I was having a small anxiety attack so she helped talk me through some questions I had about the type of ultrasound the doctor had planned (bc it was originally gonna be one of the insert-smth-in-your-body ones) and told her I had anxiety issues (which will come up again later). Anyways she explained things in a way that made me feel less scared and then told me it would be painless and how it worked and made sure I was ok before going.

A few minutes later a guy comes in and puts the thing they put IVs in you into my arm and then injected me with morphine and some fluids and then walked me down to wait for my xray (which was so fucking painful lemme tell you. hes lucky the drugs were good or id have passed out by then but again: anxiety. I was too scared to ask for a wheelchair to go there).

So then they do my x-ray and the lady walked me to the ultrasound room. Not sure why (either from dehydration or because the nurse told them i was anxious about the other type) but I got the normal type of ultrasound. Which, idk if all of you have gotten one before, but theyre generally painless. Generally. They coat your belly in gel and then rub it with this thing that shows them your stomach-- painless. And by then the screeching roar of pain had dulled down a bit. Enough for it to only hurt in some places rather than all.

Anyways, she starts and I start crying right away. Like not moving, but tears everywhere. She had to guide my breathing the whole time (okay hun I need you to breathe. deep breath and hold it. okay now breathe, i know it hurts im sorry) and like I don’t know how long I was in there but it felt like forever and I was just in SO much pain the whole time even with the morphine in me.

Anyways bless her soul when she realized I had walked there she just “haha fuck that no i am wheeling you back you are not walking” only more polite and like when I answered I had walked she had this “im going to kill someone on your behalf” look on her face. So yeah she wheeled me back and told me she couldnt tell me about what she had seen on the thing (as they send it to a professional to get the reading) but she had a worried look which left me super anxious.

Ten-ish minutes not even later, the doctor comes back in, along with the nurse. He tells me that theyre admitting me and that it’s my gallbladder. He mentions its infected and my mind just goes blank with terror because when my mom had her gallbladder out it got infected amd she almost died. And at that time it didnt matter that my older sister and like two or three of my aunts had gotten theirs out with no problems, my mind just went straight to “oh my god I am going to die immediately there is no hope Im going to die alone right here in this room”. And the doctor is a bit patronizing and keeps asking me if I understand whats going on and what hes telling me and I just keep nodding and saying yeah and he left me with the nurse to go over the other stuff and I lost it. Like I had asked if I could call my mom (who I knew would understand WHY my anxiety attack had turned to a panic attack) and the nurse had been about to say that she had to go over some medical stuff first but when I broke down she quickly (bless her soul) got me my phone and let me call my mom right away (because again, I was alone at the hospital).

So yeah Im full blown panic mode and I get my mom on the phone and I barely get out “mom its my gallbladder” before i can no longer talk because I’m having trouble breathing. So my moms talking and asking me things (trying to see how bad it is) and I just am having trouble keeping up the conversation because I’m crying so hard so the nurse offers to talk to her and explains what all is going on to my mom for me properly and how bad it is (again, bless this ER nurse because she’s literally my hero). So my mom had mentioned “yeah when I had mine out I almost died from an infection” and my nurse just “yeaahhh lets not tell her that” but the thing is I already knew it was one of the scariest parts of my life and my mom said that and she kinda got how bad it was. Anyways so she gives my phone back and left to go get me something for my anxiety and my mom is telling me to call her if anything comes up and I knew she had to work in the morning so I’m trying to be calmer (because my mom needs p much all the hours that she gets, our family never has had too much money) and I went to ask if she could have her boyfriend or my sister or aunt or someone come sit with me the next day and my voice broke and it was a big sobfest and she just “I’m going to call in right now and drive up there” and Im trying to tell her not to but she just “I wouldnt be able to work with you there alone ANYWAYS” and stayed on with me while she was getting ready then when the nurse came back let me go so she could call her work (it’s community living so theres someone there 24 hours a day to answer, but either way its like one in the morning)

So the nurse brought me a pill for anxiety and chilled with me until it was time to send me up and ALSO had the pill ordered for the floor I was on so Id be able to have one if I had another attack. Now, like taking care of patients is one thing but she was an honest to god angel okay. Like she went way above and beyond what she needed to do and was super kind the whole time and even helped me pack up the little bit of stuff I had. Like good nurses in my hospital arent anything new but she was incredible and I can’t express that enough.

anyways when I’m up in the room they let me wait for my mom to get there (I was put in the old ppl ward because it had the first bed open on that floor, since it shares one with OB). When my mom got there they went over stuff with her and they said they’d know by morning if I was responding well enough to anti-biotics or if I needed an emergency surgery (which wouldve meant the inflamation/infection was very, VERY bad and not getting better). By then Ive mellowed out because morphine + anxiety medication = the highest Jean you ever did see. So I sign some papers and my mom asks more questions and then the nurse leaves (again, I was super high on the crap they gave me so I don’t really remember this part too clearly). But my mom stayed with me until I was falling asleep then gave me a hug and kissed and promised to be back in the morning when the surgeon would make the call.

Morning comes and I wake up and I woke up in too much pain to even try moving enough to hit the red page-y button for a good few minutes. Anyways when I do they bring me pain meds and they take a little while to kick in (as it was oral ones and not morphine this time) but kick in they did and by the time my mom got there (like half an hour later, its a 20ish minute drive from her place) I was very much high again (albeit still in pain).

