#and how the two are presented as diametric opposites despite that not being the case at all; theyre reflections of each other and are | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boldbrash-fandertrash · 3 years

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Ignore me, unless I’m right in which case I fucking called it

So I was rewatching the episode for the fourth time and one I realized that Remus is much much smarter than we give him credit for and two I can generally predict how the rest of the story is gonna go.

We’re gonna have another aside video with Patton and Janus before the big season finale, and that aside is going to be one of the most important videos to the general progression of the plot.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the pattern so far, two sides who diametrically oppose each other being forced to work together on a problem they vastly disagree about, usually turning the small issue into something much messier than it ever would be and them learning something about themselves in the process.

Each pairing exists to point out to the viewer exactly what issues exist with each side that need some form of resolving, and the big unifying theme amongst them is “you’re not listening to me”. Roman and Virgil dragging Thomas across the cafeteria in favor of or agains him talking to Nico, Logan and Remus deliberately ignoring and working to undo the others work in an attempt to break Thomas out of the depressive funk he found himself in. Nobody is working together here. The only side to even remotely cooperate with the group was Virgil body checking Thomas into Nico, and it took him and Roman bullying each other and Thomas for an entire video to even get to that point.

Watching Logan and Remus interact, one, brought me immense joy and I will be chasing that high for weeks to come, and two, after an ounce of critical thinking was frankly painful to watch. Any critiques Logan offered to Remus were immediately discarded with absurdity and any critiques Remus offered to Logan were discounted as absurd.

During the obvious scene at the end with the Eyes™️, Logan claimed he wasn’t pretending Remus didn’t exist, but honestly, he kinda was.

The Dunce Cap Scene really accentuates this point. Logan pulls a holier than thou, why won’t you learn I’m always right, bullshit passive aggressive remark, Remus does his dramatic repenting student shtick, starts singing directly into Logan’s ear, and makes a kink joke. Literally the words Remus sings are “can’t fix this guy, all by yourself”. Remus is saying this inches from Logan’s personal face and even still the logical side ignores him outright, because of all the fluff around the message. Hell, in Remus’s introduction video, Logan likens him to a screaming baby on a plane, essentially saying “well eventually he’ll stop screaming so just bear with it for a while and you’ll be fine”. He’s ignoring Remus outright due to a preconceived notion and missing out on valuable information because of it.

The dunce cap scene indirectly calls back to learning new things about ourselves, where Logan is completely unreceptive to the puppet bit because of its perceived absurdity and absolutely refuses to acknowledge any potential the medium might have for learning until he physically cannot anymore.

Remus is capable of, and does often, make valid points and offers genuine critiques of shit happening in their lives. In Forbidden Fruit, almost every single line harkens back to some idea the other sides had been trying, and failing, to communicate to Thomas. “Good and bad is all made up nonsense”, “if you shared those musings with your friends i doubt they would forgive you”, “why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself” “people don’t like me much, Thomas, but that only just cause I’m honest”, “these sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man who’s soul is truly rotten.”

Despite all of this, he is ignored outright because of his medium. Just like Logan is ignored due to his monotone cadence and large volume of content, just like Roman is due to his flair for the dramatic and artistic display of ideas, just like Patton is due to his playful and childlike nature, just like Janus is due to his perceived role as the Villain, just like Virgil /was/ due to his perceived role as the villain.

They all have become accustomed to being stepped on by the other sides because of who they are and how they communicate, and have in turn learned some less than ideal methods of being heard again. Logan yells and gets passive aggressive, Remus ups the fear factor for everyone around him, Roman shuts down anyone who tries to talk through bullying and raising his voice, Patton manipulates the others into feeling guilt and covers it up with a smile, Virgil whips out the tempest tongue and incites fear in Thomas, and Janus physically silences anyone in his way.

And here’s why I say the next asides episode is going to be the most important one developmentally. Patton and Janus are going to be forced to work together. Patton, who is in the midst of an identity crisis, and willing to listen to any new ideas provided they offer a valid solution to the shit he’s found himself in, and Janus, who knows a lot more than he’s willing to let on, who concerns himself exclusively with Thomas’s self preservation, and loves to talk when given the opportunity. Janus is gonna have a thing or two to say to Patton when they’re inevitably faced with their moral dilemma, and Patton is going to be in just the right mindset that he’s willing to listen. And Janus is going to end up being right, and the small issue they’re facing will be resolved, which will therefore strengthen Patton’s trust, and his openness to changing for the better.

Patton is goofy, and childish, and kinda ditzy sometimes, and because of that we as a fandom tend to overlook any of his moments that are anything but that, but we are not giving this man enough credit. When Patton sets his heart on something, he throws his whole self into it, and is willing to stand up for his beliefs in the face of extreme opposition, and would gladly do anything in his power to defend his family. Once Patton decides that he’s willing to grow, and if he believes that this growth will help put his family back together, nothing can stop him, and that will be absolutely crucial for the growth of all the other sides around him.

Whatever him and Janus discuss during their aside will absolutely give Patton the information he needs to help stitch together the rift between everyone.

I predict the next official Sanders Sides video is going to be the longest one yet, possibly over an hour long, because there’s a LOT of work that is going to need to be done, and Everyone is going to be in it. The big issue of “you’re not listening to me” won’t be resolved, but it will be acknowledged in a serious light by everyone. We won’t be getting any appearances from the Orange Side I don’t think, that would end up just complicating matters even more when each character is already incredibly shaky in their own identity.

Something less than ideal is gonna happen between Thomas and Nico, he’s gonna summon the initial three to deal with the matter but the other lads are gonna worm their way into the discussion, everyone’s gonna start screaming at each other, and Pattons gonna do something that stuns everyone else into silence (I’m guessing he’ll start crying, considering the start of season two was all about him repressing negative emotions and what better way to show character growth than to sob openly on camera).

Once everyone just fucking stops for ten seconds that’s when the apologies start. None of the sides are ever the first to apologize, we’ve seen that time and time again. Their desire to be in the right as well as their pride will always get in the way, however if someone starts the apology train everyone will eventually follow suit. We see that in Alone On Valentines Day, My Negative Thinking, Growing Up, Accepting Anxiety, Fitting In, Moving On, actually in pretty much every video where an apology actually takes place, once one person apologizes the other will immediately follow suit.

Patton is gonna be a goddamn mess, he’s gonna apologize to everyone in the room for anything he thinks he may have done to wrong them, and that’s gonna be what gets everyone to acknowledge all the shit they’ve put each other through, and the others are going to jump between trying to console him and trying to apologize to each other. They’re going to come to the unified decision that they need to work together more on future issues, the group is all going to offer up a solution and decide together on a remedy to whatever happened together between Thomas and Nico, and that will be that. Season three will be about them finding the balance between stepping on toes and being stepped over, while also working out how the orange side fits into everything.

Thus marking the end of my rant.

I started writing this at 2 and it’s now 4. I have to be up in three hours. I have an essay due at 3pm tomorrow that I haven’t started, but instead I typed up all this bullshit. I hope any of this made any sense, and I hope this is a suitable replacement for my emotions essay that’s completely untouched because chances are this is what I’m presenting to my therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck.

#sorry for no page break I’m on mobile #I’ll be fixing that in the morning after some well deserved rest #thomas sanders #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #ts spoilers #ts patton #ts Logan #ts roman #ts Virgil #ts Janus #ts Remus #ts theory

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nightshade-minho · 4 years

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-Blue Book- (9)

Warnings: parent death, daddy issues, abandonment and ~le angst~

Wc: 4.1k

You sat at Dea's desk, your eyes drooping heavily as you explained a sum to her. The girl opposite you was wide awake though, energetic as she solved the problem in her worksheet.

You were glad she had warmed up to you after the first session, but her endless enthusiasm towards mathematics at the moment was diametrically opposed to how you were feeling. The numbers on the pages swam as you decided to let your cheek rest on the table, your eyes fluttering closed for just a moment.

"Y/n?"

You darted awake, turning your head to her. "Y-yeah?"

"I solved it. Also, are you okay? You look tired."

That's because I am. "I'm fine." You assured, flipping through her workbook to find another page for her to do.

Could anyone blame you for being tired? You'd stayed awake all night in anticipation, your heart thrumming as you thought about what was going to happen today.

After this session, you were going to go straight to the park. If Chan showed up...you would know he felt the same. What if he didn't?

You shook your head, dispelling the negative thought. Fuck no. You'd gone without pessissism for so many years, despite having many reasons to be the same. This wasn't going to be the day you surrender to it.

You felt your phone chirp, signalling the end of the session as you looked over at Dea, who had finished her worksheet. You smiled and took it from her, putting it in your bag to correct later.

