Okay so I've had a think about it.
And YES I KNOW I DIDN'T UPDATE THIS WEEK BUT I WILL THIS WEEK, I PROMISE.
So I tried to think about the last time I went through this writers block, just the time I vented to my friend about it. She asked me, "Well what inspires you to write? Not like lighting candles and all that jazz. When specifically does the creative juices come flowing?" And I was like, "whenever I reread the story from beginning to the current point?" And she said, "well, get reading then."
So yeah I guess I'm going to reread the entire fic. Wish me luck
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"UWU op defends Israel UWU"-
Have I not made it clear enough what I think of the Israeli government? Have I not made it clear enough that what infuriates me the MOST about all of this shit going on is that neither government gives a damn and civilians will CONTINUE to die because Hamas and Netanyahu are cranking that war machine for their own benefit? Have I not made it clear that I think what the Israeli government is doing is fucking horrific, a war crime, murder, a violation of human rights?
Why do I even need to MAKE that clear? Why is it that you can talk about LITERALLY anything else, any other country, and people don't rush to fucking accuse you of personally supporting the government when you discuss the wrongs committed against a people, but the SECOND you're a Jew you have to justify your stance about Israel?
Why is it that I cannot even be angry about the slaughter of MY FUCKING PEOPLE. Innocents. Civilians. Fucking CHILDREN. The slaughter of the Palestinian people. Innocents. Civilians. FUCKING CHILDREN.
Without one of you absolute fucking monsters deciding to slap some shit on an unrelated post about how "uwu op defends an apartheid state just ignore that"? Do you have to make it part of EVERYTHING I do? Do you consider everything I put out there tainted somehow because I don't support your joy, your cheering, your unrestrained GLEE at the murder of Jews? Do I need to publish a fucking thesis on my stance on Israel, Palestine, and their respective governments like a fucking disclaimer any time I want to talk about myself, my oppression, my experience as a Jew, or a disabled person, or a queer person, because you fuckers cannot for five seconds be NORMAL about Jews?
To decide to slap something about Israel and Palestine on a post I made about MY oppression, about how people will oppress you no matter who you actually are- it all depends who they think you are. It's a bit ironic, isn't it? Doesn't QUITE fit, but it's funny that someone would read that post, agree with it, and then think "Ah yes, THIS is the place to put some tags about how OP, a Jew who has been reeling for the last couple of weeks about the violence, who has been checking on their Israeli friends every day to make sure they aren't fucking dead, who is dealing with vicious antisemitism from people who they thought were friends, who watched as the people claiming to be progressive supporters of human rights on this hellsite and others OVERWHELMINGLY reply to the murder of their people with good they deserved it fuck you, is CLEARLY a defender of an apartheid state and that makes them a bad person because something something I don't know what nuance tastes like and I am a bigoted ass."
I am TIRED.
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I feel like I've lost my passions...
I remember 5 years ago being on a boat, travelling to University. It was night time, no one was around. My Da and sister were up in their cabin trying to sleep. But it was far too early for me to be sleeping. I mean, I was used to staying up late and writing. Because it was exciting. I didn't know when to stop. So there was me, on the boat, in the empty kids play area, hiding in a tunnel to write.
Such a core memory.
Every job I've had - save my current - I'd often write during breaks....and maybe sometimes when I was supposed to be working. I was committed. I needed the world to read the story I've worked so hard on.
Two years ago, Christmas 2022, I woke up at 6AM to write instead of laying on until 8AM and getting up to open presents. And even later after Christmas Dinner, while we were watching movies, I was writing.
I completed NaNoWriMo 2022. It made me excited for NaNoWriMo 2023....
But I didn't partake this time.
I set up my goals, made the projects...but never felt the motivation.
So yeah, I feel like I've lost motivation to write all together. And I don't know if its my executive dysfunction or just general laziness, but whatever it is, I hate it.
I want to see Drag or Die to the very end. Of all the fanfics I've ever written, this one is my baby. I have been working on this story for half a decade now, how can I not adore this stupid story I've created about my favourite Drag Queens?
But I'm just so afraid that I'll leave the procrastination to go on way too long, and by the time Drag or Die 10 is posted completely, I still wont be done Drag or Die 11. And then I'll just let readers down. I know there is not many of you but idc about numbers, it just means a lot already that I even have readers.
You know what though? I was in a job for 2 full years, only to end up getting gaslit daily, so I left. And that was the job I would write a lot in. Then I went to be a housekeeper, so no time at all to write. And by the time I got home, I'd be too exhausted to do any writing.
And now I'm that used to it I just don't feel motivated at all anymore.
So yeah, I blame that bastardin' hotel. lol
On a lighter note, I've started drawing again. So it seems the creative juices are slowly starting to brew again. Fingers crossed.
