#deep in my kaidan feels right now

[bioticbooty]

not to be dramatic but i would die for kaidan alenko

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #kaidan #my space husband #deep in my kaidan feels right now #just look at him #he's perfect #i love him #in fact i do mean to be dramatic #i am blatantly lying #literally the best squadmate #he's gone through hell #and yet #he's so kind and looks for the best #but he'll fucking kill a bitch without a seconds thought to save someone he loves #he's fierce and loyal and thoughtful #he's so smart and so soft #but his softness is not without rough edges #and it's not without strength #these antibiotics i'm taking for my ear infection are having the opposite effect #because damn i am super pro-biotic right now

[dovahkinniez]

If you don’t mind, could you do a spicy post for Kaidan? I always imagined him as a massive horndog, especially later on in his romance, also leaving stuff like hickeys/love bites.

And if you’re ok with it, could you please have a few of the prompts more oriented for a male reader too? Ty, loving your work, and it’s alright if you don’t want to do this!

` 𖤓 . . . KAIDAN.

NSFW headcanons.

hi, love! as for the second half, i do and try to keep it as gender neutral as possible whilst writing but i don’t write specifically male reader things, especially in a sexual context, i did make a note of this in my rules. my apologies for that, but i hope others can read these and see themselves even if they aren’t female bodied. i hope you enjoy!

18+ only! sexual content awaits your very eyes, my kind soul. ps, i will try and stay gender neutral as much as possible but if there is a tiny mention of a female bodied reader, either don’t read if that’d make you feel uncomfortable! or skim/ignore that part. :] — i do try to keep it as gender neutral as possible.

this man is horny. he has a high sex drive and by the gods, be prepared.

being with kaidan involves a lot of random grabbing as he lets out a laugh, or the odd comment about how good you look, like y’know… how his view looks very good from behind.

after a long time of solely using his hand, his best friend. he now has you! well done, you’ve not only met the most horny man in skyrim, you’re also in love with him.

to start of simple, he reels you in with seemingly innocent touches and gazes that to the public eye could just be admiration but you see the flirty lust that pools into his crimson eyes. and you love it.

his fingertips will graze against you thighs, pressing and slightly massaging them as you speak. his eyes will watch how your lips move and you can tell he isn’t listening to a word you say.

when he leans in to whisper his soft lips will brush up against the back of your ear on your neck and his voice sounds deep and rougher than usual. the rasp in his tone is more noticeable and his accent becomes thicker. ugh, his voice.

yes, he is definitely a fan love bites. giving and receiving. the marks that litter both your neck and chest are simple reminders of the fun you both have. it’s also a marking of ‘they’re mine’ and ‘i’m theirs’ and it’s so hot.

the moment your lips are on each other he’s hard, doesn’t take him much really. the bites, kisses and licks at each other’s skin makes him ready to fuck before you’re both even naked.

he even likes to see the edges of his teeth in your skin, his hands holding you up, arms wrapped around tightly as he fucks you from behind. his saliva coats that section of your neck as you feel the sting from his teeth before he continues to suck and mark you.

size kink! he’s so tall and beefy and omg!! there’s a VERY small chance he’s either smaller than you at least the same size because he’s just so big.

and he knows this, he loves it. even takes advantage of it. pins you down so easily, corner you and looks down at you with a smirk and loves to see you either try and size up to him or grow shy at him towering over you.

when your back is pressed against him and he’s toying with you, feeling your body react against his much larger one, you grip onto his muscular biceps, you feel them flex as he uses his hands on you. big hands, and he’s skilled with them too.

let’s just say his blade isn’t the only thing his hands has mastered…

loves to fuck you in water: bath, shower, the hot springs. don’t matter. loves the feeling of your wet skin against his as his steely grip is on your hips and ass.

an ass man. he loves your ass. likes to fuck you from behind so he can grab your ass as he drags his cock in and out of you. he also gets a nice view of that too.

as much as he loves your face, the expressions you make are so perfect to him, makes him know he’s doing the right stuff. he just loves your ass. loves to smack it and watch it bounce and jiggle as he slams his cock in and out of you.

definitely the type to put his hair up as a signal he’s about to go down on you. he likes giving and receiving but this man loves a good meal, and once his hair is tied up, game over for you.

he won’t stop until you’re almost ready to cum. he then leans up with a grin, licking his lips before he then kisses and grazes his teeth against you skin up to your mouth, catching you into a warm kiss. his lips are soft and plump and they are the type to melt into yours so perfectly.

you’d forget the annoyance of him edging you as he kisses you, whilst prepping you up to then fuck you. sometimes nice and slow where his thrusts are smooth and he holds you in his arms like he’s afraid it’ll end too soon or you’ll leave. you feel totally loved as he kisses you so gently and sweetly and then looks into your eyes with both hands on your face because he wants to watch you with stars in his eyes.

man! he’s low-key a bit of a romantic. the rougher the exterior the softer the interior. he loves loving you, and he shows this during your most intimate times.

having sex is fun, especially when you both try out new things and especially in places people may find or hear you. but when these moments happen he remembers them forever and he’s glad he’s able to be so vulnerable with you in every way possible.

speaking of public places. he’s so down to do it. in the corner of a busy tavern? your hand down his trousers as you tug on his already hard dick after you sat there kissing his neck whispering how much you want him? yeah. he’ll let you. he’ll even let you get on his lap and grind on him until he’s about to cum.

or when you’re in the wilderness somewhere camping out and travellers may or may not be on the roads or even camping out too. he doesn’t give a damn, he even leaves the candles on that shows a shadow of you sucking him off and climbing onto him to take his dick in. “let’s give them a show, eh, love?” with a cheeky smile.

he’s a fun lover and having sex with him is just as fun. he’ll try anything once and loves the risk of being caught. even if he does get caught at least it’s something to laugh at later on.

he’s also into face fucking, either way. he doesn’t mind it if you do it to him, where you guide his mouth and do your thing. riding out an orgasm with his mouth alone while you’re in charge? his dick is raging and he wants more.

and when he does it to you he loves seeing the tears prick at your eyes as he pushes your head down and back up as he trusts deeper. feeling your mouth completely around him as your cheeks hallow, stained with tears because he’s so big to take in. but as he’s about to cum, if it’s your thing too, he’ll cum on your tongue and face as he jacks himself off.

low groans, heavy breaths and grumbly moans. his pretty mouth parted slightly as he lets out raspy moans. he isn’t too loud, but the best is when he’s on top, his head in your neck and he’s making those sounds as he desperately fucks you because he wants to cum so bad, your fingers digging into his shoulders as he uses his free hand to stimulate you further into an orgasm.

#☆ — mama dovie writes… #elder scrolls #elder scrolls skyrim #elder scrolls x reader #skyrim #skyrim headcanon #skyrim scenarios #skyrim x dovahkiin #skyrim x reader #kaidan mod #kaidan tes #kaidan romance #kaidan x dragonborn #kaidan x ldb #kaidan mod x reader #kaidan 2 #kaidan 2 x reader

[bagog]

N7 Month, 2023 - Day 4: Dive

Shepard floated in the sea, ears beneath the water, pale body soaking in the afternoon sun of the Mediterranean. It didn’t feel right. Or, rather, it didn’t feel like he remembered, floating in the sea like this. That was a different place and he was another person, yes, but still: same sea, same sun. He opened his eyes, squinting up into the blue expanse above his head, before orienting himself and bringing his feet to stand in the sand of the shallows where he’d been floating. Kaidan was standing nearby, smiling lightly at him from behind sunglasses. Kaidan’s wet chest glistened in the sun, and when he brought his arms around Shepard, Shepard sank into the embrace: warm water, warm skin.

“Back already, huh?” Kaidan chuckled under his breath.

“Was I floating for a long time?”

“Is a half hour a long time?”

“Not by my old standards,” Shepard smiled, pulled himself away from Kaidan, casting his eyes over the empty beach, the serene surface of the water.

“Something wrong, Ben?” Kaidan looked at him over the top of his sunglasses.

“Yeah,” Shepard swallowed. “Yeah, just something I’ve been meaning to try. That I’ve been putting off doing.”

“Thinking of taking a dive?”

“Yeah.” He’d talked to Kaidan about this in the hospital, the way he used to dive into the Mediterranean as a kid, push himself as deep as he could go, down into the darkness. It made him feel alone, made him feel… powerful, in a way. It made everything seem clear in a life that was anything but. It was a certainty of feeling he longed for, since his recovery. “I’m just afraid it won’t be what I’m hoping it’ll be.”

“Only one way to find out.”

And so the two swam away from shore, easy and long stroked carrying them to deeper water. When they had swum a distance, Kaidan treaded water and gave Shepard a nod. Ben took a deep breath, then dived below the surface.

His lungs burned immediately in a way they never would’ve in his N7 days. The deep blue of the Mediterranean felt like it was pushing him back up, back to the surface. He had to fight to bring his body lower. Farther, farther: deep enough now where the pressure was pressing on his sinuses, pushing against his temples.

There, he was as deep as it was comfortable to go, maybe a little deeper. He waited, holding his breath however many meters down he had managed.

It wasn’t exactly that he felt nothing…

It had always been a reprieve from the world, his little dives. The world was where he reluctantly returned to when his lungs burned and his breath gave out. But now…

Kaidan was waiting for him, up there, on the surface. Shepard opened his eyes, and in the dimness in front of him, there was Kaidan, fighting the buoyancy of his own body to hover in the depths with Shepard. He saw Shepard, and he reached out his hand. Ben took it, and they rose to the surface together.

#n7month #n7 month #n7month day 4 #mass effect #mshenko #kaidan alenko #fanfic

[wellthebardsdead]

Riiju-Lei: *sighs with relief up at breezehome as they approach through the still quiet early morning streets of whiterun* Home at last…

Nerevar: I passed by this place so many times when I first arrived here and I had no clue you were just behind these doors…

Riiju-Lei: that explains the random bouts of excitement I had then. I played a lot of tag with the kids those days. Speaking of which, I hope Caryalind handled looking after everyone okay- *opens the door to find Lydia cleaning up the mess the kids had made of the house, Khash quietly helping her and Caryalind passed out from exhaustion by the fireplace* oh dear.

Lydia: *looks up* oh my thane!

Khash: DAD!!! *drops the broom and runs to Riiju jumping up into his arms*

Riiju-Lei: *laughs and hugs her tight* Hello little shadowscale!

Caryalind: *jumps and flails out of his chair with a thud* Ugh! Hnuh?? *looks up to see the group entering* You’re back! It went well I take it??

Riiju-Lei: *smiles* better then just well. *sets Khash down gently* Everything… here? Go well?

Caryalind: *still on the floor* Oh yes, just fine, the kids were delightful…

Riiju-Lei: *quirks his brow*

Caryalind: …Alesan put lizards in my underwear, Blaise got caught shoplifting, Sofie kept bringing wild animals into the house and Lucia broke her hand punching Braith in the face… Khash was the only well behaved one.

Riiju-Lei: *sighs* thank you cary, go have a proper rest I’ll get our new friends settled in and make us all breakfast.

Caryalind: new fri- *spots nerevar then goes visibly pink as Miraak suddenly steps over him offering his hand* I-

Miraak: Let me help you up.

Caryalind: oh my you have a very deep voice- *shakily takes his hand and instantly gets pulled to his feet*

Taliesin: *brow twitching feeling protective of his prince* …

Kaidan: *gives his ass a squeeze* oi. Leave him be.

Riiju-Lei: *snickers taking nerevars hand and leading him upstairs as everyone else starts to unpack and relax* I’ll come help you clean up in a minute Lydia, thank you.

Lydia: *smiles at him and nerevar as they go by* thank you my thane.

Nerevar: *follows Riiju upstairs and into the master bedroom* it’s a lovely house you have here, your daughter is adorable too but… her tail- sh- she wasn’t hurt was she?

Riiju-Lei: hm? Oh Khash. No she just wasn’t born with one. She’s small but she’s the oldest of my kids. The others must all be still asleep. Usually she comes along on adventures, she’s an excellent fighter but… given miraak sent cultists after me and they targeted my family specifically… I didn’t feel safe bringing her along. *chuckles* funny how he’s now downstairs wooing the prince of the aldmeri dominion.

Nerevar: *brain short circuiting* I’m sorry he’s the what now?

Riiju-Lei: oh right, there’s a lot you need to catch up on. I’m sure we’ll discuss it over breakfast but let’s get you unpacked first yes? *smiles at him before dropping his pack on the bed to empty it*

Nerevar: … *smiles and gently embraces him from behind, resting his head against his shoulder* you’ve built a beautiful life here LeiLei… you found so many people who love you and a place where you can feel safe.

Riiju-Lei: *gently reaches back running his fingers through his soft white hair* and now I can finally feel that love thanks to you making me whole again… my moon and star…

Nerevar: *slides his hands up his torso beginning to playfully tug at and undo the straps of his armour* there was a place within my heart empty for too long when I was without you… im glad we’re finally together again… My Voryn…

Riiju-Lei: …I think we can wait a few minutes for breakfast don’t you?

*meanwhile downstairs*

Sero: They’re certainly taking a while up thei-

A wine bottle on the kitchen table: 🍾

Kaidan: and they’re fucking.

Taliesin: *sighs* I’ll get breakfast started.

#khash skyrim #Caryalind skyrim #skyrim taliesin #Kaidan skyrim #teldryn sero #Lydia skyrim #riiju lei dragonborn #indoril nerevar #nerevar #voryn dagoth

[gilgamish]

WIP Whenever

Tagged by the wonderfully skilled: @mareenavee , @dirty-bosmer, and @kookaburra1701

Tagging: @paraparadigm, @nuwanders, and @tallmatcha-- no pressure, like always, and especially bc i am late lol

I've been struggling to write recently, but I've started working on Tides again, and this is where we pick up again after the end of Chapter 5:

Rain’s Hand 201  

(Approximately 3 years later).  

Moonlight bleached the night skies now. He lingered, rooting himself in place as the elixir’s effects took hold, burning somewhere deep in his chest. Light pierced into the backs of his eyes. Now, factor in the wind, the damp Reach cold, distant echoes from deep within the forest, and suddenly, this advantage threatened sensory overload. A distraction he could not have on a night like this. He paused and debated whether or not leaving the oath-blade back at camp was the best idea, if he could go back for it.  

With the katana and wakizashi, there were multiple angles of attack, letting him wear down his opponent in quick succession. With the nodachi, he put a greater distance between himself and his opponent, an advantage he sorely needed. He would go with polearm, but the halberd was out of question with half currently stuck in the creature’s side, and the rest snapped off by a clawed hand. It wasn’t human, but calling the appendage a paw didn’t feel right, not after the daedroth picked up a man and ripped him in half like you would a loaf of bread.  

