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katsidhe · 3 years

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15.20 Final Thoughts

Supernatural is over, and somehow, despite itself, it did the very best it could to please me. That was always going to be an impossible task. But truly, sincerely, that finale was as close to my desires as the show could ever bring itself to come, and so, so much closer than I ever dreamed it would dare.

I am so, so glad that no other regular characters were involved (Bobby aside, but he was brief). How better to encapsulate their own emptiness? How fundamentally fitting, than in the epilogue to their final battle, wherein the entire world beyond them was erased, the wider universe is merely set dressing for them to move through. And it was so quiet this way. This finale wasn’t overcrowded or rushed. It kept its own peace. And it preserved the tangible claustrophobia that 15.19 invoked: that tangled, lovely, solipsistic, toxic conviction that these are the only two people on earth that matter.

It’s unclear exactly how much time passed between 15.19 and 15.20. I like to think it’s been at least a year, given that they’ve settled into routine and that their grief seems less fresh. (Although yes, the concept of Dean dying on his very first hunt without a resurrection available is hilarious, I must confess.) Their calm domesticity, their peace, was lovely to watch (Sam kicking the laundry machine! Sam with wet hair! Sam running! Sam cooking, Sam looking a little less bulky than usual, and happy!) But man, it really is Dean’s world, isn’t it? Even the DOG, which really, really, really could reasonably have been primarily Sam’s, was Dean’s dog first and foremost. Then on Dean’s say-so, they get in Dean’s car to drive to a pie festival for Dean. Sam is perfectly content to go along with all of it.

As if we hadn’t gotten enough delightful fanservice, we also got one last scene of Sam threatening to torture someone to death. :) what a king.

I love that Dean died to an OSHA violation while fighting a random loose end from season 1 (which, by the way, I CALLED IT, I am so proud of myself). It’s perfectly mundane. I truly and deeply do not understand anyone complaining that Dean should have gone out in a way that’s more epic. He’s been there, done that, guys, and remember how miserable it was? Now there’s no cosmic safety net. Dean died in a broken down old barn, saving some kids. Moments like these are when Dean is at his best, at his most fundamentally sympathetic: when he’s not trying to control the shape of the universe or dictate righteousness or let his anger drive himself down into a destructive spiral. He’s just putting his money where his mouth is. He’s not making a broad moral statement. He’s simply putting his life on the line to defend someone who needs defending. It is not an unworthy end. It’s so much better than going out to, god forbid, God.

Did Dean earn a lifetime of peace? The concept of just desserts is fraught. But I also don’t think it’s something Dean wanted. He wanted to keep killing things in tetanus-infested barns until he died. He got what he wanted. And while the arc of his wants has adapted over the years, MOTW hunting is fulfilling for him.

Dean’s deathbed speech was, oh man. It got me good. Like many of the things I loved in this episode, it was quiet. No desperation, no revising history (or not too much, anyway). Just, “stay with me, please. I love you. Tell me it’s okay.”

The quiet of Sam’s grief, alone in the bunker. How still his face is, until for a little bit it crumples again, and then it comes back and goes still. He’s not trying to control his reactions or press back against his sorrow. There is no work to do, nothing to avenge, no one to find, nothing to defeat. He is alone, and the washes of visible grief simply come and go in waves that he doesn’t try to fight or force.

I need the gif of him flinching at the toaster. His startle reactions are my favorite thing. He’s alone underground, there is not a living soul for miles and miles, he’s just buried his brother, not for the first time, but this time, he knows, for the last. And the goddamn toaster goes off and he cannot control the way his heart leaps up into his throat and the way every one of his muscles tightens.

Sam grows old. Sam. Grows old. Sam grows old! SAM GROWS OLD.

Ohhh my God, Sam grows old. Without Dean! Without hunting! Without Cas! With people outside that claustrophobic world, beyond the four tight walls of SPN, beyond the people approved by Dean and by Fandom, who give him peace and love and fulfillment! SAM GOT OUT. Even with the truly terrible wig the image brings me to actual tears. I cannot believe SPN would allow him to have this. I cannot believe that the show let him be happy without Dean. I want to read the set of novelizations about Sam’s recovery.

Of course this was the only way for Sam to get unwound, and of course it had to happen offscreen in flashes. Thank god for the ambiguity. There’s so much potential there, years and years, we were simply told: and at some point Sam’s life gets better, at some point his mental health improves and he feels safe enough to start a family, with someone, and at some point he has a child, and he dies peacefully, he dies loved and with people who love him, and dammit I’m getting weepy again.

Sam quit hunting. Not in a sudden jolt. We see him leaving the bunker on another job. But when he leaves the bunker, he leaves for good. He has so much knowledge, but he does not preserve the Men of Letters. He does not honor their legacy of extermination and experimentation. Maybe he gives someone else the keys, for the books. Or maybe he’s digitized it all, and maybe it’s done.

Maybe his wife is Eileen, or maybe it’s Amelia, or maybe it’s Piper or Cara or maybe it’s someone new. Maybe it’s not even a woman. And maybe she’s a hunter, but I hope she isn’t, and when Sam tells her, haltingly, in fits and starts, the bare outline of the truth, she looks at him and she believes him. And she understands the shape of the trauma he carries, even if Sam can’t quite speak the details, and maybe Sam goes to therapy. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wakes in pain and fear for many years, but over time, it dulls.

Sam’s son is still a young man when Sam is on his deathbed, probably in at least his eighties. Think about the mountain Sam had to climb to reach that point. How many years and years of work did it take before Sam felt safe enough to want a child? How long for him to gently conquer his terror at the legacy his blood might carry: Lucifer and Azazel are dead, he knows this, but how long before he lets himself believe it enough to permit the risk? And then he raises his child, not in fear and loneliness, but with love and support and care. And he makes sure his son is protected, that he knows to salt his thresholds and ward against demons, but his son will not suffer the way he suffered.

Maybe he untangles his thoughts about Dean, maybe he learns that to feel angry with his brother is not to betray him or to dishonor his memory, maybe he comes to a more complex understanding of their relationship. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he simply enshrines Dean, and Dean’s memory becomes ever more golden and untarnished, and the Impala becomes truly an altar. The details of how Sam carries Dean with him—the watch, the car, the absurdly large photos, his son’s name—perhaps these are played straight, and perhaps Sam never finds a more nuanced love. In the meta sense I think we are certainly meant to think this. We are meant to see Dean deified here, canonized into a saint. We are meant to view Sam’s fifty more years of life as worship, as a dedication and an offering.

This is the long shadow of the finale. These are the things untouched by necessity and by design: this is Dean’s apology in 15.18, this is Sam not wanting an apology, and not wanting to hear Dean offer one. This difficult work was always and inevitably going to be elided. But there is so much time, decades and decades, offscreen, for Sam to come to a quieter peace.

I think he can do it.

I think Sam can do anything.

I’m crying again.

I really didn’t think I would cry much about the finale. I thought I would cry at the concept of the show ending, but not at what the ending was. I didn’t think any details would actually affect me. But then Sam got old. I am truly and genuinely hung up on the canonical image of Sam finding peace. Good god. He had GLASSES. Help.

My chief complaint (aside from that absolutely awful Carry On cover, why oh why, they should have just played the original again), if I felt at all like complaining at the moment, would be how happy this ending is. But I can’t begrudge Sam that. I can’t even get too mad at the scene that I was SO SURE I would despise: that of Sam and Dean content in a Heaven that is now apparently Great, Actually (even though a prison dimension with an open floor plan is still a prison dimension, but hey, I guess we humans can’t leave earth either). Supernatural clearly wanted Sam and Dean to not be facing down an abyssally bleak afterlife, and I think I’d be complaining about the lack of bleakness a whole lot more if it didn’t have the (perhaps unintended??) side effect of giving Sam even more freedom from Dean than SPN already deigned to give him. Sam isn’t in a shared cell with Dean. He can be with his friends and his wife and his son.

One of the fundamental questions of SPN is, would Dean ever let Sam go? And it’s a question that the bulk of s13-15 has rendered moot with Sam’s growing passivity, and one that 15.20 neatly dodged. And I’m glad it did, because I wouldn’t have liked whatever 15.20 had to say on the matter. This deflection feels true to the spirit of what the show has become.

It was impossible for Sam to find peace while Dean was still alive. And on its own that kind of says everything, doesn’t it? And Sam is still forever denied the peace he truly longed for. Sam didn’t want death to force Dean’s hand. Sam wanted Dean to want to let him go. But the only way Sam and Dean could heal is apart. The potential of their relationship on earth becoming untangled is forever precluded, explictly. And yet Sam’s freedom is validated, Sam is allowed what he sought in season 1 and season 8, Sam is something beyond a hunter and Dean’s brother, and the show let him be, the show let him grow.

Supernatural said Sam Rights, and the world shook.

#spn spoilers #sam and dean #15.20 #final thoughts #sam and romance #sam and peace #just leave me here to die #I did not realize how relieved I'd be #I do not believe how much tension has left me #at the realization that I liked this ending #and of COURSE there are so many people complaining about sam's peace #but guess what!!!#this isn't season 8!#this time the show agrees with ME!#SAM HAS riGHTs!

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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Yugioh Ep33 S4 pt 1: Deus Ex US Military

Been a little distracted but was reminded--yo--I gotta finish S4 of Yugioh this year. I think I can do it. There’s like...what...two episodes left? Three? Like I don’t want to tempt 2020, but like...I think I can finish this thing.

That and a bunch of my Photoshop files corrupted, I don’t know why, I’m very scared for my hard drive, and I need to do a big ol defrag and hope that’s enough. Really hoping this is my bad and not my computer’s bad. I’m pretty hard on this computer when I paint digitally.

and I was immediately gifted by the anime gods because yo, it’s my favorite storyboarder! They're back to carry me through my election burn out, every episode they touch has so much style and no matter how freakin weird or confusing the plot is, this storyboarder/animation team doesn’t seem to care. They will this kids show about cards with this attention to detail. They just have a lot of enthusiasm and that’s a thing about anime that I really like to see. No matter how weird it is, you gotta go 150% without any shame. Love it. Love to see em back.

First off, that earthquake from last episode?

Just a little bigger of an earthquake than I originally thought, coincidentally, this is when Roland shows up, only to realize that he’s like...10 minutes to late.

Well, maybe a little longer than 10 minutes when you consider that Mai freakin died and Yugi almost died, and Joey is absolutely dead and being carried across Tristan’s back.

Anyway, Roland just walked into a whole lot and is just trying to process his life. Roland is all of us in October/November of 2020.

If Roland only knew how many times Seto and Mokuba have totally biffed it when he wasn’t looking.

Like for reals...how is Roland still alive? Like...I don’t think the guy has ever died. Not even once. Maybe that’s Roland’s superpower as the secret FourthKaiba, by just being the only one to stay very far away from the constant BS strewn at this family.

Roland is just...too inept to die. He’s always too far away, he comes after the big bad has already murdered a few people, he’s just...too bad at his job to ever be a target. Live long, Roland. The Kaiba who was the smartest of all by actually being the dumbest.

Also, look at him parking far enough away on the actual helicopter landing pad. He is the only ‘Kaiba’ that follows the law. This could also be the other reason for his secret to longevity.

(read more under the cut)

Faced with a stairwell between their freedom and this weird earthquake chasm that just opened on the top story of this building, Yami decides it’s his job to carry...................

...................Raphael.

(Never forget that we know the exactly weight of Yugi Muto.)

And like Yami is weirdly strong because of magic powers but like...maybe Yami should take Joey and then Tristan should pick up Raphael? I’d say Tea could also pick up Raphael, but I feel like she just wouldn’t want to.

TBQH maybe the reason that Yami is carrying Raphael is because literally no one else feels like it? Like no one likes this guy?

Just kinda feels like Yami is holding onto Raphael out of a sunk-cost fallacy. He’s already done so much work to this guy, can’t lose him now. Gotta save Raphael to make up for killing Gurimo, Weevil, and Yugi. Can’t fail a fourth time.

Anyway, you know what else this storyboarder is good at?

How did they even get reference for drawing this? They didn’t, right? They’re just so good at art that they were like “I can draw ANY person in ANY outfit straight up the crotch, I dare you.”

Seto decides to...not help out, much like virtually all of Yami’s other friends, who also just kinda...yelled and cried at this situation instead of...helping.

Which is fine, because the stairwell gave out and then Raphael decided to uhhhh throw this directly at me.

Just one more yeet for the road. Youknow this guy has yeeted the Pharaoh not once but twice in one season, and both times he just chucked him like he was made out of foam core. (Also, please admire the millennium puzzle in this shot going out at like a 90 degree angle. Just...A+, this storyboarder is hilarious)

At first, I really thought Yami was dabbing his way over that ledge.

In a moody shot with his hair and his jacket swaying in the breeze, almost designed for you to lift and stick into your Youtube AMVs, Seto looked onward and seemed...kind of bored because no one’s throwing any cards. And like who can blame him, he has been on the top of so many ledges and so many buildings that he’s seen Yami make this same speech of “DON’T DO THIS DAMN LEDGE THING I SWEAR TO GODS” like...so many times.

He just immediately accepts Yugi died and is like “Well I guess that makes me king of games.”

And Raphael, after like several minutes of begging Yami to just let him die, decides to let go of that ledge on his own, because this is Yugioh, and you gotta fit in that suicide within the first 10 minutes of the episode. Which, PS, is not the weirdest thing that happened this episode.

And because Roland is freakin late to everything, he showed he could have done this the entire time. Honestly I think Roland just didn’t want to deal with Raphael. We can blame this on Roland, right?

PS we never see this building again in this episode.

I don’t know........why they bothered showing this. If anything it makes the next plot twist more weird because it’s like...what was the point of the random ass earthquake and the random ass concept art building if we, in fact, aren’t coming back here???

I mean I guess it’s a nice shot for your Artstation portfolio, good on you, Yugioh background artist.

Unfortunately this chip contains Seto Kaiba’s greatest weakness. (SanDisk card? Jump drive? Which PS--if they had jump drives this whole time, why was Seto using floppies earlier in the season? Like what happened there?)

And then, with the hatch of their helicopter just wide open, no one in a seat belt, and walking away from the destruction of one of the largest buildings in San Fransisco, finally the cops showed up. Real cops this time, not possessed cops. Also, it’s the Marines.

Am I going to get my Monty Python ending? I mean...if cops can recognize these kids in this universe...I might get my Monty Python ending. :) :) :)

For some reason, back on the mean streets of San Fransisco with no people left alive in it, Rebecca just kinda started losing her mind. Maybe this was to make up for the 2 seasons I had to watch Duke Devlin flirt with a 12 yo? That now we have to suffer Duke saddled with this small crazy person?

This small crazy person who is painted as this intolerable person next to Duke Devlin, but is also a love interest for the main character? Like Yugi’s into some weird ass angry girls.

PS the orcs were no longer needed for the plot so they have turned into streams of light in order to join with the Leviathan mass. So now Rebecca and Duke Devlin will just have literally nothing to do for the rest of the season. I guess they can go to Ghiradelli square...someone’s gotta eat that ice cream before it melts.

Also this happened.

In case you were like “Wow Rach, you didn’t update the Death Count, how dare you”--it’s because I uh...completely forgot that the Oricalchos crew is immune to fall damage. Raphael’s just fine now. He fell down 50 stories...and then 50 stories fell on him...but don’t think about it.

Meanwhile, on the back of some aircraft carrier, far into international waters, the kids get recruited into the military of a foreign country and it’s just as weird as you think it is.

Hey guys.

So, Bandit Keith was weirdly in Hell this season for no reason, right? What if he died offscreen because, earlier in the season, the US military threw him at Dartz because they couldn’t get a hold of Yugi or Kaiba? What about that headcanon? What if that’s why his angry ghost wanted revenge?

Anyway, they join the ranks of Shadow T. Hedgehog, which makes sense because...these guys look like human OC’s of Shadow the hedgehog already.

Sorry I just had a moment because Shadow uses guns a lot despite not needing them at all so “people won’t get uncomfortable with how powerful he is” while in Yugioh they can’t even...show a gun. That really is...you ever think about how weird that is? That Shadow the Hedgehog, a strange remix of a 90′s sega mascot, has a million giant guns but Kaiba’s actual gun (which, apparently he does have in the Japanese version of this show) got edited out completely?

Sometimes it just dawns on me and I have a moment.

Now the US Military just hand delivering them to Dartz is so wild because their reason for the USA not doing anything on their own with their fleets and fleets of ships is:

Have you MET the US? I live here, and if we were like given the choice to shoot the ocean...or just die...we’d be like “wait...for reals? So no one gets hurt, we just shoot guns at the water? You mean we finally found our true calling? For REALS? I just shoot this water bucket!??? FOR REALS????” and it would become a national holiday. All pop songs would be devoted to it. Our ancestors would make movies about it.

I mean, our dumbass president considered nuking a hurricane in 2019...in case you forgot because damn, it’s been a STUPID 4 YEARS. (And you better have voted already because for reals do not make me go through 4 more years of this. I do not think this blog would survive it...or the hurricanes that will keep getting nuked.)

