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physalian · 21 days

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On Writing Theme (Or, Make it a Question)

An element of story so superficially understood and yet is the backbone of what your work is trying to say. Theme is my favorite element to design and implement and the easiest way to do that? Make it a question.

A solid theme takes an okay action movie and propels it into blockbuster infamy, like Curse of the Black Pearl. It turns yet another Batman adaptation into an endlessly rewatchable masterpiece, seeing the same characters reinvented yet again and still seeing something new, in The Dark Knight. It’s the spiraling drain at the bottom of classic tragedies, pulling its characters inevitably down to their dooms, like in The Great Gatsby.

Theme is more than just “dark and light” or “good and evil”. Those are elements that your story explores, but your theme is what your story *says* with those elements.

For example: Star Wars takes “dark vs light” incredibly literally (ignoring the Sequels). Dark vs Light is what the movies pit against each other. How the selfish, corrupted, short-sighted nature of the Dark Side inevitably leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom—that’s what the story is about.

A story can have more than one theme, more than one statement it wants to make and more than one question to answer. Star Wars is also about the inevitable triumph of unity and ‘goodness’ over division and ‘evil’.

Part of why I love fantasy is how allegorical it can be. Yes I’m writing a story with vampires, but my questions to my characters are, “What makes a monster? Why is it a monster?” My characters’ arcs are the answer to my theme question.

Black Pearl is a movie that dabbles in the dichotomy between law-abiding soldiers and citizens, and the lawless pirates who elude them. Black Pearl’s theme is that one can be a pirate and also a good man, and that neither side is perfect or mutually exclusive, and that strictly adhering to either extreme will lead you to tragedy.

Implementing your theme means, in my opinion, staging your theme like a question and answering it with as many characters and plot beats as possible. In practice?

Q: Can a pirate be a good man? A: Jack is. Will is. Elizabeth is. Barbossa is selfish and short-sighted, and he loses. Norrington is too focused on propriety and selfless duty, and he loses.

Or, in Gatsby.

Q: Is life fulfilled by living in the past? A: Mr. Buchanan clings to his old-money ways and is a sour lout with no respect for anyone or himself. Daisy clings to a marriage that failed long ago, to retain an image and security she thinks she needs. Myrtle chases a man she can’t ever have. Her husband lusts after a wife who’s no longer his. Gatsby… well we all know what happens to him.

The more characters and plot beats you have to answer your theme’s question, the more cohesive a message you’ll send. It can be a statment the story backs up as well, as seen below, questions just naturally invite answers.

—

Do you need a theme?

Not technically, no. Plenty of stories get by on their other solid elements and leave the audience to draw their own conclusions and take their own meaning and messages. Your average romance novel probably isn’t written with a moral. Neither are your 80s/90s action thrillers. Neither are many horror movies. Theme is usually reserved for dramas, and usually in dramatic fantasy and sci-fi, where the setting tends to be an allegory for whatever message the author is trying to send. That, and kids movies.

Sometimes you just want to tell a funny story and you don’t set out with any goals of espousing morals and lessons you want your readers to learn and that is perfectly okay. I still think saying *something* will make the funny funnier or the drama more dramatic or the romance more romantic, but that’s just me and what I like to read.

When it is there, it’s right in front of your face way more often than you might think. Here’s some direct quotes succinctly capturing the main theses of a couple famous works:

“He’s a good man.” / “No, he’s a pirate.” - Curse of the Black Pearl

“What are we holding onto, Sam?” / “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.” - LotR, Two Towers

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” - LotR, Fellowship of the Ring

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” - Horton Hears a Who

“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” - The Dark Knight

“Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can!” - The Great Gatsby

“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” & “Life finds a way.” - Jurassic Park

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind." - Lilo & Stitch

“But… I’m supposed to be beautiful.” / “You are beautiful.” - Shrek

“I didn’t kill him because he looked as scared as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself.” - How to Train Your Dragon

“There are no accidents.” & “There is no secret ingredient.” & “You might wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.” - Kung Fu Panda

*If any of those are wrong, I did them entirely from memory, sue me.

Some of the best scenes in these stories are where the theme synthesizes in direct dialogue. There’s this moment of catharsis where you, the audience, knew what the story has been saying, but now you get to hear it put into words.

Or, these are the lines that stick in your head as you watch the tragedy unfold around the characters and all they didn’t learn when they had the chance.

When it comes to stories that have a very strong moral and never feel like they’re preaching to you, look no further than classic Pixar movies.

“Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.” - Ratatouille

“I’m not strong enough.” / “If we work together, you don’t have to be.” - The Incredibles

“Just keep swimming!” - Finding Nemo

Ellie’s adventure book, to live your own adventure, even if it’s not the one you thought it would be - Up

The Wheel Well montage, to slow down every once in a while, because in a flash, it’ll be gone - Cars

The entire first dialogue-less section of Wall-E, to stop our endless consumption or else

The real monsters are corporate consumption - Monsters Inc

One cannot fully appreciate happiness without a little sadness - Inside Out

With enough loud voices, the common man can overthrow The Man - A Bug’s Life

A person’s worth is not determined by their value to other people - Toy Story

These are the themes that I, personally, took from these movies as a kid and later in life. If I remembered the scripts any better I could probably pull some direct dialogue to support them, but, sadly, I do not have the entire Pixar catalog memorized.

—

After you’ve suffered through rigorous literary analysis classes for years on end, the “lit analyst” hat kind of never comes off. Sometimes you try to find a theme where none exists, coming up with your own. Sometimes you can very easily see the skeleton attempt at having a theme and a message that came out half-baked, and all the missed opportunities to polish it.

Whatever the case, while theme isn’t *necessary*, having that through line, an axis around which your entire story revolves, can be a fantastic way to examine which elements of your WIP aren’t meshing with the rest, why a character is or isn’t clicking, how you want to end it, or, even, how you want to approach a sequel.

Unfortunately, very, very often, a movie, book, or season of TV has a fantastic execution of a theme in its first run, and the ensuing sequels forget all about it.

No one here is going to defend Michael Bay’s Transformers movies as cinematic masterpieces, however, the first movie did actually have a thematic through line: “No sacrifice, no victory.” They didn’t stick the landing but, you know, the attempt was made. Where is that theme at all in the sequels? Nonexistent. They could have even explored a different theme and they abandoned it altogether.

Black Pearl’s thematic efforts fell away to lore and worldbuilding in its two sequels. Not that they’re bad! I love Dead Man’s Chest, but to those who don’t like the sequels, that missing element may be part of why.

Shrek and Shrek 2 both centered on their theme of beauty being how you define it and no one else. Fiona finds true love in her “true” form, then strengthens that message in the sequel when she has the chance to be “normal” and conventionally attractive, and still chooses to be an ogre, to be with Shrek. Shrek 3’s theme is…?

When it was never there, that theme is missing isn’t so obvious. When it used to be there and got left behind, it leaves a crater in its wake everyone notices, even if they can’t pinpoint why.

—

TLDR: Theme is more than just vague nouns and dichotomies. Good, evil, dark, light, selfishness, altruism, beauty, ugliness, riches, poverty, etc are what your story uses. Your theme is what your story has to say with those elements, using as many characters and plot points as possible to reinforce its message. Is it necessary? No. Is it helpful and does it lead to a richer experience? Yes.

#writing advice #writing resources #writing tips #writing tools #writing a book #writeblr #writing #fantasy #scifi #theme #writing themes

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freezingmcxn · 5 months

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MY CREEPYPASTA AU

(This is a more in depth version compared to the one on my Tik Tok, but it still doesn't contain full details because I’d rather you guys ask me questions on it,I find it easier to discuss!)

Maine

In my AU all of the Creepypastas and Proxies (this includes Hoodie and Masky from Marble Hornets) reside in Maine.

Maine has a deep history and the best folklore ever so I felt like it fit with what I was going for when I made this up.

The dark forests and gloomy,chilly weather fit my vision.The numerous small towns are also perfect because who doesn’t love a good small town horror story ;)

The Forests

Maine has GINORMOUS forests (90% of its covered in them) and they look pretty spooky.

In my AU the forests are not exactly normal.They’re home to lots of the creeps and Supernatural beings.

There’s a high amount of energy inside these forests,this causes the supernatural beings to form and evolve.(I will talk about them more further down this post)

Nobody knows exactly why the forests are such a hotspot for supernatural energy and magic,some think it’s down to the insane amount cult like seances and dark witchcraft inside the forests.

Nobody knows exactly what any of the cults are trying to achieve but there’s an unsettling feeling no matter how often you see them standing in circles around a fire.

The demons that reside here are thought to have been summoned by these activities.

