#but they exist like this... and they can do better if only there was situations or people that could help them gain more confidence

[orcinus-veterinarius]

So... it seems I accidentally deleted an ask rather than answering it. To whoever asked "is it okay to visit SeaWorld? Does the money go to giving the orcas good care?"... here is your answer!

The SeaWorld parks, as well as Busch Gardens, Discovery Cove, and a few others, are operated by the recently renamed United Parks and Entertainment, a for-profit theme park company. Like any other corporation, their first goal is to remain profitable. Obviously, a large portion of that goes to corporate leadership and shareholders. But that's far from unique to United, or theme parks in general. It's a byproduct of the greedy world we live in. If you're willing to buy a ticket to Disney or Six Flags, then buying a ticket to a SeaWorld or Busch Gardens is no more immoral.

According to the AZA, approximately 77% of their members are for-profit. And while AZA zoos certainly vary in quality (anywhere from "acceptable" to "exceptional" in my opinion), for-profit status does not cheapen or detract from the work they do. In fact, for-profit institutions often have more financial freedom for animal care and conservation efforts than their non-profit counterparts. Non-profit zoos and aquariums are wonderful places, but believe me when I say there's a startling amount of politics in every aspect of their management. Non-profit status does not automatically make a zoo better, and for-profit status does not automatically make a zoo worse.

Now... do SeaWorld ticket sales go toward giving their orcas (and other animals) good care? Yes.

While it's certainly simplistic for parks to claim, as they do, "just by buying a ticket today you're helping save animals in the wild!"... it's not exactly a lie. Being for-profit, SeaWorld doesn't ask for donations to fund park operations or outreach endeavours. That revenue is generated by selling tickets, merchandise, food, etc. The same goes for their wildlife rescue and rehab program, Rising Tide conservation program, Coral Rescue Center, and the SeaWorld-Busch Gardens Conservation Fund, as well as partner organizations like OCEARCH and the Hubbs-SeaWorld Research Institute.

Take ticket sales away, and they can't care for their animals, or continue to fund conservation projects. While I don't know the whole story of what exactly is going on with Marineland Antibes, it appears that the park is in a dire financial situation due to plummeting attendance, to the point that they can no longer maintain their killer whale habitat and are trying to offload their animals onto an Asian aquarium or, potentially, an as-of-yet non-existent third party sea pen. While certainly well-meaning, years of boycotts against Marineland ultimately put their animals in a position where they are not being properly cared for. And it would be horrifying if the same thing happened to SeaWorld. I don't think many people, in their fervor to punish the parks for their perceived misdeeds and save the animals, thought about what the reality of driving a zoological facility into financial ruin would look like.

Don't get me wrong, SeaWorld's shift toward promoting itself as a thrill park that also does conservation rather than a marine facility that happens to have roller coasters annoys me. I would have rather they built a separate, neighboring park for the rides, or at least integrated them into the existing park less obtrusively (Disney's Animal Kingdom, for example, seemlessly integrates the theme park and zoo elements, although they have the benefit of the incredibly talented Imagineering team behind them). But as tiresome as the constant roller coaster announcements are, they are what kept the company afloat financially in the years immediately following Blackfish, drawing in a crowd that previously had no interest in the parks, and for that I'm grateful. Thankfully, SeaWorld is in a better spot nowadays. But the only way to convince them that their animals, not their roller coasters, are what people want to see... is to visit and see the animals.

In short, yes, part of your SeaWorld ticket funds care for their orcas and their many admirable projects. Now if only more of it went to giving their staff better salaries.

#their staff make less money than a lot of other major theme parks #the animals have great care... the people uh... #not as much #seaworld #zoos #aquariums #conservation #answered asks #anonymous

[historia-vitae-magistras]

A lightee ask than usual but do you have any food or eating habit thoughts?

Ooohooohh, I did a whole ass seminar on the history of food. Failed it because I almost bled to death but I got to keep all the material! I've got.... a lot of thoughts and feelings about food culture. Too goddamn many, tbh. This got really long so I'll have to do a part two for other characters if wanted but lol enjoy.

