#but you know what . i’ve Grown.

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Re-design of my un-named Beetlejuice OC from back when I was thirteen

Original Reference under the cut:

#my art #beetlejuice #toonjuice #beetlejuice cartoon #beetlejuice fanart #beetlejuice movie #procreate #I don’t really make OC’s for fanwork anymore… but the ones I had when I was younger almost never got named 🥲 #When I first made her I really really liked her- and her story was very self indulgent #Looking at it now is almost way too weird for me… (and honestly a little unintentionally homophobic???) #Basically she was one of the girls from Dante’s inferno… except she got kicked out because she only had attraction to girls #(This was BEFORE I suspected that I was a lesbian— mind you.) #Yeah but anyway she went to the Deetz/Maitland house looking for a place to stay but drove everybody crazy #She was super flamboyant- loved everything pink n fluffy- and was well meaning but did more harm than good trying to do nice things for the #She had this one sided crush on Delia??? Like musical Beej and Adam except less perverted and more flirty/sappy? I was an odd kid- okay? 🥲 #Anyway… the old design didn’t really do much to show off her personality… so I ended up upheaving the whole thing #So I upheaved the whole thing. #It was okay for what I knew at the time- but I know what I was trying to say then and now I have the knowledge to say it better #Also— the reason I gave her horns here is so silly. #When I was younger I was in a Christian school where I wasn’t allowed to draw witches-ghosts-demons-etc. #So even though I based her on the Dante girls… I refused to give her horns because I thought that was ‘too sinful’ #I even remember having so much guilt while looking for references of the Dante workers #I couldn’t even look for more than five seconds! #Anyways… she really pushed the boundaries for me at the time and it’s fun to see how I’ve changed and grown since then.

[novelconcepts]

The fucking choking noise I made when I tuned into a podcast for my run and heard a recent favorite actor go, “I’m still on Tumblr, don’t tell anyone.”

#me frantically looking at the date: #‘right this was 2021. what are the odds they still are? I mean. 14 years for MY gay ass. so. soooo.’ #'do you look at your own tags? at your character? at your ship? SURELY Not. but i would. so could i even blame you? welcome? sorry? help.' #I’m honestly so much less alarmed at the idea of favorite actors finding me NOW vs the truly horrendous idea #that they might have found me back in like 2011-2015 #like. I hate that person. the person who ran my blog back then suuuuucked #which is great cuz it means I’ve grown and matured and experienced life enough to improve #but also like. imagine your favorite actor knowing your tumblr blog from Before #and just loooooathing you #finding out you’re the one writing a ton of fic for their character now and being like ‘THAT one? really?’ #'i've had your URL blacklisted since the GLEE DAYS' fucking imagine #anyway. all of this is moot certainly. like there is just no way. it's all good. #but it did make me make the most unholy noise mid-run so thanks for THAT

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

I miss my old coworkers!!! I miss having friends at work instead of passive aggressive assholes who don’t want to train me and then get annoyed when I don’t know things and act like my very existence irks them!!!!

#if this was part time I’d be able to handle it #but 9 hours a days day after day is genuinely putting me in the worst mindset I’ve had in months #like I go to my car during my break and sit there pushing tears back bc I feel alone and shunned!!! #and these are GROWN ASS WOMEN?? #one of my old coworkers came in to pick up a medication the other day and when I saw her my entire body literally slumped with relief #like omg someone I know who doesn’t hate me!!!! #and we had a quick convo bc she was updating me on work tea and I was like wow I haven’t felt this happy since i started this job #almost 2 weeks ago and that was such a sad reality check lmfao #and like the only reason I got this job is bc I’m bilingual and they desperately needed that #and it’s like okay do you realize you need me?? bc I’m there most of the week the other bilingual girl is only there twice a week #and 99% of your clients don’t speak English so what’s gonna happen if I leave?? #you’re going to have to find someone else and train THEM from the bottom just like me #you’re gonna be in the same position all over again!!! #this is all so infuriating

