#and even though I've left a vast majority of it behind

[doortotomorrow]

Season One

SHERLOLLY IN EVERY SEASON

#Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #Molly Hooper #Sherlolly #sherlockedit #once #long ago #I too was knee deep in the Sherlock fandom #and even though I've left a vast majority of it behind #I still have a soft spot for these two

[chirpsythismorning]

Lets talk about Appendix #7

I won't be the first (nor the last) to admit that I’ve only ever paid super close attention to the Russia scenes during my major s4 rewatches (like 4x total). Those just don’t tend to be the scenes I rewatch looking for Easter eggs as regularly as I do with others. Though, I can say confidently now that this will not be the case anymore.

As I’ve said recently, the scenes that come off as unnecessary filler, are likely the ones hiding something deeper underneath the surface. Otherwise, why put any time into scenes that have no importance, beyond just to fill the running time? Especially in s4 when the episodes were really long and they could have easily cut out scenes if they weren't that important to the overall plot.

The reason they do this is because they can rest comfortably knowing that a vast majority of the audience will overlook these scenes, even call them pointless and boring (and they can laugh knowing they couldn't be more wrong). A vast majority of fans felt that way about the Russia plot, but even the Cali plot had a decent amount of viewers saying they were worthless all season with no importance to the overall story. And we all know that wasn’t actually the case. And so why would that be any different for the Russia plot?

And this scene right here, which I completely forgot existed (so pardon me if someone has talked about this before, because I've never seen any discourse on it), I only just remembered existed because of the Piggyback script dropping for the Emmy's.

I just want to preface that I'm being so so serious right now when I say this scene is very incriminating for Mike. Even down to the way it ends. It’s bad.

And by bad I mean holy shit they are sick for potentially hiding the truth in plain sight.

For context, in this scene, Yuri represents Mike & let’s say Dmitri represents the skeptical majority, who have been confused by Mike’s behavior for the last two seasons.

A lot to unpack here.

But first I want to give a disclaimer that Yuri is not literally Mike, nor are ALL of Yuri’s scenes meant to be about Mike.

It just so happens that Mike has a unique trend of his POV being missing from the overarching narrative. And how they play with that sometimes, is by strategically displaying his POV through other characters.

You might think I'm crazy, but this has happened quite a bit. The most well recognized example of this would be with Hopper at the end of s3 with the letter.

A less well known example would be with Argyle in s4. Again not all the time, but there are a couple specific moments that come to mind, where it feels like they are hinting at Mike’s inner feelings, by having Argyle display things Mike cannot express to the audience yet.

I always thought it was weird they decided to put Mike and Argyle in almost identical hats in the airport scene. Though, it makes a lot more sense when you see Argyle call him a shitty knock off, only to watch the whole group walking through the airport, with Mike to the left of El and Argyle to the left of Will.

Mike may be standing beside El with them looking like a happy couple, but he’s actually distracted and hyperfocused on Will. And so how they reference that, is by placing Argyle standing close beside Will, sort of mirroring the blocking of Mike and El. In Argyle’s case, he is not putting on a fake smile, instead he looks almost emotionless about what's unfolding. The blocking there definitely feels intentional, as it could be the writers way of showing us where Mike's head is truly at, aka focused on Will.

The other major example I can think of (there's not too many from what I've seen, but these two definitely stand out) is at the end of s4 when the boys arrive at Nina to rescue El. We've talked about how the explosion behind Mike as he was looking between El and Will, is representative of the extreme mix of emotions he is feeling at that moment. But no one has ever talked about Argyle's reaction in that scene. Knowing what the explosion represents, I think we should consider what Argyle’s reaction to the explosion itself might represent as well.

First, Argyle interferes with the Milkvan reunion, standing in the frame behind Mike, with his hands on his head looking at the fire blazing with stress.

But it gets even more dramatic than that, when El and Will are hugging, that's when Argyle really starts freaking out, OH SHIT AW SHIT, pacing back and forth.

By doing stuff like this, they can hide hidden meanings. It also just makes it a whole lot easier to come up with ideas for scenes. Because when they have a big component that is underneath the surface, they can build anything around that, as opposed to coming up with a bunch of ideas fresh on the spot, without any reason for it.

Which is why, tbh whenever I hear someone say it's not that deep, when referring to basic filming techniques of playing with POV, I'm just sitting there thinking, do these people not know how much easier it is for artists, when it is that deep? It’s sooo much easier (and gratifying).

But back to this scene with Yuri and Dmitri.

Yuri seems to be doing a lot also while doing very little reminds me a lot of Mike's method of boyfriendism at the start of 4x02. He brings El flowers, he's got a whole inspired Cali fit, he's feening happiness the whole time, holding her hand and skating together. He's basically giving off this vibe that he's going above and beyond, when really, we know that despite all those little things, he's not doing the one thing El wants him to do, which is to say I love you.

This scene in the piggyback script initially stood out to me because of the word stalling. And this is because whenever I talk about Mike’s behavior in s3, but especially in s4, with him repeatedly putting off saying I love you to El numerous timed, I often use the word stalling to describe it.

In his letters, he avoids it. In the flowers, he avoids it on the note. When she confronts him during their fight, he deflects, and makes a point to struggle using the word care instead. Even when she's literally crying he still can't muster it. When she's getting taken by the cops, he still doesn't think to say it, even now when things are so bad and it might have given her at least some comfort. When they're separated Mike, gets reassurance from Will that he can just say it to her when they reunite, though Mike doesn't look too excited about saying it. Then not even a day later (during the Letter to Willy scene), Mike tells Will he didn't know what to say to El, even though we all know it only would have only required those 3 famous words... And then him and El are reuniting and he still doesn't say it. And then they're in surfer boy and they get interrupted, but tbh the lead up to it felt super disingenuous anyways, with him looking like he was about to say something out of obligation and not because he wanted to say it. And then the literal moment that she is choking, he stalls, until Will encourages him, and then even still then, they make a point to put dramatic beat right before, and only THEN is that when Mike finally says it.! (And all of that isn’t even including the stalling he does in s3).

Basically, Mike is the king of stalling, but especially in s4 and the Piggyback specifically, bc stalling is what has led to this grand moment of Mike quite literally having no option to stall anymore.

And so stalling being used in this conversation with Yuri and Dmitri instantly peaked my interest. I barely remembered the scene from the show and yet the instant I did, I just knew what was about to go down was something related to Mike, that we wouldn't otherwise get insight on bc we don't have his POV right now.

In contrast to the episode, the script has Yuri admitting to stalling. He doesn't seem to have remorse about it at first, he actually seems kind of like he's willing to admit it because it's the truth. Then we get a Ronald Reagan mention from Yuri, followed by him spitting with disgust, which was not included in the final cut... still sort of an off moment, considering the very few Reagan mentions we've gotten in the series, it's been through the presidential campaign sign in front of the Wheeler's house in s2 most.

But now, this is where it starts to get a little scary in terms of what Mike could be thinking. I don't know how I feel about it because it's a scary concept.

You saw it with your own eyes. You know it to be true. And yet you continue to play tricks.

This could mean one of two things, or maybe even a mix of both...

It could mean that Mike knows El doesn't need him despite her begging for him to say the words I love you (he saw it with his own eyes?), but he isn't willing to accept it. He knows his feelings deep down will never change (he doesn’t love El), making his and El's separation inevitable (also reminds me of the suicide mission comment from Yuri...). He is fixated on this idea of her needing him and if not, losing her all together, instead of what El was actually upset about, which was not being loved.

Or it could (also) mean Mike understood Will in the van. He saw it with his own eyes aka the painting, he knew it was apparently for a girl Will liked, but it ended up actually being for him. And he seemed very happy about this as a revelation, up until Will mentioned it was actually from El. Not only that, but what followed was Will monologuing about feelings that matched closer to what Mike and Will had went through over the past year, not him and El. And so Mike realizes in this moment that Will does return his feelings for him, but he isn't willing to confront it aka he chooses to play tricks instead. He saw Will crying, yet he didn't confront it nor comfort him, and I think it’s at the very least bc Will crying that hard would have definitely caused Mike to start crying himself.

I also want to add that I think supports this sort of unraveling of Mike having different assumptions about the painting at different times. Because it appears in the hospital scene with Max, based on the blocking of Will, Mike, and El according to the painting on the wall in the background, that before this moment, he may very well have assumed the painting was from Will. But upon finding out El saving Max was a miracle, the painting shifts and is suddenly behind El.

I think that’s the main issue with deciding definitely one way or another how Mike interprets what’s going down. Because arguably, his feelings about the situation could actually be evolving based on the events around him unfolding.

