#anyways this is long im going to bed now lmao

[thotsfortherapy]

I ran into my ex-bff's mom at a concert and she was not happy to see me lmao... when I got back to my seat she pointed me out to her entire family and they all turned to look at me like damn 😳 good to know I'm a celebrity

#cy says stuff #personal #she was also highkey trying to flex with her daughter about like.. the money shes making despite not having a highschool education #which is like yeah tree planting is cool she's still an abuser though #like the issue was never how successful or not she was it was her personality LMAO #it was odd i think she was disappointed that i was doing well #which is weird because i actually quite liked her mom #also the way she recognized me immediately?? freaky #i was legit in incognito mode like damn wtf #in any case... I'm happy i approached and said hi because now i know... #I'm so happy i stopped being friends with her at that age bc that girl legit would have ruined my life #shout out to my sibling for bullying me into blocking her lmao #i do truly hope she's doing better though bc no one deserves to go through her shitty treatment lmao #but yeah... i was freaking out at first but actually it's like no I'm good I'm happy with my choices and who i am #I'm happy with where i am in life and the past doesn't have the same hold on me as it did before #proud of myself :) #anyways this is long im going to bed now lmao

[tianhai03]

some dante doodles that i havent put up here yet

#ive been very busy and very tired from trying to finish school work that im late to submitting... #and i think its showing in these doodles a lot lmao..... #anyway <33 im fucking exhausted i cant wait when im free again so i can get some actual rest #devil may cry #dante(dmc) #forgor that i did that last sketch a few days ago too and added it in after i wrote the pev tags. #now it looks out of place. but its fine <333 #im going to bed enjoy ur food #cw // blood #(its actually him eating pizza in a fucked up way and getting sauce all over himself #but it looks like blood so i'll just tag that #dont ask where that came from ive been having conversations abt stuff on twitter and itd take too long to explain) #(hes just a little insane i think we'll leave it at that) #allyart

[merevide]

hiiiii i have returned from the depths of the underworld (self imposed hiatus) (3 week break that felt like 3 years)

#posting this then going 2 bed so i actually have incentive to start posting again i’ve been meaning to for like. two days now LOL #i’ve just been genuinely stressed LMAO but i started reading a new book n getting into new media so things mightttt be okay. #u know its been a wild time if smth convinced me to take a break from tumblr for like a month #n it was lmao. first it was the fatigue then it was the health issues which the fatigue stemmed from #then it was doing work n then it was literally nobody cares am i alive yes am i doing well sure(?) #am i gonna be active WE'LL SEE #genuinely missed my mutuals which is why i was bad at this i still checked in from time 2 time just did not post #im like 5 days off of this being an actual month long break but i was like waittt lemme post smth before #the month ends i dont wanna skip february so yeah #tldr most chronically online person ever thinks that like 3 weeks away from her blog is like 3 years. iam right #my text #🍅🍅🍅 this was a long rant boooooo get off the stage #i probs sound like a hectic mess bc i am anyway goodnight happy bhm happy valentines happy february hope it has been kind

[elegyofthemoon]

wait actually this one post makes a good point i wish there was actually tags to separate between hsr and hi3 bronseele and on that note actually any of the overlapping characters alskdjfha but the search engine sucks ass on this website so you'll always have overlap either way i think :I

