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jojo-schmo · 6 months

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My old Good Omens art from 2019-2020!! :O (In somewhat chronological order)

In the interest of sharing my art in one place, I thought I'd revisit this era of my art! I made much more traditional art at the time. But I like thinking about the evolution of my skills over the past few years.

Director's commentary below:

I believe the first four images are from 2019, when the first season of GO came out. Boy, did that show come out at a good time for me! I was in a deep art slump that had lasted for a few years at that point. Long story short, because of untreated depression and a chronic illness that brought me physical pain, I didn't get everything I wanted to get out of college classes and I was deeply self-conscious of my skill level. I knew I wanted to tell stories but I was frustrated that I seemingly couldn’t make my ideas come to life at all.

Being alive was very difficult for me at the time and I was fighting my own dark and negative thoughts that I directed towards myself constantly. I didn't see a psychiatrist until the Spring of 2020, and only then did things start getting better. If I had to describe it, it's like a storm in my head finally cleared. The weight on my shoulders lightened up a lot. I had enough mental clarity to gain more self-awareness and really work on myself. And that included my art. And it shows a little in the last few drawings.

(Side note, I am much, much better now. Medication and ongoing therapy has completely changed the quality of my life. I am very happy to be here!)

Anyway, I was making efforts to get better at drawing after college by taking Aaron Blaise's online art classes. (Side note, his class on drawing human anatomy helped me immensely!!) But it was just the beginning of a long art improvement journey!

But I see the stiffness and insecurity that was still present in my art from that time. Whenever I shared it on Twitter (which was my main social media at the time) I'd be lucky to hit ten notes. It didn't bother me all the time, but it did get discouraging as time went on. Until one day I decided to just deal with it. Whatever the reason was that nobody was seeing my art- whether it was due to the Twitter algorithm or if my art was just not appealing enough. I was going to keep drawing. If nobody clicked the like heart on my art, fine! I was going to keep throwing it into the void anyway and see what sticks. If it got ten likes or one I tried not to care as much.

My transition from drawing what I thought other people wanted to see, to drawing what made me happy, made a huge difference. Likes and reblogs do feel really good, but I'm happy to hear even what one person likes about my work. I try to keep that mindset with me as much as I can. And I'm not perfect at it. But it helps me a lot.

Of course that transition in my mindset was gradual. Took place over a few years. But I realized lately that I have a confidence in my art that I've never had before. And I'm really happy about that!!

All this to say, whether you've been drawing/writing for ten years, one year, or a few months, it's always nice to remember where you came from and far you've come.

Looking back, I wish I could tell my past self that her best was yet to come. And I still have a long way to go but I'm excited to see what I can make in the coming years!

If I had one preachy piece of advice to offer as a final note, remember that the ability to draw and write is an awesome skill to have. A skill that not every human being has. But a skill that can be developed and cultivated over time if nurtured. It's a beautiful thing to me, to be able to create something that didn't exist before. Something that only you can bring to life. And while it might not resonate with everyone who sees it, it might resonate with one person. And I love that. So when you can, create things that make you happy, the happiness might just be contagious to its viewers. <3

...I think I should draw some more Good Omens sometime soon. I miss those guys and they are dear to me :)

#tw mental health #good omens #jojo rambles #not to get too dramatic about myself on a post. I just wanted to share some thoughts aloud :)#and in the hopes that maybe someone will learn from my journey and not make the same mistakes I did

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amethystina · 2 months

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Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by @a-very-fond-farewell! Thank you so much, darling! Though I'm not sure how good I'll be at it x'D

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1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don’t care anymore?

Honestly? None. While I did have some ships I was interested in, I wasn't obsessed with any of them. And I kind of still care about them? In a very nostalgic way. So I kind of fail at both parts of this question x'D

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

If I'm going with the one I got really invested in? Destiel tbh. Mainly because I was very much a late bloomer who didn't really discover fandom and fanfics until I was 20-21. I mean, I HAD read some before that but since I didn't have internet in my apartment until I went to university (I was too poor xD), it wasn't easy for me to access them. Shipping is just easier when you have internet.

But, once I had it, I DID revisit a couple of ships that were technically older than Destiel that I had never really gotten into before that, many of them from video games, anime/manga, and books I'd read. But they were all overshadowed by Destiel so that's the one I remember as my first.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Are we talking reading or writing? I guess I'll do both?

Reading: I think it was a Zell Dincht/Seifer Almasy one from Final Fantasy VIII that a friend printed out on actual paper and gave to me back when I was 16 or 17 (again, no internet). And I honestly can't say why he picked that pairing xD (I'm definitely more of a Squall/Seifer girlie now)

Writing: Sterek. Because it felt interesting but also not too intimidating. And I also just like werewolves?

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

Not really, no. Since I've been drawing for so long I spent more time looking for art than fanfics when I was younger so I probably stumbled over a lot of them without even knowing it.

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Not if I can help it, no. I tend to stay away from that sort of thing as best I can and just let people ship whatever they want. It's honestly none of my business.

6. Did you use to have any no-otp or have it currently?

I have several, mostly based on what I find triggering or squicky. But I don't announce them publically because that's just rude to those who DO ship them. And, as stated above, I try not to get involved in what other people ship or don't ship.

7. Who were the couples in the last fanfic you read?

Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest. Because who doesn't love some pining and Catholic guilt?

For real, though, I read very few fanfics right now and actually had to go check my history on AO3 to figure this out x'D The second to last fanfic was a Strangers From Hell one. And the one before that was a Guardian one!

8. Currently do you have any OTPs?

Several. Honestly too many to list x'D I'm one of those people who don't really let go of ships I like. They're not always at the forefront of my mind, though, but I remember them fondly and coo a little when I think of all the fond memories.

But if we're talking about the ones I'm the most focused on right now I'd say Kang Yo Han/Kim Ga On from The Devil Judge, Yoon Sa Wol/5-8 from Black Knight (currently struggling with chapter 6 x'D), the aforementioned Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest, and Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan from Guardian.

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Sterek. But that has less to do with my dedication to the characters and more to do with the queerbaiting and how extremely shittily Jeff Davis handled that whole thing. To use the Sterek shippers for publicity and hint that maybe it could happen, only to turn around and do everything within his power to not make it happen?

I take that personally, not because I have a huge stake in Stiles and Derek as characters, but as a queer person who, for once, thought that maybe we would actually get to see a couple we really liked get together, and then didn't.

I had more hope for Sterek than I ever did for Destiel, which technically had more in-canon queerbaiting, because the people behind Teen Wolf did their damndest to give me hope. Only for me to be ignored and basically told I was being gullible for ever thinking it would happen.

And that's a betrayal I'm probably never going to forgive.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Not... really? I can't think of any, at least. But that could be because I always have a pretty good reason for disliking the ships I dislike. As mentioned, it's usually based on triggers and squicks and those don't really change. So my opinion on ships I dislike aren't likely to change, either.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I mean, considering the social climate right now? Even Sterek qualifies because Stiles was underage when I started shipping them and Derek most certainly was not xD That said, I always prefer the fics when Stiles had time to turn 18 before any of the sexy stuff happened.

12. What was your favourite crack ship?

Okay, so, I've actually read a lot of fics for ships I don't actually ship, just for research purposes. Like, I find it FASCINATING to watch what other people like, how they choose to write about the things they like, and how they decide to portray the characters. Basically, I like to analyse authors just as much as I like to analyse characters. It's a hobby of mine.

And one of my absolute favourites was reading fanfics for Newt Scamander and the original Percival Graves from the first Fantastic Beasts movie (Sidenote: She-who-must-not-be-named is an asshole and this is not an endorsement of her franchise or shitty beliefs). And why I loved that so much was because the fics were about THE ORIGINAL Percival Graves who, technically, was never IN the actual movie (he might not even be alive anymore?). Like, it was Grindelwald all the time. We never actually SAW the original Percival Graves, just Grindelwald's impersonation of him.