Alfred:

 —Actually pretty gourmet little shit when he's got time and effort. He's made food Maria loves so often she has to give up on pretending she didn't enjoy it because fucking hell, he makes good chilaquiles after they've been drinking and fucking. There is, however, a non-zero chance he hasn't eaten a vegetable since the Nixon administration.

 —With that combustion engine metabolism, he's also perpetually hungry, so he eats whatever is around him. His guts do not like this, especially when it's a lot of dairy.

 —He has that kind of lactose intolerance that's tied to his health and stress, so if he's been particularly freaked out lately, he'll remind the world of his nuclear arsenal when he's got to use the toilet after that triple cheeseburger with a side of deep-fried cheese curds.

 —He's a stress eater too. He eats every negative emotion he's ever had especially when he's trying not to binge drink or do drugs.

 —He’s exceptionally food-motivated. They didn’t call one of his first major historical eras ‘the starving time’ without reason. He has preferences, but food is also food, and he’ll genuinely enjoy it in most forms as long as it's not rotten or otherwise godawful. Cowboy coffee and beans for ten days straight, and he will genuinely be the only man on that cow trail not sick of it by the end.

 —This also goes into why he’s so generous with food. He’s big on homemade food. He’ll make a whole big ass batch of like some sort of mac and cheese, and all the neighbours will get a big ol’ bowl of it with an ‘oh just return the Tupperware whenever,’ and it will genuinely be one of the best things they’ve ever eaten in their lives. Europeans recoil in horror, but our portion sizes are almost never single servings. It’s a generosity and hospitality practice except drinks. He really will down like a 2 liter of Slurpee in a single sitting.

 —He doesn’t mind eating alone. Actually prefers it sometimes. He loves eating in his car. American frontier culture, especially mountain men, had an often hyper-individualized, almost mythic culture of spending long periods alone in the woods and not being very sociable; thus a lot of situations where single servings were a thing, eating alone in quiet without something to do can be a real goddamn luxury.

 —He’s a really big protein guy with his metabolism. Sometimes exists on protein shakes but is more often a beef or barbeque or ham or alligator jerky. And a somewhat chunky Alfred is a healthy Alfred. A perfectly cut no flab Alfred is an Alfred who might be severely dehydrated and on several kinds of uppers.

 —He has better tastes than Arthur who didn't really realize food was supposed to taste good until like ten years ago but his combinations can be equally wild and unappetizing as they are batshit tasty.

—He loves spicy food. He's got so many opinions about hot sauces.

—He’s always hungry. If he isn’t hungry or turns down food, its genuinely a bad sign. If he turns down anything or just is just picking at it his food alarm bells should be sounding. He’s either about to declare war or puke all over the table or keel over dead. Peckish or food coma is his default state. Like if he was a smaller guy someone would say he’s got a binge disorder but he’s tall and beefy so he’s pretty okay.

 —Incredibly adventurous eater too. People will assume since there’s that old school culture of Anglo-American who eats the same 7 meals every week and might keel over dead if the meatloaf is slightly different he’ll be a bit hard to please but then he’s absolutely charmed by everything from Korean kimchi to Lithuanian Lašiniai.

 —He loves anyone who feeds him, just got to be a bit careful because he’s got surprisingly delicate stomach for the world superpower.

 —That American obsession with authencity means he’s surprisingly good at remembering people’s food culture or eating norms. He figured out chopsticks in ten seconds and quickly picked up the cues and manners of eating in any given culture. Still struggles with modulating his voice and personality, so he can often come across as rude, but he's so excited to do so. It's almost frustrating how happy he is to try and adapt to people around him and how happy he can be to fit in.

Matt:

 —He's a very good cook when he's putting in effort for other people, but he's not really like Alfred, who he'll make a whole ass meal for one just to relax on a Sunday.

 —He does tend to eat more vegetables than Alfred, but only because his northern vitamin deficiency has him binging them when he can afford them or they're available during the summer.