#LIKE !!!!! OK!!!!!! I DO REALLY LIKE BRONSEELE!!!!! BUT ALSO!!!!!! I LIKE HI3 BRONSEELE AND WISH TO LOOK AT STUFF FOR THEM NOT HSR!!!!!!!!! #whhhh i was running into the same problem with cocolia before too T _ T #and its fINE because i saw some servalia while doing so but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T _ T come onnnnnnnnnn i just wanna look at hi3 stuuuuuuffff #ok maybe this is also like. the worlds sign for me to STOP JUMPING INTO THE TAGS INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME AND STOP SPOILING YOURSELF #but T _ T #i could also just go bother my friends as well about hi3 but i also dont wanna be a bother #... so i decide to. bother? everyone???? by posting???? #illogical. #IT IS DISTRIBUTED ANNOYANCE #anyways point is: i like bronseele's dynamic a lot in hi3 #it actually made me appreciate the bronseele dynamic more in hsr bc i can see where it takes inspiration from #though i feel that the dynamic got switched around for hsr bronseele #but ill spare talking about that LAKSJDFALKSH #snow plays hi3 #i /guess/ im starting a tag on that its fine lmao #anyways if anyones interested i have plans to finish ch 11 and 11 ex tonight. #'but snow thats like 3 hours long and its near bed time' listen i am on a mission. the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that #i told myself i should finish reviewing (but am Very distracted) #and the fact that the game Also is like 'girl you need to STOP YOURE OUT OF STAMINA' #watch me down all these energy drinks (idk what they are) THEN TELL ME I NEED TO STOP #besides i had a pretty good day re: studying today and ive been doing good with my questions ^u^ #so im bout to beat the holy shit out of this exam. whether the exam likes it or not i Will Eviscerate You. #that and i need to recuperate because I was burned out pretty bad today but when i came back from getting lost (wandering around) for like #hours i did fine so weehee #break day and then we'll be in the long haul till tuesday myeheh

[todayisafridaynight]

Sorry to keep throwing Miscellaneous Asks your way, but I finally had a moment to get my thoughts in order on one of the points on your Venn diagram I wanted to talk about! I always kind of debate whether or not to send other, semi-unrelated long asks like this when we've already got a chain going, but oh well. I'll try and address anything brought up in response here in the main one and hopefully it doesn't get confusing lol.

So I was thinking about the extent of Jo and Arakawa's relationship. It is completely true there's not much you can say that's concrete, especially since most of what we see is from Jo's perspective. Although his perspective is crucial to forming an understanding of their relationship, it's not sufficient. This is particularly the case because, coming back to giri-ninjo for a moment, Jo is largely bound by giri; it's clear his loyalty runs deep, but it's not a choice for him.

Arakawa, on the other hand, can choose who he places his trust in, especially early on. And I think it's incredibly important that, despite having men who've already been with him from day 1, men who've already been helping him with his son, Arakawa chooses to "place every confidence" in Jo (per an old Famitsu profile, one of the first official ones) and chooses to make Jo his captain.

Similarly, he kind of chooses Jo "over" Ichi in sending Ichi to prison "instead of" Jo. Perhaps the family really would collapse without Jo's talents, but… does it have to collapse entirely? Didn't Arakawa make it pretty far on his own? I guess it's neither here nor there, but I've always wondered if things would've really played out as feared if Jo went to prison instead. Not to understate Jo's role in the family, of course.

Anyway, I think that trust shows not only in overt gestures such as entrusting Masato and the family's finances to Jo, but also in more subtle behind-the-scenes ways, such as what we were talking about before with regard to New Year's 2001. There's also the fact that leaking information to Aoki was Jo's idea; for that to be the case, Arakawa would have to discuss Aoki's threats at length with Jo. (Unrelated, but come to think of it, "complying with him [to] make him see value in keeping us around" is very often the strategy of victims of abuse and neglect…)

And this one's an underrated detail many people miss, but after Arakawa shot Ichi, while he was able to come up to Ichi to tell him he's counting on him and sneak in the fake bill, if the goal was to not arouse suspicion, I don't think he would exactly have been able to excuse himself from the dinner to drive Ichi to Yokohama. Time was of the essence in terms of Ichi's survival, so that leaves Jo, who was conveniently already at the scene and who was certainly in on the "secret rule" that constitutes part of the Arakawa Family's agreement with the homeless camp. Overall, there is a pattern of Arakawa approaching Jo before anyone else, isn't there?

Sort of branching off of that, I would personally feel comfortable saying that Jo knows Arakawa better than anyone else. He seems to know details about Akane and New Year's 1976 no one else does, details Arakawa would have had to volunteer himself, and that plus his own experiences are what allow him alone to have the most complete picture of that night.

I also get the impression Jo understands Arakawa better as a person than anyone else--certainly better than Aoki, but perhaps even better than Ichi in some cases. There are multiple instances where he defends Arakawa and challenges their perceptions of him--that he's "betrayed" the Tojo Clan, that he's betrayed Aoki, that he's the type to scheme and make power-plays behind Aoki's back. He hasn't. And, despite how little Jo's "allowed" to say, he turns out to be right every time. Also worth noting Arakawa does something similar in asking Ichi to try and understand Jo's frustrations, though he's more or less enabling Jo's abuse in doing so.