You often find the witches bludgeoned and limbless after trying to make offerings to the creatures inside of the forest.

Small stick figures and voodoo dolls are usually found just before you enter the deep parts of these forests,the proxies think it’s the witches using them like a trail of breadcrumbs so they can return to preform more seances and offerings.

Some creeps move them around so they end up in the darkest parts of the woods,nobody’s ever returned from there.

There’s an interconnecting system to all of these forests.Every single forest in Maine is connected to one another in some way.

Once you go deep enough(like extremely fuckin deep) you can find yourself confused about your surroundings.This is usually due to the fact that you’ve walked through a portal.

Now let me explain how the portals work.

The portals between the forests in Maine are naturally created, as they are simply the result of the supernatural energy that connects the forests together.

The portals themselves can take many forms, such as small patches of glowing mist in between two trees or they could be completely invisible to the naked eye.

They can appear and disappear seemingly at random.

However,some portals stick around,the creeps use these to get around.

Proxies mark the trees between a portal with this symbol “⦻”.

They are always accessible to all creatures, no matter the time or place.

Because of the large amount of forests in Maine there’s an endless amount of summer camps inside of them.

During the camps off months some of the creeps (literally such a small number) use the summer camp cabins as their hiding or living places because they are isolated and remote.

When the camps start back up during the summer,abandoned buildings and ghost towns end up becoming occupied by some of the creeps who prefer to stay sheltered.

They survive off of the abandoned food and supplies left behind in the summer camp cabins.

They also scavenge for supplies and food in nearby towns and stores when the coast is clear and if they manage to come across money which is rare and is usually stolen.

Almost all of the time they make trips to the towns to steal supplies and groceries from shops and residences.

Disguises are a creeps best friend!

There are many different species of supernatural creatures that inhabit the deepest parts of the forests.

Some common examples of supernatural creatures that live in the forests include things like werewolves, vampires, ghosts, wendigos,demons,the rake (many of his kind) witches,skinwalkers literally anything you can think of.

The creeps all have a whole range of interactions with the supernatural creatures in the forest.

Some are afraid of them and be wary of them.

Others could have made some kind of pact or deal with them,they might use them to their advantage in some way or become friends.

Some even try to fight or kill them but that’s rare.

The creatures have a high possibility of being hostile,so it’s best to be wary and not trust the ones who are unnamed.

The proxies,as well as carrying out tasks for slender.Patrol the forests.

They ensure creatures stay inside their areas.

They put a stop to any risks of their “hide out” being discovered.

They try to also prevent people from stumbling upon the deep parts by killing them before they reach them but that doesn’t always work.

People that stray from hiking trails and end up in these parts of the forests slowly go insane.

The spirits and demons like manipulating people that end up here.

The proxies don’t do anything about this since they find it entertaining

tThey much rather watch someone completely break than have someone beg for their life.

They enjoy coming across a person that’s become completely insane from terror, the slender sickness and the confusing portal system they don’t know about(they could enter a portal without realising and be in a different forest even further away from an exit).

The proxies call them “Zombies”.

The “Zombies” last a week tops(lack of food,water,the creatures) and you can usually see them wandering aimlessly or even just standing in random fields staring off at nothing.

The mansion isn’t a home to any of the creeps I don’t see it working out tbh.

It’s more of a prominent feature that appears from time to time.

It travels through different forests every day so it’s never in one place at all,it’s not hard to find if you know your way around.

Normally, it sticks the the centres of the forests,if you can figure out which one it is,then boom you’ve got it.

No creeps or proxies really go near it unless they’re absolutely in dire need of shelter.

Inside is disgusting.There’s rubbish and dirt on everything,the floors and ceilings are all broken up.Mould is ever where too.

It’s mostly Spirits that occupy this mansion.

Usually it’s children spirits as they don’t really like the forests.

Sally Williams resides here but still likes to float around the forest from time to time.

THANK YOU FOR READING ALL QUESTIONS ARE WELCOME!!! ILL BE DISCUSSING MY VERSION OF THE CHARACTERS SOON

#creepypasta #alternate universe #slenderman #slenderverse au #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta art #realistic #hcs #headcanons requests #Spotify

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dollieguts1010 · 1 month

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HOPPY HOPSCOTCH HEADCANONS

• She's 12 years old

• She's pansexual and a demi girl

• She goes by any pronouns

She has ADHD and Anger Issues

• Her best friend's are KickinChicken and Bobby Bearhug

• She's in love with Kickin

• She's known Kickin for over 6 years

• Craftycorn is like a sister to her

• She likes watching anime with Crafty

• Her lightning bolt necklace was gifted to her by Dogday

• She has a giant pansexual flag hanging in her room

• Her favorite genre of music is Hip-Hop

• She likes astrology

• She wanted to be a astronaut when she was younger

• Her biggest goal is to go to the moon

• She has a good relationship with her parents

• She is a tomboy however, every once in awhile she likes to doll up and be all girly with the ladies

• Loves to gossip with the ladies and Kickin

• She likes fireworks

• Has lots of karaoke nights with her friends

• She likes cherry and raspberry slushies

• She's the shortest in the group. Kickin loves teasing Hoppy for how short she is (even though he's the shortest boy in the group 💀)

• She has no clue what patience is

• Her and Kickin share the same braincell

• She's very competitive at sports (she always beats Kickin)

• She's the best player on the field

• She loves soda and energy drinks

• She hates carrots

• Is a pro at skating

• She's a daredevil, who will do any dare you tell her to do, no matter how dangerous or stupid it is

• Her and Kickin love to get under Bubba's skin

• She likes mudwrestling with Picky and Kickin

• She's often loud without realizing it so, sometimes someone has to remind her to keep her voice down

• She HATES losing. When she does lose, she'll just walk away in rage

• Crafty gifted her a stress ball for when she's mad

• When she's mad she'll squeeze the LIFE out of her stress ball

• She has a big potty mouth and if she gets hurt, she'll be cussing up a storm

• DO NOT let her cook, she will burn the food (she's not allowed to touch anything in the kitchen)

• She loves spicy food

• She often calls Bubba "nerd or brainiac"

• She often calls Kickin "Kicks" or "KC"

• She loves pulling harmless pranks with Kickin (they won't ever prank Crafty tho)

• Energetic 24/7

• She doesn't like admitting when she's scared

• Her nose twitches when she's scared

• Her favorite food is nacho fries

• She's always found Catnap really creepy (she can always feel him staring her down without even looking at him)

• 90% she always accidentally wakes Catnap up from his naps

• When she's annoyed, she pulls on her ears and she will stomp her foot aggressively

• When she's shocked, her ears spring up

• When she's sad her ears become droopy

• Don't play tag with her. Unless you want to get hunted down...

• She loves horror movies

• She will NEVER admit to her friends that she's in love with Kickin

• Her and Kickin have a secret handshake

• Her and Bobby have a secret language

• She likes stargazing with Kickin

• She's been in love with Kickin for 4 years

• Bobby eventually found out that Hoppy has feelings for Kickin by mistake (Bobby lost her mind when she found out)

• Bobby won't stop bothering Hoppy with questions like " WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM?!" "ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!?" "WHEN WILL YOU GUYS START DATING?!" "WHEN IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?!" "WHEN'S THE WEDDING?!" "WHEN ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN?!" Meanwhile Hoppy is like "BRO CHILL OUT! I JUST HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM!"

(Bobby practically blew Hoppy's ears out while asking these questions)

• Hoppy was literally BEGGING Bobby to keep it a secret, Bobby promise she wouldn't tell anyone (she told Crafty and Picky)

• Bobby and Crafty were literally making Kickin x Hoppy fanart/fanfics

• She likes it when Kickin heals her wounds after a long day of playing outside

• She owes 6 different kinds of rollerblades and 4 different kinds of skateboards

• Kickin accidentally broke her leg while playing soccer (she didn't speak to him for 2 weeks after that incident)

(somebody pls understand the reference...)

• She plays the electric guitar

• She has a mini gym in the corner of her bedroom

• Has lots of karaoke nights with her friends

• Sometimes saids the wrong thing at the wrong time

That's all for now!

*I will add more later*

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #hoppy hopscotch #smiling critters headcanons

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vaniloqu3nce · 1 year

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Yoko Headcanons Pt 3. (this has been in my draft for a while)

Yoko isn’t a big romcom fan but Enid and Divina are so her and Wednesday end up watching them begrudgingly for their girls. That does NOT stop them from complaining though.

Wednesday: Yoko I can feel my brain cells deteriorating.

Yoko: Girl same im getting dumber watching this and I’m already the dumbest person here.

Unlike Enid, Divina helps Yoko study on her own and teaches Yoko little tricks to help her remember things in class. Enid usually just lets her copy.

