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thevirtualvalentine · 8 months

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TAPE ONE : PIZZA DELIVERY !

Starring… PORTGAS D. ACE 📸

SET SCRIPT :

“Hi hi hi!!! For the follower request event, can i get a pizza delivery Ace? Sweet boy, kinda clueless, and a sweet reader as well? 🥹❤️”

MATURE WARNING(S) : unprotected penetrative sex, cheesy porno dialogue, cunnilings (you sit on his face), slight breeding kink if you squint, afab/fem reader, Ace thinks you’re really pretty, thick!dick ace (canon), switchy!ace, & he calls you “sweetheart/pretty girl.”

DIRECTORS CUT : for my love @kingofthe-egirls !!! I loved this prompt so much and have been itching to complete it since I saw it. Thank you for requesting, hope you enjoy. 🖤

A Friday night with nothing to do, a product of boredom. You didn’t feel like doing anything tonight, especially cooking. Sitting in your apartment in shorts too tiny for your ass and a tight tank top, waiting for your pizza delivery.

Getting your usual favorite combo from the local shop guarantees a good comfort meal with some quiet TV before you head to bed. The couch offers you adequate back support after a long week at your desk, sighing and falling into the cushions while ads play in the background as ambiant noise.

Time slips you before there’s a series of knocks at your door, playing a rhythm as you’re pulled from your trance. “Yo, Delivery.”

Checking the peep hole before unlocking the door you’re faced with the cutest delivery boy. He’s in shitty combat boots and cargo shorts matched with a half buttoned uniform shirt. His long wavy black hair kept under a hat as he reads the receipt, “a large pizza for y/n?” You open the door wider as you step into frame. “Ohhh, for miss pretty y/n,” he corrects himself, tipping his hat at you with a smile.

Giggling slightly you cover your mouth, “yeah, y/n. Thank you so much, let me get my wallet.” You wish you could invite such a cutie inside but you know it’s against better judgement. Turning around you make your way through the apartment looking for your wallet.

Ace, the delivery boy, grins watching your dainty ass sway as you saunter back inside. Tiny shorts riding up between your cheeks as you bend over the counter, but he’s just the delivery boy. A distressed look crosses your face before you walk back to the doorway where he’s leaning. One arm holding your pizza and another flexing as he rests his weight into it.

“Everythin’ ok?” A pretty girl like you should never have such a perturbed look spread across your face like that.

You lean forward, studying his name tag. “I’m sorry Ace, I can’t seem to find my wallet. I must’ve left it at work.” Feeling like an idiot you’re barely able to look at him. The guilt of making him come all the way from across town to deliver your order setting in.

“I can help ya find it,” he offers, ignoring the fact he’s on the clock. It’s not the first time something like this has happened at work, just not to someone so enticing.

“No no,” biting your lip as you try to think of a solution that’ll remedy the situation. You look at him, worried to find an annoyed expression on his face but you heat up finding such a soft handsome gaze thrown your way. A complete stranger so bothered by your troubles. “How bout I pay you back? Whaddya say?”

Confused, he tilts his head; was that not the problem in the first place? “How,” he asks curiously.

Looking into the hallway, you check down both ends before tugging him inside by the collar. “Like this.” Leaning on your tip toes not letting go of his shirt you kiss him softly, taking over his senses with your soft plush lips against his. Ace drops the pizza and doesn’t even bother to catch it as it clatters to the floor. “That ok with you?” Your eyes looking at his lips and then back to the rest of his face.

He’s lit up bright red as he nods dumbly, “more than ok.”

You push him back against your front door chasing his lips once more. He tastes like cinnamon gum as you swipe your tongue against his bottom lip, eager for entry into his mouth. He grants it to you unquestionably, equally craving the feel of your heated tongue sliding against his. Muffled groans escaping him as your hands caress his warm exposed skin beneath his shirt.

