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juuls · 3 years

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Reylo Force Awakens(!!!) fic recs by YOU!

Look, okay. Here's the hard truth: A lot of us wish the series was cancelled after The Force Awakens because what in the actual hell was all that nonsense that followed? Anyway, I was in the mood for TFA or TFA-like fics and my readers responded!! I received TLJ and TRoS fics that are actually quite good, so those will be in their own post, whereas the TFA lists will be like... 3 separate posts lol. Thank you everyone for contributing! This is almost entirely a crowd-sourced fic rec list from one of my other posts.

Just in time for reading season (keep an eye on @fanfic-reading-challenge for this and next year's challenges!) and revisiting some of the best fics from or relating to one of the three sequel trilogy fiilms. There are a couple that delve into the OT and PT but are rare, and there are a few ships other than Reylo, which will be clearly marked, don't worry!

Fics will be alphabetized by story name, and may need to be broken into a couple posts, which I'll link together here at a later point.

The point of my fic rec requests were for that old-school, fight-me bro. proud to be a reylo feeling and the sigh we all inevitably let out. There was just something so magical about TFA stories, really....

I'm a Millennial but I'm going to say something really Boomer: I wish for the good ole' days!! :'(

Included are classics, hidden gems, very... unique fics, some that were written post-TFA and then others that were written post-the other movies because we all just miss TFA too much, hahaha. There are also AUs that fit TFA-themes or were written in the pre-TLJ years.

TFA-related Part One | TFA-related Part Two | TLJ-related & TRoS-related

Dates are posted as Y/M/D. Coloured titles are non-Reylo(or at least not just Reylo) Please ignore them rather than making a deal out of it!

***Fics recommended almost exclusively by stranger submission with a few thrown in from my bookmarks!***

Beautiful images gifted and also commissioned for me with @pandacapuccino the wonderful lady she is!

_~_

TFA-associated or post-TFA, AUs included Part One

A Collision of Stars by dustoftheancients

First day of posting: 2016-01-12

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 237710

Chapters: 57/57

Summary: Rey gets in over her head in an attempt to save her friend. Kylo Ren can do little else but get swept up along with her, because his trajectory has become tied with hers.

A Dance of Titans by LucidLucy

First day of posting: 2016-05-07

Ship: Reylux

Rating: E

Total word count: 332,245

Chapters: 46

Summary: This is the story of three individuals drawn to each other with the gravity of two massive giants circling a scorching sun; like titans forever locked in an interstellar dance, slow and steady, to a song nobody else is privy to. On their dance hinges the fate of billions of much smaller stories, those flickering lights, and the universe waits with bated breath as it unfolds. /// Three weeks after the events of Starkiller base, Kylo Ren brings Rey onto the Finalizer kicking and screaming before departing to complete his training, and Hux finds himself in the role of her interrogator. Let's just say it doesn't end well. But power struggles also have a way of bringing together unlikely individuals.

Alliance by Amalia Kensington (amaliak01), Writingwife83

First day of posting: 2020-02-21

Ship: Reylo, HanLeia

Rating: T

Total word count: 88,241

Chapters: 28

Summary: Kylo Ren and Rey Palpatine are on opposing sides of a rapidly growing conflict between the Galactic Republic and the First Order. However, during the 30 year celebration of the end of the last Civil War, a play for power on both sides comes in the form of a surprising announcement- a New Order brought about by a marriage between the two young force users. Will this finally be the hope for peace the galaxy has been searching for? And for the two people at the center of the alliance, could it become something more?

and find your way back home by second_chances

First day of posting: 2017-09-30

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 33,079

Chapters: 5

Summary: To end the war, Ben Solo kills Snoke. To save Ben Solo, Rey kills Kylo Ren. /// Free for the first time in his life, Ben wanders the reaches of the galaxy alone, searching for the balance. Once a year, Rey follows him, hoping he's found it.

Berserker - A Viking's Tale by Mallie3

First day of posting: 2018-02-02

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 159,367

Chapters: 24

Summary: From the sea dwelling serpents came the merciless Norse men in search of land and treasure. Forced to witness monstrosities, the young heiress, Rey, was ruthlessly bound and gagged; stolen from all that she knew. Immersed into a culture very different from her own, she discovers a world filled with contradictions and beliefs that she can only summarize as barbaric. In this world, her title held no value, for a thrall owned nothing, was nothing, and would always be nothing. But not in the eyes of the raven haired warlord known as Kylo; the very man who brought down her village with a clean sweep of his sword and a victorious battle cry. With strict beliefs and a faith that is unforgiving, Rey finds herself faced with a difficult path and a master she is unable to resist.

Black Knight, White King by pontmercy44

First day of posting: 2016-04-11

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 53,203

Chapters: 23

Summary: Luke Skywalker wrote his sister a letter on his deathbed, revealing that his ward is the orphaned heir of a family long thought extinct - and politically powerful. That letter fell into the wrong hands, and the secret of Rey's heritage is secret no more. The Emperor has managed to unite the Kingdoms, but he is old, and his son is weak. Seeking to ensure his son's claim to his throne, he sends his most trusted captain to bring the girl - willing or not - to be his son's bride. Rey is taken from her far-flung home, and plunged into a world of court intrigue, arranged marriage, political rivals, and would-be assassins - the black knight her constant companion and bodyguard. But even he, her dark shadow and protector, she cannot know whether to trust...

Blue Insomnia by Hamliet

First day of posting: 2016-02-03

Ship: Reylo, Stormpilot

Rating: T

Total word count: 61,542

Chapters: 23

Summary: Neither Rey nor Kylo Ren is pleased to discover that a Force bond connects them. But when the First Order fails to assassinate Leia and captures Finn, and Rey and Poe embark on a rescue mission, both Rey and Kylo realize they can use it to their advantage.

Breaking Point by Alania

First day of posting: 2016-03-25

Ship: Reylux, Kaytaka, Stormpilot

Rating: E

Total word count: 349,741

Chapters: 63

Summary: AU diverging at the point of Starkiller's destruction: General Hux is ordered to bring Kylo Ren back to Snoke alive, but chooses to collect Rey and Finn as well. /// When a lifetime is spent moving in one direction, just to have that direction blown carelessly out of the sky, there's a dangerous void left waiting to be filled by something else.

Broken Accidental Stars by HarpiaHarpyja

First day of posting: 2018-10-11

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: (current) 203,511

Chapters: 34/40 (last update 2020-09-11)

Summary: During the standoff on the bridge at Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren yields to the light within him and accepts Han’s plea to leave with him, no questions asked. With the map to Luke Skywalker secured, the Resistance hastily relocates to an island planet in the Outer Rim, spurred by unsettling intel about recent First Order developments in tracking technology. /// Meanwhile, Rey—untrained and stronger than she knows—grapples with the awakening of her power in the Force and struggles to determine where her path must lead. As uncertainty and strange dreams compel her to seek Kylo’s help, one thing becomes clear to them both: Whatever passed between them in the interrogation room was only a beginning, and the will of the Force is rarely easily understood . . .

Burn Your Wicked Garden Down by roane

First day of posting: 2016-01-17

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 15,983

Chapters: 6

Summary: It was by accident that she captured him at all. Accident, or maybe fate. Ever since their first meeting on Takodana years ago, they'd circled each other like binary stars, paths crossing at increasingly smaller intervals as their orbit slowly decayed. /// There was bound to be the moment that they collided.

Chained by CaraRose

First day of posting: 2017-05-08

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 99,321

Chapters: 39

Summary: Kylo Ren has found himself fixated on the girl he captured on Takadona. The girl who had somehow managed to best him on Starkiller. The girl who he now realizes is the one from his dreams, the girl in the veil who he has endlessly chased and never catches. The girl that he now appears to be strangely linked to, able to feel over light years of space. If there is one certainty in his life, it's that this girl will be his, that he will capture her and she will submit to him. /// Rey survived Kylo Ren and escaped Starkiller, only to find him haunting her. Whispering in her head and finding her in her dreams. Sent to find Luke Skywalker, Rey finds herself training, learning to use her powers, soon realizing that she was being hunted by the monster she defeated but left alive. The monster who's mind now seems linked directly to hers. /// Chained together by a force bond, the two adversaries begin to understand the potential and dangers of this link between them. --- Please note, this is a repost of the original work because AO3 did something weird and the original post of the work is now listed under anonymous.

Closer by BoredJaegerPilot

First day of posting: 2016-02-25

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 2,924

Chapters: 1

Summary: A dream is just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. ~Complete and total smut. One-shot.

Codega by Juulna

First day of posting: Originally posted late January 2016.

Ship: Reylux

Rating: E

Total word count: 168,380

Chapters: 30/?, (31/32 are notes)

Summary: “In Venice in the Middle Ages there was once a profession for a man called a codega--a fellow you hired to walk in front of you at night with a lit lantern, showing you the way, scaring off thieves and demons, bringing you confidence and protection through the dark streets. ” ― Elizabeth Gilbert /// Rey wishes to join the Knights of Ren to discover more about her past, and to learn more about the Force. General Hux and Kylo Ren take her under their wing in an attempt to guide her through the darkness of their world; a world that they helped to create. They are surprised at every turn as Rey draws out sides to them that they had considered long-buried, and Rey is surprised at the ferocity of their protection over a simple scavenger.

Delicious Ambiguity by Juulna

First day of posting: Originally posted late Spring 2016.

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M, with marked, skippable smut

Total word count: 24,782

Chapters: 8

Podcast available here!

Summary: Rey and Kylo Ren repeatedly encounter each other in battle over the years, fighting desperately for the causes that they believe in even as they both grow in strength - and fight off growing curiosity. Yet when Kylo tells Rey that she's pregnant via the Force, will that affect their interactions? And will it change Kylo irrevocably? /// “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ― Gilda Radner

Disparate Pieces by space_trash_princess

First day of posting: 2017-01-16

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 117,729

Chapters: 27

Summary: "For as long as I can remember, the Force has shown me visions of the future. It is a future I must fight and sacrifice for, but it will all be worth it once it comes to pass. I know you’ve experienced such visions as well: of the forest on Starkiller, of Ach-to, of me.” /// Rey gasped. “You know about that?” /// He cupped her face and brought it close to his. “Know of them? I shared them. The force pulled in both directions, giving us both glimpses of what was to come. Although, I think I may have been given more insight than you have. But trust me. We all have a destiny, Rey, and yours lies with me.” /// Rey's past visions had not felt like a call to destiny. They had seemed more like a warning.

Diverging by LovesBitca8

First day of posting: 2019-12-14

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 26,765

Chapters: 5

Summary: Han catches sight of her first. He climbs the next six steps with eyes on her, like he’s approaching a stray cat. /// “Rey,” he says. “This is my son, Ben.” Her eyes flicker to Kylo Ren, face pink, eyes wet, and gaze intent on her. Then back to Han. “He’s coming home.” /// Or/. . . Ben goes with Han. And Rey isn't happy about it.

Equal Measure by misszeldasayre

First day of posting: 2021-02-14

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 18,365

Chapters: 7

Summary: When Princess Rey of Coruscant calls upon the cursed Sir Kylo Ren to help her escape her grandfather’s political machinations, she discovers freedom in the ancient familial magic that binds them together and the growing attraction that threatens to tear them apart.

Eros by AquaWolfGirl

First day of posting: 2016-11-18

Ship: Preylo / DarkJediPilot

Rating: E

Total word count: 82,994

Chapters: 11

Summary: She's never stepped foot off of the small, isolated island of Jakku. She's never considered leaving, never once thought about stepping off the shores to visit the mainland. She never thought about attacks, about the Empire ruling just beyond the waves, about the Emperor and his soldiers. She didn't even think, not about the Emperor or his cruelty or his consort back on the mainland who has no idea he's about to befriend a woman who's never known a world outside of marble columns and an old statue.

Error: Program Not Found by ElmiDol

First day of posting: 2020-05-20

Ship: Reader fic, choose your own adventure. Options of Reader x Kylo Ren, Hux, or both!

Rating: M

Total word count: 98,333

Chapters: 20/30 (last updated 2021-05-14)

Summary: You are in charge of programming the droids that work most closely with both General Hux and Kylo Ren. Unbeknownst to you, each of these two men have it in their heads that your relationship extends beyond the workplace. This causes things to escalate quickly when your two apparently secret boyfriends compare notes on their respective partner who is far too similar for their liking.

Forbidden by koderren

First day of posting: 2019-04-29

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 142,754

Chapters: 35

Summary: She is a Jedi. /// It is forbidden to let emotions consume her. Especially for one of the galaxy's most powerful and influential men. /// But as she stands rigid in his shadow, his most loyal protector, she fights the cruelest battle ever with none other than her own self. Because from this day forth he will belong to the woman standing next to him. The woman who will help seal peace in this galaxy. /// He had told her so. /// He had no choice.

Generational mistakes by owlet

First day of posting: 2016-01-14

Ship: Ben & Leia, mother-son. Background JediStormPilot.

Rating: T

Total word count: 17,075

Chapters: 1

Summary: With all the loss Leia Organa had known, she did not expect to feel to completely gutted by the sight of her son in chains.

go i know not whither and fetch i know not what by voicedimplosives

First day of posting: 2018-04-30

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 119,089

Chapters: 13

Summary: The year is 1994. The Iron Curtain has come down, the oligarchs have begun their rise to power, and Kyril Ren, a powerful member of the infamous crime syndicate Solntsevskaya Bratva, has been given a job: hunt down an estranged uncle who has been snitching to the FBI. /// Irena, nicknamed Rey by her adoptive father Luke, is a Krav Maga instructor in New York who has finally been able to obtain her original birth certificate from Russia. Turns out she was born in a little village named Vershinino, but if she wants to know more than that… she’s going to have to go there herself. /// TL;DR: What up here's a Russian Mafia AU.

Halfway, Between The Black and Grey. by Anonymous

First day of posting: 2020-03-22

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 40,410

Chapters: 8

Summary: "Tell me about the-" /// "I love you," she blurts out and Ben...his eyes widen with confusion, the burning intensity softening to be replaced with shock. He swallows hard, glancing from her eyes to her lips, then back again. There's a soft pink bleeding across the tops of his cheekbones and over his shoulder she can see Anakin dropping his face into his hands. /// Ben opens his mouth, but seems to struggle to find the words for a moment. When he does his voice is slightly higher pitched, breathless in a way that makes Rey's knees a little weak, "Is...is this a new Resistance counter technique to interrogation?" /// Based on the Time Travel Tweet (no longer around) that made the rounds on Twitter a few months ago.

Hex by Hormonal_Trashbag

First day of posting: 2016-12-01

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 74,591 (last updated 2020-07-12)

Chapters: 35/36

Summary: For a moment he assumed she was someone’s familiar, but there were few witches in the area. Kylo sincerely doubted any of them would be so cruel as to have their companion fend for themselves in the streets, especially when considering how small she was. Still, there was something undeniably clever about her. /// He sighed; either way, it was of no consequence to him.

Hypothermia by LucidLucy

First day of posting: 2017-08-05

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 31,501

Chapters: 7

Summary: “You hardly find me repulsive, little desert rat,” he said with honey on his tongue, a term that used to once make her blood boil but that she now acknowledged as a warped version of an endearment from Kylo Ren. “Or need I remind you of Takodana?” /// They had shared their first kiss on Takodana, in a forest very similar to the one in which he’d once taken her captive. Rey shifted weakly, trying to put some distance between their naked bodies. /// “That was a mistake,” she replied. /// “Really?” he asked, his chuckle only prolonging itself as he splayed the long fingers resting on her abdomen, pulling her closer against the proof of her irritating twitching, hard against her lower back. “Was Coruscant a mistake, too?”

I'll Be Your Mirror (Reflect What You Are) by stellardarlings

First day of posting: 2020-02-11

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 30,191

Chapters: 5

Summary: [Technically Post-TRoS but it's set during TFA!] When Ben disappears on Exegol, Rey refuses to let him go. Instead she follows their bond to try and bring him back from the beyond, and the Force is helpful in the way the Force often is: it sends her back to the day they met. She didn't intend to wake up strapped into the interrogation chair on Starkiller Base, but if this is how she gets Ben Solo back, then this is how she gets Ben Solo back.

Ileenium Manor by WaterlilyRose

First day of posting: 2016-07-11

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 109,081

Chapters: 33

Summary: Rey decided she hated Lord Benjamin Solo before she even met him. So when he comes to take his rightful place as heir to Ileenium Manor where she works as a maid, it will test Rey in ways she couldn't have imagined.

In My Bloodstream by EllieCarina

First day of posting: 2015-12-31 (yooooo one of the OGs!)

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 103,017

Chapters: 15

Summary: Rey knows Kylo by now. And she knows Ben and almost everything in between. But when Poe Dameron kisses her, she learns something she hadn't known before. They are bound by the Force and this alone would be difficult enough - with love of all things added to the mix, the universe could as well come apart under the weight of their minds.

Interstellar Transmissions by LovelyThings, ricca_riot

First day of posting: 2015-12-22 (even earlier!!!)

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 193,613

Chapters: 55

Summary: Rey’s interrogation at the hands of Kylo Ren triggered an awakening in the Force, as well as an unwelcome bond that links them across the galaxy and grows stronger every day. An accidental encounter alerts Supreme Leader Snoke to the existence of this bond and he orders his apprentice to capture the girl and bring her to him. Sometimes it's not the big speeches that redeem people, but the actions you inspire them towards. Former PWP, now full scale adventure.

It Will Come Back by ReyloTrashCompactor (NextToSomething)

First day of posting: 2016-01-26

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 4,138

Chapters: 1

Summary: "Honey, don't feed it. It will come back."

Let the Light In by meg_anderson

First day of posting: 2016-01-08

Ship: Reylo

Rating: M

Total word count: 231,884

Chapters: 77/79 (last updated 2020-11-24)

Summary: ***NOW COMING AS A WEB COMIC IN 2021 @icanseeyourreylo on tumblr *** After the destruction of Starkiller Base, Rey is left to come to terms with her Force Sensitivity, and the price it asks. With new expectations suddenly thrust onto her shoulders, and unsure of her place in this new Galaxy she never thought she would see, how can she hope to stay true to herself? After all, Rey has no one to turn to for help with her newfound power. Or does she? *** This is the story after The Force Awakens. *** And it WILL be Reylo, as my Snippets will show you. You have been warned. (also Stormpilot fluff on the side)

Like a River by troublesomeee

First day of posting: 2020-12-15

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 48,555

Chapters: 12/? (last updated 2021-08-12)

Summary: “Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle.” – Crystal Middlemas /// As the First Order grows stronger, Rey turns to the galaxy's greatest hero in an effort to defeat the dark side, determined to be a part of the next generation of Jedi. Kylo Ren struggles with his demons - both inside and out - in order to let the past die and to help lead the First Order to victory over the Resistance. Despite their differences and hatred for one another, they find themselves drawn together through a new bond and wonder if perhaps there is something they can learn from one another. /// A post-TFA story of questioned loyalties, lessons learnt, battles which are lost and won and finding belonging.

Like Young Gods by diasterisms

First day of posting: 2016-01-13

Ship: Reylo

Rating: T

Total word count: 84,000

Chapters: 20

Summary: “What do you think?” Luke asks his nephew. “She has potential.” /// “She bit me, Master,” is Ben’s stiff response. “Any opinion I give would be biased.” /// Or: Everyone is connected, even if, sometimes, it's just by the skin of our teeth. Even in the midst of darkness, still, luminous beings are we.

Luminosity by Verisimilitude (Wolfy_Tales)

First day of posting: 2016-01-22

Ship: Reylo, side HanLeia & Stormpilot

Rating: G

Total word count: 24,275

Chapters: 1

Summary: Kylo decides not to kill his father and instead joins the resistance. It's understandably tense. /// But as Rey begins to train with him under Master Luke, she learns more about the boy named Ben Solo hiding in the shadow called Kylo Ren.

Meet Me in the Grey by JJBattleX

First day of posting: 2016-05-09

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 119,025

Chapters: 32

Summary: What does it mean to walk the path of the Grey? Is there a place between the light and the dark where two wounded souls can find peace and balance? /// Can Rey save Kylo Ren from the darkness? Together they must face their own demons while fighting to defeat the First Order. Kylo/Rey Reylo! Full cast and full romance/action/adventure plot.

Morning in the Burned House by diasterisms

First day of posting: 2016-02-11

Ship: Reylo

Rating: T

Total word count: 6,456

Chapters: 1

Summary: Leia's not really surprised at all, to be honest, but, for the sake of his pride, she should probably pretend to be.

No Truths to Hear by Arimanes (Kara_Sevda)

First day of posting: 2016-01-27

Ship: Reyux, Reylo (please mind the content of fic)

Rating: E

Total word count: 7,498

Chapters: 4

Summary: Hux acquaints himself with Ren's new apprentice.

Nocturnal Studies And Other Peculiar Magic by WaterlilyRose

First day of posting: 2016-11-29

Ship: Reylo

Rating: E

Total word count: 37,256

Chapters: 6

Summary: Hogwarts was the first home Rey ever had. Now she has a chance to return as a grown woman to be the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. /// She cannot tolerate the Potions Master and former Death Eater that she duelled and scarred so many years ago. Yet unity must be upheld. /// Gryffindor and Slytherin will unite in ways never before.

Of Queens, Knights, and Pawns by chancecraz

First day of posting: 2016-11-13

Ship: HanLeia, Leia & Darth Vader, Leia & Luke, Leia & the Organas, Leia & Obi-Wan Kenobi

Rating: T

Total word count: 574,457

Chapters: 27/? (last update 2020-11-26)

Summary: I went to sleep on the worst day of my life and woke to find myself in the past on the second worst day of my life. As experiences go, I don’t recommend it.

How (Not) to Fall in Love with your Jedi Training Partner by Mster70 (7 fic series)

First day of posting: 2015-12-26

Ship: Reylo

Rated: from T to E

Total series word count: 46,974

Total works: 7

Summary of first fic: Rey has always looked up to Ben Solo, skilled Jedi Knight, nephew to Master Luke Skywalker, and legendary lone wolf. When Ben suddenly starts to take an interest in her, (and starts losing his shirt around her with alarming frequency), she just can't seem to catch a break.

Part Two and more will be compiled in the next few days; just takes a lot of time hah!

#reylo #reylo fanfic #fic recs #rec list #juulna recs #a couple other ships thrown in because they're awesome fics #and yeah someone demanded I put two fics of mine on here so blame them. :P #the first of lots of fic rec lists!#especially TFA <3 #rey x ben solo #rey x kylo ren #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #focusing primarily on TFA for now!

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rebloged-content · 3 years

Text

Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404 a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh.

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them.

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time.

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

#I hope it's okay to you I just went ahead and did this #if you don't feel comfortable with this or anything written in here feel free to let me know #also no I didn't check the spelling #I'm too tired to do that anyways #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #recommendations #list

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cora-vizsla · 3 years

Text

Cabur Chapter 5

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Word Count: 7.5K

Warnings: Mentions of death (nothing explicit or described), violence, shooting, punching, sadness, angst, I'm so sorry I wrote this in a mood, talking about loss of parents, implied panic attack (character doesn’t know what it is), fluff, love

A/N: This part is pretty sad. If you have an issue with death (nothing is talked about in great detail at ALL but it does mention it, please just shoot me a message or ask for a synopsis so you can skip the chapter. Reader has some issues with panic but is helped through it. Also, I know I usually put the translations at the bottom but this chapter is heavy with Mando’a so I put the translations right after the conversation so you aren’t flipping back and forth trying to figure out what it meant. If I missed tags or you think something should be added PLEASE let me know! Much love to all of you!!

It was easy being with Paz. Once the helmet issue was out of the way there wasn’t much to fight about. Months went by in a comfortable routine of helping the village while getting to know each other better. You both were happy.

Your favorite part was being able to walk around again without the helmet. It wasn’t just you without the helmet though. Looking at Paz always put a smile on your face. You had heard of Mandalorians being smitten once they saw each other’s faces and you’d always wondered if it was due to the already established relationship. You knew without a doubt that Paz was the most handsome man you had ever laid eyes on. It should have been illegal to make him cover his face.

The village had noticed that you now wore the same symbol that Paz wore on his armor. You had explained that you were now part of his clan. They had wanted to throw a huge celebration but the elder explained to everyone else that your vows were simple as was the life you lived. They had all brought you different meals for two weeks after the announcement, but you didn’t have the heart to turn them away. They just wanted to show how much they appreciated and celebrated your happiness.

The communication with the Armorer had been much easier. She was pleased that you agreed to marrying Paz and was planning new armor for you. You let her know that anything that would be replaced would be donated back to the tribe for foundlings. She wasn’t surprised at all but thanked you all the same. It still wasn’t safe for either of you to go to her, but the time was nearing.

The idea of leaving was hard. The village had been your home. It didn’t help that you were getting increasingly close to Lahta. She had been confused at first by Paz being around all the time but eventually she loved him just as much. She loved riding on his shoulders and being taller than everyone in the village. You loved hearing him laughing fully right along with her. You hadn’t been lying when you said you wanted a family. You just knew Paz was going to be a great biur.

“What color do you want your new armor to be?”

You were sitting on the porch between Paz’s legs. He had his arms wrapped around you so you could lean back against him. He often kissed you on the top of your head and your temple whenever you were close enough. It was one of the sweetest things he did, and you were sure he did it without even thinking.

“Hmm. I was thinking pure silver like Din. That was we can match.”

You smirked back at him when he growled and tightened his arms.

“I think you would look beautiful in blue.”

“You think I look beautiful in anything.”

“Not true. I think you’re also beautiful in absolutely nothing.”

“You are insatiable.”

“Then stop being so alluring, cyare.”

You laughed and nuzzled yourself into his neck.

“I don’t think we should take Lahta.”

Paz sighed and turned you so he could actually look at you. It had been a conversation you both skated by more times than not. You both loved her.

“Why?”

“The village is safe. It’s been really quiet lately. There isn’t even a safe place for the tribe to settle. When it’s time for us to leave here, we would be taking her from safety to that. I don’t think that it’s fair to her. If she were older, I’d give her the decision but she’s still so young.”

“She’s going to be sad when we do leave.”

“I know. I will be too. I just think that as long as this is a safe place it’s the best option for her.”

“I can’t argue that. We should be hearing from the Armorer any day.”

It was your turn to sigh. He held you tighter and you nestled back into him.

“I’ll miss our cabin.”

“As will I, cyare. Gar cuyir ner yaim.” (You are my home.)

“I know, Paz. We are one.”

He nodded and kissed you deeply. You moved forward to straddle him, wrapping yourself around him. Both of you jumped when a deafening boom came from the distance.

“The village.”

You both scrambled to your feet and pulled your helmets on, running towards the village as more explosions rang out. You could hear his footsteps behind you, almost as loud as your heart pounding in your ears. You were quicker than him, but he wasn’t slow by any means. You were just quicker at navigating around trees and brush.

When you burst through the clearing you skid to a stop, pulling your blaster. You heard Paz do the same thing as he came up on you. Your chest was heaving as you looked around.

There wasn’t a village left in front of you.

You started running towards where the elders and the school used to be. The kids should have been in school, but you couldn’t see any standing buildings. Panic was rising up in your throat until you saw three men laughing and running away. You quickly shot two of them, dropping them with one shot each. The third you shot in the leg and walked over to him. You stepped on his chest and pointed the blaster at his face.

“What did you do!?”

He laughed again and winced when you ground your boot into him.

“Boss said you’d be here. Shouldn’t have stopped him from raiding it before. Now there’s nothing left. Some protector you are.”

He cackled again and you dropped, your knee slamming into his chest.

“Who the fuck is your boss?”

“Figure it out yourself, bitch.”

You climbed on top of him and punched him square across the face.

“Tell me!”

“What does it matter? They’re all dead. We took them all out first. The explosion was just to get your attention. You failed them, Mandalorian.”

You screamed out in anger and hit him again. And again. You lost count of how many times you pounded your fist into his face as tears started streaming down your face. You felt a hand grab the back of your armor as you were lifted off the now unconscious man. Or maybe he was dead. You hardly cared at that point.

“Cayre. Stop. You got him.”

“No. He needs to feel the pain. He needs to know.”

“He does.”

Paz tried to pull you into his arms, but you ripped away, running over to where the school was. Your sobs were unfiltered as you tried to search for someone; anyone. You heard Paz calling your name, but you kept ignoring him, full panic starting to set into your bones. You turned in a circle looking at the entire carnage but of all the horrible things you saw, you didn’t see the children.

“Paz, where are they? The kids? I-I don’t see the kids.”

He looked around and stiffened.

“Did they take them?”

You switched your vision over to tracking and only saw the three sets of footprints from the men you had stopped.

“No. No they didn’t go with them.”

You turned towards the woods behind the school and saw a mess of footprints. You took off in the direction with Paz on your heels. You ran for at least ten minutes until you saw a cabin. You put your blaster away and heard Paz protest, but you walked directly to the door, listening intently. You could hear the children crying and murmuring to each other and it shattered your heart.

“Ad’ika, are you in there? Lahta?”

“Cabur!”

The door burst open and you barely had enough time to catch Lahta when she flung herself at you. You clung her to your chest, keeping one hand on the back of her head. She sobbed into you as you dropped to your knees.

“Cabur, oh Cabur I was so sc-scared! I th-thought they g-got y-you too!”

“No, ad’ika. No, I’m here.”

Paz glanced at you but walked past and into the doorway, dropping to a knee to get himself closer to the kids. They all came out of their hiding with tear-stained faces.

“Verd, we saw them come. The adults told us to run. We came here s-so they wouldn’t find us.”

One of the older children had stepped forward, holding the hands of some of the smallest around him. Paz put his hand on the side of his neck and pressed his helmet to his forehead gently.

“You did good. You did very good.”

“Is the.. it’s all gone isn’t it. We.. we heard the explosions.”

“Where are the other children?”

“Their parents took them and ran.”

You looked up and saw that there were only eight kids. You sighed hoping that the rest had gotten away unscathed. Lahta tightened herself around you and you spoke to her softly letting her know that you wouldn’t let her go. She whimpered into you in response.

“Verd, what do we do now? We’re all alone.”

“You come with us.”

“You’d take us?”

You looked up, speaking partially to the children with Paz and partially to Lahta.

“Yes. You are all coming with us. We will keep you safe.”

Paz stood and turned to you.

“I’ll go get the ship and get ahold of the Armorer. It’s going to be a tight fit, but we will make it work.”

You stood as he got closer, still clinging Lahta to your chest.

“Do you think we could get them around the village and to the cabin? It would be closer, and we wouldn’t need to be split up as far. If either one of us are alone and they come back..”

He nodded and gently put his hand on Lahta’s back.

“Alright kiddos. We’re going to go for a walk. How does that sound?”

None of them sounded happy, not that you thought they should, but they all perked up at the idea of leaving with you. You tried to shift Lahta to the side, but she clung tighter. You had Paz put one of the kids on your back and he put two on his own. The five left were more than able to walk the distance even if it was slower than you were used to.