  —He can be weirdly picky on his own, but no one ever really needs to ask about his favourite food or how he likes anything because he always just goes with the flow around other people. “Just get me whatever you’re getting.” comes out of his mouth often.

 —There's a lot of sour cream/crema and yoghurt/coconut milk involved when he eats Mexican or Indian food for as much as he loves it.

 —Katya was singlehandedly responsible for his ability to maintain a normal weight during the 20th century by adding rye bread and perogies/vyrenki to his diet. He craves mushroom-umami flavours when he misses her, which is most of the time.

 —When he’s normal and eating the Anglo-North American diet, but he isn’t always eating it, he gets some strong sugar cravings, especially when he’s west of Manitoba. He’s as fond of birch syrup as a flavour as he is maple; there’s just less production. But the kind of deprivation he got and his own tendencies to not eat sometimes cause white sugar to just straight-up burns.

 —There's very much something of François to Matt's dietary habits, but less in his personal tastes and more in that he might be more sensitive to flavours. He has that kind of discerning and slightly oversensitive palate, but he’s a shitty perpetually broke frontier settler colony. He knows better/feels too guilty/is too embarrassed of himself to really indulge it.

 —He kept too much of his peasant communalism in his eating habits. Where Anglo-American communities did have a lot of cooperation, communal eating was a special occasion. The norm was based on the individual household. In contrast, French Canadian habitants still technically lived on medieval land plots and owed labour to a lord while also having a culture of seasonal male work, so Matt grew up used to communal ovens and eating most of his meals around others. Later, in Arthur’s jurisdiction, it was usually the same. He got a plate of whatever he was given, and it wasn’t something he had ever had to initiate himself.

 —Partially, he's sometimes exceptionally bad at eating when he has to choose to do it himself. Especially since the Americanization of the food culture took hold in the '80s and '90s. Whereas Alfred is food motivated from going without when he was little, Matt learned how to block out physical sensation until he collapsed because it was rare that someone, including himself, cared about what kind of state he was in. He just doesn’t eat at all when he’s stressed or anxious. And now it's his sole responsibility to do so as there aren’t the same community structures. He has a lot of Alfred’s abundance now, all the brunch and BBQ places anyone could ask for, but it hasn’t meshed with his eating habits. His people gave up so much of their communal eating in exchange for various choices and then wondered why they were so lonely. So he’ll just microwave a potato or a packet of Kraft dinner a day for a week straight and wonder why he feels dead because, technically, he did eat something. It’s seriously a miracle he got as tall as he did.

 —Feed him nothing but hardtack for three years, and he won't complain until he's dropped dead of scurvy. If Arthur puts some sort of godforsaken mixture of plum sauce or gin-infused spag bol in front of him, he’ll compliment it before he disassociates to get at least some of it down.

#the ask box || probis pateo #hws canada #hws america #meatsack mechanics || the sociology and biology of nations #matthew || my country is winter #alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[the-physicality]

so i did watch jocks in jills as per my usual monday routine

#we had another wonderful couch session with better audio than last time #i saw them in tv makeup and knew immediately what happened lmao [they partied w team ca and didn't sleep] #on another note they have got to fix the trade process like these players get asked about it and they can barely come up with any positives #oh and miss julia tocheri revealed the poulin and desbiens do a ton of interviews for the french broadcast #bc it's required for equal coverage and they are the only ones who speak french which makes sense #so i've got to find those if anyone can hook a girl up lmk [i will take this worlds last worlds any team ca game] #also julia and i have the same read on the t swift situation live laugh love #the vanisova interview was good sound was bad tho :( #i will say that tessa really rides on having existing relationships with these players #i think she is probably better at broadcast than podcast and i'm ok with that #julia is better i think at getting good interviews out of the players they don't know [ie not on team canada] which makes sense #considering she is doing more of the interviewing on the broadcasts #anyways thanks for coming to my post script live tweet of the episode once again i cannot recommend the youtube version enough

[tariah23]