And I just had so much fun reading various authors' takes on this character who was never actually seen but, based on Grindelwald's impersonation, can sort of be hinted? Because he must have done a good enough job of it that the people around Graves didn't notice? It was like an anthropological dig of Percival Graves transpiring right before my eyes and since I got on the train pretty early, I could see authors being inspired by each other and how the fanon developed over time. 10/10 would recommend if you're interested in watching a fandom evolve.

(also, some of the fics were so fucking good. So there's that, too xD)

13. Who is the couple you read most fanfics of?

I'm not entirely sure if it's Destiel or Stony, but definitely one of them (Sterek is most likely in third place). Partly because there are just so many to partake in (those fandoms are HUGE), but also because they've been with me for so long and numbers accumulate. That said, I haven't read any for those ships in a long, long time. But considering how many fics I devoured during the time I was the most active in those fandoms? It's going to be difficult for any of the ones I'm currently into to catch up.

Also because I tend to be in much smaller fandoms now >_>

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

WELL. A while back I would have said that even if there are some enemies-to-lovers tropes and antagonising in some of them, they're all mostly unproblematic and pretty healthy.

... I can't really do that anymore, can I? x'D

I mean, Kang Yo Han is problematic all on his own, but even HE is a green flag compared to Seo Moon Jo. That fucker is just a straight-up psychopath x'D

A more serious answer: An interesting dynamic. Which sounds like a given, but is actually a bit more tricky than that. Because I've only gotten more and more picky over the years. I've actually spoken to my wife and friends about this, because I've seen a pretty noticeable shift in my own shipping practices lately.

I gather fewer and fewer new ships and that's not because I watch/read fewer things, but because I'm getting pickier about them. There has to be an extra spark that interests me, often connected to the characters' personalities and how they play off each other, while, before, a bit of chemistry was enough.

But that also makes me more versatile, I guess? Because I focus less on tropes and more on characters and dynamics. But that also makes it harder to spot similarities xD

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I mean, hate is a strong word. But, again, it would mostly be connected to my triggers. I don't like ships that are too abusive and unbalanced. A little bit of danger is fine, but things like abuse, infidelity, grooming, non-con etc. don't work for me, personally.

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I don't really know who to tag so just do it if you want to! :D

#Amethystina Does Tag Games #Shipper Tag Game #I sometimes feel like I'm kind of bad at shipping #I'm never quite as invested as everyone else seems to be #But I also stick with a ship a lot longer than the average fan #Not sure why xD #I'm also known to both write and read for ships I don't ship #Just because I think it's fun or fascinating #But people usually assume that because I read or write for them I MUST ship it #To be fair #I sometimes DO end up shipping it eventually #But like #I didn't technically ship Winteriron when I started writing Autonomy #I just wanted to try it x'D #(blasphemy I know)#But that's one of those that I would say I ship now #But it actually took a while

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chaseadrian · 2 years

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"you were literally all over me, not that i mind"

with steve pls? ty💖

hi shan!! hope u like lmao ive never written for steve so hopefully i did him justice <33

send me one + a st character

"You were literally all over me," Steve spoke from the driver's seat, one hand on the wheel, the other combing through his hair over and over, smoothing the sweaty strands, "Not that I'd mind, u—under normal circumstances, but—"

He shook his head, swallowing.

"But?" You asked, eyelids sliding shut as you mooned over him, slouched over the center console of his car, head in your hand.

Steve fixed both hands on the steering wheel now, "It's just not you! Don't get me wrong I'm used to girls throwing themselves at me I—I love it in most cases, but you...you don't do that." He gestured between you, "We don't do that."

"Why don't we, though?" You slid a hand over his knee, and he jumped, his foot tapping on the accelerator, jolting you both, "Woah woah woah, see? This is exactly what I'm talking about. What's gotten into you tonight?"

Taking your hand back, you grumbled and rolled your eyes, "Liquid courage, Steve, just what I need!" You threw your hands up in the air as you spoke. You weren't slurring your words, but they'd barely registered in your brain before they were leaving your lips.

"I dunno why I didn't do it sooner, I think I'm like, afraid of alcohol? But those long islands, woo! Went down easy, and I just," You started slouching towards him again, fingers playing around the fabric of his sweater, "I really really want to kiss you. Actually, I've wanted to kiss you probably since middle school. Maybe even kindergarten."

The car came to a harsh stop on the side of the road while you rambled, and Steve threw it into park, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath before he took your hand off of him.

"I've wanted to kiss you for a long time too. Not as long as you, apparently, but it's been on my mind."

Your heart caught in your throat, and you tried darting to his mouth only to be stopped by his hands on your shoulders.

"But, I'm not gonna kiss you when you're this drunk and you probably won't even remember this in the morning."

"Of course I'll remember it I won the quiz bowl senior year. You're the one who forgets stuff."

"I'm not—I...whatever. The point is we're gonna do this right, okay? I'm gonna tuck you into bed, make you drink a glass of water, and you're gonna wake up tomorrow with a monster headache."

He pet your hair with one hand, "I'm gonna take care of you, and we can revisit this whole 'kiss' conversation after you've gotten some grease in you."

You almost gagged at the thought, but Steve's eyes on yours were genuine, his eyebrows raised in concern. The smile on his lips was a comfort pushing against the fatigue settling into your body as you tried to focus on him, the appeal of sleep now crowding the desire to have his lips on yours.

"Hey, hey," He combed his fingers through your hair, drawing your attention as you blinked away the bits of sleep that were creeping in, "That sound good?"

You nodded, "Mhm, as long as you promise to kiss me tomorrow morning."

Steve laughed, "Maybe after you brush your teeth," He leaned forward and kissed your hairline, "Let's get you home."

#answered*#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington/reader #steve harrington/you #steve harrington fic #my writing #mine

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storybycorey · 7 months

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From the "pick a passage" reblog-- She Can't Lose Him:

""She thinks she’s hallucinating when it first appears—a distant black blur in the now-gray flurry of snow. Climbing to her feet, she peers across the landscape. The shape grows more distinct, draws closer. A snowmobile. “Muld…,” she gasps. She doesn’t want to hope, but her heart is pounding inside her chest.

Closer, closer, the red of his jacket suddenly becoming clear enough that she has no doubts. She sobs his name, starts running toward the vehicle. The engine stops and he stumbles down, ice lacing the fur of his jacket, his eyebrows white above his scarf.""

(I love this fic to death. :DDDD)

Oh gosh, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this!! But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it multiple times and smiled because you sent me this ask!

She Can't Lose Him

So, hmmm, behind the scenes is what the ask list requested I believe. I find it so funny that you chose this fic because I remember when I wrote it I didn't like it at all. But I re-read it to answer this question, and I guess I'll allow myself to consider it not half-bad after a couple years of distance from it!

I do remember that the whole time I was writing the fic, I was constantly trying to put myself in Scully's shoes, to imagine the absolute desperation she had to be feeling, both at being trapped in this frozen cabin with little hope of rescue and even moreso at the possibility that Mulder hadn't made it to safety.

Now reading this passage back, I wish I'd been able to better capture her relief at finally seeing him. I'm slightly obsessed with real-life "rescue" sorts of scenarios because the range of emotion from the complete loss of hope to overwhelming relief at rescue fascinates me, and I think I could have amped up that drama even more than I did here lol! Because you know those emotions had to have been intense!

But it thrills me that you love this fic. It's not one that I think was ever that popular, and I love revisiting fics that I haven't thought about in a few years!

#💕💖🥰#thank you for the ask!

