#but i sweat so bad and get so hot

[ihatebnha]

During summer you wake up covered in bakugo's sweat 😔

And probably your own, given that he turns the bed into a sauna😭 

He doesn’t even notice, either. Runs so warm naturally that so long as your blankets are thin, he can sleep right through. Some people might be concerned he’d accidentally blow your bed up during the night, but honestly? At least that would put you out of your misery. 

But yeah. You wake up covered in his sweat, basically GLUED to him wherever he holds you. THEN he wakes up too and has the nerve to ask, “What the hell happened to you? You look like you just ran laps.” 

Bakugo. You are what happened. YOU. 

(And he wonders why you always wanna cuddle more in the winter. He’s cold though, so no complaining on his part.)

#bakugo #'why do you wanna cuddle so bad? you werent like this six months ago?' #uhhh maybe it's just a lot nicer now #or in the summer 'what happened to cuddling me? u weren't like this in february. guess im chop liver' #bakugo. its 40 degrees out. #and you're already a hot water bottle. be quiet #lmfaooo and i didnt wanna say it but u wake up and theres a sweat patch #good luck trying to frick too bc it just gets worse #yall are DRIPPING #ask #anon #caitie things #queue

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23

#so. #i fell into the fireplace lol #- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with #because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong #your body feels wrong. #i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18. #because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating #im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you. #but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb #or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning #i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic #so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?' #anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place #and my legs just gave out 😍 #and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh #which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed #and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me' #and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed #and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh #and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok #💚 #tw chronic illness #/ multiple sclerosis

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

#I DONT THINK I DIDDDDDD like an insane person i left out one of the most bonkers moments of my california vacation #saying it now makes it seem like im making this up and the following story will seem made up but dude just trust me. #im fucking. ok sunday morning the morning of Thee Concert and i (used to waking up at 4-5 am) have been awake on and off since like 6 am #my friend? asleep. #now i enjoy waking up and falling back asleep for a couple of hours however by like 9:30 im starving i need BREAKFAST #like the very nice friend that i am i dont wake my friend up i let him sleep and leave him a message on my open laptop screen #because the fucking hotel room doesnt have a pad of paper?? so i leave my modern post it note of a message #saying that im going out for croissants and coffee #because im an idiot i severely misjudge how hot it's already gotten in los angeles in july #ive chosen to wear jeans (bad idea) and a long sleeve flowy black shirt (worse idea) #i also dont look my Greatest because my friend had been telling me dont wash ur hair before we curl it for the concert!!! #so this is my hair after flying in and everything the day before (It Needs To Be Washed) #im following google maps to the coffee place as i brave the streets of los angeles on a sunday morning #hollywood boulevard around the chinese theatre is insane btw. insane. but being from new york i am unfazed (well. a little fazed) #i am Sweating. its already gotta be 80 degrees. im also reaching critical hunger levels. but i continue on my journey #google maps leads me down a sidestreet and tells me to turn down some alley and im like well thats not right. #so i turn to go back the way i was headed and find another way to get to the coffee place #as i turn and head back up theres a guy going down this same block heading in my direction #i look at him and im like hey that guy kinda looks like oh my god it actually is him. mr john l of tmbg fame #and so i have a split second decision of like do i sayyyyyy something do i just ignore him while geeking out #somehow i decide to be bold and im just like gdjgmm hi excuse me i recognize you uh do you mind if i could get a photo #he was very nice and suggested we move into the shade and i took the photo trying to turn off google maps before i did #and i was like aa im seeing you in concert 2nite love your music thank u! and we went on our way. #i think i kinda like. stopped for a moment before i went on to the cafe and was like. that just happened??????? insane. but it gets better #i do finally get the coffees n croissants btw and get back to the hotel after melting in the heat #and my friend who likes tmbg better was losing his mind once i finally told him #so the following morning after our spars concert insanity we have breakfast at a diner and then head back to our hotel #and he's wearing a tmbg shirt he got and im in a spars shirt and as we're walking back a car horn honks near us #AND ITS BOTH THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS IN A CAR and they say hi and are like we like your shirts! #and my friend and i are like losing it but trying to be cool and like oh thabk you we loved your show hi! so theres my insane story

