#and generally In The Way i am to my friends and how i should be less selfish with both groups*

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Ruby: Not that I'm bored, but why can't we just use an airship to take these supplies out to Amity?

Penny: The components for Amity’s construction are far too heavy. All that weight would require precious dust we should be saving for the launch itself. And the Grimm that will come after.

Ruby: It just makes for a long, very long supply run.

Penny: At least the tundra is scenic.

Ruby: Totally.

Penny: Ruby! I just wanted to say how excited I am to be working with you in a professional capacity. As friends!

Ruby: Me too, Penny.

Penny: Relationships are so interesting. And varied.

Ruby: Speaking of friends. Have you been able to make any new ones? Since, you know...

Penny: Now that I’m the official protector of Mantle I don’t really have a team any more. General Ironwood says I don’t have time for friends.

Ruby: Oh uh… how do you feel about that?

Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do, and the things I want to do. Is that normal?

Ruby: That’s about as normal as it gets Penny.

Penny: Ruby...

Ruby: Penny.

Penny: You first.

Ruby: Uh, okay. I talked to Ozpin the other day. We talked about making you one of the maidens. My team and I discussed how you were probably built with that in mind. I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you, though.

Penny: I understand your worry, Ruby. But I am more than up for the task. Either spring or fall, I don't really mind.

Ruby: Well, okay if you're sure. What was it you were going to ask about?

Penny: I was going to ask how you were with your relationships, Ruby. You asked after mine after all. It seems like something a friend would do.

Ruby: Well what did you mean?

Penny: Well you have had a boyfriend now. What was that like?

Ruby: It was uh good.

Penny: I've never had a boyfriend of my own. I've never talked to the General about it, either. Or my father.

Ruby: I wasn't very good at talking to my family about it either. Romantic stuff that is. It took me forever to tell Yang and by the time I did… well I didn't so much as tell her so much as she caught us.

Penny: Caught you?

Ruby: We were just kissing. I mean, it was going places if I had my say in it but we were just kissing when she walked in on us. She found out that way.

Penny: Going places? Had you and Jaune been places before then?

Ruby: A handful of times.

Penny: Ruby! That was scandalous of you. What happened next?

Ruby: Yang pulled him off of me and slammed him into a wall.

Penny: So… he was on top of you, then. And your sister just ripped you apart.

Ruby: I'd been trying to wrap my legs around him but...And Jaune just sort of stood there looking dazed. It wasn't because of being slammed into the wall. He's fairly robust. He was just sort of out of it because we'd been kissing. I might be a good kisser. You could, like, see it.

Penny: Ruby! Do you mean… his…?

Ruby: Through the hem of his pants.

Penny: Was he… was he large?

Ruby: I think so. Not so much until he was inside. If that makes any kind of sense. Then it seemed like he was huge but in a good way. A really awesome feel good kind of way.

Penny: Ruby!

Qrow: Is everything alright up there!?

Ruby: We're fine!

Ruby: Penny are you… are you built, down there?

Penny: I'm designed to one day have children. If I so choose. With the right upgrades as pregnancy goes on. My father thought it was important.

Ruby: He told you?

Penny: Oh yes. He gave me the talk. He thought it was important that I have the freedom of expression that having children is. The eggs are from donors which were engineered. And I don't quite have a monthly cycle. But other than that things are roughly the same.

Ruby: You don't have a cycle? Brag about it, you queen.

Penny: Ruby!

Ruby: How roughly the same are we talking about here?

Penny: Ru -by ! The same enough.

#rwby #rwby incorrect quotes #jaune arc #ruby rose #lancaster #penny polendina #qrow branwen #motion sickness

[lucabyte]

i am looking at nohats au 👀 please share more

So! NoHats! I'm going to grab you and use this to ramble. A Lot.

The NoHats AU is @samhainian's it's just that I'm the strange little freak who takes the words said unto me and executes on them. But I can still do a little explainer on what our overall thoughts and vibes are. (And, that we are in fact propping up a little box with some cheese under it here. 🪤 Please (PLEASE) feel free to pick up what we're putting down.)

We're far from the only ones exploring a "what if siffrin fucking died" AU, though the main difference with NoHats is the placement of the death in the timeline. Instead of being 'Mal Du Pays Wins' or 'Act 6 encounter goes horribly wrong', the death is… Just after the (literal) falling action.

