#another bg3 shitpost

[i-made-a-bg3-blog]

In honor of the updated release date, it is once again time to make a shitpost no one would ever care about.

Ranking BG3 companions from worst to best cooks:

5. Astarion

You know this motherfucker has never cooked a day in his life, even before he was a vampire. In fact, I have a hard time imagining him eating at all. He's that guy who is perpetually late, always hungover (but like in a chic way), and his diet consists of red wine, cigarettes, and cocaine. Also, he always has an iced coffee, even when there is no conceivable way he could have gotten one. No, I have not thought a lot about this, what are you talking about?

4. Lae'zel

Lae'zel seems like she's a 'food is food' kind of person. Her cooking is edible, but that's about it. She refuses to cater to weak, lesser races by adding any kind of seasoning.

3. Shadowheart

The thing is, has Shadowheart actually cooked for the group? Cause I can imagine Tav asking her, and her questioning why they're asking her specifically, and then Tav worries that they've said something offensive. Mostly she just doesn't want to, and this is a very effective method for avoiding it.

2. Wyll

Wyll is a good cook, but he has a tendency to get a little too creative. Everyone dreads when he starts talking about a new recipe idea he's had because it'll end up being something like watermelon-braised boar meat stuffed into a pumpkin.

1. Gale

Does Gale like cooking? Probably not. However, Gale refuses to be bad at anything. Also, he's one of those super annoying people who act faux-humble about something they are obviously really good at. He'd be like, 'oh no, it's nothing special' after making a souffle in the middle of goddamned woods, but you know he knows. God he's so annoying. I love him.

#another bg3 shitpost #bg3 hot takes??? #my place in the discourse is asking the questions no one has ever given a fuck about #and then having psycho opinions about them #astarion #gale #wyll #lae'zel #shadowheart #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[antisocialshoe]

Ngl whenever i watch the sharran nightfall ritual cutscene of dj shadowheart and a selunite tav/durge i always picture Shar and Selune watching like this respectively

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #dark justiciar shadowheart #shadowheart x tav #selune and shar’s fav telenovela just dropped #right in front of selune’s salad #another bg3 shitpost #jenevelle hallowleaf

[tadfools]

Make sure to check your kid's Halloween candy this year!!! I just opened my son's snickers bar and found an astral tadpole that could have unlocked his illithid potential!!!!

#baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #baldur’s gate iii #bg3 memes #bg3 shitpost #baldur’s gate #if any of you clowns take this you better link it back to me #If I see another one of my posts on Instagram I'm gonna be mad #halloween

[rbillustration]

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #hi it's me back with another 5-min bg3 shitpost #enjoy

[killerpancakeburger]

Y/N, admiring Ghost working out from afar: *sighs wistfully* Oh, that body of his...

Soap, smug: *nudges them* Someone's got the hots for our L.T., ae?

Y/N: Oh, it's not like that. I just wish I was tall and big like him...

Soap: *is imagining a disturbing vision of Ghost wearing Y/N's face as a mask*

#wrote the majority of my dating soap and dating ghost yesterday #but too tired to finish rn #so u get another shit post #rambling into the void #not bg3 #cod #cod x reader #cod x y/n #shitpost #text post #dialogue #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghost cod #soap cod #call of duty x y/n

[kozh-lucium]

The Kiss of Judas Durge

I don’t even know why I made this….

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 durge #wyll ravengard #shadowheart #my art #i mean gale does look like jesus a bit lol #yet another shitpost I spend too much time on

[fishingmaster69]

this is pretty much what ive gathered from my dark urge run so far

#please god dont let another low quality shitpost of mine minorly blow up #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #the dark urge

[lets-go-hurt-someone]

Astarion: I’m going to fucking kill you.

Durge: Omg do you promise? How do you feel about summer weddings?? 😍😍😍

#get it? cuz Bhaalist weddings are just murder #its a vibe for sure #I think I put this in the tags of another shitpost but i think it deserves its own #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #durge #the dark urge #astarion #astarion ancunin #durgestarion

[florbelles]

HEARTBREAKING—sicko mad with power leads companions with tyranny

#another day another high effort shitpost <3 #gale's look back. yeah me too #oc: sile cosantoir #bg3 #*bg3edit #*sile #*ocedit #v: la tour abolie #gale dekarios for filtering #shadowheart for filtering #minthara baenre for filtering #astarion for filtering #yes i'm exploiting the no party limit before picking up nessa. i couldn't deny minthy the chance to sort of kill a clown.

[razrogue]

Evil!Tav's grand plan with Astarion...probably:

#another razrogue shitpost #Astarion #evil!tav #BG3 #Baldur's Gate 3 #BG3 spoilers #very specific to my evil tav but other evil tavs may relate too LOL #there was a wrong turn made somewhere but F it they're too far along to turn around now #LMAO #Astarion x tav

[bluerose5]

The inherent romance of committing crimes together.

#bg3 #dragon age #zevran #astarion #crossover #zevran arainai #astarion ancunin #zevstarion #yes tis about them #i have another wip for them that i am slowly but surely working through #nothing like two dudes #being bi/pan and committing a string of crimes as a date #bluerose rambles #bluerose shitposts

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Has anyone thought about how Astarion's going to react when "the delights of man" start coming back to him after the ritual? Because sure there will be delights but there's also the aftermath...

Bodily functions return and he doesn't handle them coming back well at first.

Tav hears Astarion screaming like a banshee and they rush to the bathroom. Runs in expecting some damn monster hunters or something. Instead he's standing there naked pointing at himself with tears in his eyes that he's leaking and being punished for the ritual.

And Tav just stands there with a blank expression when they realize he's talking about regular old bathroom usage.

Tav asks what he thought any of them were doing in the woods when they left camp alone? Astarion goes I don't know...nature stuff?

Tav just walks out shaking their head while he whines that they're supposed to be helping him...

#shitposting brought to you by mind flayer tadpoles #Astarion #Ascended Astarion #BG3 spoilers #BG3 #Baldur's Gate 3 spoilers #Baldur's Gate 3 #all those bodily functions possibly coming back...he's going to be in shambles #maybe the spawn fans are on to something 🤔 #tav getting the bathroom to themself is the pro they didn't know they had #he compels Tav to come back and stop the leaking at once #but the sheer absurdity overrides him and just leaves Tav laughing at him in another room

[alicelufenia]

Way too high effort of a meme, but it's what I thought when Alice daydreams about claiming the elder brain with her evil wife :3

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 shitpost #tav #my tav #bg3 alice lufenia #I still haven't even gotten to act 3 so there's still time to make another choice #it'd be hilarious if I underestimate just how bad an idea this is lmao #also I finally met uh #bg3 the emperor #alright internet I've seen the light I get it now

[doomed-sorceress]

in a past life, perhaps you and I were two star-crossed queer lovers, leaving covert messages to each other in the form of flower bouquets on our respective late husband's graves. but in this life you are a fictional video game vampire elf, and i am made of flesh. two boats in the night, always passing by, never touching, lest we collide and doom ourselves to oblivion

#astarion #bg3 #bg3 shitpost #no i am not okay #thanks for asking #the pale elf #another vampire twink consumes my thoughts #whats new

[huitunkuutti]

Gortash 22

#another silly I had to egt out of my system before it was too late #animatic #shitpost #enver gortash #gortash #suomipaskaa #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[bean-cookies]

Hey What shade of green are Shadowheart's eyes?

...Shart-treuse.

#another terrible one from me #could also be Shar-treuse I suppose #she is judging me #bg3 #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 shitpost #bg3 shartpost #bad jokes