Though Yoko acts very confident, she does have a lot of insecurities surrounding her intelligence because she’s never been really good at operating in a school setting. Things that don’t immediately capture her attention will often not keep her attention very long.

Yoko can sit and read Wednesday’s books for an hour straight squealing but she cannot take a math test for thirty minutes.

Yoko finds out Wednesday likes Enid (not that she didn’t already guess) because Viper so obviously has a crush on a new character that’s supposed to be Enid.

Enid and Yoko met in their freshmen year, Yoko tried flirting with Enid but Enid wasn’t really interested. Which is how they became best friends.

Young Yoko was a bit more of a menace and much more spoiled due to her wealthy upbringing. She absolutely thought she could have anyone she wanted and Enid was like “I’m not really attracted to you.”

Yoko: Not possible but OKAY.

Enid: Well do you want to be friends?

Yoko: This is literally the most embarrassing day of my life. Yes.

Enid and Yoko are literally inseparable. Yoko is an only child and Enid has only brothers. They’re literally so thankful for each other.

Because of her upbringing, Yoko has a lot of trouble showing and expressing negative emotions. Enid is like a sister to her and is always patient with Yoko when she needs time.

Yoko calls Divina princess, at first it was an insult because she’s stuck up and such, but it grew on both of them. Yoko is very affectionate with Divina when they’re alone, Divina loves it.

Divina: Get up. We have class.

Yoko: Come back to bed, princess. It’s cold.

Divina: Because you’re dead. Get up.

Yoko: You don’t love me.

Divina, rolling her eyes and climbing back into bed with her: You’re right. I hate you.

Yoko: Mhm. :)

Nobody in their right mind besides Enid would believe Yoko is so affectionate and loving because outwardly she is so against relationships and she kicks girls out as soon as they’re done. “I’d call you a cab but you live next door.”

Yoko is in fact only soft for Divina.

I raise you Yoko and Wednesday having a talk about being afraid of emotions.

I raise you Enid and Divina wondering if their girls actually like them because they have those kinds of insecurities and little do they know their girls would die for them without question.

I raise you Wednesday at first being jealous of Yoko until she realizes there couldn’t be anything to be jealous of because all Enid and Yoko do is argue.

Yoko, kicking the door down: Wednesday get your fucking girlfriend shes DOING IT AGAIN

Enid: Babe DONT LISTEN TO HER SHES LYING

Wednesday, sighing: Do you want this chapter done or not, Yoko?

Yoko: with ALL MY HEART MI AMOR

Enid: STOP FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR CHAPTERS

Yoko: STOP TELLING MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN I SKIP CLASS

Basically Wednesday was jealous up until she realized they’re basically siblings and they are trying to kill each other at least 90% of the time.

Divina had to win over Enid and Wednesday first. It was like asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage.

Wednesday: What are your intentions with our idiot?

Enid: I will skin you alive if you ever hurt her.

Wednesday: I’m so in love with you.

Thing, Yoko, and Enid have girls nights.

Yoko never liked Tyler either. “He just looks like a card board cut out.”

Yoko actually wants to become a movie director but not many people know that. Specifically horror movies.

Yoko was the kind of kid who would film her own movies on her phone.

Since Yoko has trouble expressing herself, her forms of love come in physical ways. Bumping Enid in the halls, playing with Divina’s fingers in class when she’s distracted, ect.

Wednesday and Yoko actually become amazing friends. They have a lot to bond over. Their love of horror, they both hate Tyler, they both have girlfriends who love them more than anything, they’re both bad at expressing emotions.

#yoko tanaka #divina wednesday #yokovina #wenclair #enid sinclair #enid #wednesday #wednesday addams #i love yoko #yoko and enid but platonic <3 #yoko and wednesday having more in common than enid and yoko #they’re so good #i love friendships #if you want strong female friendships you create them yourself

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pikapeppa · 14 days

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15 questions for 15 friends

Tagged by @elveny and @johaerys-writes -- thank you, my loves!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My mom. Apparently my dad really wanted to name me after my mom and she was like "ugh really fine" LOL. My dad is also named after his dad, who was named after his dad... REAL ORIGINAL. This is going to sound like a total humblebrag, but my mom and I are both published academic authors, so we have to use our middle initials to distinguish who published what 🙃

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably in therapy last Thursday LOL. Though I got a little prickly-eyed earlier this week watching the episode of ATLA where Zuko and Aang go on their lifechanging field trip to the Sun Warriors' secret village 😂❤

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope! Childless by choice.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? I played T-ball when I was 5 or 6 (hated it, cried so much that my parents pulled me out LMAO) and I was on the volleyball team in Grade 6. I'm left-handed and I had a habit of serving into the wall, unfortunately, and the habit got worse when I was nervous. During one game, they took pity on me so much that they paused the game until I got the ball over the net. I was fucking humiliated and have never played a team sport since then. 🤣💀 Re: other physical activities, I like dancing! I've taken a ton of different kinds of dance classes including swing, salsa, bellydancing, and Bollywood dancing, and loved all of them!

DO YOU USE SARCASM? No. Me? Never. 🙃🤣 Forreal though yes. All the time.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Uh...! I don't know if there's any one specific thing? I usually take in an "overall impression" of appearance. Vague, but that's all I've got. If the question was "what's the first thing you notice in people you're attracted to", that might be a different story 🤣

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I am going to copy Johaerys's answer and say it doesn't matter to me, as long as the story was good. But also, who says scary movies/horror media can't have happy endings?? 🤣Haunting of Hill House, anyone? (Bittersweet, maybe, but it counts as happy to me!)

ANY TALENTS? Would it be wretched if I said I feel like writing might be a talent? Whatever, I'm saying it. 🤣😅

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a hospital in the same city where I currently live! Which I will chose not to reveal openly! 🤣

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing! It takes up a solid 75-90% of my free time. Also gaming (which I might count into the writing time since it often becomes Research™ for the writing 🤣). I also enjoy baking and cooking, though I don't know that I'd count those as hobbies since they're necessary ADLs?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A cat named Meeko. She is my daemon. We can never be apart when I am home. Case in point, a photo taken in real-time while completing this quiz:

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'3".

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Uhhh... what level of school are we talking here? In undergrad, I took an incredible linguistics/history course about writing systems, and that was probably my favourite class ever. I took a course during undergrad about different schools of psychotherapy that was pretty damned influential too.

DREAM JOB? I also loved Johaerys's answer here: "I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape." I'm lucky enough to work in the public healthcare system so I'm pretty safe from the worst of capitalism, I guess, though my job (speech-language pathologist) is one I chose more for practicality (certainty of employment) than because I was really passionate about it. If I could do something else and not have to worry about money, I would either want to be a fiction editor, or a sex therapist.

Tagging forward to @ranaspkillnarieth @iamcayc @heroofshield @fantasy-girl974 @hellas-himself @midnightacrobat @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @elinorbard @stuffforthestash @mwasaw @lordofthenerds97 @y0ureviltwin @ladyofthelake91 @perhapsrampancy @cha-mij and genuinely, anyone else who wants to share!!! Tag me so I can spy on your life! 🤣❤

#tag meme #about me #tumblr game

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cat-of-starlight · 5 months

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I DO have a long Project Moon Universe post/mini-essay(?) I wanna make (Well. focused on Limbus, but also the other games as well), but I want a few more Cantos to go by first for references to prove my point,,,,

Spark Notes draft below the cut if anyone's interested in the premise: "The City, and its relationship towards those who are too gentle for it's cruelty"

Ok great, for the people still here- The sad little essay I wanna eventually make-

I think it's. TRUELY heartbreaking how much kindness as a concept seems to be punished in the city, to the point where its often an active point that the truly kind (or at least notably non-violent) characters always seem to get the shortest straws.

I won't get into too many specifics till I make the Whole Real Post, but- It feels like a few things typically happen to "Kind" people in this city

They distort

They flat out die

They become an outcast

The city beats the kindness out of them by force until they are forced to conform to cruelty

And tbh? Not loving how the community collectively treats some of them.

I mean, one one hand, we have people like Yuri- People LOVE Yuri. She never did a single thing wrong, and we can all agree-

But those who distorted or conformed? Seem to be collectively treated worse, while other OBJECTIVELY worse characters get off scot free

(*Note: Final essay will include more examples, these are the main ones I have off the top of my head)

For an example- Think back to Runia- I CRIED through Philip's plotline. I could clearly see the story of a man who- maybe wasn't the most courageous- who TRIED to help how he could- Got pressured so hard that he snapped and distorted under the pressure, becoming something that was beyond his own feelings, letting his distortion bury his heart to not feel that pain again- I LOVED that storyline, and then I come online and see him mocked for being some useless dipshit coward- THAT'S JUST SOME GUY- It's not his fault for being caught up in horrors beyond human comprehension (*Note: I checked his wiki for details. that man was only 24. He is younger than me. This man is barely an adult, no WONDER tbh)

Or my most... controversial character opinion, considering how I feel about Dongrang. Let me start with a disclaimer- I didn't read the books, and my opinion of him has exactly NOTHING to do with whoever the real life counterpart apparently is- I'm EXCLUSIVELY talking about the FICTIONAL character.

