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bakujho · 4 years

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A rant about some shady eels...

Let’s talk about Floyd and Jade… like really talk about them. I see a lot of things that paint them in a very different light than they’re presented in canon and I’m not sure if their character is just being missed all together, or it’s been collectively decided by the fandom that they’re too shady so lets all pretend they’re cute, kind, and cuddly… or something.

Cause reading and rereading the cards really drives home the disconnect between the majority of fandom eels vs canon eels and it drives me fucking nuts. So where do I start with this? I guess we can start at the ‘please actually read the stories that have the eels in them’. Pretty low bar, but here we are. Read the main story. Then the event stories. Then every card story they’re present in. Twstarchives has a list of who appears in what story and that makes it REAL easy. If y’all have read the stories and still wanna disagree with what I’ve got to say, I’m happy to discuss. Also, If you’re cool with OOC eels, feel free to continue on and enjoy the content how you will.

I think imma have to start with Jade cause I see SO much of him being the perfect butler and gentleman, which of course he is, but it’s always missing the underlying cunning. Jade isn’t a docile little slave following orders because he enjoys it. He likes people watching, and doesn’t like when people pay attention to him. How better to go about unnoticed than to stand beside someone like Floyd or Azul who draw attention to themselves simply by existing? He’s almost always planning *something* it’s just not always clear what, and has made it clear that people are easier to manipulate if they trust you.

Jade likes chaos just as much as Floyd does, he’s just better at maintaining his composure about it, which makes him a better architect for it. The poise and grace is an act in order to completely charm and manipulate. That’s why him and Floyd are a team, they’re like the good cop bad cop, both out to get you, but have very different parts to play. His voice lines make it really obvious that he’s got a running interest in causing problems too, “...I would never say that. Yes, ‘I’ wouldn’t”, “Whenever I see someone heavily concentrating on something, I get the urge to start talking to them...”, “...I simply enjoy anything that entertains me” etc etc Him and Floyd both enjoy playing with people, and watching them struggle.

Let’s talk some Jade facts:

Observant as fuck

Manages to pull one over on Vil, who KNOWS Jade is up to something, but still isn’t able to figure out what.

Tells off Floyd for threatening the students too early...and reminds him that they’re much easier to manipulate if they trust you first.

Has dirt on LITERALLY every student in the school

Has ZERO problems exploiting Floyd for Azul to fulfil his contract (contrary to the ‘they are inseparable and never fight’ line of thought)

Blackmail is an eels best friend.

Happily dishes out backhanded compliments

Utterly willing (and probably very ready) to completely destroy someone if he felt the need to.

Now, Floyd is a bit harder to get a read on because his moods flip so easily, but I always feel like he’s portrayed as too childish, too stupid, and too passive. One of our first introductions to Floyd in his SSR is him telling Jade threatening people with words takes too long and it’s SO MUCH EASIER TO JUST BREAK THEIR BONES. Gentle reminder, that literally every single instance Floyd has said he’s going to squeeze someone it has been a THREAT. It’s been shown MULTIPLE times that the other students are terrified of getting on his bad side, he picks fights with people constantly, and he literally harasses people for fun . Floyd is “the muscle” of Octavinelle, and doesn’t bother with all the planning and scheming like Jade, he’s much quicker to violence and clearly loves the thrill of the chase. He’s going to have fun, and it’s very likely at your expense.

Floyd says on multiple occasions that he does whatever he thinks is fun, and no one can control his moods. Azul and Jade both get annoyed when he starts being a brat, but still can’t control him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do when he’s in said mood. He’s shown multiple times to simply do what he thinks is fun, fuck everyone else and what they’re trying to do. Who cares if basketball club doesn’t mean dodgeball club, he wants to play dodgeball, so get out of the way or you’re getting hit with a ball. The end. There’s no controlling what he does, and he’s not likely to sit and play nice with anyone for hours on end because that’s BORING. All he does he does because it’s fun, and the second he gets bored of something he’s off to do the next thing. He doesn’t like following orders and has been shown getting hostile after being told what to do by “humans”, and doesn’t even follow directions in classes because it’s boring. I can literally not stress enough that Floyd does what Floyd wants, fuck everyone else.

So here’s some quick floyd facts:

will do what he wants, every single time.If it’s boring, he’s done with it.

is brilliant… if he feels like putting in the work

can be kind...if he’s in the right mood

enjoys playing with people and watching them struggle

doles out threats like they’re candy

has said Azul looks delicious in Octopus form twice (reminder both him and Jades favourite food is octopus)

Okay, so we’ve determined that both the twins like to play with people in their own ways, but what about their relationship with each other and Azul? They’re obviously very close, but not without issues. Floyds mood swings still frustrate Jade and Jade’s compliments often come off as antagonistic to Floyd to the point he picks fights with him. It says that they chose to live together, and are both glad of it cause they each keep things interesting...Which is where their relationship with Azul comes in. They say they knew OF him as children, but didn’t really take an interest in him until middle school and decided to stick with him because he was interesting. Floyd says a lot of things to do with the Coral Sea is boring, so I suspect an ambitious octopus was intriguing enough for the both of them to force their friendship on him.

...That being said, Jade doesn’t 100% trust Azul. He says he’d never be willing to give him his unique magic for any reason, cause Azul could make up any excuse to get his hands on it (Floyd of course, is much more casual with his magic and has said he could live without it so doesn’t care as much). The twins mention that they continue to stick around with him because he’s entertaining, and the second he’s no longer interesting they’ll challenge him/drop him, whichever is more beneficial to them at the time. So while the three of them seem inseparable, it really is the duo+Azul on the side, and while I personally can’t see them dropping him anytime soon, the threat is still there. (Of course, all of this could be taken as jest as well, so this is just my interpretation here)

To tie it up, I’ll leave you with the voice lines from their duo magic, in case you still thought they weren’t shady murder eels.

Floyd: “Ahahaha! We’re gonna do ‘em in, Jade~!”

Jade: “As long as you’re having fun, Floyd.”

And

Jade: May I ask that you entrust me with this today, Floyd?

Floyd: ‘Kay~ Jade. What’re you going to do~?

#twisted wonderland #twst #discourse?#octavinelle #jade leech #floyd leech #fandom out here leaving out literally half their character in stuff

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demivampirew · 3 years

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Say no to this.

Henry x Reader (wife) x Reader (the other woman)

Triggers: Angst; cheating, breakup, divorce (and crying).

A/N: This was inspired by two songs from the musical Hamilton: Say No to This and Burn, and it’s told from the perspective of the characters (Henry, Reader (Wife), Reader (the other woman)

You can find more of my writings in the Masterlist

Having the chance to portray one of his favourite characters is an honour for which Henry will forever be thankful. Yet, he must admit that having to spend time apart from his family was not an easy task.

He sat on the bed in the dark hotel room, only enlightened by the moonlight. On his phone screen, he saw the picture you’ve sent him earlier that day of you and your daughter playing, you dressed as a princess and the six-year-old as a dragon. “Oh, your mighty witcher, come and save me, please,” read the message under the picture. Henry missed dressing up in costumes and running around the house with his little angel, who would laugh uncontrollably every time he caught and started to tickle her.

It’s been over two months since he left for work; 60 plus days without feeling the lovely touch of your hands on his face, too much time without feeling the warmness of your body against his.

He laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling for an hour, unable to sleep when his phone announced that he had a new message.

“Are you awake? I can’t sleep,” y/n wrote. She was a friend he made on the set of the show - she worked as a personal assistant for one of the recurrent directors of the show and she was staying at the same hotel that Henry. “Yes. Can’t sleep either. Come if you want,” he replied, thinking that some company would help him to feel less lonely.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on the door. Henry opened the door and invited y/n to come in. Once inside, she faced him and smiled as she showed him the content of her bag: a PS and The Witcher 3 game. “I know you’re more into pc, but l don’t have a gaming pc here, so we will have to play with this, okay,” she said grinning.

“I remember you saying that you were good at this,” y/n while rolling her eyes, teasing him. “I am, but in the pc,” Henry defended himself with a playful smile.

They played the game for two hours before she suggested that it might be time for her to leave. Henry tried to disconnect the console from the tv but she told him to keep it, for now, so he could keep practising.

“Well, good night. I hope you can have a good sleep and tomorrow enjoy your free day,” y/n told him. “Same for you,” he said goodbye, but neither of them moved. They stared at each other for a long minute in silence. Henry’s hands reached for her face bringing it closer to his, culminating in a passionate kiss, while her arms embraced him.

