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am-i-the-asshole-official · 14 days

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aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?

i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).

My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.

Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.

my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.

my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.

this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.

he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.

but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.

so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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wheregoodthingsthrive · 8 months

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Hellsing Headcanon Mass Post

I had been wanting to make one of these for a long while. Compiling a lot of my overly fleshed out ideas for the Hellsing five especially is a fixation for me and a lot of these are 8+ years in the making. This is long and covers Seras, Integra, Pip, and Walter. Alucard isn't in here cause I want the others to get more love lmao. I'll do Iscariot and Alucard eventually. I just want to try this out-- I want to make more Hellsing friends, especially one's willing to build on the lush free real estate we have here :3

Seras Victoria

Born February 9th 1979*

I refuse to believe she was 19 and a cop. *I don’t know how old I want her to be exactly but part of me thinks she’s either Integra’s age (22) or younger by a few months. I refuse.

Her middle name is Marie, which is her mother’s name,

Speaking of her parents -- her parents, Marie and John-Mark Victoria, were an elementary teacher and a cop (duh) respectively.

They were a pretty chill middle class family, known in their community pretty well as they were often involved in a lot.

So the brutal breaking and entering double homicide of the family and the orphaning of Seras was a big deal. It was in the local news. Definitely contributes to Seras having an intense need to NOT stand out.

Her time at the orphanage is a seriously blocked out time period for her and for good reason -- it was a very emotionally and mentally isolating place. And she was disciplined. A lot. As canon explores, she was very violent, aggressive, and apprehensive of relations. She never truly got the therapy she needed and she surely thought the orphanage’s religious predisposition would not help.

Protestant turned skeptical agnostic. She never understands religion all that well after her traumatic childhood.

She went to a private school until her graduation. She had a massive passion in the law and enforcement, leading her to become a cop for emotional reasons she could never really place (traumatic memory blocking lmao)

Despite being picked on and being seen as a little lesser, Seras really did enjoy her job as a cop and hoped to one day become a sergeant or a head of the office. Her fellow coworkers really wanted to see her succeed…

In/Beyond Hellsing

The TV show was onto something with having Seras and Integra have quite the strained relationship. Seras just wanted to be liked and definitely understood that she was seen as an ‘invader’ into this strange little found family.

I don’t have much more on this in terms of Seras’ side because Integra’s side has more potential for nuance. See Integra section. <3

Overall, Seras has a very skittish relationship with everyone. She does get close to Walter though, as he’s the most merciful with her regarding her development as a Hellsing agent and vampire alike. She gets on the tradition of being up early enough to enjoy morning tea with him. (She can’t drink it but it helps her feel normal)

Her vampiric arm CAN formulate into a normal, fleshy arm but she prefers it not to as it reminds her of her strength. She can equally dissipate a lot of her body, mainly her eyes and back alongside her arm, but she can’t go full shadow like Alucard can on a whim.

Vampires of different classes have different arrays of abilities. Seras learns a lot of hers is illusionary and omnipresence. Shadow work, shape shifting, illusions, and expert third-eye vision are her specialties.

Miscellaneous

Her favorite drink was London fog or a classic pint of beer. Her sweet tooth was unbeatable.

She has a nice list of hobbies and interests! She loves dancing, can crochet, learning calligraphy for fun,

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing

Born June 17th 1977

It’s van Helsing but whatever. Hellsing is the popularized version of the surname but if you ever ask her to sign a document or write her name, she always fills it out as ‘van Helsing’ because it is “correct”.

Childhood and Parents

Integra is conceived out of wedlock between Arthur and Ahalya. They met in 1975 and Integra was born three months after their official wedding. Both of her parents were on the older side.

Her ‘bastard’ status was a big issue in her inheritance and caused, frankly, a lot of tension between Arthur and Richard and more so doubts among the Round Table.

Arthur defended his decision till the day he died. Integra was the best thing that ever happened to him.

I AM TIRED OF SEEING NEGLIGENT FATHER ARTHURS. WAKE UP GUYS.

Arthur was a devoted, very loving, very gracious father. Meeting Ahalya and really taking the Hellsing position seriously since his 30s helped prepare him to be an engaging father and dedicated spouse. While he was busy and often away, any moment he got with Integra was intentional and held his undivided attention.

Integra’s mother was present until she was ten. Her mother was a little less emotional but equally loving. She was very adamant on Integra’s education and development into a young, respectable lady. She was very against Integra becoming the next head of Hellsing but Arthur was insistent.

While not always perfect, Integra and her mother got along. Her mother passed away in the spring of 1987 due to terminal illness.

She was basically raised by Walter whenever neither of her parents were around. They were the best of friends and could read each other like books. Where Arthur taught her the occult and leadership, her mother etiquette and poise, Walter taught her self-reliance and strong headedness.

Their relationship was not always perfect and definitely hit a rocky patch when Alucard returned. She still never understood what their deal was.

Early adult years - Integra is the most socially inept but poised individual. Talking to men? Talking to women? It’s near impossible. She’s a brick wall. She’s real fun at parties when she is either obligated or strongly convinced to go to them.

Definitely earns herself a Elizabeth I reputation. The only time she ever dated was when she was 15 and she had a picnic with a guy her age once. Never again.

Hellsing Era

Integra’s ascent into the head of the organization was agonizingly painful. Walter served as her legal guardian and Alucard was her…strange project.

This is truly when she adopted her more masculine persona and this…closed off nature. It was the only way she saw herself being protected from all the prying, doubting, and slander of the bureaucracies. Was this damaging to her? Absolutely.

Despite this, she grew very close with her father’s trusted friends. Penwood is more at an arm's length while surprisingly, despite his intensity, Irons is her closest among the RTC.

Irons definitely sees Integra as his daughter as well, not even as Arthur’s child.

Her relationship with Alucard at this time is very odd. Mentor/mentee, master/servant, Hellsing/vampire. She didn’t quite know how to appreciate him at this time

A major contributor to their relationship growing was her discovery of Hellsing experiments and frankly more shameful works. While not inherently positive to their dynamic, it definitely changed the way she viewed Alucard forever.

Adding onto the Seras/Integra segment here from Integra’s perspective. Integra can not afford to lose her ‘normal’. She is a creature of habit and stability. She would never admit it but the upheaval of her life via the death of her father, the absenteeism of Walter, the introduction of Alucard, her first kill, etc. ruined her perceived safety and it took her many years to regain it.

She had a new, safe, constant normal with Walter and Alucard. So when Seras is introduced, Integra feels threatened. Her vampire acted irrationally and now she has to pay for it (literally and socially). Seras was an unfactored element to her that invaded her life and threw her into disarray. Obviously, this feeling does not last forever, but she detests Seras at first.

I could also make a point about Integra having no real positive feminine influences in her life after her mother dies. She lives in such a masculine bubble that when Seras is introduced, she frankly does not know how to respond to a positive, feminine presence. That’s a whole other bag of marshmallows for another time.

Post-Hellsing

She dies fifteen years after the time skip finale from natural causes.

Miscellaneous

Operas are her favorite. Her favorite is Tosca. Her favorite activity with Arthur in her youth was to attend the opera and ballets and the likes.

She pulls just as much as Arthur did. :)

She is fluent in Dutch and English, and knows a decent handful of French and German from her governess days.

Pip Bernadotte

Born March 27th 1972. Left handed.

His full name is Pierre Andre. ‘Pip’ stuck in his youth.

I have an unhealthy loyalty to believing he is French-Belgian-Columbian. Why Columbian? Because I said so.

His father served on a mercenary job in Columbia where he met Pip’s mother and he brought her back to Europe with him. Pip was born in Belgium and his parents split up shortly after his birth but they never married. He was left with his dad as his mother returned to the Americas.

