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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for kicking someone from my server and not explaining why?

(emojis so I can find later: 🪨🪨🪨)

[This happened a few years ago, but I’ll write the ages as they were at the time.]

I (14M) made a server for a fandom I was in. It was a small fandom (I was mutuals with every single fan on tumblr) so I thought it’d be nice to have a place we can all talk other than the tumblr dashboard. This was also not my first server — I had 2 or 3 years of experience running them (having run a server with 100ish members a year or two beforehand) so I was fully confident in my ability to run a server with less than 20 people, especially since everyone knew each other and was friends already.

Now, there was this person in the server, we’ll call her B (16F). I wasn’t super close with her, but ofc I was friends with her through the fandom. We didn’t talk much — the only time I can recall us speaking outside of discord was to send fandom art requests to each other. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with her coming in, but as she spoke more in my server, I started to question whether she was somebody I wanted hanging around.

I won’t go into full depth of things she said or did (both for privacy’s sake and to keep things brief), but I’ll explain my biggest reasons for kicking her.

First, she vented a lot, which typically I wouldn’t judge, but I really didn’t want a fandom server associated with so much negativity — and not only that, but the way she vented was very… I mean, we would be telling her things she did wrong in general channels, and then she would go to the vent channel and say things like “I’m sorry I’m so stupid and such a bad person I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.” and then we’d (well, everybody else — I don’t play these games with people) all have to console her. Not only that, but she’d vent about shit like — “I’m such a bad person because I’m cis. I’m sorry for being cis.” In a server full of trans people.

Second was her ableism towards autistic people, in a server also full of autistic people (This is honestly the biggest thing I had against her). Since most of us were autistic, we headcanoned most (if not all) of the characters in the series as autistic, usually with little basis in canon. One person specifically said “I think X character is autistic” and most people agreed, until she came along and said “No, they’re too normal.” We were all kind of like “???” until somebody said “Autistic people are normal” and she said “No, they’re all learning disabled” and some other stuff I don’t remember off the top of my head. (Obviously nothing wrong with having learning disabilities and many autistic people do have them etc, it’s just the way she went about saying what she said — and also disagreeing with a harmless headcanon because a character was too “normal” to be autistic). Again, most of us are autistic and were offended by what she said.

These were the two biggest contributors as to why I kicked her from my server — there were more (usually smaller) things she did that made people uncomfortable or pissed me off, but again, I’m not going to mention everything.

So, I silently kicked her, not wanting to cause too much drama, but also fed up with her behavior. I think I also softblocked her on tumblr, not wanting us to be mutuals or friends anymore but also not seeing a block as necessary (I didn’t mind if she saw my fandom posts in the tag, for example). However, she ended up following me back and sent me an ask asking why she was kicked from the server. I believe I told her “I don’t owe you an explanation, I just didn’t want you there anymore”. I didn’t want to say “you did this, this, and this” and just have her say “I didn’t do that/That wasn’t a big deal” and turn it into an entire argument, you know? I also just didn’t want to talk to her at all. So after answering, I softblocked her again and she sent me a long rant calling me a bitch, to which I simply hardblocked her.

I’m pretty sure I was justified in kicking her from my server, but I’m not sure if I’m justified in not telling her why — I understand being confused and demanding an answer but I also know she’d been told off multiple times — and I still don’t think she’s owed a response. Maybe if we were closer friends, I would have explained why. But I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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irkimatsu · 21 days

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Inspired by a post from @monstrousvoice! I inspire your stuff and you can inspire mine! (Let me know if you want your name or post taken off of this!)

It's Husk's birthday, and GN!Reader spoils him with some nice cigars, scotch, and most importantly, a blowjob. Porn without plot, that's all this is! References to feline anatomy because I'm a perverted furry. Also a bit of shotgunning, because that's one of the risks you take making out with someone while he smokes. I think that's all the necessary warnings? NSFW, obviously! About 2.5k words!

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Husk takes a deep puff from his cigar before gently blowing out the smoke with a moan of contentment. A woodsy scent with a hint of spice swirls out of his mouth, lingering in the air of his bedroom even as the smoke dissipates.

“Fuck, I haven’t had one this good in years.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” you say from behind him. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, and your legs are straddling him as you massage his shoulders. It’s his birthday, the first one since you two started dating, and you wanted to do something nice for him. He’d vented to you recently about how much he hates the taste of cheap cigarettes, but how they’re the only thing he can get his paws on to stave off the nicotine cravings.

“Why would anyone choose to smoke this shit if they weren’t already hooked? I tell you, once you’ve had a nice cigar, you’ll never wanna go back to these nasty fuckin’ things. The smell, the taste, the high, it’s all so much better with a cigar. Too bad I can’t afford them much anymore…”

You already knew how much he missed the life of luxury he used to lead, even if he did regret some of the things he had to do to stay on that peak for as long as he did. That rant of his gave you the perfect idea for his birthday present; you couldn’t permanently give him that luxury back, but at least you could give him a taste of it for an evening.

The pack of cigars wasn’t your only gift to help him regain that feeling. After another few puffs of his cigar, he reaches to grab the glass of scotch from his bedside table. He takes a series of small sips, not guzzling like he normally would. That’s how you know he enjoys it; with cheaper booze, his primary concern is keeping himself numb rather than savoring the underwhelming taste. This scotch isn’t a means to a self-destructive end, it’s an experience that he doesn’t want to rush.

“You’re making me feel like a king, baby,” he says, relaxed and happy, as he slumps down and leans into your touch. “I haven’t had a birthday this nice in a long time.”

“You deserve it,” you assure him with a kiss to the top of his head. “And I still have one more gift for you.”

“Another one?” he says with a small laugh. “You don’t have to spoil me like that…”

“But I want to,” you say. “Do you want me to get it ready now?”

“Can I keep smoking?” he asks.

“Of course.”

“Good.” He takes another drag, and his body gives a quick shiver as the tobacco hits his brain. “I’m not putting this out until there’s nothing left of it.”

“You won’t have to, I promise,” you say. “Just relax while I take care of you. Did you want to move to your lounge chair?”

“Aw, but you can’t rub my back as well when I’m sitting over there,” he says.

“What I have planned is better than a backrub.”

His ear gives a twitch; surely he has a few ideas of what’s going to happen once he moves. “Well, if ya say so.” He rises from the bed and heads over to the large leather chair in the corner of his room, black with golden embellishments on the back and on the front of the armrests. He sighs in contentment as he sinks into the chair, settling into his throne before returning to his cigar. As he gets comfortable, you begin rearranging things for his next present. You move his ashtray, scotch bottle, and empty glass to the table next to the chair, then pour him a fresh drink. He takes another few sips of scotch without putting the cigar down, while you set up the record player with his favorite romantic music. His ear twitches again as a slow drum beat overlaid with saxophone starts filling the room.

“I like where this is going,” he says with a chuckle.

