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partystoragechest · 4 months

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A story of romance, drama, and politics which neither Trevelyan nor Cullen wish to be in.

Canon divergent fic in which Josephine solves the matter of post-Wicked Hearts attention by inviting four noblewomen to compete for Cullen's affections. In this chapter, Trevelyan seeks out the Commander's warmth.

(Masterpost. Beginning. Previous entry. Next entry. Words: 2,877. Rating: all audiences.)

Chapter 27: Part Four

Orders flew across the Undercroft, as preparations began for the second test of the Arcanist’s red lyrium explosive.

This test was to take place not in Skyhold, thank the Maker, but the Dales. There was a vein of the stuff—not too far—that the Inquisition knew of, and would not mind seeing blown to smithereens. Its day of reckoning loomed.

But there was much to be done before that could happen. Not only was the device to be made ready—multiple versions, in the interest of study—but there was a remarkable amount of bureaucracy to tackle. Apparently, one required permission prior to detonating the countryside.

Therefore, whilst Dagna was preoccupied with runecraft and raw lyrium, Trevelyan, as her assistant, was left with the organisation of it all. Reports were to be made, forms of approval submitted. The usual nonsense—including, of course:

“Our escort,” said Dagna, stopping briefly, lyrium chisel still in hand. “The Commander should have it ready. Can you check with him?”

Trevelyan swept up her papers, and nodded. “Yes, Arcanist!”

“Great! And be sure to remind him this trip is not for the faint of heart. I can’t have another dropper.”

After clarifying with Herzt what a ‘dropper’ was (one who collapses upon seeing the Arcanist’s more avant-garde work, like one such soldier who’d attended her last Fade experiment), Trevelyan smiled.

“I’ll remind him,” she said.

And she was glad to. She needed to see the Commander—not merely for the fact their conversation last night had been interrupted—but for her own self, too. There was much on her mind, this morning. When they had spoken yesterday, he had brought such peace—she hoped that he might do so again now.

The route she took to his office could have been walked in her sleep, so familiar was it. Out of the Undercroft, into the Great Hall, through the rotunda, and over the bridge. Trevelyan stole a downward glance at the training soldiers as she crossed it, but saw no blob of red and fur amongst them. Office, then.

She arrived at the Commander’s door, and left a knock upon the grain. The moment felt all too reminiscent of the last time she had done so, and the miserable spectacle she had discovered beyond. But the sound of his voice reassured her immediately:

“Come in!”

Not weak, not croaking. Good and strong. Commanding, even. She did as requested, and entered.

The scene within was equally as promising. Despite the long night, the Commander appeared quite polished, and put-together. Hair styled, armour shining. He carried himself with great import, whilst regarding the various documents scattered upon his desk. Never had Trevelyan been quite so pleased to see him working.

He glanced up, and caught sight of her. His face, half-lit by the sun’s early rays, turned from stern to smiling.

“Lady Trevelyan,” he said with a nod, “how are you?”

Trevelyan stepped a little ways into the room, fingers flexing on the papers she held to her chest. “I… it would be dishonest of me to say I am well,” she admitted, abandoning the lie of politeness. “My mind has not settled since last night.”

“I am sorry to hear it. Is there anything I can do for you? If you wish to talk—?”

Trevelyan smiled, but shook her head. “You have done more than enough for me, Commander. And the issue I speak of is… not what you think.”

Because the thoughts that plagued her now were not of the Comtesse’s comment or Trevelyan’s own misery. Rather, they had been overtaken by Lady Samient’s revelation.

Something wasn’t right about her leaving—and the mystery of it had kept Trevelyan awake until the early hours. But try as she might, she could not place her finger upon the solution.

At least it was an effective distraction.

“Hm.” The Commander shuffled his reports into a pile. “Is… everything all right between yourself and Lady Samient?”

Though she had said nothing of Samient yet, still he knew. But—Samient’s intrusion last night had hardly been secretive. And if Trevelyan had mentioned nothing of concern to him before her arrival, then what ailed her could only have come afterward.

“Very astute,” she told him, “though—yes, all is well between us, but... she revealed to me her departure tomorrow. I suppose I shall miss her, is all.”

The Commander left her gaze, eyes focused upon his own thoughts. Whatever came to mind, he shook it away. “I see. I’m... sorry.”

“There is nothing to be done,” said Trevelyan, having ruminated upon it enough to know if there were. “If her father calls her home, to home she must go.”

This was the sole resolution Trevelyan had been able to think of. Acceptance.

“I… yes. I’m sorry,” said the Commander, putting on a transparent show of solemnity. Trevelyan could not help but wish it were real. Perhaps it would be, had he tried.

Had he tried, perhaps she would stay.

“Nevertheless,” Trevelyan went on, “these are not the matters I came to discuss.”

“Of course.”

“The Arcanist sent me to ask after our retinue, for the Dales. Have you arranged it yet?”

The Commander’s demeanour changed at once. Spine straight; time for business.

“Yes,” he told her. “The soldiers selected are experienced with this kind of operation, and are well-trained, should anything go awry.”

No droppers, then. “Very good. The Arcanist will be pleased.”

The Commander pulled a sheet from his pile, and held it out to Trevelyan. “Here, your Ladyship. This is the list prepared.”

Trevelyan took it, and gave it a once-over, as if she knew to whom any of these names belonged.

“Thank you,” she said regardless. “I’ll take it to the Arcanist.”

She took a step for the door.

“Will you be all right, travelling?”

Trevelyan startled. She looked to the Commander, and saw that his dispassionate self was absent once more, replaced instead by relaxed posture and a softened gaze. The gentleness of his coutnenance was proof that they both knew to what he referred.

“Ah…”

“I promise you, this retinue will serve. Even beyond Skyhold, you remain under protection of the Inquisition.”

Trevelyan made effort to suppress a little smile, and failed. “Thank you, Commander. Truthfully, I should be fine. I have travelled since… what happened, by necessity, and have grown accustomed to the feeling”—she thought not of her journey to Skyhold, but the many nights beforehand, spent hidden in the wilderness—“and we shall be travelling well clear of Ferelden.”

“Is that why you came here by the Heartlands?”

How did he know—? The gala. But that was so long ago. “Yes,” she confessed. “My parents intended to send me through Jader, but… it was too close. I requested travel through Orlais instead.”

‘Requested’ here meaning ‘begged through screaming tears’.

“The only other passage we could secure in time was through the Heartlands. Circuitous, but… better.”

The Commander nodded, appearing settled by these answers—yet he was not done with his questions. “If I may, do Bann and Lady Trevelyan… know what happened?”

Trevelyan froze; a candle flickered in the corner of her eye. She hoped, desperately, that he did not recall that they had sent her here without informing her of his past. For if he did, then there was no hiding their temperament in her reply.

“Yes,” she admitted. “I have told no one so much as you, but… yes.”

If there was a change in the Commander’s face upon receipt of this, then it was imperceptible. Yet, a hand toyed with the pommel of his sword.

“I see,” he said. “Do you like your home?”

A smile, born of practice, crept across Trevelyan’s face, and stretched her mouth as if pulled. This was one truth she could not tell him—for her own sake. Maker knows, Missy and Cara could always be outside the door.