He was primarily raised by her grandfather due to his father’s pretty constant absenteeism but whenever his father was around, it was very pleasant and he has a good, positive recollection of his father.

His grandfather though? It was complicated. He was a stern disciplinarian.

His father passed away in Pip’s 20s. They hadn’t seen each other for a few years leading up to his death, not in a negative way…just…kinda went down their own paths.

Pip skipped Belgium and backpacked all around Europe for a long time after his basic level education. He used to have aspirations of being an actor but well we all saw what he actually is so say goodbye to the dream.

He was engaged at least three times. Absolute dumbass heartbreaker.

This is a running joke with the Wild Geese and definitely contributed to his dedication to Seras. She really made him want to settle and stop and be still. Sobs.

Leading up to Hellsing/Hellsing

He was dumb, young, and had both eyes when he joined his first mercenary group. It was not the Wild Geese but there were some guys in there he met who would soon coagulate into the WG.

That being said, he found he could make more money if he ran the show, so entered the formation of the Wild Geese.

When he lost his eye, he temporarily considered getting a fake glass eye but (thank you cocolacola <3) Seras gave him the eyepatch as a “welcome to Hellsing sorry for flicking you” offering.

He’s got some unsorted trauma from losing his eye but he’s an adamant “it’s not that bad I don’t need to talk about it” kind of guy. Toxic masculinity or whatever.

In general. He’s got a lot of unresolved/undiscussed trauma. Will he ever discuss it? No.

Y’know. I feel he and Walter clicked too. They’re both a pair of war dogs who refuse to talk about being said war dogs. Pip is also under the illusion that Walter is pretty normal too until he soon realizes he is NOT. Pip and Walter worked together a lot in creating training drills, tweaking defense systems, and Pip ran the whole “this is our new defense plan” by the latter and both were maybe too excited to bond over insane artillery.

Pip is not allowed in the gunshop though.

When it comes to Integra, this man has mad respect for her and after the first greeting, he would never dare to disrespect her to her face or without good humor.

Alucard is another…can of worms. Pip and Alucard have this odd ‘bro code’ honor between them but not much else. Really Pip only talks to Alucard because Seras serves as some type of liaison.

As Seras’ familiar, I feel he develops ‘powers’- in a non-traditional sense.

Memory barricades, psychic blocks/links, a minor form of omnipresence, and an adaptation of Seras’ skills when he branches out of her arm.

He can materialize fully but not for long and is tethered to Seras via her shadow, so if that is cut, he dissipates.

Miscellaneous

He is a polyglot! French, Dutch, Italian, Spanish, English fluently. Arabic, German, and Greek intermittently.

He's a pescetarian. A failing one.

Pip is a practicing Protestant but you’d never hear him be too open about it and he’s not a calendar Christian either. He’s pretty devoted.

Walter C. Dornez

Born September 30th, 1930. Left handed.

The ‘C’ stands for Christaan: yes that’s how it’s spelled, it’s Dutch.

This is my small blip on anon about his parents

Tldr; Walter is maternally a Seward. His mother is Seward’s daughter and served as a nurse in WWI. She’s also the original holder of the monofilament wires, a vampire hunting weapon devised by the Sewards and their assistance to Hellsing in the early 1890s-1910-20s.

His father is from the Netherlands and served in the war.

He grew up in Rotterdam, Netherlands, until May 1940 when the Nazis invaded the Netherlands.

In their exit from continent Europe, his parents parted ways. Mother took him to England, father stayed behind to aid resistance. He never came back.

His mother left him in the stead of Hellsing as they are technically family friends and also left him with her precious wires.

Started as a hall-boy, moved to a footman in 1941 and then was conscripted into Hellsing full-time forces in 1942, earning the moniker the same year.

A 14 year old being a butler is ridiculous. As a history major, one who has an area of study in grand-house culture (staff and aristocracy) and hierarchy, it would be UNFOUNDED to have someone so young and seemingly inexperienced serving in a role like that.

Now when he’s older? Plausible. Especially given the decline in house staff necessity, especially after the war. So anyways, his official title is butler to the Hellsing family and valet to Sir Hellsing.

Dawn Era and Further

He was the Hellsing infantry’s lil guy. His only friends were grown men who were either scared of him or thought he was puny. He definitely had to work for his respect and favor, with lots of blood, sweat, and tears.

A big credit to his success in the ranks was his aptitude with gunsmithing. Making Hellsing’s literal arms makes you a valuable player.

If he wasn’t using wires, he was using his own handcrafted sniper rifle: Pandora.

This will be indulgent.

Warsaw, Poland 1944. Kid can not remember any of it save for emotions, blurry recollection, and now his neck hurts on occasion.

That Captain fight left him unrecognizable, even to himself, and absolutely shattered the early camaraderie he TRIED to have Alucard.

He struggled to reconcile that Hellsing was any different than Millennium given he felt they were both out for him, just in different ways.

Sometimes it’s best he doesn't remember.

Poland definitely changed him for the worse - intense conditioning to violence made it near impossible for him to adapt back to the real world and being so pivotal in Hellsing forces so early on gave him quite the ego.

He attended Balliol Harvard to study politics and economics. It was a fine time. Definitely awoke something in him. GAY. HE’S GAY. College was in general not too kind to him in the regard that trying to go back to a strange calm after his tumultuous teen years was……..immensely damaging to his psyche.

Alucard. God where do I start. They had a…rivals to friends to no-contact to rivals to coworkers to friends to lovers (?) to amorous thoughts to haters to rivals to classy exes to…vampire fights in leather. It’s complicated.

Integra is his absolute darling. He loves her so much despite being a ‘I hate kids’ individual leading up to that. He loved her as the daughter he never had/never will have and also because it evened Arthur out completely.

Speaking of Arthur. Walter and Arthur have a complicated relationship- not quite father/son, not quite employer/employee, not quite sir/valet. Arthur was almost too casual with Walter early on but later, they developed a strange, taut but friendly mutual respect.

Events of Hellsing

He died in ep5. He looked like a shattered jam jar on the streets of London when the Captain was done with him. I refuse to accept otherwise.

Vampirism obviously saved him- for better or for worse is up to you.

This is another bag of marshmallows but I like to think his vampire form is. Uncanny. He’s got some strange new features that distinctly set him apart from natural vampires, a common trait with Millennium engineered vampires.

Miscellaneous

Woman magnet. This man pulled from his 20s to his 40s. Crazy thing though? This man is not into women. Lmao. He has the ‘single attractive bachelor who is single for a reason’ vibe.

Despite not being a fan of Arthur’s…colorful liveliness…he did some fun, maybe wild things in his youth too. He was no stranger to drinking, going to clubs, dancing, and has perhaps tried a substance or two. Anything to cope.

Not even he knows how the wires work…he only knows they listen to him.

They also function like web shooters or hooks if he controls the tension correctly.

He is decked in scars from monofilament training. Has almost lost fingers MANY TIMES

#hellsing #hellsing ultimate #hellsing the dawn #long post #long text #headcanons #seras victoria #integra fairbrook wingates hellsing #integra hellsing #pip bernadotte #walter dornez #walter c dornez #character building and lore building #my own ideas in long form #please interact with this i am begging #go zero notes go!!

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lemonhemlock · 7 months

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So I was the anon who sent the ask about modern sensibilities and refusal to engage in the time frame and thanks so much for answering. You hit the nail on the head with this social justice warrior who refuses to engage with historicity typology, which seems to make up a majority of the fandom. This trend, and HOTD is a perfect example of this, of historical media nowadays throwing all historicity out the window to Girl Bossify and attempt to appeal to modern sensibilities is deeply annoying.