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zoejayw · 2 years

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hello im back with my questions,, ty in advance !! - do u have any tips for the composition of front pages/ cover pages? like how to position the title and the text etc? - what are your thoughts on studying art you dont like? do you think its worth spending time to look at a piece and just pick out stuff u dont like so u can avoid it? - your post on your other blog about how you dont want to be a professional artist but youve also never wanted anything else just resonated with me so hard. did u find enlightenment in the ~3-4 days since u said that and could u share it w us pls and ty - i really appreciate art like yours where symbolism etc isnt extremely obvious and it means that when i revisit that work i get to discover new stuff each time!! its wonderful. any advice for making sure your art is conveying that level of info correctly and youre not overdoing it or making it so subtle that no one picks up on it?

hihi anon welcome back ill stick these under a readmore because its getting very long

i honestly have no specific advice regarding this one! i would go about treating it the same way i'd treat any other combo of images/words, where i view the space taken up by the words as it's own compositional element same as anything else. i'm very very bad at typography and i'd suggest looking at the works of people who do do typography for inspiration, because the way people who Know typography use text is soooo different from the way the rest of us plebians are doing it. but anyway, heres a few really rough examples of the way you could position text on a title page for something. you can see immediately that the aspect ratio of the areas where your other visual elements would be is wildly different between all of these things, which means you'd need a different proportioned drawing to adequately use the space in each case. so i feel like this is the kind of thing it's really important to thumb out ahead of time, just so you're not left with awkward crops or dead space once you go to add text

i think studying things you don't like is insanely critical in all areas, not just art. in many ways engaging with something you like is much more passive than engaging with something you don't. I find that on average, people are less likely to pick up on individual elements of art they like compared to art they dislike. You need a little bit of roughage for things to stick in your brain, sometimes. It has to burn going down a bit. Being able to understand and articulate what you think isn't working about a piece or a style lets you isolate elements that do work, and lets you get that much more in line with your own taste. The array of art I like is impossibly wide and varied. The stuff I explicitly and without exception dislike is a much smaller and more concrete pool of things, and knowing what those things are so I can avoid them is much more helpful for narrowing down my own technique than having five billion different styles I actively aspire to. I think analyzing stuff you dislike is also interesting when you take the time to question if what you're seeing and disliking is an area where the artist is unskilled on a technical level, and failing to execute something, or if the execution is intentional/successful but merely outside of your taste bracket. This can be kind of an arbitrary distinction at times but I find it helpful to at least give some thought to. If something feels unskilled - what would a more skillful execution look like? Would you like it then? If something is just outside of your tastes - where do you think the appeal lies for people who do find it appealing? You can get a ton of mileage out of this stuff

unfortunately i did not find enlightenment there. my problems with becoming a professional artist are not the same problems everyone else is having for the most part. there was a lot of replies on that post about how being an artist under late stage capitalism sucks and while thats true thats not whats stopping me. what's stopping me is my horrible health problems and recent development of a life ruining disability. i Can't pursue art professionally, or literally any other field, because i can't put in more than a couple hours of work a day max on anything. i had to delete that post because it was honestly really frustrating to have to sit through a bunch of tags in my notifs that boiled down to 'ugh yeah i would LOVE to be a professional artist if it didnt involve doing/learning stuff i didnt want to sometimes, and instead i was just giving enough money to live on to do exactly what i want whenever i wanted' which is just to me a deeply entitled mindset. A lot of creatives actually Do get paid to make whatever they want whenever they want! But these are the kind of people who have spent years and years of their life building up a following and improving their craft. I'm not sure why people think they should be allowed to skip that part and go right to getting paid for it.

As for symbolism, I think you're looking at it a little bit wrong! There is no one level of symbolism i'm using that can get 'correctly' conveyed, it just isn't possible. Communication in general, but especially in the case of more abstracted symbolism, is an inherently asymmetrical act. The ability to communicate something relies just as heavily as it does on your audience's ability to understand and interpret as it relies on your own communicative skill. Visual literacy in particular varies a lot from person to person, because it's not taught in the same way as textual literacy or verbal literacy. A find a lot of the symbolism I use pretty blunt and not that subtle. Some of it is also stuff that I know nobody but me will ever notice. Plenty of stuff is in the middle ground between these two extremes. Having a wide spread ensures that there will be at least a little bit of something for everyone, and that those people who are dedicated enough to return back to your work later will find it newly rewarding. I really don't know to convey How to do this because there's an almost infinite number of things you can do with visual symbolism, so my advice would be primarily

understand when you are working with imagery that has become cliched. Almost everything has been done before, but some things have been done more than others. The term has a lot of negative connotations, and is very much down to a matter of opinion/culturally dependent, but there's some types of imagery that are just sooooo overused that anyone with familiarity on the subject is probably already sick of it. This does not mean you can't use them. This means you have to be careful. Think about stuff like biblical imagery in the west, like something being in black and white with one object selectively colored, like red string imagery, like visuals where a character looks into a mirror and sees a reflection different from their true self. This is all stuff i'd consider to be cliched. The benefits of cliched imagery is that it is accessible enough for even the least visually inclined viewer to understand what is being conveyed by it. The downsides are that it's very easy to come off as trite to anyone with more familiarity. My personal tastes for working with cliche is to lean into it. If you know what you're doing has been done before over and over again, embrace that. Don't try to be subtle with it; trying to be subtle with something that is too culturally ubiquitous for subtlety always reads as insanely condescending to me. my gut reaction is 'oh you think you're being clever with this? youre not!' so i try not to be clever. like with how i'm using tarot imagery for my comic. tarot stuff is obscenely cliche at this point. although some individual instances are more or less subtle than others, overall there is zero attempt to mask what i'm doing. it's pretty much got a big neon sign on it that says 'hey guys! we're doing a tarot thing! so lets all have a fun time with that!' when you use cliche, try and do it because your audience is familiar with it, not despite that.

trust your instincts. you don't have to understand your own symbolism. you don't have to be able to sit down and explain in words what everything you're drawing means. if we were only going to limit ourselves to things we could explain in words, we could just be writing things instead of drawing things. visuals don't have to translate 1:1 to concrete literary ideas and something just feeling right can be more than a good enough reason to include it. it's not bullshit or fake symbolism or pretentious just because you can't sit down and bust out an essay about it. some stuff is allowed to be ambiguous or weird. we would never get any New imagery if we were limited to using imagery that could be explained. toss whatever you can in wherever you can and let it coagulate into something coherent as you go.

consider the way your body of work informs itself. if you randomly stick a pineapple into one image, that could mean something, but it could also not. if you become the guy who sticks random pineapples into every drawing, then it definitely means something. you don't need to artificially curate this, but rather, you can just lean into the sort of visuals you find intriguing/compelling and allow that to become symbolic or meaningful through its presence in your larger body of work. symbolism is inherently relational, there is no discrete visual which is on its own a symbol. it has to relate to something outside of itself to mean anything. you can build that meaning yourself.

hope this is helpful or interesting at least!

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floralcrematorium · 6 months

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I don't know if youve answered this before, but what made you come back? I'm not that old in the fandom, maybe half a year and it's so interesting how that fandom changed and how it used to be.

Thanks for the ask! I'm gonna be real with you, it was an accident. This is about to be a loooooooong ass post so I'm putting it beneath the cut:

It happened steadily in July. A very slippery slope.

I left in or around 2018 just because I lost interest. A friend in 7th grade introduced me to it in early 2014. I had been running my Instagram account since Summer of 2014 with my best friend (who at the time had been my partner, and by 2018 we had broken up) and our other friend. We'd all moved on and the account became dead. It wasn't a good account, but we'd amassed 1.1k followers during our tenure. Those were the days of if you wanted to post a comic, there were no Instagram slides. You had to post it all individually. The account was deleted in 2021? I think? 2020?