So we wait for FOREVER for the doctor to come in and I get the news that I don’t need surgery right away but DO still need it. Annnnddd then I’m told Im spending another night there which was blah. I was also told that I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything and that I’d be on antibiotics and fluids through my arm since they had to flush out my system or whatever.

She sat with me most of the day and chatted with the older lady’s son who was my moms age nd really nice to me even tho i spent most of the day half asleep nd full of painmeds. Anyways aroundlike 2ish? they took me to another room with a new nurse (this one in OB where I was supposed to be) and the guy wished me good luck and joked around bout how they’d loan me a wheelchair because his mom had like 4 different varieties in there ok. So in OB I had my own room and it was super big and the bed was super comfy,

Anyways my mom had to leave and let her dogs out and take care of my animals at my place so I laid there and napped off and on between pain meds and messaged some people and such. I kept dozing off on everyone though and needing to take breaks from talking and honestly theres not much to tall about this part. I slept and slept and my mom came back later and brought me a colouring book, a change of clothes, toothpaste nd toothbrush. Whcih is important because the morphine made my mouth taste gross and I wasnt allowed to have water even. Toothpaste with a gross mouth is a blessing. Boi, the things you appreciate when in the hospital lemme tell you.

Anyways I had to stay another night, this one less eventful and with less pain. I slept the whole thing nd in the morning I was feeling good enough to get up without pain meds (which i didnt need the rest of the day either woohoo). And my appetite came back (I hasn’t eaten since christmas night and even then, not that much as i didnt want food really. I hadn’t really been eating much at all that day or the couple before it) which was both good and bad... good because it meant I was getting better and bad because I was FUCKING HUNGRY OH MY GOD. But I had been dying for a drink since the day before so when later that day one of the peeps came in with apple juice and ice water I was so happy. When I was able to handle that ok I got a liquid lunch (jello, a popsicle nd broth and MORE APPLEJUICE!!!) and it was good. I got discharged not long after nd then got to go home after getting antibiotics nd pain pills.

So now the plan is to book a follow up tomorrow (since the office was closed due to the holidays) and then i go in for surgery round the middle of february. Which means I’ll probably be in the hospital on my birthday which is, you know, wonderful. Although the bright side is I’ll probably get pity presents. Maybe I’ll get a pity party. BUT I’M NO LONGER ALLOWED CAKE SO IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER.

Like I’m not on an as-little-fat-as-possible diet until its out since fattty stuff will iritate/inflame it again. I also have to avoid sugar or eating a lot at once so. Bright side I’ll probably lose the weight ive been trying to get off downside i cant eat fucking anything and i hate everything 60% of the time.

But ya that’s my story if you read this far ilu nd thanks for listening to me bitch

#jean can you n o t #rant #im dying right now tho tbh #fuck everything

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vinegarcoffin · 5 years

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bc i have an actual crush now and he’s somebody i actually see irl, i am being Very Careful to act like a normal person around him (that is, not like an obsessive violent person who has too many positive strong emotions about him that naturally lead to strong protective instincts and an overwhelming obsession with both his wellbeing and being around him).

we saw each other a few days ago, we went to a metal concert to which I’d invited him (the times we meet up are largely based around him inviting me to do things relevant to his interests and me inviting him to things relevant to mine). we happened to be standing very close to where the mosh pit had broken out and idk if any of you know this but at concerts where mosh pits happen, those partaking in the pit will very often shove not only each other but the people on the perimeter of the pit, meaning you’re not necessarily safe if you’re not in the pit. we happened to be standing there and somebody happened to shove him (granted it happened to me as well but it did happen with him as well) and of course i caught him and helped him up and i felt absolutely no desire to exact vengeance on the person who’d done that. i don’t feel proud of myself for that bc of course thats not a normal reaction, am i congratulating myself on not having irrational responses, but also its a bit reassuring to know that the expected yandere response of “i will punish you for this minor and understandable transgression against senpai” does not seem to occur to me. although i did feel a heightened sense of protectiveness and making-sure-he’s-okay after that and i am a bit proud to say that i WANTED to say “don’t worry, i can and will protect you and i’ll make sure that does not happen to you again” but DIDN’T say that bc. i think that would’ve been creepy, out of nowhere. would it have been? i think it kinda would have been. also mightve made him feel a bit patronized had i said that. like i thought he was completely incapable of looking out for himself in a relatively normal environment. is a concert with a mosh pit a normal environment? i dont know. one thing that was funny was his reactions to the chaos that takes place at metal shows because it made me realize how wild these things often get and how strange my “normal” is.

i still did get satisfaction from the fact that after the little shoving incident i was able to remain vigilant and make sure that, if someone was going to shove in our general direction, i’d just step in front of him. the chance to do so didn’t arise but hey who knows. maybe it will at some event in the future, i’ve learned from my mistakes, i know how to be properly protective. also speaking of protective and my conduct towards him, i always bring earplugs when we go to concerts together, and i do so specifically for him because at this point im accustomed to the volumes at which the bands play but hes not and i just happened to have earplugs onhand the first time we went to a show together so i was like “oh that’s good” but now anytime this happens i specifically make sure to bring earplugs for him and it’s one of those things where i know im doing this For Him, just another thing done out of excessive concern and feeling for him, idk if he really thinks of it in terms of me bringing earplugs for him but i always ALWAYS have them and i just hand them to him before the show starts and it’s just sort of an acknowledged thing that i bring him the earplugs. i dont think i’ve expressed to him that i like taking responsibility for others and their wellbeing even in small ways like this but i like doing that. especially if its someone i like. we havent known each other all that long (we only first met last summer i think). theres a lot we dont know about each other. yet.