Kaidan shook the memory aside. No, the nodachi was the best weapon he had right now. And besides, with what was coursing through his veins, he had more than a chance. As he went to put the bottle away, the neck shattered in his grip; he didn’t know his own strength now. Sorry, Felix. Like most alchemists, he was rather precious about his glassware, but that could be a conversation later. If there was a later.  Colors of the forest had settled into muted greys and silver around him. Sulphur, ash, and ruin blew back on the wind. Lurching forward, he licked his lips, tasting blood. Here we go, he said to himself, though with only a shred of confidence, and resigned himself to see what laid ahead. My blood price.  

Weregild?? In my Skyrim fic??? it's more likely than you think

kaidan can also be a bit guts berserk,,, as a lil treat

#tes fic #wip wednesday #my writing #oc: felix #bc he's mentioned by name #tcuh

[kagedbird]

TESSDE AU (+ Lucia :]) (Lucia part 8)

Lucia: *sitting in Taliesin's lap, allowed to watch her father's spar before nap time, excited to watch them fight* Go papa!!

Taliesin: *snorts* Which one are you cheering for, exactly?

Lucia: ....Yes!

Allora: *snort laughs, lightly pinching her cheek* You stole that from me! I'm so proud.

Lucia: *giggling*

Kaidan: *grunting as his arrow hit the blue outer ring while Inigo's went dead center. Again.* Another!!

Inigo: Hehe. Okay! Best out of 35?

Lucien: *shakes his head before picking up his cup of tea* I do hope they just don't break anything. Or each other.

Taliesin + Allora: *immediately grinning and side eyeing each other*

Lucien: *glares, a flush on his cheeks* Must you both be so uncouth?

Lyra: *chuckling as she takes her cup of tea* I thought you said she wasn't interested in such things, Lucien?

Allora: *blinks, remembering they'd talked about it that night* I'm sorry?

Lucien: Mother!

Davidicus: Is that why you chose to adopt by chance?

Lucien: Father!! Please, stop. Leave it be.

Allora: ...

Taliesin: *reaches over to gently hold Allora's hand, giving it a squeeze* I believe that's enough of that, thank you.

Davidicus: *tilts his head* My apologies if we over stepped. I was merely curious to know where our bloodline would be in futures to come.

Lyra: After marriage of course.

Allora: *squeezes Taliesin's hand tightly, frowning* ...There is no bloodline.

Davidicus: Beg pardon?

Lucien: Allora, you don't have to-

Allora: There is no bloodline with me. I can't conceive.

Davidicus + Lyra: ...! Oh...

Lucia: *frowns, looking up at her mother's tense and masked face* Mama...?

Taliesin: *frowns sharply, standing and gently guiding Allora and Lucia up* That, I said, is enough. We will see you for late lunch. Perhaps that will give you some time to rethink your probing. Hmph. *quickly ushers the girls into the house*

Lucien: *sadly watches them leave, knowing his presence wouldn't help her right now* ... *throws a disapproving frown to his parents* I told you to leave it be.

Lyra: *feeling properly admonished, bowing her head apologetically* I'm sorry, Lucien. You are right.

Davdicus: My apologies as well, son.

Lucien: I don't need the apology, she does. But only when she's ready. *stands with a huff and heads over to the other two to explain the situation, watching them rush off after the three sadly*

~

Allora: *quietly giving Lucia a bath, methodically scrubbing her daughter's skin with a soapy rag* ...

Lucia: ... *lifts her arm quietly at her mother's gentle tap, worry growing too big in her chest* ...Mama?

Allora: *draws a question mark in the air with her finger and powers leaving the shape behind* ...?

Lucia: I don't... understand what that word meant. Conceive?

Allora: *takes in a deep breath, kissing Lucia's head, before taking a bucket full of water to rinse Lucia's body* ... ...

Lucia: *gnaws on her bottom lip, knowing her mama didn't want to talk like this, and patiently waits until they're redressed in night clothes and snuggled into bed with Taliesin* ...Papa?

Taliesin: *heard the question while he was waiting, sighing and kissing her temple* Do you mind, Cherub?

Allora: *silently shakes her head, holding Lucia close* ...

Taliesin: *pulls them both close, hugging them tightly* Your mother... cannot carry children. She cannot give birth to a brother or sister for you, with any of us. It's a very difficult thing for her, you see, for reasons... I would like to wait until you're a bit older to talk about.

Lucia: Okay... *looks up at Allora* Does it hurt?

Taliesin: *brushes her hair gently from her face* Not physically, Bumblebee, but it's something instinctual to her. It hurts her heart that she can't have multiple little yous running around. Who wouldn't want that? *taps her nose softly*

Allora: *brushes her nose against Lucia's cheek softly*

Lucia: *hums and leans into her mother's nuzzle* ...I'm okay not having a brother or sister, mama. It's okay! I have four papas and you, and grandma and grandpa, and Hulda, and Great Uncle Bren, and Lars and Mila!

Allora: *huffs a silent, breathy laugh, closing her teary eyes and pulling Lucia into a tight hug* ...

Taliesin: *smiles sadly, curling up around the both of them* It's not something she can ever stop wanting, but you're very correct, Bumblebee. We have quite the large apiary all ready, and we make sweet honey all on our own. *kisses Lucia's cheek and Allora's lips softly* Now, let's rest, all right? It's been quite the long day.

Lucia: ... *gnaws on her bottom lip*

Taliesin: *tutting and gently pulling her lip free of her teeth* You're a horrible influence on her, Cherub.

Allora: *dryly stares*

Lucia: Is- are you mad at grandpa and grandma? Did they say something wrong?

Taliesin: *sighs* ...We are disappointed in them for asking such things. It's a delicate topic, and very upsetting. Should they appropriately apologize in the form of currency-

Allora: *gently thwaps his arm*

Taliesin: -Oof! Rude. Ahem. If they appropriately apologize with their words, it is up to your mother to forgive them for their misstep.

Lucia: *hums, smiling lightly at her mama playfully reprimanding him, snuggling close to Allora* Okay... goodnight mama, papa...

#skyrim #skyrim taliesin #kaidan khim #kaidan skyrim #inigo the brave #inigo skyrim #Lucia #Lucien Flavius #Lucien Skyrim #Lyra Flavius #Davidicus Flavius #Allora #Dragonborn oc #If anyone recalls- I do story lore based on the game aspects (i.e. Allora looking different to them based on their gynecology and in game- #-models). I wonder if anyone can guess why she can't conceive. #TESSDE AU #tes #tesblr #whoops this one was long sorry lmao

[bioware-bard]

Horizon's Aftermath

WORD COUNT: 643 words

PREVIOUSLY: The events on Horizon happened the day before; Kara hasn’t dealt with her feelings yet after seeing Kaidan again; Shepard is grumpy as hell and silently suffering from a massive hangover; the ones who know better -like Garrus- know to stay out of their way.

OC BACKGROUND INFO: At this point in the timeline, Kara is still coming to terms with the things that happened to her, making her quiet and introspective. Jack doesn't know her yet.

IMAGINE THE SCENE: We're in the Normandy SR-2's cargo bay. Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed and Grunt are taking off their gear and talking; Miranda, Mordin and Jacob are checking incoming supply crates; Kara is working out her feelings on the punching bag, or trying to, but Jack won’t stop talking to her.

-----

“I should’ve been down there with you guys,” Jack snarled. “That Alliance bastard would’ve gotten blasted onto that damn Collector ship so hard for what he said to you.” 

“Appreciate the thought.” Kara kept pummeling the bag, every hit landing harder and faster than the next as memories of Kaidan rose back to the forefront of her mind.

“You don’t want to punch the asshole? God, it’d make me feel so good to hurt the people who hurt me.” Jack looked over her shoulder at Shepard and added, “Which you promised to help me do, right?” 

Kara gave Jack a sideways glance as she kept punching and finished with such a hard right hook that the fabric of the bag ripped slightly. Jack’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she said, "Well, damn. Don't hold back now, babe." In the background, Garrus and Shepard stopped cleaning their guns and looked into her direction, a cautious expression on both their faces as they tried to anticipate what was going to happen next. Kara hadn't been herself since coming back, far more angry and violent than before, and they both knew she was especially on edge after the previous day’s events on Horizon. They shared a quick, alert glance before putting their weapons down and turning their attention towards the two biotics.

Kara stepped back from the still slightly-swaying, now-ripped bag and started unwrapping the tape from around her right wrist, her movements controlled and precise. “You just walked onto this ship, so I’ll forgive you for your ignorance, Jack.” She raised her gaze from her hands up to Jack’s face, rage simmering just beneath the surface of her skin and showing in her glowing blue eyes. “You don’t know me or anything about me, so I would advise you to shut up and read the fucking room.” That familiar tingle of dark energy being gathered to be used as a biotic ability rose in the air as she finished untangling the tape around the first hand and started on the other. “Leash your fucking temper or I swear I will happily bloody my hand on your face.”

Jack’s shock at the angry snarl in the other woman's voice caused the gathering dark energy to dissipate as Kara quickly finished unraveling the tape, tossed it on the floor and stalked away. It wasn’t until she was completely out of view and they heard the elevator doors opening and closing that the silence broke and Jack asked, “What the fuck was that?”

Shepard’s demeanor was casual as he leaned against the edge of the table, arms crossed in front of his chest, but his voice was hard as steel as he said, “I brought you onto this team to be of help, Jack, not tear this ship apart with your biotics over the slightest disagreement.” He pushed himself away from the table and walked over to her. “You want to stay here and get that information you want? I have the datapads ready for you, but I don’t think I trust you with it.” He got close enough to get in her face. “Stop assuming you know everything based on one interaction with someone. You don’t know shit. You don't know anyone here yet because you've been hiding beneath engineering."

John stepped back out of Jack's personal space and held up his hands as he took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. One of his hands went up to his face, thumb and middle finger massaging his temples. "Miranda," he called and raised his head to look for her. She stood close-by, closer than he'd thought, but he smoothly continued, "You're in charge. I'm going to my quarters and I don't want to be disturbed."

"Understood, Commander." Miranda's reply was immediate and the last thing anyone uttered until Shepard too had retreated into the elevator.

• • • •

A/N: I am working on dreaming of a much larger fic that spans all three games (because why not, right? lol), but I have several different versions of the after-Horizon situation in my head that need to get out. This is one of them. It might become part of the actual fic, but nothing's certain at this point. What do you think? Is this worth keeping for use in the larger fic?

#my writing #writing exercise #mass effect fanfic #mass effect fanfiction #mass effect 2 #mass effect 2 fanfiction #mass effect 2 fanfic #commander john shepard #oc: kara favreau #mass effect oc

[quicksilverdrabbles]

Kaidan: *sitting at the edge of the cliff the team is camped at, staring at the stars and auroras*

Saturn: *climbing out of the tent, staggering to her feet with a large yawn* Mn... Hm? *stops, seeing Kaidan sitting at the ledge, and walks over to sit next to him* Rough night?

Kaidan: *jumps* Gods- How are you so big but so quiet?

Saturn: Heheh. Lots of practice. Can't sleep?

Kaidan: ... I was, uh, just.. keeping watch.

Saturn: Riiiiight. Well, I think you've kept watch long enough. Lemme take next shift.

Kaidan: .. That won't be necessary.

Saturn: 'Cause you can't sleep, right?

Kaidan: Damn it.

Saturn: Gotcha. *giggles, nudging him gently* Septim for your thoughts?

Kaidan: ...

Saturn: ... *frowns, recognizing the look on his face* Thalmor?

Kaidan: ... Kind of.

Saturn: Mm..

Kaidan: It's hard to forget, you know? Easy to pretend like it doesn't bother me as much as it should, but the second I'm alone with my thoughts, I can't.. It's the only thing I can think about.

Saturn: I hear that. *sighs, shifting so her knees are curled to her chest* .. Does it bother you, travelling with so many High Elves after what happened? Me, Nebarra, Taliesin and Caryalind?

Kaidan: ... It was harder with Taliesin and Caryalind, I think. It still is. I feel like I can't fully trust them, or let my guard down around them. Or something.. bad will happen. *turns to face Saturn, still avoiding eye contact* .. It's easier with you, though. You saved me. And I know you're not anything like the Thalmor. You were never one of them.

Saturn: *eyes widen, displaying shock, but hiding fear* ... I'm.. glad you trust me. I don't ever want.. to do anything that would hurt you. *closes her eyes, taking a deep breath with a conflicted frown* .. Do you want to talk about it? It might help.

Kaidan: ... Nah. Not right now, anyways. Think I need to collect my thoughts a bit before I can talk about it with a clear head.

Saturn: Take all the time you need.

Kaidan: Yeah? Think I'll take you up on your offer of switching shifts, though. *chuckles, nudging her in revenge and getting to his feet* .. And, uh. Thank you. For listening. Good night, Saturn. *turns and goes back into the tent, climbing into his bedroll and falling a sleep pretty quickly, soothed by Saturn's comfort*

Saturn: ... *groans, falling onto her back and slapping a hand to her forehead* Dammit.. *opens her eyes, staring at the stars above her with a frown* ... It's so easy to pretend..

...

Saturn: I almost forgot he doesn't know.

#skyrim #tes #the elder scrolls #modded skyrim #dragonborn #ldb oc #kaidan skyrim #Saturn oc

[acciokaidanalenko]

Hardest goodbye sounds so sad! Or you can talk about our collab? 😏

WIP Title Game

BESTIE! I HAD TO EDIT MY POST BECAUSE I FORGOT OUR COLLAB SOMEHOW!!!!!! How could I? *sobs* please forgive me! 💜I'll share a snippet from Ch. 1 since there's no spoilers there 😉

A feeling of acute panic and concern pushed into her consciousness, further distracting her from the beacon. Her fingers began to fumble. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, flinching again as another explosion sounded from the command deck above. She calmed herself and tried to project that feeling outward, toward the person standing behind her. Without turning around, she could imagine the look on his face. Probably the same expression he’d worn when she’d returned to the bomb site on Virmire. Barely contained terror of what was about to happen, fear of everything they were about to lose, and knowing everything was about to change irrevocably. “You know I can feel you just standing there, right?” Natasha asked through the linked comm system of their suits. He stood just behind her, probably too close. She couldn’t care about that right now. The rest of the crew had been ordered to abandon ship. There was no hope that the Normandy would survive this attack. There were bigger concerns than why the staff lieutenant was standing a little too close to the commander. She finally turned away from the beacon, feeling a fresh wave of panic wash over her as she met his gaze through the glass of their helmets. She tried to counter it with her own sense of forced calm, placing her hand on his shoulder in an attempt to strengthen their connection. She focused on the way she’d felt when she’d fallen asleep beside him sometime in the late hours of the night, how the sound of his slowly beating heart had relaxed her and helped her drift off to sleep. The wildness in his eyes seemed to fade as he looked at her, and faint wrinkles gathered at the edges of his eyes as he smiled at her, though it was hidden by his helmet. “What’s wrong? You’re supposed to be helping the crew get to the escape pods, and I have to get this beacon-” “Joker’s refusing to leave his post. Figured you’re the only one on board that’ll be able to get through to him,” Kaidan reported with a slight hint of amusement. Truthfully, Natasha was likely the only person in the galaxy Jeff would listen to. “Why am I not surprised?” Natasha asked sarcastically. “And of course this stupid thing won’t take the command codes.” She let out a frustrated sigh and nodded her head toward the distress beacon. Another loud burst from above made them both flinch involuntarily. Kaidan seemed suddenly overcome with a sense of urgency. “Let me do it, Nat. That should’ve been the plan to begin with. We both know you’re hopeless when it comes to tech,” he replied as he placed his hand on her shoulder. They lingered together for just a second, one hand on the other’s shoulder, holding the gaze of the other through the glass as if their very lives depended on this singular moment. Natasha couldn’t help but think of their last private moments in her quarters this morning, kissing him softly before they both snuck out and went their separate ways. Kaidan’s hand gently pressed against her, pushing her aside as he moved to take her place in front of the beacon. As he’d spoken, his voice had been low and steady. Clearly her attempts to calm him had worked.