Also....the show actually threw the word “proof” out there. Seriously show? You OK?

I figured the mind control situation would be a better reason not to arrest Dartz other than “Dartz is just so good at covering up his tracks” when the TRACKS have a broken down Caltrain on one side of them, and the other side of the tracks have the rest of that same Caltrain at the bottom of a river.

Seto is not amused but he never is. He will take this Nobel Peace Prize and step up to the microphone at the UN and be like “I WANTED IT TO BE A CARDS PRIZE.”

PS--we HAVE a map already, right? Raphael died to give us this map--and then didn’t die, but it’s not like anyone else here knows that. So like...why did we need the US Military to show up at all? Why is this scene important? Other than to look cool, I guess? Like...

...why is the US military here we already have a Deus Ex Machina delivered by Raphael? At least that one was deserved--the whole point of that duel was to get this MAP.

A map that we are never going to use.

...There’s a good chance that two writers wrote this episode in two different buildings and just...glued the two halves together. Animation is wild. Weird ‘Cinema sins’ things like this happen...all the time. This one though, this one is kind of funny because it’s a ton of wasted effort on the very best storyboarder.

Anyway I broke this up into two segments because I’m tired, and also, while a lot of people like long posts, the smaller posts are kinda easier to read. More will be upcoming in like...I dunno it really depends on a lot of things right, now, I’ve been having a time, but at least Yugioh is always there to enjoy. Maybe I’ll need so much distraction you’ll get an update tomorrow? Good things can happen, and it’s not like I get to do anything else for Halloween.

Happy Halloween Y’all! Lets make the most of it!

(here’s a link to read these in chrono order)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#ygo #yugioh #recap #photo recap #humor #seto kaiba #yami muto #yami #the military???#helicopter #roland #mokuba kaiba #tea gardner #tristan taylor #rebecca hawkins #duke devlin #Ep 33 #S4

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iwoulddieforkeanureeves · 5 years

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Ride (Keanu Reeves x Reader)

This one shot gets a bit NSFW towards the end!

Today had been a rough day, a rough day after a series of rough days. You had been overworked, stressed, and wanted nothing more than to get home and go to sleep. You hoped into your little rundown car after work, the sun was just starting to set, as you had to stay late at work to finish something up, because of course your coworkers wouldn't stay to help you. You rolled your eyes just thinking about it. You started your car and took a deep breath, trying to enjoy the pretty sunset as you set off. The long country road you were on was relatively empty. You smiled as the music wafted through the air and the wind ruffled your hair, you had always loved drives like these. The sunset above you, no other cars riding your bumper, just you, the radio, and the road.

Everything was going smoothly until your felt your pedal go limp under your foot as your engine sputtered. You cursed loudly, pulling over on the shoulder with your leftover momentum as your engine died. You let out a small scream, why? Why couldn't you have one nice thing? Just one nice drive, ruined by your stupid car, and your stupid coworkers who couldn't pull their own weight. You threw your hazards on and tried to start your car, to no avail. You got out and slumped your body against the car and began to silently cry, the pressure of life weighing down on you like a brick. You sat there, your body wracked with sobs as you curled up. You tried calling someone to come help you, and realized your phone was dead. You threw it into the car and ran your hand through your hair. What were you supposed to do now? You clutched the fabric of your pants as you felt your sobs get more intense. It felt like some cosmic force was out to get you. Like everything you did, no matter how hard you tried, how much you cared, just blew up in your face.

You were interrupted by the sound of a motorcyclist rolling up behind you, the soft purr of the engine breaking you out of your stupor for a moment. You wiped your eyes and looked up, seeing a tall man with a gorgeous Harley Davidson motorcycle. He was wearing a soft brown leather jacket and dark wash jeans, you could tell he was toned by the way the leather and denim gripped his form. He kicked up his stand and dismounted. Taking off his helmet and shaking out his long dark hair. You knew he looked familiar, but you couldn't place his face. He was incredibly handsome, with dark almond shaped eyes and a salt and peppery beard.

He approached you, you still wiping the tears off of your face and trying to pull yourself together. He slowly bent down, his knees in the dirt as he placed a warm hand on your knee. "Are you okay?" He inquired, his voice was deep and gentle. You looked up, and your eyes went wide as you recognized him. It was Keanu Reeves, you had seen him onscreen, heard about his kind acts, and that he lived in the area, but you had never expected this.

Maybe your luck was changing for the better, you thought as you nodded softly. "Yeah, my car broke down and my phone is dead so I can't call anyone and I don't know what's wrong with it." You explained, he stood up and held his hand out to you. You gratefully took it, as he effortlessly pulled your smaller body up on its feet.

He looked behind you, "That's awful, how about your pop your hood for me and I'll see if I can see what's wrong." He offered as he began to walk to the front of the car.

You hopped back in the car and popped the hood as he asked, you were floored by Keanu. He just helped you, on the side of the road, for no reason. He probably has a thousand other things to do, but he's here. You watched him take off his leather jacket, revealing a simple white v-neck shirt. He handed the jacket to you, and began to rummage around the engine, checking for any obvious problems. You ran your fingers down the soft leather as you watched him, his eyes laser focused as he assessed your car.

He pulled away, sighing, and running his hand through his long hair. "I think it's something electrical, you'd probably have to get it to a shop." He surmised, looking out on the empty road. You realized his hands were dirty, so you found some baby wipes in your car and handed them to Keanu.

You still clutched his leather jacket as he cleaned up, "Thank you so much for doing that, you didn't have to." You blurted out, a bit flustered still by the whole situation.

He gave you a smile, "Oh don't worry about it. What's your name?" He asked as he walked closer to you, taking his jacket back into his arm as he leaned on your vehicle.

You straightened up, "(Y/N)." You said, as you put your hands in your pockets.

He began to put his jacket on, "Well, (Y/N), I don't have my phone on me, so we'll probably have to either ride up to the shop or ride to my place so you can use my phone." He stated, talking with his hands as he presented the options to you.

You smiled, he was a bit of a goof. "Whatever is easier for you, I don't want to inconvenience you." You replied, to which he waved you off.

"You're not an inconvenience, have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?" He asked as he went over to his bike, you followed closely behind and shook your head. He got on, "Its really fun, just get on behind me and hold on tight, and you'll be alright." He said, smiling, his passion for it clearly showing through as you got on behind him. A blush spread across your cheeks as you wrapped your arms around his waist, his warmth seeping into you. You never thought you'd be this close to him.

Keanu started up his Harley, and started back down the long and winding road. The sun had set now, and the air had began to cool. He looked out on the road, feeling the cool air on his exposed skin and your arms wrapped around his waist. When he first saw you sitting there crying, he remembered how it felt when he had lost everything, and he knew he had to help you. You being absolutely stunning was just a bonus, of course. For the first time in a while, Keanu felt a little less lonely, feeling your body pressed against his own as he drove off into the night.

You practically snuggled into his back, the night air whipping your hair around behind you. Keanu was just so warm and comforting. The smell of leather filled your nose as you had your head laying on his strong shoulders. You honestly didn't know what you would've done if he didn't come along, the nearest anything was more than 5 miles away, and you really didn't want to walk for two hours in the dark. He was a hero on and offscreen, apparently.

After about twenty minutes of riding with Keanu, he pulled into his garage, parking his bike. You looked around in wonder at the gorgeous collection of rare and interesting cars and motorcycles. But you couldn't stare for long as Keanu quickly led you inside, which was equally as impressive, but he seemed rather bashful about it. You were surprised he was so humble about everything, living in LA it seems like everyone was stuck up, vapid, and selfish, especially every C-list 'influencer' that came into your work. But Keanu was completely different, he was a gentleman, he was humble, and he was selfless.

You settled into his couch as he went off to find his phone for you to use after telling you to make yourself comfortable. You did so, kicking off your shoes and curling up onto the couch. Without his presence the tiredness and aches from your long shift set into your body.

Keanu came back downstairs, cell phone in hand, he saw you curled up on the couch as your eyelids began to droop. He couldn't help but smile at how cute you looked, he sat down beside you and handed you his phone. "Here." He said, his deep voice resonating in his chest.

You gratefully took it, your hand lingering on his for just a moment. He was so warm, and so soft. You looked up at him, "Thank you, Keanu. For everything." You said softly before going in the other room to make a few calls.

Keanu taped his foot, for some reason he was feeling a bit nervous. He had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with you, the way your skin felt against his, the feelings of your arms around his waist, the way your hair looked when it was flowing out behind you in the wind. He brushed his hand through his own hair, smoothing it out. He smiled at you when you came back into the room. You returned his smile, and held his phone out to him. He savored the lingering of your hand on his. He stood up, "Are you hungry?" He inquired, making his way to the kitchen.

You were quick on the taller man's heels, "A little, but, I've already overstayed my welcome!" You insisted.

Keanu chuckled, "Would it make you feel better if you helped me cook?" He asked playfully, turning around to face you.

You blushed, coming face to face, or rather, face to chest, with him. You nodded, "It would." You answered, "What's on the menu?" You asked as you leaned on the counter.

Keanu opened the fridge, stroking his beard idly as he mulled over the contents. "How about pasta?" He asked, pulling out a few ingredients and tossing them in his hands.

You giggled at him, "That sounds divine." You responded, taking some of the items out of his hands and laying them out on the counter.

He laid his hand on your shoulder, "I'm gonna go put a record on, would you boil some water?" He asked softly. You smiled at the contact and nodded as he went off. You began looking around the kitchen to find a pot, before seeing them hung up above the counter. You didn't realized how you missed them. You huffed, as they were just out of your reach, even on your tippy toes. You heard the sound of soft jazz begin to flow through the house as you began to prop yourself up on various handles to try to reach the large pot above you.

You had almost grasped the handle when you felt your toes give way as you slipped and began to fall towards the ground. But before you could do too much damage strong arms enveloped you, he helped you back to your feet, leaving his arms wrapped around your body. "I forgot those were so high up there." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Your face flushed as your hands rested against his chest. You could barely breathe with him so close to you, the smell of clean linen and leather, the warmth of his skin. Keanu's eyes darted between your bright eyes and plump lips. He moved one of his hands to brush the hair out of your face. "Wouldn't want you to harm that gorgeous face of yours." He said, even softer than before.

You went cherry red, this had to be a dream. But the feeling of his body right next to yours was as tangible as ever. You perked yourself up on your tippy toes, your eyes fluttering shut as Keanu cupped your face and softly kissed you. His beard tickled your face as you smiled into the kiss. Your hands began to roam his toned body as he held your hips and deepened the kiss.

Keanu pulled away for a moment, staring down at you with something you couldn't quite place. His dark eyes seemed to glimmer as he grabbed you around the waist and effortlessly sat you on top of the counter and finding his place nested between your legs before beginning to trail kisses down your face and neck.

You couldn't help but let out a small whine as he kissed your neck, and laced your fingers in his long dark hair. God, it was so soft and thick, and his warm lips felt like heaven assaulting your sensitive skin. At your whine, Keanu let out a small laugh, his deep voice radiating in your chest. His thumbs rubbed small circles into your hips as he continued to suck on your neck and collarbone.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer as you began to return the favor and pepper Keanu in kisses, grinding your body into him as you felt yourself getting hotter and hotter. It must've tickled, he laughed. His laugh sent shivers down your spine. "How about I repay you for all your kindness, Mr. Reeves?" You purred, drawing your hands down his chest and resting on his hips.

Breathless, Keanu simply nodded as you hopped off the counter, rubbing his thighs and playing with his waistband. He whined, wishing for nothing more than to free himself of his ever tightening pants and feel you wrapped around him.

You giggled, watching his face as you teased him and slowly undid his belt buckle. Palming him through his pants, another moan escaped his lips. After freeing him of the confines of his pants, you went to work, wanting to show your gratitude. John had his fingers laced in your hair as you bobbed up and down on him, occasionally whispering your name as he stroked your face and hair.

Before he finished, he pulled you off of him and to your feet, he kissed your neck and whispered in your ear, "God, (Y/N), I need you so bad. Dinner can wait." Before whisking you into his arms and staring down at you with those beautiful brown eyes.

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #keanu #john wick #john wick x reader #fluff #smut #fanfiction

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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Faith on the tnt loop (which, full disclosure, I slept through oopsie, so I pulled out the blu ray because this is NOT one I can skip).

Post 14.20, this episode is... extra-amazing, honestly. I’ve always felt that this episode was unwittingly (possibly, at the time it was written) a window into what this story could potentially do. When I first binged this series, this was the first episode I finished where I had to stop and completely reevaluate what I was actually witnessing. This was the episode that took me from casually consuming a fun lil monster show to 100% invested in this grand narrative. Even without any knowledge of what the ensuing 6 1/2 season (that existed at the time), I felt like I had my first glimpse of a much bigger picture in store for me. This was the first episode that, after a break to absorb what I’d just witnessed, I went back and immediately watched it again. Turns out I wasn’t reading too much into it... in fact, I wasn’t reading nearly enough into it...

The episode begins with Sam and Dean hunting a monster that we’ve only ever seen once more in the entirety of canon-- a rawhead, which earned a mention in 14.01 after an off-screen hunt for one went wrong enough to have left a tooth behind in one of the AU hunters. As if the monster in this case has been rendered doubly irrelevant, by virtue of the fact it practically dies offscreen in 1.12 while Dean's defeat of it and his own actions and choices in defeating it are the actual inciting incident of all the relevant action to follow. And in 14.01, all that remains of the rawahead was a tooth that's extracted from a wound and likely a wild hunter's tale.

Dean explains the use of the tasers they're using to take down the rawhead (specifically that the electricity is deadly to it and each weapon is one use only, "so make it count"). Dean takes his shot, and misses, but they find the children the rawhead had been holding captive. Dean tells Sam to take them outside to safety, and Sam hands over his taser to Dean, leaving Dean alone to face the monster (who we learn in 14.01 moves a lot faster than expected, and fast enough that we never even really see it in 1.12). Dean is literally backed into a corner, on the ground in a puddle of water, with the monster looming over him when he chooses to take his shot. It's not like he had much choice, right? So he shoots, and thanks to the water he's lying in, he electrocutes himself as well, damaging his own heart to the point where the doctor gives him a month to live.

He could've made a different choice, could've rolled out of the water, could've tried to fight off the rawhead (probably ineffectively) but perhaps enough that it would've given up and escaped to hunt children another day, but Dean took his shot, in a circumstance where he felt it was the right thing to end this monster and prevent it from hurting anyone ever again, even when it hurt him in the process. Not that he knew it would necessarily kill him to do it, but he was fully aware of the power of the weapon in his hand and what it was capable of, and accepted that it would hurt him right along with the monster he'd aimed it at since they were “connected” through the puddle of water.

Can anyone else say Hammurabi? Equalizer?

All of this has happened before.

But that's just the beginning. Because Dean survived, even if mortally wounded. This was the first time, though, that they were motivated to defy death, and that brings us to the true Monster of the Week-- Sue Ann LeGrange. Yes, I know it's technically "a reaper," but operating under Sue Ann's control and on her orders. She was the one who chose who lived and who died, based on who SHE thought was worthy, or unworthy in the case of her chosen victims. She was "playing god," deceiving her husband after saving HIS life with this dark magic (which required at least TWO sacrifices on her part-- one to make the altar and talisman to bind the reaper in the first place, and one person to die to save Roy, unbeknownst to him), and letting him think that he was miraculously granted the gift of healing by God.

And Sam decides to look for a similar sort of miraculous cure for Dean, even when Dean had accepted his own apparent fate:

DEAN: Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story. SAM: Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options. DEAN: What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it. SAM: Watch me.

Sam isn't about to go committing human sacrifice like Sue Ann, but after a tearful phone call plea to John for help, which goes unreplied to, Sam takes matters into his own hands, just as Dean checks himself out of the hospital having accepted his fate:

SAM: You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. DEAN: Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me. SAM: (Helping DEAN to a chair) I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal. DEAN: For what? SAM: For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist. DEAN: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? SAM: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

(aside to lol at John’s friend being named “Joshua,” namesake of the one angel God continued to talk to after supposedly abandoning Heaven and Earth, the angel who told Sam and dean in 5.16 that God refused to step in to help stop the apocalypse, and the angel killed in 12.19 by Dagon before fetus!Jack hijacked Cas to kill Dagon in turn... and even after his death it was Joshua’s amulet in 14.17 that enabled him to summon Chuck back into the story... funny that this hunter we never hear about again was the one to point Sam in the direction of this healer...)

And I'm sorry to just keep pasting in chunks of transcript, but this all goes to Sam and Dean's respective outlooks on pretty much everything, and the Grand Manipulation of Chuck in the entire narrative as we now understand it post 14.20:

DEAN: I mean, come on, Sam, a faith healer? SAM: Maybe it's time to have a little faith, Dean. DEAN: You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on. SAM: How can you be a skeptic? With the things we see everyday? DEAN: Exactly. We see them, we know there real. SAM: But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too? DEAN: Because I've seen what evil does to good people.