“Bann and Lady Trevelyan were very kind to re-establish my title and allow me to stay. I have food and shelter, and I am grateful for it.”

The Commander did not share her smile. “I hope Skyhold… I hope you’re comfortable here.”

“Oh, I am!” There was no falsehood this answer, and so eager she was to say it. “One would not expect a fortress in the mountains to be so pleasant nor so comfortable, yet it is. And there is so much to do—I feel as though I have purpose, here.” She caught herself, before she rambled too long. “But of course, the people are quite delightful, too. Present company included.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m glad.”

“Well, now that I have my retinue and you have been flattered, I believe I have done all I am required to do.” Trevelyan stepped for the leftmost door. “I should be off.”

The Commander watched with interest. “That’s—you have business that way?”

“Should I?”

“You usually leave through that door,” he said, indicating the same one she had arrived through.

True, it was quickest back to the Undercroft—but she planned to take her time.

“I thought I might walk through the courtyard,” she told him, pressing her back against the door, “before I am relegated to the Undercroft all the rest of the day.” Her weight cracked it open, and let gleaming sunlight peek through. The Commander gazed at it.

“That sounds nice...”

The longing in his voice was deeply miserable. A few minutes out of his office wouldn’t harm him. Would probably do him some good, if anything. Trevelyan grinned. “You may join me, if you like.”

He blinked. “What? Now?”

“Of course. You cannot be trapped in here all day, either.”

A faint smile creased his lips. His posture shifted taller. And then he caught sight of the document pile, still lingering on his desk, and his countenance fell.

“Thank you,” he said, ��but I have to, ah…”

His words trailed away. Trevelyan kept up her smile. There was little else she could have expected—but the offer may yet have been more important than the experience.

“That’s all right,” she replied. “Another time, perhaps.”

“We have time together tomorrow.”

Oh. In all the havoc of preparation, that had slipped Trevelyan’s mind entirely. With the Commander’s strength returned, the ‘competition’ was restarted. The Ladies would meet with him once more. And as she had already forgotten, Lady Montilyet had arranged for her to meet with him tomorrow.

“I am afraid—with so much to do before our journey—it is unlikely I will have the time to see you, tomorrow.” When she saw his face fall, she quickly added: “I am sorry.”

“It’s… all right. I understand.”

He did not looklike he understood. He looked like a pup denied its playtime.

“I’ll… we shall see, I suppose. I bid you farewell for now, Commander.”

“Farewell.”

With a shove, Trevelyan heaved the door open. The light broke in at last, spilling past her, to illuminate the downtrodden face of the Commander. She kept her eyes on him even as she slipped from the room.

‘Twas a shame, truly. But she would endeavour to enjoy her walk, regardless: it was bright and breezy up on the battlements of Skyhold, and the mere sight of such sunshine made her smile.

She took a moment, to step to the parapet, and look out over the valley below. Beautiful as ever, the low sun coursed its way along the frozen river, casting sparkles upon every facet of its rippled surface. Oh, Trevelyan liked Skyhold indeed.

Retreating from the battlement, she went for the stairs. A long flight, which would take her to the stables. She took her first step upon it—

—and heard the swing of a creaky door, with footsteps hurrying out. She glanced behind, to see what approached. Some runner on an urgent mission, perhaps, or a deeply-focused servant in the midst of their work—

Her jaw dropped. The Commander. Emerging from his office. Jogging over?

Surely, then, it was he who was on an urgent mission, yet—he slowed, and fell in step with her.

“The healers said I should get more air,” he explained, “if you don’t mind my accompanying you.”

Trevelyan closed her mouth, and let it form to a smile. “Well, I did invite you.”

Quite pleased with this response, were the expression on his face anything to go by, the Commander took it upon himself to gesture towards the stairs. His own little invitation. Trevelyan accepted, and, together, they began to descend.

“Shall this be an excuse to speak more of work?” Trevelyan asked, between the sounds of birdsong above, and the chatter of people below. “Or is there something else you wished to discuss?”

“Well, I—”

“We could always choose your favourite option, I believe: silence.”

He chuckled. “Whichever you prefer.”

“I think I should like to ask you about the novel you were reading,” said Trevelyan. “The romance. Have you had any chance to read more?”

Though clearly not quite at ease with the line of questioning, given the rub of his neck, the Commander endeavoured to answer her, regardless: “While I was recovering, yes. It’s… not very good.”

They reached the bottom of the stair, and Trevelyan turned to face him. “You said someone had recommended it to you? Who in Thedas inflicted such punishment upon you, Commander?”

He laughed, and shook his head. “You won’t be surprised by the name. It was Dorian.”

Trevelyan’s brow flicked upward. “Indeed, I am surprised”—they began to take a meandering route through the stable—“I would not think Dorian the sort to read such trifles.”

“Yes, quite. I am beginning to think he was asked to read it by someone else, and deferred the task to me.”

Trevelyan giggled. “Now that sounds more like him.”

A hart took interest in their nearing, and leant its face over the stable door. Trevelyan paused, reaching her free hand up, to stroke its snout. The Commander offered to take her papers, so that she might use both.

“Thank you,” she said, giving the animal’s fur a good rub. “You know, if you’d like a recommendation for something better, Lady Erridge is quite the expert on romances.”

“I’m not sure I’ll have time to read another.”

“Not minutes ago, you didn’t have time to walk with me. And now look at you.”

The hart withdrew, having had its fill. An equally-satisfied Trevelyan took back her papers. The Commander smiled.

“You always know what to say.”

“Hardly!” They took up walking again, and Trevelyan directed their route towards the stores. “I knew nothing of what to say when I saw you emerging from your office just now.”

“Those were… extraordinary circumstances.”

“Extraordinary indeed!” Trevelyan said, half in jest. Yet she became more serious in tone, to say: “But I am glad you joined me. Your company is welcome.”

“Ah”—he glanced away—“good.”

“You did me great service last night,” she told him. “I shall not soon forget it, Commander. Thank you, if I haven’t already said it enough.”

“It’s… it was the least I could do,” he replied. They wound their way through throngs of staff, who prepared for tomorrow’s delivery—yet all hastily parted, upon recognising who approached. “I did think that Lady Erridge was, ah, very helpful herself.”

Trevelyan thought this an understatement. Lady Erridge had been Maker-sent last night, and was fifty percent of the reason Trevelyan felt the strength to get out of bed this morning.

(The other fifty percent was the man currently speaking to her.)

“She is a very good woman,” Trevelyan affirmed. “As I have tried to convey previously, Commander, the other Ladies are quite excellent people. Lovely, all of them.”

The Commander hummed. “They are… more naturally your friends than mine.”

Only her appreciation for the Commander’s actions prevented Trevelyan from peforming an eyeroll so powerful it could have obliterated half of Skyhold. One tends to become friends with those they try to befriend, Commander! Such excuses!

But there was little time for her to express this frustration in some sarcastic comment or another, as a servant finally dared approach. Running. In a state of panic.

“Lady Trevelyan!” called the maid, whom Trevelyan recognised from the previous delivery she’d aided, and from Lady Erridge’s kitchen ‘incident’. (Of course, Trevelyan had since discovered her name was not this string of events, but was, in fact, ‘Wrehn’.)