“You’re s’good at this,” he says in between each wet smack of your mouthes. His hands wrapping and groping along your waist and backside, kneading the plump flesh like playdough. The cutest part is he’s much taller than you, bending down so you can kiss him how you want.

“You think so? I can get better.” One of your hands leaves his chest, trailing down his toned body as you palm his hardening cock in your hand. “Oh, and you’re so big Ace. Almost like you’re paying me with all this.” Heavy breaths leaving him as you cup his dick tenderly and give such feverish love to his neck all at once. It has him rutting into your hand trying to satiate that itch that’s been bothering him ever since he saw you in the doorway. Little shorts leaving nothing to the imagination.

You unzip his cargos, leaving only his thin boxers between his growing length and your nimble fingers. He rolls his hips harder each time you tease the waist band and lick his lips as you both swap saliva. “Stop teasin, thought I was ‘sposed to get paid.”

“You’ll get compensated, delivery boy,” you grab him by the belt loops as you lead him to your couch. Smiling as you push him back, he plops against the cushion with a soft ‘hmp’. Ace takes off his shirt, throwing it to the side as he man spreads to ease the ache in his balls, bulging erection awaiting your attention. “Want your dick sucked or what?”

While that sounds like a great idea, Ace is more eager to taste the sweetness between your legs. “Sit on my face pretty girl, wanna eat you.” He pulls you by the back of your thighs, edging you closer to his body as he starts to slide down your shorts. His forwardness makes you glow, slotting your hands in his hair, ruffling it slightly while he tends to your clothes. For a delivery boy, he sure knows the art of seduction. You’re practically dripping for him already.

He kisses your hipbone while waiting for you to join him on the couch. Sliding down the cushions, grabbing hold of your legs as you mount and hold the backing. “You sure?” He stares up at you from the valley of your swell breasts and smooth tummy, not having any of your objections. He sits up to swipe his wet muscle from your clit down. A soft ‘oh’ leaving your lips as he gets to work.

“Mhhm,” he moans as he taste you, almost analyzing its components like a savory sauce. He plants his hands on your waist, pulling you down further onto his mouth— it’s as if he’s not afraid of suffocating down there.

He’s eating you out like a man starved, dipping and curving his tongue into your oozing hole before suckling on your clit. He ignores the mixture of spit and slick on his chin as he devours you greedily. “Pussy’s so fuckin’ good, could eat this every day.”

Your soft moans encourage him to give you more, he needs you to fuck his face. He uses those same hands to hook around your ass and thighs, dragging you down on his tongue as he licks your insides. “Oh shit, ah— wait Ace,” you try to sit up, running from all the attention but it’s no use.

His strong arms keep you planted in place, “no runnin’ m not done yet.” Fuck this guy is hot, it’s like he’s straight out of a shitty 80’s porno as he makes you cream against his mouth. He slurps and sucks your hole as you whine loose chants of his name.

Adding his hands into the mix when he slides two fingers knuckle deep inside you. Scissoring your tight walls, you shake feeling those calloused pads massage your g-spot. “Gotta cum for me sweetheart, then I’ll fuck you as a tip.”

It feels even closer cause his tongue does not relent from your throbbing bud. Sliding it back and forth while his fingers give you something to squeeze on. “Yes yes, like that!” You sound so raunchy taking advantage of his face; running your hips in a figure eight along his tongue.

He’s grinding against the air trying to find friction, shallow thrusts up that match the pace of his fingers inside you. So close, you start pinching your nipple trying to tip yourself over the edge of raw pleasure. The pizza delivery boy of course notes this, groaning as he watches you play with yourself. He wants to replace his hand with yours, pinching and tugging at your dark bud. But, he has to keep you in place while he fucks you on his fingers. “Gonna— oh fuck,” here it comes.

Your orgasm crashes hard, washing over you in one big wave as you almost collapse on his face. He drinks whatever you offer as you whine and cry out, it’s too good. “Think you’re stretched? Cause I really wanna fuck you now. Ya look really hot when you cum.”

