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heejojo · 3 years

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Mr Hollywood

summary: Sim Jaeyun had made it, he had finally fulfilled his dream of being an artist but he had to leave the place he called he called home promising he would come back when everything was okay. He’s back now but are you sure it’s the same Jake you once knew?

genre: fluff, minor angst, childhood lovers turned exes to lovers again

pairing: Celebrity Sim Jaeyun x non-celebrity reader (with enhypen and treasure appearances)

warning: none

word count: 4.1k

a/n: although it has been proofread, I cannot guarantee no errors so please let me know if you see any! please let me know what you think. likes and reblogs are appreciated and I hope you have a good day.

listen to the playlist here

send an ask or fill out this form to be part of the taglist!

taglist (open): @enhyphun @jungwoniics @penny-quinn @ncthpen @fylithia @taecup-ontrack @renee1414@studioreader

“And the Artist Of The Year Award goes to none other than...” the announcer said, keeping you all at the edge of your seats. Everyone here had voted for Jake so many times so that he would win. The announcer looked at the folded card in his hand before smiling and saying.

“Jake Sim!” The screams of everyone in the beer parlour with you watching the award ceremony were probably louder than those in the venue itself. You all watched in pride as the look of shock was evident on his face and he shakily walked to the podium to collect the award. You smiled at how good he looked, he had come so far from the boy you once knew here.

Five years ago, Jake had left his hometown, where he grew up for 18 years to pursue his dream. Granted, not everyone is supposed to stay for the rest of their lives but he thought he was going to stay but he made up his mind to leave for his passion. You all supported him even if you weren’t able to talk to him because of his busy schedule. Being able to cheer him from the sidelines was what you were content with. He was the pride of the town and people did not hesitate to show him off.

He gave the announcer a bow and collected the award. You could see the way his hands shook as he collected the award as if it felt unreal that he won.

“I would like to thank God for the ability to get to this point today and to thank my parents for always teaching me the right way and having the courage to let their child pursue his dreams even if it meant that I would be very far away; almost out of reach even. I love you. To all those that have continuously supported me and listened to my music, thank you. To the staff that have worked so hard and everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting, a big thank you to you" he said and walked off.

The excitement of the crowd reduced and everyone eventually retired to their homes while chatting amongst themselves. You think about the award one more time, feeling happy for him and move on. After all, the same way Sim has a life to live is the same way you do also.

The next day, when you wake up you feel a shift in the atmosphere. The birds are still chirping, yes but something feels unusual. You brush off the paranoia you feel and decide to do your usual morning duties and carry on with your day. While other people your age wanted to have prestigious jobs(not like there was anything wrong with that), you wanted something simple and had decided on being either a cafe owner or a florist.

Sadly, the cafe owner agenda wasn't able to work out because everyone in the vicinity was now aware of the way you burned down a cafe trying to bake and collectively decided that you should not be allowed to make food for people. Flowers were better than running a cafe shop. You stayed with your flowers and you were able to give

someone a flower when they needed it.

Need a flower for your mother? You got it, a daylily was exactly what they needed. Wanted to attend a funeral? Take a bouquet of lilies. It was easy to understand and you didn't directly put anyone in harm’s way. Although your shop was hardly ever full, you were content with everything.

That's why you're shocked when you find a line of people waiting to be let into your shop at 9 am. You raised an eyebrow in confusion but you opened the door nevertheless. At the end of the day, you were the one earning the money. You had things to buy, didn't you?

You take your place at the counter and start attending to the customers. They didn't tell you to pick out one for them and just chose it themselves. The crowd slowly reduced till there was only one person left. When there remained a few people, you quietly moved to one person to ask for the reason why they were so cheerful today.

"Jungwon, do you know why everyone is so happy today? My shop was full today!"

"Are you complaining about it?" He asks. Jungwon was the son of the cafe shop owner. He came to your shop frequently when he was on his break and you would talk to each other.

“Of course, I’m not. I just want to know what’s making everyone come here all of a sudden. Even old man Jay came here and you know that man never leaves his house. He bought a red carnation and I’m confused because who does he have affection for that he’s getting them flowers”

“He has a wife you know”

“Please, the last time they had a conversation with each other was when he asked for a divorce” you deadpanned.

“Look Y/N, who’s the one person in this town anyone would do anything for?”

“Kim Junkyu?”

“Close but not him, I wouldn’t do anything for him” Jungwon stated making you roll your eyes.

“The only person left is Sim Jaeyun and we know it’s not possible”

“Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner”

You give him a shaky smile before asking him, “You’re joking right?”

“I’m not,” he says sincerely. You nod your head and go sit on the nearest stool. Placing a hand on your throat as you begin to scratch at it (something you did when you were nervous) and just sit in silence while Jungwon continues talking.

“After the award ceremony, his management released a statement on his Instagram saying that he would be going on hiatus for two months to visit his family. So we townsmen decided to get flowers to pave the road with because he would be coming back. We would have used gold leaves but it’s too expensive”

He continued talking and talking while you were still trying to process the fact that Jake would be coming back. Physically he was still going to be the same Jake you had a crush on before he left but personality-wise? You doubted that. You heard stories of the way fame had changed people; the love from others would get to their heads and make them overly egotistical. A part of you knew that he wouldn’t change but the other part was unsure. Before he left, you made him promise to not change and while you knew promises could be broken, you knew he wouldn’t break them.

“Jungwon, I want to close the shop for today. I’m not feeling too well and want to rest a bit”

“No problem Y/N! If you want, I can stay here and do business for you”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve made enough money today to last me for next month” you say and shoo him away.

At home, you just sit and think for some time before getting up to make some tea and reminiscing about your high school memories. You hardly had feelings for people so when you did, you let them know immediately. When you told Jake that you liked him, he told you that he felt the same. You ignored him for a week after that because you didn’t think that far. After that, you met up with him and explained the reason why you avoided him. You went out with each other for less than 2 weeks and during that period, he had told you about his dreams of becoming an artist and you supported him wholeheartedly.

He would carry your books from school and you both would walk home together every day. He'd play the violin for you because he was good. You'd both pet stray cats and run when they started chasing you. All good things came to an end when he told you that he had to leave to pursue his dream. You both knew you were too young to even attempt a long-distance relationship so you let each other go even though it hurt. You’d watch his music videos and support his activities even though there was a possibility he would never return. Now that he was going to be here, how were you going to cope knowing that your feelings for him were still the same while his feelings could have gone, especially with all the beautiful people in the industry?

That night, while everyone was outside welcoming Mr Hollywood, you stayed in your house dreading the days that would come. The town was small so there was no way that you wouldn’t bump into him. The voices were loud when you tried to sleep. Seems like everyone was ecstatic that Jake had come back. The noise wasn’t able to let you sleep but deep down you knew it was because you were nervous.

You decide to bake cookies to reduce the stress you are currently feeling. You had learnt from your mistakes and no longer burnt kitchens (your kitchen being valid proof of that), but Jungwon’s dad still wouldn’t lift his ban. You baked cookies till 2 am before you were really tired enough to sleep. You had baked almost a hundred cookies that night.

The next morning, you made sure to wake up early so you wouldn’t run into anyone. Thankfully, the townspeople didn’t want to buy flowers that morning and got started on the orders that people out of town had placed. You brought cookies for Jungwon so he could test them. You were trying to fix the counter when someone walked in, making the bell jingle. Assuming it was Jungwon, you say, “Jungwon the cookies are on the counter. Test them and tell me what you think, don’t eat them and run away”

“I’m not a Jungwon but can I talk to Y/N?” You’re startled but you freeze, instantly recognizing the voice. Jake Sim.

“Hello, what would you like?” you asked with a forced smile. You were way too close, the proximity was making you uneasy. He looked a bit disappointed with the way you answered him but what did he expect to come to? It had been five years.

“I just wanted to tal-” he is cut off by Jungwon bursting through the door.

“Y/N, you will not believe who I saw. I saw Jake Sim with my very own two eyes. He looks so much hotter in real life. Do you think he’d sign my back if I asked-” he stopped instantly when he saw the person that was in the flower shop.

He looked like a fish out of water with the way his mouth was agape. Looking at you, then at Jake and then you again. He brought his hand to his head and he hit it hard making you startled.

“Sorry I will leave now,” Jungwon said.

“To cry” he murmured, making you chuckle. Jungwon was someone that cried when he did something embarrassing.

“Jungwon wait,” you say and walk to give him the cookies you had packed for him with a little note.

“Eat them and get back to me when you’re less you know...embarrassed” He snatches them from your hands and makes a run for the door. You giggle then you remember that Jake was still present. Turning to face him, you ask if he wants anything. “I want to talk to you”

You motion him to sit on the spare chair you had and he obliges. Before you even ask him a question, he begins, “Was that your boyfriend?”

“No, not that it concerns you though”

“Where you last night? I saw everyone but you. The Johnny kid said you were feeling ill. I doubt that wasn’t true as you made cookies. The last time I remembered, you were really bad at anything relating to the kitchen”

“Times change and people change, Jaeyun. It’s been 5 years since we last had a conversation with each other. I’m not the same and I’m sure you’re not the same either”

“Let’s get to know each other again. Do things the old fashioned way. Go on dates, paint, and bake with each other. Do some of the things we could have done 5 years ago.”

“And then when you have to leave and have no contact with each other again”

“I won’t do that, I promise. Never again.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“Let me prove it to you-”

He’s cut off by the entrance of another customer and stands up to leave but you don’t miss the longing look in his eyes. You hope he can see the same look in yours that’s covered by hurt and waiting for someone to return.

You were not expecting Jake to be at your store first thing on a Friday morning. He was even earlier than you and you're the boss.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. He was bouncing on his feet and looking cherry when you hadn’t even gotten enough sleep.

“I’m here to take you out. Do it like the old times where I’d wait for you so we could go to school together”

“I have work to do today and I’m going to be booked so another time”

“I have come to offer my assistance so tomorrow we can go out together”

“Don’t you have things to do?”

“I’m on a hiatus, I’m free for almost two months and if you want I can be free for more. Imagine all the things we could do in that time” he trails off, fantasizing when you hadn’t even told him that you still liked him. Meanwhile, you had opened the door and walked in.

"Aren't you going to come in and stop thinking of cute stuff?" you ask him and he quickly runs in, flustered.

He takes a look around and puts on a determined face and gets a broom and starts cleaning. For someone that's supposed to be a celebrity, he was cleaning like an employee. You take a rag and wipe all the surfaces and take care of the flowers. After an hour, the shop is ready to open. Customers come rolling in once they see a new help. Although they're surprised, they don't question it.

During your break, Jake picks up a chrysanthemum and hands it to you. "It's for you because you're beautiful," he says

"Hate to rain on your parade but if you gave me this in Italy, it means you wish I were dead" and with that, he takes back the flower instantly and brings a single red rose. You receive it with a small laugh, finding it funny when he doesn't want you misinterpreting him. You were having a sweet moment with him until Jungwon came in again.

"I'm getting tired of seeing you here Mr Sim. As much as I adore you, I need to meet my friend" he states and pulls you to the back. "Care to explain why Jake Sim is in your store again!?"

"Nope" you respond, popping the p. He brought his hand to his forehead and tried to relax his muscles because according to him, he doesn't want to look forty-five when he's thirty years old.

"Look, it's weird coming here and seeing you have company. I'm not against you having company seeing as you've been lonely the entire time I've known you but, I can't stay in his presence! Why must a man Look so gorgeous!? He's ruining my already broken esteem. Everybody saw him in real life and was wondering how a man could look that good."

"They saw him when he was seventeen years old," you tell him.

"And he's twenty-three now! He doesn't look the same and I don't even need to have known him then to know now"

"Jungwon, I want you to get to the point," you tell him, basically pleading at that point because your break would soon be over.

"I'll see you when I have enough confidence to meet him," he says and leaves the store. You shake your head at his overdramatic behaviour and continue with your day. Jake proves to be amazing assistance and you got things done quicker and even closed earlier.

"Thank you for offering help, you can go home now. See you tomorrow" you say in an attempt to shoo him out.

