#and i don't like the act rae puts on At All like they discuss it in text but i Don't Like It | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rollercoasterwords · 6 months

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hey rae, congrats on winning the costume contest! gotta be honest, i got very curious about what you think about promising young woman's politics and the ending. i remember enjoying it, other than thinking it was a bit irresponsable at some parts... but also i watched it a while ago and dont really remember much from it. im currently reading the zombie essays you rec'd, and im franlky loving it so so much. monster theory my beloved. And this is the first time im reading about zombies through sexuality lens, all essays i've read about zombies so far were about afro-latin religions and black resistance during colonization, but im loving, reading it in bed while giggling and quicking my feet, etc.... bc "queer zombie jesus" deserves to be a bed read cmom look at that sexy combination of words. hope you're doing well!! xxx substack guy

hi substack guy <3 would love 2 share my thoughts abt promising young woman but i will do that in a min + put it under a cut bc. spoilers etc. love that ur enjoying the zombie essays tho!! there are so many different angles 2 approach zombies as a monster; if u have any reading recs abt religion + colonization my inbox is always open...i have a book or 2 downloaded but have mostly read scattered articles in that vein. agree that 'queer zombie jesus' is SO fun that was one of my fave articles from zombies & sexuality lol. also just recently bought a book called dead white & blue that's abt zombies + usamerican nationalism so. excited 2 start exploring that topic as well...

anyway. promising young woman thoughts (got long...also tw sa):

still thinking & working thru them etc but. generally speaking i am not a huge fan of movies that fall into the rape revenge genre so i typically start them skeptical, and ultimately i thought it was...an odd choice to have the main character be seeking revenge not for herself, but on behalf of her dead friend's past assault...talk abt a dead girl haunting the narrative etc...but like. usually one of my issues w rape revenge is the tendency to turn the person who's been assaulted into this figure of the Righteous Victim such that they become less a person + more a symbol onto which an audience gets to project + live out violent catharsis etc...honestly don't necessarily think there's an inherent issue with creating or seeking out that form of catharsis in film but i just. do not think it is particularly politically useful...+ this setup just like. took that to the next level by literally removing the Victim from the narrative entirely, stripping her character of all agency + personhood, and making her friend the Agent seeking Justice on her behalf which. i mean it's a bit ironic innit...

was also not too sure how i felt abt the whole setup of "woman goes to bars, acts drunk, and there's ALWAYS a creep who tries to take her home + assault her"...i'm somewhat torn feeling-wise here bc i used to very much have this sort of "all men are [potential] monsters" mentality that like no matter where u go there will be someone there ready 2 take advantage of u but. i no longer feel like that is a very useful framework 4 discussing or addressing sexual violence. firstly in that it tends to devolve quickly into the sort of gender essentialism that i am fundamentally opposed to, but also bc it seems so defeatist to me. how are u supposed 2 address a problem if u assume that the problem is already so baked in, and in such simplistic terms? so while i do understand that this is a film and it's sort of dramatizing what is a very real issue, i'm not sure i was entirely sold on the way it was dramatizing it...felt like it was trying 2 highlight but in the process was also flattening 2 a certain extent...

and then like. i did to some extent appreciate the way the film is trying to highlight that it's oftentimes "nice guys" committing sexual violence, especially bc rape revenge films often just portray the "bad guys" as like. cartoonishly evil. but i felt like even there the film was still wanting to get back into that black + white territory, which manifested especially in the bo burnham character. like, on the one hand the film wants to highlight the fact that people committing sexual violence are often sympathetic, perhaps even kind, "nice" people and not obviously evil bad guys, but on the other hand it did not seem to want to sit in the gray area of what that means at all (ie, asking the audience to actually sympathize with or relate to anyone implicated in acts of sexual violence), meaning that whenever we found out a character was involved in an assault that character immediately became a completely unsympathetic bad guy. and like, again, i understand why the film wants to do that--nobody wants to encourage someone to sympathize with a rapist. but irl sexual violence is by and large not black and white, and the fact is that most people are able to sympathize with and relate to people who have committed these forms of violence, because they're not cartoonishly evil bad guys--they're friends, partners, coworkers, family members, etc. and so again, this just isn't a framework that i find particularly useful in addressing irl sexual violence, bc i think it leads to this dichotomy we so often seen where if The Perpetrator/The Accused is not clearly Evil, then they must be Innocent. so like. the film tries, in some ways, to trouble that dichotomy, but i think in the end it just falls back into it--it's just that the guys we thought were "nice" are actually "bad"; imo the audience isn't really encouraged to sit in any emotional stew beyond that.