Limbus went out of their way to show that he'd, at least at some point, been a guy who was SO KIND that he was actively wasting his own money to help people/animals, and his co-workers ACTIVELY berated him about it- He wanted his tech to be healing, just so he could save people-

And then, of course, like every kind deed in The City, it didn't go unpunished- And to survive, he adapted. I'm not saying his actions weren't wrong- they were. I am, however, saying that I don't necessarily BLAME him for snapping.

He never WANTED to become like the other cruel people in the city, and even the cutscene images of him complying with it show him in visibly agony over it, and one image even shows him in tears- He never WANTED to be another cog in that awful machine, but when faced with that or utter destruction, he made a choice to survive.

Hell, half of him distorting himself was due to how guilty he felt for doing all of that in the first place-

Meanwhile, online, 90% of posts about him are "teehee I hate this piece of shit-"

For both of these that HAVE committed questionable acts in some way, I'm not saying I condone the things that happened. Because I don't. But I CAN feel sympathy and pity for them over the things that happened to make them what they became.

I can only imagine what the city would be like if kind people like them and others had been ALLOWED to be kind, without being punished for it.

And with all of this, all these characters who DARED to be kind, who DARED to fight back, even for a little bit, before inevitably being either physically or emotionally destroyed by the sheer weight of how this city works at its core- ...Some of the TRUE villains are treated better by the fandom then they are.

Canto III? Kromer- People go nuts for her- Some people even ship her with Sinclair, despite it all. She gets so much fanart. She gets SO many people ogling "ooo evil lady pretty", only for her to commit atrocities with a smile, and without a single slimmer of remorse.

Canto IV? Alfonso. Batshit insane, evil as hell- at least half the reason that characters like Dongrang ended up as fucked up as they did. You'd think "Wow- this is the person that made the person we hate the way they are, lets hate her too!" right? WRONG. Again, she gets the "pretty evil woman" treatment and people brush off her atrocities to ogle her. She also gets love by at least part of the fanbase.

And to that, WHY? I don't get it, genuinely. - Their actions?: horrible, terrible, not redeemable in the SLIGHTEST - Appearances?: You know what, I'll be honest- I think ladies are pretty (I'm Demi, but I can 100% enjoy a view) but I think these are actually two of the least attractive women I've laid eyes on. (Not the point of the post, and that's just opinion, but anyway)

And I'm not sure what causes it, honestly.

There are moments where at its worst, it almost makes me feel like the distant cruelty of The City isn't so distant after all- Those who are mostly kind, but fell into despair and tragedy, and turned into something worse get overwhelming hate-

Those who are evil, yet a bit more charismatic in approach become beloved?

Overall- Its a strange, curious tragedy of The City that the kind are often scorned and punished, and the evil stay beloved and in power-

It's just odd to see the mirror of that in the fanbase's reactions.

---

ALRIGHT GANG- That concludes my EXTREMELY rough draft of my eventual thing about The City's weird relationship with people who try to be kind, and the overall mirrored reactions of the fans-

If something in here is just rambling, or doesn't make sense, sorry- again, rough draft, but I thought it was worth sharing anyway

EDIT: Ok before anyone notices them not being included, I purposefully left out main LCB sinners and ESPECIALLY Dante, because though I could write about them forever, I want a little more canon content to work with before rambling about them in this post- They are a GREAT midpoint as someone who can't remember the cruelty of The City, and is now clearly struggling with the urge to stay kind in the face of The Horrors™- Honestly they were my main inspiration for this, but I DO want more info before writing about them fully, thanks <3

#Anyway guys have fun with the draft!#Feel free to comment if you have comments about it <3 #limbus company #library of ruina #limbus company spoilers #library of runia spoilers #project moon

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dagwolf · 7 days

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From Reverberation Vinyl on Facebook:

I'm a "record store day indifferent" type of shop. I don't carry the sort of things that people line up for, and the things I do stock that are attached to rsd are all items you'd find here on the average Wednesday. I don't hold it against anyone, takes all kinds, etc. But I am asked frequently around this time of year why I don't really care for rsd, and while I certainly have stock answers on hand, they usually come off as annoyed or negative, rather than thoughtful and well reasoned. So, short of going door to door & handing out tri-fold pamphlets, here's Ralphie's theme...

Why RSD Is Bad For Records & Record Stores by John Anderson

The "Record Store", as positioned in our culture in 2024, is (or was) a reflection of the mythical independents of the '90s & '00s, places that thrived outside both the interest in, or support from, the record industry. Truly independent stores that were usually small, primarily used, at times meeting places for music people, social hubs for weirdos, discovery zones & more. The reality was far more nuaced, but growing up in the record stores of my youth, I eventually sorted out the differences between chain stores, used shops, big label music, used selling/buying, etc, and the sense of REAL that permeated the independent shops of the world. The person/people behind these places were often big, weird personalities, but they were also the driving force behind what lay on the shelves. New horror soundtrack imports from Italy? Brand new garage rock from PNW hotspots? Skranky dub compilations for under ten bucks? Bootlegs? YES. All things that were specific to the shops, sometimes exclusive, but always reflective of what & who the place WAS. Recreating that to the best of my honest ability has always been my goal here. If its a new record in the racks or on the wall, its likely here because a) I love it, b) I own one too, and c) I'd like to share it with you. Short version: this store is a deeply personal statement. That has always been my focus and always shall be. In the words of the great Andrew Weatherall, "Music's not for everyone".

That's the mystical/romantic part. I have practical reasons as well!

1) As stated above, record stores (vinyl) thrived & grew to what we know now with ZERO interest from the record industry, when it was at its absolute $height$. As "record store culture" became more popular & increasingly commodified, the industry used rsd as a trojan horse to seize the means & the narrative back from the very people who kept it going while they - the industry - were gouging people on CDs & fumbling a cogent approach to digital music.

2) rsd stock is expensive, for us & you. Usually 25% more than your standard releases. Why? Good question.

3) rsd stock is unreturnable for shops. As a store, what you order, you're stuck with. Huge stores don't seem to mind, as you'll see bin after bin of rsd leftovers going back 5+ years, more in some cases.

4) The Disappointment Factor. When "one band fans" & newer collectors have been conditioned to seek out "the one thing", there's inevitable disappointment when smaller stores get tiny allocations of records people seem willing to fight over. That disappointment usually ends up directed at the people/place, meaning yours truly, something I want no part of.

5) Manufactured Scarcity. Undershooting demand by a few thousand units as a marketing strategy sounds fun to someone... not sure who though. Driving a rabid wave of buyers (say 500,000) into a physical marketplace that's more likely to NOT have what they want (say 10,000 copies)? Nope. Which leads to...

6) Unrealistic Manufacturing Capabililty. With seemingly every popular (read: really common) record of the last 50 years being repressed in 18 colors to satiate insane demand (a particularly impatient, Amazon era, "want it NOW" demand), not to mention the same approach to new LPs by many (Billie Eilish called this out recently), the industry is basically pretending this is the early '80s when massive, industry-wide manufacturing infrastructure meant they could turn big orders around in days rather than months. Trouble is, this isn't the '80s. The big industry titans dumped their pressing facilities & hardware at the dawn of the '90s. Now, demand greatly exceeds manufacturing capabilities, and while there have been new pressing plants opening (and thriving) in recent times, these aren't owned & operated by Warner or Universal: these are the indie operations that kept vinyl alive in the '90s & '00s, and now the big label business they can't turn down means slower turnaround for all the labels & artists that aren't major/indie property. AKA all the artists who ordered records from them for the previous 20+ years. Which leads too...

7) Astronomical Pricing. Yes, rsd pricing is "a quarter above the vig". Cost of doing business in that world, I guess. If it sounds like the mafia, it is, because rsd is 100% "big record industry" controlled in 2024, regardless of early intent. Unsurprisingly, the cost of new records across the board has seen an insane surge, with little mind paid to the audience, whether that be boomer age dudes who can afford $80 Neil Young records & $900 box sets, or high school/college kids, who are expected to drop $40 for a new LP. Regardless of the public face they put on it, the industry still sees "this", meaning records, as a trend that will at least partially fade off. Hence their lack of interest in committing to better & more sustainable pressing & manufacturing. No plants or presses, but the money will be fine for now, thanks.

