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skadream · 1 year

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Rudy's Book Reviews: You Will Get Through This Night by Daniel Howell

yeah thats right im gonna be a phannie on main for a second. this is the start of my book review series which i hope to actually folow through with lol. this one ive been listening to as an audiobook but i do have the physical copy as well cuz im like that! next review will hopefully be gideon the ninth so tune in for that, but for now, read this review under the cut:

this book is a practical mental health guide, honestly a lot of it is stuff that you can learn in therapy so like if you have a therapist that you like then maybe its not worth it BUT theres like slim pickins for mental health books that arent just anecdotal evidence without actually talking about what people did to help them get better, just "yea i was sad but then i got therapy ✌️" or books that are so couched in psychiatric jargon its hard for a layperson to get into OR just vaguely inspiring bullshit.

its all written with the help of an actual licensed psychologist person, so no bullshit, no just do yoga and drink water shit (although obviously exercise and hydration and physical health are talked about) and yes he mentions medication and LICENSED therapy if those end up being necessary steps to take with your mental health!!! which again, in the world of self help type books, tends to be rare advice which is DEPRESSING IN A DIFFERENT WAY LMAO.

ofc it should go without saying that a book can never be a replacement for therapy but Considering How The World Is, this book is good for like maybe stepping into learning some coping skills as well as figuring out a plan before, during, and after crisis mode. i would say the tone is more serious than humorous but dan puts a lot of his own natural snarky sarcasm stink all over this book which obv that can be a taste thing if youre not into brit sarcasm mode but as a One Of Those i like it lol

in terms of Dan And Phil™️-isms, theres a sprinkling of cute winks and nods and inside jokes that people who drew sharpie cat whiskers on their faces as teens would understand but Normies will not find to be out of place or anything, there's also some storytimes of like his previous tours or living as a dropout youtuber being stress-inducing and things like that but not a ton which i kinda prefer cuz it makes it easier for me to recommend this book to people who dont give a shit about Phandom Memes

theres an introduction which is kind of a short summary of who dan is, basically just summarizing his youtube videos talking about depression and when he came out as queer and all that fun stuff, if youre a psycho hardcore fan person like me you might find it to be a long and unnecessary read, but if youre someone who didnt know about this guy and are curious as to why he would even write a book like this its a pretty good synopsis.

the american cover has dan's stupid face on it, and as someone who is a big fan of dan's stupid beautiful face, i wish we had the EU version with like tasteful yellow stripes on it bc it looks so nice, but i mean i just keep it on my bookshelf with the spine showing which is just a nice yellow spine with the title and looks unassuming so its not THAT big a deal lmaoo.

in terms of the audiobook, dan's voice is quite soothing and there's all these like audio cues and fitting music which i really like. the only downside is, for example, he reads out this timed breathing exercise that is meant to be like a five minute exercise, but it's not actually timed? so like i want to do the breathing exercises along with him reading it out but he reads it so fast its kinda like bro slow down you said breathe in for five seconds why you going ahead two seconds later homie. thats my only criticism i think obv if you are reading it and not listening you can just do the exercises by timing yourself lol.

ummmm idk if im gonna give a number at the end of these reviews!!! i give this book a big thumbs up!! 👍 woohoo yeah baby i am very proud of dan's current life journey thing that he's going on and i think this is a great book for people who need help which is everyone alive today right now :)

#rudyreviews

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ap-sadistics · 1 year

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Reads ur essay like the morning newspaper (it was like 6am). I hope it's ok for me to send an ask with just a few small thoughts. but first of all CONGRATS ON FINISHING IT!! 🧡 DJKFDSJF I KNOW IT WAS A LOT BUT PROUD OF U! anyway!! thoughts as I read!

Imma be real. I forgot about the oni. u know I watched that season so recently but I did not remember them which i think says it all lol. To my brain, the villain of s10 was toxic smoke. Also, I did not process Mystake actually dead. I had to check the wiki, for real I thought she would come back in a later season bcuz u know she has so many tricks up her sleeve and seemed so wise but she got the eraser for not being important anymore I fucking guess :) as always it is my fault for having hope in the show. but idk if its much hope as it is like, the normal course of action. i think its extremely weird how they keep doing that to characters they made her cool for one second and then threw her away. gurl power! There is not much to comment about the Garma thing bcuz u pretty much say it all but it bears repeating just how much of a wasted potential for real angst it was. It cOULDVE BEEN GOOD IF THE WRITERS REMEMBERED THEIR OWN SHOW Also! I agree with Jay being the most consistent btw. he also holds the most traits: inventor - has crush on nya/dating nya - Jokester - scream/whinny/kinda pessimistic and Im guess is bcuz they are kinda hard to forget since the first helps w plot, the second is their het tax, third and fourth is their comedy relief. Compared, the other ninja dont rlly have that much...Not even lil special boy Lloyd! which is so weird!! he is their protag right???? he is their main one RIGHT? THEY INSIST ON THAT and yet the screamy blue one wins in personality!!! I think these boys need hobbies. Nya and Pix also got more solid characters bcuz they got like, IDK, SOMETHING GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES? Nya has the Samurai x thing which later becomes Pix's. Nya still wishes she could go back to that, be a hero in her own way and Pixal wanting to help. is cool, is them looking for autonomy. They are still cursed by writers tho :///

AHH THIS GOT SO LONG BUT I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO ENGAGE AND SHOW THAT I APPRECIATE UR ESSAY AND UR THOUGHTS THANK YOU FOR SHARING EM ILYBYE

sorry for the delay in answering this dan!!!! thank you for the reply tho!!! one of the two!!!! people i knew would read that stupid long post,

ugh yeah they really made mystake all cool giving her an epic moment only to kill her off..... man i liked the scene where drop her weights and went apeshit. iconic really. too bad she died.