#wip title game #commander shepard #commander natasha shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #nat & rose au #thanks for the ask! #britt answers #britt writes #fanfic writing #mass effect

[clericofshadows]

you got me in a chokehold

I posted this on AO3 already, but I never put the whole thing on my blog since it was a 10K whopper.

so I'm doing it now so that all my fics are in one place.

Description: Sequel to take me back to eden. Kaidan and Zaeed meet up on Earth to reconcile and to grieve over the loss of Regis Shepard. Rating: E Paring: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani/Regis Shepard (past)

Kaidan stepped out of the Alliance transport hub, his bag slung over his shoulder, taking in a deep breath.  Always good to be back on Earth, and to be back home in the cool air of Vancouver.

He wished he wasn’t taking this trip alone.  

He walked down the street for a few minutes until he reached a small little cafe.  Quaint, locally owned, and a favorite of his and Regis’s that always had the best damn cookies and brownies.

The day Regis managed to get the recipe to their triple chocolate brownies was quite a victory.

Kaidan stepped inside, smelling the sugar in the air.  He waved at the owner of the cafe before sitting down at the bar against the windows, taking a seat next to Zaeed.  

“You should’ve gone into spec ops,” Zaeed laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.  “Too damn quiet.”

“That actually might be in my future,” Kaidan replied, leaning into his touch.  “Got a lot to think about.” “I’m sure you do.  Crazy times we live in.”

“No shit.  God, it’s only been like two months.”

“Feels like a damn eternity.  I keep expecting to get a ping from him, a check in message or some new hack he wants me to download.”

Kaidan nodded, staring out the window.  “I keep asking myself what I could’ve done differently, if I could’ve forced him to come with me, to abandon ship early.  But that wasn’t who Regis was.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Zaeed agreed.  “Not when it came to his crew I heard so much about.”

The owner came over and brought out his usual order, a small green tea with their triple chocolate brownie.  Something was different, however.

A folded piece of paper laid next to a wrapped stack of sugar cookies. Regis’s favorite order.

“This is on the house, Kaidan,” she said.  “I heard the news.  I’m so sorry.  I know he always loved these things, so I decided to give up my recipe.  I think he would like you to try and copy them yourself.”

Blinking away tears, Kaidan took the tray from her hands with a watery smile.  “Thank you, Lucy.  He definitely would.  I can hear him now, bitching about how I was the one who got the prize.”

“And he would be saying he can make them oh-so-better than me.  Bastard,” she laughed.  “If you don’t mind me asking, would you mind if I made a new menu item for him?  Something he liked but we don’t have.”

“Chocolate squares,” Kaidan immediately replied, thankful for her thoughtfulness.  “I’ll send you his recipe.”

“Thank you.  King’s Chocolate Squares, I like it!” she smiled.  “Enjoy your tea and snacks, Kaidan.”

“I definitely will.”

Kaidan took a sip of his tea as she walked back to the counter.  “She’s owned this place for years and has been a friend of my family.  Sort of a tradition to come here first if we’ve been off planet for a while.”

“I can see why.” Zaeed motioned to his cup.  “This is the best goddamn hot chocolate I’ve had in years.”

Kaidan split his brownie into two and passed it over to him.  “Try this.”

Zaeed took a bite and widened his eyes.  “Holy shit.”

“I know, right?”

Zaeed quickly finished the rest of the treat off. Kaidan pushed his plate towards him with a grin, but he held up his hand.  “It’s yours.”

“Let me be a gentleman.”

“Nah, I won’t be greedy this time.  I’ll save that for later.”

Why was it so easy to talk to him?  Even after everything that has happened?

“So confident there’s going to be a later,” Kaidan teased, taking a bite out of his brownie.  

“I don’t think you would’ve come all this way just for a goddamn brownie.”

“I don’t know, you just found out how good these were.”

“Fair point.” Zaeed shrugged, finishing off his drink.  “I got some interesting news to tell you as well, but that can wait until we’re back at the apartment.”

“Mine’s closer,” Kaidan replied, immediately intrigued.  “Unless you would prefer your accommodations?”

“Nah.  I brought my essentials with me.  I travel light.  It’s in a locked bag with my motorcycle,” Zaeed said.  "We can always go back to my place if needed."

“Sounds good.” Kaidan finished off his tea and carefully packed the recipe and the cookies in his bag.  “Lead the way.”

Kaidan followed Zaeed out the door after saying goodbye to Lucy.  They walked a short distance, hands brushing against each other the whole way, neither of them making a move.

Not yet.  Kaidan wanted it, but part of it still felt too soon, even if Zaeed’s offer was tantalizing.

Regis would want him to go for it.  He fell first and hard for the man back on their Omega adventures, Kaidan quickly joining him with his own infatuation after a few battles together.

Unafraid to work with biotics and unashamed of his abilities, Kaidan was drawn to Zaeed’s manner.  He meshed well with them, following up with strikes on carefully lifted and pulled targets without a second thought.

Perhaps he had worked with biotics before in his career as a merc, but there was something special there.

And Regis and Kaidan had yearned for more after it was time to go back to being Alliance soldiers.

“Do it,” he could almost hear Regis say in his ear, “make yourself happy.”

Ten years of a relationship and even more of a friendship taken away in an instant.  Over ten years of knowing each other, of becoming one on the battlefield, of surviving impossible odds and feeling each other’s biotic field when close together.

Kaidan missed the comforting press of Regis’s biotics.  Regis always claimed he wasn’t as strong as Kaidan when it came to pure control and precision, but Regis figured out how to reign in his field in such a way it would take a lot of concentration from another biotic to sense him.  Something he perfected during N training.  

Something he later taught Kaidan as an in-case measure.

Kaidan now kept his field in close.

There’s no longer another biotic by his side to sense it.

Kaidan snapped out of his thoughts once Zaeed came to a stop.  Zaeed perched himself on the motorcycle, holding out his hand and a spare helmet.  Kaidan took his hand and put on the motorcycle helmet, noticing that it was painted a grey camo pattern with blue stripes, just like his armor.

“You made this just for me?” He asked, wrapping his arms around Zaeed.

“I had one made for Regis as well,” he admitted, “N7 stripes and all.  Kept them stored here on Earth, and I was going to give them to you after your mission as a surprise.”

Fuck.  Was Zaeed hoping that one day their relationship could resume beyond just messages and vid calls?

“He would’ve loved it,” Kaidan replied, trying to keep his voice steady.  “Hell, did I ever tell you about the motorcycle he stores on my family’s property?”

“No, I don’t think you did,” Zaeed said, and Kaidan could hear the strain in his voice as well.  “Tell me more.”

The motorcycle roared to life as they activated the comms in their helmets, damping the sound some and allowing them to better talk on the drive.  Kaidan sent Zaeed the address to his apartment, and then they were off.

“Regis was obsessed with pre-eezo bikes, and somehow, he managed to get his hands on one in decent condition.  Hell if I know what he paid for it, but he loved taking that thing down all the roads in the country and tinkering with it.  We had a lot of good times riding together.” Like this, he wanted to say, arms wrapped around someone I love.  Someone I trust to never crash and to keep me safe.

“I’m sure you two had lots of fun riding together.” Zaeed laughed.

“That too,” Kaidan replied with a grin, knowing that Zaeed couldn’t see it.  “Remember, despite all Regis’s confidence, he’s the one that always paused with those kinds of comments.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.  Did you rile him up during your mission?”

“A few times.  We had to keep it somewhat professional.”

“Surprised you were able to stay together.  Regis mentioned that he leveraged the Alliance’s want for him to be on that ship by making sure you were on board.”

“Some of the Admirals were aware at the time, but the ones that did didn’t care.”

Hackett. Ahern. Hannah. 

“Sounds like it could’ve been the perfect posting for you two.”

“It really was.”

They fell silent after that.  

The traffic was light, and soon Zaeed was parked at Kaidan’s apartment building, and they were heading inside.

Kaidan unlocked the door with a wave of his omnitool, the lights turning on the moment they walked in.  He quickly showed Zaeed where everything was, stopping at his bedroom to drop off his bag.

Kaidan sat down on the bed, noticing a long black coat still thrown over the edge of the bed.  

One of Regis’s favorite coats.

Zaeed joined him on the bed a moment later.  “Want me to get that for you?”

Kaidan shook his head, unable to speak, tears starting to roll down his face.  He reached out and grabbed the coat, breathing in deep.  Citrus and eezo and vanilla.  

Zaeed wordlessly pulled him in close.  Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder, the coat squashed between him, finally allowing himself to let it all out.

Nothing about this was fair.

None of this should’ve happened.

Regis should be here with them.

Instead, all he has is a fucking jacket.

Shaking with sobs, Kaidan held onto Zaeed tightly. Zaeed rubbed his back, a comforting touch that grounded Kaidan. 

Like Regis, Kaidan rarely allowed himself to lose control or show weakness. The two of them fed off of each other, only letting go in the comfort of the other.  

If Kaidan didn't have Zaeed here, he may not have ever allowed himself to let go, needing the comfort of somebody else to ground him. 

His parents had been great through all of this, expecting a visit while he's here on Earth.  He’s glad he has them, but it’s not enough right now.

But one day, it will be.

He wondered if Zaeed had lost someone close to him before in his long life as a merc. He understood what Kaidan needed in the moment, never questioning, just being a strong presence and a soft place to land. 

Like what Kaidan wanted to be for Regis when he didn't want to be Commander Shepard.

Perhaps only a few minutes passed, but it felt like a damn eternity once he calmed down, face wet with tears and body filled with exhaustion. 

He pulled away as Zaeed eased up on his embrace. 

Zaeed cupped his face with a gentle grip, wiping away some of the wetness. "What do you need, Kaidan?" He asked, his voice strained, and Kaidan noticed that his eyes were red and damp with tears as well. 

God, they were a mess. 

"I need you, Zaeed," Kaidan said, letting go of Regis's coat, feeling like he's letting go of a chapter of his life. 

But that's what Regis would've wanted, never one to dwell much in the past and always focusing on the future and moving forward. He would want Kaidan to move on and allow himself to love someone he can trust, and Zaeed is right there. 

And perhaps that's all they needed to finally act on the feelings that's been brewing between them starting all the way back in Omega, starting the moment the three of them shared a bed together in the midst of a crazy battle against an angry vorcha mafia.  Zaeed leaned in and Kaidan met him halfway, kissing him slowly and softly and sweetly, letting out a content sigh as Zaeed ran a hand into his hair. 

Zaeed was the first to pull apart, placing his hands on Kaidan's leather jacket collar. "Why don't we wash up a bit?  I saw that the shower and bath was large enough for the two of us."

Kaidan nodded, letting Zaeed take off his jacket. "But we really do need to talk. Not just about us."

"I know. That old friend I mentioned?  I'm sure you're well aware of Steven Hackett."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, stopping in the midst of taking off his sleeveless mock neck. "I'd like to know that story."

"We go way back," Zaeed waved it off. "But my point is, he wanted me to keep an ear close to the ground, and for me to be aware of the truth of the goddamn battle at the Citadel that you participated in."

"Meaning the Reaper threat."

He nodded. "Exactly, even if I don't fully understand it myself. Hackett's gathering allies unofficially, but there's still too much damn uncertainty.”

"Regis's mother gave me a heads up about Hackett wanting to meet with me."

"And is that going to include whatever the hell you're going to be getting up to next in the Alliance?"

"I'm going to become an N and be the first biotic in Regis's accelerated training program," he replied. "Finally doing the damn thing he's always wanted me to do." Kaidan couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. 

"Listen, I know he wanted the both of you to wear the red stripe together, but don't blame yourself for not wanting to go for it until now.  Would you have ever done it unless your hand was forced?" 

Kaidan looked away. "Probably not. I knew I could handle it, but it wasn't something I felt like I needed to do."

"But is it something you want to do now?  Or are you being forced into it?” Zaeed sounded concerned. 

“A bit of both.  They want me to finish what he started in the new biotic programs he was creating, while also being a trial run for his new programs,” Kaidan admitted.  

"As long as you show those bastards what you can do while staying true to yourself, that's all that matters." Zaeed threw his jacket and sweater over the bed. 

"I had a very similar conversation with Hannah."

"Then we might've gotten along," Zaeed mused. 

Kaidan shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. She and I've never been close, but that's mostly due to Regis."

"He was very tight-lipped about his childhood. Not great?"

"He never wanted to be a spacer kid."

"And he joined the Alliance anyway?"

"He did, but he did it on his own terms."

Zaeed chuckled. "I can see that." He crossed his arms against his bare chest, giving Kaidan a calculated look. "What is it you aren't telling me about him and space?"

Shit. 

Kaidan tossed his shirt on the bed, mingling with Zaeed's clothing. "The last thing Regis wanted was to die in space."

Zaeed widened his eyes. "Fuck."

"And I listened to it," Kaidan admitted, sitting back down on the bed. "I heard every last word, every breath he struggled to take, every plea he had for him to somehow not die in space."

“Wait, you heard him get spaced?  What really happened?”  Zaeed sat down next to him.

“We were hit by an attack from some kind of unknown ship.  Ripped us to shreds damn near instantly.  He ordered me to get off the ship while he grabbed our pilot.  He was able to get our pilot out, but not himself,” Kaidan summarized.  “Regis wasn’t going to leave anyone behind, but I knew all the details of his ‘disaster’ plans, and our pilot disobeyed his orders.”

“How so?”

“Regis was a bit of a pilot himself, at least, when it came to smaller ships and shuttles.  There’s a story I should tell you about the time when he was a teenager and stole a shuttle off his mother’s ship to get to Earth.” Kaidan cleared his throat.  “Anyway, Regis recognized when a situation couldn’t be helped, and wanted our pilot to get himself out alive because there were moments that no good piloting could save a ship.”