So come July 2023, I was poking around in my old Google Drive and found some of my old Hetalia stuff. Which included a fic with the aforementioned friends. It uh. Is not good. I reread it and oh boy is it a product of its time (we were probably 13-15 when we wrote it) and it was a 3 way POV that we all wrote with self insert characters. It was basically Heta characters get thrown in the setting of Outlast but with the plot of FNAF. Yeah. So uh. Not much to defend there. I jokingly went to my friends like "Hey, what if we rewrote this but not horrible" and we genuinely thought about it! For a night.

But for me it wasn't one night.

I kept thinking about it.

And one thing led to the next, I was revisiting old Youtube videos I liked and reread a fic I used to like.

I think what really did me in was listening to the character songs again and a couple of hetaloid covers. I was doing artfight and listening only to Hetalia music while I drew.

I genuinely did not really use my normal Tumblr before floralcrematorium came to be. I have an entirely separate account for personal stuff and art (I will not be sharing it) and it got to a point where I was seeking so much Hetalia stuff that I figured, why the fuck not, and eventually made an account. I also eventually made my first A03 account (I was on Wattpad and FFN back in the day) because someone wrote a CanUkr fic where Mattie had overexerted himself and was in the hospital and Katya and Alfred were going to kill him because he kept insisting he could work (I CANNOT FIND THIS FIC AGAIN, I FOUND IT ON TUMBLR ORIGINALLY, PLEASE HELP IF THIS RINGS A BELL!!).

And uh, so here I am!

I draw Hetalia stuff on occasion (I should... draw more considering that's what I went to college for but whatever) and have a couple of ideas for illustration series in my head.

I've got a lot of fic ideas I want to write. I have a literal list on my phone. I think about it in bed, at work, and little things remind me of Hetalia all the time.

I've gotten back into RP (I used to use Shamchat and Kik).

I've met so many cool people and I've been having a wonderful time being back so far. When I was originally in the fandom, I consumed a lot of content, but as far as mutuals went it was just me and my two friends. Meeting so many new people has been absolutely wonderful.

Hetalia is really the only fandom I've been in. I've liked other media and consumed fics/enjoyed art/bought prints (COUGH RWBY), but Hetalia is the only media I've ever had fan accounts for. It's the only media I've so deeply entrenched myself in that I feel comfortable writing fics. My walls used to be covered in Hetalia -- both official wall scrolls and shitty art I'd made myself (I have pictures I can attach at the end of the post). I had... so much merch. When I was 14 I only asked for Hetalia related things for my birthday. Every now and again I get that "am I doing the right thing?" ick because of the negative fandom reputation and reactions I'd get from people when I would admit to having liked Hetalia in the past, but I don't care about that now. Genuinely, fuck that. I like this piece of media whether I want to or not. I'm not going to be a self-hating Hetalia fan like I was in 2018-2021/22. I've come back to the show with completely different... motives? Idk what the right phrase is here -- I'm here to explore the characters of these little freaks (looking at you, Francis), I love all of the fanart I see, I like the exchange of historical and cultural information/resources.

Sure, I'd consider my fandom niche to be humanverse Francis and FACE fam, but I genuinely enjoy exploring outside of my corner of the fandom. I try to spread myself out -- I want to consume everything. I want to be exposed to everything.

Hetalia is one of the single most impactful pieces of media in my life. Without it, I wouldn't have my best friend, who broke up with me for APH Austria in 2015. The friends I ran the Instagram account with and I are all still in contact. I talk to one much more frequently than the other, but they are both so near and dear to my heart and I can't believe that this silly show is what got us to where we are. The youngest of us is about to graduate college a whole year early. I met her when she was 11 and I was 12 or 13? I couldn't be more proud of her, of the three of us, and it's been so fun to have these occasional nights where we (okay, just me) get tipsy and go through old fandom media/watch the dub and go ooooof. I was in a really bad place when I was originally into Hetalia. Coming back now feels like coming full circle.

The old fandom had plenty of its own issues, and the fandom now certainly isn't devoid of issues, but now that the fanbase has shifted to an older audience and I actually have like. Social skills. I love talking to other people. I like creating. I like thinking about these stupid characters before I go to bed.

My single favorite thing about the Hetalia fandom now is the care put into historical work as well as the exploration of portrayals of the characters. Because Hetalia lacks a plot and Hima is constantly retconning things, everyone has their own interpretations of everything. Everyone has their own version of Francis Bonnefoy, Yao Wang, or Alfred F. Jones. And that's so cool!!! You don't see that anywhere else.

I know I'm typically a pessimist on main, but I'm genuinely glad to be back. It's weird to be back. I've had mixed reactions from irl friends that I'm back.

But who the fuck cares?

I'm having fun, I'm making friends, and I can't believe there are still people here.

I genuinely hope I'm here for a while. I have so much I want to write. I want to draw all of the things my skill level was too low for back when I was a teen.

CRINGE IS DEAD AND I AM FREE.

The following images are certainly about to destroy any cool perception anyone has of me, if they even do. I was... certainly a teenager, is all I have to say! I am,,, thankfully not like this anymore. I hope.

Here are those pictures of my bedroom circa 2015 I promised:

DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT THE LIVE LAUGH LOVE.

That drawing of Russia with Neko-Talia Russia? Yeah. Uh. I did that for an art project in the 7th grade for class. I also did a ceramics piece with the mochis, that I've since lost. These images scream "I'm 14 and like Hetalia in 2015."

I used to have little hearts with all the ships I liked in them (I think that's AusHun in the picture on the left?). I also had "I love you" written in like 20 languages on index cards taped above my headboard.

Also a literal timestamp I found in my old emails with the friend who got me into Hetalia:

Being a young teenager in the old fandom certainly,,,, was something. I would not relive that, but by god would I do ANYTHING to get my favorite pieces of fan media back from that time. There was a video called "Hetalia What Did You Do To Panda" which was a bunch of clips from the anime with Katie Herzig's "Hey Na Na" playing in the background. Every now and then a dub audio clip would interject with the song.

I also really miss this one very specific Character Theme Songs video that had Poland in the thumbnail. Mein Gott would play between each song and I could tell you most of the songs that had been assigned to each character.

I would do ANYTHING to get those videos back. I miss them so much.

Anyway, if you read this whole thing, thanks for reading??? I am very Cool And Normal about the things I like, unfortunately. It's nice to come back to Hetalia and like... be a normal person about it.

All I've got to say is, when I like something, I like it a lot.

#floralcrematorium ask box #floralcrematorium is so normal and cool #ne ne papa echoes in my nightmares #soph's public diary

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carewyncromwell · 4 months

Text

The pirate’s brown eyes narrowed sardonically. “Captain Orion Amari, are you? Forgive me, but I have a lot of trouble seeing this woman being a member of your crew.” “There are several women under my sail,” said Orion, indicating Skye and Jules. “And this one is not one of them.” The pirate’s voice had gotten a bit harder as he too got right up in Orion’s face. “Don’t toy with me, Amari,” he said so quietly than only Orion and Carewyn (who was right behind him) could hear. “I know who she is. You cannot convince me that a Commodore of the Navy is in line with you, and I have no interest in having you sail off with such a prize.” Orion’s dark eyes narrowed, but his calm, stony expression didn’t shift. “…Then I invoke the right to parley with your captain,” he said calmly.

