#because I cannot manage those

[crayonurchin]

I got the job :)

#it's only 4 weeks contract but it'll be good #I'll be working 40 hours in the week at the estate #then continuing my weekend entertainer job #the two are going to let me make a nice big of money #which is needed after the early year drought in entertainment and commission work #it's going to be intense and I gotta make sure I have big decompression spaces #I'm learning lately how my overstimulation gets triggered #so I'll always have my headphones and sunglasses if need be #and I'll have very easy to consume snacks on hand #and I'll make sure I have things I can drink readily there #AND- proud to say I made it clear with weekend work that I'm not doing discos until I have training #because I cannot manage those #and I am not having another panic attack if I can help it #so... yeah! #not much art will happen beyond leisure stuff #but I got some work!

[chucktaylorupset]

its been a million years.  percy has gone from young millenial to squarely gen z.  i think that while he’s up on that mountain demanding the gods pay their fucking child support, he should tell hera at the top of his sixteen year old pipsqueak lungs that polyamory is a thing now and she doesn’t have to define her marriage the traditional way if she doesn’t want to.  she’s the goddess of all marriages!  that includes these modern ones too!!

hera is like zeus would you agree to an open relationship zeus is like SOLD i have been trying to do this for years, completely neglects to read the fine print that this goes two ways before signing on the dotted line for this deal with the prada wearing devil because fundamentally, zeus is an asshole

hera starts hooking up with committed married couples and having SUPREMELY powerful demigod children.  they are all her favorites and she lavishes them with powers and gifts and attention.  she has, unlike the other gods, no millenia of experience with mortal children to temper her reaction, and so this whole move honestly causes more problems than not.

meanwhile hades and persephone; poeseidon and amphirite; dionysus and ariadne; all of them have been trying to talk to hera about this thing for DECADES and then perseus fucking protagonist powers jackson comes in and turns a quarter of a century into wasted work.

#my post #pjo #it's very key that zeus is big butthurt about this #and that most of the olympians are ethically nonmonogamous thanks to some great work done by either aphrodite or eros #back at the end of the 1900s #being a child of hera is extremely weird because you're not prepared for it like most single parents of demigods are #also most of heras partners come out okay but ALL of them are 'blessed' to never be divorced which uh #can have some variability in terms of results #gods are complicated kids #a lot of hera demigods come up with parents who have very healthy relationships and pass on those emotional intelligence skills! #and then they start coming into their powers and suddenly they inherit a girlboss pta mom who will speak to the manager #and WILL support them taking over the world cause it's what they deserve. if that's what they want <3 #most of them are emotionally healthy enough that they don't even Want to take over the world but uh. they sure are offered that as option #if they want to #hera kids have the Oposite problem of a lot of demigods who have gods practiced in loving mortal kids #they're like i cannot stress how much we Do Not Have To Prove Ourselves to her #we have to be very careful about wanting things she will just handle them to us also #once we get married we can't divorce she would either kill us or it would Be A Thing for the rest of our lives #it's... very stressful to be a child of hera #they mostly try to befriend the chill party kids because they need to catch some Chill

[naamahdarling]

.

#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months #i don't even remember the names of them all at this point #this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay #thst will also prescribe my adhd meds #and my anxiety meds #and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would #only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it #so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave #and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something #but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works #but that they morally object to i guess #and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like #what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that #I'll give her a nasty scrap about it #im not interested in those meds at all #and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best #and removing that would just make me worse #but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that #and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow #which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you #if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers #they just gotta pathologize! #so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever #i shouldn't have to deal with this

[sock-pot]

Woah I sure do love brutalmoose!! I’m gonna search him up on tumblr, maybe there’s some cool fan art or something! Oh hey what’s this tag? Asagao Academy? I’m sure this is a completely normal and not terribly aged thing involving 2010s gaming YouTubers! <- eternal suffering awaits