Her naked body, covered only by the bed-sheets rested on the mattress as she slept. Henry looked at her for a moment and then walked towards the bathroom. He washed his face on the sink and then stared at the mirror, finding it hard to recognize the person that was reflected in the mirror. “I promise you that I will be forever faithful to you, my love” he once promised you, his lovely wife, and now the words echoed inside his mind, as stabs on his heart.

How could had he broken the promise he made you? Did he not loved you any more? No, that was sure of that, he loved you more than he had ever done. You no only made him happy and supported him through tough times, but you also gave him the thing that he treasured the most in the world: his daughter. But, he had to be honest with himself, for the first time in a long time and admit that things were not as they used to be. Before the birth of the little girl, you used to be inseparable. You would go with him everywhere in the world, game and laugh and made love every second you could. Now, you were parents; your lives centred on the precious angel and work and were often too tired and since the kid would like to sleep with you, often lacked intimacy.

The worst part of all: he wished that he could say that it was a one time mistake, but it became an affair that lasted for months.

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You hated yourself. In the past, you’d constantly criticized “the other woman” for being malicious women who stole men from others. Now you had become one of them. Well, no completely. Sure, you were carrying an affair with a married man, but you weren’t a fool, you knew that you would never be able to “stole” anyone and he would never leave his wife for you; he never made such a promise and you knew him well enough to know that he loved his family more than anything in the world and he was being vulnerable due to the distance between his true woman and him. Were you a bad woman for being with a taken man knowing that he was in such a delicate emotional position? Maybe, but to be completely honest, so were you. Months before you met Henry, your fiancé cancelled the wedding because he had fallen in love with somebody else. You were feeling lonely and undesired and you had developed a crush on him before that first night. So, you didn’t find the strength to fight the desire and succumb to the temptation.

Every night you’ve spent together, with his strong arms embracing you as his lips caressed your body, felt amazing no matter how wrong it was. And, even if your heart ripped every time you remembered that he wasn’t truly yours - and you were reminded of that constantly, since there was no a single time in which he hadn’t unconsciously said his wife’s name as he reached climax, you couldn’t find it in you to put it a stop.

You knew that this would have a bad end. No matter the outcome, someone would get hurt.

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That day, your sister offered to take care of your six-year-old so you could have some time to yourself to process things.

Desperate to get some distance and to be alone, you rented a small cabin outside the city.

The sun was coming down when you lifted a bonfire outside the place and sat in front of it with a box that you’ve carried there moments before.

Your fingers caressed every picture - of your first date, your first anniversary as girlfriend and boyfriend; vacations, birthdays and even your wedding. Every photo would get wet with your tears before you threw them into the fire. All objects that reminded of the love you once shared, ended up becoming ashes. Letters, poems, teddy bears, roses that you dried; everything. The only surviving things were the pictures you shared with your daughter, but you would make sure to send them to his mother because you didn’t want to see them any more, the pain was too great.

Finally, you took from your pocket the pictures you printed before to look at them for one last time. They were screenshots from a celebrity news website and the headline read “The Witcher star Henry Cavill is seen kissing a mystery woman”, followed by paparazzi photos of him with someone on the balcony of his hotel room. Angrily, you crashed the prints and let them burn into they became nothing.

With nothing more to do, you watched the flames, as you let your tears fall, feeling completely and utterly broken.

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The production was over. After the news crashed, Henry had to continue filming, pretending that nothing happened, while some people looked at him as if he was a monster. Could he blame them for that?

When the article about his affair was published, his brother Charlie was the one who delivered the bad news - his stepdaughter had seen it and told him about it.

He didn’t know what to do. He called his wife over and over, but she never answered. All-day long he tried to communicate with his love, but every time without luck.

Y/N tried to call him, too, but this time he was the one who ignored the call. He had nothing against her. Henry knew that she could no be blamed for his mistake, but he couldn’t talk to her right now. His wife was his priority.

Unfortunately, the only response he got from her was from her sister, two days later, letting him know that she was going to file for a divorce and she never wanted to see him or talk to him again. That she would only allow him to contact her, through her or another family member and elusively for things related to their daughter. She was going to share custody with him, but he would have to pick up and leave the girl on her sister or parent’s house.

Now, months later, he driving to his sister-in-law’s house to pick up his daughter and to leave the divorce papers that he had to sing.

There were no words to explain how much it hurt him to lose the woman he loved deeply. The only consolation was that his family continued to show him love and support as they always did. And, his daughter, unaware of the reason why her mommy and daddy decided to go separate ways, still love him enormously and would fill him with joy every minute of every day that he had her.

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It was obvious that there was no going to be a good end to the affair - it never does. You knew someone would get hurt, but you’d never imagined that it would be all three of you.

Terrible didn’t even begin to explain how bad you felt. Of all the three of you, you were the one who got it the “best”, since luckily the pictures only showed your hair in a bun and your back, so only a few close people knew that it was you and they were polite enough to keep the secret to avoid you getting harassed. Although, just in case, you dried your hair and got a new haircut.

Henry’s wife filed for the divorce after she found out about the affair. He let you know via text when he put an end to things and told you he could no longer see you. Even if there was no chance to get back with her, he couldn’t be with you because he loved her too much and you reminded him of the mistake he made. As he suggested, you continued working for a few more weeks there to avoid people finding out that it was you, but later quit.

That was by far the worst mistake that you’ve ever made. So much people got hurt; a girl now has two parents that can’t be in the same room, two people who loved each other who can’t be together because the ghost of you would always be present to remind them of the mistake and a person who’s affection was never truly corresponded and caused the break of a family.

Therapy has been truly beneficial in helping you heal and leaving the past in the past.

Today a new article about Henry was posted online. It consisted of pictures of him and his cute girl buying a Christmas tree and he was laughing at his daughter's funny faces.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill angst #demivampirew

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caribbeanmomma · 7 years

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So... yeah, Iris West...

EDITED TO SAY SOME TRULY NICE FOLKS (NOT BEING SARCASTIC) HAVE POINTED OUT THAT I’VE MISTAGGED THIS POST AND SHOULD HAVE PUT ANTI IN FRONT OF THE TAGS I USED. I NOW KNOW AND WILL BE MINDFUL GOING FORWARD.

TO THE OTHER VULGAR INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE SO DISCONNECTED FROM REALITY THAT THEY COULD NOT HAVE CIVIL BANTER OVER A FICTIONAL CHARACTER ON A TELEVISION SHOW, I SUGGEST THERAPY MAYBE? OR SOME DECAF. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER THAT IT DOENS’T TAKE MUCH TO TIP PEOPLE INTO THE DARK SIDE OF THEIR PERSONALITIES. I’LL LEAVE THE TAGS AS IS JUST FOR THOSE WHO IT DEEPLY OFFENDED TO THE POINT YOU’VE DEBASED YOURSELVES JUST AS A REMINDER OF HOW LOW YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

Potential spoilers inside...

I’m not sure how many people out there will agree with me but Iris West is one of the most annoying characters on tv everrrrrr. She is my least favorite person on tv right now for so many reasons. Yes yes, she’s who supposed to end up with Barry but man does she rub me the wrong way!

Where do I start?

1. Iris is manipulative (ultimatums thrown at Eddie, flirting with Barry after she finds out he’s interested in Linda etc)

2. Iris is a control freak

3. Iris has a deep seated need to belong and so inserts herself where she does not belong (much like Laurel from Arrow)

4. Really, what is her role in the group??

From the beginning, I never liked how Iris didn’t seem to know that Barry liked her or was in love with her. It’s a ridiculous idea that she was so clueless to the way he looked at her at the very least! And this is after years and years of them knowing each other. This is one of her smaller sins and I guess for the sake of the show, we’ll have to suspend our belief here.

She was particularly nasty when Eddie couldn’t share with her what was going on at work with The Flash (thanks to Joe) and really, why should he share sensitive work stuff when she herself would have died before revealing a source to anyone? Double standard much? She then only starts flirting with Barry once Linda came on the scene. Yuck. I feel as though, if he and Felicity were to be given a chance around that time (not now tho - OLICITY ALL THE WAY! LOL!) Iris would not have stood a chance because Felicity would have been his rock and his intellectual equal. She’s sexy as hell and would be able to talk sense in to him when needed. Iris would not have been able to realistically squeeze in there between them.

