#anywho my summer term started yesterday so

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Sixty-One: Raindrops ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Another early Winter day...another bout of rain.

Waking slowly, Hinata peers out from her bed, blankets brought up to her nose. Unlike the chill outside, her room is nice and cozy, the temptation to linger in bed a while longer strong indeed. But eventually she stirs, slipping out from the sheets and making to dress. Tank and shorts are exchanged for a wooly sweater dress. Combined with tights and boots, she’s ready for her day.

The space upstairs isn’t the biggest - much like a studio apartment. The kitchen is tiny, combined with a place to sit and eat. A couch and a desk in a corner serve for as much of a living room as she can manage. Everything is a theme of white and lilac, little space left over beyond the necessities. But given that the shop takes up the entirety of the downstairs, there’s only so much space here to work with.

Not that she minds. Hinata’s always been a bit of a...compact person. While not against open spaces, she just...doesn’t have a use for them. Each square foot has a purpose here, and there’s less room for clutter or a need to be cleaned.

A win in her book.

Breakfast is a simple affair: eggs boiled yesterday are peeled and sliced on top of toast with a little salt and pepper, black tea with a small dollop of honey helping to wash it down as she checks her phone. The news, as is typical, offers only dreary, depressing topics. Her Facebook is full of people presenting only their best sides. Hardly realistic, and inspiring more insecurity than happiness.

But she’s never really been the sort to linger on such things. The social media she has is mostly just to keep in touch with people. The connection and yet distance is just perfect for her. She chats with friends from high school when it’s convenient, but doesn’t have to sit through several hours of in-person interaction that just drains her more than it satisfies her.

Once she’s at least part way caught up with the ways of the world, Hinata tidies up after herself before heading downstairs, unlocking the door at the bottom of the stairwell that leads to the back of the shop.

As always, the smell of flowers hits her like a very pleasant ton of bricks, and a smile blooms over her face. Everything is just as she left it the night before. Shelves of supplies are fully stocked, her arrangements of plants near the windows to entice passersby to come in and take a closer look. The floor was swept before bed, and the lights come on to bathe the room in a pleasant ivory hue.

While some people drudge on in their day to day lives, Hinata counts herself very lucky to have a job she loves every day.

Having twenty minutes before it’s time to open, she does one last sweep of her inventory, making sure nothing is empty or misplaced. The coolers holding cut and pre-arranged flowers hum in the quiet, and Hinata uses the last bit of time to water the plants in the windows. Raindrops slither down the panes, warping her view to the outside like a watercolor painting. The tones beyond are mostly dreary, greyed out by the overcast weather.

But Hinata loves the rain. And Winter as a whole, even if it means most plants are dead or sleeping. In here, and in the attached greenhouse, she gets to be surrounded by them all year round. And help others enjoy them, too!

Just as she finishes, the clock strikes nine, and she flips the sign in the door to, “Open”.

Of course, she doesn’t expect many walk-ins. This time of year, most of her patronage comes online, or on the phone: people ordering bouquets, for the most part. As much as she loves arranging flowers, it does make her sad not to see more potted plants sold. After all, cut flowers only last so long. Pretty and eye-catching...but so quick to wither. A bit of a waste, really.

But not everyone can handle a full-time plant, of course. And she’d rather someone unable use cut flowers than let a live plant fade.

Checking her website in the meantime, Hinata finds a handful of new orders, moving them to her tablet as she gets to work creating the arrangements. Most probably won’t come to pick them up until tomorrow, as per her warning to wait at least twenty-four hours. But she might as well get them done now, just in case something else comes up to -

Jingle!

Coming up a bit short as the bell over the door rings, Hinata blinks wide eyes in surprise. A customer! Given the rain, she’d assumed few would bother to come in!

A man stands by the door, shaking off his umbrella just outside before closing it and stepping fully inside. He gives the shop a curious once over before spying her by the counter.

“Hello,” she greets, giving a smile. “How can I help you, sir?”

“Uh...looking for a plant…”

As always, Hinata withhold a small snort at the comment. Given he’s come to a flower shop, that much is...typically obvious. “Of course! Do you have anything specific in mind?”

“Not really? I...don’t know much about them, in all honesty,” he replies, a hand at his neck.

“May I ask what the occasion is…?”

“Just a bit of a pick-me-up for my mom. She’s got those Winter blues, y’know? And she always has a garden in the Summer, so...I thought maybe having something in the house would give her something to do.”

At that, Hinata perks up. “I see! Does she, um...have any favorites?”

“I really don’t know,” he offers, giving a small huff of sheepish laughter. “I barely know what any flowers are regardless.”

“I see...well, what about a favorite color?”

“Well, most of her flowers tend to be bright. Yellow, orange, red...mostly red, I think.”

“Hm…” Hinata moves to the front, looking over her collection. “Amaryllis is usually a good choice. They’re v-very easy to care for, and have very pretty red blooms,” she begins, gesturing to one she has in a dark green pot. “And she can move it outside in the Summer! Every year it will get a little bigger as the bulb grows.”

“...bulb?”

Hinata hesitates for a moment. “...um...sort of like an onion…? It’s a s-structure for the plant underground, and the plant grows up from it. It allows a plant to be a perennial, meaning...it will come back multiple years, rather than just one, like an annual.”

“Oh...well, I guess that will work.”

...she hasn’t shown him anything else, but it seems he’s not picky in the slightest. “All right! Do you like the pot it’s in? I can change it out if not.”

“That should work.”

“Perfect.” Taking the plant from the display, Hinata sets it on the counter and starts ringing up the exchange. “I’m sure she’ll be glad to have some color in all this dreary weather, huh?”

“Yeah, that was my thinking. Mom’s always been the sort to really dim down during the Winter. She likes the snow when it’s still fresh and pretty, but when it’s just rainy and foggy, it sort of wears on her.”

“Understandable,” Hinata agrees.

“Hey, uh...how long has this shop been here, by the way?”

“Well...let me think…” Hinata pauses, counting the times. “...at least about twenty years?”

“Whoa, seriously?”

“Mhm.” Scanning the barcode, Hinata fiddles with the register. “It was my m-mother’s. She divorced my father when I was very young, and came here. The shop owner employed her, and we lived upstairs. Eventually she managed to buy it. She passed away a few years ago, and...it’s been mine since.”

He suddenly feels rather awkward, shifting his stance a bit at the somber subject. “...I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you…”

“I just, y’know...thought you looked kinda young. I looked online first and saw you run the place.”

“I’m twenty-four.”

“Huh, me too. Did you go to school here…?”

“I was homeschooled.”

His brows lift. “Wow...so your mom worked and taught you? She must’ve been one hell of a woman.”

That earns a warm but somber smile. “...she was. Her name was Hanako.”

“Guess that explains why I don’t recognize you. What was your name, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“...oh! It’s Hinata. Hinata Hyūga.”

“I’m Sasuke Uchiha. Nice t’meet you.”

“You too.” Smiling a bit more genuinely, she gives him his total, accepting cash and giving him the proper change. “I h-hope your mother enjoys her flowers!”

“Maybe I’ll come back and let you know how it goes. And uh...see if I need anything else. Uh...do I need anything else?”

“Not for now, no. I keep everyone properly watered and fertilized, but she’ll likely need some plant food and fertilizer once it runs out. And once it gets too b-big for the pot, it’ll need a bigger one. But she should be all set for now!”

“Ah, thanks.” Cradling the pot in one arm, he prepares to open his umbrella with the other. “Have a nice day.”

“You too!” Skirting around the counter, she holds the door open for him, waving as he makes his way down the sidewalk. Huh...he walked…? In this weather?

...what a strange man.

Curious, she pulls her phone from her pocket, doing a little digging through a few friends’ Facebooks. Within a minute, she finds him: a mutual friend of several of her own. Huh...funny how they’ve never crossed paths until now. Of course, her being homeschooled is likely to blame. She knows a few girls her age through her mother’s friendships with their mothers, but otherwise she’s rather...reclusive.

Curiosity piqued, it takes her a moment to remember she was indeed working on something - or, starting to - when he arrived.

Best get back to work.

                                                        .oOo.

     Random modern flower shop AU cuz...I felt like something a lil fluffy lol - also this idea for the family dynamic wouldn't leave me alone. In other words, Hanako leaves Hiashi before having Hanabi, so she doesn't pass from birth complications. She DOES still die a bit young, but gets to properly raise her daughter on her OWN terms.      Might be something neat to explore in a canon setting at some point, too.      Anywho! Sorry for missing last night, I just...had a day that kept piling things on, so I took the evening off to spend some time with my brother. It was a much needed break~ But! I'll be back in a jiffy to post another so I don't fall any further behind! As always, thanks for reading~

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #best years of your life [ au ] #365daysofsasuhina

[spekulative]

starting anew!

hi! if by the odd chance you knew me from my old blog, i realized that i was restricted from carrying out a lot of functions i might want to in the future if i were to grow my blog (it was a sideblog to an old, 2013 blog i had and when i replied to comments or respond to asks it’d be as my primary). so instead i decided to create a new account so that lycho could be my primary blog! since i did have a few posts that i wanted to keep for history sake, this is just going to be a mega post of my past few posts: 

apr 6, 2020 - the beginning

day 1 of my journey with ux!

frankly, i’ve been on this journey for the past two years (ever since discovering it) but i feel as though i haven’t made any real progress. i’ve always claimed i wanted to grow and learn more about the field, yet those goals never showed in my day-to-day actions.

this blog is a collection of my progress on this journey to keep myself accountable. the goal is facebook in a year, baby!

i know it’s super idealistic and quite tough for a second year like me who’s not even in a design program (business, actually). but i still want to try. i want to do something for myself for once.

that is why i am committing 4 hours everyday to honing my craft. whether that is learning about ux through watching youtube tutorials, skillshare course, or reading medium articles, or actually practicing the craft by making redesigns or wireframes, i will dedicate this time strictly to advancing my expertise within the field. and this blog exists to keep up with my every step of the way :)

apr 8, 2020 - website overhaul

today I worked on cleaning up the modularity of my existing website a bit, making use of consistent classes instead of hard-coding like i used to! oh how i love modularity!

small win: making a navbar that breaks out of the standard bounding box of the site’s content --> next goal is to make it a sticky navbar with js!

other than my website, yesterday I finished a skillshare course on user-centred design, albeit short, it was really valuable and it only motivates me to continue learning. I’m starting to realize how much I actually like doing this stuff and think it is something that really clicks and not just something im doing for the looks.

slowly but surely getting the hang of dedicated 4 hour time chunks to my craft - i failed yesterday and the day before (woke up around 9/10 instead of starting at 8:30) but today i did pretty well! took a short 20 min nap inbetween haha but I’m still proud of myself overall :)

it’s been pretty depressing and lonely lately with the quarantine (when the sun is shining so bright, teasing me grr..) but I want to get back into a routine and be productive although i do have my lazy days. it just overall makes me feel better because who knows how long we’ll have to live like this. might as well get used to it.

apr 9, 2020 - website overhaul

hi! so today i wanted to be very candid and share that i feel like i did fail today in terms of the goals i had set out for myself, though I reached 1/2 goals so that’s good! the first was to finish refining my website and publish it (check!), while the other was to finish the financial statements for my business assignment but alas that did not end up happening haha, but i forgive myself for it and know that tomorrow will be a new day!