"Our next session is going to be day after tomorrow, okay? Your mom said you have a sleepover to attend tomorrow." You said as you packed your bag, getting up. "Remember to do your homework though."

She nodded. "It's the sums on page 38, right?" She asked, pulling out a pink book from her drawer and writing in it.

"Yeah-" you narrowed your eyes as your eyes fell on her book, confusion filling you.

The book was covered with brocade, a very familiar pattern on top. It was the same design as yours, except pink. The color was the only difference. The print, the shape, the size....everything was the exact same, down to the signature on the bottom of the cover.

The signature of your father's.

You opened your mouth, words failing to leave you as you watched her write in it, your mind hurtling back as the memories drove into you, full-force.

You were extremely young when your dad had gifted you the little blue book you'd come to love and cherish. It was the last good memory you had of him. The tiny books were handmade by him, a result of a hobby he'd picked up one summer. Your dad had always been somewhat of an artsy man, and this was his latest project.

He'd made a dark red diary for himself, one for work purposes. You remembered marveling over how pretty it looked, begging him to make a similar one for you. And he did.

And now here was an exact copy of the book you'd kept for years, in the hands of this young girl you'd never met before. Was it a coincidence?

"Earth to Y/n!"

You snapped back into attention, looking at the girl who had her eyebrow raised. You opened your mouth, wondering if you should ask.

But you couldn't. Shaking your head, you decided to bring it up to your mom when you got home. For now, you simply bid adieu to Dea, leaving the house as your mind swam.

***

Minho looked to the side, thanking the heavens that Jisung and Felix were still asleep, despite it being morning already. Thankfully, the heavy curtains in Changbin's guest room ensured that the sunlight didn't manage to wake up the two.

Last night after the match, he'd decided to spend the night at Changbin's house along with Felix and Jisung. And now he was just waiting for the right opportunity.

As the snores increased in intensity, Minho carefully took out your book from his pocket, using the light of his phone to illuminate the pages as he flipped through each one to find what he was looking for.

Drawings. Drawings. A few poems. Even more drawings- huh. Drawings of Chan. They were well done, yet clearly drawn by someone who was in love with him. Minho rolled his eyes as he checked the back pocket and the front one, searching the book thoroughly and letting out an angry sigh when he found nothing inside.

Anger surged through him as he threw the book roughly next to him on the bed, rubbing at his tired eyes in disappointment as he tried not to let the frustration bubble up. Why did the universe hate him so much? Was it all for nothing?

A minute later, he felt Jisung stirring, snapping him out of his thoughts. Swearing under his breath, he grabbed your book and moved to hide it again- frowning when his eyes fell on the long note written across the page.

He'd obviously missed this the first time he flipped through. Narrowing his eyes, Minho started to read the poem, slowly realizing it was a love letter, meant for Chan. His eyes moved to the last sentence. Ah...

So, you were planning to confess to Chan at the park. Minho grinned, knowing Chan wouldn't show up. After all, he never saw this letter. His smirk grew as he reread the sentence.

Not to worry. Even if Chan didn't show up, he would.

***

It was way too early. Chan hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, his heart twisting with anxiety.

He'd lost the book.

Last night, after he'd gotten out of the shower, he checked his pants for your book, deciding he was feeling calm enough to read what you'd written for him. As he'd searched his pockets, finding them empty, his stomach had filled with dread as he realized it was gone.

Trust. You'd trusted him enough to give him your closest possession, and he'd been careless enough to lose it. He cursed himself, turning over and burying his face in his pillow, wondering how he was going to face you. Usually, he called you every morning to make plans to hang out, but at the moment he couldn't bring himself to.

He didn't want to see you sad and disappointed, knowing he was the reason behind your ever-present smile disappearing.

***

Minho walked home, sipping on the can of beer he'd stolen from Changbin's fridge. It was definitely too early for this, but he honestly couldn't care less. As he neared his house, he tossed the can in the trash, running a hand through his hair as he walked closer.

The front door opened suddenly, and he frowned. His mom usually went to work much earlier than this, so who was leaving his house right now?

Minho's eyes widened as the person finally came into view, shutting the door and walking down the street.

Quickly darting behind a tree, he watched as you walked away, your feet moving quickly.

What were you doing in his house?

***

As Chan made his way into the locker room, he searched everywhere for the little book. He couldn't comprehend how it could have just disappeared like that. He was so sure he'd kept it in his pocket...

He let out a frustrated groan as he left the stadium, pulling his hood over his head as he noticed how there were a few dark clouds accumulating in the sky.

He'd done everything he could. He'd already called Felix and told him about the situation, but he didn't have a clue either.

Now, there was nothing left to do but face you. He wanted to curse, wanted to kick something or punch someone. You were never going to trust him again after this, and the thought broke his heart more than it should have.

****

You sat on the park bench, nervously, twiddling your thumbs as you waited for Chan to arrive. You stared at the lake, your heart pounding impossibly fast as you expected him to come at any moment now.

The sunlight shone on the water, and you observed the pair of ducks swimming together, a soft smile on your face, desperately wishing you could draw them in your book. It felt weird being away from it. It was usually always in your bag, the proximity of it always giving you comfort.

You couldn’t bring yourself to regret giving it to Chan, though- The book had been replaced. Chan made you comfortable in a way no inanimate object ever could.

The view in front of you was extremely peaceful. Love really was everywhere. You'd never really understood it before, but now you could...And it was a beautiful feeling, yet scary at the same time. You felt like confessing had taken a huge weight off of your heart, but you were deeply terrified of Chan's reaction. Sure, he'd been the one to approach you, take you on dates...he'd been the one to initiate the hand-holding and the kiss. Yet you couldn't help but be self-conscious. Your father leaving you had given you trust issues, and your mind started coming up with worst case scenarios even as you desperately tried to bat the negativity away.

But all of it melted away as you felt someone tap your shoulder.

This was it.

Your heart fluttered as you turned around slowly, your mind filling with happiness at the prospect of seeing him again after last night-

Wait.

The smirk facing you definitely did not belong to Chan.

You stared at Minho in shock, standing up from the bench and backing away slightly as he raised an eyebrow. Why the fuck was he here? The dread in your stomach was back, and this time it was heavier.

"Surprised to see me?" He snarled, moving forward. You continued to move away as he moved closer, fear filling you as you stared at his slightly deranged expression.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He chuckled, and you swore as you realize you were cornered, having unintentionally backed up against a tree.

"At least, not yet." He said nonchalantly, trapping you against the bark as he hovered over you, making you gulp.

"W-why are you here? I'm...I'm expecting Chan soon, so p-please leave." You mumbled, summoning all your confidence as you avoided his heavy gaze. He narrowed his eyes, smirk reappearing as he shook his head at your naïvety.

"Oh, I hate to break it to you...Channie's not coming, dear." He said in a matter of fact tone, relishing the way your expression dropped further.

"What? B-but, the book-" you mumbled under your breath, almost to yourself. Minho scoffed, slipping your book out from his pocket roughly and holding it up in front of you.

"You mean this book?"

Your eyes widened. No. No way. How did this happen? How did it end up in his hands?

"You must be wondering how I got this, hm?" He let out a small snort. "Well, your precious Channie gave it to me last night. In fact, we all looked through it. Had a nice little laugh. The guys will definitely thank you for the fun night." He smirked, the devastation on your face pleasing him incredibly. He put on a mock face of surprise at your expression.

"Wow, is this some sort of surprise for you? Did you really think he had feelings for you? I'm sorry, but he was just using you, darling. He's always been in love with Miyoung, and he was just using you to get her."

The nonchalance with which he uttered those words was throwing you off as you tried to understand.

No...

This couldn't be happening...was what he said true? You felt your heart breaking slowly, completely as the image of Chan laughing at the contents of your book with his friends came to mind, tears springing to your eyes as it sunk in. He'd been using you, all this time? But...his smile, the kiss...it had all felt so fucking genuine.

Minho's expression turned incredulous as he noticed your tears. "Wait, are you crying? Bitch, you don't deserve to cry." He spat, holding the book up to you and shaking it slightly.

"Now that those little truths are out of the way." He cleared his throat. "Tell me where the fuck it is."

Wait, what? Confusion filled your face as Minho glared at you, his tone growing angrier.

"I don't know...what you're talking about." You said slowly, cowering as he raised his eyebrows, scoffing again.

"The money." He said sharply. "Tell me where the money is. Cause I know your father most definitely hid it in this pathetic book."

Your dad? The confusion quickly became more potent as you stared up at Minho, his expression twisted with such pure wrath that it caught you off-guard.