You just hoped the Armorer was set up so there was somewhere you could bring them to.

---

You settled the kids in the cabin quicker than expected. Between the beds and the couch, all the kids were comfortable and sleeping off their exhaustion. The only one still awake was the smallest one. She had allowed herself to let go of you just a little, but you had yet to put her down. Part of that had to do with how scared you had been that she was gone.

“I like your cabin, Cabur.”

“Thank you, ad’ika. Would you like to see my favorite part?”

She nodded as you walked outside, quietly shutting the door behind you. You sat down on the top step to the porch and nestled her against your side. She looked around and then up at you.

“I thought you were going to show me something?”

“I am. I sit here often and just listen to the trees. Where I come from it was very dry and dirty. There were no trees or vegetation.”

“Were there people?”

“A lot of people. Not all of them nice.”

“Like the men that came today?”

You sighed and nodded.

“Yes. They attacked my people too.”

“Woah, they did? But you’re so tough! And so is Verd. What happened?”

“A very dear friend of mine had a child, an ad’ika. There were very mean and bad people that wanted to hurt him, so the tribe fought to protect them. People like us aren’t liked very much in many places. They found where we had been hiding and hurt us. A lot of people left because they were scared but some of them died.”

“That makes me angry.”

“Why angry, sweetheart?”

“B-because you and Verd are nice! I’ll yell at anyone who is mean to you.”

You smiled at her and wrapped your arms around her tighter.

“I know, ad’ika. You’ve grown so much in the cycle and a half that I’ve known you.”

“I remembered what you said. I’m strong because I’m me. So, I’ll be strong.”

You both looked over as Paz walked into the clearing, sporting more weapons than he had left with. He came over and sat next to you, tucking Lahta’s hair behind her ear.

“Why is it that you’re the only one awake?”

“I want to stay with Cabur.”

She let out the cutest yawn you had ever seen. You wished that she could see your smile and to know that she was safe with you.

“You can stay right here. I won’t leave your side unless I have to.”

She nodded and nestled into you, falling asleep quickly. You listened to the small breaths coming from her and shut your eyes, thanking the stars that she was still alive.

“The Armorer is settled. The space is smaller than Nevarro but cleaner. Plenty of space for the nine kids.”

“Eight.”

His head snapped up and looked at you.

“She’s not going anywhere. Not unless she wants to. A-almost losing her today I-”

Your voice cracked and Paz reached over to take your hand in his.

“We will figure it all out. You already know how I feel cayre. Whatever she wants.”

You nodded and shuffled yourself and Lahta closer to Paz, who wrapped his arms around you. You knew it was going to be a long night and a long day with energized kids with no sleep. There was no way you were going to sleep though. You already felt guilty enough that you had failed the very village you swore to protect.

---

Fitting all the kids in Paz’s ship was a challenge. Luckily most of them got along with each other and most of all they were grateful that they were safe. You had explained to them what it would be like to take off and that your journey would be long. They all had questions about the planet you were going to and the kind of people they would live with.

You told them about how you had been on the street as a child. You had lost your parents and your biur had found you and taken you in. Although you left out the condition that had been given to you, they children understood that Mandalorians took in anyone that needed help. They were community above all and cherished their children. They were all excited that they would be surrounded by more people like yourself and Paz. Their elders had taught them that Mandalorians were saviors and protectors, so it didn’t take much convincing for them.

You noticed that Lahta stayed in the back not paying much attention to what you were saying. When you were done with your stories the rest of the kids spread out as much as they could and talked about their new adventure. You turned your head to the side but kept your eyes trained on the small girl. She kept looking up at you and chewing at her lip.

“Lahta?”

Her head popped back up and she stood up quickly.

“Can you help me with something?”

She walked over to you and gave you a huge smile. You helped her up into the cockpit and climbed in after her. You sat next to Paz and pulled her on your lap. She gasped as she looked out at the stars.

“Do you like the view, sarad’ika?”

“Yes. Wow. Wait, what does that mean?”

Paz turned to look at the both of you fully.

“Little flower.”

She beamed up at Paz and you couldn’t help but smile.

“I like that.”

Paz chuckled and rustled her hair playfully.

“What was bothering you earlier, Lahta?”

She looked up at you and shrugged.

“You can talk to me. I will always listen.”

“I.. I don’t want to go to your tribe.”

“Why not?”

“I want to stay with you.”

“Why is that?”

“You two always listen to me. And you’re nice. And your armor is pretty. And the others might not be nice. And what if I don’t fit in? And-“

“Shh sweetheart. You will always fit in with our tribe. I promise you that. But if you want to stay with us, you can stay with us. For as long as you want to.”

She squealed and tossed her arms around your neck.

“Really!? I can stay with you!?”

“Of course, sarad’ika.”

“Then I’ll stay! Until you two want a baby and then I’ll go back to the tribe.”

You looked at each other then back down at her.

“What?”

“At the village I got to stay places until they had a baby then I needed a new home.”

“We don’t believe in that, sarad’ika. Family is more than blood. Family is who you choose to love and cherish. You could never be replaced.”

She smiled and nestled into you, letting you wrap your arms around her.

“Cuyir ibic meg gar copad, mesh’la?” (is this what you want, beautiful?)

“Vaabir gar mirdir vi liser keep kaysh morut'yc?” (Do you think we can keep her safe?)

“Ni mirdir vi liser kar'taylir darasuum kaysh. Vaabir gar copad at cuyir a buir?” (I think we can love her. Do you want to be a mother?)

“Ni don't kar'taylir pehea. Kelir gar Gaa'tayl ni?” (I don’t know how. Will you help me?)

“Elek ner kar'taylir darasuum. Ni cuy' de gar eso. Vi cuyir solus.” (Yes my love. I am by your side. We are one.)

“This is the way.”

Lahta stirred on your lap and giggled.

“You two talk funny. Will you teach me your language?”

“Ad’ika, I will teach you anything you ever want to know.”

“Haa'taylir? gar cuyir already a buir. Vi Kelir raise kaysh at cuyir kovid. Creed ra nayc creed. Vi cuyir alit.” (See? You are already a mother. We will raise her to be strong. Creed or no creed. We are family.)

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, Paz. Vor entye.” (Thank you, Paz. I love you.)

“Naas Ru'lis Gev ner kar'taylir darasuum par gar, mesh'la.” (Nothing could stop my love for you, beautiful.)

You smiled at him as he squeezed your knee.

“Ibic Kelir borarir. Bic Kelir cuyir jate. Vi Kelir cuyir jate. Cuun clan cuyir kovid, mesh'la. Gar ganar given ni or'atu than Ni Ru'lis tionir par.” (This will work. It will be good. We will be good. Our clan is strong, beautiful. You have given me more than I could ask for.)

“Ni'll cuyir giving gar or'atu tion'tuur vi rusur.” (I’ll be giving you more when we land.)

Paz growled at the insinuation you purred out and you laughed lightly, looking down at the sleeping form on your lap. He was right; everything was going to be okay. You could feel it deep in your bones.

---

The Armorer was waiting with a few other Mandalorians when you landed. Paz walked out first full of confidence and pride. You had Lahta buried into your neck with her arms wrapped tightly around your neck. The rest of the children tentatively followed Paz and you followed them.

“It looks as if you have completed your task, Paz Vizla. And some.”

He nodded at the woman standing tall in front of him.

“I am safe to assume your clan has grown?”

“Yes.”

“De Tion'solet?” (By how many?)

The other Mando’s looked at you and almost in sync moved their visors down to the signet resting brightly on your chest.

“Vi enteyor jorhaa'ir.” (We must speak.)

“About te adiik ra gar riduur?” (About the child or your wife?)

“Bintar. Vi enteyor jorhaa'ir be bintar.” (Both. We must speak of both.)

You smiled at Paz and felt a small hand reach up to grab yours. You knelt down keeping the small girl balanced on you.

“Cabur, I am afraid.”

You looked at the sweet boy in front of you. His face was tear stained and even more were threatening to fall down his face. You wiped his tears gently after you pulled your glove off.

“Do not be afraid, ad’ika. All of those around you that wear the armor as I do will protect you.”

“They speak weird.”

You chuckled and cupped the side of his head with your hand.

“You will learn that too, if you wish.”

He nodded at you and peeked at everyone standing around them. When you stood you saw that the Armorer was watching you intently.

“The children will be safe while we speak. Follow me. We can stop to drop them off in the nursery. They can eat and play.”

The kids perked up at the idea of eating. You followed Paz and the group of kids followed you. It was a much nicer area, but they were right to say it was smaller. Though, if all the Mando had come out when you arrived there wasn’t going to be an issue with space.

It took no time at all to get into the building and where the nursery was. There were only a few children but the Mando taking care of them perked up when you walked in with the new additions. They were ushered in and led to a table with promise of food and water. It took no time at all for them to start chirping to each other and starting to connect with the younglings already there.

“Lahta, we need you to go join the other children.”

She mumbled a no and buried herself deeper into you. You figured it couldn’t be comfortable against the metal you were covered with, but she didn’t want to let go.

“Lahta, ner sarad’ika, Cabur and I will be back. The sooner we get this done the sooner you can see us again.”

“You won’t leave without me?”

She finally turned to look at Paz and you felt her grip start to loosen.

“Of course not.”

Paz bumped his forehead to hers and she giggled. She finally let you put her down and walked slowly over to the table. When she saw there was food she perked up and started talking to some of the kids she knew. Your heart swelled at just how strong she was being.

“Cyare, let’s go.”

You looked up at Paz and nodded. You almost missed the way Lahta looked at the two of you before you walked out of the room. You hoped that she wanted to stay with you as much as you wanted her to.

---

You sat next to Paz as the Armorer and a senior member of the tribe sat across from you. It had been so long since you had seen anyone but Din and Paz that you felt nervous. You were also used to being around people who had readable expressions. Even with Paz you were used to seeing him.

“Welcome back. I was afraid that Paz had failed in his mission.”

“He almost did.”

“Don’t let her downplay. She shot me when I showed up.”

The Armorer let out an amused huff.

“I would expect nothing less from you. The children called you cabur. Do they not know your name?”

“No. They had an elder that knew a bit of our culture. They never pushed for a name nor did they push to see my face.”

“So, no one has seen your face?”

“No one but my riduur.”

She nodded once, seemingly satisfied with your answer.

“The children will be safe here. Their home is gone?”

“Destroyed. They are all alone.”

“They are safe here until they decide to stay or go.”

“Armorer, they won’t be forced, right?”

“No. To take the creed or not will be their choice, not a condition for their safety.”

You felt Paz tense up next to you. Without thinking you reached over and touched his hand gently to assure him that it was okay. You noticed the two across from you look down slightly then back up. Paz gave you a nod that he was okay.

“What of the girl that seemed attached to you?”

You sighed, not sure where to start.

“Her name is Lahta. Her parents were killed long before I showed up to the village. Paz and I have grown close with her. We would like to take her in as a foundling if she wishes it.”

“Is this a new decision?”

“No.”

You looked up at Paz and nodded, letting him finish.

“We have spoken of it before. We were going to let the idea go because she was safe. She no longer was and the idea of leaving her was.. difficult.”

“Then you will give her the choice. She may choose to become part of your clan or stay here until she makes the same decision the others must make.”

“This is the way.”

All of you stood and you were ready to get back to Lahta. You wanted to talk to her and hoped she would choose to stay with you.

“You have shared quarters set up. I had backup provisions in place, but it seems like the two of you are on good enough terms.”

You felt your face heat up but gave her a quick nod.

“Paz you may go. I wish for a minute alone with your riduur.”

Paz looked down at you and you nodded. He touched the pendant lightly and walked away. You smiled at the gesture. It was harder to be intimate with him when both of you were wearing armor, but you understood what he was trying to tell you.

I’m with you.

Once the two men left you sat back down.

“Tell me, young warrior, why did you not return here when your helmet was removed?”

“I knew what my options would be.”

“We could have voted for an exemption. From what he tells me, it saved your life.”

“It did. He did.”

“Did you agree to be his riduur to come back?”

“No. I know it was his goal and at first I think he saw it as more of an obligation but now.. it’s changed. We are together because we want to be. I am glad that I can be back here, and I think part of my decision was made for the tribe.”

“But part was decided for you. For happiness.”

You nodded and hoped she wouldn’t be angry.

“Your biur were particularly hard on you. Even before you took your oath you never wore a smile. Now I can hear it in your voice when you speak to him. We are a community, but your happiness is important too. Din Djarin left behind enough beskar for new armor for you.”

“I don’t wish to take away from the tribe.”

“You aren’t. Those who left also left behind a lot. Din just made it clear that if no foundlings were in need of it that you should have it. He knows how hard it has been for you to get to this point.”

You nodded and looked down at your own armor.

“I think you becoming part of the Vizla clan is a fresh start for you. You deserve the honor of the signet you represent now. You deserve armor that you have earned.”

You nodded and stood.

“Thank you.”

“I have already started it. It will be done in a day’s time. This is the way.”

“This is the way.”

You went to walk out of the room but stopped, turning slightly.

“Din wasn’t there when Paz and I had worked things out.”

“He said he had a feeling.”

“When did you start my armor?”

“Does it matter?”

You sighed but shook your head. It was starting to feel like everyone knew you better than you knew yourself.

---

You walked in the room to Paz making the bed. You shut the door behind you and locked it before slipping your helmet off. He stood up tall and took his off as well, smiling at you. You returned the smile and walked over to kiss him.

“How did your talk go?”

“Apparently I’m getting all new armor.”

“Like a whole new set?”

“Din left the rest of the beskar for me. He talked to her after he left us, and the armor is already almost done.”

He smirked and shook his head.

“How are you feeling about it? I know I feel connected to my armor.”

You shrugged and sat on the bed, groaning when you twisted as much as possible to alleviate the kink you had been holding between your shoulders since the explosion went off.

“I earned this armor with my biur. Other than the memories it holds no sentiment to me. Even the memories aren’t always the best.”

“Did you regret taking your oath?”

“I think at first. It was more that the hardships were turning into resentment because of being forced. I knew what I needed to do and what it meant but it’s not like I grew up seeing it or even was able to see it knowing I could choose.”

He sat next to you and put his arm over you, pulling you to him. You leaned against him and sighed.

“I think you would have taken it. I vaguely remember when they brought you in. You’ve always been full of it.”

You laughed and shook your head.

“I don’t remember you.”

“Yeah, because you saw Din and immediately latched onto him.”

“Oh, shut up I did not latch onto him.”

“He calls you his shadow, cyare.”

You laughed and shrugged. He pulled you back, so you were lying next to him still wrapped up in his arms. You started to feel just how exhausted you were after not sleeping much on the trip. There always to be at least one kid needing attention or assurance. You loved them all, but you were damn tired.

“So, tell me, how long did you have a crush on Din for?”

“What?”

“Oh, come on. I saw the way you followed him around. We used to pick at him for it.”

“How did that end?”

“A lot of fights.”

You laughed and shook your head.

“Maybe a childhood girlish crush but I think it was more admiration than anything. He was strong. I mean everyone in the tribe was strong, but he didn’t look at me like I was different. He didn’t.. uhm.. he never saw me as aruetii.”

Paz stiffened beside you. The silence between the two of you was deafening. You had talked about a lot of things with him, but you had never brought up how harsh his words had been. You pulled away, moving so you were lying flat on your back.

“I was so horrible to you.”

“Yes, you were.”

“How could you possibly forgive that? Called your aruetii and pulled your helmet off. What an asshole.”

You laughed and turned your head to look at him. He was staring up at the ceiling with a small frown tugging at his lips.

“I did shoot you.”

He finally laughed which brought a smile to your face.

“You did shoot me. You know, you may be the only person who has shot me and lived to tell the tale.”

“Wow, I feel so lucky. You were so enamored by being shot at you gave me your signet and a spot in your clan. Good thing some other woman didn’t do it first.”

He growled and rolled over, propping himself up over you. You were laughing up at him, knowing there was no way you could move. Between how hard the bed was and the fact that the man above you was a giant covered in beskar, you were pinned.

“You’re the only one for me, cyare. Don’t you dare think differently.”

“Hmm, and what happens if I do?”

“Then I’ll have to remind you over and over until it gets through that pretty skull of yours.”

“That sounds like it could be.. interesting. Maybe I need you to remind me.”

He growled again and pressed his lips to yours. He kissed you passionately but broke away sooner than you wanted him to.

“We have things we need to do first.”

“I’m so tired.”

“I know, cyare. Let’s get these things finished then I will not let anyone disturb us until tomorrow afternoon.”

“You say that now but you’re their big bad warrior. There are foundlings and younglings to teach. There are security protocols that need to be looked over.”

“I also have a riduur that needs to be fucked until she can’t move.”

You gasped and looked up at him.

“Paz Vizla. Listen to you getting all dirty. I like it.”

He kissed you again, nipping at your lip before climbing off of you. You grabbed his extended hand and laughed when he pulled you to his chest. He gently grabbed your chin and made you look at him with a sly smile on his face.

“Just you wait, mesh’la.”

---

When you walked into the nursery room, all the kids from the village ran over. You noticed the younglings that were already there looked at you cautiously but lit up when Paz followed you. You both sat on the floor and listened to them all talking about their food and how everyone is nice. You could have lived forever in that moment finally seeing smiling faces and barely any tears.

“Cabur?”

You turned your head to the oldest boy from the group and took his hands in yours. Those in your tribe weren’t usually so touchy but you found the children responded better when they knew you were paying attention to them. Your face couldn’t be seen so you had to show them in other ways that they had your attention. You thought hard to remember his name until it dawned on you. Spending most of your time with Lahta had made it harder to get to know the other kids on a more personal level.

“What is it Thomas?”

“Why did those men come and hurt everyone?”

“Sometimes people are bad for no reason. They do horrible things without a cause. I don’t know why those men attacked, not really.”

Paz placed his hand on your leg and gave you a light squeeze. You did know why they were there, but it was only because you had been protecting them.

“Why didn’t you stop them?”

You weren’t sure if the room actually went quiet or if it was just the blood pounding in your ears. Your entire body was stiff and the panic you felt was only rivaled by the panic when you couldn’t find the kids. Paz’s hand clamped down on your thigh which started to bring you back, but you had no idea how to answer him. You didn’t know how to answer any of them.

“You were there to protect us, Cabur. But everyone is gone. My mom and dad are-“

The small boy lunged at you as he began sobbing. You wrapped your arms around him and held him close. The guilt and pain had been nagging at you, but you had been so busy it didn’t have time to fully hit you. Not until Thomas asked you the same questions you had been dying to ask yourself.

“I’m so sorry, Thomas. I would give anything to go back and change what happened.”

“I miss my mom.”

His voice hiccupped and you bit your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying.

“I know, sweetheart. I know ad’ika. Your m-mom would be so proud of you.”

“She would?”

He sat up and wiped at his face, resting all his weight on one of your legs.

“Yes. You saved them. You saved the rest of the children. You listened and you were so brave. You kept them all safe until I could get to you. I was so scared when I couldn’t find any of you, but you went exactly where you were supposed to. Your p-parents would be so so proud of you. I promise you that.”

“I-I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You did the right thing. You’re already so strong. You have a warrior’s heart.”

You poked gently at his chest and he beamed at you through his tears.

“You are safe now. All of you. We spoke with the Alor, our leader. This is your home for as long as you want to be here.”

“Will we get to wear a helmet like you?”

You looked back at Thomas and nodded once.

“If that is what you want. You all are welcome to learn the creed and take it as you grow older. You do not have to though. It will be your choice. You are safe and welcome until you are ready and able to make a decision.”

Thomas leaned in closer and whispered, hoping only you could hear him.

“I want to be a warrior like Paz.”

“You can be whatever you want to be, ad’ika.”

You could tell by the way Paz puffed his chest out that he had absolutely heard the childs confession.

You forced yourself through sitting with the kids for a few hours. You could see as they became more comfortable not only with their surroundings but the others in your tribe. You were glad that the rest of your tribe seemed to understand just how hard things had been for them.

“You doing okay, cyare?”

You looked over at Paz and nodded once. He continued looking at you. There was no way he didn’t know that you weren’t being truthful but for the sake of the kids, you were glad you had your helmet on.

“Cuyir gar jate?” (Are you good?)

You smiled at his change to Mando’a.

“Ni cuy' o'r aaray.” (I am in pain)

“Vaii?” (Where?)

You touched over where your heart is. After that you touched the side of your head.

“Oh. Cyare-“

“Not here.”

He sat up straighter but nodded.

“Liser gar rejorhaa'ir Lahta ni kelir haa'taylir kaysh nusujii?” (Can you tell Lahta I will see her soon?)

“Elek. Slanar.” (Yes. Go.)

You slipped out of the room and made your way towards your chambers. It was hard to breathe and you knew it was another episode. You didn’t know what to call them, but you had them often when you were living alone, and you became too overwhelmed. You made it into your room and locked the door. The only person coming in would be Paz.

You whipped around when the door opened, surprised that Paz had shown up so quickly. He locked the door and walked right to you, pulling your helmet off gently so he could set it on the floor. He yanked his own off and dropped it to the ground with a thud.

“Talk to me.”

“I just.. can’t breathe. It’s like.. It’s like my beskar is too heavy.”

He gently led you into the bedroom and started to carefully pull all the beskar off your body. You tried to control your chest from heaving, but it didn’t feel any better. Once it was done, he backed you up, so you were sitting on the edge of the bed. He knelt down between your legs and put his hands on the sides of your face.

“Have you been like this before?”

You nodded and finally felt tears start to well up in your eyes.

“How often does it happen? I’ve been with you for half a cycle and I haven’t seen it.”

“Ever since.. I left. They just.. happen.”

“Your mind is troubled. Your biur never taught you this?”

You shook your head and felt even worse. He pulled his armor off quickly and tossed it to the ground so he could pull you to his chest. You let him hold you tight and focused in on the steady heartbeat coming from his chest. He murmured to you in basic and Mando’a. After a while your breathing returned to normal and your body started to relax.

“Is your breathing okay?”

You nodded against him and finally wrapped your arms around his waist. You were absolutely exhausted. He helped you lay down and after shucking off the rest of his armor and his boots he joined you. You looked at his chest, embarrassed that he had seen you like that.

“The first time my biur felt like that around me, he destroyed his entire room. Din and I had been waiting for him to return after a hunt. He had run into some really bad trouble. He never talked about it, but he finally just snapped. He explained later that sometimes when you see things so terrible that they eat at you until you can process it.”

“Have you ever felt like that?”

“Yes. There is nothing embarrassing about this. I’m just sorry that you had to go through this alone for so long.”

“I thought I was losing my mind.”

He tilted your chin up so you had to look at him. He gave you a soft smile and shook his head.

“No, cyare. Everyone has their breaking points in different situations. You’ve had a lot of weight on your chest in the last cycle. Just please remember that you’re not alone anymore. These burdens are not yours alone to carry.”

Your chest tightened up as you felt tears sting your eyes again.

“I failed them, Paz. I failed every single one of them, even the ones left living.”

“What do you think would have happened if you hadn’t been there?”

“They came there because of me.”

“No. Stop. They came there because they are horrible creatures hellbent on hurting others. They were there before you got there. You gave them almost two cycles of peace. Who knows if the children would have survived if you hadn’t shown up. They all could be gone.”

“I should have protected them I should have-“

Paz silenced you by pressing his lips to yours. You wanted to continue speaking but when you moved your hands up to push him away at his chest, he wrapped his hands around yours. You finally huffed against him and couldn’t help but smile when he chuckled.

“If one Mandalorian could save the galaxy we wouldn’t have lost so many during the purge. Right?”

“I guess.”

“You did great things for them, cyare. Those who are lost are living on through the little ones that are now safe here. Grieve those who are lost but cherish the ones still here.”

“I just wish I could have done more.”

“I know the feeling. When the guild attacked, I felt like I didn’t do enough. I felt the same way when I found out you had left.”

“I’m sorry I-“

“No. You owed me nothing. I was the one who hurt you. Don’t apologize for reacting to being hurt.”

You nodded and sighed. Not feeling much better but you felt peace at least being with him.

“I thought of you, you know. On Nevarro.”

“When the guild attacked?”

“More often than that, but that is what I’m referencing.”

“Why?”

“Part of me wished you were there so I could apologize. I didn’t know if I was going to be standing by the end of that fight. Then I was just overwhelmingly glad you weren’t there as I watched our family fall. I know that you are tough, and I know you can hold your own. I just knew that if you were still out there then our strength would carry on.”

“Or was it because I’m beautiful when I’m dying.”

His hands stilled on your body and the pause between the two of you was deafening. You burst out laughing and he grumbled against your skin.

“Would you shut up?”

“No. No you aren’t living that one down.”

You laughed again and he pulled you further into him. He finally chuckled and buried his face into your neck.

“Remind me to never misspeak around you again.”

“It was cute, Paz.”

He huffed out a sigh.

“I do wish I had been next to you fighting.”

“It wasn’t time for us to be together yet. Now is the time and I will do what I can to make sure you are by my side for as long as possible.”

“I love you. I’m so glad you came to find me. I’m so glad I’m not alone anymore.”

“Never. Never again.”

He wrapped his arms around you, letting you nestle into his chest. You felt the blanket being pulled across you as your eyes started flutter.

“Sleep, my sweet riduur. Sleep knowing that you are a strong warrior worthy of the love and admiration of those around you. I will remind you every day just how strong you are.”

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diana-3 · 3 years

Text

Crow’s Nest.

Diana sighed as she climbed the last few stairs to Devrim’s perch. The Gentlemen Sniper pulled his rifle back inside the windowsill and turned, having earlier waved to Diana he smiled at her approach. “Ah,” His warm tone brought a smile to her face, “Di, hello dear, how are you?”

“I’m alright I guess..s’been a while...huh?” There was guilt layering her tone, like a child who was admitting to a wrong--ready for a scolding.

“Works kept you busy,” Devrim settled against the wall and his smile held, but his eyes turned downward and with it the mood lowered. “Seems as if the whole world is trying to burn around us.” He nodded to the radio on the shabby table with the teaset near by. “I’ve been keeping up on the radio chatter, you’ve been busy out toward the Tangled Shore lately?”

“Oh yeah,” Dianna removed her helmet and went to settle on the floor next to Devrim who glanced out the window. “There’s this new baddie, Xivu Arath? A hive celebrant...whatever that means...trying to corrupt Fal---Eliskni and Cabal into being Hive mind slaves. Causing a lot of trouble on the Shore and in the Dreaming City. Been working with Spider’s crew to get it cleaned up but its been weeks now.”

“A month yesterday,” Joel corrected as he appeared by Diana’s side. “I overheard Glint and Crow talking about it as we were walking away yesterday.”

“A month…” Diana repeated with weight behind her long sigh that followed. “Has it been that long already?”

“Between the constant crucible matches and vanguard operations to charge the lure, not to mention the individual hunts themselves, I’m not surprised we hadn’t realized.” Even Joel sounded exhausted, flying low until he settled in Diana’s hands as she crossed her legs and closed her eyes. “It’s been...hectic to say the least.”

“When was the last time you had any time off?” Devrim asked, raising a dark brow as he removed himself from the window completely now. Hanging his rifle on carefully placed hooks in the collapsing church to avoid accidental misfires. “You both look absolutely ragged.”

Diana hummed in thought. Her head slowly lulling from side to side before she spoke. “The Festival of the Lost?”

“Can’t really count that as time off when we were fixing the infinite forest…” Joel reminded her and she nodded.

“Soooo, before then?”

“My word,” Devrim’s shocked outburst made the tired guardian and her ghost both open their eyes and look at him. He was standing with his teapot in hand, “You’re going to need something a bit more strong than tea then to unwind.”

“You know what I want?” Diana chuckled softly, the fatigue showing through her defeated tone. “A nap. A nice, warm nap.”

“You’re more than welcome to come back to the farm,” Devrim offered, putting down his teapot and reaching for clean cups and saucers. “You could rant about anything bothering you until you can rest, or you’re free to do so after over a nice hot cup of tea.”

Diana smiled, watching the older man go through his motions to prepare his staple drink. The care he put into making it and the glance he gave her when he felt her stare. “Thanks,” She smiled back, “But,” She tapped Joel’s shell and woke the little Ghost from his quiet rest, his eye blinking open and his shell twitching in a stretch. “I think seeing Mythrax would just wind me back up again...remind me of everything going on on Europa.”

“Ah,” Devrim’s smile fell as he watched Joel take a lazy flight, hovering just above Diana’s shoulder as she climbed to her feet wearily. “Do you have somewhere else to stay then? I have no bed or blanket here, but I can offer great conversation and drink, a little light on snacks I’m afraid.”

“Actually…” Diana rubbed her head before her face and sighed, “I think there’s somewhere I want to...revisit. It’s not the Tower, but right now I’d rather avoid the tower if possible too…”

“Just seems like there's nowhere for us to go to get a rest away from everyone.” Joel admitted, his eye downcast as his shell shook side from side. “There's always someone looking for the next report, the next ship out, the next bounty to be taken…” He glanced at Diana who was lost in thought, her cyan eyes following the floorboard toward the window. When she slowly walked away to peer out Devrim’s window, Joel flew near Devrim and whispered. “She’s had a lot thrust onto her shoulders lately Devrim, I don’t know...I don’t know how to help her right now…”

“Is she alright?” Devrim asked, pretending to busy himself with cleaning his table as he waited for the water to boil.

“Physically she’s fine, she’s just so mentally worn out...A lot of old emotional wounds opened up…” Joel twitched in the air, flying a few degrees lower, “You’ve heard about Io, Mercury and Titan?”

“I had.” Devrim nodded, his face stern with thought. “She had friends on those planets didn’t she?”

“Yes, Asher Mir for one,” Joel shook his shell, “She’s still holding out hope that he’s in the Pyramidian, holding out. But no one’s heard from him...or Sloane and Vance...Then...we heard about Sagria…”

“Sagria?” Devrim whispered back, glancing over his shoulder to Diana, who was watching something out the window. “A guardian?”

“

A Ghost,” Joel corrected, “She was Osiris’ ghost...she sacrificed herself to save Osris from Xivu Arath’s influence...he’s Ghostless now...without the light...he’s taken refuge in the tower and asks Diana about how she and Crow--”

“Crow?” Devrim asked, raising a dark brow as he picked up the teapot and began pouring the tea into two cups. “Is that a guardian?”

“S-something like that…” Joel hesitated a tad too long and it drew a long and measured look from the marksman. “He’s a new guardian but...it’s part of the old emotional wounds opening up...that’s all I can say…”

“Mmhmm..” Devrim kept his stare on the little ghost who twitched and flew a few inches away.

“The less you know, the better.” Joel sighed.

“Wouldn’t happen to wear red pants...would this...Crow?” Devrim asked softly, glancing back at Diana who was still preoccupied with scanning the distance.