[captn-lovelace]

i’m a fat bitch on both zoloft and adderall so needless to say i sweat enough for 10 ppl. and im moving to arizona. in the summer.

im actually so excited to live there but dear god, living in a hot climate, specifically arizona, is something that has occupied my mind to the point that it was a common topic of therapy 😭 like what if i show up to a professional event covered in sweat 💀

#this was easier before i was this fat. bc now when i sweat like a mf im so aware of what a fat stereotype that is #and unfortunately it’s a very accurate one for me at least. so i’m always like oh god ppl around me are gonna think i’m a gross sweaty fatty #even tho like…… i am lol. and that’s ok #i have a bad habit of like not showering for a week and i def can’t do that anymore if i get sweaty!!!! #how will i have the energy to shower daily #oh good and the fact that i’ll wear shorts most of the year!!! bc it’s hot!!! but shorts kill my inner thighs 😭 #i so prefer pants #im gonna die yall

[brightokyolights]

.

#we ran through the bright tokyo lights nothing to lose. summer of 2012 burnt in our minds. hot crazy and drunk 5 in a room. singing our hear #ts out to carly. sweat in our eyes. throwing drinks at each other. making fun of our lovers. getting kicked out on the streets. we were best #friends forever. but the truth is. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont #ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. im a bad friend. guess we fell out. what was tha #t all about. maybe i over reacted. well maybe you shouldnt have. god its insane how things can change like that. dont even know where you ar #e what you do and who you do either. throwing drinks at each other. making fun of our lovers. getting kicked out on the street. we were best #friends forever. but the truth is. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so don #t ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad. put your hands up if youre not good at fhis stuff. pu #t your hands up if youre not good at this stuff. put your hands up if youre not good at this stuff. maybe im a bad friend. im so good at cra #shing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cau #se im a bad. im a bad. im a bad. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont as #k me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad #im a bad. im a bad friend. #le song shouting

[boxwinebaddie]

OMG YOU SAYING KYLE WAS LOOKING FOR HIS RAVEN WAS SOOO CUTE I WANTED TO CRRYYYY😭😭😭😭 omg we always ask u sm ab him finding out ab stan I DIDNT EVEN THINK AB HOW CUTE HED BE BEFORE HE KNOWS AB STAN AND JUST LIKES RAVEN FOR WHO HE IS😭😭 BC OF COURSE KYLE WOULD LIKE RAVEN BEFORE HE KNOWS ITS STAN THEYRE SOULMATES AND FUCKIGN ADORABLE

no...because, when i tell you that of all the sun and moon boy phases, devHellopments & outrageous stages of Ravesey's RealHat(e)ionship

( this includes the pre!rm!flashback and post!rm!ravesey!hating, which is reeeally saying a lot bc i am obsessed with those sections... )

my favorite part of RM is watching ravenstan go from 'crow' or that cocky bleach blonde bastard, tmz bad boy and asshole lead singer raven tiny pants no last name of crimson yawn/harlot sunslut to Just Raven ( i think the 'corbeau' nickname develops here ) to...His Raven.

from jersey's POV, ofc, who is an unreliable narrator because of his mental instability/all the post traumatic stress/sedative medication he's on, but also because his fear of emotional intimacy means that this section is The Jersey Kyle Having A Fat Crush On Raven Phase except kyle is completely in denial abt it...tho it's Pretty Obvious.

-- to everyone But him, naturally. ;)

***this is a long post, my apologies in advance, darlings.

if our re(memory) serves us right, we might recall that for The Hate, ravenstan gave jerseykyle his personal phone number and that is pretty important because they have...Frequent Text Conversations.

not like...That, you guys! they are friendly or the closest kyle can get to being friendly/casual ( which, is all an act of course, and a very badly rehearsed one bc kyle is internally screaming the whole time. ) So, my friends and contemporaries, I will say that, similar to Pep!Kyle, Jersey does also type in complete sentences and use perfect grammar. He is a robot. Beep boop. and ravenstan, like pep!stan, does type like he's being chased by zombies allsklike this lmaooos!