Now let’s move on to the Peanut Butter Smuggler line. They use this to sort of make a reference to a past version of Yuri who was revered, and irrefutably considered a hero by many’ aka the mainstream ‘I miss s1-2 Mike Wheeler’ core.

And last but definitely, almost certainly not least, they show us Yuri reaching in his coat's inner chest pocket, to pull out the reason for the issue that was causing the stalling…

And that in the context of lettergate and even pocketgate, is pretty insane.

I also noticed a lot of scenes end with 'as...' in the scripts, as it's sort of their way to emulate the smooth transitions between scenes in words. While the scene directly after this is of Max and Lucas, the scene directly after that is Mike and El in Surfer Boy, right before they eat the pineapple pizza.

'Uncertain as...' Uncertain as who?!?!?! Max uncertain about the plan she herself insisted they do? Perhaps. Or what about Mike who is very much uncertain in all of his stalling glory, not even two scenes later, after they literally just acknowledged Yuri's stalling…

A lot of the pieces are there for this to play out, so I don't really think it's a reach anymore when you really start to add it all up.

Letter to Willy is a major proof that this is important. Although Mike ‘We’ve had it this whole time’ Wheeler was referring to a pen in that moment, the pen also came from secret hero agent man’s pocket, with the number (answer) being hidden inside, and with Mike’s shirt being off in that scene, though still in the frame in the right corner.

And then there’s the whole transition from Mike in Hawkins to the mailmain in Lenora in 4x01, DONT you worry Mrs Byers, it’s coming!!

If you want to know what I think personally. I don't know....

I do feel like what would make it super easy for everyone to figure out what's going on with Mike, is for us to finally read a letter from him, and with it ending with love Mike... Like it would just be that easy. Literally all of the contents could even be written off as a friend missing his friend platonically and really struggling bc he can't reach him, with him opening up about things that we already suspected, but that he hasn't said out loud. And then by simply ending it with love Mike, the case would be closed.

It would also perhaps explain Mike's inablity to write love to El in their letters. You’d think there had to have been something that made him overthink not doing that in the first place? And arguably, him having done it for Will when he tried to write a letter(s) to him, only to end it with love, followed by panicking and making the choice to never write Will a letter and instead focus on sending them to El (bc she’s his gf) it sort of starts to add up.

I also think I have a theory for when this letter will come into play in s5.

In the flashback of Suzie getting her computer taken by her dad, the last shot is of her night stand, which has a letter from Dustin, with a watch laying on top of it, also accompanied by an alarm clock that reads 5:02… I think it’s possible we could get lettergate being addressed as early as the second episode of s5. And with all the time/clock imagery surrounding it, there’s a good chance the cliffhanger of that episode could send us straight to the time jump…

Just a theory for now based on a lot of piling evidence. But it’s all very incriminating for Mike…

#byler #stranger things #mike wheeler #stranger things theory #lettergate #pocketgate #byler theory

[limeade-l3sbian]

so this is a really divisive and complicated topic to talk about (which is why this ask is so unbearably long), but the furry community is basically the beta version of the trans community. it's why there's a lot of overlap between the two groups. predation, abuse, fetishism, and bigotry run rampant in the community, but they're capable of covering it up really well because a lot of people in the community have a lot of money and influence in tech, and they're really good at damage control and marketing.

before i say anything else though, there's something that is very important to clarify in this topic. not all anthropomorphized art styles are "furry." in fact, the vast majority aren't. but furries obfuscate this, because making claim that any anthro = furry means that a lot more people are furry by definition, and a good deal of them won't want to give up on their interests just because they "technically count as furry." they're not actually furry, furry art is all either fetishistic or directly influenced by fetishistic content, but furries obfuscate that distinction because it's really bad pr, and suckering innocents into defining themselves as furries when they're not is how they lure in people either groom into the fetish (for a bigger market), victimize (usually financially and sexually), or use as their pr faces ("furries aren't degens, look at this 13 year old girl who draws sparkledogs and this 24 year old person with autism with art inspired by vintage children's books illustrations!").

basically, there are a minority of people who genuinely don't have fetishistic intent, and were either coerced into the community under false pretenses of what the community was, or they lost a semantics game and define themselves as "furries" because furries claim that the defining feature of "being a furry" is "liking anthropomorphic animals," even though you can tell there is something distinguishing them from that if you even take a moment to look at the things they produce. the furries then promptly pretend these innocents are the "defining group," or at least neutralize the inherent fetishism in the community, as a way of deflecting criticism, despite the fact that the fetishists are the predominant group (or at least the group that holds the most power over the community).

to simplify it: "furry" is a fetishistic (or at least fetish-inspired, knowingly or not) derivative of art that includes anthropomorphization.

behind the scenes, there's a lot more going on. not just pedophilic fetish art, but there's a surprising amount of legitimate predation on children, as well as a shocking amount of zoophilia. a lot of this is kept quiet through use of encrypted programs like telegram, harassment / deplatforming / blackmail of people from the in-group they suspect might blow the whistle on the whole thing, exertion of digital power (you likely have no idea how many of the people who essentially "run" the internet modern day are furries; it's a lot), and (as mentioned before) disinformation campaigns where they advertise themselves as a "diverse group" of "mostly innocent people."

a lot of the people who separate from the group don't see the worst of it, and most will tell you that they left because they didn't quite "mesh" with the fandom (most people i meet like this are women who cite the highly sexual nature of the group). most of this stuff is only observable if you still have your wits about you but, for whatever reason, end up having the displeasure of speaking to many individuals from the community somewhat often (as you might imagine, this is not a common combination of traits).

they're not shy about talking about their paraphilias. very few of them don't have any. most of them are into things like bdsm, "little" rp, transformation fetish, gender-bender fetish (fetishistic crossdressing and "sissification" are big), raceplay, or humiliation. so far, i've not met a single male furry that didn't have cluster pedophilia, and about half the female furries i've met had cluster paraphilias, too.

they're a little more hesitant about talking about the shady stuff that goes on in their community, if you know the specifics to ask for, though. a lot of times they'll default to "erm, yeah, well, that happens, but, like, not all furries are like that, and bad people exist everywhere." it's not at all reminiscent of the direct-action attitude i've seen in actual marginalized groups when speaking about abusive people within their communities. they focus all their efforts on minimizing the issue or outright excusing it. the only group within the furry community who tried to actually put a stop to the pedophilia that i know of turned out to be a group of nazis. not "oh they're like nazis." literal nazis. there's actually a pretty big population of so-called "nazifurs." digression aside, the point is that the only ones who made any effort to try to actually clean up the pedophiles from the community were literal, actual fascists.

i could go into the worst shit i've seen and heard from the community, but i honestly don't want to get into it too much. i'll say that the accusations of grooming, pedophilia, and bestiality are not at all "singular, rare cases," though. they're in-community issues that the worst of the worst in the community will encourage each other to do and talk about casually with each other. it makes the standard coomer or domestic abuser varieties that are much, much more common in that space seem normal by comparison.

to cap this all off, i'll state a couple simple facts. somewhere between 71 to 85% of furries are male, and between 83 and 90% of furries self-identify as white. information on political views is to be discarded, because no studies like that one that was done on trans individuals (the one that questioned what they believe their political leanings are or what labels they use vs specific questions about beliefs) have been done, as far as i can tell. i don't know about you, but i've never seen a group with this sort of demographic that has been anything other than vile.

Well said.

I dislike Turkey Tom on YouTube but he has a series where he covers the degenerates of certain online cultures and (i think) he's done furries more than once. Needless to say, I understand why you wouldn't want to detail the worst cases out there.

#ask

[myoddessy]

in my spike era atm. thank you for ur service. oh to meet him at a silly adult dinner with mutual friends and develop a silly crush on him & his dumb jokes. oh to get a text from him the next day with something about an inside joke you both made up. oh.

OH!! anon we are the same and i'll love u forever. and i didn’t write actual corny spike jokes because i’m only funny at certaib times and this isn’t one of them. also, ik editors for big brother magazine would not choose a martini for their choice of dinner party drink, but for the inside joke to work, lets pretend they would 😋🤞

JUST ONE OLIVE ,, spike jonze

being one of the lead photographers working at big brother magazine had its perks, you were able to live a comfortable life doing what you loved, you met new people almost every day, and the respect your position granted was always a plus.

you'd met jeff tremaine on your first week, and, over the years you'd known him, he had been deadset on introducing you to as many people as possible. "it's depressing that your social life begins and ends with your work, no offense." he defended after the second impromptu dinner he dragged you to.

you toyed with your cuticles as you sat the restaurant table, hoping that your feeling of misplacement wasn't too evident. you offered polite smiles to the one or two men who graced you the courtesy of pulling away from their editor-exclusive conversations to acknowledge your presence. "god, when are we gonna eat?" a broad blond with a patchy excuse of facial hair questioned loudly — too loudly, but you weren't in the right space to say that.