“You’ve seen him?!” Joel flew close to Devrim’s face, making the older man chuckle and straighten his back a bit.

“I’ve seen someone bustling around in the distance,” Devrim nodded with his head toward the direction of the dam, “He’s never come close though, and always seems to keep a hood up or a helmet on..I’ve never seen his face. Causing our girl some trouble is he?”

“He doesn’t mean to,” Joel said, “He’s new to everything and Di….she doesn’t know how to handle her feelings. He really reminds her of someone she’d rather forget, but at the same time she’s grown closer to him, and is having trouble letting go of that….resemblance.”

“Sounds messy,” Devrim picked up the cup and took a small sip to taste before nodding. “She needs a good rest, and time to herself away from everyone to let herself work through things. Is there a Hunter hideout where she might be able to take cover?”

“None that wouldn’t turn her over to Zavala to keep themselves from being called to the tower..” Joel had a hint of irritation in his voice, “We tried a few of the old spots, but some people have a sore spot for Di. Shaw hasn’t exactly warmed up to her and he’s made a name for himself in the cosmodrome. People think, that she thinks she’s too important, that she abandoned them in their greatest hour of need…And with the Hunters still without a leader...”

“Did they forget the part where the entire universe was at stake?” Devrim asked too loudly, drawing Diana’s tired attention finally from the window.

“Who knew the Cosmodrome was separate from our universe.” She had no mirth to her voice now, she seemed to shake slightly from side to side as she pushed away from the window and walked over to take the cup offered to her gingerly from Devrim. “Thanks…”

“I’m sorry that you’re dealing with so much,” Devrim put a gentle hand on Diana’s shoulder and squeezed it. A flicker in her eyes caught him off guard, was she going to cry? “I hope that the vanguard has at least given you some hefty time off to recoup after running you so ragged?”

“Hawthorne helped,” Joel said with a hint of pride, “When Diana was ready to just drop off the tower to get away from Zavala and Shaw, she spoke up and advocated for Diana to have a relief mission.”

“Tore into them did she?” Devrim chuckled warmly, “Ah, I can hear her now.”

“It was quite a sight,” Joel laughed, his shell squinting as he bobbed up, like a smile. “She wasn’t about to let Zavala just walk all over Diana.”

“M’ just too tired to fight anymore.” Diana admitted as she took a drink from the cup, taking a moment to shiver at the bitterness. “I wanna sleep for a week in a hole in the ground…” She paused…”Or...in a wall…” Her eyes widened slowly before she downed the rest of the cup, filled only half of the way before handing the cup back to Devrim. “If anyone asks,”

“I haven’t heard from you in months.” Devrim winked at her as he took her cup and replaced it on the table. “No idea where you could be. Haven't’ seen you in the EDZ in quite some time.” He turned and lifted his own teacup to her in salute, “I really should contact you via radio to come spend some time with this old man.” He could hear Diana and Joel speaking softly as he turned and sipped at his tea, trying not to listen to the quiet planning. He couldn’t help but hear.

“Are you sure you want to go there?” Joel was asking, concern filling his voice.

“Where else can we go right now? Unless you really wanna watch me dig a hole and bury ourselves.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this...but we could go to the Derlict?” Joel offered in a hushed tone, “Drifter would hide you for a while.”

“He’d also bug me to death for answers, or to get me into Gambit again…” Diana sighed heavily. Devrim kept himself turned around, studying the hand written notes from Marc laying on his desk, hidden out of direct sight behind the radio he used to listen to chatter, or talk to Suraya who was living in the Tower now. “No, I think it’ll be the one place no one, except one person would think to look…”

“Do you think he would?” Joel asked softly.

“No, his leash is too short right now. He might wonder to himself, maybe to Glint, but he won’t actually come looking. Which will give us all the time we need to rest.” Diana sounded sure of herself and her mind was made up. Wherever they were going, it was going to be a secret between them.

“It won’t be very comfortable,” Joel complained slightly.

“We can find a few ways to make it work.” Diana said a little more loudly, the time for private conversation over with. Devrim was refilling his cup, still pretending to be lost in his own little world when he felt two taps on his shoulder. He put down his cup and turned to receive the gentle hug Diana offered without thinking. “I’ll come by again soon Devrim, thank you for letting us rest and clear our head.”

“I don’t need to tell you that you are always welcome,” Devrim told her as he squeezed her, returning the hug. “But I will anyway, just so I’m sure you know. You can always come up here to hide out, and I won’t tell a soul if you don’t want me to.” He felt her start to pull away and he kept his hold until she leaned more heavily against him, allowing him to share her weight. “You be careful out there, hm?”

“Yes sir,” Diana’s chest vibrated with her voice, chuckling into his ear as she squeezed him back. “I’ll make sure to stop by for the dawning.” When Devrim pulled away she nodded, “I’ll remember the Shortbread cookies you love so much.”

“It pairs so well with my favorite festive tea,” Devrim sighed at the thought of such a comfort item. “It is getting around that time...isn’t it?”

“A few more weeks…” Diana nodded, “Hopefully I’ll get to feeling better before then. I’d like to go to the tower to see everyone…”

“Then you best get to it,” Devrim winked at her and grabbed a small bag from under his table, protected by a sheet that had hidden it from sight. “Here, take this, a self care package if you will.”

“Tea?” Diana laughed as she took the bag without looking at it.

“And a few biscuits and hot cocoa, some tripemines to set up a perimeter, clean water etcetera.” Devrim smiled as he poured a second cup for himself. “Little things that will help make the roughing it less...rough.”

“Thanks Devrim but shouldn’t you need this?” She asked, holding the bag up.

“Not for a while, I’m going on vacation too..of a sort. It’s Marc’s Rezzing day soon. We decided to go to Suraya in the city and spend time together. I’ll have all the comfort I need. And I can replenish my supplies.” Devrim watched as Diana nodded and looked toward the stairs. “Go on now, I won’t keep you any longer.” He turned his back and pretended to busy himself with the radio dial until a heavy baritone voice came over the waves.

“Thanks again…” Diana gave a small salute before disappearing over the ledge, not bothering with the stairs.

“It’s like they’re allergic to safety,” Devrim mused to himself, chuckling as he watched her go.

“Are you sure about this?” Joel asked as Diana picked her way over the rubble, careful to make sure that Devrim’s care package wouldn’t rip.

“Like I said, I’m out of ideas, unless you know of somewhere else we can go…’S not like we can go chill with Asher anymore…” She paused down the dimly lit corridor and sighed. “I miss him.”

“I know,” Joel touched his feckle to her cheek and accepted the loving caress she gave him that pinned him to her cheek gently. “I do too.”

“So this is the one place I can think of that...they won’t know to look and if they did think to look, I don’t think he’d tell.” Diana finished softly. She was outside the little alcove now and started to go inside but hesitated.

“What's wrong?” Joel asked, blinking his yellow cat eye and watching how she hesitated. It wasn’t like her.

“I should ask permission…” She said firmly. “This is the one place that’s his and his alone...if I were just to barge in here and use it without asking? I’d be taking that away from him, I’d be just as bad as Spider. We’re not that close...in reality. He might think...I’m overstepping boundaries if I don’t ask…” The heavy silence in the air didn’t last long before she asked, “Can you patch me into a secure line to him?”

“Just a moment.” Joel busied himself with twitching, extending his shell and rotating back and forth until the sound of static washed away and a familiar voice asked.

“Who is this?”

“Glint, it’s us. It’s secure right?” Joel asked, replacing his shell to its rightful shape. Diana noticed one of his cat ears was coming untapped and tried to push it back down in place, only to knock it off and make her gasp in both shock and sadness.

“Of course!” Glint’s voice perked up, “It’s the Guardian and her Ghost!”

“You can call me Joel,” Ghost reminded him, “And Di.”

“New news on Xivu Arath or some wrathborn? A new cryptolith?” Crow’s voice came over the coms and Joel watched Diana pause in her fussing over his shell.

“No,” Diana admitted after a moment of silence. “I’ve...I’ve been given some...a reprieve…” She said slowly, remembering once what Glint had said over coms after a hunt. “But I…” She paused again and the lights inside her mouth dimmed with a sigh. “Could I...Would it bother you if I...used your...nest, for a while?”

“It’s most certainly not a nest.” Crow said a little too quickly. Diana could practically hear the flush to his blue-grey face. “But...why? I thought you would have a place in the tower in the last city?”

“I do, but not everyone understands the need for...alone time.” Diana admitted.

“About your report, could you do this run for me, we should go out tonight, could you sit in on this mission debriefing, we need someone on coms for this vanguard operation, could you help me adjust my sights,” Joel started listening off all the things that had been asked of them when they had returned to the tower the last time. “It’s like it never ends. We used to go hide out on Io when things got like this…”

“I see.” Crow interjected before silence could fall and swallow them up. “You...need a place to breathe for a while. Of course, feel free. I’m...honored that I could help you this way...Guar--”

“Di.” Diana reminded.

“Di…” Crow’s voice was soft, like he was afraid of breaking her name should he say it with too much force. “I’m sorry it’s such a mess, I haven’t been out there in a while and Glint’s a terrible maid.”

“It’s not my fault you keep everything you find that has a little shine to it.” Glint said playfully, hinting at his name.

“It’s not exactly comfortable either, but it works...in a pinch.” Crow continued, ignoring Glint’s jest. “Use it as long as you like.”

“Thanks,” Diana smiled and looked inside the alcove at the small collection of crow’s things. “I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Crow chuckled softly, “You could have used it and I never would have known. It’s not as if I’m in and out of there a lot these days.”

“Boundaries and Respect are important.” Diana told him firmly. “Guardians and good people a like do not trample over either…” She put a hand to her head and realized how much like Quin she sounded. She shook her metal head and continued. “Want me to get you some time off?” Diana asked as she stepped through the crack that served as the door. “You deserve it as much as I do.”

“Spider wouldn’t allow--”

“Spider won’t know the difference if I tell him I need you in the EDZ to track down Hive movement. Maybe they’re trying to set up a cryptolith here? Savathun did find that piece of the Traveler where we found the new Hawkmoon.”

“Not to mention we could give you a run through on being a Lightbearer. Guardian school if you will. More tips and tricks to make you more effective for Spider.” Joel added, his shell contracting in the way that made Diana say it looked like a smile.

“Time away from Spider,” Diana said in a singsong voice, “Nice hot fires under the stars, good drinks. Stories swapped.” She flopped down on the sleeping bag Crow had left on the concrete slab and regretted it, there was still a bit of debris under it and it hurt. “R and R is just as important to Guardians as it is to non-lightbearers.” She added with a grunt.

“That’s true...I just don’t think Spider would allow it.” Crow sounded defeated, tired and annoyed.

“Well, I am not going back to work for a bit….you think about it and when you want me to, I’ll talk to Spider.” Diana stood and rolled the sleeping bag up, watching how the dust and concrete of the collapsing ceiling was leaving a layer of dust on everything.

“Spider called him.” Glint said in a hushed tone, “I think some time off and not so alone would be good for him. He’s been obsessing over these Cryptoliths. He’s so sad to see the Eliskni that was good to him turn into...wrathborn…”

“He needs time away just as much as we do,” Joel sighed.

“It would be good for him, all he does is talk about work, and when he asks about Guardian things, he feels like such a stranger to it all. I think a fellow Guardian talking to him would make it feel more real, for now its just...stories of something he thinks he doesn’t deserve..” During the pause, Joel and Diana gave a look to one another. Sadness. Fatigue. Guilt. “I’ve been called by Spider, cutting the link. You two have a good rest.”

“Glint--” Joel started to speak but then hesitated. “The line’s dead.” He rotated to see Diana removing rubble from the concrete slab and cleaning it off with her hand. “This place really is a mess...huh?”

“He’s tried to make it his own…” Diana said softly. “It reminds me...of that cave in the Cosmodrome we had when we first started out...Remember?”

“Heh.” Joel floated closer and bobbed before rolling his shell over. “You kept Hive bones until you heard about Dredgen Yor, then you dumped them all over the cliffside and wanted nothing more to do with them.”

“Got rid of the dice I whittled too.” She nodded and replaced the sleeping bag, stretching it out to find it wouldn’t fit, the slab was too short. She glanced around the tiny alcove, at all of Crow’s belongings. A sleeping bag that had holes in it. A pristine Dawning bowl. His death shroud. A hive knight sword from when he save Osiris. A table and chair. A tool chest as tall as her and tools to fill it with. 8 things. He only owned 8 things. Yet the room told so much about him.

He was a repairer. Using things left over and forgotten to serve a new purpose. “It’s almost...poetic...or.” She laughed, “Ironic, whichever you wanna look at it...I guess…”

“What is?” Joel had floated off on his own, inspecting the crack in the wall that filtered in some sunlight from a room beyond the rubble.

“He takes things that are broken or forgotten. Things people don’t think twice about because to them it's used up and gives it new life...new purpose…” She picked up the bowl and placed it on the sleeping bag. “Like a guardian...we were just empty shells until you guys came along.” She smiled at Joel who twitched in silent thought. “You found me, an empty shell. Having used up all my life and been lost to time and the elements and you gave me a purpose. You brought new life into me and told me what I could do to help those around me.” She picked up his death shroud and frowned. “Uldren was a cold hearted bastard of a person.” Her grip tightened on the cloth before she sighed heavily.

“He paid his price. Blood for blood. Eye for an Eye. The debt for Cayde was settled. I know his tapes said he’d be…” She started folding the shroud gently. “Crow was a shell that was tossed away. People were trying to forget...or avoid remembering for the time. Including myself...And Glint gave him new life and purpose. He’s a guardian now. He’s not who he was before. And now he takes things Spider tries to throw away or has forgotten about and makes them into new things.” When the shroud was folded into the shape of a flag, she placed it into the bowl and busied herself cleaning off the slab where it had been placed haphazardly. “He’s just like a Ghost that way. A repairman. An artist..” She recalled the art form he had mentioned before when she saw his nest the first time. “He mentioned an artform with precious metals...do you know what it's called?”

“I hadn’t when he first mentioned it, but I talked to Zavala’s ghost and he knew what it was called, apparently it's called Kintsugi, or kintsukuroi, it’s a Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. It treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.” He paused for a moment and flew a little lower, “Oh, I see what you mean.”

Diana straightened up the room in silence for a while. Dusting everything with her hands as best she could and being as gentle as possible. It didn’t take her long to clean up the room, tossing out the debris into the hall. She looked around and realized it wasn’t cleaning she wanted to do.

“I wanna do something nice for him.” She said out loud, throwing out a fist sized piece of concrete into the hall. “And I don’t mean dusting.” Joel was flying around the room and scanning the area, inspecting the walls and ceiling.

“He doesn’t have a lot does he?” he asked as he came down to her height. “We could get a few things for him.”

“Yeah..spruce the place up a bit...he deserves better than this but…” She glanced at the shroud sticking up from the bowl where she had placed it. “Baby steps.”

“What do you think he would like?” Joel asked.

“Anything is better than this…” she glanced at the mop bucket in the corner, and cringed. “We could get him a sturdy cot to sleep on. A better sleeping bag…” She looked back to his area and tilted her head, “Another table, a chair...we could clear these slabs out.” She kicked at the one he had been using for a bed. “Hang that sword up.” She pointed to the sword as it was propped up against the wall, waiting to topple over. “And a heater…”

“A heater?” Joel asked, spinning back to watch her as she nodded.

“It’ll be snowing soon. If he’s gonna get time off and come stay, then he’s gonna need heat...and some food that won’t spoil…” Her faceplates shifted to show irritation. “The boy doesn’t even have the basic necessities to live on his own. He won’t be under Spider’s four thumbs forever.”

“You think he’s going to let Crow go eventually?” Joel didn’t sound convinced, but when Diana settled her cyan eyes on him, he knew that look. He’d seen it before the battle against Crota...Oryx...Gaul and the darkness. It was what he called her ‘try me’ look.

“Oh he will. And we’re getting that bomb outta Glint too.” She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Glint doesn’t deserve that treatment, and neither does Crow. The boys are literally as pure as new fallen snow, and Crow’s as green as Venus.”

“I remember when Leland used to say the same about you,” Joel offered softly, flying close to her chest, his sign he wanted to be held in her hands. She obliged him, cradling him gently and stroking his feckle lovingly.

“I’m not gonna comment on that,” she chuckled and planted a kiss on her Ghost’s shell. Going to sit on the sleeping bag. “I guess this means we’re going back to the city after all.”

“What are we gonna tell people who ask what we’re doing?” Joel twitched his shell so he was looking up at Di from her hands she stared longingly at the Dawning bowl.

“That we’re helping out a kinderguardian. They’re new and scared to come to the city. Or that I’m literally burying myself in a hole and making a fuck off bunker so people will leave me alone for once.” She stopped and blinked, “By the light, I sound like Osris now.”

“I like the second one better,” Joel laughed, “It sounds more like you than Osiris.”

Both of them laughed, their voices bouncing off the three and a half walls until it sounded like it would drown all their sorrows. They hadn’t laughed like that in a while. It made Diana sad to realize this. She tried not to look at it, but it was like a living thing staring at her. The death shroud. One of the triangle corners was peeking up from the bowl and taunting her until she stared at it.

“I’m not...weird am I?” She asked Joel, still staring at the white cloth.

“Is that a question you want me to answer honestly, or be serious?” Joel asked with mirth still in his voice.

“No, I mean…” Diana’s tone made Joel twitch in her hands, bringing her attention to him. “I know I didn’t remember anything, not a thing when you brought me back. But you said I’d been dead a long time...I’ve never…” She trailed off and looked toward the floor. “I’ve never run into anyone who recognized me before. But Uldren...he…” She sighed. “He killed dad...I know I said Crow was different and he IS but…” she made a clicking noise. “Sometimes when it gets quiet, and I see him, I can still SEE Uldren there. Does that make me a bad person?” She looked to Joel sadly. “Am I a horrible person because I sometimes still see him inside someone who's new? If Crow didn’t have the same meatsuit...if he’d been changed into an Exo like me when he was first brought back...I woulda never known….I wouldn’t be...questioning myself like this.” She looked to the shroud again. “He’d just be a new guardian. A fellow exo. A nice guy...But I find myself wanting to reach out to him. Be...more than kind to him. To be someone for him and then that moment happens when I don’t see Crow, I see…and then I feel like I’m betraying Dad’s memory by being chummy with the meatsuit that killed my leader...”

“I could tell,” Joel admitted softly, speaking in barely a whisper, as if afraid the truth would cause the ground to swallow them up. “When you two are having a good talk and it gets quiet, I see the way you look at him. It’s kindness and then fear, mixed with guilt.” He twitched again and the eye blinked. The other ear was starting to come loose and Diana peeled it off with a gentle hand. “You’re trying so hard to not hold him accountable for a crime you know Crow didn’t commit. But it’s still the same face. It’s still the same hand.” he blinked again, “It’s a situation I don’t think any other guardian has ever had to face like this before.” Only a heartbeat passed before he added. “I don’t think it makes you a bad person, I think you’re struggling with a situation that no one else has ever had to be in before and you’re doing a lot better than others who have seen his face.” He flew up from her hands and hovered a little ways from her face.

“You loved Cayde like a father, and he was taken from you by someone you didn’t particularly care for when you knew him. Now that person is no more, but their body is still up walking around with someone new inside...sorta. It’s like that pottery thing, he has his scars. His past is part of him, but he has a new life and a new outlook.” he tilted his shell toward the ground. “Uldren hated Guardians, he tried to make our life hell when we had to deal with the awoken. But,” he titled his shell upward and squinched himself into a smile, “I’ve seen Crow absolutely light up when you walk in a room. He’s excited to see you, to work with you. If that’s not proof he’s totally different then I dunno what would be.”

When she didn’t respond he bonked her on the forehead with his feckle and made her blink at him in bewilderment. “Others have outright killed Crow when they saw his face. You didn’t.”

“I tried…” She put a hand on the spot where he hit her. “If Quin hadn’t stopped me...I would have put a bullet in him.”

“Are you glad she stopped you?” Joel asked firmly.

“Yes?” she sounded unsure, when Joel tightened his shell around him she felt like he was glaring at her so she repeated with conviction. “....Yes. I am.”

“Would you put a bullet in him now?” Joel’s voice was hard, he was trying to test her resolve. He already knew he answer, he just needed her to know it.

“No, absolutely not, I’d...” She paused and remembered her fight with Hunter-1, they still hadn’t spoken since they introduced Crow to him. When he tried to murder Crow, even after learning he was a guardian and Uldren no more. Quin had ushered Crow to safety while Diana wrestled with the fellow Exo. He hadn’t looked at her the same since. On Wrathborn hunts he wouldn’t watch her back anymore, and he would ignore her when she spoke to him. “I’d fight those who would try...”

“Then you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of others.” Joel told her with a flip. “And the fact you want to give him what he needs to survive on his own, until he can be accepted as Crow and not as Uldren, shows you have compassion for him.” He tilted his shell halfway, like he was being coy. “And do not think for one millisecond I haven’t seen you smile at him with that same look you used to give Drifter either missy.”

“I. Give. No. Looks.” Diana’s voice was low, gravely, she was willing to die on this hill.

“And I wasn’t born in the Light.” Joel gave a small hummpf sound before flying out of the crack, forcing Diana to follow along behind him if she wanted to argue.

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redinkofshame · 3 years

Text

Exotic Vacation

I based #2 on the AU list on my own honeymoon. I’m sorry the prompt never gets to the actual vacation part of the vacation… But if I added all the semi-public beach smex and threesomes this prompt would have been WAY too long.

So have some committed-relationship spice, with mirror smex.

2214 words, explicit

for @augustwritingchallenge

Read on AO3

Black Bikini Bottoms

Des and Solas hadn’t taken a honeymoon as newlyweds, as they had been new parents as well. They tied the knot at City Hall and promised each other they would take a trip for their first anniversary instead. But, between financial strain and Des’ separation anxiety, they’d called it off.

Now it was nearly their second anniversary and their daughter, Isla, was two years old, and Des was ready for a break. Cruise tickets for five days and four nights through Rivaini islands had been booked, plane tickets for her mom to stay here with Isla had been booked, and an appointment with a waxing salon so Des could get bikini-ready had been booked.

To be honest it wasn’t about the new bikini she’d packed so much as Solas seeing her in — and out — of it. Between work, parenthood, medical scares, and life in general, her and Solas’ s.ex life was all but non-existent, and she was hoping to change that, if only for the week.

The morning before was hectic — saying hello to her mother, goodbye to her daughter, and loading on the plane. They arrived late in Rivain and headed straight to their moderately-priced hotel room, where they both crashed. They did not have sex. (Thank goodness; she was exhausted.)

They were up before dawn on the day of their anniversary to begin the on-boarding process. Tickets, passports, suitcases, and a mandatory cruise ship safety lecture from the crew. It was after noon before they were free.

They managed to find their tiny windowless room well enough; it was on the lowest level and practically at the rear of the ship. After they’d checked that none of their luggage had gone missing in transit and settled a bit she sat on the bed. As it was practically the only place to sit her husband did the same. They chatted a bit, appraising the experience so far, and she scooted close, suggestively running her hand up and down his thigh as he commented on the excellent service and cheap booze.

Then a loud rumble started up, and they had to raise their voices to be heard.

He grimaced. “That must be the engine. I had not realized it would be so loud…”

Neither had she. Unlike Solas, she was a light sleeper and she was already starting to stress about the noise keeping her awake the entire trip.

But she was determined to break their dry spell. “It’s for the best,” she purred, running her hand along his chest. “Now we don’t have to worry about being too noisy.”

She pulled him into a kiss, trying to put heat into it. She wasn’t actually in the mood, yet, but she was sure she’d get there.

They kissed for several moments, nibbling on lips and necks. Neither mad a move to further, though, so they slowed to caresses. The longer it went the more painfully obvious it was that this wasn’t working for either of them. She moved her hand down and cupped hi, just to be sure, but she didn’t find anything significant.

She pulled back with a sigh and leaned her forehead against his.

He sighed as well. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired, we can still—”

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s not just you,” she admitted. She forced a smile and they stayed there a moment, heads together, eyes closed. Their hands found each other. She was trying not to get worked up over it, to blame herself, her body, to spit out something like ‘I guess we just don’t have sex anymore!’.

It was a shame. They used to have great sex. Like, really fucking good. Shouldn’t she be craving that? Would he, if she still looked like she did back then?

She reminded herself there was no reason to force themselves into some mediocre orgasms just because society said that their ‘honeymoon’ should be some kind of uber-romantic fuck-a-thon.

When she was sure she could open her eyes without getting teary she did so — only to find that while she was trying not to lose it the asshole was nodding off right where he sat.

“There’s a couple hours until our assigned dinner time,” she said, and his eyes popped open with a start. “Do you want to take a nap until then?”

“Yes. Very much so. But I would not

want you to leave you all alone on our anniversary…”

She waved it off. “I’ll nap for a bit, too, then I’ll just read. I brought a book.”

He didn’t need any more convincing and climbed under the covers. She got up and turned off the light.

She blinked.

“Holy shit.”

“Yes,” he agreed, sounding just as surprised as she was. It was dark. Like, completely lightless, even with elven vision. The blackout curtains in their bedroom at home had nothing on a windowless room under the ocean, apparently. “There’s no light from the hall; I suspect the rooms are water-tight.”

She hummed her agreement as she felt her way back to the bed. She didn’t bother setting an alarm; she never napped for more than an hour or so. With as loud as the engine was, she would be lucky to nap at all.

~~~~~

So, apparently, a cruise ship engine made for a wonderful white noise machine, especially when combined with the comforting darkness of the room. Des knew she’d over slept immediately. She didn’t bother trying to find her phone to check the time; they were out of service range and cross time zones. Instead she found the remote for the ceiling-mounted TV, which has a “channel” just to tell you the time and introduce you to the captain, as well as a few others explaining the islands they’d make port at in the coming days.

So much for a sixty minute nap; it had been six hours.

She hadn’t muted the TV fast enough and Solas stirred. “What time is it?” he mumbled. “Did we miss dinner?”

His tone told her that he already knew the answer.

“You could say that.”

“There’s room service, right?”

“I think they’re closed…”

“Well let’s try, at least.”

They did. The kitchen was closed, but uncooked meals were still available. Solas ordered a sandwich and she got the salad, and instead of eating a romantic anniversary dinner by the sea they ate in relative silenced in a room the size of a closet. At least wine didn’t require cooking.

C’est la vie. They went over their schedule for the next day, and which activities (‘excursions’ as the ship called them) they planned to hit. Once their plan was in place and the drinks were finished they went right back to bed.

With their good mood, full bellies, wine, and rest, Des thought they would ‘celebrate’ some more… But instead they wished each other a happy anniversary and went right back to bed. They did not have sex.

This time Des’ disappointment was genuine, and she allowed herself her tears. She might as well mourn the apparent loss of this part of their lives as Solas snored away behind her. Maybe they really were one of those couples after all. They had love, and family, and a life together, and sex wasn’t much of a part of that. And that was okay. But it also kinda sucked.

~~~~~~

The alarm woke them in the morning. Unlike the dinners that were scheduled in the dining room at the same time every night, breakfast would be buffet style for two hours on the upper deck, so there was no hurry. In theory. Des hurried anyway, excited to finally enjoy the view of glittering ocean for as far as her eyes could see as she sipped mimosas.

She was pulling out her outfit for the day (bikini included) when Solas invited her to shower with him. It was something they did pretty much whenever schedules allowed, so she didn’t expect any hanky-panky (and tried to convince herself she wasn’t disappointed when she was proven right).

He scrubbed her back and she watched him shave his head, checking him for missed spots. They got out and toweled dry.

She reached for her bikini bottoms but his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, grip noticeably firm. “Who said you’re allowed to get dressed?” he asked.

His wicked little grin was enough to send a tingle through her. “I can’t wait to see the incredible view,” she answered coquettishly. He didn’t bother with a response, just pulled her in and kissed her hungrily, almost immediately finding her tongue with his. His hands moved from her wrist to waist to grab great handfuls of her ass.

She tried to give as good as she got but she still had to wrap her arms around his neck just to keep her balance with the way her pressed into her, forcing her to back up until her butt hit the tiny vanity. She puled back to catch her breath, scraping her nails along his freshly-shaved scalp. He used the opportunity to go for her neck, sucking and biting as he pleased. She knew he was leaving marks on her but happily let him.

Des gasped lightly as his fingers traced to the apex of her thighs, teasing her. Fuck, it had been way too long… She canted her hips against his hand to prove how ready she was already, just in case it wasn’t super obvious.

It must have been because he hooked his elbow under her knee and lifted, speaking her open. She giggled in surprise but was cut off by her own hitching breath as he used his other hand to finger her. She buried her nose in the crook of his neck, clean and warm, until he murmured appreciatively in her ear, “Now there’s an incredible view…”

She turned to look over her shoulder only to see her own bare ass reflected in three different angles by the vanity mirrors.

Des smirked. She propped up her leg higher and leaned forward into Solas, arched her back to give him a pornographic view of his fingers disappearing into her cunt. He groaned and grabbed her ass with his now-free hand, lifting her higher still.

He worked her with those long, familiar fingers until she couldn’t take it anymore. He ignored her increasingly insistent noises of frustration — she knew he knew what she wanted, but the asshole always wanted to hear her beg for it. Finally she dropped all pretense and just said, “Dick. Now.”

He ignored her still, so she sunk her teeth into his neck, biting hard.

His surprise yelp was followed by a chuckle just before he grabbed her by the hips and spun her around. She met his grin with a smile of her own and bent over to brace her hands on the vanity table. She watched in satisfaction as his gaze dropped to her tits. Then she wiggled her butt to get him back on task.

He rook the time to run his hands up along her curves, all the way up to her shoulders and back, giving her ass a loud smack before finally aligning his cock up and — Fuck. Creators, she’d forgotten just how damn good when her husband fucked her with that big cock of his. The toys in her drawer at home had nothing on the grip of his hands pulling her hips to him as he thrust steadily into her.

She looked up at him in the mirror but couldn’t make eye contact as he was intently watching their bodies moving together instead. She’d been stupid to think he was tired of her body… He’d never said or even done anything to make her think he was no longer attracted to her, and the way he looked at her now was anything but disinterested.

She reached up to squeeze her own breast — that caught his attention. His eyes snapped up to hers and she continued the treatment, tugging her nipple for her own satisfaction, watching him watching her. Then she watched nothing at all as her eyes screwed up and she came for him, though she felt his heavy gaze even then.

He rode her through her orgasm, steady, controlled as always. Always, that was, until it was his turn. Once she opened her eyes again he dug his fingers into her and took her hard. She moaned with each thrust and it was all she could do to brace herself against the table as he lost himself, pounding into her fast, hard, deep.

She watched his face as he came at last, smiled when his eyes opened to meet hers. He smiled back and gave her ass another slap before pulling out. “Worth it for that view alone.”