Sam has faith, Dean's a skeptic. Throughout s14 we saw what it would take to break Dean to the point where he would accept the word of God without question. It literally took the entire season, more than half of it revolving around his possession and complete loss of free will and self, building him up when Michael left him again and giving him a false sense of security to begin to feel comfortable building emotional bridges to his entire family (including Jack), only to tear it all down and lose himself to Michael again on a whim, losing Mary again, losing Jack to soullessness because of his own failed choices (in his estimation, at least). This process of showing Dean how little power and control he has over his own existence was furthered by Billie presenting him with the supposed singular solution to save the world, which Dean interpreted to mean the most horrifying iteration of self-sacrifice the show has ever presented to us-- an eternity spent at the bottom of the ocean, locked with Michael in the Ma'lak box. Ironically, just as he was beginning to think of himself as something more than just a weapon, the parallel can't help but be drawn to the First Blade, which Cain had thrown to the bottom of the ocean in a similar fashion. Which should only serve to remind us that even that's not a permanent solution to any problem. And I think THAT was the lesson Billie truly wished Dean to understand. Jack is the one who ends up making the true sacrifice (his own human soul) to kill Michael once and for all, and Dean is left with the guilt of that.

But several other important incidents in s14 tie directly back to this, too. 14.08, playing with life and death, learning about what truly matters in someone's destiny after death, and what the Winchesters are willing to do to save a loved one. Ironically, in the process, Cas is backed into a corner, making a deal with the Empty Entity for his own happiness in exchange for Jack's soul.

Nothing ever comes for free. The Winchesters have been juggling these horrific choices and sacrifices their entire lives, and nothing is ever just as simple as an uncomplicated win.

Which is a key element of 1.12. Dean's skepticism, his feeling of "wrongness" after being healed by Roy, uncovers the larger truth. Sam desperately wants Dean to just let it go, accept it as a miracle, and move on:

SAM: Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on? DEAN: Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why.

A miracle isn't enough for Dean, and the truth is darker and more horrifying than Sam can accept. As he uncovers more and more of the facts of just how Roy is supposedly healing people, he tearfully apologizes to Dean, and they work together to find a way to stop it from happening again. Someone is controlling a reaper, literally trading one life for another. Chuck must've LOVED this episode of his favorite show. It nails all his favorite themes:

DEAN: You never should've brought me here. SAM: Dean, I was just trying to save your life. DEAN: But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me. SAM: I didn't know.

Ignorance of the truth didn't stop them from becoming entangled in this mess, though. Just like it hasn't stopped them from becoming entangled in every other cosmic mess they've stumbled across over the succeeding 14 seasons. Sam believed it was a miracle, and his faith had blinded him to the truth-- or at least made him want to believe, motivated by the results at Dean's miraculous healing. It's the same faith that led him in early s11 to want to believe his visions were coming from God, that maybe his visions that had plagued him in early seasons were being used for good now-- and with the intervention of Billie in 11.02 when those visions began, it's interesting how the solution that actually saved his life in that circumstance technically came from what she said to him about being "unclean in the biblical sense."

Reapers and their powers and limitations (clean hands!), and their knowledge of the Bigger Picture that Billie herself won't be able to see until she dies and is resurrected with the mantle of Death, have their beginnings in the mythology right here, enslaved to the will of a mortal woman who believed she could make choices about who deserved to live and who deserved to die based on her own corrupted sense of morality.

Even when the concept of Death is introduced in 5.10, he's presented as "lesser" than what he truly is by virtue of Lucifer having bound him to his will for the purposes of the apocalypse, and as merely one of the Four Horsemen equal to War, Famine, and Pestilence. In 5.21, we learn what he's "supposed to be." Practically an equal to God, with the power over all life and death. It's not really until 13.05 that we learn the truth about just how powerful Billie has become, and yet what her limitations still are. We begin to see one side of this massive cosmic chess match, all leading up to the biggest revelation of them all in 14.20.

Back to 1.12 again... (sorry it's impossible not to be continually distracted by the theme spiral here). Dean also is uncomfortable for the first time over the potential for The Lord to be eyeballing him specifically, which is a feeling he's gonna truly grow into throughout s4 "I don't like being singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God," right up through the showdown at the end of 14.20.

DEAN: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me? ROY: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN: What did you see in my heart? ROY: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

Throughout the episode, they believe it's Roy controlling the reaper and making the choices about who lives and dies, but he was literally blind to the fact it was Sue Ann. He was as much a victim in all of this as the people he believed he was healing, that he believed he had been touched by God to impart new life to. But knowing the full truth, Dean has to stop someone from being healed that even HE believes deserves to be saved, to be spared the suffering of a life cut short by an inoperable brain tumor, after learning an innocent man would die in her place. No matter how much he might feel that Layla didn't deserve that fate, he also doesn't believe the man who'd been protesting Roy's healing ministry deserves to die just for that fact, either.

SUE ANN: I just don't understand. After everything we've done for you. After Roy healed you. I'm just very very disappointed Dean DEAN stares at her, saying nothing. SUE ANN: You can let him go. I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit. SUE ANN leaves. The cops turn to DEAN. COP 1: We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand?

Once again, in text, Sue Ann is unwittingly labeled "God." It's not God's wrath Dean fears, but Sue Ann's, knowing his defiance has likely turned him from worthy of healing to unworthy of living. Now this has moved beyond idealistically wanting to stop someone from playing god with people's lives right back to the immediate need to stop them before someone else becomes the next victim. And all of their choices-- Dean not being able to walk away, not being able to look the other way, discovering the full horrific truth of how he himself had been brought back from the brink of death, led them to this juncture where it truly felt like they had no other choice but to stop the monster. It literally became a life and death matter for Dean.

I still find it fascinating that as a result of their actions and choices in this episode, the reaper who'd been enslaved to Sue Ann's will was freed when Sam crushed the talisman that kept him bound. I find that highly amusing in retrospect, that while Dean was literally touched by an incarnation of Death several times in this episode, Sam effectively committed services rendered to the Cosmic Order.

We've learned so much about all of this over the years, as well-- the need for balance, order in the universe, and so many of those lessons have come from Death directly. Dean learns some of this firsthand in 6.11, for example, when he takes on Death's job for a day (or at least the life-and-death side of his job, now that we know so much more about his knowledge and understanding of creation as a whole). We learn even more through Billie, and her constant reminders that what's dead should stay dead, and through Billie's reapers once she becomes Death. 13.19 reminds us, through a story about the consequences of killing reapers, just how tenuous the course of cosmic events can be, and what the universe does to self-correct when the balance tilts too far in one direction. It's a lesson Tessa began to teach way back in 4.15, in an episode where Dean once again saves the life of a reaper (not only unwittingly protecting the cosmic balance, but literally stopping the breaking of a seal and staving off the apocalypse for at least another day, and that entire episode, that entire case, only happened through the unwitting guidance of them to the case by Cas-- still operating under Heaven’s orders and pretending to be Bobby sending them to that town to investigate...).

It has always felt to me that the show has subtly revealed more about the truth of the cosmos through death and Death than anything else. And that's on full display now in 1.12. Sue Ann's lies of omission about Roy's "powers," her manipulation of circumstance and her ensnarement of a reaper to do her will, choosing who lives and dies and literally "playing God," is it really any wonder to find out that Chuck has attempted to do the same on the highest cosmic scale from the start? He is a writer, after all, writing the entire story of the universe even as the universe fights to tell its own story. It's only by looking to the center and seeing the truth of the entire picture that they can free themselves from that fate, break the spell that's held them captive to Chuck's narrative and this endless cycle of sacrifice.

Heck I still love this episode. So much that I’ve let the next three episodes play out in the background... This is the entire spiral of the story played out in miniature, wrapped into a single episode.

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clexa--warrior · 5 years

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Fear The Walking Dead' continues its losing streak in Sunday night's episode 'Ner Tamid.'

Credit: AMC

Sunday night's episode of Fear The Walking Dead was a little bit better than the rest of this half of the season, and I think I know why: There was no Morgan!s

Morgan and Al are off doing their own thing, and miraculously we didn't hear from either one this week. That's good! Sadly, we also didn't get any Alicia. She remains one of the only characters I still like on this show, though the past few episodes have done their level best to character-assassinate her (she's probably off painting more trees at this point).

The rest of the episode was pretty much about as pointless as the rest of the episodes in Season 5. Charlie "runs away" from the convoy to go find some place for them to stay, so that they're not always on the move. Finding a place to stay is a really good idea. Running off on your own in the zombie apocalypse is stupid beyond all reckoning, and I wish the writers and producers would stop making the characters act like such absolute dunces every week.

It appears the real problem is June, who is apparently in charge of the caravan and its 36 members. She's driving them all hard, not letting them stay in one place long, no rest for the weary and all that jazz. Even John Dorie is like "Hey June, baby, I love you but this is ridiculous," but it falls on deaf ears. I'm not sure why June is acting like this, or why she's suddenly in charge, or why they have a caravan instead of a base to begin with, but that doesn't matter. Fear The Walking Dead just does stuff, and we're just supposed to eat it up without questioning anything.

I think that's the only way people can still enjoy this show--just don't ask any questions, don't think about anything too much, don't expect anything remotely like logic or realism or human nature to figure into it at all.

In any case, Charlie makes yet another new friend while out on her own. This time it's a Jewish Rabbi, Jacob Kessner, who lives all by himself at his old synagogue. All his former flock are now zombies, calling to mind Father Gabriel from The Walking Dead (though Kessner is much less annoying than Gabriel, who I still can't stand). Charlie thinks this would be a good place for the survivors to settle down, but things don't work out. Before the end of the episode, the safe haven is overrun and Kessner is out of a home. Shocking. We've never seen the survivors show up and ruin a good thing before! (That's sarcasm, by the way. Everywhere our heroes go falls apart, from the family on the island to the Mexican villa, to the ranch, to the kids' treehouse this season).

June and Dorie show up and there's some zombie action, but we know nobody is going to actually get killed by a zombie. That hardly ever happens on this show. The last time I can think of it actually happening was when Madison died, but she died offscreen so we didn't even see it. There used to be some great zombie kills in previous seasons, but there's no reason to fear anything in Fear The Walking Dead these days.

That applies to Logan and his group of feckless, toothless bad guys. At one point they chase Sarah and Dwight--who looks ridiculous clean-shaven, though I suppose it's symbolic of his being totally neutered by the do-gooder sickness that's befallen the entire cast--and almost catch them but the tank shows up and saves the day. Of course, why they were so worried and running to begin with is beyond me. Recall last week when Morgan and Al were faced with a dozen of Logan's thugs and nothing happened. They just blocked the road and that's all. Are we supposed to think that this week things are so different that they pose an actual threat now?

Of course, it turns out that the whole thing was just a diversion. Logan wanted to distract the convoy. Apparently he's figured out where the oil fields are and he wanted Morgan's group as far away as possible which, uh, kind of sounds like what he did in the very beginning of this season by having them fly off to the nuclear power plant region. They're running out of ideas so fast it isn't even funny.

Is there even a story here? I mean, there are things that happen I guess, but is there a story? Let's try to parse it all together, shall we?

Season 5 starts with Morgan and most of the crew crash-landing a plane because they thought they were helping someone but it was just Logan tricking them so that he could take over the mill. The first half of the season is spent trying to get a new plane or fix the old plane so they can fly it back. There's also a nuclear power plant that's going to melt down, and we meet a new character, Grace, who is trying to prevent that. Eight episodes are spent on this dual-plot, with Strand and Charlie ultimately saving the day by bringing propellers in a hot air balloon to the heroes who then use their years of airplane mechanic experience to fix the plane and then fly successfully back to their own area of Texas because apparently that region has zero roads leading. It is a mystical island within the state of Texas that can only be reached by air (unless you're Dwight or his wife who apparently both managed just fine on solid ground).

So that's the first half of Season 5. Crash plane, fix plane, fly out. Logan has the mill. Then, bizarrely, at the very end of the first half of the season Logan tries to make a deal with them. This deal is not struck, we discover in the Season 5 midseason premiere, and Logan goes back to working with the thugs. I can't tell if they're working for him or he's working for them, because the show has done such a lousy, inconsistent job at explaining things to us.

Speaking of which, we learn that during the break, during the period of time that occurs off-screen between the two halves of this season, that Morgan has discovered where Polar Bear's oil fields are. And I guess he's also figured out how to refine oil into gasoline. And I guess this is what Logan was after the whole time, but they just neglected to introduce that conflict in any remotely comprehensible way. Now, five episodes into the back half of the season, the entire plot seems to be "Morgan and group go around helping people more while Logan tries to figure out where the oil fields are." Five episodes of filler with virtually nothing of any importance happening. Alicia meets the guy painting on all those trees. Morgan and Grace try and fail to spark a romance. Logan is mad at Morgan but does nothing about it. They film a stupid PSA and put it on VCRs with generators wherever they can so that people know that they're out there trying to help people.

None of this qualifies as a story, at least not really. The story, if it had to be boiled down, would be the conflict between Logan and Morgan's two groups. But that conflict barely exists, as evidenced by the times they've actually encountered one another and done nothing. At least Negan did stuff. At least the Saviors posed a threat, no matter how badly produced Seasons 7 and 8 of The Walking Dead were. At least there was a story.

Here we just have people driving around wasting gas, talking on walkie-talkies, rarely having realistic conversations or actually interesting struggles or conflicts. It's all contrived. You could probably boil down the entire 12 episodes we've seen so far into two and not lose anything.

Just take away the whole entire plane crash plot and have them tricked into leaving the mill. Then have Logan realize what he wanted in the mill wasn't there and go to war with Morgan to get the map to the oil fields. The oil fields themselves would be useless to Morgan since he doesn't know how to refine oil into gasoline, but he knows that Logan is bad news so he keeps that information from him anyways. Have Logan kill some of the good guys, and have that test Morgan's resolve to be a good person. Have Dwight show up as one of Logan's dudes, on the other side of the conflict, and have that make him question whether he's made the right choice.

I mean, I think you could probably get eight episodes out of this conflict, and then you could twist things around for the second half of the season. Morgan could snap again, go full killstreak mode. He and Alicia could break into two different groups and the conflict could continue between them somehow. This is all just spit-balling. The fact is, it would be fairly simple to come up with a better story for Season 5, with better and more natural conflicts. Actually, I'd have introduced Logan as a sympathetic character and had him join the group, had his treachery not manifest until it was too late. Make the betrayal sting.

But this is all fantasy. I want the same kind of tense conflict that drove Season 3, with sympathetic characters on both sides and no easy resolution. But what we're getting is a bunch of badly written filler episodes with no real purpose and an overarching conflict that makes no sense. Meanwhile, we get things like Al leaving all her tapes in a safe and then not bothering to even shut the lock boxes, and that's how Logan discovers the oil fields. We get John Dorie shooting a bullet at a hatchet blade so that it can split in two and kill a pair of approaching zombies. That's the kind of vapid writing this show has now. It's just sad.

Next week, Logan will use the oil fields to wipe out half of all living things in the universe and the week after that Al and June and Daniel will send Skidmark back in time in a time machine they built out of spare plane parts, and Skidmark's job will be to kill Polar Bear before he ever planted the oil seeds that eventually grew into the oil fields, but little do they know that Polar Bear is waiting for them . . . . it's a trap!

I just . . . I can't. I don't know what else to say. What a sad joke Fear has become.

#fear the walking dead spoilers

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bluerosesburnblue · 6 years

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Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 5, Part 1/2

The final stretch is here. Welcome to Chapter 5: This is Our Coup de Gravy!

I’m splitting Chapter 5 into two parts due to length. This part features an amazing climax boss, and is then followed up by the Sidequest Roundup, which ended up longer than I expected! We’ll resume with the plot next go around. I understand if anyone wants to skip this one, since it is mostly sidequests, but at least read the beginning because reveals abound and the plot starts to really kick into gear. No more messing around this time!

No introduction is needed. It’s time to end this before it begins. Let’s make sure the Kaiser rests in oblivion

“I deny you all” you know, Oblivion. Buddy. Synonyms exist. Try them sometime

Between the start of the scene and actually attempting the fight I started drinking some hard cider. So if the team members are siblings, I’m the tipsy extradimensional aunt at the reunion. Let’s punch Kaiser’s blond chinstrap beard in

Aw, damn. They switched Magnolia’s and Edea’s positions in my party. Muscle memory is gonna smack me down in this fight

Edea took out about half of Kaiser’s health in one full BP volley. Not so tough now, huh? Really should be buffing your defense, instead of the attack power of everyone on the field

Oh no. The magical domino mask that everyone seems to think hides your identity but really, REALLY doesn’t fell off

Kaiser is Yew’s missing big brother. I’ll... get into why that doesn’t surprise me in a minute

...that’s not the pronunciation I expected. Denys Geneolgia. I read the name as “Dennis.” Yew just pronounced it “Denny.” It’s... uhh... I can see why he went with “Oblivion,” even if it does make him sound like an edgy 13-year-old trying too hard

So. Yeah. One of the few things I was spoiled on was that Kaiser’s real name was “Denys Geneolgia,” and after Yōko’s prank with the Danzaburō illusion and the zoom-in on Kaiser’s prosthetic hand... I kinda figured he had to be Yew’s brother. I’m sure there was probably some foreshadowing that I missed, but I feel like I caught a fair amount of it

Fuck, I can’t believe Yew’s brother is the restaurant chain Denny’s

I can’t believe Denny just got arrested before he could give us exposition. That’s totally unexpected for a JRPG. Wow.