however, despite the eye n brainsore that is having to decode raven's mindblowingly misspelled, emoji-ridden text messages from hell, jersey kyle...does feel alight with joy every single time he gets one.

ravenstan sends the Dumbest things too like, kyle while grabbing something from the back at grounded on the clock, will hear his phone chime ( he forgot to turn it off, yaknow, bc hes forgetting shit ) and his eyes will light up because he thinks it's raven texting him. and he's distracted like his entire shift and is almost burning himself with the big scary coffee machines because all he can think about is how badly he wants to check his phone ( WHICH IS CRAZY IF YOU THINK ABOUT HOW ADVERSE JERSEY IS TO TECHNOLOGY )

so when his break comes around, he literally SPRINTS!!! to the break room to go check his phone, which DIES!!! so he has to plug it in and wait five minutes...only to find that the text message was just one of those credit card scams, BUT THEN!!!! right before he's about to toss his phone back into his bag & scream loudly into his hands...

...bc what the fuck Why Was He Waiting For Raven's Text Message??? ( emphasis on mess ), kyle's phone chimes ang raven sends him 'this u' and its a super blurry picture of a super tall, bushy tree with an out of focus tan-raven-hand peeking out of the corner of it, which you can tell is his because of all the silver hot-topic rings.

the tree was mostly irrelevant to kyle, because he does think raven has pretty hands and was staring at them and NOT the part of the picture he was supposed to be staring which...when he realized that he was like aaaaahhhh! fuck! and Literally Spent His Entire Break googling pictures of trees so he could send one where the leaves were all yellow/dying so he could faux-a(pathetically) text raven back "Haha. Very funny, asshole. This is you, Blondie. Bad roots and all."

and sat there refreshing his phone, five whole minutes late to clocking back in because he was waiting for raven's response ( overthinking it so hard like -- oh god, was that too mean? nice? oh god, what if he thought that was lame? how do u unsend-- ) who just sent back 'lmaaaaosojdsods jajaja' w/ the laughing crying emoji.

...and let me just say that kyle could not even Hear his supervisor yelling at him to get back to work because he was just admiring raven's lame ass reply, feeling a huge surge of pride swell in his chest.

speaking of things swelling in his chest, namely his cold black heart, kyle does feel it literally skip a beat everytime raven sends him something like 'i saw this and i thought of you! <3' kyle thinks that's so nice, his lovely boy truly <3333 who jersey will find any reason to text like sometimes he's literally down so bad that he started giving ravenstan upHates on how suzie is growing.

for example, once kyle texted him ( trying to be chill ):

"Well, she's still alive...I guess."

w/ a picture of her and kyle flipping off the camera n raven texts back a golden retriever boy 'omgomogm shes so tall & red now! looks like her dad more n more everyday lmaoaoa!!! so pretty! ur doing such a good job with her! i knew you would <333' which...okay one praise kink kyle brain go burr bad kyle...but also a heart emoji?

that made him Blush!!!! so naturally he's gotta send back

"Whatever. Fuck off now. Stay tuned next week when I kill her and send you a picture of her CORPSE."

...then his heart hurts because he knows that is going to make raven sad and stressed out and god forbid he start Crying so kyle amends his original Hatement to "Yeah, whatever. Stay tuned next week."

which is worth it because stan sends back:

'looking 4ward 2 it xx'

GAAAAAAAYYYYY

so ky sends raven suzie upHates & curb upHates...raven sends back a lot of excited emojis: he Frequently requests curb pics. on a more frequent and serious note tho, they do ask each other how they're doing a lot. sometimes raven sends 'ugh, sorz 4 the late response. suuuper late day in the studio today. sooo exhausted ://'

kyle literally frowning at his phone!! hes so :(((( his baby whos Naught his baby!!!! he wants to respond so bad/be like rlly overprotective and worried and shit, but he has to be Aloof And Cool and Uninterested so he literally waits like ten minutes exactly to respond just to say 'That sucks, dude. I'm sorry they have you working so late. Don't worry about the late response. I hope your night gets better."