Lastly, The Smallest Detail that drives me kind of insane. Them arriving at the office in the back seat of the same car in one of Ichi's flashbacks. I wouldn't think too much of it if it were any other time of day, but the first-thing-in-the-morning quality and the fact Jo isn't driving (thus it's not as an act of service but as an equal) is like… Okay. You're carpooling to work. And if you're not carpooling, you're honest-to-god living together. What the hell.

So a lot of it is this web of inferences--it has to be, at least currently--but I really do think there's a lot to chew on. More than meets the eye, anyway. I've also been stewing in all of this for years, especially since drafting Jo's relationships section, so I might just have inhaled the fumes for too long lol

Thank you for coming to me about the nature of their relationship! Although I did put it down as being more-or-less 'uncertain' on my chart, I do agree that their relationship isn't as cut-and-dry as other relationships might be (it's going back to appreciating the complexities of RGG relationships, especially in the case of the Arakawa's where for every party involved it really IS complicated)

I wanted to exclude making any definitive statements on things that couldn't be verified without making a detour on the original post (I know I already mentioned frequently that Arakawa is able to joke about Jo being 'softer' on Masato, but I do think about their relationship often and the implied depth of Jo's loyalty if- as you said- he was able to climb through the ranks of the Arakawa family much quicker than preexisting members), but there are clear points in the game that due allude to a great trust between the two (and I also note that carpooling detail during Ichi's flashback- or at the very least I know I'd find myself noticing Jo sitting in the back opposed to the front/driving). It's definitely not hard to assert that Jo knows Arakawa well either, it's hard not to come to that conclusion when we have evidence from the game to infer that.

#long post #fave #i should prob come up with an actual tag for these asks so i can easily find them and not sift through my other fave'd posts #ill do it in the morning im right about to go to bed but i just saw this pop up on my notifications #and well. we know me i've been presented an itch i have to scratch LMAO #snap chats #i feel a bit silly now- i know that their relationship isn't exactly. 'uncertain' but i didnt want to put that so i didn't appear #hmm.. i dont know the word for it. #i guess because it's not AS blatant as daigo and mine's relationship was #i didnt want to make it appear as though i was saying theres more when there isnt?? tho there definitely is.. #its a little evident i Am interested in the depths of their relationship so i promise ive thought about it #maybe i just wasnt sure how to exactly word it.. though in review the way i worded it on my chart #wasn't HORRIBLE. to most standards anyway i think however it definitely undermines the bond they have and for that #'ashamed' is hyperbolic i feel like someone would say so we'll go with 'embarrassed' to meet in the middle #but thats the benefit of peer review isnt it- just to help catch your mistakes or to help reaffirm ideas so im grateful! #but x2 again in review im a silly coward for doubting my gut on that #tho i sort of do want to torch that post- i wont tho. it's not supposed to be SUPER deep just very quick notes #so i guess i'll save the Deep Dive on jo and masumi's relationship for a future post. is what ill tell myself to keep myself sane #thank you for compiling- i suppose i'll call- their moments together ! #it's a great way to keep track of every important note on their relationship that i hope people will take note of if they havent

[7official7moose7]

For fucks sake it's 4 am. Can I not ever unexpectedly hyperfixate at a reasonable time

Anyways. I haven't even seen the show yet, I just kept finding clips of rottmnt on my yt reccomendations??? I used to watch 2012 tmnt when I was a kid and Mikey was literally always my favorite like. I kin this mf so hard djfkgglkfj

Anyways (^2), this art is just me messing with some hc ideas that I've developed over the last. *checks watch* twelve hours of scrolling through the tumblr tag and watching yt clips and reading fandom wikis (ex. The scars on his hands are from his mystic powers even though it's nooot realistic at all I honestly just wanted to draw him with scars)-

Also I felt sort of weird about drawing an anthropomorphic teenage turtle with no clothes so I made up an outfit for him 😳👉🏽👈🏽