(This placement is because Sam is a comic book fan who thus has become used to characters being ripped away at the cruelest times by shitty writers. THANK FUCKING GOD adrienne is not that and isat is delightful yippieee, but, back on topic.)

Giving the party the full understanding of What Happened that you get by putting the death after black hole siffrin, but before the A6 encounter leaves an interesting gap to be filled. See, making Siffrin's death very much not Loop's fault means that… this once again reads (when not read as simply a tragedy...) as the universe doing what it sees fit to fulfull Loop's wish… Thus making Siffrin's death Loop's fault again, but only in their eyes. And only in a way they could express if they were honest about who they were…

And this is where having had excuse to waffle about my general Postcanon Loop thoughts the other day comes in handy, because Sam and I have that as our canon-compliant reading to begin with, NoHats plays off of a lot of the same readings of Loop's character. Namely: Uh Oh Somebody's Lying By Fucking Omission Again. (BECAUSE TO BE FAIR THIS TIME… HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU HANDLE THAT?)

Now, neither Sam nor I are fanfic writers, so this has been a little bit trapped in our heads and DMs (and my unfinished art but,)

But our thoughts on how NoHats like… Goes.

Siffrin's death is peaceful, but that does not mean the aftermath of it is. I can't imagine the party takes it well, especially after understanding the circumstances of the Loops. (And, of note, in A5 where nobody had the discussion on what to do with each other's bodies should something happen…) But I'd imagine it traumabonds them somewhat (understatement of the century) and now knowing how the rest of the party feels, they resolve to travel together for the forseeable future.

The party track down Loop to deliver the terrible news, since they were clearly Siffrin's friend too, and invite Loop along to travel at least long enough to (let them grieve) get the burial over with. Loop, here, can be helpful in knowing what Siffrin would've wanted where the party would be at a loss. Loop, I think, takes a bit of a lead on the funerary aspects of it all, because, um. (Performing rites on your own body, huh?)

Then, as things are after a death, life just… Kind of has to continue on as normal. The party travel, pick up Nille, and get to know Loop as this mysterious new person. Maybe in this situation they might stay in Bambouche for a while to give Bonnie more stability since. They are probably taking it the worst. It would've come out of absolutely nowhere for everyone in the party obviously but god, for a kid? For A Kid?

It should be stated NoHats is not intended to be grimdark, just y'know. An exploration of grief. This is also why it's got a bit of a lopsided focus on Bonnie vs the rest of the party because hhrrhghghhghghhhghhghhh <- incoherent

Now, a crossroads.

How does the party discover Loop to be Siffrin? How long does it take. How much have the party embraced them as part of the family (especially with something as intense to bond over as this)?

There's the Odile option. Have her put it together and have to bring it up somehow. This could also be done by Isabeau, perhaps. He's smart. (which. God. If anything's the real Isabeau Torment Nexus it's this)

Then there's the other option batted around by Sam and I. The: The Universe Dislikes Duplicates option.

The items in the house that fzzt away when inspected. The Universe doesn't like there to be two of something, at least not when they're acknowledged. But one of something is just fine…?

Which is to say. I'm not a personal proponent of 'Loop getting their body back'. EXCEPT …… except this one time.

There's only one Siffrin now, so they don't need to be obfuscated to exist.

Consider, if you will. Loop swallowing their guilt for long enough to be comfortable. Falling back into old habits. Without another Siffrin around to compete for the niche of, they actually begin to act like Siffrin again. Not intentionally, it's just… The party is as welcoming as they've always been. And the party swears they keep catching glimpses of a face under all the light.

Then, one day, while still not fully human again, the resemblence becomes undeniable. Loop having not even noticed until everyone looks at them like they've seen a ghost.

Has it been months? How long have they kept up this lie? Is it even a lie, to them? They're Loop. But they were, once, Siffrin.

Even after explaining it, does that make it better or worse?

Bonnie cuts through the betrayed, struck-nerve reactions with a sobering "I missed you."

… Anyway !

Yeah so that's the vibe for NoHats. As for LoopLoops? That's more nebulous. I think it can go anywhere really in the NoHats timeline. I err personally toward the "Loop continuously replays the last 10 minutes before Siffrin's death almost immediately after they find out and have to parkour their ass up the House in the most distressing situation possible to try and get them to hold on, just please hold on." (Remember! Siffrin can remember the contents of Loop's loop backs in the A6 fight!)

But there is the possibility that this happens months, or worse years down the road. One last Loop back. Throw it all away for the chance to just get that one thing you didn't know you even wanted but now know you NEED.

