The Pleasures of The Unknown | Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka Experience 2024)
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When Kate Middleton mistakenly ends up at a magical chocolate factory in Glasgow, she finds herself drawn to a mysterious cloaked figure with a penchant for dark chocolate.
pairing: Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka 2024)
rating: 18+, minors DNI
word count: 1.2k
tags: crack, crack treated seriously, crack fic, smut, mild smut, finger sucking, chocolate, sex and chocolate, light BDSM, choking, thigh riding, rpf, bald harry styles, balddry, infidelity, glasgow, willy wonka experience - freeform, glasgow willy wonka - freeform, Balmoral, british royal family, unhinged innuendo
chapter warnings: smut, infidelity
Kate Middleton stared at her bangs in the Buckingham Palace bathroom mirror.
"I can't go out like this," she complained to William. "The Sun will rip me a new one!"
"Kate, my dear," he kissed her on the cheek, turning to lean against the counter. She continued tugging at her botched fringe until he took her hand. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."
"That's rich, coming from you."
William looked down at his royal bunny slippers with a frown. Even they had more hair than he did. Perhaps he should have them fashioned into a wig. He'd have to ask his frenemy, Harry Styles, for wigmaker recommendations.
"I don't know what to do." Kate looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. He wiped them away with his royal hanky.
"I do," he smiled. Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he produced the royal AmEx.
"Take a holiday, Kate. Go to Balmoral or Hollyrood for a few weeks. Grow them out. Maybe even get that BBL you've been talking about getting. Scotland is a great place to recover from surgery. What with all the free healthcare and all, innit?" he said Britishly.
"You're so right, William. I'll leave first thing tomorrow."
---
Kate double-checked the address her husband had given her as she stepped out of her royal Uber Black.
"This can't be the right place. Balmoral was never this colorful!"
The cabbie rolled down his window. "Don't worry, ma'am, this is Willy's place! Be quick and get inside, it's looking like rain."
With a soft 'innit', the driver pulled away, and Kate was left on Willy's doorstep.
She assumed 'Willy' was short for her husband 'William', but as she entered the foyer, she began to have her doubts. The place appeared to be some sort of magical chocolate factory.
Although sparsely decorated, the place maintained some air of whimsy. Well, less of an air, more of a spritz, but clamato, clamato.
"Soo la voo," Kate shrugged, walking beneath the sparkly, styrofoam rainbow and towards whatever fate awaited her here.
"Ahh, more guests! Welcome!" A depressed-looking woman in a green wig approached her.
"Here, compliments of Willy," she said, sliding a plastic cup containing a splash of what appeared to be sparkling lemonade into Kate's left hand. Into her right went a single jelly bean.
"What is this?" Kate asked.
"Our welcome gift to you! And only $40, such a deal."
Kate supposed $40 was a fair price for such splendor. After all, if bananas were $10, this was surely worth four times that. She popped the jelly bean and washed it down with the lemonade.
"Carry on down the hallway. Your future awaits."
Kate left her luggage and her empty cup with the so-called Oompa Loompa and proceeded down the bare linoleum hallway. That uncanny-valley candy landscape tapestry really ties the place together, she mused.
A voice greeted her at the end of the hall.
"What. Is. That?" A blonde man in a red top hat and coattails pointed towards an unassuming mirror.
Why, that's me! Kate Middleton! Kate Middleton thought to herself.
Kate nearly leaped out of her skin when the creature emerged from behind the looking glass.
"It's...THE UNKNOWN!!"
That's when Kate fainted.
When she awoke, her head was spinning. "Where am I?" She asked to the blackness that surrounded her.
A deep voice answered her. "You're in the walls. This is my home. My own dark chocolate factory."
"Your what?" Kate asked.
As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was in a small bedroom combined with a confectionary workspace, almost a studio apartment of sorts.
"My dark chocolate factory. You see, Willy Wonka seeks only to pump this world full of river-churned, high-fructose, milky delicious bullshit. What I aim to create is something far more sophisticated. Far more complex. And far, far darker."
"Oh? Might I try some?"
"Why of course," the silver-masked, black-hooded creature pulled back its sleeve to reveal long, nimble fingers.
He crossed to his chocolate worktable and dipped his index and middle fingers into a whirring chocolate fountain. The creature stalked towards her, extending the sample.
Kate leaned towards him, but froze. "Before I suck on your fingers, I should probably know your name."
The creature angled his head, as if considering her. "I have no name. I am only...The Unknown."
Kate's heart raced in her chest. That chocolate, those fingers, it all looked simply divine. And if William could be unfaithful, why couldn't she do the same? She deserved it, just this once. As a treat.
She opened her mouth, and The Unknown slid his fingers past her lips. She sucked deeply, the flavor sliding across her tongue and down her throat, the complex flavor and intensity of the delivery method sending shivers down her spine.
"Are you cold?" He asked.
"A bit," Kate admitted.
"Well then," she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Perhaps I'll have to warm you up myself."
Kate bit her lip. "Would you...put your willy? In my chocolate factory?"
His fingers closed around her throat. She drew a sharp breath.
She could feel his breath as he whispered in her ear, "Forget willies. Forget chocolate factories. Allow yourself to submit, to embrace the pleasures of The Unknown."
Kate let out a shuddering breath as she gazed up at that shiny mask. She didn't know what lurked behind it. She didn't care.
She kissed him then, the plastic of his mask hard against her soft lips. And then she was sprawled on the bed, his knee between her legs, and she was grinding against him.
"Oh, The Unknown!" She moaned.
"Please, there's no need for formality. Call me The."