Now that the mood is set, there’s nothing stopping you from sitting in his lap and cradling his cheeks in your hands. Without a word, you begin to kiss him. The taste of alcohol and smoke is heavy on his breath, but the light sweetness of the scotch and spice of the cigar are so much more pleasant than his usual binges. It mixes perfectly with his own natural taste, and you soon find yourself hooked. Glass gently thumps onto wood as he sets down his scotch, freeing up his paw to tangle his claws in your hair. He takes a few breaks from the kissing session to take another drag of his cigar, but since it renews the spice on his tongue, you don’t mind the interruptions.

“What do you want me to do?” you ask as you stroke the graying fur on his cheeks. “I’ll do anything you want.”

He takes a moment to hum in thought. “Hm… why don’t you surprise me? As long as it’s something I can keep smoking through.”

You smile at his request, and give his nose a quick kiss. “Glad you’re enjoying my present so much.” You return your kisses to his lips, your hands now moving with a purpose. You easily unfasten his suspenders without looking, having done this so many times before. After detaching the front fasteners from his pants and tucking the straps behind his shoulders, you start massaging him again, first rubbing his shoulders before running down to his chest. He moans as your fingers comb through the thick patch of fur, before moving to massage his nipples on either side of the patch.

“Fuck, baby…” he whispers between kisses. He takes another drag, this one shorter than usual so he can quickly return to your lips. He doesn’t take the time to blow out the smoke before kissing you, instead letting it flow from his mouth to yours.

You’d yell at him if he’d tried that with the cheap things he regularly smoked at the bar, but the warm, spicy smoke is actually pleasant.

You keep running your hands down his body, paying special attention to the extra pairs of nipples along the way. He doesn’t like having them treated too roughly, but your fingertips ghosting over them is enough to get him purring.

“I love kissing you,” you tell him as you rest your hands on his fly.

“I love kissing you, too,” he responds, not showing any sign that he’s caught on to where you’re going with this.

“I love kissing your lips…” You kiss his mouth one more time to make your point, then move a bit lower. “And your neck…”

He tilts his head back and groans as you gently suck on the side of his neck.

“And your chest…”

As you move down, kissing lower and lower on his body and lapping your tongue over his most sensitive areas, your hands are working on unfastening his pants. Without a word, he lifts his hips off the chair just enough for you to pull off his pants and underwear, moving as if by instinct. Not even the movement can stop him from continuing to smoke as you undress him. His dark cock is already erect, proudly displaying the barbs along his shaft and head. Your whole body shudders at the sight as you move to kneel on the floor, giving yourself a closer look at his endowment. You rest your hands on his knees and look up at him to gauge his reaction. He’s looking back down at you, sharp teeth holding his cigar in place as he grins.

Fuck, you’ll buy him cigars more often just to see that again.

He removes the cigar so that he can speak. “Where else do you like kissing me, doll?” he asks, still smirking.

You don’t need words to answer him. You give him a smile before you start nuzzling his cock, letting his barbs lightly scrape against your cheek. His natural scent is so strong down here; you could get as high off it as he is off his cigar.

“Husk…” you whisper, your brain already growing fuzzy. You turn your head and press a gentle kiss to his shaft. He growls in approval as you continue kissing him up and down, treating him tenderly enough to tease. As you kiss him, you start lightly fondling his balls in your palm.

He exhales your name in response as his claws lightly scratch your scalp. “C’mon, don’t tease…”

You give him a tiny bit more by sticking out your tongue, now licking his shaft with the same gentleness you previously gave with your lips. His breaths are getting heavier, and he’s gripping your hair more tightly.

“Babe…”

You lick your way down to the base, digging your tongue in where his cock and balls meet, before licking your way back up to his head. He groans as you lap at the bundle of barbs on the underside; his cock is roughest here, but the slight pain against your tongue is more than made up for by the fact that nothing else can get him squirming like this.

“C-c’moooon…” he groans as he jerks his hips aimlessly, rubbing his cock against your face and smearing it with his scent and his slick. You almost feel bad for him. You have been teasing him a lot, and on his birthday, no less…

You gently lap at his tip, sipping up the globs of precum that are trickling out of it. The taste is slightly bitter, but it’s so unmistakably him that you can’t help but want more. He lightly pushes on your head, not forcing you down, but clearly giving you the hint of what he needs.

You make sure to look him in the eyes as you sink your mouth over his tapered head.

“Oh God…” he groans. “Stay like that, just a second…” He smokes his cigar, letting the sensations of the tobacco and of your mouth swirl in his head like a delicious blur. “Fuck that’s good…”

You start slowly bobbing your head, not taking him too deeply yet. It’s still enough to make him moan, especially as your tongue keeps passing over his rough underside. You keep on massaging his balls as you go down on him, trying to keep the rhythm of your mouth and your hand somewhat in sync.

You pull your mouth off of him for just a second. “Don’t use your paws, okay? I wanna take care of you. Just relax and enjoy your gifts.”

He nods as he takes his claws out of your hair. Once he’s no longer touching you, you resume gently suckling on him, not taking him much deeper than his head yet. He’s clearly excited just by that, as his precum continues trickling out and mixing with your own drool.

You pull your mouth off to let the mixture dribble down onto his cock, then use your free hand to massage it into his shaft while you resume sucking. His barbs occasionally catch on your palm, but you’re used to it enough that it doesn’t slow you down.

He groans your name again as he reaches over to grab his scotch. He takes a slow sip, adding more alcohol to the cocktail of chemicals already coursing through his veins. Once he’s done drinking, he turns his attention back to you, watching you with lidded eyes and a lazy smile. A cigar in one paw, scotch in the other, wings spread wide, relaxing on his throne as someone serves him… is this how he used to live as an Overlord?

You wouldn’t mind helping him relive those days more often�� he’s fucking handsome like this. Arousal burns through you at the sight, and you can’t help but go down on him faster and deeper.

“Fuuuuck…” He’s groaning and rolling his head back, and you know that if his paws weren’t occupied he’d be pushing down on your head. You don’t normally mind that, but he’s following your request to let you lead this time. His hips are bucking into your mouth a little, but you know he can’t help that, so you’ll let it slide.

You lightly squeeze his balls in your palm, and he cries out from the sensation. He’s starting to twitch and throb within your mouth, and more and more precum is flooding out of him. His paws are trembling too badly for him to continue savoring his other gifts; he may even end up spilling his scotch.

He’s in too much bliss to care.

“So- close-” As if you needed him to tell you. You pull your mouth up to just cover his head, and start giving him your all, both hands rapidly spoiling his shaft and balls while your tongue bathes his head. He doesn’t last long. A cry escapes from his muzzle as his cock starts draining into your mouth, hot ropes of seed washing over your tongue. His hips keep thrusting up into you, seeking more stimulation to ease out a few more shots, but soon, he’s spent enough to relax unmoving into his chair again.