we hung out after the concert - we didn’t really do anything, we just sort of walked and talked together and that was my absolute favorite thing. we talked about shit, some of it deep, some of it trivial, some of it personal. we told each other things about ourselves. every time he opens up to me in any way whatsoever it makes me so happy because even if what he’s talking about is unfortunate im learning more about him as a person and hes giving me more of himself and it means he either trusts me or he feels comfortable saying certain things no matter who hes saying it to and either of those things makes me happy. the former happy for me and for him, the latter just for him. and i told him some stuff about myself as well. a little bit of what we said was new information. a lot of it was just building on things we’d said in the past. i wont get into it because i like him too much to just say shit he’d told me presumably in confidence. i mean i respect basically everyone enough not to talk about their personal stuff but especially i wouldnt repeat his information. but he said things i understood and related to and i told him about why specifically. these are lessons in personal history. i stayed out til 2 AM with him and didnt even realize it. id have stayed out longer if i could have. i knew id have to go home at some point. but every time we have to go back to our respective homes, it still makes me happy because i know it’s good that he goes home, he needs to sleep n stuff, and im happy that i got the time that i did get. I want to be around him a lot. I want to be around him all the time. I know of course I can’t. I don’t get jealous of anyone or anything because I know that he has a life and I’m glad he does and im glad hes doing things he needs to be doing (school and work and that) because even if theyre stressful or if he would rather not be doing them, he still needs to, so im glad hes doing what he needs to. is weird to be happy that someone is just living their life and maintaining their responsibilities and stuff? is it weird to feel joy over the fact that someone is doing things beneficial for themselves even if those are just extremely normal everyday things? is that weird? is it weird to be that much about a person? yeah I guess it is but then again im weird. and im love or something very much like it. so thats how it is.

#vinegar.txt

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode 9: “Anabel back on her crackhead bullshit.” -Asya

Justin going out after getting a self-vote. Don't trust anyone, not even yourself.

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ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL.

Me, Ben, Elmo and Zack were on a call and we all did an idol search and ZACK FOUND IT AND I SCREAMED AND ITS 3AM BUT I DONT CARE ZACK HAS A MOTHERFUCKING IDOL.

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Oh sweet fucking jesus.

So I get off call with Elmo, Ben and Zack and Zack is like hieee can we call? and im like okay? I have absolutely no idea what to expect at all. He's like I have something to tell u, at this point I'm like fuck this sounds like bad bad news or good news but idk if im mentally stable enough to handle either. He tells me he has the fucking premerge idol and that he got it on his first run. I'm sat there basically starting to cry like oh my god zack I cannot believe this right now. and he's like no there's more. My stomach fucking drops. He tells me Elmo knows as well. I'm like ok sis what the fuck. He had to tell Elmo because it was his first go and him and Elmo were sharing guesses. Okay I guess I understand. But he also said something like Elmo said not to tell me. Which really does have me thinking. I thought me and Elmo had a lot more open communication now, and the fact he didn't want to tell me something like this is a reason as to why I have been hesitant to talk game with him. But according to Zack he also said he doesn't think I would leak so maybe he was just thinking about not wanting too many people to know. I need to have a chat with Elmo tomorrow so we can clear some stuff up so I can know better where I stand, or just have Elmo lie to my face which I end up finding out later down the line when he inevitably tries to vote me out again. But oh how ironic it would be if I could convince Zack to use the idol on me to get Elmo out. Please note ~ I don't dislike Elmo, in fact I adore him. I just see me and him as very similar players and therefore I feel he would be one of my main competitions especially as this game gets further on. I just have a lot of feelings and a lot of things to discuss right now

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I've had so much to think about the last couple hours my mind is spinning. Justin voted out because of his own dumbass move to tell Johnny about his self-vote, like that's not a death wish waiting to happen. Hell I would've been on board with voting Justin had I known. He was a clear threat but I was planning on waiting 1 more tribal before trying to get him out. I was lied to by a lot of people, maybe 2 tribals in a row now which leaves me shaking and scrambling. Where the fuck do I stand with any of these people? Zack who I adore with all my heart where do I stand with you baby? I know you said you would use your idols on me and help get us both to the final. But I am scared, I am so so scared you could be lying to me. You said it yourself earlier you are so used to lying to people in this game that if someone asked if your name was Zack, you'd tell them it wasn't. I think it would hurt me more if you told me about your premerge idol and said you'd get us both to the end and then voted me out more than if you never told me anything at all. Did you tell me this because you're worried about your position or because you genuinely meant it? Remember I could be on the jury. Asya, my sweetness in this game. We didn't talk for a full day after Joey got voted out. It was only when I decided to own up to the fact I wrote her name down tonight that we opened a discussion and I feel we cleared the air a bit, both of us felt we had no choice when writing down each other's names. I hope things improve between us and we can work together again, however you have appeared to be inactive which kind of scares me. Johnny having kept the vote of Justin from me after I told him I felt I wasn't being listened to with the people I was aligned with has kinda rubbed me the wrong way since I very heavily hinted I wanted Justin out, but you can't be sayin those kinda things to people you're aligned with cause they could so easily turn on you. Although I had mentioned it to Zack and I think Zack would've been down as well so that was my plan for a couple tribals ahead. Do you really want to work with me or has this all been lies? Ben I do not trust as far as I can throw him right now. After Zack gets the idol he conveniently says he forgot to mention that he landed on one of the bonus spots on the way to the idol and got an extra vote. Okay bitch boy how the fuck does that just accidentally slip your mind? Do not trust one bit right now, once he realises he's on the bottom he's definitely gonna flee like fuck. Has a soothing voice though, I enjoy being on call. He's kinda funny, even if he does make Zack mad by the fact he's getting comfortable with us and calling us bitches. Bodhi is just a lying fucker and I want him out ASAP, he should've been the person we got out or at least tried to instead of Asya but whatever, there's always next time. Lily I have no idea what the fuck is going on in her head right now, she messaged me with some half hearted apology and then wants to create a group of people to work together but when I asked who she wanted to involve she has just ignored me, whatever your time will be up soon enough unless I try to drag u to the end with me so I have a goat since I haven't seen u do much other than win like 1 immunity challenge. Jared I wanna work with but idk how much trust is there, plus he's a strong player and I feel could do well so I want him out kinda soon oopsie. But who knows, if we start working together maybe it's something that could work out for us. Sometimes competition is good. Anabel a cutie but also a massive liability, never know what's going on with her and where she truly stands with anyone. I wish she would just be properly up front with me about who she's close with. Wish she spoke more game to me than she actually does. Elmo I've already wrote down a lot about how I feel about you but ya I love u so much I just think you're such a threat to me and there could be a vote where if it's not you that goes home it will be me. Also where the fuck do I stand with you? Are you being open with me? It'd crush me if you weren't I've been trying this game with you I really have. This is long and turned into something I didn't expect it to be and its like 5am so I need sleep. So much has gone on and I've so much to think about I don't even know where to turn right now.