i do give the movie props for the actual way it handled portrayals of assault; i thought it did a pretty good job there. in particular was a fan of the way they elected to never show the actual video of nina, and how in basically any scene with sexual violence the emphasis was largely on the face + emotions of the person experiencing it. and i mean i did enjoy the movie, for the most part, while i was watching it--like i thought it was a pretty engaging film, good acting, etc.

but if anything the ending really. solidified my disappointment in the politics of the movie. not just bc cassandra died--honestly, i think the death was an interesting choice and there are ways they maybe could have played it that i would have liked more. but having the "triumphant" ending be the cops swooping in to arrest al...give me a fucking break lol. like u set up this whole movie abt how the legal system + these various institutions fail people who have experienced sexual violence, and then...i'm supposed to expect the cops to handle it? the justice system that already failed previously in the movie? and the entire framing of the ending--cassandra's final texts, the music, etc--makes it clear that this is supposed to be a triumphant moment. so i was just like. wtf....like in the end both women are dead. what form of justice is the suggestion that their abuser might go to prison? especially when prison itself is a violent + corrupt institution that must be abolished as part of the fight to end sexual violence? just a very shitty ending overall to what was already a movie that had me sort of going "hmmm...idk" throughout lol. so! those r my thoughts currently

#ask

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randomshipperhere · 3 years

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Since Toast uploaded the 7k IQ video which is the start of the Lud-Syk trolling duo, more peeps are getting interested about the incident again and I have a lot of thoughts.

I personally believe the most annoying thing about the whole Sykkuno incident a few days ago is that SOME people are like:

"Oh, Corpse would've made sure he was okay" or "Corpse would've done a better job at protecting/defending him"

and some of these people are the same that hate and blame Valkyrae and Toast for what happened. Emphasis on some since most people just want to show their appreciation to Sykkuno and try to comfort him in their own fan way.

Really fucking irks me how they romanticize and make Corpse and Sykkuno seem so much closer than they actually are. There are many friendships like this so I'm used to the life cycle but that doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off everytime.

(Hey remember when Septiplier was at its peak and people pushed away Bob and Wade despite being literal friends with Mark for years prior to YT. Or when Ethan and Tyler first hopped on board[specifically Ethan] and when the trio would play with a 4th person that isn't Jack they would just go apeshit)

I am also not joking or taking it too far but this kind of thinking really pisses me off

You know what Corpse would've done? He would've been the same as Lud. Lud and Corpse are just new friends. There are still walls and boundaries that they have yet to pass and they really can't do more than what Lud has done. I am a shipper, it is in my username. I live off of the idea of romance. But to drag a real life person that a lot of people romantically ship with in a VERY personal situation (personal enough that Syk would not even tell anyone on stream his problems) is not cool.

The playful yelling was the tipping point. It wasn't the cause. Rae and Toast are both known for their tough love to Sykkuno.

Like look, in those series of events, Ludwig was the most outwardly protective person of Sykkuno in the last game. That was pretty much all he could do due to his limitations and I'm sure Sykkuno really appreciated that. He was body guarding Sykkuno, stood up and talked for him when he was clearly sad, choked up even. Until his character's dying breath. He stood by his side. More like when the lights turned off but you get it. It was sweet, it was nice, he really tried his best (and I love him for it).