[omaano]

I take serious issues with Cobb Vanth, and most of them are centered around his way too pretty face and limbs that spill absolutely everywhere >.<

I bet you didn’t think I’d follow through on my promise to add him to my The Mandalorian-Hades mashup project, huh :P

Finished BobaDin Hades AU

Finished DinCobb Hades AU

Boba WIP - Cobb WIP - Din WIP

#Cobb Vanth #Wip #dincobb #I can add this to the tag because you all know what this is all about by now #and there is a tiny din figure in the background now #you can’t say I’ve grown comfortable with this project :P #I very much suffer still because goddamn Cobb’s face just doesn’t agree with me #I’ll have to dedicate a month specifically for drawing one Cobb a day or something because this cannot stand #my art #work in progress #the mandalorian fanart #now if only I could be trusted to write up a dialogue for them #I wanted to use an idiom but after 10 minutes of intense googling I sadly realized that it doesn’t exist in English and now I’m sad #Hades AU

[cha1cedony]

Just mouthed ‘aww’ to myself while writing about a grown ass man snoring. Mortifying. I need to explode

#mortifying experience #this is about Lincoln Li-Wilson btw #I know he’s not canonically a grown ass man (until the epilogue) #but this fic is post-canon soooo he is like 30-something #granted I imagine he probably looks a lot like his teen self except with a shitty beard #I’ve also said this before but I think he looks like Darnell :) not that he even remotely has a canon appearance #but he looks like the Darnell that lives in my brain okay #I don’t usually visualize characters unless I’ve seen drawings of them.. and I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen anyone draw Darnell?? #but for some reason he is the one character where I’m like. yeah I know exactly what he looks like #I need to stop Wilsonposting it is HUMILIATING. and yet <3 I love them #Darnell is not a Wilson but you get the point #chalcy stuff #don’t. read this. covers face 🫣 #who am I kidding I have posted so much worse (more self-indulgent/embarrassing stuff) #I made the mistake of looking through this blog’s archive again a few days ago and oh boy #I guess none of it is that bad. I’m just overflowing with love for these podcast guys. unfortunately

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

If you could relive any of your memories, which would it be?

Okay I really had to think about this and I’m a bit torn, but I’ve settled for one of the two memories that have been contending for first place. I’ll tell you both of them anyway.

The one that has NOT won first place is from 2021, me playing skribbl.in with my discord friends late in the night. I think this will always be one of my most cherished memories because I love skribbl.io, and I’m not allowed to stay up late and I had done it anyway (by sneaking), and my parents are constantly paranoid that I’ll end up talking to someone on the internet (I’m not allowed to speak to people on the internet. Which I do anyway. That’s the only way I can network as an artist who rarely goes out in public.) and getting whisked away and kidnapped and sold for body parts, so I was basically breaking a lot of rules that I didn’t agree with AND I was having a wonderful time with people that cared about me and listened to me and it’s yeah honestly such a cherished memory.

The memory that WON FIRST PLACE tho, is not so glamorous. It was in 2018, I think, and I was in India. I had twisted my ankle a few weeks prior to this memory, and it was raining as I was walking out from school to the bus. I was limping and I had an umbrella with flowers on it. These three guys (from school) behind me poked my umbrella and at first I thought it had been an accident so I ignored them, but then I heard them laughing at me. And making fun of my limp. I ignored them because I was limping and I couldn’t really do much if they all decided to get physical. But they actually followed me quite a ways and eventually they also started making fun of my British accent, and I was getting REALLY fucking worked up. I don’t actually remember what the trigger was, but suddenly I just turned around, limped over to the three guys, and just straight up punched them. They were just standing there while I limped over to them. The one that was in my class turned on his heel and ran in the opposite direction the moment I started limping towards them because he’s seen me in action but the other two guys just stood there like Tf is this little girl gonna do. So I went over, and punched them good. And the look on their faces? I want to see that look again. That day was the day I incited fear in guys from all across my year-group because until then it was only within my class. After that day no one bothered me again, everyone was respectful to me. I really really want to see that look again because the memory of their expressions has all but faded and I really want to just cement that into my brain to cheer me up with I’m feeling low and useless. Btw after I punched them and saw the look on their faces I just turned right around and headed for my bus and they didn’t follow. That adrenaline was coursing through my blood vessels and my heart was thrumming. I only processed what I’d done when I was sitting in the bus. It was a great feeling.