#artists on tumblr #digital art #good lird here comes the fandom tag guys #bee's tmnt tag #rise mikey #mikey rottmnt #anyways this hc design will probably change once i actually 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 the show so i might edit it later- #dw though im still into dbh (and i will be for a while) im just taking a break from it for like a week lmao #thats usually how long my hyperfixations last- #bruh its almost 5 am now wtf #im going to bed ffs i swear i ALWAYS do this

[iscariotapologist]

god to me last night: you're going to want to hold on for this part

today: fucking insane and weirdest day of the summer, one sick staff member away from cancelling camp

#😐🚬 #would be okay if the next sick staff member is me so i can fucking go to sleep #this whole pandemic i've been so scared of getting covid and haven't gotten it yet but im so fucking exhausted now from this job #that im like yeah sure as long as i can lay in bed #chances are good (bad) bc the last person to go down was one of my barn staff who i obviously have been in close contact with #one single kid came here with it somehow and that was enough lmao #also several ravens have been hanging about the horses in the last few days and not to be superstitious but it does feel a little ominous #anyway there's only three people sick but we are literally so understaffed that they had to cut programs already #yeargh . #me

[pastel-rights]

[Hana Overblot AU by my friend, the glorious mafia fish, @pinsssss <3] […does this count as fanart????] [lol]

I’m going to be seeing green for a week but it’s okay because it’s Hana. - Yami’s dumbass at 11:00 PM

This is sort of inspired by this one drawing and based on one of the two bad ends, the one where Hana keeps Cater captive,,,

Anyways more babble under the cut [aka tired dumbass who now sees in green thinks too much into the several overblot aus] [also non spoopy version under the cut too] [my tags are even worse oh god 😔]

I dunno this BE OB AU and Jade’s BE OB AU have similar yet different vibes,,,

Like in it’s broadest terms, it’s got “suffer with me” vibes because the whole bad end has the other party suffering with the OBed person, not only suffering because of them but suffering with them too 🤔 But Hana’s “suffer with me” is different than Jade’s… Cater’s suffering because of Hana (like how Chiaki’s suffering because of Jade) but Hana’s trying to relieve Cater of his suffering at the same time. Trying to convince him that he’s safe in her arms. That it’s gonna be okay because she’s got him. That she won’t leave him the way all his friends did (aka when she uh. you know. murdered them.) While with Jade it’s literally “suffer with me” like “you did this to me, and now you’re going to suffer with me, whether I have to drag you while you’re kicking and screaming or not.” Also yes that is a quote he says and another quote he says that really matches the situation is “there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. What made you think this was going to work out in your favor?” Which yes there is something wrong, why did you think imprisonment would work out in your favor Hana 😭 and there’s mentally shattering a person and forcing them to develop a dependency on the OBed person which I won’t get into because then I’d. be here all night. Also my Hana and Jade interpretations are complete wack at the moment so there’s that too. BUT LIKE the vibes. These are also Sadie’s vibes, over analyzing and making bizarre connections and shit. Ahhh the joys of being a writer and an artist/lh But also like ignore me it’s almost midnight as I’m typing this and sleepy silly silly sleepy director, you’re here for the art not the tired angelfish babble/lh

Anyways, non spoopy versions where you can see things [I need to do this for my other spoopy drawings but lazy,,,]

And also

Pink

#ringmaster doodles #twst #twst au #friend pins #others ocs #hana dyanthus #cater diamond #twst cater #nonshoutout to Four now I can’t stop imagining OB Hana as an aggressive Barbie doll/hj #I wish Qiqi fallen was an emoji because that describes me pretty well rn/lh #anyways sorry about the babble but it’s basically midnight and my head is in storytelling mode #also Jade OB quotes are a mood that happen to match the mood very well… like who gave him that power smh #also yeah I know in the canon of the AU Cater has hella pale skin but I think giving him the blacked out skin tone makes things creepier and #more unsettling because HOLY SHIT that whole BE was unsettling as hell. #like Cater’s there… but he isn’t there. #he… hasn’t been home in a long… long time. being imprisoned does that to you ig #I dunno this drawing genuinely feels unsettling to look at but also is midnight. drawing is dark. bright colors in dark room. 🤔 #I dunno if you can feel the helplessness they’re both experiencing- I can but I’m also. the one who drew it LMAO #OTAY I’m going to bed now #*OKAY im a dumbass AUGHHHH #also #pink #lol