AND YOURE RIGHT. THEY DID GIVE JAY THE MOST AMOUNT OF DISTINCT CHARACTERISTICS... im not blinded by bias pog!!!!!!

i honestly cannot like..... define lloyds characteristics..... beyond anything thats tied to being a leader. he has the exact same problem as cole i feel.... personality wise. theyre just guys

at the least the girls have something. if only there was no misogyny. truly.

anyways i appreciate you appreciating my essay dan sdhkjfhtlk. so much time went into that thing asduihglsk. even if its just for me its nice to have friends agree with me. BECAUSE I AM RIGHT

#jem's miscellany #ninjago talk #rotten dan

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rotten-dan · 2 years

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dan i hope you dont freaking mind my telling you via ask bc if discovered they expanded the chara limits here and not replies so this way gives me more room to Speak. so anyways... ive said different... because ive believe... that the moment an interpretation of character exists concretely in the world, a new version of that character is created and is inherently a separate guy. because once the person takes that character theyre imparting their own self into that character because their perception of that character will always be different from that of the originals creators... even if you tried your hardest to be the most faithful that you can be to the source can you truly confidently say that your vision of the character is the same as the creators? when you are obviously a separate and different person from them? you will never be them. so what think happens is that we you make that interpretation exist, you sort of make it your own. you get a bit of ownership for That Instance, for That Version of that same character. you know how ppl can say "oh i love your wayne" (for example) because they like how you wrote them? my stance is kinda based on that. a My City Now sort of stance. yes that character is based on what already exists. but do they exist in the same place? no i thinks its a parallel sort of existence... yes theyre tied together by features and name. but isnt that new version sort of independent? well actually. this part is very debatable. how independent/dependent an interpretation is from the og. probably! it varies! on artistic license! and how fleshed out that new version is made.

im gonna talk about some interesting cases of character interpretations. obviously a big one would be fandom interpretation. fan created content of the same character. im gonna use your slu//ttysa/n/s example lol and spin it so i can argue that hes a different character lol. when that much deviance happens i think its fair that this is different guy. sure maybe personality wise and other things may match up, but dont the differences make him... different? not the same? would tob/y fo/x look him and go "yeah thats my guy". i dont know im not tob/y f/ox. BUT IF I WERE HIM AND THAT HAPPENED TO MY CHARACTER ID BE LIKE "THAT NOT MY FUCKING GUY......" and even if the difference werent so drastic maybe the creator would still go ehhhh thats not Quite right.... nonetheless that creator denouncing a version of a character wouldnt stop it from existing no? they still exist as a character with a different existence from the original. they simply have ties

other interesting examples include sher/lo//ck hol/mes, ba/tm/an, spid//erm/an, comic book heroes in general really, drama adaptations of chinese novels wheres theres significant changes due to censorship (im thinking of fairly specific example but i dont know how familiar you are with that fandom and also i know cn drama adaptations actually experience this frequently so im being general here), mythical characters like greek gods and sun wukong (the last character is very relevant to me bc of monki/e kid and hes actually the main reason i started thinking so hard about this). these are all characters that have seen MANY different interpretations

starting from she/rlock. this freaking guy. so many different versions. man. heres two versions i wanna pick out of this dude along with the original. dan you know dgs/great ac/e att/orney she/rlock? how hes such a HUGE HIMBO? hes a drastic divergence from the original. now take b/b//c sher/lock (which i have not seen but were on tumblr. we all know the guy unfortunately.) and set him down next to the other two. whats your answer? i feel like theyre different characters entirely. their source material gave them a whole new life that.... you dont need the og material tbh to see and understand their characters. and the two interpretations are connected to the original but! they arent connected to each other at all. theyre at the very least. different characters from each other

now comic book heros are a fucking doozy. bc the nature of these fucking characters are a fucking MESS. theres an original version for all of them..... but.... comic book heroes live a weird sort of Collective/Collaborative existence. theres so many comics written by so many people about the same freaking guy and yet so many of them are recognized all to be canon by the publisher. for the record i havent read any. nor have i watched the movies. but i know of their nature. and its freaking weird. (actually on second thought i Did watch some of the cartoons as a kid.... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADAPTATIONS OF THESE GUYS....) the general public also recognize these characters in this sort of iconic way. sup/erman is always superma/n. everybody knows spide/rman. BUT. ARE THEY THE SAME SAME? THEY ALL EACH HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE VERSION OF THE CANON.....bbbuuuut. but but. this is one of The Most dubious examples of same or different characters. bc many people will think yeah theyre the same guy. but is the tob/ey mag/uire parker same as to/m h/olland parker same as spid/erverse parker same as whatever random issue of s/pide/rman parker? i personally would say. no. but some ppl would disagree

ACTUALLY NO WAIT THE TMNT TURTLES ARE ORIGINALLY COMIC BOOK CHARACTER AND THE ROTTMNT TURTLES ARE ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS FROM EVERY OTHER ITERATION OF THEMSELVES AND YOU LITERALLY COULD NOT CHANGE MY MIND. I AM ADAMANT ABOUT THIS ONE. IM RIGHT

cn dramas...... i wont get too into it. im not chinese, i just watched a handful of dramas. but what sometimes happens is that sometimes is that significant story and character changes will happen. to abide to restrictions. not just homophobia, stuff like possession is apparently restricted too (source: chinese friend, this is only reason i know some stuff). now i wont talk about the nature of that biz. its not my place. but it is interesting tho. im gonna step back and talk more generally about what happens to the identity of characters that undergo significant changes to their story through an adaptation. because its not unique to cn media. it happens all the time everywhere. a big example would be ho/wls mo/ving castle i think. these characters.... are meant to Be the same characters..... but are they... really? still? despite these changes. this one is also a complicated example. relationship between a novel and adaptation. and the characters within. WHAT. makes. a character. that character. their story? their personality? their appearance? their motivations? their drive? their name? their identity? all of that together makes that character who they are. so what happens if you change pieces of them. my friend says this is a different application of ship of theseus and i agree. but also i think is more than taking a ship and replacing a piece of it. because again i believe the new version of that character exists parallel to the original. to me i see it as a ctrl+c, ctrl+v, and edit. its a copy paste with tweaks. because the original is still untouched. it cant truly Be touched except by the original creator. so again my conclusion here is different

actually im gonna speak from an personal-experience-while-reading-fanfic standpoint.... i guess.... what believe what makes a character that character depends on their essence. because even within their own original story literally any part of them is subject to change. but that doesnt stop them from being them. but What is Essence tho...? i licherally could not tell you. its entirely subjective. this entire discussion is subjective. its just... a feeling... and i guess if another version of that character had that same essense i might argue that my answer would be "same" actually... but essence is hard to capture and depending on what is done to that character by another person, that essence Will Change. because i think its different when a character changes within their own narrative vs when a character is changed by someone else. its a different kind of change....