i???? HOPE???? YOUR NIGHT??? GETS BETTER???? LIKE!!! HELLO!! OKAY WHORE!!!! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT!!!! ASK TO HOLD HIS HAND AND KISS HIM ON THE LIPS??? SHUT UPPPPP

raven and kyle also do send good morning/good night texts sometimes omg ( the first voice message on kyles phone is raven singing 'kyyyyleeee broflooovski, get ur ass up and go to school~" which was the most beautiful sound in the world to him aaaa he literally almost wanted to make it the alarm on his phone ( hes down so bad i am in pain ) but blonde squad would give him shit abt it.

they do...ofc...give him SO much shit about it. because kyle broflovski, who literally only used his phone to make necessary phone calls or check his bank statements, during the secret crush yearning phase, was GLUED to his phone, smiling and giggling omg. and they know who it is but that doesn’t stop bebe going 'who're you sextin', kylie? ;)" like the most annoying little sister in the world smh and kyle is just like 'Your Dad, Barbara. Fuck Awhff."

when blonde squad + kyle and craig are hanging out and kyles NOT on his phone, sometimes he's like nervously looking around and craigs like 'what's his deal?' and marjorine is like 'he's waitin for his lil ol band boy-boyfriend to text him back' aND KYLE IS LIKE HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T CARE IF HE TEXTS ME!!!

then his phone dings and kyle LUNGES for it because oh my god It’s Raven and its just tweek sending him 'SIMP!' in all caps SMHHH they got his ass oh my god...LISTEN GUYS!!! MEN WHO GO TO WAR & DIE HAVE BEEN LESS DEEP IN THE TRENCHES THAN KYLE!!!!

who...oh my god, once he develops the raven crush...ends his manwhore era? LIKE HELLO????? because he literally isn't turning the blondies house into a brothel of dumb disposable for the streets one night stand men bc he is up all night texting raven in the cd hoodie he left, knees to his chest, smiling at his phone.

which!!!!!! it's not just texts tbh!!! the worst part about stan's death was that kyle had virtually ( literally ) no pictures of him other than the polaroids, school pictures, the newspaper clippings of his death. but raven of crimson dawn...HIS DIGITAL EMO BOY DOC MARTEN COMBAT BOOT SHAPED FOOTPRINT IS HUGE OMG!!!! there is so much raven content on the internet both commercialized and fanmade, like there are so many pictures and videos of raven.

and jersey...does fall down The Raven Rabbit Hole...smh.

he is in class watching crimson music videos, grades slipping, he's at home in his room watching interviews ( but not even for the parts where he's being sexy and cool -- he's watching them for that five seconds where raven laughes or drops something and swears really loudly and aggressively in spanish and then goes 'fuck! i'm sorry' and then is like 'wait, Shit, i said it again' 'oh FUCK i--can you edit this out please?' and hes so embarrassed omg kyle is like cutecuteCUTE )

on a down horrendous note, raven does upload a lot of videos of him doing toolshed!stan things where he fixes up crim, his motorcycle, and sometimes is on live just working on her answering questions aaa smh THE AMOUNT OF TIMES KYLE HAS WATCHED THE RAVEN OF CRIMSON DAWN TATTOO TOUR VIDEO????? specifically this one part where raven pRETENDS TO LIFT HIS SHIRT UP? and then is like woops ;) just kidding. that's a secret <3 AND KYLE FALLS FOR IT EVERYTIME!!!!! WHEN I TELL YOU HE WAS REWINDIN!

kyle....needs to go to horny boy AND SIMP JAIL!!!! RN!!!

okay, last thing about the simp era and texting is that even tho there's a ton of pictures of raven on the internet, hes...moderately possessive im so sorry, so when he gets pictures of raven that raven just sent to him and no one else has...he is like Feral omg.

( theres also a nsfw hc abt this but again, more on that later smh... )

but they're the most cryptid pictures ever of him like in a face mask or like crying bc someone let him pet their dog and took a picture of him w/ them, or omfg, like ravenstan being like ew management sent these pants over but they make my legs look really weird idk ( this is not bait btw he literally is just self concious ) what do you think and kyle is trying to fight the urge to send BARK BARK BARK WOOGA AWOOGA shdlkshds lmaooo and is like 'They're just pants. Get over it. You look fine." then is like fUCK AAA. 'Your PANTS look fine.'

