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#but I think I'd enjoy it more if their relationship was more complicated in the fics I've read that included it
ifindus · 2 months
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I don't know if you have talked about it or not, but how do you view sufin?
I do like SuFin as a pairing, but I haven't really done a deep dig into their history together to really give a good analysis of their relationship. I do prefer the ship with some underlying tension and complicated history they are very much aware of and acknowledge, but choose to look past. They have both good and bad days, and they both know this. Still, they very much care about each other, though neither of them are great at showing it.
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rattusn0rvegicus · 5 months
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Bro they really be trying to put four year olds on antipsychotics... crazy shit
#Look I have very mixed and confusing feelings about the fact that I didn't receive any psychiatric treatment at all until I was 19-20 and#didn't get antipsychotics until I was 22-23. But like...#The pendulum can swing way too far in the other direction too#I'm reading Anatomy of an Epidemic and oh I'd love to have a conversation with Robert Whitaker about my case#<- grew up fundie Christian and very extremely anxious and then obsessive compulsive and then psychotic and depressed#(but did not receive any medical care for it whatsoever)#While I think meds would have helped me I also think that the average modern American psychiatrist solution of like#'throw more and more drugs at the problem until they go away and throw drugs at the side effects of those drugs' is. Bad#Idk what I'm saying tbh#I know for a fact my issues (aside from at least part of my emotional numbness) aren't iatrogenic. I was Very Mentally Ill from the start#And while I do consider my utter lack of care as a kid/teen/young adult to be some form of neglect it's like#The alternative (the modern American psychiatric system) was NAWT good either#I don't know a single person who's on meds who doesn't have some sort of complicated relationship with them and all I'm saying#is they shouldn't be treated as a magic bullet#Hell *I* have very complicated feelings about my meds and I haven't really been *harmed* by them just... Chilled Out Too Much#ANYWAYS#This book is kind of shitty towards ppl on SSDI (kind of implying that they're a Burden To The Country) which is gross#but otherwise I'm enjoying it
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shadowtraveled · 2 months
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
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but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
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the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
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which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
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the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
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yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
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leviscolwill · 8 months
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adore
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pairing: bsf!jude x fem!reader
summary: you adored your friendship with jude, but sometimes you wished things weren't so complicated between the two of you. [wc: 3,2k]
contents: mostly angst ??? a few cute moments here and there bc i'm fluff girly thru and thru 🤞, they can't communicate to save their life, drunk jude, a random man being annoying, jude being a dumb fuck, language, did i miss anything ?
note: this wip has been rotting in my drafts for a couple of months, i hope you enjoy it because i really enjoyed writing it 🫶
now playing adore by cashmere cat & ariana grande...
"please don't leave me y/n... you don't understand, i need you here."
"jude, i'm literally going to the toilet. i'll be back in 5 minutes, now let me go."
your best friend had always been the clingy type whenever he'd reach his alcohol limit (which was usually only after a couple of drinks). but tonight he was practically glued to your side, not that you minded, you basically spent your whole life attached by the hip. but you had to admit, it hurt a bit to see the person you couldn't have, not in the way you wanted to have him, at least, act all lovey-dovey with you.
the nature of your relationship with jude was complex, to say the least. he was your best friend since you were kids and you wouldn't change that for the world. but the way he looked at you sometimes made you yearn for something more, or whenever his touches on your shoulder or your waist would linger a bit too long to be friendly. maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, after all, the chances of jude wanting you the way you wanted him were very low, not to mention the fact you led two different lives. but it didn't matter, you could manage to live and long for him with the hope that one day you could be more than a best friend to him. and this thought was all you needed to face him and his sparkly eyes for the rest of the night.
when you got out of the bathroom, your mind was still full of thoughts of your relationship with jude running in your mind. you were so engrossed in your thoughts that you bumped into a man's chest, not really being careful about your surroundings.
"i'm sorry, i wasn't looking." you quickly apologise to him, you were already on your way to your friends before the man grabbed your wrist, quickly letting it go.
"it's okay sweetheart, can i get your name as an apology ?" you cringed at his poor attempt at flirting with you, but you weren't feeling confrontational tonight.
"i'm-"
"y/n !" jude's voice made your head turn in surprise.
"you were gone for so long i almost forgot what your beautiful face looked like." he said smashing his face on your shoulder.
"is that your boyfriend?"
"ummm, no he's my-"
"depends who's asking." jude interrupted you, side-eyeing the nameless man.
"jude. i can speak for myself." the look he gave you broke your heart a bit, his lips pouting in sadness.
"if he is not your boyfriend, i'd gladly take your number, might even take you back to my hotel room..." it was obvious to everyone around that the situation was uncomfortable for you, that familiar feeling of disgust you always got when a man was being too friendly creeping on you.
"who do you think you are?" your best friend stared at the man with a frown on his face.
"jude, let's not..." the tension between the two men was evident as people stopped to stare at whatever was happening.
"relax mate, i just wanna talk to your friend nothing more." the stranger grabbed your wrist, still looking at jude, testing him, testing how far he would go to stop this.
"let me go." you didn't have to try getting away from him because jude did it for you.
the nameless guy suddenly let you go, and seeing him hold his jaw while screaming profanities at your best friend was all you needed to understand what just happened. jude punched him, but the alcohol in his veins prevented him from dodging the punch that came straight for his eyebrow.
immediately you took jude's arm before he found another idea to mess up your night some more, and walked out of the packed club for some air. you ordered a uber for the two of you and texted your friends that you were getting home early.
even fresh air couldn't rid you of the anger that coursed through your body. of course, you were mad at the man who couldn't keep his hands to himself. but another part of you couldn't help but be pissed at jude and his impulsive behaviour. but when you looked at him and saw blood trickle down from his eyebrow, everything was suddenly forgotten and you could only worry.
"fuck you're bleeding, why didn't you tell me? fuck, fuck, fuck." you searched through your bag for a tissue, mentally cursing yourself for how messy it was, and handed one to jude.
"just didn't wanna bother you..." he mumbled, holding it to his wound.
you both waited for the uber in complete silence, you knew you needed to have a conversation with jude about what just happened but you'd do it tomorrow, when he was sober and when your judgement wouldn't be clouded by anger.
thankfully, your uber didn't take too long to arrive, you helped jude put his seatbelt on after watching him struggle with it for a good minute. the atmosphere was tense and it seemed the driver felt it so he didn't try to make conversation with any of you.
you were halfway to your destination when you felt jude's fingers brush against yours lightly. you took a glance at where your hand lay, on the middle seat, jude's hand was right next to yours and when you looked at him he was suddenly entranced by his shoes, busy pretending it never happened.
you were sick of him acting like a child, so you held his hand, since he obviously wouldn't do it himself. the rest of the drive was silent but the atmosphere was peaceful, a nice change from the club.
you let go of jude's hand once you arrived at the villa you rented with your group of friends. you immediately took jude to the bathroom to clean his cut, he looked like a child while you were gathering the material you needed, mumbling words to himself with a frown on his face.
"is it gonna hurt?"
"probably not." these were the first words you exchanged since the club, the uneasy atmosphere of the room wasn't one you were used to whenever you were with jude. he was the one person who could understand you the best in the world, but it just wasn't the case tonight.
"can you hold my hand?" it was like he turned four again. but you couldn't deny anything from him, especially not when his eyes were glassy from all the drinks he had, so you took jude's hand in yours.
you started cleaning the cut, fully focused on your task, trying your best not to be distracted by the way your faces were inches from each other's.
"you're so pretty..."
if there was one thing you knew about drunk jude, it was that had loose lips. he couldn't keep any secret from you whenever he had the right amount of alcohol in his veins, and that often worked in your favour, but right now his words were only distracting you from your job.
"don't say that..." your heart was racing both at his words and at the proximity you two shared.
"i mean it." he was tracing your jaw with his fingers. you felt your hand quiver at the unexpected contact, and afraid you might mess something up because of jude, you quickly put a bandage on top of his, now clean, cut.
you started tidying up everything you used and expected jude to go to his room but he didn't budge.
"what's wrong?" you were a bit worried his injury was more serious than you thought and his brain was just working a bit slower than usual.
"kiss it better... please?" he said pointing at his bandage with a kissy face.
you were torn between kissing or slapping some sense into the boy standing in front of you. jude bent down so your face was in front of his, you obliged because you knew hammered jude would not have let you go to bed before you kissed him better. not because you wanted to, of course.
he was still unmoved, looking deep into your eyes so you took his hand in yours and led him to his bedroom for him to get a good night of sleep.
once you got jude to his bedroom safely, which wasn't an easy task given how starstruck he was at every little everyday thing in the house, he threw himself on his bed and grumbled something about clothes, before taking off his shirt with no prior notice. you immediately looked at your feet to give him some privacy while he changed clothes. he only giggled at your action saying he knows how much you would like to watch undress. which wasn't true, of course.
you took a quick peek, to make sure he was under his sheets. handing him a glass of water once he had his sheets pulled up to his chin and a content look on his face.
"no thanks, i'm not hungry."
"this is a glass of water?" you were perplexed at jude's words. the fatigue of your body preventing you from trying to understand his nonsense.
"well, i'm not hungry for water." you sighed at his childlike behaviour and considered shoving the water down his throat at some point before retracting, not really wanting to deal with the homicide of one the most in-demand football players of the moment.
you placed the glass on his bedside table and walked towards the door, unwilling to talk to a very drunk jude when all your body asked for was a good night of sleep.
but you couldn't ignore jude calling your name in a tired voice. you turned around to listen to whatever he had to say to you, only for him to beckon you closer with his hand. you rolled your eyes but still obliged, sitting on the unoccupied side of his bed.
"i just wanted to know why you were mad at me tonight." you didn't want to have this conversation tonight, but it seemed jude had other plans.
"because even if your intention was right, i think we could've solved the issue with no fits of screaming and fighting. i know you meant right but you can't just act without thinking all the time." you weren't even sure jude was registering your words properly, his eyes moving up and down your face.
"but i was mad at him too, he kept talking to my girl as if i wasn't right there." although jude was hardly convincing by the way the words came out of his mouth all slurred, you had to admit him calling you his girl put a faint smile on your face.
you thought your best friend was done but he just kept right on.
"fuck, you don't even know how many times i wished i was your boyfriend to stop these men looking at you that way. i mean i wished i was your boyfriend all the time, but especially then and also when you show me whoever you're talking to, you really have a vile taste in men y'know."
you looked at jude in total shock, he wasn't aware of what he just said from the way his face had the same drunken expression as before.
"do you mean it?" maybe he was pulling a prank on you. the look on his face didn't seem too serious, but then again he was drunk, how could you know how serious he was?
he laughed, how could he laugh in what was a very serious situation from your point of view?
"of course i mean it, sometimes it even looks like you want me too, maybe i just thought wrong. just tell me you don't want me, i reckon i could live with the fact i'm your best friend a bit longer." jude's nonsense somehow got even more nonsensical. how could he be saying all this with a smile on his face? even worse, how could he possibly think you didn't want him to be your boyfriend? you didn't even know what to say to him. hell, was there even a right thing to say in this exact situation?
"you can't do this to me jude... you can't just say this shit to me when you're drunk out of your mind. what do you expect me to say? i don't even know if you're aware of what you're telling me right now." words finally found their way out, your voice was much less cheery and much angrier than his as you felt a sense of injustice seeping through your veins. how could he say this to you like it was the simplest thing in the world? did he only love you when he was drunk? did he actually mean that, or was he over-exaggerating things under the influence?
"i love you and i loved you for a long time, please believe me, i know you're my best friend, and i don't want to ruin things between us... but i just needed to get this off my chest." jude was truly confused as to why you were so mad at him for this sudden 'confession'. of course, you didn't have to reciprocate his feelings, but he could only think about how he ruined your friendship for good from the way you responded so vehemently.
"goodnight jude." you left his room before he could add anything, and your thoughts were already running wild. you weren't sure if you should be feeling happy that he felt for you what you felt for him, or if you should be mad at jude for dropping this bomb on you so suddenly when he could clearly not think straight, making you doubt about the whole thing.
if you were overthinking before, your brain was now about to explode from everything that just happened in the span of an hour.
once you got under your sheets, no amount of sheep counting, lofi music, or breathing methods could put you to sleep. your brain was screaming at you, urging you to freak out about what just happened. every and each of your thoughts led back to jude, your own brain was torturing you, forcing you to separate truth from fiction at 3am.
you wished jude told you the truth, you wished his drunken words were his sober thoughts. but you didn't know how you were supposed to act like this never happened if this wasn't the case. how could you possibly come back to your little role, so well perfected over the years, of jude's best friend after he gave you the smallest glimpse of hope? your friendship with jude was the most important thing for you, but you wondered if you'd be able to pretend for the rest of your life or if you would go insane before that.
when sleep finally started taking over your endless train of thought, you came to the conclusion that if he meant what he said earlier, he'd have no issues telling you once he sobered up. you comforted yourself with this idea while your eyes closed by themselves, no more energy left in them to fight for the sake of overthinking.
jude had been avoiding you all day. the only time you exchanged an eye contact was during breakfast and even then he quickly went back to his room, not speaking a word to you. you could tell he was avoiding you like the plague, if he happened to be where you were he'd immediately flee the room, suddenly mesmerized by his phone.
you wished you were mad at him for how he was treating you and how he was making you feel, but the truth is, you could only focus on your heart breaking a little more each time he'd walk past you like you were two strangers.
after dining with the rest of your friends, you decided you were sick of jude's little games. if he didn't want to talk to you, then you would confront him whether he liked it or not.
it took you all the strength of the world to knock on his door after taking a deep breath.
no answer.
there was no way he knew it was you, you were sure of it. maybe he was just avoiding everyone tonight? you quickly refuted this idea, you saw him laugh with a couple of your friends half an hour ago.
you knocked again, a bit harsher this time to make sure he'd hear it. still nothing. you were preparing yourself to knock one more time, with much less hope than the first time.
"y/n, what are you doing?" yasmeen's voice startled you, it almost felt like getting caught doing something you shouldn't be doing.
"um... just needed to talk to jude, do you know where he is?" you couldn't help but feel embarrassed at the question. you were his best friend, if anyone should know where he was, that would be you. and your friend's dumbfounded look wasn't helping the heat creeping on your face right now.
"what do you mean? he left like an hour ago, had an unexpected meeting in london or something like that... he didn't tell you?"
it had been a very long time since you felt this way, maybe since middle school when your math teacher made fun of you in front of the whole class. your mouth suddenly drying, the sensation of your heart constricting, and your eyes stinging, trying their best not to let the sadness spill. it all felt like one big joke, you hoped jude would open the door, he'd tell you he was messing with you, he'd tell you everything he said last night again.
but that moment did not come. you couldn't answer yasmeen, afraid that the truth might spill along with your tears if you uttered a word. you simply shook your head, and went to your room, trying your best not to meet her eyes. your friends weren't blind, they could tell something was wrong between jude and you today, although none of them asked you what happened, they just kept a watchful eye on you and the way you looked at jude, in hopes he'd look back.
it felt good to cry in the privacy of your own room, far from the speculative conversation others were most likely having about the whole situation.
once your eyes were short of tears, you somehow found the strength to take your phone and click on your messages with jude to type a new one.
let's just keep doing what you did all day
i'll pretend you don't exist and last night never happened
probably best for us :)
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patrophthia · 11 months
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take you to the basics | theodore nott
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pairing: theodore nott × hufflepuff!reader
genre: fluff, (kinda) established relationships, theo is whipped, even more fluff, everyone are friends, everyone is an idiot, self indulgent, 7th year (after war), theres ginny here too, not beta read, awkward theo bc it’s cute, theo is basically just tall, and not buff ver of jeon wonwoo from svt
word count: 3.9k
is a sequel to love is sour grapes but can be read as a one shot as well!
With as much care as he could muster in his tone, he asks. "Will you give me the honour in courting you?" And then, as if he was realising he's supposed to take things slow -even though his intention was, and will always be, courting me- he corrects himself. "Will you give me the honour of being my girlfriend?"
What a way with words he has. I'd like to think it has something to do with the romance books he'd been reading just so he could have something to talk to me about all these months.
"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I counter after a beat.
Theodore stayed quiet for the briefest second before: "yes."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"You're my boyfriend."
"Oh." There's a second of silence where neither of us spoke before my face breaks out into a smile, one that he doesn't bother to hold himself back from reciprocating it. "Okay."
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Why was life so complicated? Okay, maybe not so much life —why was dating Theodore so complicated? That is if the two of us were even a thing. It was okay at first, now it's just plain out exhausting.
I like him and he knows it. And he likes me, and I know it. So why was things so complicated? We've kissed before, multiple times actually. We've gone on dates where we spent a majority of the time talking about the books we read —although it's more like me talking and him listening with that stone cold face of his, but that was just who he was and I would never change it about him.
What I do want to change though is whatever is going on between us. I've already embarrassed myself in front of him once and I would rather die than do it again. So what should I do in this situation? Talk to my friends apparently.
"I don't get it," says Hermione with a frustrated tone. "You both like each other and he acts like your boyfriend." I nod slowly and she continues. "But he isn't actually your boyfriend."
I nod again. "Yup."
"He didn't ask?" Ginny asks, now having joined our little friend group. Ron and Harry listen reluctantly, not enjoying the girl talk all too much.
"You have to ask?" Ron asks suddenly, obviously clueless. And when Hermione, and Ginny shoot him a look. He turns to his plate, mumbling. "I thought you'd be boyfriends and girlfriends after the third date."
"That's normally how it goes," I said. "After the third date the two of you are technically a thing but it isn't official until one or the other asks to make it official."
"Why don't you ask him?" Harry says suddenly, immediately regretting it when all our attention was fixed on him. "I mean maybe, he —like Ron and I— don't know about these things so he just assumes—"
"That's not excusable," Hermione cuts him off. "He's friends with a girl, Parkinson, so I'm sure she's filled him on this stuff."
"But what if she didn't?" I ask. Okay maybe I had a soft spot for Theo and is trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. And in my defence, I liked him, like a lot, and when you fancy someone, like really fancy them, the red flags tend to look like a dark shade of pink and I'd like to think that pink was a pretty colour.
Plus —and this isn't just an excuse, if I really thought about it, I don't think I've ever seen Theodore go out with anyone before he went out with me. So if he was a rookie at this dating thing, maybe I should be the one leading this relationship.
"Okay then go ask him," Hermione says pettily, she wants me to be happy, she really does, but she can't find it in herself to support me dating someone who can't make it clear what his intentions with me were. "Ask him 'what are we?' Or 'why did you tell me to not smile at other people?' I can't let you be with someone who doesn't know their place with you."
"And what makes you think he doesn't," Ron chimes in between a bite of his snack, when did he get one, I didn't seem to notice.
"You see her?" Hermione asks, she then says my name in the same questioning tone. "She wouldn't be talking to us about this if he did."
"Wait, aren't you supposed to be on a date with him right now?" Ginny says suddenly. "Why are you here?"
"He had last minute plans with Malfoy," I say, and I know, even without looking at her, that Hermione was disappointed with me. "And it wasn't a date."
"Yeah, just two people who fancy each other hanging out," Ron snickered, now being on Mione's side of disapproving of Theo.
"Did he tell you what he was doing with Malfoy?" Harry asks, curious as to what the Slytherins might be up to.
"I don't know," I told him. "I'm already stressing about this whole situation with him that I just accepted and went to find you four. I think I'm just going to take off my makeup, spend the day with you, then try to sleep good tonight."
I then added. "Unless you had plans that didn't include me in it?"
The four shook their heads. "We were just going to go watch Harry and Ginny practice." Hermione says.
"Great," I mumbled, standing up. "I'll come with."
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"Wait," Ginny calls out, and I pause in my step, turning to where her voice came from. "I'll be quick."
She points at her shoe and it's then that I notice that it's been untied. Ron, Hermione, and Harry, who seemed to have not heard her, continued their way towards the quidditch pitch. I waited by her side, offering her a hand when she had to get back up.
"You know," she says lowly, "I heard that you're the only person Nott didn't reject, apparently he's pretty popular with the girls."
I shook my head. "That's not true," I say with a slight frown. "When I first asked him out, he just stared at me."
"Which technically isn't a rejection," Ginny smiles sweetly. "More like you rendering him speechless."
That was exactly what Theo told me after my first date with him. "I guess."
"Bloody hell, will you two please speed it up?" Ron shouts at the front of the quidditch pitch, only now realising that we're far behind them.
I felt half the urge to walk even slower, and from the small grin Ginny wore from the corner of my eyes, I'm pretty sure she was thinking the same thing. But Harry and Hermione were also waiting with him, and it was only a matter of time before they started bickering about it as well. So we sped up with our steps.
But just before we reach the pitch, Ginny stops me, yelling for them to go ahead without us. "You want to know a secret?" she asks, I nod. "Since I was Harry's first real girlfriend I had to be the one to ask him to be my boyfriend."
"Are you saying I should be the one to ask?" I murmur. I don't think I would mind doing so, but there was something more romantic about having your date ask you to be your boyfriend.
"No," she says kindly. "Just saying you should nudge him in the right direction."
"So guide him?"
"Yep."
Okay. That is surely something I can do. Now, for me to draw up a plan on how to do it. If I've managed to help take down a dark wizard then surely I can get Theo to ask me to be his girlfriend.
Both Ginny and I step into the quidditch pitch. Slightly taken aback to see more than six players in the field (with Ginny being the missing member), it didn't take us long to register why though.
Neither did it take me long to notice Theo, standing right behind Malfoy as he bickered with Harry. What was happening? And did Theo really ditch our (not) date just to watch his friend's quidditch practice?
"Badger," Blaise says suddenly, drawing everyone's attention to Ginny and I by the entrance. "I see you look pretty as always."
Theodore doesn't even bother to subtly smack his friend in the back of his head. It doesn't affect Blaise though, only finding it amusing to witness.
"What's going on?" Ginny asks.
"We booked this pitch," Malfoy says before Harry could get a word in. "And now you're trying to take it from us."
"No, we booked the pitch." Harry says sternly. "You're the one trying to take it away from us."
Despite Gryffindor and Slytherin (somewhat) friendship after the war ended —and the fact that our friend groups were now mixed because of whatever Theodore and I have going on. They were still competitive people. And they want more than anything to win this year's cup.
"I have an idea," I say, quite honestly done with their stupid rivalry. "How about you practise together?" I say off-handedly, knowing full well that they'd agree to come for my throat. "Just an idea."
"And have they found out about our strategies?" Malfoy scoffs. "I thought you were smarter than this."
Considering that I did better in classes then him, and that Ron agreed with his words. I technically am smarter than him. "Well if you're so sure about your strategies working then it wouldn't hurt if you gave up the pitch for just one practice right?"
Draco was on the brink of agreeing when it hit him, blinking at me. "Oh you're good," he murmurs. "Fine, have the pitch for all I care."
I was more than sure that he was only giving it for my benefits. Sure that if it had been someone else who had said it, he'd only double down and insist that he'd reserved the pitch (he didn't, not a single Slytherin booked the pitch for today). But it seemed as though he had a soft spot for me.
The theory of Slytherins having soft spots for Hufflepuffs gets proven right once more. And I'm more than glad to know that I was the beneficiary of this theory.
Blaise was the first to leave, waving at me as he went as the other Slytherins followed after him, the players grumbling under their breath with their brooms in hand. Theo was the last to leave, lingering just so he could pull me to the side.
A hand on my left arm leads me to a quieter corner of the pitch, just below the benches as the players start to get ready for practice. I don't look him in the eye when I ask him, "what?"
The hostility in my tone wasn't missed by Theo and if I didn't know him the way I did, I would've missed the flash of hurt in his eyes. "What do you want, Nott?"
And Theodore feels as if I was stomping on his heart. He hasn't been called Nott since the two of us started going out. "Are you mad at me?"
My brows furrow. "What do you think?"
"Did I do something wrong?" He follows up, his tone doesn't show it —neither does his face, but he was worried, scared, and quite honestly pissed with himself. "Is it because I cancelled on you? Doll, you said you were okay with it."
"No," I shook my head. Confrontation wasn't something I was fond of, nor was I good at it. So I'll settle with just being upset for now. "I'm not mad at you."
Theodore blinks, seemingly getting whiplash from my words. First I ask him what he thinks, in a —if he wasn't wrong— passive aggressive tone, and now I'm telling him that I'm not mad at him? What.
But he decides to take my words as is, trusting that I'd tell him how I feel despite him not telling me that he honestly feels like he'd fucked him over; ruining his only chance at love —oh, and that he doesn't even know what he did. "I'll see you at dinner?"
"No," I say with a slight shake of my head. "I think I'll have dinner with my friends tonight." Theodore fails to mention that Blaise, Draco, and Pansy were also my friends by now. "Next time?"
Theo nods, agreeing. "Next time."
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It has been three weeks and 'next time' has yet to come. He's starting to realise it now: realising that I was actually mad at him when I said I wasn't and it'd be a lie if he said it didn't hurt him. He has somehow made me mad and he wishes more than anything that he was dead —because, quite honestly, he can't stand living if I was mad at him.
He needs to recruit help, he decided. And who better to help him with relationship problems than his friends (who he thinks has more experience with relationships than he does) and my friend (whom he knows has more experience in relationships then he does —take Granger and Weasley for example, the two have been together since fourth year).
"So you think she's mad at you and you don't know why?" Weasley comes to the conclusion after Blaise, who he'd already told the whole story to, summed it up for them. "You seriously don't?"
Theodore nods slowly, there was a slight shift in his stone cold expression, barely catchable by the eye but it was there. And it was that slight shift that reassured Hermione that Theo did actually have good intentions when it came to her friend; he was just clueless on what to do.
"She's upset with you because you said you were busy and left her to watch your friends practice," Ginny offers, it was clear that she was also mad on my behalf.
"That's it?" Malfoy mumbles questioningly. "Something as mundane as that is what we're meeting here for?"
"It might be mundane to you but it's not mundane to her," Harry jumps to my defence. "She's not you, Malfoy."
"Okay, so she's mad at Theo because he ditched her for us?" Blaise asks, trying to get them back on track.
"Don't say it like that," Ginny scoffs. "Phrasing it that way makes her seem selfish, which she's not. She just wants to know where she is with Theo and for him to at least try to prioritise her."
"I do prioritise her," Theo says dumbfounded-ly. He really did, he's spent the last however many months of his life reading cheesy books just to annotate them in hopes that I'd love them, he'd even picked up on cooking just so when (or really, if) we ended live together I'd always have a nice home cooked meal waiting for me. "She said she was okay with it."
"She said she was okay with it thinking that it was something important," Pansy explains, understanding exactly how I feel. She's been placed in the same position before, by no one other than Draco himself. "Thinking that Blaise had a heart attack or something, not a stupid quidditch practice."
"Careful," Draco warns. "You were also at the practice."
Pansy rolls her eyes. "Bite me."
"What do I do then?" Theo asks after a while, picking the topic back up.
And the Gryffindor's try their best to remain normal, never —in the last seven years they'd spent studying in the same castle as him— had they heard him spoken for such a long period of time.
"Well let's take you to the basics," Hermione says. "Where are the two of you right now? In terms of relationship that is."
"We're dating?" He answers slowly.
"No you're not," Ron says loudly. "You haven't asked to be her boyfriend yet."
Draco, clearly befuddled, says. "You have to ask?"
Pansy nods. "Of course," she says. "I thought you knew?" And then, after a beat, she adds. "Maybe that's why we didn't work out."
Draco rolls his eyes, mumbling something along the line of his fathers as he does so. "So what should he do then?"
"Apologise for what he did then make it clear what the two of you are." Harry explains, he's done this before, he did it when he first went out with Ginny —so really, he's speaking from experience. "From then on you take things slow so you can work out the kinks of your relationships.
Okay, he thinks he gets it. He has to apologise, make things clear, then take things slow. Surely he can do it.
Now for him to actually do it.
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STEP ONE: apologise
Which is, more often than not, easier said than done.  Theodore has half the heart to buy something nice in order of winning me over but he knew me better. And he knew that I wasn't with him for his money. So he ought to do better. And he thinks he knows how to do it.
To apologise he should do something heartfelt, which was why he'd found himself learning to plant my favourite flower. He'd rather die than apologise to the one person he cherished more than anything empty handed.
He sees the few cuts on his hand from his attempt at gardening and he hopes that I don't notice it. He doesn't want me to notice his imperfections when I was (to him) perfect in every sense. He likes me every time he sees me, I was exactly his type and he hopes I know it.
He doesn't want to mess this up. He doesn't want to mess us up. And he's really trying his best not to.
With our shoes almost touching, Theo stood tall from my seat on Hogwarts many benches with a planted pot in hand. "I'm sorry," he says first and I mask my surprise at his words. "I won't do it again."
He doesn't bother beating around the bush, with a gift in hand, safe to say I'm impressed. If not a little bit amused by how frustrated he looks.
"Why?" I ask, a hand reaching for the plant and Theodore hesitatingly hands it over, his own fingers brushing against my own. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because I ditched you for—"
"Sweetheart, I told you that it was fine."
Theodore's pretty sure his brain is short circuiting. He's heard every variation of his name by now. All of which he can recall from the top of his head. Theodore, Theo, Nott, even Teddy from that ex-girlfriend he had back in kindergarten. But sweetheart is different.
And he thinks he likes it. He thinks he likes it when he's called sweetheart. He thinks he likes it because he likes me. And I was the one calling him sweetheart.
"But your friends—" he pauses, correcting himself "—our friends said that you were upset."
Relationships are built on communication, and I know that it was hard for Theodore to do so. So I won't make it harder for him and lay it all out. "I was upset, yes. But I also said that it was okay for you to spend time with your friends."
And after a second, I added. "And it's not like I'm your girlfriend or anything."
Theodore frowns, taking a seat on the bench besides me.
STEP TWO: make things clear
His chest feels heavy at my words. He doesn't like knowing that I think I wasn't his girlfriend. Because, if I really wasn't, was it normal for him to like me as much as he did?
He has to say something.
"But you are, aren't you?" He asks, brows furrowed.
His heart is leaning, waiting and waiting for an answer. His eyes flutters shut, and he doesn't know it. Wishing and wishing that I would say something.
"Theo." My voice comes out softer than I intended for it to be. "Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"
His heart is speeding up. And he thinks that there should be a guide book on how to be in a relationship with pretty girls. But he guesses that he's being guided by one right now.
THE BASICS ON HOW TO DATE PRETTY GIRLS (FOR ROOKIES) by Theodore's and I friends.
His words get caught in his throat. Isn't it so incredibly obvious? He wants to say. Isn't it so incredibly obvious that I've bewitched him? He doesn't say it, but he does nod. And he hopes his nod conveys just how much he wants to be mine.
"Okay," I said first. "I'll be your girlfriend." But of course, things can't always be that easy. "If you ask me properly."
STEP THREE: take things slow
He blinks at me slowly. As if he's only just learning how to properly function; a shift in his eyes caught my attention though, knowing that he's finally processing my words.
He doesn't know why he's scared, he knows that I like him just as much as he likes me but he's nervous about it all. Forgive him for being new to this dating thing.
With as much care as he could muster in his tone, he asks. "Will you give me the honour in courting you?" And then, as if he was realising he's supposed to take things slow —even though his intention was, and will always be, courting me— he corrects himself. "Will you give me the honour of being my girlfriend?"
What a way with words he has. I'd like to think it has something to do with the romance books he'd been reading just so he could have something to talk to me about all these months.
"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I counter after a beat.
Theodore stayed quiet for the briefest second before: "yes."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"You're my boyfriend."
"Oh." There's a second of silence where neither of us spoke before my face breaks out into a smile, one that he doesn't bother to hold himself back from reciprocating it. "Okay."
"Okay." I nod. "So what should we do first boyfriend?"
Theodore mulls everything over before he turns to me, his hair falling into his eyes. "What do you want to do girlfriend?"
I can't tell whether his hand reaches for mine, or mine his, but I knew that our hands found one another. "Go on a Date."
Theodore lifts our intertwined hand up, placing a careful kiss on my hand as he nods. "Let's go on a date."
STEP FOUR (UNOFFICIAL): kiss, go on dates, be happy!
note: if this guide works, please take the authors (Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron and Ginny weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, and Draco Malfoy) out to dinner, all expenses paid by guide user (Theodore Nott).
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— from bee: i lost the initial draft for this which was a lot longer and had to restart all over 😵‍💫😵‍💫 this wasn’t what i had planned for it to be like but it’s cute and im happy with it anyways!!
some other songs i used for inspo for this fic:
say something - twice
rookie - red velvet
+ bonus scene: The table goes silent as Theodore picks up the check, waiting with bated breath on how much it came out to be.
And despite knowing that all the Slytherins + Harry would be able to handle the bill without making a dent in their vault, they're still all anxious to know the price.
Theodore pulls out his card, sleek, black, and hands it over to the waiter. Once the waiter left, he turns to us. "I'll buy you dessert if you can guess it."
The group starts blurting out numbers, startling the other customers but they couldn't seem to care less. Beneath the table, with his finger tracing the skin of my thigh. Theodore writes the price, and inching a bit lower, he adds; "make me proud, sweetheart."
Safe to say the group wasn't all too happy to know that I was the only one who not only guessed right, but was right number by number. Draco would later on whine about this, something along the lines of: "Girlfriend privileges."
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absolutebl · 1 month
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This Week in BL - Japan is Winning on Kisses & Other Alternate Realities
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
March 2024 Wk 4
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - It would be great if we got the alternative romance with dead Kram from Tai’s perspective (JBL style.) Still I like this show. It’s a little bit like I Feel You Linger in the Air only with a love triangle. And while I'm not a fan of triangles as a general rule, I don’t mind it here because the set up is clever. Wayu and  ao are fun sides too. It sure is moving very quickly, which I like. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on. But that’s normal for me with this kind of Thai drama. 
Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 4 of 8 - They are extremely sappy boyfriends. I love that mom has a secret gf. Could we please have more of them? The love triangle sides are ridiculous, but I do like that it’s all out in the open. I also like they are actually addressing the complicated parental dynamics of owning a sex club. Honestly, I think Khem should have to be a host too. Learn him the right way, girl!
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City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - It’s good, I like the fallout and them actually having to deal with crazy fans and past relationships. They’re so good at communicating it’s kind of a pleasure to watch them suffer through external pressures, because I have faith that they can make it through.
To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) ep 6 of 8 - They are such cute puppy dads and so clearly meant to be together, the fact that they aren’t is just frustrating. The fight thing was stupid. And not a whole lot happened... plus singing. I’m getting fatigued with this one. 
1000 Years Old ep 7 of 12 - Did I miss something happening, or did nothing happen? 
Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 6 - It’s so boring, there’s so much guitar playing, and it got weirdly voyeuristic (in a very much not sexy way). I’m totally out. DNF
Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) ep 3 of 6 - I can’t tell if this is trying to be a BL Romancing the Stone, or a BL Hangover, or both. The problem with situational comedy is it must be both situational and comedic, not just option one. The problem with calling something BL, is that it must be BL. This show got 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. DNF 
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Honestly, it's the HANDS with these two. They do beautiful beautiful things with their hands. If you're one of those hands-obsessed BLabies you should be watching LIBTSTA!
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube & Viki) ep 6 of 11 - So the worst finally happened. The mountain of pain has fallen down upon us. And now, hopefully in the second half things get better for our boys. But what a rough ride. Normally, this is not my style of BL, but everyone is doing such a gorgeous job with it, I can’t fault it… except that it hurts. The red thread symbolism was elegantly done. I’d like to hope we get a reunion in the next one, but knowing this style of series they’re gonna draw it out. There's gonna be a more pain first.
Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Those fuck me puppy dog eyes were perfectly executed. I would not have been able to resist either. Gosh they are so damn cute. This is a great show.
Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 1-2 of 8 - This comes from the Shoulder to Cry On team so I'm scared, but this one is all actors* not idols so maybe they'll be braver. Boy howdy does it have a fantastic opening sequence. Also the lead is fucking adorable. Mr Broody McBroodypants is cute too. Korea sure loves “pretty but broken.” On the JBL end of the spectrum, is everyone in love with their siblings? That’s weird. The dining room scene was painful. All in all, it's good, I'm intrigued. Let's see how you go little show.
I stand absolutely corrected the lead is a member of NEWKIDD (in my defense I'd never heard of them until Build Up last month). I did recognize him from To My Star because at the time I thought he was too pretty to be only a side character.
AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 10 fin - Again there was overuse of previous footage and maudlin navel-gazing grief over something we knew was going to happen. So I didn’t really feel much emotional connection to the drama. 7 year time gap.? t was a cute reunion but the moral quandary never really got resolved. I don’t know how to rate this, I’m not sure I will ever watch it again, so that is a big mark against it.
There’s nothing objectively wrong with this BL except how upsetting it is because of the foundational pygmalion story - grown man falls in love with an android who is basically both his slave and, by maturity level, a child. Yet that premise is crystal clear from the get go, so we watch it eyes open. The actors are cute, the romance sweet, the physical chemistry on point (of course, it’s Taiwan) and yet I was left ultimately unsettled by the concept, content, and plot. 7/10 
My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I'm so ready for this to be over, and for Gaga to have something good on. Soon please?
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It's done, ready to binge, but I suck
What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps
It's airing but...
Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much to ask me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training. Waiting to binge.
A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - I watched the first ep but grey is too much work for this inferior of a show. I may pick up and binge if it gets distribution but for now, it gets a DNF from me. KimCop might have held this crap together but Kim without Cop? No thank you.
Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.
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Tangential to the genre
There has been the occasional discussion on this topic here in this little corner of tumblr so I thought there might be a few intersted in this podcast: AmericanThaiGuy Ron Weaver on the Complicated Issue of Racism in Thailand (The Bangkok Podcast)
Thailand passed its Marriage Equality bill through the lower house. It's expected to pass the high house and get signed by the King, but that hasn't quite happened yet.
And MaxTul dropped a photo shoot.
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Starting Soon
3/31 Only Boo! (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks grumpy/sunshine pair who fall deeply in love but, of course, baby boy idol can't date. Boyband but from GMMTV? Control your singing and I'm game.
3/31 The Next Prince (Thai ????) 12 eps - trailer. ZeeNew in a fantasy/historical set in a palace where Zee plays a knight and Nu a prince - YES PLEASE. (Apparently this is just the pilot, not the start of the actual show, see comments.)
4/1 Love is like a Cat (Korea ????) 12 eps - This completed filming Aug 2022(!) which means there have been serious problems with post-production. This is another of Silkwood's Korean+Thai colab projects. Mew Suppasit plays a rookie film star, called the Cat Prince (for his cold arrogance) who goes up against a charismatic puppyish animal daycare director (JM of JUST B). There is a side romance (love triangle?) with a veterinarian. Geonu of JUST B is also in the cast. Dual languages.
Hum, trash-watch-a-licious?
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4/3 We Are (Thai GMMTV YouTube iQIYI) 12 eps - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN!
4/11 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan ????) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.
4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.
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4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga - may not be global) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn.
Seriously? You're killing me with these titles, boys.
4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.
I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.
Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT
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Just these two, in my head, rent free. Thanks Japan!
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4
If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy. (With so many tags when does a weekly tumblr post become a newsletter? That is this week's philosophical question...)
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schrodinger-swriter · 2 months
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Lucifer x Reader
We all know Lucifer would feel awkward about dating Reader because like, what would he do if Lillith reappeared? He'd definitely feel like he'd be in a position to have to choose if that ever happened and that probably would keep him up at night.
I don't know about you but I'd tell him that if Lillith is as great as he says she is and we got on, then I'd just have to date them both.
Lucifer, the Reader, and Lilith
Apologies for the loose and vague title but I could not come up with a shortened idea that didn't look very very clunky.. but the prompt explains what it's meant to be pretty well! This one may be a little shorter, entirely because Lilith doesn't actually have an active part in this as a character, just mentioned.. I still want to hold off actually writing stuff for her until we get more info on her character!
I hope you enjoy Anon! C:
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It's something Lucifer thought about a lot, even before he had met you. He never truly stopped loving Lilith, if that's a problem for you then that's an entirely different can of worms for you to tackle... and to tackle in a different post.
He'd feel... a lot. On one hand he was finally moving on and healing, he was finally starting to let himself love again after... everything. Yes we don't exactly know what happened between him and his past lover, but it was definitely enough to throw the man into a deep depression as well as tearing a rift through the family. That sort of hurt doesn't just come from a simple betrayal, nor does it go away over night. It's... complicated. On the other hand he's happy to know that she's still alive and well, and those old feelings try to claw their way back up. It's not fair, to him or to anyone else that Lilith got to leave and come right back. For what, exactly?
It effects his mood a lot and he starts to shut you out, he doesn't mean to hurt you but his mind is just too loud for him to bare. I don't think that there would be a poly relationship between the three of you, at least that is assuming if my thoughts and theories of Lilith being a... not good person or caring partner/parent are true, and if this post ends up being disproven as more of the show is released then I will eat my words.
Lucifer has two hands but he wants them both to be held by you, feeling that he would fall apart without him during this hard time.
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yorshie · 9 months
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I just read almost all your turtle relates work and i loved It! I was wondering how the brothers worked out having a poly relationship with the reader, the dynamics, what they think/feel about It, etc.
It can be headcanons or one shot, don't really mind, I just adore your work with them 👀
Thank you so much for your amazing storys💫
Thank you for the ask Nonnie!
I want to precede this by saying I don’t really have serious thoughts about how a poly relationship with all four brothers would work. I just started writing without worrying about the logistics of it, but I do keep some things in mind so it doesn’t turn into a Marty Robbin’s song.
So I went with head canon style observations and then added a little blurb that just hasn’t really fit in any one-shots I’ve written so far, but seemed appropriate in this context. I hope you enjoy!
Bayverse turtles x GNreader
Jealousy goes out the window. Who she? Oh, we don't know her. Brotherly squabbles still exist, but you are never the direct reason for the issues.
This relationship was definitely a slow burn, friends to lovers, where the lines blurred as love grew.
Mikey was probably the first one to start testing the friendship/boyfriend lines. His brand of flirting and physical affection makes him a prime suspect to see how far he could push and what exactly you would be comfortable with.
Donnie seems like the next likely culprit, certainly if he saw how openly you gave affection to his brother he might realize "hey, I'd like some of that", and proceed to tell you what he wanted next time the two of you were alone.
With the older brothers, it would definitely be Leo that has the next epiphany. With his love of listening, he'd probably get you talking and then slowly start scooting closer and closer, on the look out for any signals that you were happy with just two turtles' attentions. Finding none, you'd end up with a cuddle buddy anytime the two of you have a talk.
And Raph? he'd be the last, and he'd just show up with the others on one of the planned hangouts, hesitant and unsure but following their lead. Better not mention the red elephant in the room, or else he's likely to just turn into a roly-poly and scuttle away in fear of overstepping and ruining whatever friendship the two of you have and the luck his brothers stumbled onto. Just keep acting like everything is normal, and he'll bloom.
there's no hierarchy, other than brotherly ones that existed long before you. If someone wants/needs more time/affection, they simply ask for it. If you need time alone, you might have to lock a door or hang up a sign so everyone gets the message it doesn't turn into a revolving door of turtles checking in on you.
Date nights can be with one, two, or all four turtles. Only once was there a date planned while Donnie was shell deep in a project, and it was the one date that everyone agrees was a failure. After that debacle, Donnie gets dragged out of his proverbial dungeon anytime a 'four turtle date' is planned. While the brothers do plan one-on-one time with you, if you guys are hanging out in the lair chances are everyone will gravitate towards the commotion.
Sleep overs are probably the only time things can get complicated. You of course have the option to hole up in the guest room, and there's always sleep piles in the living area that happen often enough that Donnie went ahead and ordered extra mattresses to avoid the fuss of everyone having to drag half their bedrooms out into the Lair proper over and over, but sometimes you just want one snuggle buddy and you end up in one brother's room. It's the one time they'll get territorial over you, and it's an unspoken rule that if someone follows their nose to find you and ends up outside a personal space, they turn around and seek you out another time. It's the one rule not even Michelangelo tries to bend.
Turtle Pile
You woke up in the odd hours of the morning, the need to pee cutting into the bone deep contentment that had settled under your skin. You shifted, slowly, taking stock of where you were and how much wiggle room your turtles had allowed.
The lip of Raph's shell was a solid barrier over the edge of your hip and the line of one leg. He liked to have you up against him while he slept, the better to shield you in case something went wrong. He was laying the opposite direction of you, shoulder to shoulder with Leo, who had half draped himself over your lap and legs.
Leo's head was still tilted into the soft meat of your thigh where he'd been lulled to sleep mid conversation, breath slow and even, muscles twitching even in sleep.
Mikey had taken up your other side, arm snaked over your waist and leg hitched over what you were sure was suppose to be your closest hip, except Leo's shell was in the way. His face was propped close to yours, soft snores adorable, not quite as elevated as you were, and with no pillow to really protect his neck from Donnie's shell.
You were using the tallest brother as a pillow, as he laid out on his plastron, pining his legs and using the slope of his carapace as a make shift recliner. The reason you'd given him was to keep you safe in case someone shifted too much in their sleep, but the true intent was to keep him from sneaking back into his lab and half finished projects.
It was comfortable, safe, and warm, but the pressure in your bladder pinged again. With a soft sigh, you removed Mikey's arm and stretched, slinking up Donnie's shell to slide your legs out from under Leo.
His grip tightened, one sleepy blue eye opening to check on you. "What's wrong?"
It as more a rumble than words, but you understood , and whispered back, "nothing's wrong, just have to go pee."
He hummed, the sound low and familiar, and released you. "Climb back this way, you'll wake Dee."
"I've been awake, "came Donnie's clear, quiet voice.
You rolled your eyes, bracing a hand on one of the massive scutes on Raph's carapace and stepping over Leo's shoulder. "Make sure my pillow doesn't run off, Blue."
Leo gave a bare huff of sound, and you heard Donnie give an exasperated click in the back of his throat as Leo grabbed his brother's legs. "Yes, ma'am."
"Could be doing so much work right now." You heard Donnie grumble as you finished breaking free.
Your bare feet padded across the cool floor to the bathroom, soft steps not loud enough to mask Raph's equally irritated grouse:
"You'll have all weekend to work, nerd, now shuttup and sleep."
The door was just sliding shut when you heard Mikey's voice, the loud whisper practically a yell in the otherwise quiet space:
"Hey, where'd angel go?"
Followed by three sighs of various annoyance at the loud noise.
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pinkthrone445 · 5 months
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~I'd do it all over again if you're with me~ Prequel
Next part
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Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader
Gender: little bit of hurt, fluff.
Warnlings : (+18) strong words, mention of alcohol.
Summary:you and Melissa had been in a relationship for a couple of years now, until at your sister's wedding you talk about marriage and you realize that the two of you had different perspectives on the future of the couple.
Request:I’m obsessed with this! Can you make a prequel where the reader talks about getting married and Mel refuses and then later Mel proposes the reader? 🥺 I loved when you talked about it! @babytakeittothehead
Hope you like it! ❤️
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You and Mel were at one of your sisters' weddings, you had traveled over the weekend so you could enjoy the party and the family. Everything had been beautiful, the atmosphere was spectacular, there was certainly love in the air. You and Melissa had been together all night, her hands always in contact with yours or your body. You loved moments like that where you could go out and enjoy being a couple in front of everyone, unlike when you visited her at school and you had to control themselves, so the kids wouldn't make disgusted faces.
When it was time to toss the bouquet, you and Melissa didn't make any effort to go participate, you just stayed at the table talking, that's why you were surprised when the bouquet practically fell into her hands, which made you laugh when you saw her face. While everyone applauded and congratulated you two, the redhead left the bouquet on the table making a disgusted face
-"No thanks"-she said, and another guest looked at her curiously
-"You're not a big fan of commitment, I assume"- he murmured and Melissa shook her head, taking a sip from her drink
-"Not even drunk in Vegas would I get married, that's a mistake I only made once and I won't do it again for anyone. The only thing a wedding achieves is that at the time of separation, everything it is more complicated. Because believe me, that eternal love bullshit is a lie. All couples have problems and are going to separate as soon as possible with the stupidest reason as an excuse"-The redhead replied too sincerely to be at a wedding, clearly she had taken a little too much to drink
-"Come on Mel, there are couples who last a lifetime together, look at you and me how well we are doing in 3 years together, I see us together for many more years. A wedding only confirms that love that couples feel for each other" - You responded trying to lighten the harsh comment your girlfriend had made, she just laughed
-"Believe me honey, everyone separates at one point or another and those who haven't, it's because they're cowards"-She replied as she continued drinking, you frowned and for the first time in the night you stopped having contact with her by letting go of her hand
-"I think it's more cowardly to give up... So you are planing to leave me?"-You asked, confused, and she laughed, thinking your question was a joke
-"No, not now, but we don't know what will happen in the future, life is hard and fights happen" -she replied without much care-"don't know what will happen in the future when we go through problems"
The rest of the party you avoided the redhead as much as you could, until it was time to go to the hotel. As you were taking off your dress and putting your pajamas, Melissa hugged you from behind pressing her front to your back and kissing your neck, knowing the effect that had on you, but you sighed and slipped out of her grip
-"I thought that if we were going through troubles we would talk like adults and fix things. Not that we would separate at the first sight of difficulties, I imagined myself with you all my life..."-You whispered in pain and got up from the table
-"Come on, I didn't think you were so deluded" - she joked and you sighed
- "I'll go see my sister to see how she's doing" - you said before walking away.
-"I'm tired Melissa, it was a very long wedding" - you replied and she tried to hug you but you wouldn't let her, laying you on the bed and letting your hair down
-"But it's the last day we have at the hotel before we go back home, I thought we'd enjoy it"-she whispered disappointed seeing how you covered your body with the blankets without even deigning to answer before closing your eyes. Defeated, the redhead changed and lay down next to you.
The next day you thought that you would feel better, but her words stuck in your head, she was thinking about a future without you in it. You sighed looking out the window of the plane, why would Melissa say that? Were you giving 100 percent of yourself in the relationship and that relationship already had an expiration date? Didn't she imagine a future with you? Didn't the supposed love she had for you make her want to spend her life with you? She could have said she didn't want to get married because she didn't believe in weddings anymore and you would have understood. But no, she said she didn't want to get married because it would make the separation more complicated, that only fools believed in weddings, you assumed that made you a fool... She said that problems could separate you, so little faith did she have in the relationship and so little effort would put into fixing things that she would be ready to part ways in the first fight?
Your heart felt heavy, maybe you were overthinking things, but it had really hurt you to hear that from her. If you had known that she didn't imagine a future with you like the one you imagined with her, maybe you wouldn't have been so involved in the relationship, the more you thought about it, the more heartbroken you imagined yourself.
For her part, Melissa didn't understand anything, neither your change of mood nor what made you sick. You never refused to have sex with her, in fact, you almost always initiated it and never said no, no matter how tired you were. Also, whenever you traveled together on a plane or bus, you rested your head on her shoulder and hugged her arm because that helped you calm down and sleep, but now you had turned the other way, with your back to her, looking out the window of the plane, and hugging your pillow. She tried to talk to you, but you were on the verge of tears and didn't want to cry on the plane, so you put on your headphones and closed your eyes trying to avoid her as much as possible.
When the plane landed and you got down, Melissa spent the whole way back home talking, but you barely responded to her, your head was completely elsewhere and Melissa still didn't know why. You had already been dating for 3 years and she knew you more than you knew yourself, but there were times when she could be so clueless with the things that were happening to you, if you didn't say it to her face, she didn't realize what made you feel bad, or even realize that it was she who had hurt you.
As soon as you got home, you started unpacking your bags and putting your clothes in the wash, especially the ones you would need the next day to go to work. Among the things you pulled out was a set of red underwear, Melissa's favorite color, but it was definitely new because she hadn't seen it before. The redhead's eyes lit up with excitement and possibilities, approaching you with a mischievous smile and hugging you from behind kissing your shoulder without taking her eyes off your suitcase and the underwear set
-"And that? I'm sure I haven't seen it before... Is it beautiful, when did you buy it?" - Your girlfriend asked you excitedly, hoping that the talk would lead you to wear it
-"I bought it on the trip, I was going to use it for you the night after the wedding, until I lost the desire to have sex"-you replied seriously and I let you off her grip to continue doing your things, the redhead looked at you with confusion
-"No problem with that, you could use it now... I'm dying to see you with that" - she said in a seductive tone, but you barely paid attention to her
-"I can't, I have a lot of things to do for tomorrow for my work and I want to sleep early to be well rested" - you replied putting the set of underwear in the wash and taking out some papers from work, leaving her more confused.
The next day, Melissa got up to make you breakfast, she knew she had done something wrong but she still didn't know what. When she got up, she was surprised to see that you had already left and she hadn't noticed, almost always you were the one who had the hardest time waking up. The redhead sighed, ate breakfast by herself, and then went to work.
At recess, she told her friend Barbara everything that had happened on the trip she had had with you, how much fun you were having until the bouquet fell into her hands. And how confused she had been after that because of the anger you were showing. Her friend laughed at how lost the redhead was
-"Don't you think maybe she's upset about how quickly you dismissed the idea of marriage? You're in a relationship of 3 years with her, maybe she hoped to get married someday. The fact that you are in a relationship means that these things are discussed between the two of you, not denied without first consultation at least. A relationship is about committing to things even if you don't like it, it's about demanding but also giving. I know you're not a fan of weddings because of your ex, but she's younger and maybe she imagined the perfect wedding with you. You should ask her if that's why... And maybe if you don't want a huge wedding, plan a party even if it's just to celebrate your love. That girl left her house to go live with you, she puts up with your strong character and your anger, and she is always attentive to help you with everything, I think it's your turn to do something for her..."-The eldest advised her and Melissa sighed, she knew she was right but that didn't make it any easier, just thinking about marriage turned the redhead's stomach because it reminded her of her failed marriage and how she was cheated.
After join up some courage, at the end of the classes she was ready to go home to talk to you. It hurt her to see that the food she had prepared for you was still in its place, even though you had clearly arrived home a long time ago. After leaving her things in place, she went to the living room where she found you eating a bag of chips while you watched TV without paying much attention to it
-"Honey..." -The redhead tried to get your attention but didn't succeed-(Y/N)?-she tried again
-"Mhhh?"-you asked still looking at the tv
-"I'm home..."-she whispered
-"I saw that, I saw you"-you replied dryly and she sighed
-"Look hon...I get that you're angry about what I said, but you can't treat me like this just because of that, I think you're overreacting" - Said the redhead, tired of your bad mood, you paused the movie and put the potatoes aside, finally paying attention to her
-"Do you even know what bothered me about what you said? Because for me this is an appropriate reaction, because what you said made me reconsider my whole future with you"-You got up from the couch upset and stood in front of her
-"If this is because I said I didn't want a stupid marriage, it's obvious that we're going to have our disagreements, but if you're going to get like this because of something so stupid, I can't imagine when we have more serious problems, we're not going to last much longer together"-Your girlfriend replied clearly annoyed, everything she had practiced of how to talk things down was no longer useful, her bad temper was winning over her desire to talk things calmly
-"You don't get it! It's not about the fucking wedding Melissa! Yes I would love to get married, but I can live without it. It's about you not thinking we have what it takes to be together as a couple despite the problems. We haven't had a big fight yet and you're already thinking about separation and giving up. If you don't want a future with me, if you plan to break up with me later for some stupid shit, you better do it now and end this once and for all. 'Cause I'm not your toy to please you until you decide you don't need me anymore"-You yelled at your girlfriend looking at her with teary eyes. The redhead took a step back, calming down and sighing as she finally understood what was happening
-"Hon... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I wasn't even thinking about what I said... I just remembered how stupid my ex-husband was and everything I had to go through to separate and get a divorce" - she whispered and came closer to you, but you took a step back crying
-"Well, but I'm not your ex-husband, I'm not going to cheat on you with someone else, I love you and adore you, I'd never think of hurting you like that. From day one that we are together I have put everything I am into this relationship and it hurts me to see that you are already thinking about ending things with me at the slightest confrontation"-you whispered no longer strong enough to fight, the anger left your body and was replaced with sadness, Melissa came up to you and hugged you tight kissing your forehead and this time you left her and leaned on her chest sobbing, just the thought of losing her broke your heart into a thousand pieces-"I don't want to lose you Melissa, I want us to do everything to fix the situation even though we have fights because I love you, I love you more than anyone else in this life..."-You whispered against her chest and she hugged you even tighter
-"I love you and I can't imagine a life without you, I'm so sorry for what I said, I was so scarred by my past that I didn't realize I was ruining my future with you... Every night before I go to sleep, I pray to the heavens that for the rest of my life you will be by my side when I wake up. It was kind of unconscious that I said, I can't imagine my life without you, I'm so sorry, I want you forever in my life."-Melissa kept whispering sweet things while still hugging you, things that erased your fears and insecurities, that brought peace back to your heart.
It was Valentine's Day and Melissa had been working longer hours, having two classes together meant twice as many students, twice as many exams and twice as many children who needed help. On that particular day, she tried to leave early to see you at home, but one of her students was having trouble at home and decided to vent to the redhead minutes before she left, forcing her to stay longer to help him. When the child finally stopped crying and the parents came to pick him up, it had been almost three hours since the last time she had sent you a quick message saying she would arrive a little later without time to give you more explanations. Melissa sighed grabbing her bag and walking through the parking lot, she knew that you had agreed to go out to dinner together in a luxurious restaurant and there was still time to get to the reservation if you canceled going to the movies as you had agreed, but she was very tired and with little desire to go out, the day had left her exhausted. Between the restless children and the problem she had to handle, she no longer had any desire to be with more people, only to stay with you at home. But she had already left you waiting and you already had the reservation paid, she knew you would be mad if you didn't do anything special on Valentine's Day. Melissa carefully opened the front door, but not before smiling despite her tiredness. As soon as she put down her coat and purse, she saw how you got up from the couch wearing a beautiful and elegant dress, silently approached her side, she expected you to yell at her or get angry at her tardiness, but instead, you caressed her cheek with a small smile on your lips
~Months Later~
-"Hi Mel, I missed you... Are you okay?"-You asked with real concern in your voice, the redhead carefully hugged your waist
-"Hello sweetie, I'm fine... I'm so sorry to be late, it's just that one of my students had a problem and needed my help..." - she answered looking at your eyes
-"Are they okay?"-you asked and she nodded-"and you are really okay?"
-"Yes, I'll take a quick shower and then we can go to the restaurant, so we don't lose our reservation" - The redhead spoke quickly trying to get out of your embrace but you wouldn't let her, she looked at you confused
-"Do you want to stay?"-You whispered, the redhead was shocked, it looks like you read her mind, she turned to look at you, pointing to your dress
-"No, you're already dressed and we've already paid for the reservation" - she insisted, not because she didn't want to stay, but because she didn't want to look bad saying yes so fast
-"But you're tired... I know you Mel, I know it's Valentine's Day but you don't feel like going out and I know"-she pointed to your dress again but you took it off and let it fall, leaving you only in panties and leaving the redhead speechless to answer you-" done, I don't have a dress anymore, do you want to stay now? You can barely keep walking, I know you wanna stay, I won't get mad if you are honest with me..."-You whispered and smiled
-"I wanna stay..."-she answered and you hugged her tightly, the redhead took advantage of your lack of clothes to let her hands travel over your body smiling
-"Let's take a shower"-you whispered over her lips before kissing her
After a relaxing and gentle shower together, the two of you got into bed and put on a movie on TV, neither of you bothered to put on clothes, all you did was bring some snacks. The redhead's head was on your chest as she hugged your waist and felt your soft breathing. Usually you were the one snuggling up in her, but you knew she was tired and needed it. Melissa was focused on her thoughts instead of the television. Anyone else would have been mad at her for being late on Valentine's Day, but you were worried about her and hers students, not mad at all. In previous years the two of you had made great gestures for each other on Valentine's Day, but nevertheless, Melissa appreciated this much more, that you had put your plans aside because she needed it, she appreciated that you realized what she needed. She valued staying at home with you, without hearing a single complaint about the ordinariness of the situation on such a special day. Melissa was grateful for you, you had a lot of patience with her. Your hand was playing with the redhead's hair and when she felt your laughter thanks to the movie under her cheek, she came back to reality looking at you with shining eyes, you felt watched and you looked at her confused
-"What?"-Your mouth was full of Doritos and she thought that was adorable
-"Marry me" - she whispered getting up and sitting down next to you looking into your eyes, you almost choked
-"What?"-you asked again after drinking some water
-"Marry me... I want to live the rest of my life with you, I want the world to know that we belong to each other, I want our friends to celebrate our love with us, I want it to be almost impossible for us to walk away from each other, I want you to marry me... Please, I'd be very foolish if at some point in my life I thought of leaving you again"-The redhead spoke truthfully and you looked at her confused, although you wanted to get married you knew that she wasn't a big fan of the idea, and if you had ever imagined that she would propose to you, it certainly wouldn't be while you were in bed naked watching a comedy movie. At your silence, the eldest became nervous- "I promise I'll buy some rings as soon as possible but if you want we can..."-The redhead couldn't keep talking when you sat on her legs and started kissing her with emotion and tears in your eyes, her hands immediately went to your waist as she enjoyed having you close-"Is that a yes?"-she spoke over your lips without separating an inch
-"YES! DEFINITELY"-You screamed and kissed her again, which made her laugh. Melissa was doing this out of pure love and you knew it, she wasn't doing it in front of a big crowd to show off, or because she had made a mistake and wanted to fix it, she was doing it completely out of love, for her and for you.
-"I'm going to be the only one lucky enough to enjoy your Doritos-flavored kisses for the rest of my life, future Mrs. Schemmenti"-she answered making you laugh and kiss her again-"I love you..."
-"I love you more, happy Valentine's..."-you answered
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ever-eilish · 2 months
Note
hi! I'd love to see how you'd write chishiya. :)
If you don't have many ideas--maybe a simple scenario where the reader has night terrors and sleeps better with someone. So, she kinda just knocks on Chishiya's door, fully expecting him to dismiss her but he actually agrees.
If you want to turn it into smut, you do you!
Good night
chishiya x fem!reader
when sleepless nights are more common than usual, a very familiar face helps with the terror that comes when the sun goes down
author's notes: so, this is the very first imagine that l post on tumblr! I'm excited to know what you guys think about it :) thank you so much for requesting, I hope this is what you wanted!!! english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes, enjoy❤️‍🩹
warnings: none! just fluff ;)
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Sweat dripped from my forehead and I could feel my heart pounding in my ribcage. Tears were forming in my eyes and my breathing was. heavy. The feeling of exhaustion gnawed at me more and more, but now it was impossible to close my eyes and rest again. Ever since I arrived in this place, I have had dreams - or rather, nightmares - every night. At first, I was able to go back to sleep; but the nightmares are getting worse. What was once just a distant image of all the horrors I've experienced here, are now people screaming and running after me.
"Murderer! Murderer!" They scream as they run towards me, with disfigured faces and bloody bodies.
I can't run, it's almost like my feet betray me and refuse to move. I get up from my bed and walk towards the door. I don't have time to think straight when I stand in front of Chishiya's bedroom door; again feeling betrayed by my own feet.
My relationship with Chishiya is complicated, we don't really like each other. It all started with a stupid game, in which only he and I made it out alive. However, what should be a reason for rapprochement, has become a reason for repulsion.
I don't know exactly why, maybe he just didn't really liked me, but I know that since then we've gone into a strange spiral of competition. In which every time I come back from a game he looks at me with that look of superiority that I hate so much, and acts as if the fact that I survived another game was a surprise; obviously, I do the same to him.
I can't quite figure it out, maybe for a subconscious reason, or maybe because he's the only familiar face on the beach, but now I'm knocking on his door.
I regret my decision the moment I put it into action, after all, it was obvious that he would not open the door.
Or maybe he'd even open the door and when he looked at my face, he'd give another one of his smirks and close the door. Or maybe he would even insult me for waking him up in the middle of the night just because I needed comfort. Maybe I should just go back to my room and spend another sleepless night trapped in my own thoughts. I was going back to my room when I hear the door open.
I turn around again and see the blond-haired man's face staring at me intensely, with a questioning look. An awkward silence ensues as I stare at him wide-eyed.
"I-I..." I can't finish my sentence.
Idiot, idiot, idiot! Why the fuck did I think it would be a good idea to show up at the door of the last person who would want to be woken up by me?
"You...?" he says, raising an eyebrow and looking in my direction. His eyes showed no judgment, but rather pure confusion.
"I had a nightmare, and..." onde again, I was not able to finish my sentence "I'll just go back to my room! Sorry if I bothered you!"
I and turn to go to my room again when I feel a warm hand touch my arm.
Something about that simple touch was different, it was almost as if with just one touch, he could soothe all my demons.
"Come in" he says in an indifferent tone, giving me room to enter his room. With a little hesitation I walk towards the room.
The place smelled of cinnamon, with a slight touch of sweetness. It was organized, and somehow I felt that Chishiya's room was a good representation of his personality; cold and not so cozy, but at that moment, that was all I needed.
"Are you going to stand there, or are you going to lie down?" he says, walking over to his king-size bed in the middle of the room. It was only at that moment that I noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual sweatshirt, but just a black t-shirt and sweatpants of the same a color.
I walk towards his bed and sit on the right side, suddenly feeling that my fingers were much more interesting than staring at the piercing brown eyes that were looking at me curiously.
"I don't bite" he says, again in an indifferent tone, and I look in his direction, noticing that he was now lying on his back "you can lie down, you look tired"
So I do as he says and lie on my back as well, staring at the dull white ceiling. The situation should be uncomfortable, and I should be wishing I could get out of here as soon as possible, but instead, I felt comforted by the warmth emanating from the body of the man lying just inches from me, and I wondered how long it had been since I felt such comfort.
"So, nightmares, right?" he asks and turns his head in my direction
"Yes, I guess"
"And may I know why you chose to come here?" he asks me.
His tone was not accusatory, but curious. What am I supposed to answer, anyway? I'm not even sure what I'm doing here.
"I have no idea" I answer honestly, and hear a faint laugh from my side, still refusing to look into his eyes. The room is silent again and I feel him moving on the bed to turn off a simple lamp with yellowish light arranged on the small table next to him, a lamp that I didn't even notice was on.
Now, with the total darkness, I can't help but feel more comfortable, my eyes heavy. It was suddenly, so suddenly that I almost couldn't believe it, that I felt Chisiya's arm go over my shoulders and pulling me slightly closer; Now, my head is millimeters away from his chest, and his arms are clinging to me, with his hand making small circular motions on my forearm. I don't dare say anything, I just let myself relax, snuggle into his embrace and focus on the circular drawings he made with his fingers on my skin, as I feel my eyes close and my body fall into a much-needed sleep.
Maybe it's the only time l've really been able to sleep well since I've been here.
Little did I know, that this was also the only time Chishiya had been able to sleep well since arriving in this hell.
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tillthelandslide · 8 months
Text
Same For You: (4) No Need to Explain
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Series Warnings: slow burn romance, eventual smut, age gap, complicated relationship (low-key unhealthy dynamics), eventual love...
A/n: okay.... Here's part 4, honestly I am so so excited for you guys to see what it's in store for this series, every chapter I am more and more proud of and I am really enjoying working on this, it's actually making me so happy and I love this series (never thought I'd say that about my own work) I know it's a bit slow to get going but please bare with me.... It will be worth it truth me! Love you lots - Lou 🫶🏼
IM SORRY I JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO POST IT...
Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername (if you want to be added please just drop me a message 🫶🏼)
Series Masterlist
(3) The Deal
Matty's house was very... Plain? She was unsure whether that was the appropriate word to describe it, she liked it, it felt arty and edgy, but she preferred a space that felt like home. Of course there were things scattered around his house that screamed "Matty". Things that added a special touch to his space, but she felt a little lonely looking around the hallway, following the man into his kitchen.
"Nice place" she comments, not entirely telling the truth. His eyes find her face and he scans it, noting the way she smiled but how it didn't quite reach her eyes, a tell tale sign of her lying.
"Really? Doesn't really seem liked your kind of thing" he asks and she pulls a funny face at him, not able to lie. He only chuckles at her as he clicks the kettle on.
"Bit too neat for my liking..." She says and he laughs again. His house was visually pleasing, she'd be silly to deny that, but it didn't feel lived in. She likes the feeling she got when she went back to her mother's house, the warm feeling in her stomach, her heart feeling like it was back home again. She didn't get that from Matty's place and looking around the room, she didn't see how he could feel that way either.
"You can call me boring love, it's fine....I won't take offense" she shakes her head, and again he's laughing. She gets that feeling in her stomach again, it dips and then soars and she thought it was only one reserved for Ross, but now, sitting across from Matty, she's learning that maybe that wasn't the case.
"No... No not boring, just wasn't what I expected is all. I like it, it's very aesthetic. Just not as homey as I personally like..." She pauses as she looks around the room, even his kitchen was clean cut and raw, there weren't many decorations and if she didn't know him she'd think he'd just moved in.
"Does it not get lonely? I can imagine it would" she says and if she was asked, she'd blame it on the alcohol she'd consumed. She takes in the furrow of Mattys eyebrows and the way he runs a hand along his chin as he looks at her. Matty quite liked the way she was unwaveringly honest with him, she didn't hold herself back despite people typically doing so when they hadn't known each other all that long. Matty was like that too... Another similarity that drew them together.
"Sorry....I'm intruding" she says just as the kettle clicks, Matty turns away from her, attending to the tea.
"How'd you take it love?" He asks, ignoring the desire to take the piss out of his own words, make an innuendo just to ease some of the tension. But he then thinks it's better to just welcome it, for it was with her, if it was her asking questions that made him slightly uncomfortable, he knew he wouldn't mind all that much.
"Milky please... Two sugars" she says and he makes it how she likes, turning back to her and placing the tea in front of her.
"We can sit in my living room if you'd like? Slightly more 'homey" then the rest of the house" he jests and she raises a hand over her heart, feigning hurt.
"You're never going to let me live that down are you?" She says and she begins following him to the other room.
"I mean, I invited you into my home and so far all you've done is take the piss" he jokes, he sits down, quite close to her considering the sofa was large enough for three. He sees her shiver and he sighs.
"hold this a second" he asks, despite the fact he has a coffee table. She does as he says and their fingers graze before he disappears, running upstairs. Whilst he's gone she takes in the two mugs she's holding and the sight brings a genuine smile to her lips.
His is a white mug with red writing that reads "world's best dad", whilst he's given her another white mug that reads "some people just need a high five" in big letters with smaller letters underneath that read "in the face with a chair" she chuckles out loud and she can hear Matty hum from upstairs.
She then hears him run back down the stairs, before he's standing before her again, a large hoodie resting in his arms.
"Here" he says, handing it to her.
"thanks" she says, handing him both cups as she tugs the jumper over her head. It seems like cigarettes and him and the edges are frayed but the fabric underneath is soft and feels warm against her skin. The fabric was creased, it had been worn recently, he had worn it and again that warm fuzzy feeling appears in her stomach. She tries to push it away as she peers across at him, taking in the small smile that rests against his mouth, she watches his eyes rake down her form and her mouth goes dry. She shouldn't be feeling like this, it was wrong.
"cute' he comments as he gives her the mug back, she simply smiles at him. He holds his cup in one hand, resting his arm around the back of the sofa, hand resting next to her head as they look at each other.
"Nice mugs" she laughs again and his eyes flick between the mugs, bringing the hand that's next to her up to his face when he realises what he's done.
"I'm so sorry" there's no real reason to apologise so she brings her hand to his and takes it away from her face and squeezes it, shaking her head at him.
"It's fine... I like them - very you" he raises his eyebrows at that and she laughs again, he laughs alone with her after a beat. Eventually when their laughter dies down, his eyes flick to her their intertwined hand and he feels himself blush. His mind flicks to Ross, and he immediately pulls his hand away (although gently as to not offend her) and he places it back next to her head.
"To answer your question earlier... Yes, it gets lonely" he says and she smiles sadly at him.
"Bet you're hardly here though right? Always on the road?" She asks and he nods.
"Yeah... Don't spend that much time here... Sometimes makes it worse to be honest" he says and she frowns at him.
"How so?"
"When we're on tour, I got my boys y'know. The truth is, they're home to me... So when I'm here and they're not... It's just lonely" he says and she nods, understanding. She leans her head against his hand, and he smiles at her as she does. Her cheek is warm against the skin there and he feels electricity spark against his hand.
He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and grasp her face in his hold, never letting her go... But he couldn't... Not when it was clear Ross was also interested. He debates whether to bring up the bassist and despite knowing he shouldn't, he can't help it.
"Looked awfully cosy with Ross tonight... Wearing his jacket and everything" Matty comments. She knew something was up earlier, and she feels conflicted that he seems to be bothered by it. She felt more than confused about her feelings, it was obvious she cared for Matty too much already, he made her smile and laugh, and she had that warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach when she spoke to him.
But Ross excited her, she wanted to know everything there was to know about him, she also felt at home with the man. He could smile and her heart would soar and her hairs would stand on end. She was fucked.
"You don't like that" she says, it wasn't a question, it was a statement and Matty doesn't know how to respond.
"I wouldn't say that no... I dunno y/n. I feel sort of protective over you. Not that Ross would do anything bad. Quite the opposite. I dunno. It's complicated"
Complicated didn't even begin to describe it. She had never felt this way before, she couldn't pinpoint what she felt for the both of them, but she also felt horrible because the truth was she hardly knew either of them yet, not truly, not for long enough.
"Nothing will happen if you don't want it to" she says and she doesn't really know why she does, it just slips out. She didn't know how to feel and clearly her brain wasn't functioning properly. She knew ideally she shouldn't be thinking about either of them this way, she was working with them now. It was unprofessional.
"Do you want something to happen?" He asks and he watches as she removes her face from against his hand, taking a sip of her tea as she shrugs.
"I hardly know either of you Matty... And I'm about to be working with you both. So it's not a good idea" she says and he nods slowly, eyes wandering over her facial features, fingertips plucking his lips, rolling the bottom one between his thumb and finger. As he looks at her in can't help but find a flaw in her words, they did know each other, maybe they hadn't known each other for very long but he already knew things about her that made him care for her deeply, that made him yearn for her.
"Okay... But ignore that for a second. What do you feel?" He asks and she just laughs, because she couldn't give him an answer. She didn't know. Or she was in denial.
"I don't know" she says honestly. The only way she could describe it, was that she felt a pull towards the both of them, she was unsure what that meant, or whether that meant she liked one or the other, but she knew when she was with Matty, she didn't feel so alone, he was with someone who was similar to her, who understood the dark parts of her soul.
But when she was with Ross, she felt like she was the person she wanted to be, someone desired, someone wanted. Ross represented a different part of herself, someone free, someone happy, someone who finally felt at home and she liked who she was and how she felt when she was around him.
"Hmm" he doesn't press any further and instead they both finish their tea and she explains that she should head home soon. She retrieves her phone from Matty's coat pocket, the both of them standing at his door as they wait for the Uber to arrive. She peers at the time, 1:02 it reads and she frowns slightly, seeing a text from Ross. She's still wearing his hoodie and she doesn't plan on taking it off and he smiles at that.
"Thank you for the tea" she says and somehow his hand weaves its way into hers, most of it is hidden under the fabric but his hand slips beneath it, grasping the warm but small hand in his.
"You're welcome" he says, pulling her towards him to hug her tightly. His arms wrap around her waist, and he pulls her up slightly, forcing her on her tip toes. Her arms weave their way across his shoulders, tucking her head to the side against his chest as his tuck into her neck.
She feels his breath caressing her skin and feels the symphony of his heart, drumming against her ear. It was intimate, it was nice. He sighs deeply and she feels his lips contort into a smile against her neck, they weren't pressed against the skin but they grazed it. Goosebumps. She had goosebumps.
"Let me know when you're home okay?" She nods into his embrace "and maybe... If you figure out how you're feeling... Give me a text" he says and his words surprise her, she doesn't know what they mean, or what he wants. She pulls away from the man, looking up into his eyes and nodding. Their hands don't let go of each other until their fingertips are unable to touch anymore and finally they drop.
She then slips into the Uber and feels even more confused then she initially did, especially when she sees two more texts from Ross.
"Love? Xx" One reads.
"I'm hoping you've just fallen asleep... Won't take offense this time 😋xx" the next reads.
"I'm so so sorry! I wasn't ignoring you I swear.. Matty left his keys in his coat and I dropped them off. On my way home now though. I promise I'm safe xx" she replies back, seeing three dots appear before they disappear again.
She frowns at that, did she upset him?
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She meets with the band the next day, explaining the plans in further detail to them. They all (apart from Jay) seem to be okay with the idea, excited to be working the band.
"Alright Jay stop being a dick, you could've easily come to the meeting with y/n and had your say but you didn't... So now majority rules and you're going to have to deal with it" Abbie argues, standing up for her friend which ultimately y/n is thankful for.
Jay sighs and pouts whilst the rest ask some more questions, all of which she answers happily.
"So Matty is really keen to have all of us in the studio together, give us a chance to get to know everyone... We can sit down and show them what we've got if we want... Or start from scratch" y/n explains, they all nod, smiling widely.
"I'm so fucking hyped man" Clara says making everyone laugh "this is going to be epic" she says and y/n cant help but smile widely as she speaks.
Eventually everyone has to leave for their day jobs, but y/n says at the coffee shop, receiving a text from Ross.
"Want to grab that coffee we spoke about? Xx" she's thankful that he's not annoyed or upset enough to completely ignore her.
"Absolutely! I'm actually at a place now, was just catching up with the band but they've gone to work" she says, texting him the address after. He arrives maybe 10 minutes later and she can't help but smile widely when he walks through the door. He wears a black hoodie that is big but not so big it drowns him, she can still make out his good figure, and the way his chest still sits flush against the fabric. A pair of old blue jeans rest against his legs and her eyes can't help but find his thighs, despite her brain telling her not to.
He walks over to the counter, quickly ordering himself a drink before he makes his way over to her. Placing his drink down so he could properly say hello.
She stands up to greet him, the pair meeting in a tight hug. She hears him sigh against her and she swear she can sense how wide he's smiling. And he's there again, invading her senses, completly taking them over, commanding them.
"Hi" he says as they pull away from each other.
"hi" she smiles as she sits down, leaning on the palm of her hand as she looks across at him. He begs himself to get a grip, heart increasing tenfold as he looks at her, she looked so adorable sitting there like that, the jumper she's wearing, hooked up over her hands to keep her warm.
"So... You said the others went to work? What are you still doing here then?" He asks and she smiles.
"Well... Lucky for me music is my day job" she says and he raises his eyebrows up at her.
"Yeah I write songs for other artists, I've got a small studio in the garage of our house" she says, referring to the band who all live together. "I make stuff for other people as and when the offers there"
"Wow, that's cool... Show me what you're working on at the moment?" He asks and she slides the open note book towards him, their fingertips graze as she hands it to him and they hold eye contact for far too long before his eyes slowly wander down to the paper, reading the words on the page.
"This one is actually for us... Maybe" she says, referencing the band again. She forces the words out despite the way her breath is failing her. Did he feel it too? The way it felt like electricity buzzed between them when they made contact? The way it felt like time slowed as they looked into each other's eyes? The way it felt so god damn difficult to break the eye contact that just felt right?
Her handwriting is small, neat and delicate and he smiles as he reads over the words. His mind flicks to the idea of seeing her write his name, a random thought, a slightly obscure desire but one the man suddenly feels himself in dire need of.
"Not my best work..." She says and he flicks his eyes to meet hers, shaking his head.
"What?" She asks, leaning back against her chair, arms crossed. She looks so cute like that, he thinks, all stubborn and pouty, almost mad that he wasn't just saying what he was thinking. Instead he was shaking his head, sending unclear and blurry messages her way. She wants nothing more than to crawl inside his mind and be able to see every thought, touch every desire and set alight all his doubts.
He feels himself wanting to lean forward, to do something to stop that look, to make her smile at him, for him. A boop of her nose that would make it crinkle in a way that would somehow make her look even cuter. Maybe he could graze his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss, feeling the way her breath hit his lips, hearing the way she'd giggle that giggle that he was already obsessed with. Maybe he could lean forward until his lips were nearly touching hers and just maybe when the tension became too much she'd give in, drop that look from her face and just have to kiss him, because she wouldn't be able to handle the distance apart anymore.
But he couldn't do that, he couldn't do any of it.
"Can't believe you can't see how amazing you are" he says, beginning to read part of what she had written out loud. She tries not to cringe at him speaking her own words.
"You can feel it in your soul Close your eyes and lose control Set it free and let it go Now I'm gonna let you know You'll never stop these changing roads This is the way our story goes"
"That's amazing love" he says and she blushes deeply.
"It's okay... You should really hear the demo to get the full experience" she says and he smiles.
"Tell me about it" he says, leaning forward, clinging on to her every word. She goes on to explain how she did an arrangement of strings and different sounding guitars, the song building up as you listen, and Ross can't get enough, asking question after question, just wanting a peek into her brain.
"Wow... Sounds impressive" he says.
"Thanks" she tilts her head down slightly to shield her face from him, which was tinted red at the cheeks. Her hair falls in front of her face and this time he can't resist leaning forward and hooking it behind her ear.
"You look very pretty today" he comments making her blush even more.
"Thanks..." She seems shy now and Ross finds himself liking the change in her behaviour, proud that he drew that from her. Her phone buzzes on the table and his eyes flick down to it at the same time hers do, reading "Bestie", Ross's eyebrows furrow at it, wondering again if his speculations were right.
"Sorry... It's just Matty" she says, placing her phone back down without replying. Ross doesn't know how to feel about the fact he was named that in her phone, or how to feel that he was texting her. But he quite likes how she doesn't reply, giving him her attention. He remembers her text last night and feels guilty he invited it. But the truth is he didn't know how to reply without making it obvious he was jealous.
"Just recommended me a song to listen to" she explains. Ross can't explain how the fact she was open with him, the fact that she told him exactly what the text was about, instead of leaving him guessing... He couldn't explain why he felt happy, but he did. His mind still flicks back to last night though.
"So... You went to his last night?" He asks, taking a sip from his coffee cup, attempting not to sound jealous or bitter.
"Yeah... The idiot left his keys in the coat. I just had a cup of tea and then went home" that piece of information appeases Ross and he pushes the unwanted and perhaps unneeded jealousy aside.
"He does make a mean brew" his tone has changed now and y/n sighs, feeling a pressure removed from her shoulders. Ross smiles at her and she smiles back.
"You know nothing's happening with Matty right?" She doesn't quite know why she asks it. But she felt like she had to, it was obvious something was happening between her and the bassist (whether it should be or not) and she didn't want him thinking something that wasn't true.
"oh" he says simply, he was then the one that was blushing, embarrassed that it was that obvious he had a problem with it.
"It's hard to explain but... Matty and I are really similar... I see myself in him a lot. And I guess that just draws us together a little bit y'know?" She asks and he nods.
"You don't have to explain yourself y/n, it's fine" but he smiles and secretly likes that she explains, that she tells him the truth. It saves him stressing about what was going on with her and Matty (although he still does, or perhaps just a little less than he usually would). And he supposes it makes her intentions a little clearer, less foggy.
"I know... But I want to" she says and he smiles wider now, reaching for her hand, deciding to cast any apprehension aside and just do what he wanted, which right now, was holding her hand.
The pair begin to talk about everything, finally getting to know each other the way they wanted. And again she feels like she's known him for years. She's surprised to find out how funny he was and how forward he could be, how flirty he was when he wanted. She wasn't surprised to find out that he was kind, unbelievably so and maybe too much for his own good, it was obvious how deeply he cared for others.
She found herself wanting, no, needing, to spend more time with him and the idea that they'd be working with each other made her feel undeniably happy.
When they eventually have to go their separate ways, the hug lasts a little bit too long to be considered friendly, and the way his hands drop to hold hers, not letting them go until someone has to literally squeeze past the pair, has her heart beating fast (which only returns to normal when she's far far away from him).
Ross made the blood in her veins redundant, it wasn't carrying oxygen to her body to keep it alive for the oxygen she needed to breathe was replaced by him when they were together. It wasn't air that she needed to survive, it was him. Ross caused her heart to play it's own symphony, one in which was vibrant and beautiful and made her question how she lived without him up until now.
She was well and truly obsessed, she didn't know whether this was right or wrong, whether she was delusional or of sound mind, whether this was good or bad. But one thing was for certain, whatever this was, there was no stopping it now, no matter how hard she tried to. Although neither of them knew that yet...
© all lyrics are written and owned by yours truly (let's ignore the fact they're not that good but yeah) no stealing hehe
(5) Changing Roads
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zarla-s · 9 months
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Man it's been a long time since I've done an ask cluster! Let's see if I can get some down...
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He's an extremely fun character to write for and play with! So in that sense I'm fond of him, haha. He's such a huge disaster of a person, there's always something fun to do with him. Well "fun" in a relative sense.
I don't have anything to forgive him for, he didn't hurt me. |D He hurt the brothers!
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I do have an idea for a cute feature inspired by Six-Eared Macaque! I should really sit down and do that already... and finish the one I half started but never finished...
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I don't think my opinion on any of them changed! I love them all, haha. Which ones I drew comics about just depends on which ones I get ideas for really. Sometimes I get Alphys ideas and sometimes I get Goatparents ideas! Inspiration is fickle!
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I don't have any solid plans or anything. :B Just gonna keep chugging along with silly comics and art! Work on Defrag and such. I'd like to finish a Ladyverse comic I've had lying around forever, and I had vague plans for doing a doujin for them too I could work on... and also seeing if I could format Handplates into a book format... I've always got a bunch of projects, haha.
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It works on that level! It wasn't intentional though. |D
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I do enjoy speculation! I don't really have much of my own though, I didn't predict anything in chapter 2 so now I'm assuming I can't predict anything in the future chapters either, haha.
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Emesis Blue is great! Some really beautiful visuals in there, very striking! Love the mood of it too and a lot of the surreal imagery. I think it helped spur me back into TF2 again, haha. Medic and Scout's relationship was so cute.
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I have thought about this! It has its share of challenges though... I outlined them more in this post. A pdf would be more doable though... could even include some extra stuff as well! Hmm...
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I can see that! He'd probably spend as much time out in the rain as he could just doing whatever to stay outside.
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It was pretty much always going to end like that. I always wanted it to end on a hopeful note! Which might seem weird with how dark it is at the beginning. I DID for a brief period at the very beginning of Handplates think about stopping with the Pacifist run, but that was only because I thought going where I wanted to go would take too long and already the project seemed so dauntingly huge at the time, haha. But it was always going to end in a positive way!
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Gaster talks about what he originally intended to create here, and he explains a bit about the physical experiments he runs on the brothers here. They aren't really a solution in and of themselves so much as tools to try and find a way to break the barrier. Really though, Gaster got stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy lol.
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I don't really have opinions about what canon Gaster would be like. |D Handplates Gaster is his own thing really. Canon Gaster, who knows! Deltarune Gaster, who knows! I will say I hope Gaster stays a mystery in Deltarune and never actually shows up but I think the odds of that are really low at this point.
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I thought about doing a script along those lines! I did a few rough drafts of one, but it never really went anywhere... it'd end up dead-ending or kind of meandering off. I might see if I can get an actual script down for a side-comic or something in the future... it might be better suited for a fic.
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I was just thinking about this lately! I was picturing Gaster totally forgetting about that until he sees Papyrus squinting and is like OH GOD YOUR EYES THAT'S RIGHT D: and goes to get him looked at lol.
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I couldn't come up with a good idea for Flowey which is a shame, I do like him, haha. If one comes to me though I might make a little side comic about it!
Gaster's LV is complicated... his stats in-game are ludicrous if I recall correctly. Did he carry the damage from his murders into the void, even if those murders weren't his in the new timeline? Deep thoughts.
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He fed them anything he could find, haha. Which is why sometimes they just ended up with chocolate bars (which he intended as dinner for himself). He probably fed them more often than he fed himself lol. He did feed them fairly regularly though.
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Not about skeletons, probably. |D
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Man I know I had an explanation for this but it was so long ago... it's hard for me to remember. It could be that the Riverperson is just weird and has weird insight into elements of things, had a prophetic dream... I don't know! It bugs me now that I can't remember this, haha.
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blue-rose-soul · 2 months
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Love ur au!!! You have so many interesting thoughts I just adore reading everything you’ve posted!
You’ve already established that Alastor would have exactly zero interest in any sort of bond with his dearly detested sperm donor but I was curious as to what you thought on whether Lucifer would want a relationship with Alastor? How would he approach that?
Hey, much appreciated! Honestly, with the first post I expected it to be a weird niche AU no one besides me would enjoy. I'm really glad you and others are enjoying it and I'm enjoying you guys' questions!
I do think Lucifer would want to try forming a relationship with his long lost son (that feels so weird to type, imagine how weird it would be for Lucifer to say the phrase aloud, lol). From what we've seen of him, he seems like a loving and sweet man who adores his family, even if he's not always the best at expressing that love. I think if he found out he had a kid out there, no matter who that kid was, he'd want to form some kind of relationship with them. Of course, Alastor being Alastor complicates things quite a bit.
They didn't exactly make a great first impression on one another, on top of which Lucifer harbors a lot of guilt for leaving Nicaise to raise a child alone, and Alastor to grow up without a father. Especially when he learns what happened to Nicaise later. Lucifer thinks it's his fault Alastor is the way he is, which... kinda sorta fair? Alastor definitely had an unstable childhood which certainly played a part in Alastor growing to become an unstable adult. That being said, ultimately there were a lot of outside factors contributing to that instability, and at the end of the day, Alastor's choices were his own.
I go with the 'Dexter-like moral code' interpretation of Alastor's murder targets. But I also think there was a fair amount of disproportionate retribution. A man who beats his wife definitely deserves to get beat back and then divorced, but not butchered like an animal. Granted, the culture being what it was at the time, it's doubtful Alastor's targets would have faced any other kind of retribution than what he gave them.
All this to say that Alastor feels perfectly justified in the horrible things he's done, and Lucifer blames himself for Alastor becoming this warped, vengeful person.
Lucifer's attempts to get close to Alastor are horribly, painfully awkward. Remember how he answered Charlie's phone call with, "Heeeeeeeey, bitch!"
Yeah.
He tries, he really does, but a lot of the times Alastor just shuts him down before he can even open his mouth. So he tries going to Charlie for help.
"Ooooof, see, here's the thing, dad... I want to help, I really do! But I'm trying to do this thing where I'm more respectful of other people's boundaries. I mean, I'd love to see you and Alastor getting along! But if he doesn't want to talk with you, I'm not going to force it? As long as you guys aren't fighting? I'm sorry."
And that's as far as Lucifer gets with Charlie. So he tries talking to Niffty and Husk, the two people in the hotel who know Alastor best. Niffty is... sweet, but not entirely helpful. Husk gives what advice he can, but he's got his own chip on his shoulder regarding Alastor, understandably.
"Look, Alastor's a mean son of a bitch who lives to make my life more of a hell than it already is. He's fucked in the head. Always has been. You might as well cut your losses."
That's disheartening to say the least.
I do want there to be a happy-ish end where reconciliation happens. But it would take a loooooooot of time and patience on Lucifer's part. Especially with Alastor making an active effort not to get close with anyone at the hotel.
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Don't know if this is for advice but I need to confess this to SOMEONE outside the 4 of us. For many reasons, no one outside the 4 people mentioned here know anything about this
I'm a happily married man with a wonderful wife of 10 years. She's my best friend, my lover, and every bit the partner I need.
We're both well aware of our poly natures and have even tried (unsuccessfully) to open up to a third. It wasn't the right person or fit but we at least tried. Outside of that we've both had some FwB and it's never had any negative impact on our relationship.
But now I actually fell in love.
I fell in love with a streamer and what started as parasocial became just plain social to becoming very intimate and real. The kicker, this streamer girl is also happily married to her own man (4 years now) and they are also open to poly.
After a few weeks of this buildup, we had our first "date" over Discord video and all partners involved were nothing but supportive. It's long distance but the opportunity to visit each other is very real. The opportunity for sex is very real and very much discussed. The possibility of group sex in many configurations is on the table.
And through all this, we've firmly established our commitments and love to our spouses first and foremost, while still talking every day and very much falling in love with each other more and more.
I know all the important parts of navigating a poly relationship, and with how open all communication has been across all parties involved, I'd say we're doing okay.
I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with how much I feel the euphoria of new love. Falling in love wasn't something I ever expected to happen to me again. I honesty didn't think I was capable of it. This wasn't me choosing someone, I had not say in the matter. My heart just said "this one" and took the rest of me along for the ride.
I don't know if what I need is advice but this is such an "out there" situation for me. Outside of the 4 of us, there's no one to talk to about what's going on. Partially because none of our close friends/family are poly and wouldn't really understand the dynamics, especially when they've gone through problems of cheating. And we also can't let it get out that a streamer fell in love with a viewer, for reasons I hope are obvious.
So this is my anonymous confession. Any whatever words you have for me, I'll take them.
This is so exciting! I'm so happy you're getting this opportunity with so much support from your respective partners behind you! It absolutely makes sense to be overwhelmed and probably pretty nervous about meeting in person for the first time, but just enjoy the moment as much as you can. Falling in love, especially for the second time, is intimidating, and comes with complicated feelings, but it's also so much fun. I hope things go well for you all and that you'll keep me updated on how things go! We all struggle a bit with lack of community to share these things with I think, so I adore being the void to shout into. <3
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absolutebl · 10 months
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I'd like to specify a request for good Thai shows that just finished. They're my favorite for many reasons, and I also enjoy getting to learn more Thai words.
Good 2023 Thai BL That Recently Finished (to Binge!)
(I actually held off answering this one until a few had ended this week because I didn't have many for 2023. It's not been great year for Thai BL so far IMHO. Now South Korea is KILLING it. So is Japan.. in a different way.)
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My School President
9/10
GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues.
Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORED this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being re-executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? This show was fantastic, it’s only flaw was the singing (and that’s my baggage).
My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL. (YouTube)
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Step By Step
9/10
This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one.
This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk. And that authenticity added tension to the narrative and character development (how novel). Now that might be because it has western source material, or it might be because it is actually kind of old-fashioned (it’s been years since I worked as an office grunt). I also really enjoyed the brothers’ relationship, and kinda wished they hadn’t attempted (and failed) to give said brother his own side BL.
(Gaga & YouTube & Viki)
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La Pluie
9/10
This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL.
By activating + examining the soulmates trope this show is challenging a foundation of romance: the idea that there is one person meant to be your one romantic partner all your life. This means that we, as viewers, spend much of the show worried about it having a happy ending, and that’s the source of both its brilliance and tension: would the narrative have the strength to truly challenge its own romantic core?
But, ultimately, all this elevated complexity was executed in a somewhat shaky manner with the narrative derailing into some serious pacing issues and characters manipulated by miscommunication. However, with good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn a 9/10.
I enjoyed it even as it made me think. (iQIYI)
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Make a Wish
8/10
PNR (from Sammon: Manner of Death & Triage) about a doctor who can see the dead and strikes a bargain with a wish-granting irreverent tree angel - naturally they fall in love.
Stars Fluke Natouch opposite not-Ohm, but who cares bc Fluke has chemistry with everybody. Once again the Thai afterlife is incredibly bureaucratic but I enjoyed the premise and the unfolding of the story (it’s not predictable but still satisfying and with nice little twist). I like that the doctor is just gay af and has a fag hag bestie and everything.
The cast is excellent but the comedic stylings are too overblown and tonally off. It had sad parts and did make me cry but is ultimately happy with a great sex scene, good smiley kisses, and all the agency. (grey)
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Moonlight Chicken
8/10
I enjoyed this complicated little show, even though it’s spectacularly messy gay with lots of shrapnel and authentic pain.
I thought EarthMix turned in their most compelling performance to date. But it was GeminiFourth who stole my heart.
That said, the most interesting central relationship was that of Jim & Li Ming, their father-son angst mixed with evident affection made me tear up.
This was more slice of life than it was BL, but it ended happily so I’m not mad at it. (YouTube)
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Never Let Me Go
8/10
Bodyguard romance where poor boy must watch over rich boy for family obligation reasons. Simple premise well executed with a few bumps that made it feel like it was trying to tackle too much (when it wasn’t).
Still, an enjoyable show that benefited from being handed to PondPhuwin who did a stellar job with their roles and chemistry. Is it going into permanent rewatch rotation? No, but a solid GMMTV offering. Of GMMTV passing out new series to established pairs this has been the most successful IMHO. PondPhuwin were about 10000x better in this than FUTS (and that's FUTS's fault, not theirs).
It's typically Thai in that its a bit bloated and has a confusing plot, but at least it HAD a plot and the central relationship is solid and loyal. Their Our Skyy 2 follow up is great. And very much adds to the cannon in a fun way rather than feeling superfluous - making this show ultimately 14 eps rather than the usual 12. (YouTube)
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Destiny Seeker
8/10
A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likable grumpy/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes.
Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. (WeTV)
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Bed Friend
8/10 (Triggers include: child abuse, attempted rape, family abuse)
Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged (ALL THE TRIGGERS).
NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, unfortunately the story ultimately failed them. Had the show had the strength of its convictions and kept to a tighter, darker, harsher 8 eps it would have been the first high heat to earn a 10/10 from me, but once they fussed with it, it dropped to a solid 8/10.
Could have been great but was overworked. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down. (YouTube)
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Between Us
8/10
Featuring the hugely popular side characters from 2019′s Until We Meet Again, Win Team (played by Studio Wabi Sabi's most popular, and commercially viable, pair BounPrem - Long Khong, You Never Eat Alone, Seven Project, Even Sun), adaptation of the y-novel Hemp Rope.
It’s a serviceable series about hot swimmers flirting and dealing with family drama in a sweetly earnest manner, but ultimately it squanders the talent in play. I would’ve preferred a cleaner narrative arc, less angst and more plot, fewer couples, and a shorter series.
That said, there’s nothing objectively wrong, sub-standard, or off-putting about this show. And it has lots of consent and other good qualities.
It’s fine. Watch along here. (iQIYI)
This list dated July 16 2023, not responsible for anything that came after, that'll probably be in end of year wrap ups.
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sunny-speaks · 10 months
Text
Smartass
Characters: Academic Rival! Ren @14dayswithyou x reader
Okay, but I have been an academic rivals to lovers stan for far too long, y’all don’t understand…
So like, this au would totally have redacted still the same as Canon! Redacted, he’d just be like… more open to the MC? And it’d be in an academic setting??? Like he developed some self-esteem solutions and got more confident in being himself, still having subtle mannerisms of character traits you enjoyed… but more him
Like… he went to therapy so he could be better for you before you even knew him, cause you said some bullshit like they were no good looking guys in the world who didn’t have therapy, cause there’s nothing hotter than a mentally stable guy. (i mean, you’re all here because you love a stable guy, right… ;] )
But yeah, now you just know him as that snarky ass, dark-haired with pink tips ‘genius’ in your university ‘psychology in modern media’ class.
Warnings and whatnot: lolol NSFW implications so minors DNI, a decent amount of swearing on my part, I'd say?
Another flawless assignment completed for you. Whoo! It was a nice day to be smart!
To be fair, you had pored over that goddamn presentation for hours before going to sleep, so if you hadn’t done well, you probably would’ve bust a pipe over some unlucky guy’s head.
You grinned seeing the big 95 on your paper. You spent so long detailing the moral complications between the character relationships as you gutted the root problems for each of the character flaws and how that showed in their bonds with others.
Unfortunately, you had the (dis)pleasure of being seated to [REDACTED], the class self-proclaimed genius. 
God, you hated him.
You were pretty sure you hated him more because he was so stupidly hot. You could clearly see his chiseled stone abs when he wore those clingy, black compression shirts! And paired with gray fucking sweatpants?
He knew what he was doing… And it was to mess up your game!
I mean, seriously, what was the lecturer doing, seating you next to this second coming of Michelangelo?! It’s almost like she had something personal against you!
(the lecturer was in fact, very for the both of you getting together. You both were smart, maybe you’d find a way to increase [REDACTED]’s grades…)
You never noticed him all that much in the beginning of the year. He brooded in his own corner, never noticed by anyone in those dumb black baggy hoodies.
But the minute he sat next to you, all of a sudden he realized he was hot stuff???
Okay, sure there, bro. He needed to chill out.
All of a sudden, he went from a lonely loser, to some hot genius within like the span of a day.
You didn’t get it.
But to be fair, you didn’t remember telling your good friend Moth how you started having things for hot but smart guys and guys who could actually stand a battle of wits… But that was for [REDACTED] to remember, and you to forget.
He leaned over your shoulder, a lazy smirk gracing his features. “95, not bad, angel.”
Agh! That stupid nickname! It was supposed to be something intimate, something reserved for lovers and such, but he insisted on using it to berate your grades!
He slid his paper over with a big 96 on it. “But not good enough.”
Of course. He had to have known that he was doing an in depth character analysis on the teachers favorite character and played to all the teachers preferences in the character and was spouting self-servient bullshit!
…But his presentation was well done, you had to admit. Normal people wouldn’t notice because you pay an unhealthy amount to any flaws in his looks, but he must’ve studied hard, he had huge eyebags during his presentation…
How would you know it’s because he thought your frustrated face was so cute when you kept thinking of ideas for your presentation that he completely forgot he had to impress the teacher to impress you?
Honestly, [REDACTED] cared more that he was on your mind in any way, even if that was because he acted like a ‘suck-up’ because he was too busy watching you.
“Hope you haven’t forgotten the many times I’ve beaten you academically, [REDACTED]. Or are you losing your memory because you’ve been sitting with a godsend this whole time? Sorry, didn’t mean for my heavenly powers to warp with your memory.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.
“Then, you’re sure living up to your title, angel.” He snorted and went back to looking towards the front before muttering something under his breath. “...But your presentation was good, dork.”
In shock at the compliment, you stood there with your mouth open.
He glanced back over at you, “What? Is it so hard to believe that you did well on our midterm presentation?” he huffed to himself in disbelief before a grin made its way to his face. “Sitting there with your mouth open? It’s like you want someone to kiss that dumb look off your face.”
He thought the comment would shake you out of your stupor, make you come back with a feisty comment.
But no, you sat there, thinking about all the implications of that statement. …What if he kissed you? But he has so many piercings… He has a tongue piercing, snakebites, honestly, your mouth would feel like a jewelry store with the amount of silver in it…
But he looked like a fuckboy, would he be good at kissing?
Wait, hold up, no, no, no. Dude, you gotta remember…
He was a loser up until now.
If that’s the way he’d been his whole life, he’s probably never even kis—
And if that realization wasn’t enough for you to drop your jaw, nothing ever would.
[REDACTED] could only stare at you in mild surprise as your mouth opened… even more. He slowly blinked at you, a mock-scandalized look on his face, “What, you really want someone to kiss you that bad? You volunteering to be kissed, angel?”
You immediately let go all thoughts of kissing that gorgeous jerk in favor of heat rising to your face, “Nope. I’m good.”
He pushed and prodded a little more, “What, you never kissed anyone before?” He actually wasn’t quite sure. The early years when he didn’t know how to hack anything and couldn’t follow you were blank spaces in your life to him.
You muttered a curse under your breath and turned away from him without denying his question.
Although you couldn’t see it, his whole face lit up with hope. Oh, he was going to be your first kiss! He couldn’t wait! He internallly coughed at his eagerness.
He had to court you first before the two of you could become anything.
He looked back at your lecturer who had been picking on students who had to read out full paragraphs of their analysis on a TV Show that followed the messy plot of a coming of age, romance drama.
And also, clearly, leaving the two of you alone. He hushedly whispered to you, “Wait, are you serious, angel?”
You grumbled into the palm of your hand before slowly turning to him, “unfortunately… yes. I haven’t kissed anyone yet. But turns out this university is full of jerks and dumbasses…”
You paused. Well, maybe not all jerks and dumbasses. “Guess there’s a couple guys in the music department that are cool.”
Murder flashed through [REDACTED]’s mind thinking of you asking them out before putting on a strained smile, “So where do I fit in, hm?”
“I dunno…” You hadn’t put too much thought towards [REDACTED]. Sure, he was hot. But he was kind of a prick.
But he did respect your gender identity…
And he never went too far, making sure he didn’t cross any lines or boundaries…
And he gave you that academic rival that you’d been search―
…Oh my god.
He was your academic rival.
You loved rivals to lovers… Was this a sign? You got a hot rival, who respects you, your boundaries, your intellect and he was hot?!
Okay, maybe you had dreamed about him on a couple of weird occasions, but dreams don’t mean anything!
Is what you would say if you were in denial.
Oh dear, did you like him?!
You gave him a quick once over, looking at all the piercings on his ears and face as your eyes trailed to his shirt which clung tightly to his skin, all defined abs and muscles on display.
Hold up! Were those body cutouts on his top around his hips that you saw?! Fuck, those were hot…
Your eyes trailed a little bit lower to his pants… and shit, he was packing… There was no way in hell he was allowed to be that big, in height and in… length.
Ugh, your thoughts made you shudder a little. No way you were thirsting over a guy you were just fighting.
…But it wouldn’t be the first time, that’s for sure…
Okay, so maybe you had not-so-subtly eyed your seatmate like he was a piece of meat.
But he enjoyed the attention! He loved you drinking him up like he was just a pretty thing. But he was your pretty thing… Some random girls keep trying to ask him out, but he doesn’t want them. He wants you. But most importantly, he wants you to want him too.
“What, cat got your tongue, sweetheart?” He teased, using something other than angel as a nickname.
“Wh-Whatever, [REDACTED]. Shut up.” You rolled your eyes and took your attention off of him before whispering something under your breath.
“Angel, you gotta speak up.”
You grimaced, “I guess you go into the alright department. Luckily for you, you’re the only one there. You seem to be the only one I know who’s cool enough to handle me around here.”
He blinked, looking at you in subtle reverence, “A whole department for me, angel? Thank you.” He laced it with an edge of sarcasm but internally, he couldn’t have been more happy. 
He was the only one there that you tolerated! The only one you liked.
You. Chose. Him.
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