They’re calling my baby Gojo, Joseph Joestar now

#rambling #the diff is that Gojo did apologize after being called out and face to face with his racism whilst Joseph literally befriended nazi’s 😵‍💫 #and there was never any explanation from araki as to why he’d even wrote German soldiers in the shit in the first place like that was #absolutely jarring as hell to read for the very first time back when I’d gotten into jjba #well I watched it first but you know #like Joseph really thought fondly of Stroheim as this stand up guy even though he’s first of all #a Nazi #and second #the first scene that we were introduced to was of him sexually harassing a Woman #it’s……. 🗿 #still to this day I wonder if araki had ever addressed this because lord #Joseph was just happy to get the help I guess but that felt so ooc for him from what he’d seen 🗣️ #happily receiving the help of a Nazi and calling them a nice guy ahhh Joseph- #Gojo would never sjjsaj #my boo boo is a little prejudice but he’s working on it 🗣️ #I still think that gege was trying to have a ‘racism is bad’ moment but again #the execution was pretty awkward and it felt out of place considering what had been currently going down in the manga #like the Racism was pretty random but it was swiftly put to a stop which I can appreciate even if it shouldn’t have been a point of #conversation to begin with since why couldn’t Miguel just exist as a character instead of him being the now token negro #who everyone sees as instantly more frighteningly powerful than everyone else like this didn’t even need to be brought up wllssldk #idk gege was trying to be ‘woke’ 😭. sorry nbs and wp ruined the term for me but like basically lol #gojo’s pretty intelligent and extremely gifted but he’s never been perfect lol #it’s just that idk why gege chose to talk about antiblackness in Japan out of nowhere about the only black character on screen hehhhhhh #like gege tried but lmfao #this is so funny to me #at least it didn’t drag on putting Miguel in an even more awkward situation than he already was and it was nipped in the bud quickly #Gojo isn’t one to dwell on things but when he’s face with new information and is taught something he does try to reflect and do better and #I’m sure he probably started to become even more aware of what he’s saying especially when talking to Miguel in an honest way since that’s #always been the kind of character who he was despite the horrors #the only ppl who’ve been kinda annoying about this are nbs and white people as always 🗿

[fierykitten2]

So I just discovered Quaquaval’s Dream World artwork and it is absolutely fabulous! More fabulous than it normally looks, and it’s extremely fabulous anyway. This artwork almost makes me wish I chose Quaxly but I prefer Meowscarada so I guess I’ll just have to leave the fabulous gay duck in Nemona’s care. Also that means I only have to see Skeledirge in one battle because if I chose Quaquaval Nemona would’ve chosen the ugly croc. On the plus side, you know how much I love F-Zero? Well I may or may not have decided that Falcon’s starter would be the Quaxly line

#I just had to bring F-Zero into this didn’t I? #quaquaval #i swear any complement I can use towards Meowscarada I can also use towards Quaquaval and it would work considerably better on the gay duck #I’d say that’s sad because I prefer Meowscarada (best Pokémon alongside Ceruledge) #but I also love Quaquaval #if it weren’t for Skeledirge this otherwise-fabulous trio would be the best starter trio #but the ugly croc exists so it’s between Kalos Alola and Galar for me #things have changed since the last time I updated about my favourite starter trios (most notably Cinderace overthrowing Delphox) #honestly I think the Paldean trio doesn’t work that well as a trio #I’ve accidentally made Meowscarada work better as a pair with Ceruledge (trio if including Iron Valiant) #I hate Skeledirge it’s only there for the anti-furries and I wouldn’t have a problem w/that if it weren’t ugly af #Quaquaval just feels like it would work better on its own #or in a duo with another (Water-type) Pokémon #(I want to say Armarouge but I can’t see people choosing Scarlet and Quaquaval) #theming-wise the trio works but idk for some reason I just don’t think they do #unless I’m comparing them to the Kalos trio #but it doesn’t seem like that’s gonna be a likely situation with how much the Galar trio has grown on me recently #I love how Meowscarada (yes even my modest Meowscarada Spriggie) and Quaquaval are attention-whores #Skeledirge seems like it would become a smug attention-whore after discovering it’s the most popular of the trio #maybe that’s why Meowscarada and Quaquaval are attention-whores #maybe Meowscarada and Quaquaval would be better off as a duo #I have seen artwork of the two of them (I think they’re playing card games) without Skeledirge #and as much as I hate removing one member of a starter trio without also removing a second member to leave only one #it actually works