~POTC AU, Act I, Part IX: Black Jack Roberts

x~x~x~x

Oh gosh, this really turned out just the way I hoped! X3 I was revisiting the only POTC AU I wrote back during the pandemic, and I thought I'd try drawing some scenes that previously had no proper visuals...so here's Carewyn and Orion's first collision with Duncan Ashe, First Mate of the infamous pirate ship Tower Raven! (I don't think I realized how much I've missed drawing my precious ghost boi, especially with long hair, until I started working on this!) The conflict in this moment is particularly amusing for me considering the full context of Orion being Carewyn's love interest and Ashe being Jacob's life partner -- even before getting to know and becoming attached to Carewyn himself, Ashe is baring his fangs figuratively on "Jack's" behalf, upon this intruder trying to take the person who Ashe is just about positive is Jack's little sister away before she can be reunited with him. Hooray for future brothers-in-law!! 😂

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho! Hope you all have a lovely day xoxo

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #potc au #my art #carewyn cromwell #orion amari #duncan ashe #yes ashe's hat is based off that awesome feathered hat will turner wears at the end of the first potc movie #because he is the more fashionable one out of him and jacob in ALL universes #orion is 5'9“ and ashe is 5'10” in my headcanon #so yeah their height difference is *very* slight #but ashe is using the hell out of it trying to assert his dominance in this situation hahahaha #all it really does is accent all the more how friggin' TINY carey bear is at 5'3" XDDDD

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just-a-mod · 9 months

Text

I played Soul Void : Redux.

starting this off with : this is a good review and a happy thing

i am putting it under a read more for spoiler purposes uwu

about 5 or more years ago, i first played Soul Void. i found it on tumblr, and thought 'wow, that looks interesting' and showed it to my at the time GF

we both sat down and played it, me watching her at first, before deciding i wanted to play it along side her and go through the experience

getting into this game, immediately i began to see parts of myself in it. struggles i've had, words i've heard from others and from myself. i looked at the characters around me and felt them resonate with me and i felt.

feelings. sorrow, grief. the want to help, compassion and the hopeful feeling of 'don't give up, it will get better!'

i wanted to help them, and in turn by the end of the game, wanted to help myself

that was 5 years ago

i haven't played since, and not for a lack of not wanting to, just not feeling i needed to. i still remembered The Seeker, i remembered how The Leech and The Waiting were. i remembered how it felt, and i continued on.

then i began to forget, but still, i didn't go back. 'not yet', 'i don't need it yet'. it felt like

lately, it's felt like i did. a refresher, a chance to...process? a chance to acknowledge 'hey, these are struggles. these are feelings, but they can be helped. they can get better.

then i saw Redux was coming out. 3-4 months or so ago, i saw the update was set to release July 26, and i waited.

i'd forget for a few weeks, remember, check the date, and then go back to the day to day, only to repeat the pattern a few more times.

yesterday, i remembered. yesterday, i checked the date.

yesterday after D&D, i threw myself into playing again. and it was everything i remembered it to be.

it feels, oddly enough, like a medicine. a kind of salve that stings and soothes at the same time. my mental health isn't (and hasn't been of late) the greatest. victories in some places, loses in others. but progress, i believe, all the same.

going into Soul Void, i get to see all of these people doing their best. encouraging each other, the player and myself to do our best.

seeing The Waiting, The Husk, The Seeker. The Leech. all of them

new faces too, people i hadn't spoken to before! people i had yet to befriend! places i hadn't' seen!

i stepped into the game and hearing new music, reading new dialogue, having a chance to laugh and feel pain and sympathy and 'oh girl, SAME' energy.

getting a chance to stare evenly at the Grim, to find them less scary and more funny this time around.

getting to help The Seeker.

getting to HUG The Seeker.

getting the necklace. having it in the real world. the message behind it.

(ngl i'd pay some amount of money for that necklace as merch, by the way, if not try to juts make it myself. just tell me how it looks and by golly i will figure out some kind of way)

but i sat, and i loved, and i teared up and cried. i felt an ache in my chest that was soothed the further i went in

i listened to my own words being so automatically offered

'you'll be okay'

it'll be alright'

'this will pass'

'you'll get better'

offered to pixels on a screen that held a reflective piece of something i can see inside of myself, and it reminds me to share those with myself.

Soul Void is a game that sits in a special place in my heart. along side shows like Inuyasha and games like Undertale. it is a game that changed my life in an important time, in an important way.

for years to come, i will revisit it. for years to come, i will remember how every one looks at the end of the game, when you've helped them all. when you've helped yourself.

i will be drawing art of Hugging Seeker.

(also i wish we could hug more people, like The Waiting and The Leech. im not upset we cant, i just also wish we could.)

((also also does any one else have such an emotional attachment to The Waiting because i stg i kinda wish we could just sit with him, as the veins stop pulsing? so he's just not...alone..? but idk that's me))

@kadabura from the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you for making this game. Thank you for updating it.

thank you for all the work you've put into it, and for making it a free to play game.

thank you for sharing it with the world, as this game is one of the most beautiful and cherished experiences i've had in my 30 some odd years of life.

thank you for making such a beautiful story and journey that can allow people like me to see kindness for ourselves

i was originally going to send an ask, but tumblr just does not have enough space in one ask for me to express my love for this game.

Thank you so much. i hope your days are filled with the joy and strength to keep getting new ones, and that your nights are filled with dreams of laughter and music

for any one who may be reading this and NOT know what this beautiful game is

and the beautiful soul who made it

Thank you @kadabura

Be safe and Be at peace <3

#justatext #justapost #soul void #soul void redux #kadabura #my two cents #this is a long thing and i am normally too shy to do this #but this feels important to me so im doing it #hopefully it doesmt come off weird haha;;#it also bares mentioning this game helped one of my daughters as well #she use to feel that she could only make bad things or do bad things #but this game showed her that horror and darkness can be beautiful too #that it can be kind and healing and helpful #she does alot of things relative to stardew valley now but with horror and im so proud of her #this game is important to me and my loved ones and i will continue to sing its praises until this mortal coil expires #also im serious aabout the necklace though i love that so much???#like fr if that becomes merch i will drop some amount of money for it #or at the very least if a design is released i will try to make one #i might try to make one any way given it has a description #i cant wear metal but by golly i will get leather thread > : ) ive done it before #im being al ittle silly but its becaues i just really love the ending okay #my discord icon is literally the leech and the waiting rn no joke

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heyhazelnut101 · 2 years

Text

The Scales of Justice

(based on one particular Twitter post of GrimReaper!Cyno THAT I CAN'T FIND ANYMORE but I think it's by @11eyedangel on Twitter.)

Cyno x Alhaitham oneshot, 2k words.

EDIT: It's also on AO3 if you prefer that format of reading!

- - -

Cyno has seen it all.

As judge, jury and executioner of the afterlife, Cyno has been faithfully executing his duties for the past millennium. Reaping souls when their time comes, weighing those souls on the scales of justice, and sending them to the afterlife that they deserved - all of it came as naturally to him as breathing now.

So what can he begin to make of this... exasperating man who has cheated death more times than anyone else has bothered to count (it's fourteen, by the way, Cyno did count)?

Cyno reminisces on how it all started around six years ago, when he was alerted to a wavering soul on the brink of death in the nation of Sumeru.

Truth be told, Cyno preferred collecting souls from Sumeru, his homeland years and years ago - it gave him a chance to revisit the nation of his birth and check on how it has been flourishing. But the frequency at which he had to go back on account of this one maniac of a man was absurd.

The first time Cyno met him, he was digging around an old domain in Apam Woods, puzzling over something that caught his interest. Grey locks of hair stood frizzy on the researcher's head, due to the rainforest's humidity, and pale turquoise eyes gleamed with the excitement of uncovering arcane knowledge.

However, the gleam of satisfaction in those curious eyes quickly turned to one of fear when he took a step back to survey the runes on the rocks, only to lose his foothold on a slippery patch of moss.

A researcher led to death by his own curiosity. Typical, Cyno's eyes took in the scene before him unamusedly as the man before him let out an alarmed cry before plummeting into the ravine below.

People who are too smart for their own good constantly venture to the fringes of danger, Cyno muses as he is spurred into action, to find the body of that researcher at the bottom of the ravine.

Once he reaches the bottom, however, a peculiar sight greets vermillion irises - the researcher is lying unconscious on a thick sprawling bed of vines that had cushioned his fall. Unconscious, but alive.

Cyno's body materialises back into the limbo between life and death, where he knows the soul of the researcher is waiting.

"You got off lucky," he states bluntly, drawing the bewildered researcher's attention.