He swears before taking his cigar back in his mouth and holding it there. You pull your mouth off of him, careful not to spill too much out of your mouth, and gently rest your head on his soft thigh. He strokes your hair with his free paw, a purr emitting from his throat and rumbling his whole body in the process. He’s staring down at you like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever seen; you could blush at the reverence his expressions always show you.

You swallow most of the mess in your mouth, then nuzzle against his thigh. “Was that a good gift?” you ask.

“Fuckin’ perfect, doll,” he assures you. A final drag of his cigar reduces it to a stub, which he crushes into his ashtray. “Come up here?”

You bring yourself back up into his lap, and he immediately pulls you into a cuddle. One arm wraps tightly around your waist while the other presses your head against his shoulder. You can feel his constant purring even more strongly from up here. You reach around to lightly scratch him under his wings, which earns you another contented moan amidst the purrs.

“Is there anything else you want me to do for you?” you ask him.

“Wouldn’t mind taking you to bed in a bit,” he tells you before kissing your head. “But for now, could I just hold you?”

You settle into his embrace, happy to give him whatever he wants; not just for his birthday, but for the rest of his life.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel husk x reader #hazbin husk x reader #irk blubbers about nothing #irk huskposts

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pommunist · 1 month

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thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".

i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".

so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!

Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.

However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.

Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).

People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.

Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)

Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !

Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah

#qsmp discourse #also if anyone feels like im doomposting u can block me it’s fine #i’m just a rando on the internet if u feel like my blog is too negative rn just disintegrate me #man this blog was created at first to vent about my fav eggs and ship how did i get here

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where-them-kinomiya-at · 7 months

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G-Revolution Rant

If you’re a huge fan of g-revolution, I’d suggest you don’t read this post because in no way do I have any intentions of offending any fans. This is basically a critique.

I was thinking a lot about this today and I had to vent a little. I’m only going to list one of the very many problems I have with g-rev ore else it’s going be a long ass list.

Alright let’s begin. So apart from the two major problems of:

1) the awful dub censorship (trust me, the previous two seasons did not nearly have a censorship this bad)

and

2) the nerfing of every character (+a million other stuff),

I have another issue with this season regarding the entire concept of Tyson being the ‘world champ’. As someone who’s favourite is Tyson, this shouldn’t offend any of his fans because this is entirely the fault of the PLOT and has nothing to do with his overall character.

G-Revolution gives us this awful perception of Tyson being the exclusive ‘world champ’ when he’s literally not. If they changed that concept to him being something like the ‘strongest rival/ ultimate rival’ etc, it would’ve made everything so much better.

When Tyson is confronting Ray and Max about leaving the team, he says something like ‘I’ve won the championships twice in a row and now you want your turn’. I hoped that the Japanese version would have a different dialogue but that wasn’t the case.

I think the creators forgot that both Max and Tyson were tag-team champions last year. Sure, Max’s performance wasn’t that good in the 2002 finals, but that does not exclusively make Tyson the ‘world champ’. Also what about Ray? The creators forgot how essential Ray’s victory against Bryan was in the 2001 finals.

Ray and Tyson were the ones who brought the victory to the team, but it’s not like they both were exclusively the world champs. V-Force did not do this bullshit of only Tyson being the world champ. In that season, each and every one of the BBA team faced the pressure of being the world champions. But G-Revolution ruined this entirely.

Episodes 20 and 21 of G-Revolution focus on Tyson’s pressure of being a ‘world champion’ which in my opinion should have been changed to something like ‘the pressure of being an overly STRONG opponent’. That’s what V-Force was about, where everyone was in desire of the power of the BBA team and they ALL faced the some or the other pressure in different ways. An example for Tyson:

This example speaking about Tyson’s insecurities was a much better one that what G-Revolution used.

In the dubbed version of the 25th episode of G-Revolution, Max says, ‘You’ve always underestimated me Tyson and now you’re going to pay the price for that.’ On one hand it sounds believable but then you realize that Tyson was literally the biggest supporter of Max in V-Force and even yelled at Ray and Kai for doubting him once. Ultimately, it’s the audience that underestimates him and the show itself makes Max look like a weak link when he really isn’t. I believe there was no such dialogue in the original Japanese version, but it’s kinda obvious that Tyson slightly underestimated him before and during the match when compared to Ray and Kai. Or perhaps it might have looked like that because Tyson had no particular beef with Max like he did with Ray and Kai, so the friendliness might have appeared like underestimation.

This one particularly had nothing to do with that concept but I just wanted to put it in there, because Max’s contributions last year were completely neglected and there was a major downfall in Max and Tyson’s friendship. It saddens me how the friendship went down the drain but it was bound to happen, given that it’s nothing but the repercussions of the world championships. I hope they we got to see more of the them in the second half but it just wasn’t enough.

This is the best way I could put my finger on the issue because my brain seriously malfunctions and I cannot focus on one thing at a time so I hope it all made sense.

#tyson granger #takao kinomiya #ray kon #rei kon #max tate #max mizuhara #beyblade g revolution #bakuten shoot beyblade

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ryuichirou · 27 days

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Replies

First of all, sorry to all of those who didn’t get my boops in return!! I send them even now but mentally. Boop.

I ended up spending all my writing time on headcanons… but still, here are some regular replies!

A couple about Idia, a couple about fandom stuff.

Anonymous asked:

THE GAY THOUGHTS ARE OVERTAKING IDIA

this seems like a pre-photo of that one art you did with idia and Lilia in the concert bathroom ngl... perhaps they are related??

Ohh, you remember that one!!

Technically yes, this is pretty much the same story, just the before and after thing lol Although they’re dressed differently in these two posts (my bad), both of them stem from the same scenario Katsu and I came up with a year ago.

Anonymous asked:

Alright, so we see how Idia reacts when someone reacts aggressively against the crap he says but what would happen if he says a snide remark to someone and then they proceed to verbally and psychologically obliterate him on the spot? Would he freeze up, talk back?

We’ve seen it with Sebek a couple of times, even though Sebek doesn’t really obliterate him psychologically (he is much weaker than Idia in this sense…), but I think Idia tends to talk back. Idia is quite stubborn, and talking back and escalating the situation is one of his biggest defence mechanisms. He is the master shit-talker and a genius of snark, so he might win against the majority of people + he is so self-deprecating that not a lot of people would know what to say to him to actually hurt his feelings – Idia berates himself much worse than that on a regular basis + expects that everyone hates his guts anyway. But I don’t think it’s impossible to shut him up using only verbal abuse… Lilia might be the one who succeeds at that, actually.

Anonymous asked:

warning, ranting here im so sorry I just need to get it off my chest :(

even if you do not see this that's ok, im a big fan of your art plus headcanons and the fact you also ship my rare pair. but recently my mutuals found out I follow you and like your art and I have troubles talking with them. sometimes they say that im supporting that type of behaviour by interacting and im torn. I am not sure what to do. I personally do not mind your shroudcest, they are fictional and you probably do not support it. sorry for the rant and assumptions. English is not my first language so im sorry if it's hard to understand.

