#because they're supposed to eat them

[genericpuff]

LO stan brain rot is vehemently defending a comic that you're swiping through so fast that you miss and forget crucial plot points, like thinking Demophoon was the reason for Demeter being a helicopter parent despite him being born during the 10 year time skip while Demeter was mortal.

LO anti/critic/hater brain rot is being able to look at an out-of-context panel of a character with same face syndrome turned greyscale and name exactly which character, scene, and episode it's from.

We are not the same.

#/hj #fr though it's wild how people will claim the critics are just reading LO to 'hate on it' #and sure there are people who do just that #but the legit critics of this comic are the ones paying 10x more attention to what's going on in the plot than the supposed 'fans' #it's undoubtedly why rachel keeps pushing her luck by constantly contradicting her own writing and plot threads #she knows the people who eat her work up won't notice because they're barely reading the comic to begin with #and so many of them who *are* paying attention are breaking their backs grasping at straws to make sense of it #because they'd rather do that than acknowledge that LO just isn't written well and that their faith in rachel is misplaced #“you guys don't know how webcomics work” #“clearly rachel is building up to something” #“any minute now she's gonna make it all connect and you're all gonna look like a bunch of clowns” #anti lore olympus #lo critical #lore olympus critical

[lagosbratzdoll]

This is a very very unfinished thought but I've been thinking a lot as I reread the books about how the women of House of the Dragon don't really get catharsis and how that'll likely be worse in S2. Say what you want about asoiaf but a number of named women there experience catharsis.

They kill their abusers (Lysa, Cersei, Dany). They regain some agency after a violation (Lysa, Cersei, Lady Stoneheart, Dany), and they refuse to forgive the people complicit in their subjugation (Lysa, Cersei, Dany, Lady Stoneheart, Jeyne Westerling).

Obviously, three or four isn't enough in such an expansive cast of characters but the point remains that they claw back their autonomy however they have to. They're allowed to be angry, bitter, unforgiving and cruel to their abusers in a way women in House of the Dragon just aren't allowed. They're allowed grief, grief that is violent and destructive.

The women of House of the Dragon don't get angry. They stand around and stare plaintively at the camera, they cry prettily, and they plead for peace and non-violence. They suffer and suffer and suffer and there's no relief.

#although dany doesn't really set out to kill her abuser #in fact she doesn't really think of him as her abuser #but the fact remains that her story begins with his death #she gains her dragons and agency through his death #lysa murdering jon arryn #lysa not going to riverrun when hoster is on his deathbed despite cat's letters #she denies him relief for his crimes against her and it's one of my favourite moments in asoiaf #cersei killing robert #cersei eating robert's children taking back reproductive autonomy from the man that hurt her #lady stoneheart turning her grief and pain onto the riverlands #she hangs freys boltons and lannisters uncaringly #it's a failing of the storytelling because this is supposed to be the feminist retelling of the dance #but instead the misogyny that leads up to the dance has been defanged. #the point of the show has been obscured behind endless arguments of the supposed illegitimacy of rhaenyra's first three children #the women fighting for power have been replaced by evil men perched on their shoulders telling them to do bad things #they're helpless victims carried along by the stream of inevitability #or something idk #also i am not including alicent trying to take luke's eye and injuring rhaenyra as cathartic because they are not the cause of her sufferin #house of the dragon #not asoiaf thoughts #daenerys targaryen #lysa arryn #cersei lannister #lady stoneheart #alicent hightower #rhaenyra targaryen #helaena targaryen #rhaenys targaryen

[dootznbootz]

@thehelplessmortals shared this with me and...Penelope coded.

She definitely tried to gross out Odysseus in a dumb "You think you can handle me, idiot? >:) " way. (She's stubborn and in denial at first. When she realizes she actually likes him, she's a mess.) And while eating raw fish is normal for naiad-born in Sparta, when she learned Odysseus wasn't used to naiads in daily life, she just really went wild with it.

He's just staring at her kind of expressionless and she thinks "Ha, see? You don't really like me."

But he's just like

"You like carp? Cuz if you do, we got plenty on Ithaca! Many more fish too! And if we don't, I'll get you some!"

And she's annoyed because her plan didn't work. Girlie is self-sabotaging even though she thinks he's neat.