The thing is though Ludwig wasn't the only one who tried to help Sykkuno that round. Valkyrae who is known to love killing Sykkuno (for the memes) killed the other 2 people and fessed up for her crimes. One is because she was caught in the act of killing in the 1st meeting by Toast and two, upon realizing that Sykkuno was dead in the 2nd meeting she felt guilty and just admitted to the murder. She wanted to speedrun so Sykkuno could play again sooner. Right after, Toast calls button and gets to avenge Sykkuno by voting out the other impostor, his killer, Tubbo. Toast didn't even get to explain why Tubbo is the killer, he just made him fess up. To say they remotely didn't care is really fucking pissing me off.

BTW I watched Lud and Toast's streams for this specific match and I will say this, Toast had nothing to go off to know for sure that Sykkuno was sad. Him and Rae were trolling back and most likely didn't know how bad Sykkuno's day was. He doesn't read the comments on his live so when he was trying to find Sykkuno in the 1st round, with Rae (for the most part) that says a lot about how much he knows what Syk was feeling at the time with what little info he had. After pressing answers for him in the 1st meeting he just stopped and pretty much figured out what was happening.

Now another thing. After the match, Sykkuno is obviously sad and said he was going to go and get dinner, Rae follows up by saying she has to head out. We sure as hell know that these guys could stream for hours but she stopped there and even deleted her VOD as well. Now why could she have done that. Oh yeah. She must've talked with him. About what. I think you all know at this point. With two people quickly leaving, and two VERY important people in this "drama", Toast changed discussion and asked if the MC server was back up which made the others leave, ending their Among Us game that day. He left a parting message to the viewers and called it a day there.

2:16:50 is where the "yelling" starts and 2:26:00 is where he said this

Toast: Chat, Sykkuno's fine, okay?He's an adult. Okay. You don't have to tell me, or his friends, or him what to feel or what to do.

It's really disrespectful. Knock it off

Now tell me, what about that makes you think they don't care?

Are we also just forgetting that it was Rae that helped push Sykkuno to create his own lobby with people he loves playing with a while back? How this Tsunderae tells him how good of a player he is even when he thinks he just got lucky (god damn, Valorant days).

Are we forgetting how Toast was probably the most important person that helped Sykkuno grow confident in himself? When they hang out together and the bits we've heard from the podcasts, Sykkuno absolutely treasures his friendship with Toast the most (There have been multiple occassions where Sykkuno and Toast are caught on-cam or at least heard in the mic speaking to each other, more often than not in Lily's Just Chatting streams. In fact, I wouldn't put it past those two to be the ones talking in Yvonne's "I got a cat" video and the most popular clip from that was Sykkuno eating a sandwhich which is titled "SUSKKUNO")

The first recent example that came to mind was Lily and Michael's birthday stream.

It happens around 23:00

youtube

In other news Sykkuno and Lily's friendship is underrated and I don't understand how y'all sleep on it.

My parting words are Parasocial Relationships suck. Okay, good night.

#youtube #twitch #sykkuno #valkyrae #disguisedtoast #disguised toast #corpse husband #lilypichu #michael reeves #text post #photo post #link post #corpsekkuno

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shiberpostshere · 4 years

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The Kiss Thief - Park Seonghwa Social Media AU

13. Chapter Nine: Mega big brain boy ✨

Previous Part✨ Next Part✨

Masterlist of the AU✨

🌸

Yesterday was wild. It was truly wild personified. Your friends and Seonghwa's friends mingled together to create, as Yeosang kept mentioning, chaos multiplied.

Despite the loud talking, heavy eating, after-dinner meeting and dramatic goodbyes under the influence of alcohol, (No one has yet confessed who switched Cola with Alcohol. Hence, the appearance of bold Jongho) the time spent was the most fun you've had since college life began.

It was fun but it was tiring staying up late.

The only thing that occupied your mind today was the thought of comfortable sheets putting you to sleep in your bed.

