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godsporncollection · 3 years

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So… you’re asks are on so I assume it’s okay to ask for help or advice but if not please just ignore, no worries ^^

I was raised by very Mormon Mormons and had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday about if or not it was okay to say I was traumatized or had been in a cult. I know it’s fucked up but those are some pretty heavy labels to use and I don’t want to intrude or trample.

I’m not asking you to diagnose me cause that’s a fucked up to put on a stranger and don’t think anyone but a therapist/psychologist and myself can figure out if I’m traumatized. (I know other people have been traumatized by but my experience hasnt been horrifying so much as misleading and addictive, thinking praying healed my illness but I still get to watch not-gospel approved things and go to medical doctors and therapists and stuff. It’s not affected my life much beyond not smoking or drinking which i wouldnt do anyway for medical reasons.)

Basically, is the lds church a cult or is it just regular religion pain? Sorry for the rambles, I’ve never talked about this before and have zero basis for where I am vs where other ex-members are.

I love getting asks! I'm not often good at giving advice - mostly because my experience of leaving was 15 years ago and predates my queer identity, which means I really don't know what most of the kids leaving the church these days, especially those on tumblr since most of them appear to be queer, are going through - but I'll usually encourage my followers to suggest stuff if I don't feel like my answers are adequate.

Short answer

The word 'cult' has a fairly simple and neutral definition, but you're likely asking me if I think the church is a dangerous organization. I really, really do.

Long answer

I think that the fact that you've had a breakdown over this question is something that could help you find the answer for yourself. Obviously our gut feelings aren't always right, but you clearly feel something is wrong with the church. If it weren't a cult, or at least a big bad organization, do you think they would do so many things that make people suspicious of it? I know we were taught that those feelings come from satan, but I feel it's nothing more than a mechanism of control.

So, what is a cult? The word 'cult' actually has a pretty innocuous definition. Merriam-Webster has a few, the most relevant being:

"a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious."

"great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (such as a film or book)."

"a system of religious beliefs and ritual."

I'm sure there are many innocent organizations that qualify as cults with those definitions, but most people ascribe negative connotations to the word. Wikipedia touches on this, saying, "This sense of the term is controversial, having divergent definitions both in popular culture and academia, and has also been an ongoing source of contention among scholars across several fields of study."

When people say that the lds church is a cult - and many people agree that it is - they mean that the church is a harmful, controlling, and manipulative organization. That is the definition I intend when I use the term.

Now, how do we identify a cult? There isn't an official test, but we do have the BITE Model (Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control). The BITE Model is a list of recruitment and control tactics compiled from research done by psychologists and psychiatrists in the fields of mind control, brainwashing, indoctrination, organizational culture, and cognitive dissonance. It's generally accepted that if your organization meets most of the criteria listed in the BITE Model, it's a cult.

Many of the points within the BITE Model regard personal experience, and personal bias can influence your interpretation. Those who are within the mormon church may only consider the worst possible interpretation of each of the BITE Model points, and neglect to fully appreciate how to apply them to the actions of seemingly innocent church members. By minimizing the responsibility of church members, and the church at large, they invalidate the damage done not only to others, but to themselves.

I haven't written out my own assessment of how the BITE Model applies to mormonism, but John Dehlin, a prominent exmo, has shared his. Dehlin colored the bullet points in the following ways:

Green: “I don’t think the Mormon church does this in modern times.”

Orange: “I see this happening sometimes in the Mormon church (like on Missions), but not as a general rule .”

Red: “This occurs regularly within the Mormon Church.”

Having it 'easy' can make it difficult for us to realize just how insidious certain acts and doctrines of the church can be; it really makes us doubt ourselves and think we're just overreacting. But whether or not the church's teachings were used to abuse you, classifying mormonsim as a cult is pretty straightforward: it is. It alienates it's members, harms those who try to escape, and offensively bewilders those who come across it. It's missionaries and leaders are charismatic and dangerous. It hoards wealth, paying the leadership very well, while still demanding that 10% from it's poorest members. It preys on our weak moments, dangling the carrot of eternal peace if only we suffer and give enough, only to leave us tired and in pain.