GOOD NEWS THOUGH. Tiz and Agnès are finally in the same room as each other. I... perhaps should not have made him a ghost knight for this reunion, but she’s seen him wear worse. It’s fine

AAAAAAHHHHHH that hug was so cute. “...You came for me!” HE SURE DID. ACROSS TIME. All for you, Agnès! Tiz will never let you down!

And from her perspective, Tiz is still in a coma. It’s like he came back to life miraculously just because she needed him

AND EDEA’S MADE IT A GROUP HUG. AHHHHHH. WHERE’S RINGABEL GET HIM IN HERE FOR THIS

Nevermind, Magnolia and Yew are joining in and that’s cuter. But still. We’re missing our sixth teammate, Ringabel~

Time to give Alternis, Braev, and Agnès the low down on the end layer, and how we sent player with the Bravely Second

Agnès can actually remember parts of it because she’s also synced up to the hourglass, but since she didn’t travel through time with the party, it’s more of a dreamlike recollection

One last job. Kaiser’s in jail, but his soldiers aren’t. We need to take them down and extract or destroy the Ba’al locked in Skyhold. But this time, we complete the ceremony and join the Orthodoxy and Duchy. Two forces once at war with each other, now at each other’s backs to save the world

Ag... Agnès maybe don’t base your speech on events that now no longer happen because I changed the past?

Apparently there was quite a bit of time looping for her. She was whisked away to the edge of time “over and over” again? Was that the result of being in a timeless space, or is she referring to various new games on the cartridge, of which there are none because I only have the one (now two due to New Game+), so...

This speech almost doesn’t work because they don’t make the player go through several meaningless loops this time, so even from a meta perspective, she was only kidnapped once. So unless Agnès has lived through save files I never made, I don’t know what she’s going on about

Didn’t take the Empire long to bust Denny out of prison

Altair didn’t even help with Anne’s bestiary entry! Why couldn’t it have been written without him?!

...glad the chest key for blue chests was just sitting out on the floor of the church there

Yeah, of course it was Janne and Nikolai who broke him out. We can’t have pancake night without Denny’s!

“Does the name Jerome Balestra mean anything to you!?” Janne... Janne you fucking idiot. Mook #4 didn’t kill your dad. None of these guys know what you’re talking about. But no, kill them. Fine. You useless brat

I DON’T THINK THESE GUYS, SPECIFICALLY, KILLED YOUR DAD, JANNE! They all look the same! How can you tell?!?!?!?

You. Are. SUCH a child. Get over yourself

Nikolai should not be that acrobatic

Oh good. Bella and Cú are back. Hey, Bella, is it awkward that Yew’s rocking your getup right now? It is, right?

Denys, why are you enabling the use of “coup de gravy”? No self respecting older sibling would let him get away without some serious teasing for something so cringey. I’m an oldest sibling. I’m speaking from experience here

After Bella’s speech, I can’t tell if the Empire is just Denys accidentally adopting people who need help, or a cult

Bella mentions crimes against “her sister.” She’s a “Dark Vestal” with black hair and seems to give prophecies of doom. Is Sylvie her sister? Did Bella do something to make her mute? Sylvie was one of the big mysteries from last “arc” that never got answered, so I’m hoping for payoff here in some fashion

Not even a moment to breathe (or save). Time to battle Bella and Cú once more!

Okay, so Bella’s sister was killed on the night Eternia was founded, by the “witch” who began the Plague, mentioned in the last game. Seems that may have been started by the Crystalguard

She tried to revive her sister, much as Geist tried to revive his son. But all she made were monsters. And Cú, whose resurrection she messed up. But none of them were Donna. (So, not Sylvie. Should’ve just given her a minute to monologue). She named her doll after her sister

Cú wasn’t even technically resurrected. He’s just a statue that she managed to animate

My Spirit Magic is so much stronger than Bella’s at this point it’s comical

Cú. You’re using up Edea’s special. Hurry this monologue up

Dammit Cú. I had Critical up by 300%. Thanks for wasting that

We spared them. Of course we did! This is the Best Timeline™, guys! No one dies, no one gets to economically ruin a nation!

Yew’s determined to show Denys’s people that the word can change so long as people are willing to work for it. Stop living in the past and wishing you could undo mistakes. Time to start working for a better future. And I can’t think of anyone better to show them than Agnès

“We can’t risk her Holiness...!” Othar, Agnès killed Ouroboros, the Devourer of Worlds. I think she can handle Sad Bella and her horse man without her useless bodyguards

I like Cú. He’s a man... horse of honor

And Agnès let Bella keep Donna, her doll. So sweet

Oh just let me save the game already!

We called in Braev, Alternis, Norzen, Kamiizumi, Goodman, and Lotus to hear our story. Lotus... has no idea who we are, unless we either called him from Sagitta and told him offscreen, or he somehow also had his memories hooked up to the Second

At least Norzen won’t arbitrarily attempt to kill us this timeline

Eisen and Eternia are teaming up to make sure Agnès can’t be kidnapped to use to awaken the Crystals

Magnolia’s got a plan to take the Skyhold. “Lord Arima and Sakura remember you well. Together, we’ve been preparing for this day.” Is this Kingdom Hearts logic, where all memories are connected, so as long as we remember the last timeline, so does everyone we befriended? Who, exactly, was memory synced to the hourglass?

...is it me? It uses the player’s SP, so as long as I remember the events of the story, so do they? Lucky for you guys I’ve been doing a liveblog, huh?

...that’s actually gonna suck if the sidequests remember Bad Timeline events, because now it’s a betrayal

Agnès has given everyone pendant pieces, so we’ve got a group call with the team now

“Take back the compass”? I don’t believe they’ve stolen it yet, Magnolia

Thank GOD. I can finally save and take a break

Denny’s got the team together to recoup after having his little brother time travel just to punch his face in. Understandable

He does genuinely seem to care about his underlings, so I’m pretty sure “savior of the lost” is the kind of person we’re dealing with here

“They went down fighting for the cause.” Janne, stop. They’re not dead. Best Timeline™

So Denys, Nikolai, and Janne all remember the past timeline, too. Who... who does and does not remember? Someone needs to get me a comprehensive list. Alternis may or may not get super pissed that I intend to “betray” the orphans this go around if he remembers

I like the fact that the villains in this game are as perceptive as they are. “If we remember, then I’m sure they do, too. No element of surprise with our plans, so we need a change of course”

“My friend...” Denys is the same as Yew. He adopts people. The empire is to him what the party has become to his brother: a second family to make up for the one they botched

They’re sending Geist to claim the compass instead of Minette this time. If the catsassin ain’t a secret, may as well go with our strongest operatives

New Game+ means both New Enemies+ and all sidequests from past chapters are open, so let’s go clear out some Catmancy skills, then fix the mess I made of the last timeline and see if I like the quests any better when I like the ending. We’re leaving the Bestiary until I get the Yōkai job’s Obliterate skill to make it easier on me

I’m gonna take the quests in order of appearance, so first up is Jackal vs. deRosa, where we side with Jackal instead of letting deRosa maybe accidentally start a Cold War for the sake of making some kid happy about his thesis project

Okay, they did exactly what I was hoping they would when I realized that everyone retained their memories. Event scenes are heavily abridged, but it seems like only the party remembers everything. So they go “hey, is this what’s happening? Okay, we can help let us fix this.” instead of having the situation explained. That’ll make it easy to collect the rest of the jobs

deRosa may remember. He knew everyone’s noodle orders, but doesn’t seem like he remembers anything about the Wellspring Gem. So... I dunno

Also, WHY DID YOU TELL HIM. You know it just causes a fight with Jackal!

“For every five years our research is delayed, the world suffers a decade of sorrow...” Okay, kid. Stop being dramatic. Your thesis project is not some high-end deal and not worth destroying at least one, maybe several towns over. He isn’t even a high ranking Al-Khampis student. Sorry, dumbass, I’m not letting you make a fantasy nuke

At least he’s got his heart in the right place. He’s gonna find a solution that doesn’t need the Gem, so that everyone benefits and they don’t have to destroy a city to do it. G... good job? You should’ve considered that from the start

Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s find Gho Gettar and slyly whisper to him that there MAY be an owl-man hanging out in the Northeast of Eternia that MAY have what he’s looking for ;)

Weird that the Gho sidequest starts up with meeting him and Mephilia in the woods to deliver Kamiizumi’s letter when the event we got the letter from didn’t happen in this timeline. Maybe he handed it off to us during the big peace talks in Gathelatio?

I’ve been listening to Critical Role too much, because when I heard the voiceover for Kamiizumi’s letter, I couldn’t picture the character, just Liam O’Brien’s goofy smile

Follow your dreams, Gho. I promise, Amaterasu is just a (very long) boat ride away

Kamiizumi thinks we’re being naive, because being a low-ranking worker isn’t anything shameful, and we’re encouraging Gho to be a quitter. And I agree, yeah, there’s nothing wrong with being a labor worker. BUT! It’s also not for everyone. Some people are AMAZING at those kinds of jobs, and some people shine in other areas. I don’t see Gho shining as a factory worker. I just see it crushing his spirit. And his sense of dedication is not an issue, because he is putting in just as much effort into summoning Amaterasu as he did working in that factory, but the summoning work makes him happier. He’s no less a hard worker for focusing his efforts on a strenuous process that makes him happy than one he doesn’t care about

“You counsel a guileless youth, still ignorant of the world, to throw up his hands at the first hint of hardship.” But we aren’t, though. You think there are no hardships on the path to his dream? That it won’t be difficult? No, we just refocused his efforts on something he cares about. He’ll struggle through just as many hardships, but with this he’ll want to go through them, want to make it through because they’ll be for something he’s passionate about. He’ll actually have the motivation to get through those hardships, and he’ll be more pleased with the results. Sorry, Kamiizumi. Just because it’s not for a job you particularly find tasteful doesn’t mean he’s not working just as hard. Maybe even harder, since he’ll be more excited to do it

The Kamiizumi fight is much easier once you remember that your Hawkeye has the Condor ability that can pierce default

And this is what I’m talking about. Gho is getting frustrated that he still can’t summon Amaterasu, he’s putting in so much effort, but now it’s for something he’s passionate about. It might not be as fast as he accomplished something of note as he did in the vs. Mephilia ending, but he’s accomplishing just as much, and I’m proud of him. Sometimes it takes just a little longer to do something truly great, as opposed to just something good

Oh, wow, I forgot about Sage Yulyana. Not his existence, but the fact that he hasn’t been relevant to this game. We still haven’t been to the Yulyana region

According to Mephilia he fought a Ba’al about a year ago, told her about Amaterasu and one other summon (Susano-o, the one she was searching for last game, or Charybdis, the other new one from this game?) and then either left this world to hunt down the Ba’al... or just died. Honestly, either would be pretty in-keeping with the good old sage. Just as well we probably won’t be seeing him, though; I only ever used Conjurer for Obliterate

Yeah, I’m happier having Gho follow his dreams than slave away at a job he hates, even if he managed to make that job more efficient. I’ve got faith he can do just as much, if not more good like this

Well, on to the next... oh. Oh god no not Holly vs. Profiteur again oh good lord come on, let’s try to stop this economic disaster before a child gets lost in the freaking mines again

Huh. This timeline they’re all just... talking it over like mature, responsible adults. And while Profiteur is going to make sure his economic argument is sound, Holly is... going to gorge herself in Heartschild. Great. Just go to Barras in Florem and leave the rest of us alone, you loon

And even the girl is more sympathetic. She still wants to stay, but she’s scared of her granddad having to go out and fish on the open water every day if they do stay there. And, kid, I got wrecked by a Monoceros out there and this party is TRAINED to fight, that is a very good fear to have

Oh thank GOD it’s not making me chase Profiteur down again

Greater good! GREATER. GOOD!

Oh, cool, Holly’s fucking drunk. Really making a good argument for yourself there, hon

Profiteur’s plans will “only help the few?” How so? Seems to me a flourishing economy benefits EVERYONE. Besides, I’d rather side with someone taking the situation seriously than one drunk madwoman

I’m almost happy that they made Holly so unsympathetic this go-around

But... now the kid’s back to being a brat. She’s throwing a tantrum because she doesn’t want the house sold. Too fucking bad? How many kids do you think would end up homeless if they didn’t sell? I don’t think an eight-year-old should be making the financial decisions in this family. They’re not good big-picture thinkers

Also, no need to be so hostile to Profiteur, Edea! Holly’s feelings aren’t the benchmark of morality, either!

I still have so many problems with the way this quest is written, as though the conflict is modest-but-happy lifestyle vs. lavish-but-empty lifestyle, when it’s really a needs of the many vs. needs of the few scenario. As though someone being sad is a decent argument for a large decision like this. As though kids are good at making rational decisions. Sometimes families move, sometimes things change, and it’s hard and sad and difficult to adapt to, but you need to. And this opens up so many possibilities for her that she can’t even see yet. Better schooling, a better home, good jobs, heck, she’ll be able to spend even more time with her grandpa if he doesn’t have to work all the time to get her food!

The one thing this quest has going for it is that I totally buy Profiteur’s redemption from the last game. He’s still a moneygrubber, but he’s a moneygrubber who’s genuinely looking to open up some honest jobs and help a country out

“You can trust in Erutus Profiteur! If you think I am taking too long [making this country a better place], you may come to blast me away at anytime!” God speed, good sir. He sounds so excited to make this work, and I’m glad to make it happen

Sidequest still wan’t great, but much more bearable than the first time. A kid didn’t even have to almost die this time around!

Well, now it’s time to go get stuck in Grapp Keep. If we were smart, we’d tell everyone to get out before the place collapsed, but then we wouldn’t have a conflict? Oh well. Let’s go kick Ominas and his baby dragon’s asses

I don’t foresee that fight being a problem, since I have Magnolia as an Astrologian with Elemental Barrier

...at least Edea tried to avoid slamming into that guy this time

The saga of Magnolia’s cooking continues. Seems she’s gotten to be a much better chef

Oh god it just hit me. The Edea punching the wall scene happened again. We caused the damn cave-in

And they tried to warn them of the cave-in, but we still got trapped. But of course

And Artemia and Ominas definitely don’t remember the last timeline. This time, though, we’ve told Risotto’s father to form a rescue party in advance. No worry about a search party not showing up. Now we have even less reason to side with Ominas! Food for everyone! Femto Flare later, when not under threat of hunger

Ominas, dude, just learn Femto Flare when we get out of here. World isn’t screwed because a tiny dragon didn’t learn it this second. Besides, the way this is going, it ain’t gonna matter much this timeline, anyway

Man, that is such a nothing quest. No real stakes, no real emotional involvement. Nothing. Cool. Moving on

...why does the Bestiary make it sound like Bahamut is dead when the actual epilogue says he’s fine?

Kikyo vs. Heinkel was enjoyable. Let’s hope it is again, yeah?

I like the premise of “oh we already know who did it, let’s set up a trap to catch the culprit”

And they aren’t even pretending it wasn’t Whitson. Hell, Edea’s blatantly guilting him, without actually saying his name

Let’s get Sholmes in on the police force. He needs to learn a little temperance. His big problem is jumping the gun with his intuitive responses. Putting him in a position that encourages him to think more logically and put together better evidence for his reasoning can only benefit him. Intuition is best used when you understand why you’re having that gut reaction in the first place, and it’s not the only thing that makes a good investigator

Kikyo’s still an annoying fight what with her constant evading and Transience skill, but Ninja was one of my top classes last game so it’s good to have it back

Yes, yes, we know what the truth of this incident was. I don’t need to hear it again, game

And you know, I’m liking this new, mature Sholmes. Good. I’m glad he’s finally wising up

Still a decent quest, I just almost wish the stakes were higher. ...then again, this game has proven that higher stakes in these quests tends to lead to higher stupidity from Edea, so maybe it’s for the best this stays low-scale

Who feels like opening up the first co-ed school in Florem. I do! Equality of the sexes!

Straight to the fight! This one was pretty straightforward

A co-ed school with optional enrollment is moving too fast? Really Einheria? Shut the fuck up. Both of your sisters are smarter than you right now, and one’s a psycho summoner and the other grew up in the woods

I just Summoned a Friend. He named his attack “Shot thru the <3″ and had Yew’s finishing line be “You’re to blame.” What a freaking legend

Oh no Rhea’s crying. What a shame

Einheria can’t even remember her name while proclaiming her loyalty to her. God, how could you forget a name like Rhea Veeling

And Swetti’s crush is still a thing. Great

Barras has licenses to teach various forms of martial arts and 22 fields of medicine? Dude, hey, go down to Eisen, find your drunk girlfriend, and go settle down yeah? Keep her out of trouble because you’re clearly the responsible one in this relationship

Eugh. Rhea’s Bestiary entry says she only joined the Bloodrose Legion after they ruined Florem, and her whole “making up for the sins of the past” shtick was an act to get the teaching job. Wow. Fuck her, glad this is Best Timeline ending

“Regardless, she is probably the most rational of the three Venus sister...” Not in this scenario, Tiz. Not at all

Back to Florem to respect the wishes of a deceased artist. Arca Pellar’s song will see the light of day. And then eventually Praline can remix it, but I don’t think she’s gonna have the patience to, honestly

So Pellar... remembers the last timeline? But Praline and Barbarossa don’t? What... why??? What are the rules for cross-timeline memory!?