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[majorplayer]

i moved to a new place 3 months ago and the best internet here is so bad (17mbps....without vpn enabled) that i can't reliably play MMOs, at least not ones like toontown servers since they fully kick you off the game the literal millisecond your connection gets funky in any way. i can actually play most roblox games as long as i'm ok with a lot of textures never loading and me rubberbanding a lot, but toontown is so triggerhappy about kicking you off that i just can't play it without fear of being reported for "maliciously alt+f4ing" or something. or worse, DCing with pace at 100 health. so i haven't fucking played clash in these 3 months. i gave it as long as i could to see if i could adjust to this shit ass internet but i have been so upset that i can't play clash that i'm about to get fucking starlink. like. clash is honest to god my #1 motivation for it. i want elon musk to sudoku as much as anyone else on this website but by god would starlink save my life. a couple of my neighbors have it and they get 100mbps. omfg. i can't even fathom what 50mbps would be like, much less 100. i had 200mbps at my childhood home that i just moved out of. life could be a dream. anyways so basically i'm spending almost my entire next paycheck on starlink because i want to play clash again without getting banned for constantly disconnecting

#sorry i needed to get this out somewhere because i have stoically kept quiet about my situation for the most part #i do log into clash every once in a while just to exist for a moment but i can't Do anything #lol when i first understood the internet situation i logged into clash and took note of how many friends my main has since i knew #i wouldn't be able to play anymore. the number has only gone down by 1 so shoutout to the real ones lmao. anyways #i'm just gonna have to live with the guilt of starlink. like honestly? i hate jeff bezos too but you HAVE to use amazon where i live now #like i'm sorry but the nearest grocery store is a 3-4 hour round trip away. ANY shopping is genuinely a Whole Day type of thing here #i wouldn't even go into town regularly Period if i didn't have prescriptions to pick up monthly at the pharmacy #out here you go cold foods shopping once a month and everything else you order online. and amazon actually delivers out here somehow #and you only go cold foods shopping if you don't want to pay for the only online service known to deliver cold foods and frozen meat here #i am honest to cog shocked that we even have one single ordinary internet service out here period. it's DSL but still #and 17mbps is faster than i would expect from it for how goddamn remote this place is #it has done the best it can for me but i need better. and unfortunately the only “better” is starlink #original

[unproduciblesmackdown]

that moment when: everyone's lives are restricted and constricted and these imposed consequences are attributed to anyone's continual individual failures to seek, find, and follow the Correct Path through Life, and so everyone is left on their own to only be seeking & finding these failures as well as the only answer to how their lives can be better....versus Not seeing the world as the free marketplace meritocracy of everyone's personal failures/successes, nor everything in your own life, and thus not forever having to scrutinize Where You Must Be Bringing It Upon Yourself by fucking up or at least failing to do the correct thing, and exist only in perpetual punishment for your ongoing failure and occasional temporary reprieves from it. recognizing everything that wasn't & isn't & wouldn't be [this is because you're bringing it upon yourself] and thus having more capacity & capability to look at the realm of your personal individual self, reality, experiences, life through the perpetual instances of seeking, finding, and following your own needs/wants through one's inherent personhood and exercises of autonomy and recognition of where & when & how one recognizes moments of their existing freely & in more resonant genuine alignment with themself, you know? endless examples to be found in endless fractals of [where & how are people's lives made smaller]. and that of course this doesn't preclude the ability/option at any time to question one's choices, since you'll be able to find more Actual choices available to you (and, also crucially, find more actual choices made by others that are in the pursuit of limiting Yours) to look at, and people getting to exercise their autonomy isn't the same as "everyone doing anything they want regardless of how it affects others" since that [how does it affect others?] element instead being Regarded would be able to lead to recognizing that, in fact, an effect might be the infringement on others' autonomy, hence: There's A Problem....like the ability to just go ham with [questioning???] anything in existence, certainly including oneself, b/c the "norm" is such that rather you're only supposed to be able to question yourself for your failings (or those positioned as less than, thus, beneath you) and not even have the language to express a questioning of aspects of life beyond that b/c stop calling anyone "cis" they're just Normal, Just Be Normal and it would all be fine