-- but yeah...simp kyle...i love you.

my fave versions of jersey are simp jersey and slut jersey.

OKAY GUYS, i'm actually done now, i just really wanted to show y'all the Raven of Crimson Dawn vs. 'My Raven thing is extremely real bc

because there is a vapid, airheaded celebrity boy who does whatever management tells him, has no original thoughts, is constantly wasted and on some fuck shit, a total degenerate, bag of wet bleached hair, a corporate manwhorbrat sellout who is nothing but trouble aka lead singer of crimson dawn raven too tight pants no last name lip ring

aaaaaaaaaaaand there is a sweet, lovely boy who holds the door open for fifteen minutes because he wants to make sure everyone gets inside safely, swears really loud in spanish when he drops something as little as a plastic fork, knows the scientific name of like every plant and also has stupid little names for all of them, sings to them every morning and every night, has adhd but remembers kyles crazy class schedule, always asks if he's eaten or drank water, was voted people magazines sexiest man alive and thinks hes absolutely hideous in every conceivable way, cries and dyes his hair frequently, bites his lip when nervous, is super lame, believe in true destiny, fate and true love, loves with his whole soft, marshmallow heart, and that is...

...His Raven. :')

-uncle nina who may have a Branch in her eye ;-;;; </3

p.s. last last last thing, liking raven does also make kyles ptsd really really bad so like stan is causing the episodes, but then where jersey would usually whip out a cigarette, he just texts stan or watches a video of him laughing or something and puts the box down AAAA

( he do be watching those Raven Of Crimson Dawn Being Cute For Fifteen Minutes Complications on youtube...smh...SIMP!!!!! )

#i have so much to say about this #but i hope this suffices bc i need to stop answering 237092732 ask messages abt rm bc im obsessed #when i tell u jersey sees raven doin messy hotshotboy shit or just bein managements marionette/their pretty boy puppet #and is like ew whatever literally fuck this guy #but raven doing sweet boy stan stuff and being awkward and helping people n checking on him and being like fml i started crying again #kyle is like...oh god i want to kiss you so BAD #its the way kyle just thinks he has a type...im crying omg #like ur type is stanley marsh #specifically in a hot boy punk rockstar font #BUT THE DISTINCTION IS VERY REAL GUYS #THERE IS RAVEN OF CRIMSON AKA THEIR RAVEN #WHO OOZES SENSUALITY N POWERSLIDES ON STAGE IN THE TINY PANTS MANAGEMENT MAKES HIM WEAR #AND THERE IS HIS RAVEN WHO WANTS TO WEAR SWEAT PANTS EVERYWHERE HAS A LITTLE GIRLS STICKER STUCK TO HIS CHEEK #AND THAT IS KYLES RAVEN #thank you for coming to my ted talk #ill edit this so it sounds better later but i wanted to get this across bc i was oddly passionate abt it lmao

[orcelito]

Ok triple vaccine is kicking my ass. Now. I am.now grateful that I scheduled it with a day off after

#speculation nation #negative/ #i will be real this is genuinely one of the worst pains of my life #but to.make matters worse. my period started :/ so im dealing with first day cramps of Those #i got only 4 hours of sleep bc despite taking a melatonin i just Could Not Fall Asleep #my feet and legs were so very cold that even 45 minutes under a hot pad still hadnt warmed them #it took hours before i felt like i could remove it. idk how long exactly id finally fallen asleep #but june wouldnt stop crying until eventually she came up to bed #and poor sweet girl did her normal thing of climbing on me. which is usually fine. #but she stepped on my arm and. hhhhhholy shit lmfao That had to be one of the worst pains of my life. #like a 7 or maybe even an 8. right now doijg nothing id say its a 5 #i need to take ibuprofen but i need to get some food in me first #which. oh yeah. i got out of bed to try to eat a bit so i could take some ibuprofen. ended up lightheaded as fuck #had to sit down several times. until at one point i got hit with a spell so bad i was Convinced i was gonna throw up #sat beside the toilet with a cold sweat as i waited for the nausea to subside. #i was gonna have corn dogs for a small meal. they r in the microwave even. but rn i am.just gingerly sipping on an Ensure #with a plastic bag beside me lol. just in case. bc i dont fuck with nausea risks man i am.not puking on my floor. #eurgh why did my.body decide to make things worse for me.... this Sucks #emetophobia/

[imaginmatrix]

If you are waiting for an aoyaom update I am sorry I am out of the house today and have just now found an open coffee/tea shop (after all 5 of the ones I knew about being closed permanently!!!!) so I’m gonna do a quick once over for edits and hopefully post assuming my laptop decides to work!