#somehow I managed to avoid asagao academy despite being a hidden block/normal boots fan in the 2010s #eternally grateful I didn’t know about it as a teen because it sounds like something I’d have liked back in the day #cannot believe I’m finding out about this in the year of our lord 2024 #boy a lot of those gaming YouTubers are just awful huh? #asagao academy #brutalmoose

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I made a meme do you leik it :)

#i am SUFFERING out here #i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation?? #for another module all due within the next two weeks #and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻 #fantastic timing dont you think #theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help #and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in #december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway #im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription #so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great #no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz #and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day #this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻 #depressive episode #did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am #because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro #depression #can suck my dick #in a bad way

[terrorbirb]

:((((((((( boss didn't buy me lunch like they normally do on people's last day. Commence absolute minimal effort to finish out this job.

#totes bro #he like. forgot. its not exactly targeted #just emblematic of how they take me for granted #IDK! i just think i shouldn't have to office manage my going away lunch #if he doesn't take me to dinner i will block his number upon exit so he cannot ask me any question ever #its an office joke how much i enjoy free food #absolute minimal effort from this second on #this doesnt count as one of those things that therapy would be like 'dont assume people can read your mind and say how you feel' #1. because i don't have a different relationship to him than literally every other coworker #2. he's my boss and not like someone i care about on a personal level #:(((((((((((((( #not to keep bringing this up but im the only person they didnt get a wedding gift either #i. don't. care. if its usually my job to arrange this partially and remind my bosses #am i supposed to arrange my wedding gift and going away lunch because i do office managing? #i dont even have my bowl to eat my sad frozen bag of peas because i left it accidentally #i on some level knew this would be the case

[drev-the-procrastinator]

love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too

#i had been thinking about moving to a smaller one too. but now she's ordering me to do that #and expects me to move back home #when my university and all of my two friends are in the city. #and i have TWO WEEKS to live here if she wants me to move before summer because i have to go back home anyway in early may #for my summer job. #like sure i wouldve understood like a hey. my child. your financial situation is oretty tough so i have some suggestions that could help #but she was like okay here's whay you do: option a) [something i couldnt do before fall] b) find a cheaper apartment and live in two weeks #c) move home for good and commute over an hour any day you have university stuff to do and also essentially lose access to your #friends and all and any independence you have managed to cobble together so i can treat you like a child and yeall at you #the last part wasnt included but it's what she does anyways so i assume it's part of the deal #then i would have to commute or drive an hour any time i wanted to see either of my friends. after every summer im already #tired and desperate to come back to my apartment to get to be on my own. and now she's saying i have to never do that again #and here's the fuckin thing. her husband is planning on fixing my car. my mom pays my phone bill. i know what a loser i am whatever. #she actually owns my dogs and my childhood home. i cannot. piss her ofd too much. because then i'll lose all of those #phone. whatever i can get a new one. car. slightly more heartbrwakin but like i still own it. but the house? #my dogs?? i think i would rather die atm if im being honest #so what the fuck am i supposed to do. huh. #maybe i should just walk into the sea foe good i feel like that would just so neatly solve all of my problems

[paixarina]

am i the only one who always thought that kanata possibly have anger management issues or is it just me

#paradox live #paralive #pararai #cozmez #kanata yatonokami #🍡 ;; shut up vanie #i know it never mentioned in canon but as someone who have anger management issues i kinda think kanata would have one #especially the fact he always get so violent when someone dare to touch nayuta (even those who wanna befriend him like allen) #but somehow shiki is the only one who got 'you can interact with nayuta' by kanata which is odd #i feel like he only gets angry when someone who dare to approach nayuta is a random stranger or abusive adults #also his yt shorts during trust battle is full of yells and tantrums #he threws tantrum a lot and burst into anger easily #oh i also think he would have mommy issues knowing his childhood #he probably have abandonment issues too. especially the fact he's so extremely clingy to nayuta that he had to create an illusion of him+ #+because he cannot accept that nayuta is dead (spoiler alert: nayu is actually alive and doing fine) #i cant worded this properly its 1 am in my country here

