#and i can never get on top of anything

[selfnss]

h

#ooc. #personal // #negative // #vent // #i was doing so fucking well #at being alone at home while everyone else goes off on holiday #i was doing so well #until i realised i need to pick up my meds tomorrow at some point #and then realised idon't #have the money to pay for the script #who doesn't have £9 lying around to pay for the medication they need to even remotely function properly #im such a fucking waste of space idk why i even bother i can't do anything right #i don't have any money spare my savings are a fraction of what they were this time last year #and i can never get on top of anything #i need a new job #but im too scared to leave the one i have now icant. #i don't want everything to change even though it needs to change #because im making myself ill like this #well #even more ill than i am already #i cant keep doing this #i can't keep going like this #i literally have 60p in my account right now #and i need my medication by tomorrow #this week im going to be paid about £80 #not until monday though #when i will have run out #im so tired #im so so so fucking tired #sorry for this post i just

[1-8oo-wtfbro]

you mean to tell me this isn’t exactly what happened when Tim’s parents died?

#dc tim drake #tim drake #meme #bruce wayne memes #bruce wayne #dc bruce wayne #tim drake memes #I hate that DC stripped him of any personality and made him an overpowered y/n mc #it’s so annoying bc u could make 10000 story lines on him actually acknowledging and working on his self absorbed nature ALONE #they gave him and Damian a lot of the same traits that damian has to ‘redeem’ himself for and gets hated on bc of #while Tim gets praised for them #They unknowingly made him a kinda shitty and irrational person but never address it????? #it’s so frustrating that he constantly has to come out on top and be better than everyone else!!!! #he was originally supposed to be the relatable and normal robin!!!!!!! #now he’s the overpowered and boring robin who can apparently never be wrong ab anything???? tf??? #anyways #i remember finding out ab this and cackling #this meme format isn’t mine but the idea and names are #memes #meem #funny memes #dc

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

[gideonisms]

one thing about the tma & tmp writers is I know they understand having a job where the social vibes are incredibly strange. I appreciate their commitment to depicting work environments that are so unnecessarily stressful where everyone is trying to backstab everyone and form alliances but meanwhile it's just filing items on a computer. The petty drama feels very true to life

#i never get tired of workplace horror. give those people silly jobs #idk if anything can top the jon/tim unhinged combo of petty coworker drama with genuine hurt and pathos and tragedy but it's a fun start #don't get me wrong i love canon jonmartin but i just feel like the aspects of it i like are not really the aspects i see discussed most #jon really sent martin to his possible death because he annoyed him in s1. and i just think that's fun #then in s4 when the pining was REVERSED #s5 when martin weaponized jon's love for him to get his way in the most high stakes couple's argument of all time. chef kiss #they should have been more toxic i would have eaten that up #anyway. tmagp horrible coworkers sweep

[imminent-danger-came]

The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup

#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post #because that shit is EVERYWHERE #LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT #''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06) #''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10) #''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02) #''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08) #''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08) #''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!'' #(4x11) #Literally just the shit off of the top of my head #and then. And then that in contrast with #''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS #You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man #Hello #Where am I #I'm dying. I'm dying #Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever.... #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk parallels #lmk Sandy #lmk Mei #lmk Pigsy #lmk Tang #OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08) #AND #''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04) #Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right #what. ever.

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

oh no sorry you had a bad day. hope it gets better soon

have a cookie 🍪

(Thank you! I am doing much better today!