“Are you all right?” Trevelyan asked, as she neared.

“Sorry, your Ladyship; sorry, Commander,” Wrehn said, eyes wide, “but if I could beg your Ladyship’s assistance? I’m ‘fraid it’s a matter only you could help us with.”

“Is everything all right?” the Commander wondered, glancing between them.

Wrehn repeated: “It’s only a matter her Ladyship could help with, Ser.”

Trevelyan could well imagine what. “Then I suppose I shall see you later, Commander,” she told him. “Thank you for the walk.”

He bowed. “Thank you, your Ladyship.”

Though he gave one, last, questioning look, he finally accepted that this was, frankly, none of his business, and left them to it.

And once he had disappeared, Trevelyan turned to Wrehn:

“What has Lady Erridge done now?”

“It’s not Lady Erridge,” Wrehn answered, “it’s—well, you’d best come see!”

#unwanted #unwanted fic #cullen x trevelyan #cullen rutherford #commander cullen #edit 18/01/24: changed again +58 words this may be its final form #edit 15/01/24: changed the chapter for pacing and flow (+51 words overall) may edit again in future #original tags follow:#been struggling with perfectionism #tried to let this chapter flow more #my schedule isn't back to normal for another week so please continue to bear with me for updates #anyway enjoy some proper cullen nice times

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bbygirl-aemond · 1 year

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Okay, now I'm curious. Can you list all of the ways you teased the reveal in this chapter in previous ones? I've seen some Ao3 comments but want the entire list to I can go back and re-read. As a side note I absolutely adore Stormbreak and this most recent chapter is my favorite!

Aww thank you, it was one of my favorites to write for sure! I'm happy to point out the foreshadowing. This response will have two parts; the first will deal with Aemond's dreaming and the second will deal with Helaena's. You'll notice that these references start even before the wedding, and ramp up in frequency the closer we get to the actual chapter! Poor Mama Vhagar has been trying to get Aemond's attention for ten whole chapters. I just KNOW she's tired of him.

First, let's go over the instances of Aemond dreaming, leading up to Chapter 18:

Chapter 8- Aemond is dreaming of "curved walls" when Tom Tanglebeard wakes him up

Chapter 13- Aemond remembers "struggling to find sleep" and being "plagued with strange nightmares of flames flickering against arched ceilings"

Chapter 17- Aemond thinks about how he hasn't been sleeping well lately, dreaming of "sprinting beneath sloped, rough ceilings" and a "flash of green", and that he's gone so far as to ask Lucerys if his dreams might mean anything

Now let's go over to Helaena's dreaming (specifically just the ones related to this reveal, though there are like a dozen others haha):

Chapter 7- Helaena is first described as "sitting by the window, staring out over King's Landing"; this is also the first instance of her "two beasts" prophecy

Chapter 12- Helaena and Aegon are sitting by the window; Helaena's gaze is "fixed on something none of them could see"

Chapter 15- Repeat of the "two beasts" prophecy, again while looking out the windows; this time with the additions of "they'll be here soon" and "Aemond will be back soon"

Chapter 16- Helaena tells Jaehaera and Aegon "we shan't be apart from them for much longer"

Happy reading!

#asks #ask #answered #stormbreak chapter 7 #stormbreak chapter 8 #stormbreak chapter 12 #stormbreak chapter 13 #stormbreak chapter 15 #stormbreak chapter 16 #stormbreak chapter 17 #stormbreak chapter 18 #fic: stormbreak #stormbreak #fic #helaena targaryen #helaena #aemond targaryen #aemond #aemond one eye

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bebebisous33 · 7 months

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Jinx: Agent Blue 🔵💙 - part 1

#Jinx #Jaekyung #JooJaekyung #KimDan #Manhwa #Mingwa #징크스 #Jinxmanhwa The essay "Agent Blue 🔵💙" is finished. I hope you'll like it. Feel free to comment. Retweet/like it as support. Thanks. Essay will be locked soon.

Please support the authors by reading the manhwas on the official websites. This is where you can read the manhwa: Jinx But be aware that the Manhwa is a mature Yaoi, which means, it is about homosexuality with explicit scenes. Here is the link of the table of contents about Jinx. Here is the link where you can find the table of contents of analyzed manhwas. Here are the links, if you are…

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wakinguponsaturday · 1 month

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me @ me: stop thinking about your 'permanently on hiatus' teen Inquisitor fic. it's been 7 years. you are so busy right now you don't have time to pick this back up

me @ me: she was ELEVEN when the mage rebellion started. she was sent to the Templars as a political maneuver to bolster her family's reputation when she was EIGHT. her sister died in her arms days before they received word of the conclave. and you're just going to abandon her. wow

#dragon age #dai #im sorry i ever left you lil baby trevelyan #and i want to rewrite the first 8 chapters SO bad. i was apparently addicted to sentences with minimum 3 clauses at 17 #i have ideas again! fuck!#the newest one is that shes actually only 15 when the conclave happens but she lies and tells josie that shes 16 #because thats a 15yo thing to do and then she would be too anxious to admit she lied #and then when everyone goes to celebrate her 18th birthday in the time bw the endgame and trespasser #shes like okay i have to come clean about this. im so sorry. and everyone goes why??? did you do this?????? why not just say 18 then??#and she goes i honestly dont know what to tell you i was more panicked than ive ever been in my entire life and then i ran with it #god. i missed my anxiety ridden child #emery #em.chats

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dykeinthedark · 7 months

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trying to get out of an old hyperfixation that popped up randomly again because i have to watch the new episode of a show i like but my stupid hyperfixating brain wants me to watch mcr music video and show compilations again like im 14 but i need to watch the show and talk abt it with people so i cycle through every piece of media i've been super into since mcr like it's the undertale save the world segment

#literally watched a clip from bill and ted (remembered how to be 15)#watched a clip from mopi and listened to a bruce springsteen song (remembered what it's like to be 16)#opened up the deltarune chapter select screen and stared at it for 20 seconds. watched 2 minutes of an omori playthrough #(remembered how to be 17 oh god did omori take over my life at 17)#rewatched entire long ass good omens intro (18)#rewatched the diane and bojack s5 argument bc uh i like that show and it popped up on my recommended #so now we're caught up to the present !