"I... suppose it's not my time yet," the researcher eventually manages to let out a wry chuckle. "Would be a pity to die this early into my new career as the Grand Scribe of the Akademiya."

Cyno narrows his eyes almost imperceptibly. Did he really need to brag so casually? He opens his mouth to give voice to his thoughts, but is interrupted by the sound of the scale tipping.

The researcher's turquoise eyes are drawn to the scale. Ever curious, he asks the reaper of souls what the scale's function is.

"Right now, the scale signifies that it's time for you to wake up now. As for its function... you shall find out when you die and meet me in my office."

"Hopefully that's not any time soon," the researcher says blithely as his soul begins fading out of the limbo space.

- - -

"Well, it hasn't been that long since I've been here," the Scribe takes in his ethereal surroundings again, this time with more amusement.

"You got off lucky for the second time. Interesting, the way you keep cheating death," Cyno crosses one leg over another, leaning back in his armchair as he takes in the dishevelled state of the man before him.

"Perhaps I was too agile for the quicksand to take me," the Scribe lets a smile play out on his lips.

The scales tip, the quiet metallic sound reverberating throughout the space.

"So, you said I'd get to know the function of those scales the next time I come here. What do they measure?" The glint of curiosity reappears in the scholar's pale aquamarine eyes.

"I haven't gotten the chance to reap your soul yet, so you don't get to know the answer," Cyno huffs, a little put out. "Perhaps they measure your stupidity and carelessness for putting yourself into such life-threatening situations in the first place."

"Or perhaps they measure my good luck and resourcefulness to stay alive," the Scribe raises one perfect gray eyebrow as he begins fading out of limbo again.

- - -

This is the sixth time Cyno has seen him. It is, frankly, starting to get annoying, the number of times that Cyno has to constantly materialise all around Sumeru for the sake of this stupid, stupid man.

Okay, admittedly that isn't true, Cyno concedes. Alhaitham is one of the smartest people he has met (and the reaper has met countless erudite souls).

He's intriguing and irritating at the same time, with the sheer number of amusingly pretentious statements that leave the scholar's lips.

Cyno fires back with witty retorts of his own every time, his resolve to reap this elusive soul growing ever stronger.

- - -

The eleventh time that Alhaitham has the audacity to not die, Cyno is left wondering if the scribe is secretly immortal.

Objectively, he knows it cannot be true, because no immortal apart from himself has ever crossed this barrier between life and death.

So how is it that Alhaitham, with his stupid turquoise eyes that hold pure rationality in them, cheats death so often it's the furthest thing from logical?

Here he is in front of Cyno again with the most outlandish reason to boot so far - he fell off a cliff while reading some book on physics. He only survived because the wire of his hearing aids (from that unfortunate tenth occasion he went too close to an exploding barrel) got caught in a tangle of Kalpalata Lotus vines, breaking his fall enough to allow him to scramble for purchase.

"This is getting tiring, Alhaitham," Cyno deadpans at the man before him, who just smiles serenely at him.

"What, can't the judicator of souls keep up?"

"I will reap your soul one day," Cyno vows, vermillion irises flashing with unfettered resolve.

"I wouldn't have anyone else reap my soul but you," Alhaitham answers, gazing into Cyno's eyes with such an intensity that leaves Cyno momentarily stunned.

The scales tip and Alhaitham fades from limbo, just as Cyno frantically demands, "Alhaitham, what's that supposed to mean?"

- - -

Cyno's lips inadvertently curl up into a smile whenever he thinks of this madman who has escaped dying fourteen times.

In the span of a thousand years of fulfilling his role of the Judge of the Afterlife, Cyno has never met such an oddity that challenged him at all times, verbally sparring whenever they meet in limbo, and busy eluding death in the mortal realm.

It's as fascinating as it is annoying, that Cyno often looks forward to the times that Alhaitham's soul would flicker into limbo and then fade out again to rejoin the world of the living.

And yet, even with the number of times the scholar cheats death, the ways in which he does so are unpredictable and thrilling.

Cyno doesn't know whether the desire in him stems from wanting to fulfill his duty and reap the infuriating man's soul once and for all, or from something else entirely.

But for now, he'll focus on his judgement of other souls, and perhaps, maybe look forward to meeting him again.

- - -

It's the fifteenth occasion where Cyno meets Alhaitham again, but this time, it's no longer in the limbo space that they've come to share. Alhaitham's form is more tangible, less immaterial and unlikely to fade back into the world of the living.

Somehow, this knowledge sends a current of worry and alarm through Cyno's veins.

"What... what are you doing here?" Cyno breathes, trying to keep his jackhammering heart under control. "Every time I see you, we're always in limbo."

"I guess my luck ran out. Congratulations, Cyno," Alhaitham offers him a sincere smile. "You finally get to reap my soul."

Cyno's mind races. In all the time he has met with this absolute lunatic of a man, his one goal was to finally get the chance to reap his soul. But after weighing his soul and sending him to the afterlife, Cyno knows he will never get to see Alhaitham ever again.

He will never get to exchange witticisms with Alhaitham, never get the sudden urge to chop off that one turquoise-tinted lock of hair that always stands up comically at the top of his head, never get the chance to glare challengingly into those intelligent aquamarine irises again.

Somehow, even in the face of finally reaching his goal, Cyno cannot bear to have the one unpredictable variable in his structured and rigid existence disappear.

"Cat got your tongue?" Alhaitham's smooth voice breaks Cyno out of his haze of thoughts.

Cyno scowls, gesturing to the jackal ears of his headdress. "No, a dog did."

To his utter surprise, Alhaitham lets out a genuine laugh.

Cyno wishes he could listen to that melodious chuckle for eternity.

The idea strikes him as soon as that thought did.

"Alhaitham..." Cyno begins, uncertain. "You know, I don't think I want to reap your soul after all."

"I died, didn't I? Are you not duty-bound to reap my soul?" Alhaitham tilts his head questioningly, strands of grey hair brushing against his collar as he does so. "And here I thought the judge of the afterlife adhered so strictly to his principles."

"If I send you to the afterlife I'll never see you again!" Cyno bursts out, his tanned face rapidly colouring even further.

"Oh? So you've come to enjoy my company, I see," Alhaitham's self-satisfied smirk makes its way back onto his blushing face, though he coquettishly averts his eyes from the latter.

Cyno hates how the familiarity of that expression makes his heart squeeze.

Cyno hides his expression by turning his face towards a drawer in his desk, pulling out a scroll made of parchment. He tosses it to the man as quickly as he can - anything to draw the attention away from his flaming cheeks.

"If you are amenable to it, this contract here allows your soul not to be reaped."

"Where would my soul go then? If it's not an afterlife I'm sent to, and I'm unable to go back to the land of the living..."

Cyno can practically see the cogs in Alhaitham's brain turning as he skims through the contract, and he relishes the moment the latter's beautiful eyes light up in understanding.

"Never knew you of all people would want to have me by your side for all eternity," Alhaitham quips even as the tips of his ears burn red.

"Never knew you of all people would want to stay," Cyno retorts fast as lightning.

Alhaitham grins, taking his own sweet time walking up to Cyno's desk until he is face to face with the judge himself.

"The audacity that you have," Cyno murmurs as Alhaitham takes up an elegant quill pen and signs the contract without breaking eye contact.

The moment the Scribe sets down the quill, he captures Cyno's lips softly in a kiss, earning a pleasured sigh from the normally straitlaced reaper of souls.

After they finally pull away, a wicked grin tugs at the corners of Cyno's reddened lips. "The reason why you kept cheating death... it's because you wanted to meet me more times, isn't it?"

"Deflate that ego of yours a little. Maybe it's because I wanted to know more about those scales," Alhaitham runs a slender finger down the sides of the golden set of scales on Cyno's desk, inadvertently making them tip.