He’s swiping the culminating wetness from his face into his mouth, sucking the fingers he had inside you like a greedy bastard. Licking and suctioning onto the pads to emphasize how needy he is for you. Oh, he’s good.

“Be my guest, pretty boy.” Ace has never really thought of himself as pretty, so hearing someone as beautiful as you say it, it must be true. He flushes a light shade of pink while removing the rest of his clothes.

“Condom?” Like an idiot, he didn’t bring any and his wallets downstairs in the shitty delivery car where he typically keeps one if he’s lucky.

“Want you inside, I’m on the pill.” Oh.. and he gets to pound you raw? He’ll definitely be coming back here. Shaking your ass back and forth at him as if to invite him over. “Cmon I want the tip already.” He laughs at your two way pun, rubbing your ass in his hands as he marvels the sight of you bent over the side of the couch.

Ace sees his hard work continuing to drip down the insides of your thighs, smirking while lining his fat tip up with your cunt. He spits in his hand before pumping himself to make sure it’ll fit just right. You’re pushed forward till your hips meet the arm of the couch, sandwiched between two immovable forces.

He’s trying his hardest to not just slam into you, your pussy is so warm and wet around his cock and there’s nothing separating the two of you. You’re squirming from the sheer size of his length even after all that work he did to prep you. “Doin’ so good taking all of me sweetheart. Just a lil’ more.” He doesn’t know if he’s saying that for you or himself at this point, the way your bare walls grip his cock makes him double over.

The couch gives before Ace does, each thrust of his strong hips into you makes it creak and slide forward. He starts off with deep punctuated strokes, each one earning a high pitched cry from you. He’s pummeling your cunny, making your hips rub against the arm as your knees begin to buckle.

“Feelin’ good pretty girl?” But when you go to open your mouth any answer is replaced with moans that sound so pornagraphic. “Fuck your cunts so good. Suckin’ me in.” Being drilled by the hunk of a man behind you and the friction of being fucked into the couch is bringing you near your second orgasm of the night, you start to feel it licking at your insides tentatively.

Ace isn’t in much better shape himself, fucking your pussy raw is taking all of him to shoot his load right in you. He needs to get his moneys worth after all. “Can’t cum yet pretty, wanna see you.”

He moves you both to the couch so you’re flat on your back, one leg hooked around his small waist as another dangles off the couch. “Easy baby, remember to breathe,” he says before easing himself back in. That feeling of fullness returns and brings a dopamine rush with it as he flashes a toothy smile your way. Savoring the feeling of sliding his tip through the gummy resistance.

Your body is so warm beneath him as he drives in and out of your soaking cunt. “Cmon’ give it to me baby. Know you were so close…” Ace trails a hand down your abdomen, spreading his palm across your stomach as leverage while he fucks you stupid. Hair shrouding his face as he coos at you. “Please, dont wanna without you.”

The way he pleads for you is what does it, breaking the dam that was holding back another mind shattering orgasm from this sexy delivery boy. “Ahh fuck, cumming— oh! I’m-” you’re gripping onto him for dear life, firm biceps not budging an inch even when you start to dig your nails into his skin.

It all happens so fast he doesn’t even realize he’s also cumming right behind you, too caught up in the way your sultry lips fall into an “O” shape as you scream his name loud enough to be heard by the entire complex. He buries himself to the hilt, mind boiling with the thought of how he’s fucking his cum into you raw. For some reason the idea only pushes him to not pull out, letting you keep all his seed as he mewls. “Take it, take it all,” sweat accumulating at his hairline.

You’re squeezing him like a damn vice while you come undone, face scrunched so pretty. It makes his cock ache inside you, relishing in the soft sighs that come from your parted lips.

You both start to come down from your lust filled highs when he speaks again, “mhhhm, you’re still a few cents short.” He kisses you, leaning forward and almost suffocating you into his large chest.