Misc:

Okay miscellaneous time.

This is where I admit that I have a bunch of unfinished NoHats art that I haven't gotten around to yet because I feel like a right tool being so obviously Loop-Centric with my fancontent (I AM . . I REALISE I AM NOT DOING MUCH TO BEAT THE ALLEGATIONS.) So like if people want to see that please say because euaghghghhfh <- the nervous.

this is like the most fucked up place to do isaloop fr. anyway.

one of Sam's mid-game observations that I'm just going to share for no particular reason is that Bonnie's hair shares a bunch of shapes with Siffrin's. The flick up at the top, the 3 pronged shape of the fringe… just something to think about.

Without 2 Siffrins around to compare each other to it'd likely be a lot harder to notice Loop's similarities. Doesn't mean that those similarities don't sting more in this context though.

If you do NoHats without LoopLoops. The concept of this all fading into memory years down the line while they just have slightly-glowy but otherwise regular Siffrin hanging out is fucked up to think about. Just like real grief. Augh

6. a peek into the original dms as a treat from us

#LONG POST....! #be free our ideas. go forth into the wild. and by that i mean neither of us are fic writers so please HUNT US FOR SPORT #isat spoilers #looploops au #nohats au #isat au #isat loop #isat act 6 spoilers #not giving it more tags than that since feels rude to tag the rest of the party lol #lucabytetalks #but yes! to be extra clear: nohats is a 'please play in the space' invitation. because neither of us are big fanwork people! um! #it feels a little bit neglectful of us to not make more stuff for this AU ourselves but... we aren't practiced at that kind of thing. so. #open invitation! we know we won't make anything MASSIVE with this so.. don't hold your breath. and feel free to take the reigns. #we aren't like. the arbiters of 'sif fuckin dies' aus in general obviously but if you want to play with our specific ideas please do! #think of this post like prompts if you want to. go nuts #and @ a certain someone who said in the tags theyd maybe write something inspired. kisses you so sweetly. thank u for even considering it #also hi kaun i was thinking about your little snippet when typing 'act 6 encounter goes horribly wrong' 👋

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

have i mentioned how great cats are. there's a lil guy in my house and when i lay my head on her side she starts purring so hard <3 and ten seconds later she will try to open my wrist with her teeth <3 truly the best <3

#shes just a silly goofy little guy..... #miss war crimes.... mister menace... bastard... her royal highness <3 #she holds all of these titles And More #no ones doing it like her!!! #she eats spiders & makes funny noises that instantly Boosts my criminally low happy chemicals #sorry i looked at her for too long and was once more overcome by a strange emotion i believe some call love #affection? delight?? all three.... #and i Had to publicly post about her #i am very proud of my tiny fluffy friend & her general Existence. i must flaunt her #oh how horrible! a couple of tendons in my neck just rubbed together in a very terrible way #what the Fuck. i wish i could reach in there and pluck on em a lil. make sure theyre in the right places #felt that in my Ear.... #absolutely unprompted #oh speaking of weird things cause yall know i love to ramble and overshare #i think! i Hypothesize! that there's a slight.... Disconnect between my eyes #my depth perception is fine and i can See #but theres somethin fucky w my vision and focus #nothing is blurry! but it looks like it should be! i dont know how to explain it! #its like my quality of vision has dwindled but not in a way i can describe or really point out #but it Is slightly harder to read and like... See things? #its almost as if i have a few tiny blind spots. #i first noticed this happening after my terrible no good double-decker-migraine weekend #it very slowly got slightly better but then i had Another migraine the other day (ugh and a left brain one at that) #and im back to square one! my visions all fucky again! my peripherals suck! #in other news my house is. so warm. its 2 am. my shirt is toasty enough to keep tortillas warm #i hope everyone is having a good week #and if youre not! theres always the next one! and little delights sprinkled throughout! get yourself a tasty treat you deserve it!