So yeah you’re welcome for the enormous answer.

#thank you for the ask! #i ramble #answers of the cheese #and also don’t worry they weren’t grievously injured I just punched them enough to rattle them #and perhaps cause a bit of pain I guess because yk they WERE scared of me after that #after I processed what I’d done I felt so good but I was also feeling so guilty because like #in my class whoever I’d punched had also punched me back but these guys just didn’t they just gave up #so the next day I went and apologised to one of the guys because I have no idea who the other one is and where I can find him #and he was like ‘it’s okay you can stop the accent now’ which I didn’t understand so I was like okay bye #and then later I asked my friend and I think he meant that he thought my British accent was fake? #boy I wish #but no yeah the next year he ended up being in my class and let me tell you it was a great feeling when his other friends who don’t know me #tried to antagonise me and he just panickedly pulled them away from me without explanation #also for those who are concerned about me now I was in the eighth grade and I was so immature and I promise I’m not violent anymore #i havent punched anyone since eighth grade I think #and I’m weak as fuck now #but I’m not violent anymore and I’ve grown as a person and I’d handle the situation in a much more mature way if it had happened to me now #back then I had anger issues so yeah I wouldn’t have been good with words #so yeah anyway #cheese out

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline #Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans.. #the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide #but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on- #-his part #Scar tho??? no clue #I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa- #-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an- #-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen #again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t #access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world #and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff #and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher #and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people- #-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they #placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per #Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these #dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know #and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and #where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is #better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff #and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D #anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where #hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also #it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them #asks #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #redscape

[stellaelillac]

The fact that i have been very critical about r/ick’s narrative throughout the entire p/jo books to the point of making my own world building for years and i am actually liking it what he is doing with the tv series.

#‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ooc / let yourself go and start at the rainbow. #i mean if you follow me long enough since my a/nnabeth solo blog #you know the things i’ve complained A LOT #and the things i created with my own imagination #but the tv series is showing how ri/ck has grown his knowledge and wanting to improve it too #it is just so beautiful and nice to see you know? #i am so grateful this series exists #and what he is doing to his own story

[mandaloriandragontrainer]

The idea of them not putting Callum and Rayla back together in the end scares me more than I care to admit.

#‘I’m a grown adult of course my mental health isn’t dependent on the fictional romantic relationship between 2 cartoon characters!’ #‘how dare you accuse me of such a thing I’m a DOCTOR’ #I’ve never rage quit a show I loved before but this would do it #especially since I’ve seen 2-3 people waxing on about what a ‘mature’ decision it would be for them not to end up together #know what would actually be mature?? showing a couple work through their very real issues together on screen and coming out stronger for it #the dragon prince #callum #rayla #rayllum #mando ramblo

[noctilionoidea]

I can never be normal about the bacchae of form any coherent thought on it. That play saved my fucking life. I owe my happiness to the fucking bacchae

#The bacchae #look man. First story you ever see something reflective of yourself thrive and crush what tried to destroy it? #When you just escaped an improperly prescribed medicine insanity spiral after years of suffering #Scared because you don’t know who you can even be at this point because you’re just not normal and unhappy with the future you chose for yo #I literally sat there. Staring at the finale. #I’ve grown more sympathetic to pentheus after a few more readings. He was mad and insecure in his own way #But he didn’t deserve what his fatal flaw brought to his family #because like omg this is the story of a family that’s been broken. This dynasty is doomed to suffer beyond catharsis #And yet. Dionysos and the maenads were like me. And it made me feel alive #dionysus

[starlooove]

On that note people who go “yeah dc is so inconsistent lol” and continue to just follow along with dc fuck you thrice.