"whenever spike gets here." jeff replied, tilting his chair back slightly to get a better look at the door. your head stayed tilted down, but with the way jeff laughed and clapped his hands comically, you could only assume the party's missing member had finally arrived.

"sorry i'm late," a voice much softer than the others at the table excused, "traffic was crazy." you looked up from your nails when the chair to your left dragged gently against the hardwood dining floor, flashing the man taking it a warm grin that he quickly returned.

in a quick flurry, loud conversation picked up (again) with you excluded (again) and you were left to examine your fresh manicure (again). "i'm spike." his voice came from your left. you didn't reply at first, believing that his words were directed to the man beside him. but when his hand left a barely-there graze against your arm, you finally looked towards him, properly this time.

he smiled. it wasn't too bright or too enthusiastic, but it wasn't forced or bored either. it was welcoming, and as he took you hand in his to shake, welcome was how you felt. it was odd, truly, how in the matter of a minute, this man — spike — had broken into your shell and invited you to exist in a world previously unknown to you.

"y/n." you greeted in turn, all too aware of the way his expression turned coy.

"pretty name." he turned slightly, his body facing yours even more than before. he leaned closer and you fought back the instinct to shrivel away with wide eyes. but before your fight of flight had time to manifest, he raised a hand and tucked a flyaway hair behind your ear. "not as pretty as you, though."

you spluttered put a laugh and played it off as a scoff. "you say that to every girl you see at a dinner party?"

"given that you're the first one i've gotten a chance to talk to, yeah." a few beats of silence passed, and you liked it that way. you observed his eyes — in your field, you'd learned to take one's appearance to heart, even if it's the smallest observation, and you'd found over time that the eyes hold every secret known. you half expected to see beady eyes filled with greed, like a vast majority of your table had, but instead, you saw a gentle gleam.

somewhere in the blur of the night, spike’s jokes and infectious laugh acted as a raft in the tidal wave jeff flung you into when you arrived. a part of you wanted to scream at jeff for pulling you into hundreds of social circles where you didn’t belong, but this one night of success almost made up for everything else. 

it wasn’t until a jittery waitress, obviously new but adorably sweet nonetheless, took orders for what would probably be the table’s last round of drinks that you remembered you and spike had any company at all. much less how disgusting their choices of drinks were, i mean, come on, who wants four olives in a martini?! but, like every ick you’d noticed before spike, you didn’t say anything and assumed it was just a craze that you’d missed the start of.

but when spike hid a huffed laugh with his fist and flashed you an incredulous look, a giddy comfort that could only be felt by the understood flooded you. you subtly covered your mouth to the rest of the table, mouthing a quick ‘i know, right?‘ 

“and you, sir?” the waitress turned her attention to spike. 

“i’ll have the same as him, but just one olive for me, thanks.” it wasn’t funny. you knew it wasn’t funny. in fact, it was one of the most drab sentences you’d heard in your life, but the way that spike flashed you a quick grin and quickly rolled his lips after his eyes darted to the man who ordered before him assured you that there was no fault in the giggle you masked (albeit, poorly) with a cough.

new conversation dawned again, you and spike still submerged in your own little world, and definitely missing the proud looks jeff snuck at you both when either of you let out a particularly loud laugh. and soon enough, spike was draping his jacket over your shoulders despite your (half-assed) protests as the flickering orange twinge of the city streetlights acted as your guide. he hailed a cab for you, and waited until you were ready to go before moving to his car. but not without you slipping your phone number into his pocket with a swift kiss on the cheek.

with his back turned to you, and your cab pulling away, you weren’t able to see the cheek-splitting grin that grew after your touch, not even bothering to repress it. he wore your lipstick mark like a badge of honour.

•─────────🎇─────────•

the following day, your coveted day off, was relaxed. a cheesy sitcom playing in the background, a cup of tea in your hands, and your mind still on last night. but the most surprising thing to come from that dinner wasn’t the acceptance you felt, or the fact that someone at that table actually made you laugh, but apparently you and spike had developed a telepathic connection in the hours you’d known each other. because just as you felt the odd sensation of missing someone you barely knew, your phone buzzed from beside you.

(xxx) xxx-xxxx-xxxx

hey, is this y/n from last night? this is so awkward if it isn’t, so i’m sorry if i’m bothering a total stranger.

but in case it actually is you, i was wondering if you wanted to go out for drinks or something?

you changed (xxx) xxx-xxxx-xxxx to spike <3

only if you don’t order four olives with your drink.

spike <3

oh, thank god (this message was deleted by sender)

just one olive, i swear.

#love letter 🌹 #anonymous lover 🌺 #Spike Jonze #spike jonze x reader #jeff tremaine #jeff tremaine x reader #jackass #jackass x reader #jackass x fem reader #big brother #big brother magazine #johnny knoxville #chris pontius #steveo #Bam Margera #Preston Lacy #wee man #ryan dunn #dave england #danger ehren #ehren mcghehey

[johannestevans]

Update - 27/02/2023

Good evening, good evening, good evening!

I've been doing a lot of work behind the scenes this week - I'm about halfway into a new Norse mythology-based novella that I'm very excited about, as well as a few other short stories and essays; I've also been getting some of the planning done for this year's Monstrous May! The prompts will be out some time around mid-March, which will give people a bit more than a month to prep and plan if you prefer to plan out your fills in advance.

If you haven't taken part before, the Monstrous May Challenge is a prompt challenge that I run every year, and this is going to be the third year going - I set up a prompt for every day of the month of May, all themed around different monsters!

If you're interested in seeing the last few year's prompts, these were 2021's, and these were 2022's.

I don't have a wide variety by way of media recommendations this week, but I did enjoy a double bill with the boys that I think is worth recommending:

Calendar Girls (2003, dir. Nigel Cole) - This is about a Women's Institute chapter (the WI is a kind of British club for women to do hobbies, charity work, and community activities together) who want to raise money for a leukaemia charity after the death of one of their husbands, so they do a nude calendar. Because they're all older women from Yorkshire, it becomes a huge media sensation. Helen Mirren and Julie Walters star, but every woman on this cast is fucking class, and it's such a fun, silly movie.

The Full Monty (1997, dir. Peter Cattaneo) - This is about a group of unemployed ex-steelworkers in Sheffield, suffering the after-effects of Thatcher's Britain - after the Chippendales (a male strip group) come to town, they decide to learn to dance and put on their own strip show where they, unlike the Chippendales, will give their audience "the full monty" - they'll be completely naked.

These two films came out half a decade from each other, and while both are set in the Yorkshire, they offer starkly and drastically different windows into life in the two counties (North and South) that are largely divided by class and gender. Both are explicitly about mainly cis heterosexual people (there is a canonical gay couple in the main cast in the Full Monty who get together during the course of their stripping, and they're adorable) navigating work that is adjacent to sex work, and a lot of the shame that that comes with.

Calendar Girls is about middle and upper class white women, many of whom are retired or running their own businesses, in a small country village - these are quite affluent women, and their difficulty in fundraising is depicted far more as coming from the boring nature of WI offerings rather than as a shortage of money in the community.

Throughout the film, they go, "No, no, we won't be naked, we'll be nude," and there's continuous repetition of the idea of the calendar as "art", and therefore far more elevated over mere pornography, even though the idea for doing the nude calendar is inspired by Helen Mirren's character paging through her teenage son's titty mags and then seeing a sexy nude calendar at her local mechanic's.

While there's of course a lot of nudity in the film, it's largely not extremely sexualised and is artistically posed - most of the women don't really discuss or seem to have active sex lives, again because these are affluent women for whom such things would be largely considered very gauche, even having posed nude for this calendar.

The Full Monty is wholly different.

This is not a film about affluent or well-off men - the vast majority of them are working class lads who were basically left without options after all the factories closed, all of whom are hunting for jobs that aren't there between picking up their dole every week: the most well-off member was previously the foreman at the factory, and he's in the same boat as the men he used to manage. Of the rest of the crew, the majority of them are white with one of them Black (played by Paul Barber, my beloved), and two of the lads, as I've said, are queer.

There's far less pretense in here about their strip show being about elevated high art - the lads quite rightly note that the women who'll want to see stripshows want to because they think men are hot, and that it's a good laugh seeing strippers. There's a moment where they're discussing a woman in a magazine, discussing the size of her breasts and then saying, "Oh, I wasn't criticising her personality, just her tits," and they then talk about how when they're dancing on stage, the women in the audience are going to be discussing them in the same objectifying manner.