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icehot13 · 11 months

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i have a new fear and it’s ‘is that leafblower sound coming from the roof above me and i’m about to have dirt absolutely fucking rained down on me while i’m outside’ if this seems like an oddly obscure fear to have, it’s not

#i'm having a Morning #i am trying so valiantly to work on ch 15 or whatever it is #i swear #Dirt From Above really put a hitch in that giddyup tho #anyways i'm four pages in which seems good #i mean not great for jakob who's mid panic attack but like y'know at least someone's having fun #i'm thinking/hoping it's 18 chapters #endings ar eSO HARD #all i wanna do is jump ahead to the book part and do the epilogue #i am obsessed with epilogues that are 'two people who don't interact much have a scene'#hence the 'barrett parents maya's teenager' epilogue in the other book hahahaha #anyways this fic won't have an official fic-epilogue #because i don't actually like posting chapters where the final is an epilogue #i feel like everyone wants to be emotionally finished with the last chapter and the epilogue distracts from the comments hahahaha #i write for comments what else is new lmfao #so this will in fact finish on a normal chapter #maybe a while later there'll be an epilogue preview but it'll be posted temporarily #I HEAR HTE LEAF BLOWER AGAIN #WHERE IS HE

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driftward · 2 years

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Title: A Knight's Duty - Chapter 15 Characters: Zoissette Vauban, Ement Vauban, Guillerme Rating: Teen Summary: More questions than questions Notes: None

Sennights turned to moons and they all passed in much the same way as they had. Zoissette no longer fell half asleep during training sessions, but she did start to stay in the training room after them. Early on her studies had been more general, but they had become specific, as she turned her attentions to astrology and arcanistry. She was staying up late in order to keep up with said studies, but despite that, did not neglect her knight's training, taking it as seriously as she ever had. Guillerme, true to his word, drove Ement harder, and Ement in turn did what he could to teach Zoissette. It was slower going, but both Elezen grew into it.

One day, Zoissette came into the training room, and looked as though she was on the verge of crying, but was keeping it in. She walked over to where Ement and Guillerme were standing. The room fell quiet.

"...something on your mind, girl?" prompted Guillerme gently.

"It happened again," said Zoissette. "Not a new kid this time. One of the one's that's been there a while. Not... not a friend. But... the rumors are, his mother left his father to go join the heretics."

"Any truth to the rumors?" asked Ement. Zoissette shook her head.

"Bet she just -left- the bastard, then," said Ement. "If it was heretic business, the whole family'd be ousted."

"That doesn't matter," said Zoissette.

"Rather does to the Inquisition, I might think," replied Ement.

"Let her finish," said Guillerme, and Ement fell quiet. "So what'd you do about it, girl?"

"I told them to stop. To leave him alone."

"Oh, and that was it, then?" asked Guillerme.

Zoissette took a deep breath in. "...no. They started to call me names. They told me I must be a heretic too, or a dragon swiver-"

"Language," said Ement, almost automatically. He immediately planted his face in his palm.

Guillerme looked at him and chuckled. "You so old as to forget three summers past, son? She knows what a swivin' is, and probably much more colorful language aside."

"Halone preserve, forget I said anything. Go on, Sette," said Ement.

"...anyroad, there was yelling, and... one of them picked up a stone and threw it at me."

"Well then. What happened then?" prompted Guillerme.

"They missed, and I... I looped my arm through my carrying bag's loops and used it as a shield. The rest of them got started, trying to hit both of us. I got in front. I mostly didn't get hit. He got knocked down, though. And... that's when I charged them. Knocked one of them over, got him on the ground, hit him a few times.

"One of them pulled me up, and I hit them, knocked them over too. Dropped two more... the rest of them ran. I... I stayed behind, to try to help the other one up. The one who was being made fun of. The one I was trying to defend."

Zoissette took another deep breath, and steadied herself. "He shoved me away when he got up. He yelled at me. Told me he didn't need help. Then... he ran away too."

She looked down at the ground, clenching and unclenching her fists. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Well, maybe you were, and maybe you weren't, lass," said Guillerme. "Did you stop to ask if he needed help?"

Zoissette looked up at him with a frown. "No? I mean - no, of course not. He obviously did."

"And yet he didn't appreciate it much when you gave it to him."

"I don't understand."

"Think about it some. In the meanwhile, dress out. We've still got training."

Zoissette nodded, and moved over to retrieve her training gear. Guillerme rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

It was an hour later, both Elezen panting and exhausted, when Zoissette spoke up again.

"Retribution."

"What?" asked Ement.

"Retribution. They might go back for him later, when I'm not around. Or... or he thought he'd just take the hits, and hoped they'd leave him alone in the future," said Zoissette.

"Maybe... maybe. Things to consider. And what about you, lass?" asked Guillerme.

Zoissette looked confused. "Aren't we talking about me? What about me?"

"Why'd you wade into a mess what weren't yours, lass?"

"That's... that's why I'm doing this at all. That's why I'm learning this. To defend people. To keep people from being hurt. Because I can. Because that's... that's what I want to do. To do the right thing."

"And what made it right, lass? Just because you felt it so?"

"Well... yes."

"Hmn. Good knights trust their instincts, I suppose," said Guillerme. He turned away and clasped his hands behind his back. "But far too many of the knights that I have trained have claimed to be acting in the name of the Holy See and its edicts on their way to bash some poor otherwise-innocent bugger's head in. Certainly, they feel right to do as they do."

"It's not the same," said Zoissette.

"No?" said Guillerme. "Don't get me wrong, lass, I agree, but why is it not the same?"

"Well, they're - they're imposing their will on others just because they can. They're not trying to help!"

"And you're tryin' to help, you say, but it wasn't wanted. Aren't you also just imposing your will?"

Zoissette frowned, and Ement could see her shoulders tense, her fingers working her shield-strap as she thought.

Ement thought to ease the tension he felt in the room, and cleared his throat. "Well, I'd say the difference is that Zoissette's man is free to think his thoughts afterwards, with his head rather unabashed, wouldn't you say?"

Zoissette and Guillerme both turned to look at him, Zoissette still frowning, Guillerme's expression unreadable, damn the man. But that was fine. Ement grinned, and spread his arms out wide, and offered a small bow. The tension was thinning, he was certain.

"...you're right," said Zoissette.

"I mean, maybe," said Ement, lightly.

"No, you're - I think I understand the difference. Those other knights, they claim to know and do the right thing, but - but they're not acting on behalf of Ishgard or her people. Not really. I - I was. My intervention may not have been wanted, but what I did, I didn't do it for me. I did it for them. I did - I did what I thought they might've wanted me to do, if they'd had the power to ask for it."

Guillerme nodded, slowly. "And what then if they still don't want it, lass? I would prefer not to train another would-be tyrant, claimin' just as you claim, that they're doing right on behalf of the people for the people, in the people's name, whatever."

Zoissette swallowed. "...then it's important what Ement said. That... that they're alive and healthy and well and capable of being mad about what I've done after."

Ement crossed his arms. He hadn't really meant to have a point, but apparently his little sister had found one.

"...but it's not enough, is it?" Finished Zoissette, suddenly timid.

"Hmm?"

"It's... it's not enough just to... to feel like I'm doing the right thing, is it? I mean, I'm still pretty sure I did. He - he can be mad at me, but like Ement said, at least he isn't hurt, but maybe I'm still not thinking this all the way through. Not as far as I should."

Zoissette's voice trailed off. "Who determines what's right? I'm - I'm still not sure."

"... I did say a good knight trusts their instincts. A great knight, though, a great knight thinks about them. It's a struggle, lass, make no mistake.

"And the best of us," said Guillerme quietly, "Weighs their soul against the very star itself."

Ement watched as Zoissette swallowed nervously. She looked down at the ground, then back up at Guillerme's back.

"I'm... I'm not sure I'm good enough for that, ser," she said.

"Well. Maybe, maybe not, Maybe not yet. But keep it in mind, lass. I'm glad you're thinking about it at all. Keep that up. Maybe you'll learn one day."