First, they take the deep religiosity including concepts of sacred oaths, duty, sacrifice, etc. of the medieval period and completely strip it away because writers are deeply cynical when it comes to religion and need to attract the Champagne Agnostics/Atheists who have a deep contempt for anything religious as being Boring and Uncool (and I say this as someone who has never been particularly religious lol, but as a student of history understands how important the concepts of religion, God, faith, oaths, duty, sacrifice, etc. were during the medieval ages). Arguably, the most important aspects of both nobles and peasants' lives during these times were their deep faith in God and devotion to their faith. Not including this religiosity in medieval dramas completely negates a lot of plot and character motivations.

Second, you have deeply ahistorical plot points that are used in a very manipulative way. I feel like now in every period drama I see you have a willful princess aka a Rhae/nyra type that gets placed in an arranged betrothal or marriage and we inevitably get a scene where she's shocked and outraged over marrying a man she doesn't know/love and being used as a BroODmArE (writers loveee this word lol) and I'm just always like ???? Are you knew? These girls have been surrounded by nothing but arranged matches from their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc. for their entire lives? They 100 percent expected to be marrying a man for the realm not out of love? They also saw bearing children to further their line and unite the two families as a sacred duty and a good thing? Like?? it's just so eye rollingly ahistorical I can't. I'm not saying that there have never been cases where women were violently against their arranged marriage for whatever reason. But, by and large, they did their duty and gladly, at least in public no matter their personal opinions. Yet, because of how this is framed in story the social justice media illiterate type act like these literal one percent privileged noble princesses are the most Oppressed People Ever? These literal royals have one fucking duty and that is to make a marriage that stabilizes the realm so smallfolk don't have to go fight and die in unnecessary succession wars while getting waited on hand and foot as peasants are working the field for 15 hours per day, and I'm supposed to feel bad because the Precious Princess didn't get her First Choice husband?? Are these writer's serious? It's so deeply unserious and and the history illiterate fandom eats it up.

Thanks for coming back, anon. 💖 I think there is space to critique aspects of medieval society, even if we're talking about elements chosen particularly because they are egregious to the modern eye, like arranged marriage and blind devotion to God that leads to intolerance and Church abuses etc. But most of it is done in a trite, superficial, redundant way and the critiques are in the same registry.

I agree about the topic of arranged marriage being discussed in the context of a pampered princess that is always so shocked that she has to marry for political reasons and throws a tantrum worded in a way that sounds vaguely human-rights-ish or feminist to our ears. In the case of Rhaenyra, she actually IS offered the chance to marry for love, but even that she considers a chore and squanders it. On the opposite end, I really enjoyed the movie Catherine Called Birdy because it took this trope and did something different with it, both highlighting the inherent unfairness of this practice and being refreshingly honest and human.

Ultimately, I feel like the framing is stale in many medieval or fantasy productions, with talking points that we've already seen a hundred times before. Film-makers feel the need to over-correct for the sins of the past when female characters were often sidelined, but they understand strength and character development in having them trample over everyone else instead. Rhaenyra repeatedly breaks the law, makes destabilizing political decisions and shows little interest for learning how to actually do her job, i.e. governing, but we're supposed to cheer for her because she is living her best life and is a bad bitch, so anyone who opposes her must be a shill for the patriarchy. Similarly, the framing of religious people is nuts and I say this as a staunch atheist.

#ask #anon #anti hotd fandom #hotd critical [storytelling]

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danjaley · 8 months

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Another Bold-the-facts

This time I was tagged by @happy-lemon , and picked Nicolas.

[ PERSONAL ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other (His mother had the typical aristocrat's biography, having been married to the ageing Baron de Montigny as a young girl. She rebelled by seeking contacts among the bourgeoisie, where she believes happier lives are led. She had a strong influence on her son.)

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other (His mother encouraged him to pursue an academic interest – strictly as a pastime of course, not as work. Their money comes from the land.)

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Slept with more than one man. Though preferably in the big Italian cities, where a blind eye is turned on unlawful relationships, especially when foreigners are involved.)

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children (Didn't really want children, but it's expected of him.)

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased (He's always charming and considerate towards Roseanne when he's home, and he gets along well with his mother. His children he only sees occasionally to admire their growth.)

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between (He's far from shy, but he always remembers his manners.)

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between (As long as he can afford it and nobody is directly coming to grief, he feels he has a right to whatever he happens to want.)

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between (He's not even wearing a wig!)

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between (The only thing he really puts an effort into are his studies and hunting up antiquities. Which is supposed to be his pastime.)

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / in between

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown / in between (I added “in between” to the last two. He's cheating on Roseanne with Jonathan and I wouldn't put it past him to have the occasional one-night-stand abroad. However, he knows where his loyalties lie, should there be a political crisis (God forbid!) or some other emergency. His idea of being faithful is more like not let one relationship damage the other.)

[ BELIEFS ]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic (As a French nobleman, he can't help being catholic. At present though, he puts his own judgement above any religious morals and sometimes also the law.)

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care (He'd laugh at Jon's ghost stories - they're one of those topics he can only share with Matt.)

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no (Like Jonathan he's fascinated with the classical authors.)

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable /naive and clueless / romance suspicious

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious (He discovered his taste for men on his Grand Tour, when he tried out most available forms of buyable love. But he hasn't been sleeping around so much since he's in his two relationships. Finding a male lover who'd also be some sort of partner used to be a secret dream of his.)

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (Had fencing lessons but forgot everything.)

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / Alcoholic (I imagine in 18th century Italy the rule still applied it's better to drink something mildly alcoholic than water with germs.)

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / Chain-smoker (Like Jonathan: Smoking was part of a gentlemanly dinner at the time.)

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater (At any rate he can afford to eat something with fat and sugar whenever he feels like it. Also, sometimes while travelling he has to put up with food he'd rather not inquire too closely about.)

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic (As mentioned above, if he wants something, he buys it. He's sensible enough not to ruin himself though.)

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Like smoking, an activity enjoyed at upper-class gatherings)

#mccarric extras

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turtlecleric · 2 months

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assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

#asks #I'll delete this later probably #fuck #anyway! back to work!#i have so much to do and not enough time to do it so. I'll be working late today. again.

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aurheatum · 9 months

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toa anniversary mun day

under cut

Name:

Nel, i mean it’s Sarah technically, but once you start getting multiple notes in the mail with Nel on them I think it counts. Nelfes works too. I respond to most anything tbh

Pronouns:

she/her or they/them

Birthday (no year):

Dec 6th Saint Nicholas Day : )

Where are you from? What is your time zone?

Chicago. CST [GMT-5].

Roleplay experience:

Over ten years, started on Neopets and other forums. Moved to Gaia Online and then Tumblr indie space some time in 2011.

Got any pets?

Baby boy

Favorite time of year:

Springtime or Autumn

Some interests and things you like:

I’ve always been super into mythology, all of them. I used to think that Carl Jung was onto something with the collective unconscious but then Anthropology and the reality of multilineal evolution ruined that for me (college will teach you things); but that’s alright because humans their ability to create and interpret their surroundings with equal parts love and fear is still pretty cool.

Some funfacts & trivia about you:

-Agnostic but i work in an occult library (it’s pretty quiet; the new age bookshop across the street has all the events)

-One time on Gaia Online I was kicked out of an Okami RP bc I didn’t make my posts aesthetic enough, and I thought it was just the most heart wrenching thing -I’m not sure what people stand to gain back in Ye Old Runescape luring new players out into the wild and PKing them but I was gullible enough to follow some other players at like 7 yrs old and this would have happened to me if i wasnt SUPER good at clicking my mouse and running out of there. Surviving such a harrowing experience made me think i was truly invincible.