She rolled her eyes and went to grab a washcloth from the shower, giving him one as well. Then her the bikini bottoms she’d been reaching for before, like a proper gentleman.

“Why thank you.” She grumbled as she started pulling them on, “Gonna get cum stains on it before I even get in the water…”

Solas cupped her face and pulled her into a long, satisfied kiss. Then he said with a smirk, “It won’t be the last time. Black was a poor color choice for our honeymoon.”

#solavellan #AU_gust #AU_gust_2021 #Solas #Des Lavellan #reposting because tumblr doesn't like my lemons

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haikyuul-kid · 3 years

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sakuatsu birthday headcanon

so it’s my birthday today, so i thought i would write a headcanon for my favorite ship. sakusa and atsumu from haikyuu is a ship that i wasn’t sure about at first but i’ve fallen in love with their dynamic. so i thought i would write something for them. here WE GO!!

- sakusa kiyoomi is not a people person. for his birthday, he planned to stay in for the night and enjoy the company of his cat and his own space. he was going to have some of his favorite healthy chips and rewatching some of the matches he had missed in the week he needed to watch komori so they could talk about their games next time they had dinner.

- miya atsumu knew that kiyoomi didn’t like him. the only reason he even tolerated him was because they were in the same team. but if he’s being honest, atsumu has been interested in kiyoomi since he first saw him play in middle school. the moment atsumu saw him play on the court, kiyoomi never really left his mind. he was never satisfied until he tossed to him for the first time.

- now he knew that kiyoomi didn’t want anyone to do something for his birthday, much less know that it even was his birthday, but atsumu was never one who listened. he wanted to do something for kiyoomi because obsessively thinking about someone for years will give you a lot to works with in terms of things they like or what they like to do. so, atsumu had a plan. it wasn’t as grand as anything he wished he could’ve done for kiyoomi, but atsumu knew that if he did something more kiyoomi he may as well kick his own butt out.

- so atsumu got everything he needed for his little ‘celebration’ and worked up the courage to go to kiyoomi’s room. he pulls a mask from a pack he bought at the 24/7 store down the road from their dorm and picks up the food he bought (read: stole/got for free) from osamu. he then picks up a little bag with a gift and something a little more and heads over to kiyoomi’s room.

- kiyoomi had just gotten comfortable when he hears a knock on his door. he didn’t need anything else, so what could he possibly need that someone would need to knock in his door. he moves his cat from his lap onto the cushion besides him and moves to the door. he looks through his peep hole and sees…

- atsumu hears the door unlock and hears a surprised “miya?” from inside the door. “hey kiyoomi,” he replied. “listen. i know you don’t want to see much. i’m probably the last person you want to see anytime, much less on your birthday, but you shouldn’t celebrate your birthday by yourself. maybe you have other people you can be with, but i didn’t see anyone else coming, so i thought maybe i could keep you company until someone else showed up or you got tired of me, which might be in a couple of minutes. but i wanted to do…”

- “i get it miya,” atsumu hasn’t even realized that he’d been staring at his feet the entire time he was talking until he looked up at kiyoomi. “you might as well come in since you’re here.” atsumu slowly shuffled his way into kiyoomi’s apartment, just to make sure he was serious. “i won’t kick you out,” kiyoomi says, “at least, not right away.” atsumu was relieved, but he didn’t let kiyoomi know that. “thanks. i know it might not mean much, but i brought food and something for you.”

-”miya, we aren’t even friends. why would you get me something for my birthday?” “because i’ve always wanted to be friends. you have no idea how long i’ve been thinking about you, knowing you, being with you-” atsumu stopped. he knew he’d overstepped. “i- i didn’t mean that, i just mean, i mean-” “miya, you need to be straightforward. when you tiptoe around what you’re trying to say, i don’t know what you’re saying.”

-”i just... you’ve been in my head for years, since i first saw you play in middle school. i know you hate me and i’m the last person you want to see today, but just once. just once, i wanted to be brave and try.i want to know you. i want to be friends. i want- i want more than that eventually. but i don’t even want to hope for anything because how am i supposed to get you to even tolerate me-”

- “atsumu.” that caught his attention, stopping him dead in his tracks. “i don’t hate you. i may find people annoying or intolerable, but i don’t hate anyone. i don’t hate you. you’re annoying definitely, but i don’t hate you. i figured you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. we’re complete opposite, so why would you spend time with me when you could be out with hinata or bokuto, or clubbing or anything else. why me?”

- “you don’t really know me if you think i’m like that. i may like being with people, but sometimes it’s not always... fun. as much as i like people, i can’t always. sometimes i get to stressed out, or a game just didn’t go well and i’m not in the mood. i’m not a dumb blonde. i know i may seems like it, but i’m not.” “i never saw you like that,” kiyoomi replied. “i just, i figured you, you wouldn’t like me. i’m not a person who gets along well with people. i like things done a certain way. i like clean, i like orderly, i like precision. not everyone really, i guess, appreciates it.

- “kiyoomi, i know you. i’ve been watching you for so long that i know! i carry wipes in case you ever run out, i have hand sanitizer in case you’re having a bad day and things are getting to you. i have extra clothes in my bag, in a ziplock, so they wouldn’t get contaminated. i WANT to be there for you. i want to help you, be there.” “i-i didn’t know. i never would’ve expected..” please give me a chance. i want to try, i want to be friends. i-i like you. i know you could never see me like that, but-”

- “you aren’t the only one who’s been obsessed since middle school,” kiyoomi said. “you think i never heard of the miya twins when i was in middle school. i wanted, no needed to know about you. i watched obsessively. i needed to know how you tossed, how you did it so perfectly. i need you.” atsumu was entirely surprised to hear that. “well, it seems like we need each other. so, why don’t we start with dinner and go from there?” astumu asked. “i’d like that. we can see where this goes.” a small smile graced kiyoomi’s face. atsumu lit up in response. “well, hope you like onigiri, because that’s what i brought.”

- “i guess that’ll do.” kiyoomi teased. “hope you like watching volleyball because that’s what we’re doing.” “i can’t get enough volleyball.” atsumu responded with a smirk on his face and they headed into kiyoomi’s apartment. the onigiri was gone in a matter of minutes, and they watched way too many volleyball games to be considered healthy.

#sakuatsu #haikyuu #haikyu!!#haikyuu!!#haikyu #sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #atsumu #miya atsumu #blb #headcanon #haikyuu headcanons

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andorwhore · 3 years

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Saudade - IV of VII

Chapter IV of VII: Care

summary: A year in the life of a rebel with a cause and a rebel in search of one… chapter four: Lose has a tendency to bring people close, and that can be daunting.

author’s note: Who hasn’t updated since October? I guess it’s me, the resident asshole author. I took a very long and unexpected break from writing due to school and work, and I still haven’t written any new content unfortunately. But I thought it would be a shame to let this complete chapter sit around unpublished. So, I’m hoping that this will motivate me to finish up this story (and potentially add that new chapter I’ve been considering). And if I never get around to wrapping this fic up, at the very least this is the perfect chapter to leave it on.

pairing: Cassian Andor x OC word count: 11,465 (longest one yet babey) rating: T, eventual R warnings: is ~*~intimacy~*~ something that requires a warning lol

chapter one || chapter two || chapter three || chapter four

[ff.net] [ao3]

taglist: @justanotherblonde23

The Festival of Stars was a celebration Jai was quite familiar with, or at least as familiar as the average person could be. She didn't know the exact origin of the festival week, though she knew it had something to do with interstellar space travel; what she did know with certainty is that every year, the Ring of Kafrene became overloaded with travelers during the holiday, en route to destinations all across the galaxy. On Kafrene, the people took to celebrating it as well, though as Jai got older she realized it was a means of ripping off all the gullible tourists that made pit stops on the colony. Residents of Kafrene were smart to jump on the opportunity, Jai's friends and family included, and ironically enough, because of the locals' investment in playing travelers for fools, the festival in its own way became a part of what little culture Kafrene had.

Jai hadn't expected to hear anything about the festival on Yavin 4. Hell, she all but forgot about the holiday week, the last six months of her life having been all consumed by Alliance business. She first heard someone mention the Festival of Stars just as they were heading back to the base after a mission to a planet called Naator (this being yet another world Jai had no prior knowledge of). She was brought along on the mission as tech support, though Jai was fairly certain she wouldn't be needed.

She had ended up spending a whole day on Naator just sitting in the ship and waiting for her team to return. The most thrilling thing that happened to Jai was when some local animal spooked her as she did an engine check in the morning, and she nearly fried the creature with her blaster. Her team returned successful, and they were off of the planet just as quickly as they had arrived.

As they started on their few hours journey to return back to Yavin 4, one of the team members reminded everyone that the holiday was going on that week, and that they should make a pit stop to pick up a few things to celebrate. Jai listened with intrigue as the group excitedly discussed the festivity, curious to hear about it from the perspective of those that didn't grow up trying to find ways to profit off of the holiday.

Apparently, quite a number of the rebels celebrated it every year, along with the other two Fete Weeks. Jai, of course, didn't know about these other weeks - they had their own dumb holidays back on the Ring of Kafrene, and the Festival of Stars was the only one she knew of that was celebrated in all corners of the galaxy. Rebels, no matter what planet they came from, all seemed to love the holiday, saw it as an opportunity to relax and forget their responsibilities for a while.

Although the festival was traditionally celebrated over the course of five days, the Rebellion only had two evenings unofficially dedicated to it - after all, it wouldn't be very practical if they spent an entire week partying. The "unofficial" part, someone explained to Jai, was because the council of superiors didn't recognize it as any kind of reprieve from work - they were happy to allow their rebels to celebrate, and even happy to take part in the festivities if time allowed, but the Festival of Stars wasn't something marked on everyone's calendars as time off. In the Rebellion, there was no such thing as time off. If someone was lucky enough to have one of the two evenings free, then they were welcome to join in the party.

Jai's team were all planning to attend once they got back to Yavin 4, encouraging the slicer to join them - and Jai was never one to turn down a party.

The Naator mission team ended up going a little crazy during their pit stop on one of the planets in the nearest trading belt - apparently, Jai observed, the Festival of Stars was more like the Festival of Drinking among the rebels. They grabbed everything from spicebrew to malts to drinks that Jai had never even heard of; and, of course, she made sure they grabbed as much Merenzane Gold as they could manage. Jai could only wonder just how much alcohol there would be at base once the other rebels returned from their missions as well, all surely having the same idea as her team.

By the time they returned to Yavin 4, evening was slowly closing in, and the hangar seemed far more crowded than usual - it would seem the partying was far too big for the confines of the mess hall, as the rebels took to setting up out here instead. The Naator team was already buzzing with impatience as the gunship settled on the tarmac, everyone waiting to jump out and join the party that had just begun over on the west side of the hangar. Everyone grabbed up the boxes of alcohol scattered across the ship - Jai made sure she grabbed at least one of the crates of Merenzane.

As she stepped off of the ship, Jai felt a warmth swelling in her chest, hearing her teammates chattering excitedly and the carefree voices of their fellow rebels drifting towards them from the west side. Back home, Jai and her brothers loved the Festival of Stars, and they almost always managed to convince Tillian and Vinis to let them run off amongst the crowds each evening rather than have them work at Vinis' shop in the market (or have them take advantage of the tourists' guards being down). When the three of them were out together, watching the performances other locals put on, hearing the excited chatter of people on the streets, climbing up on rooftops to watch the crowd with interest and awe, they were unstoppable. They always ended those evenings on the roof of their home, staying up into the wee hours of the mornings to watch all of the excitement - up there, they felt as if they were on top of the entire world.

Those were simpler times, before Tillian passed, before Jai's brother ran off with some unscrupulous stranger, when they were still young and hopeful and without a care in the world. Jai missed those days and missed what her family used to be. The holiday didn't feel the same after they lost Tillian, and by the time her brother left, the festival was practically nonexistent to her - they could never go back to the dream of their childhood, and Jai had come to accept that. But as she walked through the hangar with her excited teammates, each with a bit of a skip in their steps, Jai felt as if this could start a new festival tradition for her, one that, though not the same as that of her past, would be just as good. This was the next chapter of her life, and with the next chapter came new things to love and be excited about.

Another half a dozen or so ships had pulled into the hangar after the Naator team, all landing on the opposite end of the hangar from where the enlivened rebels were setting up drinks and tables. Jai was about halfway to her destination when she looked back towards the new ships, but they were too far off for her to immediately identify any of them. Beside her, the team leader, Kinall, asked Jai if she felt steady enough to take another box of alcohol on top of the one she already had - Kinall had to head up to Command to report to her superior about the mission. Jai gave a histrionic sigh, but agreed to take the second crate, readjusting her grip on the box of Merenzane Gold before Kinall set the second box atop it. The captain spun around to head towards the turbolift, Jai watching her walk off while she ensured her grip was steady before continuing towards the party.

"I think you have a drinking problem." a voice teased noncommittally from somewhere behind Jai, causing a smile to pull across her face as she rolled her eyes. Turning around carefully so as not to drop anything, she spotted Cassian and K-2SO approaching her, looking as if they, too, had just returned from a mission. Cassian had a teasing smirk on his lips, and yet the expression didn't even remotely reach his eyes; and, though Kay was expressionless, he still somehow seemed eternally judgmental.

"My only drinking problem is that I haven't had enough yet to deal with you." Jai retorted, looking past Cassian at all the other rebels that had come back from their various missions, wondering briefly if Cassian had gone with a team or if his job had been solo.

Nearly everyone returned with something in hand, most of which Jai was sure had to be booze, though unsurprisingly, Cassian was empty handed.

For another moment, Jai watched the other rebels as most of them walked in her direction, though she noted the few that quickly made their way for the turbolift instead, heads down and expressions distraught. Must have been a sour mission that dampened their mood.

Jai looked between Cassian and the two crates she carried as they began to feel even heavier, "Help a girl out, would you?"

Cassian glanced with disinterest at the boxes in her arms, though Jai could now recognize the waggish glint on his face that, once again, didn't quite seem to reach his eyes, "You look like you've got a handle on it."

She gave him a small glare before turning her eyes up towards K-2SO, but before Jai could say anything, the droid spoke, "Don't assume I'll help you with it."

Jai scoffed, "Such gentlemen…"

She and Cassian met eyes again as he gave a tired, agreeing grin, stepping up to take the top box from her, Jai's arms immediately feeling relieved at the lightened load. As she turned back around for them to head toward the tables, she eyed Cassian curiously, noticing that his posture seemed exhausted and his face worn.

"What, didn't bring anything for the party?" The man looked back at her, his expression a little less amused than before. His lips seemed to press tightly together for a slight second. There was something on his mind, that much Jai could discern, but she was certain that Cassian would avoid mentioning it.

"I have no interest in parties."

Jai shouldn't have been at all surprised by the answer. Of course Cassian wasn't the party going type - he preferred his brooding to having a good time. Ever since their night of drinking two months back, Jai hadn't been able to get him to do so since. Sure, Cassian had a drink here or there that she knew of, but the two haven't since sat down and dedicated a couple of hours to simply drinking and chatting as freely and carelessly as they had back then. That evening caused a shift in their relationship, even if by this point they couldn't exactly remember all of that night.

They were friends now, even if Cassian refused to ever say so out loud. That didn't mean they saw each other everyday nor did they have the chances to make great efforts to spend time together, however, they could both feel it in the way they talked, the way they seemed to feel more at ease with one another, the way they simply seemed to fit together.

Jai had somehow convinced Cassian to spend meals with her and her other friends in the mess hall on a few rare occasions, and when she wasn't busy with something Jai wandered her way to Cassian's ship or up to the control room to take some time to chat with him if she knew he was around base. Neither had been back to the other's dorm, however - that evening months ago was a strange exception, and without saying so they both had a feeling that the next time that happened, it'd be very different from that time before.

Jai liked Cassian - most of the time, she was pretty sure she knew it was just as a friend, but every now and again she caught herself looking at him a certain way, looking at him with a warmth in her chest that she didn't feel often enough to be able to surely identify it. It didn't linger all too often, but when it did it wasn't easy to ignore; Jai could tell herself it was the kind of warmth one felt for a friend, but then she'd catch herself admiring him too closely or getting lost somewhere in her head if someone mentioned his name, and she knew there was no way this warmth was simply one of friendship.

It wasn't a crush - that word certainly felt too juvenile to describe whatever this was. Jai simply saw it as the part of her that got caught up in the "what ifs" - what if we met in a different way in a different place, what if we weren't in this rebellion, what if he wasn't so guarded and distant? The "what ifs" were casual and non committal - they weren't real wants or desires, Jai told herself. They were simple considerations that passed through her mind as if they were foolish impulses, like those pesky voices that asked "what if you just shocked yourself with one of your tools to see what would happen" or "what if you went and jumped out of a ship without taking any precautions?"

And this was a ship that Jai had no intention of jumping out of - it was better if it all just stayed up in her head. She didn't dare let herself wonder if Cassian ever had those random intrusive thoughts - he struck her as the kind of guy who simply didn't have the time for intrusive thoughts. Even when he wasn't busy, his mind was at work, and there was no room for useless thinking as far as she could tell.

So, the fact that Cassian didn't do parties was something Jai could have guessed about him - just like useless thoughts, Cassian didn't seem to have time for useless events either. Though, it was still disappointing to hear from him, because Jai saw Cassian as someone that was in desperate need of some lighthearted fun every now and again.

Jai hummed as they set the crates atop a table full of alcohol of all varieties, other rebels already swarming to grab some for themselves, "That's a shame, I really could use someone to help me drink all this Merenzane."

As she grinned at Cassian, Jai snagged a bottle of her favorite drink before they could all disappear. Cassian glanced at the bottle before his eyes flicked back up to meet Jai's for a moment with a raised brow; he looked behind himself at Kay as if he could get Cassian out of this party, but the damned droid had already retreated with disinterest.

"You'll have to find another drinking partner, Jai." He replied plainly… no, it wasn't plain, he sounded exhausted; he knew, though, that the woman almost surely wasn't going to accept his answer. Jai was persistent when she wanted to be, and something about Cassian always seemed to make her more tenacious than she usually was. Cassian discovered that, apparently, after making some passing comment to someone about Jai's persistence, she was never so stubborn with others, as his comment surprised the rebel he was talking to. She must have reserved all of that tiresome stubbornness for him and him alone. Upon discovering that, Cassian repeatedly had to stop himself from overthinking what that meant.

Cassian could tell from the look in Jai's eyes that she was about to attempt to persuade him to stay for a little while, and he could also see that she was hoping that she'd succeed. Giving her his own resolute look, Cassian turned his shoulder and started walking out of the crowd of other rebels.

"You know you can relax every now and again." Jai's voice chimed up from right alongside him; she sounded caring, as if she wasn't simply asking for his company, but asking for him to be at ease for once, "Maybe a party would be good for you."

"I think not." He glanced down at her. His tone nor his expression were either harsh or dismissive, but that weariness Jai spotted earlier seemed almost more present in his eyes, "I have to go debrief with Draven."

Jai couldn't argue with that particular point, knowing it to be true, though she was sure a debriefing couldn't take up much of his time. She sighed a little through her nose as she looked down at the Merenzane she was carrying. Something seemed to be bothering Cassian, or maybe this last mission was just so draining that he couldn't commit himself to socializing.

"Come back down for one drink?" She tried one final time, seeing the consideration on Cassian's face when she looked back toward him.

A part of Cassian wanted to say yes. Despite how awful he felt, and despite his complete lack of interest in the Festival of Stars, a part of him wanted to agree to a drink with some good company. He began to consider that maybe a drink is exactly what his drained heart needed right now, what his weathered mind could use. Though he wasn't keen on joining a pointless party, Cassian felt some kind of pull towards spending time with Jai, especially given the way she looked at him with such hopefulness. Whether that be because he was fond of her or because he knew he had something important to say to her, he wasn't sure.

After all these months, Jai had become a friend, though her tactics were relatively new ones to him - any time she was told "Cassian doesn't do this" or "Cassian doesn't like that," she blatantly did whatever those things were to challenge them, to test them and see if they were true or if simply no one else dared to try to get any closer to him.

Cassian would have expected himself to become annoyed by Jai's persistence, but despite himself he found that he respected it, found that he even came to genuinely like it - because he kept so many people at arm's length, he was refreshed by Jai's resolve to get to know him, to be his friend and to see him open up. Sure, Jai's disregard for his space could occasionally be a pain in his ass, but more often than not it turned out to be exactly what Cassian needed in a companion, in a friend, in… well, he didn't want to consider what she could be beyond a friend.

Jai raised one brow as a grin spread across her lips - Cassian's silent consideration was a promising reaction, she had come to learn. The silence meant he was interested in her offer, at least to some degree, he just simply didn't want to admit so. As he recognized the look on Jai's face, Cassian sighed with an indignant roll of his eyes.

He lifted his index finger between them for emphasis, "One drink."

Jai's smile grew wider as she motioned with her head towards the turbolift, hoping her smile would help lift some of that obvious stress off of his shoulders, "Go take care of your debriefing, captain."

The trace of a sad smile pulled at Cassian's face as he turned away from the woman to make his retreat. Jai watched him go with a content expression, eyeing her friend closely until finally the doors of the lift closed, only catching at the very last second that there appeared to be some kind of a sadness in his eyes.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Jai had a feeling Cassian was going to flake on her.

Captain Kinall from Jai's mission already returned to the hangar, and the woman had gone up to command only a few minutes before Cassian. She'd been back long enough to finish one drink, and Jai found herself wondering if Cassian's debriefing had run over, or if he changed his mind and went back to his dorm without telling her.

She shouldn't be upset at him. It felt childish, this anxiety that bubbled in Jai's chest as she considered why Cassian didn't show. If he didn't want to join her for a drink, then so be it - she shouldn't let herself get upset over that, it was far too out of character.

But a small, nagging part of Jai was, at the very least, disappointed - despite how uneventful their conversations could be sometimes, she nonetheless was looking forward to getting some time with Cassian tonight. She always looked forward to even the briefest of minutes she got to see him.

Jai sat at one of the tables dragged out for the party, Abe and Miona across from her, and beside her another doctor named Pek. For what felt like the hundredth time, Miona was encouraging Abe to talk to another rebel that he fancied, and Pek was telling Miona and Jai to stop pestering him about it.

Of all the twi'leks Jai had met through the years, Abe was by far the most peculiar - the twi'leks back on Kafrene always seemed bold, fearless, and without any hesitation, but Abe was constantly getting caught up in his own head, always questioning and calculating everything before coming to any decision. It's what Jai found charming about him; the fact that he shared that quality with her younger brother is what drew her to Abe in the first place.

"Jai," Miona's voice stressed, drawing her friend from her daze - stupidly, Jai had been staring at the turbolift and once more got caught up wondering where Cassian was. Jai quickly collected herself, looking around the table, "Tell Abe he just needs to go talk to Chiri."

Jai could see Pek and Abe both roll their eyes, and the slicer gave a half-assed grin, "Abe, tonight is kind of the perfect night to go for it, what could go wrong?"

"I'm not going to make an idiot of myself trying to flirt with anyone." Abe argued nervously, looking tired to be having this conversation yet again.

Jai shrugged noncommittally, lifting her glass to her lips, "Then stop ogling her every time you see her - she might start to notice you."

Miona laughed good-naturedly, setting her hand on Abe's forearm as reassurance.

"Leave him alone, you guys." Pek rolled her eyes at them, giving Jai a little jab with her elbow, "We've had this conversation a thousand times already."

Jai gave her friend a nudge back, the corner of her mouth pulled up slightly, "Fine, fine, I promise no more talking about Chiri."

"You don't make promises." Miona scoffed around the rim of her glass.

Jai paused before nodding in agreement, raising her glass, "You got me there."

Jai's eyes drifted back toward the turbolift, and she mentally reprimanded herself for it - she shouldn't let Cassian trouble her. It was a stupid thing to keep focusing on; she was here with her friends, so why let one man's disinterested agreement to make an appearance linger in her thoughts?

A minute later, the turbolift doors opened, and dumbly Jai perked up a little, only to be immediately let down when she saw it wasn't Cassian. She hoped the others didn't notice her.

She sighed a little through her nose, knocking back the rest of the Merenzane in her glass in one swift swig before she started chewing on the inside of her lip, her brows pulled into a slight glare as she started down at her empty glass.

This was stupid. Why did she get herself excited for Cassian in the first place? They were friends, but they weren't that close. And yet, Jai felt a distinct fondness, a feeling of closeness despite knowing they weren't that. It was that draw she felt to him, the one stirred up when she started thinking "what if" again - it was the things in her head overriding what was going on in reality. She just needed to relax and have another drink, and the rebel captain would be forgotten for the remainder of the evening.

And yet… Jai felt some distinct pull to the man this evening, something she couldn't shake. It had to have been that look in his eyes earlier - Cassian looked exhausted despite putting up at least a decent front of impassivity, he looked downcast despite trying to make jokes to keep Jai off his scent. Maybe she should have read his body language better - he was probably so drained from whatever his latest job was, both emotionally and physically, that there was no way he could try to take part in socializing tonight.

'I don't think he's okay.' The thought suddenly struck Jai, though she tried to dismiss it as being her own anxiety just creating extra worry. Cassian was probably as fine as one could be after a rough mission, he just didn't care about this party. But then again, he seemed more off than usual earlier, like he was not entirely there despite trying to pretend he was.

Jai came back to reality again, looking around the table at her friends, wondering if they had noticed just how long she'd been silent. Miona seemed to give her a look of at least recognition that she had zoned out, but it wasn't a knowing expression as if she could figure out what was on Jai's mind. Jai sighed a little, glancing at her glass again before pushing up from the table without entirely thinking about it.

"I need another drink." The group's eyes drew toward her, and Abe lifted his own glass and shook it a little.

"Grab another for me, too?"

Jai nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure she'd be back to the table any time soon; but she didn't want them being suspicious about her disappearance, at least not from the get-go. As her friends returned to their discussion, Jai glanced back towards the turbolift as she started walking away - she knew she had herself convinced that something wasn't right, and now there was no shaking that though. Her legs carried her toward one of the tables full of drinks, but as she glanced down at it, she had no interest in refilling her glass.

Jai sighed - it looked like she was going to search for the rebel captain after all.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cassian wasn't sure when he had zoned out or how long he had been sitting still as a statue on the edge of his bed, but a knock at his door drew him out of his daze. As he blinked rapidly a few times, the knocking sounded again - how long had someone been at his door? Cassian's eyes drifted toward it, staring weakly - he was too exhausted to deal with anyone right now, and there wasn't anything that could be that important right now.

"Cassian." A voice sounded from the other side, causing his brows to perk and his back to straighten in recognition - Jai. She came looking for him, much to his own surprise.

When he agreed to return to the hangar, he was still on the fence about whether or not he'd even show, about whether or not he wanted to tell Jai what was on his mind. When he returned to his room to clean up after his meeting with Draven, Cassian knew he didn't have the emotional energy to put up with a crowd, even if it were just for a few minutes. He figured Jai would be content with her friends and forget all about asking him to show up, but evidently his assumption was false.

Cassian pushed his elbows off of his bare knees, staring at the door again as he sighed, deciding whether or not he even wanted to get up. Jai's knocking had stopped - did she give up? Despite himself, Cassian felt a certain disappointment, imagining Jai sighing on the opposite side of his door and walking away in defeat - maybe he wanted to talk to her, maybe he wanted some company. No, he wasn't the type that ever wanted someone around, especially not when he felt like shit as he was feeling tonight. Yet, something in him wanted to let Jai in.

Cassian rose to his feet while pushing his damp hair off of his forehead, hurrying to his small closet to dig out a pair of sweatpants, which he stumbled his legs into as he made for the door. As one hand finished pulling them up, the other snatched his discarded jacket from where he'd dropped it onto the floor.

He stuck his head out the door, seeing that Jai had, in fact, begun to retreat down the hall. For a moment, he simply stared at the back of her head, wondering what exactly he wanted - should he let her go, or should he call out to her? Why did he even go to his door to begin with? And why did he feel this craving for company somewhere in his chest, a craving for Jai's company?

"Jai?" His voice was quieter than he expected, and Cassian wondered if the slicer even heard him. But she paused and turned back, a small grin on her face as her eyes fell on the man that was halfway out in the hall. Upon spotting his damn hair and semi-bare chest, Jai looked Cassian up and down while he finished jerking the jacket over his shoulders; she quirked a brow slightly before looking back at his face while approaching.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up." She teased, making a joke out of the very real disappointment that she had been feeling earlier. As she paused in front of him, though, Jai noticed the conflict in Cassian's expression that had been there all night.

"… I thought about it." He admitted while looking into his room, silently leading Jai back inside. Just like before, she looked around the space, noticing this time though that there was a trail of discarded clothes leading towards the refresher. Her eyes turned back up toward Cassian, who stood between his bed and his closet, his head turned in consideration, as if deciding whether to face her or turn away, whether to remain on his feet or sit down. Despite the man giving no real clues, Jai knew there was something off about Cassian tonight, she just couldn't put her finger on why that was.

The two were quiet for a nearly uncomfortable length of time, Cassian's back still turned to her as they both stood dumbly in the middle of the room. So, Jai thought, she had been right to come looking for him, though she felt bad for her immature worry over why he didn't show.

"So, I take it you don't want that drink tonight." Jai finally said in a somewhat serious tone, though the answer was already obvious. She moved to take a seat on the couch, eyes still watching Cassian attentively as he finally turned to face her. He didn't have to say anything, Jai saw in his expression the confirmation she needed - it wasn't a good night. He was no longer putting up the front he had on down in the hangar as the two stared at each other for another long beat, Cassian hoping that he simply looked tired rather than distraught. But the observant shine in Jai's eyes made it clear to Cassian that he had been figured out.

Jai bit the inside of her cheek, wondering what she should say next - she never was one for serious conversations, especially when she knew the topic was something unideal. She especially wasn't prepared to have one with Cassian, and she wondered why the hell the man let her into his room - he wasn't the type who'd want to share an upsetting conversation with just anyone. Should she just go and leave him be?

"What happened?" Jai heard herself ask without thinking, her brow furrowed in worry. Another long silence stretched out between them; Cassian stared into Jai's eyes for a moment, but eventually looked down at his bare feet, hands resting on his hips as he let out a small sigh.

"It's nothing." He said, his tone nearly convincing - it would have convinced someone else to drop the subject, but Jai could see that this wasn't nothing, and she was never one to immediately give up, especially not with Cassian. Jai nodded while looking away, though she didn't accept his answer. Her eyes fell on the trail of clothes again as she considered.

"Look, I'm shit at this, but… do you need to talk about it?" She turned her gaze back toward Cassian, who was motionless as his tired eyes continued to look at her with reservation. Cassian knew he needed to tell her. Sure, Jai would have heard about this eventually, he already knew the information would make its rounds tomorrow - she should just wait till then. But something about it still nagged at him, something that felt as if it were important for him to discuss it with her now before it was too late. He had to be the one to tell her. it wouldn't be right if she heard it from anyone else, but he didn't know how he'd do it.

