#even if its been years of this and im mostly used to it it still doesnt bother me any less

[puppyeared]

Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o) #well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing???? #i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o) #THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o( #yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️ #@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ... #there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams// #recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 .... #and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)' #and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway. #tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀 #one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny. #and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[correct-bangtannies]

I don't even like men and I'm somehow already a military wife, what goes on

PS. Don't open the tags unless you want a big ass wall of text of me rambling on your screen

#hit #im just honestly so glad that I've become a lot more chill with the whole being an army thing #in the sense that i used to be a lot more attached and hyped over everything #i do still get very hyped and i do still have an attachment to them n their work but y'know just more toned down #(i mean i remember the days of staying up all night to watch award shows knowing damn well they'd always perform last) #(mma 2018 was an emotional rollercoaster like i legit cried a little from the tiredness and being overwhelmed with the performance) #so im glad im a lot more calm about the enlistment news than what i would've been say three years ago before they started to #take longer breaks and eventually announce the hiatus this year #it's like they did it in purpose so that the fandom would grow a bit more used to it n im glad to see that a huge majority are very calm #many are sad ofc but its not being treated as some kind of horrific news #if anything ppl are coping with humor including me lmao #so idk im mostly just happy for them that they're taking their VERY well deserved break before doing their service #i just hope everything goes well and is decently peaceful (as peaceful as enlistment can be at least lol) for them once they're there #now why am i rambling in the tags? bc i need to put my thoughts in order but i don't wanna clog my blog with a long ass wall of text 💀 #I'm at least relieved to know that they already have a set plan of when they're going to go and return + BH is sure af gonna keep putting #out a lot of content that they've filmed over all these years #i mean run bts; documentaries; probably even music and ofc not all of them are gonna go at the exact same time #and ofc stuff related to the HYYH and Chakho #them being absent won't as hard for most hopefully #and hey 2 years aint nothing ive waited far longer for stuff to come out than that we'll be fine! #*cries in silksong and the YOI movie

[coffin-flop]

i know my cat knows i love him but does he know how much?

#this question haunts me #I'm literally cryinc bc it's a 'holiday' (but also fuck thanksgiving it really is and should be a national day of mourning for indigenous #communities to honor the genocide and the continued violence they face bc of american white supremacy and colonialism) #but like i do have nostalgic ties frkm childhood and im thinking abt how weird life has been #since my mom and I REALLY started growing apart (bc i started to understand things and she started spiraling) #but how none of my holidays feel lonely even whem i mostly spend then alone bc my cat almost always snuggles with me the whole time #like okay yeah this is what its all for in the end #this is what i live for lol #anyway that holiday talk sounded sad but actually it's really happy #when i tried to do holidays w the immediate fam i used to stress a lot and usually experienced something traumatic #so like it's so nice to have quiet peaceful holidays with my angel of a cat who's been here thru it all #the first time he headbutted me was when i came home from my mom's on Thanksgiving the last year i spent it with hwr #idk i just love this lil dude. hes neen a constant for almost 7 years now like wow #also sometimes i hang out w friends or facetime friends after their fam gatherings or friends who also dont celebrate #i was interested in going to an indigenous day of mourning march however i am still feeling pretty awful after my root canal 2 days ago #so i will try to go next year

[saviorkink]

x

#so its been 3 months exactly since me & my ex like... said farewell #very dramatically #i just found out he blocked me on tiktok. 2 months ago i would've been devastated but now i just feel kinda bummed out #like is this really how 4 years of best friendship & 1 year of dating fuckery ends? damn lol it wasn't even all that #but mostly i just think its extremely pathetic & childish and LOSERRRR BEHAVIORRRR . for a 100k tiktok acc #to block a 150 follower account that doesnt even follow him + doesnt interact #like ok you said you weren't in love with me?? yet you feel the need to block me 3 months after the fact #im minding my business unless he breaks first (which has been the case a few times) #its still hard to get over him but he's making it easier every day! #just yesterday i was on the train On my way! to a concert & i remembered the afternoon before my harry concert in june last night #the mutual interest if you will had been re-established like a week prior & i texted him if he wanted to hang out and he said yes (ofc) #and the tension.......... GOD I MISS THATHSFDJKFS #walking around decathlon flirting oh it was SO STUPIDDD. THE GIGGLES. personally i've never really experienced that on that level before bc #like it's the best friends to lovers thing its the fact that we both felt the energy shift very clearly and were leaning into it #but not actually doing anything about it yet #just making stupid jokes flirting giggling but acting like actually nothing is going on #when i damn well know that if any of my friends saw us that afternoon they would've side eyed us SOOOOO HAARDDDDD #not to wax poetic over the guy who fucked me over so many times but. the electric energy ..... #i'm probably not going to feel That ever again #whatever! whatever #txt

[bmpmp3]

(falls to the floor holding my head in my hands) i can't keep making all my ocs the same vaguely eastern european vaguely indo carribean mixed race guy i cant keep doing this

(looks up. eyes glowing red. levitating with unknown power) or can i..................................................