i manifested that, right.. like.. i literally JUST said in my last confessional how me and chloe eventually wanted justin out and then it happened.. now, it didn't go how i would have wanted it to go, but it still went.. would i have loved to be part of that plan? duh. but i think justin leaving might be a blessing in disguise. or a huge curse. i guess we'll have to wait and see. all i have to say is this.. justin did that to his damn self. how stupid of him to tell johnny about the alliance we're in and the fact that he has a vote against him that round.. like WHAT is wrong with him.. all he had to do was keep his mouth shut and he would have been here kJGDSKS... and the fact that he literally told johnny EVERYTHING like what the fuck is wrong with you justin.. so stupid on your part and im so fucking pissed bc it fucks with my game. now.. some bigger news.. i found the merge idol?? KLHDFKLJSDKFGJL.... now i have two fucking idol. i can't believe IT. manifestation really does work. so ben, elmo and chloe all know about the merge idol because we all been helping each other find it.. and i told chloe i have the pre merge idol today. i told her elmo knows and that elmo didn't want me to tell her. i'm doing what i have to do in order to secure me spots more weeks into this game. but now this round is a speed round and i work 12-7 tomorrow so i'm gonna get no social game in really... this sucks and i just have to pray and hope they don't target me this round because i don't wanna have to use any idols yet. i really just wish this round wasn't sped up because it's really fucking with me and i hate the fact

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sorry i pressed enter before.. i hate the fact that i know i'm not gonna really be able to talk to people this round bc of work so i have to trust my allies will do everything correctly.. unlike how justin did anything he did.

Zack found the idol and I told our alliance about the extra vote. I am ride or die with Anabel's Angels at this point

Ignore everything I said in that last confessional. I don’t know what I’m doing. Getting Justin out was essential to moving those who I know I can trust to work with further in the game. Finally in an alliance with Jared and Johnny. I feel really solid about that. I’m continuing to not tell Elmo anything but still wanting to work with him so that’s a mood. But it sounds like my alliance along with Bodhi asya and anabel should be able to come together again and vote. But let’s find out cause I sure don’t know. Also Justin danggggg you were really coming out the gate. We gotcha but really respect how you make moves.

wow,,, speed round,,, crazy stuff miss aj,,, lol im so stressed ab this i literally dont know what im doing. jared wants to vote out ben and honestly i kinda do too, and i would w/o hesitation if it wasnt for zack elmo and chloe. i told them my voting justin out and lying to them was a one time thing and i like desperately wanna hold true to that, but jared brings up some INCREDIBLE points. i wanna tell them i wanna vote ben but ik they wouldnt react very well.. i just feel like voting him is best for my game bc like hes potentially the person whos playing the very best and im terrified of that bc i wanna win!!!! not him!!!!! it is just. hard. ill get back to u later prolly thank u for listening :)

so..... i lived

my heart was literally POUNDING during that tribal like i was fully prepared to drag anabel and johnny out behind me by their noses but ! i stayed ! sucks it had to be me or justin but according to chloe he may or may not have REALLY hardcore been pushing for me to go so.... the superior hawks stan won ig

oh yeah i talked to chloe. i’ve been putting it off but she messaged me and it wasn’t as bad as i thought bc as far as i’m concerned we’re even now. i want to really try to be a good ally to her. i know i have my alliance of 5 (6? are we counting lily in the alliance? she’s not physically in the chat but she’s been more of an ally to me than anabel so,) but i’m not stupid enough to think that those are gonna be the last people standing at the end. there’s always room for error. so i’m gonna do my best to work on my individual connections this round. it’s rough when these people literally just tried to send me home but we try anyways.