This is a film that's broadly about masculinities and the shame of not being able to support their households financially with the pittance they're given on the dole, and how disposable they feel, especially because Robert Carlyle's character primarily wants to pay his arrears in child support to his ex-wife, and is very hostile to her new boyfriend because of how insecure he makes him feel while already feeling awful about his position.

Calendar Girls is a film about quite affluent women who are doing "artistic" nudity to raise additional money for a charitable cause - The Full Monty is effectively about a group of working class men who are doing one of the more acceptable forms of sex work for survival. The fictional town of Knapley for Calendar Girls is based on Rylstone - that's only an hour and a half away from Sheffield by car, but they live very, very different lives. Even just the panning shots are starkly different, Calendar Girls filled with beautiful sweeping shots of the Yorkshire moors, swelling green hills and blue skies, and Sheffield continuously showing shots of a dilapidated and neglected town, a car submerged in the canal, the towers from a factory no longer belching out steam, buildings half falling down and left empty.

There's just one more point of comparison I'd like to make, and one of my favourite aspects of The Full Monty - so, throughout Calendar Girls, a lot of these women are quite anxious about ageing and the way that their bodies look now that they're in middle age, fearing that they're no longer attractive or as desirable as they were. They talk about wrinkles, breast size, sagging, et cetera.

In The Full Monty there is a little insecurity from the lads as a whole, especially from the foreman and Horse both about being older men, and from the wee ginger lad about having "pigeon tits" (they're very cute) - but my favourite subplot is actually about Mark Addy's character, Dave. Dave is fat, and his friends make a lot of jokes about his being fat and therefore undesirable, and a lot of his insecurity about actually doing the stripping is anxiety around his weight and a lot of fear and anxiety about being undesirable. we see him a few times being intimate with his girlfriend and panicking that she's not attracted to him, and ultimately ending up feeling very empowered by doing the stripping.

Both movies obviously have those themes of boosting esteem and feeling somewhat more empowered through being viewed and presenting themselves in these desirable contexts, but the plotline with Dave is far more developed and considered than any of those in Calendar Girls, and is super impactful.

Mark Addy is also hot as fuck in this role, but that's my typical slutty commentary on most films.

Anyway, I've seen both of these films a bunch of times, and despite their numerous respective flaws, I absolutely think they're both work checking out and watching, especially The Full Monty. The latter is honestly one of those films that is just watchable again and again, and I love it to fucking bits. The soundtrack alone makes it a triumph.

Anyway!

New Works Published

Fiction Short: Without Mercy

2.6k, rated M, M/M. A retired mercenary seeks out another Spartan — the man, in fact, responsible for the deaths of his family. Featuring massage, guilt, banter, back-and-forth.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Blog Post: Advice on Being A Slut

Anonymous asked:

Possibly an odd question, but……do you have advice on how to be a slut? I’m recently out as a gay trans man, in my 30’s, only ever been with straight cisgender men, and I have no idea where to start. Being on testosterone has helped with the dysphoria, but I can’t seem to let go of old habits from when I was a girl having sex with guys. You can ignore this if you don’t feel comfortable answering, I just thought given the nature of your blog you might have some really good insights

This is a really big post digging into some of the differences between M/F casual dating culture and M/M cruising culture, how it feels to go between the two as a trans man, and also some more practical slutty tips!

On Tumblr.

This is another post from the same asker, following up a bit more on navigating trauma responses from disrespectful and coercive partners, and also on communicating in the bedroom. Also on Tumblr.

I've been answering more asks of recent, which I'm loving by the way!

Apart from advice stuff, I absolutely love getting asks about character or analysis topics, I really feel like I'm easing into a period of writing a lot more non-fiction, and I'm super excited about it!

Writing non-fiction alongside my fiction always comes super naturally to me, I just rarely publish as much of the non-fiction very formally, so I'm really into the idea of going a bit more of it going forward.

Oh, and if you have any particular requests or hopes for Monstrous May this year, feel free to hop into my asks and let me know!

#monstrous may challenge #the full monty #calendar girls #update

[rohirric-hunter]

Feel like I'm getting into endgame stuff here but I want to throw this theory out there before I find out if it's right or not. Disclaimer, I haven't done all the quests in OG Gondor with regards to the Heirs of Castamir so I might be missing something, but bear with me.

Azagath is not native to Umbar. He's a Black Numenorian. This, on the surface, isn't anything, Belondor isn't from Umbar either and while I don't think the game has outright said one way or the other for Rothog, half-trolls are typically found in the company of Haradrim in other parts of the game. It's hardly a requirement for being part of the group.

But being a Black Numenorian specifically is interesting. Black Numenorians are the descendants of people led astray by Sauron who left Numenor behind and traveled to Middle-earth to worship and serve him. And while it would of course be absurd to insinuate that none of them ever abandoned that and went off and lived their own lives, the connection still exists. Black Numenorians specifically seem to make up the vast majority of the priesthood when you encounter places where Sauron was worshipped in Mordor. I haven't yet heard anything about anything Azagath did before the Mutiny. Was he a priest at the Temple of the All-seeing, or maybe even some other sort of caretaker, who had seen that the people hated the Church and seized his opportunity when he realized Sauron had fallen, in order to get power and glory for himself?

Alternatively, what if he's not actually Black Numenorian at all? What's his beef with Gondor, after all? Gondor isn't a threat to Umbar, and talking to NPCs here there's no particular widespread concern that Gondor is going to be a threat to Umbar in the near future (though of course such a concern wouldn't be terribly hard to manufacture). And yet Azagath seems to have a non-zero interest in starting something. Why is that? Is it perhaps related to the fact that while Balakhor and his followers seem unshakably confident in his claim to be the Heir of Castamir, the game repeatedly throws doubt on that claim, driving home over and over again that we don't really know? What if Balakhor wasn't the Heir of Castamir at all, but Azagath is? Obviously in the current social climate he can't really use that to his advantage, but he seems like the sort of guy to care less about the title and more about the power.

IDK, I've just been wondering what his deal is lately. All the other members of the Kindred of the Coins have been sufficiently explained to me except for him.

#lotro #spoilers of umbar #if the latter is true what are the chances of being able to talk nakasi into killing him

[apparentabstractions]

Some unstructured thoughts

My reaction to the trend of "AI artists" has been pretty viscerally negative—it's a clear off-shoot of the same Silicon Valley tech bro bullshit that gave us NFTs—but I've also been left grappling with the reality that there are very real similarities between much of my APPARENT ABSTRACTIONS work and images generated by AI. The latter involves someone inputting text and hoping for the best. My edited ROM corruption screenshots require similarly little "effort"—ask a program to inject some junk data or alter a few bytes, then wait for the results. In the end, we both have very little control over the actual output. I often make edits to the shape or color to make mine stand out more, but that's not a tall task either.

Furthermore, both are built off the backs of others' work. I think my only real saving grace here is that the "sources" I pull from are commercial, mass-produced products. Of course video games are an art form, and artists worked to create the graphics which I then ask a program to mangle, but at the end of the day I'm pulling from the works of corporations. Fair game for editing? Fair game for collages and sampling? The music enthusiast in me has always felt that way, at least. I wouldn't have a guilty conscience screencapping and editing something from say, Ninja Gaiden—as opposed to trying the same thing from some DeviantArt user's work. One like myself, maybe. I also illustrate as a hobby, and yeah, I don't want my drawings used in AI training datasets. And these days, it's getting harder to trust the websites we host our work on to protect us.

Maybe the big difference between what I'm making and what "AI artists" are doing comes down to ethos. AA is a project that's been going on for four years now. The works have always been released into the public domain. I just think what I'm doing is cool, and I wish more people would do it. It's not really even about the individual pieces but all of them as a unified gallery. I've always viewed AA as one singular ever-expanding art piece. I think it's why I enjoyed making the Tower Unite gallery so much. Very few "AI artists" ever seem actually interested in art. Or at least, they weren't interested in the concept of "art" until they saw that it could be an easy way to make them popular or rich. But you probably know that already.

We saw it with NFTs, too, though maybe less so percentage-wise—I saw a lot of legitimate artists I admired become grifters. I almost bought a John Karel (jjjjjjjjjjohn, the one with the low-poly skeletons) shirt and now I'm glad I didn't. Mark Vomit, the guy who made that "you are not immune to propaganda" meme, is actually a talented audiovisual producer that I liked a lot. Ironically, he tried making NFTs but threw a fit when no one wanted them and people started making fun of him. I don't think he's tried again since. Probably my biggest disappointment in this field was Osamu Sato—the guy behind LSD: Dream Emulator among a slew of great albums. And don't forget a bunch of musicians who were probably forced to engage with NFTs by their labels. But also, like, 80% of the people making "abstract digital art" like my own started getting into it! I had to unfollow the vast majority of them. At their height, it was so bad that you could just tell someone was probably doing NFTs by looking at their art because it had become so popular with certain cliques—my own included. I started using the "AGAINST CRYPTO / AGAINST NFTS" avatar around that time not just because I wanted to make a bold statement against it, but also because I didn't want people to have to check.