And the space above Alchera was one of them.

“Feel free to blast me across the room for even asking this, but do you blame ‘the pilot’ for not abandoning the goddamn ship when he had the chance?” Zaeed asked.

Kaidan laughed mirthlessly. "You read me too well."

"Part of the job. You don't have to answer." That's answer enough, was left unsaid. 

"No, I might as well tell someone else," Kaidan sighed. "We exchanged some heated words after the fact and we were all 'settled' back on the nearest Alliance station."

"What the hell happened, Joker? Why wasn't he with you?"

"There was another blast right when he got me in the shuttle."

"Did Regis have to drag your ass in the pod?  You knew he was going to come for you!"

Ashley came up behind him. "Kaidan—"

"Don't 'Kaidan' me!  He knew what the fucking plans were and still stayed put!  I don't care what you have to say Joker, Regis—"

"My piloting ensured as many of you could get the hell off the ship!  I know that Regis died while saving me, but don't go blaming me for something that I couldn't have controlled!"

"Couldn't have controlled?  No, you just couldn't stand being wrong about anything involving the Normandy!  But it doesn't matter anymore, now does it?  You might've saved the ship a few precious seconds, but Regis didn't get any!"

Ashley stepped between them, interrupting whatever Joker was going to say next. "This is not the time to be fighting!  God, it's a terrible day when I'm the fucking mediator. Joker, you knew what the orders were. Both of you, walk away before things get more ruined than they already are."

"You aren't going to call out Alenko for prioritizing his boyfriend over the rest of the crew?" 

Kaidan felt his biotic corona roar to life. "Go fuck yourself Joker and remember that Regis died for you!  He was never going to leave anyone behind!  And he chose you."

Zaeed listened to the story, never betraying anything with his expression about his own thoughts and feelings on the matter. 

"We haven't talked since, not even during the damn funeral.  All I've heard is that he's grounded now, and with his record, I'm not sure if he'll fly anything like the Normandy ever again," Kaidan finished. "I'm not proud of how I reacted, but I'm not yet ready to apologize for anything that I said."

"No need to defend yourself to me, but it sounds like you at least have a good friend there in that Ashley."

He nodded. "She tore me a new one, and I don't blame her for it. But I had to know."

"Regis once told me he felt like he finally found himself a home on that ship," Zaeed said after a short moment of silence. "Even if he did bitch about some of the crew."

"Like who?"

"That pilot you were talking about. Some of the younger Marines.  The asari you rescued," Zaeed listed off. "But he seemed to like everyone for the most part. Would've loved to see him in his element.  God, I should've brought out the goddamn whiskey for this talk."

Same group Regis would always complain to him about. Kaidan hadn't thought about T'Soni since the Saren mission, not really caring where she went after the battle of the Citadel. 

Regis prioritized her mission last, and he never really formed a bond with her in the same way with all the other crew members and ground teams on the ship. He saw her as a liability, and openly refused to let her meld with him. 

Honestly, Kaidan wouldn't have allowed it either if it were him in that situation. It still shocked him that Regis let Shiala in, but that was far more dire in comparison.  Especially since Regis was able to supply enough detail for T'soni to figure out where the Conduit lied purely from his descriptions. 

"There's still time."

"Nah, even I can admit that would've made things worse right now. It's too damn fragile right now."

To hell with it.

Kaidan leaned in and claimed Zaeed's mouth with his own, pressing in against him and making him fall back on the bed. Warm skin rubbing against each other, feeling every inch of the man underneath. 

A feeling he's yearned for again for too long. 

Zaeed made a pleased noise, one hand grasped in Kaidan's curls, the other slowly teasing down his front.  Kaidan joined his hand on top of Zaeed's, guiding him down to his zipper as he started to kiss down his neck. 

"Anything changed since our last encounter?" Zaeed asked, pressing lightly against his hardening cock. 

"No, not really," Kaidan said, hovering next to his ear. "But I've taken to an even greater liking to being in charge."

"That doesn't surprise me.  Want to order me around, be in control?" Zaeed chuckled, but his expression was serious. 

Kaidan pulled back slightly so he could face him. "No, not today." He maneuvered himself so that he was leaning against the pillows, switching their positions for the moment. 

It would be so easy to say yes, to claim and that semblance of control he so desperately wanted to have right now. 

But not yet. Not when things felt so delicate between them. 

Not when the ghost of Regis still lingered. 

Zaeed winked and pulled down Kaidan's zipper, yanking down his pants and boxers in one quick movement.  Kaidan gasped as Zaeed lightly took his dick in his hand before swallowing it down in one go.  

"Goddammit, Zaeed!" Kaidan moaned, barely keeping his hips from thrusting into his mouth. "Give me a warning next time."

Zaeed pulled off for a moment, kissing the tip before saying, "You like it that way."

He does, but he's not about to admit it. 

"Bastard," Kaidan said, moving his grip to tangle in Zaeed's hair, his biotic field coming to life in a bright blue.

Zaeed took him in, his cock hitting the back of his throat.  Kaidan let himself relax into the bed, gasping and letting out small noises as Zaeed worked him closer and closer to the brink. Oh, how he missed this.  Missed having this man in his bed. 

His corona stuttered, his hips starting to move with Zaeed's clever tongue and talented mouth. He made a pleased sound as he swallowed Kaidan down once more, pulling off right when Kaidan made a high-pitched whine, nearly about to come down his throat. 

"Not yet," Zaeed rasped. "I want you to come in me."

With a quick twitch of his fingers, Kaidan pulled the bottle of lube that sat on his nightstand. He sat it down on the sheets, raising an eyebrow at Zaeed and motioning down at his pants at his knees. 

"Use your words, Kaidan," Zaeed said, a grin tugging at his lips. 

Oh, he wants to play it that way?

"Finish what you started," Kaidan ordered, clasping his hands together behind his head. 

Zaeed pulled down his pants, tossing them on the floor.  “You look good in ink,” he observed, lightly tracing the branches that were inked on Kaidan's left thigh. The tattoo he got to mirror Regis's own tree on his right arm. 

Kaidan shuddered at the light touch. "I've been meaning to get more but never found the right piece."

“Let me know when you do.  I want to see it.”  I want to be part of it, Kaidan heard.

Zaeed then slowly ran his hand down his chest, lightly squeezing his nipples, palming his covered bulge, letting out a groan before he tugged down his pants, tossing them on the floor with the rest of the clothing.

Kaidan took a moment to stare at the man in front of him. Beautiful tanned and scarred skin, dark, thick line work covering his arm and his chest. The expression of pure pleasure gracing his face as Zaeed slowly stroked his cock, giving Kaidan one hell of a show. 

"Gorgeous," Kaidan murmured, crawling towards the man to claim his mouth, kissing him slowly, sliding their lips and tongues together, skin against skin. 

"No, you're the gorgeous one. How lucky am I to have you here with me?" Zaeed breathed against his mouth. 

"We can play this game all day, love," Kaidan replied, the endearment flowing out of him like water. "Because I can't believe you're here with me."

Zaeed started kissing down his neck, nibbling at the skin, leaving little marks down to his chest. 

It should feel too soon with everything that has happened, but it doesn't.  He felt nearly at home with Zaeed, a feeling he had with Regis. 

"I wanted to commit with him, I really did." Regis admitted, snuggled in Kaidan's arms a few days after they returned from Omega, resting in Kaidan's childhood home. Can't have extended shore leave without visiting the Alenko's. 

"Me too.  I always thought you were it for me, and I've never wanted for more. He was different," Kaidan said, pressing a kiss against the skull tattoo on the back of Regis's neck. 

"He felt like coming home, just like how you feel to me."

"That's exactly how I felt."

Regis laughed. "And that's how I know we are meant for each other. At least he gave us a way to keep in contact.  A private number of all things.”

"Maybe one day things will change, love."

"I imagine it won't as long as we're Alliance soldiers. It's not easy."

"No, it's not, but I didn't take him as the type that wanted 'easy.'"

Zaeed leaned back in the bed and slid his thighs apart, his erection flushed against his stomach.  Before grabbing the bottle, Kaidan waved his fingers, gathering dark energy to trail down Zaeed's chest, teasing at his nipples before jolting at his cock. 

Zaeed gasped in surprise, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fuck, Kaidan!  How the hell can you do that?"

"Lots of practice and my own high levels of control," Kaidan said with a smirk. "I can take you apart with just a wave of my hand." He flared out his corona to illustrate his point. 

Zaeed’s eyes darkened.  “Enough teasing.”

“Thought that was what you wanted?” Kaidan asked lightly, hitching Zaeed’s legs up and coating his fingers.  He reached down to tease at his hole, waiting for a response.

“Get on with it already, goddamnit!” Zaeed groaned.

“All you have to do is ask.”  He pressed one finger into his hole, and then another, taking his time to work open the tight, hot body.  Only meeting a little resistance, Zaeed must’ve been with other partners recently, but he implied he wanted it bare.

Kaidan trusted him, and he continued to work in a third finger, spurred on by Zaeed's heavy breathing and fists grabbing at his expensive sheets.  They’ve only fucked once, while Regis watched, tied up and desperate to be touched, only able to watch as the man he loved pleasured another.

It was a quick, hard, and fast thing, Kaidan pulling all the stops to press deeply into Zaeed, taking the merc down a few notches in the process.  Kaidan thought they would be two dominant personalities tangling and fighting against each other, united in their desire to make Regis feel good, but Zaeed surprised him with his occasional versatile taste.

That was a night Kaidan never wanted to forget.  Seeing Zaeed take care of Regis so readily after they finally turned their attention to him, and ensuring he got all the tactile love he needed once they were done with their scene.

A stark contrast to the hard-ass merc he portrayed on the outside.

Kaidan twisted his fingers once more, feeling Zaeed seize up with a deep groan. There it is. "You ready for me?" Kaidan asked, wiping his fingers on the sheet.

"Yes, Kaidan!" Zaeed groaned, voice full of gravel and lined with pleasure. 

Kaidan leaned in to cup his face and gave him a sweet, soft kiss that had Zaeed rolling his eyes but going pliant anyway. 

He slicked himself up and hitched Zaeed's legs over his shoulders, finally pressing into his hole.  Zaeed let out a long, deep groan, sighing as Kaidan bottomed out and bended Zaeed nearly in half, his flexibility nearly rivaling his own. 

They breathed together for a moment. Zaeed moved to grip onto Kaidan's arms.  His face broke out into a grin, and Kaidan took that a sign to move.

Kaidan fucked him in long, slow strokes, drawing out the feeling, enjoying forcing out whines and moans from the older man. 

Kaidan loved taking his lovers apart, bit by bit, until they were lost in pleasure. 

He took his own pleasure in the tight heat, letting go of his own control, meaning with Zaeed as he brought himself closer and closer to release, his corona shining bright in the dark room. 

With a flick of his wrist, he extended his barrier to envelope both of them, a trick he and Regis perfected in the heat of battle to help protect their non-biotic squadmates. 

It had its uses even beyond the battlefield. 

He watched as Zaeed's eyes glazed over, his mouth caught in a wordless moan as Kaidan fucked into him deeper and deeper, the electricity of his biotics creating a heightened sensation. 

Kaidan took hold of his cock, stroking in time with his thrusts, grinning as Zaeed got even louder. "I'm almost there," he grunted. "Come for me, Zaeed."

"Ah, fuck," Zaeed cried out as he finally had his own release, and Kaidan followed moments later, spilling deep in his hole with one last thrust, his biotics flaring out in a bright pulse, moaning Zaeed's name like a damn prayer. 

Still inside him, Kaidan lifted up his come covered hand and licked it clean, watching as Zaeed stared at him. "Fuck, you're unbelievable," Zaeed said, satiated, falling back against the pillows with a groan. 

Kaidan slowly pulled out of him, reaching for the box of tissues to clean themselves up, but Zaeed stopped him. "Not yet."

Kaidan shrugged and settled himself next to him, letting Zaeed wrap a tattooed arm around him. "Fine by me, but I'm getting up in a few to take the damn shower we were talking about earlier."

"I'll join you," he murmured. "I haven't been fucked that hard in a long while."

"You're welcome."  Kaidan grinned.

Zaeed grinned back, letting out a sigh.  “What’s next?”

“What do you mean?” Kaidan knew what he meant, but he wanted to hear it. No implications. Real communication instead. 

“What’s next for us?”

Kaidan turned on his side to face Zaeed.  “We—I always wanted more, whatever that may be.”

Zaeed closed his eyes.  “I wanted it too, but now with you going off to N training and me keeping an ear to the ground… it’ll be hard to make it work.”

“But doesn’t that mean it’s worth trying, however we define it?”

The words they should’ve said three years ago.  But it’s not too late.

“Friends with benefits ain’t enough.  That’s not what we are.”

“What are we, then?”

“You called me ‘love’ earlier.  And I liked it.  So…” Zaeed trailed off.

“Lovers, then,” Kaidan said.  “Whatever and wherever that may take us.”

Saying that felt like coming home.

But a small part of him still felt like it was a betrayal to Regis.  It shouldn’t, knowing what the man’s thoughts were on this kind of thing.

“I finally updated my will and put it on my omnitool.  It’s also stored on my private server, y’know,” Regis said before their mission, before they were stationed on the Normandy.  

Kaidan nodded.  “I remember, and I won’t forget.  Mine’s also been updated, just in case.” “And I hope nothing ever fucking happens.  I added something new for you.”

“Oh?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Regis waved it off.  “Just a personal message.  I’ve always had one for you, but I’ve added a few things to it.”

“I’m not worried, just curious.  I’ve left a few messages for you and the family but haven’t updated them in a while.  You reminded me I should.”

“Nothing wrong with being a little curious.  Just hope you never have to listen to them.”

“And I hope the same for you.”

“Obviously,” Regis laughed, always able to make light of a situation like this, especially one that had felt so foreign and so impossible.  His expression suddenly grew serious, his red eyes staring Kaidan down.  “But I want you to know this: Don’t you dare prevent yourself from moving on.  I don’t give a shit when you do it, but don’t let your happiness die with me.”

Kaidan didn’t think it would be that easy but agreed anyway.  “I promise.”

“And that’s all I ask."

Kaidan had already dealt with the damn will with Hannah, not that there was much to it.  Regis was straightforward with that kind of thing.  Most of his assets went to Kaidan, leaving a few various things and monetary amounts going to his mother, his uncle, and some even to Kaidan’s family.  A few weapons and other items he kept stored planetside went to Zaeed, and they had already handled that as soon as they could.

He hasn’t yet listened to the message.

“Getting lost in your thoughts?” Zaeed asked, pulling Kaidan closer in.

“Thinking about something Regis said to me,” he admitted.  “He wanted me to find happiness, if something happened.  I kept wrestling with myself about this whole thing, but…”

“It’s what he would’ve wanted,” he finished for him.