[orcelito]

i do love me keeping getting more kudos on discacc & ppl being like "man i love discacc" and ykno what im not doing? writing discacc

instead im having fun with my little punk violinist au. sometimes a little porcupine goro can be something So personal

#speculation nation #discacc shit #ladue shit #maybe possibly going back to discacc after ladue chapter 3. we'll see #idk im rly feeling this rn and i think it's better to just write what i wanna #rather than trying to force what everyone else wants to read and being miserable #i wanna love writing discacc so if im not feelin it the soul isnt gonna b there. more or less. #anyways punk violinist goro. y'all r Getting it whether u want it or not. #literally biting at the bit bc im one scene away from finishing this chapter but life is a BITCH rn #im at 11.5k words tho. gonna b another long chapter #but like what's new lmao this is me we're talking about. im not surprised. #anyways im gonna go to bed now. wish me Fuckin luck for tomorrow

[allergic-to-four-leaf-clovers]

BED!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

#also I FOUND MY WEIGHTED BLANKET!!!!! IT'S UNDER MY DUVET BUT YK #also yhe pride flag will be repositioned dont worry #going on a bit of a ramble rn but like. ive just found a couple things that have been hiding under the drawers of my old bed #for example i found a cool bandana i thought i lost for like. a year. and now im obsessed with it so prepare to see that maybe #and i also found a snood i had that still fits me even though i even wore it in first school #and the crazy thing is that i dont remember #anything of first school #the only thing i have are school books from yr 4 and that snood #along witg like. old pictures of me #then again they look absolutely nothing like me. like. blonde with really long hair?? nu uh not me (not anymore at least) #i dont remember much of anything now that i think about it #i dont remember what i did last year #i cant even remember what year i came out as trans #i cant remember when i joined tumblr #and when i first made rayan or foster or zuriel or ailean or even the day i made ruaridh #perhaps its my shit sense of time but i have such a horrible memory that first school may have never happened if it werent for the fuzzy and #few things i actually. remembered. though i doubt i remember them correctly #idk if its anything that Happened™ that blocked out my memory or something. i know a certain thing may have since it kinda scarred me (ig?? #idk i dont wanna sound overdramatic) but. you know im just a silly guy with a silly memory #anyway sorry for that vent lmao

[toastsnaffler]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule #im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep #and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it #drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3 #bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and- #b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant #by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long #i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes #just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to- #go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway #and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao #whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway #ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man #i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-( #im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people- #seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This. #i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in.. #like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still #it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED #UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383 #.diaries #.vent

[astralcurses]

sup

im gonna go make the entire post in the tags. like a true tumblr user.

#i don't even remember what tags i have #i just logged in again for the first time in literally forever #im gonna do a helluva lot of rebranding when i come back tho #rn it's kinda temporary<//3 #GUESS WHOS 18 AND HAS A JOB AND OTHER ADULT THINGS #uhhhh. what else #ig i can make proper posts in a week or two when i can come back for realsies #blargh #its 1:30 am and i have work in the morning but i chugged so much mountain dew like 3 hours ago and Oh Boy Was That A Mistake #im kinda tempted to just come back now #but that's not possible really atm which sucks #dude have i missed tumblr #ill probably keep all my posts ig cuz i only used this blog for like a month anyway #anyway. eye emoji #i don't even think anyone will see this tbh LMAO but ykw im doing it anyway #mems gonna yell at me in the morning when she finds out i was still awake this long #at mem. ily. i did intend to go to bed at 11 i promise but i got distracted jhjff #why am i still going #im not sure tbh #if ur still here for some unknown reason. congrats. have a cookie #hehehehehehehe im going to cause so many problems with my newly rediscovered tunglr #im gonna be rewriting old fics too :eyes: #im back and im going in for a total refresh #ok im out of things to say now i think #i should try to get to sleep now ig. cringe #work is p cool tho i actually like my job a lot

[asummersday]

changed up my entire color palette at 2:09am for no reason other than the fact that i changed my profile picture and it didn't Match™ the old aesthetic

#i said id go to bed like an hour ago #i did not #i very much did not #all my friends on discord are yelling at me to sleep lmao. i am getting so many @'s #but im blue now and i regret nothing #i really dont it wouldve bothered me all night im not kidding #also sorry for the wait i AM writing chapter 2 #coming soon hopefully!! #it definitely wont be as long as the first chapter but that just bc chapter 1 ended up much longer than i expected #that fight scene Was Not meant to be this long #but anyway im getting off track and i really need to sleep #summer post #original

[thecherrygod]

i just watched eeaao.............