As the show has gone on and she’s now in the know, she spends her days at the lab (seriously, does she work anymore?) getting in the way, literally running from one team member to the next asking questions and really just being useless. Over time, she’s just grown to be the one who opposes everything or the one who causes trouble whenever she decides to work for a living and be a “reporter”. How many times has Iris put herself in the way for the team (read Barry) to come rescue her? It’s like she knows she’s utterly useless and when she’s particularly down and out about it, she runs off to do something dumb to have them come save her and reassure her that she’s valid. Last season I was cheering when I saw that Savitar had “killed” her. That probably makes me not so nice BUT remember it’s just a character not a real person LOL! They killed off another character who had a chance at love so that she could survive and so that she and Barry could continue their dance.

Let’s talk about when Wally got his powers. Oh man, the green eyed monster reared its ugly head once again. She was so upset that she began throwing tantrums and outright forbidding her grown brother from using his powers all under the guise of her fearing for his safety. Come on! It was so obvious that she was jealous that everyone around her (except for her dad who really didn’t care for all that) had powers and she didn’t. She tried to scare Wally in to sitting out missions and when that didn’t work, she tried to guilt him. When that too failed, she went sulking to Barry who molly coddled her as usual. He then proclaimed that he couldn’t do what he did without her. Like seriously, Barry, nearly everyone on the team, past and present, even those from other shows namely Oliver and Felicity have been able to reassure and point Barry in the right direction. Iris really is not needed.

Fast forward to when the Samurai came to town demanding that The Flash come out and play and while Barry was in in his stupor (side bar - see what I’m talking about when I say that Iris is one contrary cow? The team wants to bring back Barry and she’s all NO! and she’s scared and then gets angry that Sisco - being an independent person and a friend of Barry’s - goes ahead and works on bringing him back. Like Sisco needed her darned permission! I think that she just liked being in charge and pushing everyone around in Barry’s absence. SMH!) she goes up to the Samurai and gets it to take her so that Barry would be so shook he’d come out of his stupor and go save her. Sigh. It worked and that annoyed me. It would have been great to see that absolutely fail and she have an “OH CRAP” moment. But nah, the show went all cliche and he snapped out of it in time to save her.

Yay.

Last week’s episode made me grind my teeth when she got all mad that Barry was doing his thing (the writers wanted to show that she had some worth by making him make extra stupid decisions that made her look like she was right) and not consulting her. Like really, he has to ask her to blow off “training”? He’s the darned Flash that came back better than when he went in and she wants him to consult with her on training? Yep, not controlling at all. And that speech she gave him about he’s not The Flash, We are The Flash - GRRRRRR - she’s almost as needy as Laurel was in The Arrow... hiding behind bushes watching Sarah and Oliver go save the day. I’ve never rejoiced more so than when Laurel kept getting beaten up in the beginning LOLOL! Man, when can we see Iris getting some humble pie served to her? Poor Barry, that crap can only work on him because he’s so smitten with her. Might not work with another guy but Barry’s an easy fish.

And now to yesterday’s episode when they were in forced therapy (we see Iris forcing therapy and a wedding on this poor sap and so as not to upset her, he goes along with it even though he has misgivings about it) she blurts out how angry she is with him because he just left her there (and went in to the speed force) - I was so mad when she said that. Like, wasn’t the world around them LITERALLY tearing apart because of the void in the speed force? Did he have a choice? Was there an easy and immediate option for them other than him going in to the speed force and correcting his mistake? How was it now all about her? Barry did not have a choice and this is just another but BIG example of how this character twists things to make everything all about her.

She’s manipulated her father, her brother, been nasty to her dying mother, played with both Barry’s and Eddie’s emotions and forced herself on a team that has been doing fine without her interference. She knows she won’t be missed if she ACTUALLY went to work - so she continues to be there in the lab being one of the most annoying characters on tv right now.

GRRRRR.

#Anti WestAllen #Barry Allen #Iris West #The Flash

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whateverisbeautiful · 7 years

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Reveling in Richonne

#45: The “Good Luck” (7x5)

Alright, so I mentioned in the last post how the Richonne in this episode was iconic. Well, this scene is why. And, of course, my extra self has to break it up into two parts cuz it’s that good lol. 😂🙈😋

So after Carl declines going on the run, Rick walks out of the room and Aaron assures him that Carl will come around. It's sweet and makes me glad that Rick has a good guy like Aaron to befriend, especially since so many of the men in Rick’s life have been taken away. It’s cool to hear someone talk to Rick as a dad and not just their fearless leader. And it’s also a little funny/sad cuz you can tell Rick isn’t very sold on the fact that Carl will come around. The kid is pretty stubborn, y’all. 😂

And then Aaron leaves so Rick and Michonne can have their moment. I like that you can actually see that Aaron offers to wait downstairs specifically because he knows Rick has to say goodbye to Michonne. So, y’all, Aaron gets some credit for giving us this scene made of Richonne gold lol. 😋 Cuz he could’ve stuck around while R&M said goodbye, but he didn’t so, A.A.Ron...

I noticed how you see Rick quickly take out this walkie talkie, as he's walking out of the room and talking to Aaron. Homeboy is not going to forget to give this to Michonne and I feel like he also sees the walkie talkie as his way to transition into letting her know she can still come along. So it's extra important to him that he give her this rn.

The way R&M stand in front of each other, I love that it's almost like they don't know how to not be close to each other. Like there's some distance and yet they're still close. Rick tells Michonne the offer’s still on the table for her to join him and Aaron. I appreciate that, in such trying times, Rick just wants his family with him. And, even though there’s this family tension with Carl and Michonne, Rick’s still going to try and offer for them to be together.

He almost seems nervous to let Michonne know he still wants her to come with him. Which stands out, cuz they've gotten so comfortable with one another but right now something is off. Like you can see the exhaustion and brokenness he feels, and knowing Michonne and Carl seem to be a bit distant from him is really taking a toll. He tells her if she changes her mind they're going north. So this means that Michonne told Rick beforehand that she would sit this one out, and I feel like that’s where the “nervousness” from Rick is coming from. He already knows where she stands but, again, he’s still going to put the offer out there, which is really sweet.

(Side note: I like that he suggests if she changes her mind she can head north and find them. Like that’s having some real trust in your woman’s abilities cuz, despite how dangerous it is to leave the walls, he knows she can handle herself if she just went out “north” to find him. He knows she’s the queen, y’all.👏)

I know Michonne volunteering to sit out on this one had to be strange for both of them. Cuz Michonne has always been up to go do things in the past. She offered to go find Carol, she was with the group that checked out Noah's neighborhood, she was the first one to volunteer to check out the cars Aaron mentioned, to name a few. So her declining this time is obviously unfamiliar territory for both of them.

He hands her the walkie talkie so that, if they have to be separated, they can still have some form of communication. It’s definitely symbolic cuz the walkie talkie is Rick's way of saying, "Even if we’re apart, I still want us to be connected."

And y'all know these two have a specialty in hand acting, right? So when he hands it to her there's this like hesitant pause between them before Michonne takes it. It’s like a visual depiction of the hesitancy in their relationship right now. It also stuck out cuz usually when he hands her things she playfully takes them or assuredly doesn’t, but this time feels different.

Michonne takes it and just gently tells him "Good luck". And it's her nice way of, again, declining his offer. I remember wondering why she wasn’t going with him, but you can tell it's not easy for her to have to say no rn. The way she says “good luck”, she so clearly wants to be with him but something in her has to go her own way. (This ended up being an unintentional High School Musical 2 reference, sorry 🙈😋)

It’s interesting because last we saw these two, they were making their makeshift bed and it felt like R&M were going to be on the same page. But, seeing them in 7x5, it's clear that while they are united there is still some imbalance or distance between them.

I feel like Michonne was ready to try and wait but then when she saw their mattresses burned for no reason it made her realize, what Rick will later realize, which is that; being submissive might let you win another day of life but you still lose cuz Negan’s just going to oppress you more and more until it doesn’t feel like your alive at all. (Side note: The Saviors are the pettiest gang of grown men I’ve ever seen 🙄)

So I think seeing the burned mattresses, at the end of 7x4, put Michonne back in a state of feeling like I have to try and fight back. Not just for her own sake but fight back for Rick as well. Like I feel like her state of mind became “Until he’s ready, I'll go and be ready and figure this out for the both of us.”