#this is normal for naiads but she also doesn't have impulse control. She'll jump in mid-convo. #...part of the joke is that basically no one eats carp because they're fucking disgusting :D same with catfish...at least where I live #Helen: “uh...I could just shock the water and then you could get them.” #Penelope: “Where's the sport in that?! >:( ” #It's not like a “playing hard to get” she just genuinely doesn't believe he could possibly like her and being a shit about it. #“Helen's supposed to get the happy ending. not me” (which Helen even is like “you're an idiot”) she eventually gets #her act together :D she's overwhelmed right now. especially since he's just head over heels and just... a LOT as he doesn't know #what to do with these feelings either and she gets mad at him for constantly talking about marriage “The more you say it. the less I wanna" #especially with his reputation to bully and fuck with people. and the fact that he lied to her so much when they first met. she doesn't #trust him. He's overwhelming her and then she's finally like. “if you're so interested. we're doing things at my pace.” then things get chi #they're both so used to putting up their guard that they can't genuinely believe this could be something wonderful #she actually is kind of afraid of the fact that “...Do you just have a thing for Naiads?? since you're not used to them?” are you weird? #but he interacts fine with other naiads. and isn't affected by Helen. #shot by odysseus #Mad rambles #my headcanons #odypen #btw. she chew through bone technically :D fish bone but bone #kind of want to make a “moodboard for the Water Wife” #penelope #Water Wife

[timey-fandom-stuff]

I used to have a Deltarune Monsterswap AU concept 300 years ago but I literally can't remember what it was so... I made a new one.

consider the following: Monster AU Kris, but they're basically just a stray dog that keeps mooching for chocolate and also raids your trash when you're not looking. if it fits in their mouth they're eating it. Noelle is not getting back her gingerbread erasers from 3rd grade.

there is no puppy-proofing anything from this menace. sorry.

#Deltarune AU #kris dreemurr #deltarune #my art #my sketches #deltarune monsterswap #yes that's supposed to be human noelle lol #they're both like. 6 or 7 there probabLY #anyway they're actually LOOSELY based on el cadejo #so their colors actually invert depending on dark/light world form; the two types of cadejo... benevolent and malevolent. #if i had the patience i'd draw them meeting noelle the first time too because i think it's funny #tho i might if people want to see it lol they're just a freakin puppy but they act so weird it creeps her the heck out #and the convo about it way later is kinda funny too (they're so mean to her. rude little menace in every universe smh) #she tells them she thought they were gonna eat her and they freakin' LICK her and go 'nah. not ripe yet' 'KRIS!!!' '... kidding.' #sorry noelle your weird neighbor is a puppy that kinda sucks at interacting with humans. and also eats all your erasers. sorry.

[lofan]

I'm definitely not a furry. And not to sound like one,

BUT-

They can decide to squeeze the life out of me, and I will die happy with a "please" and a "thank you!" I don't make the rules.

#Louis let Legosi eat his leg? #Look me pleading Six eyes to devour me WHOLE- #It's literally a sin to show them in one episode and never mention again? #WHAT DO I EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???? #They're hiding not out of shame #But simply because if every third herbivore was ready to surrender themselves to Legosi for dinner they wouldn't have survived THIS SNAKE- #six eyes #beastars #beastars anime #Beastars six eyes #Rokume

[needleworm]

i'm glad someone else thinks those eating challenge youtube men are basically making fetish content and i'm glad they're well-spoken enough to write an article about it because i think about it a lot. i also think mukbang videos have to be as well but (generally speaking) in a different way

#in early high school i watched f*lthy fr*nk and his friends and genuinely didn't know they were racist for years because i would only watch #their videos where they were making and eating disgusting shit and it's hard to be racist when they're throwing up on each other i guess #and i wasn't friends with people who watched them otherwise (thank god) so i didn't find out for ages afterward #i suppose that isn't extremely relevant. men's place is throwing up on the internet is what i'm saying

[cuteniaarts]

First posted piece of 2024 featuring Ghazan’s older sister Haya, take 2!!