#sorry to be mixed on main again but im working on some rough draft ocs. i saw myself making the same dude again. i keep making him. #i know as a kid with a combination of the classic mixed kid feelings of alienation as well as being really really into cartoons #i vowed to myself that I SHALL make all the mixed race cartoon characters since i wasnt seeing much in the cartoons i loved #it was a little dire in like 2008 when i vowed this. its less dire now #maybe i can rest.....or maybe not...maybe its still more dire than i think............ #im in an interesting place rn living in a somewhat diverse area attending a pretty multicultural university so i got used to #kind of blending into the crowd but recently i was in an art history class. like one of the first i had been in person in years #(you know how it is) and outside of my vaguely ambiguous situation there was like one other non white person #and everyone else was white. and it became very apparent how white the class was very quickly because as art history students #race is kinda like. a big thing in visual culture studies HJKFKJLSDJD and like they meant well but it was getting a little dire because #so many of my white peers kept centering whiteness and white discomfort in like every discussion or brushing past the topic entirely #im biased because race is one of my main interests in art history but MAN i was like. oh god. i need to. intervene #gotta be more annoying about being mixed race in class. rolls up sleeves #gotta bring up every uncomfortable topic about representation and perception and power and dehumanization and intersectionality that i can #because no one else but me the other student of colour and the professors even think about it orz #sorry i know its obvious but sometimes it doesnt quite hit me that like. oh god. do white people really not think about any of this? #at all? unless its brought up? not even a little bit? i dunno its just kinda alien to me orz but i shall keep going #i shall continue on with my deep interest in orientalism within art history and its impacts we see daily #and also making the same guy in my funny little cartoons DJSKHJKSJFKD #(jkjkjk i dont JUST make that same vaguely beige guy. i also make a bunch of other guys. who are also mostly all multiracial too HGKJDHJFR) #(its what i do. its what i do)

[dhampir-dyke]

HOLY FUCK.

#FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 15 YEARS? I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. #I HAD A REALLY BAD AND WEIRD PAIN IN MY ABDOMEN AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS 'hahah hope it finally kills me' BUT MY SECOND #INSTINCTUAL THOUGHT WAS 'I wanna live' WHAT THE FUCK? THIS IS UNHEARD OF FOR ME #I have been passively-but-mostly-actively suicidal since i was like 6. i have tried killing myself so many times i have lost count #i have held the loaded gun in my hands- wondering if i should just say 'fuck it' and traumatize whatever poor bastard found my corpse #i have gotten into NEAR DEATH accidents and GOT MAD WHEN THEY DIDNT KILL ME #I havent felt the will to fucking live in so long it straight up startled me. i jumped out of my chair when i realized what id just thought #i dont even know what to think...... ITS NOT BAD. just so weird and unsettling. #im so used to having suicide as a backup plan. it still is dont get me wrong- it always will be #ive just never wanted to NOT opt for that as plan A before

[malkaviian]

its honestly so funny that my homophobic grandmother says that i should "make use of my talent" when it comes to art and that "if i had that spark glow, it was for something" girl............ i started to draw because i wanted to make gijinkas of the male fn4f animatronics kiss each other

#some security guards too. mostly fritz and jeremy #but yeah. i was 15; very into fn4f; very into fictional boys kissing. that was the magical thing that inspired me to draw my own things #which is funny because to this day i havent done a single kiss. i have something for which i did the pose with csp 3d models #now i need to just... draw it. and even then its not a kiss on the lips like i wanted when i was 15 lol its on the cheek #yes i have been drawing since 2015. no i havent drawn yet a kiss. we exist. also youre talking to the person who avoided drawing profiles #until last year; because i knew it wasnt going to be perfect and brain said 'nope; youre NOT going to do something that isnt perfect' #(wow i wonder why jadon is my favorite sindec character /s) #i still avoid to do things i know wouldnt end up the way i want the first try but also... kinda saying 'fuck it' and practicing anyway. #sometimes. #peak comedy is that the first profile i ever drew didnt actually.... turned out that bad. at least not in my simplified style of that time #and now im a bit more used to drawing them so theyre not THAT difficult to do. not in my current style at the very least #which is also rather simple. not saying theyre easy; theyre just not VEEERY complicated like. fucking hands or something #i sure as hell prefer drawing profiles over drawing hands #lilith whispers