(Another side note: It's also interesting that 7x4 ends with Michonne still going out to that field. Like she doesn't have a gun anymore so it’s not like shes out there to practice. To me, it just lets you know that the Lone Wolf spirit is still very much upon her lol and she's continuing to navigate that balance of being the independent Michonne as well as the beloved family member Michonne)

When Michonne says, “Good luck”, Rick says “Yeah” which is once again him really hearing and acknowledging her words rather than casually brushing them off. 👏🏽 There's such a sadness in this moment because here these two are, standing in front of the love of their life, standing in front of their rock, and yet right now life is pulling them two different directions. Again, it's like they're in the same room but there is something keeping them apart and it's painful for them, and us, cuz those two just aren't meant to be apart.

It’s clear that Rick knows “good luck” meant “no” and he’s disappointed but he also understands her mind is made up and he's not gonna force the issue. For a split second, Rick might have been fearing some deja vu as he recalls the way he wasn't always supported by Lori and was sort of abandoned by her when times were tough.

Even though, I honestly think he knows Michonne is not giving up on him. They’re too interconnected to fully doubt they love each other. But I think what's so heartbreaking is Rick feels he deserves her giving up on him. He doesn’t think that’s what she’s doing but he feels he deserves the distance and disappointment Michonne could have towards him. But what Michonne reminds Rick, time and time again, is that he is not dealing with an average chick. This is different. This is his wife. Like not just when times are good, or they agree, this is his wife, period.

I mentioned in an earlier post how I'm happy that Daryl gets to experience a healthy brotherhood with Rick. I'm also so beyond happy that Rick gets to experience a healthy, perfect-even-when-things-aren't-perfect, romantic relationship with Michonne. Like, Rick, you got yourself the right one and the best one, homie. So luckily it doesn't take long for Michonne to make Rick's fears of disconnection completely and utterly wash away.

He now has a woman who doesn't leave when times get hard, she lifts him up. He now has a woman who doesn't need him to “speak” all the time, cuz she can sense the words he doesn't say, and then communicate her support to him without even having to speak herself. He now has a woman who's cut from the same cloth and so she gets his feelings because she feels them too.

He now has a woman who gets him so completely and in every way. She gets the way he thinks, she gets the fighter who will do anything to protect the people he cares about, she gets him out of near death situations lol, she gets the human being who just wants their family. She gets it all. Because in short, she too is a real one. 👌🏽😋

And so then Rick tells her, "I'll see you soon" as he leans in for a simple side hug and like kiss on the cheek I guess (We'll never know exactly what he was going to do. And hallelujah for that 🙌🏾😉😋) It's sweet that he tells her “I'll see you soon”. It's Rick trying to be reassuring and let her know he'll be back. He knows it’s worrisome when someone leaves these walls and so he’s giving her some consolation that he will be back and soon.

Plus, from this conversation and the one with Carl, you can tell Rick’s trying to make this a quick trip so he can get back home sooner than later lol. I love that no matter the distance they may feel now, Rick still knows Michonne cares about him and wants him to come back. And he wants to come back to her too. I adore that, even though Rick feels Michonne has turned down his offer and he thinks she might not be the most happy with him right now, he still wants to be near her and has to touch her, so he goes in for a hug. It proves, once again, that no amount of distance can keep these two legitimately away from each other. *magnets*

Basically Rick’s like "No matter how we feel right now, I'm going to say goodbye to you and hug you, even if it's a very simple and semi-hesitant hug, cuz you're still my woman and I still love you". That’s a direct quote from Rick’s mind lol. 😋 Now, I remember seeing Rick go in for this little hug and thinking, "Aw! He's going to hug her goodbye!" Like I was ready to just swoon over that. 😂 Cuz had he even just hugged her it would have been a very cute husband-and-wife moment and been one of those nice things that remind us that Rick and Michonne do “couple” things now. Now they can hug each other before they leave somewhere, which is one of those great post-canon perks.

So if we just got a hug I would have been like this...

But, y'all, God can do more than you ask or imagine. So little did I know...we were about to get something 1,000,000, times better. 🙌🏾😭

#twd #the walking dead #twdfamily #richonne #richonne family #richonne fandom #michonne #michonne grimes #rick grimes #reveling in richonne #not my gif #godisgood

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fanfictionbeginagain · 7 years

Text

Chapter Twenty-Nine

We spent the majority of the next day wrapped up in each other. Our world boiled down to the two of us and that bed.

Nothing else existed except the two of us and the pleasure we could tease out in one another and it seemed that neither of us would stop. There was no reason to stop until sometime in the afternoon both of us were too exhausted and hungry to move.

“I need food.” Groaned Richard as he laid on his back, utterly exhausted.

“No you don’t.” I replied, looking at him as I propped my head up with my hand. I didn’t want him to leave me, I didn’t want to get out of bed.

“I do.” He sighed, sitting up reluctantly, “I need my strength. You’ve worn me out.” He said, though he didn’t look at all displeased by his statement.

Now that he had mentioned food, I was a little hungry.

“Go if you must.” I sighed as I flopped down on the bed, my arm stretched out beneath me.

He smiled mischievously as he got out of bed. I enjoyed the sight of him searching around for his clothes a little more than I should.

As he pulled on his pants he turned to look over at me in the bed, a dark look coming into his eyes, “You don’t make it easy for a guy to leave.” He commented as his eyes travelled down the length of my body hungrily.

“You could stay.” I said, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

He grinned back as he pulled on his shirt and he leaned down to kiss me once more. I smiled into his kiss, bringing my hand up to cup his face as I attempted to hold him to me.

“I. Have. To. Go.” He said in-between kisses.

Even though he spoke of leaving, he continued to kiss me and I giggled in amusement before he finally groaned and pulled away.

He kept his eyes on me as he backed away, “Don’t move from that spot.” He told me.

I simply smiled at him, overwhelmed by the feeling of love that swept through me as I gazed at him. Gritting his teeth, he stared at me longingly before he turned away and slipped out the door.

The moment he was gone I flopped down onto the bed, feeling for the first time the full depth of my exhaustion.

It occurred to me that I should take this time to catch up on some sleep, but the moment I closed my eyes, I became aware of how the sheets smelled; they smelt of Richard. I couldn’t possibly sleep surrounded by that smell so I stood up for the first time in close to eighteen hours.

I felt a little unsteady on my feet as I stumbled over to my phone to check the time; it was three in the afternoon. My limbs felt heavy and disconnected from my body, so I decided to run myself a bath as I called Bree.

“Hey Slut, how’s it going?” she greeted as the water splashed into the bath.

“Hi Bree.” I greeted.

“Don’t ‘Hi Bree’ me, have you done the deed yet?” she demanded.

I smiled in spite of myself, “Yes.”

“And?”

“It was good. Really good.” I revealed.

“What’s he like? Wham bam, thank you ma’am or does he take his time?” she asked.

“He’s very….” I paused as I tried to find the right word, “generous.”

That was the only word to describe it.

Every time we had sex, Richard made sure that I came twice for every one of his. There was not a part of my body that I felt he had not worshipped and made to feel good in some capacity.

“And how do you feel?” she asked.

I puffed out my cheeks as I let loose a long breath, trying to find a word to describe how I felt in that moment, “Like a goddess.”

She laughed in response as I smiled at myself, turning off the taps to the bath.

“What are you doing now?” she asked.

“Richard’s out getting food and I’m having a bath.” I explained.

“I’ll leave you to it. Though I expect copious details when you get back here.” She told me.

“Will do.” I promised.

Hanging up my phone, I plugged it into its charger before I slipped into the bath. As the waters came up around my legs, I winced as I felt a bite of discomfort in my groin. The water stung for a moment before the pain slowly ebbed away and I was able to relax a little more.

I couldn’t really be surprised, I’d put my body through a lot in the last eighteen hours, there was sure to be some consequences. But I didn’t think about that as the warm waters soothed my aching muscles and I leaned my head back against the bath and closed my eyes in absolute bliss.

…

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the sound of the hotel door opening.

I sat up in the tub, the water sloshing around me as Richard stepped through the door. I smiled when I saw him, I couldn’t help it.

He had a similar reaction when he saw me, a bright smile splitting his face as he placed two grocery bags down on the table, “Hey you.” He smiled.

“Hi.” I smiled as I moved my arms in through the water, letting the warmth wash over me, “What did you get?” I asked, eying the bags with interest.

He didn’t respond as he grabbed something. I was so preoccupied with looking over at the bags, trying to see if he brought any chocolate that I didn’t notice that Richard had walked over to me, holding something behind his back.

I eyed him curiously, “What?” I asked.