#ooc post #Bean's gonna rant in the tags for a sec please excuse me #a maintenance guy was supposed to come and fix the boiler yesterday but he never showed so I waited around all day and stressed myself out! #it's just extra frustrating bc the boiler's been broken for nearly a year and finally when we get someone to fix it they don't show!!! #not a phone call or anything!!! #so I have no idea when they're coming or even if anyone is coming!!! #and the werewolf ask was just the cherry on top of my annoyance #but I am doing much better I have eaten and drank and etc #and I can finally draw since I couldn't work much yesterday #I drew the Noisey beasts and that was about it #I gotta finish some unrelated things and then update time #but maybe a wittle ooc to warm up hehe

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[bylertruther]

"will shouldn't use a gun in season five because his father probably taught him how to use one and that could be a bad reminder for him" have you considered that will using what was very likely a Bad experience to save his life in what is undoubtedly an even worse experience could be a good thing? have you considered that him using a skill he was forced to learn to save not only himself but (as is likely more important and meaningful to him) the lives of others could give him a sense of usefulness and safety knowing that he isn't defenseless and can stand his and others' ground if need be? especially considering that's a skill that we've only seen hopper and nancy possess, making it that much more valuable and himself more helpful to the group? after everything in s1 and s2, he's probably felt guilty for having endangered them and dozens of other people multiple times, i don't think it'd be out there for him to feel "happy" that he can finally return the favor and protect them for once (especially after having complained about being babied and treated like a doll).

"will doesn't have and shouldn't have powers because that makes him different and he doesn't want to be different" not only are you wrong lol <3 but how have you not noticed that will's entire thing since the very beginning is that he is different and he knows it and while he does get his heart broken over the fact that this means he faces constant unfairness in life, he still refuses to be any other way? will doesn't conform nor does he ever try to even when others try to force or shame him to. he gets frustrated and upset at being treated differently, yes, but he stays true to himself. to battle that feeling he sometimes gets that tells him he's a mistake, a feeling he gets not from his own otherness but from living in a world that Makes it an otherness and thus isolates him for it, he seeks out that which he loves and enjoys and throws himself wholeheartedly at it. will lives his truth and is willing to suffer the consequences for it. he refuses to live in darkness and let it take a hold of him. he holds on to hope and all that makes him feel better for being different. he holds on to art, to dnd, to video games, to his family and his friends, and everything that brings him joy and reminds him that it's okay to be different. in s1 joyce defends will ("he's missing is what he is") and jonathan tells him he shouldn't like things that other people (namely their homophobic dad) try to force him to like, that he should like what he genuinely likes. in s2 jonathan gives will the freak speech and tells him that no one normal ever accomplished anything and mentions bowie. in s3, he doesn't get a speech, (though joyce does tell him that when he falls in love he won't find it gross [avoiding the word girlfriend and leaving it neutral]) but he does face backlash from someone that IS trying to conform and IS shaming will for not letting go of "childish" things aka his interests, what's important to him, and what he wants. does will back down or shy away in shame? no. instead, he lets mike sit in his shame for having said something that hurtful, and he says "yeah. i guess i did. i really did." clearly this is a conversation about what makes will different aka his sexuality bc he goes and destroys castle byers (the safe place he and his brother built once their homophobic dad left which is a place will can be himself unapologetically) with what is likely a bat that lonnie gave him when trying to get him into baseball. he calls himself stupid and donates his dnd books, but i don't see this as an act of conformity (he tells mike as much, suggesting he'll just use his books + if he was ashamed he wouldn't have painted the party as their dnd characters and given it to him of all people lol). he felt stupid because he thought they'd always be crazy together, that they were of the same mind and heart still, and that they had the same brand of "otherness" if you catch my drift. then in s4 we get jonathan's tender "you're my brother and there is nothing absolutely nothing that will ever change that" which is the most direct anyone has ever been about that which makes will different. and he doesn't shy away from it! he doesn't deny it, because we can see from his confession and how he breaks down that he's desperately been wanting and needing to hear that. he accepts that love and allows himself to be held and seen by someone else, as he has every other time. because will doesn't hate being different, he just hates that he has to live in a world where that's seen as wrong and thus makes him feel like he doesn't belong because of it. but he doesn't change himself. he doesn't feel ashamed of it. he doesn't see it as a flaw in himself or others and he never has. will is different and he knows it and he wouldn't have it any other way.