#text post #tech hell

[animehouse-moe]

I just read your reviews on JJK anime and almost all are negative. Like, what? Don't you think we should be grateful that at least the manga got anime adaptations? Do you know how many my favorite manga, that never got anime adaptation? Anime adaptation is still better than not getting adaptation at all, right?

Lastly, thank you very much for sharing your writings. Love reading your anime/manga reviews.

(Do you know how are my feelings with no news of YOI movie until now ?)

So I'll answer that P.S first haha.

I'm also a pretty big fan of Yuri On Ice myself, I recently (finally) picked up the setting material collection and have been eyeing the Select Book (though there's not many listings), so I really do get the pain of having nothing for a decade and Mappa basically saying "there's no money so why bother".

I'm also a big fan of stuff like Lucifer and The Biscuit Hammer, whose adaptation has effectively ruined the story for an insane amount of anime onlies.

And I can't even begin to count the number of series I love that won't see second seasons, or even anime adaptations in the first place. I still thank my lucky stars that Tsuki To Laika To Nosferatu got picked up by such a new studio or I might not have been able to experience the incredible light novels officially.

Anyways, the point with starting there is that I experience those things as well, I don't subsist on solely the best of the best (though sometimes it does feel like that with things like Heavenly Delusion or Frieren). These are just things that I've grown attached to and really enjoy, so while I can bag on JJK S2, I still bemoan the fact that Mappa has just brushed YOI to the side, or that they've given up on their roots as a drama-centered studio.

But what can I say about that right now, that hasn't already been said? In contrast, with Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2, this is a weekly experience where things differ and change and struggle, and has been part of a larger discussion with Mappa in regards to production struggles as they overextend on series. It's just the thing that's in front of me, and is pointlessly changed because of Mappa's greed.

Park left Mappa to make his own studio, and the reasons behind doing so are rather clear (as is typically the case in these migrations). Mappa could have tried to held onto Park, they could have waited longer to finish the second season, or picked a better time to release it. Once more though, like their decision with YOI, Mappa has chosen greed and "hype" (even though it has more members on MAL than the vast majority of Mappa adaptations; only 7 series above it) over dedication and quality.

So at the end of the day, a lot of my ire isn't really directed at the people behind Jujutsu Kaisen (more like a wrong place, wrong time sort of thing), but more so in the direction of Mappa as a studio and the conscious decisions they make in regards to these things.

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 2 (I promise I can count; I'm just behind!!): Favorite Character

Leave it to me to get fixated on a character who only shows up in 4 episodes of a show that got cancelled 12 years ago. 😫 I thoroughly enjoyed SGU from its inception, but Amanda Perry is what took the show from something I really enjoyed to my current hyperfixation (yes, it's her fault I'm here, this fictional lady). She lives rent-free in my head. 💖

(Also fair warning this is gonna be long as hell)

I'm aware that her primary function is that of "love interest," but her character resonated with me on a much deeper level. Maybe I didn't travel a billion light-years to be with the person I love, but I did move 1,000 miles away from everything I knew to make a life with the man who became my husband. I know what it's like to feel rejected because the person you love shows their love differently (though I've been married for almost 6 years now after 3.5 years of long-distance, and then a lengthy engagement, so I know from experience that loving differently doesn't mean loving less). I know what it's like to feel like I'm not valued as a person, though in my case, I was mistreated because I'm autistic as opposed to being paralyzed, and I was regularly used and taken advantage of for my musical abilities, with little respect for my health or needs. I wasn't a person, I was a thing. I've been targeted by people I couldn't fight back against, even for things I didn't do. I know what it's like to be left behind for a lot of social milestones (driving, dating, etc.) I know what it's like to finally find that one safe person who sees you for you.

Amanda is relatable as hell to me. I do want to focus on her specifically in this post, though obviously her romantic endeavors are a factor. Tbh one of the main reasons I like her so much is, in addition to all the other stuff I just mentioned, is that she was the one to initiate things with Rush. I have little dating experience, myself, but I was the instigator in most of my relationships, especially with my husband. Gotta love those ladies who are active instead of waiting around for a guy to make up his mind!

Anyway, I make a lot of SGU memes and dumb lil comics that I share on Facebook, and a decent chunk of them are about Amanda (she even has her own multi-episode arc!!), so I'll share some of them here. I guess if people like them, I can put them on tumblr. I'll add that the vast majority of my content takes place post-stasis, so this Amanda inhabits her own meat body, cloned from DNA the SGC had on file, and is not a computer ghost or a body-swapper with questionable ethics. 😂

I have generated A LOT of memes lmao

Well that didn't turn out to be a metaphor for anything... 😏 I didn't catch this the first time, but I ugly-laughed on my second watch-through.

When the lockdowns were first imposed in my town, I had no idea what that meant, and I was literally about to get in my car and commit a crime because I thought my husband was going to be trapped at work for 2 weeks. Obviously, that wasn't the case, but I felt this scene.

Since my brain has chosen to attach itself to a character with minimal backstory, I'm obligated to fill in the blanks. One thing I find disappointing in media is that even the nerdy women tend not to have nerdy interests, which absolutely is not what I've experienced in real life. My thought is that Amanda was already something of a prodigy ("Little Miss Brilliant" probably isn't a nickname you get for being a regular genius lmao) before her accident, probably skipped a grade or two in school, private tutors in math and science, that kind of thing, and was later homeschooled before starting college as a teen. She was probably pretty lonely because of that. I'm not quite a "genius" (I have a Master's in music and an Etsy shop, and I uhhhhh make memes about an old TV show for fun), but I am a former gifted kid. Even though I took gifted classes from 4th-12th grade (academics, not that pull-out enrichment crap), I felt very lonely even among my gifted classmates, and I struggled with making friends throughout school because I was just too different. I was weird. I liked weird stuff. The girls were mean. The boys that were my friends didn't like the girly stuff I enjoyed, so I had to lock that part of myself away to fit in. The kids a grade ahead of me obviously left, and the kids a grade below me didn't want to keep in touch when I moved on to high school or college. It was lonely. I see similar things in Amanda's brief appearances. She's on the Destiny for 3 weeks, and she pretty much just sticks to Rush because he's "safe." She tries to be friendly with Eli, but he ends up making fun of her, and he's not very nice to her later on, either (sometimes for good reason; she's my fave but she's no saint). TJ isn't exactly in a position to be socializing during a complicated surgery, so she gets a pass. 😉

This was rambly, but my point is that a lot of lonely nerds are drawn to sci-fi, even the girls. I know for a fact that I'm projecting, but come on, she designs hyperdrives. You really gonna sit there and tell me she never watched Star Trek? 😂

As a side note (oh boy even more rambling), in my fan content, she and Eli have a very sweet friendship based on their shared nerd interests. I really don't think they'd get along in canon as things were left.

Speaking of sci-fi, I like to think that, after getting recruited for the Stargate program, Amanda watched all of Wormhole X-treme to prepare herself. I also like to think that no one else on Destiny's crew has seen it except Eli, who saw a handful of episodes randomly. I just really need him to see a stargate for the first time and be all like WOW JUST LIKE WORMHOLE X-TREME 😂 These are two separate excerpts, one mentioning the show and tying it back to actual events in SG-1, and the other showing a snippet of an episode. Replicators are kinda like Legos, so of course the humanoid Wormhole X-treme versions would be Lego people (I'm not creative, I'm just silly).

Going back to feeling lonely, I do think Amanda would be pretty imaginative, even if she's kinda one-note. In a fic I'm working on, she confesses that all of her fantasies involve Rush and having working legs (disclaimer that there's obviously nothing wrong with using a wheelchair and that disabled people can and do have fulfilling romantic relationships and sex lives, but it seems clear in the show that she would like to be able to walk again, so I have stuck to that for this particular story), and the narrative quality of her fantasies is very much on par with dollar store romance novels. She reminds me a little of Tina from Bob's Burgers and her "erotic friendfiction," so I made a few crossover memes. That's Tina's copy of "Buttloose" in the 4th panel. Panel 3 is also a borrowed quote from Tina. I do think Amanda might struggle with tidiness since she spent a good 25 years not being able to pick up after herself at all. I also struggle with this due to executive dysfunction and growing up in a borderline hoarder environment, so I guess I'm projecting again RIP 😅

No, really, Camile, what do you mean????