Currently, you're thinking about the same but with different emotions, specifically regret.

"Why are you making a face like that? This is the fourth time you've zoned out today." Seonghwa's question pulls you out of your trance.

You two wrapped the daily studio teaching a few minutes ago and the next occupants of the recording studio showed up when you were leaving. As Seonghwa conversed with them, you decided to text Yeri, who delivered you the news, shattering your napping plans.

Why today, of all days, today I forgot my key?

You rub your eyes and place the phone in your pocket. "You've been counting?"

"Well, you're the only person here I am supposed to pay attention to. So yes, I've been counting. What's up?" He asks as you two begin walking down the stairs.

Groaning, you push your hair back into an aggressively tight ponytail. "I forgot my dorm keys, I wanted to nap but now I need to pretend to study in the library while I complain loudly in my mind."

He raises a brow, hands fishing out car keys from his pocket. "Why don't you just drink your deathly beverage? Doesn't it keep you all buzzed and active?"

You stop in front of the building entrance with a smug expression. "Oh, my deathly beverage for which I attended the beverage addiction convention?"

Looking down, he shakes his head. "Do you want to grab something to eat?" You expected a snarky or teasing remark but what is delivered surprises you for a moment.

"Together?" The thought of just the two of you sharing a meal is enough for your heart to beat a little faster than usual.

The time spent in the studio mostly consists of him correcting mistakes and answering your confused questions.

The initial embarassment is only subtly present. His playful comment are mostly absent when he's explaining what Hongjoong has already well explained to you. His presence is comfortable.

When among your friends there's always someone (mostly Mingi) chiming in now and then but this is the first time since you've met that you'll be spending time with each other.

Frankly, you also don't know how to act around everyone with him when even sneezing is considered giggling. You two haven't exactly acknowledged openly about your high school crush on him other than easy, playful conversation you two engage in quite a lot, whether texting or talking.

"No, we'll be sitting on seperate tables." He begins walking towards his car. You had half-expected an answer like that.

"Really? That sounds great, at least I don't have to put up with your nagging." Arriving by his side, you comment with a side eye.

He offers you a deadpan expression. "Didn't you listen to what Yeosang said? I'm actually that clueless. That open discussion about me, remember."

"Are you really? I have receipts of your messages admitting how you find my reactions 'cute'." You tap your pocket, contaning the source of evidence, your phone.

The confidence comes when with him without you having to muster up any.

Seonghwa unlocks his car, a small hint of smile on his lips. "Okay, let's continue this conversation while eating."

This boy.

"Are you really that unphased? Are you really that clueless? Teach me your ways."

He opens the door to the passenger's seat. "I'll feed you instead."

You place your hands on your chest, followed by a dramatic expression. "Wow, you're amazing at deflecting."

Seonghwa places a hand on his hip and that's your cue to get inside before losing your free meal ticket.

You'd rather eat with Seonghwa any day instead of pretending to study at the library with droopy eyes.

🌸

After a ten minutes ride to a small and cozy restaurant, you two are seated in the chatter filled environment with two servings of soup in front of you loaded with vegetables, meat and noodles.

He arranges the spoons for both of you.

"Better than greasy food that will make you more sleepy." He sips a spoonful and an instant satisfaction takes over his features.

You chuckle. "Oh my god, you're really a mom material---" The comment is instantly regretted as you taste the refreshing soup, enough to widen your eyes.

He slurps the noodles and then turns to you with a victorious smile. "You develop motherly instincts when you hang out with children."

"Children?" You're listening to him but the soup definitely has a majority of your attention. "Oh, you mean the guys?"

"All the seven of us are uniquely handful," The smile is still ever present on his lips.

Even though you haven't spent much alone time with him, you can still detect the warmth filled, selfless nature he had back then and still has it within him now.

That was one of the main reasons you were attracted to him.

Okay, not now (Y/N), let's not make it awkward.

