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petertingle-yipyip · 1 year

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MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

Season Three - All Around Me

tags: @americaarse @ironprincessstranger @johnmurphys-sass @dusstory @astrobees @mayasaurus--rex @woowwwee // one // three // masterlist

Pairing: Matt x Reader (Unlabelled), Dex x Reader (Casual)

Word Count: 9,683

Summary: Looped back in, Y/N has to make sure she holds on to what is starting to matter again. With rumors swirling of a copycat Mask, that grip gets desperately tighter.

The next day, you and Ray were right back at the prison despite your complaints. You two were led through the halls until one of the more tucked away cells, meeting with a recently stabbed Wilson Fisk.

Too bad they didn’t kill him.

You stood by the door with hands on your hips, your thumb brushing the handle of the knife towards the back of your belt that was perfectly hidden under your jacket while he talked to Ray. You tuned in and out of the conversation until Fisk’s fake concern for his life caught your attention like the ring of a bell.

You moved suddenly, slamming your knee against his chest and forcing him back until he laid against the bed. You were quick to flick your hand and keep Ray calm, rather uninterested in your action, as your other hand found the superficial stab wound Fisk was so concerned about. You pressed your knuckle into it as you spoke.

“Nothing would make me happier than for you to die right here.” You spoke lowly, pressing your weight further and your knuckle deeper. “I could kill you, right here, and no one would bat an eye.”

“You’d lose- lose everything.” He coughed in a panic and you smiled.

“Who do you see coming to your rescue?”

“You and I- We need each other. You need your secret protected.”

In a swift movement, you pulled your knife and shoved it into his original wound but you felt the tension as your blade sunk in from a new angle. He let out a loud cry and reached for your wrist but you twisted the knife, feeling the building pressure of blood that would spill once you removed the blade while the other hand was up to halt every emotion within a small range of the hallway.

“I don’t need you for anything.” You said sharply. “You will owe your life to me.”

You yanked the knife out, wiping it against his clothes, before you tucked it away and took your place beside Ray. You dropped your hand and your control before folding both hands neatly behind your back and under your jacket to keep the blade out of sight. Their conversation finished quickly and you headed back to the bureau, where you were almost instantly pushed into a meeting with your SAC, DA Tower and an officer you didn’t know. They argued about whether or not Fisk should be removed from the prison and every word made your stomach twist into knots.

By threatening to reveal your past, it wasn’t hard to figure that he was playing the FBI. He was going to manipulate the system, just like before to avoid jail and when he got Frank out. But at least the Frank thing was helpful to you.

It was beyond clear to you that he was willing to get anyone out of his way so his rise to power would be seamless, meaning he wasn’t cooperating with the FBI. He wasn’t trying to make New York safer or turn over a new leaf. He wanted competition out of the way and the FBI was the perfect opportunity to do it. It was easily a show of dominance, to flaunt that the federal government was in his pocket. With that, no group in New York would challenge him.

No group in New York, maybe. But a lone woman with nothing left to lose…

“What about you, Agent Y/L/N?” Tower asked you. “You’ve been rather quiet, given your current involvement. I’d love to hear your opinion.”

“Can I speak frankly?” You asked and he nodded, though the glare from your SAC was practically burning a hole in the side of your head. “I absolutely hate him. I helped put him away for a reason and I’d rather shoot myself right here than see that man walk out of that prison. I’ll admit he gave the lead on the Albanians, but I don’t trust anything out of that man’s mouth. He’s a crook and a liar and a killer. If you ask me, let the prisoners kill him.”

“I am curious, why did you work so hard to defend Frank Castle then?”

“They’re not the same and you know that.”

“No, but Castle was a murderer. His cri-“

“Do we really want to talk about Frank Castle’s story? Let’s not speak ill of the dead.” Your brows raised in accusation but Tower conceded with a nod.

“By letting Fisk out of prison, even if it’s federally monitored house arrest, all that does is bring him that much closer to the toys and the games that were taken away.” You explained simply. “You’re bringing a bully back to the playground and he’s not gonna stop pushing others in the sandbox.”

Regardless of what you had to say, it was decided that Fisk would be moved. Hattley asked you when Dex got back and since he had gotten ahold of you that morning, she told you to call him in to get him caught up. You and Dex were going to lead the SWAT unit that was going to oversee the transport. You complained to Dex the whole time you were fitting your equipment into place and all he could do was laugh, given you couldn’t tell him the entirety of your history with Fisk.

Matt would’ve understood.

You were more than annoyed as you and Dex sat in the lead car.

“You’re still gonna pout about it?” He chuckled slightly. “Listen, I don’t like it either, Y/N/N.”

You frowned slightly at the nickname, though it was different from what your other friends would call you.

“But we gotta do our jobs, right?”

You made a small noise of agreement rather than arguing as your phone rang. You didn’t feel like digging through your pockets for it so you just tapped your implant.

“Hey, were you able to come by tonight?” Foggy’s voice rang in your head. “Karen came and went already.”

“Where? Come by for what?” You said quickly, turning away from Dex so it looked like your hand was holding the phone to your ear.

“The deli.. Remember, last time I came by, I told you about my family thing and how Mom and Dad and Theo wanted to finally meet you.”

“Honestly, I thought it was an empty invite.” You laughed nervously. “I’ve been kinda shitty to be around.”

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna give up on our friendship. When have I ever given up?”

“Does Nelson and Murdock count?”

“Low blow, Y/L/N.” He laughed slightly.

“I’m actually stuck at work on this transport but if you have time tomorrow night, maybe we can get together.”

“Okay. Yeah, that works… I need to talk to you about something important, too.”

“Cool. See you tom-“ A sudden explosion behind you drew your attention as Dex slammed the brakes. “Gotta go.”

“You got my six?” Dex asked as he hopped out the car.

“Don’t I always?”

“Wasn’t sure if you were too busy socializing.”

“If you weren’t such an ass, maybe you would be too.”

You flipped your implant to your work frequency and hurried out, following behind Dex.

As you two got closer, you saw more and more of your team going down. You heard the faint shouts in Albanian and you were tempted to fake a gun jam, allowing them to take out Fisk. But you kept going as Dex did, remembering it was still your job and it’d be more satisfying if you used your own bullet to kill him.

You and Dex cleared the scene easily, alternating between you and him taking the shots. What always impressed you about working with Dex was his ability to shoot through things or use ricochets. He tried teaching you some of it, but those sessions usually ended with one of you in the other’s beds.

Two came out from behind the car and claimed to surrender as you and Dex approached. They were scared of you and your partner, but you felt the determination of two men sneaking up behind you. You stepped around Dex as he fired, allowing you to take quick shots at the other two.

Fisk climbed out of the car but you both had your guns drawn. You stepped to him and kicked at his chest, slamming him back against the SUV. You pressed your gun against his forehead and the bitter taste settled on your tongue, the yellow fog radiating off him. You groaned loudly as you heard the sirens nearing, deciding it wouldn’t work out for you to kill him now. Not with your issued gun at least. Instead, you slammed the gun against his temple and watched him fall limp.

You tucked your weapon and went back to Dex’s side, following him back to your SUV once Ray and his crew got there to collect Fisk. You stayed a moment to show Ray which agents were still alive but hurried off before he could ask too many questions

“You weren’t gonna stop me..” You spoke simply as he drove quickly.

“You wanted me to?” He glanced at you with a small smirk.

“Guess I just kinda expected it.” You shrugged, knowing that Matt would’ve.

Not everything is about Matt. He’s dead. Let it go.

“You know what you’re doing, Y/N. I trust you.”

“Why?” But you already knew it was your own game you’d been playing since the moment you met him.

“Don’t know.” He said honestly. “Just going with my gut, maybe.”

You hummed in response and the conversation died after that. You two checked the entirety of the lobby before the convoy arrived with Fisk.

“You guys have a status on anyone?” Ray asked after Dex gave a brief rundown of what happened.

“Two going into surgery. Five dead, all for this pathetic son of a bitch.” You answered, having listened in on the ambulance chatter on your way over.

“Donovan!” Fisk called eagerly.

“Stay back.” Dex announced simply.

“We’re his attorneys!” The vaguely familiar man reasoned.

“Congratulations. Stay back or I’ll charge you with obstruction.” You repeated firmly, pushing past to get him to the elevator.

The ride up was quiet but Ray was quick to pull you and Dex aside.

“Check in with the SAC. Both of you.” He said pointedly.

“You’re joking.” You tried to push past him but he pulled you back.

“We just lost five agents. The debrief can wait.” Dex added.

“You know the deal. Take her with you, follow protocol, and get back here ASAP.”

Dex said nothing but grabbed your arm. You followed his lead without protest, though your skin was warming under your gear.

The next morning, your phone was ringing nonstop. First Karen, then Foggy. Then Foggy again. Then Foggy again. Then Karen, Foggy, Karen, Karen. You ignored all of their calls and messages, sitting in the media room with Dex and another agent. They talked about the agents that were in surgery last night, and the apathy from Dex was an uncomfortable emptiness. You tapped your implant after Fisk’s lawyers asked to turn the cameras off.

You sat in your chair with your arms crossed, leaning back with eyes closed as you listened in. Fisk yelled about Vanessa, how her being in Europe was dangerous because Exodus has people across the country that could get to her. You chuckled to yourself when you found out Marc’s rumor of her heading to Barcelona was right, and it didn’t sound like Fisk’s people knew she was being watched. You’d have to thank him for helping with that. Maybe pay a visit to London in the near future.

The other agent left for a bathroom break, which caused Dex to turn to you. You felt him turn your chair towards him so you lifted your head and opened your eyes, only to see him giving you a small smile.

“Yes, Agent Poindexter?” You asked with raised brows.

“You alright?” He asked, which made your brows furrow in confusion. It wasn’t like Dex to check in on people like that and the words felt strange to hear. “Been pretty quiet today..”

“Mhmm, just a long night.” You answered carefully. “You?”

“Yeah.. We gotta go down and cover couple of the guys’ for lunch. We get out at a decent time tonight, wanna get drinks?”

“Can’t. Cashing in a rain check with a friend from college tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”

You two waited until the other agent came back before heading down and switching shifts at the elevator. Disappointed in the lunch options, you were searching for the number to one of the bodegas in your neighborhood to call in a better sandwich when your phone was ringing from Karen again. A guy was coming up to the elevator so you gestured for Dex to deal with him as you stepped aside to take the call.

“By the way you two are blowing up my phone, I’m guessing you’ve heard.” You said simply, though her anger was easy to feel through the phone.

“And what? You just weren’t gonna tell us?” She asked angrily.

“I’m sorry. Let me just risk my career and give out confidential information on a high-risk target to two very public local figures.”

“You’re supposed to be our friend first, Y/N!”

“And are you calling me as my friend or as a reporter? Because I know you came poking around the hotel with those protestors this morning.” You countered. “I couldn’t tell either of you without risking my job and I didn’t even know until it happened. I’m trying to take this seriously but I can’t do that if you are gonna be breathing down my neck..”

“How did he get out?”

“No comment.”

“And you didn’t try to stop it?”

“Wasn’t up to me.”

“Don’t give me that shit, Y/N. You easily could’ve stopped this.”

“Nobody wants me to interfere with things unless it’s their idea and I’m sick of it! I’m sorry that you had to find out however you did but I won’t apologize for doing my job.” You glanced around at Dex and you noticed the man he was dealing with was oddly familiar, despite the downward tilt of his head and shadow from his hat covering his face. “Look, unless you have something else to talk to me about, I have to go.”