#if you know tim was 17 when Damián was 10 don’t start tim at 17 when Damian’s 14 #grow a fucking pair #starting tim at 17 later than you know he was and saying “’he’s 21 now’-bare fucking minimum- does Jack shit thx. #like the age thing will forever piss me off #not to mention I have a bone to pick with ‘tim ends up the shortest’ mfs #or ppl who draw Damian and Duke looking like tanks next to tiny Tim at their grown ages #like fuck you it’s the same problem #‘it’s not because he’s white it’s because…’ u only do it for white ppl tho so what now #I’ve never seen Damian stays the shortest or Duke ends up being the shortest #maybe you don’t realize it’s bc he’s white but the rest of us do fuck off

[itspileofgoodthings]

also (just been thinking) I love the 95 mini-series so much for deeply personal reasons and I use it as a teaching tool with my students (it works brilliantly) and it works as a faithful adaptation and also a coherent story that stands on its own making good use of character development and plot to produce the right emotions but I’m also not interested in a face-off between it and the ‘05 version in that I’m not going to die on the hill of “everyone must be watching this adaptation only” because it really is about the book.

#this is in part due to cate’s thoughts on P&P adaptations that I’ve observed and absorbed over the years #what version is going to have that final Lizzy/Darcy convo? Or be able to match the brilliance of the narrative shifts in perspective #it’s only the novel #though on that note I do really want to watch the 1980’s P&P #maybe I liveblog that next #I guess my point is: I’m a ‘95 adaptation fan. A huge fan. And I love it a lot and I’m so grateful it exists #the stuff that it’s gotten me and my sisters through #and I have this new relation to it with my teaching that’s really precious #because it’s so fun to watch my students be absorbed in spite of themselves and in spite of their tastes #And I do think that they specifically do need the visual aid to appreciate the novel #but I’m also in a way not a ‘95 defender. I love all that is good about it but true Austen fans may want more #or may not always be moved and it’s just fair. it’s fair! you know? #anyway I feel this more as I’ve grown up

[krourou2]

… y’know. I know it’s simply the nature of the Internet, but there’s something both oddly lovely and dreadful about how things can just… cease to be. Just stop being there. Vanish into dust, save perhaps hollowed ruins should anyone think to archive it, faint echoes of what once was.

Only ghosts remain.

#oh my gosh shut up krou #Does this make sense? It doesn’t make sense why am I asking #At this point this is simply screaming into the void to be honest. I’m not really expecting comprehension. #I absolutely have not spent two hours trying and failing to track something down besides web archive files wdym #I am not specifying what but just. What do you do when it died sixteen years ago. What CAN you do. Nothing. #Honestly this has all been very frustrating. Sifting and digging and all that remains is dust and faint inscriptions. #If you know what this is about you know what this is about. #But given I’ve made maybe ONE very passing reference in tags AT MOST odds are good you won’t. #… ok fine this is about anime. Specifically a subbing team that went defunct back in ‘07 that I’ve grown fond of #only to find out it’s all dust in the wind. No means of contact. The website’s been down since July ‘07. The usernames generic by now. #It’s all just… gone. #The only traces it ever existed are dull phantoms resting in the web archive. #The open plaza of the forum remains but behind the doorframes lies only rubble. Faded scripts and broken tools remain but little else. #What led me down this exact rabbit hole was a little notetaking project I’ve been working on #and I noticed one episode was subbed by a different team than usual. I got curious what the usual team’s translation looked like. #Turns out it doesn’t look like anything because it no longer exists as far as I can tell. #Not unless someone miraculously still has it after 16-17 years. #…… it feels good to get that off my chest honestly. Even if it is weirdly specific.