"How do you...I- w-what?"

"Don't play dumb." He gritted his teeth. "Don't act all innocent and pretend to not know what your fucking father did to my family."

"I-" you narrowed your eyes, lip trembling as you spoke. "I have literally no idea what you're talking about."

The sky was darkening.

"Looks like I need to spell it out for you." Minho inhaled deeply, looking up before looking down at you again.

"Your father stole all my mother's money before leaving us." His voice shook a little as your eyebrows knitted together. "He left her destitute and pregnant, with a little boy to support. And then he had the balls to go and fucking die. Sound familiar?"

The words sunk into your head, like teeth. Your brain couldn't comprehend what he was saying properly and you opened your mouth, your voice stuck in your throat.

You couldn't believe it. He was your dad's stepson? The child you'd seen in the faded photos your dad had sent you of his shining, amazing new family?

It was starting to rain. The drops of water came down on the two of you, not entirely soaking you thanks to the tree above. The air was icy, and your teeth chattered- out of nervousness or the cold, you didn't know.

"So now, all I want to know is where the money he took is. I've searched this stupid book inside and out, but it's nowhere. So you tell me where it is."

"W-why would it be in my book?" You asked quietly, the implications of what Minho was saying overwhelming you beyond compare. You'd never really put much thought into your father's new family, having just seen a few old photos of them. Somehow it all made sense, and at the same time didn't.

"I know he made this book. It's the only heirloom he left for you. I know because he made the same one for my little sister, before he up and left. When I saw you with it at the cafeteria, I knew you were his daughter. And I just- I assumed it would be in here-" his voice was starting to break as he scrunched his eyes shut, realizing how far-fetched this was.

"I...M-minho...I haven't seen my dad since I was 9. I don't know where the money is. I'm..." You swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry he screwed up your family like he did mine. There's nothing I can do about it." You mumbled, looking down and avoiding his gaze.

His eyes softened a little as he let go of you, stepping back slightly and letting out a shaky sigh. He tossed the book to you and you caught it, looking up at him and his distressed expression. He'd known it was a bit of a reach- this whole thing was. Always had been. But he'd been desperate. He'd chased after this long shot of a theory ever since he laid eyes on you for the first time, writing in that book. The sudden self-loathing he felt was blinding as he realized what he’d done.

Minho turned to you. "I...I saw you leaving my house today. So you were the tutor Mom was talking about?"

"Yeah." Everything was slowly sinking in as your heart was still thudding. You understood why Dea's mom had looked so familiar. You'd seen her in the photos. Of course she'd been heavily pregnant then, a glow in her eyes that just wasn't there now.

"So you...you really hadn't seen him again since he left you? When he left us, he wrote a note. Said he was going back to his old family." He tilted his head at you, running a hand through his hair and baring his vulnerability. It was tiring having had to hide it for so long.

"No. He must have...must have died before he could. Or he was just lying. He wasn't always the most honest man in the world."

"You could say that." He shook his head, sighing as he went back over to the bench, flopping down on it and burying his head in his hands, not wanting to look at you. The guilt wrecking him was overwhelming, and he felt his heart shake.

You hesitated a little before going over and sitting next to him. He looked up at you, and you noticed small tears mixing with the raindrops running down his face.

"I'm...really sorry." He said in a small voice. "I was angry at him and I took it out on you." He looked back down at his lap, his eyebrows furrowing. "My childhood was spent trying to support my mom and my little sister. I guess I didn't stop to think about the fact that he did the same to you. Left you alone." He mumbled, his tone genuine.

You nodded, sighing and staring at your hands. "I...can forgive you, Minho. I understand the pain."

"I was just so...so stupid." He shook his head. "I don't even know why I thought that the money would be with you. I...fuck, I was an absolute asshole, wasn't I?" He said, tone filling with anger directed towards himself as he sat up.

You shrugged. "Well, I won't deny you were. But I guess you had a good reason." You said softly, thoughtfully humming. Maybe you were forgiving him too soon, but to be honest, your heart wasn't build to hold grudges. The boy next to you looked devastated enough.

"So...isn't Dea my sister, too?" Your mind swam as you realized you'd already met your half sister and hadn't even known it.

"Yeah. She would be excited to know she has a sister. She's always wanted one. Says I'm too serious for her." He laughed, smiling at you before clearing his throat and looking away.

There was a silence for a few minutes as the two of you let everything wash away with the rain. Both your hearts were still pounding from the heavy truths you'd learnt...but there was an odd sense of peacefulness filling you, now.

The same man had messed with the both of you, ruined your families. You'd come to terms with what he'd done, but Minho clearly hadn't. You were still surprised how easy forgiving him had been, especially after everything that he'd done.

The regret filling him was immense. Minho looked over at you, and slowly he decided to shift closer until your thighs were touching. Your clothes were wet, but neither of you could bring yourself to care. He slowly put his arm on the bench behind you.

There was a sense of comfort from knowing the two of you shared a reason to be fucked up. Sighing, you let your head rest on his shoulder.

Calm, finally.

***

Chan walked through the rain, not wanting to stop his search for you despite the heavy downpour. His clothes were soaked through as he made his way to the park, knowing it was probably where you were if you weren't at your own house.

As he made his way to your bench, he mentally rehearsed what he would say to you. Hi, I lost the book you value more than life itself at a football game- fuck, he'd really messed up this time.

As Chan walked on the path to the lake, he frowned as he noticed two figures on the bench the two of you always sat on. Shit, maybe you weren't here after all.

However as he came closer, his heart thudding impossibly loud, he realized he recognized the heads.

It was you and Minho, looking awfully close as your head rested on his shoulder, the two of you looking at the lake even as the rain poured down on you.

Chan felt his throat dry up completely as he stood there, feeling the betrayal hit him squarely in the chest and almost forgetting how to breathe.

Turning around, his expression stiff, he walked away as quickly as he could, thankful for the rain in that moment. He wouldn't cry, not over you.

He couldn't believe he'd been foolish enough to let you in. At the end of the day, he was destined to be miserable. Nothing could save him, and he winced as his heart leaked, slowly emptying itself of you, and all the memories he had of you.

Happiness was a fucking scam, and he was glad he realized it sooner than never.

***

You adjusted Minho's jacket around you as you waited for your mom to open the door. It was still raining heavily, and you were entirely soaked.

You still wanted to talk to Minho, and ask him a few more questions. Even more than that, you were excited to see Dea again. A sister. You finally had a sister, and an amazing one too at that. The girl was a sweetheart, and she really was a mini-you, now that you thought about it...

The rain had forced you to separate ways though. You scrolled through your phone out of boredom, shivering.

You checked your texts, frowning as you noticed the absurd amount of messages your mom had sent you. Wow, she’d been really intent on contacting you...was something wrong?

Worry growing, you knocked on the door extra hard, letting out a relieved sigh as the door was finally opened.

You'd had your fair share of shocks since the morning. However, nothing could have prepared you for what you saw.

Your mother opened the door quickly, peeking outside before ushering you in. As you entered the house, you swallowed as you noticed the amount of boxes and cartons that were lying around.

"I..mom? What is going on?" You asked, frowning as you watched her dart around in a hurry, dumping things into random boxes.

"Y/n, change and get ready, quick. Come on, we don't have much time-"

"What? Why? What's...what's happening?" You asked, clutching your saddlebag tighter as she went from one room to the other, tossing nearly all of your belongings into the assorted brown boxes littered around.

"What's happening is we're moving. And we have to do it right now." She glanced around. "I may have gotten into some... trouble. Thankfully my new boyfriend has a place up north, so we'll be fine-" she continued rambling, causing you to tune her out as you swore.

You felt tears prick your eyes. You wanted to burst out, the anger and sadness clawing at your throat insufferably. There was no way this was actually happening. Just when things were coming together a little bit...and now she wanted to uproot you again?

In all these years though, you'd come to realize that sometimes, there was just no other option.

Sometimes, you just had to accept the hard truths without complaints.

***

You sat in your mom's car as she drove, knowing better than to ask her what exactly the problem was. You stared at your phone, yearning to call Chan.

Don't, Y/n. You deserve better.

In the midst of all the revelations Minho had brought forth, you'd completely forgotten about the first truth Minho had let you in on.

Chan had been...using you. To get Miyoung. Unfortunately, you couldn't say it had come as a surprise. In the beginning, you'd noticed his lingering gazes on her, the way his demeanor changed every time she was around. After all, who wouldn't like Miyoung? She was lovable and sweet. Nothing like you.

But...but it had all seemed so real. How could he have been faking it the whole time?

You finally threw all caution to the wind, dialling his number and sighing when it went straight to voicemail.