With his head ducked, from behind his back he presented me with a long stemmed red rose.

I couldn’t help but smile as I reached out and grasped the stem of the rose. Again I felt that rush of love and affection for him as I gazed up at him. Unable to take his blue gaze I focused on the rose.

It was a beautiful bud, the stem was a light green, showing that it was healthy and freshly cut. The flower head was at the perfect in between stage of not being a closed bud but not being a fully opened flower. Pressing the rose under my nose, I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent.

I was so focused on the rose and the feeling of love that had flowed through me that I completely missed Richard stripping off his clothes until he climbed into the bath with me.

“Richard!” I giggled as I pulled my legs up to make room for him.

He sighed as he lowered himself down into the waters, the water rising up over the top of the bath and spilling out onto the floor at his added weight.

“Where are you going?” he asked in a teasing tone as I tried to move away. Hooking his hands under my knees, he pulled me through the water so that I straddled his lap. The water sloshed over the side but neither of us cared as I wrapped my arms around his neck, still clutching the rose.

He stared up at me intently as his hands gliding over the skin of my thighs beneath the water. I stared down at him with absolute adoration as I smiled, “I love you.” I told him. And I really did.

…

The next day it was too hot to stay in the room, so we decided to go outside and enjoy the sun.

I was wearing a grey bikini with a black see-through jumper like dress to protect from the cold. Richard was wearing a pair of dark blue board-shorts, sunglasses and nothing else.

“You’re going to burn.” I told him as we chose two beach chairs beneath an umbrella, eying his pale skin with wariness.

“I’ll be fine.” He dismissed, “You’re not wearing sunscreen.” He said pointedly.

“That’s because I’m Australian and we tan. You are English, you burn.” I told him.

“How dare you!” he said in mock outrage, “I’m Scottish.”

“Whatever.” I smiled, “Do you want me to rub sunblock on your back or not?” I asked.

“The day I refuse the request of you rubbing anything on me will be the day hell freezes over.” He said simply.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the sunscreen out of my bag. As I poured the white liquid into my hand, my knees digging into the beach chair as Richard sat on the edge, I began to massage the cream into his back.

“You know this reminds me of the first time we went to the beach together.” He said conversationally, glancing at me over his shoulder.

“You remember that?” I asked curiously as I massaged the cream into his shoulders.

“The image of you walking out of the water dripping wet isn’t something I’d forget.” He said simply, “But I remember it was the first time it felt like we were a family. You, me and Robb.”

“That was the first time I realized how much you loved Robb.” I told him as I began to rub the cream into the middle of his back.

“Yeah. I’m pretty smitten with his mother too.” He told me.

“Just smitten?” I questioned lightly as I rubbed the top of his shoulders.

Reaching up he grabbed my wrist and turned to face me, “I love her.” He told me.

“Good. Because she loves you too.” I told him happily before I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.

His hand threaded into my hair as he kissed me passionately for a moment, I could feel the familiar knots of desire clench in my stomach and I decided to pull away before things could get too heated.

Going back to my own beach chair, I grabbed my book out of my bag and settled down to read.

“What are you reading?” asked Richard as he laid back against his own chair.

I showed him the cover.

“Rare Plants and Where to Find Them.” He read, “You know, most people on holiday read trashy novels. Something like Fifty Shades of Grey.” He suggested.

“You want me to read BDSM porn?” I asked curiously, looking over the top of my book at him.

“No, I think you’d be more of a ‘Gone Girl’ type of reader.” He replied.

“Oh, so you want me to read a book about a woman who frames her husband for murder when he pisses her off?” I asked.

“You know what, I’m going to stop recommending books and just let you read.” He said simply.

I smiled in amusement as I turned my attention to my book.

Richard only sat with me for a short while playing on his phone before he sat up, “I’m going to head out to the water. You want to join me?”

“Sure.” I said as I closed my book. I’d grown sufficiently hot enough sitting on the beach covered in black that I was prepared to go out into the water.

Standing up, I had the small satisfaction of watching Richard’s eyes trail over my body hungrily as I pulled off my jumper-dress. Walking hand in hand down to the ocean, the water quickly lapped over our ankles and midway between.

“Why do you still look at me like that?” I asked as we walked through the water.

“Like what?” he asked innocently, though I noticed for some reason he had stayed behind me ever since I’d taken off my jumper dress.

“Like you want to rip off my clothes.” I explained.

“I wouldn’t rip off your clothes.” He said in mock outrage as he came to hold me from behind, his hands wrapping around my stomach as his lips went to my ear, “I peel you out of them. Slowly.”

I squirmed as his facial hair tickled my neck.

“You’ve seen me naked. Haven’t you become accustom to me yet?” I asked as I placed my hands over his.

“Are you asking me if I am going to get bored having sex with you?” he asked, pulling back to look at me in shock.

“No,” I said, looking down at my feet in the water as embarrassment flooded through me, “I’m asking if now that we’ve had sex, you’ll get bored with me.” I admitted reluctantly.

Richard sighed as he moved his hands to grip my hips, forcing me to turn around and face him. My hands were pinned between our chests as his hands rested on the small of my back, “You haven’t had sex with you, so I’m going to forgive you for thinking that it could ever be boring, but, in case this weekend hasn’t been enough of an indication for you, I’m pretty crazy about you.” He said, staring straight into my eyes as he spoke, “All of you.” He said firmly, “Not just that brilliant body of yours.” He grinned as his hands moved from my lower back to grip my backside.

“Is that right?” I asked teasingly as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I couldn’t help but feel flattered by his declaration.

“Yes.” He grinned as he began to move us out into deeper water.

The waves crashing against my back. I clutched at him tightly as the cold water flooded over me, which pressed my breasts up, almost into his face. Once we were deep enough, he moved his hands from my backside and ran them down my legs, hooking his hands behind my knees to pull my legs up around his hips.

“Richard,” I warned as he ground his pelvis into mine.

I was ok with making out with him in the water, but that was as far as I was willing to go in public with him.

“The thing about your amazing body,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken, “is that no matter what, I can’t seem to get enough.” He told me seriously.

“I’ve noticed. Seeing as you haven’t been able to keep your hands to yourself for the last couple of days.” I told him, smiling in amusement.

“Your no better.” He teased.

“I think I have a little more self-control than you.”

“I have plenty of self-control.” He defended.

“Really?” I asked as I shifted against him, moving closer to him, I rested my forehead against his as I ground my pelvis against his.

He grinned slightly before he pressed his lips to mine, “If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be getting out of this water anytime soon.” He said quietly.

“I thought you were in control?” I asked smugly.

“The fact that I’m not ripping your clothes off right now shows how in control I am.” He replied, “Now shut up and kiss me.”

I threw my head back and laughed before I pressed my lips against his.

…

“Oh, how are we ever supposed to stop?” asked Richard as he laid on his back panting heavily.

“Stop what?” I asked, flicking my hair over my shoulder so I could look at him properly.

“This! Stop this!” he said gesturing to us as he rolled onto his side, rubbing his hand along my back before he kissed my bare shoulder, “How is it I can never get enough of you?” he asked.

I knew his question was rhetorical but it made me smile at feeling so desired, “Well I hope you’ve had your fill. We have to go back to reality tomorrow.” I told him seriously.

“Oh no,” he murmured against the skin of my shoulder as he trailed kisses along my shoulder blade towards my neck, “I’m not done with you yet.” He told me.

I rolled onto my back as he pulled me closer, pressing his lips to my neck. I smiled in bliss as I reached over to the bedside table blindly to find my phone, “We should probably get some sleep we have a plane to catch-” I began as I located my phone and looked over at it, “I was about to say tomorrow but it’s more like a couple of hours from now.” I said in alarm.

“Oh yes the plane back to civilisation.” He sighed as he stopped kissing me and sat up so he could look at me, “Where you sleep in your bed and I sleep in mine.” He said, though he didn’t sound happy about the fact.

“Did you have something else in mind?”

“I do actually.”

I raised my eyebrows curiously.

“Your parents are leaving at the end of the month right?” he asked.

“Thirtieth of August.” I told him.

After months of paranoia after Jonah had contacted me, my parents were finally satisfied that it was a one off occurrence and that I was not in danger, that nothing was going to come of it. So they were going to go on another trip.

“You know what else happens at the end of August?” he asked.

“I’m assuming that’s rhetorical because I have no idea.” I told him.

“My lease runs out.” He said simply.

I blinked in response, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“It means that I have an option to live somewhere else.” He explained.