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[bigendershadowthehedghog]

i fucking hate the way my parents talk about people with personality disorders i need to hit them over head with a blunt object that is preferably heavy enough to cause some damage but is light enough i can swing it fast so i can get a bunch of hits in without a big enough window of time for them to escape

#ableism #<- for blacklist #FUCK YOUUU PEOPLE WITH BPD AND NPD ARE MY FRIENDS. MY SIBLINGS. MY BUDDIES!!!! #unironically people with personality disorders are the most nice accepting people ive ever met #okay for context my mom was talking about this woman who kicked her kid out the second he turned 18 (obviously bad not doubting that) #and my stepdad started going on a rant about how people like this should never have a child again and be forced to see a psychologist #specialized in bpd and npd specifically and never be allowed to have children until the psychologist says so #and like god the way they talk about mentally ill people in general. always talking about adhd like a cutesy silly thing and always #either infantilising or demonizing autism (something they KNOW i have) and talking about people who experience psychosis with disgust #and treating even just insecure people (not even with a specific disorder) as annoying and deserving of all mistreatment #and armchair diagnosing people with mental disorders to demonize them when they dont actually know shit. #god i am. so tired

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷 #anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong. #still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!! #so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore. #been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

[wachi-delectrico]

Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one) #Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right? #'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!' #That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!' #And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

[freebooter4ever]

The tech guys are hanging out in my office again and chatting about $10,000 week long vacations like this is normal.

#Journal shit #Ah yes the life i gave up to be a grunt 3D generalist working on the lowest of the low entertainment \o/ #A lot of my friends here get mad at my dad for not being supportive #And i myself get frustrated at him for being insulting about my general life failure #But like....he has a point #I dont think he needed to treat me like yesterdays trash over it but #He was right i probably should have taken a programming job #But poor dad he got saddled with a child who is stubborn and tragically not financially motivated like at all #I mean he is the exact same damn way i feel like my dad forgets that it was just me and him for four years there #I saw how he lived without certain influences and he did not give a crap about status or money or fancy things #It wasnt until the rich bitch came along and started making him like...update his furniture every few years because *style* #and making him buy new designer coats every year so he doesn't embarrass himself in front of the other volleyball parents #Im just saying prior to the introduction of Steves Wife to our family these things just didnt exist to us #It does greatly entertain me that Steves Wife is not allowed to come to the ohio farm because everybody agreed that she just... #Could Not Handle The Poor #Anyway thats my dads idea of a vacation going to visit grandma on the farm this summer #And two guesses he and grandma will just sit around reading and doing puzzles and watching tennis #Pretty much exactly what i did when i went on vacation to visit her #I want to ask my dad if you think i am a failure what do you think of yourself i am exactly fucking like you for better or worse #Well i mean except i also did a lot of drawing of hockey players and grandma would lean over my shoulder #Saying things like *he looks like a nice young man* #yes grandma and he also racks up the penalty minutes like you wouldnt believe

[deglutitionborborygmus]

literally we're all in this together. yesterday someone borrowed my laptop charger. today i borrowed the phone charger of the person across from me in the library. i hold the door for the people behind me. the person leaving the room holds the door open for me as i go in. the toddler in the park is trying to open a waterbottle the size of his torso and their mum smiles at me when she notices me smiling. i took a photo for the people outside the museum discussing which one of them should ask someone to. my friend offers to fill up my waterbottle when she goes to fill up hers (but instead we just go together).

#i don't know. the guy asking for my laptop charger made me so happy for some reason and i went 'it's very taped up but works' #(it has inordinate amounts of electrical tape on it. i should buy a new one) and he went 'that's alright i know how it is' #and then today i borrowed someone else's charger!! and i had to spend ages hyping myself up but when i finally did #she was like 'yeah of course!!' and smiled #it's sunny outside and there are wildflowers growing in the park and the blueberries right now are so nice and people care about each other #and yeah i have an exam on tuesday there's no way i'm ready for and i'm not feeling Brilliant generally but i am trying. i am trying. #the world is a beautiful place and we are all friends!!!!!

[krispiecake]

you know when you get those adverts for like protein shake meal replacement bullshit products and people say shit like ‘im just so busy with work i never have the time for breakfast or lunch or dinner or snacks, so this horrible brown powder milkshake is a huge life TIMEsaver!’ and ‘its so convenient! i just swallow a glass of tasteless powder to meet my basic vitamin needs and then i have all the time my employer wants from me!’ and then you have to keep watching the unskippable ad only for the person not to become immediately radicalised by what they were just forced to say. I genuinely cannot fathom how people write these scripts, say them out loud, film these videos, edit them and publish them and nobody involved in that process is going insane. are you even listening? are you reading those words? cant you see the exploitation of workers is forcing you to stop performing even the most necessary of tasks like eating real food? and cant you see we have been so convinced that is normal that there are entire businesses and ad campaigns based on it?

food, actual real good normal food, is a human right, but also part of your culture, your family, your community. Its a source of joy, health, fun, love and creativity. please dont let these fucked up companies convince you its just time that could be better spent slaving away for the rich monsters that hold your contract.