Your heart was still broken, but that didn't mean you were going to be a complete asshole and disappear from his life without notice.

You started off just telling him you were leaving. However, you couldn't just...stop. There was unfinished business between the two of you.

You took a deep breath and decided to recite the love poem you'd written for him in the book, omitting the last sentence and sighing.

"I guess we were just not meant to be, after all. Thanks for everything, though. For just a while, you made me feel like I belonged."

And with that, you dropped your phone next to you, staring out at the raindrops running down the car window. The tears were making a reappearance, but at this point you couldn't bring yourself to give a fuck.

Something told you tears were going to be a regular occurrence from now on.

***

Note: Act 1 is over. Act 2 will commence from the next chapter, and there will be a time-skip of a few years.

#chan angst #bang chan angst #minho angst #chan fluff #chan smut #bang chan smut #bang chan fluff #chris smut #minho fluff #skz series #felix fluff #skz x reader #chan x reader #kpop imagines #skz imagines #kpop smut #kpop angst #kpop fluff

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okay-victoria · 3 years

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Love of My Second Life: Tanya & Romance

This is both my take on why, despite seeming like the easiest and healthiest relationship to write, TanyaxVisha is up there with TanyaxMary in difficulty level for pulling off successfully, what I’ve seen go wrong in fanfic so far, and what needs to make it/any romance go right.

Where to start, where to start...um, a warning, for obvious reasons I’m going to have to talk about sex.

The Age Difference

This has the joy of being a bit creepy on both ends of the spectrum! Yay.

Visha Being Creepy

Visha is probably 5 - 6 years older than Tanya. While as more mature adults that age difference is relatively negligible, Tanya being 17/18 and Visha being in her early 20s doesn’t make it suddenly a non-issue. If you and a coworker, both in your first job out of college, went to happy hour and you met his/her significant other and they were a senior in high school, would you feel good about that?

The age-of-consent laws in bygone eras may help your case for why in-story characters give a pass to such things, but it doesn’t really help explain it to your readers. Unless I’m missing something, no one is reading this story from 1920s/30s Germany, and so it needs to have the relationship explained in a way that tries to work for modern standards. Additionally, I think people tend to mix up age-of-consent with “people found this generally appropriate”. A 19 year old dating a 59 year old violates no laws in the United States, but that doesn’t mean that most people are going to consider it a loving and healthy relationship without any proof. Even your in-story characters are probably going to have some thoughts.

The final issue, from Visha’s end of the spectrum, is that even when Tanya is aged up to 18+ and has gained some secondary sexual characteristics, she is sometimes still presented as being an “eternal loli” who can be easily be mistaken for someone around 14/15, an age at which girls normally have some secondary sex characteristics, but distinctly immature ones. I imagine this problem stems from two places:

1) Scenes when Tanya’s lolidom is brought up are not the same scenes as the romantic ones, so the problem is not as obvious to the author and

2) Author forgets that “short+small boobs+doesn’t have wrinkles yet” does not actually result in people looking like they are mid-puberty. Without being really creepy, as women age, their breast tissue drops down and to the side, waist/hip/leg ratios change, and the face loses its baby fat, among other things. Writing that references Tanya as looking like a teen comes along with the unfortunate implication that she actually looks like she is still mid-puberty, and Visha...is into that, instead of being someone who is attracted to petite POST pubescent women.

These are all extremely fixable problems. Really, all an author has to do is make Visha acknowledge that it’s weird, and probably try to talk to Tanya about her reservations before she starts trying to seduce her. It’s the handwave that is the issue. For the last/puberty problem, unless there is some reason I probably don’t want to know about that the author only wants to write the relationship if Tanya looks 14, simply describe her as a petite but adult woman, and if you need to use her looking young as a plot point, have her make an effort to adapt her adult characteristics to suit or hope that nobody looks hard enough to tell the difference.

Tanya Being Creepy

While Tanya is physically the junior member of the relationship, mentally, she is the senior, and by a lot. Tanya knows this. While I don’t necessarily think Salaryman is the Earth’s most morally-pure man, I have a high enough opinion of him to think that he was not pursuing college girls when he was like 35. Tanya should also have a moment of thought over this, or the relationship needs to wait until Visha is closer to her late 20s, when she is approaching a similar level of life maturity that Salaryman would have felt was close to his own.

Even if you think that Salaryman’s logical side would have been eroded by his “but I’m a guy, I can’t help it, college girls are hot” side [I’m side-eyeing you], I think it’s very unlikely that living as Tanya, and being on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, wouldn’t make her reconsider her stance on it, at least a little.

I know, I know, Visha’s been to war! She’s not the same as some random college girl in 2020! While this is allowable as a partial justification, because it is true, it ignores a whole lot.

First off, maturity is not a straightforward drive. All parts of you do not mentally mature at the same time. If you want to write early 20s Visha as a mature-enough partner for Tanya, a bit of time needs to be spent on what Visha loses because of it - she never has, and never will, get to be that happy-go-lucky girl. While making fun of young women for being dramatic gossips, obsessing about non-serious things, etc remains a popular sport, thinking that you are doing Visha a favor by taking that time of her life away from her says pretty terrible things about how society values women’s relationships with each other. If you don’t mean for your fanfic to accidentally imply that, it’s something that needs some love & care.

Alternatively, you could write a story in which Visha, while being a competent adult, still gets space to explore her “girly” side. If doing so, you are going to have to make a really strong case for why Tanya is willing to put up with this, as Salaryman does not come off as someone who would judge it a good use of time & effort to be constantly letting his girlfriend rattle off about things he thinks are silly and immature - there’s a lot of other fish in the sea, why not find one that is a competent adult *and* isn’t often talking about things you don’t care about.

The Canonical Setup of Visha & Tanya’s relationship

Opposite Goals

In a nutshell, Tanya is presented as a person that wants to live a safe, boring, and non-notable life, is doing her best to get there, and is constantly failing and being stressed about it because she needs to figure out a new plan. Visha is presented as someone who has major qualms about Tanya as a human being, but has a nigh-worshipful respect for her heroic officer side.

This is a massive, and I mean MASSIVE problem. You absolutely cannot ignore that what makes the characters happy is diametrically opposed to each other. Can you overcome it? Yes, by slowly developing the characters towards a compromise, but you can’t just not acknowledge it and expect me to think this relationship has any hope of leaving both partners happy. Either Tanya never escapes her never-ending stress cycle, or she does, and the entire basis of Visha’s attachment to Tanya disappears.

This can be fixed by: 1) Tanya coming to terms with a new side of herself, one that wants to be that hero. This cannot just be a one-paragraph epiphany. Tanya is shown to hate when she thinks her internal self is being changed by her new experiences and she needs a lot of work to get to a point where she is willing to acknowledge this in herself.

2) Visha has to go through a rocky part where she second-guesses herself - she thought she wanted Tanya, but turns out, Tanya isn’t the person she thought she is? How and why does she decide that she likes the person Tanya has become? This is probably the easier route, but I think runs the risk of having an author have Visha *say* Tanya does all these other good things for her, but never really show it happening.

3) The happiest medium is probably one where Visha *mostly* adapts towards Tanya, so Tanya gets to live a quiet but not too quiet life, and Visha learns to love another side. As Visha is compromising more in this sense, a healthy relationship is going to include Tanya realizing what is happening and deciding to make an effort to appeal to Visha and not just be like “Take me as I am. Or don’t.” and Visha unilaterally decides to accept that.

Why Does Tanya want to be in a relationship with Visha?

Tanya betrays no actual emotional attachment to Visha in the light novels. While you can read in rationalization to the reasons Tanya gives to her actions, she herself does not believe that it is because of an emotional connection.

Canonically, Tanya is portrayed as liking Visha because of how well Visha passes the “usefulness” test. This brings up another MASSIVE problem - does Tanya, in any way, shape, or form, actually like Visha as an individual, or just her ability to conform to the role Tanya wants her to play?

Look, I don’t need Tanya to be in LOVE with Visha in the way we usually talk about people being in love to believe that Tanya can be in a relationship successfully. I’m fully on board with a portrayal in which Tanya can’t quite summon that level of emotion. However, she needs to like and respect Visha as an individual person, and summon a level of emotion beyond friend with benefits.

IMO, it is really hard to do that without showing Tanya and Visha disagreeing on a major piece of Tanya’s philosophy and Tanya actually listening and responding positively to it, not simply agreeing to disagree because it isn’t worth upsetting her useful sidekick, or whatever. There needs to be character development of both characters - Visha finding it in herself to be comfortable rocking the boat, and Tanya having a compelling enough reason to change something that she has clung to for two lives.