I actually woke up early today (around 7:30, earlier than usual) and felt awake, yet mentally I just wanted to go back to sleep so I ended up getting up at 9:30. I then regretted it and beat myself up for it briefly for doing that, but I realized that I should let myself off in these strange times we’re all living in right now.

so, i think i really am going to get serious about my design journey! my only concern is that i feel like im stretching myself too thin - i have a full time design internship offer for this summer for a startup, as well as 2 leadership positions on clubs where I lead/work on the branding and design, but also at the same time I”m always at home so not sure what is reasonable and what is not. Because when I’m not doing that, I want to be self-learning, but I recently a discovered a mentorship program where I could be mentored by a startup founder to help scale her business, but again I feel like I’m stretching myself thin. though it’s a really good opportunity.

anywho, updates on my website like this post was supposed to be about is that i finally published it again after not liking how it looked before, and i think this revamp is a lot cleaner! proud of it. i try not to reveal many of my personal details on here bc i’m not sure who would actually be reading it, but this blog is just a way for me to track, myself, how i’m doing and to keep myself accountable :) i just didn’t want to set it to private cause it’s a hassle for me to always enter the password if i want to look at my blog.

lastly, i want to start consistently workout - and in the long term actually start a real blog where I write about my experiences, in actual coherent sentences! amazing. creative-wise i really want to start learning 3d illustration and blender, even though i’m an aspiring product designer but i just love 3d and motion, so idk might be stretching myself too thin again but i feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles this way and push myself as a creator. also starting the daily ui challenge again tomorrow after giving up a few months ago - haha!

let’s see how this one pans out :)

apr 10, 2020 - learning + starting anew

today i started two new things !!

restarted daily ui challenge after quitting a week in last year

started to learn blender ! !

i still feel like i failed today because i mostly sat around doing nothing OTHER than design, which just affirms to me that im truly passionate about this stuff for only having motivation to do it (or just a strong will against my homework for uni still....either way im taking it)

although i’m not that great at blender yet and felt frustrated during the process, when i got the end result i realized i like how it turned out despite it not being perfect, and it’s inspiration for me to keep learning and expanding on my skills :)

same with daily ui - i found that my approach this time compared when i literally knew NOTHING about ux was very different.

for example, something I already notice I'm doing differently from the last time is focusing less on decoration and more on practicality, actually naming/grouping layers and leveraging design systems, and injecting personality to make the experience delightful. I'm also limiting myself to two hours now (though this one took about an hour) so I have more time to do some research, sketch and wireframe before styling.

looking forward to a better day tomorrow! i might do a little less design (maybe just a daily ui shot) so i can focus on actually tackling the report i’m supposed to finish as well as study for an upcoming exam, so we will see! feeling good :))

[dong-hyucks]

Hi there cutie! I binged all your NCT scenarios yesterday 💜 and they were amazing! Here's my request. Character: NCT's Winwin 1. Enemy to Lover (I haven't seen any scenario where Winwin hates anyone, so you'll be the first!) 2. My prompt is a bit detailed, but hear me out: First Winwin hates y/n, but then prompt 7 and 39 happen. Then prompt 83. And the conclusion is a happy ending as lovers with 37, 38, and 50. Thank you, and congrats for 1K ohmygoodness gurl you're sLAYin

Dong Sicheng (Winwin) ; “I dreamt about you last night.” , “Don’t cry.” , “Stay there, I’m coming to get you.” , “Can I kiss you?” , “I think you’re beautiful.” + Enemies↣Lovers!AU / College!AU    ↳ College!AU not requested

Prompts here.Masterlists

hey back cutie thanks for all your support ily

i had to omit one of the numbers (38 specifically) because i had a limit on number requests (which was five) so i hope you don’t mind :)

but thanks for making my job easier by being so detailed lmao

also can i just say listening to day6 helped me write this their lyrics are so salty lwfhakah

alrighty

so sicheng over here doesn’t hate hate you, he just dislikes your presence

he’s a transfer student from china

so are you, from [country other than s. korea lol]

needless to say, you didn’t have very good first impressions of each other

sicheng had bought a new shirt n trousers for the first day because he wanted to look presentable

he was like the first student in the lecture room

you came in like two minutes late, looking tired af, armed with your supplies and a slightly cold cup of coffee

the lecture room wasn’t that big and there were a lot of students

and the only available seat was beside sicheng or beside the seemingly hungover dude in the corner

you chose sicheng

you had to waddle in between the chairs and the moment you were a mere metre away from sitting down

you tripped over a girl’s bag that she had left on the ground

your books fell atop your chair and on the ground

and your coffee?

it went flying from your hands

and onto an unsuspecting sicheng

you gasped so loudly, and kind of just stood there covering your mouth in shock

sicheng was wide-eyed, obviously in shock

once the initial surprise blew over, he realized how many people were staring, including the professor who had walked in just as the coffee spilled

his cheeks burned in embarrassment as he glared over at you

before you could even blurt out an apology, sicheng excused himself and practically sprinted out the door

the professor just told you to wipe the spill and copy notes for both yourself and sicheng

you agreed because you felt absolutely horrible

he looked traumatized

you ventured to the non-gender specific washrooms to grab a bunch of paper towel

and you found him hunching over one of the sinks, dabbing at his body with an already soaked clump of what you had gone to get

feeling incredibly bad, you got more paper towel and tried to hand it to him

sicheng didn’t even look up, smacking your hand away, in turn making the bundle of paper towels to flutter to the floor

you were kind of like ‘well that was unnecessary’ 

but you didn’t say it out loud, opting to just frown as you cradled your slightly red hand

“i’m sorry for–”

“go away.”

you were shocked again by how deep and off-putting his voice was

he sounded so pissed off with you

however, you were determined to apologize properly, otherwise you’d feel terrible for the rest of the semester

“look, i just want to apologize–”

finally looking up, sicheng narrowed his watering eyes at you in a harsh glare

“i told you already, go away.”

your frown deepened

you couldn’t help but feel slightly ticked off by his behaviour

yes, you did spill coffee on him, but hey! you tried to apologize and help him out by giving him more towels but he completely blew you off

but, you knew that if you were in his shoes, you’d probably be acting the same

you definitely wouldn’t be smiling if it had been you, that’s for sure

you couldn’t even say anything before he began to hunch over the sink even more

you noticed his shoulders shaking slightly, his fingers grasping the edge of the sink tightly

“are you stupid? i told you– go away!”

he sounded much more pressing than he had the first two times

you scoffed at the fact that he had called you stupid, but decided to just leave him be

if he wanted to drench in cold coffee by himself, then so be it

after picking up the paper towels that he had smacked out of your hand and grabbing a bit more, you returned to the lecture room with furrowed brows

sicheng didn’t return to class that day

grumbling, you stayed behind in the school’s library to copy down another pair of notes for sicheng when you would’ve been at home watching tv

you didn’t even know his name

unfortunately for you, the schools only two photocopiers had been malfunctioning since the summer break was coming to an end, and they still hadn’t had a repairman come by to fix it

in other words, you had to copy the four pages worth of notes by hand

it took you roughly half an hour to copy down everything

you made sure the notes were legible, not wanting to piss sicheng off even more because you were going to be honest with yourself; sicheng being mad at you made you mad somehow

you thought it was odd but something about sicheng just irked you

what, you had no clue

anyway, you learned his name the next day when the professor asked him to stay after class

you guys still had to sit together because the other seats were filled

you spent the entire two weeks plain out ignoring each other, and when you did interact there was usually some sour looks involved

everyone thought you were crazy for disliking sicheng

according to literally everyone else on campus, he was a total sweetheart

you: “if only you knew hmph”

although, you did have to come to terms with it after witnessing sicheng being kind to others yourself

“dammit”

then, once that fortnight had passed

you could’ve sworn your professor hated you

he told the class that he was going to have you be in partners to do some major research

and lo and behold

you were partnered up with sicheng

typical cliches amirite

you didn’t have a choice

working with your partner efficiently helped with your mark (ba dum tss)

and you weren’t up to having marks docked purely because you disliked your partner

neither was sicheng

you guys begrudgingly exchanged numbers, avoiding eye contact the entire time

you didn’t even talk face to face you just agreed to meet in the school’s library after his afternoon classes

so after meeting up with your friends n having drinks you had to leave to meet with sicheng

you were dreading it

you had previously convinced yourself that you could just simply ignore him

but as you got closer and closer to the library you realized you couldn’t

anywho, he arrived soon after and the two of you went to a table nearing the far wall

after setting up you kind of just worked in silence

occasionally, he’d ask you a few questions and vice versa

as time passed (luckily the library was accessible 24/7) you were getting more and more tired

however, your pride didn’t allow you to tell sicheng that

so you kept going, holding back yawns

until you literally just fell asleep at your laptop

sicheng didn’t even notice until he realized the clicks of your keyboard had ceased

he frowned at the sight of you before he realized it was past midnight

he just turned your laptop to him and pressed save

sighing, he just kept working

less than ten minutes later his eyes were trailing back to you

he grumbled to himself, realizing you were shivering

mumbling under his breath, he took out his jacket from his bag and hung it over your shoulders

eventually, sicheng got tired as well

realizing it was now almost two in the morning, he decided to just save everything for now and continue the next time you guys were to meet

after packing his things (and yours) he shook you awake

by the time you actually woke up, all you saw was sicheng’s back as he walked off

you realized your things were packed up and blinked in confusion

‘did he really just pack my things for me?’

you went home, the nap making you feel even more tired than before

the next day, you woke up with a start

“nonononoNoNo–”

your roommate, Eunjae, looked at you with a raised brow

“what’s up with you?”

you didn’t answer, choosing to just scream into your pillow, your face red

in your haste, you didn’t even check if your phone was in your bag like you usually did

you went to your morning class early

you nearly cursed the world for making sicheng be your classmate in almost every class you had

luckily, in your next class – mathematics – you sat near the front while he sat in the very back

so you didn’t have to deal with him

that is

until class was over

as you swung your bag over your shoulder and made your way to the exit, sicheng stopped you

memories of what you had dreamed about came flooding back to you

your face went hot and you quickly scrambled away

sicheng was confused

yes he knew you disliked him but you had never reacted like that before

usually you like to have the final word before leaving but that time you didn’t even say anything

he legitimately had to tell you something and he couldn’t exactly text you about it

so he chased after you

“wait!! [Y/N]!”

hearing him yell after you made you sprint faster

buuttttt sicheng is magic ok so he caught up to you

he stopped in front of you, slightly panting

before you could say anything, he took hold of your wrist

while you struggled to escape he went through his jacket pocket before taking out a phone

your phone

“you left this at the library yesterday. i found it when i went back for my mouse.”

you kind of just stared at him

you realized that you were staring for too long when he began to look uncomfortable

looking down at your phone, you took hold of it with your free hand

“thanks,,, i guess”

im literally having an allergic reaction while writing this lol

you took one more glance at his confused look before darting off leaving him confused af

‘why were they acting like that???’ - him for the next few hours

then, he found you again later that night

you were hanging out with your friends in the courtyard

he walked up to you, with intentions of talking about the research

but once you spotted him, you looked ready to jump out of your seat and run a marathon if it meant getting away from him

“wait!!”

and so, you did

why– you had no clue

“why have you been so jumpy around me today?”

“,,,”

“you can tell me”

“imayormaynotehavedreamtaboutyou”

“what??”

you sighed, just going to face your problems

“i,,, dreamt about you last night.”

after that, you guys kind of stopped hating each other

now you could tolerate the other

you talked a bit more while doing research, but not by much

on the day you guys finished doing the research

sicheng proposed that you do the last bit at a starbucks or smth so you could treat yourselves when you finished

ofc you agreed because honestly coffee after work?? during work??? heavenly.

ironically i don’t like coffee

anywho

it was sunny that day

and you guys chose a spot by the window

you were undeterred by the sun, despite the annoying glare it made on your laptop screen

you just kept working, taking the occasional sip of your drink (that sicheng ordered for you)

sicheng was working away at his part of the project too

but as time went on, his hands and eyes were getting tired so he leaned back to take a break

just then, you got a notification from your friend

they had sent you a picture of [whatever your favourite animal is my fav is otters :)]

so you started smiling the moment sicheng looked up at you

he nearly choked right then n there

the way your hair caught the light? he was s h o c k e d

the cute way you tilted your head when you smiled? he was s h o c k e d

okay case in point, he was shocked

he found himself listening to his racing heartbeat rather than the buzz and chatter of the busy shop

his heart had never raced that fast because of you, so why was it now?

he had seen you smile in the past, and he would admit that he thought you were cute but before he wasn’t this affected

“um– i have to use the washroom, excuse me”

you just nodded, still smiling because of the photo

you didn’t notice the way his voice wavered or the way he practically ran to the washroom, too engrossed in either your work or the photo

when sicheng got to the washroom he just locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror with wide eyes

he was still in shock

‘do i like them?’