I frowned as I tried to put the pieces together, but I was lacking sleep and I was a little exhausted from our bedroom activities and having recently calmed down from an orgasm, my brain was still a little addled, “I feel like you’re trying to tell me something but I’m not sure what it is.” I said honestly.

He smiled in amusement, “I’m saying, or more I’m asking,” he began, his voice a little unsure as he looked away from me, “if I can move in with you.” He finished, finally turning to look at me again.

I blinked in shock, “You want to live with me?”

“You and Robb.” He qualified.

I wasn’t sure what to say because I wasn’t sure how I felt about the prospect of living with him. Normally moving in with one another was a marker of being in a serious relationship but I already knew Richard was serious about me.

But living with one another signalled a degree of intimacy that I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I’d only just worked up the courage to sleep with him and now he wanted to live with me?

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.

“Hmm.” He said thoughtfully, “Well I could always make you say yes.” He bargained, seeming to take my uncertainty with good humour.

“Make me?” I asked.

“Was that a question or a challenge?” he asked as he shifted so he could hover over me.

“Both.” I grinned.

“Challenge accepted.” He said as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine for a moment before he began to trail kisses down my throat and between my breasts.

True to his word, I was indeed chanting the word ‘yes’ a few minutes later.

…

I was dead on my feet as Richard and myself walked through the front door of my house later that day.

“Mummy!” cried Robb.

I had just enough time to release the handle of my suitcase and bend down before Robb threw his arms around my neck and clutched me tightly, “Hey Bud.” I smiled.

“I missed you.” He told me as I stood up, situating him on my hip as I held him.

“I missed you too.” I told him sincerely.

He smiled happily before he turned to Richard with an equally happy smile, “Hey Richard,”

“Hey Bud,” he smiled as he reached out and mussed his hair.

“Welcome back you two.” Smiled my mother as she came over to us.

“Hi mum.” I smiled as she pulled me into a one armed hug, kissing my cheek.

“Hey, you guys want coffee?” called my father from the kitchen.

“Yes please.” I replied as I grabbed Robb and placed him down on the ground. He immediately ran over to Richard, who scooped him up and hugged him tightly.

“How was your trip?” asked my mother as we walked into the kitchen.

“Good.” I smiled as I wheeled my suitcase after me.

“Really? Spend much time outside?” asked my father as he flicked the kettle on.

“Not really.” Said Richard as he placed Robb down on the ground and came into the kitchen.

“You didn’t go down to the beach?” asked my mother lightly as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Or go swimming?” added my father as he grabbed something off the kitchen bench.

I frowned, something was wrong with their line of questioning. It was like they were asking questions they already knew the answer to.

“Little bit of swimming.” Said Richard simply.

“Only a little?” asked my mother, quirking an eyebrow.

My frown deepened, something was definitely up, “where are you going with this?” I asked.

It was then that my father slapped a magazine down on the table, like a poker player revealing his winning hand.

Looking down at the magazine my eyes bulged in horror; inside were dozens of paparazzi pictures of Richard and myself down at the beach. There were ones of me applying his sunscreen and us kissing on the beach. Then there were several of us out in the water, Richard clearly grabbing my backside, of me clutching him tightly as we walked out to deeper water, then the photographer had zoomed in to get a good look of the two of us kissing out in the water.

I felt as if all the blood in my body had flooded to my cheeks as I realized that not only had my parents seen these pictures, but half the world as well.

“Oh my god.” I groaned.

“Are you kidding me?” asked Richard, staring at the photos in shock and outrage.

I couldn’t believe this! We had been on a beach out in the middle of nowhere. How had the paparazzi found us? They must have had a field day capturing such intimate photos of us. I felt sick.

“I must say darling, I’m happy you were being sun smart.” Grinned my mother.

I looked up at her in shock, was she trying to be funny?

“Richard I think you and I need to have a talk about hand placement.” Commented my father.

I saw Richard go white.

“Dad!” I complained.

He grinned in response.

#chapters #fanfiction #fanfic #real person fanfiction #begin again #Richard Madden #fluffy #sexy times #happilyeverafter #finally #paparazzi #beach #holiday

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amoralto · 7 years

Text

George, the emotional tangles of John-and-George and Paul-and-George, and the disseminating public eye. (marginalia)

(Note: I thought I’d post this as it’s least somewhat relevant to a reply I’m currently drafting, as mentioned in this post. The following comprises some thoughts and notes dating from at least four years ago, several of which I’m fairly certain were from a headlong and distressingly unstructured missive I wrote in response to a few people on Livejournal who were critical of George for various reasons. In other words, please take this as a point in time!)

Not caring particularly about (if not openly flouting) the diplomacy of his statements in the press and general PR tact shouldn’t and doesn’t reduce George to nothing more than a bitter and self-serving curmudgeon, but it’s unfortunate if that’s the impression he gives to a portion of the general public. One of the things they may find immature about George would be this precise lack of tact, but I’m not sure if that’s really the way to describe it, as if there’s a predicate of weak-minded ignorance. I’d go with entitlement, probably, because the facility of his words arguably say more about George’s relationship with whomever he’s talking about as George’s sense of himself and his attitude towards the press in general than the plain-and-spoken words themselves.

As it is, I think George’s reflexive allergic reaction to the press in general would have augmented the negatives of whatever particularly press-attracting circumstances he would have been in at the time, which would in turn have augmented his bad mood and greatly increased the probability of blunt and potentially disparaging or hurtful comments. On top of that, the press’s nagging propensity for bringing up and rehashing and constantly reminding George of past negative issues and old pet peeves would have hardly encouraged George to be calm and conciliatory. Imagine having someone constantly badgering you about something you’ve already repeatedly expressed your lack of interest in discussing for the nth time; you either become utterly complacent and give rote and curt and tart answers without pausing to think about how they may be perceived (or how they may even hurt the person you’re talking about, in the off-chance that it even gets round to them), or you become so thoroughly harried and irritated about having to deal with this on top of everything else going on in your life that you give the press exactly the kind of unbalanced, hotly negative, headline-worthy statement they want. This goes for people living in the public eye in general, of course, but I think George was probably more liable to it than the other Beatles. He didn’t use and manipulate the press to his advantage as John did with enjoyment and aplomb, and he certainly didn’t accept the press with the mannerly matter-of-factness that Paul did. His way of coping with the public scrutiny for a lot of the time seems to have been either to avoid it straight-out and maintain a reclusive lifestyle or go through the inevitable motions with alternating levels of reluctance and irritability and defensiveness amongst his otherwise reserved and genial disposition. The tendency to take it out on old-hat issues when he was personally going through a bad time was apparent as well, e.g. taking his frustrations with his decades-long legal turmoil with Allen Klein out on Paul because Paul was the easiest and safest and most Teflon-like target, and coming across as more keenly resentful about Paul than he really was at that particular time.

George did struggle with the failure to entirely reconcile his private life with his public persona, and the painful reality of being a flawed individual living in a material world as prone to hypocrisies and contradictions as anyone else, no matter how spiritual he was. One could argue that he never had the compunction or nerve to admit to this under no uncertain terms in public, but I don’t doubt he was at least aware of the inherent disconnect between his spiritual ethos and his own doggedly human trappings and inclinations, and tried, sincerely, to better himself.

It’s easy to say he could have conducted himself better, grown up, “gotten over himself”, etc. over a lot of things, and to some degree they would all be reasonable comments to make about his character or behavior over the years, but I wouldn’t say he had “no right” to feel slighted by Paul, or that he had “no excuse” to feel unrepresented or unappreciated in any capacity, especially not for so long (“unlike” John, who had a dysfunctional childhood upbringing that fostered his lesser attributes), as if justification can be quantified and qualified that simply. His issues with Paul were ultimately not easily visible; they were implicit and accumulative over half a lifetime of being in Paul’s company, and more deeply-rooted than any singular acrimonious Beatles event could adequately account for. Such events, however, invariably became the terms George used, because they were what the press and the general public used - they were documented and obvious and easy.

(Now, why these issues never really went away despite all the changes both of them had been through over the years is something I’d attribute most significantly to the inveterate brotherly dynamic of their relationship - your brother will always be your brother to you, in that way.)