Everyone wants to be a lesbian

While I get it, the Empire is not the exact same as Germany, and yes, I know that Weimar Germany was relatively sexually progressive, it’s really not something that a well-written romance should handwave.

“Weimar Culture” in many ways developed as a result of how WW1 went for Germany. If you have a story where WW1 doesn’t go that way for Germany, gay culture is unlikely to flourish to the same degree.

All that aside, Tanya isn’t someone that is going to easily shrug her shoulders and say “you know, sometimes you need to jeopardize your career for the sake of hot sex/love”. She’s pretty clear on which she prioritizes. A lesbian relationship is not going to help her here, and she’s going to be aware of it. She needs to struggle with that choice.

Visha not struggling to accept herself as a lesbian is also somewhat of an oversight. It’s pretty unlikely that a woman born in her time period would come to terms with that easily. Visha is also never shown being attracted to other women besides Tanya, which carries a weird “I’m only a lesbian for you” vibe that is like a gross parallel of a straight guy wanting a lesbian to be so attracted to him she can’t help it, she wants the D.

And now, we enter the realm of Tanya’s relationship with her identity and sexuality.

Tanya is shown to have mental qualms both about entering a straight or lesbian relationship in her new life. The reasons behind those qualms are not explored at all in the LN, but they should be in a story in which Tanya goes into a relationship.

No matter which path puberty takes her down, there is the issue of Tanya being comfortable having sex as a woman. Even if it is with another woman, it is not going to be particular similar to the way she had sex with women as a man. That type of thing is pretty tied up with our identity. Tanya hates having her internal, I haven’t changed identity threatened, and not being able to give sexual pleasure/needing to receive it differently is the type of thing that is probably going to come along with some emotional reservations on her part.

Again, sexual identity being a part of our overall identity, while Tanya may remain attracted to women, that means her identity is now as a gay person, not a straight person. Given her biases from both growing up in Japan and the state of gay rights in her new life, it would seem atypical that she would consider this a non-issue and it wouldn’t make her question her priorities or the type of person she thought she was.

But...The Sex?

Look, I get it, sometimes you wanna see certain characters bang. We’ve all been there.

While yes, I recognize that many humans make terrible decisions solely in pursuit of sex, and so it’s perfectly realistic to have Tanya and Visha do the same and say that’s why you’re handwaving everything else, it is an extremely lazy storytelling technique, especially since neither character seems likely to go to extremes for it.

Because people focus so much on sex appeal, unfortunately, they use it as a substitute for making a good case for the relationship. Visha/Tanya is so attracted to Tanya/Visha, that now they are willing to undergo character development, because the pulsing loins urge them to. Really?

Do at least some of it first, lay the groundwork for romantic attraction before you slam them with physical attraction. While it often works the opposite direction in real life, that undercuts the romantic side in fictional story-telling.

I also think that because of the focus on their attraction to each other, what ends up missing in all TanyaxVisha fanfics I’ve seen so far is the tension. That makes it boring, I don’t care about it, and the entire reason I don’t care about it is because the choice to handwave the inconvenient facts means there is nothing in the way besides Tanya being a dumbass, which you can only do for so long without it becoming boring.

They are both attracted to each other, and admit it to themselves. Neither sees any real problem with the relationship other than not knowing if the other person likes them, but they aren’t even hung up on it and mostly work on straightforwardly winning the other person.

When in doubt, blame it on The Patriarchy

As far as we know, Tanya isn’t pining for relationship, and never thinks about a romantic relationship from her old life. Combined with other things Tanya says, it is hard to imagine Salaryman ever had a “considering marriage” relationship - more like, he may have felt partnership had some desirable aspects, but probably never was able to compromise on his kind of extreme worldview enough to try to make it work with someone, just figuring he’d find “the one” one day that wasn’t going to make him compromise.

While of course, you should not need to change everything about who you are for a romantic partner to like you, saying “you should like me for me” and then putting in exactly zero effort to do things because you know they are important to your partner, even if they aren’t for you, is not one of the keys to a successful relationship.

While it is not a problem inherent to Tanya & Visha’s relationship like the above sections, it is a problem in all forms of how I’ve seen the relationship written. It fails to answer a fundamental question: WHAT CHANGED?

Why did Tanya want love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last? If she did want it in her last life, why did she successfully find love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last?

Unfortunately, skipping the answer to this question implies that nothing changed. The success is then entirely reliant and Visha, and that brings along with it a really ugly answer.

Visha’s professional I’ll-do-anything-for-you is equated to a personal I’ll-do-anything-for-you, and she very much accepts Tanya for who she is, through all the flaws that are definitely there and that presumably no woman in Salaryman’s life was willing to put up with. Tanya doesn’t have to undergo any character development to be capable of making the relationship work.

This has some really, really unfortunate undertones. It is the very reason why even legal-but-large age difference relationships often aren’t healthy, because the older partner, instead of trying to be someone capable of contributing to the life of someone their own age, decides it’s easier to find someone younger who doesn’t know better and is more willing to put up with their bullshit. That, then, turns into a creepy grooming undertone - you make the less experienced partner think this is normal.

It really isn’t normal or good that Visha should have to put up with a relationship in which she never discovers who she wants to be because she’s so caught up Tanya’s idea of how to live your life. That is borderline emotional abuse, I am sure no one intends it to be there, but without giving some serious treatment to character development, unfortunately, it is.

To me, this has some of the worst overtones of the worst types of male fantasy - My Manic Pixie Dream Girl is completely devoted to me, and instead of emotionally adding to her life and/or our relationship, she is completely fine with me substituting being a Strong Heroic Man who occasionally buys her Nice Things. She demands I change nothing of myself and completely agrees with my Logical Man worldview, no matter what she needs to change about herself to get there. She’s hot, and I get to simultaneously be a straight man and have hot lesbian sex. Even better, because she’s a “strong” woman who is capable in her own right, not only am I physically satisfied, but I get the ego boost of “earning” the submission and subordination of a woman who is better than most people, because she knows I’m better than her.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the grosser it gets, so as far as fanfic goes I just try to ignore it and understand that the authors intention wasn’t to bring along all this baggage. However, to truly write a good Tanya x Visha story that gets away from all these unfortunate implications is a big undertaking, and it’s really impossible for it to make for a compelling side-plot that doesn’t get much screentime.

I’m generally fine with handwaving issues for sideplots, but if Tanya is making decisions because of her relationship with Visha that are now affecting the main plot, it really isn’t something that *should* be handwaved.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

#OpEd

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mbti-community1789 · 4 years

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ESFJ x ISFP is not ideal relationship.

💝I don’t say this couple is failing. It just means there are many difficulties and you can get close anytime if you try and care. If you try to be considerate, you will create a compatible compatibility.

🛑Most of the compatibility charts circulating on the Internet have been discussed by Facebook Group and analyzed in detail, and it is judged to be false because there is no solid basis. Therefore, you can ignore it and move on. What I want to say while writing this is that I cannot give clarity to this logic.

🚫Please refrain from excessive blind faith. It relationship hard, but it doesn’t really make your relationship that way. Relationships are determined by the environment and the situation, and the theory of relationships does not fully explain them.

ESFJ and ISFP are not ideal match. And their real relationship.

This is observation, experience, analysis. I don’t want to hurt you with this article. I just want to tell you the truth. I’m talking for you, for false knowledge. We must realize this and we must not neglect it. We must seek and dig the truth.

urgently notifying you because the wrong information has been leaked in Google search.

I’m ready to respect them even if they disagree. Google’s personality page says, “ESFJ’s natural partners are ISFP and INFP.” That’s actually wrong. In the theory of Socionics, ISFP and ESFJ are the contrary relationship.

All of these errors began with the distortion of the theory of perspective. They saw in the Socionics that the mirror relationship was the best in the middle, and the Socionics type and MBTI type were so similar that they misinterpreted the contrary relationship as a mirror relationship that they made the wrong information.