[cinnamim]

ehehe hcs under the cut <3333

#almost all of em are hsr but i had to do wriothesley because. because. bec💥 #anywayyy march isnt an f/o but i do kin her so she's gotta be black obviously #blade is Out and About and also suffers from a lack of sleep probably. eyebags for him + a slight tan #also you cannot tell me he wouldn't have a few wrinkles. he's immortal but like yk how ppl say stress can give you wrinkles??? yea #kafka is more for shiggles than anything...i kinda just wanted to see how she'd look (gorgeous btw) #but also gave her those eyebag wrinkle thingies (i actually dunno if they have a proper name??) cus she gives older womaj vibes to me #there's also a microscopic mole under her eye #wrio i hc as mixed with slightly wavy/curly hair that he does nawwwwt know how to manage #oh no if only someone could help h💥 #okay goodnight everyoneeee [tucks you in] #☆.hobbies

[lexosaurus]

Hey Lexx, where the fuck are ur fic updates? An explanation.

I've mentioned this and talked about this on discord but for those who don't know, I have an old arm injury that I gave myself when I was an athletic coach because I didn't take rest days. Which was stupid. The type of injury I have is one that's usually actually not a big deal, and heals on its own with a bit of rest.

Unfortunately, mine actually got worse with rest and when I re-entered the workforce doing physical labor, and restarted gym training again, it got so unbearable that I ended up seeking doctors finally!

When I started treatment for my arm, I was told that I'd have to suspend a number of my favorite physical activities and would have to postpone an exciting thing I'd been training for. Facing the damage I'd done along with stress from school and financial stress, I'll be honest I sorta broke. And it was made worse because the endgame-treatment I need, I can't receive without a period of total rest, and I'm currently working physical jobs still so I need to wait till the fall.

Which hurt abundantly.

Losing so much physical strength, especially when it was such a core part of my identity for years, really has done a number on me mentally. And even though by the winter I'll probably be approved to go back to all my favorite activities, the fact that I'm in the position that I am now, and knowing that it was entirely preventable if I'd just done what I was supposed to do, really sucks. It's been hard for me to motivate to like....engage with hobbies.

So yeah that's pretty much where I've been. Because with a brace, I can type just fine. It's just the actual like. Doing it part.

Btw, not saying this sarcastically, thank you to those who have bugged me for fic updates. That's honestly been the only reason why I've been opening my documents for the past few months. Hopefully I will stop being a lil bitch about this and will be able to self-discipline again soon.

#life update #sorry i hate doing these cuz i just feel like im making excuses #which i sorta am #but i figured i at least owed an explanation #i really focused on the physical aspect here because it's been at the route of all my other problems #but other stresses too namely financial and thesis-stress has been contributors too #tho i think those would be much more manageable if not for my arm being a 24/7 burning reminder #as i type this (without a brace) my fingers are fully shaking #i cannot express enough how mad at past-lexx i've been #which is something i really should go over with a therapist when i can afford one

[tj-crochets]

I havent been here for the quilting saga, very cool that you're done your squares, what were you going for with this quilt? Like what were ur quilt goals, why did u choose those fabrics? Is it meaningful or all just stuff you like?