You take a big bite of the juicy, broth soaked meat. "You're still as initiative and kind as I remember." Speaking with much difficulty, you hold up your hand in front of your lips, "But I think something went wrong somewhere and you developed the quality of enjoying making fun of innocent girls like me."

He offers you a tissue with his trademark, unphased expression. "I am actually that clueless." He shrugs.

You snatch the tissue and wipe the corner of your lips. "Yeah, sure."

He laughs at the look on your face. "What? You can't take a little teasing from your senior?"

You throw up your hands in false frustration. "Oh my god, stop asserting your age kink!"

"It's not a kink!" He says defensively.

"Yes, sure. Mingi is Mingi but you, you are something else!" You say the statement, knowing that he understands the meaning behind it and begin sipping the remaining broth.

He too, downs the broth in one shot. "What am I?"

There it is, that amused and knowing glint in his eyes and the smirk he's attempting to hide.

"You're..I don't know, whatever. Seventeen year old Seonghwa would never do this to me" You bite your tongue after delivering the statement.

He crosses his arms below his chest. "Seventeen year old Seonghwa was actually clueless."

You point a finger at him with an exaggerated smirk. "Ha! You are basically saying that twenty-one year old Seonghwa isn't!"

He places his head on his hands, shoulders shaking with gentle laughter. "(Y/N) if you keep reacting like that, do you really think I can stop?"

Your expressive gesture shrinks. "You know what, I understand now." You hold up your hands in defeat.

"No, don't stop now. We are finally opening up and talking." He gives you an encouraging nod.

"Oh, don't trick me now. My eyes are about to roll back into my head." Your fingers undo the ponytail to let your hair breath.

Sleep has abandoned your senses long ago but only now you realise how energized you're feeling.

"Fifteen year old (Y/N) would never." The innocent face of his doesn't do justice to the way he is speaking.

"Hey!" You protest.

Wow, I sure react to everything he says.

"Fine, fine. I'll stop now but If it ever gets beyond the limit, tell me." He assures with an honest expression.

God, you cannot be teasing one minute and be kind the other, no, don't do this Park Seonghwa.

You huff out a sigh and lean into your palms. "It is harmless anyway but you're too good at it and sometimes you are something else."

He mirrors your posture. "Yes, (Y/N), so tell, What am I? What is something else?"

Your face falls into your palm and you hear his soft chuckles.

Not again, Park Seonghwa, not again.

Pairing: College Student! Seonghwa x College Student! Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, A teeny tiny bit of smut with a pinch of angst

Synopsis: High school crushes are often silly and forgotten. However, you cannot forget the one senior, you "borrowed" once a kiss from. Years have passed and it's a memory you laugh at but what will happen if you're to encounter the same senior in a much different setting and situation? Especially during your first year of college.

A/N: He make fun of you, he tease you but mostly importantly, he feed you 🙏🏻

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! 💫

🌸Tags:

@enigmaticsal @stardusthyuck @missiopk @preets-kpop-world @rae-woo @sanisms @retrofuture-ism @jiyeons-closet @hongjoongsnoona @seong-hwa1998 @dreamie-deonghwa @veeeenus4 @mochibabycakes @vhschs @kokoboxp

Unable to tag: @mingiibabieee

🌸

Please do not repost, modify or claim these images.

#ateez #ateez social media au #ateezsmau #ateez sm au #ateez text au #ateez fake texts #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez au #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #jung yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #kpop

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funknrolll · 4 years

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CHLOE X HALLE "UNGODLY HOUR": A JOURNEY THROUGH SELF-AFFIRMATIONS, VULNERABILITIES, STRENGHTS, PERSONAL AND ARTISTIC GROWTH. THE GEM WE DIDN'T KNOW WE NEEDED

Despite all the traumatic things that happened this year, summer 2020 is full of great new music we are totally in love with. One of the new albums that caught my attention is Ungodly Hour by the powerful duo Chloe x Halle. With Ungodly Hour, the Bailey sisters mark their coming of age, exploring a more adult territory. The new R&B record is indeed drenched in sultry harmonies, intricate beats, ravishing vocals, profound, empowering, at-times caustic lyrics.