Finally, he shook his head slowly, his jaw tight as practiced authority briefly lit his eyes, though it only lingered for a moment. Jai in return gave a disheartened nod, pushing herself back up to her feet as her eyes continued to search Cassian's doleful face, her own worry evident in her expression.

As she took one defeated step towards the door, though, Cassian found himself taking a step forward as well, causing Jai to pause and look back at him. For a moment, Cassian sucked in his lips as he studied the woman's expression. There was yet again another long silence between them as they stared into each other's eyes unblinking.

Finally, Cassian took a deep breath, his voice quiet, "It's Gar."

Immediately, Jai's eyes widened with worry, nearly gasping as she inhaled through her nose - once she started to realize how dire Cassian's mood was, she feared that this was something she wouldn't want to hear, and the dread of that suddenly weighed heavily in her stomach.

If Gar was… Jai didn't even want to think the word. If he was, then that would be the first Rebellion casualty that would leave a mark on her heart. Jai knew others had passed in her six months as a rebel technician, but none of them she knew - though Jai tried to be at the very least friendly with each person that crossed her path, she knew only a sliver of the people on Yavin 4.

She wasn't like Cassian - she didn't feel connected to every single person here, she didn't feel weighed down every time another rebel didn't return home, she didn't let those losses linger. So many had been lost and Jai simply accepted it while moving on, knowing it came with the territory and finding it hard to feel anything when she didn't even know the person.

But Gar? A man who had been a boss and a mentor to her, who had been nearly a brotherly figure as of recent? She almost didn't want to hear what Cassian would say next.

Jai didn't even feel her feet move beneath her as she closed the distance between her and Cassian, pausing only a few inches in front of him as her wide eyes stared up into his. Those dark eyes were practically begging him to not utter what she feared, begging him to say he was just pulling her leg. But Cassian's downcast expression didn't change as he stared back at her.

"We got separated," Cassian started, his voice a dismal monotone, "The Empire got to him and Halu before we could."

Jai's next breath came out shaky, her wide eyes dropping to stare at Cassian's chest, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of losing her composure. Her mouth hung open slightly as she tried to process the information, but she could feel herself trembling as the grief started to creep in. Her hands began to wring at her sides, eyes slowly beginning to water. But tears didn't fall as she tried to blink them away - no, even in her worst moments, Jai had always been good about holding them back, about reeling herself in before she became a complete mess. The last time she cried in front of anyone was the day Tillian died. And just like what happened that day, what happened to Gar was completely out of Jai's control, and that silent mantra is what kept her even slightly stable as she stood here now, even if she knew that stability was only temporary.

Jai found herself warily looking up into Cassian's face again, a part of her desperate to reach out to him, but she continued to stand there stiffly, feeling her body ache suddenly as if she'd just run a marathon, exhausted and ready to collapse.

Cassian, though still obviously feeling that deep disappointment, had had at least some time to accept what happened - the ship ride back to Yavin 4 gave him and his team some time to mourn. As a captain, he had to be the grounding strength for everyone else whenever missions went awry, and having to do that through the years helped him develop his own means of coping with distress. But staring down at Jai as she tried to process the information, dealing with the emotions of a loss one-on-one rather than with a team, threatened to turn his exhaustion back into grief.

Silently, Cassian reached out to set a light hand on Jai's wrist, his pinky barely resting in her palm, but his touch caused her to start in surprise and jerk back from him. Her eyes widened a little as she met his stare, taking in another deep, shuttered breath as she tried to calm herself, holding her arm in her other hand as if Cassian's delicate touch had burned her. Slowly, she turned away and dropped down to sit on Cassian's bed as if she couldn't hold herself up any longer, her shoulders sagging and her head hanging lowly to hide her face from Cassian.

Jai never liked to be touched when she was emotional, ever since she was a kid she shied from it - if someone ever tried to offer her comfort, it often opened up the floodgates, and the last thing she wanted was to be blubbering in anyone's arms. Before she could even think about letting someone comfort her or talk to her about what she was feeling, Jai first had to deal with the pain herself, and if that meant running from the comfort of others, then so be it. And despite that part of her that wanted to reach out, that wanted to cling to the person nearest to her, Jai couldn't bring herself to do it - being so raw and vulnerable in front of anyone else terrified her.

Cassian stared at Jai knowingly, studying her pained expression as he felt his own fatigue from the day rising up again. He hesitated to move, even if it was to walk to his couch or to the seat in his kitchen - he didn't want to startle Jai again. So, once more, he stood stock-still, watching and waiting patiently.

A few long minutes passed in thick silence before Jai suddenly stood and darted into Cassian's refresher with barely any time for him to process that she had jumped up. His concerned eyes lingered on the closed door briefly before he finally started moving again, his knees feeling stiff as he walked to his kitchenette for a glass of water. He sighed as he chugged it down, having not realized how dry his mouth was beginning to feel.

He couldn't have anticipated that he'd feel so awful having to tell Jai what happened - Cassian had dealt with loss through the years, and had dealt with telling others about loss more times than he could count. Though it never necessarily got any easier, Cassian had grown accustomed to being the bearer of bad news, to seeing his fellow rebels mourn. And yet, something about this last time hurt more than it should have, something in Jai's eyes stung unexpectedly when she pulled away from him.

Jai had done something to him, though Cassian couldn't quite say what that was. Some time between their last night alone together and this one, Cassian started to feel something unfamiliar for the woman, and that something made it so much harder to see her broken and despairing, retreating from his touch and hiding on the opposite side of the door from him. Cassian was surprised to find that he wished he could be right there by Jai's side and consoling her as she mourned.

Despite himself, Cassian hated that he had to tell Jai, though he also couldn't have allowed anyone else to tell her. It had to be him, that much he knew, but that only made it somehow hurt more when he watched her face crumble.

Cassian refilled his glass and shuffled back towards his bed, taking a long sip of water once he sat down. His eyes drifted back towards the refresher door as he set the cup aside, feeling a pull to rise back to his feet and check on Jai. But he knew better than to try - he had to leave her be. For all he cared, Jai could keep herself locked up in his refresher all damn night, and he still wouldn't disturb her.

Once Cassian had finished his second glass of water, he looked down at the jacket he had quickly thrown on when Jai knocked at his door, slowly pulling it off of himself and dropping it in the pile of dirty clothes he stripped off earlier, wanting to simply lie back, let out a deep sigh, and close his eyes for a while. But as his gaze lingered on the pile that sat just before the refresher door, he tiredly pushed himself to his feet, knowing he shouldn't leave it there for Jai to accidentally trip over on her way out. He quickly hid all his dirty clothes away and retrieved a fresh tank top, hearing the door open behind him just as he had pulled it over his head.

Cassian turned to look at Jai as he pulled the shirt down his torso, noticing immediately that she wasn't looking at his face but rather at his chest, even if for a split second. Though there were bags under her tired eyes, Jai looked a little more refreshed - he could tell she had been crying and that she tried to clean herself up to hide the evidence of it. Her face and hairline were damp from splashing water onto her skin, and her eyes even had a different quality to them now. Through their tiredness, her eyes looked a little brighter and clearer - maybe she was trying to shove away any pain she was feeling. But her energy, too, had shifted, and Cassian felt a little less rigid than before - he was reminded that this wasn't the first loss Jai had dealt with, and it looked as if she had found a way of coping with the pain life threw at her.

The two stared at one another once more, studying the other's expression thoughtfully. Jai gave Cassian a weak, cagey smile, one that made the sadness in her eyes a touch more obvious - he suspected the look was to reassure herself rather than him. She let out a slight sigh and finally stepped back into the room, slowly approaching Cassian, once more coming to a pause only about a foot in front of him. She looked down while licking her dry lips, her eyes darting back and forth as if she were searching for the words that clearly wanted to leave her mouth.

Her eyes finally met his again through her lashes, "… Thanks for telling me." Her voice was quiet, and Cassian's brows rose a little at the words, "I wouldn't want to hear it from anyone else."

Cassian felt an unexpected stutter in his chest before he spoke slowly, his tone as quiet as hers, "I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to tell you."

Jai gave a slight nod in understanding as she looked down again, her eyes falling onto one of Cassian's hands as his thumb slid across the pads of his fingers edgily. She reached out and grabbed his hand firmly, drawing Cassian's surprised eyes down to their point of contact as well. Neither of them moved for a few long moments until finally Cassian gave Jai's fingers a reassuring squeeze. A faint sad smile ghosted across her lips again as she looked back up at his face, studying his features fondly, and despite how emotional they both were, Cassian nonetheless felt a warmth stir in his chest thanks to the look Jai was giving him.

"Draven wants me to tell your department tomorrow." Cassian started as his eyes returned to linger on their joined hands, "Chase is going to take over as supervisor."

Jai nodded, pushing down the lump that dared to rise in her throat again, "Chase'll be great, Gar trained her well."

Cassian turned his warm eyes back up to Jai's face, surveying her expression carefully as he thought, "Do you want to take tomorrow off?"

"No," she gave him a quick, reassuring smile and a shake of her head, and Cassian wasn't sure if he was imagining it or if Jai did move a touch closer, "I'll be better if I keep busy. I don't need you treating me any different than the rest of the hangar techs."

Her words weren't accusatory but thankful and appreciative that Cassian even asked her the question - if Jai needed evidence that Cassian had any interest in her, that was it. Cassian showing that kind of care to her eliminated any doubt Jai had regarding their friendship.

Jai squeezed Cassian's hand before slowly pulling away, her fingers gliding across his almost as if she didn't want to let go. Cassian's fingers clenched slightly, finding that he suddenly missed her touch. Jai took a single step back, sighing as she looked around the room while in thought.

"I should go." Her tone nearly contradicted her words, as if she disdained to even say them. But she was drained from the news about Gar, and she was certain that Cassian was as well - they both could use some good rest. She took another couple of steps before turning on her heel, and once more Cassian found himself taking a step forward.

"You could stay." Jai's eyes turned back to meet his, a questioning look in them. Cassian's expression was softer than she'd ever seen it, "Maybe we could both use the company."

A contented smile spread across Jai's lips, a warmth rising in her chest that helped to ease some of the pain that had been weighing on her just minutes prior.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cassian awoke to the sound of blankets ruffling and Jai breathing unevenly. He wasn’t sure what time it was or what time the two had finally fallen asleep, but without checking the clock he was almost certain it was very early morning. Cassian had been a light sleeper almost his entire life, so although Jai’s movements probably would not have disturbed most people, she was just loud enough for his ears to prick up and notice.

Though the room was nearly pitch black, when he turned his head Cassian could tell Jai was still on the couch where he had left her, having not heard her rise from it. He insisted, once he started to see how tired Jai was, that she take his bed, but she just as adamantly argued that his cramped little couch would be fine, seeing as she was shorter so it would be less uncomfortable for her. Though Cassian tried to argue, he knew Jai wouldn’t budge, so at the very least he gave her his good blanket, hoping it would be some comfort to her.

For a minute, he simply lied still listening -- after Jai’s initial movement, which must have been her sitting up and rearranging, she hardly made a sound. If it weren’t for her uneven breathing, Cassian would have suspected that she had fallen back asleep; but those uneven breaths were shaky, as if the loss of Gar was coming right back up and threatening to wear so deeply at her mind that she couldn’t sleep again.

Cassian debated whether or not to say something, whether or not he should sit up and ask if she wanted to talk, wanted some kind of comfort. Maybe she had a nightmare that roused her, and maybe she’d simply want to be left alone; but maybe this time she’d want to talk to him.

As he heard Jai shift around again, as if fighting to find a comfortable position but to no avail, Cassian finally spoke up, his voice thick with sleep, “Jai.”

He heard the slightest of surprised noises escape her, and if he were looking Cassian was sure the startled look on Jai’s face might be mildly comical.

“I’m sorry,” Jai whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Cassian propped himself onto his elbows to look in her direction, though because of the darkness he still could only just make out Jai’s silhouette, “I’m a light sleeper. You alright?”

“Fine…” Her tone wasn’t entirely convincing, but at least she didn’t sound as sad as Cassian feared she would -- she just sounded tired, “Just woke up suddenly. Must’ve been something in my dream, I guess.”

Cassian could see the way Jai slumped down a little, again making a feeble attempt at getting comfortable, “Or maybe your body’s protesting against the couch.”

Jai let out a huffed laugh, rolling her eyes, “My back does suddenly feel like it’s aged a couple of decades.”

Cassian sat upright, and he could feel Jai’s eyes trying to make out his silhouette in the darkness as well. As he grinned at Jai’s response, he stared in her general direction for a couple of moments, “Let’s trade.”

“You think your back will manage any better on this thing?” Her voice sounded humored by the suggestion, “Stay put, Andor.”

Cassian nearly laughed as he started to push himself out of the bed, retrieving his glass from the bedside table while shuffling towards the kitchen, which supplied the one small bit of light into the room from an emergency light that sat on the wall above the bar between the kitchen and the rest of the living space.

“I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep again too soon.” He said while refilling his cup. Turning back to the room, he could make Jai out a little better now that he was closer, and he held the glass in her direction, “Thirsty?”

Without answering, Jai lifted herself off the couch and padded over towards Cassian, circling the bar to retrieve the glass from his outstretched hand while leaning her hip against the counter. Cassian mirrored her position, though he rested some of his weight on his palm atop the bar as well as he stared into her face. Cassian could now make out her features just a little thanks to the faint light and their proximity to one another -- the outlines of her nose and lips, the slight glint of the light reflecting in her eyes. He looked down at her throat as he heard her swallow back nearly the entire glass of water.

Jai felt Cassian watching her far too closely, and yet she didn’t feel as uncomfortable under his gaze as she normally would have. As she set the cup carefully on the counter, she, too, stared up at him, trying to make out as much of his face as possible in the minimal lighting. Silence lingered between them as they stood there, neither having anything to say.

Though he could see her arm move from where it was crossed with the other, Cassian still jumped just slightly when he felt Jai’s hand slide over his, her thumb faintly rubbing circles on the outside of his wrist. He glanced down at their connected hands before finding the glint of her eyes again.

“Thank you, again, Cass.” Just like the first time, the gentle delivery of the unexpected nickname caused a shiver to work it’s way up Cassian’s spine. He hoped Jai didn’t notice.

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” He answered in a similarly quiet tone, tilting his head down slightly; he couldn’t help but feel guilty about what happened to Gar. The expert technician rarely went into the field anymore, but Cassian allowed him to go on this mission because the man showed interest. If Cassian had just told him no, Gar would still be here. Jai had no reason to thank him a second time, let alone the first time from earlier in the evening.

All of Cassian’s attention briefly focused on where Jai’s thumb still brushed delicately against his skin -- how was it possible that the touch simultaneously calmed him and made his heart beat just a little louder in his ears?

Jai shrugged, attempting to speak jocularly, “You didn’t give me shit about crying in your ‘fresher and you let me stay here -- that’s worth some thanks.”

Cassian couldn’t help the small step forward he took, moving in even closer to Jai than he already was -- something about the dismissiveness of her earlier upset bothered him, “Your feelings are not a joke, Jai.”

The seriousness of his tone took Jai by surprise, causing her to look up at him curiously, though Cassian couldn’t quite make out the expression in the darkness. He could tell her eyes were burning into him, and he stared right back with just as much weight. He found his mind focusing back on her hand atop his -- Jai’s thumb had already stopped moving, but it felt as if her grip tightened just slightly. In that same moment, Cassian became acutely aware of how close he had moved to her, how he felt an almost static energy bouncing between them. Without her saying so, Cassian knew Jai felt it as well.

Jai lightly exhaled through her nose, her next words taking Cassian by surprise, “If someone asked me six months ago if I’d ever care about you, Cassian, I would have laughed in their face.”

Jai could see the faint light bounce off of Cassian’s teeth as he smiled unexpectedly at the remark, causing a grin to pull across her own lips. Cassian considered her for just a moment with fondness, “If someone had asked me, I would have done the same thing.”

The admissions caused them both to laugh smally, but it also felt like another spark of static surged between them. They stared at each other for another brief beat before Jai dropped her gaze to the darkness between them, feeling her heart beating far too heavily against her chest. Little did she know that Cassian’s heart was pounding just as quickly.

Did he understand the full weight of the meaning in her confession? Did she? Jai was surprised by her own admission, by the way her heart drummed in her ears, by this sudden need to lean into the man before her. The pull she felt towards Cassian seemed so much more palpable then it had been before, as if she could no longer keep it at bay; Jai knew she was doomed to succumb to that unfamiliar fluttery sensation in her stomach.

She called on her courage that felt as if it were trying to evade her, her voice coming out quieter and even hesitant as she looked up through her lashes, though thanks to the dark Cassian didn’t notice, “… I probably care about you more than I should.”

A weight felt as if it dropped in Cassian’s stomach, the confession seeming to echo between his ears as his heart drummed off-rhythm against his rib cage. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared intensely and unblinkingly at Jai, feeling his free hand twitch with some unfamiliar need to reach towards her, as if he still had to search for something to clarify what her words meant.

He realized then exactly what it was that had been building up inside of him, what these nerves were that only seemed to pop up when Jai was around. Cassian had had an understanding of what he was beginning to feel towards Jai, but in the past he was able to suppress it and shove it aside, to pretend it was unimportant, that it would pass. With the woman in question standing here mere inches before him, owning up to her own feelings, his weren’t quite as easy to ignore.

Cassian dipped his head, hoping it would draw Jai to look back up towards him as he leaned a little closer in search of her gaze. He understood exactly what Jai had meant, and yet he wanted to ask her, to hear the explanation exactly as she meant it to be understood. He wanted to hear it straight from her lips.

Jai continued to stare up at Cassian through her lashes, her stomach knotting when he moved in closer to her. If either of them moved any further, she would be leaning into him, her forehead pressed to his cheek, losing all traces of distance between their bodies. Despite trying to keep herself together, Jai’s breath came out in a waver that she tried to control, and she knew there was no way Cassian could have missed it.

In a brief moment of confidence, Jai slid her hand from it’s spot atop Cassian’s, fingertips slowly gliding over his forearm and securing a grip on his bicep. In the same second that she gave his upper arm a slight squeeze, as if to assure herself that he was really right there in front of her and that this conversation was really happening, Cassian’s hand steadily reached up and found a secure hold at the nape of her neck, his fingers twisting delicately in her dark locks and pulling her head back. For a beat, they breathed in unison, a shared look of yearning in their eyes as Cassian briefly pressed his forehead to Jai’s, giving them both one last moment to consider what was about to happen.

And then their lips met frantically, noses bumping and teeth nearly clashing together, neither certain who moved first as their need for one another took charge. Cassian’s lips were rough against her own, but the sharp taste of him drew a sigh from Jai’s throat, her free hand moving to grip the front of his t-shirt, pulling herself even closer as if he was her oxygen supply. Cassian’s tongue licked across her lower lip in a frenzied response, the heat of her body seeming to engulf him as she drew him nearer, her other hand jumping up to securely rest against his cheek.

Cassian’s arm wrapped around Jai’s narrow waist desperately, his palm pressing her flush against him while the fingers in her hair tightening their grip, twisting a little. An eager sound rumbled in his chest as he slipped his tongue between her lips, tangling with her own heatedly, feeling Jai grab at him with urgency, the scratch of her nails along his torso stirring a second moan from his throat.

As their kiss grew deeper, each feeling drunk off of the other, Cassian pressed forward until he had Jai’s back pinned against the bar, his hands snaking down her body with groping fingers that needed to feel every inch of her, his lips not straying from hers for even a second. When he found a secure grip on her ass, Cassian swiftly lifted Jai up onto the counter, causing a slight moan to escape her as he pressed himself against the warmth between her legs.

Jai’s fingers threaded messily into Cassian’s hair, nails scratching against his scalp as he finally pulled his mouth from hers, Jai gasping for air as he hardly paused for breath before starting to leave open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his teeth scraping hungrily against warm skin. He bit down lightly on the side of Jai’s neck, causing her to gasp and arch her back, the press of her breasts against his chest encouraging Cassian to nibble at her skin again before sucking it between his lips to leave a faint bruise. Jai let out another clipped moan as Cassian’s wandering hands squeezed her ass and pressed her forward against him as he gave a firm roll of his hips. His own shuddered groan muffled against Jai’s collarbone, his breath fiery hot on her skin.

Cassian worked his way back up to Jai’s mouth, nipping at her skin before finally crashing onto Jai’s waiting lips again. One of his hands trailed up her side, giving extra care to press firmly against her breast before continuing up to settle against her cheek, desperate to somehow pull her closer than she already was. Cassian pressed forward hungrily as Jai slipped her slick tongue back into his mouth with a smile pulling at her lips, leaning back under him until she finally let her weight fall onto her elbow. Cassian braced himself on his forearm as he continued to urge Jai down onto her back, the two moaning in unison as he gave another slow roll of his hips against her. As Jai lay flat on the counter, Cassian’s hand pulled away from her cheek, the delicate trailing of his fingers causing a shiver to travel up Jai’s spine as his hand found its way to her own. Jai desperately deepened the kiss as they laced their fingers together, slowly moving their joined hands above Jai’s head.

Their hands bumped into something that they didn’t spare a second thought for until it suddenly crashed down onto the floor, causing Jai to jolt up with a gasp, bumping into Cassian’s forehead before he could pull back from her.

“Shit.” He hissed in surprise, the hand that had been laced with Jai’s now pressed to his forehead. He continued to linger over Jai, the both of them trying to collect themselves and catch their breath, the air red hot between them. They met eyes, their breath mingling, and gently Cassian lowered his forehead to rest against Jai’s delicately, his hand finding a new resting place at the base of her neck.

Despite herself, a pure laugh sprang out of Jai, her amused smile wide as she closed her eyes, nearly embarrassed, “We broke your glass.”

A beaming smile crossed Cassian’s lips as well as he laughed, his nose brushing against Jai’s as he answered breathily, his accent thicker, “Doesn’t matter.”

He leaned forward to brush his lips against Jai’s briefly, pulling back far enough to look into her eyes again, his chest still heaving against hers. Slowly, he pushed himself up, his hands finding a resting place atop Jai’s thighs, his thumbs rubbing slow circles into the fabric of the sweatpants he let her borrow. For a moment longer, Jai stayed on her back, her hands sliding their way up Cassian’s forearms, fingertips pressing firmly into his skin as an eased smile tugged at her lips.

“Come here.” Cassian’s gentle yet commanding tone caused Jai’s middle to tighten with need, just the timbre of his voice alone causing her to let out a yearning sigh. Her hands secured around Cassian’s biceps again and used him as leverage to pull herself up, bringing her nose within centimeters of his as she sat up.

Cassian sighed contentedly, his breath brushing against Jai’s skin as he thought for a few long moments; he couldn’t find the words for any of his thoughts, so instead he pressed his lips tenderly to hers, one of his hands rising to cup her cheek affectionately. Once more, they pressed their foreheads together, mindlessly grazing their fingers along one another’s skin as they tried to collect themselves.

The longer Jai sat here and considered her current position, the more unexpected yet warming it became -- here she was, wrapped around Cassian Andor and feeling so completely at peace enveloped in his touch. She had considered in the past what this would be like, to be close to him and out of breath, to feel his lips against hers, to feel a heat twisting in her abdomen, but those daydreams were nothing like the reality. She had thought they would always remain daydreams, thoughts that passed her by not to be taken too seriously. Getting close to Cassian like this didn’t seem possible, and yet somehow here she was, high on his touch, drunk on his passionate eyes. Cassian, the man who didn’t like to get too close to anyone, whose best friend was a droid, who six months ago had vowed to distrust her… and he was standing here between her legs, his hold on her possessive and in want of more.

She wouldn’t say lucky was the right word, but Jai certainly felt satisfied as she and Cassian remained wrapped around one another.

Cassian finally took a step back from her, his fingers gliding along the top of Jai’s thighs and making her shiver. Her eyes had to readjust to the lack of lighting in the room, but she was sure she could see Cassian grinning fondly at her response to his touch.

His hands found hers as he took another step back, whispering, “Come on,” as he helped Jai hop down from the counter, the broken glass that had fallen to the floor somewhere completely forgotten -- he didn’t care enough to deal with it right now, he’d come back to it in the morning.

Cassian’s fingers lazily tangled with one of Jai’s hands, his eyes straining to find the glass shards on the floor so that neither of them stepped on something sharp. He carefully led Jai out of the kitchen, pausing in his cramped living space with the bed just a step behind him to look back at Jai with a tired smirk. Despite how close they were earlier, she felt her cheeks heat up, feeling the power of his gaze though she could no longer see it in the near-darkness. Cassian lightly tugged on Jai’s hand until she stepped closer, and she could feel Cassian’s free hand just hovering over her face until finally he set it on the base of her neck.

Cassian’s past fears and concerns about Jai crossed his mind as he held her in a comfortable and intimate silence -- he recalled their evening of drinking, when she first managed to send some kind of electric spark through him, when she first made him question the feelings going on inside of him. He had been so afraid to consider them and acknowledge them, because he knew what they meant -- he wanted to get close to someone, get close to her, despite all of his precautions through the years to avoid ever wanting that.

He realized that night two months ago that Jai would be trouble for him, but a completely different kind of trouble than what he had originally projected when they met. She was persistent with him, familiar with him, always making efforts with him -- no one had ever shown that exact combination of traits to him before. Jai had been throwing him for a loop for months now, and somehow she managed to wiggle her way into his heart, somehow slipping past all the emotional safeguards he built up through the years.

Cassian used to be afraid of this feeling. In many ways he still was. And yet, once his lips were on Jai’s, that fear dissolved away, at least temporarily. He wanted -- needed -- to be close to her, yet something in him continued to fear what would happen if he got too close. It was a habit that held him back, the habit of keeping people at arm’s length. But Jai… as much as it scared him, Jai made him want to break the habit and start a new one.

If anyone asked Cassian prior to this evening if he found himself attracted to Jai Tillian, he would have fervently denied it to the point of suspicion.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Care [kair]

noun

a cause or object of concern; serious attention

provision of what is needed for the well-being or protection of a person

verb

to be concerned; have thought or regard; to have a special preference

to wish; desire; like

#cassian andor #cassian andor x original character #cassian andor x oc #cassian andor x reader #diego luna #rogue one #star wars #star wars fic #rogue one fic #rouge one fanfiction #ca #fics #fics*#saudade

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faimrpg · 3 years

Photo

The beginning of the month, Fiacre, is punctuated by optimism. As snow and seaside storms from the winter months fade out of sight and out of mind, Celestine and its people ready themselves for a celebration that will leave its mark on the rest of the year, the kind of party that’s been in the works since the start of the last Summer season. When Calandre’s father, Tristan, marked his twentieth anniversary, the revelry at hand was entirely private. Few received invitations, and even fewer actually left the ballroom once they arrived. Yes, it’s true -- many men and women met their end at Tristan’s command, seeing the anniversary as both the chance to gather and to tie up some unfortunate loose ends. It goes without saying that Her Imperial Majesty has other plans, ones which she has accounted for down to the very last piece of dor.

To celebrate her twentieth year on the throne, Calandre has called for a full and final stop to all trade, all travel, all political and domestic affairs. For the space of an entire week, every city in Celestine has been brought to a halt for one reason and one reason alone: to party like their lives depend on it. And they very well might.

TRIGGER WARNING: Blood, death

Val Faim is at the epicenter of this grand celebration, carefully coordinated by Calandre and her advisors to ensure that any and all who arrive on its cobbled streets will be allowed their fair share. Drinks are abound, a keg on every corner, and when night settles over the city, as people return to their homes, they take a flagon of ale or glass of wine with them to sip from on their journey. Music floods every alley, every quarter, and the waves on the docks seem to sing it back to them, the crashes of waves like cymbals orchestrated by one very talented mage. The anthem to Celestine is sung day-in, day-out, and musicians play a new tune every hour. The Lion’s Mane has never seen so much profit, with the way patrons stumble in through its doors and out again, only to loop their way back around. DEGARÉ almost certainly has their hands full, as tempers rise and fall like the changing tide -- PATRICE and SAINTE get caught in the middle of a fight that threatens to eat the entire building up, but manage to summarily put things down together, unlikely allies.

It’s a busy week for the Underworld and the Guild, too, with nobles content to leave their coin purses out and ready for the taking if they turn their heads for too long. New, outlandish outfits appear at Court, thanks to CYRIL, who’s had their hands full since the first month of the year, and the flames of the pyre seem to burn brighter than they did before. It doesn’t help that ISEULT has decided that the time to haunt their shadow in search of new masks has come, and they are in Cyril’s shop in The Silver Quarter almost constantly.

There are events, of course, specifically coordinated for the purpose of enjoyment. On the third day of the week, Calandre announces a horse race she intends to attend, with the winner receiving enough dor to drown themselves in. No one knows who she’s placed her personal bet on, but most have their eye on the newest star of the track, AGRIPPINE, who finds themselves thrusted to the forefront. GHISLAIN is there to watch, alongside VIOLAINE -- and they both breathe a collective sigh of relief as AGRIPPINE crosses the finish line first. They both go to congratulate the esteemed winner, but it’s VIOLAINE who lingers most. BEAU arrives late, only managing to catch the tail-end of the race, but soothes their disappointment by picking what they can from the pockets of those who don’t know any better.

On the fourth day, the opera house is packed to the brim as anyone who can get their hands on a ticket crowds themselves into a seat to watch MÉLODIE perform. VICTOIRE is assigned to keep a careful eye on them throughout the performance, and everything is almost perfect -- up until MÉLODIE’S outfit bursts into flames at the end and has to be stomped out by the conductor, which sours the mood of the evening for almost everyone involved as the curtains quickly close and attendees are rushed out to the lobby for free drinks as apology.

The fifth day, of course, is one for remembering. In a callback to older traditions, Calandre has requested that her prized Chevalier, MATTHIEU, go up against a metaphorical army’s worth of men, starting at noon and lasting until dusk -- not to kill them, of course, only to dismantle them. The challenges only ramp up in difficulty, and by the end there is more blood in the clearing carved out in the gardens than there is grass. ETIENNE unabashedly collects bets to be paid back later in full, slipping in and out of throngs of people to take what they can from open palms. All goes well, until a soldier dressed in customary gold and blue enters the ring. Calandre calls for the event to pause, briefly -- and whispers in MATTHIEU’S ear that this man’s death should be public, and ugly as her Chevalier can make it. She departs before the soldier loses their life, and the shouts of alarm that puncture the air are overwhelmed by a sudden swarm of music from the small orchestra gathered to play throughout.