-I was supposed to write my final paper for my Japanese Buddhism class on… surprise, Japanese Buddhism but I really wanted to talk about Kenji Miyazawa’s writings instead so I spun it through a lens of his Nichiren conversion and its impact on his poetry. My prof saw right through me but I still got an A.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play?

Tales of RPG series raised me as a person so u know. I like Persona 1-2 era SMT though I’ve played Nocturne and IV as well. What else? Okami, LOZ: Twilight Princess, farm sims and visual novels. Genshin, on and off.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon:

Psychic; wooper family (clogsire im so glad u joined us)

How did you get into Fire Emblem?

My neighbor would bring over Path of Radiance so I could play it on my gamecube with my own save back in the day

What Fire Emblem games have you played?

Tellius duology. Sacred Stones, FE 13-16; currently doing Blazing Blade. Archanea one day.

First Fire Emblem game:

POR

Favorite Fire Emblem game:

Tie between 3 Houses and Radiant Dawn

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳

It’s rhea okay. I wont lie and i wont pretend it isnt evidence of my spectacular taste either

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Tiki (first S support was olivia bc i wanted a pink haired kid) - Fates: honestly i’d have to revisit, i know i first married niles as m!corrin - Three Houses: I married each lord on their route tho it’s much funnier if you dont i think (First route was Crimson Flower but I saved at the split so I could marry Rhea first lmao) - Engage: Saphir 🥰

Favorite Fire Emblem class:

War Cleric or Qi Adept

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class?

I’d be the mage you have to drag around and treat with baby gloves only to learn like a single good spell I think

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation?

Leicester Alliance tbh

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with?

Based purely on mechanics bc i love them all prob Soren dlc, Sigurd, Celica, and Lyn.

How did you find TOA?

End of 2020/beginning of 2021 I was really trying to get back into rp but couldn’t get into the various systems on discord. One community that I was trying was affiliates with The Officer’s Academy and an active tumblr community rly caught my interest. The rest is history!

Current TOA muses:

Rhea 3H, Micaiah Radiant Dawn, and miss Hortensia engage

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again?

This blog right here! I put her down for a bit and probably will again but. It’s not like she ever leaves, instead of brain there is Rhea u see (i bear this burden so u do not have to)

Have you had any other TOA muses?

I played Sephiran for a hot sec and Ingrid for around a yearish iirc. Both very fun

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards?

Not really? I need to be able to connect with them on some level obviously, and I tend to prefer characters who have like a clear childhood or background for why they are That Way. Micaiah was actually p difficult for this reason but being able to really shape her based on what little we know also made me ever more fond. ♥️ I love to stare at pegasusknight and serenesforest supports pages late at night tehe

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most?

I don’t particularly plan ahead but I really love when threads reflect past character development whether in a thread with the same muse or different. TOA extended universe… I’d like to do that more I think but first I have to actually make a support page huh? Since Rhea’s back she’s made more bonds though and that makes me happy.

Favorite TOA-related memory: Definitely Unlocked 2021! It was my first event after really starting to warm to the TOA community and i was an awe of the scope of the events. The mods thought this far ahead?! We can do this?! Every event since has just been even more fun but the surprise and intrigue i felt then really stayed with him

*How do you pronounce TOA?

Toe-uh. Like Dee-En-Dee. you know.

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? 😉

I think I mentioned I muse Hubert before, and also that I can't really seeing myself maintaining a blog for him? So other than that, no. I do think Nimh could be quite a bit of fun though *laughs*

#ooc #|meme response

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seeker-of-truth · 7 months

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BOLD The Facts

Tagged by @ghostoffuturespast , @tarmac-rat & @elvenbeard! Thank you guys so much 🥹🥰 RULES: BOLD what applies to your OC

Doing this a little differently by making during-game magenta, post-game in blue and things that apply during both will have a gradient

PERSONAL

Verena has lived multiple lives at this point. There's the little girl from the seedier side of Wellsprings, the scrappy prep-school kid. The wannabe rockerboy who moonlights as a diligent college student, a hardened Arasaka agent, a low-cred merc, or the New Queen of the Afterlife. She's done a lot but rarely feels like she's where she's supposed to be.

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable ✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working* / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes** / yes, for minor crimes** / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

*I really have no idea what merc work is considered **Nothing has ever come of these because evidence is always circumstantial at best, also who in their right mind would come after her and the Afterlife

FAMILY

Born an only child to a father who was absent in all but body and a judgmental mother, Verena never really felt like family was a place where she could find love.

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted/ disowned / raised by birth parent* / not applicable

*she was technically raised by her parents but she was whisked to a fancy boarding school in Charter Hill when she was 7. So after that, she really only saw them when school was off. Her parents stopped talking to her in 2073 after an assignment from Arasaka pushed her close to the point of breaking. They could be dead as far as she knows

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Every situation in her life has taught her that you should keep your mouth shut until you are sure of you're next action. She knows how to play the game and knows that the best move is often to watch and wait.

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between ♦ disorganized / organized / in between ♦ close minded / open-minded / in between ♦ calm / anxious / in between / depends ♦ disagreeable /agreeable / in between ♦ cautious / reckless / in between ♦ patient / impatient / in between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in between ♦ leader / follower / in between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between♦ traditional / modern / in between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS

She was rased by Catholics and spent her childhood going to the same church as many Valentinos. Despite that all she had a crisis of faith and came to her own conclusions.

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don't know / don’t care ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Slow to trust and extremely guarded - love and romance have always been hard for her. If someone manages to get past that, she loves them hard and fast. Conversely, sex was always easy, a simple distraction for her.

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / no label* ❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

*she never liked one and always found her sexuality to be fluid but always had a preference for romantic relationships with women. In fact, Johnny is the first man she ever wanted anything beyond sex with. If its influenced by the relic or not, she really doesn't want to know.

ABILITIES

Jack of All Trades, Master of None. That really sums her up. She received schooling and training all through her life. She did have some backsliding on her technical skills while the relic was slotted in her head. No time to read the new tech brief. On the other hand, her combat skills became the best they've ever been.

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor/ none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

She's got her vices, but when Johnny first asked her to smoke she never thought she'd still be smoking after he was gone. The second she knew both her and the habit were sticking around she marched her ass down to Viks and demanded a set of Syn-Lungs. She drinks, not to get drunk but because she likes the taste. She often gets so busy she forgets to eat so once she realizes she's hungry shes eating any scop she can get her hands on.

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict (recovering)* ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed** / frequently** / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely/ sometimes / frequently / compulsive gamble

*leaving Johnny in cyberspace was the incident that broke the camel's back as far as her ability to cope. She starts using while recovering from the assault on the tower, for a while she blames Johnny's addictions for her using but eventually realizes it's always been her. She's clean now and does her best to stay on the wagon but does relapse from time to time. **thanks Relic

Thanks for reading! I took a page out of @elvenbeard's book and decided to write a lil something for each section because I love talking about her so much lol I'm tagging @peaches-n-screem @bishicat @luvwich @medtech-mara

#pleaselikethis #thegradientstook7millionyears #oc: verena soto #tag game #long post #cyberpunk 2077

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katarina-writes-about-jesus · 4 months

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Behold the lamb of God!

I'm going through a really rough time right now. I was made to feel not safe in my own home in December when a relative who used to mentally abuse me growing up suddenly did something that reminded me of it. I spiraled. Then I spiraled some more.