The quiet, familiar metallic sound reverberates throughout the space once more.

"You're one to talk about ego. And as I said, no afterlife, no answer," Cyno raises his eyes to meet Alhaitham's again in a challenge.

"Alright, keep your secrets, I won't pursue them. You got off lucky," Alhaitham throws Cyno's first words to him back at the man.

A spark of realisation lights up vermillion irises, and Cyno cups the back of Alhaitham's neck to draw him back into another kiss.

"I certainly did."

- - -

#genshin impact #genshin cyno #genshin alhaitham #cytham #oneshot

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starleska · 11 months

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girl i am just SO curious since we have the same type and all abt your thoughts on Cagney Carnation from Cuphead 👀

oh hell yes!!! thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about the deranged flower again 😳💖💖💖 i adore Cagney Carnation. who doesn't?? such a captivating design - one part mob boss, one part flower, one part monstrous abomination with some very sexy teeth 🙈🙈 Cuphead is one of those franchises i have a tonne of f/os from: Cagney Carnation, Chef Saltbaker, Werner Werman, King Dice, Baroness Von Bon Bon...and doubtless the next time i revisit the fandom someone else's wonderful fanart will tip me into fixation for another character 😂 but Cagney is special...i totally get why we all went feral for him 😂💖 he's yet another instalment in the 'characters with long supernumerary appendages who could easily rip us apart' roster...the incredible strength, his silly little dance, and how absolutely badass his final form is, it's no wonder he's so beloved!! easily one of the best and most iconic fights in the whole game with a banging song, and so many fun details. i went back and S-ranked him recently and felt on top of the world 🙈

listen, i am down so bad it's not funny 😂 Cuphead really does lend itself to so much creativity and fandom fun...feels very much like Don't Hug Me I'm Scared in that way. whether folks are drawing him as a grumpy lil flower, an Eldritch abomination or a handsome gijinka, there's no version of him i don't like;;; OH!!! have you heard Man on the Internet's lyric cover of Floral Fury? he'll forever be my headcanon voice for Cagney (until we get an official one, of course 😉). for now, all we have to go off of is his laugh, which is...um...🥴 i even made a little Cuphead OC to ship with him!! their name's Aster, and they're a star from Hilda Berg's moon phase 🥰 it's been a while since i made them, and i'd love to revisit the universe and make more OCs...i think everyone should try their hand at making one for Cuphead selfship purposes, it's great 🙈 i am still devastated that we didn't get him in the previous 'season' of The Cuphead Show. Netflix fuckery continues to blight us, but i'm still holding out hope!! did you know that storyboard artist Karl Hadrika shared a still from a current 'lost episode' of the show, showing Cagney with his tommy gun? 👀 i'm still very hopeful that bc The Cuphead Show is so staggeringly popular that we will get another season...but until then, we gotta sit tight and gush about Cagney amongst ourselves 🥺💖

#going to cuddle my Cagney plush tonight thank you 🙈💖#cagney carnation #cagney #cuphead #the cuphead show #starleskasks #f/o suggestions #long post

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itstimetodrew · 3 months

Text

A tag meme! Haven't done this in a long time :o

15 questions

Tagged by @gaycey-sketchit :3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My parents couldn't really agree on a name and then one day just went "How about Natalie?" "...hm yeah okay". I narrowly avoided being 1 of millions of Emilys.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I cried pretty bad when I saw All of Us Strangers a couple weeks ago. Would recommend lol

3. Do you have kids?

Drew.......is my child.....

But no and I don't really plan on it. I do think I'd make a good mom tbh but I'm not gonna just run out and adopt a kid and be a single mom. MY mom could raise me herself but that wasn't a choice, and certainly not one I'd choose for myself either 😭

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

DDR is the closest thing I have lol I'm getting back into it this year! Finally busting in my metal pads and revisiting my many many games :)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Very much, yes

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Voice maybe? I've never really thought about it 🤔

7. What's your eye color?

Gray!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I guess happy endings? I mostly avoid horror as a genre because movies scare me easily even if it's dumb 😭

9. Any talents?

I guess just a general sense of creativity. I've always liked to draw since I was a kid, then the video editing came as a teenager lol

10. Where were you born?

Ohio, and they don't let me out except on certain occasions

11. What are your hobbies?

It seems like my hobbies come and go in waves. Art has been on the back burner for a while, I've been editing a bit more lately. Movies became a big one, I watched over 150 movies last year. 👀

12. Do you have any pets?

TOMO!!! He is 10, got him from a humane society when he was 4. I love him very much. 🥰

13. How tall are you?

5'7"! well......nearly.

169cm for the metric crowd

14. Favorite subject in school?

I loved chemistry in high school but a lot of that probably came from having a crush on the teacher lol. NOT a biology fan. English and math classes were also good (but not geometry yuck)

15. Dream job?

Idk if I have one? I'm happy with what I'm doing now! My goal is to just keep a job that feels good and then focus all those dream goals for when I'm not at work. I want to travel and eat well and spend time with people!

Tagging @ellcrys @red-dyed-sarumane @thebearemoji @ikari-cat but it's optional lol and feel free to sub any question your heart desires

#tag meme

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transboysokka · 6 months

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First of all, I'm soooo excited for that finished Zukki drawing. I am feral over it!! Also, could you maybe give a summary of each of your wips? I'm curious about all of them!

Thank you so much!!

Sure, I'd love to give some summaries! Then maybe y'all can PLEASE tell me what u are most interested in reading to help me figure out what I should prioritize?

The current priority is the one going by "Zuko Sees Sokka Fucked Up" lol bc @witchering10123 wrote the most beautifully painful Whumptober series about Hakoda and Sokka just Going Through It and I wanted to write the last two entries from Zuko's perspective when Sokka gets found because I think that would be so good and I love pain and suffering!!

Let's see... Modern Taiwan AU is the one I'm most excited about! This will be a long one and I've never written a modern AU before but basically it's based on SKAM (particularly season 3 of Druck) so it's like a cute trans love story BUT it is also going to have a LOT to do with Taiwan's ghost month and is going to be kind of inspired my Marry My Dead Body hehehehehe

Toxic Jetko I just posted about but basically it's my take on if Zuko and Jet had tried to make things work but it really just wouldn't have. It IS based kind of note for note on a real relationship I've had in the past because the dynamic was way too Jetko and I was like wow wouldn't that be a great fanfic actually

(how terrible it is) to love something death can(‘t) touch is a FUCKING. VAMPIRE AU!!! and it's so so so far from being ready but it's uhhhhh basically like if IWTV was about Zukka and Izumi. So there is some Divorced Zukka in there and also references to asshole Zhao in flashbacks... It's going to be angsty and exciting, but probably also pretty long

i will not be great, but I’m grateful to get through is a very niche sequel to if i fade away (the awful things we do to make the head go quiet) because that is a Dead Dove fic with a cliffhanger ending and I'm excited for the healing that we will see in the sequel but it does deal with heavy shit so I haven't been super quick at writing it. It does fix the Big Problem we saw in the first one though.

ZAtD Katara Arc - So when I wrote Zuko Amongst the Dragons I rushed it a bit too much and I love the universe that has been created for it so I want to go back and revisit some stuff. I skipped over the Puppetmaster and the Southern Raiders episodes in the plot and I thought it would be cool to write something with that like a deleted scene where Dragon Zuko is with Katara dealing with these terrible things

ZAtD Izumi Epilogue - I couldn't fit this into the main story BUT I want to write like a 5-10 years later snapshot of Zukka so happy with Druk and Izumi and kind of revisit how Zuko is dealing with his humanness, and is he the Fire Lord or nah?