This latest quilt is my scrap quilt, which means it's entirely made of fabric scraps from previous quilts I've made. Well, mostly from quilts I've made, plus one bag's worth of scrap fabric from a local quilt shop, plus a few scraps from various peoples' destashes I've been given over the years? So there wasn't really an overarching goal, per se, except to use up fabric scraps because I couldn't bring myself to throw them away but didn't have enough of any one color palette to make a cohesive quilt top. I put zero thought or effort into color distribution except to try to keep different pieces of the same fabric from touching each other, and I had a few very dark fabrics that stand out against my usual "everything is as bright as possible" color choices so I made sure those were distributed evenly across the quilt. As for the quilt pattern itself, it's made of two kinds of 12" blocks. Block A is made of six rows of 2.5" strips. I made them by sewing my 2.5" strips into a very long single piece of fabric and then cutting that into 12.5" by 2.5" rectangles, then sewing those together Block B is basically a 4 patch block, but the upper right and lower left squares are made of smaller 4 patch blocks. So it's two 6.5" squares and eight 3.5" squares per Block B. I chose those sizes because they were small enough to be easy to cut even out of small scraps and scaled well with each other to make a pattern I would not get bored sewing. Every few weeks I'd collect my fabric scraps, iron them, cut them down to those sizes and put them in the scrap quilt drawer until I had enough to make the quilt top I'm working on now

#ask away! #scrap management #I mean that said I did make some of my 6.5 and 3.5 inch blocks with crumb sewing #which means that instead of being a single piece of fabric it's a whole bunch of tiny irregularly shaped pieces sewn together #I also made a bunch of the 3.5 inch squares with half square triangles and quarter square triangles #because I got a tool thing that makes them super easy to cut #and had a lot of fun with that #most of the fabrics are kind of meaningful in that I can look at them and remember the quilts I made with those fabrics #some of them the memory is just 'I cannot resist a bin of scrap fabric at the local quilt shop' #but it's still a lot of memories! #and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to it for this long #I'm usually not the best with long-term crafting projects because I lose interest #but I worked on this a little bit at a time over the years #and now it's almost done! #I should look back and see when I made my earliest scrap management post so I can see when I started it

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

you ever see an opinion that's soooooooooooooooooo close to getting the point and yet somehow simultaneously managed to miss it by fivety thousand light years

#'half of adam's pov is don't fight with gansey don't fight with blue. which essentially translates to don't be yourself around them. #but when it's ronan he just fights with him. bc he can be himself around ronan.' #i #like #i me #the fuck no????????? #that is not AT ALL what adam having to remind himself of that translates to???? #like. the thing is. you CAN make this sentiment cute for pynch reasons. but not in That way??? #adam had to remind himself of that because gansey and blue tended to approach adam's issues in a way that #made him act like an asshole #meanwhile because ronan is always being an asshole it doesn't matter that adam is shitty to him in return #if you wanna look at it from a pynch perspective why don't you talk about how even though they were so distant in dream thieves #ronan still managed to see him more clearly as to where he was mentally than gansey or blue #why don't you talk about how he knew which buttons to push to get a rise out of him but never so much to put him off or anger him completel #why don't you talk about the way he was able to help adam in a way adam would accept unlike gansey who didn't know how to offer him that #fuck off with he wasn't himself in front of gansey and blue!!!! #he was vulnerable in front of gansey and blue before he was ever vulnerable in front of ronan!!! #it's just that people are so obsessed with romance they simply cannot fathom that non-explicity romantic relationships can be as #beautiful as the romantic ones #even if it's spelled out that those relationships were equal. that none of them were above one or another #ugh

[theladyyavilee]

sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever stop using frames of the shooting scene for buddie edits but today I realized that no, no I most likely won’t, that shit’ll go on their wedding day edit, I SWEAR IT WILL, like, I’m sorry, but that was an extremely formative moment for them and they survived it together, of course it goes on all the sad edits but also OF COURSE it goes on the happy ones too

#about me #buddie #4x13 shooting scene my most beloved <3 #like I was genuinely thinking about this today #and I thought along the lines okay but what if they ever manage to film a scene that touches me in the head even more than the shooting scen #because obviously it they'd have to work for it but they absolutely have the power to give us a scene that will touch me in the head even #more but the thing is #at the end of the day that won't make the impact of the shooting go away because nothing ever will #I'll just be even more touched in the head and I cannot fucking wait #(tbf the eddie breakdown scene came surprisingly close to the shooting wrt how much it broke my brain but it wasn't quite as intense) #can't see what they have up their sleeves for this season <3 but also nope I'll be 95 and barely able to hold my laptop mouse and #I will still be making buddie edits that include frames from the shooting scene #like #HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE FRAMES???? #they were filmed with so much care and intent literally every frame tells a whole entire story by itself #makes me genuinely scream if I think about it too long #(can y'all tell it's shooting scene breakdown hours today???? xD)