I just walked 10 blocks to one end of the outdoor mall and back, so 20 blocks total, so the lesson here is gentrification is bad and the pandemic messed a lot of businesses up!!!!

#morgan murmurs #I’m also sweating bad because #it’s cold enough to need a jacket #but hot enough that any physical activity with a jacket will make you way too warm #I’m tired 😭 #and don’t get me started on the catcalling!!!! #this is why I don’t go places #but it’s my fiancés choir show down here so #gotta support the bae

[villruu]

me: oh, i gotta study a lot I better start now

Me, the second I open my notes: [breaks into a cold so horrible I get a headache and stomachache so bad I end up having to frequently get a hot water bottle in the middle of the summer with like 27+°C]

#vrill talks #it was super funny but i felt so bad i wanted to die lol #how is it called in english? in spanish its enfriamiento #like u get so cold out of nowhere it hurts and it can make ur stomach hurt SO badly #sometimes it also brings cold sweat #the chills? idk #anyways hot water bottle 4 the win #(it is like 28°C outside and i am so So cold)

[floral-hex]

Made some coffee because I need the boost

Going to go shave off my beard next because I like the occasional clear cut before growing it back and also no one ever sees me so it won’t matter how baby faced I am for the next week.

Going to stupidly retry buspirone later tonight. If you’ve followed my “lore” (and I’m sorry if you have), the last time I tried it over a few days, it only gave me extra anxiety and made me feel hot and incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was a fluke. Maybe it was interacting with the antidepressants I had just upped my dose of. Regardless, we’ll give it another shot and if it goes bad again, I’ll just take a couple benadryls, conk out, and not worry about them again.

Okay, I love you.

#my anxiety has just been nasty lately #I’m working on the logical mental part of that but a good chunk of my anxiety & depression is due to unchangable health problems #so for those worries I can’t reason away I’m relying on medication #and I think I’m ‘brave’ (or foolish) enough to give buspar another shot #i don’t want to take a benzo or anything tonight #I took 2 klonopins last night and that seemed pretty nice but I don’t want to make that a habit #especially since doctors don’t want to prescribe them unless really really necessary #so for tonight I’ve got my second cup of coffee and I’m working on distracting myself #gonna shave off this gross beard and if I could I’d cut off my long hair #my hair is too long! #I know that’s blasphemous to say but dang it’s getting to be a bit much #also my therapist said I need to apply for jobs before our next meeting #I don’t want to (fingers crossed) get a job interview just to roll in with this gross hair #NOT THAT HAIR IS GROSS! I love you hairy people! #but I’m bad at trimming facial hair and I haven’t had a haircut in… half a year? more? #so I’m all split ends and uneven trims #and I sweat easily so I need to chop some of this all off before it gets too hot #why am I writing all of this? it’s not pertinent or important or exciting or #so anyway how are you doing? #I need more mutuals who spend ungodly amounts of time on this app #not to talk to. I suck at talking. I just like seeing people on here. doing their thing. being alive. interacting with them. it’s nice. #okay this is enough rambling #ok i love you take it sleazy #you can ignore this #text

[betasuppe]

He really hasn't bathed?

No he has, I promise Champ Em isn't actually a smelly unwashed mess but...

He looks like a cat that's been drenched in a rain storm, flushed down a sewer grate & left to find its way home through the sewers, of you get me?

He gives off major stinky energy, I guess???