‘no, it can’t be…’

‘but…’

he’d let out a really quite n frustrated groan, messing up his hair as he rubbed his face in exhaustion

in that moment, in the silence of the washroom, he noticed just how stressed he was

he was on the brink of failing half of his classes due to pure exhaustion and the other two he was barely passing

and now he had to figure out whatever it was he was feeling?? toward someone he could barely stand to sit beside a mere fortnight beforehand?

as he stared down at the eggshell white sink, something fell

he blinked in confusion

looking up, he was surprised to see a single tear falling from his right eye, following the one that had just fell

he was surprised

the last time he cried was when he first got really homesick, but he could see reason for that

was he crying because of stress??

was he crying because he was confused???

he didn’t even bother to wipe his face, he just let his tears slowly cascade down his cheeks

after a while, he finally dabbed at his face with some paper towel and walked out

you made eye contact with him immediately, your straight face becoming concerned

sicheng kept his eyes glued to the tiled flooring, so he didn’t notice the change

when he sat back down without a word and just began typing you frowned

he looked

well

dead to be honest

you felt as if he wasn’t up for talking right now so you took your phone and sent him a small text

“don’t cry :) it might not be that comforting, but i’m here if you ever want to talk.”

you quickly placed the phone down and went back to work, your eyes flitting over your laptop screen to see his reaction

when his phone vibrated, the noise making a loud buzz against the wood of his chair, you curled up slightly

as he took out his phone, your eyes kept moving from your screen to him

finally, he looked up at you with a confused expression

without saying anything, you just pointed toward your eyes with a sheepish smile

his were slightly red and puffy

it wasn’t too noticeable, but if you were looking at him for longer than five seconds you’d notice

you had sported the same look while watching a drama the other day

instead of replying, sicheng sent you a weak smile before going back to typing

you sighed, doing the same

your drink went cold.

after the research was finished, you and sicheng didn’t really have a reason to talk to each other anymore

you were kind of sad, surprisingly

when the project first started you had been so excited for the day of its completion

but now that it’s come, you were just disappointed

to your own surprise, hanging out with sicheng wasn’t unbearable, not at all

you had found yourself waiting for time to go faster so you could hurry up and meet with him already

sicheng was a pretty nice guy

if you had told yourself that a month ago, you would’ve scoffed

you found yourself searching for him whenever you’d walk into a classroom or into the library

you didn’t even realize you were doing it until your friend pointed it out

at that point, it hit you

you, at some point in time, had grown to like dong sicheng

you, in all honesty, weren’t that surprised

you had suspected that you had feelings when you started feeling hot whenever he’d be near you (so, every other day basically)

and your heart would pound whenever he’d smile in your direction

whenever it’d happen you just shot it down because – no, you can’t possibly like dong sicheng – but lo and behold it’s possible

really, you just accepted it

you couldn’t just stop yourself from liking him, even if you tried

and by accepting it, you accept the thought that he could never like you

in your opinion, he was out of your league

so you just kind of

left your little crush alone

you didn’t make any moves

you didn’t talk to him more

you just continued on with life

unknowingly, you found yourself glancing over in his direction more and more often

you’d start checking if he was looking over at you, even if it was just a mere glance

and more often than not, he would be looking

however, the clock was usually on the other side of you, so maybe he was just watching for the time

before you knew it, your little crush and blown up into something more

by the time you realized how deep you were, you had no idea what to do

by ignoring it, you thought your crush would just go away, but now that it hadn’t you were confused

you found yourself longing for his presence

and missing the way he’d laugh at your little quips whenever you worked together

you talked it over with your friend and what they told you astonished you, despite how obvious it was

“[Y/N],,, you’re in love with sicheng, aren’t you?”

“,,, shit��

once it had truly dawned on you– your true feelings for the male, you started to freak out whenever he’d draw close

it got to the point where you started avoiding him in hallways because you got too flustered at the mere sight of him

me too, [Y/N], me too

this went on for a while

when sicheng noticed you literally spinning on your heel and speed walking the other way he’d be hurt

he thought you hated him

so he asked your friend, the one he sees you with a lot

“this might sound weird but,,,, does [Y/N] hate me again?”

“,,,”

when your friend started laughing, he felt so embarrassed

he thought he had said something wrong or something weird

maybe it was wrong and weird, he didn’t know

once your friend calmed down, they just whispered something before making their way down the hall

after that, sicheng made a valiant effort to approach you

and you notice right away

he’d frown whenever you started sprinting away, but with the new information he had acquired via your friend, he wasn’t as worried anymore

but he was kind of frustrated because he wanted to tell you everything so badly

he couldn’t exactly do that when you were straight up running from him

you weren’t answering texts either

and then that back and forth went on

it was only a month before the senior student’s graduation did something happen

so your friends had invited you to a party

you usually just turned them down, but you felt so stressed over school and work that you just threw caution out the window and agreed

you carpooled to the party

it was the typical type of house party you’d expect

dimmed lights, colourful lights strung from the ceiling, alcoholic drinks and party cups were neatly lined on a table that had been pushed against the wall

there was loud music too, almost deafening

you just stuck to the wall as everyone bounced happily around you, feeling out of your element

suddenly, a drunken man – someone you had recognized as one of the many faces at your school – stumbled through the crowd of bodies, sending you a sleazy smile and what had appeared to be an attempt at a wink

“hey there,” he slurred, stepping so close you could smell the beer in his breath “what’re you doing alone?”

you just kept using your phone

‘hopefully he just goes away’

he didn’t

when you didn’t respond, he roughly gripped a hand around your wrist, pulling you to his torso

“i asked you a question,” he grumbled

wrenching yourself out of his grasp, you pushed him away with knitted brows; “get off me, you drunkard”

bad idea apparently

the man narrowed his eyes at you, moving to reach for you again

you stepped out of his reach

your little taunting vexed him, making him completely lunge at you despite his drunken state

you quickly rushed up the stairs, knowing he’d catch up if you attempted to weave through the crowd to the door

opening a random door, you jumped inside and slammed it shut

you locked it, hearing the pounding knocks that could be from no one but him shortly after

after around ten minutes, the knocking ceased and you heard heavy footsteps going down the stairs

letting out a sigh of relief, you reached for the door knob

you had sighed too early, it seemed

the door was jammed

you frowned, pushing your body weight against the door

it still wouldn’t open

you started to freak out

being stuck in some stranger’s bathroom on a friday night wasn’t exactly ideal

taking out your phone, you quickly dialed your friends number

they didn’t answer

you tried again

still no answer

by this time, you felt scared

you didn’t like how cramped the bathroom felt

even if you aren’t afraid of small spaces, it felt as though the walls were closing in

slowly but surely

you wanted to cry from frustration honestly

when none of your friends bothered, probably too enamoured with the music and/or their dance partners, your frown deepened

realizing it was your only choice then, you dialed the final number in your contacts

soon, a tired little “hello?” came warbling through the receiver

“sicheng? sorry to be calling so late, but i kind of need help”

you explained to him the entire thing, from start to finish

you had begun to shake, eyeing the walls suspiciously

“hey,” he mumbled, his voice soft. “stay there, alright? i’m coming to get you.”

you just nodded, eyeing the jammed door, holding your phone so tightly your knuckles were losing colour

“not like i have a choice, but okay

he chuckled for a moment

“just breath– will you do that for me?”

at his words, you took in a deep breath

you couldn’t even finish your final sentence before he was messaging you back saying he’d be there in ten

sooner than you had expected, the door opened

behind that door, was sicheng

he too looked uncomfortable with the setting, and it wasn’t long before the two of you were rushing out

“i can drive you home,” he suggested

you couldn’t even refuse before he opened the passenger door for you

you sighed, stepping into the ceiling after saying thank you

he got into the other side and started the car

the ride was silent, aside from you telling him where to go

by the time you had reached your house, you were surprised

only five minutes had passed

when you turned to thank sicheng again, he was already looking at you

he looked flustered, something that was apparent under the bright light of the street lamp mere metres away from sicheng’s car

“is something wrong?”

he was silent for a moment, biting his lip in uncertainty

then, he spoke

and when he did, your heart raced once again

“can i,,, kiss you?”

you gasped

sicheng looked embarrassed at the fact that he asked– ashamed even

before he could even apologize

you had leaned over the centre console and cupped his face with your hands before pressing your lips against his in a gentle kiss

sicheng’s eyes were blown wide with surprise, before they finally closed and he relaxed

the kiss was slow and sweet and you pulled away slowly just seconds later, your eyes still closed

sicheng was the first to open his eyes, and when he did he smiled widely

“you know,,,, i think you’re beautiful.”

#winwin #sicheng #nct #nct 127 #dong sicheng #this took me forever to do im sorry #will i ever stop making things school related #winwin imagines #winwin scenarios #winwin drabbles #sicheng imagines #sicheng scenarios #sicheng drabbles #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 drabbles #dong sicheng imagines #dong sicheng scenarios #dong sicheng drabbles #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop drabbles #nct winwin #nct winwin imagines #nct winwin scenarios #nct winwin drabbles

[ask-art-student-prussia]

The R.R. Phenomena; A Summary and Addition - By Leon Rekjavik

Hello again, ladies, gents. 

Epic-essay writer Leon Rekjavik is here again! Today, I just felt like posting more analysis on R.R.’s posts, because, they’ve quite clearly changed since the last time I wrote an analysis on R.R. 

For those who have literally no idea who I am, a couple weeks ago, I wrote a long essay where I talked about R.R. in general, as a person, everything, and submitted it to the awesome ask-art-student-prussia blog here, because R.R. is only present here, seemingly. This was back when everyone kept doing those jokes on R.R.

Why do I even write this stuff about some random person who anonymously posts asks on this blog? I don’t know actually, I just feel like I NEED TO, for some reason. To serve some justice to this sweet, person…?

Anywho, now onto the analysis!

———————————————————————————————————

Initially when R.R. came to this blog, they were merely someone who posted these asks to this blog talking about how much they admired the work Mun uploaded onto this blog, but at the same time, talked about themselves in a self-deprecating manner. 

Now, when I say “merely”, I don’t actually mean “merely”. When R.R. writes, it’s not just a random ask, they standout with the the things they submit. A lot of time and effort is put into each ask they put through, and they clearly care a lot for Mun as a person, as an artist, etc. There’s a poetic drive of admiration when they send something, yet they always seem to constantly try to remind everyone, that no, don’t see me- see Mun! See how beautiful their art is.

No one knows who R.R. is, which is a shame, but, I think it’s understandable. At this point in time, where a single R.R. post receives 35 notes on Tumblr, anyone who’d claim they are R.R. (even the real one) would immediately be shot down as a fake. Such a case were very prominent some weeks back, when a trashy meme started circling around the blog.

Other than R.R.’s writing prowess, there’s also the mystery of their identity, and that’s what the real interest is with R.R. Who are they? As mentioned in the previous analysis, R.R. loves this blog, clearly a lot, but wants to remain hidden due to their insecurities, however, at the same time, they want some way to be recognised. This is where the signature end to each R.R. post comes, “-R.R.”. This is their trademark, their way of showing the world, yes, I am R.R. and this is the post I send to you, Mun showing my love! In a purely platonic way, of course, or at least assume.