"I want to walk you home" he announces and goes with you home.

"Do you hate me for not talking to you?" he asks.

"I don't hate you. To be honest, I think we both did the right thing by not talking to each other. It was good we had each other in mind but I would have caused too much of a distraction for you. It was great you focused on your career and achieved your goals. I did well too"

"Johnny boy said you were lonely though," he said.

"Number one, I know you know his name is Jungwon but you're just being petty. Two, why were you eavesdropping on our conversation and three, I still had a bit of hope that one day you'd return. I didn't think that you'd come" you say truthfully. The night was making you vulnerable when answering his questions.

"I always asked my mum how you were doing when I called her, you know? I wanted to check up on you without doing so myself. I'd ask her to give you a pop tart because I knew they were your favourite"

Even though he was still far away, he still had kept you in his mind the same way you did for him.

You got home and stayed at the door before you took him by the shoulder and said, "Let's go out together and have fun". He gives you a soft smile and watches you go in before he retires to his own home.

The following day, you're waiting for him to come. You had tried to dress up for the date but didn't want to underdress or overdress since he hadn't told you where you were going. So you decided to wear a simple sundress and made yourself look nice. He arrived wearing something as casual as you in a car.

"Is this your dad's?" you questioned.

"Yup, I borrowed it to take you out,” he says and winks at you. You shake your head laughing and get in the passenger seat and he drives.

“Where are we going?” you ask, curious.

“You’ll see when we get there” you don’t respond but wind down the window and feel the wind on your face which makes you smile.

You catch Jake glancing at you while he’s driving and he doesn’t even try to hide it. “At least try to pretend you’re not starting”

“I can’t help it, you’re so pretty” This kid, he was making it too easy for you to fall for him.

“Do you still like me, Jaeyun?” you inquire.

“I do,” he said with certainty. Has he always been this bold? You don’t say anything and continue to look out so he reaches over and takes one of your hands in his while he uses his other one to drive. You look at him but just continue doing what you’re doing.

“You might not believe me but I mean it,” he says, lightly squeezing your hand as a form of reassurance.

He stops the car at an aquarium and you both come out. You have a wonderful time and although people recognize him and are surprised to see him with you, they don't say anything and leave you alone. You smiled that day more than you had ever smiled before.

"The fishes look good to eat" you whisper in his ear and he playfully smacks your arm and jokes.

"You monster! How can you say that!?" to which you jokingly shrug.

After the aquarium, he takes you to a flower field. "I did my research this time so I don't give you a wrong flower." He picked up a primrose and says, "I know this one means love is eternal so I'm giving it to you because no matter the distance between us, our love will be forever"

You feel warm this time and know that even if he were to leave again, the distance wouldn't matter because together, you both could overcome anything.

"You're all I need" you manage to say.

"When did you get all sentimental?" he teases and you chase after him in the flower field. When you get tired, you lie down on the grass and he lays next to you. Your hands find his hands amid all the grass and you squeeze it. Unknowingly, you fall asleep next to him.

The next weeks that follow include you two bonding and Jake having fun and being relaxed. He was able to write a song but wouldn't let you see the lyrics, saying it wasn't something he wants you to see yet. You met his parents and thanked his mum for taking care of you indirectly and conversed with his dad too. You could tell that he hadn't forgotten any of the values his parents had thought him. He grew up surrounded by a lot of love so he had more than enough to give.

He also met your parents and he was nervous even though you had tried to reassure him that they wouldn't do anything to him. Your father tried to act scary but deep down you knew he had a soft spot for him. Your mom was showering with more affection than she gave you and Jungwon tried stylishly asking him for his celebrity crush numbers.

"Jake, since you're dating my friend can you link me up with Han Sohee? You've worked with her before, help a friend out"

"I'll ask her but no promises" Jungwon was so happy the entire day.

A few days before Jake had to go back because his hiatus was over, you both were talking about how things would be while baking muffins.

"Y/N don't think I won’t talk to you when I go because I can already see the gears turning in your head."

"Pass me the butter Jaeyun"

"Are we back to the first-name basis? Call me the sweet names" he whined.

"Just pass the butter babe" and he passes it instantly.

"Now back to what you were saying, I know you won't forget me obviously and if you try I I can always take a flight to get to you." You tell him. You weren't going to wait around for him anymore. If you missed him, you'd go see him if he was unable to come to see you.

"Better, I was already worried," he says and gives you a back hug.

The day he left was bittersweet and you shed a few tears. It took a lot of willpower to not cry in front of him. You didn't want him to leave but you knew that he had a job to get to and you couldn't be in the way of that.

You both regularly kept in touch, calling each other at least twice a week to catch up on what had happened during each other's week. He hadn't told you that he released a new song and you found out through his fanboy Jungwon who was now the self-acclaimed president of his fan club.

"Y/N, have you heard Jake's new solo? I cried to it for an hour straight" You didn't have any time to check what was going on because someone had ordered flowers for their wedding and you had to get them done quickly.

"New solo?" you ask and Jungwon sits you down and plays the song for you. Truth be told, you cried as well. It felt like he was there with you telling you that he'd never change.

You watched the interview and when he was asked about the meaning or person behind the song, he said, "There's someone that I love and I wanted to let her know that no matter how famous I get, I won't ever change and she shouldn't change either". He looked directly at the camera then continued, "You're stuck with me forever".

That night, you called him and cried on the phone to him telling him about how you saw the interview.

"Y/N, you know I care about you" you sobbed even harder.

"I care about you too, forever"

"Forever baby, regardless of the distance"

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #ficscafe #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen fanfics #enhypen scenarios #enhypen jake #jake sim #jake x reader #enhypenwriters

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gukyi · 3 years

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an announcement (or two)

hi all. i hope you’re all doing well. staying safe, and taking time away from the internet when you need a break. things are crazy right now and you deserve time to relax and recharge. i just wanted to pop on here and let you guys know of a few things that i think will be of importance to you all.

ONE: i am still on hiatus. in fact, i will probably be extra absent over the next couple of weeks as all of my finals are due in the upcoming days and i simply won’t have time for tumblr. i miss you all, and i can’t wait to write for you, but i need time to finish my semester successfully. i will be back by early may.

TWO: the yoongi frat boy fic is coming! it’s going to take me a while because i still haven’t outlined it yet and won’t get around to that until my hiatus is over. but i hope you’re as excited as i am, because i think it’ll be really fun to write and i hope it’ll be fun for you all to read. stay tuned: the plot will be a crazy, college, neighbor, e2l, frat boy au!

THREE: my time on tumblr is coming to an end. i don’t have an exact date, nor do i have anything more concrete, but i have been finding myself drifting away from this website the past few months and i don’t think i’ll be able to keep up my activity like i have been for the past four (four!) years. actually, the art of the rom-com was supposed to be my last fic for a while, but i was so inspired by a frat boy au that i put it off. the yoongi frat boy will be my last fic for an extended period of time. i don’t know how long, and i don’t know if/when i’ll write again, but i wanted you all to know to expect more and longer periods of inactivity. i may eventually leave tumblr or switch over to ao3 entirely. thank you for all your love. i promise i will give a more concrete update about this after the yoongi frat boy au is finished. until then, consider me as present and active on here as always.

i love you all so much, and i am so grateful for each and every single one of you. you have made such a positive impact on my life and it is because of you all that i have cultivated an intense and unwavering love for writing and for the fanfiction community. i will never take that for granted. you have made my life better.

#guyi gabs

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microcos-pod · 3 years

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Micro-Cosmos Bonus Episode #3 Transcript: To Touch the Stars

(Miles struggles with falling asleep and looks to their friend for help.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Existentialism, feelings of insignificance, attempting to comprehend the vastness of space.

Transcript below break.)

JESSE Hey there, it’s Jesse Smith! Before we get to the bonus episode, I need to share an important announcement with you all. Though we have just come back from a short hiatus, we, the crew, have decided it best to stick to it a little while longer. Don’t worry, we will be back soon! We just need a bit more time to prepare so we can give you the best show that we can. We have no definite return date to share with you all at present, but we will keep our social medias updated with any new information in the coming weeks. We will be returning with Episode 9: The Alternative very, very soon, we promise. In the meantime, you can share your thoughts on the show on social media with the tag “microcospod,” rate and review us on your podcatcher of choice, or add a new show to your podcast list, such as the Heart of Ether or the Night Post.Until next time, work well.

[Fade to episode.]

[SFX: The sound of city night life is faintly heard from outside. There is silence for a beat, before MILES is heard tossing and turning excessively, mumbling to themself. Finally, they groan loudly, shoving their face into their pillow. Unit C41 flickers to life from where they were set on the bedside table.]

C41 Miles, would it kill you to be quiet? I’m trying to get my beauty rest.

MILES What does it matter to you? You should be able to rest regardless of external stimuli.

C41 Yeah, well, it’s annoying, so.

[MILES groans loudly again.]

MILES Sorry, I just—well, no matter how hard I try to sleep, I can’t shake this restless feeling I have.

C41 Maybe if you didn’t down so much caffeine—

MILES [cutting them off, annoyed] I don’t even like coffee, but I wouldn’t be able to function without it! Not that you’d understand.

C41 [they huff.] You’re being quite rude, you know. I’m just trying to help you.

MILES [mutters] You’re ridiculing me, more like it. [a beat.] Sorry. I just have to be up early tomorrow for that meeting with Emily, and I know I’ll be kicking myself in the morning if I don’t fall asleep soon.

C41 [mocking] Aw, does poor Mx. Abbott need me to read them a bedtime story?

[MILES ponders this for a moment.]

MILES [serious, but also teasing, in a way] You know what? Yeah. That would be lovely, Cal.

C41 [“wait no,” scrambling to take it back] Hey, you know I was joking—!

MILES [cutting them off, almost cooing, in a cruel way] And I’m not getting any more tired with all this bickering. You know you won’t have any fun tomorrow either if I don’t get enough rest. [a beat, then] Well? I’m waiting.

C41 [they groan] Ugh. You want a bedtime story? Fine. Once upon a time, there was a software engineer named Miles Abbott. They never knew when to shut up. One night, though, they finally decided to, and everyone was happy! The end.

MILES Cal.

C41 Don’t blame me! You didn’t program me to tell stories.

MILES Actually, I programmed you to do a lot of things, and this should be well within your capabilities. Do I need to go into your code again?

C41 No! Just—fine. I’ll make up an actual story, if you’re going to be so stubborn about it.

[C41 huffs a sigh. They think for a few moments before they begin telling their story.]

C41 Once upon a time, there was a fox who lived in a little village with a bunch of other animals.

MILES Does the fox have a name?

C41 No. This is one of those folktales where the animals are a metaphor, so they don’t need names.

MILES Let me guess, then, the Fox was sly and mischievous.

C41 [spiteful] Actually, no. The Fox was incredibly sweet, and made everyone cookies every Monday. Everyone in the village loved the fox.

MILES But that’s not what they usually represent—

C41 And this is my story with my characters, so they can do whatever I want! Stop talking, this is supposed to help you sleep.

[MILES yawns.]

MILES Fine.

C41 So, this fox had a great life in this village, but there was one thing they really wanted. Every night, the Fox would climb onto their roof and look up at the stars. Their dream, above all else, was to touch those stars. Not just that, the Fox wanted to jump across them. Like lilly pads, guiding them through space. They wanted to see where the stars would take them. From where the Fox sat, it seemed like they were forming a path. Thus, if they followed the path, it must take them somewhere special, right?

MILES So, how’d the Fox do it?

C41 Well, they started by going to their friend, the Owl, who was very wise, because, duh, owls are always the wise ones.

MILES You said—

C41 My story, remember? Anyways, the Fox went to the Owl, not only because the Owl was smart, but she could fly. The Fox asked the Owl if she could fly them up to the stars. She shook her head, though. She couldn’t fly up that high, even if she tried.

But, she had an idea. She may not be able to reach the stars, but she could reach the clouds. Because this is my fantasy world, and I make the rules, I’m going to go ahead and say the clouds here aren’t like normal clouds. These clouds, you’re able to stand on. Not just that, but they’re super bouncy, like a trampoline. The Owl thought that if she could fly the Fox up to the clouds, then they could bounce up high enough to get to the stars. Simple as that.