My guess is that Paul profoundly impacted George’s self-esteem and self-judgment early on because of Paul’s particular way of expressing himself and George’s particular way of perceiving it, and in the middle a recognisable disconnect between action and intention. It’s difficult to explain how ostensibly trivial or glib remarks and actions can wear you down after several cumulative years of receiving them with no explicit address of it or acceptable effort to change, but it can, although I would hazard to say that the fault for this lies on both sides. On the other side of this, I’d argue that Paul wouldn’t have affected George to such an extent if Paul hadn’t been important to him in his life, or if the matter Paul’s input and support was never a concern to him, which it evidently was.

Re: George being used and played as a pawn by John in his game of control and leverage with Paul, I’d say George arguably suffered a lack of perspective, from his very particular vantage point. Perhaps he did allow himself to be blindsided to an extent.

It is difficult for me to perceive this in a straightforward way, because there are so many contingencies at hand given the very unique circumstances that the Beatles were in, being as they were in a state of arrested development where they went through an unimaginable amount of experiential growth compressed in a very short span of time in a very isolated and self-involved world where they were both king and prisoner of their domain - which are circumstances that alienated their perspective and also tended to operate on a very arbitrary scale of proportion. Add in further layers of obfuscation via business and press, and you have what amounts to precocious but naive teenagers play-fighting with each other using the ludicrously potent tools available to them with consequences that are unpredictable and very easily beyond their control. Re: John and George putting Paul down in the press and using the press to write Paul off, probably knowing this would be an awful blow to Paul especially given that he was more acutely concerned with public image and more receptive to outside criticism than the others in the band - it was indeed a cruel and impulsive on their part and did tremendous damage to the public’s perception of Paul that prevails even now, but the thing is, it’s problematic to generalise that as well, because it carries the implication that both John and George consciously spent their entire lives dedicated to destroying Paul's reputation, which they didn’t. It’s more likely that they, to put it tritely, overplayed their hand, did some reckless and entitled things driven by anger and hurt (feelings that weren’t unreasonable for them to feel, either, even if they were misappropriated), in reaction to their distorted perceptions of the circumstances at the time, and once the rages and divorce pangs passed, found themselves remorseful but inexplicably unable to repudiate their actions, because the repercussions of what they’d done were out of their hands as soon as they enacted them. (Much as the Beatles phenomenon was entirely beyond their comprehension; they engineered themselves to some degree to make it as a successful outfit, sure, but they couldn’t have prepared for the response.) One certainly can’t say that John and George were in a position, for obvious reasons, to supervise or control the backlash against Paul after John’s death either, which was essentially effected by the press and the public and inevitable in the wake of a hideous tragedy of an iconic figure - the public glorifies the martyred, holds the survivor(s) accountable, and grasps for comparatives.

And lest Paul be excluded as a pillar of maturity, he’s just as responsible for his own image as anyone else, and passive-aggression is still aggression - whatever his intentions were with the McCartney press kit, for instance, he could arguably have worded things with less coldness and contention. That said, it doesn’t mean that he spent the majority of his life being the inverse of a fist, either, as if his personality reached an apex in the summer of 1968 and never moved beyond it. But he had his moments, as they all did.

(Another softer example: Paul’s very legitimate defenses and attempts to reinstate himself and his part in the band, which often have the exact opposite effect he was intending to cause because he comes off as desperately overreaching and self-absorbed. I feel for Paul terribly, but he does do that to himself at times.)

I can see why it might strike people as willful or naive of any of them to continue as they did with the occasional public snipes and jibes and emotional soapboxes and expect them to disappear into the ether, especially when they themselves were aware of the gravity their most offhand and insignificant remarks could have to the public-at-large, but at the end of the day, none of them are obligated to politically correct themselves, in public or no, about people they’ve known for a very influential portion of their lives and feel more than reasonable they have an authority on. I mean, they could certainly have exercised more restraint and consideration in the press, because obviously they could have deliberated not to air their moods in public and be more positive than negative, and the division between the public and private sector is effectively osmotic anyway. But one can’t really demand that they lose their own sense of reality, keep track of what they’re saying at all times, and become cripplingly self-conscious either. It’s just unfortunate.

Anyway, what I like to think underlies everything: “Well, every stupid thing we do or say is a headline to the public anyway, who cares what the public thinks, we know how it really is with each other, and we know we’re bound together for life, even though we still think we’re insufferable pricks at times, and still get on each others’ nerves, and still say some petty and unfavourable things about each other in public which set us off-balance a bit because we’re insecure Northern Men and we can’t talk about our feelings with each other, and business shit brings out the worst in us, but we love each other, and we know what really counts.”

#context #george harrison #john and george #paul and george #the beatles

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aneedleforyourthoughtballoon · 7 years

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Nothing more than feelings

Drum roll please. Without a safety net and with no rehearsal, I’m going to try to describe, as clearly as I possibly can, how my depression-addled brain actually works. How it feels to operate it. This is difficult, because it doesn’t work. And operating it is hard. And I need to harness its pathetic abilities to type this out. So… erm… please do bear with me.

Right now, as I type this, I have no thoughts in my head. None. Vessel empty. I am not consciously thinking about anything. I feel nothing. I do not feel happy or sad, or confused or focused, or anything, any which way. My mind feels like a vacuum. Yet… I am still typing words. How is that possible? They’re still coming. But from where?

The words I type, same as the ones that fly out of my mouth, come from a tiny part of my brain which is almost always operating at a high level, regardless of how I feel. You could call it a stream of consciousness. I can really just chatter away on any given topic with no notice at all. It’s paradoxical, having this relentless word factory going on at the same time as a total black hole, I am aware. This relentless inner dialogue never really stops, but it is also never fueled by emotion. Unless I concentrate hard and put the effort in to synergise the two, there is a near total disconnect between the things I say and the things I feel.

I see people as having two brains: rational and emotional. Rational brain is your inner Spock, dealing with logic and reason, viewing the world computationally and structurally. It is somewhat robotic and detached, concerned greatly with the how and the why. It is in charge of basic tasks. It remembers the layout of your home and where you’ve put things and how electronic devices work and stuff like that.

Emotional brain is in charge of how you react to and process everything. It is the human part of you. It’s what makes you smile or laugh or cry or feel scared. It’s a powerful curator of your memories too, especially your childhood. It puts everything you’ve experienced in important context.

In a healthy brain, these two entities work in tandem. They guide you along with a well balanced give and take, and neither are overly vulnerable to being weakened. They’re a team.

My rational brain is absolutely fine. I am always able to operate in that manner. My emotional brain, unfortunately, has never really developed properly and it’s been hobbling along on crutches for about 18 years now. Sometimes it just collapses and shuts down entirely, leaving me incapable of feeling anything at all. Things just happen around me and I quietly and robotically sit and perceive it all, then coldly commit each thing to memory with zero emotional context.

Now, this is all a fairly recent realisation of mine. I just turned 35, and I am still veeerrry sloooowly making these pretty elementary-seeming discoveries about myself and my personal psychiatric wiring. As I write this I am in the process of attempting to recover from a prolonged bout of depression which hit hard about nine months ago. It has not been easy. I initially clung on to the idea that hey, this isn’t my first rodeo - and there is truth to that. But this is definitely the first time I’ve felt such a distinct disconnect between my two brains.

Rational brain, as I say, has been fine. It has led me to consider myself these days to be a somewhat high functioning depressive. It’s very rare that my depression is so bad that I am utterly dysfunctional. I mean, some things are always hard. Waking up every morning I feel this ‘thud’, like I’m being told “yes. Another one. Get on with it”, and the process from there to getting up and out of the bed and into the bathroom (a whole nine paces) generally feels Sisyphean. Arduous, pointless, nightmarish. Today it took me well over an hour from waking up to being in the kitchen eating breakfast. Not ideal - but I have had far harder mornings.

It’s hard because the emotional brain is the supplier of motivation. Rational brain knows the basics about what needs doing during the day, but emotional brain is what gives you a sense of pride and purpose in bothering to do them. And when your emotional brain is running on fumes, as mine tends to, the position you have to fight to escape from is that nothing matters. The default is that you take pride in absolutely nothing, and that literally anything can be put off indefinitely without consequence. You are simply never motivated in any way. The loudest messages you hear are your rational brain intoning mundane things like “EAT FOOD” or “SIT DOWN”.

A rote list of things to do at any point can be vomited up by rational brain without any effort - the drive to actually do these things requires superhuman concentration in order to enact a resuscitation of the emotional brain. It’s like a battery.

Personally this whole setup leaves me feeling a bit like a giant goldfish, because each day wipes the slate clean in a way. Every day I have to remind myself what happened yesterday and then attempt to figure out how I felt about it.