now. today’s issue. i literally want anabel gone So Bad. but johnny. he thinks that he has her on lock but like. if that was the case then the joey thing wouldn’t have happened (or maybe it wouldn’t have happened if the dumbass men listened to opinions other than their own but w/e). like she’s playing the game and doing it well. we’ve had two merge votes, both split down the middle almost. anabel is the ONLY person to vote on the right side both times. that doesn’t work for me. i don’t think she’s like actively targeting me because as far as i know, the facebook people kept justin’s self vote a secret from her? which means she might not have known we had the majority anyways 6-5 and she just voted him because she didn’t want me to go. and that’s all well and good, but i definitely see her being a problem for me in the later game. so. something to think about

Trust List 3.0:

1. Asya 2. Bodhi 3. Lily 4. Johnny 5. Chloe 6. Elmo 7. Zack 8. Anabel 9. Ben

anabel back on her crackhead bullshit. all i’ve said is that i won’t vote chloe because i gave my word and now suddenly she wants to vote chloe because johnny doesn’t want zack to go for some reason and his ass was out all day so basically he comes home two hours before the vote and starts changing shit up. i’m LIVID

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week-8/s-SjYaD

________________________________________________________________

Ben is voted out in a 5-4-2 vote. He becomes the third member of our jury.

#episode #sailaway

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jess-oh · 5 years

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reflection

hey journal,

im not fine. but im trying to be. or at least trying to pretend that im fine.

im surprisingly good at pretending im fine when im not. the reality is, i still feel so miserable. i tried to just drown my sorrows away in the form of food and YouTube videos and i am left feeling just as empty as I did on Saturday. Listening to, “I’m Fine” over and over and over has allowed me to at least try and convince myself that im fine.

i am upset with Amanda but it’s not because of anything she did wrong so i dont want to tell her why. im trying to protect the people i care about. i know im being irrational and just overthinking all of this and i just need to solve it and get over it to preserve my image and be of the utmost help for other people.

i dont want to tell jason how im feeling bc im worried he’ll just get mad and i know ive been too reliant on him in the past and i feel bad that i wasnt able to help him in the same way. i was sad he got more letters than me in his journal? well hes also just a better person than me. a part of me feels like i deserve the same amount, if not more letters than him because i put so much more effort into movement than he did. he never came out to the bible studies or prayer meetings and missed a whole bunch of sundays and i did my best to come out to every sunday and saturday and have been active on tuesdays. i feel like i do and sacrifice so much for movement but in the end, it doesnt even matter.

i feel really broken and i dont know why.

but ultimately, i know jason did better than me. bc he actually genuinely cared. i was just trying to prove i was worth something. i didnt act out of care. i acted out of pride. and people knew. their job isnt to reach out to me and give me a pat on the back for all the things ive done. their job has been to receive and act naturally in accordance with how God wants them to live. and i havent encouraged them. ive judged them. did i even do anything worthwhile this past year besides just leeching off other people? was i just a shitty person entirely?

im fine.

even when jason did feel down in the dumps, he still did care for them. i didnt. i just pushed people away.

i tried to be transparent and open and for what?

i think it encouraged joyce to speak up a couple times maybe. and i am glad david prayed for me. but as a whole, did i really ever do anything meaningful or worthwhile? or was it just all for show to make myself feel better.

i feel like im losing amanda.

i dont want her to feel bad for me or reach out to me just because she can. i want to actually be loved and cared for and i dont believe she does feel that way towards me anymore. i feel like ive been left behind. again.

and i know this was never her intention and i do genuinely want her to be happy which is why im journaling about all this instead of telling her how i feel. because i dont want her to feel guilty for the choices she made and i do genuinely want her to be happy. i know that she has been quietly suffering for a long time now and i do really want her to get better and if she is encouraged and challenged to do that through Johnathan, then so be it. I would rather she get help, even if it isnt from me. i do really care for her and love her and i want to write her and the rest of the MAST members a letter soon but i cant think super clearly right now.

i just keep beating myself up over and over and over for the things that i couldve done better. i couldve been a better friend. i couldve been more open. more attentive. more caring. more understanding. more open-minded. but i didnt.

and i guess the only thing to do from here is move on and look forward and figure out what i can do better.

i want to know what i can do better and the areas in which i fell short but im also so scared of finding out bc i already hate myself so much anyway and being told what i failed at would only add to this already heavy burden.

im fine.

i also just feel really bad because i feel like im taking such a huge step back by pushing people away and isolating myself. i know i have grown a lot this past year and i have been able to become more trusting of those around me and it has been really nice to know that i am cared for and loved by others. and in acting like how i am now, im worried pjosh and other people wont be proud of me anymore or the ways that i have grown.

have i even really grown at all? or was i always just forcing myself to make a different choice but now im just reverting back to how i naturally handle things? i dont want to disappoint them. i dont want to seem like a failure.

and God, i want to rely on you. I really do. But I can’t. Because at the end of the day, as much as I want to believe you and trust you and your pain, I really can’t understand why you’ve let me be in and put me through so much suffering and for so long. What did I do to deserve so much misery? I can’t handle it on my own anymore. I really can’t. It’s consuming me from the inside out.

i really want to call amanda and just clear everything up with her and be honest with her but i also dont want to hurt her. i know i can be too open and share too much and i dont want people to think something is mentally wrong with me bc that just means people will always look at me differently and pity me and never actually see me as human and i dont want that.

when i asked amanda what we should do with our small group and proposed hanging out in evanston instead, i was hesitant to ask at all because i knew what the “right” move to make was and wasnt sure if we should just opt for the easier route so more people could come.