At least it doesn’t seem like we have to trek through the Witherwood again. Good

And our plan is scream our answer into a microphone so that Praline and Barbarossa hear it and the loser challenges us to a fight. We’re just provoking the boss at this point! Why???

*mic voice* FUCK PRALINE. SHE AIN’T SHIT

I still can’t hear her over her background music

“Why not recreate that song as something people today will be able to enjoy?” Why not make your own freaking song!? There’s market for both genres! It’s not like the freaking Beatles are any less popular because their stuff’s old, you know?

Praline I am far too cynical to fall for false tears. I didn’t even cave to a child’s real tears. You think that’s gonna stop me?

Oh lord her awful song’s the boss music. You know, I like Jpop every once in a while. It’s a decent genre! This... this is not a good song

See? Barbarossa just handed Praline a commission to do a song for them. It... was for Arca’s song, though, invalidating everything I’ve done. At least this time the sailors are working with her to keep true to the original spirit of the song

Well, that totally invalidated my entire choice, but at least everyone’s happy?

The Bestiary has a few interesting tidbits. Rabbits are sacred on the moon (because this game was made in Japan, of course they are), Praline has been lying about being 17 for a long freaking time, and Nikolai was apparently a fan. I... Nikolai, buddy, really? Never would’ve thought

Time for one last diversion: solving the economic crisis of Grandship. Alternis may have his heart in the right place, but his clouded judgement will wreck Grandship in the long run. Let make the Best Timeline one worth living in, where everyone’s happy

It just occurred to me that there’s over 30 Jobs. That’s nuts

Just heading straight to the council meeting, huh? Just as well, we already know who we’re here to support. Though I wouldn’t have objected to hanging out with Datz, Zatz, Alternis, and the Proprietress for lunch again

(Also, side note: The salted caramel tea I’m drinking right now is ~amaaaaaazing~. I’m not even really a salted caramel person. Bigelow teas are a gift to this earth. Alternis is gonna get a beating while I sip tea dramatically)

Shoot. The elevator’s still locked. Guess I’m dungeon running with encounters off again. Teeeeediuuuuum~

(I get the point is probably new encounters but: I don’t have Obliterate yet and I’m still overleveled. So!)

We aren’t abandoning the orphans, you overdramatic dork!

Wow. That might be the first boss I’ve lost to.

Alternis, you’re proposing now!? In the middle of combat over the economic security of orphans!? Learn some tact, doofus!

Minus Strike is complete bullshit when Alternis has 100x the max health we do. That’s just an instant kill

And Khamer seems really devoted to helping the poor despite all this. “Maybe we can have our cake and eat it, too.” Yeah, I like it!

Oh, sure, cut to starving orphans to make me feel bad

Oh, I love the Proprietress. Now that people have money to spend, they’re spending it on helping the poor! And the kids are being offered an apprenticeship and schooling! Exactly how it should be. I was worried they were gonna vilify my choice for a second there

I forgot Edea was only 18. These kids really are all younger than me

Ah, that’s cute. Magnolia wonders how terrifying Alternis’s face must be in the Bestiary and Edea can only reply with “...” Yeah, mmmhmm. Good response to the pretty-boy pompadour guy

Thank God those are over. I love this game, but that was basically an hours-long boss rush. Most of those were a bit more tolerable than the Bad Timeline runs, but I still don’t think they were written well. The flaw is in the fundamental conflict setup... but I think I’ve talked enough about my problems with them in previous entries, so let’s make like a New Timeline and cut the chit chat because we already know what’s up

I’ve finally escaped Morality Sidequest Hell. Now, there’s at least two more sidequests in the game, but I have high hopes for them. Mostly because they won’t be confined to the Choice structure that all of the others have been stuck in which means: 1. no moralizing (probably) and 2. development for party members other than Edea, because the Tiz, Yew, and Magnolia might as well have not been there at all for all they contributed to these quests

Wow, that ended up being way longer than expected. I was hoping to get right into the story this liveblog, but I guess that’s not gonna happen. Well, check back next time when I go race Geist to the spacetime compass. He... unfortunately has a good headstart considering I just did eight sidequests, but now the whole party’s level 60 and ready to go! He doesn’t stand a... geist of a chance

#bravely default #bravely second #liz liveblogs bravely second #woooooooo that was a long string of fights #but with that out of the way part 2 should be a breeze #i want to beat this game this month #so let's shoot for a halloween finale

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abadpoetwithdreams · 6 years

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Nirvana in Fire Episode 7 Reaction

TA-DA, I HAVE RETURNED! I know, I know, it’s been such a long time, y’all thought I was dead, but nope! I’m just back with a different face and a different name and a quest to make your life miserable aka this is the episode with That Househunting Scene. Lord have mercy on my feels.

Before we get started, I apologize in advance because this is going to be a bit more rushed than previous recaps. I’ve been so busy during these last few months of the year, it has made it very difficult to find any time where I can just sit and watch NiF while also taking notes/writing. I can’t watch it while I do other things, like I tend to do with most dramas I watch; NiF requires full attention and especially when one is writing a reaction/recap post! So for the sake of my sanity (because I AM DYING TO KEEP WATCHING THIS HORRIBLE WONDERFUL MASTERPIECE) I am going to try to go a little faster through the next few episodes, at least up to where I left off when I decided to go back and write these reactions for y’all (which I thiiiiiink was around episode 16?), and then since I’ll be caught up to uncharted territory I’ll get more in-depth again and hopefully my life will be less crazily busy, too!

Okay, so without further ado: EPISODE SEVEN.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Xia Dong was being amazing and interrogating a would-be assassin with the best sort of combination of cold callousness and sadistic pleasure. She’s terrifying, but also so very cool. The Good Boys are standing by watching with varying degrees of discomfort at the torture happening in front of them, but while they seem to believe the bombshell dropped at the end of last episode—that Prince Yu is the one who sent the assassins—Xia Dong is totally unimpressed by the lie. Ha, she says, I already lost Yu’s men ages ago. Try again, she sneers. Let me take a moment to say that taking this time away from the show has given me a newly recharged appreciation for just how beautiful Jing Rui is, especially in that particular shade of royal blue. It’s so nice.

The assassin looks like he actually might tell the truth this time, because Xia Dong is That Scary, but suddenly—arrows, arrows everywhere! Our trio have blessedly quick reflexes and reaction time and fling themselves into various twirls and flips to escape the arrows, but the assassin is not so lucky. When the arrows stop flying and Xia Dong returns to her captive she discovers an arrow is lodged neatly in his voicebox. Nope, that’s not suspicious at ALL. Xia Dong swears in frustration and Yu Jin is briefly brave long enough to say she shouldn’t swear (but then when she turns that glare on him he just sort of melts into this apologetic puddle of terror that hastily hides behind poor Jing Rui, and have I mentioned that I love these boys? It’s been like two months since my last episode watch and that love has not lessened). Xia Dong looks like she’s seriously considering at least slapping Yu Jin, but she decides to let his impertinence slide and all three return to the capitol.

Now we cut to Ni Huang’s lil brother, Mu I remember his name being? He’s wearing a most magnificent red outfit, I can’t stop noticing all the costumes this episode, I guess it’s been so long I was having withdrawals or something. THEY’RE SO PRETTY. He’s arrived at the Marquis’ place but when the door guard tells him to wait, he just brushes that off with Nah, I’m just here to see Su! Mu is so refreshingly informal in all his dealings, I think it’s a combination of showing how very young and sort of callow he is but also there’s that divide again between the straightforward and honorable nature of those from the martial world and the skeevy snakeishness of those involved in politics. He’s just so open, and cheerful when he isn’t breaking Sima Lei’s legs. I guess he was cheerful about doing that too, though, in a sense. Also, his expressions are just the cutest. The Marquis’ wife comes out to greet him, and he complains that she calls him young but also thanks her for saving Ni Huang. She doesn’t seem to want to dwell on that and asks him why he’s visiting and he repeats he just wants to see Su—To show Su some houses, in fact. The Princess Supreme looks oddly sad about this? Is it just because she liked having an ally she could trust around the place, or what?

When Mu does meet with Mei Chang Su, Su tells him that he isn’t really in a hurry to move out. Fei Liu is very intently arranging flowers while the other two talk, which is very cute. Mu insists, and then makes the mistake of grabbing Su by the wrist and starting to drag him along, all the while nattering about this househunting project. Immediately, Fei Liu’s hackles are raised and he launches at poor Mu, lifting him OFF THE GROUND AND OVER HIS HEAD WITH ONE HAND and just welcome back into my life, Fei Liu. And I hope the following exchange is as funny in the actual dialogue as it is in subs, but in the sub at least Su tells Fei Liu to “put him down quickly” and Fei Liu immediately gets ready to seemingly slam Mu into the ground, so Su has to immediately follow up with “put him down slowly,” which, ahaha. Fei Liu is grumpy, but Mu’s life is thus saved and he is not daunted at all, instead just being very impressed. To avoid further drama, Su agrees to look at some houses.

In the city streets, Xia Dong parts ways with the Boys. Jing Rui really tries hard to stay with her, because he’s so worried for her safety, bless him. Yu Jin intervenes and convinces his friend to come away, probably partially because he’s happy for an excuse to get away from Xia Dong, but based on the acting I’d say he’s also being his usual perceptive self and realizes that she wants them to leave her for a Reason. The Reason is that she’s being followed. I don’t recognize the face of the guy following her? I am guessing he is an Actual Character though, otherwise the camera wouldn’t have lingered so long.

Meanwhile, Prince Yu is breaking pottery because he’s throwing a tantrum. He’s finally found out that Xie Yu, aka the Marquis, is playing both sides of the political game, pretending to support only Yu while also secretly helping the Crown Prince. He’s in trouble.

Back to Mei Chang Su, he’s being led by a Mu who is so enthusiastic about the househunting, he’s actually bouncing up and down. HE’S SO CUTE. PROTECT HIM. His enthusiasm is explained when they turn a corner and: dun dun duuuuun there’s Ni Huang, looking stunning as usual. Oh, you clever boy, Mu. Look at him smiling at his ship. Ni Huang has a total “gotcha” face on, and Su’s expression just says “oh nooooo.” Outplayed by a kid, wow, Su.

In the next scene Mu has mysteriously vanished and our favourite doomed ship is walking together. She tries to thank him for saving her, he says it was his mistake that put her in danger to begin with, she counters that no man is infallible, and you can totally tell he’s thinking BUT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE. He warns her not to trust him, a man she has only met a few times, but she says she feels like she’s known him a long time and trusts he would never harm her intentionally. AHA. NI HUANG IS MAKING HER MOVE. He tries to jokingly put her off by saying wow he wishes other people felt that way, and immediately she’s like “Jing Yan is mad at you, isn’t he” which, LOL. She basically says Oh, you know how Jing is, he can’t keep his mouth shut, just ignore him, and Su neatly counters with “How could I know what Jing is like?” He walks away looking like a man who just scored a point, and yep, she’s totally trying to trap him. It’s a battle of minds, and ugh they’re so perfect for each other! Her smile and then slow thoughtful look when he makes that dodge, aaaahh.

We cut back to the Emperor where he’s all pissy because Ni Huang apparently effortlessly defeated all her suitors, so that whole subplot just died a quiet offscreen death, lol. Then she handed in a report to state her wrongdoing, he complains to his eunuch buddy, and ahahaha I love Ni Huang. The Emperor says that even though Ni Huang managed to avoid marriage yet again, she cannot be allowed to leave the capitol to go back to the battlefield like he’s let her before.

Ni Huang is still showing Su around a variety of houses. They look so cute walking togetherrrrr. But also he’s wearing his furs so they barely even cover his shoulders, and while that’s a nice aesthetic, that can’t really be helping against the cold at all. MCS, staaaahp. He tries to tell her he doesn’t want to bother her with this househunting nonsense, but she insists it’s no trouble and then suggests he go a certain way that he CLEARLY does not want to go. Immediately I was like oh nooooooo because I could just tell something awful was coming. Ni Huang, what have you done. They stare at each other for a long, long while, and it’s like she’s daring him to refuse, because that will prove his identity, and he knows that, but also he doesn’t wanna but in the end of course he has to follow her. He walks like he’s being led to the gallows or some similarly deadly place. And then she stops and behind her is an obviously huge but abandoned house, and I started screaming inside because I knew it I knew it Ni Huang whyyyyyyy why would you do this to us

Do you know what this place is? She asks. No, Su replies, carefully not looking at it. Ugh, my poor boy. She tells him this particular manor belonged to the Commander of the Blaze Army. I used to play here very often as a child, she tells him (My aside: NOOOOOOOOOOO), and then she invites him on a stroll inside its ruins. Oh, she’s being so mean. And he deserves it, for what he’s doing to her, but still. Mean. And she is watching him like a hawk.

After a beat Su manages to counter that surely they can’t just casually walk inside if it’s the former residence of traitors? Ni Huang tells him that it’s true this house should have technically been seized by the Emperor and so belongs to him, but the Emperor has ignored it all these years. He never did anything to it. He seems to be waiting, she says, her gaze lingering over those sad, empty walls. Perhaps one day it will just disappear.

No, I’m not crying. Or if I am, it’s because That Music is back and it’s not fair, I am powerless against That Music. It will forever be the Grandma Scene music to me, aka the moment this show revealed itself as the emotional hell it truly is.

And the double meaning of this entire conversation is just SO. GOOD:

MCS: Since it’s been dilapidated for years there probably isn’t any trace of its past splendor left. Why would Your Highness insist on reminding yourself of the past?

Ni Huang: People left. The house is empty. Things changed with the passing of the years. But it doesn’t mean that everything has vanished. (Turns to face MCS, and then:) Whatever remains still lingers. Some people, some matters, still stay deep in one’s mind. Time will not wipe away their traces.

MCS (looking like he’s gonna cry, let’s be real): Your Highness values friendship and loyalty greatly. However, this case still weighs heavily on the Imperial Court. It still remains in the limelight. I advise Your Highness not to linger around this place much longer.

And I’m both gleeful and utterly devastated about how GOOD this whole scene is, my gosh. Because yeah, suuuuuuure they’re just talking about the house. They aren’t talking about Lin Shu at ALLLLLLLL.

(Gah, I love this show.)

Ni Huang looks devastated. This whole conversation is so close to the surface, to them speaking plainly to each other, and yet she’s so stymied by how he refuses to reveal himself! You can tell she was hoping so, so much to finally get her answer here, and yet he’s still refusing to give her that answer she wants, the one she knows deep down is the truth. In response to his advice she walks up those old, broken steps, and looks DOWN on him (eeeeee this showwww), now plainly asking him to take a look inside.

(He doesn’t want to look inside, Ni Huang. He doesn’t want to see Lin Shu again, not when he has to be Mei Chang Su. He can’t want to take that look with you. Hi, I’m dead.)

Still refusing to look at the house, staring at the ground, he refuses once more, bows, and walks away. That blasted music, that glorious music, is still going because this show has no pity. AND THEN HE STARTS CRYING AND I’M LIKE NI HUANG DON’T JUST STAND THERE RUN AND CATCH UP AND STARE HIM IN THE FACE like it’d ruin the moment but you’d get your answers, dangitttt

And we flashback to him falling off that cliff again and then it cuts to a shot of Su walking away and in the foreground is a cobweb covering his image and ooh, artsy.

Next scene is Jing Rui and his brother (Xie Bi, or something like that? Augh, it’s been so long, I’m probably getting a lot of side character’s names wrong) and Jing Rui is trying to cheer his brother up because he’s just nice like that. Arguably the nicest. His brother is upset because after two years of his father telling him to work for Prince Yu, his father’s now told him to stop helping Yu because he actually supports the Crown Prince. He feels very used and unhappy. Jing Rui, meanwhile, is absolutely rattled, even horrorstruck. He thought his dad wasn’t into politics, remember? Yeah, so much for that. I have the horrible sinking feeling it’s just going to get worse for him from here.

Back at the Snow Cottage, Fei Liu is building a fire for his Su and it’s very adorable. I want so many more scenes of just these two, especially after reading the novel chapters that I did before I started venturing into spoiler territory and stopped (they’re so huggy in the novel, bless them). Su tells Fei Liu that he’s getting all this real estate mail, basically, and doesn’t that show that there are still nice people in the capitol? NOT AT ALL, says Fei Liu, and Su just smirks. These two. I love them. Su is the worst role model.

Su tells Fei Liu to take a look at a house called the Orchid Garden and if Fei Liu likes it, Su will buy it. The power this kid has. Suddenly Fei Liu senses someone and flies outside where he sees Xia Dong standing there! Fei Liu being Fei Liu and Xia Dong being Xia Dong, they immediately have a spectacular fight. Su shows up to stop it and shows that he knows Xia Dong is injured, and he asks what she’s doing there.