So Kate did. She sounded like the gilded first word of a sponge's term paper as she wailed his name over and over again, into the dark stillness of this secret room behind the walls.
"I'm close," Kate moaned.
"Good girl."
He leaned down to kiss at her neck. The rough edges of the cheap mask scratched at her sensitive skin, but she didn't care. She was lost in the pleasures of The Unknown.
It was the hair that brought her to the edge, something her husband could never give her. The chemical scent of his cheap, black wig filled her nostrils as she rode his thigh, dangling there on the precipice.
"Ohh!" Kate screamed as she came, her thighs shaking with pleasure as she clenched around nothing.
A low, satisfied chuckle rumbled at her throat, and she swooned. After all these years of marriage, William had never rocked her world like this masked stranger just had. As they lay there together, she slipped into the chocolatey darkness of slumber, utterly content.
---
When Kate returned home, butt bigger and bangs longer, William had wanted to hear about her experience in Scotland.
"What was your favorite part?" He asked.
"I learned a lot about myself on this trip," she told him. "But the most valuable lesson was in learning to embrace the pleasures of the unknown."
"See, a little uncertainty is good sometimes!" He teased, tugging on her much-improved bangs before giving her a soft kiss.
"Mm," he smacked his lips. "Tastes like chocolate."
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What an amazing life!!!
I’m not much into following the comings and goings of celebrities, including the royal family. But Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II lived an amazing life of service to her people and to the world. During her time on the throne of the United Kingdom, she reigned over 15 Prime Ministers. Her first was Winston Churchill. And as head of state, she invited the first woman Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, to form a government. She served alongside 14 presidents of the United States and seven Roman Catholic Popes.
She devoted her life to the service of her people and the world, saying:
I cannot lead you into battle. I do not give you laws or administer justice. But I can do something else. I can give you my heart and my devotion to these old islands and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations.
Following the September 11th attacks on the United States, it was particularly moving when, on September 12, 2001, as a show of solidarity she directed the Royal Guards to play the Star Spangled Banner during the ceremonial changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Nothing like this had occurred in more than 600 years.
She was a truly remarkable woman, and a leader whose grace and wisdom will be missed by world leaders and commoners alike. Shortly after she passed, a heavy rain fell in London, followed by what surely must have been a sign from heaven when a double rainbow appeared over Buckingham Palace.
The world is a better place for having known her.
Hers was truly a life well lived. God save the Queen!
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The Queen
A legend has left us. The petite head who carried the heavy crown, a person who has been a steady, calm, reliable presence in the world my entire life is gone. The last, true “stiff upper lip” has passed away. Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor died this afternoon at her beloved Balmoral in the Scottish Highlands. She was a young mother when she became queen and she ended her life as sort of a grandmother to the world. Her reign saw fourteen American presidents, from Truman to Biden. Love or hate the monarchy, she was living, breathing history. Her devotion to serving her country was unquestioned, her devotion to her horses and dogs amusing. We were treated to occasional glimpses of her wicked sense of humor which made her human. Her Christmas addresses during trying times were uplifting and fortifying, her colorful wardrobe of hats, coats, and purses as predictable as English weather.
Just look at that beautiful, young queen!
Here she is, just two days ago, preparing to meet her 15th Prime Minister. She met her first prime minister, Sir Winston Churchill, when she stepped off the plane that brought her back from Kenya to Britain as the new queen in 1952.
That was taken on Tuesday, almost impossible to believe that on Thursday she’s no longer here.
Yesterday it was announced that her Zoom meeting with her Privy Council had been canceled as her doctor had advised her to rest. Alarm bells! I told Mickey that I didn’t feel good about it. This morning headlines said that the Queen was under a doctor’s care and “comfortable”. That’s when I started watching BBC sites and The Telegraaph. Mid-morning BBC changed all of the logos and headers on their website and social media to black, news presenters were all wearing black. The BBC’s regular programming schedule was cleared and it appeared everyone was just waiting. The Telegraph’s live feed started showing jets arriving in Aberdeen carrying various members of the family - William, Andrew, Edward, and Sophie flew in together. Charles and Ann were already there. Others trickled in. Back in London, in the rain, people were laying bouquets at the gates of Buckingham Palace. Just before the announcement of her death, this was posted.
The rain cleared, and a glorious double rainbow stretched over Buckingham Palace. Call me crazy, call me a kook, whatever - but I immediately thought it meant Elizabeth and her Philip were together again. A fitting end for them, rainbows over the palace. In the days to come there will be beautiful tributes to Queen Elizabeth II and her 70 years on the throne, but I believe that photo does it for me.
During her first Christmas broadcast as queen she said, "I cannot lead you into battle. I do not give you laws or administer justice but I can do something else – I can give my heart and my devotion to these old islands and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations." She went on to say that she would do everything in her power to earn and retain their trust. I can’t speak for all of the UK, but I think she succeeded. She was unwavering.
Today she became part of history and Charles is now king. I assumed it would happen in my lifetime (I mean, she was 96) but it still feels too soon. I wonder if her family feels unanchored, adrift. She was the head, the center, the boss for 70 years. No one can fill those shoes. She’d be the first to tell them to soldier on, to get on with the tasks at hand, no wallowing - I wonder if they know how? She was always the example.
It’s a sad day, the world has lost, as a dear friend said, “a beacon of decency”. Just after the attacks on September 11th, when she broke 600 years of tradition and had The Star Spangled Banner played for the changing of the guard, she made a statement that included, “Grief is the price we pay for love." Judging by the mounds of flowers outside the palace and the tributes pouring in from around the world, she was indeed well-loved.
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