"I'll - I'll do my best, ser."

"I hope so," said Guillerme, still quiet.

#final fantasy xiv #zoissette vauban #ement vauban #guillerme #one knight's journey #a knight's duty #a knight's duty - chapter 15 #202207-18 #biot writes

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savage-rhi · 2 years

Text

Immortal Shield Chapter 18: Lestallum Jive

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**To read previous chapters, hit this link

Tagging: @seradyn

Caelan couldn’t remember a time where she had been undisturbed at length. The days blurred together, making it difficult to tell a Monday from a Friday. Two weeks flew in a blink of an eye staying in Lestallum. Everything felt normal. Almost too normal for her. There were no battles to be won. No creatures to hunt. No authorities to dodge. No crownsguard or glaive to fight. No daemonic entities thirsting to snatch one’s soul. No wounds to tend to or lest be kissed by death. It was peace comparable to ignorant bliss. Her and Ardyn’s days consisted of eating, sleeping, and enjoying the luxury of the room they had rented out. Caelan felt she should’ve been happy. Should’ve been grateful, but inside she was a mess. It was too much for her own good.

The past couple days she found it quite hard to adjust to the slice-of-life moments. Her body bracing itself for an altercation if she caught wind of something amiss. Ardyn reassured her time and time again it was alright to indulge. Caelan knew it couldn’t last forever. Much like she knew eventually, Ardyn would make it to Insomnia and die. She honestly didn’t want to go through with it. Not at this point. She cared about him too much, and it was impossible to break her vows as a shield to him. Caelan felt like a coward much like when she ran away from her problems after slaying Julian. The similarities, in terms of emotional damage, were painful. He had become a good companion to her. The first friend she had in years. She felt confident he at least felt something akin to that.

Caelan brushed the thought off, now wondering where he had been. Ardyn left several hours ago around two in the afternoon. It was approaching five and he had yet to make his presence known. He mentioned needing to take care of something at the market. A 'mishap occurred with a purchase' he said. Caelan wasn’t buying it but didn’t pester. Too stuck in her own head and assuming it would be a quick fix. Worry started to dwell in her heart. Being Ardyn’s shield and if anything were to happen to him, she wouldn’t forgive herself. Not even if he could magically pop up at Angelgard again. He hadn’t answered the few check-in texts she sent out either. It was uncharacteristic cause if Ardyn had an excuse to use a random emoji with no context, he’d do it.

Suddenly there were a few knocks on the door. Caelan furrowed her brows and got off the bed, putting her phone down; having been checking out the Kwee! for updates in Lucis. Every nerve in her body fired off as she took out a small blade from the left pocket of her pants, not wanting to chance getting ambushed. Logically she knew it wouldn’t happen but years of being stalked did a number on her.

Opening the doors, she cautiously peered out. There was no one in the hallway either left or right. That’s when she looked down, seeing a round beige box. She squinted her eyes suspiciously at the package before deciding to bring it in, placing it on a coffee table in the living room. Caelan mused to herself that she brought a bomb into the room, then paranoia kicked in as she avoided the box like the plague after taking a seat across from the object. She stared at the box for ten minutes then breathed out, shaking her head, and decided to indulge her curiosity. If it were dangerous, or sure death, something would have happened by now.

Opening the lid, she set it off to the side and peered. Inside its contents was a square shape wrapped up in silk paper and tied off with a red ribbon. An envelope presented at the top. Caelan made a face. Disbelief had her transfixed as her head tilted to the side curiously. She carefully pulled the thing out, sitting it on her lap. Her left hand took the envelope and opened it. Discarding the outer layer as soon as the letter was in her possession. Her eyes scanned over the neat handwriting. It nearly looked identical to old text she had seen in history books, from what she vaguely remembered from youth. It certainly put her chicken scratch writing to shame.

I apologize it’s not the blue gown you regarded before. So I bought the next best thing. In your own words, “it screamed you.” Put it on and come meet me at the plaza.

Your next lesson: Du evraaht (Be brave)

Caelan couldn’t suppress the grin that formed on her face. Neither could she stop her cheeks from turning red. Her pulse spiked then settled after giving it another read. She sighed, and averted her gaze from the letter. Fearing if she looked upon it a third time, she’d be frozen for the whole night.

Letting out a deep breath, Caelan sat the letter down and started to unwrap the dress from its packaging. She held a look of awe while feeling the soft texture. Her fingers couldn't stop touching the fabric. Her eyes traveled over the rich deep purple of the dress. It was the same style as the blue one, and for a moment Caelan felt embarrassment when she realized it was strapless. A part of her worried Ardyn didn’t think that through let alone if he knew her sizing. Hell, she didn’t even know that about herself. Having never gotten the opportunity to dress up for anything formal save for a military uniform, this was a whole new experience for her.

“What he said, du evraaht.” Caelan muttered to herself while she got up, taking the dress with her to the bathroom to try it on.

Ardyn was beginning to have his doubts Caelan would show. Almost thirty minutes had gone by since he had the dress delivered to their room. He was visibly tense while his eyes glanced around the plaza. More people were beginning to crowd. Tonight was the first of several festivities happening over the weekend in honor of Lestallum’s founding. He took out the two tickets he had purchased for himself and Caelan to go see a play, double-checking the times.

Despite his calm composure, he felt incredibly foolish. He hadn't felt this nervous about an outing since he first began courting Aera. The sensation of his stomach churning in knots was all too familiar. He couldn’t believe that he was capable of feeling such a flux of emotions all at once again.

Again. That repeated in his head a number of times while he waited. Ardyn wasn't sure where his thought process was taking him, but he allowed it to sift through. He paced about, glancing here or there until he did a double take as he saw Caelan approach.

It truly felt like they were the only two people in the world then. Ardyn's eyes traveled from her face down her dress and back up several times. A sense of pride swelled in himself, knowing he made the right call on the dress he bought for her. Not overly feminine, but she was graceful. The dark purple highlighted and accentuated many of her features Ardyn had come to greatly admire. His eyes and smile betrayed a singular thought: she looked absolutely stunning. The closer she got to him, the louder his heart seemed to beat in his ears.

“I was beginning to think you skipped town.” Ardyn teased. Smiling ear to ear as Caelan’s face scrunched unamusingly.

“I won’t lie, I almost chickened out,” Caelan let out a shy laugh, tucking a strand of hair of hers behind her ear. “So, what’s the occasion? Did you finally scare the soul out of a child?”

“Unfortunately I haven’t had the honor. You see, a certain someone won’t allow me to indulge my carnal side.” Ardyn joked, doing everything he could to not get too swept up in how she looked. It seemed Caelan couldn’t tell he was a mess inside. His outward appearance not giving up any secrets.

“Its messed up we are dressed all dapper and talking about the most morbid stuff.” Caelan mused as Ardyn laughed with her. He hadn't done much to his appearance, only he was wearing the new clothes he had bought earlier in the week, but he recalled Caelan considered his general attire more on the fancier or old fashioned end.

“Let’s end it on a high note, shall we? C’mon, I have the whole night planned out for us.”