Hi, Anon! I am very happy you like our stuff and I really appreciate that you just ignore the things that you don’t particularly like: I feel very lucky that we have people like you now.

It’s very unfortunate that your friends make you feel bad about following us, I am very sorry to hear that. And I can’t tell you how to deal with your friends, since I don’t know what kind of relationships you have, but I always say it: a friend should be able to see past someone’s interests and be open-minded, and not make you feel horrible for liking certain things that don’t harm anyone. And you don’t even like those things – you just ignore them and like something completely different. How is it supporting me? It doesn’t even affect stuff that we post and draw – I would’ve drawn all that anyway.

If you want to hear it: I don’t support any of the problematic themes that I draw in real life. This is such an obvious thing to me, such a given, such a common sense thing, that it’s honestly very offensive that someone might even consider that this isn’t the case simply because I draw certain stuff. Please note that you are not offending me, Anon, you’ve done nothing wrong and I’m just venting back. People throw assumptions so easily just to harass us or their friends for supporting us, those are such big words and allegations, it’s honestly messed up that this is a norm.

But I digress. I could only suggest you to reflect on your relationship with those people and try to make compromises that make sense for you. It’s easy to say, but try not to let them bully you. Try not to let people who don’t trust you enough to know that you wouldn’t condone stuff like that irl dictate you how you live your life. This is a game that you can’t win: even if you stop supporting me, it’s not a guarantee that you won’t get smacked for something else in the future. I don’t know your friends. But a lot of people experienced that. It’s mentally challenging trying to walk on eggshells all the time, especially because of something that’s not even true, so take care of yourself.

Thank you once again for your message. I hope things get better.

Anonymous asked:

I hope this doesn't come off creepy but as someone who creates art and fic of an incesty oc!shroud x Idia ship. It makes me happy to see you supporting and creating weird unhinged stuff. For now I live vicariously through you and maybe one day I'll be bold enough to post the newer sketches I have for my story.

Thank you for your message, Anon! I am super happy that our stuff gives you some comfort and confidence to create things that you care about; it means a lot to hear that.

Also! Kudos to you for creating an incest Oc!Shroud x Idia ship hehe ^w^

#replies

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aetherbound · 23 days

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It’s been a week since I posted about turning off Discord notifications…and they’re still off. I feel somewhat better, but I keep fluctuating between barely functioning to having enough social energy to send a few texts over discord. Hopefully I can be more active again.

Thanks for being understanding, I love y’all <3

A wall of personal ranting text is under the cut, I just needed to let it out somewhere that isn’t my venting notes.

I worked 51 hours in two weeks and made $408. My half of the rent is $435. We’re okay, my partner makes good money to pay a few extra dollars, but he shouldn’t have to. I should be making more money, but I’m not. I don’t have enough leftover on any paycheck after bills and groceries to afford a car payment and car insurance.

And the best part is? I need a car to get a better job to make more money to pay on more important things. Right now my partner and his parents drive me to and from work, but I’m actively trying to get a license and car so I don’t have to rely on them. It seems impossible to buy a car with what I have left over from paychecks. I’d get laughed at if I said I could only put $20 down at a used car lot.

My managers are assholes and I’m told in a joking way “You suck.” “You’re slow.” “Shut up, no one wants to hear you talk.” I wish I was exaggerating and not quoting verbatim. Realistically, I’m not doing a bad job. My managers are just older men who like to use rude humor. My PTSD symptoms are still flaring up more often because they purposely slam things and laugh when I jump and cover my ears. On three separate occasions I’ve had to tell people NOT to use my deadname, and if it happens again I don’t know if I can keep calm and not scream.

In all my 24 years of living, of domestic violence, borderline homelessness and more horrors, I’ve only had 6 months of peace. Then that’s when the whole cancer fiasco started. I’m a year out from my last chemo infusion and my stress levels have been the same. Did I really just survive cancer to STILL be stressed? To go from a good job and shitty household to move into a better household and shitty job? My life is a fucking joke.

I’m waiting to hear back from a Filipino restaurant to see if their hours and pay are better, but I’m still looking at other places to work in case it doesn’t work out. I have an appointment next Tuesday to ask my doctor about getting medicated. Something to get my anxiety stabilized or something when I’m about to spiral into a panic attack.

Things will get better, when you’re at the bottom the only way is up. But I’m fucking exhausted man. I’m tired of coming home from work and feeling like I want to scream and break shit. I’m not a violent person, I’ve never even screamed at someone. I’ve not ever thrown things. When I’m angry, I just cry or be silent.

I just want things to be better before I completely break. I feel off, and that’s besides from my depersonalization/disassociation being heightened. I hate feeling irritable and numb. Maybe I’m being too sensitive and need to get over it.

But the sun will rise and so must I.

#personal post #venting #I’m sorry for the wall of text I just needed to throw it out somewhere #on the plus side I ending up painting some so that’s productive I guess

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clementine-thedestroyer · 28 days

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Every time I see the word “petite” used in anything x reader or just anything in general, it sparks a rage (or pain, depending on my mood) inside of me.

It feels like, especially in the cod fandoms, petite is the beauty standard. If I’m not 4’11 then I don’t exist, apparently.

Sure, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but I hate when the word petite is used because an author assumes that because whatever character is over 6 foot that everyone will seem “petite” in comparison.

Tw for my dumb ass ranting beyond the cut ig

Maybe I should specify that I see petite more as a term to describe hight than weight. You could be any size and imo, the word petite can still apply if you’re short.

It’s especially bad with König. Like, I get it- we all love imagining him as some 6’10 giant, but just because he’s tall doesn’t mean you should put describe a reader insert as short in comparison unless you’ve warned that your reader is short coded.

It’s like going into a fic and seeing “his hand wraps easily around your forearm” because the writer forgot that not everyone is skinny.

And I completely understand, writers write for themselves, I write for myself- but if you’re posting it somewhere public and other people are reading it, you need to warn them if it’s anything but height/size/gender neutral.

These are wonderful things! Fem!reader is an amazing tag! It helps people find what they want to read and avoid what they don’t, I wish it was more normal to put things like “short-coded!reader”

Because like, Bestie, that’s all we need. If you tell me that whatever reader insert you have is probably coded to be short, then I can just write off all mentions of the word “petite” and ignore them.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame any writer for not. I’m not saying every needs to start tagging their fics like that or anything, it’s just wishful thinking and a rant/vent born from my own insecurities regarding my height.

But when it’s treated like normal to be small, it can hurt, because it feels like the standard. Like I should be smaller than these men.

And fuck, I’m not even that tall. I’m 5’8 and a half, that’s really not that tall- and one of my best friends is like 6ft. I hate how, as someone who is, again, not even that tall, I feel like this. Because how do the rest of y’all feel? I know there are girls shorter than me that probably feel too tall too, and I sincerely hope that girls taller than me don’t feel worse than I do, because no, they’re fucking beautiful.