I guess in Amanda's defense, she doesn't find Rush off-putting in any way since he's not unnecessarily mean to her. 😂

I'm not sure if I'll ever complete my fic, but one thing I'm exploring, both there and, to a less complicated degree, in my memes, is Amanda's use of the neural link while she's a computer ghost. In Seizure, she seemed to use it with ease (apart from that one colossal fuckup lmaooooo), and I'd really like to see what she could do with it after her file is no longer quarantined. I've done a lot of cringe rambling and infodumping (congrats to anyone who's actually made it this far), so I won't go into detail, but she does work on expanding use of the link so she and Ginn can use it at the same time and connect to multiple people so they can socialize and function more as crew members instead of something like a guardian angel or familiar spirit. I'd also like, as mentioned in a previous post for this event, if she could help Lisa "see" again via the neural link. Another possibility, as alluded to in the above photo, is making "holograms," which aren't really holograms, but are more like skins for the ship's AI. What's cooler, accessing a medical database in the infirmary, or asking the EMH from Voyager to give you the info you need? If you're a loser like me, it's absolutely the second one.

More backstory!! My hc is that Amanda's parents were killed in the accident that paralyzed her (on the way to some math tournament with the high school mathletes or something idk I'm a musician I don't know what STEM people do for fun), and she was raised by her grandparents. We all love to make our faves suffer, and I'm no exception. This is just a silly little comic, but there is a certain sadness of being intellectually advanced but emotionally immature, something common among gifted kids and neurodivergent people (and I'm both, wheeeee). Things are thankfully getting better now. I love seeing more acceptance. But it was difficult in the early 00s when I was a teen, and I'm sure it would have been harder for Amanda in the '80s and '90s. It's also difficult when you have to rely on someone else for transportation, but they are unwilling to take you places (I went nowhere in college except school and church and my parents were still always mad at me, which is weird of them because they actively discouraged me from driving and would not teach me or help me get over my fears, so uhhhh yeah).

Last one~

So yes, I'm definitely salty that my top 2 SGU ladies got fridged twice (Ginn's my second fave because of course she is). I do think it opened up a lot of interesting possibilities for both characters, but as the show was tragically cut short, we have to rely on fan content. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that Amanda and Ginn would have been fine had Amanda simply studied Bobby Hill's Guide to Self-Defense. Yes, it's bad, but I am a bad person and I generate irreverent things.

If you made it this far, then congratulations, you're an obsessed weirdo like me!! I know Amanda isn't exactly popular, nor is SGU, especially not so long after the fact, so I don't really expect anyone to read all this. If you do, I hope I was able to convey why she is so special to me. If nothing else, I hope you enjoyed the memes.

Also this took me like 5 hours to write, Jesus Christ I need to sleep

#sgu week #amanda perry #sgu #stargate universe #wormhole x-treme #shitpost #sgu memes #sgu amanda #sgu headcanon #sgu spoilers #look it got cancelled 12 years ago but i didn't even know it existed until about a year ago #THAT'S MY PURSE I DON'T KNOW YOU #i just love her so much #and I'm glad I'm finally free from RWBY because it sucks being hyperfixated on something you don't like anymore #now I have a new thing to like and be obsessed with! #long post #very long post

[penname-artist]

Forgive the tipsy rambling here and, maybe this is just looking back on something having aged through a lot of it but, do you ever just realize how much you've climbed to change as a person?

I guess it depends on the person. Not everyone has the same experience or makes the same steps. Some people hardly change at all. And some people, people like me, you wouldn't be able to look at versions of me more than two or three years apart without struggling to figure out they're the same guy.

Sure, lots of things always remain. You'll probably still like the same things, prefer the same comforts, or struggle with the same faults. No matter how much you change and grow, you're always just gonna be, y'know. You. It's the type of you that makes the change, though; whether to be the you that gives into emotional weaknesses, or the you that controls their ego from overinflating. Sometimes things teach us, events shape us and memories mold us into new characters. But really, it's just us, paving the way to bettering ourselves. Making something out of yourself. Being someone. And being proud of that.

I can't honestly say I enjoy looking into my own reflection, in a physical sense. I've become so hollow, so baggy-eyed and bony-shouldered with the wear of years of pacing holes into the floor. I don't think there will be a time soon I'll be satisfied with the missing and broken teeth, or the acne scars, or the protruding right side of my rib cage. But you know, appearances can't be everything. Even talents can only push you so far in life, the finite detailing of mine having been dwindled off somewhere in the late 2010s. I can't draw what I used to. I can't do a lot of the things I used to.

In some ways you could say I didn't have a choice. That I had to be kind. I can't work like I used to, can't go like I used to. I've developed a bad knee and stiff joints, mental anguish, social overload, muscle spasms, migraines, whatever else happens on any given day. Things I can't explain and things I can't control. But I can manage them, at least.

And I've watched my mother for years, in a far worse state. Fibromyalgia hardly scratches the surface anymore, with a ruptured appendix and a crushed spine about to undergo major surgery. I've witnessed unfairness and fear in the middle of the night, time and time again like some horrible nightmare no one can wake up from. But I've also seen grace, I've watched a woman go from all to nothing and still put a smile on to be the neighborhood mom, risk pain and days of bed-bound downtime just to take a child to a library event. Just to support their eldest child's new identity. Just to exist to love and care for and take care of her family.

I don't know a person who's been faced with a crueler world. I also don't know a person who's worked harder to be kind in turn.

I'm hardly there yet, I'm only in my twenties. The world is so big and so vast and so complicated. I've already tasted cruel, tasted grief as familiarity is ripped from me, as love and longing is left cold and silent as an empty space for someone who never said a word. I've tasted cruel, and born an inked reminder of what it can't do. It can't take me. It can take my friends from me, and it can take my body piece by piece, and it can take my life some unsuspecting day, but it can't take away me. I'm something. In everything I make, I'm leaving something of myself behind. I was here. I existed. I impacted. I did. The world was cruel and it'll keep being cruel but I'm going to exist anyways and I'm going to do anyways and I'm going to be kind anyways, and I'm going to climb this goddamn mountain one pebble at a time, and shout from every clifftop that I was something. It may not have been very much. But it was. And you can't erase me. I was something. And I am proud of the something that I made.

[edit: it's 11:08 PM, I think this took an hour and a half to write and so I'm sober enough to reread it and yeah can we check off the emotional drunk box now please? Please?]

[weepingpussywillowtree]

i think the people complaining about the barbie movie being 'plastic/girlboss feminism' or not going far enough or whatever are ignoring a couple of things... the movie explicitly condemns the idea that women have to be conventionally attractive, consume lots of stuff, or be exceptionally successful to be worth something. in fact, the movie is the most about the journey of barbie embracing humanity and becoming someone who creates ideas rather than embodies them. you could argue about how successfully it gets across this theme, but its definitely there.

in terms of the movie not going far enough, I think people online sometime forget that the wider population is not engaging with advanced feminist thought. the movie's message might feel uncontroversial, and even boring to you, but the wider public is STILL not on board with a lot of these ideas. i mean a quarter of the USA are still evangelicals ffs, and before you jump down my throat for being anti-religion, the vast majority of evangelicals in the US believe in sexism as part of their religion. I would know because people in my family are evangelicals. I saw the film today in my dead little farming town and most people left the theater completely baffled. my boyfriend and I laughed our asses off the whole time, but the theater was quiet for the most part and some people got up to leave halfway through.

I was told recently to my face that I've only been as successful as I have 'because I have a pussy', men still ask me why im threatened and not flattered by catcalling, tons of guys still base their entire self worth on material objects and the attention of women (read: ken only has a good day if barbie looks at him). we've seen a huge resurgence in misogyny and a push for women to go back to being 'traditional', as in being forced into staying home and pop out babies ala 1950. hell, the scene where a barbie lets a guy mansplain photoshop to her happens to me like once a week at work. society does have impossible expectations of women, and the patriarchy does damage men. idk, it might be boring to you, but it's still radical to a whole lot of ppl to see this portrayed in a fucking barbie movie of all things. you can tell by how many ppl it pissed off.

The final joke did make me cringe a little bit though. I think the idea behind it is that barbie is now a human being and not a hunk of plastic, and that she's excited by the idea of a mediocre life and all that entails, including routine doctors appointments, but it does come across as a bit transphobic. as if barbie only became a 'real woman' after getting a vagina.

anyways, those are my barbie thoughts.