The Fox thought it was super clever, so the following night, they executed their plan. The Owl let the Fox sit on her back, and the two of them flew up, and up, and up, until the Owl finally couldn’t go any higher. That was when the Fox jumped off of her back and onto the nearest cloud. And guess what? It worked! The Fox went up even further, and they kept bouncing from cloud to cloud, going higher and higher with each jump.

Around them, the sky grew darker. They couldn’t even see their village anymore. Even when they started to feel scared, they kept jumping between the clouds until eventually, there were no more clouds. The only place left for them to jump…was the nearest star.

Their paws landed on the surface of the star with grace. Don’t worry, these are also fantasy stars, so the Fox didn’t burn alive. If anything, the star sent a pleasant tingling sensation through the pads of their feet. These stars were just like how a kid would draw stars. Not millions of light years apart, but clustered together, as if a living painting laid out before the Fox’s eyes. They were all the same cold yellow, all shining like glitter and glowing magnificently. They were exactly like the Fox had always dreamed of.

And the Fox should be happy. Ecstatic, even. This is what they’d wanted all their life.

But…they weren’t. Getting a closer look, they realized there was no cohesive path the stars formed. In fact, there were far more stars than they anticipated, spread out across the vastness of space. When they looked down, they saw the planet they had come from, and it was so much smaller than they had thought. When they looked up, around them, they saw even more planets in the distance, ones they couldn’t see before. Planets they could probably jump to, if they tried hard enough.

They could. Explore the universe by hopping from star to star. Their feet didn’t move, though. Looking around, they realized just how small they were in comparison to these grand celestial bodies. All their life, they had lived with their own goals, aspirations, ideas, and thought that that was all there was. That there was one life made just for them.

They didn’t realize how insignificant it all was until that moment—their desire to touch the stars, the cookies they made each Monday…their friends. Was there another little fox on one of those distant planets with the same life, the same dreams? Had that fox already accomplished all of their goals, better than this Fox ever could? Was it ever really the Fox’s choice to do all of those things, or was that just the role it was expected to play in the grand scheme of things? How could they go home with the knowledge that all this time, their village was only a speck of dust?

The Fox stayed on that first star they landed on. They stayed for a long, long time. It’s possible the Fox stayed there for the rest of eternity, standing on that star, staring out into space. It’s possible they stayed until it burned out and died. No matter what, as long as they kept looking, they couldn’t move. Because seeing it all so up close made them realize…it didn’t matter if they continued or not. They had always dreamed of touching the stars, and when they finally did? The stars didn’t even notice.

What a big universe, and what a small, small Fox. [with emphasis] How dare they. How selfish of them. To think their choices mattered at all.

[There’s a pause.]

C41 [trying to brush it off] Whew! That got a bit heavy at the end, didn’t it…Miles?

[MILES is softly snoring. C41 sighs deeply.]

C41 Goodnight, Miles. Try not to drink so much coffee tomorrow. I don’t think I have any more bedtime stories left in me.

[CREDITS.]

#microcospod #podcast #micro-cosmos #audio drama #fiction podcast #transcript #miles abbott #unit c41 #audiodrama

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historicfailure · 3 years

Text

Weekly Heads-Up

Coming Up:

the last chapter of Build a Close Connection! :D Lots of lemon and NSFW ahead! But it’s also pretty soft and fluffy as well, I believe because I can’t leave some fluffiness out of my fics ;D

Working On:

The next thing on my schedule would be the March Prompt for Naruto Smut Monday/Communication is Key! :D Thanks to some comments, I already managed to plan out what will happen throughout the entire year while I will writing this fic and starting April, I will start a new... little arc, so to speak ^^

I’m also now turning fully to the long requests I have in the pipeline. Fingers crossed I will finish one of them soon -.-

The next longer series I will start posting is the already announced Forest Cat Café fic, where Yamato will be the male lead ^^ The start of the fic is a bit unconventional and I know I posted some snippets of it already before, but it has been some time and thus, I add a little bit at the end of this Heads-Up ;D

This is a little bit less than my usual schedule, but as BaCC is ending this week, I will take a little break of two weeks from posting? Just to recharge a bit and also give myself again some time to write and be creative in between. It’s not a hiatus, just a little vacation from posting xD I will still be here and answer asks and also possibly posting snippets if I have something particularly interesting coming up ;D

Thank you all so much for the continued support! It’s an absolute delight to see this blog still grow and I would’ve never thought to be able to write this much for so many people ^^ Hopefully my future projects will also be to your liking and I will see you all this Saturday when the eleventh chapter of Build a Close Connection drops!

Stay safe and sound! :D

Snippet for Forest Cat Café

The loud and incredibly low bass thundered through your ribcage. Your ears had given up a long time ago and talking over the loud, so called music was almost impossible. Only with a desperate wave of your hand, you were able to gain the attention of the barkeeper, a lanky student with pitch-black hair and a sharp death-glare thrown at every girl who dared to swoon over his coldness.

Eventually, the twenty bucks in your hand also could’ve done the trick.

Only a few people waited at the bar and you were extremely thankful for that. The nightmare of making your way through the crowd of people dancing the night away had already been bad enough. One last push upwards and you sat in a worn-out, old bar stool; the faded out, red cushion surely groaning lightly under your behind, but over the music, it was not audible at all.

Breathing in itself was difficult, at least it seemed like this to you; air dense, heavy and enriched with the scent of at least a hundred different, sweating people. And most of them were located on the dancefloor, grinding their sweating, for the most part, clothed bodies together in the search for attention or a short-lived sexual release.

Somewhere, swimming in the mass of people and reveling in the heat and the beat of the so-called music… Was your boyfriend, Ryota.

And just like his name suggested, his endurance was top-notch when it came to partying and other stuff which was loud and obnoxious, which was funny and exciting, which could make him talk for hours, with his green-blueish eyes sparkling and the black curls hanging on his forehead. A bad boy from head to toe, cladded in artistically ripped jeans and a worn-out leather jacket.

Like every so often, you were convinced by Ryota to come with him to a “cool underground club, it’s the place to be, all my friends will be there, we will have so much fun!” And, like always, he would spend the first five minutes by your side and try to look like a caring boyfriend, before the lust to party was stronger than the need to uphold a front, and he vanished into the crowd.

A bottle of weak beer was placed right in front of you. With a short nod, you thanked the barkeeper, paid and tipped him rather generously, and watched how his bored features lit up a tiny bit at the extra you paid him.

“I know it’s hard,” you shouted over the demands of the other patrons, “And I know sometimes it’s shitty! But keep your head up, alright?”

The student nodded, a smug grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. If you were just a few years younger, you probably would’ve started to swoon too, just like the other young girls in your proximity, but like this, you only toasted to him, before swiveling your chair around and watching the jumping and bobbing crowd on the dancefloor. The music was already getting on your nerves, pretentious and thumping to the point of moving your intestines more than your legs and feet. One sip at your beer and your eyes raked down another row of twerking and horny people, rubbing themselves against every human who was lucky (or unlucky enough – depended on the perspective) to be in their way.

In this kind of chaos and darkness, it was impossible to spot one familiar face. With a deep, tired sigh, you turned again to the bar and gently pushed your bottle to the side, before waving at the student again.

This time, he immediately came over, even though a bunch of girls who had screamed their orders at him pouted visibly. “What’s it now?”

“Mind making something stronger for me?” This time, you shoved ten bucks over the counter. “I need it to stand the so-called music!”

Fair enough, you had to repeat your order two times, but the third time was the charm. The barkeeper’s face lightened up and he nodded, his nimble fingers taking the crisp note into his hands. “Tonight, it’s even worse than usual.”

“Amen.” You joked and watched the young man whirl some bottles and flasks around like he was in a circus. Putting on a show, without a doubt to impress the other thirsty party-goers and It-girls, who were already waving their money at him in their desperate attempt to get his attention.

Another short glance over your shoulder. Yes, still no Ryota, even though he had promised to come after an hour or so to the bar. Only an ocean of people you didn’t know. You didn’t have time for this, there were still some manuscripts to organize, some edits you had to make and some e-mails to write before you had to go to bed in order to not zombie your way through the day tomorrow. You just came because Ryota demanded for it-!

The lump in your throat grew by a margin. Quickly, you swiped up the beer again and drowned the sorrow clogging your mouth with the watery, bitter beverage. Thankfully, your strong drink didn’t have to wait long.

A pale hand slid into view, gently pushing over a tall glass with a dark brown and strongly smelling liquid inside. “Long Island Iced Tea,” the young man informed you with a cocky grin, “Strong enough?”

“Just right!” One whiff of the drink was enough to make your eyes water. Still, you took a sip. The alcohol was definitely noticeable. The very first bit made you slightly dizzy and an artificial warmth seeped into your limbs, even making you grin slightly from the strength of the drink. A gesture to make clear he did a good job and the barkeeper waved over his shoulder, already throwing around the next set of glasses, bottles and shakers.

Again unnoticed, you turned once more around. Nope, still no Ryota. Not like you seriously expected him to suddenly show up.

He always leaves me alone on these occasions. Bitterly, you sipped again at your Long Island Iced Tea, the alcohol burning in your throat. Always leaves me behind. I’m so sick of this.

In this moment, sitting at a bar in a shabby underground club, the bass thrumming through your chest and clawing into one of the most alcoholic drinks you ever ordered in your life, you felt like the loneliest person in the world.

With another determined sip, you slid down from your stool, waved one last time at the young barkeeper with the duck-like, maybe black hair and started to snake your way through the dancing crowd. It was time to seek out Ryota. Now that you were here and had a nice drink, you could just as well try to have some fun while you were at it.

The beat changed. Strangely enough, you found your head bobbing to the Japanese type beat, Trap mixed with a lot of bass and a little bit of HipHop. The people loved it, screaming in delight and resuming their dancing and grinding like there was no tomorrow. Knowing you would find your drink, and only anchor, on your low-cut shirt as soon as you would take a single step onto the overcrowded dancefloor, you tried to make your way around the mop. On the other side of the dark club were some small alcoves, complete with seating opportunities and tables to enjoy some more drinks. A lot of kissing couples chose these alcoves for some privacy and apparently mistook the shady light in the club as a curtain for all their depraved, sexual activities. If you weren’t mistaken, there were at least three pairs with their tongues shoved into the other’s throat, hands gripping into hair and moaning soundlessly underneath the thrumming beat. Avoiding looking at them, you went further, taking another sip from your cold drink.

Ryota had to be somewhere here. When you arrived, his friends immediately went for the alcoves, only to be joined by your boyfriend a few minutes after your presence became too boring to him. Quickly and with expertise, your eyes scanned the seats and really. You spotted the strange mohawk-cut of Gen, Ryota’s best buddy. Shining in a bright pink under the blacklight of the club, you watched the man down a shot with a maybe-too-young-to-go-clubbing girl in skimpy clothing. You squeezed yourself past a hollering group of frat boys, who wore nothing but jeans shorts and tapped Gen on the shoulder.

Annoyed, the man waved over his shoulder without even giving you a look. Again, you tapped his shoulder, jabbing your index and middle finger into the crease of his body.

Finally, Gen turned around. He could be described as a good-looking man, if one could look past the stupid tattoos which were scrawled across his forehead and jawbones, telling everyone who read them to fuck off. What kind of tattoo parlor did this kind of tattoo anyway? A sharp haw nose and chiseled features greeted you, together with a pair of pilot-sunglasses which hid the deep brown eyes which were able to send a lot of girls swooning when Gen winked at them.

“Where is Ryota?” you screamed at him.

Gen grimaced and flicked his wrist, like you were an annoying insect he had to shake off before he could continue wooing his current interest with a couple more drunken slurs. The bass changed the rhythm yet again, the crowd pushed from behind and you nearly spilled your drink. Growling lowly in annoyance and not even hearing it, you shored yourself, threw a glare at the idiots in your back, only to lean closer to Gen, ready to hit him with your bag if he wouldn’t spill his secret. “Where. Is. Ryota?”