“No, you don’t get to do that.”

“People died, Karen. Good agents that just wanted to do their jobs. Now those people are dead and that bastard is this much closer to my neighborhood. I have more important things to worry about than your hurt feelings.”

“Y/N!”

You shoved your phone away and moved back beside Dex. You grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand off his gun, earning a small glare from him. You turned back as the man left without a word and you couldn’t piece it together. His frame was hidden by a bulky coat and the hat shadowed his face. He said nothing so you couldn’t place a voice and any emotions from him weren’t any help, only a slight panic that he’d been caught haphazardly covering up some sort of longing.

“Who was that?” You asked as you watched the figure disappear around the corner.

“Some homeless guy trynna bag a free room probably.” He shrugged. “Who cares?”

“Oh.. That why you were gonna shoot him?”

“If he came any closer, yeah.”

You sighed loudly and offered a pointed look, to which he raised his eyebrows expectantly. You rolled your eyes and decided not to bring it up again. Your disappointing lunch was quiet, you choosing not to talk much even though you had the company of your partner. It was obvious - even to Dex - that you were annoyed so you kept to your own tasks for the most part and he let you. Until the night part of your shift, when you and Dex were stuck with dinner supervising.

“It’s Special Agent Poindexter, isn’t it?” Fisk tried, though he got no response from Dex and chose to ignore your warning glare. “You saved my life last night.”

“Yeah, we all make mistakes.” He answered coldly, and you cracked a small smile. He turned to you and gave the same expression, seemingly relieved that you weren’t completely shutting him out.

“I’m sorry for the loss of your fellow agents.. Losing them to protect someone like me must be particularly difficult for the families and their loved ones.. I’d offer my condolences but I imagine it brings them greater comfort to hate me.”

“Don’t we all.” You mumbled and rolled your eyes.

“Unless you feel otherwise.” He tried looking at Dex. “That my words might bring any positive effect.”

“Ignore him.” You warned your partner.

“If so, please share that, from what I witnessed, they were incredibly brave.”

“Might wanna eat faster, convict. Meal’s over in five.” Dex said instead.

“I owe those fallen agents a debt that I can never repay.” Fisk continued.

“Ты, должно быть, шутишь.” You groaned and pushed off the wall. “I swear to God, one more sentence. One more.” (You’ve got to be kidding me.)

“I also owe the two of you.” Fisk continued.

You sighed to yourself and made a move to cross the room, but Dex reached out and caught your arm. You offered him a sharp glare but he didn’t let go.

“You can’t be serious.” You said quietly. “He’s baiting you.”

“Just let him talk.” Dex replied in the same hushed tone. “He’s just trynna get a reaction out of us.”

“I’ve never seen talent or synchronicity quite like you two… May I ask where you two acquired your skills?” Fisk pressed.

“Quantico, same as every other FBI agent.” You spoke flatly, refusing to back down from Dex’s stare.

“I believe there is more to it, Agent Y/L/N.”

You yanked your arm free from your partner’s hold, giving a slight shove to his chest before you crossed the room. You put a hand under Fisk’s tray and flipped it, smearing his dinner across the table. You pulled the plate and bit down your laugh as you walked away with Dex right behind you. You dropped the tray off and did your last few tasks before having to head over for your joint meeting with the psychologist. But as you waited in the hall with Dex, you had to make a point.

“Why did you want to listen to him?” You asked with a slight accusation in your words.

“I didn’t.”

“You did. And for a second, it almost looked like you were listening.”

“Why are you so pissed about it anyway?”

“Because he was baiting you! He was getting in your head and you let him!”

He scoffed in disbelief. “C’mon, Y/L/N.”

“I’m not an idiot, Dex. And you’re not that hard to read.”

“If he got into anyone’s head, it was yours.”

“I knew what was happening. I’ve dealt with him before so I know exactly what he was trying to do.”

“Yeah? What was it then?”

“You impressed him during the ambush. Now, he wants you on his side that way if something happens again, he knows he’ll be fine. He knows the only people that can beat him right now are you and me, since vigilantes in this town can’t get close with the FBI around. And if he gets you to side with him, that just leaves me…”

“You?” He laughed and you ground your teeth at his mocking tone.

“Yes, me. I know how you fight, Dex. I know exactly how to beat you.”

“So that’s why you wanted to be partners?” He tried to joke but you glared at him. He turned to face you with an unbothered grin. “So you could kick my ass?”

“I’m being serious.”

“I know.” He nodded with the same stupid grin, which got him smacked in the arm. “Ah! Okay! Okay, listen..” He put his hands on either of your arms. “Nothing is gonna happen cause I have you as my own personal pain in the ass to make sure. Does that make you feel better?”

“No, because you’re being condescending.”

“I’m not.” He laughed and you smacked him again.

“You’re new and exciting to him, like a new toy, and now he knows you’re dangerous. Those are the same reasons he tried to convince me a while back.”

“I’m sorry. What?”

“I didn’t go for it.” You shrugged.

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“There’s a lot to my past you don’t know that I’m not obligated to tell you.. Just trust me when I tell you that you don’t wanna get lumped into his bullshit.”

“I got it, Y/N. Alright? You don’t gotta worry about me.”

You hummed in acknowledgment as the door opened and you were ushered in, him calling both of you in at the same time. You sat in silence for the most part, waiting until the doctor addressed you specifically. Instead, something Dex said caught your attention.

“Respectfully, if I were wearing a mask, the press would be calling me a hero.” He said angrily and you shifted in your seat, the scars of your mask around your eyes now burning with the thought and your jaw clenched. “Instead, I’m sitting in here with you trying to justify protecting myself and my partner.”

“Y/L/N.” The doctor said and your attention lifted. “Anything to add, y’know as the partner in question?”

“They faked a surrender. We gave them a chance and they faked it.” You shrugged, hoping no one would address your reaction to Dex’s comment about the masks. “They had two coming from behind that would’ve killed us both. We were protecting ourselves. I don’t care to be a hero and I don’t care to be liked. But I’m damn sure not going to sit here and be judged for doing what I was supposed to do.”

“I’m not your enemy. I just…” He sighed and glanced between you both. “Alright, let’s cut the psych bullshit since neither of you wanna respond to it. Just tell me for real. How are you?”

“It’s hard.. It’s really hard.” Dex answered and you almost laughed at the apathy of the rehearsed answer.

“I’m alright.” You said with a small shrug.

“This is the first time you’ve been noted using lethal force, Y/L/N.” He stared at you and you almost laughed. “And the first time you’ve had to fire your weapon on duty since your rehab.”

“I’m FBI SWAT.” You answered plainly, as if it should be obvious. “Before this, private security. Before that-“

“Before that, a lawyer. A paralegal and disabilities assistant.”

“Point is, I’ve fired a gun before. It doesn’t bother me to shoot.” Your hand absentmindedly landed on the wrist brace and you had to quickly pull yourself from those memories.

“Events like this tend to exact a toll. Repeating traumatic experiences compounds that toll creating a pressure.”

“Until one day we go postal? Yeah, we get it.” Dex cut in. You gave a small head tilt in agreement, thinking of the times your vision was coated red. Maybe you did need more than just Curtis’ support group.

“The point is you need to process this stuff.”

“I process it.”

“You have a support system?”

“Other than her?” Dex patted your leg and you kicked lighty at his shin. “Yeah, but I think she’d rather be called Julie.”

“How does that work? Tell me about her.”

“She’s a bartender, professional listener too. We get dinner most nights. Today’s Tuesday, so pizza night.” He smiled slightly, though you were mildly confused. He’s always had a soft spot for Julie, but as far as you knew, they didn’t really talk. “Julie gets broccoli and sausage, extra cheese. I tell her about my day, the good and the bad. I know it’s not healthy to hold this stuff in so I talk to her.. I tell her everything, and she doesn’t judge me or blame me.”

You noticed how carefully he told the story. He never said Julie did anything in return. She didn’t listen when he talked. She didn’t tell him about her day. You wondered why he would lie.

“Sounds like a good one.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“And you, Y/N? Can I call you Y/N?”

“I have a church.” You answered carefully, still trying to figure out why Dex was making up his relationship with Julie. “The pastor and one of the nuns there, they just sit with me most mornings and we talk. About my life and what I’ve lost. What I’ve gained. Who I’ve become.”

“And religion, it helps with everything?”

“No, not religion.” You laughed slightly. “The people help. The church itself was where a friend of mine used to go before he left. It’s just a special place, I guess. Safe.”

“Alright..” The doctor nodded slightly. “You’re both clear for duty but I want check-ins for a while, every other day.”

You were headed out when Dex matched your stride.

“Want a ride?”

“No, I’ll walk. Thanks.”

He sighed and grabbed your arm, turning you so you’d stop and face him.

“What are you mad about now?” He asked with a sigh.

“I’m not mad about it, dumbass. I’m just thinking about why you lied about Julie.”

“What does she have to do with anything?” He asked tightly and you watched his jaw clench.

“We both know what your relationship with her really is. Claiming to have dinner with her most nights when you’re also sleeping with me most nights is gonna get us both caught up.”

“Right… So I should’ve said that I bang my partner a couple nights a week?”

“God, you’re an idiot.” You groaned and shook your head.

He took a deep breath and crossed his arms. Before he could answer, you heard the call for backup to the parking garage from your implant. You shoved past him and hurried down the stairs, pushing through the stairwell door just in time to catch the man beating on one of the agents who was clearly no longer a threat.

You hurried over and got behind him, hooking your arm around his neck. You dropped to your back and pulled him with you as you turned to push him facedown. You pinned a knee between his shoulder blades and planted the other foot by his head, which you immediately realized was a mistake when he yanked you by your ankle. Once you fell off, he was quick to roll to his back so he could kick out at your chest.

You threw your hips up as your back hit the concrete so you rolled all the way through before running at him again. You used the closest car as a jumping off point - setting off the alarm in the process - and slammed a knee into his chest and forced him back against the nearest pillar. The sight of the familiar black mask called a red haze of rage to cross your vision.

Copycat or not, Matt Murdock or otherwise, didn’t make a difference. You took the chance and funneled all your recent rage into your offense.

You threw hard punches at his face, alternating sides and seeing some make his head bounce off the concrete behind him. Some of your shots went off course and your knuckles hit the pillar instead. When you felt his hands grip your sides, you balled your hands into the front of his shirt as he turned and roughly slammed you into the nearest car. Your head bounced off the roof and the windows splintered behind you before he tackled you to the ground.

Your fingers reached for the mask, some part of you desperate to know the truth. To know for sure if that was Matt Murdock you were up against and extinguish that little flicker of hope in your chest, once and for all. He batted your hands away each time so the next time his hand hit yours, you were quick to grab his wrist and twist outward. You planted your feet and pushed off to flip you two over, spinning your body to flatten a knee against his throat. You reached behind you but your shirt was tucked too tight to reach the shock discs you had stored at the bottom of the vest you wore underneath. Your moment of hesitation allowed for him to get both hands under your knee and shove you away.

By the time you had your bearings back, which was only a few seconds, he was gone.

“Клянусь Богом, если это ты, Мэтт, я сам тебя убью..” You sighed, examining your knuckles and noting the blood splatters across the pillar. (I swear to God, if that’s you Matt, I will kill you myself.)

You moved to it and rubbed your sleeve against it, smearing it off and staining your arm. You glanced around and picked up a shard from the shattered window before you yanked it across the bloodstain on your sleeve, slicing the material and your arm to explain the stain. You pressed your arm against the wall and once your own blood covered your assailant’s, you pressed to turn your implant on.