#a.k.a the og version was bothering me so I completely redrew her eyes and added more shadows to make her facial features more pronounced #gonna just copy over my og tags bc I can’t be bothered to come up with new ones #my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #original character #seeds of the red lotus #sotrl haya #god... like on one hand yes. she's an awful person. she abused her brother's kids for 16 years #left lasting mental and emotional scars on them to the point that even years after they last see her they're still recovering #even after all the bruises have healed her voice is still in their heads. fear of her still dictates so many of their actions #someone like her doesn't deserve any amount of sympathy. nor after everything she's done #but on the other... the person who did all that is haya in her 30s and 40s. here she's just 14 #she just had her whole world shattered in a matter of weeks. she's left with nothing and no one but an empty house and her 5yo brother #she has no one to turn to. no shoulder to cry on. apart from losing her parents she had to quit school and stop hanging out with her friend #sh ehad to abandon any hobbies she might have had. I imagine she was quite like suiren and midori used to be. curious and intelligent #and very keen on trying new things. she had to leave all that behind to work day and night while earning only barely enough to scrape by on #just enough for them to survive. to keep the house. to be clothed and fed. there was no room for treats or luxuries of any kind #how many dresses did she cut up to use as material for ghazan's clothes? how many nights did she go hungry just so he could eat? #and she can't even cry about it. not while he's around anyway because she's supposed to be strong for him. #I imagine she often cried after putting ghazan to bed. just out of sheer helplessness. from how exhausted she was #she cried herself to sleep every night and pulled herself back together every morning #tied her hair back with her mother's kerchief and went straight to work anywhere that would hire her. working until she could barely stand #all for him. I'm not excusing her actions in any way but I understand why she was overcome with resentment after he left her #running away without as much as a goodbye. after everything she had done for him. spitting in her face would have hurt less #so when he resurfaced over a decade later to dump his bastard children on her it didn't take long for all that resentment to find an outlet #and the rest is history... fuck. thinking about her teenage and ya self always makes me cry. she was so much like suiren it's heartbreaking #well. the only reason suiren is like this now is bc of her. but yk what they say. the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself #anyway. I'm really glad I took the time to redraw this. I'm so much happier with it now. she actually looks like a young girl now #this really hits different considering that I straight up killed her in my latest au... granted she was in her 40s there. but still

[lonesomedotmp3]

every once in a while I rerealise that my teenage self wasn't crazy/selfish/ungrateful and my parents really were just Like That

#like they've mellowed out NOW but my dad still got drunk on my twelfth birthday and used to get in terrifying moods #where he'd get physical wih my sister and once for no actual reason he shoved me to the floor #and my mum would get into random sulks and say she wishes she didn't have us and there would be constant loud explosive arguments #in our house at all times and I'd spend my days in constant stress and that's literally why I'm like this. #like ok i didn't make any of that up and I'm just supposed to forget abt it now they're better (not even GOOD. just better) #and i have! and then it turns out the only reason they've been chill is because #1) they think I'm going to kill myself and 2) I've been acting the way they wanted me to #the second i ask for anything from them that they disagree (like. don't call me every single hour because i haven't responded to a text u #sent three hours ago) it's back to the same bullshit. whatever #OH remember when my dad said i eat too much and started me on the path to my eating disorder. good times! #god remember when they yelled at my in public for my eating disorder. jesus #remembering parts of my childhood and they're all bad lol!

[frightnightindustries]

Stereotypical animatronic horror game, but near the end, the protagonist finds a gun.

Shoots a monster

It bleeds

#writing prompts #mascot horror #idea from one of my own ideas for a game #which is actually where the name “frightnightindustries” came from #it was inside a massive pizzaplex style place but more focused on horror with its own shitty company and franchise #and you wouldve gotten trapped inside after lagging behind to pick some stuff #you would be a dayshift guard #and you arent supposed to be inside there after 8pm #so you get locked in there and the creepy animatronic monsters would chase you #the building would be called “julius's nightmare extraordinare” #and there are different sections like a sci-fi themed place where the amals chase you (melted robots) #a ruined town where toon-like monsters roam #including the main antagonist #julius the deer of death #there would be a riverboat place that would be like a boat ride but also survival horror thing #and the company would be called “Fright-Night Industries” #and it turns out that the monsters are real monsters (except for the amals) #because some interns fooled around and accidentally summoned them #and the ceo made a deal that they would only eat people who stayed after 8pm and would stay in the building cause the monsters found it fun #and the company isnt money hungry they're just fucking stupid #and there would be multiple endings #one where you become one of the monsters #one where you escape and resign #one where you escape on a motorcycle #one where you escape #get an explanation about where the monsters came from #and became a sort of handler for them because julius got attached #and you need the money