and i was worried she would just say it’d be better for more people to come so we should just all meet in evanston instead. i was surprised when she actually mentioned how the original agreement was to meet in chinatown so thats what she wanted to do. and with that, i pushed for chinatown again and was thoroughly surprised when david actually decided to come through and travel with us. and i was really happy we all got to spend that time together. it was only once and i was so discouraged everyone bailed last minute. but the fact seoyeon and david did come was really heartwarming and encouraging to me. and it was for her too. our kids are growing up.

im also salty that a good handful of our members wished for more small group outings. which, i understand. but, i feel like theyre discrediting the fact that amanda and i really tried to plan outings but things fell apart bc of their schedules a lot of the time. whether it was bc people backed out last minute or we couldnt find a time when we were all free or people half hearted committed but flaked out when the time actually came closer and didnt took it as seriously. i get that other groups, especially p. josh’s, had more hangouts and i am genuinely happy for them. and maybe our group wanted to have more fun times like that.

was i just too serious this past year? and i didnt have as much fun as amanda? i always perceived her non-seriousness as a bad thing bc i thought she was just using it as a front to cover how much pain she was actually in. when she cried with me and actually shared her fears and insecurities, i felt how genuine that was. her normal “fake” personality didnt seem genuine to me. but maybe i was wrong. she does seem genuinely happy now. and im happy for her too.

i know i have a big mouth and have spoken when it wasnt my place to and i am getting better at managing it. i just didnt realize shutting my mouth would hurt me so much.

everytime jason has given me one of these “talks” on what i can work on, i end up feeling more hurt than challenged to do better. and i am actively trying to work on everything he told me to do and i know he told me out of a place of care. but now i just feel so paranoid that i am constantly being judged and messing up in ways that im not even aware of. and it sucks.

but i also dont want jason to not tell me ways i can improve bc i do genuinely want to know and how to grow and get better.

i had the opportunity to go to northwestern and hangout with familiar people again yesterday but i didnt go. because i was afraid of seeing amanda and johnathan there. and i was afraid of feeling left out.

even though i didnt know anyone on the softball team and i was the only college student there, it was so much easier for me to be happy with them. i made friends and i didnt care what i said or how i was being perceived. i just did my best to boost our team’s morale and cheer everyone on and that made me feel genuinely better. even if it was just for a few hours. i didnt care how i acted and chances are, i wouldnt interact or even see them ever again. or at least not for a while. but with the college kids, i dont understand why it’s so hard for me to be real with them. i am so much more afraid of being judged and gossiped about bc i know i have to keep working with them and i will see them again the next sunday. or the next. or the next. or the next.

i got along really with songbee the other day and being friends with her makes me feel like im betraying jason bc i know he doesnt get along with her very well.

i got along really well with jennie lee the other day. why is it so much easier for me to get along with adults? anyway,

we got along really well and i definitely want to keep in contact with her and get to know her better. we joked around a lot and it was fun!

maybe thats why i get along better with the adults. because i have such a surface level friendship with all of them. but with movement, ive been open and vulnerable and i actually have more to lose so im more afraid to be myself.

hm.

but yeah, i just hung out with jenny chang’s family after and i really valued our time together and how much they take care of me. they feel like my picture perfect family that i never had growing up. they’re what i always imagined a family should look like. but mine never fit that description.

#reflection #im not fine #im not even close to okay

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spookyenemyperson-blog · 6 years

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Hurley Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24620

"Hurley Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24620

Hurley Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24620

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The only way i can get a inexpensive sports car is to find my dad a better insurance company.

Auto Insurance & Road Service Question?

Hi there, Thank you in advance for helping out! I want to know your advice and recommendation on which company to receive my auto insurance/road service from, and what sort of coverage is recommended. I have been with AAA my whole life because my father advocates highly for them so I have trusted his judgment and experience. But I think they may be ripping me off. I am a 27 year old single female with a good driving record (last accident was back in spring 2005 I believe). Yet, every single year they seem to increase my monthly payment by ~$10 and now I'm paying $118.25/month! Are they that superior a company that it is worth paying this and should I try to negotiate with them, or is it worth looking into some other companies such as Geico, State Farm, Progressive, etc. Ive been receiving invites from them for years and Liberty Mutual supposedly has some college alumni offer for me and claim to be ~$340 cheaper than 21st Century, Allstate, and Mercurybut I never trust ads anymore. I only believe concrete statistical comparison data. Also, my dad said road service is completely separate from auto insurance (although AAA handles both) and I pay $52/year to be part of his joint plan as a AAA Plus Dues - Associate. He said he believes this covers 6 visits/year, 100 miles, is the most basic plan, and he only got it because hes been with AAA for 30 years. Could I get a better deal elsewhere or is this fair enough to stick with? At the end of the day, I want decent coverage for the best price available. Im saving for a down payment on a home and have to scrape pennies from anywhere I can, but still do not want to be stranded at the time of an accident. I got some quotes online that were considerably cheaper, but if Im going to be screwed, then are the savings worthwhile? ============================================= As needed, here are details on my car and policy (please tell me which are unnecessary or should be edited): - Honda 2008 Civic LX 4-door sedan - Miles commute USED to be 50 miles one way ~3 days a week, but now I work from home every single day; Notes in Policy say: Prior and Future Annual Mi: 8,000 (22mi per day, so I wonder if they even counted my prior commute in this). - Policy has me down as a student, not sure why, been a full-time professional since Jan 2008 and now make 65K - Bodily Injury: Liability Limits Each person 50K; Liability Limits Each Occurrence 100K; Premium: $193 - Medical Payments: No coverage - Uninsured Motorists: Liability Limits Each person 50K; Liability Limits Each Occurrence 100K; Premium: $78 - Property Damage: Liability Limits Each Occurrence 50K; Premium: $192 - Comprehensive: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; 100 Deductible; Premium: $242 - Collision: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; 100 Deductible; Premium: $650 - Enhanced Transportation Expense: Premium: $28 - All Risks: Actual Cash Value Less Deductible; No coverage - Total Premium Per Vehicle (1 vehicle): $1,383 - Auto Death Benefits: 15K/driver listed with ADB coverage above - DSR (Driving Safety Record): 1 Pt - YDE (Years Driving Experience): 12 started at 18, Im 27so the actual is 9, but Ill take it. - Discounts: None except Good Driver(s): Items 01 and 01 is my Honda, so I guess this means Im a good driver (dont know why the price doesnt reflect it!) - Live in Berkeley, CA (zip code 94708) but am listed as Lafayette, CA (94549) how do I check which zip is less money? Thanks so much for your advice!! =) I appreciate your time & insight.""