I'm kind of sort of still spiraling but trying to pick myself up. Or to let God pick me up. I went to church on Christmas Eve (early, service for children), my toddler wasn't crying, he wasn't screaming. But he wasn't still. So I did what I always do. We walked up and down on the side. A woman who worked there looked at me angrily and told me to make sure he was quiet. I can still see her face filled with rage as she leaned down at me (I was low since I was standing next to toddler).

...and then I spiraled again. I've never felt so unwelcome. And yes. Totally overexagerated. I didn't need to be sad. But when you've been dealing with self harming for a few weeks, crying yourself to sleep, finally taking a breath and being in the presence of God and then feeling unwelcome?

The woman saw me leave crying. I sound like a wuss, I'm not. I think I'm just clinically depressed. Onset by the two rough years I have had since having a baby and my dad dying and everything and then the event in December that shall not be named.

I feel tested but I think it's just the depression talking. I know in theory that God loves me and that Jesus is there even though I can't feel it right now. I don't feel much right now at all. But I'm trying to be still and believe and wait.

My favourite Bible app (the biggest one I believe?) has small studies or reading plans you can follow. I'm bad at following day by day so usually I just pick a plan and then read through it in one sitting. The plans which are 5 days or so I can do that. Longer plans aren't always possible. I think it's so handy to read the bible on my phone when I'm too tired or too overwhelmed to pick up my huge pink study bible.

So the other day I opened my Bible app and read a study that talked about how God in the old testament commanded people to continuously remind themselves of him.

Deuteronomy 6: 69

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

So I've decided to do that. I want to put reminders of God here and there. In every room. The reading plan also talked about how we have some kind of divine amnesia. It seems that if we are not reminded of God we forget. I think that's why it's so important to surround yourself with Christian friends, mind you I have no Christian friends. I'm like many who are surrounded by atheists and agnostics. I'm praying that during this year I'll get some Christian friends. A friend whom my family will accept. There is an LGBT Christian group that meets once a month. My "priest friend" (she isn't my friend but I choose to label her such in my head) goes there.

I have now lost in the point of this post. I want to fix more Christian interior. I want to be reminded of Jesus in every room. Maybe the point of this post is to do like John the Baptist. Say "Behold the Lamb of God"!

#jesus #christian #bible #christianity #christian living #bible quote #lgbt christian #jesus christ #god #queer christian #behold the lamb of god

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browzerhistory · 4 months

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7 ad 15 for the ask game !! you mentioned having faith ocs i think? grabby hands .. or any oc of your choice 👍

ok spent like ten minutes searching for them and i can confirm i Have Not posted my faith ocs so you get a little lore dump :3

so there's 2 of them; their names are charity smith and eden mcdonald. charity is a pastor and eden is unemployed, having just tried and failed to get a degree for the second time and been forced to move back to her hometown in plainfield, connecticut.

eden's parents are super christian (hence her name) while she's agnostic, so they force her to go to church with them, where she meets charity, whose dad is a family friend. if it were a game, the playable part would probably start a month after they meet, around october 2012, when reports of mysterious disappearances start coming out of plainfield's neighboring county, sterling.

as for the Lore, their story takes place after the first ending of chapter three, where john and garcia delay the profane sabbath but don't defeat gary. by now, gary's gotten a lot of strength back and is on his way to attempt it again. charity and eden have to stop him; on the way, eden has a crisis of faith, charity almost gets sacrificed, and the two have near-simultaneous "am i gay?" moments.

i want their story to have, beyond the usual f:tut themes, lots of horror related to those big empty newer churches, the ones that just look kind of like ugly oversized houses (there are a lot of those around where i live so i have plenty of inspiration hdhfn). i also want to incorporate the feeling of being doomed to the small town you grew up in, like no matter what you do, it sucks you back in.

ANYWAYS onto the actual ask game bit:

7. what's their pain tolerance?

charity's is pretty low compared to the normal person, and very low compared to eden, who has a bunch of tattoos and piercings (originally a point of contention between the two, but eventually contributes to charity's lesbian awakening). eden makes fun of her about it sometimes, but she's always kind when charity gets hurt and needs help bandaging/medicating/etc.

15. how do they kill? do they try to minimize suffering?

when it gets to the point when the two are in the Thick of it, fighting demons and thralls and whatnot, charity doesn't really care about suffering, she just goes for efficiency. if it's less painful for her opponent to die quicker, it doesn't matter to her. they're demons, she's a warrior of god, that whole schtick.

eden, once she gets past the "DEMONS ARE REAL???" phase, feels bad about having to kill them, even when they attack her. she normally doesn't mind the sight of blood, but it's one thing to see like. a broken arm, and another entirely to see mangled corpses of barely-humanoid creatures from hell, y'know?

#faith oc #beloved mutuals #asks #ive been rotating these two in my brain a lot lately... i might post designs soon once i finish ironing out some details

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iamfearless-andthereforepowerful · 1 year

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Lanyon headcanons! I'm sorry if some of these have already been said; I haven't looked through everyone else's.

(Quick sidenote: lots of people have said that Jekyll is autistic, which I could see, but I definitely see him more as having OCD instead. For lots of reasons, but mainly because I relate to him way too much, and the whole moral scrupulosity part of OCD. If you don't know what it is, please look it up. It's him. Spot on.) (Also !! There's a lot of stigma and misunderstanding and belittling of OCD. So it would be good to look into that too because lots of people definitely just don't understand it and can say harmful things!)

Anyway !! Back to my guy Lanyon <3 He is quite possibly my favorite character, like, ever, and he deserves more love

- He's not good at keeping secrets. At all. Of course, he barely knows the lodgers, and definitely doesn't trust them, so he's less likely to tell them anything. But with people he's close to (especially Rachel, since they would gossip in Jekyll's kitchen) he will tell them everything he knows. If someone tells him something and says not to tell anyone, he will immediately tell someone. Probably Rachel.

- He DOES NOT like werewolves. We've kind of seen that with Jasper, but that is also probably just him not trusting anyone until he really knows them and feels comfortable around them. I haven't read bleeding heart, but I've heard that some people definitely see Morcant as predatory (Jekyll's 19 I think and I don't think it says how old she is? Don't judge me if I'm wrong). So I feel like he doesn't just hate Morcant because she was with Jekyll, but because she was creepy and predatory. So now he won't ever trust or even like a werewolf (also because they're wolves. Big, hairy, dirty. Not his thing)

- He has religious trauma <3 No this is not me projecting (a lie). Sabrina has said that Lanyon's atheist (and Jekyll's agnostic). And Victorian England was VERY Christian. And the comic shows Jekyll going to church, which implies that Lanyon does too. So like, not only does he have religious trauma, he also has to continue reliving it every week. I feel like he specifically got it from his mom, her forcing him to be a "good Christian man," and, whether or not she knew he's gay, scolding him, saying he's going to hell, making him "pray for his immortal soul," and the likes.

- He's a Capricorn. He's definitely a winter baby, and Capricorns are December - January. He's practical, he keeps a small circle of friends that he is very loyal to, he seems cold and detached, but he's actually very sensitive! He feels emotions very strongly, but he does not want to show "weakness." He's also stubborn and can hold grudges for a long time. And Caps can get a lot of hate, like him unfortunately :(

- He mostly doesn't like animals (again, dirty and gross), but if he had to choose an animal he would pick a snake. I'm thinking some kind of viper? Probably bush vipers. They look cool asf, and he likes their large fangs and dangerous venom. He likes that snakes don't have fur, hair, or feathers. He'd be too scared to hold a snake, but he thinks they're pretty cool.