My 6ft friend? She’s fucking gorgeous (she’s not on tumblr so I can say that safely). Tall women in general are fucking gorgeous, and of course I don’t blame short girls for writing fan fiction that appeals to them. They’re writing it, of course it’s going to appeal to them. If you’re not writing for yourself, who’re you writing for?? If anything, I blame the world for making it the standard that the girl is smaller than the boy.

Short men exist, tall women exist. And I know that short men will be insecure about their hight, so clearly this isn’t just me being (completely) psycho. Somewhere, it was instilled in us that a man should be taller.

And while on some level, I fully admit that I am yes, very jealous of short girls. I fully acknowledge this. I also find short girls hot (tall girls too, let me be clear. As I mentioned, 6ft friend is fucking gorgeous).

Ah fuck women are hot. Shit, this turned me to a “women being hot” rant again. This always happens, what the hell.

#I wrote the first half of this post crying #the second half of it I wrote thinking about how hot women are #This turned hinged but I genuinely do not care.

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miammey · 4 months

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Vent/rant

There is so much bad shit going on in the world, every day things get worse and no matter what people do nothing gets better

Humans are dumb and selfish and refuse to learn half the time, and a part of me is just sick of living in a world where I can’t scroll social media for five seconds without seeing some drama, or being reminded of the terrible stuff happening all around the world in which the only thing I can do to even try to help is spread the word, or I just get reminded of terrible people who exist and have hurt others

I hate this, people are stupid, the internet was a mistake. Being kind to each other is so much easier than being cruel and always gets better results, but even those in their adult years need to keep bitching and whining about things because they want something and them having that something hurts so many other people

I’m not above other humans, in fact I’d say I’m the bottom of the barrel when it comes to importance of people, but I am so disappointed that the human race never fucking learns because they never want to learn, they don’t want to try and be reasonable or charitable or even kind, and the younger generations are learning from that. They think that being an asshole is the best thing to do in certain situations because no one’s ever cared to try and teach them right from wrong, or how to properly communicate with people, mainly online. And even the generation too young to have their own social media is affected.

Everyone knows about iPad kids, and those children will grow up to be spoiled rotten because they’re used to getting what they want and I know they’ll refuse to do anything in terms of work. And then there’s the fact that younger and younger kids are getting those accounts, which exposes them to adults who want go hurt them, and also to conversations and drama that happens in adult conversations where they spout bullshit because they read half a post and jumped to conclusions because they never learned how to analyze texts because everyone older than them constantly talks about how much school sucks, so they don’t pay attention in class and just never learn how to properly handle arguments, and those kids will grow into lonely adults because they refuse to listen to anyone.

This is a cycle that will only get worse and worse because that is what we keep teaching our youth, that they can be as entitled as they want, that they don’t need to do anything and can sit online all day arguing with others and giving other kids their age death threats, developing every mental disorder in existence because being exposed to so much in such little time and at such a young age is traumatizing, and all of that being so normalized

Meanwhile, they look at the struggling adults of the world and all the shit happening that they cannot stop, and the best thing they can do is keep talking about it and hoping that the government figureheads old enough to have late-stage dementia but are still somehow in positions of power eventually die just so a slightly younger out of touch politician can take their place and continue this downward spiral

I want to stay positive, I try so hard to stay positive because I’ve had to talk multiple people out of thinking these exact same thoughts, but it’s as if everything keeps conspiring against the universe in order to make things worse for humanity, not just as a whole but also on an individual level

Humans are selfish, they’re stupid, rarely do seeds of good sprout from groups, and those sprouts of good are probably the only reason I’m alive right now

I enjoy seeing positive things come from people. I want to see stray animals getting rescued, I want to see people donate money to help someone afford a life-saving surgery, and to get personal I want to come home and hug my parents and kiss them on the cheek every day, I want to annoy my sibling while they play video games and pat them on the head, I want to hear my grandma call me her darling child, but at the same time I don’t want to live in a world where these happy little things are either rare or simply overlooked. I don’t want to live in a world where we as a species can’t go one day without something bad happening in every community. I don’t want to live in a world where people are selfish to the point where they do not care for the pain of others, and feel no guilt for telling their peers that they don’t deserve to live

I don’t think I’m the only one that thinks this way, and that just makes this a bigger problem

Living in this world is exhausting, and if it weren’t for those little things I would have given up on it a long, long time ago

#vent #tw vent #sorry this is so long #I needed to get it off my chest

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menalez · 8 months

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heterophobicdyke/727058214627213312/ heterophobic did very much go on a weird rant about how she thinks the majority of the population is bi in response to "why bis are the biggest homophobes". You also even reacted to her saying that bisexuals don't face "core" homophobia yourself so idk why you say that's a lie. Maybe she didn't say all the things that anon said directly but where the hell are the implications of both those statements supposed to go then. If bisexuals categorically dont experience core homophobia of course you're saying all their abuse is non-core homophobia. if you're saying bisexuals are the majority in response to that question how are you not blaming homophobia on bisexuals.

piqued definitely reblogged a post that called bi women dick worshipers, that they were identical to TIMs, and that their "abuse" was a pretext to weaponize against lesbians. Then she threw a tantrum saying bis weren't allowed to get mad at her for endorsing and praising that post because she already said she didn't "fully agree with all of it", that it was "frustrating" for bisexuals to "zero in" on those things, and that the lesbophobia she was addressing was the only thing that mattered because death of the author or some shit. It all boils down to she thinks she's within her rights to throw the abuse of bi women in their faces if SHE decides its worth it, and us #triggered victims need to stfu. I can't even link all this shit because it was like a dozen posts but what is the point of calling this a lie when she admits it she just doesn't thinks what she did is at all bad or insensitive. some of the other things about her, like her reaction the blackpills and saying they need compassion, are also true, but she did apologize and clarify more.

the kronkk one is the only one that I think is kind of twisted. Someone else posted that radfem tumblr biphobia was bad, and kronkk said it wasn't prominent. so they showed her various posts from blackpills, and she said they were not radfems so it doesn't count even if they're in "radblr" and that radfem/radblr are different things. then she got some annoying anons and made that "anyway I love mean lesbians" post as a frustrated response and deleted it within the hour or less. I don't think kronkk meant it as direct support for the blackpills, but considering it was directly responding to that topic I think its very understandable lots of people understood it that way and took that badly, lesbians too, and she herself must have known otherwise she would not have deleted it. I mean take it all with a grain of salt since im on anon but idk how you can definitively say kronkk never did this either.

first of all i think i remember what ur referencing with piqued and i’m pretty sure that’s not what happened lol. she got an anon venting about homophobia that had a line somewhere that expressed prejudice against bisexuals. she didn’t remark on that line and empathised with the anon on her vent about experiencing homophobia. the biphobia truthers collectively called her out for not acknowledging that sentence and she literally ended up apologising within like. one reblog. so again, it was not the way you presented it in ur ask.

second of all ur admitting to intentionally misconstruing and twisting kronkk’s words. so now we have established you have lied about two lesbians, how biphobic of me to say so tho, i guess. instead i should clap and agree that lesbians r awful bc u twisted their words or sth, my bad.