8) Flipper Culture. I say this knowing full well there's no way to put this element back in the box, but your ebay/discogs flippers are the boogeyman that its easiest to put a face to. Not much nuance necessary, they just want as many copies of of whatever "hot" rsd release is fetching the most $$ online. We've all had to hit the secondary market to find some "limited" record we missed. Being forced to do it on rsd because 2000 dirtdicks who stood in a line all night & bought up 2/3 of the existing copies of the record by your daughter's favorite artist? At 10x list price? Oh, okay.

9) The Generally Punishing Nature Of Having To Stand In Line For Something You May Not Actually Get. If there's a group of folks out there who love standing in lines, I mean no offense, but come on now. I'd guess that most bands/artists probably aren't aware of what goes on around rsd, or I'd like to think they'd decline involvement, because who wants to punish their fans like that?

I could go on & on but... The record scene has changed a lot since I opened up, particularly in the last 7-8 years. For the better? I kinda doubt it, but we shall see... I've been carping out these warnings since 2011, and there isn't much I can do about it, aside from running my little shop in the manner I see fit. I don't begrudge anyone what they're into, and while my place is as personal as it gets, I don't take these weird record store times personally. I hope anyone who reads this understands that like my store, it comes from a place of love, with all the passion & care that encompasses. In the end, this should be fun... I've had some incredible discoveries, comraderies & experiences in records stores, and that I wish for everyone.

(link)

#record store day

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digitalclaws · 6 months

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WHAT'S THIS? AFTER 20 YEARS SHE GETS A MEGA?

Well, it would seem, the moment has finally come for Raptomon.

In these past few months, I made and scrapped a lot of ideas, that just weren't coming out right, that just din't "feel" right. Until one day, I'm not even sure how or why, the design finally started materializing into my head. I was afraid I'd eventually scrap it, and I was sad because I was liking it. Yeah, liking it too much to scrap it. This was starting to feel right, which is weird after more than 20 years!

Last image is a selection of all the in progress design sketches I had saved, but I made many more that are forever lost, not counting the whole entire designs I just scrapped.

Some design notes here not to make the post too long:

NOW, about the design itself. I feel like this design is an amalgamation of many "design tropes" that I adore and they just felt right to be all put onto my partner of over 20 years. The references to the Mass Production Evangelions might be pretty easy to spot, but it's not the only influence. Look closely, and you'll catch elements inspired by the designs of the Pokemon Toxicroak, Spittor from Extreme Dinosaurs, 90's Jurassic Park Chaos Effect toys (in particular, the Velocirapteryx figure), and probably something else too!

The thing that gave me most trouble with the design? The wings. I didn't want to just make a larger AeroDeinomon, but getting rid of the wings as a whole concept seemed wrong. There was also the issue of the red black plates of the pre-evolutions. I didn't want to turn her into a Stegosaurus by making her plates bigger and more imposing. So many times, I had been tempted to remove the plates altogether, but at the same time, I felt they had to stay as they were into Deinomon design since the beginning. So, I merged the two issues into one and found a solution. The back plates became shards that come out of her body and turn into wings. I think static images aren't able to do them justice, but they're supposed to be looking like floating glass shards. I imagine they could also be rearranged, shot at the enemy, take different shapes… I feel like there's a lot to explore with this design element.

By the way, I'm sorry if the "peeled" image is disturbing! It ended up coming out a bit more horror-ish than I wanted, but I wanted to play with the "exposed flesh" design trope many Digimon have, and show the body structure underneath the cream-colored parts. I promise that outside of Halloween images ( :P ) I will try not to show her looking this creepy too often, lol.

Now, I'm not sure if she "feels" like a Mega Digimon. Does she? Even with many Megas looking like overly complicated humanoids and/or robots, some of my favorite Megas aren't really distinguishable from Champions just by design alone. Look at Plesiomon or Griffomon, for example… But, I think that seeing her next to her unevolved forms, it just feels like a natural evolution and that's what counts.

Enough ramblings for today, I hope you'll like this design and if you have any questions let me know-

…and by the way, HOPEFULLY NEXT TIME I DRAW HER SHE'LL HAVE A NAME (that's the real part I struggle with… can you believe her baby forms ALSO still don't have a name?)

#digifake #raptomon line #digimon

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absolutebl · 5 months

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i remember you talking about some bls blowing up enough to leave the bl bubble (kinnporsche) and i kind of noticed bad buddy getting similar attention (eg reaction channels who usually only do western content checking it out) and i was wondering why you think bb in particular was able to do that. ik it was huge in bl fandom but (i guess at least for me) what made it stand out was the show calling past tropes out - which would obvs be lost on non-bl watchers. so.. what was the special sauce?

I'm not sure Bad Buddy was ultimately as successful as KP in this particular regard (reach). But I take your meeting so far as tendrils outside immediate fandom is concerned.

I think where Bad Buddy is actually weakest (as an ambassador) is where the narrative is overly BL trope reliant. Especially in the region of campy humor and the war between the friendship groups. There's certainly some supporting elements that are quite weak (narratively) and too scenery chewing for a western audience.

Which is not a critique of Bad Buddy, it's one of Thailand's best university BLs but it is very much still a BL.

I think, like 2gether it did particularly well in Japan, which is often Asian content's first target market outside of home country. And that's where the tropes and camp worked in its favor.

KP managed to jump the shark market-wise and geographically, because it jumped the shark BL-wise. It was so wild it became the Sharknado of all romance for a while. It became the Rocky Horror Picture Show of BL. It hit the gay camp vibe.

Ultimately, I don't think KP is the bellwether we should compare BB to. I think 2g is.

Sorry, I know a lot of people don't want to think about that show. But KP is an outlier. Which means the scion of BB is actually My School President. (GMMTV's #1 in views for 2023 by a landslide)

So the real question is (putting aside KP) what makes specifically these GMMTV shows so successful on YT, and in Thai BL's highest hitting export countries - Thailand+surrounding, Japan*, India, America (all of it - English, Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, & French speaking), and Europe - probably in about that order.

The answer?

They remain closely tied to Yaoi roots, especially with regards popular character archetypes

They apply classic BL tropes

In classic BL settings (high-school & uni, baby)

They have lightness and humor in them

They are of a higher quality of production than most other Thai BL

They are pretty

They are well-acted (by Japan's standards)

(Incidentally the wildly successful non-GMMTV Thai BLs also have many of these qualities + HIGH HEAT. Bed Friend, Why RU, TharnType)

* Before you ask, I am 90% sure we don't see Japanese subs on YT because those are territory restricted and sold into Japan for redistribution... they're like that there.

#asked and answered #ask not what KP did to BB but what BB did to MSP #BL industry talk #bad Buddy #thai bl #thai bl industry #GMMTV #the formula for success?

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coralinnii · 6 months

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Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

If I’m being honest, I have been more into just listening to music during my free time more than anything and while I read a lot of manga, my goldfish brain would blank out if someone were to ask me anything about it. However, I will tell you my list of definite rewatch/reread series though some of them are pretty old or obscure.

My Top 10 (in no particular order)

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-Kun (manga/anime)

At first, I watched it mainly for the fun aesthetics (cute colourful characters with spooky backgrounds) but I fell in love with the characters and world-building of this series. The whole cast, be it main or supporting, are absolutely amazing and capable of running a story arc of their own even without the main cast which is seriously impressive. And while the anime only just scratched the surface, the author really built the setting of this series with great thought, with its own politics, history, systems, and culture that impacts the story well. No random fact is without purpose and I love it.

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (manga/anime)

I’ve been watching anime since I was 4 so I can confidently say that I’m familiar with many classic anime tropes and cliches. This series is like a kudos to longtime anime fans with its jokes and jabs as it follows a strong psychic boy being absolutely done with the insanity of his life as he tries to keep his powers a secret from his schoolmates like a sports anime jock, a shojou girl, delinquent gone good, etc. The comedy coming from this deadpan omnipotent high school student is just an absolute delight. I kin Saiki so much

Nope (movie)

I’m a real fan of horror movies, especially those with undertones that bring a critical element to humanity. While I love all of Jordan Peele’s current works, Nope has got to be one of my favourite movies overall. I’ve heard of some of the criticisms people had with the film (pretty ironic ones too) but I personally love the pacing and suspense of the film. While it’s fun to watch monsters and killers get crazy from the get-go (that’s why Saw movies and slasher films were popular) but Nope touched on that all-too-real fear of not knowing what’s going to happen. That fear where you’re afraid but you’re not sure of what yet.