Oh boy, hopefully he clocked out.

Enjoy? Reblog & click 2 see event masterlist!

#˗ˏˋ VALENTINES 100 FOLLOWERS EVENT ˎˊ˗#portgas d ace smut #ace smut #ace x reader #portgas ace x reader #ace x y/n #portgas ace x y/n #one piece smut #one piece x black!reader #one piece x reader #one piece thirsts #ace

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throwmethroughawindow · 5 months

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scrolling through tiktok and I always get videos of people sipping drinks through straws but they don’t know what the drink is and have to guess.

imagining doing that w Ace and him just slurping down all the drinks, no hesitation and no grimaces no matter what it is. Eager to please and not picky at all, he’s staring at you while slurping down the milk you had put right after the orange juice.

the combination making YOUR stomach turn but he’s just like 🥰🥰🥰 can we do more? This was so good!!!! While drinking the pickle juice you had put after the milk😫

#one piece #portgas d ace #ace ace ace ace ace #he would be so cute and want to please #but so fucking gross w challenges like this #bc he likes it all and isn’t picky #THE CHALLENGE W HIM AND LUFFY LOL #portgas d ace brainrot #cutie portgas d ace #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace coded #portgas d ace x me #I would gag LMAOOO #plllsss I love him so much #manifesting a man who looks and is exactly like ace in my life rn

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moonie-moon-o7 · 5 months

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Portgas D. Ace relationship headcanons

Just wanted to write some headcanons for my baby boi before going to sleep <333

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First of all, i need to say that he is an absolute cutie.

He'll always make sure to stay with you 24/7 because he wants to spend as much time as possible with you and he's scared something will happen if he's not with you

I'm pretty sure he's insecure about himself alot. (after all, some people DID say that roger's son didnt deserve to live-)

Please just play with his hair, cuddle him and tell him how much you love him and care about him

When he gets EXTREMELY flustered (which happens often), he would catch fire

You often have to keep his head from falling into his food as he fell asleep while eating again

Loves to listen to you rambling about your day and things you like so much

He also loves to tell you all about his adventures and to bring back some gift for you <3

He gets so damn flustered and embarassed if you kissed him in front of the other crew members since they would tease him about it (no matter if it's on the cheek or the lips)

He acts cocky and confident in public, but he melts when you hug him and tell him you love him in private

He's just such a cute baby boyyyyyy

#portgas d ace #Ace #portgas ace x reader #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace fluff #portgas d ace headcanons

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mericanocom · 7 months

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Portgas D Ace is such a cutie

Before knowing that it was his little brother who throw him in the air :

After knowing that it was Luffy eating right before his eyes, And the cute noise he Made after he Saw Luffy is just so adorable 🥹🥹✨

#portgas d ace #monkey d. luffy #one piece #bad quality picture #cute

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bluskye-27 · 2 years

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Hi my fellow pirate :) Can I please request headcanons for Sanji, Shanks, and Ace having a crush on a tough, dominant, intimidating woman and after figuring it out, she pounces on them for a kiss and is like "Finally you're all mine."

Here's a reference for the pouncing part:

Sanji, Shanks & Ace crushing on Tough & Intimidating! Fem! S/O

Summary: To think a tough pirate like him would fell in love with an equally tough and intimidating woman like you.

Blackfoot Sanji:

- When Sanji first met you, he was like 😳

- He thought he would never meet any dominant and intimidating women in his entire life yet you clearly proved him wrong

- Sanji will try to be a gentleman to you but you just dismisses him, telling him that you're not one for chivalry n' stuff

- The cook was in awe of your strength and bravery, not depending on men to protect you which confuses him at first but accepted it for some time

- For once, Sanji will try not to treat you like royalty, instead he'll see you as an equal (much like Zoro to girls)

- "Ah, thanks for the food, Sanj!" You smiled at the blond man, ruffling his hair as you walked off with the dessert he made for you.