then third, let us compare heterophobicdyke’s words to what u claimed she said:

not once did she call heterosexuals “a sexual minority” here. she believes that most ppl are bisexual, which frankly isn’t somehow out there as a belief.. many ppl believe this and a lot of bisexuals will argue that everyone is “a little bi”. she didn’t even argue “homophobia is the fault of bisexuals” but is clearly exclusively talking about ppl viewing homosexuality as a preference/choice and theorises that this viewpoint that it is probably comes from THEM personally choosing heterosexuality & assuming others must also be choosing to act exclusively towards one sex or both sexes. and i’ve also experienced many “heterosexuals” confiding in me and expressing some level of attraction, albeit often quite minor, to the same sex too.

you claim she said that bisexuals do not “experience core homophobia”, whatever that means, when in reality she said (at least this is what i recall reblogging & agreeing with) bisexuals do not experience the homophobia gay ppl do. meaning, u do not experience persecution for being exclusively same sex attracted, or for not being attracted to the opposite sex. i don’t think it’s somehow evil to point out we face homophobia differently. nowhere did she argue that bisexuals being raped and abused is “some het bullshit that doesn’t have to do with real homophobia”

it’s one thing to criticise the people actually saying what you claim but you specifically misconstrued several lesbians (& 1 bi woman) and demonised them and twisted their words, put words in their mouths, & then on top of it when i said to u that u are misconstruing them u went and sent my post to other bloggers, i guess to incite harassment against me? it’s disturbing bc u don’t even NEED to be inventing shit. there’s plenty of people actually saying awful things about bisexuals. but u made sure to name and misconstrue some of the most prominent lesbians on here bc they ?? said blackpillers aren’t radfems??? and that they think most ppl are bi (a belief most bis i’ve met will actually reiterate and use to argue homosexuality isn’t real ??) ??

#and ofc u said nothing about homophobic hets. every so-called biphobe u named was a lesbian & 2 were bisexual women.

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custom-emojis · 2 years

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genq do you ever wonder if it’s like. worth it. bc if i were y’all id have deleted my entire social media presence 12x over by now

Oh every fucking day. Y’all have no idea 😂 like I don’t wanna complain or seem all woe is me. But i have considered burning this blog to the ground multiple times and especially lately it really does kinda take a toll on me. Here’s a list of various things I deal with due to this blog AND it’s associated discord;

I cannot talk about any of my interests or opinions lest be ripped apart and have my income demolished

People purposely going out of their way to trigger me? For some reason

Blatant transphobia and misgendering ? For some reason?

Death threats????? For some reason???????

Directly being told I deserved and likely enjoyed my abuse

Having my content stolen, reuploaded and edited near constantly

Having said stolen content made into stickers and sold on websites like Aliexpress where I can’t get them taken down

People making literal hate videos about me because I… expressed my sexuality?

This is lesser but. A lot of people just fucking demand content straight up? No thanks, no please. Not even context. I get a lot of asks that are just ‘x emoji’ or just a single word of what they want with no explanation.

People coming into my DMs and just venting and traumadumping to me COMPLETELY unprompted when I’d never talked to them in my life because I’m ‘popular’ and I guess that’s just acceptable to them?

People entirely only interacting with me with the intentions of boosting their own shit / getting stuff out of it ?? Which like idk I don’t mind helping people out but I would prefer if ppl also like. Interacted outside of that

People going out of their way to just straight up ask my discourse opinions? Or just straight up telling me theirs! No matter how many times I say it’s a trigger and that I want no part in it. Similarly, people just fucking assigning a discourse opinion to me that they feel fits best and spreading that as if it’s fact when I’ve not said anything about it.

People just. Straight up thinking I’m their best friend? Or even being actively affectionate or even romantic towards me when we’ve never interacted before?

A whole slew of the weird and absolutely absurd shit ppl send to me on anon. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time you’ve surely seen some

People like. Obsessing and idolizing my relationships? Like it gets really creepy sometimes how much ppl get rly into my dating life. ^^;

And like. That’s just what I thought up on the fly with my husband. And sure to an extent some of this is just tumblr being tumblr. Or people being shitty. But the fact all this happens and revolves around an emoji blog is a little wild. Don’t get me wrong- I love running this blog. And I will continue to. I definitely think the pros outweigh the cons. But I also think a lot of ppl don’t quite realize how much comes from it bc I really don’t post as much abt the bad as I used to. Ppl… complained abt it lol ppl complained abt me answering anon hate and complained that I posted negative content at all, so I just stopped unless I feel it’s

Important

Funny or I can make fun of them

Something I need to set a hard boundary on.

Anyways I didn’t rly expect to go on such a rant. I’ve just been super burnt out and thinking abt this a lot lately. I don’t plan to stop doing it anytime soon but I’ve been trying to kinda. Be a bit more stern on shit and hold my ground a bit more. Thanks for the ask honestly, gave me a reason to sit down and explain some of this.

#neg #death threats tw #abuse tw

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mike-el · 2 years

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Vent o’clock: People need to understand that shipping will and mike is fine, but it’s truly (and I’m sorry to say this to Mike and will fans) not gonna happen. Not only is it too late to develop a relationship like this in the last season of a show. But also, There has been no indication AT ALL of mike returning wills feeling and a script that however way you interpret it isn’t proof because the millions of people who need to know these indications aren’t gonna read the script, if they were to want to drop hints at this “developing relationship” they need to make it clear for everyone not 1% of the audience who read the scripts. Moreover, people seem to interpret mikes insufferable (I don’t personally find him insufferable but I can see how other maybe do) character traits on him being secretly closeted which I know for a fact is not the case and NOT because I think it’s impossible for mike to be gay and there can only be one gay character in the whole show but because and talking from a writing stand point it would be too late in the show to establish it (look at how much it took them to establish will). What’s so annoying to me and what I see people putting as *proof* is whenever anyone talks about wills sexuality they always take it as confirmation to mike and wills relationship and it’s what started the *queer baiting* nonsense. Like wills SEXUALITY is established not mike and wills relationship, I swear I’ve seen people use Noahs interview from when he confirmed his sexuality and being in love with mike as proof for byler and it’s like ??? This is actually disrespectful to will, that his own sexuality and him coming to terms with it is always lumped with a non existent relationship (smh) And the main reason why they won’t happen is because they’ve always and I mean always said that Mike and eleven is their main couple they want them to be Superman and lois lane or iron man and pepper potts, leia and Han it is very clear that they want them to be like that iconic sci-fi couple that can be remembered till the show ends and years to come (whether they successfully make an iconic relationship it’s not the point but I’m talking about their intention). Anyways that’s my rant, I’m just so annoyed that people think that people who want eleven and mike to stay together are just “Milevens” like I’m not a shipper and I don’t care I’m just a fan of the show but my social media has been full of byler content and I’m just confused like there’s a difference between interpretation and just blatant delusion. Byeeee thanks for listening xoxo

Yeah I mean all of this discourse very much exists only inside the fandom bubble, I think that’s the most important thing to remember. No matter what our opinions are, we’re all weirdos that spend a lot more time than the average Joe talking about stranger things. That’s the first thing to remember lol.