[spoopy-fish-writes]

I got a mad and blunt with my little sister for only talking to me whenever she wants me to do something for her and now she's crying and I don't know what to do

#im aware that im the one thats mostly at fault for this but its just been getting in my nerves and someone was bound to tell her eventually #if not me then it was going to be my younger brother who would have been a lot harsher about it #but i still feel bad because shes a kid and i know its not her fault that shes used to always getting her way without repercussions #but idk its just #i hate having to be the bigger person every time when she does need to eventually be told that shes not always going to be able to get #away with treating people like her personal transportation #but im just pushing her away because of it because i keep assuming that she only wants to talk to me becasue she wants soemthing #and i dotn know what to do #i know i bitch about my family a lot and shes no exception but shes still just a kid and i dont want her to think i hate her #i dont want her to go through that like me and my older siblings did but i dont know how yo fix it #my younger brother isnt any help because he hates our guts and he hates my little sister even more but i want to fix it #i want to fix it but i dont know how #i dont even know if its possible at this point #and i know its late to feel this guilty about it but i cant help it #i get so mad at the fact that my parents alienated me from my siblings while i was growing up and i feel like im just doing the same thing #to her now and as much as I want to teach her how to treat people well i dont want to push her away at the same #she doesnt deserve it #im going to try to fix this but i dont know if it'll work #i want to be close with her but ive never had the chance in the 10 years that shes been alive becayse of my parents #i take care of her but its not the same #i just want #i just want to have my siblings again. i dont want them to hate me or each other #and maybe its stupid that im crying over this but i just want it back #i miss my family #i miss before this all went to shit #i miss how we could be around each othwr and have fun even if we werent close #i miss it #spoopy fish rambles #tw vent

[skeletalheartattack]

is there anything you collect?

kinda, yeah! basically about maybe... 8 years ago? my grandfather gave me these two books for collecting pennies for every year.

i don't really go out of my way to look for them, since it's two different pennies for each year, but im missing ones for 2013-2015, and missing both for 2021 and 2022. if i ever get some change, ill usually look to see their year and the letter.

#ask #anon #plus it felt very bad to know my cousins and brothers got higher value of coins to collect #like at that age i was like ''damn i want to collect quarters. imagine all the things i could buy with them'' #but i guess thats why its easier to collect pennies. since youre never gonna fucking use the things #beyond that i dont really collect stuff! #closest to collecting something would be PS2 or Gamecube or N64 games but... thats not really even close #like im not looking to own every single N64 game #im mostly looking for games my brothers use to own. like devil may cry. twisted metal black. and the first two onimusha games #but idk how the fuck id manage to get them without going online to buy them #our gamestop use to sell used ps2 games but they stopped doing that like... maybe 7 years ago or more? #it SUCKS!!! #ik we have (had?) a pawn shop in town that use to sell games when i was younger #i havent been in there since i was a kid so either its not there or they wouldnt have the stuff i want #sucks! #id emulate the stuff but my dinky laptop cant handle emulating ps2 games #but yeah! i dont really collect things actively #like. maybe when i was a kid... pokemon cards? #like. i never bought them to trade them. id always buy them to have them #i still have them but. thats not for me anymore. #i remember my brothers owned an original holographic (yes thats what we called them) charizard #but they showed it to some kid on their bus on their way home and he stole it and never gave it back #they knew where he lived (in our neighborhood) but they never got it back from him #damn both me and my brothers losing things to stupid kids #my brothers that card. then me with dbz budokai and a lot of stuff in 3rd grade since a kid kept stealing shit from me #anyway!!!! thank you for the ask!!!

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost

#rat rambles #oni posting #like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion #like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one #while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward #well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives #which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs #idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more #its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig #also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas #like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more #it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself #enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world #like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now #I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good #it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more #as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls #as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good #theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much #especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie #because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much #as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think #show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions #shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others #I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction #metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established #rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth #oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes #idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth #just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they

[mammalidentifier]

im sorry seals molt? my association with that word is insects so i am confused and intrigued

They do! I’d say most species of animals sloughs off “old” parts of their bodies at some point of their lives in some capacity. The word “molting” is used as a catch-all term for this process, although exactly what body part they shed and how they do it varies from animal to animal. Arthropods grow an entire new exoskeleton and shed the old one, but for most other animals, this process only involves shedding the outermost layer of their bodies, the pelage and/or their first layer of skin. Reptiles are quite famous for this because they sometimes manage to come out of their old skins and leave them almost fully intact as if they were kigurumi pajamas:

Mammals tend to mostly only shed fur or hair, growing thicker fur during colder months and losing it in favor of shorter fur during warmer months. How obvious this is depends on the climate, though. It’s quite perceptible in mammals that live in the arctic whose fur changes color depending on the season:

But even the difference between the summer coats and winter coats of domestic dogs can be palpable if you live in places with colder climates!