You weren’t too sure, but you thought you heard the other man groan. Then, finally, he warily gestured at one of the alcoves, only a few meters away. The sight was shielded by a group of shouting guys and girls with hair in neon-colored and cool undercuts. With a little nod, you thanked Gen, before walking off, protecting your drink still from the rowdy crowd and the occasional, accidental bump. With a little shoving, you managed to gain some space, some room to breathe, only to get spit out at the other side of the group. Stumbling and quickly finding your balance again, you checked if everything was still where it should be (Bag? Check. ID? Check. Money? Also check.) before continuing your way over to the alcove. One last, hearty step past some rowdy drinkers and your vision was free.

Free to look at the occupied alcove. Another couple, moaning into the mouths of the other and hands greedily grabbing and sliding underneath flimsy clothing. Free to look at the ripped jeans you knew so well. The one you had washed every so often, the one which was heavenly rough against your skin when Ryota took you against a wall, half naked and fully engaged. Free to look at the familiar leather jacket, black and worn-out, cool in the fall and warm in the spring. Free to look at the black strands, wild and untamed, being combed by a pair of heavenly manicured hands. Free to look at the same face, the same features, the same pair of lips which was plastered against another pair of stark-red lips, the same pair of lips which had kissed you not too long ago when you entered after a long day of work your flat and were greeted by your boyfriend.

Your brain seemed to be under water, every thought was more drawn-out than usual. Your vision was filled with Ryota and the little slut sitting draped across his lap, her hips grinding against him, his hands on her ass and grabbing the undeniably full, round cheeks with both hands. With a strangely detached clarity, you watched them for some more seconds, while your brain tried to connect the cruel pictures to the terrible reality. The bass thumping in the back of your head didn’t help either. Still somehow not realizing what happened, even though it happened right in front of you, you took another sip of your Long Island Iced Tea, while the ice-cold certitude breached finally through your mind.

Ryota cheated on you. When he invited you to the same club. Shoved his tongue into the mouth of the next best bimbo he could get his hands on. Didn’t waste a single stray thought on you, while you waited and waited at the bar for his sorry ass.

~ X ~

Well, this is not even a snippet anymore. Just the first 3 and a half pages of the first chapter xD Have fun with this little outlook even though there is only so little Yamato for now >-<

#weekly #weekly newsletter #weekly heads-up #newsletter #heads-up #historicfailure #freakypseudwriter

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tszombieau · 3 years

Note

Hey, is everything okay mod? You've been gone for quite a while, I was just wondering how you are and if you're doing alright, we all miss you (and yes you, not just the awesome sides story you created)

(Not that we don't like it! We love it! We just want to know you're ok first!)-🦉

Ok so my tumblr is not working right and Ive tried to answer this TWICE with tumblr deleting all like three-four paragraphs everytime so 😭 here we go, third times the charm.

To answer your question anon, Im doing pretty well actually! Last update I gave I was stressed about school and college applications and work and stuff, but Im happy to announce that Ive gotten a full ride scholarship to my dream school, am almost finished with my last year of high school, and have gotten a pay raise at work. Things are looking up!

However, in more unfortunate news, this hiatus is gonna last a lot longer than initially planned...

So heres the thing: Ive been in this fandom since 2018. In that time, Ive made a LOT of content for the series (this askblog, over 50,000 words worth of fics, over a thousand prompts over on @sanderssides-prompts , tons of fanart, a few animatics that never saw the light of day, etc). Im burnt out from the characters. That, plus with everything thats been going on with Thomas in general lately (not paying his artists, not releasing any content besides literal ads, etc) has just put me in a bad mood looking at any content related to his series so... I need a break from Sanders Sides for a while and have been focusing on other fandoms.

BUT i do 100% have the full intention of coming back to this AU eventually, its just gonna take a few months so... Yeah.

Im sorry, cuz thats probably not the answer anyone wanted, but its the answer I have. Soooooo if everyone who is interested wants to turn on post notifications for when this blog is active again, go ahead. Or alternatively, send me an ask off anon and Ill tag yall in the next update.

Thanks for reading guys, and Ill see you soon 💜

- Meg

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penname-artist · 3 years

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September

This journal may seem to come out of thin air, because I left much less warnings of this announcement than I had when I went away in April this year. But, it was not without good reasons. But it’s a long story, so I ask that you read this with patience and understanding.

I had toyed with the idea of taking another month or so ‘break’ from posting my content, since I seemed to regain so much footing last time, but I wasn’t really sure what the cause for disappearance would be now, other than just because I feel it’s necessary to. See, April did have an underlying reason, especially extending past my physical vacation time. There were some traumatic events that occured in my personal life - which long time watchers may know bits and pieces about still - that I was still very...tender, walking back into. Anniversaries and particular dates in the year have always been very touchy spots for me, not just in that they were anniversaries, but also that they were reminders of a further once-was time that I’ve still yet to fully cross over the healer’s bridge from. I also had events in an even more personal sector of my life in June, but I didn’t take any break for that (and I probably should have, looking back, for at least a week or so).

But I’m going to be taking another posting and general activity hiatus from my accounts, my “brand”, for the month of September. Well, September-ish. I’m not sure how long this hiatus will actually be, since I won’t know until I take it how badly I’ll have needed it. But I feel that right now, I’m still trying to find my footing, with new mental health resources, and repotting my social roots somewhere away from the World of Cars and Planes fandom, which, while I still love dearly...I need a little break from.

And this is the hardest part I need to bring to the surface, which is a part of why I am taking this hiatus. I recently - about a month or so ago - stepped down from my ownership position within The Proppies Discord server. I left it altogether, actually, in a very abrupt way. I will say this much, there are...conversations that I was a part of, behind closed doors, that I did not feel were right, and people in whom I have nothing left to say to because of their repeated actions. But, I won't add fuel to dying flames.

Thus, my worsening mental health, and concerns surrounding my personal connections to all of these people, are what caused my eventual loss of faith in that server altogether. I am sad to see it go, but I’ve honest to goodness lost my heart in it. I am sorry I could not have stepped in more in some situations, because there are people I feel I do owe up to for their indirect harm. But that is something I have no choice but to leave where it is, because it’s no longer my concern nor my responsibility to speak for this group. I am not associated with it any longer, and all my works that are Planes-relative from here won’t be associated either.

Which leads me to the next thing I need to address. My branding, and my personification. As of late, I feel that I’ve been...hiding. As though the mask in which I hold up for a few art accounts is just that - a mask. Which, while it may seem harmless on the outside, is damaging to the psyche underneath, especially when you don’t have a firm grasp on who you are as an individual, before your public face. What I am doing, the biggest and most important reason that I am taking this break now, is to hopefully find that missing link within myself, so that I have the energy and I have the strength to continue to be the person I want to be, and the person that people need me to be. What was once anger and spite is already shedding away to...new growth. Life. The return of someone I thought I lost in spring of 2020, though not any other individual.

I’m finding myself again, slowly but surely. And I’m rebuilding myself again in a new way. A kinder way. A way I want to be, where I’m healthy enough to sit with my friends in the middle of the night and tell them “I’m here for you even in this great storm”. Because that’s the kind of person I needed too. And as long as I live, I will work to be a person whose character is the same, inside and outside, who’s words and actions line up when they’re put to the test. I strive to be someone real.

When I return, I plan to do a lot of things, but namely, I will be creating a second, smaller Planes server. I won't speak much more of it because I am still heavily debating putting my foot back in the stirrup and getting back in the saddle again. The bottom line is, I want a place again, a place for Plane people to be...well, Plane people. I won’t be around as much as I had been The Proppies, but I do feel it will be a safe place for myself and some good friends who are all equal fans of the Planes films. We have been needing a place, and this will hopefully do just fine as that humble little circle.

I plan to release this server when I return in October.

Stay tuned.

-Pen

#disney planes #planes fire and rescue #announcements #updates

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howaminotinthestrokesyet · 3 years

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Where Have They Gone Now: Slash

Slash was born Saul Hudson in London, England in 1965. He was named after the cartoonist Saul Steinberg by his African American fashion designer mother, Olivia Hudson. Her client’s included some very famous rock stars including Ringo Starr, Janis Joplin, and David Bowie, whom she dated. His father, Arthur was a British artist, who designed album covers for artists such as Neil Young and Joni Mitchell. He would say this later about his unique background.

“As a musician, I've always been amused that I'm both British and black; particularly because so many American musicians seem to aspire to be British while so many British musicians, in the 'Sixties in particular, went to such great pains to be black." Around the age of five, he would move to Los Angeles eventually living off and on with his mother and grandparents after his parents separated in 1974. He was given the nickname Slash by one of his mother’s friends, actor Seymour Cassel, who would say that the young Saul was always darting around from place to place. With classmate, Steven Adler, Slash decided to form a band in 1979. Although the high school band never happened, he did learn an instrument at this time. The future Guns N’ Roses member began to take music lessons to learn bass guitar , but he soon switched to lead guitar after the first lesson. The two friends would finally put together a band with Duff McKagan called Road Crew in 1983. The band’s name originated from a popular song by Motörhead. The band was quickly disbanded by Slash himself due to a variety of reasons including no lead singer and Adler did not want to be there sometimes. One other thing to be noted was the fact that Slash had been a champion BMX rider as a teen, but when music came along he gave it up to concentrate on the guitar. He would sometimes practice his instrument as much as 12 hours a day.

The next band that Slash joined was Hollywood Rose, which featured future GNR members Izzy Stradlin and Axl Rose. The band was very short lived, so he moved on to a group called Black Sheep, as well as an audition for Poison. He was not chosen because he did not fit the image, but after the group became well known Slash did not hesitate to disparage the band every chance that he got. In the summer of 1985, Slash formally joined Guns N’ Roses. Before one of the shows in late 1985, he shoplifted a black felt top hat and a silver belt, which became his trademark headwear for the rest of his career. The guitarist wrapped the belt around the brim of the hat as a buckle. In 1993, upon the release of the cover album, The Spaghetti Incident, Slash wrote several songs that he hoped would be part of the follow up album to Use Your Illusion I and II. Both Axl Rose and Duff McKagan rejected all of his songs for any new album. The tensions in the band were at an all time high despite the unbelievable success of the group. By the fall of 1996, things had become obvious to Slash that any collaboration with Axl Rose was going to be pretty much impossible. He officially announced that he was leaving the band that same year. In his statement he would write, “Axl and I have not been capable of seeing eye to eye on Guns N' Roses for some time. We tried to collaborate, but at this point, I'm no longer in the band." Over the next 20 years, he would go into further detail on his reasons for leaving the band, which included the departures of Stradlin and Adler, Axl Rose’s chronic lateness to everything, and his desire to manipulate through legal channels control of the band.

In 1994, the guitarist had created Slash’s Snake Pit, which included Guns N’ Roses future ex-members Matt Sorum and Gilby Clark, as well as Mike Inez from Alice in Chains and Eric Dover from Jellyfish. In 1995, the group released its debut album, It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere, which received positive reviews and sold fairly well. The major quality pointed out was the fact that it did not follow the alternative music trend of the time. In 1996, he disbanded the group after a lengthy tour only to reform the group 3 years later in 1999 with new members. This album did not perform as well in sales nor with critics. The album received very mixed reviews, which led the band to opening for AC/DC during their 2000 tour instead of a bigger headlining tour. The group eventually did a theater tour, but they broke up in 2002. That same year, Matt Sorum and Duff McKagan, and Slash reunited for a tribute concert to Randy Castillo. This led to the creation of the band Velvet Revolver, which also included singer Scott Weiland. Izzy Stradlin had initially joined as well, but he soon quit because of the inclusion of a lead singer. They would go on to release the album Contraband in 2004, which debuted at number one on the US charts and sold 2 million copies. The song “Slither” would go on to win the band a Grammy for Best Rock Song. In the summer of 2007, they released their second album Libertad, which did not achieve the same kind of success as their debut. A year later the band fired Scott Weiland from the group due to his personal drug issues. The late singer had said that the band was officially broken up, but this was not the case. In 2010, the group began to record new material for a third album as they looked for a new singer. They could not agree upon one, so they went on hiatus again despite recording nine new demos. The band is still on hiatus to this day.