Unfortunately, being the Internet, the trashy-meme became very popular, with people claiming they were R.R., when they clearly weren’t. This wasn’t just a one-off incident. This lasted for several days, and even resulted with R.R. actually writing a post, where they said that they felt that their presence had caused Mun trouble. Now, remember, R.R. loves Mun, this blog, and everything with it. All this attention that had enshrouded R.R. wasn’t why R.R. even began putting posts out with their insignia. They didn’t want attention.They wanted to show their love to Mun and her art. Though, this had an entirely backfiring effect. Now Mun's blog was all about them. 

So, R.R. decided to take LEAVE from the blog.

And tragically, this transpired literally right after the submitted an analysis that was made for people to understand R.R. better as a person and to back them up (nobody understands the crippling deprussian I went through, because of that. However, all this information is dumb and irrelevant, because no one cares about me lololol). 

R.R. decided to take leave from this blog, because they felt that their love DAMAGED this blog and what it was made and known for to begin with. With this, the silence period began. No posts from R.R., not a sound. People began apologising profusely, some people even coming out from anonymity and saying they were sorry. The blog went back to how it originally was- an art-student Prussia blog. However, a lonely ache remained with those who knew about R.R. 

This is a direct copy and past of what R.R. wrote in terms of leaving the blog, in two separate posts:

“I’m very sorry Gil, but this is the last ask I’ll submit. I’m afraid my presence has caused disruption to your blog. Those previous asks from yesterday were not mine. I won’t submit anymore asks after this one with my initials to avoid anymore trouble for you. For those saying I’m doing this for attention, I will probably never reveal my true identity out of fear. So you’ll never know who I am. Farewell, Gil. It was lovely sending asks those few times. I hope you’re successful with your blog.”

“-R.R. (I ran out of characters)”

You see, everyone who posts stuff on this blog either does an M/A! ask, or a question to Prussia or even Mun directly, or just saying stuff, and I quote, “I love this blog. Please have my babies.” No one, and I mean, no one, wrote the way R.R. did. They were special, people loved their pureness, and they missed it. 

And then, it happened. R.R. RETURNED, and they returned in a manner worth bragging about, for centuries to come (I am not exaggerating). 

“Perhaps one day, when time is nothing but the movement of leaves, and the sun’s died, there will be a moment of solace where everything is just everything, and nothing is just something. The next moment in ‘time’, they will not exist, but with lives so fleeting, even a moment is extensive enough. Their last words will be "thank you”, before they’re suffocated by heat and dust. Humanity’s falling grace would have echoes permeating light years away. -The one who left this blog, R.R.“

They came back, with POETRY. And it wasn’t just any poetry- it was MAJESTIC poetry, as you can see above. This piece got 31 notes- it is rare for an anonymous post with no picture underneath, no nothing from Mun, purely the anon, to get that many notes. 

As if that’s not enough, R.R. returned, YET AGAIN!: 

"Fatherland, o’ dear noble creature of war. From the moment of your creation, you struck the soil with the sword of your soul, sending tremors leagues away, notifying every breathing being of your presence. Your tenacious nature and valiant efforts bleed through history’s timeline, embedding itself over the course of countless lives. We shan’t forget your existence, for none would be here now without your cause for our effect. You will return to us again, one day, in solidarity. -R.R.”

Can I say I fanboyed/fangirled when I was this, as unprofessional as it is? 

(and this is where leon rekjavik gives up on professionalism completely)

LOOK AT THIS FINE ART, MY FRIENDS. THAT IS LIFE IN IT’S PUREST AND R.R. IS GODLY POET. CAN WE JUST LOVE THIS HUMAN BEING, LIKE A LOT. YES, THIS IS THE ONE THAT 35 NOTES HOLY ****!

I honestly don’t care what gender, sexuality, species, ANYTHING you are {(unless you are secretly evil like that anon said; 

“…-Anyways, from the very few asks they’ve posted, they seem cute, whether they’re boy or girl. And cute people don’t fake stuff unless they’re secretly evil (omg R.R. please be a pureroll).”}

I LOVE YOUR WORK!

(and this is where leon rekjavik gains their sanity again)

Excuse me for that.

Of course, the R.R. hype sort of came back, with people all but screaming in the ask-boxes about R.R.’s comeback, poetry prowess, just everything R.R. There were some sceptics, but that’s just the general Internet. Everything was back in the flow. Then, some people began to ask… questions. Like, what’s R.R.’s sexuality, what do you think R.R. looks like? I think R.R. is a boy/girl! No, they’re not a boy/girl, come fight me.

And then, R.R. replied, in the most sweetest, most serene way humanly possible:

“To those who wish to know my face, look away from hither, for you shall not find the answers you seek for. Whether I find myself interested in boys or girls is nothing special. For now, why not enjoy the sweet summer that rains down from the sky, for it only lasts a few months before it’s a memory again. Leave your homes and walk bare-foot on the grass, feel the wind on your face, hear the nature around you. We don’t know if we’ll have a future where such luxuries exist. -R.R.”

They have talent, and I don’t care what anyone says. Fight me. 

This new era of R.R. is obviously a way of R.R. showing their love to this blog, by submitting a form of art, poetry! And Lord, does it compliment the blog so well with the was they weave the words…

——————————————————————————————————

I wanted to write more, but I can’t…

Anyways, that’s a summary/analysis/explanation thing for R.R., for now, from Leon Rekjavik!

I was thinking of actually making a master-post for the R.R. asks, if Mun would be okay with that. I’m just another visitor to this blog, who likes your work a lot, but I couldn’t help but notice the amount of times someone posted an ask asking who is R.R. It may help clear some things up, and just help the people catch up with the entire R.R. phenomena.

I don’t know why I do these, even now… mysteries are just so fun to look through I guess?

I’m sorry if this wasn’t written as nicely as the other one I did. This is a link to the previous one if anyone is interested, it explains everything R.R. to the point, like it’s a must read:

https://ask-art-student-prussia.tumblr.com/post/162708791482/the-case-of-rr-an-analysis-by-leon-rekjavik

I’m not doing this in any form of promotion or attention. If you look at my Tumblr, I literally have nothing in my posts. It’s because I just like looking for cool blogs like Mun's here, and don’t feel like posting anything I do personally. 

I just want R.R. to be understood a bit better, that’s it. Also, I have a little too much spare time on my hands… (at the moment. Just wait for college to start).

I hoped you liked it.

Bye.

-Leon Rekjavik (it’s still not my real name, try finding me, stalker!)

P.S

Mun, please accept my humble submission! Don’t throw it in the reject pile!

how the fuck did you write all this what the hell oh m y hofdod?

#submission

[pimpastro]

TwinFlame Experience of a Lifetime

Yesterday last night, I had the most craziest experience. I wrote everything in my journal diary that I will post on here. This is very personal experience so be gentle with me. My twin flame is name Angel, him and I have been on rocky terms. He has been rude and mean to me lately and trying to run from me (yes he is the runner). A week ago I decided that I do not want to associate with him at all but I know I’ll see him again.

Before I learned anything about twin flames, I wrote in previous journal entry that we have a weird telepathy. We were so connected on a level that was so crazy. I talked about how the universe was trying to send a message before I knew that they were! A few days before I met him, I was seeing 11 everywhere. We met back November (weird huh) . Now that we are separated I have been seeing 11, 111, 1111, 22, 44 EVERYWHERE. Any fucking where dude. It’s crazy.

I had suspicion he (its 1:11 right now omg) was my twin flame but I was having second doubts cause everything that has happened to us.

Anywho, here is my journal entry. Whether you believe this or not, it’s up to you. But I frankly don’t care because I know what I felt.

-July 15 2017- 5:43 AM

I have been up all night since 12am and I found it strange how I couldn’t go back to sleep. Then I remembered suddenly when Angel said he had a dream about me and the same thing happened, I got up at like 12 and I haven’t been able to sleep since. So around 2 or 3, I have been looking up and researching more about this twin flame phenomenon and asking questions pertaining to my situation. Such as, “Why is he being an asshole to me” and “Runner male point of view” and so on and so forth.

I then found this one website that gave a lot of information about twin flames such as the stages, symptoms, numerology, twin flame astrology and twin flame life path. I did all of it but the twin flame life path was the path that took this whole night into a crazy turn.

Right before I calculated my life path, I found out something else (I can’t recall right now I’m in horrible hysterics right now) which cause the first bar of our connection. Now THIS was when I FIRST starting feeling the feeling in my chest. The way it felt, the source was in the middle of my chest and it was consistently spreading out.

But anyways, whatever I found out, it caused the first bar of our connection and it made me close my eyes to see if I could connect to him (the past few days I have been trying to meditate to reach him but it hasn’t been working so I kinda gave up on it).

I all of a sudden started feeling some of his presence and it caused me to say “Angel!” out loud (mind you it’s 5am). And that was the moment I first started to cry and I kept saying out loud “I miss you so much. Oh my god, I miss you so god damn much” and I just can’t put into words the pain I felt at that moment. It was like I felt all of his pain and all of mine and it was so overbearing. I knew I was feeling his too. And I couldn’t help but think, no wonder why he was scared. The feelings he felt for me..and then me feeling all of his pain was just toooo much. I’ve also been the first girl he has been with in a while because he couldn’t find that connection but he wasn’t expecting the connection to be this deep. Our connection is so strong and crazy it’s driving him away cause he has no idea what’s happening. No wonder he tries to block it out and acts like everything is okay and his life is all good and well (a runner trait too btw). After about 6 minutes of cry, I took a lot of deep breaths and tried to keep my composure and tried to calculate my life path number. I added mine and then I added his and it added up to, guess what, 11 (Mine was 4 his was 7). That’s when I dropped my phone in shock, that’s when the feeling in my chest started, and that’s when I just broke down crying. I’m talking about sobbing to the point I can’t help but make loud noises. I knew I wasn’t crazy and seeing that just basically told me everything I suspected was true.

And then..I begin to feel him.

It was like..he was touching my cheek…I swear to everything, on my dead great grandmother, he was caressing my cheek. He was dreaming about it and then I started to feel it because, in that moment, when I found out our Joined Life Path Numbers where 11, that’s when I started to actually believe. And I mean having ACTUAL belief, not just second guessing. My cheek was warmer than the rest of my body, I felt his hand move up and down and I can see his hand in my mind. First it was hand and then it was his knuckles This made me clench my chest because it was so fucking overwhelming, I literally couldn’t take it. I was literally moving so much on my couch pallet (I’m in Arkansas with my dad for the summer and we sleep on the couch) and I couldn’t stay in one place. It was too much for me and everything was moving by so fast, I didn’t know what to make of any of it but the man that I’m so deeply in love with is communicating with me.

And I begin trying to look at what our Joined number was and what it meant, when I just had this sudden urge to close my eyes and think of him.

And then, I said my name in his head.

“Angel..” And then the feeling in my chest starting going crazy and I mean ape shit. and I didn’t know what was happening but I started to get WAAAAYYY more emotional cause I knew I had connected to him. It was like the bars went up two times. That’s when I exclaimed, “Angel..oh my god I miss you so much” “..Amani..?” “Yes baby it’s me.” “Amani…! I miss you too..so much..you look so beautiful in braids by the way” (he use always talking about seeing me in braids and I haven’t had them in so long so when we separated/stopped talking, I got them. So him saying that shows he has been looking and updating on me) And then I felt myself physically smile “Thank you. Angel, why are you running from me? And being distant and mean? Why are acting like you don’t care…you are hurting me so bad..” “My insecurities… I’m so scared ” “Why are you scared?” “..I have no idea. I don’t have a locked reason as to why I am being this way to you. I never felt this way and I don’t know what to do…I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay, Angel. Just know I love you so much” “I love you.” And then my lips starting tingling and I forced my eyes open.