[corset]

You know, despite everything i dislike about it - and about having a social media presence of any kind in general really - the reason i feel I can’t bring myself to delete my tumblr is because it feels like the last vestige of what i used to enjoy and love about the internet when i was younger. That is, the ability to curate and the feeling of being in a niche with other people who enjoy something the way i do without it also feeling like an algorithm or a huge company is breathing down my neck and/or invading my space, or like im two degrees of separation from some celebrity or those same companies who have decided to obnoxiously hop on the bandwagon and make their own accounts. Also the feeling of people like. Being genuine and enjoying themselves and not trying to make their personality a brand outside of maybe posturing for social attention, but even in those cases theres a more genuine feeling to it because it comes from a relatable and human want to connect and be liked lol.

#its also nice because people make accounts on here because they want to and not because its trendy or necessary from a business standpoint #like people actively used twitter and instagram and tiktok for advertising and to put forward a ‘brand’ like i mentioned #people hire social media managers and shit for accounts like that or use it to showcase their ‘personality’ for their fans so those people #can feel more connected in the pradocial relationship they have with said person who made the account because its profitable or because #their manager or whoever recommended they do it #its just so shallow and sad and i just hate what the internet has become and how spaces for personal enjoyment have been dying off because #of the advertising shit INCLUDING tumblr #like remember how we used to hang out on forums and in games and on places like quotev and shit #but nowadays teenagers are on tiktok having one billion algorithm generated videos beamed directly into their brains in under ten seconds #its just bizarre #i cannot text and am hlf asleep please disregard my typos xoxoxo

[zainmalik]

.

#tw: depression #how the fuck did i manage to live all those years unmedicated and with no therapy #i’ve been feeling it so hard this past week #just this debilitating sadness that’s there without apparent reason and makes it impossible for me to enjoy things #but i’m getting my meds back soon and i’m restarting therapy yipeeeeee #it’s funny because in a way i can deal with the anxiety but i absolutely cannot handle my depression #and that’s why i need to get back into therapy and keep receiving it #an e ways gonna go distract myself with something fun #jackie.txt

[stars-in-my-damn-eyes]

One thing i despise so badly is that for me to be a Successful Artist i need to Curate An Audience which is horrendous because I have, despite being 20 years on this gay earth, consistently failed to master the art of Posting. I cannot curate an audience. I can barely curate a sleep schedule. Fuck a like-to-reblog ratio, when i post an original art on here i consider it a wild success if it breaks 5 notes. I did not know it was physically possible for a Gen Z to fail so hard at social media. Of course, my consistent skill issue may also have something to do with this. But broadly speaking it is very hilarious that i get radio silence in response to my art enough that it is legit more like. Sanity-preserving. For me to only show people my artwork irl where they have to have a reaction where i can see it even if that reaction is just "cool! thanks! moving on-" which is honestly a fair reaction to have. It'd be kind of hilarious to get that in comments on a post, actually, but i digress - the point remains that i somehow manage to be completely incapable of maintaining a successful social media presence but luckily i am VERY capable of maintaining your mother in bed last night

#stars textpost #it is irritating that artists need to become their own social media managers because i am really trully horrendously awful bad at Posting #Which is weird because i am a 'digital native' which means i have set the phone to dark mode #and i know where all the pdfs i save off the internet go #but i cannot make the internet strangers think i am cool and mysterious and talented #because i am none of those things #anyways thats all for today folks dont forget to smash that like button hit subscribe and click the bell for notifications im gonna kill u