“Or something,” Kaidan said, still not fully convinced, but here he was, enjoying the post-orgasmic glow with another man.  “There’s also a recorded video Regis left for me, but I can’t bring myself to watch it.”

“I can watch it with you?” He offered.  “Let’s wash up and take it one goddamn step at a time.

Kaidan nodded, and they untangled themselves from each other.  Kaidan offered a hand and guided Zaeed to the bathroom.

The water was warm and soothing, just what they needed.  Taking comfort in each other’s presence, touching and brushing against one another, but nothing more than a tease.  Just appreciating the intimacy in the moment, already satisfied with how their evening has gone.

Now in a warm pair of joggers and a sweater—Zaeed borrowing a pair from Kaidan despite them being a little too short for him—they curled themselves up on the couch in the living room, underneath a warm blanket.  Kaidan’s omnitool sat on the coffee table.

He took a deep breath and grabbed it, accessing their private server and entering in the information to access the video.

Regis appeared on the screen, clothed in his favorite black turtleneck, his dog tags hanging proudly around his neck, his father's ring gleaming in the light.  He looked at peace, despite the content of the video.  Kaidan wanted to look away from the perfect picture of his beloved, but he gathered enough strength to play the video.

“Kaidan, if you’re watching this, then I’m so fucking sorry that you’re in this situation.  That somehow I was able to get you out alive without covering my own ass, too.  Or something along those lines.” He laughed, and then cleared his throat.  “Not the damn time, Regis.” He muttered.

Kaidan thought he had nothing left, tears already dried up, but more threatened to fall.  

“I wanted you to know that I loved you so much, and I hope you are keeping Dad’s ring safe, whatever it is you decided to do with it.  Wear it, store it, whatever.  My mother kept vigil over it, then it was me, and now it has come to you.  I only wish I was able to give it to you myself, underneath that big appletree that you and I loved to sit under back home."

Regis considered Kaidan's family home. 

And that goddamn ring. He never even thought about the possibility of it being lost along with his fucking body. 

It haunted him nearly as much as Regis’s memory.

“I also hope you remember our conversation.  Take the time you need to grieve, but also remember to find happiness in whatever that may be.  Hell, we both know someone that I hope will be there for you.  So don’t worry about me haunting your ass for claiming what we both wanted, if that’s where that goes.” Regis shook his head, a small smile gracing his face.  “Shit, tell Massani directly that I will haunt his ass if he doesn’t keep an eye on you for me.”

They were all such idiots, weren't they?

They could've made it work, but none of them wanted to be the one to make that brave first step. 

Kaidan paused the video, wiping his eyes and reaching for the box of tissues on the table, setting it between them. Zaeed yanked a few out of the box, tossing him some whole keeping some for himself. "We were such fucking idiots."

"No shit," Kaidan wetly laughed, pressing play again.

"Just… live for yourself Kaidan, and not for me. Hell, I've probably given you some impossible promises already, but all I ask is for you to be able to move on.  If that means leaving the Alliance or following in my footsteps or whatever, then so be it. I want you to live. That's all I've ever wanted, even since the day I met you back at BAaT. I never thought I would find something so good and so precious there, despite everything." Regis laughed, and it was like music to his ears. 

"All this to say, I love you. And this video is asking you to let me go.  This is Regis Lucian Shepard, signing off.” He touched the screen with his hand, as if he was caressing a face, before it went dark.

Regis knew him too goddamn well.  Of course he did.  Ten years of a relationship… becoming friends at BAaT… a long history.

He knew Kaidan would struggle with his own feelings and gave him an out.  No questions asked. 

Kaidan turned off his omnitool and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

They laid together on the couch, in each other's arms, in the silence of the apartment, letting the message sink in. Zaeed laced his fingers with Kaidan's, squeezing with reassurance. 

A message pinged on his omnitool before he could fully gather his thoughts.

Kaidan activated his tool once more to see that it was a message from his mother.  He checked the time and realized it was close to the time he promised to call. 

"It's from Mom," Kaidan said, clearing his throat. "I was supposed to call her, but I got, uh, distracted."

"Need me to get up for a bit?" Zaeed asked, not making any sort of move to get up.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, unless you'd be more comfortable not being in the vid call.  I don't want to hide what we have."

"Sure, I'll stay.  It's been a while since I've met the parents," Zaeed replied but sounding hesitant. 

Kaidan glanced up at him.  "Uh huh. You have nothing to worry about. Mom will understand."

"I am not worried."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Massani."

He hovered over the call button, studying Zaeed's expression. When he smiled slightly, Kaidan took that as consent and started the vid call. 

He should probably move to where he wasn't lying on his chest, arms still wrapped around him, but he didn't want to leave his comfort just yet.

His mother's face appeared on the screen, all warm smiles and a positive presence. "Kaidan!  I was beginning to worry that you forgot!  Am I interrupting something?" She greeted, her expression turning concerned. 

"No, not really.  It's just been a rough day, Mom, and there's someone I want you to meet." He transferred the call to the larger screen in the living room. "Mom, meet Zaeed Massani."

"Well, it's nice to meet a friend of Kaidan's, or shall I say something more?  You might want to adjust your turtleneck some, sweetheart, you got a little something…" she motioned with her hand to a spot underneath his chin, and Kaidan immediately felt his face warm up. "I'm just teasing. Now, tell me, how did you two meet?  There's a familiarity I see between you that reminds me of Kaidan and…" she trailed off, looking away. 

"You can mention him, Mrs. Alenko," Zaeed said before Kaidan could say anything. "The three of us go way back. I just happened to be in the area when Kaidan gave me a heads up that he was heading to Earth.  Sorry for interrupting your time."

"Ah, it's not a problem.  I'm happy he has someone to confide in during all this. It's still very soon, you see, Regis became a member of our family the day they returned after their biotic training.  And it's Aurelia, Zaeed. Such a gentleman," she gushed. "Way back, you say?  Tell me the details you're willing to share."

"Met them while they were on shore leave three years ago. We became quite close," he said, keeping the story simple, but not quite revealing how close they got.

Kaidan squeezed his hand. "And by close, he means that the three of us entered into a relationship for a short time.  We stayed friends after Regis and I had to get back to the Alliance."

He could tell his mother knew he wasn't telling her everything by the calculated look in her eye, but she seemed satisfied enough with the response. 

He looked up to see Zaeed's look of surprise, his mismatched eyes wide. "What, you didn't think I would admit it?  I'm not ashamed of what we shared, and it's the damn truth."

"Now I see why you told me I had nothing to worry about," Zaeed muttered, causing his mom to laugh in response.

"We're not scary, just a bit overwhelming, I'm sure.  If you're up to it, we'd be happy to host you as well Zaeed.  We were planning on eating good food, getting drunk on the Alenko reserve, and honoring the memory of a beloved member of our family.  What do you say?" She asked, a welcoming smile on her face. 

"I'd like that a lot," he said. "If you'll have me."

Mom had already accepted him into the family.  Kaidan had a feeling she would, but that didn't mean he was looking forward to whatever conversation they were going to have when they were alone. 

"Of course!  It's just going to be a small thing, you know. Oh, and Kaidan, Adrian is going to be there.  Said he had something for you he wanted to tell you in person."

Zaeed raised an eyebrow, not recognizing the name. Kaidan cleared the air. "Regis's uncle, who also happened to be his father's twin.  Anyway, did he say what it was?  He hasn't said anything to me about it."

They've chatted a few times since Regis's death as one of the few family members Regis was actually close to.  Adrian was Regis's tie to earth and learning about his father from another source, and he cherished that relationship. 

In some ways, he was the hardest person to deliver the news to, barring his mother. 

"Not at all, but it got me curious.  Seemed a bit cagey too. All the more reason to get your asses over here so I can get to know you properly." She grinned. 

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan replied, rubbing his face. "At some point I might be called back for another meeting with the brass, but at least that will be held here in Vancouver."

"It never stops, does it?  I won't keep you long, now that I know you have company.  Take care, sweetie, and get some much-needed rest.  Home is just a call away." She said, waving. Kaidan waved back. 

"It was nice meeting you, Zaeed.  I look forward to getting to know you more!  Take care of my son for me, he needs to stop relying on himself too damn much."

Kaidan protested as Zaeed laughed. "That's what I'm here for. We both need to take care of each other."

"I'm happy to hear it.  See you soon!  I love you, Kaidan."

"See you soon. Love you too, Mom."

She waved once more before ending the call. 

Kaidan felt a little better after talking to his mom, feeling a bit more at peace even during the short talk. Almost always able to cheer him up and unafraid to call him out on his bullshit, his mother was always an easy message away. 

Kaidan cherished the relationship he had with his family, sometimes wishing Regis had a similar one. 

He remembered how out of his element he was when they were still teenagers and not yet in a relationship the first few times he brought Regis by. 

And his family had accepted him immediately, despite knowing the full story at BAaT. 

"I'll be honest," Zaeed admitted, "she wasn't what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" Kaidan asked, pressing a kiss onto Zaeed's hand. 

So free with his affection, as that was what Regis always craved. Zaeed seemed to like it as well. 

"Hell, I don't know. More pushback on our whole… thing. Sorry about the marks," he replied, not looking sorry at all. 

Kaidan felt his face heat up again. "Mom's used to my shenanigans with Regis. He could be shameless sometimes."

"I'll behave."

"No, you won't."

"You're probably right." 

"I know I'm right."

"I'll let you win this one."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what do you want for dinner?  I can arrange a grocery order, or we can order some takeout."

"Just order some goddamn takeout.  I know you're about to pass out on this couch." Zaeed said, loosening his embrace around Kaidan.  Kaidan rose up and sat down next to him, still bundled up in the blanket. 

"Will do."

They still hadn't addressed the video. 

"Even thinking about what Regis said in his video, it's still hard for me to just jump into something new," Kaidan admitted. "I want this, but I can't help but think about Regis nearly every step of the way."

"Shit, Kaid, I'd be worried if you weren't thinking about him. Hell, he keeps popping up in my head too," Zaeed said, his gravelly voice almost going soft. The nickname was new, and Kaidan let it roll around in his head, deciding that he liked it okay enough from him. 

"So, we'll take this one step at a time?" Kaidan said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"One step at a goddamn time," Zaeed echoed, pulling him into a hug. 

"I'd like that," Kaidan whispered. 

His omnitool pinged again. 

"You need to silence that damn thing," Zaeed said, grabbing off the table. Kaidan took it from him, pulling up the message. 

It wasn't from Alliance Command, but he recognized the writing style all the same. 

Lieutenant Alenko,

I hope your shore leave has served you well.  Give me a time you can meet and we'll discuss your future. 

Admiral Shepard has already warned you about this, I'm sure, but this is off the record, for now. 

Times are changing, and I want to be ahead of it. 

Admiral Hackett. 

Kaidan couldn't keep the incredulous expression off his face.  Never in a million years would he have expected an unofficial meeting with the man. 

He assumed from Hannah's warning that it was going to be the official version of the meeting he had with her. 

Not this. 

Zaeed was reading it over his shoulder. "You're welcome to mention me by name. Might throw the old bastard off."

"He's already got me at a disadvantage with this approach."

"Clearly it's something he doesn't want official channels to be completely aware of." Zaeed looked thoughtful, stroking his face and the stubble around his chin. "What kind of relationship would you say he had with Regis?  He's always been a ruthless bastard."

Takes one to know one.  Regis was never afraid to be ruthless.  Nor was Zaeed now that he thought about him. 

"Out of all the higher ups, Regis respected him the most and gave him the least amount of bullshit," Kaidan said, thinking back at all the requests he fulfilled for him.  

"I figured he would be someone Regis would get along with. He was never the type to trust easily."

"No, he wasn't." Kaidan agreed. "Which made gaining his trust and friendship a damn honor sometimes."

"Yeah, I know. Hell, Steven was the same.  What are you going to say to him?"

Kaidan will have to poke at the first name basis thing later. 

"I'll answer and say I can meet tomorrow morning, and let Mom know that I have Alliance business to take care of before we head down."

"Sounds good, but something tells me you should bug Regis's uncle and see what he wants to tell you.  Sounded too important for some reason," Zaeed said, tilting his head to the side. "Can't explain the feeling I have but you know how it is."

"Yeah, I'm well aware."

Kaidan typed up a reply. 

I can meet tomorrow morning.  What time and where?

A reply came in moments later. 

0800.  Meet me in my office. 

Huh. 

"Meeting's secure. Wants me to meet him at HQ," Kaidan said. 

"Technically I met him outside HQ, and we caught up over drinks at a local bar. It got serious after the fact," Zaeed said. "So, I can't help you there."

Kaidan really wanted to know more about that friendship. 

"At least drive me there. Chances are he'll have feelers out and it'll be a surprise," Kaidan laughed, mostly to shake off his nerves about the meeting. 

He didn't think it was going to be anything bad.  Hell, he had a feeling it was going to be about the N path all over again with a dash of Regis. 

But a small part of him has a feeling it was going to be something far more than that. 

And that worried him. 

"Sure. Always happy to be a meddler."

Kaidan looked back down at his omnitool, scrolling through his contacts until he stopped on Adrian's name. "Want to meet another family member?"

He shrugged, settling back down on the couch.  "Might as well."

Kaidan leaned against him and sent Adrian a vid call request.  A few moments later, he answered. 

He appeared on the screen, curly hair pulled into a bun with shaved sides.  Kaidan could see where Regis got his most striking features from.  The dark hair, the pale skin, and the hard-set jaw framed by a beard. 

Regis's smile and eyes were directly from Hannah herself, although he once admitted to Kaidan that he got gene mods to change his eyes to red so he wouldn't have his mother's eyes anymore. 

He had the most striking green eyes back at BAaT. Hell, it was one of the first things he noticed about him.  

The red suits him better.  Suited him better.

"Hey, Kaidan. Aurelia told me about your call. Guess you just couldn't wait to hear me out in person?" He chuckled. 

"Not exactly. I'm meeting with an admiral tomorrow and my partner told me I should go ahead and talk to you," Kaidan explained. "This is Zaeed, an old flame of Regis's and mine. We reconciled."

"As in Massani?" he whistled. "Damn, Regis was holding out on me."

"How did you know that?" Zaeed asked, narrowing his eyes. 

Adrian didn't even blink. "Don't think anything bad of it. My partner, Vikram, knows of you."

Zaeed instantly lightened up. "Good ol' Vikram, how's that old bastard doing?  I guess they're still doctoring in Omega?"

"Yeah, much to my displeasure.  They're in their matriarch years and I kept thinking they would settle down by now, but nope. They've only mentioned you by name a few times, so I recognized it. Don't worry, I've heard mostly good things." Adrian explained. "So, partners, eh?"

Kaidan blushed. "Yeah, uh, we decided to give it a chance."