- His dad knows he's gay. He probably wouldn't just come out, so he was outed. Maybe when he was 16 or 17? Not in public or anything, just to his father. His father knows there's nothing he can do to change it, and that if Robert wants to do something (men) he's gonna do it, whether or not he tells him not to. So he basically told him that he can do whatever he wants, as long as no one finds out. Especially with how hard he's worked, his father would do anything to keep the family name respectable. And he really does care about his son.

- His mom Does Not know he's gay. She would basically disown him if she found out. So he and his father keep it a secret (this is one of the few secrets he can actually keep). Even as he gets older, they still make sure she doesn't find out. He kind of always knew he was gay, or at least that he was different. He was ashamed of it for a while, but when he was about 14 or 15, he became friends with a bi/pan girl (Who was also aspec. Because I said so) who was just so openly proud of her sexuality (as openly as you could be in Victorian England). She just was so happy about being queer, which influenced him to also be happy about it! He probably took a while to get all the way there, but even just like acknowledging it and being okay with it was so huge to him.

- He likes to sit on the piano bench next to Everly while she plays piano !! (They're not the gay/lesbian solidarity we deserved, but the gay/lesbian solidarity we needed.) It's very nice for him, to just relax and focus on the music. He does like music, he just hated being forced to learn the violin. So it's really good for him to de-stress (heaven knows our boy needs it) and just be more of himself-- not faking smiles or having perfect posture-- because he trusts his wife. In general, he's comfortable enough around her to laugh, smile, not be a "perfect gentleman."

- Speaking of his wife !! (except she's my wife actually because I said so). She gets overwhelmed by being around lots of people, and obviously Lanyon knows this. So when he sees her start to get anxious, as he's known her long enough to see the warning signs, he goes to her, links her arm with his, pardons them, and takes her to an isolated room. Whenever she goes to an event with him, he makes sure he knows the venue/house at least a little bit, to know where he can take her. He sits with her, holding and rubbing her hands, until she calms down. If it's bad enough, he'll leave the event, no matter how important it is, to get her out of there. Because even though it's not in a romantic way, he loves his wife <3

- He'd never admit it, but he sings. No matter how much he denies it, Everly sometimes hears him humming or singing softly to himself while he's getting ready, etc. He usually sings Scottish lullabies (that he knows from Jekyll from university) or songs Everly wrote. She thinks his singing is really cute, and it makes her so happy when he sings her songs. She used to be too nervous to play piano around him, but after so many years she got comfortable enough to do it. And when he shows that he likes her writing in ways like this, it makes her more confident in herself.

- He likes to press flowers! It's very calming and therapeutic for him, and he can take his time with it. He likes using different meanings with flowers (the Victorian flower language). He loves the beautiful payoff it gives after weeks of pressing. It's something he doesn't really tell people about, because he knows they will think it's too 'feminine' for a man. But even though he's a bit insecure about it, he still lets himself do it, because it makes him happy!

#the glass scientists #tgs lanyon #tgs rachel #tgs jasper #tgs jekyll #tgs morcant #tgs everly #mine #my rambles #it's your one and only incorrect quotes guy #if i think of more ill post them :)#it was really fun thinking abt him and making hcs <3 #my hcs #lanyon hcs

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angiedarling · 7 months

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— && if you’re hearing NORTHERN ATTITUDE by NOAH KAHAN playing, you have to know ANGIE MONROE (she/her; cis female) is near by! the 41 year old CHEF has been in denver for, like, 15 YEARS. they’re known to be quite BOSSY, but being KIND HEARTED seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble RACHEL WEISZ. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those FRESH BLUEBERRY PANCAKES, LILY OF THE VALLEY, MOLLY WEASLEY, THE SOUND OF SOMEONE WHISTLING AT HOME, DINER AFTER CLOSE vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RINO long enough!

check out her stats and info below !!

stats

full name: angela monroe nickname(s): angie (sometimes ang or ella, but angie is the main and favoured one) age: forty one date of birth: the thirteenth of february zodiac sign: aquarius place of birth: corpus christi, texas gender: female sexual orientation: bisexual religion: agnostic by choice, jewish by mother’s family occupation: chef/baker/owner of the Night and Dine

language(s) spoken: english, basic spanish accent: slight to moderate southern accent pet(s): two great pyrenees financial status: lower middle class tattoos: sunflower on her right hip, a trio of birds of her shoulder positive traits: empathetic, fun, thoughtful, and well-spoken negative traits: tardy, well-meaningly bossy and a bit of a gossip goals/desires: to do good and help her loved ones, to be happy, to fall in love fears: acrophobia, monophobia family: youngest child, comes from a big family and had always wanted that for herself as well hobbies: baking, cooking, painting, dancing quirks: nail biting, whistling, likes: music, denim, vines, baked goods, dogs dislikes: lime green, quiet, tangled hair, liars myers-briggs: mediator (INFP-T) temperament: phlegmatic

bio

tw: mentions of infertility, mentions of infidelity

angie was a happy kid with a mostly happy childhood, growing up with her mother (father rarely, if ever around), her siblings and a little black cat. her mother was her everything, never letting baby angie and her siblings feel like they were missing anything growing up. she was a curious kid, getting to camp, fishing, exploring and learning about the world.

after graduating highschool, angie (19) was going through a bit of a tumultuous relationship. she didn’t go to college, instead idolizing a stay-at-home mother position, willing to forgive nearly anything from her partner, if it would allow her to have children and give them her everything like her own mother had done. unfortunately (or fortunately, depending who you ask), they were unable to conceive. around that time, her partner had decided to be unfaithful and actually fathered a child with his affair partner. this hurt angie to her core, almost more than the cheating itself.

the baby’s name was kiara, and as much as the precursor to her existence was shocking, angie actually became very close with her partner’s child and it’s mother. after about 3 years, angie decided she couldn’t stay with an unforgiving, untrustworthy man and left, keeping in contact with lea (the unknowing other women) and kiara who had also separated themselves from angie’s ex.

she moved to denver when she was twenty seven, feeling like corpis christi had given her all it could. her family had dispersed over the years and with her ending her 10+ year relationship, she needed a fresh start.

angie had been scared to meet new people and try new things but following her mother’s philosophies, she’s trying her best to live her life to the fullest. when she arrived in denver, the old owner of the night and dine was retiring and looking to sell and she took the chance and bought it. finally embracing one of her life long passions, she threw herself in some minor renovations and some huge menu rehauls.

now, she’s living peacefully with her dogs, working in and running the diner, sometimes thinking of her potential other life, one where she went to school, had a child, was close with her family. her dreams as a child were just so different, it’s hard not to think about it.

headcannons/fun facts about angie!

the only person who ever called her angela was her mom so she just doesn’t really use it anymore.

her favourite baked good is a lemon coffee cake and her favourite meal is homecooked soup and corn bread.

she took spanish in high school and fell in love with the language.

she throws herself into her baking and cooking, feeling like she can express her feelings through food.

angie sometimes listens to texan weather channels because the accents comfort her.

she loves nicknames! nicknames for others and for herself, hit her up with any nickname and any sort of pet name and be prepared for her to dote on you with a sweet pet name of her own.

she loves like old art and old photographs.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

we can potentially add a second to any of these if we really feel one of these connections!!

friendship ✨

first friend in denver

best friends

friends from childhood (she grew up in texas though but she did travel a bit?)

bad influence

sibling friendship (like an older/younger sibling relationship)

staff (at the diner)/friends who look out for each other - ZANE

coworker/staff (at the diner)

friendzoned

breakfast club (total opposites but wind up bonding anyways)

so's sibling (she dated their sibling and even tho the relationship ended, they kept in touch)

mentee / protective kinship (someone who she tries to always look out for, she feels a little 'motherly' over them)

current romance ✨

flirtationship

mutual crushes (angie kinda has commitment issues so it could be interesting to see the conflict with these new feelings)

mouse and cat (they just keep chasing each other but nothing really happens)

breakfast club (total opposites)

past romance ✨

ex that was a rebound for her when she arrived in Denver (hard feelings, unresolved feelings?)