#shouting into the void #barbie #barbie 2023

[lgcsaem]

✰ … YOU EVER BEEN ON A BOAT? there he goes again, rambling ( solo ).

filming never gets old— sitting before a camera, the room devoid of any life aside from misaki, a tiny bird perched outside of his windowsill, and the singular plant left to rot sadly in the far corner of his room, hidden behind a shelf that blocks any vestiges of light needed for strong leaves and healthy stems. it hadn't been too long since he'd last been required to film a vlog like this, something similar to a time capsule, one granting him the opportunity to speak his mind and sort his thoughts, but it hadn't circled back around to feeling unfamiliar.

misaki feels at ease before the camera ( he always has, and, if you were to ask him, he would always continue to ). the word shy was hardly one someone could use when describing him, his rambunctious attitude and knack for excitement being a stark contrast to the vast majority of his peers. maybe that's why he already feels his skin beginning to crawl, legs bouncing in the seat where he's sat, gaze trained on the camera set down on his desk.

the light blinks a few times, signaling to him that is really had started to record.

"can we go on another cruise sometime soon? it was awesome!"

maybe not the most professional way to start off, but at least his enthusiasm is clear.

"i've been on a boat before, and i've flown across the ocean plenty of times, but this was the first time i'd ever been able to take a real cruise before— even though we still had to take part in workshops, free time was super cool! have you ever gone rock wall climbing while on the ocean!?" already, misaki finds himself bouncing idly in his seat, a wide grin on his face as he speaks, snaggletooth out and proud for the camera lens to autofocus on for the briefest of moments. "i don't ever get nervous, but for the first time in a while, i sort of felt a bit on edge when we first got on the boat. my mom used to always complain about how sick sailing made her, that's why i hadn't gone on are real boats before— i hate feeling sick— but i think that might just be a her problem. i'd go on another cruise right now if you offered!"

for a moment, his gaze flickers to the wilted cherry blossom laying on the corner of his desk, his demeanor evening out slightly. for as exciting as the trip had been ( on all fronts ), it had also been truly eye-opening. normally, misaki wasn't one for learning, his general attention span stalling when non-physical activities were involved. "visiting so many different spaces in japan was . . . cool, too. i've gone to visit family a few times, but i didn't really have a great grasp on the language or culture— my parents never taught me while growing up back home, isn't that kind of a bummer?" misakis lips form a pout, eyes wide and round as he stares into the camera. "i liked being able to see and do so much, i wanna do it again soon!"

#✰ . . . ( 𝗟 𝗢 𝗔 𝗗 𝗜 𝗡 𝗚 : solo ) ! #lgc:traineemission

[jomatto]

Some people are logical while others are free spirits, and then there are those who can be both. I'd like to count myself as one of them. You'd think a freewheeling endeavor such as writing would bear little similarity to something as rigid as coding, but as someone who kind of does both for a living, there's actually a lot of crossover.

Code does not work if you're missing a key element and the same applies to story writing. If you don't take the time to lay down the foundation and build up the thematic elements brick by brick, your big money scene will lack the oomph to really move readers.

As much as I want to sit down, be struck by a bolt of inspiration, and start pumping out pages of content by sheer force of artistic will, some semblance of structure is required to make everything fit together perfectly.

I've used many different writing tools over the years, from an old-school typewriter to my phone, and new tools and software are constantly being developed. While there are enduring masterpieces of storytelling that were born from a simple quill and inkpot, that doesn't mean you can't produce something equally as compelling by taking full advantage of today's technology.

We no longer have to carry around a notebook and pen (unless you're analog like that, which I'm sure some old souls still are) because our phones offer everything we need to put our thoughts into words. However, I'm beginning to feel the limits of my current setup.

I used to use MS Word to write, but ever since it went on subscription, I jumped ship to Google Docs. Then once I got an iPhone, I started using Apple Notes. Still, each of these 3 platforms share a critical weakness insofar as they offer no integrated support for structuring and outlining stories like you could with a good ol' fashioned corkscrew board and index cards.

While searching for better writing software, I landed on an app called Scrivener. I just started the tutorial, but this thing seems quite deep so far, which can be intimidating for some. As a lifelong gamer, digging into the mechanics is something I do every time I load up a new title, so a little learning curve doesn't scare me.

I've always considered myself more advanced than a newbie but not as in-depth as a professional. I've always gotten my skill level to a point where people would come to me for advice even though, in my mind, the things they're asking about are so easy to grasp that even a caveman can do it.

There's a weird disconnect and feeling of imposter syndrome when certain things come easy while other people seem to have the darndest time trying to wrap their heads around it, and it makes you wonder if you're living in a parallel universe where easy shit is hard, and everything else is backwards.

You're only as good as your tools, and depending on what you use, you may get stuck or go even higher. How many peoples' potential have lain dormant because the tool needed to unlock it hasn't been made yet? That's why I'm always looking for something better because there's no reason to think that my current state is the most optimal.

My experience has shown me that the vast majority of people are surprisingly hesitant and unadventurous, and because of that, they risk being left behind. That sort of conservative approach just doesn't cut it these days.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, they say, but if you can go even faster and harder with less effort, why not give it a shot?

[amethystina]

I was wondering if there is gonna be more aftermath regarding Ga On's action during "the final trial". Will he panic once more knowing now that his love was televised?

Will he be more aware now of how this public information can hold him accountable now that he is aware of his feelings?

To be honest with you? Not really, no.

Mainly because the premise I've built this fic on is that Ga On wasn't actually in love with Yo Han when he offered to die with him. He did love him to some extent and was extremely attached, yes, to the point where he would rather die than be without Yo Han, but that wasn't because of romantic love.

I think that, if anything, Ga On's willingness to die with Yo Han was more connected to his fear of losing those he cares about and, once again, being left behind (just like with his parents). So it also stems from trauma, not just his affection for Yo Han.

So, at least in Who Holds the Devil, Ga On doesn't view his actions during the final trial as a confession of romantic love. And that means he doesn't really have a reason to panic about it, either. Maybe he'll have a brief moment of "oh god, did that make me look gay?" but he'd quickly realise that, no, not necessarily. Or, if it did, it flew above most people's heads.

I mean, the final trial is now over eight months ago and if no one's mentioned it so far (aside from Jin Joo, who knows him well enough to be a bit more suspicious), they probably never will. Not that it will ever be quite forgotten, but since Yo Han is dead in the eyes of the public, it's not likely that conspiracy theories about their relationship will suddenly skyrocket for no apparent reason. And Ga On is clever enough to see that too and, as a result, has no reason to panic.

In addition, South Korea is conservative enough that the number of people who took his words to mean anything other than platonic or perhaps a mentor/subordinate thing is very, very low. We might find it very suspicious since we're looking for the gay, but the vast majority of the Korean public didn't. So the information isn't really all that incriminating? It wouldn't even cross most people's mind that it COULD be gay, let alone that it IS.

To be honest with you, I think more people worry about the extent of his involvement in Yo Han's crimes than what exactly their relationship was. Like, did he do enough that he should be charged and sent to prison? That is something he's more likely to be held accountable for rather than whether or not he was in love with his now-dead boss — and Ga On knows that too.

That said, it will definitely be mentioned again from time to time and he still dislikes seeing clips from that day, but that's mainly because he doesn't like to see his own desperation. But even he knows that, at the time, he wasn't in love with Yo Han yet. Well on his way, sure, but not quite. So he's not really scared of the final trial from a gay panic perspective because it's not actually gay? Incredibly intense and emotionally fraught, yes, (and definitely one of my favourite moments) but not gay.

I know Ga On overthinks and panics about a lot of things, but with the setup I have for the fic and everything surrounding the situation taken into account, this really isn't one of the things he has to be worried about. It's easy to explain away even if anyone, against all odds, were to ask him about it — he can just say he looked up to Yo Han as a superior and mentor and most people would buy it.

Sidenote: It obviously depends on the fic, though, and your take on canon. If you DO go with the idea that Ga On was in love during that scene then, yes, he would have more reason to panic. But he doesn't here due to the choices I've made as I built the story. So please don't take this as me saying it would never happen, it's just not entirely logical in Who Holds the Devil :)

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Who Holds the Devil #Questions like these are difficult to answer sometimes #Because I do get where you're coming from #But it just doesn't quite align with how I've set things up #And some of those details are ones you readers don't even know #So that makes it harder for you to guess in which direction I will take things #So I totally understand the question #But yeah #Not really applicable here #Also #To be entirely honest #There's already enough drama in this fic #I don't need to bring in Ga On being afraid of being publically outed as well x'D #He already has enough problems

[starship-imzadi]

S6 E9 The Quality of Life

Ah, poker.

I find it odd that Crusher compare beards to makeup and nail polish. Men grow beards (to various degrees depending on their ethnicity) naturally. Women do not naturally have makeup and nail polish. How they wear their beards could covey significance stylistically or culturally, but just having one is a more passive existence than the choice to regularly shave. As far as gender goes I imagine Crusher and Troi both have shaved body hair (though more often than not the uniform covers their legs and under arms so it's not regularly noticeable.) Also, men can and do wear makeup or paint their nails; that's just typically not true of hetero normative western men. The vast majority of women can't have beards even if they wanted to.