will's story since the beginning has been about being different and going through awful things, and managing to not only find the light in it but also make it out stronger because of it all. it's always been about using what makes him different as a good thing and as something he uses to save himself and others.

will being good with a gun bought him time with whatever kidnapped him. will knowing how to run and hide kept him alive in the upside down. will acted as a spy while possessed and managed not only to save hopper but also tell them how to finish this. will's experiences and senses helped them figure out what was happening in season three. will's love and loyalty inspires mike and manages to bring him to a better place even if just for a moment in the van, and again he's the one that knows vecna's current state, aaaand had he been in hawkins at the time it likely would've gone a lot better because as dustin said "we need will".

taking something awful and turning it into a good thing and a source of strength is a wonderful trope. it's inspiring and empowering not only for the character but for those that could use that hope and reminder that there's always a silver lining, that life isn't all darkness and shadows and hurt. not only that, but it's something that they've literally always done for will since the very beginning. he is the prime character for that. his entire message has always been that it's okay to be different and that you can find strength and peace in that; that the things that make you different aren't a detriment, they're precisely what make you strong. like... i'm sorry, but have you not been paying attention at all whatsoever this entire time or... :/

#some of u heard 'sometimes it makes you feel like a mistake' and just forgot every other season ever it seems like #but idk maybe IM the outlier here lmao #characters like mike steve and eleven i can see the conformity argument for #BUT WILL?!?!?!? #will who has always drawn and listened to his music and wanted to hang out with his friends and play dnd and who #gets made fun of for so many things even by those that mean the world to him but has never ONCE tried to change #anything about who he is over that..... THAT'S who you think thinks being different is a bad thing!?!?! #will who has never lied about being a loner or what he likes or what he wants in life or has dressed like other people want him to #will who specifically has received multiple It's Okay To Be Different speeches and came out of them believing them is the character #that you think hates being different? will who loves mike's nerdy self and thinks the absolute world of him and TELLS HIM AS MUCH AND #CONFESSES HIS GAY LOVE TO DESPITE THE SUMMER OF HOMOPHOBIA AND THE AIRPORT FIASCO AND THAT DREW A #FUCKING HEART ON HIS SHIELD UNABASHEDLY AND CONFESSED IN FRONT OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE TOO ON TOP OF THAT #IN THE EIGHTIES!!!!!!! TO MIKE!!!! WHO COULDNT TOUCH HIM AND HAS A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY AND DIDNT TALK TO HIM FOR A YEAR #IS WHO YOU THINK HATES BEING DIFFERENT . HELLO #literally everything that he goes through is turned into something 'good' because that's the POINT!!!! #HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!! HE IS NOT THE CHARACTER U SHOULD BE MAKING THOSE ARGUMENTS FOR LMAO #jus say u don't want him to have powers bro don't be lying on my blorbito's name like that 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyway. crazed frenzy is over im normal now <3 #u kno how the long and all too passionate bordering on Is This Bitch Okay mobile posts go #back to being offline now byeeeee 🏃‍♀️

[worm-in-a-trenchcoat]

The MH shoe collection goes on preorder tomorrow and I’m so torn about which ones I want to get 😭

#I can hardly afford one pair I definitely can’t get both 😭 #I’m leaning more towards the top ones #mostly because I’d never wear the Clawdeen ones for anything other than cosplay 💀 #I can hardly walk in my own shoes I’d probably break a bone if I wore those jfjfkfk #monster high #it’s also kinda fucked up that these are coming out at almost the same time the collector dolls are coming out #like wtf is that about??

[deva-arts]

Okay this might be a really weird ask so I'm sorry in advance but- what does Sera smell like? Does she smell like feathers because she has wings, like Vincent? (Again hope this isn't weird..)

Not weird at all! Lol a few people have asked before, you're all good.