#brought to you by: i think one of my feelings lately of A Shift is in my less than ever running this like continuous background function of #looking for Thee Answer (just like the black suits) in any & everything that could serve as the Key to like. whatever could fit into place #to like set things on a [hell yeah. life? better] path. juxtaposing this recent sense of things with the [lol. in retrospect i Do see a new #context wherein i can Recognize smthing abt myself] past going on of like. granpa greentext story be me be fifteen i'm in college b/c i hat #school i also mostly assumed i'd probably fail out freshman yr but didn't. i've never known what i'd wanna major in & as a sophomore i'm de #supposed to figure it out in time for scheduling my jr yr classes (though Ideally have known from the start / been scheduling thusly) & so #many evenings during dinner i'm furiously perusing the daily print news as i've been doing for some yrs to Keep Up W/Current Events but now #also consciously like ''boy i hope in the course of doing this i stumble across some info that sparks some eureka moment of Getting what my #major should Obviously be so i can understand the rest of my life around [do job] b/c i sure as hell don't understand it around [be married #much less [be parent] so one option remains obvi'' whereas now i realize like lol you Were figuring out a guiding light in doing so & that #perspective being honed was one of Having A Political Analysis times....which also provides another Example of [only being able to interpre #what makes your life & your world the way it is: via Your Personal Failures to have already Had Better] in that just like i often forget i #misguidedly (but also reasonably; clearly also using & seeking that autonomy & freedom) tried to have a better existence within the #situation i was in by Coming Out As Trans to parents via an email that was then not directly discussed ever; b/c any legitimate discussion #was not permissible like how so many matters of [supposed correct existence] are Unspeakable so as to be Unquestionable #languaging that succeeds & sustains itself having to be expansive / flexible / creative / evolving too. Making Up Words hell yes #anyways so i also forget i Did try to propose majoring in things that Did more approach what i was suspecting were things i'd wanna do #but even the first like expression of anything on the periphery of that was met with ''no you'd hate it b/c you'd have to deal w/Stupid Ppl #every day'' (by which was meant; with believed inherent synonymity: poor people) & then i also will oft forget i pushed for it any further #which i Know i did b/c of it next being met with angry & aggressive ''i've never heard you talk abt that interest before So'' #(wonder why? withholding info to protect yourself=finding room in one's life for existing more freely; exercising the autonomy to Do That) #but it's easy to forget b/c The All Encompassing Perspective was rather [i'm sure Failing to just Know my major for the sole possibility fo #defining one's entire life: The Correct Dream Job] & then Failing to push it or just express it & be understood ''correctly'' even if i Did #have any ideas in that realm. vs seeing how i Was succeeding & was recognizing shit & pursuing it & looking out for myself & etccc #it's undeniable lol like the framing even that Blaming Oneself is an autonomy seeking response. b/c your autonomous power in your own life #sure Would be more immediate if Everything Really Was Your Fault (when ofc really this is abt obscuring & denying the responsibility of ppl #who have the power over others' lives & then have to act like this is all the fault of the Others; they themselves have never Truly Chosen) #no victim blaming no condemnation of anyone's ''passivity'' here babey #re: the undeniability it's how like. maybe you've only Just realized you're not cis but in doing so it's like ''oh That's what i already #recognizing in various ways throughout my whole life'' it's all always Been there/going on & perspex shifts + new lenses can reveal them

[musical-chick-13]

Some people really need to understand that a m/f ship like...existing. Is not inherently Bad™.