When he was talking, it was a side that he didn’t show me and everyone else anymore…he has been having such a rough patch and it changed his whole attitude and who he is…it was the real him talking to me. It was the him that he was usually to his friends and family. And I never been with the real him in a relationship (we got together during the rough patch in his life) but I felt the real him and how he ACTUALLY acts in a relationship. Not the bullshit one he was giving me when we were together. Where he is so incredibly sweet and wants to always show you off and be with you.

And then it ended. When I heard him, my ears would go up and down (physically) and like I started breathing heavy and freaking out cause I have never experienced anything like this before. The shock I felt almost made me open my eyes because I was so scared, but I didn’t because I knew I would lose that connection. When he talked, it wasn’t like I heard his voice in my head. It was like, I heard the words but you couldn’t hear him say it but you can feel his aura with it. It was like his presence was talking, you can feel his presence all over me. That’s what broke me down the most, I missed his presence so much and having it come to me, all of sudden, gave me so much shock and I don’t even know where to begin.

It’s weird his life path number is 7 and that’s my lucky number, and he asked me out April 17, 2017 at 11:27 pm. And this specific paragraph is at 739 words. And I really believe this life path number because this shit is sooo accurate in every aspect. And the descriptions for us individually was crazy weird and accurate. Spot on.

I’m now reading something stating that, “Twin flames are connected even at a distance. Telepathy and empathy are commonly intense between the twin flames. Each twin may pick up on the others thoughts they may find themselves often calling, texting, or emailing around the same time, and also finishing each others sentences. Synchronicities and unusual parallels often occur within the lives and daily events of each of the twin flames. Manifestations are natural with twins and happens often.”

I swear I had the worst urge to text him after all this happened but I decided against it.

It’s 6:13 AM and everything feels so surreal. Like I didn’t just sob my heart out and connected with my twin flame on the couch. Like it was all just a some type of really vivid dream. This is crazy, my head is going in literal circles. He probably thinks that everything that happened was in his dream but he knows something’s weird about this dream because it felt more vivid then any dream he had before. Well, newsflash babe, it wasn’t a dream. It was real and I connected to you through your dream. I’m almost positive. He was dreaming about me and I so happen to come in when he was caressing my cheek.

So when I first felt him touching my cheek, my eyes were open, but then I closed my eyes and I saw/felt myself, my head on his lap and we are watching a movie in his fucking living room. Mind you I never seen his fucking living room but I could see everything in detail like I been there a million times before.

The movie we were watching was interstellar lmao (it’s a inside joke). I’m trying to go to sleep, so I face his like torso and he is sitting upright. And then he puts his hand on my cheek, and I see his birthmark on his finger. Very vividly. And then that’s when the real me started actually talking to him but I mentally didn’t get to see me talk to him in that dream, I have no idea why. As soon as I started speaking to him, there I started seeing was baby blue….that’s the color he reminds me of and I have said said it mentally multiple times that’s his color for me… And then I remember I still had my eyes closed and at the end of the conversation, right before he left, I felt lingering finger touches on my cheek.

This shit is fucking real. I don’t care who the fucks say it isn’t. This is on a level so personal, I don’t even know if I can tell Edward (a friend) this. No one will believe me if I say this they are going to think I’m crazy or I made this up in my head. And I can see where you are drawing that conclusion from but let me tell you, I know what the fuck I felt, saw and heard.

The only reason he is pushin me away is because he doesn’t want to believe we are suppose to be something. He wants it to be like one of his flings, but me and him are nothing close to that. I get it now. He saw that me and him were going to be very serious when we got together. He ran, got scared because he has sides of him he is really afraid to tell me. This is part of the reason that after the break up, he try to not make conversation as many times as he told me he was he trying too. It was because he sub consciously trying to let go of me already because he knew I was very different from his flings. But he didn’t want to believe it because us being together means him putting his trust and faith into someone. And he is scared that he is going to do that and get hurt.

This is why he has been more involved with alcohol and drugs lately is to take his mind..off of me..that his only way f coping… this all makes sense to me now..why he drunk dialed me and why every time we contact since May, he has been on something whether it be Acid, weed or alcohol. and my way of dealing of my pain with him was trying to find guys to talk too and distract myself with, imagining a guy doing all the things I wish he was doing.

I’m honestly dumbfounded. I’m surprised I’m in shock I’m so many things right now. The hysterics I feel is crazy.

I’m so in love with him. This is all true, every single part of it. There isn’t a doubt in my mind anymore. I might second guess again but I only second guessed cause everytime I tried to make a connection it didn’t work. But I had to really believe and at that moment when out our Joined Life Path Numbers, I never believe anything so hard in my life.

Wow.

We are suppose to come in out of or lives. We are suppose to change each other every time we come into our lives. We weren’t ready when we first went out at all, but we knew that him and I are incredibly different.

10:36 AM

God, I’m thinking of angel and it seems like my imagination..like it now seems like he is person I have made up from my imagination (like I use to do,,,I’m a Venus Pisces lol) because what happened last night was so surreal. Holy shit last night felt like a fucking dream. That was crazy as hell. Oh my god, I don’t know what to make of this, I really don’t. My eyes are all swollen from crying and I was just staring in the mirror and it was like I felt him standing right next to me. His presence. That was last night. Just a few minutes ago I was looking in the mirror and the image of him touching my cheek kept happening. Then I almost started crying.

I know this is real cause I only cry when something is actually happening lol. But also, when the spiritual level is so high, I can’t control it. It overbears and all those feelings I felt ; Love, hurt, infatuation, pain, etc like,,, I’m so fucking sensitive so everything just got heightened.

Speaking of heightened, I feel as if everything has heightened. Like I don’t know how to explain, but everything mentally and spiritually has heightened and it’s kinda crazy. It’s making me go crazy.

But as I said as I was crying last night, I am not crazy.

I think the universe did this on purpose. I think they made him had that dream and made me stay up cause the minute before I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t keep my eyes close and I was hot even though I had two COLD ass fans on me (yeah something’s up,,I can only sleep with fans on me) and I couldn’t get comfortable. It was like something was itching for me to pick up my phone, do all that research which led to this whole experience. And then as soon as everything was over it was like they were literally forcing my eyes to sleep and mind you, I still wanted to research. I was on my phone, still trying to look this up and It was literally like someone was pushing my eyes down and it was like they were saying, “You realized what you need to…you deserve this rest..”

Oh my god what’s wrong with me all of a sudden? Everytime I stare into the mirror I want to cry? Like I want to break down crying??

I did read a website saying that once you and your twin starts awakening, staring at yourself or eachother would affect cause you are looking at a reflection of your soul. Maybe that’s why everytime I look in the mirror I’m about to bust out crying. Maybe because I feel much more empty without him standing next to me now. Also maybe because I feel him everywhere now. Oh my god it’s like he is walking behind me. I can feel him everywhere holy shit what the fck is happening. I still have that feeling in my chest.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.

Is it because he is realizing and I’m feeling his energy? Cause that’s another part about twin flames, you can feel eachother energy and when it’s strong, you can have dreams or and they can affect your day.

Oh my god. That’s probably why he had that dream of me screaming at him. When you are getting screamed at in a dream, it means that the person is angry and that they feel irritated and they don’t feel as if you are listening to them and hearing their emotions. My self conscious was so mad and upset at him (because he was being such an asshole and rude and!!) and my energy was so strong, it manifested that dream in his head cause he can FEEL my energy on a daily.

And as for me? His energy? I felt that he didn’t want to care for me anymore. I literally felt that he was trying to push me away and not think about me anymore. But I also felt that he still loved me but he thought it was impossible to love me this hard. He was pushing me away for multiple reason I have stated but the point is, I felt all that.

Amani, please don’t second guess yourself about this experience. You wouldn’t have felt those emotions if it didn’t happen. You would have cried so hard if it didn’t happened. You wouldn’t be typing what happened in your VERY personal journal if this didnt happened. If this was fake you’d know it. But you know it’s not. You know for a fucking fact.

The energy I feel when his presence is w/ me, it’s his real energy. He has been so down in the dumps and I think its cause his insecurities but also he feels like he won’t be anything in his life. I think it’s really hitting him and that shit is really killing. Also a number of reasons. He told me this was his worst year yet and I’m like we all have that year.

But the energy I feel, like I said, is his real and clean energy. The energy I felt when I first ever met him. It was so much love and passion and like I’m in a fucking movie.

Breathe in Breathe out It’s going to be okay mani.

-End of journal entry-

He is still very undeveloped but I think this experience is staring to develop him like it is me. When we broke up it, pushed me to exercise (I struggled with the feeling of feeling fat my whole life so this is a big deal cause I never had motivation) and it started transforming me in multiple ways. Mind you, I have squares and opposition that makes it so fucking difficult for me to change or make change in my life. I think I'm transforming him, doing the same to him, but I have no idea if it’s in a good way. I read a post by Ellie-mae astrology saying that your twin flame will transform you everytime they come in and leave out your life, for better or for worse.

He is a Cancer Sun, Venus, Mars, Mercury, Aries Moon, Gemini Midheaven, Virgo Rising.

I’m a Capricorn Sun, Scorpio Moon&Mars, Aquarius Mercury, Pisces Midheaven, Gemini rising.

He is a Cancer Dom and I am a Scorpio Dom.

Thank you guys for listening to me. I appreciate it 48393483%.

Even though this has happened, I won't go back to him until he comes back. I have stopped chasing him about a week ago. It hurts but, what can I do. I'm trying to become the best version of myself for me, everyone and him. I'm just going to not make contact with him until he does, as I stated. I'll be okay. Not really but 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Remember, every twin flames path and experience are extremely different. They are meant to be crazy unique. If you have a twin flame, don’t look for my experience. Your own will come to you.

Have an amazing day.

-Amani xo

#twinflames #astrology #Cancer #Scorpio #love #experience #crazy #shit #I swear #I don't know what to make out of any of this #god take the fucking wheel #I'm so in love #help lmao

[imwastingmylifeinhere]

Magnus Chase and the Obligatory Hogwarts AU Ch6

On ao3

This chapter would have been uploaded on Sunday, buuut it’s April seventh today, my birthday, so I thought I’d celebrate! Anywho, please enjoy the gang’s first chapter in sixth year!

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

He was late for the Hogwarts Express again. Again.

Sure, last year he had been late too, but last summer had been especially difficult. He had been living in the streets, so even simply getting to King’s Cross had been hard. He had started walking to the train station days in advance in order to make sure he wouldn’t miss the train and yet still somehow manage to almost miss it.

But this year had been different. This year he hadn’t been sleeping under bridges and on benches. Professor Blitzen and Hearthstone run a care home for Hogwarts students who couldn’t go home for the summer called “Perthro” and they had taken Magnus and Alex in.

In fact, that had been one of the best parts of summer. Sure, Magnus might have spent a few days in summer with his friends here and then, but he had never spent an entire summer with one of them. Alex had been great company and they had found out a lot of things they had in common. They both liked hiking and camping, they both liked the outdoors and spending time there. Alex didn't know a lot about pop culture, being a pureblood, but Magnus had shown her famous movies and books and they had bonded over their shared love for fantastical worlds (which was kind of weird considering they were wizards, but meh).

That is not to say this summer didn’t have its bad parts. Magnus had been struggling- and still was struggling- with his mother’s death and the pain his memories of her brought him. He didn’t think he’d ever be over it, not a hundred percent, but he had come to terms with the fact he didn’t need to. And maybe didn’t want to. Those memories were painful, yes, but… they were still his memories of his mother. They were a part of him and they were too precious to forget, even if they hurt him.