Petshop of Horrors (manga/anime) and the sequel Neo Petshop of Horrors (manga)

Speaking of horror with critical undertones, I was obsessed with this manga series that came out in the late 90s. I would try so hard to find a way to read this series every chance I could growing up. It’s a sorta episodic style story that stars a mysterious petshop owner that often becomes a suspect in the deaths of people who have bought animals from his shop. I love the philosophy of each new story that touches on humanity and how different (or similar) we are to animals. It questions our societal norms, expectations, base desires, mythology, what it means to live, and what is “acceptable” in our world. Unfortunately, the series was never fully translated and only published fewer copies than typical manga series due to reasons I’m not too sure of (possibly conflicts with ownership and company copyrights at the time, think Baccano situation). The series had an anime but even that anime only had 4 episodes (I still highly recommend it however). I’ve managed to get a few volumes for myself and I know people are selling certain volumes online but I have to save for essentials so collecting them is unfortunately a lower priority now.

Pokémon (video game/manga/anime)

Is this a cop-out? Nah. To this day, I would still have to physically fight myself to not buy plushies and games when I’m already broke af. Pokémon might be one of the first animes I have ever seen (I have seen both sub and dub because my brother found a way) and I would still on occasion go back to rewatch literally any season and any movie of theirs, Nintendo really hit the marketing jackpot with this franchise. The creativity and design are so iconic and memorable that it’s so easy and fun to get into the fantasy of going on an adventure with your favourite Pokémon. There’s of course some nostalgia at play since I loved the moments where my older brother would watch the movies with me and my cousin and I would collect the figurines together.

One Piece (manga/anime)

Is this also a cop-out? Don’t care. I LOVE ONE PIECE! I will sacrifice my time and tears for this series. I have legitimately managed to rewatch this 4 times in my life (granted I started when it only had 400+ episodes so I had an easier time) and I would willingly cry over a flashback, a whale, even a boat over and over again. The action and story-telling of this series just keeps me running back for more even if I keep meeting dumb gatekeepers (yea, people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m a One Piece fan, what are ya gonna do?) I haven’t watch the Netflix live action yet but I probably will once I get my friends to watch with me (I like to fangirl with friends~)

Forget my Husband, I’ll Go Make Money (manhwa)

Despite my blog probably being best known for the villain/ess series, the banner of my blog is not an isekai villainess story but a fantasy series where a woman who can see the past, present, and future tries to make money while being married to a foreign prince before expecting a divorce (because she assumed he rather marry for love than for political reasons). Fun fact, this series was actually one of the foundations when I was writing the villain/ess story for Leona. The art and main couple are just absolutely delightful, I can’t help but reread it as it returns for a new season. Not only is the art just gorgeous, the main couple is just so gosh darn entertaining with their conversations, personal dynamics, and hilarious misunderstandings. Just beautiful.

Hotel Del Luna (K-drama)

Leave it to my interest in horror to love a romance drama with ghosts in it. It’s funny, it’s cute, and some of the ghost’s backstory is heartbreaking as well. This is a great story to just have a nice cry out. I love the story, I love the music, but most importantly, I love IU! She is my queen and every scene she is in, she kills me with her fashion, her haughty character, and her tragic backstory. She and the male lead was such a fun twist of the typical k-drama relationship where she was the powerful but broken character who ended up being healed by the kind, hardworking character. I've watched this 3 times at this point, but I still cry Every. Single. Time. No exceptions.

Hell Girl (anime/manga)

If I haven’t sold you on how I was probably that kid with creepy interests, maybe this will convince you. This was my go-to show back when I was in middle school. There is no excuse, I just really love the psychological horror of this series. In the show, there is a website you can access at midnight where you can ask Ai or Hell Girl to send your most hated person to hell, with the price that you will go there too when you die. While there was a linear storyline in the background, the episodes were always new people who requested Ai’s help with different cases of their own hell on earth. It touches on some really heavy real-life topics but what made it memorable to me was how sometimes I would feel saddened by the choices the people in the show made. Sometimes, they’re in the situation where all they can do is curse someone to hell but then was it really worth losing your chance at a happier afterlife? I watched this show with some of my friends who either saw Ai as a villain for sending people to hell, or a saviour who helped these people find an escape from their torturer, and that honestly made me think about what it means to have that much hate in you. I always wondered if I was ever in that situation, what would I do if given the chance?

Big Hero 6 (movie)

Arguably the first Marvel-Disney movie since Disney bought Marvel, I remembered people having weird thoughts on the usually cartoony company taking over the superhero franchise but I fell in love with everything that was this movie. It had Marvel-style action mixed with classic Disney wholesomeness and gut-wrenching emotional moments. I loved the message and warmth that was in this movie. Having an older brother myself, I couldn’t imagine how I could go on if I lose him but watching Hiro being so well supported by Baymax and his friends cemented within me the importance of helping others and that supporting those in pain can be as powerful as stopping bad guys (sappy, I know but hey I’m now learning to be a preschool teacher so this really stuck with me). Tadashi’s recorded message brings me so much comfort that I didn’t realize I needed. He may have been the closest thing to a Disney crush for me.

#coralinnii answers

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docholligay · 6 months

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Doc is it okay to like irredeemable trash media? Something that makes you smile but is the intellectual/moral equivalent of eating Skittles for breakfast?

I am not your priest nor your God, and you can't receive absolution from me. What I think is only worth the value you give it. I take no responsibility for how much you care about this, just want to come out of the gate with that.

Now, to the question at hand. I actually think "eating skittles for breakfast" is a GREAT comparison. People often get on my ass, affectionately, about how I can be in such good shape and eat a bunch of chicken wings and whiskey and taco bell, and here it is: I don't do that most of the time.

There's nothing wrong with watching really dumb TV, eating shit with maybe one (1) nutrient, reading only YA novels, or moving only from the couch to the computer daily, imbibing a bit in silly juice, what have you. But. If you make these indulgences a daily thing, it'll start to show on you. That's just the reality. Everything in life is a muscle. You can huff going up the stairs and you can struggle to assess complex situations. You can struggle to get through a college-level text and you can get malnutrition.

Of course there are outliers, but for the vast majority of us, these are the consequences of our consistent choices. I am good at running because I run. I was not good at running when i started to run, and I would not be good at running if I stopped running for a year. I am good at understand complex texts because i read them. I am not a good artist because I do not draw. I can't do pushups because I don't do them.

(If you are a person who is special and so none of this applies to you because there is no way you could ever make choices that would make you better at anything, that's great for you! I assume you are intelligent enough to know this, and so go, much in the way that I do when I look at discussions of "Who the hell doesn't like bacon?" will simply say, 'oh cool, this doesn't apply to me." Because who would need a stranger to reassure them of what they already know? That would be weird.)

So, I love some really stupid things. I cannot believe I am saying this in public, because I am genuinely ashamed in this moment, but I love to watch 90 day fiancee. It's genuine trash. It is not good and it's also bad. Even the Golden Girls, which I don't feel quite such horror about, isn't really working my brain cells, if we're all living in a space of honesty. I read Louis L'Amour, a man with MAYBE four plotlines over 100+ books. But I don't do that ALL the time. I make sure to keep myself mentally conditioned to be the sort of mentally agile person i want to be.

If that's not important to you, then that is actually okay. I don't by and large, unless we're very close, care about what people do to themselves mentally or physically. I figure it's your life. But I just want everyone to be honest about it, let's not kid ourselves here. I am actually not just as good at critiquing ballet as someone who follows and studies ballet, for example. And I am not gonna trust the media discernment of someone who only watches kids' shows anymore than I'm gonna trust the palate of someone who only eats kid food.

That's also fine! we gotta get over this idea that we have to be likeable to everyone AND A L S O that everyone is honor-bound to like you unless you're actively mean to them. If someone's really into watches football and hates physical activity, we are probably not going to be friends because I don't know much about football and often absent-mindedly walk several miles while chatting. That's not a moral judgment. If someone is like, 'I do not want to be your friend because I don't want to talk about the things you like" I think that is totally fair.

So, is it okay with me, that you like dumb shit? Sure, as long as you have a balanced diet of thoughtful shit! But if you're not looking to be someone I am impressed with, then you don't have to care.

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atinylittlepain · 6 months

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Chapter Two

90s!steve harrington x f!oc

series masterlist

series playlist

He got out, hopped one state over, and planned on continuing an anonymous existence of cold beds and numbers scribbled on forearms. One small problem in that plan, or maybe one big problem.

warnings | 18+ angst, pregnancy symptoms, ruth and steve are not very good at using their healthy communication skills.

a/n | thank you to everyone reading this little story, and as always, thank you to @pr0ximamidnight for providing the amazing artwork for this series <3

................................