[that-was-anticlimactic]

whats spy x family about? and is it like- gruesome or horror or etc-

HI YES HELLO OMG OKAY LET'S GET INTO IT BECAUSE I LOVE SXF SO MUCH LIKE IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS / THINGS TO READ NOW NOT EVEN KIDDING

it's actually a comedy! there is some violence and some underlying darker themes because. they are quite literally on the brink of war. but in the end, the most important aspect of the story is found family.

imma just briefly describe the plot because. i want to talk about it lol

loid forger is a spy trying to prevent the war (and he is the most infamous spy) (codename: twilight). he gets assigned a mission to get close to this dude to help prevent war stuff. only issue is, this dude is super reclusive and quite literally like only ever leaves his house to attend very specific events for the school his two sons go to. so, the mission loid gets assigned is to get a child and a wife, get the child accepted into this super prestigious school, and get close to desmond (the guy).

he adopts a kid named anya, and unbeknownst to him, she is a telepath and can read thoughts. therefore, she knows that he's a spy. therefore, shenanigans ensue. she likes causing mischief and her favorite show from at the orphanage was this spy show so she's like super into spy stuff.

then comes yor briar. yor works for city hall and is an awkward but kind young lady but also, during the night, she's an assassin (codename: thorn princess). the secret police are these crappy dudes who idk they're just against the spy agency and hate twilight but anyways, they take suspicious people into questioning and that doesn't bode well for you. and being a single female close to your thirties is suspicious and some of yor's coworkers don't like her and were like "lol you're single you could get reported to the secret police" so she panics and is like "well actually i have a boyfriend so like y eah" and they're like "okay bring him to a party at my place this weekend then lol" and she goes to get her assassin dress fixed where she runs into loid and anya (loid is getting clothes for anya) and loid is like "oooh she's pretty, maybe she could work" and anya reads her thoughts, figures out she's an assassin and is like this woman needs to be my mom the drama would be so good and essentially gets it set up.

loid is pretending that his wife died awhile back and he needs a wife for their child (anya) to get into the school his deceased wife always wished she would get in, and asked if yor could be his fake wife. she agreed if loid would be her fake boyfriend for the party so she wouldn't get reported. loid accidentally messes up because of a mission thing he had to do right before the party and tells everyone that he's yor's husband, and then yor is like "lol what if we got married and had like a fake family so you can get your kid into the school and i can still kill people - i mean not get arrested" and loid is like "well this works even better for me"

so in conclusion: loid is a spy named twilight, yor is an assassin named thorn princess, anya is a telepath.

anya knows about loid and yor

neither loid nor yor know about each other or anya

and it's fantastic

#jingyi tag #and that's basically the first two episodes but simplified #it's such a good show i read like the entire manga that's out thus far in like two days i couldn't stop #also the eng dub is kind of bad tbh so if you watch it i suggest the sub - it's a lot better #but yeah at its core this is a show about three lonely people finding solace and happiness together and trying to convince themselves this #family isn't real as they slowly become a close-knit family who care about each other so much #and it's just. f rick. it is so good. #i love loid so much - he's just this tired overworked dude who just needs a nap and i love him #i mean i love all of them like there are only a couple characters that i hate and those are the characters you're Supposed to hate #i cannot suggest this enough #i also bawled when i read loid's backstory in the manga btw like. y eah. i bawled. it got to me. #it's just. they're all so lonely because anya is a telepath due to being experimented on and she was adopted but returned like four times #and kicked out of two orphanages and would do anything to keep loid and yor as her parents and everything loid cared about as a child was #destroyed and he feels like he has no one and doesn't know who he is and he's so scared to be close with people again #and yor is a lonely girl who doesn't read social cues v well and gets ostracized because she isn't 'girl' enough and both her parents died #when she was super young so she had to start working and sacrificed everything so her younger brother could eat and go to school #and they all happen to find each other and #AHHHHHHHHHHHHH #anyways i have. feelings. #hOPE THIS HELPS #corey rambles:)

[soultoken-archived]

american comics are wild, man.

#𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐲.「 out of character. 」 #hope you're ready for me to ramble in tags because OOOH BOY. i'm waving at my comics academy diploma. #of course let me start by saying that i don't mean it for every single american comic. i'm not here to generalize and lemme tell ya #some italian comics sometimes tend to do the same of what i'm about to ramble about. staring at some dylan dog comics i have. #but sadly it's also a thing that happens a lot in mainstream american comics (meaning marvel and dc) and that i even studied #and it's called ✨BODY PROPORTIONS✨ and how they are absolutely butchered to make a cool panel or just. ignored because BUFF 'EM #i'm specifically talking about a deadpool comic at the moment because that's what i was reading #and i swear that deadpool's proportions kept changing panel to panel. not to mention his body was 'perfected'? like #yes he keeps regenerating but he's supposed to have a body consumed by cancer. why does he look like hulk then. #and it's not only marvel doing this - once again i'm staring at dc and at my biggest problem with constantine's comics #which is that they have hinted (actually more than that) to his eating disorders - not to mention alcoholism and general lack of self care #and he's also a sorcerer and supposedly the anti-hero which is not super muscolar and has no incredible physical strength #yet how many freaking comics i've seen of him where he's just. SO buff. his body super perfect. WHY. #at the same time though so many people draw comics to put them out as fast as possible that i can see why they just *draw it* #and have no particular references for each other so when they're asking you to draw a thing fast you tend to draw what usually works #that's a whole other discourse that i even had experience of during academy. might make an actual post for that actually #because i've been thinking a LOT and throwing thoughts out might be interesting. BUT STILL. PROPORTIONS. #not to mention the choice of the frame to make panels look cool but you just *can't get what the bloody hell you're looking at* #three years i've spent in an academy learning what NOT to do when making comics and then i read these that do exactly all of the do not's

[batboybisexualism]

I may be stupid (I'm definitely stupid) but if you're a doctor's office and you're sending a patient to get labs please remind them a day or so before the appointment that it's supposed to happen at a separate location, especially if you're making them go in for labs on a day when your office is closed and they can't get in touch with you to ask where they're supposed to go. also please tell them whether or not they need to fast for the blood tests, for the love of fucking god

#even if they haven't changed cars and then changed houses so all their paperwork is fuck knows where #even if they were smart and wrote down in their notes app that they're supposed to go somewhere else #(and where that is) #you should just remind people of/confirm appointments no matter what #anyway I drove all the way to my endo today to get labs done and couldn't get into the building because it was closed #and couldn't get them on the phone because they're closed #and couldn't find the fucking appointment printout thing they gave me 3 months ago because it's in some fucking box #all while about to pass out because I hadn't eaten just in case because they didn't tell me if I needed to fast #and I've been yelled at for that before despite the fact that they never fucking tell you #and sometimes they'll give me an appointment at like 1pm and I guess expect me not to eat for the whole fucking day?? #ANYWAY I hate doctors and I hate that I'm going to have to reschedule all this shit and maybe miss some days of t #idek if I was supposed to go to another location I'm just assuming they wouldn't give me an appointment when they're closed lmao

[atnaturesmercy]

my brain is actually broken and irreparable. im never going to escape the broken record bathtub drain. i despise it. i almost convinced myself i was a person. no, fuck, i did. i actually want to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse. i'm about to snap and have a nervous paranoid-psychotic breakdown. everything is hilarious, nothing has consequences. plaything. doll. pet. mommy's little helper. hm. tired of keeping it all together. not tired because i want to spiral (i don't), but tired because of the effort it's taking. when the fuck will it pay off. things like that. im like five coffees in trying not to day drink