#this is all so dystopian on so many levels #i also want to make clear bc if this ever sees the light of day outside my internet circle #that i am not talking about meal replacements for people who actually need them #if you have a chronic illness/disability or just some other physical condition that means you need to recieve your nutrition through #meal replacements of any kind - this post is not about that situation #this is about capitalism convincing the general public (forgive the phrasing) that people should forgo proper food in order to create more #time for corporations to exploit out of workers #i think (as some recovering (sort of) from an ed) our society has warped the way we view food and nutrition so disgustingly #and not just in the body image ‘health’ obsessed way #but also in this way and im sure many others too #so many foods or meals are marketed as prepare/cooked in x minutes and no prep and super convenient and has daily dose x x and x vitamins #LIKE. WHAT ABOUT TASTE. WHAT ABOUT THE JOY OF COOKING A BIG MEAL WITH YOUR FRIENDS. WHAT ABOUT FAMILY DINNERS. #WHAT ABOUT THE PRIDE YOU FEEL FINALLY GETTING A RECIPE RIGHT #WHAT ABOUT MAKING UR FOOD LOOK CUTE FOR FUN. WHAT ABOUT TEACHING KIDS HOW TO COOK. WHAT ABOUT SHARING FOOD WITH UR NEIGHBOURS. #WHAT ABOUT FAMILY RECIPES AND SECRET INGREDIENTS AND FEELING FULL AND HAPPY. #CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.

[juusasu4evagrrl]

Genuine question, does anyone want to hear about naruto from the prospective of a Liberian person grappling with the generational trauma of a brutal civil war or is that too heavy??

Like there's, I like sasuke cause he's a cool dude, very wholesome do tell, and then there's, I like sasuke cause the government also tried to eradicate my people group that one time and holding empathy for that dumbass kid teaches me to examine a my own experiences with compassion, honestly what a downer like who cares.

I don't know thoughts???

#do i even wanna speak on it #maybe i should just rewatch pray the devil back to hell give my dad a hug and tell him how proud i am of him #on second thought #maybe we should go the naruto route #like i promise their are a lot of wacky connections between the warfare in naruto and the liberian civil war #general butt naked eating hearts kakuzu also eating hearts #Samuel doe ( may he rest in pieces in someones digestive track while his soul burns in hell) and danzo #the thing i like about connecting fandom to my life is that it teaches me thing that provide empathy in spaces where it did not naturally #exist but the thing is i dont want to have empathy for a lot of those hos and i think thats valid actually #i think its important to bring our personal live into fandom though cause its all we really have #idek i think it would be best to keep the real world seperate from fandom in this case but #my dad just completed a trip to Liberia for the first time in 30 years (round of applause pls) for the first time since the war has ended #a confilct that started when he was my age (younger actually) and ended a month after my birth and has left so much instability who knows #if its ever really over #were all struggling to come to terms with the Liberia left behind by those events the family and friends we leave behind #and i feel like it would be easier to talk project it all onto stupid lil alien ninja wars instead of talking about it irl #i love sasuke cause i deeply relate to his struggle even though im a generation removed #but i feel like this fandom would not be receptive to the way i would disscuss his character if i made that connection in an analysis #so maybe ill just stew in my emotions a little longer and when i go back to Liberia this summer wth the fam ill decide weather to make #that post or not onece and for all #no that'll be perfect actually cause then i'll be able to make it a post for liberian independence day #ughhh like i don't be wanna talk about it irl but i don't feel this would be a good outlet either #naruto commentary in relation to the liberian civil war sounds like a dope essa but should i write it??? #probably not but we'll just have to see #thoughts feelings opinions?? any other Liberian naruto fans on here??? pleas siblings put some sense in me #naruto #not naruto #god i don't even wanna make this post lets see how long she stays up #im writing too many naruto analysies rn anyways lemme worry about that first

[devotedlystrangewizard]

every single day i log onto this app with hannibal on the brain is one day closer to my inevitably 5k word essay on the similarities and differences between zenoswol & hannigram. these are not at all related but they are both part of my special interests so they are now