Maybe she brought this upon herself. Conjured him up, sitting on a bench outside the library when she walks out after her shift. Her fault for checking if he had an account. He does. He used it once, six months ago, rented a Joan Baez CD that he had to pay a late fee on. And now he’s here, up in an instant when he sees her, much to her dismay. Same doc martens now clunking her way, she tries for something like a smile, but is pretty sure it’s more of a grimace than anything else.

“Hey.” She nearly laughs it’s so anticlimactic, both of them doing a stuttered, awkward shuffle on the sidewalk, a close distance that comes with knowing a stranger.

“Uh, hi, Steve, do you, like, need something from me?” Maybe a little rude, but honestly, she hadn’t been expecting to ever hear from the guy again, not a whole two weeks after that brutal phone call.

“How have you been?” A question for a question, she shrugs.

“Oh, you know.” Oh, you know, she’s only nauseous most hours of the day, can only keep down orange juice and pretzel sticks when it’s bad, and it’s so very often bad. Oh, you know, it’s actually insane how often she has to go pee, not to mention the pure body horror that is already going on otherwise. Oh, you know, there’s something, a small something, a shared something, a mistaken something. Something that she has decided to keep, don’t ask her why. She doesn’t know why.

“You look good.” He’s clearly nervous, hands tucked in his back pockets, one coming to hastily swipe through his thick flop of hair, eyes darting from his shoes up to meet her gaze, and then back down to his shoes. A little pitiful, she shows some mercy.

“Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yeah, I– do you wanna– could we talk over dinner, maybe? I know it’s kinda early, but–”

“Oh, well–”

“Too weird?”

“No, not at all, it’s just– I’m already resisting the urge to puke right now–” His face falls fast at that, nearing beaten puppy territory, and she immediately realizes the foot she just shoved in her mouth.

“Not– you don’t make me want to puke, that’s not– the wanting to puke thing is kinda the norm for me right now.”

“Oh, oh, that’s normal, right?”

“I’d say it comes with the territory, yeah.” The thought occurs to her, blatant and dumb, that nothing about this is normal. Going about this all the wrong way, all backwards, both of them awkwardly shuffling on the sidewalk, toward and away from each other. To any passerby, a first date maybe, the nerves and jitters of it. Ha, she thinks, if only.

No to dinner, they somehow manage to settle on a bench outside the library instead, a pointed amount of space left between them, hands in laps and eyes on shoes. Steve clears his throat, his hand reaching up to run through his hair, already a tell, before seeming to think twice on it and instead rest his palm on his knee. Jolting knee, jolting palm.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you sooner, since you called, I mean.”

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you to. Honestly, it probably wasn’t fair of me to tell you that, I should’ve–”

“No, I’m glad you did.” His brow pinches, deep frown all over when he turns to look at her fully, suddenly so serious. She tries to conjure up what she remembers of that night with him. A lot of hazy smiling, a lot of smug self-certainty. None of that here, none of that now. Now, Steve is worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and having an obviously hard time sitting still, and Ruth braces for impact.

“Look, Ruth, I– I needed some time to think about this, but I want to do the right–” She stops him there, some kind of close heat rising in her throat, a little self-righteous. The way it goes in the movies, right? Yeah, she’s not interested in that.

“No one’s asking you to be a hero, Steve. Like I said two weeks ago, I’m not looking for your help.”

“What if I want to help?”

“What if I don’t want you to?”

“How is that fair?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, fair. Are you twelve?”

“No, what I mean is, it’s my kid too, okay?”

“It’s a fetus, Steve. It doesn’t even have fingernails yet.”

“Okay, then it’s my fetus too.”

“Oh, really? Are you the one going through some Jim Henson-type body horror bullshit currently? No? Well, then I have a hard time buying that argument, sorry.”

“Jesus, are you always this mean?” Said with a half-hearted laugh, more like a punched-out exhale, all that hair of his falling in his eyes as he tilts his chin down toward his hands. She winces in the silence.

“Maybe I overstepped with the fetus thing, but I am the one who got you into this– situation. And–and if you’re really keeping it– them– I want to be in their life, and I want to be there for you too– not in like a weird– not like– support, okay? I want to support– that’s– that’s, yeah.” He lets out a sigh, shoulders slumping with it in the aftermath. Part of her is starting to catch up with the reality that no, not an act. One of the good ones, maybe, despite her own weariness.

“Is that really what you want?” She hates how small her voice sounds, nearly lost in the din of everyone around them getting off from work, going home, normal human shuffling in their normal human lives. But Steve hears her, looking only at her.

“Yeah, Ruth, it is.”

…

A plan, or something like it. They sat and talked, stipulations made, agreed-upon addendums Then they sat and talked some more, halfway compromises, none of it written down, none of it legal. But something, he thinks, that could be called a plan.

The first big spat had come in discussing living arrangements. Ruth’s I’m not living with that muppet-looking dude and Steve’s I want to be around if something happens, and then Ruth’s I’m not a coma patient, Steve. Eventually, something of an agreement, a slow introduction into each other’s lives.

He’s only been over to her apartment once before now, a sort of tentative exposure. She lives close to the library, but not on the side of the suit-monkey, sky-scrapers, instead on the side of old brick and sidewalks bursting with tree roots. Nice neighborhood, quiet, she lives on the second floor of a house-turned-rental, wobbling flight of stairs up the side of the building to her apartment. He watches mom and dad guide their boy, small body on impossibly small tricycle, down the sidewalk while he waits for Ruth to answer the door.

“Sorry, Toby, I was on the phone but– oh, what’re you doing here?” Pretty dress, black with little white flowers all over, and lacquered buttons down the front. For Toby, he thinks, his heart clenching around the thought, and his mind reminding him not to do that.

“Who the fuck is Toby?”

“How is that any of your business?”

“Since I’m– since we’re–” Since what? His own righteousness fizzles out with no real answer to back it. Ruth sighs, door still only half opened, dark blue nail polish tapping along the frame. It’s that time late in the summer when every afternoon smells like rain, darkening and murmuring sky starting to threaten a few drops now.

“Steve, is there a reason you’re here right now?”

“Uh, yeah, the appointment. And wait, I’m not just gonna drop this Toby thing, what’s that–”

“You’re way early.” Not exactly the welcome he was hoping for, Ruth still making no move to let him in. But he’s trying to be patient, hormones and shit. Those, Eddie’s exact words when he came home with some homeopathic bullshit pamphlet from Leif about prenatal vitamins. Here, it’s about hormones and shit. All Steve knows is that said hormones and shit are doing a lot right now, tsunami-sized changes. So patience, he can do patience.

“I thought we could get lunch, if you’re feeling okay?”

“I’m kinda busy.”

“With Toby?”

“Miss Cohen?” Small voice, coming from somewhere behind Steve. Ruth’s last name, is it bad he just learned it last week?

“Hi, Toby, are you ready for your lesson?” No question, this is bad. Bad, because when Steve turns around, he finds Toby, all four feet of him, looking, perplexed, up at the strange man standing in his apparent teacher’s doorway. For his part, Toby simply side-steps Steve entirely, hiking his trapper-keeper up under his arm, Ruth’s hand touching, pulse-point between his tiny, sweatered shoulder blades as he walks into her apartment.

“I’ll see you in an hour, okay? For the appointment.” A pointed look finishes off her words, and she’s already closing the door before Steve can think to string together an apology.

He sits down on the bottom step of the flight of stairs, not familiar enough with this part of town to do any fruitful wandering, and his own apartment too many blocks away for it to make sense to go home. The boy on the tricycle is still making slow progress down the sidewalk. Dad does that same thing that Ruth did, hand between shoulder blades, checking in, catch and release, care

Here’s the thing, part of Steve is terrified, and the other part is numb, already making room for all of this, mind configuring a new reality. He rolls through quick gasps of anxiety, his heart floating up into his throat that yes, this is real, before he sinks back down into something mundane, somehow making all this seem normal. He’s having a baby with a woman whose last name he didn’t know until last week. And strangely enough, he hasn’t been this sure of something in a very long time. It’s a mess, and it’s his, and he’s sure of it.

“Bye, Steve.” Except it comes out a little more like bye, Steeb, Toby’s trapper-keeper smacking him in the shoulder as he barrels down the steps and onto the sidewalk. He’s already off down the block by the time Steve stands up.

“Sorry, we’re still working on his V and B sounds, Steeb.” Pretty dress, white flowers swishing around her shins as she meets him at the bottom of the steps, his brow furrows when she holds out a granola bar to him.