Socionics contrary relationship is ESFJ and ISFP.Socionics type ISFp — SiFe psychological functions use= MBTI ISFJ type.Socionics type ISFj — FiSe psychological functions use= MBTI ISFP type.

quote from the following article.https://www.socionics.com/rel/cnt.htmhttps://www.crystalknows.com/personality-type/relationship/isfp-esfj

1. Personality is different because the functions are different. This difference can cause many conflicts.

Psychological function of ESFJ (harmonious)

Primary function (dominant function, highest ability): extroverted emotion (Fe)

Secondary function (a function supporting primary function): Introvert sense (Si)

3rd function (a little bit less, but soon more usable when developed): extrovert intuition (Ne)

Quadratic function (too low function=too low critical weakness): Introverted thinking (Ti)

Psychological Function of ISFP (Artistic)

Primary function (dominant function, highest ability): Introverted emotion (Fi)

Secondary Function (a function supporting primary function): Extrovert sense (Se)

3rd function (a little bit less, but soon more usable when developed): Introvert intuition (Ni)

Quadratic function (too low function=too low critical weakness): extroverted thinking (Te)

Therefore, it is no exaggeration to say that the contrary relationship is true in Socionics theory. Their four functions are all the opposite, so their minds and values are different. This difference is likely to cause many conflicts. Also, their psychological functions can misunderstand and distort each other’s thoughts because of different languages.

2. In the theory of socionics, ESFJ and ISFP are diametrically contrary relationships. In other words, they belong to a bad relationship.

3. This relationship is very insufficient and bad. Because they can complement each other’s weaknesses a little bit personally. But it’s just a little bit. This relationship’s each personality is also the opposite.

4. In these relations, it is difficult to achieve full understanding. Despite mutual interests and common ground, partners often argue about petty details, to which they tend to pay too much attention. These relations are called “extinguishment” because partners extinguish each other’s initiatives — sometimes by highlighting their shortcomings, other times by their inability to further and support such initiatives. With such a partner, it is difficult to find considerable support for one’s projects, but it is always interesting to exchange opinions, suggestions and requests. Contrary partners get along better when they work separately, since together they pay too much attention to minor mistakes of each other. Such criticism are received especially painfully in the presence of strangers. Third partner upsets this delicate balance even more. If someone’s personal interests have been infringed upon, these relations can fall apart. They are more tolerant at a certain distance. With close and prolonged contact, fatigue and irritation set in due to protracted disputes.

5. Here, provide four identical functions in different directions to two people on the same channel. And, simultaneously — not a single identical communication function for the same function. This means that these partners do not have an important area to have the same perspective.

If attention is paid to external processes through extroverted functions, the other focuses on internal states through introverted functions, and vice versa. As a result, it becomes difficult for these partners to understand and agree with each other, if they intentionally intend to look at the same problem from the opposite perspective — this is sometimes beneficial for creative research.

So during the meeting, they are attracted to each other’s “mystery.” This often leads to hasty union and marriage among people in this relationship. Not surprisingly, the lives of spouses in these families can be quite tense and difficult, often in danger of breaking up or divorce.

5. ESFJ and ISFP communicate well when interacting one-on-one, and sometimes they are amazed at the ingenuity of each other’s insights and approaches. However, the third participant often breaks this balance. Partners see the same problem from a completely different perspective. If one person observes the external characteristics of an object, the other person observes its internal characteristics. Because in the case of another person, the function is directed in a completely different direction. It’s as if they’re speaking different languages. Therefore, communication becomes somewhat superficial. It is very difficult to do something together and coordinate behavior because even the details lack attention. Partners often feel attracted to each other, mainly because of the mystery that fuels their mutual curiosity. In assumptions formed between opposing types, we find it difficult for partners to reach an agreement, which strain these relationships.

ESFJ and ISFP is Socionics contrary relationship Description

These are relations of an unstable psychological distance. Both partners experience difficulties in establishing and keeping a stable psychological distance between them. The only chance Contrary partners have to get on together well with each other is if they are left alone. In other cases partners usually compete over their strong sides. The reason for this is when somebody else is present, each partner tries to capture the attention of the listener by showing off their strong side. Contrary partners may like some elements of the other partner’s behaviour. This often helps the partners to begin a more close relationship. However, when they are in company, their interaction can change dramatically. The introvert partner usually becomes distant, relations lose warm feelings and become formal and cautious. Both partners may start regretting that they became too trustful.The extrovert partner normally gets the false impression that the introvert partner is deliberately acting against them. This can bring a great deal of misunderstanding and surprise into these relations, as both partners are convinced that before everything was fine. The introvert partner usually starts suppressing the activity of the extrovert partner and may reproach and criticise them. The extrovert partner in return can behave in the same way.The most vulnerable position in these relations belongs to the extrovert partner, who may feel as if they are being betrayed. As a result the extrovert partner could start to worry excessively about their next step so as not to make any mistakes and may therefore become very suspicious. Unfortunately the extrovert partner cannot see that their introvert partner is not as bad as they have begun to imagine.

Relationship Guide

CommunicationHow can ISFP and ESFJ types communicate effectively with each other?ISFP and ESFJ personalities both possess the Sensing and Feeling traits, meaning they are present-focused, conscientious, and enjoy communicating emotionally. However, ISFPs are also more reserved and adaptable, while ESFJs tend to be charismatic and organized. ISFPs should listen to and connect emotionally with ESFJs, while ESFJs should give ISFPs space to be alone when needed.

Resolving ConflictHow can ISFP and ESFJ types resolve conflict?Since ISFPs and ESFJs are both Feeling personalities, they should address conflict by sharing how they feel and showing sensitivity to the other’s emotions. Though neither type enjoys addressing conflict, it’s helpful to keep in mind the benefits of fixing a tense situation. To avoid some of the stress, ISFPs should share their perspective honestly, rather than keeping it to themselves, while ESFJs should be conscious of ISFPs’ need for personal space, allowing them to be alone and process if conflict becomes too tense.

Working TogetherHow can ISFP and ESFJ types work together?ISFPs offer open-mindedness and flexibility to a workplace, while ESFJs bring energy and organization. ISFPs can help ESFJs adapt to unexpected circumstances, while ESFJs can help ISFPs accomplish their personal goals.

Dealing with ChangeHow can ISFP and ESFJ types deal with change?Due to their Perceiving trait, ISFPs tend to naturally accept new situations. ESFJs may struggle a bit more with change, as it interrupts their plans. ISFPs should help ESFJs process and understand change by encouraging them to create a new plan or routine, which may provide ESFJs with a necessary sense of control.

Managing StressISFP and ESFJ types need to seek to understand what brings stress to the other type and should try to avoid causing it when possible.

ISFP types are easily stressed by…

Complex and hypothetical ideas

Repetitive schedules and routines

Criticism from those they value

Large groups of unfamiliar people

ESFJ types are easily stressed by…

Harsh criticism from others

Being forced to make quick decisions

Communication that lacks connection

Lack of quality time with friends and family

ISFPs should avoid being too last-minute with ESFJs; instead, they should try to make loose plans in advance, so ESFJs can set expectations.ESFJs can help ISFPs by spending one-on-one time with them to connect emotionally.

Encouraging and MotivatingISFP and ESFJ types can encourage and motivate each other in their personal and professional lives.

ISFP types are motivated by…

Unexpected and exciting experiences

Learning about how things work

Creating something new and beautiful

Connecting with close friends and family

ESFJ types are motivated by…

Unexpected and exciting experiences

Learning about how things work

Creating something new and beautiful

Connecting with close friends and family

ISFPs can motivate ESFJs by communicating positively and staying relatively organized in their workspace.ESFJs can motivate ISFPs by allowing them to work at their own pace.

#MBTI #ESFJ #ISFP #relationship #Pair

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writerraj · 5 years

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Quotients

Our Company President when talks in a meeting, mesmerises the audience with his fluency in English. He impresses all with his super word power & knowledge - Man with a great L(Language) Q(Quotient).