How much would insurance cost for a mazda rx7 as a young dirver?

i was thinking of getting a mazda rx7 for my first car. i know its a twin turbo which make it faster but , and im sure everybody heard this b4 but i wont b speeding in the car i realy just like the look and my parents friend is selling his so it is more handy.. im from ireland. can anybody tell me how much would it cost me and any way of getting cheaper insurance. thanks""

Average insurance rates for a retail store?

What would be the average insurance rate for a retail store that sells books? How much more would it be with a children's section? If a child was injured in the play section how much would the rates spike up? I need this for an economics class where we are theoretically building a buisness and running it. Any help is appreciated.

Comparing and contrasting life insurance?

was looking for some experianced and educated perspectives on taking the best approach considering life insurance for the first time at age 28 with 3 kids?

Can my car insurance be in a different name than the title of my car?

Can I put my car insurance in my dads name, if the title is in my boyfriend's name? I've heard that it doesn't matter as long as both people live with you, but is this true? I don't know!""

I am looking for my auto insurance statement so I can see if my husband paid our insurance?

where do i go on the net so that I can view our previous payments on our insurance

How much will my insurance go up?

I got a ticket today for reckless driving (drifted coming out of school.) I'm only 16 and I'm a male, so how much will my insurance go up?""

Is it hard to get on Insurance with no income?

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow due to a car wreck that happened last year. I have been experiencing a lot of pain. I was just wondering, Would it be hard for me to get on Insurance at 20 years old with no income (Due to the wreck and how much pain I'm actually In).""

What are some affordable car insurance companies?

i have three cars and i have three teens drivers and my dad and im looking for a low cost auto insurance does anybody know any and im also trying to get full coverage

About how much will car insurance cost me?

I'm 17, I live in texas, I have never gotten into an accident, ill be driving a 2002 SUV and I want to buy it for six months so about how much will it cost""

Insurance question?

hello, i have a new car, but do i really need insurance on the car?? will i still be able to get the yellow tags on my license plate if i dont have insurance>? does my registration have anything to do with insurance>?? thanks alot for your answers""

Should Obama be impeached for saying you can keep your insurance?

How much aproximately will my car insurance be for a peugeot 306 for a new driver?

the car is 1.4 engine size and a 1999 model

Teen drivers??? what is the average cost of insurance for a teenage girl?

its my first time buying insurance and im trying to average the cost and calculate some things...what do you pay?

Hurley Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24620

What kind of car for cheapest insurance?

I'm 23

Insurance rate on 2010 camaro v6?

Hey ive jus finished drivers ed, and im turning 16 in the fall. Im planning on buying a v6 camaro in the spring and i want to know how much insurance would cost a month. (i live in canada)""

Car insurance question?

I have been driving for three years and am looking to upgrade cars. I drove a Vauxhall Agila for 2 and a half years and the last six months iv had a Pegeuot 206. I am 22 and my partner is 21. I have one years no claims and she has 0. The smaller the engine the cheaper the car is there a list some where that I can look through to find the cheap insurance cars? I want a 1.6 Astra but the insurance for the two of us is like 3k and I dont want to pay more then 2 really. As well as this, she had a bump not long back. She is on my insurance and if this guy claims do I lose my annual bonus or is it just her who loses it?""

Is Mitsubishi Lancer Coupe considered a Sports Car in Insurance?

Hi, im in australia planning to get a lancer coupe, not the sedan. they range in late 90 models. I cant tell if theyre a sports car or not by insurance companies. (sports car are more expensive). a small low budget economical 1.8L car wouldnt be classified as a sports. But then lancers were originally used in rally races. Can anyone tell me if this lancer would have higher insurance costs than a 4 door sedan version.""

Who offers the cheapest life insurance?

Where is the best (and affordable) place to get Adult Braces in Chicago?

I need adult braces or something. I literally have fangs and a chipped tooth (yea its bad). I need to find a good dentist or orthodontist. Where is the best place in Chicago that is affordable or work with you for financing/payment plans?

Whats a good car insurance comapany in onatrio canada?

im just looking for regular insurance,nothing fancy.im a 34yr old male.thanks in advance.10 points for whoever gets the best company is my gift to you...""

Insurance and baby drama?

My boyfriend has another daughter that is placed on his insurance as is our daughter. Will this other kid effect my daughters benefits for being on his insurance along with the other kid?