#sonething something mutual destruction & love through violence & affection/hatred &- #but also something about how zenos assumes a lot which hannibal tends to leave up to will. statements & questions. therapist & enemy. #the difference in setting. the all of it. i am going insane thinking about this and i am alone jn this #its the autism. #it is 4 am i have exams tomorrow i should not still be awake but im THINKING. AGAIN. #also the way hannigram definitely affected the way i viewed zenos like. in general #aromanticism also factors into this #i like exploring my own psychology its like pretending to feel my emotions by being aware of them #surviving things they shouldnt?? doing things that in a normal person relationship would be absolutely horrible??? #(idk whether hijacking someones body to kill their friends or trying to saw someones head open is worse) #(but neither of those things really seem like a healthy thing to do) #the whole 'idk what this emotion is so im killing you' vibe. 'try to kill me you are the first and only one i want to die to' #theyre like cats bringing home dead mice. i dont want ur dead mouse but i know you do it out of love so thanks man. pls stop tho #also one of my ocs (tma oc actually) served the end & sacrificed those they loved to it. #killing as a form of love. not a mercy kill (tho ive used that as well!) but just. #fucked up little guys who believe that killing someone is the ultimate show of love. who cannot see past the violence #oughhhhh #i miss my tma oc they were cool i should go back to them

[theophagie-remade]

Sometimes I genuinely forget that things like instagram exist. What do you even do there

#yeah yeah hellsite (affectionately) but like. at least i know that anyone who's completely bonkers here is being genuine #and idk i just think that my it's MY business instinct is too strong for me to want to share stuff on there or even use it #which ig is weird because of the whole people you likely know irl thing vs anonymity but that's the Thing actually #i don't really know how to explain it so. take stories for example. they can be kinda compared to anecdotal posts yeah #but the thing is why the hell should idk my ex classmate who i didn't even like or some random person know about my business. yuck #and i mean obviously everyone here is a random person too but it's different! #bc no one here is performing in the ''putting on a show for people to see'' way #the ''i'm a little money and this is my enclosure'' tumblr feel >>> #mytext #prompted by every time we go out somewhere my friends always put quite some effort into making these pretty collages for people to see #and idk nel bene e nel male i guess that it's important for them to share what they do with others #and idk maybe it's just one other socialTM thing that i simply don't understand + it's coupled with my general uncomfortable-ness #with the thought of people who i know but am not close to knowing literally anything about me #but it always leaves me feeling like. but don't you ever think that sono cazzi tuoi where you are and who you're with

[berryzul]

haven't studied, don't wanna study, test is tomorrow, in less than 24 hours 🧍🏻‍♀️

#i am soooOoo good at getting 10s in university #it's not like i don't care about the subject matters either.... though these ones are definitely less interesting 😭 #maybe i am in the wrong degree afterall.... not changing for the 3rd time.... wouldn't like the others either im pretty sure lmao #i really don't like studying #I don't want 10s but i do like 12s ...out of 20... equivalent to 60/100 😅 I'd prefer 14s but like.... effort? don't wanna put it in so #no bc I've failed sm at getting 14s that i like 12s now #friend says it doesn't really matter what grade i pass with if im not getting into a masters but... i might want to do a masters idk 😭 #thinking of aesthetics and ethics 😃 but who knows... I'll only have those classes next year #another friend talked abt how rational and logical and in a way male oriented our degree is 😭 and im really starting to see it... or maybe #im using it as an excuse? #but i think it maybe explains why my fav subject was ancient philosophy last year and this semester it's philosophy of (our country) bc #i think both tap into an emotional and kind of irrational view of the world... very subjective even ? #politics used to be my fav ? and it's still interesting but not rn.... the comunist manifesto could be cool but i already know it from ear #well enough that talking abt it in class really wasn't anything groundbreaking 😭 #well i had meant to read it before though so ig i finally did... but not in full and idr much yaaaaay 😭😭😭😭 #maybe i should have turned to esthetician...ism? bc rn all i want is to google skincare 😭 fuck marx and kant and mill and constant #....im obsessed with the topic rn.... #if i have time I'd actually maybe like studying that subject but i probably wouldn't like practicing bc 😞 I don't like touching ppl... #so theory ? #also sewing clothes making in general designing included! #...i could have gone to design school but :/ expensive.... #IDK #I've missed a lot of opportunities and changed courses a lot and now im here... im not sure i like it and im not sure it matters #like yeah my degree isn't very employable 😭 but I couldn't get any non minimum wage job without one so... im just filling that whole ? #is this wise? I'll find out in a couple years #mya's thoughts