The worst instance of that had been on the anniversary of the day of the fire. He had been having a perfectly fine summer up until the point he realised that it was a year ago, at about this time of year, that his mother died. And from the moment he had thought of that, he couldn't get it out of his head. When the actual day came, Magnus was, in hindsight, a total jerk to other people. He had been way too snappy at Alex and all the other kids in Perthro, even when they treated him nicely. He didn't tell anyone what was wrong, rationalising that he'd be back to normal once the day was over, so there was no reason to trouble anyone else.

But Alex knew how much of a stupid bottler he was and didn't take any of his rude behaviour to heart. When Magnus locked himself in the cleaning cabinet to cry, Alex had been there to lend him her shoulder even if Magnus had tried to push her away.

"Oh, please, I'm not going anywhere,” Alex had said after Magnus had told her to leave. “You’re a mess and I’m not leaving you like this alone.”

And yet somehow, as awesome a friend as Alex was, she had forgotten to do one simple thing.

"I told you to keep track of time!" Magnus dinner Alex as they run down the station towards platform 9¾.

“I did!” Alex protested. “I just… didn’t after a point.”

Blitzen and Hearthstone – the two teachers insisted kids at Perthro didn’t need to call the ‘Professor’ during the summer – had brought everyone at King's Cross that morning. You'd think that when they were at the train station earlier than almost anyone else they couldn't possibly miss the train.

But they had gotten so bored during the first few minutes of just waiting at the platform that they decided to put their luggage on the train and go look around. Alex had been the one wearing a watch so Magnus ad asked her to look at the time so they would go back to Platform 9¾ on time. Sure, they could have done a spell to see the time, but technically, they weren’t allowed to do magic yet.

They were having so much fun just wandering around and making comments about the people and things they saw that they had both forgotten the time and by the time Magnus had asked Alex what time it was, they were already late. They rushed of the small café they had walked into and started running for their train.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to drag their trunks behind them, which made running as fast as you can a lot easier. Still, Alex was holding onto a ham sandwich she bought at the café because she had slept in and didn’t manage to get any breakfast that morning and she looked ridiculous trying to weave through the crowds of people while also holding onto it and occasionally eating it. There were times when she even held it in her mouth, like one of those ridiculous anime girls that run to school with a piece of bread in their mouth while being all like “I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!” The only thing that was missing was running head first into your love interest.

“Ow!”

Magnus spoke too soon.

Alex had run straight into someone. That someone was a boy their age with brown hair and so many freckles and moles on their skin Magnus was pretty sure you could find constellations on his skin.

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you!" The boy was quick to apologise, rushing to his feet and offering Alex a hand to get up. Alex took it and got to her feet, looking sadly at her sandwich that was lying dead on the ground.

“No, it’s okay, I’m fine,” Alex reassured him and dusted off her pants.

"Hey, um, are you Alex Fierro?" The boy asked. Alex looked at him surprised, not expecting to have been recognised by someone she thought had been just a random Muggle.

“Yeah. Do you go to Hogwarts too?”

“Yeah, and I’m running late. I’m Conall Nithercott, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

Alex shook the hand the boy- Conall- was offering her.

“Uh, guys?” Magnus interrupted. “I think we should be going. The train might be about to leave.”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry!” Conall said, picking up his trunk from the ground. He started running along with Magnus and Alex to Platform 9¾.

The atmosphere at the Platform was just like any other first day of school; crowded, loud and buzzing with energy. There were people everywhere and, luckily, Magnus could still spot some kids with their trunks so they weren’t too late. Still, that didn’t mean they didn’t run to the train like their life depended on it and basically jumped on it.

They took a moment to get their breathing back to normal once they were on the train. They might not have run a big distance, but they had run fast and that, coupled with constantly having to dodge people, had tired them.

“Say, what house are you in?” Alex asked Conall once she caught her breath.

“Ravenclaw,” the boy answered. “You’re Slytherin, right?”

Alex smirked. “The green hair gave it away?”

“Kind of,” Conall giggled- yes, giggled.

Alex smiled before waving him off. “Well, we got to go find our friends. See you later!”

Conall waved them goodbye and after a second turned around to go look for his own friends. Magnus and Alex soon found their friends all sitting together in a compartment, talking amongst themselves.

“There you are!” Mallory said when they opened the door and walked in. “We thought you’d lose the train.”

“Sorry, sorry, we lost track of time," Alex apologised.

“Well, Alex did,” Magnus added with a smirk. Alex elbowed him in the ribs.

“Did anything happen while you were coming here?” T.J asked as Magnus and Alex sat down in the two empty seats their friends had saved for them.

“Not much.”Alex shrugged. “We did run into some boy called Conall Nithercott and…”

~~~~~~

A few weeks passed and the table 19 group was well into their fifth year, sixth in Halfborn’s case. All of the, with the exception of Halfborn again, were struggling to get used to the increased homework since this was their O.W.L year. Halfborn was simply having a good time laughing at their misery.

“Payback time!” He’d say triumphantly whenever he saw them die over their homework. Magnus was seriously regretting teasing him about how long he studied.

They were sitting at their beloved table 19 during breakfast when Alex saw that boy from the platform again. “Oh, hey!” She called out to him. “Good morning!”

They boy stopped in his tracks suddenly and looked at Alex, momentarily surprised before he wove back at her. “Good morning!”

“Is that the boy from the station?” Mallory asked in between mouthfuls of marmalade toast.

“Mm, yeah.”

"He reminds me of someone, but I can't remember who," Halfborn muttered. He stared at the boy for a moment before going back to slaughtering his bacon and sausages.

“You can’t remember what you ate for lunch yesterday,” Mallory teased him.

“I can. We had spaghetti yesterday.”

“Bad example,” grumbled Mallory. “The only thing you remember is food.”

“And how to annoy you,” Halfborn added.

The playful back and forth went on for a bit longer, but Magnus didn't pay much attention to what was piling. Lately, Halfborn and Mallory’s arguing (read: flirting) had been much more intense. Apparently, Alex agreed, because she leaned out of Mallory's field of vision to make a fake a gag at Magnus. Magnus nodded and repeated the action, only even more overdramatic.

God, those two needed to get together.

“O, anything new?” T.J asked as he spun his fork in his fingers. Magnus would be worried about it being dangerous if he hadn’t seen T.J do the same thing every year at breakfast since first year. The kid was a natural at spinning objects between his fingers.

As for ‘anything new?’, that was T.J’s lame excuse of a conversation started for whenever their conversation came to a dead end. It was always met with the same response:

“What new? We basically live together, we don’t have something new to talk about you don’t already know,” Mallory said. It was true that they didn’t have anything new to say, especially at the start of the day, but T.J’s stupid question had succeeded in getting the two love birds to stop flirting.

“Oh, um,” Sam said suddenly, making everyone at their table to turn and look at her. Whatever sudden thought she wanted to share with them had come to her, it seemed to embarrass her because she looked down at her plate and fiddled with her hijab.

“Yeah, what is it?” Magnus said, very interested all of a sudden. There was only one thing- or one person-  that could make Sam this flustered.

“Yeah, sis, what is it?” Alex asked, wearing a shit-eating grin that matched Magnus’.

“Do tell,” Mallory added. Halfborn wiggled his eyebrows for extra effect.

“Well, um,” she trailed off. “Amir….”

“What was that, we didn’t hear you well?” T.J said.

“Amir and his family are coming over for dinner,” she said quickly and then immediately used her hijab to cover her blushing face.

As if on cue, the whole table broke into a unanimous ‘awwww’.

“Really?” Mallory asked excitedly. “What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing much, really,” Sam mumbled. “They had invited us over to dinner during the summer so we invited them back to be polite. And they’re good people, so it’s nice to spend time with them.”

“So when is the dinner?” Alex asked. “Will you have to leave school to go? Do I get to meet my future brother in law?”

“It’s this weekend, yes I will, I talked things over with Professor Sif and no, I don’t think you’ll get to meet him,” Sam answered.

“Tch, too bad. Can I at least get a photo? I need to know who will be marrying my baby sister.”

“I’m older than you!” Sam protested.

“By, like, a month,” Alex said. “Besides, you’re way too nice and pure. That makes you the younger one.”

“How-?” Sam started saying, confused by Alex's reasoning but gave up midway. "You know what, forget it."

“Aww, come on, I’m just teasing you!” Alex draped an arm over Sam’s shoulders and playfully rubbed her cheek on her sister’s shoulder.

“We want all the details when you get back, by the way,” Mallory added with a wink, for no other reason than to embarrass Sam. It worked.

~~~~~~~~~

Slytherin and Ravenclaw had Potions together this year, so Mallory, Sam, Alex and T.J were walking to class together. Or they would be if T.J hadn’t caught the flu and was stuck in the infirmary with Nurse Eir talking to him about her cats. As it were, the three girls had gone to class on their own.

Their only problem was that, normally, Sam and Mallory worked together and Alex worked with T.J. Without the boy there, Alex was left without a partner to work with.

“Now, children,” the Professor said, “find a partner and get your ingredients ready as I write the instructions on the board.”

Alex dropped her head on her hand and promptly sighed as Mallory and Sam moved to get their ingredients. “Ugh, great. Who am I going to work with now?” she grumbled under her breath.

“Um, excuse me?” someone said. Alex looked up to Conall standing next to her desk awkwardly.

“Ah, hi,” he waved nervously. “Do you have a partner?”

“No, he’s sick today.”

“Do you mind if we work together, then?” he asked. Alex gave him a good look up and down before mentally shrugging.

“Sure, sit down.”

The lesson went by fairly uneventfully. Conall was a good potions partner; he followed the instructions on the board and he didn’t blow up anything in their faces. They found a rhythm together after a bit and they worked together well. They even joked around under their breaths together so the teacher wouldn’t scold them.

"How come you're not working with any of your friends?" Alex asked as she was stirring around the contents of their pot, whatever that was. It had a weird, muddy brown colour and it smelled like a mix between mowed grass and meatloaf.

"We had a bit of an argument with my dose potions partner," Conall said. He didn't look up from the ingredient he was chopping. "He said he didn't want to work together anymore so I came to ask you since you were sitting on your own."

"What did you argue about?" Alex asked, before realising that maybe he didn't want to tell her.

Conall kept cutting up their what-were-they-called roots. “It’s nothing important.”

Alex simply nodded and went back to work.

It was when they had to stir their potion that things became boring. They alternated between motions, Alex doing the clockwise stirs and Conall doing the counter-clockwise stirs. The monotonous motion became boring and Alex could feel herself falling asleep in her chair. That was when Conall suddenly talked.

“What’s green and then red?” he asked.

“What?” Alex asked, going along with the joke.

“A frog in a blender.”

There was a moment of silence as Alex took it in and contemplated if Conall was kidding her or if the actual joke was that bad. When Conall did nothing to show that, yes, he had been joking, here is the real punch line, Alex snorted and smiled.

“Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?” Alex asked.

“Why?”

“Because they’re real suckers.”

Conall chuckled quietly and took the spoon from Alex in order to do his own stirs.

“What did one snowman say to the other?” he asked.

“What?”

“It smells like carrots out here.”

Alex snorted again and smirked. If this boy wanted a bad jokes show off, he was in for a wild ride. She had a reputation to uphold, after all.

“What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”

“What did one bean ask the other bean? How you bean?”

“What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.”

“How do crazy people go through their forest? They take the psycho-path.”

“Why should you not write with a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.”

“What’s brown and sounds like a bell? DUUUUUNG.”

“Why do ghosts love elevators? Because they lift their spirits.”

“What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.”

“What do you call someone with no body and only a nose? Nobody knows.”

“What did one hand say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on a head!”

“What did-“

“Miss Fierro, Mister Nithercott, I would appreciate it if you stopped joking,” the professor cut them off. Alex and Conall shut their mouths as the rest of the class snickered at them being scolded.