The sixth night brings a more clandestine affair, as CECILE, HELENE, and most surprisingly, LIANE and CELESTE are brought together by Calandre to discuss the topic of Alain Gauthier, and whether or not he should be permitted to attend tomorrow evening’s banquet and ball, knowing what she has in store. They think they’ve come to a conclusion -- or Calandre has, at the very least -- and depart the meeting in Calandre’s quarters feeling accomplished, all the way up until HELENE discovers RÉGIS eavesdropping. Worse, still, they are unaccompanied by their sponsor, and appear to be in hot water all the way up until GISELE rescues them from their precarious situation.

Finally, the last day of the week comes. Most are exhausted by now, having spent the week in a drunken stupor or desperately wishing for things to return to some semblance of normalcy, but there’s no way to wiggle out of the most important part of the celebration. Tonight, Calandre is hosting a masquerade, and anyone who can get in past the guard is invited. This is not an easy feat, but those who know the right servants to bribe or which back entrances to use are allowed to slip their way in. The Summer Palace has well and truly opened its doors, and strangers and kin alike dance together, drink together, laugh together -- looking forward, of course, to the fireworks that will punctuate the end of the night with a decisive exclamation point. It’s no surprise that YVON is the star of the show, charming friend and foe alike in a dazzling new piece with a mask to accompany it. The spotlight is stolen from them by ROSALIND, but not for very long, as Calandre calls everyone of any worth in her court to her side in the throne room. The crowds are filtered out by Imperial guardsmen -- nobility in, everyone else out.

And then the doors to the Summer Palace are summarily closed. Those who managed to sneak in and avoid the feeling of a metal gauntlet on their shoulders have no choice but to hide themselves in the crowd as Calandre begins what will be an inevitably lengthy speech. SAVATIER notices, as she begins to speak, her arms raised as if to embrace all those in attendance, that something feels very wrong. The bristling of SIDONIE next to them, and a shared glance of concern, tells them that it is a shared sentiment. “Thank you all for coming to celebrate with me,” she says, her voice carried across a room of hundreds by what can only be magic. “Your allowance of my reign is as good a gift as any.”

She gives what must be a pointed look to someone in the crowd; anyone who stands even remotely close to her area of attention preens. A chalice full of wine in his hand, Alain Gauthier watches with eyes that are burning. What follows is not something any of them would be unfamiliar with: Calandre recites the history of her acquirement of the throne, every last detail, all the way up until the part where she buried a blade into the body of her own father. Silence stretches out, long and yawning, as her voice trembles, dips. She does not continue in a straightforward manner. Rather, the direction of the tone changes. “I must confess, I have ulterior reasons for all of you being here tonight.” Confusion passes over the hall in a wave, as Calandre snaps her fingers. It is HECTOR who emerges from the shadows, clutching a struggling man by the arms. It takes a moment for any sort of recognition, but it becomes clear enough eventually that this is Hippolyte Brosseau, a prominent nobleman and merchant with no small amount of dor to his name. He runs the docks, manages every shipment that enters and exits the city, ensures that ships are well-staffed and prepared for departure.

“This is the man who would have killed me last night, were it not for dear Ambassador Zhenya who rescued me,” Calandre announces, looking to ZHENYA and giving what must be a nod of gratitude. “I’ve decided to ask you all what should be done with him. Chatter amongst yourselves, enjoy your drinks, look forward to the fireworks. You’ll be brought up to plead the case of your countryman one by one.” This, it seems, is the plan. The room lapses into stilted, uncomfortable conversation -- those who are really not supposed to be there press themselves even closer to the shadows, for fear of discovery. The feeling of an arm on your hand or shoulder, addressed by the moniker of Lord or Lady, tells you that it is your time to come up and say whether poor Hippolyte deserves his life or not. It’s surprisingly diplomatic, if not drawn out -- it takes a little over an hour for Calandre to meet with those she cares about.

In the end, it doesn’t matter. As every member of Calandre’s court comes forward -- even Alain Gauthier, who says little even as Brosseau looks at him with pleading eyes but does not say a word -- the Empress’ gaze grows darker by the minute. Still, she lets anyone who would speak say their piece. Some call for his head. Others plead mercy. Many say nothing at all, leaning on the wishes of Calandre instead. Whatever you want, your Imperial Majesty.

Finally, the night comes to a conclusion. The ensemble of musicians at the center of the room is commanded to play, and almost as if in direct defiance to her order given to her Chevalier earlier in the week, Calandre does not tear her gaze away as MICHEL draws out a sword and ends Brosseau’s life in a single, decisive swing downwards. The death is not messy, exactly, just... simple. Those who cannot stomach it look away, and those who gathered closer to watch stumble back to avoid collateral spray. The orchestra continues on, playing as quickly and proudly as they are capable. Everyone in attendance is escorted back out to the gardens to watch the pyre burn and enjoy the fireworks that light up the sky, hors d'oeuvres and drinks passed out by servants carrying massive silver trays.

The rest of the night passes by in relative peace, with discussion of Hipployte’s unfortunate end and Calandre’s flagrant lack of care for anyone who spoke out against his death to be discussed in the next coming weeks. If anything is certain, it is that the optimistic mood at the start of the month has met its demise, and now, those in Val Faim find themselves feeling wary, with the sense they are being tested. Alain Gauthier makes his quiet rounds, promises to meet with newfound allies in the morning and to call together old ones when he can. And through it all, Calandre Valence watches from the balcony, her mouth pressed into a hard-set line. Hippolyte did not set out to kill her -- this, she knows. His end had been a well-composed lie. But someone sought to frame him, to use him as a scapegoat, and she played right along with their little game. In the coming month, as spring settles itself over Celestine, she will find the rot festering in Val Faim and dig it out with her own two hands if she has to. For now, though, there are other matters to attend to -- and blood to scrub off of the Summer Palace’s marble floors.

And that’s a wrap on the opening event! Thanks for sticking through all the way to the very end, I realize this was a lengthy excursion -- I’m super excited to see things kick off! You are free to plot threads during the week of the celebration, the weeks that followed, and any flashbacks you’d like to help flesh out your characters! I’d also encourage you to post your character’s outfits for the masquerade, if you decided you’d like them to attend and if they made it in uninvited or not. You’re free to have your character participate in other parts of the celebration outside of the days they’re mentioned in -- you are by no means bound to this frame, this is just meant to serve as a kickstarter!

TIMESTAMP: The 3rd of Fiacre, 936 — the 28th of Fiacre, 936. Please do not write threads beyond this point.

For a simplified timeline of the anniversary week:

The 3rd of Fiacre: Reserved for drinking, revelry, and generally having a good time

The 4th of Fiacre: Much the same as the first, with the bar fight at The Lion’s Mane occurring in the afternoon/evening

The 5th of Fiacre: Agrippine races their horse at the tracks and wins while Calandre is in attendance

The 6th of Fiacre: the Opera, which gets cut short by an unfortunate accident

The 7th of Fiacre: Those who are able gather in the Imperial Gardens to watch a Chevalier do what a Chevalier does best

The 8th of Fiacre: More drinking and revelry to end the week arrives, as Calandre decides whether or not Alain will be allowed to attend the masquerade

The 9th of Fiacre: The masquerade, which occurs in the night, and ends with Hippolyte’s death and fireworks

If you have any questions pertaining to the event, please drop them in the Discord channel! If you need any help plotting, or getting things started, please reach out and I’ll see what I can do to help. Thank you again, to all of you!

#faimevent #blood tw #death tw

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mca-attack21 · 4 years

Text

The Impossible

This is my first Sherlock Holmes imagine, I hope you enjoy it. It takes place after the season four finale.

Sherlock Holmes, the first consultant detective and the last man anyone expected to be getting married. To be fair, he was not the same man he used to be. He had been changed by the people who loved him. The helped him evolve from a great man into a good one. Every person he met, every case he took, it all prepared him to allow love into his life. To allow you into his life. It was not easy, it was more than a simple deduction that he was used to. But after meeting you he knew that his greatest case ever would be figuring out how to be a man you could love.

The beginning was simple, you were hired to watch Rosie on a regular basis. This led to a friendship with John and frequent interactions with Sherlock. Instead of being put off by his composure and intelligence you were in awe of it. Over time Sherlock would go out of his way to make sure the two of you would cross paths. Seeing you with Rosie, watching your face light up as he spoke, and hearing your laugh made him feel something that he didn’t understand.

On a particular dull afternoon, Sherlock had made the mistake of asking about you. It didn’t take John long at all to figure out what was happening.

“You have a thing for my nanny,” he laughed.

“I certainly do not. High Functioning Sociopath remember. I don’t do love.” Sherlock replied.

“Keep telling yourself that Sherlock” John replied.

“I’m serious!”

“I’m sure you think that you are,”

“John!”

“You should ask her out,”

“You are acting like a twelve-year-old” Sherlock shot back. It wasn’t like he hadn’t entertained the idea, but why would someone like you ever want to go out with a man like him.

It would take three weeks for John to convince Sherlock to ask you out. He had to get coaching from both John and Mrs. Hudson and even then the entire concept seemed so foreign to him. That night he had met you at John’s house while you were babysitting Rosie. The two of you talked about his latest case. You knew that something was off and asked him about it. Eventually, with much rambling, he made it through his request. He stood silently over-analyzing every second before you had agreed.

From there, things were interesting, to say the least. Sherlock had no idea how to be a boyfriend and it was very obvious. Luckily, you were patient and low maintenance. You would help him with cases when John was otherwise occupied. He would also stop in when you were watching Rosie. While your relationship was far from traditional, it worked. He may not have always picked up on your emotional needs, but he was there for you in ways that only he could be. His blunt and harsh words dimmed as he learned what it meant to love someone in a romantic way. He loved you in his own way, but it was precisely what you needed and you couldn’t imagine your life with anyone else.

The next step in your relationship was moving into 221 B Baker St. with Sherlock. He explained that it was convenient and cost-effective, especially since the two of you already spent so much time there. You laughed at his applied logic and agreed, excited to take the next step.

There was never a dull moment living with him between his experiments, cases, and friends. The longer you were with him, the more you realized he was like a grown puppy in constant need of attention and excitement. Whether it was a good day or a bad day, you were both always there for each other.

Mrs. Hudson was the first one to ask Sherlock if he was ever going to purpose to you. She had shipped the two of you since the first time she had seen you interact. She joked that Sherlock would not meet anyone else who adored his brain and was willing to put up with it so he’d better marry you or John and get it over with. He initially brushed off this comment, but it got him thinking. The two of you had never really talked about marriage or kids, that just wasn’t Sherlock and you understood that. Marriage was just a social construct, he found it pointless, at least he used to. Before John and Mary’s wedding.

He asked John his opinion on the matter which caught him completely off guard. He couldn’t believe that his best friend was actually considering getting married. He was so happy and helped him plan everything out.

The proposal, like the rest of your relationship, was nontraditional. You, John, and Sherlock were on a case together and it proved to be more unpredictable than Sherlock had anticipated. After momentarily escaping imminent danger, the three of you were trying to figure out your next move and he just let it slip.

“Y/f/n Y/l/n, if we make it out of this alive would you want to marry me?” he asked nonchalantly.

Before you could answer John spoke up, “Now?! We were just being shot at and you think now is the time to propose?”

“I’m sorry, is it not a good time? Would you rather me wait until after we get shot?” he directed to his friend.

“Sherlock-” John started.

“Yes,” you answered staring adoringly at the scene in front of you. This was your family and your life and you wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“Yes, what?” John asked.

“Sherlock asked me a question, that is my answer. Yes.” you clarified.

“Really?” Sherlock asked.

“Yes, now can we figure out how to get out of here alive?” you added.

“Oh right, I have a plan,” Sherlock explained.

“Of course you do,” John sighed not believing what he just witnessed.

That night ended with everyone making it out unscathed, the criminals in custody, and celebration of the engagement. When you made it back to 221 B Baker street Sherlock revealed the ring he had made for you. The two of you spent the next couple of months planning your wedding in-between cases, Sherlock was unexpectantly invested and excited.

It was a relatively small gathering. You didn’t have much family and weren’t in contact with them. At the end of the day, it was John and Mycroft who was Sherlock’s co-best men, Rosie who was the cutest flower girl ever, Mrs. Hudson, the rest of the Holmes family, Molly, Detective Lestrade, and a few other close friends. Because you didn’t really have anyone else, you asked John to walk you down the aisle which he was honored to do. He later made a joke that you and Sherlock might as well had asked him to officiate the ceremony too.

You had both decided to write your own vows which were interesting. Sherlock went first pulling out his notes from his pocket and then deciding not to use them and speak freely instead.

“I used to not believe in love. If you told me that I would be getting married I would have laughed at the ridiculous notion. I was logical and avoided emotions that would interfere with that. I never wanted the distraction that was love, furthermore, I didn’t believe I was capable of loving someone in a romantic way. But then I met you. I’m not going to lie and say that it was love at first sight or that I knew that we would end up together because it was not that simple. But over time I came to realize that I wanted to experience love and you. No matter how illogical, you had made an impact on my life and I wanted to explore that. Y/f/n Y/l/n you make me happy and complete in ways I can’t even comprehend. You make me want to be a better man, to be more like the man you believe that I am. So today in front of the people we love most, I vow to spend the rest of my with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” he smiled.

“Oh my, how am I supposed to follow that?” you joked earning laughs from the others in attendance.

“Okay, here it goes. Sherlock Holmes, you are one of the most brilliant and astonishing people I have ever met in my life. My life changed the moment I met you. You brought adventure, uncertainty, and excitement into my life. I know that there will never be a dull moment with the two of us. By marrying you, I realize that I am marrying science experiments in the kitchen, solving cases, and ending any chance that I had at a normal life which is perfect. I acknowledge that you are not perfect nor am I, but we are perfect for each other and that is what matters. You are everything that I never knew I needed and I love the person I am when I am with you. So today, I vow to spend the rest of my life reminding you who you are. I vow to be there for you at 2 am when the world doesn’t make sense and at 2 pm when it does. I vow to help you annoy Mycroft and to look after John and Rosie. I vow to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” you smiled reciting his last two lines.

The two of you exchanged rings and were directed to kiss which earned cheers from your friends and family. You quickly signed the papers and took the photos before adjourning to the reception that John had planned. It was nice and intimate. Your and Sherlock’s first dance was something that you would never forget. You had never realized that Sherlock could dance like that. The rest of the night was what you’d expect for a reception. You made it to the point of speeches and everyone took their turn. Mycroft’s was short and simple, he explained how he was proud of his brother for becoming the man he was and wished you luck as Sherlock was your problem now. The mood changed as it became John’s turn. His speech was so sincere and touching that it brought people to tears. When he completed, both you and Sherlock nearly tackled him in a hug.

As the night finished out, you and Sherlock prepared to leave on your honeymoon which was planned and paid for by Mycroft. You thanked everyone for coming and were on your way, knowing that John would see that everything was taken care of. You looked up at Sherlock dazed with how happy you were. This was easily the best night of your life. You couldn’t wait to see what lies in store for the two of you. After all, the game is on.

#sherlock #sherlock holmes #sherlock bbc #sherlock benedict cumberbatch #sherlock imagine #sherlock imagines #sherlock wedding #sherlock x reader #sherlock holmes imagine #sherlock x you #sherlock holmes imagines #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock holmes x you #john watson #john watson imagine

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daeva-agas · 3 years

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So like quite a long time ago I found this story that says Nobukatsu got exiled because he pissed Hideyoshi off by refusing land awards. The reason why Hideyoshi had such an extreme reaction is because Nobukatsu performed a "bad luck dance" during the victory celebration, and it brought doom and gloom and ruined the mood.

What a total shitlord, the missionaries ain't wrong when they said he's VERY similar in personality to his dear old papa.

Anyway, I did a look up as to what "bad luck dance" is. There is only one dance that came up, which is the Saisourou 採桑老 (mulberry-gathering old man). This was apparently only started to be called bad luck dance in the Edo era, but the book that contains the story is an Edo-Meiji book (forgot the date), so it's entirely possible that it is the dance that they meant. Apparently that dance is so taboo in the Edo that people don't even want to say its name like Voldemort.

Wasn't entirely thinking what was so bad about it that it would make Hideyoshi mad at first. I assumed the person thought that it was just ominous, and brought a depressing mood to the party. It's like... if you show up at a standard fare wedding wearing a gory and bloody terrifying Halloween costume. It'd make people feel uncomfortable.

But I was thinking, as said above to my knowledge this dance is NOT "bad luck" before the Edo era. If this story is either actually true or at least had originated from an older source, then Hideyoshi can't be mad because it's all doom and gloom, because it doesn't yet have the "bad luck" reputation. What triggered him had to have been something else.

I did a look up recently. In Chinese literature there is a certain plant called Fusang 扶桑. This eventually became a poetic term to refer to Japan. The "sang" is the same 桑 character as in "mulberry" (sou) in Saisourou.

The dance of Saisourou tells of an old man, nearing death, who goes to pick mulberry leaves to create longevity medicines. So in a very roundabout way, this could be interpreted as a mockery of Hideyoshi's ambition of unification at his age (collecting mulberry = conquering Japan). It's especially bad precisely because they just conquered the "final frontier", so to speak, Odawara.

Nitpicky? Yeah, probably. Then again, later Ieyasu also supposedly kicked up the Osaka battles because of roundabout convoluted interpretation of symbolism, so maybe people at the time just overthink things like that. This is why you shouldn't overindulge in poetic symbolism, folks, you might think everything is a symbol.

Also, obligatory crackshiper shitpost commentary: There is a way to interpret this in a Nobu/Hide slant, and I will laugh at it forever. I do enjoy the headcanon that if the ship is actually a thing, Nobu's spawns constantly makes snide comments about it behind their backs. Except that one. He would snark them right to their faces, as shown above. Because Nobu's name can be associated to mulberry somehow.

#personal research #nobuspawns #nobuxhide

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ngame989 · 4 years

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SVTFOE: A Retrospective

Happy Mama Star Day!

OK, first and foremost, a quick update on TGG: I plan to have something ready for at least one of the major anniversaries coming up, and hopefully will resume slightly more regular updates from then forward. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, it’s been a rough year so far for me personally and for everyone in in the current pandemic situation. The anniversary of both STH and Mama Star seemed like a fitting time to get some things off my chest, both good and bad, so I’ll do that now and get it out of the way to focus on bigger and better things in the future. Fair warning, this is gonna be long and rambly and personal more than it is any sort of serious show analysis. If you’re looking for fun, feel-good celebration of what definitely were some of my favorite moments in the series, I’m not so sure this is gonna be the post for you.

It goes without saying that Star vs the Forces of Evil, for better or worse, is incredibly important to me and has been without fail for years. How are you supposed to feel when something that important lets you down so hard? Is having such strong, mixed emotions and attachment better than having nothing you care about at all? The past year hasn’t answered these questions for me, and this post certainly won’t either. There’s no thesis or likely any kind of closure here, just me baring a bit of my soul here on tumblr dot com.

It’s been a rough year or two for me. I don’t want to get too much into the specifics, but let’s just say I hit a crossroads where the entire path I’d envisioned for myself in life came into serious question, and I had been spiraling into depression and paralyzing anxiety over a complete lack of any fulfillment in my “professional” life for months before I even recognized it for what it was. Season 3 finished airing around the last few months of my undergraduate degree, which (while obviously it significantly emotionally impacted me) was a generally happy and stable time in my life. As things started to change and get worse for me, SVTFOE S4 was my ray of hope. I’m not kidding when I say that some days in the hiatus leading up to it, the thought of S4 delivering on its potential for emotional fulfillment and Starco goodness (consistently, not just at the end) was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning and the only positive thing I could see in my future.

When we got the S4 we got, it shattered me, utterly and completely. This isn’t an attempt to dunk on S4 in some “objective” manner - hell, I even like a lot of the things about it that the fandom despises (the ending prioritizing character closure over lore, the upheaval of the political structure rather than just having Star become the Goodest Queen, etc). I’d still make the argument that a lot of the character development was very flimsy and poorly paced, a very clear effort to force the relationship resolution to be delayed until the end at all costs, but that’s not the point here. Life felt dull and lonely and warm fluffy Starco was my vicarious escape from that, and the season we got left me so completely hollow insid that it felt like I couldn’t breathe for its first more-than-a-dozen episodes, and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t even properly enjoy the parts that were genuinely good.

Even earlyish on, I was already fearing that things wouldn’t be resolved till the end and that there’d be almost none of the content I actually longed for from the show. As I’ve mentioned before, The Greatest Gift was born the morning after Lake House Fever’s late night release, out of salt and spite and a need to give myself something good to look forward to, even if it would be something I’d be making myself. I completely removed myself from even passing conversations with my best friends in the fandom because it hurt too much to even think about. I even had Seddm give me summaries of episodes before I watched them so I could take some time to emotionally prepare (at least until the 2nd to last week). And to the show’s credit, its last few weeks of episodes (with some exceptions) tried their absolute damnedest to right the ship (pun intended) and bring back the sorts of things I wanted with a vengeance. I was smiling like a complete fool for 12 hours straight after Here to Help. The ending didn’t fix my issues with the show, not by a fucking long shot, but it at least left me on a positive enough note that there was a feverish enthusiasm to continue it further on my own.

But it’s been tough. Have you or a family member/friend ever gotten bad food poisoning from a restaurant you really liked, and the smell of it makes you queasy afterwards even though you do really like it? That’s probably the best analogy I can draw to a lot of my relationship with SVTFOE since it ended. PLEASE NOTE I’M IN NO WAY TRYING TO EQUATE THE MAGNITUDE OF MY IRE WITH A CARTOON WITH SERIOUS DISORDERS THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM, but I’d almost be tempted to liken it to PTSD. Seeing reminders of the painful parts can put me in a bad mood for hours, and on some days even just dwelling on the show in any way will invite creeping negativity and “why the fuck couldn’t it have just-” types of thoughts taking over. There have been some days writing TGG where having to draw inspiration from or reference events/dialogues in S4 was so emotionally taxing that I had to stop writing for the night. I blocked Seddm’s entire askbox tag because I’d find my own emotions frothing into a rage over things in the show people would bring up. I’ve lost acquaintances and potential friendships over my bitterness. I instantly block anyone who posts even a hint of Tomstar/Kellco content in the Starco tags on any site because it induces such palpable negativity in my heart - I think I’m up to 1000 accounts blocked on Instagram right now, which is why Toxic runs the TGG page over there. If you’re one of the people out there that tried to strike up a conversation with me over a shared interest in the show and I vomited bile into your DMs, I sincerely apologize. And to anyone who got wrapped up in the brazen high hopes I put forth here every day as S4 approached and came crashing down with me as a result, I’m sorry for that too.

And yet... I can’t say there’s not a genuine love I still have for a lot of it. I still have my little shrine of stickers and pictures that I’ll sometimes just get let myself get lost in. There was a recent postcanon fic started by someone who just caught up on the show that brought such a depth of warmth into my chest that I’m smiling like an idiot just now thinking about it. I haven’t watched even a clip (let alone a whole episode) that Star and Marco’s voices in my head feel distant and abstract, but when I’m writing chapters I can still get emotional imagining them saying and doing things out of their devotion to one another. I’ve made no secret that I (to put it very very very lightly) have a strong distaste for the vast majority of this fandom, and yet the joy of knowing I could make people’s days or lives brighter gives me a satisfaction I can’t put words to. Don’t get me wrong, writing quickly just isn’t my thing normally anyway - I’m not trying to suggest that the sole reason for TGG downtime is that I’m driving knives into my own heart and pouring my blood onto the page. Just that that’s part of it, and it takes its toll.

The last few months, although I have missed the joy of brewing up fluff ideas and seeing them come to life, have admittedly been a welcome reprieve just not having to think about this stuff so much. In the last few weeks I’ve finally been coming around to a bit of a better place where the good bubbles up without bringing as much of the bad with it. It will likely still wax and wane, and I can’t guarantee if or when TGG will fully finish. And this isn’t my entire life - I have MMOs and card games and all kinds of other hobbies that suck up lots of my time, so don’t worry about me just lying in bed sobbing over S4 for 12 hours a day. I don’t know if the day will ever come when I can truly be at peace with it all, but I don’t want to toss out the good with the bad. All I can ask is for your patience as my own journey evolves alongside my writing, until the day comes when perhaps this story can finally come to a close. Thanks for reading, and stay safe.

Ngame

#starco #tgg svtfoe #ngame

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tjkiahgb · 5 years

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Episode Recap: 3.20, “We Were Here”

Guys, I’m sorry. I know the whole idea is, oh, tjkiahgb does his funny little recap and makes his jokes and all that.

I don’t know what to do about this episode.

I feel like this recap is just going to be a bunch of screencaps and me writing “I’m emotional!” underneath each of them. I’m going to have to do 15 paragraphs on Celia in a dinosaur costume just to have anything to say.

Alright, well, let’s see if I can pull myself together long enough to do this.

OH MY GOD, IT’S THE LAST “PREVIOUSLY ON ANDI MACK” WE’RE EVER GOING TO SEE. I NEED TO LIE DOWN!

Okay. I’m back. Let’s try this again.

For the last time, our episode begins at Celia’s house.

Celia’s all packed and ready for a trip. She gives Bex her orders and lays down the law.

Bex is like, come on, mom, you know we’re going to have a party.

And Celia’s like, yeah.

Consider this my wedding gift.

Celia departs for places unknown and...

OH NO IT’S THE LAST TIME WE’LL EVER SEE THE INTRO! HELP MEEEEE!

At Bex’s, Andi and Bex gather supplies for the party.

Bex is like, oh thank God we still have those. It’s not a party until the cheaply made SWAG sunglasses make an appearance.

They start making a list of the essentials for a party: food, balloons, glow-sticks.

Bex says she’s been meaning to get one of those. So, wait, she doesn’t already have one in the apartment’s emergency preparedness kit? What happens if there’s a natural disaster?

Bowie wanders in and they let him know there’s going to be a party. Bex and Andi start wondering what they’re going to wear to the party. Andi runs off to decide, but Bowie holds Bex back for a second to talk to her.

Bowie goes to retrieve a letter he brought in from the mailbox.

But, more importantly:

THE CAT! An appearance in the finale for The Cat! He’s been here since season one, he deserves it!

Bowie tells Bex there’s a situation. Andi has received a letter from SAVA.

The two wonder about the letter. Acceptance letters usually have a lot of paperwork and such in them and arrive in bigger envelopes. Rejection letters, on the other hand, are usually just a piece of paper that says “Thanks but no thanks.” on it.

They worry about how sad it’ll make Andi if it’s a rejection letter, and don’t want to ruin her night with that possibility, so they decide to keep it quiet for now.

Then Andi appears and Bex sits on the letter. Andi tells her she found something for her to wear, so Bex gets up and Bowie jumps on the letter like it’s a grenade.

Once he thinks the coast is clear, he gets off of it, but then Andi appears again and Bowie crumples up the letter in his hands to hide it and does this completely natural thing...

Oh, don’t mind me, just listening to my hands.

Andi tells him she picked out something for him to wear, too, and runs off.

Bowie examines the state of the letter.

On the bright side, if it is a rejection letter, you can always say this is how it showed up and trash SAVA for lacking the decency to take any care in mailing their letters. I mean, if this is how they mail stuff, imagine how little care they show in other places! Who would want to go to such a school anyway, right?

That night, everything is in place for the party.

Bex comes walking down the stairs in her wedding dress, which looks nice but feels impractical for a night of partying.

Andi tells her how beautiful she looks.

There’s a knock at the door. Andi lets Bowie in. He’s wearing his father’s tux.

Andi starts up some music and invites the bride and groom to the floor for their first dance.

And-- oh GOD it’s the song from the first season.

Well, we’re six minutes in and I guess this is going to mark the point of the episode where I start going under and just never recover.

The party is in full swing now. Cyrus finds Buffy watching Marty from across the room as he chats up another girl. Cyrus asks her if things are still weird between the two of them but she doesn’t know. He asks her what she would like things to be like between them.

Buffy feels that Marty doesn’t like her anymore. Like like. Cyrus doesn’t believe that’s true, but Buffy says Marty said it himself.

He’s like, you’re really going to believe the word of a known liar like Marty? If he’s so honest, what’s his last name? And don’t you dare say Fromdaparty.

Then TJ walks in and Buffy’s like, perfect timing, let’s get off my thing and onto yours, Cyrus.

And TJ’s like...

*waves in goofy*

And Cyrus is like...

*waves in goofy back*

Look, in fairness, there’s no way to wave enthusiastically without looking goofy. That’s why we invented that like, hand up thing, where you just put your palm out and hold it there for a second. But that’s for business scenarios and not parties. You’re at a party and see the boy you’re crushing on, you do a goofy, enthusiastic wave. It’s how it goes.

Then Kira walks in and the atmosphere instantly drops.

If some random kid came running in and shouted that they found a dead opossum on the floor of the bathroom, it could not have made the mood in the room worse. There’s a non-zero chance it could’ve made things better because at least we’re wondering where the opossum came from now.

Buffy assures Cyrus that the reason TJ is hanging out with Kira is not because he likes her, but he doesn’t agree. He thinks that ship has sailed.

So Buffy and Cyrus commiserate, both thinking they’ve lost their opportunity to get their man.

Later, Kira and TJ watch from the sidelines as the others dance.

How did Cyrus take and pass a dance class and get worse at dancing?

Kira asks TJ why he doesn’t want to dance. He says he just doesn’t want to.

Kira notes Cyrus dancing and starts to laugh.

TJ’s like, what’s so funny? Kira says look at Cyrus.

TJ’s like, yeah, he’s great, but Kira’s still laughing at him. TJ tells her she can’t do that -- laugh at someone for their dancing. Kira’s like, you thought it was funny. TJ’s like, no, I thought it was fun. There’s a big difference.

So, Kira’s like, okay, here we go again.

She says that if she made him pick between her and Cyrus, he’d pick Cyrus. TJ’s like, the fact that you’re even going to the place where you’d think of making me pick proves how wrong this all is.

Kira says that answers her question and exits the party.

The party continues on.

Electronic music starts, the lights go down, and the dinosaur descends the staircase.

Nice to get one last sentence in before the end where I can write what’s literally happening on the screen, take a step back and go, what the hell did I just write?

Everyone gathers round to watch the neon dinosaur dance. They chant “Go Andi! Go Andi!”

Then Andi shows up.

Their next guess is Jonah, but then he shows up, too. He couldn’t find the dinosaur costume because it had been stolen by the mystery dancer.

The music ends and the audience cheers for the dancing dinosaur, who finally reveals herself, ripping off her face mask like a Scooby Doo villain.

Everyone gasps. They’re like, uh oh, the party police are here and they showed up in a T-Rex costume for some reason.

But then Celia’s like...

Everyone wants to know what Celia’s doing back. She’s like, well, I got four hours out and realized I’d rather be attending one of these parties than on a vacation somewhere so I turned around and came back and snuck into the house through a second story window so no one would see me and inflated this dinosaur suit and put it on and waited for the right music to start and shut off the lights and came downstairs and performed this dance routine. Was it worth it? I spent the whole four hours on the way back practicing that “No parties, just kidding” thing.