#i'm not even suicidal and i would have no right to be because nothing happened so like ... why do i feel so numb #you know when you have a brain injury and you're like wow. i'm not supposed to think/process information like this? but you can't stop? #like you feel the brain damage? #she says my hands are the gentlest things and i'm very deliberate and slow and it's like ... yeah... #i can't hurt people. i'm not a sadist. i'm always so afraid i'll get people sick if i get close to them #like whatever fucked me up indefinitely will rub off on them #i can't be a person anymore but i don't ... i hate having abnormal behaviors #i dissected my burger in front of my parents yesterday and my dad asked if he cooked it wrong #and like ... ive never ever shown him how i eat i always feign normalcy #and it was just too hard and then i had to cover up and say no its fine because i almost hurt his feelings #and i just picked at it and he asked me if im getting enough calories in and im like fuck dude if i know #but nothing happened like because if something DID happen there would be no damage control #i would want to die. i promised myself that. i would kill myself. when i got my period for the first time in two years #i cried for ten hours it was like... great. like losing childhood all over #but i'm happy and well adjusted my brain just doesn't work it keeps forgetting things... randomly crying ... images wont leave #i cant even focus on numbers because i don't know the date #all of my dates and timeline in my head they're fucked up. and i know the dates for everything #i know the dates for everything that has ever happened in my life #i'm about to have a nervous breakdown but i'm also so chillax about everything

[kalloway]

FAUST

------------------------------------------------------

(lore/blurb about him under the cut, if ur interested)

Suggestive joke & double entendre connoisseur, and the visitor to many a person’s bed, Faust is, perhaps, the friendliest and most personable person under the Professor’s employ. His entire character is generally summed up in two (three?) words -- sleazy cat-boy... but if you bother to get to know him on a personal level, you may realize that it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

He has a relatively carefree personality, trying to simply enjoy life one day at a time and prioritize having a good time over any kind of stressful work. That’s not to say he doesn’t do his job well though - there’s a reason the Professor trusts him enough to work for him, after all.

Faust is a hybrid - His cat-like features are a result of artificial replacements... and fate simply not favouring anything ‘ordinary’. A mix-up in an order for artificial optics gave him cat-like eyes, and beyond that point he simply decided ‘why not have some fun with it?’, thus trading in his partially-deaf sense of (human) hearing for enhanced auditory replacements.

Despite his optimism and outward ‘charm’, Faust is also a very lucky example of what can happen if you are ill-fated enough to be a victim of organ harvesting. Without the intervention of the Professor and Dr. Bernhardt (mostly the latter), he wouldn’t have survived. Even then, being clinically dead for almost three minutes before being revived was enough to give him rather severe amnesia -- ‘Faust’ is not his birth name. He has very little memory about who he used to be... and likes keeping it that way.

Whoever he used to be, isn’t who he is now, and he isn’t about to waste a chance to enjoy this newfound life of his by making himself miserable looking into who he was and what he can’t go back to.

------------------------------------------------------

Faust is technically an (JJBA) Android AU insert/redesign of the Cat-Man character from my JoJo reader-insert fanfic 'Midnight Meetings with a Manticore' over on AO3. He was intended to be one big shitpost... but then he actually ended up being the one character my friend and I are super invested in fhfgdj He's a hella self-indulgent (and fun) character though... truly me rejecting the concept of 'cringe', even if his design makes me super embarrassed to share LOL

#android au #oc #original character #catboy #myart #as u can tell by the date on the picture itself... I sat on this for a bit before getting the courage to post it xD #or like idk - feels like I coulda added more but I worried I was just getting fussy so I decided to just call it done and move on :') #i make a way bigger deal out of this than it actually is tho - my whole life i was super uncomfy around dudes who didn't... wear shirts #(which was usually older dudes tbf) so this is me trying to work past that I guess??? Faust only throws a shirt on to go eat somewhere LOL #anyway im tired of denying myself nice things because it's 'cringe' and im hoping Faust is a good step in that direction gdjhdd #v pleased with how he turned out tho! he is cute and also thank u again Mag for helping me with the anatomy so much when u didnt have to ;u; #OH in case u read this far into the tags and are curious about him... Faust is like 5'8" cuz he's supposed to stand out from the like #beef and sausage fest that is the majority of this AU's characters (cuz it's mostly Dio) LMAO #ohhh another snippet I guess I can share: #Faust isn't as scarred as he COULD have been (and was) after his life-saving transplants/surgeries - but they're the only like #outward sign he's gone through what he has (which also in a way keeps him safe from being jumped a second time) #he'll always joke or make up stories about them though - after all some people think scars are pretty hot right? it works for him 8)

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[lastoneout]

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

#people when the disability is disabling *surprised pikachu face*