Back at the palace, the Bickering Brothers are at it again. The best part is where Yu shakes his finger in the Crown Prince’s face and the Crown Prince makes this angry little squeaky sound and bats it away, ahahahaha. These actors are superb, as I keep saying (because they keep impressing me in scene after scene). Yu tries to be like Hey, why aren’t you secluded and studying like you’re supposed to be doing, since you’re being punished for Ni Huang and all, but the Crown Prince retorts that he wasn’t banned from court affairs, and are you implying you want me out of court for good???? SHUT UP, says the Emperor. He has less and less patience with each scene they share, lol. He tells them he knows they are squabbling because they each want to judge over the Duke of Qing’s case. Remember him? Yeah. The Emperor tells them he can’t pick either of them because Yu of course would let the Duke get away with any crime (the Duke is his powerful ally, remember!) and the Crown Prince would use any excuse to destroy the Duke’s entire family and thereby eliminate a powerful foe. “Father”, they both try, and SHUT UP, he cuts them off. Man, I’m almost liking the Emperor again.

Xia Dong meanwhile is in audience with Su. She tells him she’s just been curious about him, as he’s the talk of the town and seemingly has many faces. She’s worried. What about? Ni Huang.

(Augh, says Su’s face, Why is it always Ni Huang)

Why on earth are you worried about Ni Huang? She’s a powerful military leader and all, he says. Xia Dong says the rumor is Ni Huang defied the Emperor and refused marriage because of Mei Chang Su. OHO IS THAT THE RUMOR? Nice. Su says they’re just friends, he’s not trying to court Ni Huang. Xia Dong is not appeased, and directly asks: Does he only want friendship? Su thinks a moment, then says well, he has to admit Ni Huang is radiant (oh, you) and of course he can’t help but admire her, but also he’s sick, he’s not long for the world, he has deliberately remained unmarried so as not to burden anyone.

Her Highness has always been quite clear-minded, he says. She’s like a light breeze and a bright moon. Who would be good enough for her if not a man of great passion and outstanding ambition?

Uh, Mei Chang Su? Your Lin Shu is showing again. Xia Dong looks a little taken aback.

The Emperor is complaining to his eunuch friend again but this time our mustached fave General Meng is there too! Yay! The Emperor is angry that his sons continue to squabble so immaturely even though the Duke of Qing’s case is a matter of national importance. Meng reminds him that be that as it may, a prince still needs to be in charge of any investigation and trial. Hmmmmmmm, I sense Su’s hand in this …

Yep, the Emperor suddenly brightens. Oh yeah, he says, a prince does have to preside over the case but it doesn’t have to be one of those two! Isn’t Jing Yan still around? He’s so stubborn, he’d be perfect! Cool, let’s put Jing in charge! He walks off feeling delighted with himself. I am once again left in awe of Su and his manipulation skills. I’m assuming this is the first step of a long game to make Jing gain favor in the palace.

Xia Dong meanwhile brings up the time Su helped Ni Huang defeat those enemies a few years back. She asks why he bothered since his land wasn’t particularly nearby? He gets all mad and offended that she apparently feels the need to question why he would help defend his country, and she backs off. I can’t decide how much of that anger was just show; I think that he really was upset by that implication. Xia Dong leaves with a good opinion of Su, which is good because if I remember aright she hates Jing for his support for Lin Shu’s family, so if she knew who Su really was? Yeahhhhh, big trouble would follow. Also she’s a master spy, so way to dodge a bullet there, Su. For now, anyway.

Outside, the Marquis is hiding and spying himself, but Xia Dong calls him out and his awkward popping out from behind that doorframe was very funny. She basically tells him she knows all about his political gaming and how he set up the whole Duke of Qing thing but also she is not going to tell on him. She says she will keep his secret because her husband, Nie Feng, died during that Blaze Army rebellion and it was the Marqius who brought “half his corpse” home to her. Thus, she feels like she owes him. Oh, eww. Also we know Lin Shu’s dad was NOT a traitor and it was all a set up, so what are the odds that the Marquis was also the one who was responsible for turning her husband into half a corpse? Pretty freaking high, I’d say.

She seems angered that the Marquis has clearly forgotten that massive favor he did her, so she tells him in keeping his secret she considers her debt paid and they are now even. Then she just walks off, cool as you like, leaving behind a very worried-looking Marquis.

Cut to: Mei Chang Su, back in his inefficient furs and out on the town with the Good Boys! Actually they’re in the courtyard of a horrible old dump of a house. For a second I was like wait did he buy his family’s old house because surely the Emperor would put a stop to that? But no, it seems like this is the Orchid Garden place he mentioned to Fei Liu earlier. Yu Jin is hilariously disapproving, hands on hips and everything, and chides Su for being a fool for buying the place without seeing it first. Su says Fei Liu liked it, though! Cue Fei Liu literally flying overhead, looking very pleased with himself. Yu Jin is not impressed. Su indulges in a little trollface.

The three walk through the manor together, and Yu Jin starts being like, well, the layout is okay I guess, we can fix it up into a livable place I guess, but yeah it does look amazingly overgrown. But then Yu Jin suddenly disappears into the ground, so apparently there’s big ol’ holes in the property, too? What are you playing at, Mei Chang Su.

Jing Rui dashes over to help his friend, and pulls him out of what is actually a dried up well. Yu Jin comments that it’s lucky he’s so skilled and so was able to catch onto the lip of the well to avoid falling all the way in, and Jing Rui agrees. If it had been Su, he says, the poor strategist would have fallen all the way to the bottom. Which, ouch. I mean, that might be true, I don’t know if Su’s frailty is all 100% genuine (I’d say it’s at least 70% genuine) or if he still has the sort of reflexes a warrior would, but obviously we are supposed to assume that in his happy youth before all the bad stuff happened he would have had no problem with avoiding a fall down a dry well. Anyway, the boys clown a bit and Fei Liu shows up. Yu Jin complains that the manor is creepy and suggests they leave. As they walk, however, Yu Jin realizes that he’s missing some pendant or something that belonged to his grandfather and is really important to him. Could it have fallen down the well? Su asks innocently. Instantly I’m convinced Su snuck it off of Yu Jin and threw it in the well himself, lol. They go back to look.

Then we cut to the Red Sleeves Brothel? A girl named Gong Yu is at a window. An old man doesn’t want her at the window. His name is Shisan? Okay. She was apparently watching Qin Bao Ruo, who I remember being the name of Yu’s strategist. Said strategist is off to the palace again, apparently—he’s got a lot of problems that need a sound strategical approach right now. Gong Yu says she’s worried about Su. Shisan says not to worry, as this was all foreseen by Su. Ok, so they are in on Su’s plans, that’s interesting. Why do they know, what’s their deal.

Gong Yu wants to know if she can visit Su in the capitol. Shisan says he sent word to Su asking for permission, and Su says no, she is not to visit. She seems a little stalkerish, and I want her to back off.

Back at Su’s horrible new house, the boys are being adorable again and I love their friendship so much, I love how much Yu Jin gets Jing Rui to lighten up. Jing Rui elects to search the bottom of the well for Yu Jin’s pendant, because he is a Best Friend. And I KNOW this is just a show but it still causes me physical pain to watch him ruin those gorgeous clothes in that mud, lol

Anyway they lower Jing Rui down on a rope and Su watches looking very worried or intent at least and that’s not a great sign. What’s he playing at. This is a rare chance for you to please me, Yu Jin calls down, So try harder! Jing Rui replies with a threat to smear mud all over his face once he’s back up, these bros. Jing Rui finds the token, is all ready to leave, but then he steps on something that cracks and when he looks down:

It’s a human skull.

I was sooooooo not expecting that. Su totally was though, and I want to be mad at him for putting Jing Rui through that but also like imagine if Jing Rui hadn’t noticed while he was down there, what would Su have done? Stolen Jing Rui’s hair pin and tossed down and been like whoops, you must have lost it when you were looking for Yu Jin’s thing?

Jing Rui is horrified, but he refuses to leave until he investigates further, and yeah: THERE’S MORE SKULLS. LOTS MORE. Well, I guess we have our next chapter of the story. From a marriage tournament to a serial killer well. That’s not a great sign of where this show is taking us, lol

Cut to the Crown Prince, he’s asking the Marquis whether or not he thinks Jing could be persuaded to be lenient on the Duke since he owes Yu for that whole Ni Huang thing. The Marquis says nah, Jing isn’t so easily swayed, you’re fine. Then he also says, speaking of the Ni Huang debacle, he’s heard who was responsible for the whole set up and how things went so badly for the Crown Prince. It wasn’t Prince Yu: It was Mei Chang Su.

Well, that’s not a positive development.

Cut to a shot of seemingly endless skeletons lying unearthed beside the well, just to really drive home this ominous turn. All these officials, who I guess are the equivalent of homicide detectives, lol, are busy at the well. Yu Jin asks one how many skeletons have been found, and the guy says seven so far, and all are female. This has suddenly turned into CSI: Fantasy Ancient China. This is apparently the biggest and most shocking case he’s ever had. Su innocently says well, he can’t really help since this was his first visit to the property (ahaaaa so that’s why he sent Fei Liu!). He leaves to go back to the Snow Cottage.

Speaking of the Snow Cottage, the Marquis is back in his manor talking to a man who I thiiiiiink is Jing Rui’s other dad? Anyway he says the Crown Prince has ordered they kill Mei Chang Su. The guy may be a Divine Talent, but if he’s not on their side then they have to take him out of the equation. But he’s leader of the East Yangtze Alliance, protests the other guy (Zhuo, it turns out, is his name): he’s surrounded by pugilists! I can’t attack him! Yeah, I know, says the Marquis. Just find out if Fei Liu is his only bodyguard or not, and I’ll take care of the rest.

This should be a very ominous ending, but I’ve seen Fei Liu in action. I think Mei Chang Su is going to be juuuuust fine. Plus he knows the Marquis is the worst; surely has a contingency plan.

And that’s the end! I sit through the entire ending song because it’s been too long, dangit, (and also HEY THERE’S JING YAN I missed my fave this episode) and then I realize that it’s 3am and I have to be at work at 5am.

Worth it.

#badpoet watches nif #nirvana in fire #nif ep7

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nautilusopus · 7 years

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I’m feeling angry today so here are all the entries of the Compilation listed from least terrible to “Nojima and Nomura are incompetent hacks and should be fired”.

8. The Case of Denzel OVA is the most bearable entry in the Compilation, because it does what a sequel is supposed to do: expand upon the lore of the established setting while showing us more about the characters in it. It's a shame, because I think this also might be the least acknowledged entry in it, apart from maybe Before Crisis, perhaps partially because it has no official English dub. In this case, we get to see Denzel finally fleshed out beyond "the littlest geostigma patient that Cloud needs to win the big game for!" He joins up with a group of salvagers, and we see everyone trying to piece the world back together following the complete collapse of the government, the economy, their primary energy source, and the deaths of millions, where they're immediately set upon by disease and societal tensions between what used to be the "upper class" and the slum dwellers that have always had it this way, more or less.

What the fuck, this is what Advent Children should have been entirely. Except with Cloud and his friends, and not Denzel, because screw Denzel, I wanna see what Avalanche has been up to. (We never get to see what Avalanche has been up to, and we never will.)

That being said, even Case of Denzel didn't manage to not fuck up royally, and it has a giant huge plothole in the form of forgetting to account for an entire goddamn year because it forgot Advent Children was set two years after the OG and not one. Whoops.

7. Advent Children Complete, which I'm treating as a separate entry from Advent Children -- Advent Children is a fucking mess with a nonsensical plot and wonky character motivations that, word of god, were literally just there because they figured it's how the fans wanted to be pandered to the best and not because they thought the motivations would be good or interesting (nothing like a content creator that openly states he thinks his target audience are morons!). It's slightly lower on the list than Advent Children vanilla because A) it looks slightly less ugly due to the Bluray release, B) Denzel's and Marlene's child actors got too old and they had to find younger ones for the redub, and these newer actors are actually better and significantly less obnoxious, and C) it has My Chemical Romance doing the theme song.

These are all very shallow reasons, admittedly. You'd think it'd be lower because the added scenes help fill in some plot holes, but they were badly added scenes that meshed very poorly with the story at large, and because of that they actually created about as many new plot holes as they filled in. Shite movie.

6. Advent Children vanilla. This is a good place to discuss why they're both on the bottom of the list, since they're pretty much the same movie. Shitty plot, characters are a sad shadow of what they used to be, and they did some weird thing with Cloud where he unlearns everything from the original game for the sake of cheap conflict and the fans try and defend it like it's actually deep and coherent. Not to mention some more bad decisions: Renu and Rude are good guys now and friends with Cloud and Tifa despite murdering their friends along with everyone else in Sector 7, Marlene is no longer Barret's daughter because ewwww, black people, and Tseng and Rufus are retconned back to life for literally no damn reason at all (they contribute nothing to the movie. Nothing. They even waste the dramatic reveal with the sheet by having him say "yeah it's me Rufus but I'm gonna wear this sheet for no reason and rip it off dramatically revealing ME, RUFUS SHINRA"). As far as I'm concerned they both just died again right after this movie.

Basically, Advent Children was bad and stupid, but it was pointless as well, which in this case works to its advantage: we relearn the exact same lessons but in a shittier, more juvenile way, wind up at the exact same point we started at by the movie's conclusion, and get confirmation that there were, in fact, zero fucking stakes. At least it didn't take a scalpel to the franchise lore at large, like everything else on this list.

5. The Last Order OVA is basically Square Enix frantically trying to save face after they've realised that, "Oh shit, our complete inability to proofread the first drafts of the scrips we've been running with have resulted in every single bit of VII lore introduced in these things wildly contradicting one another!" Basically, Last Order is a very pretty fight scene with Zack in it animated by Madhouse that occasionally tries to have a plot. This is the entry that began the handwave of "oh, all the entries in the Compilation are different because they're all told from a difrerent point of view! It's up to you do decide what really happened!" Lazy, bad, the beginning of the end. It looked nice, but I can't even enjoy the fight scene in the reactor properly because Zack doesn't immediately get bodied like he should've, which wouldn't have been very much fun to watch but at least would've made more sense; as well as the weird bit where they tried to imply Cloud was always infected with Jenova and mako-enhanced from birth? Somehow?

Also, the "Last Order" in question seems to be Zack telling Cloud to run. Cloud, who is in a vegetative state, and even if he weren't, can't even walk. Sure, he'll get right on that.

4. Case of Novels. These things suck and are terrible and look like they were written by a third grader. That's not just a "lol these are terrible" jab, either. I mean they literally read like they were written by a child with a very basic grasp of how to put sentences together. All of them are structured like so:

Tifa was very sad, because Cloud wasn't talking to her. Tifa thought that maybe Cloud felt sad because his friends were dead. Then Tifa thought about her adventures with her friends from Avalanche, the friends that she was best friends with two years ago. Cloud and Tifa had lots of adventures with them, but they were sad by the end of it because Aeris died, and then Tifa thought that Cloud was probably thinking about that too. Tifa felt bad about that.

They are bad to look at, just objectively, regardless of the content in them. Case of Barret's is by far the worst in that regard, to the point where I'm not entirely certain I didn't read a bootleg fake version of it, because there is no way Square Enix would charge actual money for a product that was meant to be released to the masses and presented as canon to Final Fantasy VII. Except that they did. (I can also believe it because it further works towards the goal of erasing Barret from the story entirely, more on this later.)

As far as the actual story content, I'd probably have to say Case of Lifestream White/Black are the worst, due to some weird nonsense where Aeris just hangs out in the Lifestream and watches people like it's a spectral break room, and Sephiroth grumbles and pines over Cloud like a jilted ex-boyfriend because Nojima forgot there was anything else to his character. These, like Advent Children, are pointless, but they’re pointless to the extent that it’s absurd they even exist -- there's apparently an entire third Shinra bastard running around out there, and he has zero bearing on anything ever, and never will again. What Shinra bastard? Who? Kadaj murdered a whole town offscreen or something, but I guess it wasn’t relevant, don’t know why we brought it up.

3. Before Crisis. Japan-exclusive mobile game where Square stops even bothering trying to hide their contempt for anyone not in the "marketable niche" (i.e: all the white male characters ages 16-27) and begins writing them out of the story. It's not enough that they take his goddamn daughter away from him on the basis that he's prospecting oil, which is fucking stupid in and of itself -- this is the story that decides Avalanche, the group Barret founded in response to Shinra murdering everyone in his hometown because they didn't want any competition in the form of coal, wasn't actually even Barret's. It was some other guy's, and grrrr he was a terrorist even more terroristier than OG Avalanche was because moral ambiguity is gonna go over our audience’s heads so let’s just make it nice and cleanly black and white for them. I've ranted about this before, but it's even worse that the fans seem to have no problem incorporating these changes into everything, because who gives a rat's ass about Barret, right? There was some dumb thing about Nanaki finding a girl catdog to have those babies he has in the epilogue, and the Ravens, but it's all just more of the same introducing samefaced teeny boppers that the fans love so much at the expense of everything else.