“I need… medics to the.. to the parking garage. The assailant is gone... Multiple agents down.. At least nobody’s dead this time..” You said calmly, faking heavy breaths in between as you dropped to the ground against the pillar.

Back at the church, Matt was reeling. Y/N was working with the FBI to protect Fisk. He wondered why she left Anvil. How did she end up with Fisk? Why didn’t she try to stop it? And why was she stopping him?

He talked with Sister Maggie about what he had found out.

“He’s claiming to have changed over a woman.” Matt said with a slight bitterness to his voice. How was it fair or just that Fisk could have the woman he loved when he had to hurt his? When he now had to stand against his. Again.

“Well if there’s anything that can redeem a lost soul, love would have to top the list.” Maggie answered knowingly.

“Even for a monster like Fisk?”

“You’re talking to a nun, kiddo. Love and redemption are pretty much our sales pitch.”

“Well I'm not buying.”

“She still comes by, you know. Even after that little boxing debacle. Not too late to talk to her.”

“No, I don’t think she’d be happy to see me.” Matt sighed.

“Why not?”

“Cause she’s kicked my ass twice already.” He laughed slightly.

“Mmm.” She hummed, almost in delight. “You say that like you didn’t deserve it.”

“I’m just.. I don’t know, maybe I’ll just stop him, for good this time. Then we can..”

“Just be careful you don’t become the monster.”

He went out that night, finding Foggy at a bar. He heard Y/N’s voice through a phone call as she promised she was on the way, saying she had to finish with the medics before she could leave. Matt didn’t remember hurting her that bad but maybe when he tackled her, it aggravated her old rib injury. Maybe she was beginning to develop a concussion, which he would have to find a way to apologize for if that was it. Regardless, he didn’t have time to dawdle on the thought since she was already coming. Even if his heart wanted to hammer his feet to the floor and make him face her.

The conversation went about as well as Matt expected. He thought it better that Foggy was pissed at him, then maybe he wouldn’t want Matt around. Maybe he wouldn’t tell Y/N or Karen that they had talked.

“You’ll have to get passed Y/N.” Foggy called as Matt tried to leave. “Karen told me she’s part of the FBI detail that’s protecting Fisk.”

“Yeah, I know.. I’ll handle it.”

“I hope she kicks your ass. Maybe that’ll knock some sense into you. As much as she hates doing that, she’s gonna hate that you’re hiding from her even more.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell her then.”

“I’m not gonna keep this from her!”

Matt heard her voice outside, muttering about not changing her shirt and something about blood. He was nearing panic and his pulse was thumping in his ears.

“She won’t believe you.” Matt defended, trying to end the conversation so he could sneak out without Y/N seeing.

“She deserves better than that.”

“Yeah, I know… Just stay out of this. You and Karen.”

“And what if Y/N tries to stop you?”

“She won’t.”

“It’s her job now! You don’t get to take that from her!”

“If you tell her I’m coming for him, then you take it from her.”

“You’re an asshole.” Foggy complained and Matt decided he wouldn’t stay any longer.

He headed out and brushed past Y/N, careful to keep his head down and turned away. It may have made it obvious that he didn’t want to be seen but he didn’t care. As long as he got away. As long as he didn’t have to hear her say his name.

You hurried into the bar and glanced around, almost running into the man leaving. You offered an apology but he said nothing, just shoved past you with his head down. You made a face to yourself before finding Foggy and rushing over.

“Hey.” You smiled and he offered an uneasy smile in return. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.. Nothing, uh- What happened? You okay?” Foggy rushed to answer and you felt the anxiety vibrating off him.

You paused to order your drink quickly before facing your friend again.

“Yeah, there was an incident at the hotel and I got sliced.” You rolled up your jacket sleeve to show the bandages. “Which sorta leads into what I wanted to talk to you about…”

“Fisk is out.”

“Conditionally, but yeah…”

“And you’re part of the team that protects him.”

“Yeah… Karen tell you?”

“Yeah..”

“I’m sorry. I tried to stop it. I even tried the conflict of interest card and I would’ve told you if I could but-“

“It’s not your fault, Y/N/N.” Foggy sighed and you could tell something else was weighing on him, though you had to admit it was nice to hear your old nickname again. “I know you did everything you reasonably could to stop it.”

“You’re definitely more forgiving and understanding than Karen was. But maybe that’s just cause we aren’t really getting along right now in general.”

“When you talked to Karen, did she tell you anything else?”

“No, she kinda just yelled at me… I don’t blame her, considering I yelled right back. Why?”

“You ever hear about the Kazemi family?”

“Uh… No, I don’t think so.”

“Well they’re a rich family and I guess they got attacked the other night but someone stopped it.”

“Was it a guy and his daughter?”

“Yeah.. Is it a good thing that it sounds familiar?”

“A little, but probably not. The other night, I was leaving the bar and I felt this panic. I went to check on it and there was this guy…”

“Man in the Mask copycat?”

“Yeah! You’ve seen him?”

You felt a new sliver of hope break through and it made your chest feel tight and your stomach twist.

“No.. But Karen thinks it’s him.”

“Between you and me..” You leaned in closer. “And you can’t tell Karen… Same guy tried to ambush the hotel tonight. I tried to get the mask off but I missed. Do you think it’s really him?”

“I don’t know.. Do you really want it to be? I mean, you have this new life with the FBI. You got Dex- that’s your partner, right?” Foggy gestured to you and you nodded. “You just got over all that Central Park carousel stuff.“ He motioned vaguely to your wrist and your other hand covered your brace defensively. “Do you want him to be back right now? Would it be good for you?”

“Do you?”

“He was my best friend. If I could have him back, I would. But I’d want the Matt we had before all of this.”

“I get it.. Everything was easier before we started this.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed.

“Yeah, but it’s true, right?”

He pressed his lips into a line as he nodded.

“Would you want him back?” He asked softly,

“Honestly…” You paused to think, staring at your glass while you swirled the contents to watch the liquid slosh over the ice cubes.

Did you want Matt back? You thought so. But could you handle Matt being back? That would probably mean he’d want to go after Fisk, which would force you to choose to potentially bring back Exodus to help him - given that he’s revived his own vigilante image - or choose your job and stop him. You’ve stood against Matt before so it was anything but an unfamiliar concept. But to stand against him for the sake of Wilson Fisk, for the sake of a man you wanted to put a bullet in every waking minute you were at that godforsaken hotel. It was a complete reversal of what Exodus stood for, of what you stood for. If the old you, the one who existed when you first came to town, could see you now protecting Fisk, she’d kill you herself. And you couldn’t deny that you would’ve deserved it.

Just because you wore an FBI badge and title didn’t mean Exodus was no longer part of you. It didn’t mean you wouldn’t do what you had to.

“I still love him and I miss him everyday. But it’d be a really shitty time for him to come back.” You laughed weakly, gently nursing your drink. “There’s too much with the Fisk thing to deal with him. He’d want to do something stupid like try to take him down. I’d end up helping him because we all know who between all of us can actually finish this if it comes down to it. Next thing you know, I’m on the run with a new identity and New York isn’t home anymore…”

“You’ve thought this out.” Foggy offered gently.

“Ever since I saw the copycat, I haven’t been able to get the thought out of my head. I’m a little relieved that I haven’t gotten back to normal. It doesn’t hurt when I think about the maybe… Maybe he’s back. Maybe it would bring something back in me. Maybe I’m not lost forever. That’s the one that really scares me… But then no one ever showed up. He never came home. He never even called. I gave up on the idea cause I kinda had to, y’know. I mean, we hardly had any time together anyways.. But now that maybe, just maybe, he’s alive. I don’t know, Foggy..”

“Would it help if he was alive?”

“If the Man in the Mask is back-“ You rubbed the side of your head, unintentionally pressing on the scar for your implant. “-then there’s gonna be some expectation for Exodus to return, too. Not from him, exactly, but the Kitchen. It’s been him and I almost since the start. And I don’t think I can-“

Your sentence was cut short by what you heard in your head. Your device connected to the audio back in Fisk’s hotel room. Your body ran cold when you realized he knew and it felt like you had been sucker punched.

‘So the Devil is back… Which means Exodus can’t be far behind.’

‘She can’t make a move without the FBI seeing. Neither of them can. Y/L/N was the one to take him down in the parking garage.’

‘We need to convince them sooner rather than later. We need something to entice Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Hello? Y/N?” Foggy tried, waving a hand in front of your face. Your attention snapped back and you smacked the scar quickly to silence the device. “What happened?”

“Uh… Sorry, I just- I thought I heard something. Listen, Foggy, if you know something, I need you to tell me.” You urged. “I need you to tell me right now.”

“Y/N..” He sighed.

“Foggy, please.”

“He told me to stay out of it, said for me and Karen to stay on the sidelines and that if you were involved, he’d figure it out.”

“So he is alive?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. It was just some note.”

“But who wrote it?”

“I know that you-”

“Who else knows?”

“I don’t know.”

You sighed in frustration and knocked a fist against the bar top. You quickly swallowed the contents of your glass and dropped a twenty on the bar before getting up.

“Y/N, wait.” Foggy tried.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. If he’s really alive and if he’s going after Fisk, he’s going to get himself killed. Fisk is already trying to get in my partner’s head and I can tell you right now, he thinks the Devil is back.”

“What?”

“The copycat went for Fisk’s lawyer. Now Fisk knows and he’s counting on me and him coming for him. I need to get back there and figure this out.”

“Y/N!” He called after you, halting your steps. “I know I can’t stop you… Just be careful.” He sighed.

“I promise.” You nodded before heading home to figure everything out.

The next morning, you were on the phone with Dex as you were heading out. You just stepped outside your building when you realized you left your wallet on your table. You hurried back up, a lecture in your ear from your partner, but stepping inside made you freeze.

Your door was unlocked, you could’ve sworn you had locked it when you left. You always did. There was a heavy coat thrown over the sofa, one that seemed reminiscent of the guy from the hotel and was still warm from wear, and a pair of glasses on the table near your door. Sunglasses that were too round to be yours. You stepped into the bedroom and found your closet open, Matt’s suits pushed apart with an empty hanger on the bar but his few remaining canes all accounted for.

Someone - probably Matt - had been in your apartment. You shivered slightly at the thought but had no time to sit and obsess on it. You grabbed your wallet and left, making a point to lock the door.

But when Matt stepped into your shared apartment moments after you had left, he could tell your life was different. Physically, everything was more or less the same. The place was a bit dustier than he remembered, but he figured that was just due to your new busy schedule. What he couldn’t ignore was the smells of different colognes, scents he would never wear. The smells were stronger in the bedroom and he instantly knew that you had entertained nightly visitors in his absence.

He frowned to himself but that expression turned to a small smile when he realized the scents were woven into the opposite side of the bed. His usual side now smelled of your body wash and shampoo while your usual side smelt of your partners. Despite the bile in his throat and knots in his stomach from the idea of you sleeping with someone else, he found a bit of comfort in knowing that you didn’t let them on his side.

That had to mean something.

You walked into the hotel with even less pep in your step than the day before, if that was possible. You felt rather deflated but you knew you needed to be at work. You needed to watch Fisk, to keep Dex from picking the wrong side. Your list of unstable men to keep an eye on seemed to grow everyday - even though some were crossed off - and you began to question the type of people you attracted.

If you had to create that list in real life, it’d look just as messy as your thoughts.

Marc’s name would be there, then crossed off, then back again with an arrow that pointed to a sidebar for Steven’s name with a small question mark over the arrow. Then Matt would make the list. Daredevil, later crossed off along with Matt and a small ‘dead’ by their names. Then Frank, who’d also be crossed off with ‘dead’ then rewritten with ‘alive!!’. Billy Russo, aggressively crossed off. Dex and Fisk, both with angry faces next to them. And Matt would make the list again.

“Y/L/N.” Ray called as you stepped into the media room. You tossed Dex your jacket and headed into the next room, passing Ray’s wife with a polite exchange of smiles. “Heard you got a little beat up yesterday. You alright?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and rolled your sleeve to show the bandages, suddenly glad you didn’t heal it yourself. “Wanna see?”

He chuckled slightly and came over, unraveling the bandage carefully. He made a small noise at the sight of the slice and helped you cover it up again.

“It doesn’t hurt?” He asked as you repositioned your sleeve.

“Nah.” You shook your head. “It tugs a little bit, but they cleaned it up real nice. I’m not worried.”

“Good.” He nodded. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thanks.” You smiled slightly, feeling the genuineness of his words. “Yeah, I’d hate to have to sit this one out.” You added sarcastically.

“And here I thought you didn’t wanna be here.” He joked.

“I don’t.” You agreed with a laugh. “But I'd rather be here than home.”

“That’s good to hear.” He patted your shoulder. “I think… But he’s been asking for you.”

“Who? Him?” You gestured to Dex behind you.

“No… Him.” He gestured to the suite on the other side of the wall.

“Oh great.. And here I thought I’d enjoy coming to work today.” You mumbled and backed away to head into the next room. “He say why?”

“Nope. And I didn’t ask. He’s had his lawyer all morning so no one knows what he’s saying.”

“Even better. How’d he know I love going in blind?” You rolled your eyes. “Bring him?” You nodded to Dex.

“Up to you.” He shrugged.

You tilted your head back and forth in thought before shaking your head. You gave Dex a tight smile in acknowledgement before heading into the room. You walked in and found only Donovan standing in front of you.

“What does he want with me?” You asked simply.

“I think you know, Agent Y/L/N.” The lawyer answered calmly.

“I will put a bullet in both of you before anyone else can even get to the door.” You warned and crossed the room briskly, grabbing the man by his jacket and giving a small shake. “What does he want?”

“How would that look? You’re the only one armed here.”

“You’d be surprised at how well I can make things look like a suicide.”

“I had hoped we would have more time to build up to this.” Fisk announced from the second level. You shoved the lawyer away and faced Fisk. “There’s something I want you to see.”

He came down calmly, hands folded behind his back. You took a small step back and your hand hovered at the gun at your belt. As he got closer, he held a phone out to you. Before you took it, you saw a dimly lit scene that shifted to red flashes. You saw the blur of movement so you snatched the device and took a few steps away to see, and potentially hide your reaction.

What you saw made your hands burn.

There was no denying that it was Matt. The way he moved, the way he took the hits but got up. It was without a doubt the man you loved. The man you’d die to protect.

It was Matt Murdock.

“What the hell is this?” You turned on Fisk, clutching the phone so tight you thought you were going to snap it. And maybe you wanted to. “Where is this?”

“I know that you know the Devil is back. I assume you knew who he was the whole time.” He spoke calmly. “What I don’t know is who’s side you are on.”

“Whose side?” You laughed, throwing the phone to the floor. You stomped the screen and heard it splinter beneath your heel. “I side with myself! I have no loyalty to anyone but myself, remember?”

“He was gone. Presumed dead.” Fisk taunted and your vision gained a slight red haze so you closed your eyes and turned your back. “Where did he go, Agent?”

“Shut up.”

“Was it your fault? What happened to him. Did you do it?”

“You think I’d turn on him?” You turned to face him.

“You turn on everyone, don’t you?”

“Shut up!”

“He ‘died’ because of you!”

“I fought him for it!” You screamed, throwing your hand and feeling a wave of heat release. You cursed yourself for the moment of weakness before collecting yourself.

“But he was better than you.” Fisk continued. “You should’ve fought harder.”

“Why did you show me that?” You gestured to the broken phone you still stood on. “What do you want from me?”

“The Devil is alive and he is coming for me. I ask you, without the FBI’s watchful eye, without the presence of your partner… Is Exodus alive as well?”

“You’re afraid.” You realized the faint yellow surrounding him. “If the Devil lives, and if Exodus joins him, you know you can’t win.”

“I have someone in mind.”

“You go after Dex and I swear to you, I will break every bone in your body.” You warned fiercely. “And that’ll be after I break Vanessa in half.”

“I’ll kill you before you get close.”

“I don’t need to. I still have eyes on her, remember? I give the word and she’s as good as dead.”

“The same can be said about your precious Matthew Murdock.” He threatened lowly. “Franklin Nelson… Karen Page…”

“You touch them, and I will burn this hotel to the ground with you in it.”

“Tell me, Agent. Who do you choose to be?”

“I am revenge and consequence.” You spoke calmly.

“You used to be wrath personified.”

“I am wrath’s bruised heart!” You shouted. “What- what- what do you want from me? Hmm? You want me to be afraid that you’ll expose my past? I can make it so no one here gives a shit! You want me to beg you to keep my secret? I cower before no one! But I will say this. If you come after anyone I care about, I will kill everyone you’ve ever loved. And you will watch them suffer.”

You left the room after that, slamming the door behind you. You ran your hands roughly through your hair and let out a silent scream, tugging the ends and feeling the heat against your scalp. You let out a long sigh and ran a hand down your face before composing yourself and returning to the media room. You dropped into your chair and kept to yourself, saying very little to any of your colleagues. Dex offered lunch, and you shrugged in response. Ray offered to bring you coffee when he went for one and you waved him off. You couldn’t focus on anything other than the shocking revelations and threats of that day.

Matt truly was alive, and like a coward, he was hiding from you. Where you would find him, you had no idea. All you knew was that his dumbass went and picked a fight at a prison that was clearly still under the thumb of Wilson Fisk. And Fisk, having the audacity to challenge you into bringing Exodus back. As if Exodus would ever dare be on his side. Left you a lot to think about.

You didn’t know if it was just after lunch or just after dinner when Hattley and Ray showed up with OPR. You only cared for his arrival since he asked Dex to leave the room. Your brows raised and you watched your partner leave with interest, waiting until Hattley and OPR ducked into the office. Ray nodded for you to follow him out and you found Dex in the hall.

“Don’t sweat this.” Ray told you both.

“What is this?” You asked, peaking over his shoulder towards the room you left. “What’s going on?”

“OPR wants a private interview with Fisk.. It would be inappropriate of me to tell you that the Office of Professional Responsibility has launched an internal investigation into the motorcade attack.”

“Why?” Your brows furrowed. Hadn’t you and Dex given the same retelling in your reports?

“It would also be inappropriate of me to tell you that there was a slight discrepancy between your report-“ He looked to Dex. “-and the forensics analysis of the shooting.”

“Yeah, it would be inappropriate.” Dex agreed flatly.

When Ray headed back into the room, you waited in the hall with Dex. Not for the first time since you had known him, but you felt an uneasy sense of wavering from him. You knew the man needed structure. He needed routine and rules to keep him on the straight and narrow. But this investigation threatened that and he knew it.

“Hey.” You offered and he looked to you quickly. “You’re practically buzzing.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He sighed. You reached and took his hand for a moment, allowing the gesture to give you a cover to take in some of that overwhelming energy.

“It’s gonna be fine, alright? I’ll stick up for you and do what I can.”

“And what if it takes you down, too?”

You shrugged. “Still have a law degree I can use.”

Along with other, more violent ways to spend your time.

“You’re a pain in the ass, yknow that?” He laughed slightly.

“Yeah, running theme with me I guess. Some people actually appreciate it though.” You gave a small smile before patting his arm and returning to work.

You stepped out of the media room for a breather later that night, taking a quick trip to the lobby for a tea. Although on your way back, you passed the agent you had left in the room. He said Dex switched with him, but you knew he was supposed to be relieved for the day. You hurried back and found the cameras had been shut off.

You slammed a fist against the desk before rushing into the suite.

“They’re questioning you for your exceptionalism!” Fisk said loudly as Dex stared at you like a deer in headlights. “You saved my life!”

“Shut up!” You shouted past Dex, though you maintained eye contact.

“They vilify and demean your acts of courage.”

“Sit down and shut up or I will put a bullet in you right now, I swear to God.” You warned, pulling your gun on Fisk as he stood. “Dex, out. Now.”

Fisk made some other comment about real heroes being dismissed before Dex finally left, leaving you and Fisk alone and your gun still raised. And the cameras were still off.

“Leave him out of this. I won’t warn you again.” You said firmly.

“If you won’t break, then I’ll break him.” Fisk said calmly as he sat back down.

“You want him to be your personal weapon. I won’t let that happen to him.”

“Isn’t that what you use people for? The Devil. The Punisher. Now Agent Poindexter.”

“What will it take?” You asked suddenly, shocking both yourself and Fisk. “Hmm? To leave both men out of your games. I need to protect them so… So name your price.”

“I’ve always known you were meant for something bigger than masks and costumes… Maybe this is the chance to find out.”

“So I join you, Dex and The Devil are off limits?”

“I am a man of my word, am I not?”

“No, I need to hear you say it.”

“Agent Poindexter and The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen will have my protection, if you agree.”

You were quiet as you thought about it. Faking compliance has worked for you in the past, but you figured he’d expect a double cross. You’d be kept on the outskirts. There was no way Fisk would be naive enough to let you into his inner circle without some proof of loyalty, some niche test that would only make sense to you.

“My offer will not last forever. I suggest you makeup your mind quickly.” He spoke calmly, but you could feel the underlying threat.

Before you could argue, you felt a deep wave of panic slam your chest hard enough to nearly knock you off your feet. You shoved the gun away and pushed out of the room, back into the media room to turn the cameras back on. You scolded Dex for letting Fisk get in his head and he offered an insincere apology for it. You smacked the back of his head and ranted about how nothing Fisk says can be trusted and how he was trying to manipulate Dex. Dex clearly didn’t care what you had to say so once the other agent returned, you left.

You practically ran home, hoping that the source of the panic would be there. The panic was Matt’s and that part was easy to recognize but it felt so far away that you had no idea what to do. You didn’t know where he was or what he was up to. You could only hope that he could handle it, that he would be heading to the apartment rather than whatever hole he was hiding in.

You could only pray that he was coming home to you. When you stepped into your empty apartment, the pressure building your chest hit a tipping point so you took a deep breath and screamed until you ran out of air.

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petertingle-yipyip · 1 year

Text

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

Season Three - Memories

//tags: @ironprincessstranger @dusstory @americaarse @johnmurphys-sass @astrobees @mayasaurus--rex @woowwwee// two // four // masterlist

Pairing: Matt x Reader (Unlabeled) , Dex x Reader (Casual)

Word Count: 9,981

Summary: Bridges burned and opportunity lost. Day by day the game against Fisk shifts more in his favor. How can Y/N fight back, protect her friends, and keep her career all at the same time?

It was late that night.

You should’ve been asleep. You should’ve been in bed, wrapped in your blanket. But instead, you sat in the closet under the staircase. You were still wrapped in your blanket but that didn’t seem to keep the cold out. Rather it trapped the cold that was radiating off your sadness. You had Matt’s case open at your feet and your bag was beside you. You were currently twisting one of your knives in your hand.

Your suit seemed to call to you. It called for you to put it on and go out there, into the night to find him.

————————————

You were passing over the Bulletin’s back alley when you saw him. You quickly lifted the mask and hurried down to the other end of the building. You scaled down and landed a few feet ahead of where he’d come from. Albeit the landing was awkward and rushed, but your head was spinning. He was alive.

“You’re alive?” You said softly when he came to face you.

“I was… gonna call you but-“ He began but you cut off his words with a tight embrace.

He tensed immediately, wincing with how close you held him, but his arms found a way around you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck slightly and your eyes closed while you sighed in relief. Your fingers tightened around the material of his shirt and you felt his fingers dig into your sides slightly. You couldn’t tell who needed the hug more.

Relief flooded you both. It poured into you with such a force that you couldn’t ignore it.

He was the first to pull away but his hands lingered at your sides. Yours rested on his shoulders and he smiled down at you softly.

“I thought you were dead.” You said honestly.

“Wasn’t that bad.” He shrugged lazily.

————————————

“No!” You giggled. “Я люблю тебя.” You gently emphasized. (I love you.)

“That’s what I said!” He insisted with a laugh.

“That was not what you said.” You shook your head.

“Whatever.” He smiled and pushed your face away gently. “Я люблю тебя.” (I love you.)

“That was perfect.”

————————————

You were sitting on the roof when Matt found you, feet dangling the edge as you laid flat on your back. You toyed with the small red enamel hourglass when he came and sat beside you.

“Hey..” You said simply.

“You doin’ alright, Sweetheart?” He asked softly.

“Maybe?” Your hand dropped to your stomach as your head fell to the side to look over at Matt. “She was one of my first real friends, Matty…”

“I know.. It’s hard, but I know you’re strong enough to get through it.”

“I don’t understand grief… Is that what this is?”

“Yeah..” He gently brushed your hair out of your face. “Sometimes people say grief is just love with nowhere to go.”

“I’ve never felt this before…”

“No?”

“Everything I’ve lost, it never mattered before.”

You pushed yourself up to sit and Matt scooted closer. You leaned against his chest and pulled your knees to your chest. He put an arm around your waist and the other rested on your knee as he leaned his chin to your shoulder.

“She loved you too, Y/N.. Not a lot of people saw her for who she was, but you did. You two, for all your uncertainties, you two related to each other. You had empathy for the other and that gave you guys a special connection.”

“Is that why it hurts so much? Because I lost that connection.”

“Probably.” He nodded softly. “But that doesn’t make it mean anything less.”

“I’m glad I’m not alone this time.”

“I’m not gonna leave you, Y/N.”

————————————

Your first day back from Quantico. You were told to wait until you got the call from your SAC about your first assignment or when to report to your office, so you did nothing. You didn’t tell anyone you were back in town. They would just want to talk about everything, about how you were handling everything that happened and any other mind numbing small talk they could muster.

Instead, you just let yourself walk around the city. Until finally, unintentionally, your feet took you to the source of your deepest pain. Your biggest regret. The cursed moment that was seared into your memory.

The corner of 44th and 11th. Midland Circle.

“If clarity’s in death, why won’t this die?” You spoke quietly to yourself, standing alone on the sidewalk. “Everyone’s moved on and they all.. expect me to find somewhere or some perspective but no… No, I’m still right here where you left me… They look at me and they think ‘What a sad sight’. I see it in their faces, in their body language. They all pity me… They pity me because you had to go and try to be a goddamn hero. What good that did you..”

You took a moment to collect your growing sadness as a small group of people brushed by.

“Worst part is that I can’t even give you a funeral. I can’t have Lantom or Foggy give a nice eulogy… Because no one can know you’re dead. No one can know so we have to just move on like you’re still here. But you’re not.”

————————————

The louder part of you wanted to stay awake in case Matt made it home. The other part wanted to go to sleep and forget all about it, at least for a little bit. You found it hard to do either since you had no idea if he had even made it out of the prison alive.

But then you still wondered why he didn’t come to you?

Your time under the stairs gave your brain time to sort through the theories - similar to your hunch about him being Daredevil - that the alleged copycat was in fact, Matt Murdock, and that you should’ve realized it sooner. You’d encountered him twice already, which meant that he had two chances to tell you. Maybe even more. You had no idea how many times you two had potentially crossed paths at the church or just on the street. It was so much you wanted to scream.

But that’s when you heard it. The door to the roof opened. So few people ever used it, you never cared to lock it.

You shoved the blanket away and gripped your blade tighter, sulking deeper into the shadow of the closet. You listened to the footsteps as they came down the stairs, faltering and pausing and falling. You waited until the figure came into view in the neon lights from the billboard.

As he stripped of soaking wet clothes that landed with a slick thump, you recognized the scars across his back. When he bent to take off his shoes, you pushed yourself forward.

You knocked him to his back and moved quickly to straddle his chest, even though he clearly had no desire to fight back. You placed your knees against his arms, pressing the blade against the base of his throat and ignoring the way his wet skin was dampening your sweats.

“I should kill you right now.” You said tightly, fighting back the tears that threatened.

“Maybe you should.” He breathed and you broke at the defeated sound of his voice.

“How could you? I thought you were dead!”

“I know.. I know.” He answered weakly.

“Say something!” You cried, voice breaking as your empty hand slammed the floor beside his head.

His hand reached up and just barely landed on your hip, though even that subtle touch ignited your skin and cracked something long frozen in your chest.

“I missed you.”

“Then you should’ve come home.”

You climbed off and tossed your blade onto the coffee table. You went into the bedroom and pulled some dry clothes for him. You threw them at him and he let them land on his chest.

“Where’ve you been?” You asked as he pushed himself up with a loud groan to get dressed. You made a short trip to the kitchen, gathering the tupperware you had put together for the next day’s lunch and a beer and set them on the table.

You sat on the edge of the sofa, knife back in hand and flipping as you spoke. That newly softened part wanted to help him, just to touch him again, but you ignored it and willed it harden again.

“I had to stay away.”

It wouldn’t and it made you wanna pry it out with the tip of your knife. You wondered if the short blade would be able to dig deep enough. In the meantime, you put the tip against your leg and began idly twisting it.

“Bullshit. Where have you been?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He sighed.

Every word he spoke melted another piece of the hard shell off.

“It matters to me. It matters since you were never dead. It matters since you’re out here going after Fisk when the FBI is involved, when my team is involved. It matters when you go pick a fight at a prison that could’ve killed you.” Your grip on the knife grew tighter and you could feel the point threatening to break through the material of your sweats.

“I didn’t know Fisk still owned the prison.”

“Yeah, cause you were hiding from us!”

“What do you want me to say, Y/N/N?”

“I want the truth!” You exclaimed and slammed the blade into the arm of the couch. “I want an apology! I want.. I want my Matt back!”

“I can’t give you that…”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Matt Murdock is gone, Y/N. You’ve already mourned him so just…”

“Ты так полон дерьма.” You sighed and pushed yourself up. “Yknow, Frank told me the same thing… Turns out he was wrong. Took him a minute to see it, but he did. You’ll end up figuring out the same unless this crusade kills you first.. You can pick the couch or the bed.” (You’re so full of shit.)

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Y/N.” He said as you were headed to the bedroom.

“I really want to believe that.” You said quietly and climbed into your still too big bed, seemingly even more empty as Matt chose the couch.

A few hours of fitful sleep later, you decided you didn’t want to sleep alone. You went back into the living room and grabbed your blanket from the closet. Tossing it over your shoulders, you sat on the floor beside the couch. You turned your body so you were leaning your side against it and you could rest your head on the edge of the cushions. You tucked your legs beneath you and tucked the blanket tighter around yourself, momentarily allowing yourself to enjoy the special kind of warmth that only came from Matt Murdock. The kind of warmth that ignited a blaze in your chest that would take hours to extinguish.

Your adjusting lightly woke Matt and you felt his hand land on the top of your head.

“Go back to bed, sweetheart.” He mumbled, not awake enough to remember he was supposed to get you to not want him around.

“Bed’s too big.” You replied in the same groggy tone.

He gave a small chuckle as his hand slid to the back of your neck, fingers tracing patterns across your skin.

“Did you get a tattoo?” He asked quietly as his fingers found the small designs on either side of the back of your neck..

“Mhmm… Devil horns.” You answered, drawing another small chuckle.

The next morning, you kicked Matt’s chest shut and back into the closest so you could lock it away. You grabbed the duffel on your way out, telling Matt you were going to work. You received no answer but you were more than certain he heard you despite his fake sleeping.

You shoved the bag under the spare tire in your trunk and tucked your mask with a broken lens - along with a set of Bites - deep into your glove compartment.

If Matt was back and Fisk was a real enemy again - and if Fisk knew Matt’s identity - you had a feeling you’d need things to be accessible. Especially if you had to take Fisk up on that offer to join him. As you entered the parking garage, you wondered just how much time was left on that offer.

At least you had the vest under your shirt.

At work, you and Dex backed Ray when he went in to talk to Fisk and his lawyer. It was clear Dex was uncertain, sneaking almost worried glances at Fisk and then you. You offered a pointed look in response to get him to stop before rolling your shoulders and working to clear his uneasiness. You visibly saw some of the tension leave your partner when Fisk’s words caught your attention and any sort of manipulation you were in the middle of dropped.

“A lawyer, Matthew Murdock.” He said, glancing around the room until he met your eyes.

“У меня должно было быть время.” You said to yourself, your eyes wide as the betrayal set in. (I was supposed to have time.)

A proud smirk crossed Fisk’s face when he caught your expression. The look lasted only for a second before he returned to a false show of sincerity.

“Ты лжешь, сукин сын.” You muttered, hands tightening into fists behind you and all remnants of being upset burned out of you. (You lying son of a bitch.)

“Y/L/N?” Ray asked quickly.

“Думаешь, я шучу? Вы хотели Исход? Ты хотел женщину, которая была готова убить тебя? Ну, вот она! И она убьет Ванессу прямо перед тобой. И ты будешь смотреть, как жизнь покидает ее глаза, и будешь умолять меня пощадить твои. И я обещаю, что это продлится всю оставшуюся жизнь.” You practically yelled as you stepped closer to the edge of the table until Dex took hold of both of your arms to hold you back. (Did you think I was joking? You wanted Exodus? You wanted the woman who was ready to kill you? Well, here she is! And she will kill Vanessa right in front of you. And you will watch the life leave her eyes and you will beg for me to spare yours. And I promise it’ll last for the rest of your life.)

“Relax, Y/N.” Dex tried as you struggled in his grasp, skin burning under your shirt.

“Ты пожалеешь, что когда-либо встречался со мной! Думаешь, Сорвиголова будет проблемой? Я буду твоим худшим кошмаром! Даже Декс не может спасти тебя от ада, я сею твою жалкую маленькую жизнь!” (You will regret ever meeting me! You think Daredevil is going to be a problem? I will be your worst nightmare! Not even Dex can save you from the hell I wreak on your pathetic little life!)

“Y/N!” Ray yelled as he stood. The scraping of the chair was the only sound that broke your manic focus on Fisk. “Dex, get her out of here.”

You blinked quickly and caught your breath, pulse pounding in your ears. You looked around slightly as the heat dissipated across your skin and the room gained its regular colors. You caught a glimpse of the smirk on Fisk’s face and the arrogance dripping from him made you sick.

He may have burned whatever bridge he was attempting to build towards an alliance with you, but you had fallen right into his trap. He didn’t give you the chance to play him like you had before, when you strung him along with the guise of taking the contract against Matt. He gave you one chance and you missed it. Now he had taken a blow at your credibility within the bureau. Your outburst would make it that much harder for anyone to believe you.

You played right into his hand. He knew Matt was your weakness, your biggest vulnerability, and he used it to cripple you. Now if you wanted to help Matt, you’d have to be a good little soldier. Or you had to kill him at the first chance you got.

You yanked your arms free and walked out on your own. As soon as the suite doors closed behind you, you slammed your fist against the metal detector and the impact sent a pulse of pain to the slice on your forearm that you had forgotten about. But at least it took focus off your nausea. You paced the small hallway, going up and down in the short space between the doors and the detector and you let your powers capitalize the pain until it healed. Your hands were tight fists in front of and you saw the skin with a faint red tint as the temperature climbed with every step. You had to figure out a way to tell Matt without anyone from the bureau knowing and before the team started looking for him.

“You wanna tell me what that was?” Dex asked carefully.

“I played right into his games.” You gave a small chuckle of annoyance. You looked back towards the door to the suite. “Well played.” You mumbled.

“Never seen you snap like that.” Dex countered.

“Yeah well.” You shrugged. “Murdock’s not a criminal. He’s never done any of those things.”

“How would you know he’s innocent?”

“Because I-“ You started before your motion stopped instantly. If you admitted what you knew about Matt, or that you knew him at all other than an old coworker and classmate, you’d be shoved on leave on a conflict of interest basis, one your SAC couldn’t ignore. But maybe that’d be better, distance between you and the case meant you could give Matt a heads up. “I used to work with him. I just know that he’s not like that.”

“Well intuition isn’t gonna be enough to convince anyone. You have any proof?”

“No..” You sighed and hung your hands off the back of your neck. “I don’t. He’s been out of town for a little while.”

“Then just let the investigation run its course. If your guy is really innocent, we won’t come up with anything.”

“But we’ll still trust him. We’ll still bring Vanessa back. We’ll still give him his stuff. He still wins.”

“What happened with you and him? And don’t give me that ‘I helped lock him up’ bullshit story you give everyone else. There’s something else, isn’t there?”

“Yeah, there is..” You nodded as Hattley came out of the elevator.

“Y/N, Dex. Meeting. Now.” She said firmly, leading you and your partner into the office and briskly shutting the door. “Wanna tell me what the hell just happened?”

“He’s lying.” You said simply. “Matt Murdock isn’t a criminal.”

“And how would you know this?”

“What?” Your brows furrowed. “You’re joking, right?”

“How do you know?” She urged and you nearly laughed.

“The firm I used to work at, Nelson and Murdock. As in Matthew Murdock. As in, I went to college and worked with this man. Does no one know anything about my career history?”

“Well, who’s to say that Murdock doesn’t have a second life you don’t know about?”

Again, you almost laughed.

“How much trouble can a blind man cause?” You deadpanned and you were offered a glare in return. “I can prove he’s not a criminal.”

“You’re a very new agent, Y/N. We looked past the conflict of interest of your firm before because you and Ray got the Albanian information and your work against Russo and that whole fiasco earned you that. But that? Screaming at Fisk in whatever language that was-“

“Russian.” You muttered

“Whatever. It was too far. Clearly this one is too personal for you so until the Murdock information is thoroughly investigated, you’re on leave.”

“What?” You jumped up. “No! You can’t do that!”

“I can and I did.”

“That’s not fair! I yell at that son of a bitch once, and suddenly I’m the bad guy?” You laughed. “I didn’t even put hands on him!”

You ran a hand across your face, drowning out her speech about biases and how they lead to questions, but you were worried about breaking her resolve. You found it easily and began to unravel it like pulling a loose thread, watching the carefully weaved commitment fall away.

“Dex. What do you think?” She turned to your partner and you felt how she was unsure in her decision now. All she needed was for Dex to be on your side and you’d be fine.

“Look, I think I know her pretty well at this point. She doesn’t just react like that. I say we need her on this detail because clearly, she’s not afraid to put that shitbag in his place… If anything, I would say not to put her on leave, but definitely keep her away from the Murdock investigation.”

“Dex!” You shouted in disbelief.

“I know that he was your coworker but I’m starting to think it was a little more than that. It’s better for your career if you don’t touch this.”

“My career.” You scoffed. “So what? I’m supposed to sit by while he slanders Matt Murdock? I could build a whole case on this and I would win!”

“Exactly.” Hattley nodded. “You’re to sit by and cooperate with the investigation if Ray needs anything from you. Other than that, you don’t go anywhere near it.”

“C’mon.” You scoffed.

“If you want to keep your position here, I suggest you stop talking back.”

“God forbid anyone challenges your decision.”

“Y/N/N.” Dex warned.

“I may be new around here but at least that means I’m still willing to actually do the right thing.”

“That’s it. You’re relieved for the day. Get out of my sight. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

You groaned quietly but left without protest. You stomped home in a huff, angrier than ever. Though when you walked up to a busted open door, you somehow managed to get even angrier.

“What the hell, Ray?” You shouted as you walked in, shoving past various agents. “You busted my door in?”

You saw they had the closet under the stairs open, Matt’s empty case for his suit sitting in plain sight. You were suddenly glad you had taken yours out of the closet and into the spare tire well, shoving it in a nondescript duffel instead. But you didn’t think you’d ever be glad to know his suit was gone.

“This is the last known address for Murdock.. I didn’t realize you lived here, too.”

“Maybe you should’ve asked.. And I’m not commenting on a reason why unless it’s relevant to the investigation.” You countered smoothly.

“I’m sorry it had to go this way.” He nodded but you made a noise of disbelief. “You mind answering a few quick questions?”

“Not like I have much of a choice, seeing as-“ You glanced around and saw Karen being led in. “Shit, Karen.” You sighed and moved to your friend.

“Y/N!” She breathed in relief and hurried to hug you.

“You alright?” You asked quietly.

“Matt’s alive.” She answered in the same hushed tone.

“Long story short, Fisk knows. He’s thrown Matt to the FBI.”

You pulled back and saw the look of utter disbelief on her face. You gave a tight smile and nodded for her to follow you back into the living room. You had to ignore the fact that they had your entire apartment torn apart.

“When was the last time either of you heard from Matt Murdock?” Ray asked as he walked the room, seeing what his associates were working on.

“Months.” Karen said simply.

“Long time.” You nodded. “Before I went to Quantico, I think.”

“You haven’t seen or spoken to him in months?”

“We lost a mutual friend a little while back.” You admitted. “He wasn’t the same after that. He said he needed some time and he needed to be alone. I didn’t press.. Apparently, grief is different for everyone.”

“He give any indication when he’d be back? Or if he’d be back at all?”

“He never said he wasn’t coming back.” You shrugged.

“Is that why the bills have been paid?” He shook a stack of envelopes towards you.

“Clearly I live here, too.” You gestured to the apartment.

“Can’t imagine private security paid enough for all this before we picked you up. That why there’s two different cards?”

“Someone had to help while she was at training.” Karen spoke up before you could question it. “They’re both my friends.”

You smiled slightly and felt some more of that hardened defense falling away.

“Your friend, a blind man who you haven’t spoken to in months, just ups and disappears and neither of you file a missing persons report?” Ray pressed and a flash of heat ran down your spine.

“I guess I figured he’d come back when he was ready.” Karen answered.

“Is there any reason that Matt Murdock would go on the run?”

“He’s a pro-bono lawyer, Ray. Anyone in Hell’s Kitchen can vouch for him. He’s not what Fisk is making you think he is.” You sighed, the anger dissipating and being replaced with annoyance. “If you would just listen to me for a minute..”

“You two both worked at Nelson and Murdock, secretary and a disability assistant/paralegal.”

“Office manager.” Karen corrected and you chuckled slightly.

“When did the firm start working for Wilson Fisk?” Ray asked simply and it took everything in you not to throw something at him.

“We never worked for Wilson Fisk.” Karen answered, a slight edge to her voice.

Ray pulled an evidence bag from his pocket, revealing that damn check from Confed Global. You cursed under your breath.

“We weren’t approached by Fisk directly.” You spoke up when you recognized Ray was trying to trap Karen. “We didn’t know what Confed Global was until afterwards, when we started putting the tenement case together, so we never knowingly worked for Fisk. We were contacted by some guy, said he was an executive for the company but wouldn’t say much else.”

Ray hummed slightly before heading to his bag to pull a photo. You caught a glimpse and Karen saw it at the exact time, you feeling the panic climb in her. Instantly, you cleared her of that feeling without a care to be discreet, which drew an accusatory head turn from her that you ignored.

“Was it this guy?” Ray asked when he came back.

“I think so, yeah…” You remembered the night you killed him but the memory still lacked remorse. “Does it matter? Who is he?”

“James Wesley. And I’m just.. trynna put the pieces together.”

“What kind of pieces?” You pried.

“The kind of pieces that are on a need to know basis, Y/L/N.”

“I’m still part of your team, Nadeem.”

“Not on this one.”

“Here are some other pieces for you to put together.” Karen began with venom in her tone.

“Karen.” You warned, though she ignored you.

“Felix Manning. Red Lion National Bank. Vancorp. Any of that ring any bells?”

“I don’t follow.”

Your brows furrowed as you listened to what Karen had.

“Well instead of letting Fisk use you and the FBI to retaliate against innocent lawyers who put him in prison - which this targets two of them, by the way - why don’t you ask him if he hired a fixer named Felix Manning to launder money through Red Lion? Ask him if he’s the true owner of a shell company called Vancorp.”

Before Ray could say anything, you jumped in.

“Karen, what’s special about Vancorp?” You asked carefully.

“It just bought the Presidential Hotel.”

“Ray?” You turned to face your colleague.

“Where are you getting this from?” He asked Karen after acknowledging your expectant expression.

“You didn’t know.” You realized and he frowned at you.

“I ask questions for a living. I just ask better ones than you do… Like, has your so-called prisoner just bought the prison you’re keeping him in?”

“Has he bought? So this is just a theory?” Ray chuckled

in relief.

But you knew Karen. You felt her conviction. She was onto something. And if Ray wouldn’t believe her or look into it, you could while you were benched from the Murdock investigation.

“Fisk is using you, Agent Nadeem. That’s what he does.” Karen insisted. “It’s only a matter of time before practically all of you are under his thumb.”

“Practically?”

“Seems like Y/N is the only smart one around here.”

You chuckled slightly and nodded in agreement.

“Are we done, Ray?” You stepped in.

“For now.” He nodded.

“Great.” You gave a tight smile. “So what? Is my apartment a crime scene?”

“We’ll be out of here in a few hours.” Ray gave a tight smile.

“Put everything back where you found it.” You said, glancing to the open chest under the stairs. “Everything.”

You headed out from there. You had no idea where you were gonna go. Only thing you could think of was going to Foggy. You made your way to Nelson’s Meats, remembering Marci’s text about Foggy’s DA campaign. You peaked around and found the crowd gathered in the back.

“Y/N!” Foggy grinned.

He introduced you to his brother and his parents, who were all surprised you were real. You answered their quick questions about how you met, what you did, and - of course - if you were going to vote for Foggy. They seemed very impressed that you were with the FBI. They pressed a bit about if you had a boyfriend, saying that Foggy’s brother was single. You laughed it off and snuck away. You didn’t quite have an answer being that Matt was gone for so long you considered that relationship over and you and Dex were nowhere close to dating.

But now Matt was back so where did that leave you two?

“You get that son of a bitch.” The older woman insisted.

“I will. I promise.” Foggy promised as you got to his other side.

“Given he’s got a couple of great people on his side.” You smiled. “People that aren’t afraid to stand for something bigger than themselves.”

“Pretty, confident, and up for a little trouble.. I like you.” The woman smiled. “Reminds me of when I was younger.” She laughed.

“I get into more than a little.” You said honestly with a laugh. “You mind if I steal Mr. Popular for a few minutes?”

“He’s all yours.” She nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

“Everything okay?” Foggy asked carefully.

“Sorta.. We need to talk.” You said quietly and tugged him aside. “I couldn’t tell Karen before they got to her but the FBI is investigating Matt.”

“What?” His jaw dropped. “How does anyone even know he’s around?”

“Because the idiot picked a fight at the prison and Fisk saw the whole thing. Fisk name-dropped him to prove a point to me and the bureau believes everything he says. I got sidelined from the investigation.”

“What do they think Matt did?”

“Money laundering, bribery, perjury, evidence manufacturing. Everything short of murder, pretty much… The apartment was torn apart and they’re looking for something to hold against him, already started questioning me and Karen.”

“Your apartment? Did they find your stuff?”

“No, I moved it. I had a weird feeling about it this morning so I put it somewhere I can reach it easier.” You answered vaguely. “Foggy, when Fisk said his name, I lost it. I- I completely snapped. I wanted to just…”

He sighed softly and reached forward, pulling you into a tight embrace. You let out a shaky breath and hugged your friend tightly. The small action seemed to crack whatever defense was left around your chest.

You hadn’t realized how much everything was building up behind that hastily thrown up defense until that embrace.

The sound of a familiar voice broke you apart and you found Ray Nadeem standing behind you, asking about sandwiches. He name-dropped Matt and so the three of you hurried to another room. You sat quietly in the corner, carefully twisting your hand to make sure Ray didn’t care for your presence. You listened carefully, finding your own revelations about Foggy’s most recent conversation with Matt that happened just before you had met with him.

Then they talked about the prison assault, which you had been wondering how he made that work. Matt had stolen Foggy’s bar ID and used his identity to get into the prison. You were definitely going to yell at him about that next time you saw him.

“You have Matt Murdock all wrong.” Foggy said firmly.

“Funny.. Same thing she said.” He pointed to you and you let your control drop. “But I don’t think I do. I think Matt Murdock is hiding a double life, lawyer by day and criminal by night.”

“Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?” You commented. “He’s blind.”

“You, Y/L/N, and Miss Page know all about it.” Ray continued. “Makes you comfortable and complicit, which is why you’re no longer law partners or friends. Cause once he’s finally caught, you know you’re on the hook as an accessory or, if you’re lucky, simply aiding and abetting. And you, Y/N, lose everything at the bureau.”

You simply shrugged when he looked over at you.

“Remind me, Special Agent Nadeem, what’s Matt being charged with?” Foggy countered easily and you smiled to yourself.

“Nothing so far.”

“Great.. Then the only thing I’m aiding and abetting is your exit.”

Your phone rang in your pocket but you ignored it. You chose to talk to Foggy about his conversation with Matt once Ray was gone.

“So you knew he was alive?” You asked quietly. “When I met with you at the bar, you knew?”

“Yeah..”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because of what he said.. He said that he was leaving Matt Murdock behind. How was I supposed to tell you that, Y/N?”

“I saw him.. Last night, after that stupid prison fight. He came home and he was soaking wet. Fisk tried to kill him in that prison, still owns half of it evidently.. And Karen’s onto something. The company that just bought the Presidential, she thinks it’s a shell company and Fisk owns it.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah… But I can’t go near the Matt investigation other than answering Ray’s questions and I have to go back on Fisk detail like nothing ever happened.”

“What’d you do?”

“Vaguely threatened Fisk and everything he loves.” You mumbled.

“Vaguely?”

“I yelled in Russian so no one understood.” You shrugged and Foggy gave a small chuckle.

“I'm gonna regret saying this.” Foggy muttered to himself. “What would Exodus do?”

“What?”

“Dealing with Fisk is what you’re used to doing as her, right? How would she handle this?”

“I’d want to kill him.”

“But what if you needed something from him?”

“Then I’d play both sides.. Put on a front and then work an angle as soon as I could. Once an opening shows up, I’d go after him. Same thing I did last time.”

“So let’s do that then.”

“He’ll see it coming.” You stared at the table for a second before it clicked in your head. “He’s probably counting on it at this point.”

“What do you mean?”

“I offered it already. Before he dragged Matt into it, I asked what I needed to do to protect him. He said I had to join. I can play into that, pretend I’m desperate to keep Matt safe and.”

“Keep working the detail and listen for whatever you can get. Me and Karen will follow the leads and we can all build a case to get Fisk locked up and save your career.”

“I don’t care about this career. Fog.”

“You should.”

Your phone buzzed again.

“He’s targeting one of the other agents.” You spoke carefully. “If I let him get in his head, I can make it look like that’s enough to draw me in.”

It felt wrong to use Dex as part of your plan, especially without him knowing. He was still your friend. But there was more at stake than friendships. You had more important relationships than Dex anyways.

“As crappy as this is to say, you’ve done the double agent thing before. I know you can handle this.”

You gave a weak smile.

“Only problem is the target he picked to go after. This guy’s got a lot of skill. He’s probably the best agent after me. But if I can get to Matt again, we’d have a chance against him. I just-“

Your phone rang again.

“Oh my-“ You complained and pulled your phone, glancing that the screen showed Dex. “What?”

“Are you busy?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Julie works at the hotel. We’re having dinner in a few minutes and I'm freaking out.” He answered in a rush.

“Just breathe. Relax..” You spoke calmly, hoping your power could work through the phone. “Don’t say anything stupid and you’ll be fine.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Just-“ You sighed. “Just try to manage a normal date for a little bit. I’ll head back to the hotel when I’m done here.”

“Y/N.”

“You’ll be fine, Dex. Just pretend you’re talking to a friend.”

When you hung up, you saw Karen had come in and was having a conversation with Foggy about what happened at the apartment.

“I’ll plead in exchange for your immunity.” Foggy ranted quickly. “Y/N can use the fact that she was gone for so long as an alibi, if you can reach whoever knew you in London to back it up.”

“Or I’ll just disappear to London again.” You shrugged. “I could get all of us new identities, actually.”

“Foggy.” Karen cut in. “Look, you always see the good in people but you put us on such high pedestals that you can’t see who we really are. And I didn’t tell the FBI that Matt is Daredevil. I did something worse..”

“Karen, slow down.” You said gently, reaching for her arm. You let yourself soak in some of her panic, allowing it to vibrate through your bones and cause you to shiver. “That wasn’t your fault. Remember? It was me.”

“Tell me what happened.” Foggy said gently.

“I’m gonna need attorney-client privilege before I can.”

“Okay, um, give me five bucks.”

You sighed and reached for your own wallet, handing him a ten. His brows furrowed but said nothing, accepting the money from Karen at the same time.

“I’m officially both your lawyer.” He nodded.

“Do you remember the Healy trial? And the guy from CGI who offered us a ridiculous amount of money to take the case?” Karen began.

“How could I forget that creep?” Foggy nodded.

You wondered if he could tell where the conversation was going.

“James Wesley. He was Fisk’s number one associate.” You continued. “FBI thinks that Matt had something to do with his disappearance.”

“Matt had nothing to do with that.”

“Yeah but if they keep investigating they’re going to figure out that I did.” Karen’s voice broke.

“I did.” You insisted gently.

“What?”

“He kidnapped her, wanted her to work for Fisk and convince everyone that Fisk was good… At the time, I didn’t have a side, per say, so he called me for backup. My whole double agent shtick. Once I figured out what he was going to do, I killed him… One shot from the weapons on my wrist and then unloaded a clip into his chest.”

“Oh my god.” He sighed. You could tell that your own confession of murder jarred him, but you knew it was less shocking than if Karen had took the blame. “Okay… Where’s the gun?”

“Bottom of the Hudson.” Karen answered.

“Actually…” You said carefully. “I still have it.. I filed the serial off and have been using my own rounds in it.”

“Y/N!” Karen exclaimed.

“It was better that I knew where it was!” You reasoned. “I couldn’t take a chance that Fisk found it.”

“Did either of you touch the body?” Foggy continued, surprisingly calm given the conversation topic.

“He said he was gonna kill you.. You and Matt and my family.” Karen said sadly. “He said I would die knowing I got you all killed.”

“Karen, that’s awful, but I need you to focus. Please. Did you touch the body?”

“No.. I don’t think so.”

He turned to you.

“It doesn’t matter.” You shrugged.

“Y/N.” He said sternly.

You held your hands out to him, palm up to show your lack of full fingerprints. Instead of the naturally identifying marks, you possessed flattened, scarred patches in their place.

“It doesn’t matter because I don’t have real prints.” You answered and he frowned. “I’ve always just found a way around it.”

“Jesus.” He sighed. “Okay, what about the clothes? Did you get blood on them?”

“There’s so much blood on my suit, no one would be able to tell whose is whose. Plus I’ve had to clean it so often, it wouldn’t matter.” You answered honestly. “Foggy, I know this is important but I think she just needs someone to talk to her instead of talking like a lawyer.”

“I want you to tell me I’m a bad person.” Karen said sadly.

“I can’t do that.” He answered.

“Why- Why not?”

“Because you’re not.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because my friend - my amazing, kind, brilliant friend - went through something terrible. And I didn’t know.” He said softly as he sat beside her. “But my other incredibly stupid but insanely brave friend was there to help her.”

You gave a small, humble smile in response. That may have been the only time Foggy would ever say that having to take a life as Exodus wasn’t the worst choice.

“Seven times… I shot him seven times because I wanted him dead.” Karen said, though she was far away.

“He was already dead.” You tried, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I promise you, he was already dead. My shot was the one that killed him. Karen, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“I can’t- I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t ask you to risk anything for me.” She insisted.

“I’ve already decided to risk it.. I just need to keep it till I can get enough to beat Fisk. Again. I won’t let you pay consequences for something I did.”

“Thank you.” She gave a small smile.

You headed home a little after that, half expecting to see Matt again. You wondered how soon he had been able

to get out of the apartment and if he would come back. You wanted to see him again, if not for your own heart then for the chance to get back at Fisk. To warn him that Dex was probably going to be Fisk’s new weapon, the way he wanted you to be way back when, and the way you’d likely have to pretend to be. You wanted to talk to him about what he found out in the prison and why he went there to begin with. But you had a feeling you wouldn’t see him again for a while.

When you got to work, your arm was grabbed roughly and you were yanked to the side. You were slammed against the wall and a forearm braced against your chest. You laughed slightly as your head bounced and you saw Dex was pinning you in place. It was as good a time as any to start playing him against himself.

“Where the hell were you yesterday?” He asked angrily as you stayed there with a smile. “Answer me!”

“I didn’t realize I needed to hold your hand through your date.” You taunted. “But I guess that explains the girl in the lobby who’s constantly looking over her shoulder… You look like shit, by the way.”

“You think this is funny?”

You took a chance and forced his anger to burn hotter. Maybe you could break him on your own.

“I think you need to get off me before I break every bone in that arm.” You said calmly, dropping your smile. “I’m your partner. Not your mom or your girlfriend or your therapist. I can only guide you to a point. After that, it’s on you.”

“What? Guide me?” His brows furrowed as he processed your words, as if the phrase meant something profound to him.

“I’m not a woman that likes to repeat herself, Dex.” You nodded towards his arm.

He backed off and you felt his anger had almost completely vanished on its own. It was strange, now being replaced by some sense of longing. You made no acknowledgment of it but did make a mental note. Dex wanted someone to guide him, like a compass. Now you just needed to guide him towards Fisk.

Or maybe guide him off a cliff.

You went into the media room and switched with the other girl, telling her that you could bring in the food tray. She was going to take her seat at the monitor when Dex asked her to get him a cup of coffee and she did. You grabbed the tray with your back to your partner and you heard the buttons to turn the cameras off. You tilted your head quickly in acknowledgement of how easy it was to get in his head. Hopefully, he could be that easy to break so you didn’t have to play both sides for too long.

Dex followed you in and you let him speak first, stepping to the side after you dropped the tray on the table.

“They train us in counterintel at Quantico.” Dex said and you walked the newly furnished room, toying with knickknacks as you moved around. “You really think I’m gonna fall for some bush league honey trap? See, you got it in your head that she means something to me. But she doesn’t.. She doesn’t mean shit to me.”

You turned to your partner and caught his attention. It was almost as if he was looking to you for reassurance, confirmation that he should keep going. You gestured with your hand for him to finish and you almost smiled when he did.

“You have me tailed for a few days, you think you know me? Think you got me dialed? You don’t. You don’t know anything about me.”

You were crossing the room back to his side as he launched the tray across the room. You frowned slightly and put a hand on his chest, pushing him back a few steps. His hand came to your elbow when he turned to you, both seeming to ignore the story Fisk was telling about his youth and his father’s murder.

You softened your expression to one of compassion and you watched all the uncomfortable tension and uncertainty melt off Dex. You could tell he felt some sort of comfort in your presence, a sense of relief but there was an underlying meaning in it. Something that could turn obsessive. Something you could use.

“You were taught to hide behind many fictions… Both of you.” Fisk said and you turned to see he had stood and was moving closer. “You’ve fashioned yourselves into something the world would tolerate, for the most part.”

He offered you a pointed look and your hand flexed reflexively at your side.

”An outstanding new SWAT officer, without a ghost of history.” He nodded to you. “A sniper in the FBI.” He nodded to Dex. “The watchful companion of a nice young lady.”

“You destroyed what we had.” Dex spat from behind you.

“If it were honest and true, nothing could’ve destroyed it.”

“I should’ve let you die.”

He took a step closer and you pushed Dex further behind you. Your hand reached for your gun and you watched Fisk glance to your hand before meeting your eyes as a small challenge. You knew he didn’t put it past you to pull the trigger but you could tell he was comfortable enough with his leverage over the bureau that he believed you wouldn’t. At least not then.

“He never would’ve understood you, your dearest Matthew.” Fisk said, compassion in his words but not meaning it. You ground your teeth and felt the hand on your gun growing hot. “Society won’t either. You can dress up and pretend to be all the things in the world, but you cannot change who you are. Who you were meant to be. Society will always punish people like you. Like him.” He glanced to Dex. “Like us.”

“Take a breather.” You said over your shoulder to your partner. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Y/N..” He said, not bothering to hide the uncertainty.

“I just need a minute.” You nodded.

You watched him leave, giving you one last look before closing the doors.

“You don’t seem the type to reconsider.” Fisk spoke as he moved back to his seat.

“Usually, I’m not… But I know when I’m backed in a corner.” You spoke honestly, your accent unintentionally slipping in. You had realized during the time Matt was gone that your accent was more natural than you first thought. “You want Dex. You’ve wanted to get to him since the transport. I saw the spark in your eyes when you looked at him.”

“Is this where you tell me that you won’t let that happen?”

“No.. Actually, this is where I make you an offer unless you give me a reason to make that speech. I can break him, make him vulnerable and easy to influence, give you the weapon you want him for. I can convince him that you would be his saving grace. But I need something from you.”

“This is about Mr. Murdock.”

“There’s too many eyes on him, and eyes on him means eyes on me.”

“You wouldn’t stand in my way?”

“I would stand for what I believe in.” You confessed. “Exodus won’t be your enemy again unless you force my hand.”

“And how would I help Mr. Murdock?”

“Give us new names. Enough to keep Ray and his team busy while I figure out how to get that investigation over with.”

“And if I don’t help you?”

“Then having Dex on your side won’t matter.” You shrugged with a smirk. “The Devil and I have brought you to your knees before. It will not be hard to do it again… Think about it, but my offer will expire.”

You headed out after that, joining Dex in the media room just as the other agent came back. You took your seat beside him and she handed you both a coffee and the paper. As you leaned to get the cup, you caught a glimpse of the front page. The Bulletin was running a story on Dex and the transport.

You were both called back to the bureau that afternoon. You didn’t need to think that hard to figure out what it was about. Dex was quiet throughout the meeting but you could feel that pressure building inside him. He handed over his gun and his badge without a word, leaving silently as well.

“I hope you know what this means for you.” Your SAC said pointedly as you watched Dex leave.

“What?” You turned to her. “As selfish as this is gonna sound, I'm not the one under investigation.”

“You should be on leave as well.”

“So put me on leave.”

Her eyebrows raised and you bit your tongue to keep from saying anything else.

“As I was saying.” She said pointedly and you had to restrain the eye roll. “You should be put on leave but we understand Ray needs a strong presence on the Fisk detail and he’s made it very clear that he wants that presence to be you. But you should know that you are on very thin ice.”

“Yeah, Agent Goody-Two Shoes. I get it.” You sighed and left the room, despite the comments on your attitude.

You hurried out and found Dex talking to Ray on the side of the office. You stood beside them and put a hand on Dex’s arm, feeling his hand come to your elbow even though he didn’t break eye contact with Ray. You shifted his level of panic and adjusted his intensity, not enough to settle him completely but enough to solidify a need to have you around.

“I made a point to commend your conduct in my shooting report.” Ray explained. He went on to talk about what he had already done but it wasn’t hard to tell that Dex wasn’t listening.

“You have nothing to worry about. Me and Y/N are doing what we can for you.” Ray insisted before leaving.

You ended up at Dex’s apartment that night, calmly making a pasta dinner while he anxiously paced the living room. You listened to his rant and gave small words of agreement, signaling that you were listening. When his words finally ceased and you had put together plates, you took the chance to settle him.

“Hey.” You offered calmly. “Come here.”

He sighed but came over. You reached for his hands and he let you take them. You let your power roll through the contact as a gentle wave, hoping to strengthen the association between your touch and a sense of calm. When you looked up and saw the expression on his face - probably the softest and most vulnerable you had ever seen from him - you knew it worked. Though it did cause a twinge of guilt in your chest.

“He just wants to break you.” You said honestly. “Just like how he got to me by talking about Murdock. Don’t let him win against both of us.”

“I was just doing my job.” He insisted.

“I know.” You nodded, ensuring to keep your voice gentle. “If it was that bad, it would’ve been about me too. I was right there with you. Remember?”

“But.. An anonymous tip to the paper? Who would’ve said something?”

“His lawyer, maybe.” You offered, though you had no real answer yourself. “None of us would’ve done that to you, Dex. You know that.”

“Yeah.. Yeah, you’re right.” He nodded, seemingly trying more to convince himself. “Thanks.”

“I may not be as special to you as Julie, but I’m still your friend, alright? I’m gonna look out for you.”

He gave a small smile in response.

“But I do have to ask..” You spoke carefully, not releasing his hands just yet. “The hole in the wall..”

“Huh?” He turned and saw the gap in the drywall you were looking at. “Oh.. After that night with Julie, I put my hand through it, yeah.”

“C’mon, you’re better than that.” You nudged him gently.

“I just.. I felt alone. You weren’t here and she probably hates me now.”

“Don’t worry about it.. Next time I see her, I can try to smooth things over on your behalf.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Yeah, maybe it’ll mean more coming from another girl.” You gave a reassuring smile. “As long as she doesn’t find out about the knife in her photo.”

He gave a small groan but laughed. You pushed a plate into his hands and the two of you had a calm dinner. Neither of you brought up the news story again, nor did you mention Julie. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought you and Dex were just longtime friends.

You left his apartment when you got a text from Karen, asking you to meet with her. Dex tried to convince you to stay, arguing that he didn’t want to be alone that night, but you had to refuse. There was an underlying urgency in Karen’s text that you couldn’t explain. You two hadn’t really talked kindly since Midland Circle, really only talking when you had to. So her going out of her way to reach out to you meant it had to be important. Plus, you had some questions of your own you wanted answered.

Once you shut Dex’s door behind you, you were racked with a deep shiver. It was strange, given the fact that manipulating people like that usually didn’t have an effect on you. Especially when it came to Dex, given how often and subtle your influence was. You shook it off as just an accumulation of everything that was building in you and headed to meet Karen at the church.

“Hey.” She said quickly as you approached.

“How did the Bulletin know?” You answered instead of greeting.

“Yeah, nice to see you too.” She scoffed.

“Cut the shit, Karen. I’m not in the mood for games. How did the Bulletin know about the investigation into the ambush? Into Dex?”

“What does it matter?”

“Because that’s my partner! If he goes down, I go down because I was right there with him during the transport. If I go down, we don’t have a direct line to Fisk anymore, which leaves the job completely to the vigilantes that you and Foggy don’t want involved.”

She sighed heavily and looked around, as if someone was going to jump out of the shadows and grab her.

“I don’t know how we found out, alright? Ellison got a tip and he ran with it. You’re gonna tell me no one at the FBI wants to get rid of him?”

“He’s probably the best SWAT sniper we have.” You reasoned. “It had to be Fisk then… He wants eyes to stay away from him, same reason he threw Matt under the bus.”

“Okay, but why? What is he up to?”

“I don’t know.” You admitted. “I know I can find out, I just… I don’t wanna do it that way. I don’t want to let him even think he’s beat me.”

“What if I told you that you might not have to?”

“Is that why you called me?” Your brows furrowed. You didn’t know if it made it worse that Karen only called you with a way to take down Fisk or if that was her way of just moving forward rather than dwelling on your recent tension.

“I know who stabbed Fisk in the prison.”

“Some lifer.” You nodded. “Jacob Ellis.”

“Jasper Evans.” She corrected and you gave a small, indifferent shrug. “And I know where to find him.”

“So why are we here?” You pointed to the church.

“Cause he’s the one that told me who to look for.”

“God?” You joked and she gave you a small smile. “He came to you?”

“Only cause he wanted something. He hasn’t come to see you?”

“I’m pretty sure it was accidental. He came to the apartment before Ray was there. I had more questions than he had answers… Is he here?”

“I don’t know… Foggy said he’s been staying at the place where he grew up.”

“Yeah, the St Agnes orphanage.” You gestured down the way.

“I just haven’t gone inside yet to find out.”

She needed a push. As much as she wanted to go in, she couldn’t bring herself to actually take the steps. You took a deep breath to dive down your hesitations and decided you would move first.

“To be fair, I haven’t been inside much since I started coming here.” You nudged her with your elbow and nodded for her to follow.

Together, you two headed inside and you were hit with the warm air inside.

Along with the faint smell of ash rather than cinnamon. But instead of a lonely longing ash it was more a smell of burnt cookies. Like something you could still have, but a bit beat up and different than what you would expect.

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