mythical legends thoooooo. again these characters exist kinda in a similar way to comic heroes how their existence is kinda like a monolith in the public consciousness but on a much bigger, grander, and older scale. greek gods. i know you dont like them lol. but you know they exist. and you know how ppl have taken them and created their own narratives with them. big examples being hade/s and per/cy jac/kson. in these cases i think their source stories are more significant. their legends. mythical figures have this different sort of quality to them than modern day characters. in fact. can you call them characters sometimes? is god a character? now this is a hot water subject. but i think it can be said if these figures werent characters before.... they were/are/can be Made into characters. and thats their presence in modern day media i think. theyre new characters that are birthed from their own myths into a new story thats inspired by them. i think thats kinda rad

ok now im gonna get more self indulgent talk about su/n wuk/ong if you dont freaking mind. bc this is the dude who spurred this debate in my head in the first place. hes an example of a mythical figure whos absolutely a character. a character who also has many representations of himself across media. FUCKING GOKU IS SU/N WU/KONG...... but id say go/ku is safe bet to claim as a different character from su/n wukon/g. just fucking look at this freaking guy. needs no discussion. but s/un wuk/ong in my funky little lego show is an INTERESTING example of....... same but different.... because with the nature of the show. the show isnt an adaptation of journey to the west, su/n wukon/gs original story. no its inspired by it. its chronologically takes place After jttw. in fact it goes to establish that This is The sun wuko/ng. the myth and legend himself. theres mentions of his legacy. other characters from that story are in that story also but theres new characters that are Representations of some old character while not being them themselves. sorry if this is confusing? im gonna stick to sun wuk/ong. what im saying is. the character su/n wuk/ong is intended to be the same guy in his myths. buuut. if you look closely.... some parts of the story of his myths within the show is actually different. YOU HAVENT SEEN THE SHOW SO THERE NO POINT POINTING OUT WHAT IM SPECIFICALLY TALKING ABOUT (BUT IT REVOLVES AROUND A DIFFERENT CHARACTER FROM JTTW BUT PART OF SU/N W/UKONGS STORY)..... but anyways if this guy who meant to be the same but actually has a slightly different myth within the show is it truly the same guy still? my head is gonna explode. i wanna say no bc thats my stance but its difficult to say it confidently tho. i do wanna say hes a good character tho. i think they do do a good job depicting him as the character he meant to be. while simultaneously making him a character unique to the show. i love this guy. lego mo/nki/e ki/d is a good show.

FUCK. DAN. THIS IS STRAIGHT UP AN ESSAY. I KNOW I WARNED YOU BUT IM SORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH OF THIS. IS THIS EVEN ABLE TO SEND??? i hope i put enough slashes for you bc. theres so many characters. oh man. DAN IVE HAD SO MANY THOUGHTS............. thanks for letting fucking go off hgjruitgjkxfgk. oh my god. i care about characters so fucking much. CHARACTERS MAN.

ok JOkES ASIDE YOU HAVE A LONG AND VERY GOOD POINT JEM, KINDA FUCKED ME UP NOT GONNA LIE BCUZ LIKE I MENTIONED I LOVE WRITIN IN CHARACTER ITS ALL TRUE

what else is there for me to add except that this should be a youtube essay with funny graphics that lasts like 1 hour or so

i like how passionate you are while writin

#'long post'#i hope that works #I HAVE NO IDEA IF THAT WILL WORK #talking to a ghost #jem this is so well thought out and amazing #but im sitll going to bitch about people doing ooc content gkDFLGKDFH #maybe will update it to: your version of the character sucks

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princemick-archive · 2 years

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Can you please make a list of the drivers and tell what you think about each of them. Only if you want to, but I am curious. 😽

...alright, okay, whole grid under the tab ya'll also if i say I hate someone rn and I start saying I love them tmmr dont be surprised my brain does that sometimes

charles: I genuinly like charles, seems like a good person w an insane amount of talent genuinly enjoy watching him drive a lot, one of my favs on the grid.

carlos: ......I am a culer. I do not like this man.

max: I, ugh, I love fanon max if that counts for fucking anything, irl max makes me uncomfortable but I get it, he has a weird charm but yeah just no. also dont really enhoy the way he races so that also doesn't make up for him being a dick.

checo: I dont have to much of an opinion on him but I like how respectful and kind he seems to be all the time. also incredible driver!

lando: listen ya'll okay..........I used to simp, I dont like him a lot rn, he just gives me bad vibes, he just feels to much like a 15 yr old gamer boy and I do not enjoy that. I like him w max and dan a lot tho

dan: BABIE BOOYYYYYYY. one of my favorite drivers on the grid, incredible driver, fantastic human. my favorite in my hyperfixactions are always the optimistic flirty lil bitch and that him, he is just so wonderful he makes me very !!!

lewis: king, one of the best to ever do it, style icon. yeah just, I mean its lewis, pretty high maintenaince man who gets what the fuck is going on in the world and isnt afraid to say it.

george: I dont like care about this man at all, he doesnt give me good or bad vibes, he exists, he looks like he wouldnt know what I meant if I would ask him to hold my drink as I go to the bathroom

esteban: noddle man who jsut seems genunly kind. I really like him, dont know to much abt him but the bit I do is just him seeminly being a good and kind person who just a lil dramatic and I love that for him

nando: stupid old slut man who I despise deeply (affectionate)

pierre: I hate how attracted I am to this man but hes an incredible driver and the way he carries himself is just, so hot. so uh, thumbs up.

yuki: I dont feel to much abt him but he seems wonderful and kind and I genuinly think hes an incredible driver and I hope he gets to show that more this season.

lance: no real opinon, rich boy, kinda shit driver, who doesn't seem like to like driving. eh. other people deserve that seat more.

seb: *holds gently* my beloved little idiot man I love you so much you stupid lil freak. he needs a haircut.

val: yes

guanyu: funky lil fashion man who goes zoom well. thumbs up.

nicky: look at lance opinion. Just like him a bit more because he genuinely seems to enjoy driving and is actually pretty okay when you look at his junior career.

alex: wonderful man! he is so good so soft so kind, I like him a lot he just gives off such good vibes.

kev: a whole man and a half whos completely fucking insane and exactly my kinda guy for that, love him so wonderful so supportive.

mick: I..........d-do u even want me to start. litteraly my favorite person on the grid for so so so many reasons. the way he holds himelf, the way he is socially aware the way he has so much pressure on him and is still able to have fun and live a life and do what he does and be kind and he so incredible, the way he cares so muhc about everyone on his team and helps out and makes sure everyones okay i just.....I love him but I need him to break and go mad schumi please and thank you.

alright, feel free to disagree or try and convince me otherwise in my asks im open for change unless its abt mick, if u dont like mick the fuck r u doing on my blog fr.