Marathi community seniors who all have had enough of Holy Dnyaneshwari reads, will know how proficient such a young Saint Dnyaneshwar could be in Marathi & et al who are non-Marathi speakers, will be bristling with perplexities for his supreme poetic proficiency – Godly human being with an all-time high LQ & S (Spiritual) Q (Quotient). Stephen Hawking & Albert Einstein had an I (Intelligence) Q(Quotient) of 160, one of the all-time high. Parents of an eleven year old girl Kashmea Wahi in London buzzing with excitement boast: My kid is smarter than Albert Einstein because she clocked IQ of 162, officially. Just do note here the use of word smarter. (*) Owner of a grocery shop in the area where I stay, is a Gujarati baniya. Although he looks insane, he is a Crorepati – know why? His has mastered money management & proliferation techniques and has an inclement business focus. He has three flats in Mumbai & a couple of more in Gujarat. His F (Financial) Q (Quotient) and B(Business) Q (Quotient) are phenomenal. One celebrity, we all know – Amitabh Bachchan. Whatever his attire, anything suits him. Undoubtedly, he has a good F(Fashion) Q (Quotient) and of course a unique personality with a magnetic & obsessive voice. Some may recall Hollywood star Morgan Freeman for such a similitude. Nidhi is very blunt & cannot get along with people, even with her mother, easily. Why? Just because her E(Emotional) Q (Quotient) is very low. Two brothers Viraj & Anuj, both are diametrically opposite in nature. Viraj likes to associate with people & socialise. Not the case with Anuj though. Both have extremes of S (Social) Q (Quotient), Viraj finds himself on the top & Anuj finds himself at the bottom of SQ count. Music is synonymous with Salil. He has such a commendable grasping & ear for Music that just one hearing of a piece of music is enough for him to replicate. Music is in his blood & genes. He has a terrific M(Music) Q(Quotient). Now we all have a new Bravery milestone set up by Wing Commander Abhinandan Varthaman (great BQ – Bravery Quotient). He is being aptly recommended by Tamil Nadu Government for Param Veer Chakra. All such tête-à-tête and sprinkles of word Quotient for Language, Intelligence, Finance, Fashion, Emotional, Social, Spiritual & Music etc. are a part of routine jargon for all of us. We may as well coin some more such (A to Z) quotients as trait indicators e.g. Bravery quotient (BQ), Risk quotient (RQ), Common-sense quotient (CQ), Acting quotient (AQ) etc. It is worth mentioning here about one of our Machine Design Professor who always used to ask us some simple (to him) questions during his lecture. On not getting the expected answer from all of us, he used to frown & say, “Do you see how common sense is so very uncommon.” So don’t ever underestimate CQ as it is that rare.

We often use this word, ‘quotient’ seamlessly and seldom condemn all the other people in the race who are low at that. These quotients that we presume indicate completeness of a person, do not necessarily indicate smartness (*) and often misguide to believe that one is not up to the mark. Management thinker Peter Drucker says that “you can’t manage what you can’t measure.” In other words, if anything is to be improved, it must be measured. Measuring quotients will indicate current level of a person in that area & also help to some extent which area he is good at.

One of my friend’s daughter got admitted to 11 th Grade science stream after a good score at SSCE in Science subjects, much obviously (?) so as thought & insisted by her parents. The girl kept on convincing her parents that she is not interested in science at all & wants to pursue fine arts. But nothing struck the parents right. Post her admission, she had a lot of academic struggle over subjects like Physics, Chemistry, Math etc. Unfortunately, parents thought this to be a recovering period for her due to her vernacular medium till tenth. The result was, she passed at 11 th but miserably failed at 12 th . The girl kept on insisting her earlier argument only. The parents now were furious but eventually gave up & succumbed to her choice of Fine arts. The girl had such a great flare for art that she stood first in the college & completed her B.F.A. with a University rank. A girl struggling to pass at Science stood first at BFA. Why & how did this happen? Did she not find her passion? Rajiv took a learning from this & sent his daughter to a stream of her choice – foreign languages like Japanese & Chinese despite her great score in Science & Math at SSCE. Although this is a perpetual conundrum, as a parent we all need to be assiduous while taking such life impacting decisions for our wards. If you recollect, that’s what the milestone movie “Three Idiots” (one of my all-time favourite) was all about, isn’t it? It’s all about pursuing our passion. Our low LQ, IQ, FQ, EQ, MQ or SQ do not necessarily indicate success in life and vis- e-versa. It only matters whether you like and enjoy your education or work. Success & money will follow, by default as a by-product: if you enjoy your education and work. More so that money plays second fiddle when you enjoy what you do. Money becomes secondary in the pursuit for happiness, enjoyment of our passion. Now passion becomes the target or even the path of pursuit is also a great rewarding experience. It is equally important to enjoy the path towards target as said by Robert Kiyosaki in his famous best seller ‘Rich Dad Poor Dad’.

All our Grocers are excellent at business but no good at academics. Does it really matter? No, neither to them nor to their families and even to the society. I strongly believe that every person is smart (*) in some or the other area. The Almighty has bestowed each one of us with at least one boon - one area in which we score good, for sure. No one in the universe, is dumb. Each one excels in some or the other quotients. All College drop outs like Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Michael Dell, Sachin Tendulkar etc.(the list is endless) are the most successful business tycoons & the most impacting geniuses world knows. What does this indicate? Do we need to contemplate upon the importance given by us to academic excellence criteria and absurdly co-relating them to the future (would be) accomplishments of a person? Absolute zero, absolute positive or absolute negative do not exist – by default: that’s Nature’s law. So do the dumbness, idiocy in absolute terms never ever exist and that’s what needs to be acknowledged by all. Sounds rational? Hence, I feel it would greatly help to measure these quotients for each person just to have a fair idea about his potential strengths, probable area of studies & further career in the same stream. How would a young boy choose a career in defence? Will his BQ or RQ help? Probably, yes. Similarly, anyone good at acting can choose the same post measuring his AQ; so, on & so forth. What we understand from these quotients is not whether a person is brilliant or not. As I mentioned each person is brilliant in his area of choice. The quotients are indeed intended to indicate & guide one to identify potential strengths & choose career path. One may be good at Math while other may be good at finance or language. Quotient is a definitive measure for one’s area of inclination, strength or choice of career. Thus chances of being successful and contributing to the mankind will enhance certainly significantly for one who gets his choice right through the right quotient computation at the right time.

So now let’s use the word quotient in our routine responsibly & not conclude anything negative about anybody for his/her lower quotient scores. Techniques of measuring these quotients may be a little away from us presently but the day is not far when these will be quantified scientifically for each one of us and the generations to follow will supposedly take full advantage of it. They will pursue a rewarding career in the field & mother earth will be full of accomplished people; her own progeny – a planet of Ultimate Evolution.

#measures of human capability

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silent-strategist-blog · 7 years

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Lessons - Suffering

Alphonse sat on his knees, legs folded beneath him, on the lone cushion in his hermitage, positioned before his writing desk. His vision, he had noticed, was leaving him; darkness was slowly tightening its grip on the edges of his eyes. In a moment of inspiration, and for worry that he may not be able to write once blinded, he grinds ink and takes up a brush, to inscribe his lessons on a long scroll of parchment.

One does not start playing a game expecting to suffer. If war can mean life or death for thousands of people, can it be a game? If the political intrigues of monarchs and nobles serve only to gild the lining of their pockets while causing serfs to starve, can that be a game? If the whole of existence, which is so filled with suffering, which feels to most like some endless battle against the unbeatable force of evil in all its many forms, entails death, personal loss, betrayal, fear, and broken hearts, how could it possibly be a game?

And yet, it is a game. Everything is a game. Not in the sense that we are players gathered around at the card table trying to best one another or win out ahead of the dealer, but in the sense that we are the sport. We are the medium and the player. We are affected by things larger and greater than our own self, and yet the cumulative universal self is the one affecting all things.

There are two perspectives of diametrically opposite nature which people may adopt as their understanding of suffering, and by extension, of evil. The first is to say that evil is the Void, the Fel, the Legion to many, and the Horde to a few. Things that exist as opposing forces to all we consider good. All who are touched by it suffer, and so it is evil. Because what good could come of such a universally painful thing? How can you be tortured, and look upon your torturer and agree that they are not evil?

The second perspective is that all suffering is a necessary and constructive force, despite its destructive manifestation, and that without the suffering those ‘evil’ things bring, we would find it impossible to improve our own stake in existence, or create better things, or know stronger love. It is to know that both the torturer and the tortured are taking equal part in the evolution of some change in one, or the other, or both individuals; a change which will alter the flow of the universe’s destiny, and so it is a change which is constructive.

That second perspective is the wiser, and yet it is incredibly difficult for people to emotionally reconcile. They may agree to it, when certain examples are presented, but they will struggle to really live by it and believe in it deep down. This is because to adopt the latter mandates the rejection of the former, and to do that requires one to reject their own self. And to most, the self is a precious thing, carefully cultivated, something of which they are terribly proud. And to others, the self may be all they believe they have left, and so they jealously safeguard it against such dangerous ideas as this.

In my own case, I was terribly afraid to relinquish my sense of self. I thought I had lost everything, had failed so often in my endeavors, that to hand my own self away to the tides of existence would be cowardly and entirely-too complicit. I thought I would have no sense of purpose left, and would throw myself to dashing rocks in the suffering that ensued: an ending.

And yet, when I did take a plunge, it was in this terrifying act of faith. Faith in life that I could live free of the chains of my own ego and still feel purpose and still feel joy for the things I created either in my successes or my failures. And the peace and happiness in my weak and cowardly act is the peace and happiness others struggle, painfully, to find whilst doing battle against the forces of ‘evil’.

The reason is that so long as you think that comfort is good and suffering is evil, you are in fact being cowardly. You are an oyster who fears the pain of processing a pearl, have felt that pain once, and wish never to feel it again. And so you will struggle to find other means of forming such beauty, and may never succeed.