Birdpeople have notoriously weak noses. Their sense of smell (and taste by proxy) is pretty dull as a result. It's partly how Ser's food is always plain and Vincent smells like a SAW-scented teen who's been tarred and feathered. Sera doesn't particularly care about expensive perfumes like someone (cough Sonia) but she does like floral scents.

She smells like Lavender (Body wash/Shampoo) and baby talc powder. (Powder keeps her wings nice, dry, and itch-free.) When she's not working she uses a rose perfume Nate gave her.

#birdpeople tag #I neglect the birdpeople tag a lot... gotta catch them up one day #She doesn't have the 'feather' smell. She's always on top of herself. Vincent's waterproofing makes him smell a bit like wet chicken though #Monica loved lavender. She put it up all around the house to help her sleep. It's the little things that remind Sera of her. #“It is NOT baby powder I don't want to hear it” “Yeah okay sure Sera are you cranky? want a nappy poo?” “...You are on thin ice Sonia” #Okay so thinking about what everyone smells like is oddly fun lol #Nate smells fresh all the time. He's all washed clothes and colognes like Polo Blue. #Amon smells like basic bodywash #He doesn't care too much about getting something fancy and will brag about his 5 buck cologne being a steal #Ricky smells nice. He goes out of his way to get nicely groomed to “get all the baddies 🤪” Okay Ricky. #He doesn't smell like anything when in goo form though. #Sonia smells like expensive perfume and body oils. It's awesome but can be a bit much at times. Vincent could not care less about it #Sonia would rather die than be rustic. #Vincent smells like Vincent. He is ironically extremely hygenic but the odds are never in his favor #Titan smells like caked blood #Dr. Strohl smells fresh and nice but also has a hint of retro tv static smell. I do not know how to explain further. #Uhh something something variants smell different depending on their habits not necessarily their bodily composition #ARK_SYSTEMA #Seraphinatag

[silenthillbunni]

☁️🌷

#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it #i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class #but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school #i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine #so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there #and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af #ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch #i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :(( #i just wanna cry tbh #the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die #i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything #im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally #i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove #move* #what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc #im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :(((( #well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3

[soyboysace]

honestly, sure, u could argue that clara did not have any romantic feelings for twelve but i will fight u in the court of law if u say that twelve didn't. the man did not live a long, sopping wet life, at the beck and call of clara, at her very feet for y'all to say he didn't. i will not take the pathetic basil baby girl erasure!

#let me elaborate #because off the top of my head #correct me if i'm forgetting something #but #clara's never really said anything romantic or suggestive towards twelvr #like i feel like u could genuinely argue that she loved him in a deeply platonic way with evidence to prove it #but it's twelve that was so clearly sopping wet even verbally #like he was rarely verbally sopping wet since his physical actions were sopping wet enough #but whenever he did get sopping wet verbally #like there's no other way of interpreting it as anything other than romantic #'i'm not ur boyfriend' 'i never thought u were' 'i never said it was ur mistake' #'u find urself with a strangely compellimg masculine figure' #the evidence can go on! #i'm just lazy to get more references #anyway jury #i have said my case #may the truth prevail #12th doctor #clara oswald #doctor who #twelveclara

[dayurno]

hello dayurno i hope you're having a nice day. recently i saw some discussion regarding the top bottom dynamics of kevjean and i wanted to ask your opinion on this, i feel like the only top jeremy truther left

hello darling what spaces are you even frequenting that people are having serious discussions about kevjean topbottom dynamics........... i'm assuming you mean k/j/jr so i will say this: do NOT let anyone make you think jeremy is not folding jean in half like laundry. i don't care if jean is 6'5 or 6'2 and if jeremy is 5'8 or 5 feet flat any hole is a goal and sister jeremy is a striker. if the people from upstairs (nora) said it themselves that jeremy is a service top no one gets to tell you shit ok

now re: kevin/jeremy well that is still true! though i will say when i think of keremy i think about budding lesbian friendships that turn into something more and bashful escalation into gay sex so i think they are definitely less hard on the roles they can play! but yes service top jeremy all the way its the belief of a lifetime. this is also why the keremy song of all time is guilty pleasure by chappell roan. self discovery is a beautiful thing and it will hit kevin like a baseball bat the way it did jeremy when he was 18 staring down kevin day from the other side of a winter banquet