[bubble-you]

read a post about if the doctor was a vampire and got snacks from friends. just a bite. and uhh a little horrified because proportionately they’d probably need like 1L of blood at LEAST to be full. And that’s like 25~30% already. So say a snack. But Rory would apparently draw blood for 11 using a needle, and that’s alright, that’s only 5 ml or 10 ml, at most 20. That’s a reasonable snack, if you were to give that away.

It doesn’t dull the dread of if they were to really drink. That’s your strength. Also… the puncture wound needs to heal. Bruises. Anemia. Drained. Unstoppered.

#I was bleeding from 2 places just now #I feel like an open wound perhaps #I feel like some part of myself is made vulnerable #the precious blood I had grown myself dropping out of me like #like curds #don’t leave me #like I’d been reminded there’s this thin part of my outer membrane #that’s been distressed #blood #you wouldn’t raid a barren farm for crops #I have barely anything to give #all the proteins I ate to form #this blood… all the grain and milk #I have no surplus. any surplus is unfit for donation anyway. #blood… #‘the blood is the liiiiife!’ #so yeah to answer the question I don’t know what 12 would do if he was a vampire #and how intimate to ask of your friends a little of their vitality? #but 11 is close enough to Amy and Rory and he’s taken far more from them anyway #to think some people would give their whole stock to me if it would sustain me… #perhaps with 12… Clara… it’d be like a twilight thing. very Eros and Thanatos. #like he would simply control himself no matter how bad he wanted it but they’d take steps on the way. little sacred transgressions #see Don’t Stand So for reference #I haven’t read twilight #but like twilight by contra points. I’ve mentioned a lot on this blog #I can’t believe I forgot to replenish my antivirals and then I got a virus!! how clear and concise this feedback from science

[austnbutlr]

One last comment on the marriage situation before I’m done. It’s always rubbed me the wrong way that people look down upon, judge or laugh at fans who are upset that their favorite is getting married. The whole “he was never going to marry you” line is so condescending and diminishing of peoples very valid feelings. People are allowed to feel what they feel — especially when their favorite is marrying someone 16 years younger than them and who wasn’t legally able to rent a car without an additional fee and/or adult approval until a year ago and this image said celeb cultivated isn’t exactly what it seems to be — and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it. I’ve never been in the camp of blindly accepting your favorite celebs choices or that not agreeing/liking it makes you less of a fan.

BUT being upset, sad, whatever is different than actively bullying and harassing his partner, his family and her family.

You can be upset and hurt while not resorting to calling that person names or wishing ill upon them. At the end of the day, he’s a grown ass man and can do whatever he wants, you don’t have to like or respect it and you are allowed to be mad/unhappy with his choices. But at the end of the day it’s his choices and harassing him/her/their loved ones isn’t gonna help.

So mourn and be sad, but don’t be a dick or a lunatic about it. What you feel is valid but that doesn’t give you a pass to express those feelings to these REAL people on their REAL relationship.

#chris evans #idk it rubs me wrong that people in the tags are actively like LAUGHING AT HIS STANS #like okay some people go overboard and that’s not who I’m talking about #but people are allowed to feel what they feel and diminishing that isn’t right #but feel what you feel without taking those feelings out on REAL PEOPLE #at the end of the day you don’t know this man #you can not like what he does and voice it on your Twitter or tumblr or whatever #but you don’t need to @ him his friends/family or her #two entirely different things remember that #but at this point you just gotta laugh #I’ve been cracking jokes cause this is SO ON BRAND for him #and he didn’t even TRY #the image of grown ass RDJ and Emily blunt meeting his twenty something year old wife has me DEAD #they all are with spouses who they’ve been with for years and are close-ish to their age #and then there’s Chris #y’all are gonna be going to group dinners with someone in their 20’s #I cannoooot