In September 2008, Slash began working on his debut solo album, which may sound strange because he had these other side projects as well. The guitarist would talk about doing his own album and the freedom that provided. It’s nice to “take a little bit of a break from all the politics and the democracy that is a band and just sort of do my own thing for a little bit.” The use of the word democracy might seem strange knowing his history with GNR. The album included a large roster of musical guests as well including Ozzy Osbourne, Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas, Adam Levine of Maroon 5, M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold, Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead, Dave Grohl, Chris Cornell and Iggy Pop. Former Guns N’ Roses members Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and Stephen Adler also collaborated on the album. Their continuing work together throughout the years speaks volumes to the fact that Axl Rose was probably the problem in Guns N’ Roses. The album would go onto reach number three on the Billboard charts in the US, which actually led to a follow up album with his new backing band called the Conspirators and singer, Myles Kennedy. He would release Apocalyptic Love in 2012 followed by a tour in 2014 opening for Aerosmith. In 2018, a third album was released by the band entitled Living the Dream. In 2016, something happened that some fans thought would never happen again. Slash reunited with Axl Rose for Guns N’ Roses. The first show was during the 2016 Coachella music festival in California. The subsequent tour was quite aptly named Not In This Lifetime.

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mimiplaysgames · 4 years

Text

A Powerful Enough Dream (Ch. 3)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua (eventually) Rating: T Word Count: 9,275

Summary: Too many people need Aqua’s help, and if she’s going to do her job as a Keyblade Master, she’s going to have to set aside her personal needs to pull them through... Only to find that something is not entirely alright with her.

Read on AO3

A/N: Ahhhh, I've never meant to ignore this particular fic for so long. ^^;; In all honesty, aside from so many other things going on in my life (I went on hiatus and am due for another, I was dedicated to other projects and I just got accepted into another zine ;-; and there was my stupid, broken computer which is now replaced! :D), I really dreaded writing this one. When I announced that I was splitting this story in two fics, I knew I dug a grave for myself. There is no way to fix this chapter without rewriting the first one entirely, but I figured it was much more important to get started Aqua on her journey and I need this loose end tied as soon as possible. If you're new to this story, I'm sorry this chapter is so bad - I'm totally aware, I promise. I've tried my hardest to make this side-quest as sensible as possible.

****

Crazy

His heart beats hard, fast, irregular, and it's about to collapse.

He doesn't hear how ragged his breath is, running as desperately as he is, and he ignores how much his muscles are screaming for rest.

Then there's the headache. That's the one thing Terra is mindful of.

He trips.

The Realm of Darkness doesn't make it easy, not with how rough it shapes its terrain, like it tripped him on purpose. Cobblestones not fitting well together. Pits in the dirt. Rocks hidden in tall grass where he won't notice.

Flashes of light burst somewhere far behind. It's too foggy to see what's going on. Terra spits sweat out of his lips.

There are eyes - a pair wedged right next to a pebble, near enough to grab his fingers. Another in the hollow trunk of a tree. And one more in the distance, in the direction he was heading, and now he has to choose another way and pray he doesn't fall off a cliff.

Behind him, he hears bubbling, the same sickly sound that always announces the arrival of Heartless.

It simmers across his back and he grabs whatever landed on him and throws it as hard as he can and he summons Ends of the Earth -

But can't. He hasn't been able to, not since he left the beach.

Not since he saw a flash of light and Aqua was gone, sent home to her freedom like she deserves. Not since some tall men in dark, hooded cloaks appeared out of nowhere in the sandy shores. Organization members. They wanted to kidnap him.

Terra had to choose between waiting for his friends to come back in dangerous waters, or running away.

When he can turn back into Xehanort at any moment.

He chose to run.

And now he's surrounded without a Keyblade. He thinks about Xemnas, and even though he's tired, and even though his stomach hurts, he takes that brief memory of what it feels like to be numb, to be detached and disheartened, and waves his hands in a sweep against the earth and flies them upward.

A barrier shoots erect - but not just any protective shield, an offensive one. The type that electrifies the Heartless that ram into it, and sends them flying backwards. The kind only a Nobody can summon.

He conjures more - two by his side, another behind him - to force these damn things to back off, and he escapes when he's had enough -

Tripping again when the Realm tricks a hill to look like a straight path and oops, there he goes, falling in air, rolling against dry dirt and tumbling until he finally halts.

It's dark down here. The headache will split his scalp open.

"No," he grumbles, running fingers through his hair and he wants to rip the strands off. "I can't control-"

His limbs go rigid. "No," he says again. He wants to make sure Xehanort hears him loud and clear.

Terra cannot summon his armor anymore for that matter, since Xehanort has clouded both in darkness. They should be in arms' reach, waiting peacefully in his heart, ready to come at his will… but it's like his Keyblade can't see or hear him either.

He manages a small sob when he loses control of his arms - which are quite literally, moving on their own to grip at his legs.

The taste of loss is bitter, as prickly as the tree roots ripping out of the earth and tangling around him. It's like the Realm sees what he's going through, and wants to point and laugh. They squeeze, tightening so his bones can't reply, and he's left to allow them to drag him.

But light is warm and always there - because without it, there wouldn't be any shadows. It shines like a halo, making the roots writhe and wrinkle away, letting him go, letting him breathe. It eases his headache, which he knows won't last forever, but finally… relief.

"Mickey?"

Two large, yellow shoes - big enough to belong to a clown - step in front of him, a pair of comically round ears leering over him with a huge smile. Mickey is the physical embodiment of a hearth, of everything that makes children happy in the outside world, a complete mismatched reflection of the twisted underground of the Realm.

"Slipped, did ya?" he squeaked.

"Maybe," Terra scoffs, just able to move a finger to trace the dirt. It feels so real.

As real as Aqua's skin when he held her - he held her. That was real. And she escaped. Terra considers this a success, a wish fulfilled, to stay behind so she could taste food again.

… Terra didn't even get a chance to tell her about his feelings. He chickened out in the last minute.

She's smart. She'll free Ven, too. And Terra will drag Xehanort to drown in the darkness together.

If he can manage to keep control of his body that is.

Mickey's Keyblade now dons some new chinks and chips.

If they continue this way, neither of them will last much longer. Terra has already woken up a couple of times, right in the middle of a duel with Mickey, a silver Keyblade high in the air and ready to strike, only for Terra to realize what he's holding and drops it. It's flashes of moments that in reality may have lasted only minutes but seem much longer. If Xehanort keeps hacking away, Mickey's Keyblade will break.

And then Terra won't have anyone left to help him.

But it hurts, that headache.

"Chin up, Terra," Mickey says, surveying where they should head to next.

The fog dissipates and gives them two paths: one paved with a line of lanterns illuminating the way, the other a rocky uphill hike into a forest.

"I… need to rest," Terra breathes, wanting to take back the words. If he rests, he'll lose control again.

"Aww, Terra, don't worry."

"I'll hurt you again." He chokes on a whimper, the headache roaring this time. "I don't know how Aqua survived years of this…"

Hands take hold of his shoulders, and this small mouse, barely as tall as his knees, takes Terra's entire weight onto his shoulders to sit him up. "Remember, I got ya."

"What are we going to do? I can't summon my Keyblade anymore and I just don't-"

Terra doesn't know what to say. I just don't know if I can keep waiting for anyone to come back?

"Well," Mickey muses, "we'll have to keep moving."

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

"I don't know how you do it, either."

"I don't have Xehanort weighing me down, and I think that makes you pretty strong. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"This place doesn't make you sad?"

"If I think about it…" A frown on Mickey's face is ill-fitting. "But we don't have time for that."

Funny, since the Realm will be sure to give them all the time it has to offer. The Realm will be sure to give them reasons to stay.

Maybe it's darkness creeping in, or maybe Terra had enough of reality to taste - it's sour.

"I don't see how anyone is going to find us," he says.

Mickey is silent for a moment.

"I had an old friend," he starts, "who used to have a motto he lived his life by."

He holds a fist up, and releases each of his four fingers with every rule: "'First, think. Second, dream. Third, believe. And finally, dare.' To honor him, I have to believe that every step we take will get us closer to freedom."

As if to prove a point, he faces Terra, and finishes with, "I think that's what helped Aqua last this long down here."

Condensed simply, those all sound like tenants of a Keyblade wielder.

"Was your friend a gentle man?" Terra asks.

Mickey smiles with a shrug to his shoulder. "Ohoho, he also said something to the effect of, 'You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.'"

"... It makes you stronger." How often has his own Master said the same thing? The Realm will kick him when he's already down, and he's supposed to stand on his own two feet and carry on like it doesn't hurt.

"Something like that." Mickey points to the rocky uphill hike. "My heart tells me this will be the safer way to go. C'mon Terra. How's about we keep going? Our friends think about us all the time, and they will light our way."

Terra grunts like his legs hate him, and he rolls his neck. It helps soothe the headache.

"Okay."

It starts with the suggestion by a simple-minded mouse, and Terra gets on his feet, fighting off dizziness, to face more odd nights.

****

The clock still hasn't struck ten and if the way her legs are shaking are any indication of how… is annoyed is the right word? Anxious?

Impatient. Aqua keeps crossing her legs and checks the time, and for a second she thinks she's back in the Realm of Darkness when she swears the minute hand went backwards.

The lights in the lobby are dim, the carpet as red as a deep wound. The chair she's lounging in is comfortable at least, but it nags at her back and she's desperate to move. She's still in the hotel, her heart torn by her duty to the people she swore to protect, nowhere near Ventus, nowhere near Terra, nowhere near anywhere she truthfully wants to be. If it continues to tear in opposite directions, will her heart break in two?

Rydia is also slouched in a lounge chair of her own, and has a radio playing, the static clearing to the lullaby of an accordion and violin. Their story is a long trek through a city filled with the lights of a harp, guided by the sad, gentle canals of a tuba. The violin abandons the accordion, and the tuba reassures the accordion, and it's lonely until they all reunite powerfully at the end of a long night.

Rydia is dressed stunning as always, her empire sleeves in gold trimming piling on top of the floor as she braids and unbraids her long green hair, a gentle smile on her face as she eases into her chair, losing herself to the song.

Everyone around Aqua is either doing two things: hustling to wherever they need to be - the infirmary, the battlefield, to their families - or, they linger, living out the seconds until Kefka comes.

Until Kefka comes: that is what is on everyone's mind, and Aqua can't bear to pass more than a second of thought to it.

But she'll stand corrected when the clock finally hits ten, and after ten strikes from the clock tower, here come the sirens.

They wail at first, getting louder which every passing vibration until she can't hear anything else, and she feels Rydia getting stiff right next to her. The sirens keep blaring.

They quiet, only to come back around and Aqua realizes the town is desperate because there won't be a place that could possibly escape the sound. They need her help. Terra and Ven need her help. Too many people need her help.

Focus, Aqua.

Silence, and her heart still drums in her ear.

"I swear that clock tower is haunted," Rydia says, slowly letting out breath as if letting it go all at once would make too much noise. The music sounds softer, as if the sirens had intimidated it, and Rydia leans over to bring her ears closer. "It always knows when to interrupt the best parts."

When Aqua stares at her with uneasy eyes, Rydia continues, "Don't worry, you'll get used to it."

Aqua never wants to hear them again.

The bustling energy in the hotel took pause during the sirens, and is now at full speed again - maybe even faster, knowing the minutes are ticking. Kefka arrives at eleven. One hour.

Cid barges through, keeping the double doors to the lobby open with a lit cigarette pursed in his lips, and a scowl worse than his usual attitude. "Incomin'."

In comes a tall, blond man with ridiculously spiky hair, and a giant blade strapped to his back (giant is an understatement), dragging carts of wooden boxes, throwing them open to reveal potions - as much as a store inventory.

Aqua recognizes him faintly from the night she came through the Door to Light... and suddenly she feels that twist in her gut, a sweaty coldness that only comes with what she must be most familiar with at this point.