Ardyn gestured his hand out to Caelan. He watched her as she glanced between his face and hand before her fingers slid against his palm. His fingers clasped over hers, savoring the touch before he guided her to his side and led the way. Ardyn could’ve sworn as they traveled through one of the city alleys that Caelan couldn’t keep her eyes off of himself. He felt good to no end that she was staring at him with adoration most of the walk while they conversed.

The performance of the Solheim epic ‘The Great Guardian’ had been a treat. Throughout the performance, Caelan was certain folks would tell Ardyn and her to shut up, for they couldn’t help but whisper back and forth at a constant. Ardyn shared what was factual to the story and what was made up given his knowledge, while Caelan explained the historical bits she was taught in school. Of course they bantered over certain characters. Finding pieces of themselves in the cast which led to some humorous moments. By the time it was over, it felt good to be out of the seats and away from the sea of people that flocked to the show.

“I’m never going to look at the gods the same way again,” Caelan let out a laugh as they exited the theater. Her right arm was locked with Ardyn’s left as he made a face.

“Really, it took a theater performance to get you to see how disgusting they are and not my tragic tale? That truly stings. To think I had your confidence.”

“You know if I only believed everything that comes out of your mouth I’d probably be dead. Haven’t you heard of there being two sides to a story? You’re downright biased.” Caelan countered playfully.

“I suppose,” Ardyn hummed. “And you’re rather naïve to believe in such things.”

“That’s a fancy way of saying you’re dumb but youthful if I ever heard it.” Caelan mused.

“Well, at least you got that going for you. You’re not the literal definition of Father Time. Utterly outdated and worn thin.”

Ardyn and Caelan both laughed rather hard at his joke. Finding irony in every sense of the term about it. They ventured back to the plaza, traveling through packed crowds witnessing street performers then crossed through the road and onto the main highway. It had been closed off as street vendors and pop-up food stands made their home for the festivities. Caelan lost track of how many food items they sampled. Her mouth was aflame with so many tastes and textures. She only stopped eating one of her peanut sauce skewers when observing Ardyn trying out a spicier rendition. He did a double a take before raising a brow.

“What is it?”

“You actually look like you’re enjoying the food and not just pretending for the sake of playing a part. You know, being human.”

“I have your cooking to thank for that,” Ardyn complimented sincerely as he took another bite of the meat, savoring the bursting flavor of the hot sauce before swallowing.

“When you lived as long as I have, it’s hard to find the simple pleasures in life satisfying. Goes for all 5 senses. I don’t need to eat to survive, but it's quite refreshing when you have something new to try out.”

“I thought you hated my cooking all this time,” Caelan laughed. “I remember one night you practically threw a tantrum over the edges of a Flexitusk steak being burnt.”

“Ah. That incident,” Ardyn smiled. “I must admit I was being a horse's ass that evening. It was nothing personal, I assure you.”

“And he curses too! The gentleman immortal has finally arrived! You’re sounding more modern by the day! Next thing you know, he's going to replace every other word with slang!”

“You’re so silly.” Ardyn laughed. Her sarcasm greatly warmed his chest as they continued walking through the endless wave of booths. “I’ve grown fond of your humor.”

“Well shoot,” Caelan smiled, looking to her right seeing someone was performing a trick with fire from afar. Her eyes were briefly transfixed by the flames and their endless shades of oranges and yellows before her attention went back to Ardyn.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Ardyn began. “Anything.”

“Do you miss Niflheim at all, not your job or anything, but the country?”

Ardyn hummed in thought. Mixed feelings came and went as he debated with himself before answering her.

“It’s rather beautiful in its own right. I believe if the empire hadn’t over-stripped its natural resources, the continent would’ve put Lucis to shame. I can’t pass judgment currently given how much has changed, but I imagine it’s improving. You know, I’ve thought about visiting there. Before seeing the king. It’s crossed my thoughts as of late.”

“Really?” Caelan was taken back. “I don’t mind taking you to the harbors if you want to go. I could focus on picking off the Einherjar while waiting for your return.”

“I’d only go if you come with me,” Ardyn stopped and looked into Caelan’s eyes. He could see her excitement at the thought along with the fear. Fear of the unknown when she had only knew Lucis her whole life, aside from Accordo for a time.

“Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Ardyn shrugged. “I enjoy your company.”

“I---” Caelan was speechless as she let out a gasp, laughing nervously. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Say you’ll come with me.” Ardyn grinned as Caelan looked off into the crowd, trying to play off her embarrassment. It was rather cute in his eyes.

“I guess I’ll go with you to Niflheim?”

“I suppose that answer is acceptable.” Ardyn mused. He reached a hand out and tucked some strands of Caelan’s hair behind her ears so they weren’t shading her eyes away. He made a face as he back tracked the conversation. “Did I hear you correctly just now, that you’d pick off the Einherjar?”

“Yeah,” Caelan nodded. “You heard correctly.”

“What sparked the desire to confront them head-on instead of running away?” To say he was genuinely curious was an understatement considering all the times Caelan suggested they run and avoid confrontation if they could help it.

“One, its like pulling off a band aid. I know I have to. I can’t keep relying on it, but it’s going to be painful. I’m acknowledging too I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life. These past weeks being here, it’s given me a taste of normalcy. An average life. Then there’s you. I don’t want them to hurt you. When it was only me, I could care less but now I got something I want to protect, and not just for the money.”

Ardyn was touched by Caelan’s words regarding him. His mind combed through everything else she admitted to while he glanced from her eyes to her mouth. There was an impulse to want to incline forward, a need to share her breath with his own but he stopped himself.

“I wonder if you were around when I was in Niflheim’s custody if things would’ve turned out different.” Ardyn admitted. “I doubt it would but I won’t lie I entertain such thoughts. You’ve been sort of a bad influence.”

“That’s high praise coming from you.” Caelan smiled, chuckling at the latter of his remark. Her brows furrowed for a bit as they started walking again. “I’m curious, what would you call something like this in your tongue, God Speak?”

Ardyn was taken back by the change in subject, his eyes going over the meat on a stick Caelan had before he answered.

“Stick of meat would be roughly translated as Itka taaemt. Meat by itself is amet, the ta is of. Short words like to, of, for, are usually attached to the subject when writing it out. They can make words sound differently than their standalones.”

Caelan made a face. “Might be harder learning this than I thought.”

“You’ll get there,” Ardyn chuckled. “Point out something to me, I’ll translate and you repeat.”

Caelan could feel a sense of playfulness come to mind as she glanced around. There was so much going on in the city, it was hard to pick out a singular thing. So she decided to rapidly give Ardyn a list of words.

“Table, shoe, people, mail box, bicycle, and dress.”

“Ubatu, eshee, adelpeo, wamii, biceeculum, zhiadre.”

“Yoobatu, ee-shee, adelpeo, wammy, bye-seecolon, zee-padre?”

“Close enough.” Ardyn laughed. She was incredibly off on some of the pronunciations. He knew during his time it would’ve made people cringe. Nevertheless, he greatly admired her for trying and not being afraid to make a fool of herself.

“Let’s try something simple,” Ardyn suggested. He stopped Caelan from walking, gently grabbing her by the waist and pulled her to the side near one of the stands so they would avoid foot traffic. He glanced over her, smiling as his hands moved to her face.

