#but with even worse social skills

[tainebot01]

My first ever D&D character! - a human sorcerer with blue dragon ancestry, Clementine dreams of being an artificer but has terrible luck with her own inventions due to her magic interfering with the technology. She’s trying her best though!

#dungeons and dragons #d&d #d&d art #d&d oc #d&d character #as for her personality… #I heard that the best way to start role playing in D&D is to act how you normally act #so she’s basically me #but with even worse social skills #‘is talking fast an anxiety thing?’ - one of our players #no it’s a Taine thing #her wanting to be an artificer is also a reflection of how badly I want to make an artificer character #despite being completely new to D&D #maybe she’ll multiclass one day? who knows

[solargeist]

despite my previous post, I don’t know how to handle when people talk abt things I don’t know or understand bc I focus too hard on my own reactions so I don’t accidentally offend them bc there’s only so many times you can say “oh really?” before you sound sarcastic ‼️💥

#LIKE I DONT WANNA ONE RESPONSE THEM BC I HATE THAT TOO YKNOW !! #i get saur nervous #it’s an even tighter pickle when it’s a media I dislike bc I don’t like lying or being rude so I go into customer service mode #but usually I’m interested or like to hear without wanting to seek it out myself #but it’s one of those social skill (?) struggle moments where I don’t know what to do but I try . but end up nervous #job interview ass #‘’right! yeah. uh huh! really!’’ (I feel like the devil !!!) #ALSO THIS IS ALL WORSE IN PERSON BC I WILL NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT AND I THINK IT MAKES ME LOOK SOO BORED BUT IM JUST TRYING TO HEAR #ur honour im turning my ears toward you #also looking at peoples face make me feel exposed and I will immediately focus more on my position again #there is just too much work ‼️‼️‼️‼️🤮🤮🤮🤮 #ive stopped trying with the eyes it’s too stressful my heart races #in my head I’m like And this is where I ask a specific question abt this part of the topic ! as if it’s a puzzle (it’s a puzzle to me) #i Hope i dont sound like a hypocrite I was mostly joking in my other post I think I’m aware of when I’m doing too much phphph

[avvocarlo]

found out my former awful roommate is a lab researcher for scramjets and other aerospace bullshit therefore at best he's doing incredibly expensive tests on stupid ass elon musk type bullshit or at worst actively supporting munitions and weaponry that will probably be used against innocent people 🤨

#i knew he was a researcher in some stupid ass physics junk #he was a complete asshole like zero social skills conservative type mf with insanely wealthy parents #believe it or not his girlfriend was even worse #quite the twisted pair... #he made fun of my girlfriend's dad because he was a civil engineer saying how it was the most boring kind of engineering lol

[just-another-bored-killjoy]

i have amazing social skills(i was talking to a person and then i felt awkward mid convo so i ran away infront of them)

#oversharing on tumblr part unknown #and i dont even run normally #run with stiff hands #second time i did this to this person #but bro has worse social skills #he was texting me while he was right behind me #my fault actually i shouldn't have asked

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[cruelsister-moved2]

usually i kind of hate when a piece of art feels indulgent sorry #earthmoon BUT i hate how often i hear the take that all description in writing needs to serve the Grand Unified Purpose of the work and you can tell its dumb because imagine watching an animated film and saying they shouldnt bother to put any detail in the backgrounds because its not important to the plot or theme 🤔 like it can be one stylistic approach especially in short fiction & can description and details feel pointless and unearned sure but the idea it should only rain if ur character is sad is goofy af and the idea that every element of the world should revolve around ur character and their narrative its giving western individualism

#also using narrative voice means u can MAKE any detail thematic based on how it's observed. skill issue #in fantasy especially idgaf about like. Hard worldbuilding #but I DO gaf about the vibe. and i want to feel like the world exists outside of the character #also think it's another case like the show don't tell of emotion where the issue is probably on a deeper level than prose #like say Piranesi the story is constructed such that all the description is part of the storytelling and feels meaningful bc the story feel #meaningful. in the same way that no matter how u describe the physical sensation of sadness #it will be meaningless unless the character has a good reason to be sad #anyway I read this interesting take a while ago about the very idea of story structure being like #an individual person is changed (which fixes things) is a very western (capitalist) way of defining a story #and honestly even in folklore as much as the players are individuals they're almost always archetypical and representative of a relationshi #on a mass scale e.g class/gender/parent to child #and the turning point represents - for example - disruption of & then reassertion of a social norm #rather than like. this is a Person and they become a better or worse version of themselves which transforms the entire Story World because #orbits them and stems from them in its entirety #anyway whatever. hi

[qumiiiquinnquin]

ill never be good enough at anything

#vent #events of today only proved it #im genuinely so close to giving up completely #i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing #I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im #the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did #i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships #i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long #i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math #i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive #hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough #i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi #i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i #know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out #i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on #just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height #the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly. #ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from #if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic #i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me #i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[nomaishuttle]

btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .

#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop #having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger #s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever #like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously #it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo 💀 but like ykwim. why does #thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly #remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out #and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs #literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah #but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train #myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i #dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have #proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i #missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think #im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone #can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also a special shoutout for real like wendy epic ableism moments when she stops talking directly to winston and expresses this is b/c he communicates too incorrectly (here too literally or whatever, once again whether he misinterpreted her or she misinterpreted him, it's put on him) and thus he doesn't deserve that

#winston billions #and i mean handshake with how winston's basically not considered allowed to talk at all by anyone out here #but like. alright we're not showing that winston is in the room mostly for a joke but even randos are like ''hmm. bit impolite'' lol #but once we do see him b/c he's speaking....like actually it Is heinously rude / diminishing / infantilizing to be spoken to indirectly #and The Behavior Is Inherently Ableist Here like ofc it's probably rude no matter what outside some kind of rly specific contexts lol but #that here she Is just implying he doesn't get to be spoken to b/c of some shortcoming / assumed lack of capacity #whatever she Does mean by ''see the matrix'' which is nothing but convenient vagueness abt Ability anyways #he's only here b/c she thinks he's annoying or w/e or otherwise extrinsically showing lack of value (can't be ableism there....) #and like winston and any other character is like. it's not textual sure but it doesn't need to be Textually Labeled #and sometimes can't be when ppl absolutely write based of ppl they know / encounter but don't know are autistic or etc #and that's how it works irl too. someone being Officially(tm) Autistic or smthing shouldn't be some necessary disclosure #b/c it's about The Underlying Principles At Play vs making some approved ''exceptions.'' if he's supposedly allistic it's still sm shit. #like how trans ppl & transphobia could exist prior to those terms even existing to be used. ppl are affected by them w/o being Out.... #& btw like ppl still saying some shit like ''some autistic ppl will just be Bad At / Have No Social Skills & you have to be chill abt it'' #like what does [social skills] mean here. what's the underlying element of socializing that they may do differently but you say is a Worse #or Absent version of the ''normal'' way of going about things. even if you actually get specific enough abt what a ''skill'' is; which is #gonna be a non universal non rule probably inaccurate idea of a Normal(tm) pattern of behavior/approach; sure maybe some ppl will struggle #to do that or largely/entirely not be able to do it / be unwilling to do it; gasp; what's its goal/effect & do they pursue/achieve that #another way. e.g how much AAC could be considered inherently ''bad'' re socializing or a lack of w/e ''skills'' or etc. #then like ok so once again a begrudging exception for autistic ppl is made. what's ''being okay with'' that even look like then? is anyone #gonna be using their ''good social skills'' to more successfully interact w/them? is Not socially excluding / ostracizing / punishing an #autistic person an Exception / something Extra you heroically do? e.g. & so what if some theoretical person isn't socially engaging w/other #ppl in any way. what do & don't they ''deserve'' differently from others b/c of that. #& anyways meanwhile they're certainly talking abt winston's Capabilities. but mostly talking around it b/c the point is He Gets Results & #will keep getting those results b/c why wouldn't he. but they can just cite anything to argue why oh but he doesn't Really have the value #cue vague shit like matrix refs b/c if he was Reeally talented we'd think he acts right. b/c Any bs can be said b/c winston doesn't have #the insulation or backup or ability to independently wield/gain social status his way through this shit. is only allowed to talk to #coworkers abt it by making it abt taylor actually (which is also true). still only makes it b/c rian is correctly remaining in the #acceptable range of being offbeat. so she already has more power than him & can choose to keep him around as that fun punching bag ig yay #then nobody cares. also he can't say he controls an instrument but Others refer to ''genius'' but negatively. wendy rhoades Would do ABA fr

[hotfuss]

You don't understand I need this dunes pin and mcr stickers I ordered to arrived asap (pretty sure they are just blocked at customs right now) to give me some kind of serotonin bc my job is dragging me into a deep depression hole

#so a couple of days ago the most unpleasant ungrateful bitch of a coworker managed to make me cry out of anger and frustration #sure this was aided by me being on my period but i'm still so mad at myself for letting that happen #anyway i'm so deeply burned out by this job #sucking the life out of me on shift and on my free time too #the constant pain and soreness of my muscles! the fatigue! the fucked up sleep schedule!! #i don't have any energy left to do anything fun at best and i have trouble feeding myself properly at worse #i can't have a social life or even attend any kind of course ever with the shifts i do bc this isn't a 9 to 5 job #i'm so so deeply exhausted by it and i don't know how to get out of this hole #can't change job when i don't even know what to look for i'm just a uni drop out with no particular skill #personal