The album was released one week later in solidarity of the Black Lives Matter protests and boasts the writing and production credited to the two sisters. With no further ado, let's discuss this new gem. A 28 seconds Intro opens Ungodly Hour with Chloe and Halle harmonizing together on the melodies of the next songs, then stating, "Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness." which sums up the whole concept of this work. Forgive Me with the melancholic harmonies accompanied by meticulous vocals and downtempo beat, is the perfect sorry-not really sorry breakup song in the face of a jerk who stole time with his lies and empty promises. As the artists sing in the previous song, "Best believe I move onto better things," the next track Baby Girl finds the pair moving into a new scary yet exciting new world full of adventures and independence. The complex and layered beats masterfully crafted by Chloe perfectly match the lo-fi harmonies. Segueing the laid back, vintage-flavored Do It is one more time about being independent, partying, having fun, not-"looking for boo," having a no drama mama kinda night. In Tipsy the straightforward biting lyrics, and the angelic vocals match the themes of the song excellently, "Better babe, you better treat me better (babe)/ Better than those other guys who change up like the weather,/ It is such a shame that they went missing, they can't find 'em now/Oh, I wonder how, I accidentally put them in the ground? Yeah". As we can see from these words, this is another sorry not sorry advise for a boy to not play with fire or else... Then the gorgeous 80s-verved title track is a perfect mix of infectious house beats and alluring vocals. Opening in a terrific soul vocalization in the taste of the glorious Motown Records and the Supremes, the classy R&B Busy Boy is ornated with gorgeous vocal complexities shifting from low notes to higher ones. One more time, the lyrics of the song are a metaphoric middle finger spurred in the face of a typical annoying "I know I can play with any girl I want" fuck-boy. Not this time, Kevin. Chloe and Halle don't want your unsolicited nasty pictures. Chloe and Halle didn't come here to play with you this time!! Next song the stringed-based with prominent hip-hop beats Catch Up boasts the collaboration with part of the hip-hop duo Rae Sremmurds, Swae Lee, and Mike Will Made-It, who also helped in the production process. What is impressive about this track is how the voices of the four artists work in perfect harmony with one another. Subsequentially, Overwhelmed is a short yet expressive piano-based interlude accompanied by gorgeous almost-acapella angelic voices polyphonically set, which works perfectly with the central themes.

With Overwhelmed, the duo addresses the feeling of helplessness exploring and diving into the deep vulnerabilities youth brings: feeling like not having everything figured out while the pressure keeps pushing, ultimately not knowing what to do and how to fix things "I don't know at all/ I wish I had all the answers/ Fix it all myself (oh)/ I feel overwhelmed." This is what the stunning interlude is all about: everyone can surely empathize with these genuine words. We all have been there. At least once. With Lonely, the duo gets back to the classy, insistent R&B beats, delving into the art of being alone as a moment and act of self-discovery, self-love, because after all, "It don't have to be lonely being alone." Segueing Don't Make It Harder On Me, is a sumptuous Motown-tinged, Never Can Say Goodbye by Jackson's 5 flavored with a touch of It Ain't Over 'Till It's Over by Lenny Kravitz, glistening sampled-stringed ballad. Wonder What She Thinks Of Me is yet another emotional stringed power ballad nestled with utterly striking and precise vocals. Closing the album ROYL, an effervescent anthem with trap beats resembling Lizzo's iconic anthem Truth Hurt. With this song the duo aims to remind themselves and the listener the uplifting truth, "You wanna fly, but you don't/ You holdin' on your wings/ Look to the sky, why don't you/ Live for the finer things?/ You know, you know, you know that you fine like that". Because to spread our wings and fly, we need to stop holding onto our wings and live, right?