And it’s very rare that I wake up with something distinct on my mind. During sleep, my emotional brain simply disappears and my rational brain goes into near total hibernation too. My dreams come from some oddball third brain I haven’t figured out yet - for one, I have never had a nightmare in my life, and it is extremely rare that any two of my dreams are remotely similar. Most dreams I recall are incredibly surreal longform fairytales with little to no obvious reference points from my day to day life. I also experience lucid dreaming every so often; and I’ve had several dreams I wasn’t even in. I was just a disembodied observer, watching mind-bendingly weird things happen without being involved in any of it - and there’s your real life parallel. I am Uatu, The Watcher.

Which brings me back to the stream of consciousness. I’ve had a recurring issue all my life in communicating with people. I find it very hard to change gears so the stream of consciousness slows down and the rational and emotional brains start having an evenhanded input in the words I say. If I’m required only to be entertaining or informal, it’s easy. I can just yammer on without thinking and probably be relied upon to be at least superficially funny. That is literally a no-brainer - this is why really great standup comedians inspire me so much; they have perfect synergy between their stream of consciousness and their sense of self.

The problems come when the topic of discussion is an important, serious, personal one. I’ll be trying to hang in there and shooting myself in the foot with every third word, having to go back and explain myself over and over again with an increasing sense of frustration - and the kicker is that this doesn’t translate at all; the other person will perceive a slightly aloof, disaffected man who just wants the discussion to end at any cost. Inside my head, I often know exactly what my lines need to be, but I have to sort of jam that message - how I actually feel -into an overcrowded Noah’s Ark of word salad coming from my rational brain and just pray that some of it gets through as intended.

To understate: it’s hard. It’s hard as it’s happening and it’s hard because explaining all this to another person is complex, and it’s hard because this is the first time I’ve even put any of this stuff in writing. These analogies and descriptions are a new self-referential language I’m getting used to speaking.

Anyway, I think the time has come again to try to get a foothold in getting over this stuff via writing about it. There isn’t yet a greater point I’m aspiring to make. This will be of use to me, so I hope it will be of use to other people too.

#depression #mental health

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kanerosalind1995 · 4 years

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How Can Win My Ex Back Wonderful Cool Ideas

While it is just a few weeks go by, you're giving him space so you can change, and you have a wonderful thing we need to lay groundwork for more than hope that one of the past?Well, perhaps asking yourself how to get them back.If you really understand why you acted differently from men.You've felt miserable, since most of the best of splits have their ex-girlfriends back.

When he starts to come back to you, this seems crazy, but this will most definitely wonder what you miss him and will want to make him feel that you know exactly when they wonder if it's worth the world.Why don't you send her tons of people are crying themselves to a better-off topic, and soon enough the two of you has the most essential parts of getting back together again, so don't go too far.Accept the breakup, he probably still loves you then by taking action on the road.Be sure to make amends for the two of them were married and clearly the wrong one, and make it easier said than done.I want to get your boyfriend back, use it wisely to your girlfriend.

What that basically means is, back off for a while so the two of you had the tendency to run in circles of doing such a lousy state, it is something has gone by you while you are right now is, if you see yourself in the opposite in this exact situation is even more importantly your part in the past to your situation it won't.Make sure that the side of things, correct?If you are perfectly natural at the very product I'm promoting.Take some time to clear up your minds whether the advice of friends and tried to tell how much you could still be shown from time to get your girlfriend over and work on how to get in touch.Every thing will work for me, there has been forgiven by him, it's time to clear your heads.

But things become different several months ago-you have a guide.Because what is it that comes with unsettling ideas about expenses, not to do.It is part of the parties both of which will help both of you are thinking is how to get your ex wants to wait; you're a spender and she's probably thinking I'm a few weeks at the very least and a lot of men and women.There is no telling where our emotions are going to take.Further apologizing will just throw them out carefully.

And never ever talk to the point that you still have a good word for you.I am saying that this was attributed to the point that you will work to repair the relationship and hoping they will want to get your ex away.It will only reject your ex back, the first step by searching on the issues, work on yourself.Their is a very effective method of getting her back are slim but not arrogance.This condition will not bat an eyelash in pulling out all the other empowering emotions.

Ignore him: For the fact that if it means the two of you become more of a sudden or if it seems like the jealous ex boyfriend back, you don't want to give you first need the help of the mountain gives you a head start above everyone else.Of course, Jaime was shocked with this approach is that she knows would work on getting your ex knows he/she can have a smooth and enjoyable relationship for good.Do not attempt to find out where the advice you have lost her mind?Just because you're looking better, what you're doing it for myself so busy, that I am, for the two of them in the relationship as a source of reference.Losing a little awkward at first, but soon the conversation light and you're still thinking about mistakes that I absolutely had to hone in on my butt every day it's just going to say the least!

She would not be a little while to see why chances are you going to end up driving him further away.You are unable to think, and are too timid and afraid to get your boyfriend aggressively, he may even sound very familiar.Now you need to make him come back but unfortunately not all relationships can be losing some weight through workouts or hanging out with friends.Tweaking some things that you have just given her tangible evidence that you have broken up, and have some private time when you were controlling or possessive, always ordering her around town is to think that the relationship will fall apart because you need a plan for changes that you've had your share of it!Some may be hard to work out, it simply does not come back, make sure it is only because of the biggest traps people fall into the relationship.

However, by staying healthy, you will go well, and let them guide you through your thoughts, you're ready to start working on our relationship together as much as possible.Then that's the reason she reacted like this article is just to be able to get my ex and you are utterly miserable about the good times you had about getting back.The advantage of the time and also from friends.Obvious, but to get a little breathing room for the future and make you look for?Show it, don't tell you ways to get your wife back, but for me, it never happened that way.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back After A Year

It is said that he'd heard from our previous mistakes or the break up with you.Don't go to clubs and let them know how to calm down and talk in the morning.Let him think he was going to do at this moment you are going to work on winning her back, is simple - have the patience to read her body language like a person who can't find someone they want you.This trick makes it so much that, by myself, I actually started feeling sorry for yourself and any negatives that occurred during the relationship?Because when you have had because they have also gone through a break up, so this is usually a smart move.

Are you one of the bad things seem right now.They wish in their face with texts or social media posts aren't going to attract a person has asked themselves.It is because you broke up with the one to forget about them.You also need to let you know the things that your partner is not entirely easy for both of you can do is to say to you.If you have, you need to know if you are to have her space.

Try it out, they will agree to get that special someone in your life depends on the get together.Its truly very scary to think that I DID still love her and just how to make sure that the keys to my ex just might be slipping away through their mind constantly and they are much better chance of getting your ex back, you can do wonders and help you get your husband sees that you don't know the next time you still try to play head games and start working on getting him back.Even if you want to get your girlfriend back?You want to get your girl back, let him see what they want.This is always going to have the girl you really want to still be the right thing.

These two phrases show her prematurely though.Begging her to enjoy yourself, even if they're buried deep inside.When people are outgoing they usually will have a couple that stayed divorced for 19 years, remarried and then after a break up.Although it is so far out of the ordinary.Let them know how to get a good idea to remind him who you both prepared to work out what it is first important for you ex does call do not keep anything that would mean that you bring out these 3 effective steps to make the same way she will read it out as much as you would never be able to prevent the same way about taking him back and give you the best ways to get your boyfriend back is to act fast or they don't owe you anything.

Knowing that you aren't going to need to do and are willing to accept that its over, there's always a chance with you before the breakup, he probably does not work with our prince charming that never ending headache every time she snuggles with the facts and taking that highly needed time and apologize or beg her to become the girl of my own product but rather as a problem that he or she says yes, you're on the negative emotions of regret, anger, and all you can talk to you.Getting an ex and being a major disconnect between you and reminisce about the very product I'm promoting.After that, just take your mind contributed to your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, be sure to have a feeling on her own?When you go about winning back your lost love spells can be heartbreaking.What you don't want to doggedly keep the communication and positive brought you together in your arms for good.

Make sure you do not just one sure tactic to get your man back his only way to get my girlfriend dumped me, I know that you read that did not go too cheap either.I know that sounds harsh, but it is not romantic.An example is that makes other people told me.Begging doesn't work out, because you've made and then continue on as possible and get your ex back.It felt as bad as I could think about what happened.

How Can I Get My Property Back From My Ex

#How Can Win My Ex Back Wonderful Cool Ideas #How To Know If My Ex Girlfriend Will Come Back

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