#before anyone starts I am a whole-ass gay #'this trope is bad always except when Gays Do It' no. If you're gonna blanket condemn something as a writing device then you do it in #ALL situations. or you except the existence of that trope and concede that people are allowed to create stuff involving it #either it's permissible in writing or it's not #(God I can only imagine what people would say if I said like...Idk 'no characters are allowed to kill ever except for the disabled/mentally #ill ones that's fine and enjoyable. like I would get murdered probably. anyway I hate it here) #'underwriting/poorly setting up a ship is fine as long as it's a m/m or f/f one' #I don't agree!!! I think I deserve better than that!!!!!! #also everyone always forgets that bisexual people exist!!!!!!!! #AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fionnaskyborn]

current mood:

#it's about people who have gone through events that are uncannily similar but have dealt it both the events and the aftermath in #drastically different ways. one of them was surrounded by people who didn't look and sometimes didn't act the part but ultimately meant #only well and the other only had one person who cared about him near him and not even that person was in a good enough place to give him #that sort of empowerment‚ the strength to try and fight against impossible odds and an inescapable situation #and i've seen takes (don't remember where) that state that rai is ultimately so much stronger than v because he managed to free himself #from the shackles of his assigned fate whereas v 'failed' to do so but like... i believe that v is equally as strong for just... existing. #and maybe the world would've been better off if he had died as soon as he learned the truth but he lived because he wanted to see a better #world and believed that him being stripped of his identity was a small price to pay for a better world but what makes him even stronger in #my eyes is the fact that he KEPT LIVING even when he realized that there was no way to make things better from his position as much as he #wanted to and when he saw that everything was going to hell and that he was doomed to just... stay there and be trapped and be forced to #work for ideas that directly oppose his own #and DESPITE ALL OF IT‚ HE KEPT HIMSELF ALIVE (until nato called and said ''hey bibo if you don't respond to the allegations we will nuke #your house'' (referring to V's OH) and bibo just. did not answer. and threw v under the bus and let him die like he was nothing #like i need you to understand this man has the mental resolve of joy herself but you aren't ready for that talk #look point is i think that if they were to ever meet rai would initially not like v at all and couldn't exactly pinpoint why he doesn't #like him - he's polite‚ relatively kind‚ a bit sassy at times‚ and really quiet‚ which in a way mirrors his own mannerisms - so he has no #clue as to why he /doesn't like him at all/ (and of course rai being rai would be polite in turn but he'd never be earnestly amiable) #UNTIL one of them tries to start a conversation about more mundane topics like music or movies and as they exchange opinions rai realizes #that he really doesn't have to bother with the whole thing about resolve and determination to pursue your own goals and differences in #ideologies and that he can just talk to this guy as if he were one of his friends from nyc from back when life was relatively normal #(aka before big shell and when the memories of his past were artificially surpressed HMM PARALLELS YES) #in conclusion v is less anti-raiden and more the second coming of joy and also the two of them would (eventually) be friends and talk about #film and music. rai would absolutely DIG some of the 80's stuff v listens to. thank you for joining me on yet another episode of 'insanity #with fionna' #zeta gear tag #i wrote a lot here and i've made some good points so in the tag it goes

[neurotypical-karen]

Having thoughts about The Boys that makes me want to become a videoessayist because the run-on paragraphs upon paragraphs of opinions I have about this show would make for an absolutely deranged post

#this post solely exists for me to empty my head in the tags #no one in the boys fandom that i've seen is doing any in-depth critical analysis of the things im Thinking about #and the only ppl i've heard Critical Analysis from at all either 1) hatewatched it with a group of friends #which is fair but definitely not the best analysis situation yk #or 2) did not watch it at all #and i dont want to dive into the realm of watching youtube videoessays specifically about how The Boys was good #bc i feel like it's gonna be comicbros who misinterpreted watchmen #and the little crit analysis videos i've seen have been like 'here's why the boys (tv show) is better than the boys (comic book) #and it's like Is That It #but yeah i watched Overly Sarcastic Productions video on satirizing superman and it's given me Many Thoughts #specifically about the weird combination of almost-grimdark-but-also-slapstick elements with protagonists w paragon ideals that bear fruit #but also about the fact that there is like. almost no sense of overt authorial intent when you watch it?? #shit just Happens #and yet there is so much you can still analyze #Like I would Like To Talk About That With Someone

[piplupod]

today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop

#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me #like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales #if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite #only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and- #-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going #I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl #also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over'' #like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done! #like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all #i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic #but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl #and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along #but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently #but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl #suicide tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else #all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation #i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl #so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring #like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!