#my posts #notes: i liked it #sadly i had to watch it half yesterday the other half today bc i did watch it with my parents and it was 'too long' to watch in one sitting #bc they like going to bed early which like. i respect them for that i just wanted to watch it... all at once. #ok out of puns! but yeah i liked it im sad the everything bagle thing gets lost in translation sadly #like they called the bagle a donut.............. sad its not like we dont know what a bagle is but i can get the everything part #as being hard to translate i dont exactly know what an everything bagle actually means like what does it have #is it the normal classic one i have no idea i never had a bagle and maybe i never will bc i also dont like cream cheese dgushig #... different notes none of my parents really liked it my dad didnt understand it to begin with rip #my mom got it but was like 'hm. i mean it makes sense i just dont like this kinda genre' :/ can respect that #idek if the reason i got it easy was bc i actually did or bc im chronically online tho i had tried to skip as many post about it as i could #i do know its a post in here that made me get the parallel of the bagle and the googly eyes tho but i do like that #and also i do like this kinda thing thats almost science fiction and the power of love and intergenerational trauma so like. yeah #.... also i love waymond sighsdug husband of the year #hm. i have nothing else to said unprompted i guess. ah wait i did like the other movie refferences that we could catch tho #anyways yeah that! #i can now stop skipping posts about this movie lmao

[kuiinncedes]

sdjjgfghjfbmcnv

#not me missing getting the bathroom by like 2 seconds again #sry roommate but she takes so long and i think i take not as long TT #and it's just kinda frustratinggggg like on my part ig bc i could just be faster lmfao #but then i feel like thats why im lowkey more comfortable just . #waiting until fucking 2am or whatever when ppl are asleep or have alr gotten ready for bed #so i kinda know im usually like not keeping anyone from using the bathroom/getting ready for bed/whatever #y this happen so much tho ;-; i feel like so many times ive been like About to Start moving to the bathroom to get ready lmao #and then my roommate just up and takes the bathrom instead #rip me going to sleep earlier than like 1:30 today :DDD #anyway it's fine :'') #i'm just tired ;-; rip #jeanne talks #well i was gonna give up on the .5 hour left of research work to get me to an hour for 'today' bc i was falling asleep #but looks like i can do that now lmfao #not that the falling asleep part has changed :'') #and ofc my laptop/the research database is not working rn we love that #._. not going to sleep before 2 today rip #ik i shouldnt be like annoyed w my roomate or anything lol #and i am not rly but the petty side of me does want to be like girl #anyway ;-;

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #personal #mn. i sent an email today like planned. how nice. honestly it took me 1h and 30 mins or so.... #which honeslty isnt half bad for me. in the end i just clicked send bc if i didnt i would keep tweaking it for hours #which then turns into weeks and months.... and ive already put this off for basically 2-3 months now #honestly im just impressed i sent it at all in the end. i was hella stressed n shaking and i had to doodle to calm myself down lmao #im sorta spent now. im like kinda dreading having to send emails back n shit if i gotta. #i. dont know how long i can keep up the fake professionalism lmao #and i just know im gonna get all wrapped up in things. #its always funny tho bc distractions like this sorta help with my just. overall meltdowning. #haha. bc i go from wanting to cry to like. just researching how to fix *vaguely gestures* this all #and i find that sorta calming ig? idk. im rly tired now #i usually go to bed earlier than this. well. no i dont. but i got up at six so i should be asleep by now. #well either way i guess i did well enough for today. time to sleep. not like imma be getting an email back today #now begins the anxious wait for a message back. how fun. how often do you think ill check lmao. probably like every few hours #mn. i should unwind maybe but i wanna sleep. idk. either way im fucking off. bye bye yall (i say to no one in particular) #(maybe theres a cricket im saying by to? hes important yknow lmao - but hey. this is just rly my diary anyways. bc im too lazy to keep one)