"I'm happy for you, truly. Regis would've wanted you to move on, and since he's a mutual of yours… I guess that worked out well for you." He sighed, scratching at his beard. "So, I wanted to tell you something Vikram told me.  Vikram has quite a few ties in Omega, mostly because they're a damn good samaritan and people respect them and their services. But also because they have an in with Afterlife, and they hear things."

Kaidan sat up, resting his elbows on his legs and leaning forward. "What does this have to do with me?"

"I'm getting there.  They saw an asari you are quite familiar with, T'Soni, working with a known Shadow Broker agent."

"Fucking risky business," Zaeed spat. 

Kaidan shook his head, rubbing his temples. "Are you one-hundred percent sure?"

Why the hell would T'Soni be working with the Shadow Broker?  Hell, she was as green as a damn recruit fresh out of high school when it came to combat experience. He couldn't deny that she had biotic power, but it lacked the finesse of theirs.  Plus, Kaidan thought she was a bit naive about the world.

Regis argued she had no place on board the ship after they rescued her and got the information they needed.  His request was denied.

"Her markings aren't exactly common, and Vikram is well aware of current events, so I would say yes. Now, they have no idea what their meeting was about, but they told me about it anyway thinking that I could let Regis's crew know," Adrian said, clasping his hands together on the table. "I'll poke their brain again and see if they've learned anything new, but they did tell me they weren't afraid to leverage one of their favors with T'Loak if it meant getting to the bottom of this business."

Zaeed glanced over at Kaidan. "How serious do you think this situation is to warrant using something like that?"

"Regis was never close with her, but I always got the impression T'Soni had a bit of a crush or infatuation on him after our rescue. He shut her down hard as soon as he could when it came to her dealing with his visions," Kaidan explained. "She was never with us long enough to be a part of much of anything."

"Interesting to know. I'll pass it on to Vik and see what they think."

"Thanks, I don't want to be the one to decide something like that. I understand what those favors are," Kaidan said. 

"You would, being in bed with Massani," Adrian chuckled.  When Kaidan didn’t laugh, he held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry, too soon?"

Kaidan waved it off, even if the comment did bother him some. "We met Zaeed while on Omega. You can put two and two together, Adrian."

"I sure can… tell me that story one day over drinks.  Anyway, I won't keep you unless you have more questions?  It's a fucked situation either way, and I don't like it." 

"No, I think I'm good, for now. Let me know immediately when you hear back," Kaidan said. 

“Of course.  Something about this whole thing is giving me a bad feeling, and really, the least I could do is tell you directly to see if you shared similar thoughts.  I won’t keep you.” Adrian said, expression growing serious.  “Take care of Kaidan, you hear me, Massani?  He’s my damn son-in-law in everything but name.”

“I’d rather take another goddamn bullet to the head than hurt him,” Zaeed said sincerely, wrapping an arm around him.  “You have my word.”

Kaidan was sure he was looking at him with such a besotted expression despite everything.

“Good.  I look forward to seeing y’all on the Alenko property.  Be safe out there.” He waved and hung up the vid call.

Kaidan stared at the empty vid-screen, trying to take in everything that he had learned today.  Zaeed and Admiral Hackett had some kind of history.  T’Soni had gotten herself involved with the Shadow Broker, which presented itself as a possible security threat to the Alliance.  Hackett wanted to meet with him personally and in what appeared to be in an unofficial capacity to some extent. 

Regis wanted him to move on so earnestly. 

It was all too much to take in, and he didn’t have enough time or energy to handle everything at once.

Kaidan let out a yawn. "It's been a long day.  And honestly, I don't have much of an appetite." He said, thinking back at their earlier conversation. 

"Well, I'm hungry, and I'm going to order us a couple of pizzas and breadsticks, and you are going to enjoy it with me," Zaeed said with a tone that left no room for an argument. 

"Yes sir," Kaidan replied, enjoying the smirk that formed on his face. 

While Zaeed busied himself with ordering their food off of a suggestion from Kaidan, he took a moment to throw the bedding in the wash, changing it out for some fresh ones.  He also straightened up the guest room, just to have something to do, but he hoped it wouldn't get any use while they were here. 

The food came soon enough, and they settled back down on the couch, eating a few slices each and enjoying each other's company. 

After they were finished, Kaidan cleaned up after them and put the leftovers in the fridge. "I need to get my uniform ready for tomorrow, and then I'm getting some sleep," he said, leaning against the counter. 

"Have you decided what you're going to tell him?" Zaeed asked, leaning on the counter next to him. 

Kaidan shrugged. "I'll let him know that I know you. I'll give him a heads up on the T'Soni situation, and I'll read Hannah into it as well.  We'll see where it goes from there."

"He wants an edge on whatever the hell is going on."

"But he can only do it off the record.  With the new council dismissing any claims contrary to what they claimed happened at the Battle of the Citadel, there isn't much we can do.  Regis believed in the Reaper threat in the end, and after what I saw, I believe it too."

Zaeed shook his head. "Steven seemed to believe it as well if he was willing to tell me about it."

"Regis kept his visions tight-lipped. Hell, he was absolutely furious when Anderson brought them up in the first council hearing about Saren.  But once we saw Sovereign on Virmire, that solidified it for all of us," Kaidan explained. "You've heard the reports.  It, along with the geth, took out the Destiny Ascension with no trouble."

"And the Alliance saved the day.  I have to ask, who made that call knowing the council was on board?"

"Regis did.  Ash and I were by his side when we got the distress call from the Ascension, and the call for the Fifth Fleet. He held back the Alliance fleet so they could focus on Sovereign," Kaidan said. 

“Goddamn.” Zaeed whistled.  “One hell of a choice.”

“He’s had to make too many of those.” Kaidan muttered. 

"Won't disagree with you there." 

Kaidan yawned again, which prompted Zaeed to start heading towards the bedroom.  He followed him and stepped into the bathroom to do his usual nightly rituals. 

But it wasn't the same.  Not without Regis butting in to take over the mirror while Kaidan was in the middle of something or them sharing their favorite moisturizer and skin care products. 

There were even a few of Regis's piercings still inside their case on the bathroom counter.  

After Kaidan was done, leaving Regis’s things where they were for now, he left the bathroom to see Zaeed already stripped down to his boxers.  Zaeed squeezed his shoulder as he moved past him, and Kaidan leaned into the touch.

He took a moment to check his messages before going to bed.

Right at the top was one from Ashley, sent about an hour ago.

ASH: You said you were heading back to Earth, made it safely there?

KAIDAN: Yeah, been here for hours now.  Caught up with an old friend, and I’m going to visit my family later. 

ASH: Glad to hear it, LT.  Say, does that old friend happen to be the same one you and Regis were telling me all about? KAIDAN: Maybe.  What if it is?

ASH: Just want you to be happy.  I mean, I’m not into older men, but I can see why you two were so interested.  I’m sorry to hear that this was how you reunited.

KAIDAN: It’s alright.  We’re dealing.  And well… Zaeed’s different.  It’s been good seeing him again.

ASH: Oh, is he with you right now?

KAIDAN: Maybe… 

ASH: Hope I’m not interrupting anything ;)

KAIDAN: Nah, we’re just getting ready to get some sleep. Guess who has a meeting with Admiral Hackett in the morning.

ASH: Shit… Wonder what that’s going to be all about?  Your N training stuff?

KAIDAN: Probably, and then some.

ASH: Good luck.  Hopefully we can be N training buddies :D but something tells me they have bigger plans for you.

KAIDAN: Of course.  Regis more or less made sure of it with his biotic training plans.

ASH: Still looking out for you even in the afterlife.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I guess he is.  I’m going to finish what he started.

ASH: Good.  Well, I won’t keep you.  Get some sleep.

KAIDAN: I’ll try.

ASH: I guess that’s all I can ask.  Good night!  Don’t be a stranger.

KAIDAN: Night, Ash.  And same to you.  I’m always here.

ASH: And so am I.

“Must be something nice if it’s got you smiling like that,” Zaeed said as he walked into the bedroom.

“Just talking with Ashley.  We’ve been checking up on each other as best we can,” Kaidan replied.

“I’ll need to meet her at some point.  Get to know that soldier Regis was always telling me about.”

“Regis loved her, and you know I don’t say that lightly,” Kaidan said, pulling back the covers. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen him trust someone so easily after you.”

“A high honor, then.” Zaeed crawled into the bed, settling down next to him.  “Where do you want me?”

“Still trying to get me to order you around?”

“You know you love it.”

“Maybe I do.  I appreciate you checking in on me.”

“Of course, no goddamn thanks needed.  Only way we’ll make this work.”

Kaidan nodded.  “Well, if you insist on me putting you somewhere, I want you to hold me.”

Kaidan was almost always the big spoon when he and Regis were together.  Regis loved being held, even despite the small height difference between them.  

Regis enjoyed putting a lot of things in Kaidan’s hands.  Loved relinquishing control to someone he trusted.  Loved stepping down from his role as Commander to just Regis.

“Granted.” Zaeed said, kissing the back of his neck before wrapping arm around him, pulling him in close.  

Kaidan allowed himself to relax in his touch, taking slow, deep breaths, willing his active mind to slow down.

To stop thinking so damn much about Regis.

Kaidan doubted that would ever happen.  Those soft smiles, fierce red eyes… his judgemental attitude and confident aura… his sense of style and love for showing off.

No, Regis would always be with him.  BAaT ensured it.  The Alliance ensured it.

Their damn biotics ensured it.

Now, Kaidan needs to keep his memory safe and remember him as Regis Lucian Shepard.

Because the galaxy will remember him as Commander Shepard, Butcher of Torfan, first Human Spectre, and Savior of the Citadel.

Not as Regis.

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #regis shepard #zaeed massani #cleric's writing #mass effect fanfiction

[yanderelovlies]

So remember when I said I was really into skyrim? Well, I'm still here, and this came to my head after this mission do here we are. So fun fact I maybhave added the dramatics, but this legit happened with Kaidan it was a whole ass mess.

Two heads up: 1. In this, Jack is a nord that uses a sword and shield thought sometimes he switches to a greatsword. 2. This is sort of spoiler for the quest Served Cold in the dragonborne DLC, so if you haven't played and plan on it, please turn back now!

The mission was simple. You were to meet up with some of the Redoran Gaurd and end the threat on Councilor Morvayn's life. Naturally, you brought your husband Jack with you for extra protection, but who knew such a simple decision almost ended it for the both of you.

You see, what no one seemed to account for was a poison that the Morag Tong were using at then of their weapons. Something about the poison sent your companions in blind fury. You had to pull Jack off of Teldryn and vise versa to keep them from killing one another multiple times.

As you reached the end of the cave, you thanked the eights that it was almost over until you noticed two more Morag Tong guards beside Vendil himself. You knew there was a chance they had the poison, but you couldn't walk away now. Not when you're so close. So with a deep breath, you're charged in Teldryn and Jack right behind you.

The battle was going better than you first feared as you delivered the final blow to Vendil as Jack and Teldryn fought off the two guards.Jack had switched to his greatsword while Teldryn turned to his magic, creating a burning smell to form in the room.

You ran to their aid, helping them finish that last two. Right when you let out a sigh of relief, Jack's sword swings towards you, barely missing you by a hair. When you turned to him to question, you immediately knew. He had been struck by the poison, and he was out for blood.

As you dodge another one Jack's heavy hits you saw Teldryn pull out his blade to help fight back, but you stop him before he does.

"It's just the poison! I just have to-woah! Keep dodging till it wears off! We will meet you at the entrance!" Teldryn was reluctant to go, but did what he was asked to anyway.

The dodging dance went on for a bit longer till your movements got slower from exhaustion. You had forgotten how fast Jack was despite him weilding a great sword. When you could no longer dodge, you raised your sword up in defense only for him to hit it out of your grasp and for you to fall backward.

You looked up at your husband, terrified. You didn't think poison would last this long. You had hoped it would be over by now, but as Jack raised his sword again, ready to bring you your end, you knew it hadn't.

As the sword came closer to you; you raised your hand as if to block the blade. "JACK, PLEASE!" You closed your eyes tightly, waiting for it to end.

As the blade cut your palm, he stopped. All that could be heard was his ragged breath, followed his blade moving then hitting the ground "s-sunshine....?"

You opened your eyes to see a terrified crying Jack. Happy to see him again, you ran into his arms, holding him tightly. The two of you cried for what felt like forever when he pulled away. "I'm so sorry, i-i don't know what came over me! Y-you didn't even look like you."

"It's the poison they used.....something we have never seen in skyrim before......"

Jack still didn't like it. He almost killed you, and he doesn't know what he would have done with himself if he did! He could feel his anxiety peak when you stood up offering your none injured hand

"Come on... let go back to Raven Rock, turn this in, and go home for a bit.....I think we both need a break after this." Jack could help but agree as he stoop up on his own, but held your hand.

He didn't let go till you were both safe at home.

#sunny day jack #swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #x reader #sunny day jack x reader #something's wrong with sunny day jack x reader #swwsdj x reader #yandere x reader

[tealenko]

WIP -Sleep Cycle

I haven't written anything in a month, I wake up today and boom: a whole chapter.

To be fair, I've been reading a lot (someone help me for I'm in the Queen's Gambit vortex once again T-T) so... I've been inspired to write... But not my usual stuff soooooooo...

Here's a wip of the first chapter of my post-post-ME3 fic lol (it's in that point where calling this a wip is a strech... But I still have to revise it for mistakes so, technically, it's still a work in progress)

I think @sillyliterature tagged me for a wip (among many things, which I'm doing btw... love to do them, I just lack the time sometimes XDDD) And as always, thanks a lot for the tag <3 <3 <3

Okay, I'll shut up now XDDDDDDDDDDDD

---------------------------

Through Hell and Back series -> [link] A Chance at a Happy Ending - Ch.1 Sleep Cycle (WIP)

All her body aches.

That’s usually a literary sentence used as a hiperbole to get quickly to the point of view that an author wants to convey. 

Nevertheless, in this case it’s not only true, but it’s also been true for many years now.

No matter how well they resembled her after Alchera. No No matter how well they resembled her after the Citadel, after the war. The countless hours of doctors, training and therapy are only successful at keeping her alive, for it was their main objective they ever had, to keep her alive. No one stopped to think about the pain.

She turns again in her bed. And again. And again.

Every position hurts a different part of her body. 

So she turns one more time.

Carefully, of course. She’s always careful in her moments for, no matter how bad it hurts, it would be worse for her to wake up her bed companion.

Watching his sleep is even therapeutic in itself, which usually marks the position she finally chooses after hours of turning around on the right side of their bed, when the morning sun is starting to rise and there’s enough light in her room to be able to see something.

In desperation, she closes her eyes for a second, sighs and says to herself: if I’m not going to sleep… I should choose at least the better (sight).

So she turns one last time, completely ignoring the jaw dropping Vancouver sunrise that’s always featured through every window in their bedroom, and rests all her weight on the right side of her body, despite being the position that hurts her the most, and just stays there.