“Kipi,” He gently tugged on Caelan’s left earlobe, causing her to laugh as she repeated it.

“Kipi, earlobe er, ears?” She felt relieved when Ardyn nodded that she translated correctly.

“Kaabi,” He pinched one of her cheeks. His smile growing wide as her face scrunched.

“Kaabi, cheeks.”

“Siguwu,” His fingertips briefly touched her eyebrows.

“Siguwu, eyebrows”

“Esonee,” He booped her nose watching her smile as she laughed.

“Esonee, nose.”

“Uulos,” He gently tapped either side of her eyes, minding not to venture too close.

“Uulos, eyes.”

Ardyn’s hand hovered close to Caelan’s face. He stopped himself from continuing for the briefest of seconds. His eyes traveling to where he wanted to go next. His mouth partially opened as his thumb caressed Caelan’s bottom lip.

“Saru,” He murmured.

Caelan felt a pleasant chill travel down her neck and arms. Her brain felt like it had short circuited as she couldn’t bring herself to repeat what Ardyn said. In the quiet haze that began to overtake her, Caelan’s right index finger reached up and pressed gently to Ardyn’s top lip.

“Mouth.”

“Hhm-hm.” Ardyn nodded.

“Hey, get a room!” The random holler by a passing man running down the road snapped both Ardyn and Caelan out of the moment.

Ardyn bitterly glared in the direction the man took, feeling the temptation to somehow eviscerate him on the spot until Caelan put a hand on his shoulder while she grimaced.

“Ignore him. Just an idiot, right?”

“Right,” Ardyn muttered begrudgingly. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, had the blubbering idiot not intervened, Ardyn wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t have claimed her mouth with his own. The thought had his face pinkening as he sighed. It was ridiculous to contemplate such things, and he decided to leave them at that: mere intrusive thoughts.

“I could’ve wrung him by the neck.”

“You’ll have plenty of opportunities for that, I’m sure.” Caelan chuckled, catching Ardyn raising a brow at her. He shook his head, a sly smile coming to his features as he cleared his throat. He needed a distraction.

“Enlighten me. What’s something you never got to experience?”

The legitimate curiosity in his eyes had Caelan mentally stammering. She had a long list of things, having missed a substantial amount of coming of age activities that most normal Lucians got to experience by the time they reached adulthood.

“How many can you handle?”

“Let’s start with one and work our way up.” Ardyn mused.

“I’ve never been dancing.” Caelan shook her head.

“Wait, did my ears deceive me just now?”

“No, you heard right. It wasn’t a thing at academy unlike regular school. And the few events I went to chaperone with my father, I couldn’t partake in any celebrations. Always having to be on guard, you know?”

“We are changing that,” Ardyn said quickly. Taking Caelan by the hand and guiding her back through the crowd of people. He led her through the street and back to the plaza area so quickly, Caelan barely had time to register the environment shifting around them. Her body hummed with a strong reverberation, knowing he must’ve partially used his teleporting abilities on them both.

As they ventured deep into the heart of Lestallum, Caelan could hear the music. The array of instruments and machines being played had her feeling overwhelmed. She could witness people of all ages gathered about. Most dancing to their own tune or following the patterns of a small crowd. Her face began lighting up as protests fell from her mouth.

“Ardyn, wait! No, no!”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Ardyn exclaimed.

“I don’t know what to even do!”

“I’ll teach you!”

“I’ll look ridiculous!”

“Cahl, you are naturally ridiculous, don’t be shy!”

“Wow, thanks.” Caelan said bluntly. She laughed afterward as Ardyn joined in. He stopped them both from traveling, staying to the side with the bystanders while waiting for the tune to drop into something different. He didn’t want to drag Caelan into the middle of a tempo that she couldn’t keep up with.

“I didn’t think you’d be into this kind of thing.” Caelan said, trying to distract Ardyn from his conquest as he let out a laugh.

“There wasn’t much for entertainment 2,000 years ago. Celebratory events were quite a commodity as you can imagine. I used to be put off by such occasions, but I’ve rather grown fond of them over time. The galas emperor Aldercapt hosted may have rubbed off on me.”

"I thought it was the alcohol that got you liking those events?"

"That too!" Ardyn laughed.

“Why don’t you share more about that with me? I think I’d like that.”

“I know what you’re attempting. Don’t think you’re off the hook because I’m giving you a history lesson.” Ardyn forewarned. He could sense Caelan’s uneasiness at being caught red handed and he smirked.

When the next song was being prepared by the live bands, he was quick to draw her close. Hands meeting hands, and feet meeting feet.

“Ardyn, I don’t know about this.” Caelan shook her head.

“Trust me,” His voice was almost seductive as he pulled her closer to him. The small smile that past his lips the only thing keeping Caelan from feeling as though she’d float away.

“I got you.”

The applause of the audience died down and the song began. The flow of the music hitting both Ardyn and Caelan’s ears as they began to move.

Initially, their bodies moved like pieces of a puzzle trying to interlock, but missed by a shape. Caelan murmured several curses as Ardyn encouraged Caelan to let go, and allow him to lead, promising she’d be free soon enough. Their movements for a time were uneven while finding a comfortable rhythm to sync with. The ruffles on Caelan’s dark purple dress swayed from the breeze that picked up through the city, beckoning her to get closer to him for warmth.

Ardyn watched as courage began to evolve from fear in Caelan's body. The sway of her hips and the free flow of her arms and legs were telling she was enjoying herself. Her features conveyed a sense of awe that had him hooked. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Not when it felt like the devil, Bahamut himself, could be pulled out from his chest.

Caelan remained foolish in her attempts to dance, yet there was a euphoria that brewed within her. A freedom that had her feeling like she would fly away with every step. She was only tethered to the earth because of Ardyn. His strength kept her steady, taking the lead and not afraid to guide her back to earth. She felt safe with him. That he wouldn't let her go.

As they progressed their movements, small beads of sweat trickled down their faces. Short bursts of breath escaped past their lips while they encircled one another, twirled, then met back in the middle. Caelan's arms were littered with goosebumps every time Ardyn's breath ghosted over her face. The way he towered over her further added to the caress of tremors that crawled down her spine. She'd slip up matching the tempo because of that, but he'd play it off like nothing.

Ardyn's own confidence awoke as ancient memory came to aid. His hands and feet knowing where to go and where to touch like second nature as he began to teach Caelan a dance from his time. Ardyn was soft but not subtle; his intentions well known that he was in charge and inviting his partner to follow along to the pace he set. That didn't mean he didn't ease up on the reigns and give Caelan a chance to express herself, yet he wouldn't let her be led astray. He could tell from the soft laughs that fell past her lips and the way she smiled at him constantly, that she felt comfortable with him. His pulse thudded deeply in his chest seeing how she was channeling pure unadulterated joy.

Caelan for a long time during their dancing relied heavily upon Ardyn's leadership. There were situations though in which she teased him by throwing in an unexpected move. Something that seemed to keep Ardyn on his toes and challenge him. She could tell from the playful glimmer in his eyes, he enjoyed that a lot. There was no second guessing on either end once they both found a rhythm their bodies could attune with. They'd switch up to make the other push past the envelope, sometimes even across the line to where their movements were rather evocative. They didn't care. Not one for minute.