#asks #but oof sorry #no fancy perfumes can hide the scent of sorrrow bud #idk some people find this sad mess hot regardless #*starts sweating* #definitely not anyoNE I KNOW THO #awful rotten man with a bad attitude is actually pathetic & two steps away from lying diwn on the nearest flat surface & sobbing #luv it♡ #so he wears a scarf & shit because he's always chilled by dread & guilt #lol get it?

[sixstepsaway]

so i sent you that ask a little while ago about the difference between meta written by people who enjoy izzy and people who tend to live in Ed Has Done Nothing Wrong Land (completely okay if you don’t recall btw! i assume you probably get a lot of messages) and holy shit thank you for saying ed should apologize to stede for some of the stuff he (meaning ed) did in e10 because i was out here feeling like i was completely off base for thinking stede is owed an apology for that. i try to read meta from varying sides of the fandom just to keep abreast of what’s going on, which is how i ended up making that observation of the differences in substance and text-supported analysis in ofmd meta in the first place, and i think i saw someone say something once like “well ed needs to apologize to the crew for marooning them but not to stede” and i thought hmm idk if i agree but i see their point and now i’m fully thinking that both stede and izzy (ABSOLUTELY izzy because oh my god?) are owed apologies from ed. stede for sure has his own apologizing to do (to ed and the crew), and he’s at fault for a lot, but ed actively trying to kill the crew is…well, that sure is something. stede’s certainly going to have to earn back ed’s trust, but now i honestly can’t imagine anything other than ed having to earn back stede’s trust as well? stede is definitely neglectful of everyone’s wellbeing early on, but by the time the series ends he’s more cognizant of his actions, and at the very least, close with lucius and olu; if the man you love tried to kill your friends (and may have succeeded in killing one?), there’s going to be some distrust there! and sure, maybe this all gets handwaved muppet-y style in the show itself, but i don’t think this justifies within fandom meta the claim that ed doesn’t have apologies to make and some growth to do in his relationship with stede. so thank you for the response and making me feel validated in this interpretation.

No I fully remember!!

The only thing Ed doesn't owe Stede an apology over is what he did to Izzy, and that's because Izzy isn't part of Stede's crew? Although, arguably, he sort of was part of the co-crew. But Lucius and co were absolutely Stede's people and his crew and Ed lashed out at them because they're Stede's people.

Like, I'm not saying Stede is owed a bigger apology than the crew - he is not, Ed did not try to kill him, he tried to kill them - but he's definitely owed one.

Maybe people are trying so hard to divorce themselves from the idea of (historical) Stede Bonnet as a slave owner, they're acting like the crew aren't Anything to him to avoid a feeling of ownership? But there's many, many shades in between 'nothing' and 'owned', and the crew were his crew. He was their captain. That means something.

Especially if you factor in that Stede almost certainly assumed Ed would return to the Revenge or that Izzy would take care of the crew. I don't think he put a lot of thought into it (he's-- a little selfish and singleminded, our Stede!) but there was certainly going to be a subconscious feeling of, "Well, [Ed/Izzy] will be taking care of them." If only because Ed and Izzy are both actual pirates who would surely take on the crew (which Izzy did). If not those feelings, then surely the knowledge the crew would look out for each other and figure something out (see: Oluwande nearly becoming captain).

It's like having a traumatic experience and bailing from an apartment you share with your best friend and thinking subconsciously, "He'll take care of my cats," as you run home to your parents, and then you come back later to find out he didn't even find the cats a new home he threw them out into the road and slammed the door because you left.

An apology is definitely owed. Especially if the only reason the cats survived is you found them mewling outside the door when you got home.

Stede needs to apologize for bailing out on Ed, but I don't think he owes a giant apology to the crew - they probably didn't expect him back, after all. If they did, they would surely have been saying, "Look, we just have to hack it under ~Captain Hands~ until Stede gets back," - and, similar to the cat metaphor, Stede definitely needs to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for just leaving you like that, I thought you would be taken care of and you really weren't and that's on me," but it's Ed he actively hurt and left and owes an apology to.

That said, I don't think the apology he owes Ed is giant either? He did something shitty after agreeing to run away with him, but he didn't murder people Ed cared about or anything like that. He owes him a good apology, yes, and there will have to be a rebuilding of trust, but I don't think Stede needs to beg for forgiveness or anything like that.