With the superb, classy, and always precise vocals, its masterful production and empowering lyrics, Ungodly Hour is a beautiful not-always-comfortable voyage through the self-affirmations, ethos, vulnerabilities, strengths, of Chloe x Halle's personal and artistic growth and the passage from teenagerhood to womanhood. In the album, the protective layer of innocence dissolves, unraveling the artist's ending in approaching love naively, in turn sparking their awareness on the dangers of the lies and subterfuges deeply ingrained in it. There is so much strength and so much power in togetherness and sisterhood. There is so much empowerment from the two siblings whose constant message is to remain unapologetically true to themselves, being proud, gorgeous young women. Not only did the duo create Ungodly Hour to empower themselves. This work was, as well, conceived as a common salvific act for other women to relate to the artist's message. They really "Did It For The Girls." Ungodly Hour represented one of the first adult acts from the astonishingly talented duo, and I cannot wait to hear more from Chloe x Halle, and I am sure we will. This was just the beginning of a bright future awaiting them.

Thank you for your attention💜 G✨

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westernchords · 3 years

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2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it.

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between.

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present.

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

#crj #mine

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sextoyorgasm · 7 years

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Masturbation Relieves Anxiety, Helps You Sleep, and Boosts Your Sex Life. So Why Don't More Women Do It?

New Post has been published on http://www.sextoyorgasm.com/wp/masturbation-relieves-anxiety-helps-you-sleep-and-boosts-your-sex-life-so-why-dont-more-women-do-it/

Masturbation Relieves Anxiety, Helps You Sleep, and Boosts Your Sex Life. So Why Don't More Women Do It?

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After centuries of being treated as the act that shall not be spoken of, female masturbation is finally shaking off some of its cultural baggage.

Broad City’s Ilana Glazer and Insecure’s Issa Rae have casually sought out ménage à moi on screen. Actress-turned-singer Hailee Steinfeld praises solo sex in her breakup ballad “Love Myself.” And in this month’s Bust magazine, Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez publicly laments that she once felt guilty about self-love. The message is clear: Everybody’s doing it. Right? Well, not everybody.

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In a new national survey, roughly one in five women say they have never masturbated in their lifetime. Never ever. Which is notable, given that masturbation is not only the safest kind of sex, but it also promises health benefits from better sleep to less painful menstrual cramps—and it can empower women to better understand their sexuality. So, why aren’t more women lending themselves a hand?

For the survey, titled Sexual Diversity in the United States, researchers at Indiana University polled 2,000 men and women between the ages of 18 and 91 about their interest and participation in more than 50 sexual behaviors, from anal sex to public sex to spanking. The survey was conducted anonymously and confidentially. While about 64% of men and 40.8% of women reported masturbating in the last month, 8.2% of men and 21.8% of women said they’d never done it. And these numbers jibe with previous research.

“The majority of women have done it,” the report’s lead author, Debby Herbenick, PhD, tells Health. But “a lot of women are still raised with the idea that it makes you ‘slutty’ or ‘oversexed’ in some way to be interested in sexual pleasure.”

RELATED: 8 Ways Sex Affects Your Brain

The survey didn’t ask participants to qualify their responses, but sexual health professionals have a few theories about why many women have never gone (down) there—and practical advice for women interested in making a maiden voyage.

First, there’s the stigma. Broad City’s Glazer may luxuriate in an evening of solo sex—lighting a candle, shucking an oyster, turning on a slow jam—but pop-culture depictions of women masturbating just because are still relatively new.

Until recently, even acknowledging that some women masturbate as an ordinary self-care ritual akin to, say, going to the gym or treating themselves to a manicure has felt transgressive. In a 2002 study exploring how college students talk with their friends about sex, female students “reported more communication overall than did males on all topics, except for masturbation.”

And as recently as 2013, the writer Ann Friedman suggested in New York’s The Cut that masturbation is the last sex taboo for women, pointing out that in too many popular portrayals (think: this scene in 2005’s The 40-Year-Old Virgin), “It’s something bad girls do, not something every girl does.”