- Gurl, you just successfully made the pervert/gentleman/cook fell for you~

- And when the marines attacked you guys, Sanji was entirely mesmerized by the way you fight, tough yet graceful at the same time. He was so caught up with gawking at you when an enemy sneaks up behind him

- You noticed immediately and proceeded to tackle Sanji while Zoro slashed the enemy

- "Watch your stupid back, Curly Brow!"

- Yet Sanji was not paying attention to the green haired swordsman, instead he was laying down on the floor with you on top of him. Gosh, those eyes he just love staring at was currently looking down at him in concern, flustering him greatly

- Before he can stop himself, Sanji blurted out a quick "I love you."

- You just grinned of course, swooping down to kiss Sanji on the lips.

- "Yeah, I know. You've never been discreet with your staring before, so yeah, I would know."

- Sanji was a blushing mess that day, letting you carry him to the infirmary to treat his injuries.

Emperor Shanks:

- One day, you met Shanks and his crew. You were intrigued by them so you asked Shanks to join his crew

- The red haired emperor just laughed, smirking at you in his drunken state (you guys were at a bar on your island)

- "Sorry, lady, I can't see a beautiful and delicate woman such as yourself be a rowdy pirate like me and my crew."

- Having been looked down upon your entire life, you snapped at Shanks by grabbing his only arm and flipped him on his back, twisting his arm behind his back painfully.

- "How about now?" You smirked down at the surprised emperor.

- "You know what? You're in. Though you're gonna pay for my spilled booze." Shanks pouted while his crew-well, your crew- cheered.

- Everyone in the crew was very happy to have you with them. They knew how tough and intimidating you are, not one of those girlie girls, so they treat you equally on how they treat each other.

- Shanks, who can't see the difference between prim and proper ladies and tough and manly women, treated you like a royalty.

- Which you clearly despises ofc

- Everytime Shanks called you "Princess" "My Lady" "Cutie-Patootie" and other cutesy nicknames, you would flip him off or literally flip him

- And no, the idiot would not care about the pain but just to see your "sexy" strength. After all, he has loving feelings just for you, no matter how many times you flip him on his back.

- For once he's sober, Shanks decided to tease you once more, ofc you flipped him on his back again, but this time, he quickly changed your position with him on top instead, smirking down at you.

- "You know how much you flip me, I will always love you~" He chuckled

- You huffed and grabbed Shanks by the back of his neck and slammed your lips on him, shocking the red haired pirate.

- "Yeah, and I love you no matter how annoying you are."

- Shanks is in love~ 🥰

Portgas D. Ace:

- You've always been with Ace ever since you guys are still the Spade Pirates and until now when you guys joined the Whitebeard Pirates.

- You were one of the toughest and strongest fighter so WB put you under Ace's division which the latter clearly liked

- Ace has been forever crushing on you ever since he met you at your island, where the two of you ran into each other when the male is running from angry restaurant staff (yeah, he committed dash-and-dine once again)

- And now in the present time, you, the WBP and other allies are fighting to save Ace from getting executed.

- You learned about Luffy from your dear commander so you quickly knew it was the strawhat-wearing boy when you saw him. You and Luffy quickly teamed up together and fought every marine on your way to the execution podium.

- "LUFFY! Y/N! TURN BACK! I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAVE ME!" By this, you snapped.

- "SHUT THE FUCK UP, PORTGAS!"

- Everyone around you looked at you in utter disbelief. Even Ace was stunned to silence

- "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU DON'T WANT US TO SAVE YOU BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY! ALSO, DON'T EVEN THINK YOU CAN JUST CONFESS YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS TO ME ON THAT DAMNED LETTER WHILE YOU WERE AWAY HUNTING FOR THAT STUPID BITCH TEACH!"

- (Somewhere, Blackbeard sneezed.)

- Fast-forward to the time when Akainu is about to punch a hole on Ace-

- "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MAH WAY, YOU MAGMA ASS!" Using your wind powers, you blew Akainu away to the sea, saving Luffy and Ace.