exes that ended on bad terms (maybe something bad happened to make it end and there is bad vibes/animosity)

exes that ended on good terms

exes with lingering feelings

casual relationships ✨

next-door neighbours

diner regulars

family ✨

older brothers x 2/3 (she grew up in texas but she's the youngest child so they could have grown up elsewhere)

close cousins

ex-husband (bad relationship with manipulation, gaslighting and cheating)

#✧ angie (bio)#chq;intro #infertility tw #infidelity tw

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rae-reblogs · 3 months

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❝ [ RAINA ] ❞ › ♡ / whb mc

❝ i was wondering, could i ask you some doubts of mine? ❞

❝ it isn't like i asked to be here in the first place. at least i should make the best of it, right? ❞

🖇 ꒱ PERSONAL INFORMATION

name: raina

namesake: "queen" and "wise guardian"

nicknames: reina, rai

birthday: 27th december

zodiac: capricorn

age: 19 years old

mbti: intp/intj

gender: non-binary (she/they)

sexuality: pansexual/asexual (still questioning)

idiosyncrasy: hierophilia

religion: agnostic

🖇 ꒱ PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

height: 177cm / 5′ 9.7″

weight: 69kg

hair color: brunette (sandy brown)

eye color: green (jade)

🖇 ꒱ PROFESSIONAL INFORMATION

occupation: university student, librarian

🖇 ꒱ EXTRA

confidence point: eyes

likes: music, books and cats

dislikes: hateful acts to animals and children

favorite food: dark coffee

favorite accessorie: a pin in the shape of a half moon made of silver

hobby: listening to music and searching for more knowledge

ideal type: doesn't have one

🖇 ꒱ RELATIONSHIPS

family: deceased parents, minhyeok (and his own family)

🖇 ꒱ APPEARANCE

raina is a young woman with light brown hair that's waist-length and wavy when closer to the ends; she tends to leave it loose, although sometimes she puts it up in a regular braid. her eyes are green, usually relaxed. her facial expression tends to be what is known as the "resting bitch face."

when we're talking about outfits, she tends to choose simple but elegant clothes; like white shirts, black or brown skirts, dark loafers, and so on. she doesn't usually wear anything very ostentatious.

🖇 ꒱ PERSONALITY

raina is laid-back, someone with a calm nature who doesn't get upset or angry easily, or so she wants to think. she has her moments of anger, but they are sporadic; normally being in a rest mode, so to speak.

she isn't very social, preferring to be at home whenever she can. she's, quite simply, introverted and reserved. she has a hard time understanding social cues and that's why she only has minhyeok as a friend.

she's someone intelligent who likes to learn about any topic that may interest her, tending to be taboo topics in society. such as crimes, sexual themes, etc.

🖇 ꒱ TRIVIA

—she's kind of lazy most of the time, always complaining about having to do things yet always doing it. this, plus adding her procrastination, leaves her like quite the slothfull one.

—her favorite color is purple, more specifically lavender and periwinkle.

—she studied at a nuns' school, which ended up with her learning about the subjects of the catholic religion, angels, and demons. this also led her to not get along with many of the other students.

—the other part of her pin belongs to minhyeon, who has a pin in the shape of the sun made of gold. it's like their own friendship bracelet, but it's a pin instead of a bracelet.

—she likes reading, that's why she decided to accept the job in a library when she was given the opportunity. her favorite genres are thriller and horror.

—she has been interested in the topic of sexuality since she was little, despite never having been interested in doing the act itself with someone.

—she likes to cook, especially baking. but, only when all the ingredients are in the kitchen, if one is missing she refuses to buy it or make something else.

—she loves to listen to music, almost always having it playing in the background while she does something else. her favorite genres are pop and rock.

—she knows three languages (english, spanish, and korean), and she wants to learn a couple more.

—her curiosity knows no extent, especially when her current hyperfixations are involved in the matter. she has no problem with questioning anyone about anything she may find interesting.

#— oc/mc.#— what in “hell” is bad?#so #this is my whb mc #— raina.

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anxhoredheart · 4 months

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( archie renaux, nonbinary, he/they ) — 🎬 just announced, jaiden ‘jaime' adani is casted as chuck bhatt (chuck bass) in upcoming gossip girl series reboot. the twenty six year old is trending as people are debating if the worn out checkered vans with the hole on the heel, the thrill of surviving imposter syndrome, bruised && bloody knuckles worn proud with a smile, finding yourself stuck in the method acting that they are known for is enough to make them as good as original. a quick google search shows that their fans call them deeply devoted, but internet trolls think they’re more desperate. i guess their newest interview for variety where they talk about how this is their breakout role and the dream of a lifetime will let people to know them better.

basics:

traits: athletic, hedonistic, ambitious, devoted, idealistic, argumentative, stubborn, resilient, colorful, individualistic, non-conforming, hyper-active, spontaneous, forceful, destructive, domineering, envious, greedy.

relationship status: mingling.

sexuality: pansexual/gender blind.

religion: agnostic.

date of birth: nov 9th.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

skills & hobbies: basketball, acting, watching movies, everything 90s, skateboarding, opposing authority, bare-knuckle boxing, parties, fast cars, being listened too, painting fingernails.

dislikes & fears: their mother, rules, and the answer no // losing his apartment, never making it to the spotlight, half of their co-workers.

quirks: diagnosis: with adhd in 3rd grade, hates authority, doesn't drink beer

fun facts: had auditioned for the roles of troy bolton and ryan atwood but never got call-backs. was shocked to get a call for chuck bass.

pets: their apartment doesn't allow them, but they have one unauthorized cat who has only one eye, and her tail was amputated. she is a rescue and his baby. her name is pizza.

family: no longer in contact with any of them.

inspirations: fiona & lip gallagher (shameless), killmonger (black panther), jordan wilder (famous in love)

backstory:

they were just a kid from oakland - with about a million and two dreams && a penchant for trouble.

kicked out of public high school only two weeks into their freshman year for fighting, and they didn't regret it. no one made fun of jaime when they returned, painted nails && long hair (or shaved hair, or neon pink hair...) && all, that was for sure.

adversity was part of the lifestyle. they bounced between the houses of their mom's boyfriends or cheap rundown places, and jaime (as the eldest) would come home from school && take care of their two younger brothers while their mom worked, partied, dated, or slept.

the house was a revolving door, and there was almost always 1-4 guests crashing on couches, or even the floor.

what brought everyone together were movies - and jaime loved them, dreamed of living the lives they saw play out on social media && on tv, always thinking of a bigger, brighter future.

the day of their 18th birthday, they left oakland, and somehow got their junker car to los angeles.

it then, immediately, broke down. and so began, the harrowing experience of trying to get your name out in hollywood. it was an uphill battle from the start, and aside from minor roles, posing as extras, and commercials... jaime struggled.

their brothers did not forgive jaime for leaving to pursue his dream, especially as years passed, and jamie continued to struggle. eventually, they stopped communicating at all, finding their own trouble && dream in other ways. the family fractured without jaime.

for eight freaking years, they have been showing up to every casting call, every audition, stalking directors on social media, trying to get into the classy clubs, buying the cheap weed... bouncing between place to place like a bouncy ball.

almost ready to give up, jaime gave it one last go - and landed the role, somehow, for chuck bass. he couldn't more different from them, but it's time to own up to the challenge.