#kyle.answers #anon #about me

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jojotichakorn · 2 years

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my seanwhite heart is going through it :( i cant imagine how awful that must have been for sean, to have the guy (he thinks) he loves beat him to a pulp after rejecting him. black is really kinda fucked for that.. ngl black is just kinda a bit too much of a dick for me to like him but i hope he gets some like, idk compassion? feelings? i want to like him :(

im so intrigued with the whole who killed seans dad situation though omg,,, with the mention of a new police officer, theres a high possibility it could be that guy too. honestly im kind of hoping its him because i dont want sean to have one of his best friends be dating his fathers killer. i know if its dan theyll make sean forgive him for it but like, idk dude i dont want that like whoever killed his dad is a bad person and probably doesnt deserve to be forgiven. i know dans situation is more complicated than that but ugh idk. regardless acab. sean was right <3

grameugene is confusing me so much tbh ifkdkdfkfjjfk i literally cannot tell what the plan is for black/gram/eugene??? im SO pro poly gramblackeugene but like,, theres no way they do that. i was fairly certain gram was projecting but now?? now i have no idea what hes doing lol

i feel like this episode was definitely a setup episode (not to say it was bad!! i loved it) but im still so confused about whats happening next episode.. like is sean finally finding out? why didnt he realize it was black if he already had a feeling there were two of them? wtf is black doing?? whats grams deal? are they still going to try to do the plan with TWO (2) people in the group shot? why hasnt black met with anyone other than white and sean??

next ep pls answer my questions >:(

-lost anon

heyyy, lost anon!!

i am not feeling black rn to be honest. i never have, and my gut feeling didn't fail me. so far, i just don't like him. he's way too much.

i think it's interesting how personal involvement makes it easier for us to be compassionate. i don't find there to be much difference between the story we heard about sean's father and the man dan killed (if it is indeed two different people). frankly, i don't find there to be much difference between anyone killed by the police. i'm not about to sit here and count all the reasons why dan shouldn't have done it, because there is just one reason - a police officer should not kill people. it's that simple. and any police officer who has? well.

idk why exactly you think they won't do gramblackeugene, but to be honest i feel like it doesn't make sense for eugene to still want to be with black. though after getting to know him properly, i barely understand why they were together in the first place. so far, grameugene makes the most sense to me, provided that eugene's current hesitation is due to reasons other than not liking gram back.

unfortunately, i have no answers to your questions :( i am as confused as you are today.

#archer responds #lost anon

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zmayadw · 3 years

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Hello :)

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“ I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“ Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“ „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“ „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused. „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“ I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“ „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“ Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

#duskwood #duskwood dan #fanfic

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pilotheather · 3 years

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EDIT: MY READMORE DIDTN WORK

- NO NOW HANG ON HANG ON.... OPENING THUS FAR IM ACTUALLY LOVING IT. I KNOW ITS TOO SOON BUT IM FEELING SOME PERSONALITY FROM THEM FOR ONCE AND I LOVE THE CHEESINESS THAT ISNT TOO... BECH AS IT WAS

- and the evil yorkshire guy

- AGAIN THIS IS ONE I-

- OH THATS ONE FUCKED UP LOOKING FELLA I -

- Hiiiyaa whos these cuties

- anyways my point: theres just sth off sometimes with the way chibs writes dialogue. like the doctor just asking things loudly whilst ic it just feels so fucking weird sometimes .

- also i did sneak a look into twitter livetweets. someone literally saI-

- OH MY GOD THIS BITCH SPIKE OH WAIT THAT KINDA LOOKED SICK FINE

- BITCH LOOKING LIKE A RIGHT CREATURE

- ANYWAYS people on twitter: "why is it so cheesy" girl you are watching doctor who?

- again witht he dialogue: you see that. theres something out there. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS SOUND SO STILTED SOMEHOW? IS IT LIETERALLY JUST ME?

- anyways also that "trick or treat" thing ok thats a bit too cheesy that one i'll concede bless but THATS IT

- dan he is literally holding eggs

- also regarding some dwcourse: people are whining about d

- I'M THROWONG UP DAN ..... KN-

- IKARAVNISTA

- HIIIII KARVANISTA HAIIIII HI HI HIHIHIHIH HI HELLO KARVANISTA HIIII HIIII HI I LOVE YOU KARVANISTA I LOVEEE UOI HIIII HI HI KISS KISS SHII AWWW WHOS A GOOD LITTLE PUPPY WHOS A GOOD LITTLE BOY GOOCHY GOOCHY GOO LITTLE PUPPY WAWWW DO YOU WANT A TREA-

- dan im insane

- YOU PUT HIM IN A CUBE?

- YOU YA MAM'D THE DOG, DAN?

- ANYWAY regarding the dwcourse about bishop: ive said my shit about me not wanting a new guy, even if i do LIKE dan thus far, BUT. i will say ppl are so silly for complaining about when they hire celeb actors and say the shows gone to shit. girl..... billie piper the popstar? catherine tate the comedian? even kylie minogue was like. such a good one off casting .

- GIRL HIS HOUSE?

- now why cant i smash some shit up with a hammer, say something kinda foreboding, whilst wearing a funky sweate

- a dog shot me how can a dog shoot me

- dan really is having an unlucky fucking day isnt he.

- karvanista my good little boy n'aww wwhos a good little pup dont be mean to dan

- karvanista: im going to kill you im g dan: bet

- "oh my god! doctor!" "who tf." OKAY COOL. HIII CLAIREEEEEE

- more women wacking things with hammer. thats exactly what doctor who needed in my opinion.