- "Y/n, I-" Ace started but you cut him off with a rough kiss, pulling him by his necklace to meet your height.

- "I love you too, dumbass. Next time, don't even think about leaving me again, ya hear me?" And you put his cowboy hat on his head, grinning at his flustered face.

- "Mhm. I will!" He smiled back at you.

Hello, @sacredwarrior88 ! This is your long-awaited request, hope you like it~

#vinsmoke sanji #vinsmoke sanji x reader #black leg sanji x reader #one piece sanji x reader #red haired shanks #akagami no shanks x reader #one piece shanks x reader #portgas d. ace #portgas d ace x reader #fire fist ace x reader #one piece ace x reader

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doctorgerth · 1 year

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Round One —

Voting Window closes Feb. 8th (VOTING NOW CLOSED)

If you missed the details of the event, refer to this post!

Reminder that you can only send in votes off anon. Any anon votes will be deleted. These votes will not be published, so please don’t worry about that!

Character Roster:

Smoker

Eustass Kid

Dracule Mihawk

Charlotte Katakuri

Killer

Roronoa Zoro

Monkey D. Luffy

Trafalgar Law

Sanji

Portgas D. Ace

Sabo

Shanks

Candy Hearts (Mystery Prompts):

True Love

Be Mine

Ur Cute

XOXO

Crazy 4U

Let’s Kiss

Miss You

I’m Yours

Sweet Heart

Cutie Pie

Soul Mate

You & Me

You can give out as many hearts as you want, but only one heart per character, no repeated hearts, and only to the characters listed in the roster above! Please also only vote once. Repeated votes/spam votes will be deleted.

Sample votes:

Hi, I’d like to give Smoker the XOXO heart, please. Thanks!

Hello! Can I please give Soul Mate to Sabo, I’m Yours to Killer, and Crazy 4U to Mihawk?

Hey Doc! Here’s what I’d like to give out! Smoker: Cutie Pie, Kid: True Love, Mihawk: Miss You, Katakuri: I’m Yours, Killer: Sweet Heart, Zoro: You & Me, Luffy: Ur Cute, Law: Let’s Kiss, Sanji: XOXO, Ace: Soul Mate, Sabo: Be Mine, Shanks: Crazy 4U. Thank you!

I will close the voting on the evening of Feb. 8th. There will be an official post announcing that the voting for Round One is complete, followed with a list of which character received which prompt.

Thanks for any and all contributions to this event. If you have any questions, just ask! 💕

#doctorgerth #doctorgerth event #2023 valentine’s day event #try not to smooch your crewmate #tntsyc #round one #round one voting window

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mugiwara-communications · 2 years

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OP Characters as "Things in my Fridge"

To my mother, who doesn't read any of my work, I'm sorry I spent three hours with the fridge door open. I swear I was cleaning it out, but also just eating handfuls of cheese when you weren't looking.

Monkey D. "Strawhat" Luffy: White people leftovers from dinner, porkchops with fried potatoes :)

"Pirate Hunter" Roronoa Zoro: Horrible roughly chopped green onions in a baggy shoved under a bag of cherry tomatoes. I don't remember cutting any onions recently, and I hate tomatoes.

"Cat Burglar" Nami: Cutie mandarines... cuz she's a cutie. She'd probably kill me because it's not a tangerine, but they aren't in season yet.

"God" Usopp: A five-pound bag of shredded colby jack cheese that I eat handfuls at a time.

"Black Leg" Sanji: My man is the whole fridge in this case, y'all, he's the anything and everything.

"Cotton Candy Lover" Tony Tony Chopper: 1/3 full can of 'Cotton Candy' flavored Bang. And yes that is actually in my fridge at this moment and not just picked out because they're both cotton candy.

"Devil Child" Nico Robin: Not in the fridge, but the hideous and beautiful drawing my niece did of me stuck to the door. It's my prized possession and I know Robin would keep all of Luffy's drawings.