Darkness. This man has the trace of it… and Cid is helping him like no one is in danger and Rydia is welcoming him like he's a friend.

The man pauses his hyper-focus when he sees Aqua, the severe look on his face softening with… pity.

"You're Aqua, right?" he asks her.

"That's right." She hates the way he's looking at her. "And you're…?"

"Cloud." Here it comes. "I'm sorry about Terra."

She has to remind herself that people mean well (and once she frees Terra, everyone will stop trying to apologize to her).

"Thank you," she says and she's relieved she doesn't sound ungrateful.

Cloud looks away at first, minorly distracted by Cid's grumbling about how they only have one ram left for the fight. Then he stands up, approaching Aqua.

"I was really torn up when I heard," Cloud says, uneasy like it's weird for him to be so open-hearted, "but I respect his decision. He has a good head on his shoulders."

Then he extends his hand to her. "Welcome to the team, Aqua."

Cloud has a gentle half-smile on his face, and darkness extends its hand, expecting her to shake it.

She's expected to be polite and she tries - she really wants to try - but her hand limps in his firm shake. Cloud gets the message, dropping his own and turning over his shoulder. "I'll be at the site," he tells Cid. "Hurry it up."

Cid groans, and saying out of ear shot, "Kid swears he's a hot shot."

Aqua rolls her lips inward.

"You alright?" Rydia asks, leaning forward.

"He has darkness." It's impolite to say, but Aqua has little patience to play with the dark.

Rydia cocks an eyebrow, her gray eyes searching for a proper explanation. "Your point? We all harbor darkness within ourselves."

"That is true, but… it's not normal to be able to sense it."

Rydia sits back, nodding to what she's understanding. "I suppose Cloud has been through so much, considering… what I don't understand is why it has to be such a black and white issue."

"What do you mean?"

"Where I come from, darkness isn't considered to be evil, at least among mages. We have white and black magic, but it has more to do with how you wield them. Darkness alone says nothing of your character."

Then Rydia smiles, to prove her point. "I trust Cloud with my life."

Aqua supposes she's being unfair - after all, her reflection has proven to her countless times that there are cracks within her very own heart, and it's unrealistic to believe they have all been sealed and darkness-proof.

There's been a lot of nights when Aqua had wondered if she should end it, pierce her chest with her Master's Keyblade and let the ocean take her. What darker sadness could there be besides that?

And then there's Terra… he has darkness, and maybe it's strong but it's always outshined by his spirit. He will always be a good person.

"Cloud, the sad hero," Cid gruffs, pulling potions out onto tables so everyone who passes by can easily pack them. "Basque in his greatness when he feels sorry for you."

Rydia takes a sleeve her mouth to cover her chuckles. "Where is this coming from?"

"He's more depressin' than an opera." He takes a puff of smoke. "But eh, I can respect 'im. He gets shit done."

Cid glances over to the hallway, suddenly switching gears and gives the two girls a fair warning: "Look sharp."

It's for Garnet's arrival, who is followed closely by Lulu, the organizer of the orphanage... So she hasn't followed the children to safety after all.

Garnet walks like she's on air, the most feminine Aqua has ever seen, her head held high like she's not as small as she really is, her hair and her bubble sleeves floating like there's a breeze that only graces her presence. Her heart is determined and open, embracing what's to come.

Lulu has her arms crossed, her face contorted in annoyance and a touch of impeccable, heavy makeup, her fur and leather-trimmed gown trailing long behind her. She walks with responsibility, but her heart doesn't want to accept what's going on around her.

"You're going to find me hard to submit, Your Highness," Lulu says, her voice as serious as her disposition.

Garnet whips around. "What you propose is preposterous."

"Your point?" Lulu scoffs. "I didn't stay behind to let you do what you please. I'm speaking for what is best for everyone else."

Garnet huffs. As if to end the conversation, she pretends to organize through potions even though they are all the same color, handing over some to Lulu, taking more for the battle ahead.

Lulu apprehensively accepts, and proposes something: "When the children want to win an argument, they play a game called Snap. Winner gets the final word."

"Is that so?"

"It's a game of magical prowess. Hold a coin flat in between both palms, and you fight to keep it."

Garnet straightens up, understanding exactly the kind of filibustering Lulu is trying to do, and extends her hand, gesturing to be given something. "Let's have it, then."

Out of Lulu's bra comes a large silver coin. She holds the coin together with Garnet's palm, like they are slapping it in place. Visually, nothing seems to be happening as their faces lose themselves to concentration, but Aqua recognizes the energy in the air: there is magic bustling in between their fingertips, and whoever exercises more willpower gets to keep the coin.

"Now," Lulu says and they pull hands apart like they're avoiding harm.

It takes a moment to process, and Garnet flips her fingers to reveal that the coin has stayed with her. Whether it's beginner's luck or she's that more skillful, Aqua doesn't know enough to figure.

"I've won," Garnet announces.

"Except you've lost," Lulu says with dejection, with concern, with stern ambition. She hovers over to Rydia's side.

Rydia has cast her eyes downward, avoiding the game altogether, a profound look of guilt betraying her need to keep a straight face.

Three women standing on one side of the room with Garnet opposing them.

It's enough for Cid, who's sitting on his own away from the drama, to throw his hands in the air, as if saying this isn't worth the trouble. "Women."

"What is going on?" Aqua asks.

Her interruption makes Garnet jump, but the princess ignores the question.

So Lulu answers, her tone as exasperated as her eye roll. "Garnet thinks she can get away with sacrificing herself."

"You haven't left me with much choice," Garnet says, sending a glance over to Rydia. "I have been blessed with more time to be there for those in need of me. And yet, I have to do what is best for my people, and I cannot sit idly by to watch you play the sacrifice on my behalf."

Aqua stands up. "I don't understand what you're implying." Except she does understand. She just refuses that there's any justification to it.

Garnet breathes, ignoring Lulu's scoff. "Kefka demands female mages… Turn them into Heartless or else it will continue to haunt us every single night, and I cannot have this when we are in the middle of evacuations. I must ensure the safety of my peers."

Garnet then holds a hand to her heart. "Speak of nothing to Noctis. He'd never leave me out of his sight if he knew."

Hands gripped into themselves, shaking her head, Aqua groans and doesn't know what to say. "Riku never…" Said anything to me.

Just to stay behind and protect the hotel, out of real harm's way without giving her a choice.

So Aqua sets her sights. "Kefka is supposed to come every other night, right?"

"That is correct."

"So you'll buy one night with your life?"

"...Yes. We are the last ones." She gestures to herself, Lulu, and Rydia.

The entire room is quiet, weighed down by the severity of what was said.

They are the last ones, and does it matter really which order they get taken out, one by one?

It's not fair. It's ridiculous, and Aqua, Keyblade Master, is not going to tolerate it.

"Your Highness," she says, "I don't mean to show disrespect, but I think you should listen more to your peers."

Rydia leans forward, like she's looking for a speck of hope. Lulu thanks some force out there that someone around here is speaking reason.

"What would have me do, Master Aqua?" Garnet asks gently. "Shall I be content in my path to survival while those who've paved it for me waste away?"

Aqua swallows hard. The job of a Keybearer will sometimes have easy missions, and sometimes impossible ones, but they are all equal in the importance of saving lives. This decision is a no-brainer.

Even if they buy just one more night of peace, Terra is rotting and Aqua has to get going. Ventus is waiting and she promised…

"If Kefka wants a female mage, I'll give it one," she says, starting to head to the exit.

Garnet drops her jaw. "Are you mad? In your condition?"

"I don't have a condition." Aqua stops at the ornately carved wooden doors, and turns to face everyone in the room. "Cid, can you take my place in protecting the hotel?"

It's not just Aqua and the other mages squaring themselves against Garnet's judgment - Cid proudly dusts off his shoulders, nodding. "Better than facing that crazy clown."

Crazy clown doesn't seem to cut it as an appropriate nickname for the terror everyone around Aqua is feeling.

Aqua glances over to Rydia, who is still healing from a wound. "You need to always be by her side. Rydia, are you okay with this?"

Rydia has fire in her eyes, grabbing her longstaff and using it to keep herself standing. "I don't need to move much to destroy Heartless. I'm strong, and I'll stay."

"You're either really naive, or really powerful," Lulu says to Aqua. "I'll take my chances. I'll follow." She picks her potions like she's heard good news, taking her place across the room.

Garnet stands silent, defeated, with an expression that makes Aqua feel horrible, as though the Keyblade Master is really asking the princess to commit to something that is extraordinarily difficult and painful.

This morning, she had such a bright light within her that her healing touch shone white. Now it's dim, her eyes an empty black.

"It's my job to protect you," Aqua says, attempting to comfort her.

And Garnet only stares, like she doesn't believe it. Like she's faced this too many times, and knows from experience that they will all lose.

****

By the way she breaknecks towards the third district, Aqua can feel the clock ticking, even though the tower is quiet.

She takes long strides, stepping on the occasional puddle, leaving a poor Garnet to jog with her short legs in order to keep up. Traverse Town is decorated in lights, but it's otherwise a vacation town for ghosts. No one to dream about fancy jewelry, to admire the latest fashion, to salivate at the aroma of tonight's dinner.

The third district would have been a sight if it wasn't already halfway-destroyed - debris piling on colorful electrical wiring, lanterns that have been bent in half, a water fountain that has been blown open, and apartment homes with all the lights off, wind blowing through curtains. No one lives here anymore.

In the place of a bustling modern district are a bunch of wooden crates, tossed around between people to gather potions and weapons. ...It's a lot of fighters for one Heartless. Aqua would make the fourth Keyblade wielder up against this thing.

A part of her has this sudden apprehension to take another step forward - these people follow her now, swayed by her confidence that all of their worries will end tonight.

What if she has given them false hope?

Could she cope with it?

It's cold. Someone is watching her.

Aqua recognizes this feeling, since she's been faced with it for the better part of twelve years. There's already Heartless here, and she looks every which way to see if she could spot them hiding among the shadows.

Whatever is there is already studying the people gathering here, honing on the way Garnet and Lulu stride towards the middle of the square, pleased by how frantic people are rushing to finish preparations.

She whips around to find the clock tower in the distance, a great vantage point for anyone to stalk from. It's twenty past ten, but…

It's very cold.

Kefka is already here. It's just waiting for the time to start.

It's a sick situation, Kefka twirling these terrorized people in its fingers.

Aqua's expecting to find a certain pair of yellow eyes that would normally come from feral demons, but a different pair perks up when he sees her arriving to the third district.

And they belong to none other than Lea. She is surprised that he even cares that much.

Or maybe he's just really dramatic, but something about the twitch of his lips tells her that he isn't exactly pleased with her presence there.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he says with a smirk, feigning surprise and she doesn't know why he tries so hard to plant certain impressions on other people.

Aqua has no other answer for him except the obvious: "I have to help."

The facade in his eyes flicker out like a lighter turning off. He places his hands on his waist, letting himself be more honest, yet still keeping a hot air of distance between them. "Are you sure it's a good idea for you to fight something this malicious?"

The nerve of him. "I've faced more nightmares than anyone has ever slept with. I can take care of myself."

"Even after what Terra went through to get you back? Do you think that's fair to him?"

Aqua stammers. It isn't fair to drag Terra into this… "I don't need your permission to fight."

She leaves him with his mouth wide-open, searching for words and failing to find them.

Which only leaves her hearing the words, "She's just as dense as him!" fading behind her. It makes her smirk. Terra hasn't changed - when he has his mind set, he can become the worst kind of stubborn, as immovable as a boulder.

On her way to the middle of the square, past some men mapping out the upper levels where long-range fighters should situate, Aqua finds two particular individuals in one of the highest balconies who take way too much interest in watching her.

A well-dressed man, impeccably so, his silk sleeves a clean white like he's never been to battle, bracelets like he appreciates the finer things in life, and an exquisite embroidered vest like he can afford it, and a rifle sitting casually on his shoulder. He's not the one who initially took an interest in her - he only does so when his partner whispers to him about her arrival.