Frozen for what seems hours instead of minutes, staring at the man that sleeps next to her and trying her best to control her breathing.

God… He’s stupidly beautiful.

She thinks inside her head.

It’s not always that sentence, but it always conveys the same feeling. A mix of adoration and disbelief that masterfully hits her feelings without a fault.

After keeping the posture for a while, the pain starts to ease. Not because it gets better, but she starts to forget about it.

That’s another literary cliché for you. She mumbles inside her head, but that doesn’t make it less real for her.

Because, despite the fact that it is indeed an overused plot in thousands of novels and dramas, there’s no point denying the truth. 

The truth being: she loves him so much everything else disappears.

She laughs in disbelief. 

He mumbles something in his sleep, probably about her, but he keeps sleeping nonetheless.

Even after so many years, she still doesn’t believe it.

There’s always people who don't believe in true love, or just in love at all. There’s people who idealize it too much, looking for something that does not exist.

And then, there’s Mio, who always thought it existed, for she had seen it many times, but never expected she’d be able to deserve it, nor to find it.

And yet… Here we are.

She stares at Kaidan while pain fades, replaced little by little by the deep and increasing beats of her heart against her chest, by the intense breathing that fills her lungs every few seconds and by the many memories she treasures of him, flooding her mind and soul to make her forget about anything else.

The travel usually starts at the first time they met, always dedicating a second to laugh at her oblivious past self, who had no idea this is where the road was leading all along.

He blushes when I flirt…

She remembers thinking back on her first days aboard the old Normandy, before Saren and the reapers, before the council and the specters, back when her life, complicated and damaging as it was, still had a resemblance to something she could process and understand.

He’s cute when he blushes like that.

So she kept flirting with him.

And, as her life started more and more convoluted, as the few reasons she had to smile and keep going started to fade, and the weight of the entire galaxy (reacaía) on her shoulders, the flirting became first a distraction, then a routine, and later on, a trap on it own.

She cannot pinpoint exactly when her heart decided to surrender to what initially was only a pastime, but she still remembers the moment she realized her mind was no longer in control of her actions.

She can almost see it, as it was yesterday, and although she can no longer recall after which mission it was, she knows it was after a mission.

Chucked her equipment in record time, showered as fast as able and, still with her hair wet, maid it to the less lit area of the common space of the ship, where Kaidan always was, keeping himself busy with maintenance and repairs to distract himself from the many noises of the Normandy.

She liked when he stopped working right away the moment he noticed her presence, knew he was full with anticipation for the few seconds that he could spend with her outside of work, and that day wasn’t any different.

The focus of their conversation has been lost in the forest of her memories for a while now, but the end of it, she knows, is scorched to her soul in a way that will be impossible to forget.

Kaidan smiled at her, and she lost track of everything. It wasn’t the first time he used that power against her, but it was the first time she noticed. And, just like she does now as he sleeps, he found herself staring at him for a few seconds, before she was able to excuse herself and walk away.

Didn’t make it too far though.

In retrospect, she should have gone to her quarters, but to be fair, she wasn’t able to think that much at the moment. So she just got as far as possible, to the stairs that led to the main deck and, before losing control from her own mind, she made sure that she was alone.

And just like that, she realized. But how couldn’t she.

Her breathing had never been so intense, her heart had never beat so far and, to be honest with herself, the only reason her legs hadn’t failed her is because she was resting all her weight against the wall in order to avoid falling to the ground.

“What the f…”

She never finished that sentence, for she already knew what was happening, despite the fact that her mind was a few seconds behind in the process of being aware of it.

But the truth was that, after many flirts, after many smiles, her meetings with Kaidan had gone from casual to intense little by little and, what was once a routine, now was the only thing she looked up to in her entire day.

It felt good, felt right, to spend time with him. And, by the time she realized she could no longer call it anything as remotely as casual as mere friendship, it was already too late to run away.

That was her M.O. If you cannot kill it, run.

There’s a reason she had survived up to that date, afterall. 

Nevertheless, there she was, captured, against all odds, by her own trap.

And here she is now, lying in their bed, still mesmerized by Kaidan, even after so many years later, the same way as she was the first time.

She gets lost in her memories of him for a while.

When they met, when she walk up in the medbay and found him next to her after touching the beacon, when she realized he had fallen for her, that she had fallen for him, the night before Ilos, the way they stared at each other in between missions, when she got to see him again in Vancouver, when he came back to her crew… When he came back to her.

The confessions, the I love you, the i’m the luckiest man alive.

A tear falls as she lands in the moment when she woke up in a hospital, after the end of the war, and found him there, sleeping by her side as he does now.

Always at his side. 

Always.

And the always hits her soul, as it always does, and with all the good comes the bad to invade her mind.

The don’t leave me behind, the many moments she thought she’d lose him, the medbay of the Normandy after Mars where, this time around, they switched places so that the universe could torture her with the idea of a life where Kaidan is no longer alive. Alchera, and the look of his eyes when she ordered to leave, mortified by it till the last second as she suffocated alone in space, with the unavoidable force of the planet pulling from her.

She takes a pause, a second to breath, but her mind swifts now to different kind of torture, sinking her even more into the darkness of her memories.

Horizon.

She no longer minds the confrontation with Kaidan, no longer curses him for his words, no longer curses herself for her replies, nor for the way she broke her hand after hitting the wall in anger and anguish.

What still gets her, it’s the before.

An eternity of finding frozen people while desperately searched for him, looking in every single nook and corner not knowing what it would be worse, finding him frozen ot not finding him at all, mortified by the fact that there were her best options, praying to every deity she didn’t believe so that she wouldn’t find him dead in every corner she took and every room she entered.

The fear of losing him in Horizon tortures her to this very day, and brings along with it the pain of everyone else she’s already lost.

She closes her eyes, and begs for it to walk away.

Big mistake.

As if she was Alice, falling through the rabbit hole to Wonderland, she falls into the darkness, surrounded by her well known forest of personal memories and horrors.

The whispers, the voices, the regret. Everything in this hopeless realm joins forces to bring her back to the ground, and the many voices of those she’s lost during her life, fill the air that surrounds her without leaving spare time.

The ones she’s lost under her command at the Normandy are more prominent at the beginning, usually followed by the ones that died by her side, mostly members of her squad back in Akuze, the two friends she had for a few years after she runned away from the orphanage.

There’s a special highlight, now and then, where she hears Anderson talk to her, in a loving tone, as his voice morphs little by little to become her father’s, replaying the few memories she keeps of him before he died.

And when she thinks she can no longer hold any more pain inside of her, that’s when his voice hits her, as loud and clear as when they met on their first day as Alliance trainees, as when got drunk together, as when she surprised him on each one of his birthdays and he used all his forces to pretend he didn’t know when it was hers. 

The laughs, the mission… She, explaining to him how to shoot even better, and him teaching her the best ways to get through a written test. The way they celebrated when she finally got her high school degree, and two years later, graduated university.

His neverending yabber and the way she could be silent for days and he wouldn’t mind.

His jokes, her jokes… His kindness. His heart.

His nervousness as they were on their way to Akuze, as if his body already knew what was going to happen.

“Dee, listen… Please… Do not let me become an anchor.”

He told her, once they knew there was nothing she could do to save him, bleeding slowly into his demise as they awaited for the help that would not be there on time.

And then, as she always does, she hears the last thing he whispered before his eyelids started to become too heavy for him to keep his eyes open for much longer.

“How about a song?” 

He’d usually teased her, every week when they were on leave, from the moment he heard Anderson say that she had the voice of an angel. 

And she always refused.

Except for once.

Except that day.

With his last breath he asked her to sing and smile and, for the first time, and last, she complied and started singing.

He passed as she was mid song, with a smile on his face, and holding onto her hand. And as she noticed his grip losing all its strength, started crying, for the first time since she was little, and kept singing through her tears until the song was over.

Took a minute to breath, planted a kiss on his forehead and, she saw the message of the ship that were coming to aid her she softly said: 

“Okay.” As she sealed a promise to his late friend, and to herself, to keep moving forwards, even if it was only for him.

She wakes up abruptly as always, and the time on her clock hasn’t moved too much, which means revisiting all that suffering was for nothing.

“Okay...” She repeats now in the present, with a whisper, before taking the time to calm down. “Okay.”

Kaidan is still sleeping peacefully, as always, and she doesn’t want to disturb him and wake him up, as always. And, as always, she fails to do so.

She lasts around three seconds, before her body and heart, completely ignoring her better judgment, seek for comfort where she always finds it and, as if they have a life of their own, her arms quickly move to find Kaidan and embrace him.

Still half asleep he returns the hug, smiles a little and, as he comes back to reality, his eyes search for her, knowing what this type of waking up means half of the time.

Kaidan is not surprised to find tears on her face, for he’s seen them before and he also knows her past and knows that no one, not even Mio, could live free of pain after enduring so many horrors.

“I’m here…” He tells her, tightening the embrace even more, giving her a soft kiss on the top of her head.

She replies something incoherent and falls asleep in his arms, and now he is the one staring at her.

But Kaidan doesn’t feel pain. Not anymore.

The nightmares and regrets were left behind the moment she walked up in the hospital after the war, completely vanished, once he knew she would be okay.

Every stone in his path, every obstacle… Every loss. Everything he’s had to endure in his life had led him to her, right into her arms, and he’s well aware that he would’ve sacrificed even more without even blinking if he knew the end result was this one.

“Love you…” She whispers in her sleep,and he sighs a little as he feels his heart melting inside his chest.

“Always.” He replies, following her into a deep slumber.

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #femshep x kaidan #fluff #angst #wip tag #fanfic wip #post mass effect 3

[wellthebardsdead]

Clockwork heart pt29

Part 28 here

———

*several weeks later*

Kaidan: *riding his horse at the head of the group* I can’t. Focking believe we went through all that trouble, tracked through a fungal pod infested swamp, killed a den of vampires and crawled through a fucking barrow just to find out the horn is gone and the wanker that took it reset all the traps!!!

Nerevar: whoever they are. They’ll have a lot to answer for.

Voryn: I just can’t believe how Wyrms hair responded to the humidity in the swamp.

Wyrm: *sitting in taliesins lap looking exhausted, dejected and frustrated after going through all of that and narrowly surviving just to find out he’s been screwed over yet again* I looked like a cotton ball…

Taliesin: *leans down kissing his cheek* yes but a very cute cotton ball. *gently holds his hands with the reigns* don’t be upset darling. I’ll make sure whoever this person is regrets messing with us.

Inigo: and then we can head up the mountain so you may learn more of your destiny! *pulls up his horse beside Kaidans and slides off as the rest of the group follows after them*

Wyrm: I guess… *waits for Taliesin to get down before letting the high elf pick him up*

Taliesin: *helps him down giving him a soft kiss on the lips as he does so making the dunmer smile as if magic* There’s my happy little silk moth~

Wyrm: *pouts cutely trying to hide his grin and blushing face* I-I’m not happy I’m brooding!

Taliesin: *gasps!* you’re putting me out of a job! No I already have to compete with Kaidan I won’t stand to be out-brooded!

Wyrm: *tries to hold his pout but cracks and starts giggling* Tali!

Nerevar: *chuckles helping voryn from his horse* he’s right little Pearl don’t put him out of a job~

Voryn: *smiles beneath his helm and gently squeezes nerevars shoulders as he sets foot on the ground* …

Nerevar: … *nods and looks at Kaidan & inigo* We go in first, scope it out, this could very well be a trap.

Kaidan: aye. This whole situation feels uncomfortable. Taliesin-

Taliesin: I’ll guard Wyrm.

Voryn: me too. We’ll follow you in. *glances past them and up to the door spotting a nord man in dark armour eyeing him and Wyrm up from afar* …Taliesin. Have your blade ready…

Mr wrench: *suddenly pops up from Wyrms bag, red eye locking onto the stranger*

*a few minutes later*

Wyrm: *quietly steps into the inn, holding onto Taliesins arm with one hand, and gripping Voryns armour with his mechanical one, not at all feeling at ease with how tense his companions have all become* wh-who? Has the note?

Taliesin: I do dear. *pulls it out from his pocket and hands it to him*

Wyrm: *takes it and opens it up* Attic room, but?… *looks up* the inn doesn’t have an attic room?…

Taliesin: most likely a code. Keep your eyes peeled for anyone listening in.

Wyrm: *looks at the note and sheepishly walks up to the counter spotting the inn keeper he’d met not long after finding taliesin* um? I’d like to rent the attic room please?

Delphine: *looks down at him, eyes wide and expression visibly baffled at the small dunmer before her, as if trying to comprehend not just what he said but the fact it was him who said it* No-

Wyrm: I-what?

Delphine: I just- *coughs* I mean. we don’t have an attic room. You can have that room over there on the left.

Wyrm: *blinks looking at it before nodding and walking to it, pausing to look around and see only his companions all nervously glancing in his direction… The only exception being nerevar, whose eyes seem firmly locked onto Delphine* …

Taliesin: *suddenly walks to him and gently takes him by the waist* this our room?… *glances over his shoulder before ushering him in and closing the door* deep breathes. Deep breathes now. *sets him on the bed and kneels down taking his hands in his* Wyrm, look at me darling…

Wyrm: *finally realised he’s not breathing, suddenly takes in a deep long gasp of air before squeezing Taliesins hands as he holds in tears* I can’t do this I’m scared what if it’s a trap what if it’s the order? Or the tribunal cult? Or vivec- what if-

Taliesin: then I will protect you. Just as I promised. Deep breathes now, you’ve made it this far. It’ll be alright.

Wyrm: *takes in another deep, shaking breath before nodding* okay- I-I can. I can do thi- *jumps as the door opens and Taliesin suddenly shoots up drawing his dagger, pointing it right at, Delphine* you?!

Taliesin: YOU!

Delphine: Werent expecting me? Believe me. You weren’t the one I was expecting either. *suddenly reaches into her bag and pulls out the horn of Jurgen Windcaller* I take it this is what you’ve come here for? *tosses it to them*

Taliesin: *catches it and hands it to wyrm* and just Who, were you expecting?

Delphine: The Short high elf with dark hair I saw in Kynesgrove I saw absorb the soul of the dragon. Or his golden armoured companion, or that tall swordsman with them out there not. You.

Taliesin: short high- Voryn? *pauses recalling how voryn stood in front of Wyrm and him trying to ‘protect’ them from the dragons soul before he understood what it was* Voryns not the dragonborn Wyrm is.

Delphine: wyrm. Your name. Is Wyrm?

Wyrm: with a Y… like the dragon.

Delphine: … *sighs* just follow me, we have a lot to talk about. *opens the door and freezes seeing nerevar standing there, arms crossed, and eyes locked onto hers as the rest of the group flank him* Yes. We. Do.

*that evening*

Wyrm: *unpacking his bag and pulling out his night clothes to prepare for a well deserved hot bath* nerevar really doesn’t like Delphine.

Voryn: *unbraiding Wyrms hair for him* and neither do I. Neht had every right to lose his temper on her. She puts the blades to shame.

Wyrm: he was so angry, I-I don’t think I’ve ever heard him yell like that.

Voryn: She put you in harms way deliberately little scrib. *turns him to face him and gently places his hands to his cheeks* All because of her paranoia and sense of self importance. With the level of danger surrounding you she’s the last thing we need to deal with right now.

Wyrm: I… is nerevar mad at me?… a-are mad at me?… maybe this Esbern can help us I just…

Voryn: I- no, oh Wyrm… *sits on the bed and pulls him into a hug* we’re not mad. Not at you, never at you. *gently strokes his hair back from his forehead* it’s just her we’re mad at… if you think they can be of help to us then we’ll help you too… but if we think she’s being unreasonable and pushing you around… please, listen to us.

Wyrm: *nods and nuzzles into the hug, the stress of the last few weeks finally melting away as he does so* I will, I promise I will, Ata Ryn. (Father/Voryn).

Voryn: *third eye popping open in surprise at the fatherly title, but more so that Wyrm would go so far as to respect him in dunmeris* oh Wyrm… Hla Aka… (little dragon) *smiles and gently pulls away, stroking his face and hair* what am I going to do with you?

Wyrm: *smiles opening his mouth with no doubt a witty or cheeky response, only to be silenced by a yawn creeping up from deep within his tired, travel worn bones*

Voryn: *chuckles* go wash up, I’ll join you in there shortly, I think neht is already in there.

Wyrm: *nods and rubs his eye before picking up his night clothes* yes sir. *pauses only for a moment to pick his hair up and toss it over his shoulder before shuffling out to the bathhouse to see it all but empty minus himself, completely oblivious to the man following in after him, and watching him undress from behind* gods, *pulls off his armour setting it down before struggling to unbuckle his arm to remove it* damn it-

???: hey there cutie, let me give you a hand.

Wyrm: *blinks and shifts to turn around only to be yanked back by the straps securing his arm to his body* I- n-no thank you I- *audibly whimpers as he’s pulled back against the strangers body and trapped by his arms as they shift around his front, seemingly feeling for the buckles as they grope uncomfortably at his chest*

???: huh, you haven’t got much going on up here have you? Though dark elves never do I guess. At least the rest of you is nice to look at. *finally gets the buckles loose and immediately staggers back as Wyrm suddenly dips beneath his arms and escapes his grasp*

Wyrm: *grabbing his fake arm and spinning around to finally see his assailants face. Only to find the strange man from the front of the inn earlier that day* th-thank you for helping me b-but o-only my boyfriend can talk about my body like that.

???: boyfriend? Pffft, you mean that overgrown twink in a dress? Yeah, what a cute pair you make. A cross dressing high elf and a tomboy dunmer girl. *steps closer making Wyrm back up into the water slightly. The only thing covering the little elf being his underwear* You do know this is the men’s bathhouse right? *grabs Wyrm by his face pulling him back in* names Bishop, by the way. What’s yours princess?

Wyrm: *bewildered beyond words. Realising this idiot must think he’s just a girl with an unusually deep voice* g-girl? I’m a man- I-

Bishop: sure you ar-ARGHHHHH!!! *lets Wyrm go and immediately reaches up to his neck as a the belt for a scabbard is wrapped around it, yanking him back away from the small elf and landing him flat on his back in time for a netch leather boot to kick him in the head, repeatedly* what th-

Nerevar: *kicks him again before grabbing him by his hair as the nord attempts to get up and run away* GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY SON!!!

Bishop: *trying to swing at him, claw his hand off his head, anything to try and get free but to no avail* I THOUGHT THE LITTLE FREAK WAS A GIRL DAMN IT!!! *reaches into his belt pulling out a knife, plunging it forward towards the hortators unarmored chest*

“FUS!”

Bishop: what th- *turns his head to see wyrm facing him, right as nerevar suddenly lets him go and leaps back out of the way*

“RO DAH!!!!”

*a few hours later*

Wyrm: *now dressed in his night clothes, arm resting on the bedside table, and sitting on his bed as Taliesin braids his hair back so it won’t tangle in his sleep* … Do I look like a girl?

Taliesin: hm? What? No darling.

Wyrm: he called me a freak…

Taliesin: … *leans down kissing his cheek* and he assaulted you. His words are worthless, why bother sparing them another thought? *turns his head to face him* you’re perfect as you are. *leans in to kiss his lips*

Wyrm: like sotha sil made me…

Taliesin: … *pulls back a little* …what’s going on, darling?… *shifts back and crosses his legs offering his lap as a place to sit as he opens his arms* what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?…

Wyrm: … *sniffles and chokes out a soft, sad little cry as he crawls into the high elfs lap and rests his head against his chest* why’d he make me this way? I thought I was small because I was underfed as a child, because I got sick from the cold, but he made me this way! Why did he?… why did he make me-… *looks at the table to see his automated arm laying limp and lifeless without his command but still glowing with the aetherium shard* …broken?…

*meanwhile outside the village*

Kaidan: Come on neht let me kill him!! You got to beat him up!

Inigo: Let me gouge out his eyes!!! I want to cut out his tongue!

Nerevar: I’m his father. And I’m the one whose going to-

Bishop: *laying prone on the ground, beaten to an inch of his life* pl-pleas- I’m- im- *goes silent seeing the head of a gigantic hammer swinging down right for his face* sor-

Voryn: *smashes his skull in with his hammer in one swing* Enough bickering! All of you back to the inn now!!! *points back to the village radiating the energy of an overly tired mother*

Neht, Kai & Inigo: *all immediately turn and walk to the village deciding it best not to question voryn any further… none of them having any clue of what his third eye sees lurking in the darkness beyond the trees… the group of masked figures following their trail*

Mr wrench: *suddenly pops out of voryns bag and scuttles over bishop* … *picks up his bow and scuttles away thinking he’s dead*

#voryn has had enough #voryn dagoth #nerevar #Wyrm dragonborn #Kaidan skyrim #skyrim taliesin #inigo skyrim

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Carydan Incorrect Quotes

I have to pump real content into this ship but I'm lazy.

Caryalind: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Kaidan: Okay. Caryalind: And make out during the scary parts. Kaidan: Th- Kaidan: The scary parts. Kaidan: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Caryalind: I think I'm falling for you. Kaidan: Then get up.

Kaidan: I know one person who finds me funny! Caryalind: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself! Kaidan: Okay then I'm out.

Caryalind: Hello Kaidan, made anyone cry today? Kaidan: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

Caryalind: You remind me of the ocean. Kaidan: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Caryalind: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Kaidan: Did you wash the dishes? Caryalind: I thought you wanted to do that... Kaidan: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Caryalind: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Kaidan: Those are wanted posters!

Kaidan: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Caryalind: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Kaidan: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Caryalind: Is it working?

Kaidan: I owe you one. Caryalind: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Kaidan: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Caryalind: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Kaidan: I said within reason, Caryalind. How about I murder that guy? Caryalind: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Kaidan: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Kaidan: How much did you spend on this date? Caryalind: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Caryalind: I think we should kiss. Kaidan: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

Kaidan: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it. Caryalind: What- how? Kaidan: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Caryalind: Talk dirty to me, baby~ Kaidan: The dishes. Caryalind: Wh- Kaidan: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

Caryalind: We both look very handsome tonight. Kaidan: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you." Caryalind: I couldn't take that chance.

Caryalind: Are we fighting or flirting? Kaidan: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Caryalind: Your point?

Caryalind: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Kaidan: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Caryalind: Relationships should be 50/50. Kaidan cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Kaidan: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight. Caryalind: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? Kaidan, already taking off their clothes: God, Caryalind, you’re so fucking stupid.

Caryalind: Do you want to know your gay name? Kaidan: My... my gay name? Caryalind: Yeah, it's your first name- Kaidan: Haha. Very funny Caryalind- Caryalind: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Kaidan: Oh- oh my god.

#carydan #caryalind thallery #caryalind skyrim #kaidan 2 #kaidan skyrim #skyrim followers

[kagedbird]

Continued from this *Allora's body finishes transforming, finally fully becoming a werewolf. Her fur is a deep blonde, sleek, and smooth. Tears roll down her face as she lays a bit on the ground, slowly and shakily rising to her four paws. She's only about a foot taller than she was previous, a very tiny werewolf compared to Aela's form.* Aela: *speaking through growls and barks* Can you hear me, Allora? What happened? Allora: *groans, stumbling a bit and holds her head, taking in staggered breaths* Kodlak... wanted cure... for curse... tried to... heal... hurts... everything hurts... soul... where's my soul...? Aela: You're here, all of you. Try to keep calm, all right? You're home. You're in Jorrvaskr. Allora: *shakes her head desperately, whining loudly* No, no... no... it's gone... I can't feel it... the warmth... it's all gone... Aela: *shifts a bit to guard Kodlak more in his weak state, herding Taliesin as well despite him clambering away from her* Allora, you have to calm down. Allora: *slowly removes her hands, hearing another voice in her mind, one telling her there is prey just outside the walls. Her mind flashes with images of her boys before settling on Bren's face. Her growling becomes louder and louder without her noticing, jagged teeth showing from her muzzle curling in her rage* You really think... I'd do that? Aela: Allora- Allora: *snarls and howls loudly, charging out of the room and barreling through the halls; leaving claw marks all over the wood and leaving splinters all around and torn tapestries* HIRCINE! Taliesin: Allora, wait! Gods- *goes to hurry after her, but is stopped by Kodlak* What-? Kodlak: We don't have much time. You are Allora's friend, are you not? Taliesin: I am, so let go so I can catch up to her! Kodlak: *shakes his head* Aela, call for Farkas. You know how he calmed her the last time. His strength will manage. Aela: *dips her head in nodding before charging off herself* Taliesin: Farkas? That oaf? Don't tell me you're all werewolves! Kodlak: Those of us in the Circle only. Now listen well. I have much to tell you. -With Allora- Allora: *charging through the streets of Whiterun, dodging all the guards and people she can, pushing herself to race past Bren's house, just barely managing to ignore the overwhelming urge to break the door down. She digs her claws into the stonework and launches herself towards the gates and outside* *Team Dragonborn + Bren rush outside of the house at the screams and war cries of people rushing to attack the rogue werewolf, the men stiffening as they see a new one rushing out and two more rushing after.* Kaidan: That was her. I know it was her. We've got to go. Bren: Those damned Companions! Where in Oblivion is that Altmer?! Inigo: It does not matter. We must go. Lucien, can you keep up in a run? Lucien: I'll do my best. Let's hurry. Taliesin: Wait! *gasping and panting as he raced down the way, stumbling and putting his hands on his knees as he tried to breathe* Bren: *stomps over and yanks the Altmer's shoulder, forcing him to look at him* What in Oblivion happened?! What happened to my niece?! Taliesin: *holds up a hand, trying to compose himself before standing tall* That old man, Kodlak... he said it was supposed to happen this way. Lucien: Wh-what? Kaidan: Forced to turn into a werewolf? Are you mad? Inigo: Please, tell us what you learned Taliesin. Time is running out. Taliesin: You're not wrong. I'll explain on the way. We need to meet up with them. Bren: I'm coming. Kaidan: What?! Bren: All of you have failed in one way or another when I told you to keep her safe. I don't trust any of you for it anymore. I'm going after her. *Bren races down the path to the broken gate* Lucien: Mr. Folsterhan, wait! Inigo: We must go. Taliesin, explain on the way.

#tes #Skyrim #TESSDE AU #Skyrim Taliesin #Skyrim Lucien #Skyrim Inigo #Skyrim Kaidan #aela the huntress #Farkas #kodlak whitemane #I call this 'The AU Where I Never Wanted Any of This' #Because lord almighty do I hate the Companions quest so fucking much #I forced myself to play through it for commentary from Taliesin. Boy you better know how much I love you. #Also for this lil AU since this is the route it's taking #I thought I might as well make it more lore accurate. #There's so much I hate about this fucking quest. God. LMAO.

[theoriginalladya]

WIP Whenever

(commissioned art of Kristofer Shepard by @rosenkow)

For the past four or five years, I've been using the Fictober prompts to help write/organize Kristofer Shepard's story.

Woke up to Fictober 2022 prompt list this morning and the FIRST ONE grabbed me when I was still half asleep and forced me to write 800 words that... well, it woke Kristofer's muse up WIDE AWAKE and oh man, y'all are gonna get pulled into the feels with me as I drown.

(It may also be a way to share some of his art again!)

Setting: Post-Virmire

~~~

Glancing up through tears that held strands of his dark hair imprisoned around his face, Kris sought him out through a haze of misery.  “You…  I stopped being ‘sir’ to you a long time ago…”

The second the words left his lips, Kris winced, wondering if his anger and grief had made him go too far.  Say too much.  After that first you’re more than just my commander discussion they’d had, he’d tried so hard to keep things between him and Kaidan professional, to push aside the bubble of happiness that had caught him so off guard upon meeting Kaidan and bury it deep, yet still clinging to a hope for a future.  A better time, a better place.

Virmire had caught them – him! – unawares and forced his hand, making him choose between his two friends because having them both would be too much.  It stripped everything away from him by stealing a friend, a sister, and replacing it with raw, unrestricted and unrestrained doubt and the knowledge that no matter who he’d chosen, he would have lost.

But instead of walking away or leaving the room in a huff, Kaidan dropped to sit beside him in solidarity.  Settled in next to him, a solid wall of support, literally and figuratively.

“Just as I stopped being Lieutenant to you,” Kaidan whispered.  He caught Kristofer’s hand in his and threaded their fingers together. 

Warmth surrounded his fingers, slowly spreading, gliding up his arm, through the rest of him.  That was when Kris noticed he was shaking violently.  The more he tried to contain it, the more violent it became.  “I…chose…you!”

Tilting his head towards Kaidan, the biotic met him halfway until they touched gently, a welcoming, healing sort of connection.  It felt right sitting there at the foot of his bed together, reassuring.  Deep inside, Kristofer knew he’d made the correct call…and it had nothing to do with this, now.

Ash, I’m so sorry…

Eyes closed again; he could see her face.  That easy smile with the quirky tilt at one corner, teasing yet soft in all the right places.  Eyes sparkling with mischief and merriment as much as pure delight for him.

I know, Skipper.  Just do me a favor?  Get that bastard, Saren, and kick him in the ass for me?

A strangled laugh slipped past Kristofer’s lips and tangled with a sob.  Strong arms closed around him, drawing him close.  A droplet of moisture rolled down the back of Kristofer’s neck. We will, Ash.  I promise…

#WIP Whenever #ladya writes #mshenko #Kristofer Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #OTP: All The Time in the World #snippet #one of these days I'll start getting his story posted