"Iron Man" Franky: A single open can of faygo twist, and no it wasn't flat.

"Soul King" Brook: A pitcher of Sweet Tea! Freshly made!

"Knight of the Sea" Jinbe: The chuck of salmon I spent $25 on and get to dice up for my kitty later.

“Oni” Yamato: Chinese takeout that I don't remember buying, but will be eating later hell yeah.

"Surgeon of Death" Trafalgar Law: A near empty bottle of cold brew coffee. SToK brand because I'm not rich enough to buy starbucks.

"Captain" Eustass Kid: A random dirty/used knife, (not bloody.)

"Massacre Soldier" Killer: The birthday cake I found with the knife. And no, it hasn't been anyone's birthday recently, but that cake does say 'Happy Birthday' in blue icing.

"Red Flag" X Drake: A three-pound industrial container of melted chocolate I could use for ice cream, milkshakes, chocy milk, licking off his big sexy chest, and so much more.

"Big Eater" Jewelry Bonney: Frozen Totino's pizza rolls that my sister put in the wrong area again. Combination, but I don't care for the sausage.

"The Magician" Basil Hawkins: Bottle of ranch, nothing else. Not even spiced, magical ranch. Just plain, normal, 'good for salads and pizzas' ranch.

"Whitebeard" Edward Newgate: Okay, not 'in' my fridge, but I keep boxes of cereal on top and recently bought an off-brand called 'Bye-Os' indeed of 'Cheerios' and that is the perfect dad joke.

Marco "The Phoenix": A suspiciously perfect bag of grapes. Like delicious, juicy, tender, firm... grapes, yes, the grapes. Good grapes.

Portgas D. "Fire Fist" Ace: The butter I've also yelled at my sister not to put in the fridge so many times. It's the toast butter! It's got, like, crumbs in it, so it can't be used for much else!

Gol D. "Gold" Roger: You know those plastic, reusable ice cubes? I have 8 million of them little bitches, they leak like hell, and I know that he'd, proudly, be one of them.

Silvers "Dark King" Rayleigh: The cheap-ass bottle of 10% wine I sippy-sip when I'm saddy-sad. He could be something of higher quality if I could afford it.

"Red Hair" Shanks: Near empty bottle of ketchup I have to shake and beat on the counter to use. Most likely separated and gross, but give it a few shakes and it's usable again.

Buggy "The Clown": Call me white, but he's a good potato salad. AND WHEN DONE RIGHT, IT'S REAL GOOD. He's the comfort of potato, the crunch of pickle, and the miracle of miracle whip.

Dracule "Hawk Eyes” Mihawk: A bottle of apple juice that looks and smells like it's been fermenting for twenty years.

“Sir” Crocodile: Dill relish looking ass that is mostly juice instead of the pickles. However, usable in many dishes.

Boa “Pirate Empress” Hancock: My niece is just learning why some foods have to go in the fridge and will stick things in there when no one is looking to help, so Boa is the packet of double stuff oreos I have been looking for all day.

Donquixote Doflamingo “Joker”: Gross bitch can be my father's sour kraut for all I care, I don't eat it and I ain't touching this man with a ten-foot pole.

Donquixote "Corazon" Rosinate: Chocolate-covered strawberries in a bag that has been sitting next to a bag of raspberries, which now I can't eat either of them because I'm allergic.

"Revolutionary Chief of Staff" Sabo: Thirteen different miniature hot sauce bottles that came in a large kit, all different levels of spice and flavor... Go, white boy, go.

"Pirate Princess" Nefertari Vivi: Pretty spring fruit cocktail, with watermelon, cucumber, and cherries. I bought that bitch at public!

Bartolomeo "The Cannibal": A half-eaten watermelon that is mostly just the rind left.

"Ghost Princess" Perona: A brand new bottle of apple juice I just opened and won't let ferment!

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