“You said you wanted to get lunch, I’m sorry we couldn’t.” More and more moments like these. Because yes, Ruth can be mean. Maybe not exactly mean. But sharp. All angles and edges. And she can also be like this, surprising him like this. He tucks the granola bar in his pocket, a quiet thank you as they walk around the back of her apartment.

Ruth drives one of those boxy Ford Explorers, dark green and a dent in the passenger-side door that only makes Steve a little nervous. He sold his car when he and Eddie left, a few months of rent and a nicer bike, so he lets Ruth drive, and resists the urge to hold onto the door handle every time she takes a turn a little too sharp for his taste. No use for that granola bar now, he’s been perfectly jostled by the time they pull into the parking lot of the OB-GYN, stomach all swirled up. And walking into the waiting room doesn’t help his case. Women, very round women, all over the place, and sitting next to them are their husbands, right? Boyfriends, right? Some sort of nondescript partner that got them into this state in the first place, right? Arms around shoulders, soft smiles that Steve tries not to stare at for too long. Hands on stomachs and hands over hands. And then there’s him and Ruth, leaving a chair between them while she fills out a packet of paperwork.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“Huh?” A little distracted by all the shiny, happy families teeming in the waiting room, he blinks twice at Ruth’s question before she points her pen down to her clipboarded packet.

“Oh, no, it’s just me. Do you?”

“Yeah, I have an older sister out in New Mexico. What about family history of mental illness?” He can’t help the snort that slips out at that question, Ruth turning half a smile and a raised brow on him.

“Is a blanket yes an option?” He has decided that he likes her laugh. A dry rasp of a thing, pretty bells at the end if she thinks something is especially funny.

“Mine too.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Add it to the list.” The list, the one they’ve been mentally tallying up with all the things they find in common with each other, some sort of rapid fire get-to-know-the-parent-of-your-child-ice-breaker thing. So far, the list is not very long. They both like Elliott Smith, Yo La Tengo too. Ruth can’t stand the Lemonheads, and Steve can’t either. And yes, they agree, David Berman is an underrated genius. And that is also about where the list ends. Plus one more now. Two fucked up families, how fitting.

…

“That’s a lot of pamphlets.”

“Yep.”

“Lots of different ways to do this, I guess.”

“Yep.” And that’s all she’s gotten out of Steve since they left the doctor’s office. He won’t even look at her, sitting on her couch, big blinks into the distance and the smallest pinch between his brows, a thick fistful of pamphlets clutched in both his hands like a prayer book. And while she doesn’t blame him, a little shaken herself from hearing the heartbeat of the thing she’s apparently growing inside herself for the first time, at least she hasn’t gone practically nonverbal.

“Steve?”

“Yep.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yep.” She scoffs, tugging a few of the pamphlets out of his hands to look at them for herself. One on circumcision, cross that bridge if they get to it, she sets that one aside. One on water births, hard no, she sets that one aside.

“How do you feel about elective c-sections?”

“What?” Finally, he has reentered this plane of consciousness, blinking back into focus as he looks at her. She waves the pamphlet in question in front of him.

“It kinda makes me squirm, I mean, right? That’s weird.” All she gets from him is a mumbled I guess, though she’ll take it, setting the pamphlet aside with the others and clapping her hands together, trying to make it feel like a conclusion.

“Well, we already got a couple decisions out of the way, so that has to count for something.” And she’s lost him again, staring hard into her rug again, and she doesn’t like it one bit. Over the few weeks she’s known him, she’s never seen him like this. Sure, both of them stumbling through this thing. But right now, he looks checked out. Frankly, he looks ready to bolt.

“You– you have insurance, yeah?”

“Um, yes?” She can’t help the laugh her reply comes out on, though judging by the rather stony look on Steve’s face that probably wasn’t the best reaction she could have given him.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to– it’s okay if the kid goes to public school, right?”

“Are you serious right now?” When Steve doesn’t say anything in response, her frustration flares up into anger fast, a bitter laugh as she gets up from the couch.

“Oh no, I am not playing this game with you, Steve. You want out? Fine, I didn’t ask for your help, but do it now while my expectations are still low.” Steve is up and off the couch at that, doing that thing she’s come to expect. Always the same pattern of movements, a quick drag of his hand through his hair before thumb and forefinger come to pinch the bridge of his nose, squint, shake of his head. She’s seen that particular maneuver enough times now to know exactly what it means.

“You’re telling me you aren’t worried about how you’re gonna pay for and support a whole other human being? That’s not freaking you out right now?”

“Of course it’s fucking freaking me out! Christ, I– but people do it all the time, right? At least that’s what I figure. And I shouldn’t, believe me, I know I shouldn’t. But it’s what I want. And it’s fine if it’s not what you want, I’m not asking you to want this. Just do me a favor and tell me that now, okay?” Silence settles between them, Steve opening and closing his mouth, lips pressed in a thin line to hold any reply back. And in its ever perfect timing, her stomach starts to slurry, acid rising up the back of her throat, stinging sick.

All she manages is a quiet excuse me, stupidly polite, brushing right past Steve on her warpath for the bathroom. The first heave comes just as she curls over the toilet bowl. She had managed to get breakfast down today, a relatively normal meal, now making a mangled reappearance as muscle pulls taut and burning with each roil of her stomach. And somewhere through the fog of it, a warm palm between her shoulder blades, soothing and smoothing circles into her shivering spine.

“Here.” Quiet, care, he offers out his forearm for her to grip as she slumps away from the toilet, something to brace against at the very least. He surprises her, a cold, dampened cloth pressed to the back of her neck, a sigh of relief that she can’t help at the feeling of him holding it there, holding her still.

“Sorry, it’s usually not that–”

“It’s okay, Ruth. Do you want some water?” She feels ridiculous, certainly pitiful when she nods, letting him coax her hand to where his had been holding the cloth to her neck before he’s off rummaging around in her kitchen. Usually not that dramatic when this happens, usually not sitting on the bathroom floor after it happens, usually not someone else there to ask if she’s okay after it happens either. And then he’s back, crouched down alongside her, not handing her the glass of water, but holding it to her lips. She hates that she likes that.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, of course.” One hand holding her elbow, the other on her waist when she gets up. It’s a conscious choice to lean out of and away from his palms, resisting that warmth and taking a few steadying breaths, focusing instead on the freckle she can see on the joint of his thumb where he has hooked his hand into his pocket. Taking inventory to steady herself, dark pants and a dark t-shirt underneath a denim jacket that she keeps resisting the urge to smooth the collar of, for him. His boots, of course, and the thin, wire glasses she’s come to expect. He squints when he doesn’t wear them. She doesn’t get why he doesn’t wear them sometimes.

“I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to freeze on you like that. I’m, fuck, I don’t know. It’s terrifying, but it also feels so, like, clear.”

“Clear?” He sighs, a breath of a laugh, arms crossed over his chest and hips resting back against the bathroom counter. Both of them getting swallowed up in too small of a space.

“I barely know you, Ruth, I didn’t think I was gonna see you again. And now, now–” Another sigh, and she braces for impact, for him to finally realize that the door is wide open, that no one is keeping score, and that the best thing, the smart thing, is to get out of this mess. No, she can’t blame him, can’t even work up a flurry of anger at him. All she can manage is another sick stir in her stomach, waiting for this to be over already.

“I just wanna meet this kid.” His chin is tucked down, so she can only just see the curve of his smile, small wonder, and then a laugh. And then yeah? Yeah, yes. Such a small space, all filled up, cheeks rounding and eyes spilling over top of them.

“He looked like a bean or something on the scan.”

“You think it’s a he?” Instinct, or maybe just cliche, palm to stomach like she might find the answer to his question there. She shrugs.

“I don’t know, that just slipped.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm?” She wouldn’t mind if this kid came out with his grin, his glasses tilting up with it.

“I guess we’ll find out eventually.” And that we’ll is answer enough, isn’t it? Sticking around, isn’t he?

“I guess we will.”

“You think you can eat some dinner?”

“Mmm.”

“Mmm?”

“Maybe just toast for me.”

“Yeah, you got it.”

He knows where her toaster is, knows that she keeps a few heels of bread in her freezer to make them last longer. He has done this before, in the few weeks that they have decided that whatever this is, it’s together. She watches him shuffle around her small kitchen from over the back of the couch, head in her hand, his quiet movement tilting to the side. He makes four sideways pieces, dry for her and butter for him. And nothing is said, save for a quiet thanks and an equally quiet welcome. The light is starting to slip, thickening into a haze that spills over the warped wood floors of her apartment. It rained for the better part of the afternoon, her windowsill damp, letting that cool scent of late summer in.

They sit side by side on the couch, making what could be called meaningful work out of two pieces of toast each. Yes, answer enough. Yes, staying. Yes, together.

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