- GIRLIGHT GASLIGHT GIRLBOSS

- like are yaz and doc good though for real girlies cant we all just kiss about it hm

- oh so theres just an angel here now. hi . also unhappy about the decision to put you here but nonetheless- oh christ is she about t BYE CLAIRE.

- outpost rose?

- VINDER VINDER VINDDER HIII HIIIII HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIIHHI (TWIRLS HAIR) I JUST THINK HES CUTE.... TEE . HEE.

- OH NOW THERES NO FELLA I LOVE MORE THAN A KING STUCK OUT ON SOME OUTPOST, WITH A LOG, REPORTING PRETTY MUCH NOTHING FOR DAYS AND DAYS IN ISOLATION

- "whats wrong with sheffield"

- "lifes a gamble" i do like her now

- NOW THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT BTW: YAZ HAS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY WITH DAN IN THAT 2 MINUTES THAN SHE EVER GOT WITH GRAHAM OR RYAN. because YOU ACTUALLY LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!

- i knew karvanista wasnt a bad guy. hes just a little grumpy puppy. n'aww.... sniff sniff. hes just trying to help u guys. why dont u want a little trip with the grumpy little puppy.

- is the tardis literally good

- IM THROWING UP WHY IS HIM SAYING "i cant live in that :/" WHEN BEING HANDED HIS TINY STUPID HOUSE OK... ITS FUNNY FINE ITS TICKLING ME FINE

- why- OHUGHGHGHGH LUMPS MY LUMPY LITTLEB MEN

- OHHHFHFHH

- YOU LOOK LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT "you look disgusting"

- the sontarans actually being used properly we do hope i would like to see it :3

-again christ why do they have to do the doctor is in the centre of all of this like why cant there just be a problem and she drops in and helps for goodness shakes

- FOR GOODNESS SHAKES I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY THAT BU-

- W.... WAS THAT A PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

- YOU LITERALLY stood up

- girl what is happening

- GIRRLLL WGAT

#egg.txt #flux liveblog

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rubycygnus · 3 years

Text

GOSSIP GIRL REBOOT: character review/ first impressions

i watched the gossip girl reboot episode 1 last night and i wanted to rant about the characters so here i am writing a review no one will see :D

JULIEN CALLOWAY aka the gen Z Serena

RATING : 4/5

From the main cast, she is the only one that seems ‘nice’. that could also just be façade she is putting on to be a more likeable ‘influencer’ (yes she is an IG influencer). she is seems alright but are followers are sooo annoying omg. i deducted half a point because there is a scene in episode 1 where here boyfriend and her have a fight and he is about to leave the party AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES??? she says ‘ you promised me a story’ so her followers take a picture of them for her instagram story!!?? it was so awkward and also very annoying. no wonder people hate influencers lmaoo

AUDREY HOPE aka gen Z Blair

RATING: 3/5

this episode wasn’t really focused on her. she doesnt have many lines but every time she opens her mouth she is a bitch; be it to julien or chuck bass equivalent. she has a boyfriend but she has a thing for max wolfe who is the chuck bass of the reboot. this i think they just stole from og gossip girl because blair was dating nate but she secretly had a thing for chuck? i dont have much to say about her because she is kinda irrelevant in episode 1.

MAX WOLFE aka the chuck bass

RATING: 2/5

a mellowed down version of chuck bass because we all know if they made a character like season 1 chuck bass in 2021 no one would like him and he possibly would get dragged on twitter lmaooo. the reason i gave him two points is that he is a BISEXUAL MALE. which is so rare in media?? because they always make males either gay or straight. THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION!!! he has a thing for audrey AND her boyfriend??? what are they going to do?? have a threesome??

OBIE BERGMANN IV aka rich Dan Humphrey

RATING: 4.5/5

he is the only sort of likeable character tbh. he is guilty because he is rich so he donates and volunteers at charity which is great and everything but that’s all he talks about?? that’s his only personality trait?? he dated julien and now has a thing for her sister?? what the fuck? he has potential of being my favorite character if he changes almost everything about him.

ZOYA LOTT aka possibly jenny?? idk

RATING: 3/5

julien’s half sister, also a self victimizing bitch. she has the same ‘ im so much better than you rich people’ as dan humphrey from og gossip girl. she is most defintely a pisces which makes her 10 times worse than everyone. maybe im just carry forwarding my hate for jenny onto her ... who knows

Aki Menzies aka Nate Archibald

RATING: 1/5

ditto og nate, no personality outside being in a relationship with somebody else

i think i was a little too aggressive lmao sorry oops. its only been 1 episode so hopefully within the next 5 episode i find a favorite character because it feels weird rooting for no one. anyways byeeeeeeee

#gossip girl

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okayish-omens · 3 years

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Eddies in a box

or Flowers in a Box but it’s cyberpunk. anyway here u go

Chapter 1 – The Beginning

autors note: okay just so you know i dont like this game. well sorta, but not really. but my older sister really like it though so i'm writing it for her as a present for her birthday. :) i hope that she likes it!

dedcated to my sister, haley :)

-okay beginning now-

Vee walks into the flat megabuildign 10. he is wearing a scarf and has squinty eyes. then he sees johnny sitting on the chair in the flat. the flat is pretty and has many BDs in it.

"hollo johnny" he says

"hello Vee" jonnhy says but bitchily.

"what are you on your period of something?" said ve also bitchily (but Johnny can sound way more bitchy because Koala Reeves plays him)

"you should knows i'm not a girl after you spend all night sucking my dick ;)" said johnny (johnny has the hots for v even if he has squinty eyes)

(i bet johnny has a squinty eyes fetish)

"what?' said ve e because he was smoking and not paying attention.

"oh nothing i guess that was a dream" said jonnhy sadly

"oh cool" said vee (hes kind a dumbazz lol) "anyways i came back from the store because rogue says we have a new case"

"oh really?" johnny said. He got up and walked over to eve. "Wow that's cool :)"

"We should go" said vee. "rouge will be wondering where we're going"

-some time later-

The crime scene was very bloody. It was at a muesum. everyone was there. even Takemura (everyones a bitch in this game and so is takemura). Takemura walked over to veee and there was some black chick by him (she kinda looks like the girl from being human, lol i love that show you sould watch it)

"Hi freak-v” Takemura said. (hes a jerk but he gets alot of dick he's like a pimp lol)

"why don't you go fuck a dinosaur taekmura" said Eev. 'jerk and also your cheating on your Wife."

"WHAT" said tkaemura (even though he's pimp hes still lame :)) and then he run off (but he didn't fuck a dinosaur like frea-v said)

(i know i'm not that good but the story isn't that bad :D please review)

Then Rouge came by and that made stuff more interesting. (i like her shes cool).

"Hi vee" she said. "how is this case going"

"Good" said V. "I think I know the killer"

"wow vee you're so hot" Said Jhonny.

"what?" said v.

"I mean smart" said johnyn.

"i know right?" Ve says

"can you just tell me who the killer is?"

V looked down at the body and narrowed his already squnty eyes. then some white words (it happens in the game guys don't flame me) appeared in front of him.

"the killer is takemuar;" said Vee e. "because he is a douche".

"Ok arrest him guys" said Rgoue. "Thanks vea for your help".

"no problem," said V.

"cool"

then they took away takemura, but someone was watching from the shadows. Someone who would want revenge.

-authors note: please r and r! i'll write more i have a great twist coming up :)-

Chapter 2 - The Skull

autors note: FCK H8TRS ! but for that 1 person who liked my fic thnx you 3 ! ! keep reviewin guyz! :)

-2 days earler-

takemura stempted through the doorway of the door. in side was a bunch of creepy stuff like spider web and a fish tank with deadly fish and a hammer head shark in it. and so was adam smasher.

(i hate yorinobu i like to call him Adam MASHER :))

Tkaemura sat down at the tabel across from smasher. "hello" he said.

"hello takemura why are u here" said smaher

"well yor i was wonderi ng if uo could fix somthing for me." said Taekmura. (get it cause in the game they say 'adam can u fix it for me? :O)

"wat?" said smaser

"well u see in the future this guy caled V-" said takemura

"oh i know him hes tawsome" said smashr

"ikr anyways he arrests me in the da future so i ned you to kill him." said taekmura

"how do u know the futre" masher saided

"well you see" said takemura

-FLASHBCAK-

Takemura is in the megabuild10 wen he touches Vees skull (not his REAL skull under his ksin lol his UNREAL 1 on the s helf)

then he (dun dun dun)… COULD SEE THE FURTE

-flashnack over-

"cool faslback" said smsher

"i know right"

"you no takemura you're really pimpin (well it's true real the first chatper of my sotry) so I think i will kill him for you"

"thnx then" said takemura.

"your welcome" said smashre

-back at the flat in the presnt time-

"i wonder what adam is doing now" sid vee

"yea me to," said johnny wisfuly "last time we saw him was at the hq. remember it blew up becasue u shot the bomb then the elevator began to explode. Yorinoub jumped away on his mototcyle-copter and smasher fired up his lazers into the smoke and climed up them. i pushed you in too the water beloe and (can you guys tell im trying to add more desription to make it god :)) saved us botg. then rouge came in and saved us. we never saw adma agan after that night.'

"yea johnyn …. i know i was there." Veee said.

johnyn did not like smasher much he liked to call him MASHRE haha (like me) because vee obvously liked him better. vee was a smart man who neded someone to kepe him intrestd johnny was simply a borin rockstar terrorist. he wold nevre me as good as adam..

he looked over at the skull which lay on the shelf… … . . and had an idea.

(okay guys do u like it? i added some more long bits and i tried to make it good and post some good scifi stuff in it :) :) :) please REA DAND REVIEW

Chapter 3 – The Kill

athorus note: thnx for all the revews guyz! I really aprciate it :) btw I found some bold font on my compter so now I;m going too bold some fstuff to mke it more dramatic ::)

-presetn time-

Vee and johnny were having dinner at a resuatrant. Mama welles was theyre (it's funny because JACKIe and yea) and they were eatin g gphagetti because thats what italina people eat (or maybe mama welles is spans hi cant remember) and she brouhgt over some candles and it was nice BUT THEN

a guy with a gun crahsede through the widow and shot vee dead and he fell to the floro dead and johnny said "OH NO" and held him in his arms

a single tear dripped donw his check add it was sad. every one of the cnadels in the restuarnt was blone out. it was sad.

"WHO" said johnyn. "WILL SOLVE THE CASE OF VEES MURDOR IF HES DEDA"

it was a sad day.

-back at the flat-

johnyn was stiging theye sad when all of a sudden the dore opend. in came a fmalr face- it was (dun dun dun) VEE.

"WOW SAID JOHNNY" "your mback!"

"i know" said eev "wait wat do yu o mean"

"you died"

"no i didnt" said v

"WHAT"

"yea i didnt why do u say i did."

"because you did!"

"hmmmph" said veee

"okay" said jhonny and then he went aoutside

then he saw misty (who is uhso tarot reder) and she said johnny i need "to talk to you"

"oka" he said

mitsy said "look eve died"

"yeah i know :(" sdia johnny

"but hers here"

"yea i know" said johnny

"see what happned is when vee touched the skull he sthins he saw the futue but realy his future self was swraped with his past self so his ptas self died and his futre self lived"

"oh" said johnny. "okay"

"lok smashre is trying to kill vee's fture slef you have to help him"

johnny thought about what would happen if vee wa s a striper "I DEDUCE THAT UOU ARE SEXY" he said

"what" said mistey

"nothing okat bye" said johnny going back

futurev was there and he said "hi johnny"

"hi Veea"

-1 day later-

"okay hi" said takemura "you said you killed him but hes skill alive"

"i know" said smashr. "because he touched the skull too"

"oh no"

"yes. which means that your past self has been aresttd and is in hail right now"

"good" said tkaemura

"no not good"

"i mean tnot good " said takemura

"godo said" adam "anways we need to kill the other vea too okay"

"okay" wait no

"pahy me"

"okay i'm a pimp so i have lot of mony"

"colz"

-1 day earlier-

vee touhec d the skull

-1 day later, at the flat-

John y touched the skull. (dun dun dun) (dun dun dan)

autors note: thnxs for reviwing guzy! keep it up 3! :):)

#pers #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #v #goro takemura #adam smasher #fanfiction #fanfic #cd projekt red #art #flowers in a box

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captainshyguy · 3 years

Text

not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them

its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with

but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]

i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience

im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name.

one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice

it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.

i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well

(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd)

from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)

its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love.

from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does.

khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather.

heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her.

then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber, yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many

anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice

and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here

some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard

i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X]

and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.

#and i just. i could go on!!! i could!!! so many peopek from school i knew even if just a tony bit #peopel in my classes whos last names are starting to escape me but the firsts are still there!#the people who's names are all but gone #but the faces are there #i just....god #where you make friends and go through school you meet so many people #so many!!!!#and then online friends and communities just expands on that exponentially!!!#so many people!!!#so many people live inside me!!!#and im a bit in love with a franction of them! just from the memories and nostalgia!#[insert quirrel voice here] all tragedy erased...i see only wonders #well. mostly gfkjdhndhjkfhdf #luke rambles #a BIG BOY RAMBLE TODAY MAN #i just.#this was on my mind all last night when i was trying to sleep #i am a little afraid of losing close communities im in now im not gonna life #*lie #but im hoping i can keep close with people from each for the long haul #becuase like. im not leaving tumblr until this palce suhts down dkjgnkgsgd #same with discord #with deviantart

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antpernas · 3 years

Text

11/17/20

you bitches better buckle up bc the trip to georgia went from bad to horrible VERY QUICKLY OSIDFLJSLDFK

SO just to note after i posted yesterday he came to the couch and started cuddling me while watching tiktoks and we were chatting and it was cute!! and i woke up feeling really good actually!! i was really confident that we were going to be able to enjoy the trip even without the intention of pursuing anything romantically afterwards! today we had plans to go around and look at atlanta, go thrifting, probably eat out too, etc. so i was really excited! and originally we were going to go to savannah today to go to the beach but then that went out the window alksfjslkdn

so i went to sleep the night before way earlier than dan, he had a presentation at 8 AM and he still hadnt completed the powerpoint for it. personally i thought he shouldve gone to sleep right when he did but he stayed up until 8 AM to present and then knocked out after. the consequence of that is that i woke up at 9 AM and was waiting for him to wake up all the way until 3 in the afternoon ASLKJLSKFDS

so finally he wakes up, i was kinda hoping that he would initiate the effort to actually go out like we had planned, especially since in our conversation on the drive home yesterday i had told him it really sucks to always be the one making the first effort literally all the time (not just with him but in general), and he said he would try to be more proactive to make me feel appreciated (that didnt happen aksfjlkf). so yeah no after thirty minutes of him not saying anything to me after he woke up i go ask him if hes still down to go out, and how i was waiting for him to wake up bc i didnt want to leave him alone in the aptmt to go thrifting cuz i thought that was mean, etc. he gets ready, we head out, he asks to drive my car and i say no bc he keeps breaking like a fucking maniac after id told him specifically not to bc it stresses me out !! we get in and head out

thrifting was pretty cool actually, there was like a LITTLE bit of awkward tension but it wasnt that bad, the thrift stores were super cool and i found some pretty nice stuff while i was there B) he also bought a bunch of stuff he liked so i thought it was a win win! we went and got food after, then we headed back to his place, which is where shit REALLY hit the fan

when we get back to his place he goes straight to his computer again. i go to the couch to eat, and after like a half hour of literally nothing–no chatting, no cuddling, he didnt even eat with me we just ate separately– i started looking into getting an airbnb and meeting other guys to try and salvage the trip. i told myself if he doesnt try to make a move to make me feel welcomed by the time my laundry was done, ill leave

THEN..... he starts getting dressed, and he heads to the door and he says to me “so youre gonna have the place to yourself for a little bit, im going to go out with some friends” and he leaves me alone in his house. this was extra ironic for me bc i remember before i had started the drive up and we were working out the details, i asked how long he would want me to stay, and he told me after wednesday he had a lot of stuff for school so he wouldnt be able to give me his attention or focus so he would feel bad if i stayed any longer; i said that that was totally fine and i thanked him for being considerate. and for that whole sentiment to be thrown out the window (if it hadnt ALREADY been bc he was just ignoring the fact that i was sitting on his couch twiddling my thumbs) when he left me alone in his house- yeah just comedy bitch COMEDYYY

and so i try to look into getting an airbnb and turns out i CANT bc my number is still linked to somebody elses fucking account and airbnb doesnt let you update it without access to the original account. at that fucking point i was pissed and i didnt even care about trying to salvage the trip so i just decide to drive home

i start getting my stuff ready and i messaging my friends about all this stuff, i end up facetiming my friend to tell them about it and their like “this is absolutely infuriating. youre not mad enough for me. burn that house down. steal his shit.” LOLLL it was just a mess!! i get all my stuff ready, i pack up my car and i leave

this one dude on grindr i was chatting to earlier had invited me over, i take him up on his offer and he was really sweet! we chatted about anime, played some video games for a little bit, his cat was adorable and it was a nice little thing. i was only there for an hour or so before i started heading home again

yeah all in all the trip was preeetttyyyyy much a bust, theres a lot of shit that pisses me off when i think about dan now (he was a huge hypocrite (he got mad at me for calling him out when he tried to excuse his behavior by saying it was bc of his trauma, but then made jokes about my r*pist.......), tbh kind of a sociopath, took a lot of pride in telling me about how hes so toxic and gaslights people all the time and i was just confused as to why he thought that would make me think any better of him at all/???, had a really concerning sense of humor that like took joy in suffering “ironically,” etc.) but i dont want to be resentful or spiteful or anything and honestly im not even that mad AT him!! he has a lot of potential in life and hes still super interesting, he just needs to heal a lot and GO TO THERAPY bc jesus fucking christ

but yeah thats my story about yesterday, im gonna write the one for today even though its not that eventful but i hope you enjoyed these little chronicles lakfsjlaksdf

#mydiary

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tslasvegas · 3 years

Text

Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore!

youtube

Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge.

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK.

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~)

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao

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thewritingstar · 4 years

Note

I would ask you 1-100 but that's a huge request and doubt you'll do it, UNLESS🤔🙃

UNLESS....

1. Name- Deanna or as everyone knows me, Star

2. Nationality- American

3. Age- 19

4. Birthday- April 5th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)- Aries

6. Gender- Female

7. Sexuality- Bi/Pan (im fine with either)

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)- Dark brown hair, greenish eyes and body of a 12 year old boy

9. What do you/did you study?- Animation

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?- I work in an ice cream shop just as a job but i wanna be an animator or writer for shows

11. Your birth order- Youngest of 2

12. How many siblings do you have?- One

13. Do you have good relations with your family?- for the most part

14. How many friends do you have?- I would say I have about 8 close friends and then just a ton of other friends

15. Your relationship status- single but accepting applications

16. What do you look for in a SO?- usually a pulse and good hair

17. Do you have a crush?- kinda but also no

18. When did you have your first kiss?- haven't yet :(

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?- prob meaningful

20. What are your deal breakers?- smoking and drugs and how they treat others

21. How was your day?- well i just woke up so i guess good.

22. Favourite food & drink- Raspberry iced tea/Vanilla Lattes and Chowmein or burgers

23. What position do you sleep in?- either on my side or stomach. Im usually curled up in a ball so prime cuddle position...just saying

24. What was your last dream about?- I think it was about cake..

25. Your fears- bugs and the overwhelming thought of me being a failure

26. Your dreams- being someone where others can be inspired by

27. Your goals- to live a life with no regrets (i know typical right?) but also have a successful career.

28. Any pets?- 2 doggos

29. What are your hobbies?- drawing, painting, writing, video games, reading

30. Any cool places in your area?- kinda but you gotta drive to them so not really

31. What was your last awkward situation?- me stuttering over my words at work

32. What is your last regret?- idk

33. Language/s you can speak- English and barely any French

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)- hell yeah

35. Have any quirks?- i can make a guinea pig noise and can stand on my head for a while.

36. Your pet peeves- having my neck being touched and mouth breathing

37. Ideal vacation- Any disney park

38. Any scars?- only mentally

39. What does your last text message say? “Shes being a big girl and taking 5 classes.”

40. Last 5 things from your search history- im to lazy to check but prob youtube or fics

41. What’s your [device] background?- Phone background is a painting from a museum and my computer is a bunch of Nintendo items

42. What do you daydream about?- being a voice actor or a pirate

43. Describe your dream home- one that looks like a castle

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion- I was raised Catholic but i really dont practice it anymore. I think it its a beautiful thing and alot of good comes from it, however i dont like it when it is used to harm others or defend evil people

45. Your personality type- So i took a test based on the 16 different ones and I am an Advocate type which apparetnly is very rare and less than one percent of the pop are it. https://www.16personalities.com/ heres the link if you wanna take it!

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done- I used to suck on batteries as a child

47. Are you happy with your current life?- for the most part

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life- Snorkeling in Hawaii (which i almost died), Crystal Cave tour and donuts which i hate

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?- hoodies and graphic tees

50. Favourite colour to wear?- black

51. How would you describe your style?- comfortable and sometimes i look good

52. Are you happy with your current looks?- ye

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?- I want blue hair one day

54. Any tattoos or piercings?- have my ears and now my nose pierced but i do want tattoos in the future

55. Do you get complimented often?- usually for my hair and i find it happens often

56. Favourite aesthetic?- Gothic and pastel

57. A popular trend that you dislike- crop tops

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?- “Good Night Moon” by Go Radio

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.- My Little Pony and Sofia the First songs slap

60. Favourite genre?- pop punk or pop

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? -Panic!, Taylor Swift

62. Hated popular songs/artists?- I wouldn’t say hate but im not really a fan of Billie Ellish, maybe i need to sit down and really listen but its just not my jam. I think shes a cool person and i love watching her on tv and what she stands for. By i hate Drake and Chris Brown for sure.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5- Head above Water, Happy when im sad, Love bug, Casual affair, I believe. So Avril Lavigne, Jonas Brothers and Panic!

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?- Im not the worst singer but im also not fantastic and i can’t play

65. Do you like karaoke?- sometimes

66. Own any albums?- like cds then yes

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?- not anymore

68. Favourite movie/series?- Any disney or pixar

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc- YA like adventure books

70. Your fictional crush/es- oh here we go. Juvia and Gray (Fairytail), Catwoman, Danny Phantom, Captain Hook and Regina Mills and Henry (Ouat), Steve (stranger things), Riddler (gotham) and Molly Hooper (Sherlock) and prob more.

71. Which fictional character is you?- prob a mixture of Momo and Deku from My Hero and Honey from Ouran

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so. Am I a shipper? ha. aight Gruvia, Nalu, Gajevy, Jerza, Kiribaku, Kacchacko, Todomomo, tododeku, LadyNoir and the love square, Captain Swan, Outlaw Queen, The powerpuff girls and the rowdyruff boys (respected partners) and like five thousand others

73. Favourite greek god?- Hades and Persephone

74. A legend from where you live that you like- literally nothing from where i live

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?- love art and i cant just pick one

76. Can you share your other social media?- i mean you can follow me on twitter at StarsnShortcake but all thats there is my shitty tweets and interactions with my friends and Voice actors lol

77. Favourite youtubers?- Mikes Mic, Macdoesit, Twamiz, Larri, Dan Howell, Amazing Phil, Jenna Marbles, Shane Dawson, Steph Inc, Garret Watts, and like a ton more

78. Favourite platform?- Tumblr or twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?- too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?- I love anything Nintendo

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)- Kingdom Keepers, Suicide Notes and the Selection Series to name a few

82. Do you play board/card games?- Yes

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?- nope

84. Favourite holiday- thanksgiving for the food

85. Are you into dramas?- ye

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?- haha ye

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?- no racism, sexism, homophobia and legal marriage everywhere. Also that no one goes hungry and everyone has a nice place to live.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?- probably

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?- a hot demon

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?- I turn into a goddess

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?- ooo Celeste is a cool name

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?- hmmm Tara Strong

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo- either the stars or the black heart or the fireworks

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true- Ive never eaten a chicken nugget, I can do the splits and I have cat

95. Cold or hot?- hot

96. Be a hero or be a villain?- oooooo um im a sucker for villains

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?- Rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?- Shape shifting, i could be a plant

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?- bold of you to assume i would wanna live forever

100. ….. or …..?- :0

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ANON CAUSE IT TOOK FOREVER.

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 5 years

Text

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N: So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened.

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm.

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins!

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her. Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #black widow #queer fic #wlw

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