No one else can give you permission to feel what you feel. That's something that belongs to you, and your trauma is legitimate.

#if this sounds like a much more in-depth explanation than is necessary #it is #but since this is a public answer i figured i might need to lay down the groundwork for potential attacks from tbms #because yes this is very much personal opinion #it's just a very popular opinion within the community #AND mormonism is pretty harmful to pretty much everyone #exmo #exmormon #ex-mormon #apostake #cult stuff #cults #is mormonism a cult?#resources

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preventsuicideco · 4 years

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Diasporic & Disabled: Interview with a Queer Black USian Woman on the "Strong Black Woman" Stereotype, Misogynoir, & Mental Illness Stigma in the Black Community

This interview was originally published on May 9, 2018 on one of ⁂ hai shuixian’s other projects, ANTIHEROINE.co, a TQBIPOC-centred online magazine.

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Diasporic & Disabled is an interview series on what it's like to be a disabled/mentally ill, especially queer or trans, person of colour in the diaspora.

I started this project because I have a deep personal hunger to see and spread more stories about disabled and mentally ill, especially queer and/or trans, people of colour. Ever since I was diagnosed with a mental illness several years ago, I went out on a search to find memoirs of people with mental illnesses like me, only to discover that the most popular ones about my diagnosis were all written by upper middle class cisgendered heterosexual white women, and that I could not relate to them at all.

[ trigger warning: suicide for the next paragraph ]

I know that personally, stigma around mental illness, disability, and going to therapy from both my Shanghainese Chinese biological family and my Asian-USian friends growing up prevented me from seeking help earlier. (I have been severely symptomatic since I was 7 years old, which is unsurprising given that I suffered severe abuse from a very young age.) Very early on, I heavily internalised the idea that it was a "white" thing to seek help; it was a "white" thing to go to therapy, and it was a "white" thing to give care and empathy to someone with disabilities and/or mental illnesses. My profound feelings of shame around being disabled and mentally ill actually played a large factor in why I attempted suicide for many years—I was suicidal about being suicidal.

[ / end trigger warning ]

One of my life missions is to help eradicate the ableism and stigma that we all internalise, especially the stigma that prevents us people of colour from seeking the help that we need. I hope that this interview series will help do just that.

Disabled/mentally ill people of colour, you're not alone. #DiasporicAndDisabled

Our first interview is with A, who requested to be anonymous.

A is a 27-year-old Black, cisgendered, able-bodied bisexual/queer woman who was born and raised in the U.S. and suffers from depression.

How long have you had symptoms of mental illness?

I have had symptoms of depression since childhood, since I was around five years old.

Have you sought professional help for your depression?

I've never taken medication because there's a particularly strong influence of religion in which I grew up where mental illness and health in general isn't talked about or taken seriously, and you're told to "just pray about it" and you'll be cured. The stigma affected me in how I've never sought professional help beyond school counseling.

Tell me more about the influence of religion where you grew up. How has it affected your mental health and how you seek help?

I grew up in a semi-strict religious household. Whenever I was sad or had questions, my mom would tell me to turn to God for answers. No matter how much I prayed, I never felt better. I was told and believed for a long time that my depression was just a spiritual battle I had to overcome, instead of something that had a medical basis that I could seek help for. I didn't talk about my depression with my family until I was well into adulthood.

When I would explain the reasons for my depression, my family wouldn't understand, and would say that it didn't make sense and I had no true reason to be depressed. I internalized this message and never sought real professional help except for talking to free counselors in high school, college, and at a place for troubled youth in my city called Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Although these seemed to help somewhat, for years I struggled with these emotions and feelings completely on my own, except when I confided in close friends.

I feel this so much. I have similar stories, though not the same. I meditated every day, did yoga every day, read tonnes of Buddhist books, and also prayed every day for years, and it never made my depression better, which made me feel even more hopeless.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

What was your experience with the counsellors in high school and college like?

My experience with the counselors in high school and college was very positive. They were always very kind and compassionate and let me speak about whatever was bothering me in my life. They allowed me to express myself and get to the heart of the matter, and they helped me delve deeper in order to figure out resolutions to situations in my life. I learned a lot about myself and was able to find healthier coping mechanisms instead of spiraling deeper into depression and self-loathing.