[illicit-lilies]

When does life get good, when does it stop being a series of compromises and crises

Everyday I drift further from a comfortable life let alone the kind of life I want. I don't know how to do this and no one is helping me

#im so jealous of other people abd their bodies and their voices and their social skills #im so jealous if everyone with the talent and energy to do creafive things #im so tired of being angry and jaded and burnt out all the time and on the edge of suicide #i wish j could talk like the rest of you i cant even vent right the rest of you get attention and sympathy when tou vent #it might have to do with the fact that im a retard wbo cant even fucking look at messages forreal its getting qorse and worse everyday

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. i just need to express something that is genuinely v funny to me #i was having dinner with my family and idk my sister asked my parents who their fave kid was and they were like idk we have no fave #and my other sister heard this like: oooo r we comparing whos the favorite? and of us 3 i think she things shes the best #bc her ego is huge and shes v self involved so i was like: y do u think u r the favorite? and she said: i make the most money. im the most #successful. im the best looking. im thr fastest. i have the best social skills #and thr fact that she listed being thr fastest runner as a reason she should b thr favorite kid is extremely funny to me. like is this a #physical race lmao???? also i dont think she has thr best social skill my youngest sister has lots of friends and is a teacher for small #kids. i think her social skills r better and shes wayyyyy nicer. and i pointed out that shes an abrasive person to b around and she was #like: well yeah i dont treat my friends like i treat u guys. which is extremely true. everyone things shes so nice. but its like. if u kno #ur being horrible to us y do u do it??? like i change my behavior to avoid being made fun of by u??? u make me think the world is a worse #place bc ur point of view is so judgemental. also u r extremely bratty and entitled and i dont understand. u r the only one of us 3 like #this??? all my negative self talk sounds word for word like the things u say. and after this trip ill probably add *baby voice* whats #wrong? r u too scared? to the list. idk i really dont get her. she didnt even kno i was starting my phd in the fall. i dont think she #initiated any conversation with me this whole trip #also she makes like 60k a year routing trucks for pepsi which is fucking unhinged to me. like bro it does not sound hard at all and in the #fall ill b making a barley livable wage busting my ass as a grad student. the work to pay ratio is way unbalanced #whatever. she isn't a horrible person. she is very funny. both my sisters r tbh and no one makes me laugh like them #which just makes me sad that we dont connect. anyway. im done bitching for now. ill have positive things to say later once i get back #into the swing of things #unrelated

[capyclub]

someone tell me it’ll be ok !!!

#i am down to my core TERRIFIED of moving out #I’ve had such a safety net living at home these past few years #but now I’ll be properly moving out with no support around me #idk man #like for undergrad not only did some of my hs friends go to the same school but my brother also went there and it was a few hours away from- #-from home. so even tho i technically ‘moved out’ then i didn’t really #and now odds are I’ll be moving to the east coast in august??? with NO local friends. and also no social skills whatsoever so making friends #will be another issue to deal with #i feel so sick #i wish i could quit my job now but no #no one is letting me leave and plus now i have to go to india next month which is a whole other problem #idk man every few hours i get hit by a wave of panic and i just know it’s going to get worse and worse as the weeks go by #ramblings

[magpieinthemorning]

Me watching True Detective S01: Wow, men are really so fucking DUMB 

#like they will stick their dicks anywhere?? :/ #I wanted to know if I really am similar to Rust Cohle #and ... ehh #i have more compassion for my fellow humans and also social skills #while I'm also both morally and physically incapable of manipulating people anywhere near his level #at most i can play dumb to get out of dangerous situations unscathed #and I don't randomly fuck my partner's ex when she's sad and coming on to me ffs lmaoo #no wait she was his wife at that point and she did it to become his ex ... even worse #it was a smart move from her but so unbelievably dumb of Rust ....... #it's so sad if those 5 seconds really were the best sex she'd had since the kids :/ but I hope she was just lying to get rid of Marty #Marty the dangerous lunatic asshole :/ #ugh #still 2 eps to go ... #it's kind of fascinating in all its tragedy and blurry morality and i like the setting in Louisiana #fictional characters x me watchlist #true detective s01

[demonicintegrity]

Me: man I could totally talk to a friend right now maybe

Also me: I don’t wanna bother them tho

#rambles #my social skills are mediocre and my coping skills even worse