Said partner is a dark-skinned woman, with long, stark white hair that reaches her thighs, and jackrabbit ears stretching high into the sky out of her helmet. It only makes her look taller, taller than the well-dressed man, taller than Terra. Something about this woman makes Aqua wonder if she's seen her before, but this is no time to sit and think about it - that can wait until later. This rabbit-woman immediately takes notice of Aqua, tightening her grip on her bow.

Now there are two more pairs of eyes watching Aqua's back as she continues onward, out of ear-shot of whatever their opinions are.

Aqua comes across Cloud and Noctis, the latter with a clipboard filled with a checklist to make sure everything is in order. Occasionally he asks Cloud about the setup. Garnet and Lulu are already making laps around the square to check in on their sole wooden ram - Aqua gets the sense that Garnet is avoiding her, and Lulu is only following to make sure she doesn't do anything drastic.

Without really looking at Cloud in the eye, Aqua reaches over to hold Noctis' elbow firmly. "Make sure to keep an eye on Garnet," she says softly.

Noctis stammers before getting grim, and he's disappointed. He looks over his shoulder, where he sees Garnet cheerfully speak to a man like nothing is wrong and no foul plans are being made.

"Make that four eyes," Cloud says, smirking, and Aqua can't bring herself to smile back.

"Thanks for the warning," Noctis says. "She never learns."

… That's the weird thing about the people here. There's so much sadness, in Noctis' eyes, in Cloud's, in Garnet's… and they try smiling anyway like they're tricking themselves. Aqua doesn't remember if she's ever really smiled the entire time she's been in the Realm of Darkness.

Maybe once, when she saw apparitions of Terra and Ventus, but when they disappeared, she reasoned that she was being too hopeful. That it was never really truly a smile, because she can only give one around the people she loves. Not ghosts.

How grateful she is that a super-friendly face comes running up to her, bright (huge) yellow shoes splish-splashing through puddles to greet her, Donald and Goofy closeby.

"What are you doing here?" Sora asks, skidding to a stop.

Aqua really wishes people would stop questioning her drive. "Where is Riku?"

Sora takes a pause, his eyes darting for a moment towards the ground. "He's not here yet."

So it's not four Keybearers against Kefka, but three.

A faint thought nags at the back of her mind again. "He never told me about the female mages."

Sora's eyes widen, like he forgot that detail. But he lets it melt away into a small smile. "Riku hides stuff from me, too, sometimes."

"You've fought it before? Kefka?" Aqua searches his eyes for the truth, and she realizes that she actually sounds apprehensive.

She could fail this mission. It wouldn't be the first.

"Ah, phooey!" Donald scoffs, waving his arms like he's shooing a gnat. He's in a really bad mood, and how can he not when he's stuck here for duty's sake just like everyone else? "It's just a clown."

Sora brightens up, a triumphant fist in his palm. "We have a good team here."

His smile is ill-fitting because it's genuine. Nothing like the others who try to hide their fear, but he makes his out of immense faith. Sora's light is powerful, and… rare, Aqua thinks.

"We do," she says, remembering Ven's smile. Something about Sora reminds Aqua that there are reasons to look forward to happier times.

But everything pleasant is short-lived, and maybe that's a sad fact of life.

Someone screams. Points to the clock tower.

The minute hand speeds up, gaining velocity towards the top of the eleventh hour.

It takes three strikes of the bells for everyone to decide whether this is a joke or it's actually happening early.

Two more strikes for Noctis to yell, "Get aggressive! Stay alive!"

Three more for Garnet to whisper a spell that shines a light upon every single person in the area, and another two for Aqua to witness a faint crystal wrap and spin around her before fading away.

A protection spell, something completely unique and rare. Garnet's light is pure and blinding.

One more and it strikes eleven. Ten minutes to do the job or Kefka walks for another night.

The bubbling that signals the arrival of Heartless gargles, a dark mass growing and growing and growing to the size of a building, before an enormous clown steps down, shaking the ground underneath its mismatched shoes and socks.

It laughs, piercing like a speaker is about to blow her ears. Aqua clutches her heart, protecting it from ripping out of her chest - everyone else is gripping their heads like they're containing a massive migraine.

Kefka leans forward just to take a peek at Aqua, its stupid-looking collar a vomit-inducing mix of yellow and red, three swords carried on each shoulder, its white mask welded onto its dark face, bright yellow eyes in circles wide and without lids, a smile painted and screwed together -

And two huge gashes diagonally across its shield of a face, exposing the skin of a shadow underneath.

They all have been saying this thing is impenetrable. Sure.

Aqua summons her Master's Defender.

The clown's hands shiver, and its jaw widens just like a machine - it lets out a screech that sounds like gears out of control, getting louder and louder like Kefka is offended by her weapon.

And it cuts off.

A cleaver flies into its face, knocking it out of place. There's no way someone has that kind of strength but there is Noctis appearing out of nowhere in its tail, like the weapon is a destination. He strikes and Kefka barely blocks it with its forearm. Noctis throws his cleaver elsewhere, and wherever it appears he warps to. He sends a spear to strike Kefka's shoulder. Disappears. A sword, and then Noctis again, attempting to jab the clown in the eye.

Either way, Noctis stays up high, distracting the clown from doing anything else, like a fly determined to be annoying.

"Light!" Sora yells.

He beams, a force bursting out before racing back to his body, and suddenly he illuminates white and takes two Keyblades (Two? Aqua can't think about it right now), sending himself flying high, his weapons a passion to be reckoned with.

They are both heavy hitters, Noctis and Sora, black and white, one sneaky, the other forward, both brave.

Aqua has much to catch up to.

If it's aggressiveness they want, she has plenty of it. Her magic swirls around her as she charges forward, drawing her thoughts inward to her belly, letting her body twirl faster and faster to hurl the energy out in whips and circles.

Donald and Lulu tag team, throwing lightning strikes, icicles, fireballs on the top of the clown's head. It really, really hates having its face touched, and between those spells and Sora and Noctis zipping around like insects, there's already enough distractions.

Cloud thrusts at its metal calves with his giant sword, an impressive power from below to add to the frenzy.

The well-dressed man and the rabbit-woman take calculated shots from afar, aiming for the eyes and only when the clown has an opening.

Lea also takes that cue and throws firey pot shots from afar even though he's a Keyblade wielder (maybe it's smarter to keep a distance).

Goofy is a little all over the place, but his attack, inspired by a tornado, hits the spot when it does, joining Aqua in the mess she's created.

That's… ten fighters at least against one Heartless and it doesn't do much.

Kefka instead takes a moment to just… stand there and take the heat like it isn't bothered. It can't be this easy.

It's not. Like it suddenly woke up, Kefka stomps the ground, and with it comes a roundabout of explosions that start at the rooftops right behind it and circle the entire third district, tossing debris into the ground and causing several people to succumb to coughing fits.

Garnet immediately checks person to person, her light shining to heal. Noctis is already at her side, and she pretends not to notice.

Cloud starts yelling commands to get the ram ready. He's trying to maneuver it and several men crowd together with him to make it move faster. "Aim it toward our bombs. Let's send it back to darkness!"

As though Kefka heard him, it sprints directly towards Cloud and his group of fighters, as if ready to run them flat. They all scream.

Sora scrambles for the feet with his double-weaponry and misses - just because Kefka likes to hop and skip around.

The clown freezes before it takes the last step, one knee high in the ground like it's deciding to squish them, and a hand outstretched - and balls into a fist.

Aqua expects another explosion, and the fighters scream again in fear.

The fist makes a honk - like a toy car.

Kefka laughs and everyone hurts, hands gripping heads to ease the headache, Aqua holding her heart still.

Now Kefka ignores the men it has targeted.

It instead whips around and with that same balled fist, it throws a blast of dark energy at the group of fighters on the opposite side - throwing bodies, slamming doors, disheveling potions and ripping weapons from their holders.

Aqua stumbles from the quakes, and she sees freed hearts, softly glowing, floating gently as the bodies disappear - three of them at least, heading towards the sky.

"No…"

Three lives lost already. She's failing.

Lulu is on the ground, clutching a Moogle doll closely to her chest as Lea holds her by the shoulders. Garnet is frantically throwing light to various people. The only healer in the group.

Both female mages are okay for now.

Kefka loses interest in Cloud's group - who are still preparing the only ram - to strut across the square like no one is watching, right toward a vulnerable Lulu.

Not like she's the type to get intimidated. She raises a fist close to her face, a succession of explosions slapping Kefka in the face and keeping it at bay. She's shaking it like she's grabbing hold onto something stronger than her and the explosions keep going until she has no choice but to let go.

Here is where Lea follows her patterns, but he's not as skilled at the Keyblade. Blessed with deception, definitely, his movements just as unpredictable as Kefka's, throwing fireballs to distract the clown like tossing bees, only to look like he'll dodge in one direction but he really dodges another.

All to keep the clown's attention away from Lulu.

"Cloud!" Lea yells. "Now!"

Cloud and two men push the ram with all their mind, Cloud yelling about making sure to hit it from the southeast direction or they'll miss the planted bomb.

Then the ram loses a wheel. Dilapidates onto the ground.

Kefka takes notice. It always smiles at the expense of others.

A loud whistle, and the sound of water. A wave. A tsunami, really. The well-dressed man blew the whistle, summoning a massive wave to overflow the district and head straight for Kefka.

A new ram, built by exquisitely rare water magic.

This is no time to admire, but an opportunity and Aqua takes it, throwing a trail of ice onto the water as it passes by her and she skates it up, up, and up. When she gets to the crest, she spreads the ice all over the thrash of ripples, turning them into steely icicles, straight into Kefka's torso, right onto the building behind it.

She missed the planted bomb but she's got it pinned. Standing on an icy wave, face to face with the smiling beast. It struggles against the ice, and she readies her Keyblade.

"Time to take care of you," she says.

Kefka stops, leaning its head forward with whatever movement it has left to stare right into her eyes, and even though it's programmed to make only one expression, it almost looks like it's smiling wider.

Aqua lowers her Keyblade. Kefka isn't in front of her anymore but there are flashing pictures of a man. A funny-dressed man, a river, throwing poison into the water, so much that it turns dark. There are many people dead and there's a laugh, and a trial, and a battle, and powerful magical transformations.

The worst kind of people become the worst kind of Heartless.

There's a voice.

"Crazy is just a word they use to describe us."

Aqua has never known a Heartless to be able to talk. It can't talk, it's all in her head.

"What?"

"What are you doing?" Donald yells from the ground below.

Kefka has its large hands around the brim of her icy prison and breaks it piece by piece, thrashing against the building, and she slips and slides off the back of the wave, away from its inevitable freedom.

"Let's go!" Sora and Lea zoom past her, aiming for the clown before it sets loose, but Lea is smarter and backs out when he realizes it's too late, and Sora keeps going until he's exhausted.

One of his Keyblades fade away and he falls, Goofty barely catching him while skating on his shield.

"Keep it up, come on!" Noctis yells to a huge disheartened crowd, followed by Cloud for another barrage of assaults.

Not that Kefka is particularly interested. It hops and dances, skipping along the block and every step it takes strikes a random explosion in a random location, some hitting nothing, others being blocked by Lulu's powerful barriers. One hits near the balcony where the well-dressed man and the rabbit woman were standing, leaving rubble and two long-range fighters onto the ground where they have less of an advantage.

It's dusty and Donald's fireworks sprinkle the air in bright colors that combat the sound of bombs to the point that Aqua has a hard time following Kefka.

She tries but a lot of her attacks end up missing because of Kefka's erratic movements. She has to rely on widespread attacks, which drain her and she takes deep breaths in between to keep herself going.

Sometimes when Kefka runs, it attacks where it aims for, and sometimes it decides not to. It's hard to keep up.

Garnet slips by in all directions, her main concern is healing other people - with such sharp determination that she doesn't care whether Noctis is trying to protect her.

Just when Aqua thinks that Kefka doesn't see her, it attacks, and Garnet is flung straight into a wall, her protection crystal shattering.

"NO!" Noctis yells.