2. SPEAKING OF WHICH, Crisis Core, the king of samefaced teeny boppers consuming the franchise. I flipflop a lot on whether this one is the worst or not, but in addition to having the same problem as Before Crisis times fifty, I consider it as bad as it was because you could tell it could have been really good, and that's honestly heartbreaking. The first hour or so kicks things off with a really good start, introducing Zack as this cocksure jackass trying to make a name for himself, and his mentor Catchphrase Man. Then around the point where Banora gets firebombed it all sort of goes downhill, and you realise a lot of the credit you were giving it wasn't actually due. Zack being a gloryhound for Shinra and believing Soldier to be a bastion of good wasn't supposed to be a character flaw like it should've. Genesis almost singlehandedly ruins the entire thing by eating all the screentime in the word with his obnoxious motivations that made zero sense, and in a flashback we see he was always a fucking tool so there's no reason to feel sorry for him in the first place. He's actually secretly responsible for the iconic Nibelheim scene, of all fucking things (GENESIS DID NIBELHEIM would make a good bumper sticker). Tifa gets thirty seconds of screentime. Cloud doesn't fare much better, which is a seriously huge problem considering he's the goddamn protagonist of the entire franchise. He gets a single 49 second cutscene of them establishing "okay he's best friends with Zack" and then nothing else, ever, unless you want to count the three emails he sends him that you could tell were supposed to lead to more bonding cutscenes that were ultimately cut for more GENESIS, YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH RIGHT GUYS??? Aeris fares even worse than Cloud and Tifa combined, being barely in it, and Square having decided that Zack actually made all her life decisions for her. That's right -- literally everything about her character? Zack did it. Fuck you.

It's also this high up for what it represents, I suppose -- in the fanbase, you see a whole lot of "Well, Cloud lost Zack and Aeris so now he has no friends and nothing else to live for in this world because he didn't really care about anyone else besides them". It seems everyone forgot that not only was there more to Cloud’s character than "his friends are dead so he’s sad” and his friends being dead was only a small part of it, but that there were seven other people we spent about sixty hours establishing in no uncertain terms that they loved him unconditionally and that he felt the same way. Crisis Core is what finally got people to start disregarding the rest of the main fucking cast from the OG, and it was very, very deliberate. An old unwashed man in his late thirties jaded about his future in spaceflight, a catdog with daddy issues, a black man with a character arc revolving around fatherhood, a triple agent paper-pusher that had a furry phase right in the middle of his midlife crisis, two women that are both alive and have agency of their own, and hell, even a young man with severe psychological issues that had a very strong bond with all of these people even though most of them aren't young and attractive white people and realises he can count on them all for support, are not as marketable as the cast of Crisis Core. Square knows this. You can't wring any sex appeal out of "happy supportive environment" or "female characters", since most of the fanbase tends to be straight women in their late teens and early twenties. So, everyone in both those categories gets shafted. And, as mentioned, the fans seem all to happy to run with this, given the overwhelming amount of material that seems to disregard everyone else in Cloud's life that wasn't Zack (and sometimes Aeris gets acknowledged because all she's good for anymore is a corpse to motivate Cloud) as unimportant, and not really his friends.

The fact that the entire game seems to undermine the original's tone very badly almost seems like a nitpick at this point next to very intentional racism and sexism and pandering, but I'm gonna bring that up too. The new version of Zack's death scene flies directly in the face with how they were handled in the original game, and is more in line with Cait Sith's than anything else's -- that death isn't heroic, or glorious, or profound. It's just sad and fucking hurts, and it's something that happens. They made that pretty clear the first time around when he just gets gunned down on a cliff in complete silence. You can practically hear the "so it goes" in the background. Naturally, this time around they gave him an entire speech about dreams an honour and then when he dies he goes to heaven (on a planet with no heaven) and he's successfully become a hero. Fucking bravo. Or the bit where, as has been pointed out, you have a wacky scene where Zack meets a young Yuffie, and she skips off amongst the corpses of her people that Zack himself just finished making in the name of glory and imperialism (not a character flaw, though! He’s a good guy!). There's an astounding lack of self-awareness in everything the game does.

AND IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD, and that's why I still debate whether or not it belongs in the Worst spot or not. It could have been great to see a non 49-second version of the friendship that eventually motivated Zack to die for Cloud, but then they forgot to write it, because why write that when you could have these four cutscenes with Genesis? It would've been great to see Aeris and her relationship with running from Shinra that caused her to grow up street smart and how that caused Zack to maybe question Shinra's motivations, but them they forgot to write it because HEY LOOK HERE'S SOME MORE WING SYMBOLISM WITH ANGEAL DO YOU GET IT THERE'S ONLY ONE OF THEM AND HIS NAME IS SPELLED ALMOST LIKE ANGEL, I'M WORKING WITH GENESIS NOW HIS NAME MEANS BEGINNING LOL. It could have been great to see Tifa getting her start with Avalanche, but after her obligatory cameo in Nibelheim she's swallowed into the void again because they forgot she was ever anything besides Cloud's love interest, and fuck you we gotta show you this Genesis scene in Modeoheim. It could have been great to meet a younger Barret, and wonder how at odds he would've been with Zack, a man who's been drinking the Soldier kool-aid for years, but instead we got Genesis reciting poetry. It could have been great to see the workings of Soldier before it all went to shit, but instead we got fucking goddamn Genesis. Genesis Genesis Genesis. 90% of the screentime in this game that should've gone to developing Zack's character for one fucking second, let alone other things, just gets eaten up by Genesis. God I hate Genesis.

1. Dirge of Cerberus.

I'll try and keep this brief because I can go on about Dirge of Cerberus all fucking day if you let me.

If Crisis Core is terrible because it had the shadows of great ideas that were terribly mishandled in the name of turning a profit, Dirge is sort of its opposite, in that at no point did anything even remotely resembling a good idea come anywhere near the building this was being written in during the entirety of its production. It's bad. Thoroughly bad. There are no redeeming qualities. It's ugly, it plays badly, 90% of it is cutscenes* and the remaining 10% is invisible walls, the plot is a fucking mess by anyone's standards whether you're familiar with the franchise or not, it is the reigning fucking king of tone issues, the design choices are the worst of what Nomura has to offer by a country mile, and the characters are the worst Square has ever made in the Final Fantasy series.

Vincent is the protagonist, and since he just wants a nap and is too cool to care that means you don't really give a rat's ass about what's going on either, which you wouldn't have anyway, because Dirge's plot isn't so much rife with plot holes as it is a giant, gaping hole, where bits of plot occasionally drift by, mangled beyond recognition by the plane crash in 1976 that claimed their lives. Did you know there was an even more secreter army living under Midgar that somehow survived the entire city being demolished with cosmic hellfire, a pandemic with no cure, and a giant sword battle dropping more debris on them? Did you know Hojo actually didn't die, he invented the internet in 30 seconds in his death throes and then invented the technology to upload minds to computers, AKA created a fucking goddamn technological singularity, and then uploaded himself in a .zip file until he could blow up the world for shits and giggles completely unrelated to anything even remotely having to do with Jenova? Did you know Lucrecia wasn't actually a terrible person that willingly carried Hojo's child and injected it with science juice for the sake of their careers, but was actually a really nice lady and is really sorry you guys, and was just an unwilling womb for Sephiroth to be birthed from, and was pretty much the Madonna? Did you know that apparently the Actual Goddamn Apocalypse wasn't enough to convince the Planet it was dying, but someone stabbing a few thousand people was? Did you know Reeve decided to call the events of the main game the "Jenova Wars" because he doesn't actually know what a war is? Did you know mako actually makes you live forever instead of giving you brain damage and killing you? Did you know the Lifestream is pretty much the same thing as the internet? Did you know Vincent was a paedophile? Did you know someone decided Genesis still needed to be fucking alive?

Oh yeah, and also there are such stellar characters such as Red the Red, Blue the Blue, White the Clean, Black the I-Have-A-Jockstrap-Taped-Over-My-Mouth-Because-Fuck-You-Why-Not, and Orange the Clear, who is physically 9 years old but mentally 19 so it's totally not paedophilia if we have a weird romance between her and Vincent (never mind that if we're going by that logic, you now have a 19 year-old dating a 61 year-old, which is... not a whole lot better.)

And hey, remember that one scene where Shalua completely unnecessarily died by holding a door she could've easily ducked through, and then she pissed herself upon death, and the game took the time to show the piss puddle, and Yuffie was super upset about it despite the fact that they never interacted even once but the writers forgot about that, and then after all that shit she didn't even die in her own melodramatic death scene, and then she did die anyway at the end of the game and all you can think about is the piss and god Shalua is so fucking pointless and looks so fucking stupid. Look at this hot mess:

She’s a scientist! Or something.

Even by Final Fantasy standards these designs are fucking ridiculous.

There is nothing redeeming about this game. It's like a gift that keeps on giving -- every time I look back at it, I discover a new plothole that I didn't catch the first time before. It's easier to hate than Crisis Core, though, which just makes me sad. At least Dirge never had anything going for it in the first place. I paid two bucks for my copy and I still feel ripped off.

* Okay, that’s an exaggeration -- 50% of it is cutscenes. Four hours out of an eight hour game is cutscenes. Do you realise how fucking many cutscenes that is? It’s a lot. (And yet not one of them has any plot in them HEYOOOO)

#forfdorfsorf #Squid Alienates VII Fans #man fuck dirge

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satireknight · 7 years

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TMNT S01E04 - Hot Rodding Teenagers from Dimension X

AND... just like that, the titles started getting silly.

So the Turtles are planning to turn Baxter’s van into a mobile tracking station, using the equipment in Baxter’s lab. Is this legal? This doesn’t seem legal. I know technically they’re vigilantes, but this seems a little thefty.

So they do what anyone would do: they push the entire van up the stairs, and then Donatello rips the entire side of the van off like he was peeling an orange. Explain to me again why Michelangelo couldn’t get out of ropes in the last episode.

It also turns out that Baxter’s been arrested offscreen because “the authorities didn’t appreciate it when he tried to take over the city with his Mouser robots.” Well, that happens when you print your name on your murderous metallic T-rexes. Wait, take over the city? They didn’t do that! They just tried to kill Splinter and ate an apartment building!

Since Donatello is modifying an entire van all by himself while everyone else stands around chatting, he inevitably starts asking why THEY have to do ALL the work of stopping Shredder. I’d be asking why I have to do all the technical stuff, since presumably one of the others can work a wrench.

How has the Technodrome not completely hollowed out the area under New York, causing a catastrophic collapse?

Krang has finally had enough and is refusing to give Shredder any more new toys until Shredder ponies up a pair of opposable thumbs. Shredder acts high and mighty by saying that the body is just one of several experiments he’s doing... which includes more mutants.

I can see the benefits of a bat, since they presumably would have sonar or something like that. But why a lizard? Or a mole? How are those better than the ones you already have?

Shredder then remembers that oh yeah, Krang is from another dimension, and since that dimension is full of nonstop war, he can just get weapons from THAT place. Of course, since Krang also has an army sitting on the other side, he might end up with angry soldiers ripping his face off. Krang is somehow horrified by the idea of what might come through the portal.

In “Donatello is underappreciated” news, Donatello has just managed to whip up a personalized, highly-decorated, weaponized vehicle in mere hours. How do his bros respond to this? They want more shit like higher ceilings and pizza ovens so they can mess around while driving. Amazingly he doesn’t kill them all with his wrench set, and they careen down the stairs and straight into a fire hydrant.

Shredder is apparently expecting to just open the portal right into an armory, but instead two flying cars come zooming through. These are the Neutrinos.

And I don’t know if people will agree or not, but I’ve always hated the Neutrinos, the futuristic alien elf people, even when I was a little kid. Part of it was their voices; they always sounded like they had a sore throat. Another was the antiquated slang that they used, which... I never understood the reasons for and is kinda cringey.

But the most glaring reason for me was that they never felt like complete characters. Think about it: when you strip away the weird way they talk, what are you left with? Who are they? What shapes them as people? Answer: we don’t know, because they’re not really developed. They are all basically the same bland empty character. Kala is particularly bad, because her only narrative function is for Michelangelo to occasionally crush on her. She’s not a real character on her own.

Let’s just say I prefer the Neutrinos in the IDW comic, where they actually have some character and function instead of “we’re fun-loving teenagers and the grown-ups oppress us!”

sigh

So they’re chased by a pair of rock warriors in a flying tank, and that sounded so much more metal in my head.

Rocksteady and Bebop blow up the tank, and a firefight breaks out as the Neutrinos escape. The Rock soldiers encounter Krang, who is upset that they’re seeing him naked.... and by naked, I mean just a brain on a little wheelie stand. Apparently he “lost” his body when he was banished to Earth... although I’m not sure how or why.

And then the awkward writing kicks in: Krang and the warriors talk with horror about how the Neutrinos hate war, won’t fight, and “encourage people to have fun.” Perish the thought. Oh Lord, the heavy-handedness is making my brain hurt.

Oh hai World Trade Center. You’re making me feel awkward and a little depressed.

So the Neutrinos drive right out of a subway entrance, and the Turtles immediately start chasing them, ultimately leaping right into their cars and forcing them to land. But then they find out that the Neutrinos have no idea who Shredder is, and are just a group of shrill-voiced tiny elves who unironically use terms like “daddio.”

So the Turtles do what any person would do with alien visitors: they take ‘em to... an arcade. Why? I have no idea.

April sparks off a conversation about Dimension X, and another silly “all the grown-ups don’t want young kids like us to have fun!” conversation takes place. Look, is there any child with six brain cells who won’t feel pandered to by that sort of thing? Especially with idiotic ideas like them being chased because they trespassed on a battlefield.... um, getting onto a battlefield is its own punishment, because... you are going to die. Nobody’s going to stop fighting just to kill YOU.

Just then the Rock Warriors torpedo the building and put the scene out of my misery. By coincidence, all the humans in the building suddenly evaporate... so I’m going to assume they’re dead.

So the Neutrinos finally do something useful and start firing at the Rock Warriors, and Leonardo manages to wreck their vehicle with his amazing insta-growing sword.

That’s easily twelve feet long.

Just then the explosions, energy blasts and probable deaths of multiple people cause the police to show up. I wonder why.

Just then Leonardo mentions how weird it is that Shredder is able to connect to a different dimension.... NOW? YOU’RE GOING TO ASK THAT NOW? Shouldn’t you have asked that back before you were playing pinball and listening to the Neutrinos bitch about how mommy and daddy won’t let them zoom around in circles being obnoxious?

So yes, the Turtles finally break out of their “fun” brainfog and realize that they could be facing a global invasion, which is kind of important. It’s about time that tenuous plot finally reared its head.

“This is my Magic 8 Ball!”

No, it’s actually a weather-making device. And then they’re attacked by the NYPD, who must be really fucking jaded if they don’t react to a couple of guys apparently made out of rock.

The Neutrinos tell the Turtles and Splinter about Krang, which explains the whole talking brain thing that came up in the last episode. Wow, that might have been good information to get from them BEFORE YOU WENT TO A FUCKING ARCADE. Sorry, these characters really piss me off.

Oh, and Michelangelo is crushing in Kala. Why? Dunno, because they’ve barely interacted at ALL, so I’m going to assume it’s because she’s the only girl he’s ever encountered who isn’t way taller than him. Also, her only defining trait is that she cries.

Wait, since when did they have a hydraulic platform inside a phone booth?! How do you even instal that without people noticing?

So the Technodrome that they previously spent hours or days searching for is now something they can just drive up to, and they are able to fly those flying cars right inside with no resistance whatsoever. Of course, while Donatello is diddling with the portal, the mook squad comes in and causes trouble for them, while the other Turtles encounter Shredder, Krang and the Rock Warriors.

I have no idea why Krang is bouncing with joy. It seems premature.

Also the Technodrome has a giant floor section with vanishing panels. Why?

Finally the dimensional portal opens, which means the Neutrinos and their bad writing are going as well.

“There’s a barrel of silicone lubricant over there!” How did you know that? And why do I not want to know WHY it’s there?

“We want to stay with you, and have FUN!” Can you see why I hate this character with a passion?

The Neutrino with the gray hair says that they have to keep fighting Krang in Dimension X... which seems to go against two things we’ve been told. One is that Krang hasn’t been involved in the fighting since being banished, and the other is that the Neutrinos just mess around and don’t participate in any kind of conflict because it isn’t fuuuuuuuuuun.

So they zoom through the portal, and Michelangelo gets teary-eyed over the departure of someone he’s exchanged maybe ten words with over the span of a single day. I care sooooo much right now.

But unfortunately the weather-maker is still causing sufficiently bad weather that the ground is actually shaking. Right now there’s a friggin’ tornado in the streets.Leonardo handles it the way you’d expect - he leaps out of a flying car and almost dies so he can slice the thing in half.

And having pussed out epicly during the fight, Shredder finally throws a fit and declares that he’ll make Krang’s new body for him if Krang kills the Turtles.

And back in the Turtles’ lair, for some reason they’re back to sleeping in a quadruple bunk, while April reads them the same children’s story over and over again.