jaime's dreams are coming true... but only if they can hack it on the screen, and bring justice to the legacy of chuck bass. it wasn't until filming began they realized the only reason they landed the role at all instead of one of the bigger names floating around was because their co-star demanded a "nobody" to star alongside romantically; and now, jaime has even more to prove.

wanted connections:

gossip girl cast: they already have a lot of tension with his co-star portraying blair, and though they want to make friends with the crew... they may be acting a little aloof due to the nerves of it all. i imagine tension here but hopefully someone can break the ice? share snacks during break?

rival: someone trying to steal their thunder

showing them the ropes: literally brand new to fame, despite having been in la for 10 years now. they don't know the ins and outs, they still get starstruck, and they have no idea how to say no at the wild parties. someone needs to help him.

the judge-y snobs who think they can't hack it: pretty much self-explanatory but as a brand new face, a nobody from oakland who took this long to finally land something, i'm sure jaime will face a lot of adversity and he will work to win them over in unique ways.

crushes/hook-ups/tinder dates: tbh jaime is here to mingle and mingle they shall do. this is their dream life they are living and the love is overflowing.

the mom friend: eventually i will have jaime lean a little hard into the "chuck bass" personna as the show continues filming... being more of a douche, partying too hard, etc. someone will need to care enough to help them out, would love for this to be a slow burn/slow blossom effect so when they spiral, your muse is there!

party/stoner pals: life of the party, and comes down every night with a well-rolled joint. who else?

taken connections:

#2000.INTRO #. << MUSE >> . JAIME.

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passp0rtguardian · 2 years

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Give me adrian and barney stuff with our "barney and adrian met in black mesa" stuff 👀👀👀

Life after the resonance cascade was a mix of chaos and boredom.

Gordon Freeman had disappeared, presumed dead; Barney Calhoun joined the Combine, if only to save his own ass.

But Gordon wasn't the only one missing. From Barney's life, that is.

Cold metal dog tags pressed into his chest through the padding of the Combine uniform as he returns from a long day trying to meet their daily beating quota.

Soft brown eyes and just as soft hands, cloaked with fingerless gloves, hand him the dog tags, laughing along with him. "Doubt you'll ever need these because we're getting out of here together, but just as a memento, you know?" Barney had laughed along then.

He sighed as he entered Kleiner's lab, taking off his gas mask and setting it on a table nearby. Kleiner and Alyx both looked up from what they were doing; Barney could still see that four-year-old he used to know from Black Mesa in Alyx.

"Long day, Barney?" Kleiner inquired, although Barney could tell he was more focused on trying to tune his miniature teleporter. He had been working on it since they set up the lab here.

He was seemingly convinced that if he made a bigger teleporter, Gordon could come back. Barney doubted it; it's been almost ten years at this point.

Not that he was keeping track of much anyways.

"It's always a long day at this point," Barney joked, just to make light of a bad situation as he shrugged his bulletproof vest off. "How's that teleporter comin', Doc?"

"Well, I managed to work out a particularly difficult line of code today! That's a rather good step forward!" Kleiner said, sounding proud of himself. Alyx nodded along with him, but she seemed distracted.

Her next question quickly told Barney why.

"Hey Barney, what are those?" She asked, pointing at his chest.

He looked down, realizing that with the running around and everything he did, his dog tags fell out of his shirt. He usually kept them hidden.

His soft doe-brown eyes crinkle up in the corners as he looks at Barney, letting the young security guard know he was grinning. Barney was grinning, too, their hands interlocked after a nervewracking battle with a Vortigaunt.

Her question caused Kleiner to look too. "Oh, those are dog tags from the former military! ... Why do you have those, Barney?"

Barney had to quickly formulate a reason as to why he had dog tags, especially after their bad history with the military- before they were wiped out, of course.

Even him.

"What do they say on them? Can I read them?" Alyx asked. She had always been a curious girl, and he didn't blame her. But he also didn't have the energy in him to fight, so he just nodded.

She gently took the dog tags, finding the one with most of the writing on it, and read aloud. "Shephard, Adrian H.? XXX-XX-XXXX? AB neg? Agnostic? What does all of this mean?"

"Are you gonna finally tell me your name? I told ya mine! How can I know you're to trust, bein' a HECU marine and all?" Barney claimed, having argued with the young faceless man their entire way through Black Mesa. The young man turned to him, quiet for a long moment. "Shephard." He finally said. "Corporal Adrian Shephard."

"I believe that's the last name, first name, social security number, blood type, and religion of whichever soldier owned those dog tags. Did you have a family member in the military, or a friend, Barney?" Kleiner asked. Barney could already see him putting the puzzle pieces together.

"He was a uhh..." Soft lips meeting his own, hands tangling in his hair. He was breathless, over the moon. "Friend. Close friend."

"He was in the military?" Alyx asked. Barney knew she wanted answers; he didn't know if he had the strength to give them. "Weren't there like, a bunch of different branches? Which one was he in?"

Barney paused; swallowed. "He was in a branch of marines."

"You're really an HECU marine? How do I know you're not here to kill me?!" Barney remembered vividly that, when he said that, the faceless young man had recoiled as if burned; brows furrowed, eyes filled with hurt. Barney didn't know why he felt guilty, then.

Kleiner looked at Barney, eyes filled with suspicion. "Could he have been in the Hazardous Environment Cleanup Unit, Barney?"

"I didn't even know we had to kill anybody!" The younger man said, hands up to show he wasn't a threat. "My helicopter crashed before our squad leader could say anything!"

"He was." Barney said, looking back at Kleiner. "He didn't know what was going on, though."

"Were these branch people... bad?" Alyx asked hesitantly, looking in between Kleiner and Barney during this staredown.

"Calhoun- am I a bad person?" Adrian had asked softly, after a scientist had screamed and ran away from him purely because of his outfit. Barney could see through his helmet that his eyes were shining with unshed tears. It hurt him, to see someone he had grown to view as a friend like that.

"They were never bad, Alyx." Barney reassured the 14-year-old. "Just took a bad path in life, they didn't know they were goin' down."

Kleiner folded his arms and huffed, turning away from Barney.

"You know I found this one scientist who had a headcrab in a pet crate? He was talking about how it was interesting and shit- it was the weirdest thing I witnessed in this place! Are all your scientists just batshit crazy?" Adrian had laughed. Barney had cackled along with him, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

"Can you tell me more about him, Barney??" Alyx asked, eyes shining with curiosity. She had seemed to sense the rising tension between him and Kleiner.

Barney paused before shaking his head. "I can tell you he was the best person I ever met- 'sides Gordon, of course." He laughed softly. "Not an ounce of bad in his heart. Like those princes from the fairytales Eli used to read to ya."

Barney still remembered the first time Adrian took his gas mask off in front of him. His hands were shaking; it was the first time Barney had seen him genuinely nervous about something. He usually feigned confidence. But when he took his mask off, he was genuinely the prettiest person Barney had seen.

"I know, I know, ugly cleft lip- you can laugh if you want." He had sighed, looking at Barney with contempt for himself. He was so pretty. The doe brown eyes framed by harsh eyebrows and sharper features, the soft freckles spanning over his nose and cheeks, the curve of his lips and even the scar going up to his nose.

Barney remembered cupping his face, then, watching as his cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. "I don't think it's ugly," he had said, voice soft as a whisper in the moment. "You're the bleedin' prettiest thing I've ever seen."

He remembered Adrian laughing because of how heavily his Southern accent came out, but Barney was happy because he could tell that either way, he had cheered the younger man up.

#half life #half life opposing force #half life blue shift #half life 2 #hl2 #gordon freeman (mentioned)#isaac kleiner #barney calhoun #adrian shephard #alyx vance #eli vance (mentioned)#shephoun

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