(I’m quite fascinated by this because I was born and raised in a tropical country and my dogs look the same all year round heh)

But back to the seals. Pinnipeds don’t really use their fur to keep warm like other mammals do, but they still have it, and they have to shed their old coats and grow new ones accordingly, which they do once a year!

In elephant seals, this process is so sudden and so extreme it’s called catastrophic molting. They don’t only lose their fur, but also a layer of dead skin all at once and this forces them to stay on land for a full month without swimming (and therefore, without hunting and eating) until the process is fully done. Because molting requires redirecting blood flow towards the skin instead of to their vital organs as usual, if they swam in the cold waters they’re usually accustomed to while molting, they’d freeze!

Bonus fun fact: despite having lost their fur during the evolution process, cetaceans like whales and dolphins also go through a molting process where they lose a layer of dead skin, which they scrape off by rubbing against rocks and rolling on sand banks.

It’s been recently discovered (as of 2020!) that the reason whales migrate annually from arctic waters to tropical waters is the exact same reason elephant seals spend a month on land: to molt! It’s much easier for a whale to keep warm while shedding its skin in warm waters than it is in cold waters.

#Answers #Seals #Whales #Lizards #Dog

[kittykatinabag]

While I greatly enjoy the subject of place making in urban design, I utterly hate the amount of pandering to capital holders a lot (if not most) of current "place making professionals" do in their work.

#also really hate some of the current trends of 'pop up events' that run for maybe a month and then never again #'its to get peoples imaginations going kristen!' until you realize that you dont actually leave any reliable framework when its done #and theres an inherent bias against creating those frameworks because that requires decentralization of your knowledge #which makes you and your work finacially threatened and even as a nonprofit you still need to make a living #idk im just pondering webs of power and the paradoxes of creating a better world using capitalism instead of dismantling it #also avoiding doing the newest academia bs and trying to avoid any fucking grades talk with the people i know here #because i havent told them that i havent turned anything in yet because depressions been kicking my ass #and they dont get the executive dysfunction part of it because their anxiety is so out of control that it still forces them to do things #and their reward circuits in their brains still work while mine dont anymore #and while they might have sympathy all theyre going to do is suggest solutions which is not what i need rn #also the solutions they will probably give probably wont work because ive tried pretty much off of them except cocaine #and im trying to avoid doing that for obvious reasons #i already know what i need is to 1- live alone; 2- live in a place with more amenities nearby; and 3- have an understanding support system #the problem is money. and circumstances. and having a support system. but mostly money and circumstances #the thing i cant figure out quite yet is why im avoiding telling them instead of just laying it out there #maybe cause it would seem like im putting part of this burden on them? #maybe something in my instincts and years of social observation is telling me that if i tell them their view of me will drastically change? #and then there goes whatever scraps of a support system i have out here #idk its probably just trauma leaking again #late night ramblings

[alastors-wife]

one of these days I really need to take a picture of myself to compare my features pre & post T bcuz I've noticed a pretty noticeable difference but like. I've never taken the time to compare the two

#i did that thing where people record their voice over a period of months and that's been great! #helps with dysphoria a lot too lol #but I'm surprised I've taken so few pictures of myself in the 1.5 years I've been on T #mostly bcuz I've been too drained but man. I need to change that #besides I'm not exactly comfortable using a pre-T picture of myself on apps anymore #I feel like I look way too different LMFAO idk who that bitch is but it shore isnt me!!!!! #I still need to schedule something for surgery too but god. i need to figure out how tf im even going to get back home after #uber is expensive as fuck esp for what's usually an hour long drive #im gonna be CELEBRATING when I get a hysterectomy bro thats abt to be the best day of my life #but as for the hormone stuff like. atp i genuinely dont even recognize myself pre-T #like that's a TOTALLY different person its unsettling

[vetyr]

hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT

Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.

When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.

I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.

Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.

For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.

Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.

The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!

It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.

I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).

Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)

#answers to asks #illustration #art advice #art help #drawing #digital art