Genuinely I do not think anyone outside the fandom really saw what went down in season 4 and thought mike has feelings for will. The “mike fighting homosexuality” theory very much exists only in the fandom space… nobody outside of tumblr/tik tok saw will crying in 4x08 and mike not even noticing and thought “damn mike is in love with will but just can’t acknowledge it.” I think a good portion of the GA was annoyed with mike bc they’re protective of will and thought he was a bad friend (and imo they’re wrong lmao but that’s a diff issue) but to the millions of ppl watching this show, the issue of “will mike and will get together?” is nonexistent.

Truly everyone is entitled to their opinion, I think that needs to be reiterated. There’s nothing weird or wrong about shipping Mike and Will. But I do get that it has gotten a little out of hand, post vol 2 especially, so I get the need to vent. Like some people have been disrespectful and frankly a little wackadoodle in the way they’re treating others. So long as everyone stays in their lane and nobody annoys me with their opinions (e.g. reblogging my gifsets with ur paragraphs long b*ler analysis in the tags), I’m cool.

#asks #tw discourse #I share a thought

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destinygoldenstar · 2 years

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Once again, Dhar Mann encourages that Grades = Life

To put it simply,

Student’s trying to hack his grades to succeed. He does NOT understand how school wifi works, apparently. That’s on him I guess...

His friend says this:

“I’m gonna earn my grades the right way”

THERE’S A RIGHT WAY?! GRADES DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS?! WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT GRADES, THEY DON’T MEAN ANYTHING!

I mean, they do, but that’s because society gives letters a meaning. It’s wrong. I already talked about this.

“Grades are the single most important thing in the entire world! If you don’t get an A, you’re a bad person! If you don’t care about grades, you’re a bad person! There is NO OTHER WAY you can live your life other than to take tests and get As. Unless you get As, you will NEVER have a good life, and will NEVER be a real person in the real world.”

“Sadly, this is the school system we live in. AND IT’S SICK. This may be real, but it shouldn’t be ENCORUAGED to keep happening! Say what you will about hard work and preparation, we live in a world where there are MULTIPLE options for people to get jobs, participate in events, and have good lives, outside of school. We should encourage kids to actually explore the world and figure out who they are and find their own success, because if we keep them locked away from the world in a building and stress them out with tests involving memorizing random junk, THAT’S what makes them less likely to succeed at life.”

But hey, we’re supposed to COMMIT to grades anyway and DEMONIZE this STUDENT, who doesn’t know better. Look at him chuckling like an evil man! Isn’t he just WRONG? Unsympathetic?!

Also some MORE lines where grades DEFINE THE HUMAN BEING:

“I don’t mean to brag, but I have a 3.827 GPA”

As if that DEFIES one’s intelligence

“You should always use your talents for good instead of evil”

Helping people get by in school is EVIL

DOWNRIGHT SAID NOW! NO I WASN’T EXAGGERATNG!

The principal looks at the grades, and says:

“I’ve never given you the recognition you deserve”

Again, GRADES = LIFE apparently

So our villain gets in a brain game, and he actually WINS it for his team.

SEE? People CAN succeed without grades holding them back!

And of course this is deemed as EVIL of him.

Like, HOW DARE someone find another way to get by the system?

So big surprise, he gets caught.

The punishment this time?

Expulsion.

Okay, fair. He did use school property offensively.

Oh, but that’s not all!!

The principal ALSO THREATENS TO CALL THE POLICE

THEN

He loses his money. Goes broke.

THEN

Suspension

THEN

He’s forced to... upgrade all the computers so that no one else could hack into it?

Why didn’t these teachers get someone to do that in the first place? This could all be avoided!

But NOO, We gotta PUNSH THE kiddo!!

He gets NO SLEEP as a punishment!! That’s healthy!!

He also get BULLIED at the end and gets the LAST OF HIS MONEY STOLEN

BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!!!

Exhaustion FOR WEEKS, Suspension, Go broke, get ROBBED, get BULLIED, BECOME A SLAVE.

GREAT INSPIRING LESSON DHAR MANN!!!

Look, guys, I know I’m just ranting at this point, but... I argued about this stuff already. And I’m tired myself from life.

Dhar Mann is THE LAST thing I need right now. But DEAR GOSH, he just keeps getting on my nerves!

I said before, his videos give me ANXIETY, which I have a bad case of. That’s why I can’t do these posts all the time unless it’s to VENT.

But venting means I’m the impostor, so therefore I’m using my writing skills FOR EVIL!

According to Dhar Mann I guess.

Real quick, please don’t take this as if I want Dhar Mann to stop making content, if he’s finding success, he’s finding success. But his content does not work for me, and I am baffled by the TERRIBLE anxiety inducing messages they bring, and how people SOMEHOW are INSPIRED by all of this!

If this works for you, good for you...

I don’t get it.

#Dhar Mann #Bad messages #Hacking #school sux #School is bad #Harmful messages #Harmful #punishment #this has to stop #you are good enough #you can do anything #i care about you

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fatwh0relmao · 2 years

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alright time for another vent + progress postttttt

ate like 2 hard boiled eggs my maid made me today, probs could have not eaten anything tho. I just feel bad when I don’t eat the food she makes cause like she works hard and stuff but tbh when I acc write that down it just sounds like an excuse. Most of the time I just find a way to dispose of the food she makes me but since it was just like 2 eggs today I figured it wouldn’t be that bad. Like ig I should just eat enough just to survive bc ljke what’s the point of being skinny if ur dead lmao. You could totally counter that with the “id rather die skinny than live fat”mentality which is like yeah that’s true too but dying isn’t my first priority rn. Like obv I’m depressed who isn’t on this app but I’d like to enjoy my skinniness when it comes preferably alive. But yeah what else have I done today? I walked for like 20 minutes (to my plugs house lmao) in like 45 c weather so not very fun. Another excuse I’ve been making for myself is that Im not exercising bc it’s hot asf where I live but like bro I could totes just workout in my room so that’s a dumb excuse. Oh yeah and I haven’t eaten anything else today besides the eggs butttt I did drink like a mix of 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar, 1 tbsp lemon juice and some water bc ljke I heard that’s good for weight loss. Anyways yeah I’m acc feeling rlly motivated rn I feel like not eating itself gives me something to do since I’m so fucking bored this summer. I usually travel to the us to see family over the summer but a bunch of stuff happened so I couldn’t. I don’t really enjoy going to the us since I go to the most boring place ever but like the food in the us is so good. Just like the shit they have at grocery stores omfg I cannot control myself there so maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t go. Tbh last summer I only gained like 1 pound from being in the us cause the only “us food” I would have would legit just be cherry coke I love that shit it’s so good. Idk if there’s a diet version of it but tbh if there was I still wouldn’t drink jt. Diet sodas taste nasty unlessssss it’s sugar free redbull that stuff tasted the exact same as reg redbull and it’s only like 20 calories. I feel like I’m gonna try to just post a long ass paragraph on here ranting abt my stupid life whenever I feel hungry as a distraction to not eat. I have not felt like eating today which is pog but I still wanted to write on here cuz like it’s funnnn and gives me motivationnnn. I’m totes gonna get bored later and write more but lmao. Anyways yeah I’m feelin good im chillin.