What is a good health insurance company to get?

im 60 and in very good health, never been sick. im thinking about changing jobs and the job i might take doesnt have any insurance plan or anything. but a better job for me. how much would it cost for me to get my own insurance? iv heard it cost a lot. ( MONTHLY) ?""

Texas driver got speeding ticket in Washington state? Will my insurance know it?

While on a business trip I got a speeding ticket (5 over limit) in Washington state. I live in Texas and my license is issued by Texas. If I pay this ticket, ticket says it will go on my driving record. I assume they will send it to Tx. In that case, would my insurance rate increase because of this out-of-state speeding ticket? I am ok with paying the ticket, but I don't want to see my insurance increase. What are my options? Should I hire a traffic lawyer in WA to get rid of the ticket? Again, I live in Tx! Any re ommendations for me to get this issue resolved without insurance getting the ticket info.""

How to apply for cheap health insurance in California?? (plz read)?

Ok here is my scenario, I have a friend (only a friend not lover etc....)....she has a 7 year old kid, who is very ill and in the hospital, her hospital bills keep stacking up and as a single mother who only works part time she could not afford health insurance.... me being a good friend i would like to help her out apply for healthy families mediCal or anything like that for free, plus add additional insurance to keep her costs down....anyone suggest any plans or prices that would work good in my scenario, also my job offers health insurance for me and my family (im single) would they offer health insurance to my friends kid if i put them as beneficary or would that not work out???? (please help much gladly give 11 points to best helpful answer) kid is very ill almost like lukemia so asap is apprieated.... thanks Jeff""

Emancipated 16 year old car insurance help?

I am currently living with my parents and am soon to be emancipated. I was looking at some geico quotes, turned out for minimal coverage was 475$ per month. This was outragous and obviously way to much for any one to be able to afford. To have the type of coverage i would like was 10,000$ per year, the numbers were staggering. Anyway my question is it possible to get insurance at 16 years old on your own for a resonable price. If so with what car insurance company. I have a 3.0 and a perfect driving record, i do drive a camero z28 so i understand its going to be a little higher than average....""

Short vs. long term individual health insurance?

whats the better choice and why

What is the likely penalty for a new driver caught without insurance?

i know you get 6-8 points but what im really interested in knowing is what happens with the license ie if it is revoked, how long on average is the ban before you can sit the test again?""

Does AAA pay the difference of how much your car lost value if the accident was not your fault?

I was recently in an accident, but it was not at my fault. The insurance company is covering everything. If the car goes down in value, does AAA pay the difference that I lost in the car? Thanks! I have no-fault by AAA in Michigan.""

Is Gieco a good insurance company?

Okay, a few weeks ago I was out looking for a new car (2010 Scion tC) I got some pretty good quotes on it. But when I got the quote through my insurance broker I found out it would be $2600 a year cause of my age and gender (male, 22)! One of the car dealers called Gieco while I was there and put me on the phone with them and they got a quote for a little $150 a month if I sent them my college grades. Is this too good to be true? Or will they just charge me that when I start out and charge me fees later on?""

Teen insurance law in Texas?

I'm 18 year old that has a drivers license my parents are telling me because I have one the insurance company is tellin them it is a law for everyone in the household to pay for insurance of the 2 cars we have but I don't drive those 2 cars. Do I really have to pay just because I live with them?

3rd party comprehensive car insurance in bangalore?

I've a 1997 model maruti 800, just purchased from a seller, i got only the RC book, no insurance paid soo far, where do i make the insurance for this model car ? and what type of insurance is beneficial? am willing to sell the car after 10 months..? I called ICICILombard.. they refused as it is an old car. ???? Is there any logical reason behind an old car being refused for insurance??? what documents do i need to take care while insuring.. ???""

How do you go under someone elses insurance ?

im getting an m1 liscence and i was told insurance would be cheaper if i put the bike in my parents name and i was listed as someone who would drive it, so a few questions, would one of my parents need an m1 liscence, and how much qould it cost?""

""Dose my 400,000 SGLI military life insurance cover me off duty?""

i have been in 4 years and a spc in the colorado army national guard and i have 400,000 sgli life insurance. Someone told me on or off duty that life insurance covers me as long as i am in, is that true? I always thought it was on duty only life insurance so basically if one day off duty i get hit by a bus, that 400,000 dollars before taxes will be paid out to my beneficiaries the next couple of months after?? thanks.""

How much does a motorcycle insurance cost?

20 yrs old. ninja 250r 2009. Southern Cali

What is the name of the song on the JUST CAR insurance add on MTV ?

It the one with errbody beatboxing and this FLii as dude driving around with his blue car. There is an old as asian dude beatboxing and a couple of hot chicks as well. pls pls pls ...show more

Can anybody tell me where i can get cheap car insurance for my son he s 19 and has a full uk license?

California Insurance with Arizona license?

If i change my California drivers license to an Arizona one, do i have to tell my insurance company? If i do will this affect my policy in any way? thanks!""

How much would car insurance be monthly?

i turned 16 yesterday and will be getting my license and car in october. im applying for jobs tomorrow and im trying to see how much car insurance will be monthly. my car will be used, probably like a toyota corolla or something similar. i get a's and b's, what should i expect my car insurance to be monthly?""

Hurley Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24620

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colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 6 years

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Brandsville Missouri Cheap car insurance quotes zip 65688

"Brandsville Missouri Cheap car insurance quotes zip 65688

Brandsville Missouri Cheap car insurance quotes zip 65688

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