ZAtD Divorce Epilogue - This would be way later but I'm obsessed with the idea of Divorced Zukka BUT with their psychic connection from their Dragon Bond and like what would happen any time they get into a room together hehe

ZAtD Extended Torture Scene - This is just because I had so many ideas for when Azula interrogates Sokka at the Boiling Rock that I left out of the original fic bc it kind of disrupted the tone but I DO like whump and angst so I WOULD like to finish what I had kind of wanted for that scene muahahaha

So yeah anyway, any opinions on what I should try to finish and publish first???

#quesTian #Anonymous #writing #wips

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dreamingdarklyblog · 7 months

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"So what exactly is 'the Aspasia stuff'? Unless you/we're not allowed to know. "

No, I know more details now. Though at the time I was oblivious.

So we're still trying to work out a good way to do the "programmer" tier for patreon. Where someone gets to work with my writing partner and give me a suggestion/trigger for the month.

Our first experiment was a more direct trigger. He'd do... Something, still vague to me. And I'd feel him playing with my nipples. He was pretty happy with the result, but it ate up a lot of time and was pretty disruptive. Especially since we were playing with it on Discord. I figured while that "Worked", as far as patron satisfaction and the trigger working and all, it wasn't sustainable long term, and definitely not scalable. It would be an increasing drain on my time if we added more patrons to the tier.

So my thought was to do something with a trigger in tumblr asks. That way it's not SO surprising and disruptive, other people get to see the result, and maybe play with it. So our test Patron and my writing partner came up with the Aspasia trigger.

I wasn't aware of it at the time, just that they had decided on an idea. And only found out about it the day after when my writing partner had me check my posts from the day before.

Anyway if I understand correctly, the idea was I'd answer asks sent to "Aspasia" (I didn't pick the name) "in character". And then totally forget I'd done so. Which seemed to work, since I definitely answered some asks, and also didn't remember.

Apparently though the "character" drifted a fair bit from what our Patron had intended. And also my writing partner found it very time consuming, and he wasn't sure it was safe. So it worked well for me, but with neither of them being happy with the result it's sorta back to the drawing board?

My writing partner and I decided to shelf the idea for now, as it was just causing too much confusion, and things have already been a bit confused in my head. We may revisit it soon if we get a good idea. I might ask him to experiment with similar ideas without involving patreon, just to see if we can get it workable.

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circlejourney · 1 year

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In defence of art that no one sees

I'm having a lot thoughts emerging from @koyoba's Twitter thread about how social media has made the experience of fiction a compulsory public practice, and how it's been leveraged as "organic advertising"--but specifically on the subject of fanart.

I used to force out fanart for exposure. I spent literal years playing to the algorithm: I'd see that a work of fiction I liked was popular in the current zeitgeist, and think, "an opportunity to earn Social Media Points and get more visible!" Around 2014-2016, I made it a personal rule to post at least 2 pieces of fanart a week.

And like, it worked. I got thousands of followers out of it. I was a half-competent artist, had ideas, and did sincerely love those stories--and also very much felt a need to capitalise on that love. So a lot (not all, but a lot) of the fanart I made began as a fleeting thought, inflated into a full project solely by the prospect of likes and shares.

This tendency is made quite clear when I think about what stories I chose to make fanart for. Steven Universe and Homestuck? I loved them both, and both had very active fandoms, so I spent years of my life making fanwork--there was an ecosystem, a captive audience. But my actual favourite works of fiction--typically standalone films (Inception, WALL-E) and books (Lord of the Rings)? I quietly read, watched, revisited them for years without drawing a single thing for them. Fanwork production was not my default mode of engagement with stories I liked--it was one I was slowly absorbed into as I observed these active networks of shared imagination and the resultant high levels of engagement. The first few pieces of fanart were always sincere, and then it gradually lapsed into the territory of obligation.

It was such a dishonest reflection of the pattern of my interests, though. I've rarely stayed at the "actively conceptualise and make fanwork" phase of fiction investment for more than a year. It's just not how I work. I skate from one story to another, and eventually end up back at my own narrative projects, which are infinitely more rewarding to me.

But other people do find an equal fulfillment in fanwork. In the past, I'd come back to someone's profile years later and be surprised that they were still actively producing fanwork for it. Now I understand that this is because the niche filled by original work (for me) is where fanwork sits in many other people's creative repertoires, and I respect that completely--this post isn't about those people or a criticism of their work.

But also, and here is where I would broaden the scope a little: fanart is heavily incentivised over other kinds of art. (Specifically fanart, I don't think fanfiction has quite the same sort of ecosystem.) It's free advertising for franchise fiction--consider how Overwatch's publicity managers released character sheets, hired cosplayers to dress as their characters, and generally supported fan work--it's a seemingly benevolent gesture, but it is also very much an advertising strategy that works. Organic, word-of-mouth publicity. Publishers, social media platforms, and even we ourselves, have a vested interest in keeping franchise fiction in the minds of artists and rewarding the production of fanart: it's "content" that'll get clicks, impressions, followers and ultimately money for everyone along the food chain of creation and dissemination.

And when the algorithm is designed to amplify click-attracting content, art that people can consume and forget quickly become orders of magnitude more visible than art that means something to just a handful of people (sans any additional effort to research and bond with it). With fanart, there's no barrier to entry, since you already know the characters and relationships--no need to find out more and form a connection with the work they're from--and you can simply hit "like" and "share" and get the full experience out of the art within a minute. And it becomes so, so much more popular.

And this wouldn't all be so insidious if we (or at least I) haven't been trained by these platforms--by unread badges, push notifications, follower counts--to crave engagement. I've felt the pull of that compulsion, to make more fanart I don't really care for, every time I wake up to hundreds of interactions on fanart I posted months ago and none on original art I posted the day before. Or every time I post original art and lose a follower. The numbers get translated in my mind into relative indicators of like/dislike. So just like people repost comedic or outrageous takes because they get popular, I (and surely people like myself) make more fanart than I would if it weren't incentivised by revenue-motivated social media algorithms.

I know in some cases, attracting engagement is a necessary evil, such as when you're hoping to make your living off of art. If this is your publicity strategy, I'd say go for your life, we need to put food on the table and we deserve to do so with a job we like. I also can't deny the pleasure of having someone engage with one's work fully invested in it. But l think there's nothing trivial about even one person being genuinely invested in your original work, particularly without the boost of publicity channels, and numbers belie that. One person taking the time to think about your original characters is so much more valuable than one fanart reblog.

How does my thinking outlined here affect how I'll approach art and fanwork, and what do I think would be a good response to algorithmic bullshit? I don't think the point is to guilt trip people into reblogging original art if they don't otherwise feel a desire to. Like, it would be really cool to make it a social norm to reblog any art you like--but we kind of have to accept that by the force of platform algorithms amplifying the statistical tendencies of users, fanart is always going to attract more visibility.

I just hope that anyone who's read this far is willing to look into any original work that crosses their feed, if the person who made it is someone they like. Also, those ad hoc grassroots efforts to make original work more visible--"share your OC art"/publicity threads and events--have actually been great for discovering others. And as much as Toyhouse sucks sometimes, it has the highest concentration of people who will go to the extra effort to learn about the original projects behind the art, out of anywhere on the internet that I've been.

I'm a person with shifting interests. Im the sort who will draw a handful of pieces for one fandom, and then quietly enjoy the rest of the fanwork while moving on creatively. The fact that I feel a need to ossify and continually perform my interest in franchise fiction to "hold" followers is frankly depressing. Realising that it's all part of hostile platform design has helped me wean myself of the need to do things for the algorithm, but I still have some way to go.

And well, you're gonna keep seeing my OC art, because that's where my love lies, and the joy I feel when others engage with those is rarely motivated by numerical success. I would like to commit to interacting more actively with others' works too, and maybe emphasise how cool I think it is that we're materialising entire lifetimes from our minds. If people wanna unfollow me for that, then I guess they can be my guest. This blog is my sanctuary for posting whatever the hell I want, including my ongoing OC project brainrot :)

#thinks #long post #writeposting #writing

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