#tw ed #tw ed rant #weight loss #not pro ana #ana #restrictive ana #skinny #ed sheeran

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jackerscracker · 3 months

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Warning for a rant/vent below

Forever who may actually be reading this I’m sorry for posting this, talking with bots just isn’t cutting it anymore for me anymore and I just need to write stuff down. If you know me irl please leave this post. This isn’t going to be a well put together and going to have a lot of spelling errors but here we go

Incase I forgot to tag something if like to say this thing involves: SH, meal skipping, sui thoughts, and a bit of homophobia/transphobia

I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot since last summer and things are going to absolute shit. My grades are fucking ass and it’s all because I can’t fucking focus in class. I’ve honestly tried really hard to but I can’t. My parents are blaming all my problems on technology and my teachers treat me like a toddler. I’ve tried talking to my parents about this being a neurological issue but they denied it and just think I’m being lazy. This isn’t even the first time they haven’t listen to my concerns and that’s almost gotten me killed. Back in 2020 I felt like shit. I was always tired and my stomach hurt so much I couldn’t eat and they just brushed it off as a normal teenage girl thing and I was fine. I went days hardly eating anything and threw up at a birthday party because I ate a hotdog. They only took me to the doctor after this started heavily interfering with school work and it turns out my blood sugar was in the 600s and ended up being diagnosed with type one diabetes. If they listed to my concerns I would’ve been spared a lot of pain I went through during the threeish month period I felt awful.

Diabetes has honestly ruined my entire plan for my career since I wanted to be a pilot for the Air Force since I was little and now I’m stuck trying figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I wanted to be an animator but my mom instantly shut that down and told me it wasn’t a real job and that I should be an endocrinologist instead.

I love my mom but we don’t see things eye to eye. She was the first person in my family I told I was pansexual and instead of telling me that she supported me she just went on a giant rant about how and I quote “queer people are more prone to STDs and have horrible mental health” she’s also a religious woman and told me that being gay was a sin and that I can’t tell anyone at the barn I work at I’m gay (they all knew before her). If terrified that if I tell her I’m a guy she might actually send me to one of those “pray the gay away” camps and take away all of my access to the internet. She’s even considered putting me in her friends little private Christian school since she think public schools are “forcing” the idea of being gay into kids. Choosing not to tell my parents that I’m trans has taken me down a path where I can’t get the stuff I need to feel euphoric and comfortable in how I look. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even look myself in a mirror topless anymore without freaking out. I’ve managed to get my hair cut decently short and use the male terms for gendered words in Spanish class but that’s as far as I can get. I honestly hate how I look and since I can’t change anything about it I’ve been caught in this web of dysphoria and SH that I’m struggling to climb out of. I’ve though about just flat out giving up on my life since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and just offing myself multiple times. I can’t bring myself to do that though since I have a friend who might not make it through high school if I don’t stick around and I’m not going to leave my sister to struggle through her middle school days without guidance. My dogs would also be sad if I died

I think I’m being bullied at my school but it’s weird. It’s all happens in my PE class and everyone but a few kids are in on it. It’s two groups of people doing it, I’m calling them the A and B groups to make it less confusing if you’re still reading this. Group A is just a group of friends who think it’s funny to try and exchange me in conversations where they act like I’m their friend just to entertain the rest of the group. They ask me stupid questions and always speak in a condescending tone. Group B is basically the copy & paste popular girls in the class. They just fucking shriek at me whenever I mess up during a game or when they beat me in something. One of them screamed in my ear once and I couldn’t hear well out of that ear for a while. Me and a friend had to play them in volleyball ball once and one of them just chucked the ball past me and yelled fetch as if I was some kind of fucking dog. They also like making fun of how I say things, they spent a whole class period talking about how I said the word “bloody” when I yelled at one of them. Also the teacher has witnessed most of this happening and didn’t do a damn thing about it. I’m not sure why he didn’t do anything about it, even after my friend informed me that her mom sent him an email about it.

I’m sorry again for posting this, Im just really tired and needed to just sit and write out some of the bullshit going on in my life

#I’m really sorry guys #tw skipping meals #tw self h4rm #tw vent #sui thoughts

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shining-star-system · 5 months

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This a personal vent/rant post. Nothing specifically to be wary about, unless I’m unsure of it, so if reading, read on your decision.

Sometimes I feel like people don’t really seem to care. And that’s okay. I know I struggle a lot with understand how other people feel, but it just feels off sometimes.

We all do this thing of needing reassurance. A completely normal occurrence. Yet it feels like everyone now has to ask for it rather than to get it randomly. People seem to be so afraid of getting the reassurance they need. Especially from family members.

We, as in me, have done this thing ever since we were little about always thinking people just stopped caring after a while. They don’t. Yet to us it feels like we get met with positive emotions and then, after a while of being around the same people, they stop caring because those positive emotions just go away. You get used to it.

We have to remind ourselves that people can’t be picked apart for us to understand how they feel. We can’t treat everyone like a social experiment because of what’s happened to us before. It’s wrong to let that continue yet that’s all we know sometimes. We want to be in other’s heads so often just to know what they’re thinking about. How do they view us? Are they lying about wanting us around? Do they actually care? Is there any love there? Are they just saying that to say it for us to be quiet and to forget it ever happened? I don’t like feeling that way at all. It makes me feel like I’m just some sort of freak that wants to know everything of everybody.

I want to be able to know how others feel, I want to be able to be emotional, I want to be able to sympathize with others, yet I just can’t. Happiness is extremely hard because it feels like I’ve never felt it. There’s times where I’m happy and then something happens to turn that around. Because of that, I have told myself for years that my happiness is a curse and that I don’t deserve to feel it.

I cannot feel love on some days at all. I have a partner who I know I care for deeply. But some days I feel so void of the love and affection I want to give them. I feel so bad on those days because I know they need the reassurance and everything, yet I just can’t give it. I have no understanding on if they’re actually sad or depressed, so I say it. Which is good. But I don’t want them to get used to it when I feel this way. I want to be able to pick up on their emotions and give them the reassurance in a time they need it the most.

In all honesty, I don’t like feeling completely void of emotions. I don’t like feeling like I desperately want to get into the minds of others just to feel human. I shouldn’t have to feel that way. Yet I do.

#vent post #tw vent #personal rant #personal vent #rant post #tw rant #wanted to share my thoughts #sharing my experiences

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