And everyone’s like, yeah, it was alright.

And Celia’s like, okay, cool.

She’s like, I’m glad I tried fun. And then she walks off and that’s the last we ever see of her. From strict mom to dancing grandma in a dinosaur suit. What a ride. I hope she enjoys her vacation.

Later on, TJ has gotten on stage with a piano. He starts playing the intro to “Born This Way”.

TJ, NO! We don’t have the money for the rights to that song! Are you crazy? Can I interest you in some generic production music that can be purchased for a tenth the cost? Maybe something in the public domain? How about we all sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”?

But it’s too late. TJ, to celebrate his liberation from Kira, elects to come out to the entire party by showing he knows how to play the gayest song of all time on the piano by heart.

The whole party is like, oh, this is nice. He’s playing some music. And then Cyrus is like...

SURPRISE! I have a microphone and this is a performance now!

Amber starts singing, too. TJ calls up Jonah and/or Bowie to get on stage and provide some guitar, but then Bex is like...

SURPRISE! I have a guitar and I know how to play it!

Jonah and Andi get on stage and get thrown mics.

Buffy grabs a mic and joins in. The entire cast can sing! It’s a musical miracle.

Cyrus joins TJ on the stage and they sing together.

Bowie at some point also wandered up with his own guitar and joined Bex.

Everyone performs in the song, except for Marty, who just kinda sings from the sidelines like, “Eh, this is nice but pop’s not my genre.”

The song comes to a finish.

Everyone celebrates how good that was despite it never having been rehearsed.

A gosh-dang musical miracle, I tell ya.

Later on outside, Jonah finds Andi and tells her he has something for her. Andi immediately panics. Jonah reassures her it is not one of his famous terrible gifts, like the piece of rice with Andi’s misspelled name on it. He asks if that was the worst present ever.

Jonah says this isn’t a present anyway.

He found their bracelet. The one thought lost for so long. Well, he didn’t find it.

Oh, Judy Bartholomew, you never cease to impress!

Jonah offers it back to Andi, who promises to make it disappear forever. But Jonah says, he actually wanted to know if he could keep it. It’s a great bracelet and he’s always liked it.

Andi puts the bracelet on him. She wonders what things would’ve been like if they’d met when they were older and more mature.

Well, older, at least.

Back inside the party, Buffy finds Marty at his usual party position, hanging around the food table. She starts reenacting the conversation from their first meeting. They get to the “eat a live frog” bit and Marty can’t continue.

Buffy tells him that she didn’t think that. She found him funny. Marty warns her that she is dangerously close to complimenting him. She tells him it was a compliment.

Buffy wants to try having a conversation to see if they can. So they ask each other how their day was and both agree they had fine days. Marty asks her what the next step is and Buffy decides the next step is to leave.

Buffy heads outside, but Marty chases after her. He says he thinks he messed it up and wants to try the straightforward thing again. He tells her to go first.

Yep, that’s straightforward. Marty compliments her on how straightforward it was. Buffy tells him that’s all she wanted him to know, in case he ever changes his mind about liking her, but Marty’s like...

He goes in for a kiss.

They smile at each other and head back into the party.

Cyrus, meanwhile, heads to the backyard where he finds TJ sitting on...

T H E B E N C H.

Cyrus asks what happened to Kira. TJ says he poured water on her and she melted. Boy’s dropping Judy Garland movie references now. Really laying it on thick.

TJ says Kira’s not a nice person, but Cyrus reminds him people used to say that about him, almost verbatim.

Cyrus says he knows that, but there are things he didn’t know, like that TJ played piano. TJ tells him his mom is a piano teacher. Cyrus didn’t know that either. TJ promises he’s not that mysterious, just ask him anything.

TJ panics. He’s like, oh, you went right for the kill shot. He doesn’t want to say what his name is. He says there are only like five living souls on this planet who know what TJ stands for, and they are all of Kippen blood.

TJ’s really digging himself a hole here with Cyrus. The more you sell the mystery of this, the more a kid like Cyrus will want to know.

“My name’s only ever been said out loud once before, by the doctor who filled out the birth certificate, and then he disappeared, never to be seen again! Mythology says that my name used to be sung by the Sirens, who’d use it to lure unsuspecting sailors to their dooms! Legend says there’s a secret cave in the Gobi Desert, and that if you shout my name into it, a trap door will open revealing billions of dollars in hidden treasure! So surely you must understand, I can’t possibly tell you what it is.”

Cyrus says if he doesn’t learn what TJ’s full name is, he will literally die of curiosity. Now faced with the impending death of his crush, TJ realizes he must make the ultimate sacrifice to save his life and tell him what his name is. First, he swears him to secrecy. Cyrus swears.

TJ tells him his parents were way into music, so they named him after their favorite artists:

This is where I’d make a joke like, “It could’ve been worse, they could’ve named him...” but I don’t have a way to finish that sentence. I guess like, Beethoven Mozart, so then he couldn’t even use his initials or they’d be B.M.?

You know, though, it’s such an odd name, it becomes immediately endearing.

To Cyrus as well. They didn’t come all this way, accepting each other through everything, to be stopped in the finale by bad dancing or weird names.

TJ says his grandparents stepped in to intervene. They were like, this is preposterous and we’re not going to spend what short time remains of our lives on so many syllables! He’s TJ!

TJ asks if there’s anything else Cyrus wants to know and then he makes just the ever-so-slightest of hand movements toward him and I’m telling you right now, I don’t know if I will ever be okay watching this.

I’m serious. I don’t know when I’ll be able to watch this scene and see that hand movement and not get emotional. Definitely not now, and I can’t imagine anytime soon.

Cyrus sees his hand. He asks TJ is there’s anything else he wants to tell him.

TJ asks Cyrus if there’s anything he wants to tell him.

They grab each other’s hand.

And both let out this nervous exhale.

And they hold each other’s hand and smile at each other as the screen fades to black.

Just the two of them, together, in their own little world.

I get that people might have wanted more, more words, more actions, and I don’t necessarily disagree. I don’t think there’s a hypothetical version of this scene that has more and is bad or anything.

But, in my opinion, I think this is brilliant. In its subtlety and in its simplicity, this is one of the sweetest, most graceful, most touching ways I’ve ever seen two people express their affection for one another. That they’ve been through so much, and that they know each other so well that they can just look at each other and only need to say yes to tell the other one all they need to know, to tell each other everything? I’m not going to label two middle schoolers as “in love” because, look, they’re kids and it’s middle school. But what I will say is this: that’s what love is. When someone knows you so intensely and so intimately that you don’t have to say it. When all you have to do is look at someone to know. It’s a connection that goes beyond words. It’s beautiful.

Or, in other words, I’m emotional!

Later, after the party has ended, the GHC, Jonah, and Bex and Bowie hang out in the backyard, reminiscing.

Andi shares a picture of the GHC starting second grade.

From the day they met.

Buffy remarks how they’re still together after all these years. And Cyrus says they always will be. And Andi says...

They’re like, uh oh. Andi says she wants to show them something and leads them to Andi Shack, which has been stripped clean.

They ask why, and Andi tells them she doesn’t need the Shack anymore. She needs a studio because she got into SAVA, which makes her parents very happy, but bums out Cyrus and Buffy. They’re happy for her, but...

This is going to change things.

Bex remarks how a lot of life has happened in Andi Shack. We see some nice clips from over the years, and, if you liked those, you can see more clips by purchasing previous seasons of Andi Mack on your preferred streaming platform. (And coming to Disney+ this Fall!)

Bex tells Andi how proud she is of her and they hug.

Bowie hugs her, too, and tells her she’s going to do great things.

And then, like responsible adults, they decide to go clean up the house. We’ve all really grown so much, haven’t we?

Andi regroups with Cyrus, Buffy, and Jonah. Cyrus says they should be mindful of the moment because after this, we’re all going our separate ways. They all yell at Cyrus for this.

Andi reassures them all that no matter where they go or what they do, they’ll always be a part of each other’s lives.

And then they do this weird sort of group imagine thing where they actually manifest images of the future.

Where they’re all like, doing adult things, but also, still look like children? It’s, um... it’s a little odd.

But I’m going to retain my positivity and head for the finish line.

Andi asks Jonah to take a picture of the GHC standing together as they did on that first day of second grade. Then, Cyrus drops a Winnie the Pooh quote: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

The four share one last group hug.

Andi asks if they’re all going to meet tomorrow at The Spoon, and they agree.

Each one hugs Andi one last time before exiting.

Andi watches them leave, then heads inside Andi Shack to put up the pictures. She smiles and walks out.

And that, my friends, is a wrap on Andi Mack.

This isn’t goodbye -- I’ve got a little more stuff planned -- but I think this is probably the thing that will be read by the most amount of people familiar with my blog, so let me just say this here: if you’ve read any or all of my recaps, or even if you’re just reading this one, thank you. I have loved writing them and I have loved being a part of this fandom, and I appreciate all of you who took the time to be a part of it with me.

This show and this fandom have been such an amazing experience for me, and it has brought me so much joy this past year and a half. So, once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I will truly never forget it.

#Andi Mack #Buffy Driscoll #Cyrus Goodman #TJ Kippen #Jonah Beck #Bex Mack #Bowie Quinn #Celia Mack #Amber #Marty #Kira #Andi #The Cat #Tyrus #Bexie #Muffy #Jandi #episode recaps

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capricornus-rex · 4 years

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A Path I Can’t Follow (4)

Chapter 4: New Adversaries | Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: It was a matter of life and death—the question is, should it be the life of many or one, the death of many or one? Cal Kestis makes what ought to be the biggest and hardest decision of his life as he is pitted with a question of high stakes and morals. He descends to the Dark Side and becomes an Inquisitor. A choice he openly made for the sake of saving you, even if you didn't know you needed it until it was too late.

Tags: Dark Side! Cal Kestis, Inquisitor! Cal Kestis

Also posted in AO3

Chapters: 1 - 2 | Previous: Chapter 3 | Next: Chapter 5 | Masterlist

4 of ?

As Cal stalked the hallway, trying to find his way back so he can rejoin you, he comes across another empty foyer—but in that foyer, a bushel of vines blanketed the wall.

“Vines,” Cal muttered under his breath. “I hope they don’t break off.”

BD-1 trilled in Cal’s ear, almost like a whisper.

“Yeah, there’s this feeling that’s been bugging me. It’s been bugging [y/n] as well. Don’t worry, we don’t need to be scared,” the boy assured his lovable droid.

However, he goes against his own words as he sensed the presence of another. The optimistic mood instantaneously melted away as soon as Cal started to discreetly unclip his lightsaber. He turned around and out of the shadows come appears a new Inquisitor.

The deep blue skin and red scleras with the absence of a pupil were dead giveaways—this new Inquisitor is a Chiss. A straight line of healed flesh passes through his left brow and eye, and his hair was black as his coat whose hem billows at the musty, humid air.

There was a sophisticated grace in him as he strode, intimidating and authoritative would be the best-suited words to describe him. Despite the sunken cheeks and prominent cheekbones—a sign of aging, battles and experience etched on his face—there was a mature, threatening air about him as he approached.

He stepped into the light of the foyer, revealing himself more. Donning black robes with red accents, a black cowl whose excess length hung around his shoulders like a cape, he’s dressed like an aristocrat. He greets Cal with a malicious grin, baring pearly-white teeth.

“Hello, Jedi,”

The Inquisitor’s baritone voice was husky yet smooth, calm like him, and yet there was a tinge of mischievousness in his words. Cal’s thumb secretly goes for the switch of his saber.

“You seem new,” Cal’s sarcasm took the lead of their exchange.

“I have a name. Though, they prefer to call me the Fourth Brother—and I prefer the same myself.” He introduced himself indifferently.

The Fourth Brother angled his head ever so slightly, his eyes shifted and watched the redheaded Jedi’s thumb crawl towards the switch. He condescendingly chuckled.

“Do you really want to do this right now?”

Cal did not respond, taken aback by the new Inquisitor’s question.

“Very well then,”

The Inquisitor stretched out his right hand, summoned his lightsaber and ignited it in a split second. His hilt is identical with the Second and Ninth Sisters’ where a ring encircled the pommel. The weapon hummed as a beam of crimson-red plasma. Cal’s lightsaber ignited in unison with his.

“Let’s dance, Jedi!” he spoke in a hiss, the smile grew to a sinister, ear-to-ear grin.

He lunges at the Cal, the distance between them was wide, and he dashed through the air like it was nothing. Cal quickly deflected his first strike. They exchanged strikes, a graceful yet deadly dance. The Fourth Brother was lithe, the way he moved made him look like he’s light as a feather, but his strength and the intensity of his attacks were staggering.

The Fourth Brother’s fighting pattern was almost like a dance more than a series of fighting stances. His motion was fluid, and yet his strikes were astonishingly strong, abrupt, and firm. Cal comes close to fumbling whenever he finds himself in the receiving end of the Fourth Brother’s finishers.

Cal finds himself evading more than attacking, due to the Fourth Brother’s speed and agility. Dodging away just to heal was starting to feel impossible to do, the enemy could always catch up and close the distance between them. When he found the chance, the Inquisitor sprang from the ground and went for an overhead attack—another finisher. Fortunately, Cal was quick enough to finish hitting himself with a stim and then parried it at the right time—at the last second—and the Fourth Brother was rather impressed.

“Oh, you’re stronger than I expected,”

“Enough to take you down!” Cal spat back with his unwavering snark and renewed energy thanks to the stim earlier.

“Can you take me down before we could get to the holocron first… and the village?”

The Fourth Brother’s words shocked Cal, a sudden chill coursed down his spine, his lips trembled as his green eyes flitted in confusion. The Inquisitor sensed it—the instantaneous faltering of the mind, his perfect opportunity. He smirked in celebration. Cal feigned, made a precision evade to the side and kicked away the opponent, this is the first time of the entire duel where the Fourth Brother truly staggered—it did hurt his rib, but not his pride, at least not yet.

“Wait… we?! How did you know about the village?!”

The Fourth Brother’s malicious grin returned to his face as he straightened his posture. He was satisfied with what he’s witnessing right now—relishing Cal’s paranoia in the form of bombarding questions.

“I have eyes and ears everywhere, boy. I’m not that feeble… like you.”

The duel continued. The long-lived silence of the temple ruins finally broken by the humming and crackling of lightsabers colliding with one another. The Fourth Brother was flashy—but he does so efficiently—with the objective of fazing the opponent, luring and baiting them until he’s finally found a suitable spot to deliver the killing blow.

However, Cal persisted… and survived. Fighting on, analyzing the Fourth Brother’s movements in real-time as they dueled. His movements’ speed have picked up and caught on with the opponent’s. Their footwork was so rapid they could practically tangle one another with just their legs.

Cal made use of his other abilities, making a medley of lightsaber attacks and Force abilities within the small window of time that the Fourth Brother had granted him. Admittedly, the Inquisitor was surprised when he was inflicted with the Force Slow—he felt sluggish as he is in reality, simply raising his arm felt like hauling a fully-occupied transport ship with just a tow cable, for a few seconds he is devoid of his beloved gift of nimbleness. He ultimately hated the sensation. Cal finally grabs his chance of retaliation. Separating the conjoined hilts, he strikes the Fourth Brother on the top and the bottom in opposite yet parallel strokes. The Inquisitor groaned in pain as he finally broke free from the Force Slow and his body fell limp on the floor.

Have I underestimated this boy? The Inquisitor thinks to himself as he watches Cal come at him.

He denied Cal the prize of a finishing blow. The Fourth Brother lunged away, evading the lightsaber blade coming down at him—ready to strike him at the head—and reveled the fleeting seconds of recovering from the damage he’s taken. He brought himself to his feet, Cal afforded him the dignity of regaining himself just so he can go back to being the worthy foe he ought himself to be; slowly standing up crouching, he winced whenever he tried to straighten his back—Cal has probably cut him deep.

“Well now,” he gasped, taking a deep breath, repressing an incoming wince. “You’re surely exceeding my expectations quite well.”

“You’ll find I’m full of surprises,” Cal scoffed back.

“Hmph,” he draws his lightsaber. He purred, “Though I wonder… how is she faring?”

She? Does he mean… [y/n]? Cal shuddered at the thought. More questions birthed out of the first one, the image of you suddenly flashed before his eyes.

Has he seen her? How? He can’t mean her!

The pace of Cal’s heartbeat increased tenfold. It’s impossible for the Fourth Brother to know about you when he has only encountered Cal.

“Well, I believe, we have enough of a breather now,”

It didn’t take long for the Fourth Brother to get his momentum back.

Meanwhile, you continue on the rest of the way, heading straight to where you’re supposed to be. You come across what ought to be another indoor garden and plaza. A ray of sunshine shone through an orifice in the ceiling, pooling in the deteriorated statue. The fountain’s basin had become a seedbed so the plants have occupied the space, their vines crawling and spilling out of the fountain.

For some reason, you found more comfort in the shadows than in the light. Though the sight of the ruined fountain had its certain charm, even in this state, you smiled at the comforting fact that sunlight still found its way through this derelict place.

You cautiously approached the center, with your main purpose being to reach the other side of the room on the way to the holocron’s hiding place. Each step you took, something didn’t feel right—and it became more and more obvious by the minute.

Out of the blue, a disembodied scream rings around the foyer. Thanks to your senses—whose keenness have heightened through the roof ever since you got separated from Cal—you snatched your lightsaber and ignited it, deflecting another lightsaber beam.

“You know, a sneak attack is useless if you’re just gonna scream!” you spat.

Your attacker is a female Mirialian. You’ve just met the Eighth Sister.

She made quite the entrance just to introduce herself to you: she had leapt from her perch—a stone parapet just inches below the ceiling, with enough darkness to hide in until she could buy the opportunity to strike you down, she had only miscalculated how responsive your reflexes were. She surely wasn’t expecting that, albeit she knew you were Jedi.

You elbowed her hard on the chest, followed by a kick to the shin. She fumbled as she stepped back away from you.

“Ooooh, I hope you didn’t break a collarbone in me because that was HARD!” she said cheerily, snickering as she stretched her good leg.

She was dressed very differently compared to Trilla or the Ninth Sister. Aside from their standard black garments, hers is unconventional and less conservative: a black cropped top with a hood, two red bands secured her black wrist gauntlets and wore another two pairs of the armbands around her skinny biceps, her pauldrons bore the insignia of the Empire painted in white, and a maroon scarf that she has tied around her waist tucked underneath her actual belt.

Her helmet didn’t cover her face, only her head—it’s merely a conical headdress with two appendages on both sides—exposing her three tattoos: a vertical stripe along the center of her forehead and a horizontal pair on her cheeks. Upon closer look, her blue, winged eyes glimmered with a juvenile frenzy, complemented with a grin playing in size from a narrow slit to a wide, toothy one.

She behaved like a teenager, even though she appeared to be the same age as you.

“That was a good hit though, gotta give it to ya!”

“You’re an Inquisitor,” you uttered in discovery.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, “What else?”

“Ho-How… did you?”

“How’d we get here?” she continued for you. Casually waving her lightsaber around, tilting her head as if in a pensive expression. “Well, it’s simple. We got troopers stationed around the place.”

She turned to you, her childish façade melted, and a malicious grin plastered on her face.

“Enough talk. Let’s dance. I’d like to see you move with that light stick.”

You prepped yourself into an attack stance, “I hope you don’t carry that just for show!”

The Eighth Sister surely proved you that she doesn’t carry her lightsaber just for show..

Your dexterity was at par with one another, but only one can dominate this battlefield. It appears that she was her own brand of flashy—compared to the Fourth Brother—she was acrobatic and lithe. The speed in the delivery of her combos compensated for her lack of power and strength, her attacks against you had very little windows for you to cut in, though usually at the final part of it you can deflect them so you could have a turn in attacking.

You studied her every move, made yourself scarce from her strikes, saving up energy at the same time. Your attacks were precious and carefully-timed—striking her when you could truly afford it.

“Come on! You’re totally killing the fun!” she coaxed, the playful tone never left her voice.

You lunged and came at her, dominating her as you stepped forward with every blow. You brutally overwhelmed the fight with enough strength to stagger her. There was the moment where her footwork was noticeably failing, but kept her lightsaber arm raised, flimsily deflecting your attacks. She bared her teeth at you as she exerted in her blocking—you couldn’t tell whether it was a grin or a soundless hiss.

It frustrated her enough that you were winning in this bit. She was propped on her elbow on the ground, the split second’s worth of window was enough for her to roll away and avoid your overhead strike. Your lightsaber seared the stone ground, your enemy had recovered her bearings. Her grin had vanished, her cyan eyes emitted a cold stare as she pointed her lightsaber at you in a stance.

You grinned and shrugged at her, taunting her, at the same time you were begging her to come at you.

And she did.

A cluster of red sparks flew in the flurry of her lightsaber. You sensed that her attacks have become heavier—that was both a good thing and a bad. For one, it means she had tired herself out with her acrobatics; for another, her strikes had gained some brute force to it. Despite all that, you never faltered. You kept your cool while gradually exploiting your enemy’s skills.

Finally, your evading has paid off. She is wide open whenever she does the finishing strike of her combo: an overhead jump strike after two attacking twirls. If you could evade her landing at just the right time—you thought to yourself—you could either hit her back with a kick or your saber. Her lunging attack was the easiest to exploit, you can either parry her or Force-pull her out of balance to interrupt the move.

In every passing minute, the Eighth Sister was sluggish, stealing moments of rest in a great distance from you as she takes a breather for herself.

“Ugh, you’re too good for my taste, girl!” she hissed, greatly vexed.

“I’ll take that as a compliment then!”

She flexed and cracked her neck.

“I hope this treasure hunt was worth the wait!”

Your eyebrows furrowed at the discovery. So, they have gotten here ahead of you as well! Your instincts were right, you wished that you believed it in more sooner. But now, you have the most concrete of evidence, your fear and anxiety have taken physical form: it’s the Eighth Sister and whatever operation she and her companions have in mind the moment they’ve set foot into this temple before you and Cal did.

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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RWBY Recaps: “Spark”

What’s the current mood? I would sell all future RWBY seasons for one episode of The Mandalorian.

Okay, I exaggerate. Overall this episode had some really great moments, just (per usual) tied up in a lot of awful implications. Which frankly is a step up from last week’s more overt nonsense, so I’ll take it. I’ve just got Space Dad Fever like the rest of the internet so whenever RWBY does something stupid my brain goes, “Why can’t you be more like Baby Yoda? With non-forced cuteness and consistent writing?”

Okay, okay I’m focused on the correct fandom. I swear.

This episode opens with Penny waking the group up extra early. Yang wants to know what time it is. “Time to be huntresses, of course!” Really, the contrast between, ‘I love my job’ and ‘But my job makes me get up at an ungodly hour’ is easily the most relatable thing RWBY has done this season. I was also just greatly amused by the animation choices with in-world implications. Like that Weiss sleeps with her giant braid in. Or that the group owns nothing except for the new clothes on their backs. I wondered after the Volume Six’s train scene if most of their luggage had been up front with JNR, or if they’d lost it all during the crash itself. We only see three bags as they make their way to the farm.

Did Oscar re-pack everything before they had to hightail it out of that burning, grimm-infested place? I don’t remember and I’m way too lazy to go check. Yang then loses her motorcycle. Who knows, if they did have stuff, whether it got onto the stolen airship. Doubtful. I mean, Weiss showed up with a massive amount of luggage, but that’s for hiding grandmas. Basically, what I’m saying is that I think the group showed up in Atlas, exhausted, and had to tell Penny they don’t have PJs anymore. Cue standard issue t-shirts and strange thermal-ish pants.

We then begin a montage of their different work. It starts out not with the missions they signed up for last episode but anything and everything connected to Amity Arena. Keep clearing out the mines. Protect resource transports. Fill in for the missing soldiers in Mantle, etc. On the whole I legitimately loved these moments showing the various relationships and life as a huntress in Atlas, with the exception of two scenes. The first is during the section where we see Blake and Yang working with Marrow, who makes the mistake of saying a) that they should consider partnering with other people sometime and b) pointing out that he’s not sure their styles are complimentary.

Look, I get it. A few hours after the episode dropped and tumblr is already exploding with GIF-sets of this scene, celebrating how Blake and Yang are so in love they can’t even stand Marrow suggesting that they might spend some time apart. From a shipping perspective it looks like gold and as someone who also ships them I’d normally be inclined to celebrate too. Except that this is a really unhealthy pattern of behavior. Marrow is right. The group should practice partnering with other people for the simple reason that this is a job and they may not always get to decide who they’re going to work with. It’s a job with endless risks and they may not always be able to control who they end up fighting beside, because when was the last time a plan actually worked right? The advice of ‘Hey. Don’t stagnant by only fighting with the same person 24/7’ is sound, especially in an episode already focused on training and progress. As is the innocent observation that their styles don’t seem to compliment each other. Marrow isn’t being cruel here. He’s not trying to insist he knows better and separate them based on that. He’s just making casual conversation---and gets this in response.

This scene would read completely differently if Blake and Yang were playfully smug after that attack combo. Then it becomes a moment of bonding where they’re correcting Marrow through a bit of teasing. Instead they’re legitimately mad. Mad enough that Yang’s semblance briefly activates. I’ve mentioned before that Yang has a tendency to think the worst of people and act violently towards them on instinct (Ozpin, bot in the street) and that Blake has a tendency to go wherever she leads, even when that makes no sense for her own characterization (siding with Yang’s anger over her own experiences as an abuse survivor). This is another example of that. Marrow gives them good advice and makes a casual comment? Immediate fury from Yang. Yang’s pissed off? Well I’m gonna be pissed off too. I try not to bring shipping too much into these recaps, but I do think it’s worth mentioning here. Big Blake/Yang fans have a tendency to paint everything they do as the most Romantic Thing Ever ™; anti-Blake/Yang fans have a tendency to make blanket statements about how their relationship is inherently unhealthy. But as usual the truth lies somewhere in between. They’re fantastic together, I think Rooster Teeth is setting up a relationship, and there are also aspects that are unhealthy. Not because it’s queer (which is the basis for most antis’ anger), but because the writing has them enabling their flaws in the name of “support.” Sorry, but if you can’t deal with someone making a comment as innocent as Marrow’s without beating up a grimm in fury about it... then you either need to work out that relationship insecurity or work on general anger management. Because Marrow didn’t deserve those cold looks and these two weren’t justified in receiving his panicked backpedaling. It’s one of those little things that presumably means nothing on its own, but combined with Blake and Yang’s entire development speaks volumes. Let them talk through Adam. Let someone call Yang out on her judgments. It’s ‘fine’ in situations like this; not fine in situations like Volumes 5-6.

The other part of the montage that didn’t sit well was another ‘joke.’ Just like I’m not inclined to view Yang and Blake’s anger as cutesy romance stuff here, I’m not comfortable brushing off Jaune’s interaction with the kids’ moms as a bit of humor. Yeah, maybe I’m “sensitive,” but was no one else creeped out by that? Jaune might technically be an adult, but he’s, what? Nineteen? So a junior in college. Maybe a sophomore. A young adult is what I’m saying. Is it possible all these women are also eighteen to early twenties (it’s so hard to tell ages with RWBY) and they just had their kids early? Sure. It is possible that these women all decided to become single moms, or divorced their partners, or are open to polyamory? Also sure. But let’s be real here, that’s not the joke. The joke is that a group of older, presumably married women are thirsting over the young, hot huntsmen. People would be more willing to admit that it’s not a great humor choice if RWBY had done that to one of the girls, but when a guy is the target it’s seen as a funny victory. Look at Jaune getting all that older, adulterous attention! As Nora herself says, “It’s totally the haircut.” (Even though that haircut remains atrocious, sorry.) The message is basically that if a guy is hot enough it doesn’t matter that he’s just trying to do his job, that he’s probably far younger than you, that you’re probably married... go gawk at him and give him gifts that clearly make him uncomfortable.

Again, I realize I’m being “sensitive.” It’s just a web series, just a stupid scene meant to generate a laugh, etc. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I simply don’t find that sort of stuff humorous. As a woman who has had much older men hit on me while I’m trying to do my job, I look at the same thing happening to Jaune and ask, “Why was this supposed to be funny again?”

But anyway, enough about all that. Other moments in the montage include Ruby and Yang fighting grimm together (presumably in their downtime. Nerds), Winter pretending to be unimpressed with Weiss’ summoning, and Ironwood telling Oscar that maybe they can “jog [Ozpin] loose” with a bit of training.

Yeah, remember how excited we all were that, based on the Volume’s opening, we would at least see Oscar training with Ironwood? Remember how we all thought that this would provide him with some much needed character development? That maybe this would be the moment when he struggled with and potentially decided to come clean about their lies? Or he tries to talk to Ozpin while sparing with an incredibly difficult opponent? You know, since Ironwood himself brought up jogging Ozpin loose, we might actually get some interaction with Ozpin?

Boy were we optimistic! What we actually get is them charging each other for one hit before we cut back to others training. Namely Jaune. And this right here is the problem with this entire episode: for however cute and wonderful these moments might seem, they’re all flat out ignoring the primary conflicts of the show. The ones the writing keeps refusing to grapple with. Who knows how much time this montage is supposed to cover, but it’s substantial. We get multiple flashes of different days, see the group working on different missions, a couple different moments taking place in the early morning, so I’d wager at least another week has passed. Combine that with however long it took Pietro to make their weapons and you’ve got the group fully entrenched in their lies. No one is questioning Ruby. Ruby isn’t making headway towards trusting Ironwood. Everyone is just kicking their heels, happy with the status quo until something forces them to finally make a decision. They now, officially, have no right to judge Ozpin for the time he took to trust people. We see them doing the exact same thing here and they’re all happy about it. With the exception of those two quick flashbacks in “Ace Operatives,” we’ve seen no evidence that the rest of the group is struggling with their own hypocrisy. I---like many---had hoped that Oscar’s training session would finally acknowledge and expand on the rest of the team’s initial hesitation. But no.

(In which Jaune’s expression is me.)

Jumping ahead just a bit, we see this same issue when Ruby, Penny, Qrow, and Ironwood are out driving the supplies. Ruby and Penny finally have some time to themselves! Will they discuss her murder and resurrection? Nope. Ruby vaguely references it with, “You know...” but there’s no actual depth to their conversation (and if you can’t even say ‘When you died’ that implies that maybe there are some lingering feelings about all this). Instead Ruby is interested in whether Penny has made new friends and she says that Ironwood claims she has no time for friends. Slot that in next to the Ace Ops’ ridiculous, “We’re not friends.”