That's good, I'm glad it helped you.

Do your family and friends know about your mental illness? How did they respond to it?

My family was pretty dismissive in the beginning and as far as they're concerned, I'm a very happy individual who has gotten over depression.

Growing up, my family wasn't really supportive about mental health in general. We talked about our feelings sometimes, but we never put a name to certain mental health issues.

My friends have been much more supportive and validated my struggles. However, it was hard when I was very deep in my depression for people to understand what I was going through. A few people said that it just sounded like I was "occasionally sad" and not truly depressed, because I didn't feel like I needed medication to regulate my mood.

How did your friends' reactions make you feel?

It made me feel really alone and invalidated, like I was making up what I was going through. For a long time, I tried to hide and bury my feelings/emotions so as not to bother or bring down my more positive friends. It's funny, because now people look at me as the positive, sunny, optimistic friend, when before I was very dark, and it was difficult for me to see the "bright side" of things that people kept telling me to look at.

Do you feel like there is a specific stigma in the Black community that prevents people from seeking help for their mental illnesses?

I definitely feel like there's a huge stigma in the Black community when it concerns mental health. We're supposed to remain strong, especially if we are Christian/religious, and turn to God to solve our problems—and we're not supposed to talk about our struggles with other people, and especially not with doctors.

It's really damaging, because so many Black people are dealing with severe mental illness and are told not to seek counsel or help because it's "all in their heads" and that they just need to be "strong enough to withstand life's tests." Especially when it comes to marginalized genders, there's a specific stereotype of the "strong Black woman," where we're never supposed to need or even ask for help with anything and we should bear all our burdens alone. This harms everyone, and it has a lasting effect, especially on children, because damaged/traumatized children become adults who are still struggling with these issues.

Do you want to talk more about the "strong Black woman" stereotype?

It's really hard for me to talk about it because there are so many facets and nuances to it. It affects us in everything, from family, friendships, and romantic relationships, to the workplace, and even in our interactions with complete strangers. Having to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is okay all the time is exhausting. We always have to pretend we're okay, because showing weakness is pretty much impossible; we put on a mask to survive, and showing any little chip in the armor or cracks in the mask can be our downfall.

We aren't allowed the grace to simply exist and be human, as flawed as the next person.

How do you feel like this destructive stereotype affects Black women's mental health?

It affects us in that we don't seek help when we need it, and even when we do get help, we often don't have the proper resources or right people helping us. The intersection of misogyny and anti-Black racism against Black women is called misogynoir, which means we face both simultaneously.

So oftentimes, even in mental healthcare, misogynoir prevents many Black women from getting the assistance we require, because either the healthcare "professionals" have inherent biases that they let affect how they treat and talk to us, or they'll say we don't even need help, because we're supposed to be stronger, mentally and physically.

I've been fortunate to have had counselors who treat me with respect and dignity, but I know that my experience is the exception, not the norm. I've considered becoming a social worker or psychologist/therapist in the past, but I don't think I can handle the emotional stress that comes with it, despite being a very empathetic and compassionate person who actively listens to others who are going through difficult situations.

Thank you so much for being here with us, A. Any last words?

The most important thing that I've learned and that I want other people to know is that you do not have to suffer alone and in silence.

Your life is important and you matter,

no matter what you've previously used as coping mechanisms, or how many people do not support you or have let you down.

Your voice, opinions, thoughts, and feelings are just as profound and needed as anyone else's.

No matter where you are in your current battle or struggle, you are valid.

Thank you again, A.

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This interview was conducted by ⁂ hai shuixian.

If you enjoyed this post, please share and support our work!

Follow @ANTIHEROINEco on Twitter.

#mental illness #depression #actually depressed #actually mentally ill #misogynoir #anti-Blackness #racism #ableism #interview #ANTIHEROINE #ANTIHEROINE.co #sexism #misogyny #mental illness stigma #Black women #mental health #Black community #diasporicanddisabled #diasporic and disabled

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