Also I want to point out this is nothing to do with views or traffic to the fic. When I mean I don't have motivation to write anymore, it's not just Drag or Die. There are 2 other stories too. And like I said, I already love the fact there are people who read it.
Anyway TLDR: I used to love writing but a hotel made me lost motivation.
Advice please?
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I just realized that there is literally zero fanfics with Danny Fenton/M'gann M'orzz pairing and idk, am I the only one who see nearly endless potential in it?
I don't know how they met but they're probably pretty fast friends.
With Danny being space nerd, he would ask M'gann all the questions about Mars. At the same time, from what little I know about Miss Martian, she is "Earth nerd" and would ask him all the questions about Earth and what normal teenage life is like, because YL team is not the best study case. Like, only Wally and maybe Artemis (I don't know a thing about her other than 'snarky/blunt archer') had normal human life. He is happy to answer, introducing her to his semi normal life before accident.
They exchanged stories about stars from their respective homes.
Just imagine, Danny binge watching "Hello Megan" just to know what she is talking about and it's not his thing, really, but he learnt to enjoy it because he associated it with M'gann (we can have Jazz being fan too and feeling 'betrayed' because she tried to strongarm her brother to watch it for years and all it took was to cute alien girl to mention it and he is pulling all nighters).
Just imagine, M'gann asking one of her teammates (probably Robin) to teach her to play Doomed, so she can play with her halfa friend and his friends and not ask about every controller. They don't really mind her being newbie but sudden progress doesn't go unnoticed or unpraised.
Everlasting trio inviting her to Nasty Burger every once in a while to talk about random, not hero related things.
Rest of the YJ may not even know about Phantom. They just know about this Danny, M'gann's totally civilian friend, who likes milkshakes and video games.
They share their stories and tips about heroing and powers they have similar. Mostly M'gann shares things she learnt from her uncle or in Mountain because let's be honest, self taught is rarely better than someone with proper mentoring. She for sure helps with ghosts if they attack during her visit, even if Danny tries to shield her from it. "I'm supposed to be your civilian friend, am I not?"
She definitely does what she can to help with his hero PR. She may or may not accidentally convinced rest of the Team she has celebrity crush on underappreciated ghost hero from the middle of the nowhere. They help her, spamming all negative news reports with praises for Phantom from both hero and civilian accounts. It caused some mess, Justice League had questions but Danny was happy so it doesn't matter.
If we go with ghost being super emphatic we can have Danny overwhelmed by everyone's feelings (honest hate his parents have towards his hero persona, confliction of towns people, concern of his friends, excitement of Casper students idk, EVERYTHING) and M'gann helps him overcome it. Later both of them being there for eachother when everything was just too much. Y'know just this mutual understanding that nobody else can really give them.
Maybe some communication troubles because M'gann prefers telepathy and Danny does not like it in a slightest (Freakshow flashbacks or something) but tries to accommodate. Or M'gann doesn't even try because idk, one of telepathy rules is "don't read thoughts of dying person unless they project it to you" and she feels it goes for dead (even if only halfway) too.
They're just vibing with eachother.
Then there is ghost attack outside Amity and Team is send to deal with it. M'gann is surprisingly competent at dealing with everything ghost does while evacuating civilians while someone magic competent is called. Suddenly she stops, gets her phone and makes a call:
"Hey Danny, do you have a moment?" whole team is too shocked to react, because in the love of whatever they believe in, why is Megan calling her civilian friend in the middle of the battle with unknown entity. "It's [insert whatever ghost you want] wrecking havoc. Can you come by at take them to the zone? I don't have thermos on me right now. Thank you."
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Que Danny flying top speed to wherever she is, fights a ghost and contains them. Que someone (maybe Wally) being like:
"When did you wanted to tell us that your civilian friend is a hero?"
M'gann honest to god forgot that Team thought Danny was a civilian.
"I worked quite hard to drag her into as little of my Phantom bullshit as I could. I am proud of being a civilian friend, thank you very much"
They all came in contact together after that.
Martian Manhunter tried to give Fenton a shovel talk but boy was too excited to meet his favourite hero and to focused on not making fool of himself to be actually scared or something. He deals with Skulker on a regular basis anyway, there are very few threats that could actually scare him.
Team members also tried to shovel talk him, just in case. They all failed for one reason or another
Or maybe Danny is already YJ member. Everything above can still happen just without ghost attack. Danny can have issues with Zeta Tubes though. That's a good stuff.
There can be a drama of "I'm your friend only because I'm alien/semi normal, am I not?"
Or we can go with space obsessed Danny going full Vlad on cute alien girl. Y'know, because "that's a halfa thing to do". M'gann is not into that. I'm not really excited about this take but that's a possibility too.
Use it as you will. Just please someone write it
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