They finished their potion soon and, while it didn't look or smell exactly like it was supposed to, it wasn't that bad. Some other students mixed in the wrong dose of ingredients and their potion exploded, so at least Alex hadn't taken a shown in a potion that smelled like grass and meatloaf. Snicker at that, jerks.

“Do you accept I’m the undefeated champion at bad jokes?” Alex asked as they walked out of class.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re the best,” Conall chuckled. “Teach me your ways, oh great one.”

Alex giggled. “I will consider that, young warrior.”

"I appreciate that, master," Conall said with a bow and a straight face that really didn't match with the ridiculous things he was saying. "I would be honoured to become your apprentice."

“As you should be,” Alex said, giving her voice the most posh and snobbish tone she could manage. She held her elegant pose, he hands held together behind her back and her chin high, for a few moment before she broke character and started laughing. Conall joined her.

“So, are we friends?" Conall asked when he finally stopped laughing. His eyes were shining with the tears he had almost shed while doubled over and his cheeks were slightly red from laughing.

“Of course,” Alex said cheerily. “Anyone who can put up with my bad jokes is my friend.”

~~~~~~~~

“…so I threw the ball at Morrison, because, you know, I expected him to catch it, but-”

Malloy's story of how she had thrown another Slytherin player off his broom at yesterday's practice was cut short when Sam came and sat down at their table. The young girl had left school that weekend for her family's dinner with Amir's family and her friends knew she would come back sometime today. What they didn't expect was that she would come back with a black cloud hanging over her head. (Not literary, of course, but you get that.)

Sam didn't say anything, didn't greet them and didn't even look at them. She simply started piling food on her plate and eating it, pretty much stabbing the food with her fork. The rest of the group gave each other cautious looks, silently asking who would be the brave one to ask Sam what was wrong.

Sam…wasn’t the best person to be around when she was in a bad mood.

Halfborn shook his head viciously and made a big ‘X’ with his hands. Nah-ah, I’m not doing it. Mallory wasn’t much better off, shaking her head and crossing her arms firmly; she wasn’t going to do it either. T.J quickly pretended to abruptly fall asleep on the table, even throwing some fake snores in there too for extra effect, despite it being clear that he was faking it. Magnus raised his hands in the air, like a bandit surrendering to the town’s serif, and shook his head with a scared expression. He was the one to get the snake out of the hole the last time Sam was in a bad mood and he was in no way doing it again so soon, especially with no medical insurance.

Alex, seeing all her friends’ antics, groaned in exasperation. “Ugh, fine,” she mouthed at them.

“Sooo, Sam," she started, terribly awkward too. "How did the dinner go?"

“Fine!” Sam said curtly, picking up (read: stabbing) another piece of fruit from her plate. Magnus could swear he heard a cracking noise.

No one dared to speak. They exchanged questioning looks but no one was prepared to endanger their physical well being and say something.

“Um, you don’t seem fine?” Alex said hesitantly, so much so it came out as a question.

Sam groaned. “Ugh! It was going fine. The dinner was fine, but then I was washing the dishes in the kitchen and Amir offered to help me because they were so many and- ugh!”

Sam groaned again and let her head fall in her hands. “We were talking while cleaning and we were just joking around but then he started asking me about school. I can’t tell him I’m going to a Wizarding school, so I changed the subject, but…”

Sam sighed again, a sigh so loud the whole Hall of the Slain must have heard it. "He thinks I'm hiding something from him because I always changed the subject at dinner too whenever school came up."

“Where have you told him you’re going to school?” T.J asked.

“Just some boarding school I got a scholarship for. But he thinks it’s weird how he’s never heard about anything that happens at school or about my friends. We’ve always been close, since we were children, and we’ve always told each other everything. He’s worried that I don’t talk to him about Hogwarts.”

Magnus wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but he spoke anyway. “Why don’t you tell him then?”

“What am I supposed to say?” Sam snapped. “That on top of abandoning us, my father was also a wizard? That I go to a magic school with ghosts and that I have a wand and study how to make magic potions? He won’t believe me! He’ll think I’m crazy!”

Alex, T.J, Mallory and Magnus sent each other worried looks. Alex reached out tentatively and laid her hand on Sam’s arm. The other girl had pushed her plate aside and was lying face first on the table.

“Still… you’ll have to explain things to him somehow. You can’t just ignore this.”

“I know,” Sam said. She sounded defeated, like she was thinking about an assignment she had due and dreaded doing. “But I don’t know what to tell him. How am I going to do this?”

It felt… odd to see Sam so lost. Normally she was the mother of their group; if you were in trouble and didn’t know what to do, Sam was the one you went to for help. Now she was the one who needed it and Magnus felt like the universe had gaping upside down.

“You could-“ Mallory started saying before Sam cut her off.

“I’ll – I’ll figure it out somehow, but… can we please change the subject for now? I was away for two days, did I miss something?”

Halfborn started telling Sam about what had happened that weekend. They all wanted to help Sam solve thing between her and Amir (they all shipped it) but Sam didn’t want to talk about it anymore and they couldn’t force her to.

It was after the bell rang and they split up to go to their respective classes that Alex pulled Mallory and Sam to the side. If they weren’t going to talk about Sam’s love problems, they could still talk about Mallory’s. Alex has been meaning to talk to Mallory about this for long and now that Sam is back, the time is ideal. It will probably help her sister to forget her own problems too.

“Spill, girl,” Alex said when they were standing at a side of the hall as the other students walked by.

Mallory looked utterly confused. “Spill what?”

“Oh, come on! You were staring at Halfborn when the Gryffindors were training like you had never seen a man on a broom!”

It would never cease to amaze Alex how fast Mallory could turn as red as her hair. “I-I wasn’t!”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England.”

Mallory was quick to bow. “Your Majesty,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Alex rolled her eyes once more and sighed in exasperation. She was about to talk but Sam spoke first.

“Now, why haven’t I been informed about our little Mallory flirting with Halfborn?”

“Well, you just came back. I didn’t have time,” Alex said as Mallory said “I wasn’t flirting!” with a blushing face.

"Okay, technically, she was just gaping at him like a fish, but it was close enough," Alex corrected herself once she heard what Mallory had said.

“I wasn’t- ugh!” the redhead groaned.

“You were checking him out,” Alex said matter of factly.

“No, I wasn’t!”

“So you weren’t staring at him?”

“Yes!”

“You’re sure you weren’t flirting with him?”

“Yes!

“So you do have a crush on him?”

“Yes!”

There was a moment of silence as what Mallory said sank in. The definition of a shit-eating grin spread across Alex's face and her sister was quick to follow. Mallory's cheeks went redder and redder as she realised what she had just admitted.

"I-I didn't mean that!" She said frantically. She was staring at the floor instead of at her two roommates, who were looking at her like children who had caught their sibling doing something bad and were about to blackmail them with it.

“Too late now!” Alex said triumphantly. “You can’t take back what you said!”

“I wasn’t thinking about it!” Mallory protested.

"Exactly," Sam said calmly, even though she was wearing the same mischievous grin as her sister. Seemed like Alex’s plan had worked on getting her to forget about Amir.  “You weren’t thinking about what you were saying so you didn’t think of lying.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious you like him,” Alex added. “And you might as well admit it already because I don’t think you want me to start singing ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ with Magnus and T.J.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Mallory said. The image itself was silly enough to bring a smile to her lips despite how embarrassing it would actually be. That smile was quick to fall away when Alex didn’t laugh and say she was simply joking, instead looking at Mallory with deadly seriousness. Mallory paled in fear.

“You would?”

Alex shrugged. "We've been practising for some time now."

Mallory runs a hand over her face in exasperation. "I swear to any god out there, I'm going to embarrass you so much whenever you get a crush."

"So you admit to having a crush on Halfborn?" Alex grinned.

“N-no! God, you’re unbelievable!” Mallory turned on her heel and walked away, marching to class without once turning around to look at her friends. Alex would later say that she had been blushing, but she wasn’t. Of course she wasn’t.

Sam and Alex stayed at the side of the hall for a moment, watching their friend go.

“We’re not going to leave it at that, are we?” Sam asked after a second of silence.

“Oh, of course we’re not,” Alex said, a devilish smirk spreading across her face. “Time to put my matchmaking talents to work.”

Look, I know most people are wary of OCs in fanfiction, but trust me, I know what I'm doing (I hope I do)

#magnus chase #alex fierro #fierrochase #malloryxhalfborn #Magnus chase and the obligatory hogwarts au #my fics #ch6 #macag

[janetvillanueva]

On Moving

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. I haven’t really had the time to do so, unfortunately, what with the endless onslaught of projects and schoolwork. Added the fact that my creative juices haven’t been working at all, causing writing to (heartbreakingly) be a pain. 

Anywho. Today’s post is all about me moving from this blog to another. Yes, you heard (read, rather) it right: I’ve moved to another blog. I’ve kept it a secret for weeks now, feeling guilty about having time to post daily on another blog all the while keeping this blog covered in cobwebs. I figured I owed everyone an explanation.

Before that, however, I’ll be listing down a few things that’ve happened in my life as of late - a brief update of sorts. (If anyone is actually interested.)

Enrolled myself in Brain Train, a review center for all the upcoming college entrance exams! It starts in the summer.

Last term of the school year. It’s kinda daunting to think that 11th grade is ending soon, and I’ll be in 12th grade - a graduating student - next year. 

I’m currently taking an online Bioethics class in Harvard. It’s been really interesting, and convenient given that I only have to go to class during the weekends, the only free time I have. I’ve been planning on enrolling myself in two more classes that’ve piqued my interest, both of which are in Harvard, and I will once summer break starts. (If you’re interested as to how I ended up taking this class, just hit me up and send me an ask here!)

I turned 17 yesterday!

Aaaaand, drumroll please: I started a studyblr - a.k.a. a study blog. 

Yup. I’ve actively been blogging over there for a few weeks, now. It’s been pretty easy to manage, as my blog runs on queue when I’m asleep and when I’m in school and I only have to check it when I get home. I’ve been needing motivation for a long time now, school has been hell and I haven’t really been in my game for quite a while. Having a studyblr has helped me regain some of the motivation I used to have for school and schoolwork. It’s helped quite a lot; the community has been very welcoming and some of the resources various study blogs have put up there has helped me in terms of advancing up on a few topics in certain classes and understanding topics I haven’t mastered just yet.

MY STUDYBLR.

This isn’t to say that I’m leaving this blog. I certainly won’t be forgetting all 350+ of you - I’ll have a few posts up from time to time, but I’ll mostly be spending my time there rather than here. You can follow my new blog if you’d like, the link of which is stated above.

All the love, 

Janet

#feb 2017 #life #school

[somethingsimilartosnow]

back on my bullshit

hello tumblr

wow my online diary coming to a full circle here! Haven’t posted on this page since maybe I was ... 20? Well, hello, here I am, now 24, and life has HAPPENED. I just am so in need of a place to write down my thoughts, my feelings, my life happenings, so it’s not just all scrambled up in my head to spew at my therapist every other Tuesday. So therefore, we turn to the beautiful world of tumblr and my ~secret blog~. I once thought this was so edgy and risky and what if anyone found this (even though I wanted everyone to find it at one point technically) and now I just need a table to vomit my emotions all over!

Anywho - today I’m here to talk about, not Tyler, not Rob (DEFINITELY not Rob, but maybe I will write all about him when I’m ready to, just for my record keeping), but a man named Dillon. Now I met Dillon about 2/2.5 weeks ago on a dating app (gotta love hinge lol - yes past self, you did have to resort to online dating for a time at least!!! will keep ya updated as to how THAT goes) and we met up at Crooked Can on a beautiful, sweaty summer evening. 

Now I should preface - the harmonious timing of everything falling into place whence meeting Dillon is just uncanny. We had exchanged some quick back and forth messages via this ‘app’ and he said he’d be back from Boston in about a week, and he’d text me when he returned to set up a time to meet. Pretty forward considering we had pretty much only talked about pineapple definitely belonging on pizza how he didn’t understand what I do for work. So I thought ‘uh ok!’ and didn’t stress. At this time, I was still so hung up on ROB (stupid! rob!) that I didn’t really think about Dillon much. Then occured That Fateful Night(TM) with Rob, at the Guest House, with a Hummingbird (this is my play on the game Clue! It’s funny - future me will think I’m a smug comedic genius). INSERT STORY ABOUT THAT FATEFUL NIGHT HERE - coming in a post soon maybe idk lol. OKAY ANYWAYS. Saturday morning, I woke up, went to Star Wars land - I have a cool job - and messaged Rob, being mature and wanting to talk things through. Several housed passed, no response, several more hours, no response, and next thing I knew it was Sunday morning and I had never heard from him. My heart clenched into a writhing ball of stress anxiety over the unknown - what did this man now think of me? What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me? No, no, no - WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM? But you know who I did receive a message from that same Saturday? You guessed it - Dillon. 

Yes, this is still a story about Dillon and not about Rob, that’s where we pick up at the Crooked Can the following Thursday evening.

Having pretty much laid my anxieties about Rob aside, I was preparing to unfriend, unfollow, and detach myself from him that coming weekend. In the mean time, I primped and puffed myself to go meet this man, who I knew virtually nothing about except that he worked in marketing. I made myself a drink, drove to the bar, and 4 hours later, was fairly surprised. ‘Not usually the type of guy I go for, but very nice and obviously a good person,’ I thought to myself. In reality, I couldn’t believe I had gone on a second successful first date in a matter of months! Me! A dating girl! What is going on! So we exchanged some pleasantries as we walked to our cars, he hugged me and we parted ways. 

Cut to about a week later, we both are looking forward to seeing eachother again and decide to grab some food, head to a rooftop bar, and just hang out. It’s easy with Dillon. I don’t stand waiting for him and wonder if he’ll like me that time or if he will freakout and want to leave. I don’t have heart-writhing-and-wrenching anxiety leading up to seeing him. It’s simply fun and exciting. (OMG HES SO CUTE TOO AND LIKE STRONG??? HE HAS MUSCLES??? I am HARDLY ATHLETIC so idk what is happening!!!!!!) So here we are back in downtown Winter Garden, munching away chatting eachother’s ears off, and just having a good ol’ time. He was suggesting I come running with him and his close friend/almost roommate that weekend (lol um no? no, running with a cute athletic boy is a recipe for embarrassment - and I already just naturally embarrass myself anyways so lets not put myself in a situation to force even more of that um thanks byeyeyye). I was busy that day luckily, but I invited him to come and see a 90′s cover band with my work friends and I at the House of Blues - next day. A little bold to suggest he’d want to see me two nights in a row, and I suppose even more bold just throwing it out there that I’d want to see him two nights in a row. I mean, we’ve only known eachother for a week, let’s not be crazy! He says ‘you know, I’m watching the UFC fight with my friend,’ and my heart softens a little and I understand he’s busy, has his own life, etc. etc. Then he says, ‘But let me see if he’d want to do that instead.’

CUT TO - INT. HOUSE OF BLUES BALCONY.

We’re dancing! We’re vibing! And we’re having such a great time! He is kind and sweet, he’s holding my hand and has his hand on my back and everything is beautiful. I have my left hand on his right shoulder, and my chin is resting on top of my hand. He says something snappy looking right at my eyes, and I’m looking at his and he quickly glances at my lips.

God, I love kissing. I love it almost more than any other physical thing. I love learning how other people kiss, I love that scratchy feeling of a man’s face at the end of the day all prickly against my skin. I love feeling their jaw and their tongue and their body against mine. I love the tension of it - what happens next? How far do we go tonight? How much can I make you want me? All of this relates to later so please consider this a footnote (1).

House of Blues is great - and I can tell I’m going to see him again. As we’re walking to get our uber, I say to him something silly about the stars and the universe and everything in life coming together and “intersecting” I say.

“Intersecting?” He repeats.

“Intersecting.”

“Intersexing? Rachael!” 

I curl my lower lip over my teeth and say, “That...is NOT what I said.” Boldly, I decide to say to him, “You have something on the mind, Dillon?”

He giggles and takes a pause, “Oh I’ve got a lot on my mind. Most of them are about you, some of them aren’t.” The tension hangs in the air like a bioluminescent force stringing us together as we’re walking in front of the group. “Mainly how you didn’t take me to Star Wars!” He exclaims, cutting the tension with a knife, and we’re back where we started.

So that’s Saturday, we kiss goodnight and he drives him and his friend home. And here’s the good news, I do hear from him again.

Not being able to drink beer, as I inevitably get sick every single time I consume it for some godforsaken reason!, I tell him he must come to my house, retrieve the drink, and help me clear out my fridge. (holy crap this post is long, sorry future self, especially if it all goes south after i post this lol yikes crispies) So here we are again, on a Thursday evening, almost exactly two weeks from the day we first met (actually, exactly two weeks) and I am yet again primping and puffing myself to see him. This is yesterday btw!!!

I couldn’t believe how far I had moved from Rob - completely cutting him out and him doing the same to me caused incredible healing for my heart. I have to tread lightly though, because I now know how I react to things in relationships and how strongly they can affect me. That’s why I have my intuition, though. She guides me through all of the struggles in my life. Maybe it’s the holy spirit. Can’t confirm - will do more research and get back to you.

He arrives, and we eat dinner. Well, I really hardly eat anything because I’m talking so much or so intently listening to him talk that I essentially forgot the plate of food was right in front of me. He offers to do the dishes - which is very kind. I refuse, though, and vow to myself that I must do them tomorrow. I should probably also note that I had two drinks prior to him coming because I wanted to be loose and relaxed and have fun! In my own home. We’re hoping this doesn’t tumble out of control. Hahaha! Anyways!!!

First and foremost following dinner, he teaches me how to bat, weird. But funny, I hit out of the park and we high five and settle on the couch. We ramble and go on and on about the cars we drive, or the work we do, or the music we listen to. He loves Mumford and Sons, and he puts on the Lumineers as the score to our conversation. We watch some silly comedy shows that we tell eachother about, and I am giggle central (three drinks in at this point I guess?). I goto the restroom, and decide there while staring into my bathroom mirror, I have to ask him about the dating world and what he does and why he does it.

 Dating is tricky - people are under no obligation to be with you and you alone. And with someone like Dillon, he is so outgoing and extroverted that I could only assume he’s fairly um, unmonogamous? Spelling? He spent 4 years in a bad relationship where the girl ended up as a lesbian at the end of it, so I can only imagine he just wants everything to lay low for a few years in terms of commitment and really tying yourself to someone. 

So I flounce out of the bathroom and plop myself on the couch, my legs twisted up and I’m curled into a ball - which I still am surprised I can do with the size of my legs, but I suppose it makes me feel small in a comforting way. “So, I’m going to ask you a more serious question, and it’s kind of weird and I don’t want you to freak out,” I say.

“Ask away.” (Um this is all conjecture bc I’m a little tipsy at this moment so - not while typing this, I mean at the time I brought this up last night)

Essentially, I asked him (I could never be an author, my tenses are all mixed up) if he dates monogamously, what his vibe is right now with it all, if he is into me I guess?

This is going to get a little more mish mashed and less narrated because I kind of just need to write all of this part down to get it on the table and survey it all. I’ll let you know when we’re getting back to the fun narrated part. 

He said he usually dates around, he can’t really commit to anything right now. His life is very busy and hectic and whatever, but that he is really enjoying hanging out with me. He said “You know, it’s not for like the sex or the attention, it’s to know people and meet people and make connections.” He kept saying, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, I don’t want you to get hurt,” and I kept saying “Okay, listen, I know myself, I know my boundaries, I know where to draw my own lines.” At one point he even said “It’s so sexy how well you know yourself.” THAT GOT MEEEEE. He said the last girl he dated, their 5 year plans really didn’t line up - she wanted to be married expecting children in two years (she was older - 28), and Dillon, being a 24 year old, young, attractive man was obviously not about that! He knew he has to end it because it wasn’t lining up. I said to him that I think it’s perfectly fair for him to date around, it’s perfectly fine for him to say all of this, and I didn’t say this, but I really was not at all surprised that he said any of this. Like I said, it’s fitting with who he is and his character. I guess I get nervous that he kept saying “I don’t want to hurt you,” or “I don’t want you to get hurt.” As though he feels he will inevitably do so or? Unsure. That’s what Rob kept saying on That Fateful Night(TM), which is why I feel a little triggered by it I guess. So the next question I asked, and I prefaced with “Just because I’m curious, and I want to know where you’re at, are you currently seeing anyone else?” He took a pause. “No, I’m not right now. I don’t know, when I met you something just clicked.” My heart fluttered. “You’re very different than the type of girls I usually date, but I like that.” I reassured him - you are no arrogant artsy jerk who’s going to just up and ghost me - so I also am in the same boat. I said to him that that’s kind of the beauty of it, and meeting new people that are so different than you and connecting with them is so wonderful. He said that his friend said something like “Wow, so you’re seeing this girl two nights in a row?” and he kind of was like “Uh, oh yeah I guess so!” kind of insinuating that there’s something special and different happening here. He said, “I’m enjoying myself, you’re enjoying yourself, obviously this is going well, let’s just take it slow.” I agreed, but uhhh you know. I’m trying to make out with him a little obviously and so somehow it got brought up, and I said, “I mean, we can just have fun, make out a little, right?” And he smiled, “Yeah, we can do that.”

Ok and I think this is where I’m going to try and be narrative again! Dang, am I a novelist chica?

I leaned in and kissed him, his scratchy face pressing into mine. It’s slow and intimate at first - and we fully know what we’re getting into. His mouth is minty and refreshing (almost like...he ALSO was wanting to makeout....hmmmmmmm.....) and he’s kissing me so wonderfully and I love the way his lips feel against mine. My right leg gently slides over his lap and his arms are wrapping around my waist and I go up. His hands move over my belt loops and around my hips and to my stomach, and mine are holding his jaw to mine and I don’t want him to ever let go. We look at each other and he’s smiling at me. I bite my lower lip. And then he says THE MOST DIRECT THING A MAN HAS MAYBE EVER SAID TO ME “I do want to have sex with you...” OH MY GOD?! “Ok, so what are we going to do?” I respond. He kisses me again, “We’re going to wait. I’m going to see you again.” “Okay,” I say and lean in and start kissing him again. I may at one point have said “I want to rip all of your clothes off,” but uhhhh we’ll deal with that another time hehe. I pull back and look at him, and startled he yells, “WOO okay time to go before anything else happens!” I get off of him and he puts his arm over his head, his eyes large and shocked. Quickly, he stands up, adjusts his shirt, pushes his hair back and says (again OH MY GOD) “Gonna walk downstairs with a boner!” OH MY GOD?!!! 

“Sorry...” I say, obviously not sorry, obviously very satisfied with myself. “Okay, I’ve gotta go, I will see you. I need to leave now.”

We kiss goodbye, and then I holler at him down the stairs to come grab the beer his friend left at my place. He comes up and takes it, leans in and kisses me again, and down the stairs he goes.

And that’s it. That’s where we are now. Here I am this morning, letting the Lumineers serenade my creative work flow as I try to calm myself down from the um, excitement of last night. I need to be careful, and I need to protect myself. I am saying I can protect myself and I need to make sure that’s true. I’m not going to stop living my life the way I always do. Tonight, I’m seeing Erin, tomorrow, I’m getting brunch with my girlfriends and then going to game night at Kayla’s apartment, and Sunday, I’m going to church. This is my life and he is a fun addition that I’m so excited about. Oh my god!