#kevin: youre a pothead youre a cinephile its been a while since youve turned up the dial! #you give me guilty guiltyyyyyyyy pleasureeeeeeeeeeeee #keremy are lesbians to me you dont even know #in keremy even the top gets pregnant #they're giggling schoolgirls to me seriously its hard. its hard. they walk w locked arms #manic pixie dream girl 4 manic pixie dream girl #and jean can be their depressed monster nightmare girl #because i will never let a man be a man. he will always have to be a girl #also re: kevjean topbottom dynamics it literally does not matter i think they dont mind either way but i assume jeans relationship with sex #is frail at best #so i think kevin would accommodate to anything really

[jupiter235]

.

#finished day four of a seven day straight stint at work #and I am so fucking exhausted already #on top of being the one responsible for most of our cats #I've also been charged with caring for two puppies who have been fighting parvovirus #and an eight-month old juvenile dog with a bullet fragment in his spine who may never regain the use of his back legs #and my supervisor as well as one of my co-workers who I'd normally be able to split some of this work with will be off #which is only going to leave me and another co-worker covering cats as well as the three dogs we've been assigned to #and this co-worker flat refuses to work with dogs at all and will only work one area of cats #he won't even handle giving out any medications or anything #which means I'll be doing the majority of the work in cats #my one saving grace is that I can get someone from dogs to help me with the dog with the bullet in his spine if need be #since once I've had contact with the puppies that have parvo I won't be allowed contact with any other dog there #I have some PTO time #I'm seriously thinking about taking some of it

[pocima]

I’ve decided that if AE1 is anything less than excellent, I’m calling it quits with being an active K-pop consumer once and for all. Not bc I’m an annoying akgae that hates everyone else in the industry or whatnot, I’m just done with the constant disappointments and bad news and mismanagement that happens to pretty much every group, and extremely frequently to the three of my faves. I’ve tried getting into other groups but I haven’t found any that appealed to my specific tastes and standards AND have non-frustrating management. I’ve constantly make posts such as “[K-pop group with immense but unexplored potential] x [extremely talented non K-pop musician who takes the risks K-pop companies should] collab when?” for a good while. If all these artists outside of K-pop are giving me what I truly need and if I know my fave groups’ companies are gonna let me down pretty much every single time, what’s the point?

#.txt #took a step back and truly realized none of this mismanagement and low effort concept nonsense is worth my energy at all #C9 is never up to any good and I’m so tired of pitying CIX and being unable to do anything about their situation #8D is never giving OnlyOneOf 100% of what they really deserve and while we’re at it they’re 5 years into their careers with no full album #and SM is self-explanatory. always screwing up their wonderful talented artists and there’s also the ups and downs of aespacore #but more importantly it’s always the old concert-previewed tracks getting released‚ goodbye to album/concept cohesion #AND ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSE FROM SM ENTERTAINMENT WHEN IT COMES TO BASELESS SCANDALS. #to whichever group I go either the music/concepts are vapid or their label is outright awful. can never have anything nice in here #it’s just not worth it. why would it be? #I’ve been discovering more and more artists (many of which are independent) who are at the top of the production AND album experience game #so why would I continue to eat up the bottom of the barrel scraps companies are trying to feed fans?

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything

Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds

#like. i went out earlier to get bread #just bread bc we cant afford anything else #got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like #our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off #and it usually wont switch off over weekends #presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway #so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday. #but then itll be at least a tenner in debt #then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is #or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing #and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days #we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen #like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its. #its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in #and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel #and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me #but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change. #whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness #tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s #like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but #dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon