#aziraphale kiss him back motherfucker

[garden-doodles]

⚠️Good Omens Season 2 spoilers!⚠️

sobbing crying shitting my pants

#good omens #good omens season two #good omens season 2 #fucking shit #what the fuck #fuck you neil gaiman #neil gaiman #neil gaiman you fucking fuck #fuck you #rot and die in hell #aziraphale #aziraphale you little bitch #aziraphale kiss him back motherfucker #aziraphale i will kill you #dumbass motherfuck #crowly i am so sorry #my baby boy #he hurt you so much #im so sorry hes just being a bitch rn #im gonna kill something #neil gaiman if you see this know i hate you so fucking much rn

[staypuffy]

Okay, so I know prefacing something with "hear me out" virtually guarantees that not one motherfucker will, but, heart me out...

Jim was default Gabriel. He was Gabriel without all the corruption and pressure and complacency he had from being the Supreme Archangel of Heaven for so many years. When he takes away all his own memories, the things that led to this corrupt person we know from season 1, we're left with the basic blueprint of his personality and that's this: just a nice guy. He was helpful, apologetic, thoughtful, kind and even self-sacrificing to an extent (when he offered himself up to Shax's legion to save everyone.) We can assume then, that this is what Gabriel was like before The Fall.

We see some of Jim, or the old Gabriel, start to come back out during his interactions with Beelzebub, for example, miracling the jukebox because he remembers Beelzebub likes the song. Would the Gabriel who sentenced Aziraphale to burn and told him to "shut his stupid mouth and die already" think to do something like that?

No, because love brought him back to himself.

When he's around Beelzebub, the person he loves, we start to see more of Jim, Gabriel's softer side. Eventually, it is this love for Beelzebub which causes a complete reversion back to his old self. As you can see in Gabriel's final scene, he is very pointedly acting much more like the Jim character we became acquainted with over season 2 than the vindictive, wrathful bureaucratic Gabriel from season 1.

Now that Aziraphale has assumed Gabriel's old position, there is a chance the very same thing could happen to him. That the monotony, the responsibility, the corruption of running Heaven, of having everyone look to him for the answers, could do the very same thing to him that it did to Gabriel. Since Jim and Aziraphale's characters are actually quite close to one another (soft, somewhat childlike and innocent, geuinely kindhearted and good) there is a precedent.

(I think Crowley might suspect all this and it's part of the reason why he's so suspicious of and resentful of Heaven for calling Aziraphale back; because he's too loyal for his own good and can't accept that there's something fundamentally wrong with Heaven as an institution, but that's an entirely different post).

When Aziraphale goes back, Crowley knows this is what he's risking. That he's not only leaving Crowley behind, but that he's risking completely changing who he is because of what that position will do to him. It's why he tries so fucking hard to get him to stay. It's why he kisses him. He does everything he can think of to keep Aziraphale there, he puts everything he has on the line to show Aziraphale how he feels in the hopes that he’ll stay so Heaven won’t corrupt him.

But Aziraphale goes anyways.

IN WHICH CASE...

If Aziraphale does let the position change him, like it did Gabriel, the only way to bring him back from being a hard-bitten, cruel and ruthless husk of his former self would be with Crowley's help (vis a vis Beelzebub, a demon, doing it for Gabriel, an angel). And Crowley, no matter how damaged and heartbroken and traumatized, would do it.

It's hard to imagine Aziraphale becoming this way, but could you imagine Jim in a bedsheet toga with a feather duster sentencing someone to death? Me either.

Is it unlikely? Yes. Will it happen? Probably not. Do I like asking myself rhetorical questions to reinforce my point? Also, yes.

That has been my keynote speech, thank you for hearing me out.

#good omens #good omens 2 #gomens #ineffable bureaucracy #ineffable husbands #good omens theory #neil gaiman #michael sheen #david tennant #crowley #aziraphale #crowley and aziraphale

[crushmeeren]

Aziraphale/Crowley

Warnings; This work includes fluff, smut, blowjobs, frottage, lots of loving praise, generally Crowley and Aziraphale loving each other and making each other feel good. Hope you all enjoy! I cannot get rid of my brainrot.(:

AO3 Link; Too Damn Long

Word Count; 3.3k

Three days was just- it’s just, it’s too motherfucking long, Crowley decides as he studies his husbands profile. His serpent eyes slowly track up and down Aziraphales body. Crowley looks at his pretty, white, curly hair, his soft belly, his thick thighs. His cock twitches in his jeans and for fucks sake, his face already feels too damn hot. Crowley shifts his legs to close them slightly and crosses his ankles. He sits in the red arm chair in the corner of Aziraphales bookshop, next to the window, resting his cheek in his hand.

He watches Aziraphale flit about the bookshop, as if he’s checking every single page in every book to make sure everything is in its rightful place. As if Crowley didn’t watch over every. single. damn. book. All while his Angel was gone these past few days because he knows that Aziraphale cares about them. Even if Crowley himself couldn’t give two fucks about books, he takes care of them anyways. “Angel,” Crowley calls out to get his attention, “What the ever loving hell are you doing?” Aziraphale stops where he’s at by the front door and turns to look at Crowley with a small smile playing on his lips when he hears Crowleys exasperated tone. “My love, you know I just enjoy saying hello to all my books when I return. Penny for your thoughts? Or are you just upset I haven’t properly said hello to you yet?” He asks playfully as he starts to saunter towards where Crowley is resting patiently, well actually quite impatiently.

Crowley sits up straight and he squeezes his thighs together as he watches the small sway of Aziraphales hips as he walks closer. He looks up at Aziraphales face instead only to see him smiling smugly as if he’s reading Crowleys damn mind. As if he can feel the heat swirling around in Crowleys belly. He presses his lips together in a line. “Right then, you know exactly what I’m thinking about Angel. Don’t pretend like you don’t.” Aziraphale reaches Crowley and he leans forward, places a hand on each arm rest on each side, that effectively traps Crowley between his arms. He leans even closer to get into Crowleys space and he sweetly kisses his forehead, his cheeks, his jaw before trailing back up to whisper in Crowleys ear in a low tone that makes Crowleys thighs tense and shake.

“I know exactly what filthy thoughts are running through that sinful mind dear.” He presses his soft lips to Crowleys throat once before pulling back to look adoringly at Crowley. Crowley may as well have transcended at this point. He might as well be a pile of fucking mush in the chair. Eyes closed, one hand palming his instant boner that sends sparks of heat up his spine and teeth digging into his bottom lip. He groans softly. “You’re playing with fire Angel.” Crowley speaks in a hushed, low voice as his eyes open into a lustful and loving gaze. Crowley brings his free hand up to brush a thumb over Aziraphales cheekbone, Aziraphales eyes flutter closed and he leans into the small touch. Crowley drags his thumb down to Aziraphales bottom lip, pinching the slick flesh quickly between his thumb and pointer finger and he leans even closer as he watches the blush build on Aziraphales cheeks.

“You know I missed those pretty lips Angel, be good for me and suck my cock won’t you?” Crowley all but purrs at him as he releases his lip and leans back into the armchair once more. He spreads his thighs open and smiles lazily at Aziraphale. Aziraphale feels his breath hitch at Crowleys tone of voice, relishing in the hot tingles that run up his spine and out to his limbs, the sweet arousal that coils low in his belly. He huffs out a small laugh and sinks to his knees on the ground, in between Crowleys lean thighs and sits on his heels. “I’ll show you how much I missed you dear.” Aziraphale replies and squeezes Crowleys thighs roughly.

Crowley lets out a low rumble of satisfaction in return. “Do you need a pillow for your knees love?” Crowley asks him, with a slight worried crease to his eyebrows, still concerned for Aziraphales knees even if he is about to get his non existent soul sucked out through this cock. Aziraphale giggles and bites his bottom lip looking up into Crowleys eyes. “I doubt I’ll need one dear, I don’t think you’ll be lasting very long this time.” He teases Crowley and rests his cheek on his left thigh, nuzzling it softly with his nose. Crowley laughs and he playfully sticks his tongue out at him as he runs a hand through Aziraphales white curls, tugging them softly in retaliation. It makes Aziraphale giggle.

“Right Angel, then let me see those pink lips stretched around my cock. I know you want me to stretch that pretty throat.” He says in a warm and aroused voice that has Aziraphales eyes fluttering shut and his own hard dick twitching in his pants. He has to reach a hand down to squeeze his dick briefly for some sort of relief. He lifts his head off Crowleys thigh and then runs both his hands up those thighs and reaches the waistband. He pops the button on Crowleys black jeans and pulls the zipper down. He hears Crowley hum softly in approval from above him. Aziraphale feels a hand gently thread through his hair again and he smiles to himself. He hooks his fingers in the waistband of the jeans and tugs on the soft worn material, but it only goes down a little bit, trapped around Crowleys hips.

Aziraphale pats Crowleys hip, indicating he needs him to raise up slightly. Crowley listens as he always does. He lifts his hips off the chair slightly and Aziraphale tugs the jeans down further to the middle of his thighs. He smoothes his hands up Crowleys soft thighs and he just can’t resist, he pinches one thigh briefly wanting to feel the soft squish of his thigh. Crowley lets out a soft sound of surprise. “Angel,” Crowley says warningly. Aziraphale only giggles in response as he brings his fingers up to Crowleys black boxer briefs. Aziraphale pauses for a brief moment and decides he should lean forward and press his warm lips to Crowleys thick cock through the fabric. Crowley can feel the heat of his Angels sweet mouth and lips and it sends him up through the floor. Crowley gasps and grips the armrest tightly as he feels Aziraphales warm breath fan out across the skin of his cock through the briefs. Aziraphale flicks his tongue out to feel Crowleys dick through the briefs and he feels that amazing cock twitch again. He pulls away, his own cheeks flushed, and he bites his bottom lip.

Aziraphales blue eyes gaze up at his husband with so much love. His sweet demon, who missed him so much these past few days. Who took care of all of his books. His chest warms at the thought and his own dick twitches again. His slacks are getting so uncomfortable. Crowley brings a steady hand up to caress Aziraphales face as they make eye contact. He smiles sweetly. Aziraphales fingers are frozen at the waistband of Crowleys underwear, the air between them thick and warm with arousal. “Aziraphale, I need you. Please. Suck on my cock pretty Angel.” Crowley pleads with him, eyes yearning.

Aziraphale bites back a grin and nods, he feels the soft material of the briefs on his finger tips as he drags Crowleys briefs down his hips slowly. He keeps pulling and lets it catch on the head of Crowleys cock as he slides them down. He tugs it further and he watches with a new wave of arousal in his lower belly as Crowleys cock bobs free deliciously and slaps against his shirt covered belly softly. Aziraphale realizes he wants to see much more skin and pushes Crowleys shirt up to his chest, eyes drinking in the sight of Crowleys bare stomach tensing under his gaze. He reaches a hand up to touch the soft, warm skin laid out in front of him. He drags his nails lightly down the skin, through the faint red hairs of his happy trail and keeps going through the silky red curls above his cock. Aziraphale feels excited as he wraps one hand around the base of Crowleys cock. Crowley shivers and whimpers lowly as his thighs tense at the feeling of Aziraphales thick and slightly calloused hand wrapped around the silky skin of his cock.

Crowley watches him intimately, eyes tracking his movements, mouth open slightly. Aziraphale leans forward and sticks his tongue out to lick a stripe from Crowleys balls up to the precum slick head and there he swirls his tongue around it for a taste. Crowley sees the stars he helped create behind his eyelids as his head falls backwards. His hand shoots out to grip Aziraphales curls once again, unable to keep his hands to himself. “Angel, oh, oh fuck that lovely tongue feels so good.” Crowley groans out thinking about how Aziraphale was right, he won’t last long. Not with a pretty Angel sucking his cock. Hell he missed him.

Aziraphale wraps his wet and warm lips around the tip of his cock, sucking lightly at the head, tasting the demon in front of him. Crowleys legs jolt in response and he moans again. Aziraphale closes his eyes and lets his jaw relax as he sinks his mouth down on the thick cock he’s blessed enough to get to taste. He goes until the tip reaches the back of his mouth, prodding at his throat and the soft pallet on the roof of his mouth. He feels the weight of Crowleys cock on his tongue and the way it stretches his mouth till his jaw aches and he absolutely loves it. His hand tightens around the base slightly as he sucks and brings his mouth back up to the tip, flicking his tongue wherever he can reach at the same time. Crowley cries out loudly and tilts his head back down, making eye contact with Aziraphale as he watches. It sets a fire in him and it blazes through his limbs.

“So good Angel, so so fucking good, so in love with that mouth, keep going my love, suck it like you mean it.” Crowley coos at him sweetly. Crowley rests his hand on the back of Aziraphales head instead of pulling at his curls, which he felt sort of like an ass doing, but he knows his Angel doesn’t mind. Aziraphale hums slightly and begins to bob his head in a steady motion, up and down, sucking occasionally as he goes and rubbing his tongue along the skin. The wet sucking sound Aziraphales mouth is making turning them both on even more. Crowley pants above him, watching his cock be engulfed again and again by his Angels lips. Aziraphales jaw begins to ache and he presses back down until the tip reaches the back of his throat. He pauses only for a second and pushes the cock into his throat, feeling it stretch and tickle his throat. His eyes water and he stays in place.

“Aziraphale! F-fucking hell! You are just unbelievable at sucking my cock love, such an amazing Angel, just like that, look at you.” Crowley cries out in a warm and blissed out voice. Spit trails down from the corners of Aziraphales mouth, down Crowleys balls enticingly. Aziraphales chest starts to burn from lack of oxygen and he pulls off Crowleys cock with a deep inhale, watching Crowleys spit slicked cock bob slightly in the air once it’s free and he coughs slightly and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Crowley lets go of his grip on the back of his head. “Angel,” Crowley pants. “Come up here please, I won’t last long like this and I want to feel my dick against yours when I cum.” Crowley begs him reaching out a hand to tug on his, urging him forward.

“Are you sure darling? I don’t mind letting you finish like this.” Aziraphale says breathily, voice slightly raspy as he laces his fingers with Crowleys, using his other hand to rub Crowleys bare thigh soothingly. It makes Crowley shiver. He nods at Aziraphale. “Yes, yes Angel please I want you.” Crowley sighs softly and tugs his hand again. Aziraphale smiles and laughs softly as he rises off his knees, feeling them protest from the way he was sitting, worth it. He lets go of Crowleys hand and straddles him, wedging each leg in between the outside of Crowleys thighs and the armchair, sitting down on lap, leaving Crowleys cock free, leaning against his stomach.

Aziraphale leans forward and rest their foreheads together, kissing Crowleys lips softly once, feeling their lips stick together a little bit. “Better love?” He asks. “So much.” Crowley responds as he runs his hands up Aziraphales thighs moving them towards the button on his slacks. He runs his palm over Aziraphales hard dick on his way up and Aziraphale sighs softly. “Please my love, need to feel you.” Aziraphale says with a whine in his voice, resting his hands on Crowleys chest. Crowley huffs a laugh. “Oh did I make my sweet Angel wait too long to get touched?” Crowley teases as he unbuttons the slacks, yanking them down impatiently, just enough to set Aziraphales cock free. Crowley admires the shape and size of the Angels cock, thinking how pink and perfect it is. Crowley wraps a hand around the middle of Aziraphales dick, pumping his hand twice and it makes Aziraphales hips twitch upwards at the feeling and he lets out a low moan.

“Crowley, my love, make me cum. I need it. I missed you so much.” Aziraphale says with a soft pout to his lips as leans into Crowleys touch. Crowley looks up at him and lets go of his cock. He brings a hand to small the of Aziraphales back and presses gently, bringing him closer until their bare cocks brush up against each other. The first touch of skin on skin melts Crowleys mind. “Oh shit,” Crowley laughs incredulously at the feeling. Aziraphale chokes out a moan. “That feel good Angel?” Crowley asks playfully, biting the tip of his tongue to keep in all the noises he wants to let out. “My dear, it’s heavenly.” Aziraphale responds in kind, with a a slightly strained voice and runs his hands up Crowleys chest, letting them rest on his shoulders. Crowley lets his gaze rest on where their cocks pressed together.

Crowley brings his hand up to circle around both their dicks and he squeezes them together lightly. They both let out satisfied moans in unison. Crowley leans up a little bit, opens his mouth and lets saliva drip onto where they’re connected. He uses it as lube to start pumping his hand smoothly up and down their dicks. The sensation of Crowleys warm and gentle hand encasing them and the feeling of their cocks sliding together in a slick rhythm is, well it’s almost overwhelming for Crowley. As Crowley continues to move his hand, going just a little bit faster he lets his head fall back with a loud groan, eyes squeezed shut tight. He lets them both use their hips to fuck the tight, wet heat of his hand as they chase their highs. Aziraphale falls forward and brings his hands up to the sides of Crowleys neck, fingers splaying on his shoulders a bit. He’s panting as he watches Crowleys hand pleasure them together. His eyes are glazed. Aziraphale can feel the hot pulses of pleasure in his groin, twitching in Crowleys grip. He realizes that maybe he’s the one who won’t last very long.

“Sweetheart, Angel, you feel so good. Doing such a good job for me, making me feel incredible. I-I’m not gonna last much longer with such a sweet Angel like you in my lap.” Crowley groans through clenched teeth as he tightens his hand in a punishing grip and continues to pump them quickly. “Oh Crowley, I want to see you finish against me, please, please, you’re so beautiful.” Aziraphale says with desperation in his voice. Crowley looks into Aziraphales eyes and whimpers but nods his head. He’ll never deny his Angel what he wants. He strokes them a few more times and Crowley feels his belly coil and swirl with pleasure tightly. “Angel, I- I’m gonna-“ Crowley cuts off with a throaty moan as the pleasure floods his limbs. His thighs tense and his hand slows as his sticky release covers both of their cocks and Crowley lets out little ah sounds. His release makes the glide of his hand even smoother.

Aziraphale watches his husband flush and cum intensely. Watches his mouth hang open. Watches Crowleys face, Crowley who can’t keep his eyes off of their cocks trapped together in his hand. All too soon Aziraphale is surprised by his own orgasm, the absolute vision that is his husband, the feeling of Crowleys release covering them, making them move together even more heavenly, is more than enough to send him over the edge too. He gasps softly as he fucks into Crowleys hand gently. “Oh yes Angel, cum for me, so sweet my love, you’re so pretty when you cum,” Crowley mumbles as he watches in awe as Aziraphale cums over his hand. He works his hand until they are both oversensitive, tingly with aftershocks of pleasure. He squeezes their tips together once more before releasing the softening cocks altogether. Crowley slumps back in the seat breathing heavily and Aziraphale waves his hand to miracle away the mess they’ve made. The two of them sweaty and overheated, feeling as if they could melt into the chair from their orgasms.

“Well did I do a good job of showing you how much I missed you?” Aziraphale questions with a small teasing smile. Crowley scoffs. “Angel you did amazing. Maybe you should leave more often if you’ll fuck me that good when you come back.” Crowley teases him and leans forward to kiss him sweetly on the lips a few times before letting himself fall back against the chair. Aziraphale laughs and says “I’ll make love to you any time you want dear.” As he stands up, tucking himself back in his slacks, Crowley pulling up his jeans and doing the same.

Aziraphale reaches a hand out for Crowley to take, pulling him to his feet when grabs on. Crowley stands and stretches his legs, gripping his Angels hand. “Crowley, my love, I really did miss you these past few days. Shall we go to my bed and continue to..reacquaint ourselves.” Aziraphale says sweetly, giving Crowley a small, coy smile. Crowley raises an eyebrow and grins. “My my, that’s very naughty of you Angel. I wouldn’t want to do anything else.” Crowley says and squeezes Aziraphales hand. Aziraphale giggles and tugs him forward walking towards the stairs, giving Crowley one last loving look before turning around to lead them.

Crowley lets his eyes wander over his lovely Angel once more, biting his bottom lip. He follows Aziraphale as he thinks that yeah, three days was just too damn long.

#good omens fanfiction #good omens season 2 #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #good omens #crowley x aziraphale #good omens smut #oneshot #good omens season 1 #imagine

[leos-fever-dream]

GUYS GUYS GUYS I JUST NOTICED

IN THE KISS SCENE, AZIRAPHALE IS LOOKING AWAY BEFORE CROWLEY PULLS HIM IN, AND HE KINDA PULLS BACK A LITTLE BUT THEN

HE CLOSES HIS EYES

AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER

PRESSES IN TO THE KISS

I AM NOT OK RN PLS SEND CHICKEN SOUP AND SOURDOUGH

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #good omens s2 #crowley #aziracrow #asdfghjhgfdsdfgh #spoiler #the kiss #omg

[marley-manson]

okay the full review in a pros and cons list lol

pros:

uh my ship canon. i win, motherfuckers. fuckin 15 year old me was right this whole time, as always, but it's nice to see it acknowledged for once.

the confession scene also just kicked ass tbh

i gotta admire the cheekiness of the back and forth hesitant phrasing of their relationship, eg crowley referring to '...us' and aziraphale's 'i need you!' 'we can be together' etc until finally crowley just runs back to kiss him

and you know aziraphale was about to say 'i love you' before cutting himself off <3

touching his lips after too <3

the reasons for the break up felt reasonable to me and justified with the season's flashbacks to crowley questioning things and aziraphale's resistance

some pretty funny jokes, i laughed outloud a few times

michael sheen and david tennant do have excellent chemistry

never gonna say no to side lesbians even if they were incredibly bland

i think the way it was structured like a fanfic was a pro honestly lol. the plot sucked, i don't care about it, so it's nice that the story itself also doesn't care

amnesiac gabriel was endearing

crowley not kiling goats was cute

ty tennant was in it for about a minute and spent that minute hitting on aziraphale and it was fucking bonkers

no het

like i think job and his wife may have literally been the sole exception including like references to offscreen spouses lmao, i'm v impressed, and if this is penance for last season then i forgive.

i thought it was cute that gaiman incorporated the song he wanted for season 1 into this season as a plot point

beelzebub's new actor was so much better. and the flies were somehow kinda cute, i'll give the gabriel/beelzebub ship that.

good old fashioned lover boy. we all wanted it, they gave it to us, i appreciate it

here's my review: gay enough

cons:

mostly sucked as like, a narrative

tennant's fucking performance as crowley was so annoying, he or the director doubled down on what i hated last season and stripped him of all the endearing humanizing aspects of his performance and the result was like watching donald duck screaming for 6 episodes

the chemistry was still there but the actual pining kiiiiinda wasn't, actually lol. oh they referred to it in scripted moments, jokes, parallels, and straightforward statements, but they didn't... show it, particularly. until the confession nothing even approaches the tenderness and emotion of like any of their season 1 scenes, let alone the car scene or the bus stop scene or the ritz or the french revolution rescue or the blitz or eden etc etc. and david tennant did not say one word in that cute hopeful pining tone

to be honest after watching the whole show this is the most disappointing part. like the car scene??? could i not get a sequel to that? let crowley be tender!!!!

i think the reason we don't get scenes like that, other than perhaps uncomfortable restraint due to acknowledging the romance textually, is that they went from crowley practically begging aziraphale to cave and fuck him for centuries to crowley now angry repressed and needing a push to say anything, which also felt wrong to me, like iffy fanfic characterization

it was bad enough that i was nervous they were going to depict neither as actually aware of their feelings. thankfully they did not, and it still feels like crowley has been pining for a thousand years and they've both been aware but dancing around it, with the way the confession was phrased. that should be a pro, actually.

also yk all the obvious things. dumb jokes, a lot of bad acting (i feel like the director is at fault though tbf), not into the twee tone in general for the most part, a lot of scenes that were way too drawn out, utterly nonsensical narrative, characters doing things for no reason other than convenience constantly (why do the lesbians stay to help fight the demons? because their characters are more important and need more screen time), 0 stakes wrt heaven and hell because they're all so wholly ineffectual as antagonists and neither crowley nor aziraphale ever gave a shit about their threats, etc etc

oh lol nina sosanya being cast again as a brand new character, no relation to sister mary loquacious. it's not a big con since i like her and was happy to see her again, but it did feel lazy lol. at least give me the identical twin cousin explanation

was crowley living out of his car a joke bc they don't have the set from last season? did god not restore his flat like the bookshop? what's up with that? and how much time has passed since last season anyway? why didn't he get a new flat? why is he living in his car? what's going on?

nightingale references at the end felt tacked on and awkward to me tbh

ohhhhh raphael!crowley's very obviously hinted at and i hate that headcanon :/

crowley's kinda hilariously gary stuish honestly, making me really miss the book and even season 1 where he was like, yk, fucking incompetent sometimes. here he's lounging on couches without a care while being threatened by heaven and hell multiple times, pulling off perfect shots with no practice, waltzing into heaven without a second thought, bluffing demons easily and successfully, etc. and that's in addition to being right about everything and also being raphael like what happened to my dumbass low-level loser fave who fucked up the apocalypse by accident and lived in terror of phone calls from hell???

heaven and hell are "toxic" lol? that phrasing is so awkward, and like, i'd say minimizing but i guess tbf they didn't pose much of a threat in this season. but still c'mon, why you describing 2 murderous doomsday cults/cold warring governments as toxic like they're your annoying ex? especially after the running gag about nina's shitty girlfriend constantly therapy speaking at her condescendingly lol. how about 'hey remember how they worked together to try to kill us last season?'

oh gabriel/beelzebub of course lol, whatever happened to neil gaiman being unable to read fanfic or even people's headcanon posts for fear of accidentally plagiarizing ideas? bring back the separation between fandom and creator stat, fandom has way too much influence here and fandom fucking sucks

a little petty but honestly the kiss could've been good, yk? there's no reason it had to be bad, they could've just given into it for a bit for a hopeful romantic moment before aziraphale freaks and pulls away. like can i get 2 dudes to kiss with tongue at some point on my television here?

needs more queen

#text post #marley on good omens #good omens spoilers

[thesherrinfordfacility]

✨ episode 4 - running commentary✨

- I'm not ready for this no no no no no DEEP BREATH ok let's go

- I will just say actually that ep3 has turned it around for me, like 100% and it is SO MUCH BETTER on tv than on the bigger screen, the screenings were fun but a Mistake

- anyWAY

- LESI???

- ok literally a hitchhiker lmao @theeminentlyimpractical wins this round HAHAH JTS SHAX JAHAHA mood swing

- oh my god i want them to be friends in an AU fuCK SHE WORKED IT OUT AZIRAPHALE LMAO

- BAD SHAX HE IS ✨EXACTLY✨ HIS TYPE fucking BEAT HER ASS AZZY

- lmao aziraphale???? YOU SLY DOG????

- this has to be a fuck moment right aziraphale? az?? CMON SWEAR YOU DUMBASS BITCH

- honestly aziraphale if it turns out furfur is an ex we need to have cocktails bbygirl tell me EVERYTHING YOU DIRTY HOE

- 40S MINISODE ARGHJ🚨🚨🚨🚨

- lmao walking dead au when, they really did end up down there huh I mean foregone conclusion but this gives me LIFE

- idc about hell I need the BOYS I need the dinner of motherfucking 41

- all the Nazis lmao get shredded bitches

- furfur lol this is doomed to failure

- DAVID TENNANT ON FIRE FUCK YES

- aziraphale stop trying to offer him a handy I'm sorry but you need to TONE IT DOWN you nearly got blown up NOW IS NOT THE TIME offer him a blowy LATER

- no I'm sorry but Mrs h???? FUCKING GET THEM GIRL THEYRE MY BABIES BUT INEPT AF

- THE SHOT THE CROWLEY PICTURE FUCK

- this is so much better than I could have ever predicted NEIL YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARd

- AHHHHHH AM I ABOUT TO BE RIGHT ABOUT THE 40S MINSODE DID I PREDICT THS???? DO THEY KISS????💓✨ IS THERE A 🚨MOMENT🚨

- also lmao the dinner is after the show??? idk let's see

- IM SWEATIN SO HARD THIS KS SO GOOd

- fucking HOWLING at the Nazi trio hahaha Steve pemberton is *the* moment lmaooooo

- OOP NO DINNER DINNER NOW??? Also lmao 'friends' I bet that BURNED Michael's mouth to FUCK

- crowley's face I'm DYING aziraphale you're so SILLY

- fuck me im so whipped for 40s Crowley and his lil jazzy wazzy hands

- THE WAY HE FLIRTS FUCK OFF GO AWAY CROWLEY stop buttering him up HES ABOJT TO JUMP YOU BUD

- ahhh magic shop!!!!!✨✨✨

- I know we said that aziraphale has the patience of a saint but I take it back Crowley is still an angel I'm convinced of it

- aziraphale literally has no self preservation I love him

- "leave the miracles to us" snarky ass bitch

- AHHHH HE TRUSTS CROWLEY FUCK YES the way he grabs his MF HAND no I'm done now

- DID I CALL CROWLEY BEING A VOLUNTEER IN A FUCKINF SHITPOST my GOD

- aziraphale you are a disaster

- I FUCKING CALLED IT HAHAHA this is my win ill tAKE IT CROWLEY CALLED AS A VOLUNTEER HAHAHA

- oh my god someone drag him off stage pLEASE

- GRITTED TEETH "NEITHER ARE MINE HEHE" hahahaha

- HE LITERALLY HAS TO TRUST CROWLEY UGH THIS IS 4AM GIRL DINNER ✨💓

- Cmon Crowley you can do it bbygirl💓💓💓💓

- HE DID IT

- here we GO THE DRESSING ROOM SCENE YES

- no fuck off furfur they need to snog go away OH MY GOD THEY KNEW EACH OTHER, jealous AZIRAPHALE?????

- "AZIRA-FALALALALA"

- oh I'm living for the zombies I love them

- lmao that photo hahahaha

- FUCK AZIRAPHALE YOU ARe so goOD AT MAGIC AND SLEIGHT OF HAND IM SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU you saved yourselves YES

- DINNER DINNER DINNER

- NOW KISS

- NOW

- "retire the act"

- OH MT FOD THIS IS SO SOFT??????? FUCKINF HELL

- BLUR THE MF EDGES

- THE WIIIIIIINE

- wait no come back u need to kiss now no

- fucking cockblocked by a scene change fuCK

- NO SHAX YOU BITCH NO LEAVE THEM ALONE LEAVE THEM ALOOOOOONNEEEEEE

- PLEASE

- yes beelzebub NO BEELZEBUB lol another mood swing

- annnnnd he's back home💓💓💓

- I KNEW AZIRAPHALE WAS BENTLEY'S FAVE get shitted on crowley

- he's MOVING BACK IN???? INTK RHE BENTLEY???? CROWLEY TOU ARE SO STUPID BABES

- "a night to REMEMBER" lmao it BETTER BE

Oh no it's the ball episode next I BETTER GET THAT KISS but also an explanation for "u go too fast for me Crowley" bc that did NOT explain it

#good omens #good omens season 2 #go2 commentary #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy

[lady-divine-writes]

Build Up (Rated NC17)

Crowley has waited 6000 years for this moment with his angel ...

That might be one of the reasons he fails so spectacularly. (1242 words)

(Notes: No graphic sex.)

“Mmm … Crowley … I …” Aziraphale’s words are breaths between kisses. As Crowley’s mouth travels down his neck, Aziraphale attempts to string together enough of them to form a single, cohesive sentence. But he’s finding that difficult with Crowley’s lips bruising the skin of his neck, his hands pursuing every button on his clothes, his trembling fingertips brushing flesh that’s never been touched by foreign hands. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Crowley snorts. “Aziraphale, I’ve waited 6000 years to do this.”

“Yes, but, I mean … with me?”

“You’re my husband. Who else am I going to do this with?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, Aziraphale …” Crowley huffs, struggling with this conversation as much as he’s struggling with Aziraphale’s oddly complicated belt buckle “… I really, really don’t.” Crowley gives up on the buckle and kneels up, utilizing this vantage point to gaze into Aziraphale’s eyes. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“No!” Aziraphale waves his hands in front of him, frantically windmilling that perception away. “No, not at all! I want this … I want you, very, very badly.” Crowley grins at his husband’s emphasis, his penchant for over-explaining when he gets anxious, and is inspired to take another go at that buckle. “It’s just that you’re … well …” Aziraphale gestures vaguely at Crowley’s body … “and I’m …” Another vague gesture, this time at himself. Aziraphale sighs. “I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I’ll be disappointed if you count yourself out before we even get started.”

“We have all night,” Aziraphale assures him.

“Won’t be enough.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said it won’t be enough. One night isn’t going to be enough for what I have planned.”

“A-and what do you have planned?” Aziraphale asks, a well of excitement forming in his belly

“You’ll see.” Crowley grins, eyes glowing with mischief and promise. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Aziraphale. I intend on enjoying this,” he murmurs just shy of the pulse thrumming in Aziraphale’s neck. “I’m going to make sure you enjoy it, too. Ruin you for anyone else.”

“There’s been no one else. And there will be no one else.” Aziraphale swallows, the movement of his throat drawing Crowley’s eyes to the hollow of his neck. He latches his mouth to it, lapping softly while he finally gets that blasted buckle undone. Aziraphale gasps when Crowley’s palm makes contact with soft, secret skin. With that spring breeze of sound, new to his ears and sweet, Crowley’s grin becomes a monument to this moment. He’s planning to employ every temptation of lust he’s ever implanted into the minds of men (without the actual tempting, of course) – glean from every erotic dream he’s ever glimpsed. He’s going to devour Aziraphale over the course of hours, days, maybe even weeks; ignite every fantasy that’s ever passed through his brilliant brain. He’s going to strip him bare, take him apart piece by piece like the beautifully complicated puzzle he is, then put him back together but slowly. He’s going to thumb through him like the delicate pages of a cherished first edition, hold him reverently by the edges, linger on the scandalous passages, the ones no one else has yet to read, trace the words printed there with light strokes of his fingertips. He’ll keep Aziraphale balanced on the bitter edge of ecstasy, begging for release, and then, only then, when he hears the tortured timbre of his voice will he decide whether or not he’ll grant it.

***

Six minutes later …

Silence.

Well, not really silence.

More like a pause. A heavy breath. A pregnant break between two musical passages.

Quiet, but with enough tension to slice a single hair in two.

Somewhere within it, Aziraphale hears a Godawful ticking - a clock somewhere in Crowley’s flat that he’d never noticed before, but which he does now because the two of them are lying so still and so separate, the space between them feels like miles, which makes that clock on the wall two hallways away and several doors down a closer companion by comparison.

It’s not funny, Aziraphale repeats to himself, even with the smile to end all smiles growing on his face like a spindly vine. He pinches his lips together, deepening his dimples, but he refuses to snicker, especially since, over on his side of the bed, Crowley is staring at the ceiling above him with so much acid, Aziraphale is surprised the thick, glistening stone hasn’t started melting upon them.

Crowley was amazing, in Aziraphale’s naïve opinion. Never did he expect his demon to be such a gentle and attentive lover – so selfless, so giving. Indeed, he did all of the touching, most of the seducing. But in the end, it was the mere thought of deflowering his angel that did him in.

And ended the proceedings.

It alarmed Aziraphale when it happened. The look on Crowley’s face, the pain in his expression, the groan in his voice, the way his body seized – Aziraphale thought that Hell had gotten their claws into him and was pulling him back.

A second later, Crowley wished they had.

When the fateful moment occurred, Aziraphale didn’t know how to react. Should he wrap his arms around him to try and break Hell’s hold? Was there an incantation he should recite to dissolve their influence? Maybe a hymn he could sing? But when Crowley’s muscles returned to his control and he started spitting curses – “Shit! Shit! Shit! Motherfucking shiiiiittttt!” Aziraphale laughed with relief.

Hence why Crowley is now lying five feet away, arms crossed over his chest, seething.

And as devastated as Aziraphale is that their first attempt ended this way, he can’t help finding the whole situation as hilarious as all get out.

“Well …” Aziraphale says, clearing his throat at the first crack in his voice as he fights not to laugh.

“Well …” Crowley mutters, in no mood for small talk.

“I’m sorry if that didn’t go the way you’d planned.”

“Ya know, I said we were going to be here all night, angel. I didn’t say it was gonna be only one round.”

“I see, my dear.” Aziraphale clears his throat again, harder since the laughter bubbling there refuses to be removed. “No, you’re right. That makes perfect sense. Please, just tell me …”

“Yes?”

“The rounds are going to last longer hereafter, yes?”

“Satan give me strength,” Crowley mumbles. “We’ll call that round the first pancake and be done with it, shall we?”

“Mmm, pancakes …” Aziraphale sighs, the thought of golden brown and buttery goodness derailing his thoughts a little. “Maybe we should take a break? Stop for a snack? Rebuild your strength for the night ahead?”

Crowley rolls back over, pinning the giggling angel beneath him not just with his body, but with his piercing stare.

“Quiet you. You’re the only thing on the menu tonight.”

“And are you hungry, my dear?” Aziraphale asks, passing his arms around Crowley’s neck, gaining a bit of confidence out of this snafu that he’s grateful for. It would be nice to be a participant in this honeymoon marathon – take the burden off of Crowley to perform.

Then maybe they’ll make it to fifteen minutes next time. Possibly a half hour.

Crowley kisses his husband, swallowing Aziraphale’s sass with a passionate press of his still swollen lips. When Aziraphale slips his tongue between them, Crowley growls. “Famished.”

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #frankie writes

[ourownsideimagines]

More of a Man Than You’ll Ever Be (Crowley x FTM!Reader

Characters: Crowley, FTM!Reader, some random trans/homophobic douchebag

Requested: Yes 

Requested by: @rionimagines

Point of View: Second Person

Summary: When (name) is out with his boyfriend, Crowley, some douchebag decides he needs to input his opinion on (name)’s life. 

Warnings: unwanted advances from a random douchebag onto the reader, transphobic + homophobic comments from said random douchebag. A bunch of cursing as well

Words: 811

A/N: I had like three different ideas for this and for some reason this is what I got- Also I am so sorry I have NO idea how medically transitioning works oops-

---

You were meant to be having a nice day out with your boyfriend, Crowley. Some casual window shopping, and a walk around St. James’ park - he’d even hinted at taking you out to eat. The two of you had been standing, watching the ducks for a few minutes when Crowley spoke up.

“How about some ice cream?” He suggested, his arm resting around your waist.

“We haven’t even had dinner yet,” You said with a light laugh.

“Is that a no?” He wiggled his eyebrows at you. You glanced back at the cart and thought for a moment.

“Can I have a cone?” You asked.

“You can have anything you want.” Crowley smirked. He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your lips. “Be back in a minute.” Crowley struted towards the cart, leaving you alone by the lake. You’d been to St. James’ Park on many occasions - in fact, it had been where you met Crowley. You’d been up in a tree, trying to grab a kite a young girl had accidentally flown into the branches when you’d lost your footing and fell, right on top of the demon actually.

It had been a rather rocky start. This was when you’d just begun to transition physically, and even though you’d been on T for a number of months your voice had barely changed at all. You’d been so flustered and tongue tied that you hadn’t even gotten his name.

But that didn’t exactly matter, because over the next year you’d gotten to know him better than you’d known anyone - it was around month eight of your friendship that he’d finally asked you out, and now here the two of you were. You were still on your way to a full transition, and Crowley was there through all of the tough times, as was Aziraphale (who, though you didn’t know, had been the one to finally convince Crowley to ask you out).

Today was one of your good days. Your dysphoria was at a low, and you’d felt more yourself than you had in quite a long time.

A pair of arms wrapped around your middle, and you smiled to yourself.

“Crowley, did you forget-”

“Who’s Crowley, love?” Your blood ran cold, the unfamiliar voice extremely close to your ear. You let out a small yelp, and tore yourself away from the strange man, who looked like he may have been drunk, or at last a bit tipsy. “Awe, c’mon, don’t be like that.” He stumbled forward a few steps, of which you quickly backed away. He held out a hand to touch your face, but you took another step back. “Such a,” He hiccuped. “Pretty, pretty gir-”

“Leave me alone,” You snapped, your arms wrapping instinctively around yourself. “I don’t know who the bloody hell you think you are, but leave me alone.”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that.” He pouted. “Such a curvy-”

“Shut up,” You snapped. “I’m not a,” You took a deep breath. “I’m not a girl, and you can go screw yourself-”

“(Name), love, what’s going on?” Crowley was at your side suddenly, arm coming up around you. Despite his eyes being covered by his sunglasses, you could read the anger all over his face. You shrunk into him. “Is this,” He scrunched up his nose. “Man bothering you?”

“And who the fuck are you,” The drunken man looked up at Crowley, who stood a little less than a foot taller than him, and pursed his lips. “I’m just tryin to have a conversation with this lad-”

“Except he isn’t a lady,” Crowley hisses. “My boyfriend and I are trying to enjoy a lovely day together, so if you could kindly piss off, this might end well for you.” The man ignored Crowley’s words, and advanced on him instead, jabbing him in the best with a shaky finger.

“This doesn’t concern you, you stick-lookin motherfucker.” He said. “How about you go back to whatever closet you crawled out of and screw-” You screwed your eyes shut as Crowley lurched forward, and though you heard the screams, you knew that no one else would even turn their head. You kept them closed until Crowley’s arm returned around your shoulders, turning you away and guiding you forward. You let your eyes open, slightly surprised to find that Crowley was using his free hand to hold out a cone to you.

“C’mon,” He said a bit too calmly. “You finish that up, and then you and I are gonna have a lovely meal at (favorite restaurant).” You carefully took the cone, which was topped with your favorite flavor of ice cream, and despite the nerves that had gathered in your chest, you smiled gently.

“Thank you, Crowley.” You murmured. He drew you closer, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Anything for you, my love. Anything.”

#good omens #good omens x reader #crowley x reader #crowley x FTM!Reader #Crowley x Male!reader #Crowley x reader good omens #crowley x FTM!reader good omens #Crowley x male!reader good omens #crowley #crowley good omens #anthony j crowley #x reader #x ftm!reader #x male!reader #reader insert #good omens reader insert #tw transphobia #tw homophobia #reese writes #my writing #the ineffable queue

[ineffably-good]

I Will Follow You Into The Dark (8/10) (GO Fics)

Go read the whole thing on AO3 - it’s done!

Summary: Crowley storms the gates of Heaven, and makes a bargain of his own.

Crowley emerged into the anteroom of Heaven. Like so much of Above, the anteroom was large, with soaring ceilings and crisp white walls, devoid of personality, and entirely freezing. It was also largely empty, which was a plus. He took a look around to orient himself and strode through the door at the far end into what appeared to be a large, open reception hall.

There were angels milling about here. It was a moment before anyone noticed him, but when they did there were dramatic sounds of consternation and murmurings from all sides. He strode through, ignoring all of them, until he got to the exact center of the room.

One angel gathered his courage and stepped forward to greet him, standing a few feet away from the small flames licking off the demon’s body. He looked both outraged and thoroughly intimidated.

“Can I help you?” he asked officiously.

“GABRIEL,” Crowley bellowed. “I need to speak to Gabriel RIGHT BLOODY NOW.”

The angel took a step back. He turned to look at one of his less brave companions. “Go,” he said. “Fetch Gabriel.”

They continued to stare at each other with icy disdain for the few minutes it took for anything to happen. Finally, he heard the click of Gabriel’s pretentious, shiny loafers coming from the other end of the hall, and he finally got a look at the utter prick.

Gabriel did not look pleased to see him.

“Demon Crowley,” he said with a fake and completely unconvincing smile. “You know you shouldn’t be here.”

“You can’t touch me, Gabriel, and you know it,” Crowley snapped dismissively. “And I’m here for something that is very much in your best interest.”

Gabriel glared at him and said nothing.

“I’d recommend we discuss this somewhere more private,” Crowley said. “You do not want everyone hearing what I have to say.”

“Fine,” Gabriel huffed. “Come with me.”

He turned and strode away without even checking to see if Crowley was behind him. Crowley took a moment to hiss at a few of the lesser angels still milling nearby, then stalked off after him.

++

Gabriel led him to an office, large and flamboyant, exactly what he would have expected from such a prig. There was an extremely ornate desk, elaborate wall hangings, and most amusing, an enormous, gilt-edged mirror that Crowley knew instantly the archangel used to check his outfits and admire himself.

What he did not expect was the presence of the other three archangels. Uriel, Michael, and Sandalphon were all there to greet him. They stepped back and clustered behind the desk as he entered, allowing his flaming self a little extra room.

“Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon,” he said, in greeting. “I’m here to make a deal with you.”

Gabriel stepped behind the desk and sat in his fussy, elaborate chair. “And what would you have to offer us that we could possibly want?” 

Crowley placed the briefcase down on the large flat desk and opened it carefully. Inside was the book. It gleamed most unpleasantly in the light.

“I’d suggest you don’t touch it,” he said. “This book was designed to kill you.”

Uriel and Sandalphon took a step back. Gabriel and Michael leaned in and peered at it. “It feels evil,” Michael affirmed. “But what is it and why are we supposed to believe you?”

Crowley explained it to them as succinctly as he could. How they’d taken it from a wannabe warlock, how he’d used angel and demon blood to power the book, what had happened to Aziraphale as a result.

“So,” Sandalphon said with a sneer, “you need the book destroyed, to save your stupid boyfriend, and you come to us?”

Crowley took a second to imagine all the ways he’d like to injure Sandalphon. He thought he’d start by ripping out each of his ridiculous gold teeth. The archangel must have read something of it on his face, because he folded his arms over his chest and glared defiantly.

“You need this book destroyed as much as I do,” Crowley growled. “This book is a weapon! Did you even know there was a spellbook floating around on earth that contained magic that could kill all of the archangels? Were ANY of you even the slightest bit aware of that?”  

Michael, at least, had the decency to look a little embarrassed by that. “No,” she admitted. “We didn’t.”

“Listen to me,” Crowley said, “and listen well. This is a one-time offer, and it has to be done now. If you wait for the book to kill Aziraphale before you take action, or if you hem and haw and get all bureaucratic and he just ‘accidentally’ dies first, then the deal is off. No book.” He made eye contact with each of them in turn, convincing them of his sincerity. “I will take it, and I will work with my human witch friends to read it, and I will have in my hands a fully operational weapon that could decimate heaven. I will kill each and every one of you motherfuckers who could have saved him and didn’t.”

Even Gabriel paled. “It doesn’t need to come to that, demon –”

Crowley raised his hand to snapping position, a posture they were all intimately familiar with, and sent a quick prayer out to the universe. This was the moment. This the end, or the beginning, of everything.

“I don’t have time to wait for your bullshit,” he said.  He fastened his eyes particularly hard on Sandalphon, who was quietly trying to palm something he had removed from his coat pocket. “Answer now, or the book and I are gone before you can do anything with that vial of holy water I see you sneaking out of your pocket, you gigantic, pustulent, shit-heel.”

“Sandalphon!” Gabriel admonished, sounding a little desperate. “May I remind you that I am in charge here?”

Sandalphon grimaced and laid the bottle on the desk and stepped away from it. Crowley shot a little flare of hellfire at it from his fingertip and everyone behind the desk jumped back as it exploded and disappeared.

“So?” he said. “What’s your answer? You have three seconds. Three --  two –”

“Okay, okay!” Gabriel said. “We’ll do it. The demon is right, this book needs to disappear from existence.”

The archangels conferred briefly, and then by mutual agreement arrayed themselves around the desk, facing the briefcase. They had just raised their hands and begun to concentrate on combining their powers into a joint pool of angelic might when suddenly, a bright blue-gold light filled the room from above.

Everyone froze.

++

“ANGELS. DEMON CROWLEY.” The ineffable and lovely voice of God drifted down from the ceiling.

“Finally!” Gabriel said. “Someone with some sense to intervene in this ridiculous –”

“BE QUIET,” the voice admonished in a motherly tone. “DEMON CROWLEY,” she continued. “I WILL PAUSE THESE ANGELS SO THAT YOU AND I CAN SPEAK IN PEACE.”

Crowley stared, awestruck, as the four archangels simultaneous looked up and then froze in place, each of their faces a rictus of astonishment or, in Gabriel’s case, outrage.

There was a flash of light, and Crowley found himself seated on a park bench, in an overly technicolor recreation of St. James’ Park, with a small, old woman in a grey wool overcoat seated beside him. She had her pure white hair pulled back under a scarf somewhat reminiscient of the Queen of England. She pulled out a small bag of what appeared to be breadcrumbs and scattered them to the oddly enhanced ducks in front of them.

“I – I—” Crowley stammered, absolutely dumbstruck. “You – You’re ---”

The old woman turned and smiled at him with eyes that were as shockingly blue as Aziraphale’s. “My Crowley,” she said kindly. “Yes I am.”

Crowley swallowed hard, feeling so many conflicting urges that he didn’t know where to start. Laugh hysterically? Burst into tears? Beat against her with his fists? He stared into her eyes feeling each of these things make their way across his face, being instantly absorbed and understood and absolved by the creature in front of him, who stared back placidly.

“I heard your prayers,” she said. “I’ve always heard you.”

Crowley couldn’t help it, he felt the anger boil up inside him. “You – You’ve been LISTENING? All this time? You threw me out of heaven for – for NOTHING, for asking questions, I never hurt anyone and it destroyed me and – and you’ve been listening? You – you utter bastard…”

He froze, realizing what he’d just said and to who, and closed his eyes while silently waiting to be destroyed. His last conscious thought was sorrow that he wouldn’t be able to make it back to help Aziraphale.

He felt a tear leaking down his cheek, then another. Traitorous bloody eyes, he thought.

Crowley felt the softest of touches on his cheek, wiping one away. “My dear,” the woman said softly, “I can’t explain to you all of what I’ve used you for, and I don’t expect your forgiveness. But I needed you, where and how you were, all these centuries. You’ve performed so perfectly.”

Crowley opened his eyes, confused beyond all understanding, and just stared into the woman’s eyes. “This was all some kind of BLOODY PLAN?” he gulped out.

She shushed him and leaned forward to press a kiss on his forehead. He was surprised it didn’t burn.

“Ineffable,” he said with some degree of bitterness. “Of course.”

“Your love for the angel has moved me deeply,” she said. “You truly love him, do you not?”

He blinked and the anger fell away like sugar melting in the rain.

“Of course I do,” he said, his eyes continuing to leak treacherous tears. “He’s the only person in the universe who has ever loved me. And even if he didn’t, I’d love him just the same. He’s – he’s the best thing you’ve ever created.”

The woman looked at him with a sad smile. “He was one of my better works, I must admit,” she said. “He’s never disappointed me. Not once.”

Crowley smiled a little through his tears. “Can I please remember this so I can tell him that?”

The woman laughed. “You may. He’d like that.”

She sat back and turned to face him more fully.

“I heard your offer, in the shop yesterday,” she said. “I’m here to accept it.”

Crowley’s heart stopped. “You’re --- you’re going to help me?”

“I am,” she said. “You would do anything to save him, would you not?”

“I would.”

“Then let it be so,” she said. “But there’s a price.”

“Done,” he said rashly. “Whatever it is, it’s done. Take it. Take anything. Just save him.”

She looked at him gravely. “That’s not how it works,” she said, impossibly gentle. “You must hear the price and knowingly agree to it, or it cannot be done. You must give your full consent.”

He took a deep, quivering breath. “All right. Tell me your terms.”

“Your witch friend’s law of equivalent exchange is a good framework to think about this through,” she said smiling. “You want Aziraphale’s life returned to him, healthy and whole. You must give something of equivalent value.”

Crowley paled. “Of course,” he said slowly. “You want to kill me.”

“No, of course not you foolish demon,” she said. “To save the angel and kill you would be to relegate him to a hell of his own making. I love you both too much to do any such thing.”

“Then what do you want?” he said, thoroughly lost.

“You must give up your powers,” she said tenderly. “You will still be alive, and you will still be immortal, but your magic will be lost to you forever.”

Oh, Crowley thought. Is that all.

It was truly nothing, he realized, in the larger scope of his love for and his life with Aziraphale. It was a bargain he would have paid a hundred times over.

“You will no longer have any powers to perform miracles, shape shift, or otherwise affect reality,” she continued. “Will you become powerless for your angel?”

“I’ve always been powerless for him,” he said quietly, heart laid bare. “This is no different.”

She smiled at him with great warmth.

“I consent,” Crowley said. “Go ahead.”

A swirl of light surrounded him and it was gentle when it happened; he felt his powers one moment, and the next minute they gently slipped away.

++

A second later he was back in the office, and Gabriel and the others were unfrozen and staring at him in utter shock. He was aware that his protective wreath of flames was gone, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be concerned. He would live or he would die – the matter was out of his hands.

“YOU WILL HELP HIM,” the disembodied voice of God says, “GIVE HIM WHAT HE REQUIRES AND ALLOW HIM TO LEAVE UNHARMED.”

The four archangels gaped at the ceiling.

Only Michael found the courage to respond. “Yes, lord,” she said tremulously.

“NONE OF YOU WILL TOUCH THEM. THIS ANGEL AND THIS DEMON ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE. SWEAR TO IT, ALL OF YOU, IN A BINDING OATH.”

They did, looking thoroughly cowed.

The voice instructed them to link their hands and focus on the book; she would empower them to fully destroy it. They complied, and after a moment’s focus, the book burst into flame and burned completely. It disappeared from existence with a pop.

Crowley scanned the desk where it had been sitting and was left with a sense of – absolutely nothing. His shoulders dropped in relief.

“GOODBYE, MY BELOVED DEMON,” the voice said, tenderly. “WE WILL NOT SPEAK AGAIN.”

The light disappeared, and the four archangels turned to look at him in complete disbelief.

“You – you’re –” Gabriel, the smug bastard, did not look smug any longer. He cleared his throat and tried to form a coherent thought. “You’ll be going then, I assume?” he said, straightening his tie in a clear attempt to regain his dignity.

“I will,” Crowley said, fully aware he looked a little stunned himself. “Uh, thank you, I guess, for the help.”

“Don’t come back here,” Gabriel said.  “You can’t just come waltzing up here whenever you want, you know.”

Crowley waved a hand at him dismissively. “Like I’d want to,” he said. He turned and headed for the door, leaving the briefcase on the desk. Let them clean it up.

“Oh,” he said, turning around at the door. “Michael.”

Michael looked up, her gaze more curious than afraid. “Yes?”

“I need one more thing,” the demon said. “And I need you to bring it down for me.”

#good omens fics #Aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #archangels are assholes #the voice of god #played by frances mcdormand #as imagined by me

[rolanslide]

So I stayed up until 4 am last night watching Good Omens with my mums AP account (sorry mom) and I uh have a few thoughts (spoilers and sleep deprived rambling ahead my guys)

 A+ performances all around *chefs kiss*

GOD IS A WOMAN

Az and Crowley make me?? feel so many things??? Emotionally repressed occult entities in forbidden love fuck yes

“I’m... soft :(”

heaven is more of a cult then hell is? I’m??

“oH fancy me, holding the anti-christ”

The Them are simultaneously Stephen King kids and the group of kids from Stranger Things and I’m unsure how to feel about that

THEY MADE A HELLHOUND CUTE I CAN’T

Also I love how the straw that breaks the antichrists back is his dog getting upset with him, like same

The nuns are all like “oh name him Damien :)” when talking about naming the newborn antichrist. I see you, GO, I see you. Subtle (not really tho)

Im sure that all of the London pedestrians who have seen Crowley and Az assume they’re just squabbling husbands, nothing to see here. “I’ve been there, you’re better off without them” I mean come on 

One of Crowley's first appearances is him driving into a graveyard in his old ass car blasting Queen I love this man so much

The whole library scene made me cry

“Aziraphale! For gods- for satans- AH!! FOR SOMEBODY'S SAKE, WHERE ARE YOU?!” like fuck

Crowley is blasting “You’re my best friend” while speeding to save Az I’m

And THEN he’s blasting “Somebody to love” after he becomes convinced that aZ IS DEAD I’M CRYING

“My best friend/crush of 6000+ years just got incinerated. Eh I’ll just drown my sorrows in alcohol before the apocalypse starts, fuck it”

Az why can’t you see that your demon bud is in love with you you oblivious fuck. He’s asked you out like 3 times at least

even god ships you two like c’mon

Crowley literally cancelled his plans to save his own ass from the literal wrath of hell to mourn the death of his friend I’m fucking SOBBING

why would you give a somewhat important character in a story the name “nutter”. wh- why

“Hey so the worlds gonna end in a few hours, you wanna fuck?” “Sure”

How is hell more merciful then Heaven like

During Crowley and Aziraphales trials, they actually give Crowley, the motherfucking demon a proper trial before they execute him. Aziraphale however? Nah they just light the bitch on fire like what the fuck.

God is an established troll

“Uhh Gabriel, remember Aziraphale? Yeah I think he’s fucking the demon”

Crowley is always asking to have dinner with Az but he always just. deadass watches him eat. He dosen’t even have a plate. Mr. Crowley do you know what subtlety is

“AZ I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE RUN AWAY WITH ME I’M SO LONELY”

one of the characters is named after a TOP song, so that’s fun (okay not really obviously, Anathema was a word before it was a song but let me have this)

speaking of Anathema she’s really cute?? my gay heart can’t handle

“Shall I tempt you to a spot of lunch?” “Temptation accomplished!” these two are so cute I can’t handle it

This show is really good and it gave me emotions I just wish I didn’t watch it until 4 am

sorry for the ramblings,

#good omens tv spoilers #good omens #romans ramblings #lord help me this show made me emotional