In honesty, I think he needs to sincerely apologize to Ed for bailing, probably explain why he bailed (Chauncey's words, his panic over ruining Ed and his family who he clearly cared about etc) and then what comes after in regards to what Stede did, will be rebuilding a level of trust where Ed doesn't expect Stede to disappear every time the going gets tough.

Stede broke his heart, yes, but Ed massively overreacted to it and I think there's a bit of a trend in this fandom (affectionate) to really feel along with Ed how much it hurt and get angry at Stede over it.

So yes: they both have to rebuild a lot of trust, but Ed is the one that owes some really, really big apologies.

(There might even be, "What? You thought I wasn't coming back?! I was always coming back!" "Oh shit--" sort of apology, but we'll see where they go with that. I don't read Stede as intending to go back in 1x10, so it depends.)

#this is the most i've written in days since this heatwave #i am sweating so bad i want to cry #it is so hot i am dying #this is the only ask i am going to manage to get today but i saw it come in and wanted to reply #ask #anonymous #stede bonnet #edward teach #ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet meta #edward teach meta

[sluttyten]

🥶

#i can't tell if my bedroom is actually so cold #or if my hands and feet are absolutely freezing due to my anxiety #but i'm going with anxiety bc like im wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants in my bed with flannel sheets #and a thick comforter and another blanket on top of it #the thermostat says my house is 72 degrees but my feet have felt like icicles all day #but im also pretty sure they're sweating which is a little tmi #but im currently stressing over jury duty so 😗✌️ #googling what kinds of things i might be asked so i can try to figure out answers that won't get me selected #which is difficult not knowing what kind of trial it's going to be #just hoping i give off enough anxious and biased vibes that i don't get selected #like my social anxiety has been hitting for the last few hours #i can call in a few hours and find out if i even have to show up and that alone is driving me insane #i can't do anything right now other than research this stuff #like i want to write or finish watching this show i've been watching but i can't enjoy anything right now i can only think about this #it's like the other night when i got the summons in the mail and literally didn't do anything with the rest of my day #was reading something earlier about waiting to be selected for jury duty and my heart was pounding and i was imagining it #and like thinking about how i'm definitely gonna feel like i'm going to puke tomorrow im gonna be so shaky #i haven't felt like this in like 5 years since i was last in school and had to worry about public speaking or big projects #like they gave me such bad anxiety i get so hot and red and like get a little buzzy in my ears... yknow casual things #so earlier i was freaking out thinking about how they select the jury foreman which i absolutely 100 percent cannot do #i can't speak up in public even when it was in front of a classroom of people i've known for years #i couldn't bring myself to speak up and ask questions or say thoughts for a discussion (to the point where i failed a project once bc of it) #but i've never been diagnosed with any form of anxiety by a doctor or anything like that so I don't know if i even have an anxiety disorder #but just like based off of a lot of things i've noticed over the years and the way that i'll like focus on a thing that's causing me stress #to the point where it's debilitating and i can't do anything except freak out about it #i'd say i've got something going on.... like back when i had that promotion offered to me at work and i literally cried in my room stressed #about the pressure of the position which i then only held for a few months bc i can't handle the social aspect of it #anyway i've ranted enough now i'm going to go and try to do like anything.... finish writing maybe

[werewolf4vampire]

the fun thing about being disabled in a place where it gets cold and snowy in the winter is trying to go outside to get some sun and exercise (and exercise your dog who dearly needs it) and it takes like 10 minutes to get dressed and put on your fucking boots and you start sweating a bunch halfway through so you're still gonna be cold anyway and then you're so exhausted from getting ready that you don't even wanna do it anymore

#i fucking hate it here so much i wanna live somewhere else #except places that don't get super cold and snowy in the winter usually get really fuckin hot in the summer and i maybe hate that even more #tfw you're trying to navigate life and have really bad temperature regulation and sweating problems #WHICH i thought was related to a medication so i reduced it a ton and i think it's helped like 90% of the time #not completely but a lot but then sometimes i still get so hot and sweaty for seemingly no reason #UGHHHHHHHH #darryl speaks