For some reason all of the techno-babble gibberish is getting on my nerves. I wonder how the actors felt about it. LeVar sure gets a lot of it. I think my irritation stems from how much of the plot is reliant in made up, fantastical limitations.

Exocomps! I didn't realize this was that episode.

I would think someone I've never met, knowing as much about me as this woman knows about Data, would make me deeply uncomfortable.

Directed by Jonathan Frakes!

I bet the prop department had a fun time making the exocomp.

Ah yes, the age old starship rocks.

This is oddly nit-picky, but there seems to be, in American colloquial English, a lot of confusion about pronoun usage and what's called "over correction" (a lot if people are afraid to use the wrong pronoun, this is born from a classist prejudice that sees the over use/"incorrect" use of certain pronouns, in this case "me", as uneducated; So, "I" or "myself" is used instead, when thise are not in fact grammatically correct.) Data's voice over is: "The unexplained behavior of the exocmp has greatly puzzled Dr. Farallon and myself." "Myself" is a reflexive pronoun and requires a nominative pronoun (I, you, he/she, we, they) to refer to. "I....[do something to] ....myself." It makes me wonder if this is an attempt to make Data seem smart by "over correcting" his speech, or if Data is merely mimicking the speech of a certain type of person (despite being an android Data is very much a straight white educated man.)

It's interesting that in this future world, where they clearly have AI (AI advanced enough it can pass a Turing test and is indistinguishable from people, like Data is) and yet you can accidentally make a new AI and not realize it.

This woman is rather rude. I don't like her. Her ambition is at the edge of egotistical.... and brash.

The real question isn't what constitutes life; bacteria and grass are alive but we don't value their individuality or existence outside of ecological function and rarity/variety of type. The real question is: does self awareness constitute a soul. As humans we have no proof of special, intrinsic value on account of being self aware individuals. We have no proof of this, nor of a spiritual "soul" that makes us any different from other life. So, we have no means of looking for a soul or intrinsic value in the individual existence of non-human life either. How much we value animals, and which ones, is both individual and cultural. (Data is oviously the epitome of this conundrum in this series, but it's odd to be asking those questions now even after Data made his daughter, Lal. Interestingly, Frakes also directed that episode.) I would actually argue against Data being "alive" even if he is self aware. For whatever reason he goes only to Crusher for answers, when so many disciplines grapple with the issues. I.e. psychology

Can Geordi pronounce someone deceased? I've not actually been around someone who has died....but short of being dismembered I think I wouldn't count someone out without medical intervention....sorry, that was a bit macabre.

"We're fine" except we left three people behind?!? That's not fine!!

Damn. Data getting spicy. It's rare to see Riker get this angry.

I think I'm getting emotional over an exocomp. It sacrificed itself for its friends. 🥺

What a sweet compliment from Picard.

[thebigldb]

Art vs Artist 2022 : A Reflection

Hello world and the vast void that is the internet,

I'm Linda! I've been making art for years, went to school for it, and have been working as a graphic designer for 5+ years in the screen print and decorated apparel ~industry~. Above is a little artist vs art with some of the pieces I've done this year. I've only recently been leaning into and improving upon my digital art, though I do make things using traditional mediums. Below is the same review format, but with the things I've made for a small apparel shop, plus some personal/side projects.

2022 has been the year of many major life changing events for me. I'm going to list some of the key ones below as I reflect upon the rapidly closing year:

1.) After working at a company that deteriorated my mental health through burnout and a toxic work environment for 3 years; I started a new - way less demanding - job with a different apparel shop. I had left behind my job title as "Art Director", a position and department I solely built up myself through hiring and attempts to organize and streamline the company's lack there of (not to mention the ridiculous turnover rate they had with graphic designers before I started there). My new job has been what I would call a nearly 360 turn from my previous one. It is a newer and smaller business, outsources its decoration as opposed to having it done in-house, and comes at a much much slower pace with its surges. While it lacks certain aspects of what I actually enjoyed from my previous job (like always having something to do or having co-workers doing similar things as you), it's given me the opportunity to develop myself personally as an artist and even consider the concept of making my own business. (Image below is a photo of some of floral shirts I designed, soon to be on sale)

2.) I got married to my partner of 7 years in the month of May, right before my 28th birthday. We had met through Tinder and were the first person each of us met in person from the app. It's been the most affirming, loving, and supportive relationship I've ever been in since our first date. He has helped me grow in ways I never knew I could and I am continually grateful for him and the work we've invested in each other. This has lead me to what feels like the next stage of my life; a more mature and grown identity to root myself into from past traumas. We held our wedding in our own backyard of our very first house. The planning, organization, and creation that went into our budgeted wedding proved incredibly stressful up to the day - even having to move it to our "rain date". But our wedding was better than I could've asked for, being surrounded by loved ones and everything else running quite smoothly. It will remain as one of the best days of my life along with our honeymoon trip to Canada.

3.) Within these incredibly positive life changing events, we were struck by the devastating lost of my beloved cat Newton in the month of September. I have never experienced such grief in loosing a pet and continue to be surprised by the inevitable force of sadness that still comes months later (though it hits less frequently). He was the first cat I ever owned and the first cat my now husband and I cared for together. I met Newt in a time I was fired from my first job as a graphic designer and was house/cat sitting for a friend of a friend. They told me they had been feeding a large white cat for some time and was working on bringing it to a shelter (they couldn't take him in because of the already live-in cat I was sitting for). Thankfully when my husband met Newt he agreed to house him in his apartment (I think it was instant love), which also in turn lead me to finally moving in with him. Newt brought me so much comfort, love, and joy - even from the moment we first met he was very affectionate. I had no idea that after 3-4 good years he suddenly fell ill to a chest condition with little hope of recovering. I had always thought he'd live out to a ripe old age since he was only 6-8yrs old when we adopted him, I thought he'd be there whenever I have my first kid at least. But within the unknown chaos of life it didn't happen that way and I lost my best bud very suddenly over a course of an emotionally exhausting month. I could continue on about how much this has hit me, but I won't. It's taken much time to feel easy again and still does sometimes when I look back on the many photos of him still in my photo gallery. On the brighter side, we still care for and are grateful to our little black cat Nadja who had only just come into Newt's life a year or so earlier. We are also grateful that the two were able to meet and get along for the time they had - it benefited them both to have each other even if briefly.

Within these 350 days of 2022 a lot has happened and that's not just within my little individual personal life. World events, news and social media, and technological developments have and will continue to be a huge presence in our lives. But to that point, these things that happen and surround me ultimately effect not just my life and others, but has chipped away at how I perceive myself to the world (mainly a lonely ghost). There is a never-ending frustration with continuing to keep myself present and even "relevant" online as I am an artist and someone who takes joy in creating and sharing art. I cannot live without it at this point, but I have very lingering to no connection to anything irl resembling a community of my peers or fellow artists. This may as well be concluded as lack of trying or will of involvement, so where else can we attempt connection if in person is too much? The internet of course. But - the results are the same because I have not felt like I made any progress of gaining any type of following or what some may call mutuals (save for the one or two and those I know irl) in the however many many years I've been around. Maybe I'm inconsistent, maybe I don't interact as much as I should to gain those connections, maybe I'm too slow or uninteresting, or maybe I assume too much. It could very well be the overwhelming algorithms present on many social platforms and/or the almost infinite amount of people present. But here I remain and continue to try things as best I can with as much as my ADD & depressed brain can handle. I've already put a lot of time, effort, and thought into this post (with multiple considerations of letting it rot in drafts). Inevitably though, the ending of the Gregorian calendar always brings energy of trying again in the next, the flicker of motivation to renew and promise something different. Things, of course, are always changing for better or worse. Things are always growing with or without an audience, and that's what I try to remind myself of. If doing things means spending all my energy to appeal constantly to something so vast and unpredictable, then I think I've been doing it wrong. 2022 has been good to me in many ways and has also crushed me in others. But all these things that will carry over with me into 2023 are ultimately hopeful, strong, and ready to keep on keeping on. If you've made it this far and somehow got through all of this text; Thank you so much. I appreciate you and your time and hope you found some sense of rapport. If you feel like it, check out my art or website - or even reach out if you want to. I have plans in the next year and remaining weeks to market myself as an artist and who knows how that will balance out with the life I keep. I hope you are well and take time to reflect and rest yourself in these dark cold winter months. I'll be back.

#artist vs art #art versus artist #art v artist 2022 #blog post #artists on tumblr #art blog #personal post #this is hella long lol #if anything this is more for me than content for others viewing pleasure #2022review #2022 reflection