[pepprs]

literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now

#purrs #scotus leaked draft + buffalo shooting + dallas shooting + uvalde shooting + monkeypox + covid cases rising + losing my last 3 weeks of #college and graduation + losing my freedom for who knows how long and moving back home + friends and family getting covid + pushing myself #to the limit finishing my capstone + watching my loved ones suffer with the situations in their own lives = is it ethical to bring children #into this world is it reasonable to think that i will one day live with autonomy again and find a romantic partner and have a pet and enjoy #my life and see all the people i love doing the same. all ive been able to do this week outside of finishing school my job application etc #is doomscroll about the shootings and covid and monkeypox when i really should be doomscrollimg through my fucking save tag that i curated #specifically to counteract these situations and give me reasons to find hope but i don’t have the strength or see the point bc im only gonn #lose the hope again. but i know there’s a point but i can’t get myself to see it and maybe it’s bc km just so exhausted but idk. and one of #the WORST parts of this is that if the job works out i am going to have to understand that people will look at me differently part of which #means that people — STUDENTS like i just was 2 days ago!!! — will look to me expecting that i have answers or at the very least hope and i #literally do not have hope right now and after national events this month i don’t know if i’ll ever feel hope again. so it’s like fuck i #wont be able to do my fucking job that i feel called to do and want to do more than anything lol. but i already won’t be able to do it bc t #the chances that i can go to [insert convferwrnce] when it involves being on a plane and navigating people who won’t wear masks are so low #and * already snarked about it to me yesterday which really hurt my feelings like i don’t think she was trying to be mean but it’s like yes #the fuck i can hide in the van forever i do NOT want to get covid. but i also do not want to miss [conference] and it’s just so stupid that #im going to have to keep making these choices because this nightmare country has decided covid doesn’t exist anymore. idk lol #i know everything in my life could be a lot worse and also that it is objectively WORLDS better than it was very recently bc i graduated an #im done now. but this month has sucked so unbelievably bad and June is also going to be hard and im just scared i will never be happy or #hopeful again or that every time i am something new will knock it down (which is a given living in the usa lol) and that it would be #unethical to try to do the BASIC bare minimum things i have always wanted to do in my life. lole #negative tw #ask to tag #abortion tw #shooting tw #mass shooting tw #monkeypox tw

[ghostiboos]

#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #remember when I got to listen to music? or watch things? or read things? or- #every month of every year it gets worse and i always tough it out and tell myself it’ll get better ‘soon’ but it’s been years #it’s been fucking years #im not even conscious for my own ‘existence’ anymore #at least i had some agency in my oppression before but now i have to commit myself to it just to stay alive and i see no end in sight #i’ve had to give up listening to music multiple years. fucking m u s i c . #i used to have music and books and manga and movies and shows and writing and drawing and editing to feel even the slightest bit alive #but every year things only ever get busier even when I can’t imagine things being any busier and year after year one by one i’ve had to drop #each and every thing that gives me life and i just cant take it anymore i cant fucking take it anymore #and i know im working this hard to secure a path o u t of my family situation so I can at least have one less thing to worry about but #but when everything always only gets worse year after year ‘even when surely i cant possibly get more worn down than this’ i just #how am i even supposed to hope that things could possibly get better when every year that hope proves to have been in vain? #im so tired… #and i can’t help but hold onto just a little bit of hope that things will turn up as soon as this happens or that #but im scared I can’t hold out much longer #i hate money… i hate that it literally dictates whether I live or die… #and i hate that having it is so dependent on who you’re related to and whether they like you… #what’s a queer to do //jester hat jingles softly as i sigh in profound melancholy #free time #let me in #homegrown memes #family #work #working class #lgbtqiia+ #tag rambles