RELATED: How Often Should You Be Masturbating? We Asked a Sex Expert

Women’s perceptions of masturbation vary across the country, too. “Some women think that pretty much every woman masturbates, and others who are in more conservative friend groups would think that far fewer women masturbate,” says Herbenick. “So a lot of it depends on where you live and who you’re friends with.”

Considering these reasons, it’s no surprise some women feel hesitant—or ashamed—to masturbate. Especially older women. After the actress Beth Grant was asked to deliver a joke on The Mindy Project about self-love ("I masturbate all the time," her character, Nurse Beverly, tells her coworkers. "I did during this discussion!"), the then-65-year-old told Cosmopolitan, "I'm from a generation where you don't talk about masturbating. . . . Certainly you don't do it, or if you do, it is a deep, dark secret.” Speaking openly about it, she said, felt liberating.

For many religious women (and men), masturbation isn’t just stigmatized—it’s forbidden. Conservative Christian denominations, Catholicism, some Muslim communities, and other religious groups consider masturbation a sin, teaching that sexual pleasure should only exist between a husband and a wife. “Generally, people who go to religious services more than once a week tend to be less likely to masturbate, less likely to use vibrators,” says Herbenick.

RELATED: This Is How Masturbating Can Transform Your Sex Life

When devout members of religions that ban masturbation do engage in it, they often suffer from feelings of intense shame, Karen Beale, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Maryville College who studies the relationship between religion, sex, and guilt, tells Health in an email.

Perhaps more than anything, though, women are simply under-educated about masturbation. High school sex ed classes very rarely teach students about the anatomy of the vagina—or clitoris—or even mention pleasure. Parents, too, have a tough time navigating the how-tos of self-love with their daughters. “Most women don’t recall any conversation between themselves and their parents about female masturbation,” says Herbenick.

This lack of dialogue leaves many women feeling clueless. “These really smart, successful, super-accomplished women would come into my office and say, ‘I’ve never really masturbated, and I feel very embarrassed. I should have figured it out, but I haven’t.’ I saw this over and over again in my practice,” said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in Los Angeles. “We need to create more resources for women who are struggling in this area. The main reason women give for not doing it is, I don’t know how.”

Marin stresses that learning how to masturbate can have a real, positive impact on women’s lives. “There are so, so many different benefits of masturbation for women,” she said, from decreased anxiety levels to increased immune response. It helps you learn what you want from a partner—and means you don’t need a partner. “I also think the process of learning how to bring your body pleasure is one of the most empowering experiences you can have,” adds Marin.

RELATED: Science Says Men Should Be Masturbating 21 Times a Month—Here's Why

To help women who no longer want to be the “one in five,” Marin created an online course wryly called Finishing School, through which she helps women all over the country learn how to masturbate and orgasm. Bottom line, she says? You’re never too old to try your hand. And don’t worry about whether you’re doing it the “right way”—start by just doing what feels good and adjust from there. (For more guidance, you can check out her free orgasm workshop.)

The dearth of resources also inspired sex-positivity activist and photographer Lydia Daniller to co-create OMGYes, an award-winning interactive site where real women demonstrate—on themselves—various paths to orgasm. Since Daniller and her team of researchers, filmmakers, engineers, designers, educators, and sexologists launched the platform in 2015, it’s been embraced as revolutionary. (Herbenick is one of her collaborators.)

“Female pleasure has carried a stigma for a long time—but what's exciting is that things are shifting,” Daniller said in an email. “People are hungry for more factual and realistic information about sexual pleasure.”

Masturbation isn’t for everybody, and not every woman who tries it will be into it. But it’s worth remembering: Our culture has a long history of struggling to accept the reality that women enjoy sex as much as men do—and that women can satisfy their desire on their own. The more our culture encourages women to enjoy the pleasure of their own company, the more attitudes will change. As Daniller put it, “We think the current taboo around women's sexual pleasure will seem absurd to people in the future.”

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