VERDICT:

This story is a big step down from the previous three, partly because it feels so schizophrenic. Parts of it, like that bedtime-story ending and the Neutrinos whining, feel incredibly juvenile and pandering to the child audience. But the other half is an actual threat of alien invasion and a dangerous weapon.

And the two don’t mesh very well, which often makes it feel like the important plot is being sidelined for kiddie antics. It really just sticks out, especially since the characters we’ve been shown are not really the kind to respond to serious new developments by just kicking back in an arcade.

I already ranted about the Neutrinos and what shallow half-characters they are, but I gotta say again, they don’t really add much of anything to the story beyond a shallow insta-crush, infodumpage and some aerial action scenes.

One thing that was much better in this episode is the animation, which has stepped back up from the last episode. And it has some nice moments like the police and military taking on the Rock Warriors, which gave us some good conflict and a sense that the world outside is bigger than just the Turtles and their issues.

Speaking of their issues, despite my bitching it was kinda fun to see the origins of their van, even if poor Donatello remains horribly underappreciated. He’s the kind of guy who could build a particle accelerator out of toaster parts, and people would complain because it doesn’t have an embedded clock.

Grade: C-

#tmnt #tmnt 1987 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #satireknight #donatello #michelangelo #raphael #leonardo

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firebirdsdaughter · 5 years

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Oh, yeah!...

... How could I forget!

I’ve got my tea... (well, not that tea, not yet)... Time to rewatch the Zi-O 22 raw for rambles!

In no order:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really don’t care, Kuro Woz.

In other news, Shiro Woz was actually weirdly tolerable this episode. I fully expect him to go back to being a manipulative bastard next week, though.

Oh god, I guess I have to get used to the guy, since we’re apparently keeping him. I still say bring back Woz.5. I loved him.

Even the suit actor is doing the head tilt.

I am now significantly more concerned about that shot in the opening of Sougo walking away from the other two...

When is Trinity coming out, again? The boys will have to be getting along by then...

Now, see, they’re alone, so Geiz is like ‘okay, I can admit to having feelings again.’

Well, I guess that question got answered by the end of the episode.

I think Junichiro wanted Sougo to deliver something, but Sougo got stuck in the mirror world (also some angel put the thing about Geiz freaking out when Sougo got pulled into the window on the TV Tropes Heartwarming page for Zi-O and I thank them so very, very much), so now he’s trying to get Geiz and Tsukuyomi to do it.

Geiz was gonna straight up henshin right in front of Junichiro if an enemy came out of the mirror, oh my god. XD

EVERYONE’S EXPRESSIONS IN THIS SCENE.

I just love how Geiz goes from ‘ready to fight it’ to ‘WTF?’ to ‘Oh yeah, he’s here’ to pretty much just checking out of the whole situation over the course of a minute or so.

Seriously, Gaku’s expressions in this scene were golden. Shirei’s, too.

I think that’s her name. I’m slowly learning their names but names are hard.

Geiz is like ‘you’re an idiot, fine, I’ll explain.’ I guess the reason is that their Rider Kicks have slightly different effects. I didn’t even think of that. Interesting.

Tsukuyomi is so frustrated by Geiz’s lack of self preservation and that is very valid of her.

Hm... Okay, so having given it some thought, I think part of Sougo’s muted reactions are that he’s one of those people who projects a cheery exterior all the time and bottles stuff up. So, like, when his ‘negative’ (so to speak--like sadness, pain, anger, all that stuff) emotions show even a little bit, it’s like the tip of the iceberg. Which isn’t healthy, but it’s a possible explanation. I still wish they had made him react even a little more at the end, but that’s just my opinion.

Geiz just freaking teleported to the door there.

Geiz feels bad bc he actually considered going through with Shiro Woz’s idea. And he probably feels bad about feeling bad about that, bc he’s a soldier, and soldiers are supposed to complete their mission no matter the cost.

I guess she’s looking at Sougo, but it feels like she’s looking right at me, and even though she’s pretty and I love her, that sort of thing always makes me uncomfortable. I can’t look real people in the eye, stop trying to make me look tv characters in the eye!

Aw! There’s something twistedly heartwarming about Mirror¡Sougo tormenting Sougo about his relationship w/ Geiz. Good drama.

Also, I remain alone on the casual SouGeiz raft and it is still funny. XD

Sou Okuno remains much too cute for me to be frightened of him in any capacity.

I really wanna know what that line said. Something about Geiz and Puma Zi-O, but I don’t know.

Well, Sougo just died. (by which I mean, he fell over)

WAGA KYUURANGERS.

Shiro Woz being suspiciously tolerable. I’m sure he’ll be back to his usual manipulative jackass self next ep.

Aw! Tsukuyomi is breaking out the Hawk Droid now!

I keep getting this incredibly in depth Chinese State Farm ad and it’s hilarious.

Shiro Woz is dead now, too.

Honestly, he’s on the right track.

Yes, he is technically Kamen Rider Ryuki. By which we mean, he was Kamen Rider Ryuki, but then time got totally rewritten so that he wasn’t. Twice!

Not that I think he enjoyed it that much the first time... At leats he met Ron, though. Man, this is making me want to go back and watch Ryuki proper.

Lessons for the Mirror World: Don’t talk to your Mirror Self, it’s a bad idea. Also something about accepting yourself.

He looks different w/ short hair and older, but every now and then, he turns his head or makes a particular face, and it’s like ‘yeah, that’s him, that’s the boy.’

Shiro Woz died again.

I’m just gonna start assuming that Rider and Sentai weapons magically go back to their pocket dimension as soon s they’re thrown offscreen (thinks of all those times in Ex-Aid where you could literally hear them hitting the ground somewhere).

WAGA KYUURANGERS.

And thar he go. Goddamnit, Geiz.

Kudos to Okuno for pulling off as truly adorable and hilarious confused Mirror¡Sougo face for this whole scene. He’s just like ‘wth, dude?’

See, this is part of why I think Sougo’s the ‘hide all my ‘negative’ emotions’ kinda person. Bc he’s like ‘I’m really scared’ but he’s never shown it. Which isn’t healthy, sweetie, please talk to someone. Who... Isn’t your Mirror World self.

If they do do ‘balance of light and dark’ thing for Zi-O, I really hope they do a thing about Geiz and Tsukuyomi being his sort of ‘main anchors’ for the ‘light’ part. If that makes any sense.

Me when someone falls over in Toku ‘Whelp, he’s dead.’ Me when someone actually dies in Toku ‘Nah, he’s fine.’

WAGA KYUURANGERS.

Man, though, I hope they don’t remember the entirety of the time reset. Bc he’d have to remember dying, and she’d have to remember him dying in her arms. And they’re EIGHTEEN.

Shiro Woz.exe has stopped working.

Also, in that overhead shot, you can totally see Another Ryuga standing next to the tree before he respawns. XD ^^

Or maybe that’s a crew member. Either way. ^^ XD

Still wish they coulda given him more of a reaction, but I can justify it. He prefers to keep things in, and he probably guessed what the situation would be when he got there and was mentally preparing the whole way. Still wish we coulda had a small ‘mentally prepared but not quite ready for the real thing’ moment. I guess he does seem a little perturbed, but... Nrgh.

Spent several minutes rewatching this part, partially for angst lover reasons, and partially bc I was trying to see if I could see Gaku still breathing even though he’s playing dead. I actually didn’t notice any moments, but maybe someone else did.

God, I hope he didn’t hold his breath that whole time. Though who knows. Maybe he has the breath holding skills of an olympic swimmer.

I accidentally paused on a shot of Kuro Woz while Shiro Woz was flying into the scene to grab him and it looked kinda hilarious.

Keisuke be like ‘Hello, my suit actor!’ ^^ Poor boy over here talking to himself.

So what is going to happen w/ these two? Will the Wozes fuse? Will there be a third, true Woz? Will he not be a manipulative jerk-face? The questions are numerous.

Also, what’s the history between him and Geiz? I care more about it bc of Geiz than bc of Woz.

But also... Woz Fight!

CUTE. Makes one remember all the hijinks that went on at the office.

See? That’s Sougo reacting to something. :/

Now the other two are worried though, bc that’s a Puma Zi-O power. God, please, please don’t break up the Zi-Ot3. I’m putting my faith in you, dude who wrote Ninninger! I mean, you gave us Kinji and the Igasakis! (crap, that was the family name, right?) Admittedly, slightly lower stakes, but I’m counting on yooooooooouuuuuuu! *continues howling off into the distance for no reason*

But Geiz is straight up like ‘it’s my fault,’ the poor baby. Like. He’s not even blaming Sougo. He seems to be saying that he caused Sougo to make that choice. Bc the online translator says something like ‘led him’ to that ‘path’? Then gain, the online image translator also like to periodically translates things as ‘it’s all about sex’ and for the life of it cannot decide on what ‘Ouma Zi-O’ translate as. My favourite remains ‘the ostrich.’

Tsukuyomi apparently makes a note that one isn’t supposed to ‘play with time or someone’s life’ and now I’m like... About... Two or three of Sougou’s ‘steps’ towards becoming Puma Zi-O were bc he was trying to save Geiz? What if... What if the reason he became Puma Zi-O was that breaking the ‘rules’ of time does mess w/ your head and he kept using to to try and save Geiz from himself, or something... Like, wasn’t there some other time travel thing about the universe really trying to kill someone and someone else trying to prevent it? Like, coming back to my ‘die to prevent Puma Zi-O’ thing. If it’s something like that... Like, what if it seems like in the end that most sure way to prevent Puma Zi-O w/out killing Sougo is just letting Geiz die? I mean. He’d accept it in a heartbeat, I’m pretty sure, but if it does come to that, I’d prefer they found a third miracle option.

Of course, she could actually be saying something else entirely and I just went off on an aimless tangent.

But Geiz’s face during this talk... Like, I definitely think he's upset bc at this point he doesn’t want to kill Sougo at all anymore, and he also now feels like he’s responsible for destroying the future on one hand and starting the process that turned adorable little Sougo into Puma Zi-O on the other. My poor baby.

Also Tsukuyomi is talking directly at me again, and it is still making me uncomfortable!

And now they both stand there and look kinda sad.

Where the hell are they, anyway? Why’d they come back out here?

Shut up Kuro Woz, I don’t care.

Also, hi Kikai! ^^

And now for a completely clashing goofy promo!

I am still nervous, and the tea and shirts are ready to go, but one of the preview images looked like the boys having a normal conversation, so I’m still hedging my bets. Do right by me, Ninninger man! Not that I have anything to offer if you don’t, but, you know....

Okay, maybe I’ll buy something.

That’s all folks! Virtual lemon meringue pie for anyone who read all that nonsense. Or whatever type of pie you like. If you don’t like pie, cookies or cake or anything is fine.

Still hoping for good friendship drama. Love the Zi-Ot3, suspicious of how tolerable Shiro Woz was this ep. Suppose I’ll have to get used to him, since we're apparently keeping him. Now instilled w/ a desire to rewatch Ryuki.

Tea and shirts remain on standby.

#Kamen Rider Zi-O #also I'm still just out here casual shipping SouGeiz by myself and it's hilarious #I'm having a great time #XD #anyway having rambled a lot out there i don't have much to say here #^^#Zi-O Spoilers #Timey Wimey Rider #have I mentioned I love Geiz?#my precious tsundere son #(don't make them turn on each other Toei do the good drama that I love so!)

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shiobookmark · 6 years

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Book Rant: A Kiss Before the Apocalypse

Gods this book is so fucking amateurish I can’t believe it was published. There’s just some basic fucking shit that’s gotten wrong here.

I legitimately thought it was written by a teenager but the author was about 45 when he wrote it.

Case in point: Final battle with good vs evil with about three?? It’s not clear?? Nasty Seraphim guys and then- ‘Francis threw himself into the fray with little hesitation, his blade thrust deflected by Zophiel’s own.’ Who is Zophiel?? Zophiel has not been introduced! You can't just POOF new characters in and expect me to follow? I mean I'm GUESSING it's another of the seraphim but for FUCKS SAKES.This is the goddamn CLIMAX. Who the fuck is Zophiel??? He could be a goddamn SEA CUCUMBER for all I know! Just. Basic. Fucking. Stuff. Oh and there is an ally who is just magically working for the bad guys now despite there being no narrative hint that this was the case. He just ditched them and Remy’s like ‘oh he must be a bad guy.’ and is all sad and what???? Oh and apparently disabled people have the ability to sense angels because that’s not shitty at all and the angels in general despise humanity and kickstarted the apocalypse out of jealousy which is kind of exactly what Lucifer did and good luck when Dad comes home and sees the mess you’ve made. There’s so much about this world that isn’t clear. Shit is referred to but never clarified. Apparently Pandemonium is an apartment for souls trying to redeem themselves rather than Lucifer’s house in hell and gah. Who are Galgaliel and Haniel??? FUCK ME. Also there are thousands of angels - where the fuck are they all? Oh and now the Grigori just... show up? Because Francis talked to them offscreen?? Fucking hell. Show, don’t tell. ... did he- He did. ‘The final member of the three sized him up. It switched a short sword from one hand to the other as it eyed him, a charred lip raised in a snarl to reveal teeth like blackened corn. Finding that he had a limited reserve of patience, Francis simply pulled the gun from his waist-band and shot the creature in the face, satisfied to waste a bullet if only to move things along.’ *NERD RAGE INTENSIFIES* Okay. Okay let me break this down. The reason that scene in Indiana Jones was funny was because it was unexpected. Indy had not been using his gun through the battle and had been making use of the terrain and circumstances to take his enemies down. The fact he pulled the gun after a flashy sword display was funny because the audience had forgotten it was there. You. On the other hand. Used it one paragraph ago. ‘Not to waste anymore valuable ammunition, he stuck the gun in the waistband of his slacks and decided to deal with the abominations old school.’ He dispatches a total of two enemies before drawing the gun again. Pacing you fuck. Comedic timing.

And in the previous page Francis actually said he didn’t mind using up those super special bullets. Maybe if he had been conservative from the beginning he wouldn’t be out now. Plus this ‘battle’ still feels like it’s taking place between about ten people.

Also. Death is a wimp. You can’t deal with life because it hurts a bit? Fucking hell you’d think an ancient being would be experienced with this shit, immortal or no. Also also. Scrolls? With permission from god to end the world? Is this an actual thing? Very poor planning on His part if just anyone can break them open.

Also also also, Remy if your goddamn wife is dying anyways just take her with you so you can hold her fucking hand while she dies you prick. Also also also also, it’s implied that Remy is only holding back the apocalypse to let his wife die in peace. Well you’re an arsehole. Some heavenly being you are.

So the bad guy flew Remy up super high and let go WAIT. REMY CAN DIE FROM FALL DAMAGE??? BUT NOTHING CAN DIE AT THE MOMENT??? BECAUSE DEATH ISN’T DOING HIS JOB??? WHICH IS THE WHOLE PLOT?? CONSISTENCY DAMMIT. And I’m pretty sure All-Father is Odin’s title. Not God’s.

And Fallen Angel blood is suddenly acidic toward Angels even though two pages ago it ‘all smelled the same.’ Ugh. This book is a mess. Who edited this shit heap? Oh gods just end already. There are several points in this climax where the little epiphany on how to fix everything pops up, only to be smashed down. Then there’s a new one ect ect and it just goes on and on. Asrafil leaves the body he’s been possessing and apparently the poor bastard who owns it is still there. You absolute prick. You couldn’t just remove the soul and let the poor bastard rest? So Remy lends his ... body? To Asrafil so they can go on with reaping souls. Don’t ask me how that works. And of course one of them is his wife and ‘It sang of a life filled with accomplishment and the sweetest of loves between man and woman.’ Oh gag spare me your heteronormative ‘man and woman’ shit.

And why would Lazarus be guilty over what he’s done? Why would the guilt be painful for him? He’s not an angel. Just an immortal human. Oh and now some of the big angels come to say ‘thanks for saving the world, bye.’ You know mister Author I’d care a lot more about Maddie, the wife, if she was allowed to be a fucking character rather than just a Sad Plot Device. And there’s an epilogue. You have not earned it. Do they even let dogs in graveyards? I don’t see why not I suppose. The dog says that Madeline isn’t buried there because she’s with them and Remy doesn’t understand and you’re a bit of a clod for an Angel. Gods. Wait the dog doesn’t think Maddie is gone now because of her smell on his toys and bed. But the dog was mourning her absence from the house when she was in the hospital why is it suddenly different when she’s dead??? Once more: Where do the dead go when they die???? She’s apparently there in all the life around them rather than you know, Heaven. Fuck me it’s over. UGH. FINAL PLOT HOLE: The evil seraphim guys were the ones wanting to find Asrafil and end the world with the scrolls. But their allies, the demon dudes, tried to stop Remy from finding him. SENSE???? How can ‘Detective who used to be an Angel’ be so fucking boring and ridiculous tl;dr - Don’t waste your time with this crap. Go read Good Omens.

#Remy Chandler #GODS this fucking book #IT"S OVER #ARGGGG #books #a kiss before the apocalypse #remy #chandler #apocalypse

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