By the time several songs had come and gone, Caelan had let it all go. Her worries, her pain, her sorrow. Her mind was running on basic principal. He went left. She went left. He moved his right arm, she moved hers. They were in their own world where the balance of it all relied upon them both to be in sync with each other.

“See, you’re a natural.” Ardyn whispered to Caelan in between breaths when the final song came to an end. They both parted as the audience and fellow dancers applauded the live bands, and everyone dispersed to enjoy the other festivities Lestallum had to offer. The two of them disappeared into the crowds and ventured off to their next outing, all the while euphoric.

#immortal shield #fanfic #fanfiction #chapter 18 #ardyn #ardyn izunia #ardyn lucis caelum #original characters #final fantasy 15 #ffxv #final fantasy xv #yes this one is sappy but jfc they deserve some happy shit before i throw them under a bus

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toastytoaster22 · 2 years

Note

18, 21, 22 for the writer asks !

Hi Abysslll! <3

(18 ended up really long so I put it under a cut at the bottom so I wouldn't clog up peoples' dash)

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

I think I could, though at this point I have so many WIPs that I would be eternally bummed to not see the stories through. I don't ever find myself wishing to not write anymore, no. For me, writing is just a fun way to explore characters, interactions, and experiences. Every story is a big playground for me to run around on and try out new swings and seesaws. I don't see any reason to stop playing, though at times I get really busy with life events and have to slow down or pause.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Oh man. I've answered this question a couple times so I might try to pull up my more detailed run-downs of my writing process, but I can give a short overview here.

All my fic ideas start in my head as daydreams that slowly marinate and change until I think they have enough elements to be a full storyline. Then the idea gets outlined in one of my notebooks (I have probably a dozen right now). I let it sit in there for a little while and jot down missing info or questions that I need to answer before starting any writing. Once those questions, and any more that crop up, are figured out I usually run it by a friend or my husband, and then will transfer all notes to a word doc.

All my WIPs are well organized in my computer with reference art, background info, notes files, and outlines, along with completed chapters and in progress ones.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Under the cut bc its LONG

From chapter 15 of Issho:

“Six,” Teru found himself saying, a bitterness swelling in his throat.

“Huh?”

“I was almost three when I awakened. I think they cared about me until then. Once they knew I was a psychic they gave up on me. That’s what my dad said.”

Teru didn’t know where these words were coming from. They hurt. Like little fishhooks yanking themselves up and out of his heart. A sharp sting and a coppery aftertaste, and then they were gone.

“Holy shit.” Reigen breathed out roughly. “He said that?”

Teru nodded.

“To your face?”

Another nod. “Yeah. When I was in the hospital.”

Reigen bit back a swear. “Any other trauma nuggets you want to share? Might as well get them all out there while we’re at it.”

Would that help get rid of the dense little ball that gave him stomachaches all the time?

Teru reached down and wrapped his fingers around another fishing line. Like ripping off a band-aid, right?

“My mom yelled at me in front of the police once,” Teru said, peeking up to see Reigen’s reaction.

His foster dad didn’t move, his eyes fixed on the road.

“My hands got hurt and she didn’t help me. She said she was going to clean them in the morning, but she went to work before I woke up.” Teru rubbed his palms together and wiggled his fingers. There were no scars. No evidence of that negligence. No evidence of how long it had taken him to scrub his scrapes out in the bathroom sink, trying not to cry.

He curled his hands into fists. Something was trickling out from all these pinprick wounds in his heart. Each fishhook he tugged out allowed something hot to escape. It was collecting in his chest and expanding, filling every nook and cranny inside of him and making his breath come fast.

“And she didn’t talk to me for three days after Claw burned my arm and I broke everything in the apartment. I think-“ This was the biggest fishhook. The one that was stuck deep and took a lot of courage to even think about, let alone touch. He grabbed it and yanked anyway. “I think she wanted to leave me then. I think she was thinking about it because she didn’t look at me and she didn’t clean anything up and she didn’t get anything fixed. Except then we lived there another month.”

Reigen whistled.

Teru turned his eyes up to his foster father. Reigen’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. They had turned into the parking lot, but the car was still running. Reigen was a statue in the front seat.

He didn’t like the face Reigen was making, but now that he had started talking, Teru couldn’t stop.

“I’m mad at her.” The heat in his chest flared at the admission. “I didn’t- I didn’t want her to fix everything. I didn’t think she could make Claw go away. She’s not magic. I- I never asked her to save me, I just wanted her to care! I just wanted a hug!”

This wasn’t the boiling, desperate fury that had come over him at the children’s center. It wasn’t a mad scramble to cover up a gaping, empty hole. This feeling that was coming over him was strong and solid and real.

Teru was angry.

The MobDonald’s bag beside him shimmered.

“How could she do that? I was hurt and scared, and she left me! She didn’t even say goodbye!”

The bag beside him lifted into the air, as did the spare umbrella and the box of Reigen’s new business cards. Teru let them. For once he didn’t care that he was making a scene. He was free from his parents’ judgment. He was free from them and he was furious and-

“If that makes you yell once in a while, that’s okay too.”

“If they were going to get rid of me why did they wait so long?” he shouted. “If they gave me up when I was three, I could’ve- I could’ve-“ Teru couldn’t have been with Reigen. He would have only been in high school. Would Teru have spent all that time at a children’s center? Would Claw have ever found him? There was no way to know, and it was endlessly frustrating. “I don’t understand!”

---------------

Whew. This section still kicks me in the teeth every time I read it. There isn't a whole lot of backstory beyond that I was trying to get Reigen and Teru to have a civil conversation in the car and no matter what I did, no matter how many times I tried to keep Teru quiet, his dialogue KEPT GETTING AGITATED. And when that happens and I cannot stop a character from acting a certain way?

Time to let them BE THAT EMOTION. They clearly NEED IT.

So I finally, FINALLY let Teru go off. It was time for him to vent. To be frustrated and solidly, POWERFULLY angry with his parents for putting him in the situation they did. It was so important to finally let him get these horrifically heavy things off his chest, to someone he KNEW he could trust with the information. It took 7 chapters for that trust to build though, and with it, Teru's thoughts on what happened to him and what his parents were putting him through by acting the way he did.

He is only 9 here. Teru is still so much a child, but he isn't stupid. He saw so much and feels SO MUCH and in the end, no matter how he tried to use his 9 years of intelligence to figure out the WHY behind his parents' behavior, despite being "explained to him", HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. (and as the reader we know its bc it Doesn't Make Sense. His parents were not acting like responsible, rational adults and they hurt him. There is no way to make that understandable.

And Reigen IMMEDIATELY validates that. He doesn't understand either. He lets Teru know that its not that he is a child, its not that he can't Get It. It's OKAY. It's okay to be angry and confused, Reigen is too, on his behalf. And that, beyond everything else, is what Teru NEEDED to express and hear at this point in the story.

DAMN I LOVE ISSHO

#TAHNK YOU FOR ASK!#18 was so long but oooooooooooooooo man it felt good to revisit #abysslll!#writers asks!#chapter 15 issho breakdown!

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