Mothers must feel pain to form new life and may themselves die in the process, ores must be melted down and destroyed to be refined into workable metals, gems must be cut to be set in jewelry, some soldiers must die and some must have their will broken for others to rise as champions to achieve victory. And so on, with all things, in all ways.

Someone who is frustrated while reading this may ask: “Why is it so? Why can I not simply enjoy my short life?” My answer for them is, you might. In fact, based on your luck and your decisions, you could live a perfectly happy and carefree life. But how will existence have been changed - or not changed - in your fearful exile? You are the sport, and the player. The medium and the voice. If you decide not to play, you still have chosen your move.

Think, I would tell them, of a forest full of trees, and a disease which afflicts them, and a guild of lumberjacks and foresters. Three groups of players, three sports through which the game of life is played. The trees, when they are afflicted, would think that the disease was evil, because it is killing those like them, and they fear it may kill them or their offspring. The trees might also think the lumberjacks were evil, since they��re afraid of being cut down too. They might serve a more eternal purpose as a table or chessboard, but that foresight isn’t common among the living. They just want to go on living.

And yet, if they were to go on living in a world without these perceived evils, they would grow too numerous, their roots would tangle, and the whole grove would be starved of resources, and the trees would choke themselves to death. And then the trees would simply regard the other trees as evil, or they would curse the gods for bringing this blight upon them.

Evil is the word we, in fear, attribute to those checks and balances which ensure we, in the larger universal sense of the word, do not starve ourselves in our exuberance.

We fear suffering, we fear evil, as individuals. Because we cannot see or cannot accept that evil does good for the universe by doing evil to individuals. We have forgotten the world’s greatest truth, the truth so simply inscribed on the surface of a small stone, yet impossible for many to understand.

All is one, and one is all.

#Lessons #Research #IC Written Work

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yeskhanzadame11 · 4 years

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Pilates, Alexander and the Health of the Human Race

Joseph Pilates and F. Matthias Alexander law group have been essential pioneers in considering how the human body functions, and the way to enhance that functioning. Their ideas, carried on nowadays as the Pilates Method and the Alexander Technique, have had a profound influence on many different fitness education and somatic training packages.

One of the maximum putting parallels between those two guys's paintings is the sweeping view that they had of the fitness challenges facing mankind nowadays, and of the extensive-ranging advantages that could come approximately if their thoughts were placed into practice. They each spent a few years experimenting and operating on themselves, making their very own our bodies as laboratories, as it were, for checking out each new idea. They each also obtained sizable revel in in operating with others to enhance their functioning and that they each time and again offered to demonstrate their methods to anybody in authority who could make the effort to investigate them.

In each in their first essential publications, they express frustration with the direction the human race is taking and make pressing calls for remedial motion based totally on their discoveries. At the begin of "Your Health", published in 1934, Joseph Pilates writes:

"Daily, from sunrise to sundown, radio, newspapers and magazines broadcast to the world a way to maintain health, a way to modify fitness, what to consume, what to drink, even what to think.

"This conflicting statistics... (has triggered) not anything less than confusion (to those) who are so unlucky as to hear or examine the diametrically opposed viewpoints of our so-called guardians of our fitness, in view that it is alternatively the exception than the rule, that these instructions are in settlement of their thoughts and techniques.

"To person who has devoted the foremost portion of his life to the medical examine of the body and, to practical utility of natures's laws of lifestyles concerning the herbal improvement of coordinated bodily and intellectual fitness, and to the prevention as an alternative that the remedy of disorder, the incorrect information I actually have so frequently listened to or study borders carefully on the criminal. Why? Because the popularity of lots of those popular but bogus theories now not handiest effects in the squandering of untold millions of greenbacks, however, extra severely, can and does certainly shorten the lives of uncounted millions."

Apart from not citing TV or the net, one would have no manner of knowing this changed into written over seventy years in the past. We stay subjected to conflicting advice approximately nearly the entirety related to fitness - nutrients, exercise, posture, prescribed drugs, to name however some examples.

Clearly Pilates was addressing principal heath problems, troubles that are not prone to any kind of brief fix. The equal is proper for Alexander. In the outlet pages of his first e-book, "Man's Supreme Inheritance", written in 1918, Alexander devotes a exquisite many pages to the same worries voiced through Pilates. Some concept of the flavor of Alexander's writing may be located In his Preface to the First Edition of the eBook. Here Alexander explains why he feels the want to position forward his thoughts at once, despite the fact that they have been nevertheless in a initial nation of improvement:

"...There are numerous reasons why I ought to hesitate not...Leader among them being the appalling physical deterioration that can be seen via any smart observer who will stroll the streets of London or New York, as an example, and notice the shape and element of the average individuals who make up the crowd. So tons for the surface signs and symptoms. What inferences can we no longer draw from the facts? To take three times best: What of the disproportionate and reputedly undeniable growth within the cases of cancer, appendicitis, and madness? For that boom is going on no matter the truth that we have taken the subject critically to coronary heart. Now I might now not...Say that because the increase in those evils has gone hand-in-hand with our endeavors to elevate the standard by means of physical-lifestyle theories, relaxation sports, rest treatment plans (and consequently) the one is the result of the opposite; but missing more precise evidence on the primary point, I do keep that if physical-way of life sporting events, and so on., had carried out all that become anticipated of them they must be considered a whole failure in the checking of the 3 evils I actually have indexed."

n their analyses of the sad state of human affairs, occasionally both men veered into the world of the weird. Pilates, as an instance, viewed masturbation as "the curse of mankind" and Alexander had a few peculiar thoughts approximately vaccinations and approximately "primitive peoples". I suppose it is honest to say that those have been aberrations that did no longer take away from the critical discoveries these men made.

***

Pilates and Alexander placed forth a number of hints about how the serious health disaster going through present day present day man could be alleviated. They each encouraged a reasoned technique to the problem: find out exactly what is going incorrect, why it's far going incorrect, and then think out and observe a rational answer.

Both men emphasized the unlucky function of faulty childhood education and schooling which, in their perspectives, unavoidably caused dangerous habits of concept and movement. To conquer this, right schooling (or, greater accurately, re-seduction) turned into wished. As Pilates placed it, in a statement that would without difficulty have been written by using Alexander, "..Wrong behavior are accountable for maximum of our ailments, if no longer they all. Equally actual is the statement that only via right training is it viable to replace awful conduct with true ones..."

Both men felt that this re-seduction needed to be based totally on a clear factual knowledge of ways we characteristic and a clear-headed method to improving that functioning. As Pilates writes, "...Simply so one might also receive the maximum gain and resulting normal fitness from one's daily sports, one need to apprehend at least a number of the rudimentary underlying ideas governing the mechanism of the human body in motion, rest and sleep. For instance, knowledge of the leverage opportunities of the skeletal framework, the range and drawback of proper muscle anxiety and relaxation, the laws of equilibrium and gravity, and last however not least, a way to inhale and exhale (i.E. The way to breathe nicely and normally) are essential if we're to benefit from any physical activities."

This corresponds carefully with Alexander's perception that it's far essential to have some know-how of the way we're designed if we wish to make useful adjustments. Some of these ideas have been elaborated on in latest years by Alexander Technique teachers and termed "body mapping" - a easy, systematic, method via which you will find out a few some very simple, sensible, anatomical statistics approximately yourself.(1)

It's telling that both Pilates and Alexander had event to make disparaging remarks approximately anatomists. Pilates castigated them for failing to apprehend what he looked as if it would be the proper mechanism of the backbone and right strategies for training it. Alexander once met with a collection of anatomists and later commented that their research had carried out not anything beneficial to beautify their personal posture and movement patterns. For Alexander it made no experience to examine anatomy in case you were not going to apply your knowledge to improve your own functioning.

Both men had been self-educated in the subject of anatomy and, for the most component, their know-how of human form and functioning become correct. On event, but, they each have been guilty of profound anatomical misunderstandings. Pilates made a totally serious mistakes when he insisted that the appropriate human backbone ought to be straight - that any spinal curvature at all isn't herbal. Alexander, for his part, placed forth an odd take a look at designed to speedy determine the level of a person's nice of functioning ("use" in his phrases) based accessible positions - a check that has ultimately been completely discredited.

In the grand scheme of things, these failings are of adolescent importance in comparing the overall significance of these two guys's' method to health and health.

(1) Alexander law group Technique instructors Bill and Barbara Con able had been leaders in this development. Their eBook How to Learn the Alexander Technique - A Manual for Students is a good begin for absolutely everyone who wants to explore ways of enhancing posture and movement patterns on their own.

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