Second, we have this moment between Qrow and Clover where they reiterate the huge gap between age and experience here. Clover is hoping that “another generation” will do right by Remnant after we’re gone. Namely Ruby and the others. Continuing with that age theme, he reassures Qrow that “those kids wouldn’t be where they are without you” which is all well and good, but is anyone going to tell THEM that? The adults don’t need to know that they’re doing good work---even if it is nice for Qrow to get some validation for once---rather, the whole “we don’t need adults” fiasco came about because the teens refused to acknowledge that work. We don’t need someone telling Qrow that he’s helped keep them safe. Overlooking some insecurities (which RWBY isn’t tackling anyway), he knows that. We as the audience don’t need to hear it because we saw it all happen on screen. Rather, Clover should be put into a position where he reminds Ruby of all that her uncle has done for her. Just like Qrow talking to Ruby about her motivations for moving forward against Salem doesn’t accomplish anything, Clover telling Qrow, as one adult to another, that they’re worth something doesn’t accomplish anything either. These parties know all this already.

As a side note, this is why you should mix things up. Not just so that Blake and Yang can practice fighting beside other people, but so that people who don’t already agree can be challenged for once. Put Yang with Qrow and have him comment on her anger, continuing Tai’s work. Put Ruby with Clover and let him talk to her about what adults have done to get her here. All these moments of potential development are lost by maintaining the expectation that the original partners have to be the priority. Rooster Teeth had an easy way of throwing new people together by assigning them various missions and they didn’t take it. Yang is still with Blake. Ren is still with Nora. Of course Qrow is with the one other guy his age who we have to pair him with. Reinforcing these relationships is great, but so is pausing them too.

And then there’s the drinking.

Hold up one second. I need to grab a bit of writing from my Volume 6 finale recap. Think back to Qrow and Ruby’s interaction in the airship:

And then Qrow lowers his bottle which… what? Alcoholism doesn’t work like that. Much more importantly, no one has tackled his drinking this season. Or the reasons he was drinking in the first place. Literally, Qrow’s semblance, his place in the war, Ozpin’s secret, none of it has been addressed. He has no reason to suddenly put aside his flask like he’s actually learned something. Does RT think we’re going to just imagine scenes that never actually happened?

After I posted this a couple of people pointed out that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. We’ve seen other times where Qrow goes to take a drink and then thinks better of it, so it’s a reach to assume he’s magically given up drinking now. Which, fair. Now though it looks like that’s precisely what we got. Sometime between being found passed out on the front steps of the Argus house and reaching Atlas, Qrow just decided he was done with drinking and thus far we’ve seen no evidence that he’s struggling with that. Meaning, it’s not a conflict he’s working through. That doesn’t seem to be his arc this volume.

Yet he’s an alcoholic. Qrow’s drinking may have functioned as a joke for most of Volumes 1-3, but Volume 6 made it abundantly clear that this problem is incapacitating for him, especially after learning about Ozpin and Salem. So what happened? What changed? Even if I choose to overlook Qrow just deciding not to engage with his addiction anymore without help or backslides that we know of (doesn’t work like that...), I can’t ignore the fact that there was no catalyst for this. If the show wanted us to work under the assumption that Qrow stopped drinking because it endangered his family then they should have had him stop after the farm. You know, when he was almost killed by Apathy and had to be dragged out by his nieces. As it is, his drinking continues on throughout their whole time at Argus. He’s not picking up his scroll. He’s passed out on the steps. He’s brushing past Ruby to go get a drink instead of helping them figure out a way past Cordovin. Then a day later they make it to Atlas. So what precisely in that 24 hour period happened to change one of Qrow’s defining characteristics? Or, if this is supposed to be an arc wherein Qrow attempts to get sober and struggles with it, why haven’t we seen that? Again, they’ve been in Atlas for weeks now. This isn’t a one day sober Qrow with a naively optimistic outlook. He’s apparently been managing this for a while now with no downsides, no difficulties, no regrets.

Blake and Yang getting mad at Marrow instead of acknowledging their trauma. Oscar taking one hit at Ironwood instead of grappling with their secrets. Ruby talking about new friends instead of the relationship she already has with Penny. Clover telling Qrow adults are important instead of anyone telling the teens that. Qrow revealing that he’s just not drinking anymore. For reasons. It’s amazing just how much space this episode provides for the characters to start working through their conflicts and we bypass every opportunity. This is RWBY’s primary problem. Beyond the pro-protagonist perspective is the issue that, especially since Volume 5, the show has made a habit of introducing intriguing problems and then either twisting them so they have simplistic ‘solutions’ (we don’t need to tackle Ruby’s hypocrisy. She’s just “different” from Ozpin) or ignores them completely. We don’t need a new friendship vs. professional relationship conflict. We don’t need a new luck vs. bad luck semblance conflict. Not yet anyway. Not until we work through the conflicts that have already been introduced. Let Ruby talk to Penny about their own relationship. Let Clover help Qrow get sober. RWBY is like me when I’m writing fic. Why would I finish the thing I started when there’s this shiny new idea over here? Except I’m engaging in a low-key hobby whereas they’re writing for their livelihood. For the love of everything, please solve the problems we already have before chucking in new ones. You can give us all the same moments and relationships, just tailor them so they acknowledge the things the viewers have been waiting for you to tackle. I don’t need to know why Ruby and her team are Super Special because they’re BFFs when everyone else in Atlas apparently rejects friendship like the plague. I do need to know why a guy who was introduced downing a glass of whiskey apparently got over his alcoholism off screen.

Ugh. You know what we need? Penguins. Everyone look at the penguins for at least five seconds and allow them to cleanse your soul.

Heading backwards, before the transport scene we get a training fight between JNR + Oscar and Neon’s group. I honestly wonder how a team like theirs feels about them getting their licenses. After all, they fought at the Battle of Beacon too. The only reason why RWBYJNR got into extra, life-threatening situations is because they stupidly went off on their own. I realize that duh, as a story we can’t just have our protagonists twiddling their thumbs, but from an in-world perspective Ruby snuck out of the house to hunt down a woman who would absolutely have killed her and 100% would have been kidnapped if Qrow hadn’t followed to keep her safe. Everything else stems out of that. So not exactly a classically heroic basis for special treatment. All of which Neon and Flynt presumably don’t even know about because it touches on all those secrets. I suppose they just heard something along the lines of, “I, Ironwood, am giving two Beacon teams early licenses because they survived a horrendous battle. You, my actual students, don’t get them even though you did the same work.” It could have been really interesting to have some tension over this and for the group to see another complication of their secret keeping. Here they have to keep Cinder, the Maidens, the Relic, etc. quiet... but because of that it leads to some pretty awful miscommunication between friends. There are repercussions to your secrets and not all of them are things you can plan for or fix.

We don’t have anything like that though. Obviously. Instead we just get a generic fight with a side of weird Nora/Ren stuff. Meaning, Neon calls him Nora’s boyfriend and asks, “Where’s that energy when he’s around you?” Later Nora asks if they’ll still get sandwiches before work and Ren heaves out an annoyed sigh.

That moment struck me simply because it doesn’t come across like one of his normal, happily indulgent sighs. Ren seemed legitimately annoyed. Which is even stranger when we consider that Nora isn’t being over the top here. Sure, she pops up behind him in a sort of silly manner, but really all she’s doing is expressing that she’s hungry after an intense battle. Can we please make sure we grab something before heading off to work? That’s a more than reasonable request.

Ren shutting her down over his hair. Seeming to ignore her when she fiddles with it while on patrol. Neon’s comment about his lack of energy around her. Nora getting mad enough about it to give her a black eye (RWBY so rarely shows injuries). Ren seemingly put out by her theatrics. They’re all little things that only seem to paint a picture when put together, but of what exactly? It’s like I said last time, if the show wants to introduce some sort of arc for Nora and Ren this volume it had better do it soon. Really soon. Details that may or may not be setup can only take you so far.

During this battle Ironwood smiles down at all their progress, which could be endearing or creepy, depending on whether you think he’s hiding something (more on that in a bit). Neon actually acknowledges Oscar’s existence and draws a blush out of him, so thank you for that, Neon.

I thought for just a moment that Jaune might compliment Oscar too, but he just compliments the other team instead. At least they’re letting him train with him. After last week’s episode I’ll take this small step forward.

Back past the talk between Qrow and Clover, we finally get to meet the infamous Robyn Hill. She blocks the road to Amity Arena with one of her Happy Huntresses, the same faunus who was spying on the project last episode. And who I forgot to mention in my recap. Whoops. I love Hill already though precisely because she’s able to do what our protagonists couldn’t last Volume: stand down when a plan fails.

Hill takes her shot by putting up the roadblock and asking Clover to be straight with her, but when that doesn’t work and it looks like they’re about to come to blows, she admits defeat and lets them through. That’s how you handle a tenuous ally. Keep the peace and regroup with a different idea. Show them basic respect so that they might help you in the future. Clover’s “good luck” regarding the election speaks volumes about how everyone does want to help each other, they just need to figure out a way to do it. Hill could have attacked the group and stood her ground purely because she believes she’s right---just as Ruby did with Cordovin---but she demonstrates her maturity instead. She didn’t risk lives for the sake of getting what she wanted right here, right now. Despite the fact that what she wants likewise involves the safety of the people. Take note, Ruby.

Speaking of, everyone catch that guilty look when Ruby learns that Ironwood’s project is taking resources directly from the city that most needs it? Yeah, what did you think was going to happen? At the very least the group saw that they were taking manpower away. Ironwood needs them to help protect Mantle because most of his men are off in the middle of nowhere, so the group is well aware that their actions are causing a negative impact. I highly doubt that the eight of them (including Qrow) can make up for however many people Ironwood is pulling out, to say nothing of the fact that many of them (like Ruby here) are also on Amity duty. They’re allowing Ironwood to put people, money, supplies, and time towards an endeavor that they know is bound to fail. Sure, it would be nice to have communication across Remnant without fear of losing that to the grimm again, but we all know Ironwood is primarily doing this because of the Salem situation. If he knew about her immortality he’d probably go, “Hmm. Well, the first part of the idea is still nice, but I probably shouldn’t pour this much into just a regular communications tower. Defeating Salem potentially justifies me hurting the people to get this done. But not anything else.” I’ll say it again: Ozpin’s secrets didn’t endanger anyone. Everyone from Pyrrha to Yang agreed to put their lives on the line for reasons entirely separate from Salem. Their lives were in danger from the start and, given their choices, always would be in danger. Ruby is the one whose secret is not just threatening all of Remnant in the future, but actively hurting people now too. She has the ability to stop this and she chooses not to.

Or rather, she chooses to keep putting off the decision. We’ll tell Ironwood when we’re ready. Yeah right. I still want someone to challenge Ruby on what this magical ‘He’s trustworthy!’ moment looks like. They’ve spent weeks with this man, fighting for him, training with him, accepting gifts in the form of weaponry, armor, facilities... so what exactly is it going to take, Ruby? I’m not saying Ironwood is trustworthy, I’m saying you can never know until the day they betray you. If that day comes. So when is Ruby going to acknowledge that? That she will never get that magical moment and that she’s just like Ozpin, putting off telling someone because the information weighs so heavily and there’s just too much to risk?

Hill thematically acknowledges the last two Volumes with, “It doesn’t have to be difficult. Just tell me,” while we all know it’s not that simple. Even if people would like it to be. Clover refuses, Penny spots two invisible huntresses closing in (nice), and as said, Robyn backs down.

We then end this episode with a long bonding session between Winter and Weiss. We see them fighting with their summonings and Winter comments about how, “You’ve grown up a bit, haven’t you?” We get it. You’re not subtle. Weiss has grown up. “Make no mistake. School is over.” They’re adults now! If only we saw that more than we heard it. Weiss at least is a character who has had legitimate, excellent development over the last couple of volumes. I’m admittedly a bit confused though regarding how that development aligns with the old Weiss. Meaning, we learned early on that she wanted to become a huntress to redeem the Schnee name. Now Winter is talking about how separating herself from the Schnees was the best thing to happen to her and Weiss seems to agree. So is that it now? Is Weiss just concerned with being her own person, or is she still invested in being a Schnee? Just a Schnee who embodies what her family used to stand for? It’s unclear based on the conversation.

Then. Ugh. They discuss Ironwood’s choices and Weiss snidely comments that, “Everyone thinks what they’re doing is right, but really they’re just looking out for themselves... and their secrets.” Yeah, Weiss. INCLUDING YOU. Are they really so dense that they don’t see how lying about how Ozpin disappeared was looking out for themselves, namely by making sure that Ironwood continued to embrace them with open arms instead of getting pissed? After all, it’s less likely that the group would have gotten a nice place to live, awesome weaponry, high-tech places to train, and early licenses if they’d admitted to their sins last volume. They’re also protecting their own secrets by spending these weeks nice and quiet, just ignoring the Ironwood problem completely. Weiss is protecting their secrets right now by encouraging Winter to question Ironwood’s intentions---subtly casting him and Ozpin in a bad light---while she herself is keeping secrets from Winter. I mentioned before that Ironwood’s smile could potentially be a bad omen if we follow the writing rule of, “If a character insists someone isn’t keeping anything from them... they’re definitely keeping something from them.” Winter’s belief that Ironwood doesn’t keep secrets from her sets up the expectation for the audience that he probably is. But we don’t actually know that yet. Weiss thinks Ironwood might be keeping secrets. Weiss knows for sure she and the rest of her friends are keeping secrets. Only one party is definitively guilty here, so I’m not sure why she feels entitled to act like she still has the high ground.

With Ironwood’s honor in question, Winter takes Weiss to see the Winter Maiden. We really don’t get to learn much about her except that she still looks young-ish (again: RWBY ages are hard) and seems to like to paint.

No one else can visit her---and thus we don’t hear the conversation---because Ironwood wants Winter to inherit the power. Okay. So that leaves us with a couple options now:

Older woman can inherit and Ozpin made a very iffy call in trying to foster that responsibility off on a First Year. Which is probably down to more writing concerns than Ozpin’s characterization. Meaning, you want to keep the conflict among the main cast, not bring in a random new character to do the volume’s Important Thing. So you set up Pyrrha as the Fall Maiden, even though in-world that looks like a sketchy decision. To say nothing of the fact that Rooster Teeth isn’t very good at setting down hard rules. What functioned as a limitation during Volume 3 can easily be wiped away in Volume 7. In the same way that we went from Qrow’s semblance being totally passive and range-based to “sometimes I can’t control it.”

Ironwood and Winter are assuming that Winter can inherit, but she’s actually too old now. They’ll be blindsided by this when the power unexpectedly goes to someone else.

Ironwood has convinced Winter that she can inherit but actually has some sort of other plan up his sleeve.

Really, my biggest takeaway is Winter’s speech about how she is choosing this. Regardless of whether fate forced her into a situation with only bad options. Regardless of whether others also want her to make this decision. It’s still her choice. 95% of the fandom needs to listen to that speech and then chuck Pyrrha into Winter’s place. Having only tough choices isn’t the same thing as having no choice. The fact that your choice coincides with what others want doesn’t lessen it. They both chose to take on this power and it’s wrong for others to trivialize that by claiming that the men in their life---Ozpin and Ironwood---manipulated them. It’s implying that they can’t make their own decisions. That making this terribly difficult choice doesn’t come down to their own strength. They know it’s dangerous, regardless of whether they understand every detail of that danger, and actively choose to take on that responsibility anyway. Because they want to do some good in the world. The fandom has worked its butt off to take that away from Pyrrha and I really hope they don’t do the same to Winter.

Although... the death flags. Yeesh but Winter looks like a particularly enticing target for the end of this Volume. What with talk of destiny and all... I really hope the series doesn’t go the route of giving every Team RWBY member one of the Maiden powers, what with Winter in a position to think about Weiss if she dies with the power, Raven in a position to think about Yang, and Cinder obsessed with Ruby literally all the time... yeah. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m personally more invested in ‘normal’ people managing the impossible through hard work, belief in themselves and each other, all that jazz. Not already overpowered people (at least in Ruby’s case) getting literal magic to solve their problems with. There’s so much more you can do with that.

Finally, Jacques comes online to spew a bunch of BS about how everything ever is Ironwood’s fault and he’s totally suffering just like everyone in Mantle.

Right.

As Winter says though, the lies are just enough of a “spark” to ignite an already pissed off populace. We close on an angry mob beginning to tear the streets apart. Guess we’ll find out next week how the group tackles that nasty problem.

Until then! 💜

Minor Things of Note

What was that sandwich gag? RWBY is really pushing the humor in iffy directions this volume.

I enjoyed Qrow and Clover playing cards though. What a mess with their semblances.

Also, I made us a poster:

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #rwby recaps

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katiebug445 · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday, Marco!

so some context: im in the process of reading attack on titan before the fall and i fucking adore cardina baumeister with my entire fucking heart, he’s such a soft boy and my heart belongs to him and i want his little gay ass to be as happy as can be, so i thought, you know who else needs someone to be soft and happy with? marco. so mardina was born and i fucking adore this ship with my whole heart and they’re just CUTE together okay they fucking are so im posting this but whatever i don’t need to justify myself just take it

Cardina wanted nothing but for it to be special.

He and Marco had been together for just a little under a year, and it was the first birthday they were getting to celebrate as a couple. He’d been planning it in secret for months, buying little things here and there when he was able to go shopping on his own, hiding it away in the top of his closet, where he knew Marco never noticed things. He’d even gone so far as to message Marco’s best friend, a man named Jean who had always scared the hell out of him, for help in making the cake.

Cardina wanted to do it from scratch, to make something entirely homemade for his birthday, but he genuinely had no idea what he was doing, and Jean was a chef, so why not?

Once Marco left for work that morning, Cardina sprang out of bed and got started as soon as the car pulled away, pulling down all of the decorations and ingredients he’d picked up, and took everything down to the kitchen so he could get started.

He dumped everything out onto the table and began to sort it absentmindedly as he tapped around on his phone for a playlist that Marco had made for him of all of his favorite songs, and once it was playing, he tied his hair back and started ripping open packages. The decorating was one of his favorite parts of this stuff, figuring out the perfect placements for banners and streamers and every other little thing was always so much fun for him, he wished he had the chance to do it more often.

Once everything was how he wanted it, Cardina went back to the kitchen, bopping along to a cheery song that he knew Marco loved, and hummed along with it as he typed out a message for Jean, telling him he was ready for him to send over the easiest recipe he had on hand. While he waited for him to get back, he rounded up everything that he assumed he would need to make a cake, trying to remember all of the baking things that Marco used when they made box brownies and cookies.

He kept peeking over at his phone, but nothing had come through yet, and Cardina was starting to get impatient waiting for it. He tried to distract himself by tidying up some little things here and there, but that didn’t take nearly enough time up before he was back at his phone, cursing quietly to himself and wondering if Jean actually knew how to text at all, by the speed it was taking.

Cardina found himself wandering back upstairs with his phone in hand, deciding to go ahead and get dressed, and before he realized what he was doing, had one of Marco’s shirts pulled on, along with his favorite pair of pants and an old baseball cap that he’d been given by his boyfriend, and pulled his ponytail through the hole in the back. Finally, his phone dinged with a message, and a text long enough that it had to be broken up in three parts came through. Suddenly, he realized why it had taken Jean so long to get back to him: He’d written out a novel!

He quickly scanned over the recipe, still a bit intimidated despite this being an “easy” cake, and typed out a quick thank you to Jean before heading back downstairs so he could get started looking for the rest of what he needed. Unlike the boxed goodies that they’d made previously, this required a lot more ingredients, several of which they didn’t have. Panicked, Cardina sent another text asking if it would be okay not to use some of the stuff, and Jean explained that it could, thankfully, be substituted by a few things he did have on hand.

Cardina read over the beginning of the texts from Jean three times, just to make sure he had down everything that he needed, and got started, putting in as much care as he possibly could to every step, and smiled to himself when he was finished mixing in the wet ingredients. It looked good, if he said so himself, and felt a bit of pride in himself for getting that far in without messing it up.

Next came the dry parts, all of which he had ready in a smaller bowl, which he soon realized was a mistake. Everything went in nice and easy until he got to the flour, which was a lot lighter and dustier than anything else, and he made the mistake of dumping it in all together, which created a giant puff of white, which ended up all over his face, his shirt, and even, to his surprise, in his hair. Coughing, Cardina fanned the flour out of his face, and looked over the next bit of the recipe, which was to put everything in together, and mix it. Easy, he thought.

Seeing as the wet ingredients had the bigger bowl, he decided to dump the dry into it, but the bowl was heavier than he expected, and, once again, he was covered in an even bigger mess, and the wet bowl teetered dangerously on the edge of the counter with the extra weight and the momentum in which everything was dumped in.

Cardina yelped, holding the bowl with his hips as he dumped the rest of the stuff in, then hurriedly set the empty one down and moved the full one back to safety. That was entirely too close, he thought, and, because everything was so full, he decided to hand mix it rather than use the machine.

Twenty minutes, a sore arm, and an egg yolk stain on the front of his shirt later, he put the spoon he was using down, and was digging out the other mixer, wondering if it would be okay to use one beater, seeing as the other wasn’t where it needed to be. He decided it would be better than nothing, and plugged it in, at the last second deciding to put it on the lowest speed possible, which turned out to be the right move, seeing as how fast even that spun everything around.

Somehow, he managed to pull it off, and had a cake mix that looked as perfect as everything he found on the internet. Satisfied, he grabbed one of their cake pans and poured it in, which ended up needing to be split into two with the amount of batter he had left, but he thought that would be fine; that meant more cake for the man he loved more than anything. Cardina quickly scanned over the last bit of Jean’s messages, and decided to set a timer on his phone for when it would be ready, and popped them in the oven once it was ready.

While everything cooked, he cleaned everything up, himself included. He didn’t want to take off the shirt, seeing as it was comfortable and smelled like Marco, so he just brushed it off the best he could and settled for that being good enough. He did up the dishes, swept the floor, and cleaned off the counters, all while listening to his music, feeling happy and lighter than he had in awhile. He loved the idea of being able to do this for the love of his life, to be able to surprise him with nice things like this, and thought maybe, if this went over well, he could start asking Jean for more advice on how to cook things.

He hadn’t been keeping track of time, and only realized that something might be wrong when he began to smell something burning, and panicking a bit, checked the timer to realize that he hadn’t actually hit start. Cardina screamed, quickly shutting the oven off and grabbing the nearest cloths he could find to pull the pans out, cussing quietly to himself when the heat from the metal burned through the dishcloths and burned his fingers. He quickly set them on the counter to cool off, and his heart completely sank when he realized that they were all but ruined. The tops of the cakes looked more like charcoal, or the tops of their brownies than they did a lemon cake, and he sighed, his good mood completely destroyed.

He couldn’t even bring himself to ask Jean for help, he was so humiliated, and just stood there for several moments, looking at the burned mess of a surprise, and tried not to cry. Who was he kidding thinking he could actually pull this off? Cardina looked around at the decorations, and the happiness that they brought him earlier in the day turned to disgust, and suddenly they looked horrible, too close together and junky, and made him feel like he was trying too hard to impress his boyfriend rather than a genuine expression of his love.

Tears filled Cardina’s eyes, and he had half a mind to tear them all down, but when he got up to do it, a little thought stopped him: how touched Marco would be to see it, even if it was a huge disaster. He took a deep breath and looked around at the decorations one more time before deciding to leave them, wondering to himself how he’d been so lucky as to land someone as forgiving and kind as Marco was.

The cakes still bothered him, though. A lot. He left them where they were for the time being, and grudgingly decided to go out and just buy a cake for him instead. It felt like cheating, but he wanted to make sure Marco actually had something edible. So, Cardina bought a blank cake and a tube of icing, deciding to at least do the decorating on it himself.

Marco pulled up several hours later, exhausted from a long shift at the restaurant where he and Jean both worked, having worked a double shift to cover for his friend while he spent the day with his new fiance, Armin, and just sat in his car for a moment and tried to relax. He shrugged off his jacket and smock, and decided, just for the night, to leave his work shoes out in his car so he didn’t have to look at them anymore. Barefoot and exhausted, Marco walked up to the house with a paper bag full of food he’d been able to bring home for he and Cardina to share.

He opened the door, not surprised to find it unlocked already, and stepped inside. The first thing he noticed was the giant banner that said happy birthday written out on the wall behind the couch, and his heart lifted the tiniest bit. He was glad to see that at least someone had remembered his birthday after a long day of being bitched at by angry soccer moms on their lunch breaks, and then he realized that the rest of the room was decorated with streamers and even more banners.

“Car?” he called, the tiniest hint of a smile lighting up his face as he hung his keys and smock up on the hook by the door. “Did you decorate all of this?”

Cardina appeared in the doorway, then, and Marco couldn’t help but laugh at him when he saw how much of a mess he looked. His face, despite his best efforts to clean it off, still had flour smudges on it, and he noticed a few white spots in his ponytail that he hadn’t seen that morning, too. His shirt, he realized, was all but ruined, with flour and egg stains covering the front, but he couldn’t bring himself to be too upset with him.

“Hey,” Cardina replied, hurrying up to him and kissing him softly on the cheek. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” Marco grinned, holding up the bag of food. “I brought dinner, in case you haven’t eaten yet. I’m sorry I’m home so late.”

“Don’t be!” Cardina said quickly, taking the bag from him in one hand, and his boyfriend’s hand in the other. “Come with me, we’ll heat this up and celebrate a little while you’re still awake.”

Marco let himself be led through the house to the kitchen, and felt his heart swelling even more when he realized that the whole house had been decorated for the occasion as streamers brushed against the top of his head. “You were busy today.” He commented happily.

“I was.” Cardina grinned, hurrying over to the microwave and pulling out the to-go containers to heat up. “Very, very busy, actually, and I think I deserve a kiss or two for my efforts.” He teased, unable to help himself.

Marco spied the cake sitting on the counter as Cardina spoke, and a huge grin lit up his face at the sight when he read the inscription on it. “I think you’ve earned a bit more than that…” He murmured, popping the lid off the cake and swiping a bit of icing off of the bottom corner, just so he could taste it. “This is good. Where’d you get it from?”

“The little grocery store down the street, I don’t remember the name. The new one.” Cardina replied, peeking back at him and feeling his mood lift the tiniest bit when he noticed how happy Marco looked over his cake. That was something, at least. “Do you like it?”

“I do!” Marco said, part of him wanting to be selfish and skip dinner just so he could tear into the cake and taste it. He still couldn’t believe that Cardina had gone through all of that trouble just for him, and it was touching in a way that he couldn’t describe. “Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed this after today.”

“I think I can guess, based on the look on your face when you were coming up to the house.” Cardina replied, putting the first of the dishes in the microwave before coming back over to sit with him for a moment. “Bad day?”

“No worse than usual,” Marco shrugged, leaning over and giving Cardina a kiss on the cheek. “Just a really rude party at lunch, and a couple different nasty ones during the dinner rush. But it’s okay.”

Cardina scowled hearing that, hating that Marco had to deal with that almost every day, and scooted his chair over closer to him so he could touch him, to comfort him as much as he could. “Screw them. How was it aside from that?”

Marco thought about that for a moment, not wanting to keep complaining about his day, and smiled a little when he realized that something good did happen. “It was worth taking the double shift.” He explained. “I guess Armin asked Jean to marry him tonight.”

“Really?” Cardina smiled, feeling a small wave of happiness wash over him for their friends, making a note to text them both in the morning to say congratulations, and ran his hand comfortingly over Marco’s back. “Good for them.”

“Yeah, I was relieved when Jean messaged me. It’s been too long co-” Marco broke off, then, his face scrunching up in confusion when he spotted their two cake pans half hidden behind a loaf of bread. “Car, what’s that?” He asked, pointing.

Cardina’s heart sank again when he realized that Marco had seen his failure, and with a sad sigh, went over to get the pans. “I tried to make you a cake this morning.” He explained. “But I think I’m just going to have to accept the fact that cooking isn’t what I’m best at.”

Marco’s heart swelled with even more love for his boyfriend when he heard that, and got up to stand with him, slipping his arms around him from behind and pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder as he looked over the cakes. “What kind is it? Chocolate? It looks good.”

Cardina winced a bit when Marco said that, and shrank into himself some. “It… was supposed to be lemon. Your favorite.”

“Cardina…” Marco murmured, touched that he remembered that little detail, and squeezed him tight around the middle before pulling back and going to grab a knife from the drawer. He grabbed one of the pans and began to cut the cake out, much to Cardina’s dismay. He ignored his pleas for a moment and cut the top layer off, smiling a bit to himself when he saw the cake underneath the burn was still perfectly edible. “Well, look at that!” He smiled, his gaze flickering to the other man. “My boyfriend was sweet enough to bake me a perfectly edible cake for my birthday!”

Cardina’s lip wobbled a little when he heard that, and met Marco’s eyes for a second before the tears started to form, and he tried desperately to blink them back. He really had no idea how lucky he was to have someone as positive as Marco, and the fact that he’d even thought about trying to salvage the cake was making him more emotional than he could believe.

“Do you have any frosting for these?” Marco asked, fixing up the other cake as well.

“No, I… didn’t get that far. I saw they were ruined and completely gave up.”

Marco thought for a second before pulling out his phone, tapping around on it for a second before he found a good recipe for homemade frosting, and showed it to Cardina. “Want to make some?” He asked, smiling at him encouragingly.

With a little smile of his own, Cardina nodded, and while Marco got everything together, he went to get his plate out of the microwave so Marco could eat while they got started, and put his own in to get cooking. Once it was in, he grabbed his phone and put on the same playlist as before, hoping to improve both of their moods some while they got ready.

Marco grabbed himself a fork from the drawer and took a bite of food while he read over the recipe, nodding to himself and thinking that it would be fairly easy for them to do if they did it together. He smiled even more when he realized what song was playing, and shot a loving look towards Cardina, incredibly grateful for him and thinking he was so lucky to have such a thoughtful partner to spend the rest of his life with. “Hey, Car?” He started as the blonde made his way over to him.

Cardina slipped his arms around Marco’s waist and kissed him softly on the cheek. “What’s up?”

“I love you.” Marco said honestly, looking over at him again and feeling his heart swelling with affection. “I really, really love you, you know that, right?”

Hearing those three little words coming from Marco, even though they’d both exchanged them thousands of times over the last year, never, ever failed to send butterflies swarming in Cardina’s stomach, and he squeezed Marco a bit tighter around the middle when he heard them to confirm that he knew. “I love you, too, Mar.” He breathed, kissing him on the side of the head. “I really, really love you, too.”

“Good. As long as you know.” Marco grinned, leaning into the other man’s embrace for a few seconds before getting started on making up the frosting for them.

Cardina watched as Marco took control of the kitchen, providing support where he could, and found himself beyond grateful for Marco Bodt, for being such a generous, loving person, who genuinely appreciated a failed effort at making his birthday something special. He smiled, watching as he moved around the kitchen, humming along to the music and smiling hugely whenever their eyes met, and thought that, maybe, it hadn’t been such a bad attempt after all.

#marco bodt #cardina baumeister #mardina #katie's writing #fight me fuckos

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