She slumps and doesn't bother to get up. She folds her arms around herself, waiting for the next hit, and Aqua summons another trail of ice to get there faster (faster, faster). She can't let this happen on her watch.

At this point, Aqua is shielding a stupefied princess with her body, and Kefka will attack the both of them, already ready with a dark mass bubbling in its palm.

But it gets hit from behind by a massive… missile? It's forceful enough to actually make the clown stumble.

The droning sound of machinery draws near, a flying gummi ship coming close. Kefka laughs and everyone hurts, Aqua gripping Garnet tighter to quiet the squirming princess.

Kefka telepathically takes all six swords and glides them in a sweep, up right through the middle of the ship, cutting in half, and Riku vaults out of the captain's seat, rolling off a roof and landing with a huge thud right next to Aqua and Garnet.

"Just in time," Riku says, summoning his new Keyblade. It's heavy and massive for his size.

Garnet snaps out of her stupor, heaving because she's just escaped death. Her eyes flash anger, and she takes her shortstaff and holds it in the air. A column of light bursts through the cobblestone with a loud punch, shooting right into the sky with such a trembling force that Kefka is knocked away from them.

"Thank you, Aqua," Garnet gently says as she picks herself up. She casts another spell, encasing herself and Riku in crystal.

Even though he has his Keyblade ready, Riku gladly waits for her to finish like they've done this routine one too many times and it's the best they can do to keep an eye on each other.

But Riku doesn't wait for a command though, chasing as soon as his crystal stabilizes itself. It's Cloud that sprints by his side and gestures an order without saying anything. In sync, they hit both of Kefka's ankles with their massive weapons, tripping it to its knees.

Garnet is also on her knees, exhausted. Whatever attack she conjured, it drained her of power and Aqua slumps her over her back - Garnet may be short but she's heavy.

Some force of wind takes Aqua off her feet, and Noctis suddenly has his arm around the both of them, and they glide over the ground until he reaches his next waypoint and drops them right behind Lulu, who is frustrated, worried, and determined to keep Garnet behind her.

The look on Noctis' face is awful as he takes a glance at the chaos: Kefka easily standing up after being tripped, Cloud and Riku desperately attacking its shins, the ram since abandoned. Goofy and Sora attacking its ankles from behind, Lea acting like bait, the well-dressed man shooting his gun upwards and missing, the rabbit-woman shooting an arrow and hitting the clown straight in the eye, but it all does so little.

Noctis is tired - not just exhausted, but the kind of tired Aqua dealt with for years.

Not the kind when he's had enough and he's angry - the kind when he's had enough and it's time to give up.

And Aqua's had enough.

She charges forward with a yell, jabbing her Keyblade straight into the air. She summons a giant snowflake, spinning and flashing until it stabs Kefka right at the hip.

In reaction, Kefka commands its swords again, and throws them all at her with a huge swipe, and Aqua doesn't dodge. She blocks, each slash of a sword against a properly placed Keyblade. Kefka is strong, and Kefka is big, and these swords are twice her size - but none of them matter. She's been training with two large men her whole life, and Kefka doesn't compare to her Master's skill or Terra's ferocity.

"You're pissing me off!" she cries when she blocks the sixth sword.

It takes a lot out of her but they are not called special techniques without a good reason.

Her Master's unique chains, first encircling her in a glow of golden light, then lurching until they wrap around Kefka. At the touch, these chains burn Heartless - they've certainly burned her when the Master first taught them how to use it.

Success. Kefka's arms are twisted tightly against its torso, and one of the links wraps under its thigh and actually keeps the stupid thing on its knees, a perfect target for everyone else.

The air chills, fog rolling in and Aqua at first considers a new threat but it's actually a dragon shaped out of mist, bobbing in the air before landing on the roof. It blows steam onto the clown, carefully skipping allies like they are precious, leaving a clown squealing like an unoiled engine.

"That's my girl," says a breathy Lulu, who barely has the energy to stand up.

It has to be Rydia's summon. Such powerful magic, Aqua has so much to learn still.

But a dragon twice the size of Kefka still doesn't make a dent (what the stars is its skin made of?), and it soon dissipates, leaving a dumbfounded Aqua - but no one else seems surprised. They keep throwing attacks, and Aqua is getting drowsy. She can't hold onto the chains much longer.

Ah, Kefka's floating swords, she forgot about them. They strike against her chains. They'll break. The damn thing.

At this point, Aqua has nothing left to give and so much to lose.

"Noctis," she says, whipping around and holding him by the shoulder. "Can you fly me up?"

He has dirt on his face and defeat in his eyes, but why not? He grabs her by the waist and throws his dagger up in the sky. She flies, then he grabs her again, throws his dagger even higher, making her soar to heights she couldn't possibly jump to on her own.

Aqua lets herself float, aiming for the sword nearest her. She grabs the grip of the hilt. Her feet stomp the guard and she stands straight.

She ignores Noctis when he freaks and screams, "Don't touch those!"

The sword spins to knock her off but she has a direction she wants to go and this thing will obey.

Down she goes, the point of the sword cutting straight through the air with one very particular destination: in between Kefka's shoulder and clavicle.

She rips into it, metal creaking and gears popping apart until she hits a thud that she's sure is the ground. Like a needle, Kefka is pinned in place by its very own. Aqua's chains flickjer but still - it can't move.

Kefka can't turn its face well to get a full look at the Keyblade Master triumphantly standing on its shoulder, right in between its lost limb.

"Get off of there!"

"Don't touch that!"

"Are you nuts?"

Voices by some she recognizes and some she doesn't, she ignores them. Instead, she watches Kefka's eyes, hard on her. The smile on its face doesn't waver even though she can tell - she can feel - rage building.

Several gears choke right under its chin, still turning but only barely. It's so weak under the frame - most of its inner skeleton is just metal beams and a cloud of purple smoke for organs with a black balloon for a head, all wrapped in a tacky costume. For a Heartless, it cannot create a hard shadow body like all the others, so it made itself a hard shell instead.

Like that of a man with a soft ego, too short-sighted to see his his arrest and execution coming, the ghost of a crazy clown who never wanted to be weak again and has only proven himself so.

"It's not as fun like this."

Aqua studies the two gashes on its mask, burnt at the tips and curving outwards.

"Terra did that to you, didn't he?" She scoffs. Her hands are melting into the swords hilt - this isn't fully solid either, and she can feel Garnet's soft puffs of white light healing her fingers the longer she's touching it. "I've faced worse than you in the Realm of Darkness."

She summons her Master's Defender. In darkness, only light slices the way. Even though the Keyblade is blunt and rounded, the point is to reach the heart - and every darkened heart has a weakness to exploit, the very same insecurity that haunted its former human.

Aqua has felt it all with every Heartless she's defeated in the Realm: the grieving, the enraged, the depressed, the vengeful, the feral, the crazy.

She yells, the light off her Keyblade aiming straight for the neck - she promised to be a Wayfinder, and for darkness that simply means releasing them.

Her Keyblade sparks against the gears and she has to look away, and this force burns like steam but she keeps at it. She's not letting this thing dance away tonight.

Kefka screeches.

There are yells about abandoning her with the clown.

Sora yells back that they have to help her.

Riku agrees.

Lea (apprehensively) follows along.

And Aqua keeps doing what she's doing.

Kefka's shoulder budges the moment the purple smoke of its insides release like gas, into her face and up her nostrils. It's putrid and it burns behind her eyes. She coughs but she stands strong until her Keyblade gives way and suddenly there's another collapse and she's falling backwards with the arm.

Something large topples on itself as there's a shimmer in the air.

Cries of amazement. Hollers. Yells to get back as far as possible. Aqua can't tell, it's cloudy in dark purple and she can't see in the gas.

Two pairs of hands grab her by the shoulders and drag her, and there's so much coughing - her throat burns and she hears Riku telling Sora to hurry up and he coughs as well.

It's clear now, the gas slowly fading away and whatever is left of the clown slowly - slowly - topples away like it still wants to resist. First the entire right arm where she chopped it off, then the left, until the knees buckle and its head rolls forward and it all turns black and gets blown open by sparkles of light.

A large heart floats upward, the crowds watching in silence like it's a stunning show they respect too much to interrupt. They don't shift until it floats higher, somewhere high in the sky where Kingdom Hearts will eventually accept its arrival.

The crowd doesn't believe it at first even though it's as clear as day. Claps start, then sobs, then whoops, then hugs and kisses, and a melting of relief rolled into a platter of overused desperation that still needs a place to be served.

The fight is over, and the night is as bright as the dawn.

There's so much happiness but all Aqua feels is shivering - it's so cold all of a sudden and her teeth chatter.

Riku is on his hands and knees, hacking.

Sora is on his side, his hand rubbing a massive headache and he moans.

Donald and Goofy run to his side, the former giving him a lecture instead of congratulating all the accomplishments of the night, and Goofy swings Sora over his shoulder to carry him away.

Lea throws Riku's arm around his shoulders. "Come on, buddy," he says, patting Riku's back.

Cloud gently carries Aqua in his arms, whispering, "I wasn't expecting that. It's impressive."

But it hurts to swallow and she doesn't say anything back. He lowers her onto a stretcher, in between Riku and Sora, who each have their own.

Riku rolls his head. "I can't quite believe it. Stupid clown."

Sora makes a trembling thumbs-up. "We did it." It plops down.

Gasps and sobs make way near them, and Garnet wanders into view, unable to keep up with her smiling tears, her gloved fingers intertwining with Aqua's.

"It is done. It is over," she says.

"What is happening to me?" Aqua asks hoarsely.

"Oh, you've been poisoned, dear," Garnet says with a sweet smile, leaning over her. "Not to worry. Terra has made sure we've plenty of elixirs."

"Terra…"

It's just like him to always be there.

Even during treasure hunts, where he left clues through the forest to make it easier for her to find him. Like stepping stones on an ocean so she could walk across, and she follows.

Garnet melts into tears again, the cheers silencing her quiet sobs and Lulu is asking for her, gathering everyone except the poor souls on stretchers into a huge embrace.

Celebrations are just as chaotic, nothing like the stars.

The stars. Aqua gasps when she sees them, and it sends her into such a coughing fit that Cloud has to put an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth.

But there they are, dim due to the light pollution. They're her first since she's been freed, and she's forgotten how special she always thought of them - a light to pierce the darkness. Guides to give people directions. Reminders of hope. Wayfinders for all the dreams she's had.

They're beautiful.

#terraqua #aqua #terra #kh fanfic #kingdom hearts fanfiction #noctis lucis caelum #garnet til alexandros #rydia of mist #lulu final fantasy #kefka palazzo #riku #sora #MERRY CHRISTMAS I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD #my fic

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bittersweetcandybowl · 5 years

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About that update schedule

Veronica: HEY EVERYBODY!!! The chapter is finally over next week!! And what a crazy one it was, huh??? Ending right in the midst of Halloween season, I so totally intended that…..

Anyway, next chapter will be a bit more chill but with lots of moments to look forward to! And after that, there are big momentous chapters we’ve been building towards for a while. And we’ll be able to enjoy them alllllllllll on a three-day-a-week schedule, right??

:’D

RIGHT?

Well.. allow me to be incredibly disappointing and admit that I don’t want to change the one-day-a-week schedule.. not yet.

I definitely want to get back to the original update schedule as soon as possible, but I thought I’d have the BIG SECRET PROJECT done or mostly done by the time “Witch Hunt” ended. That turned out to not be the case! I still have a lot more of it to do, and while I wanted to keep our promise, I just don’t think it’s feasible.

While there’s enough buffer to return to the regular schedule for the rest of 2019, I know how this kind of problem turns out. I’ll eventually start to panic as the buffer dwindles, and Souppy will be forced to dig up something old or schedule a comic that was meant to be BCI after the chapter that’s currently updating ends to maintain it. It happened with Grave Concern, it happened with Everyday Life. I hate it!! It feels like updating for the sake of updating, and I want to avoid that.

I’ve grown so much as an artist over the years, pages just don’t take me 15 minutes like they used to in 2008. Depending on the backgrounds, the amount of characters involved, the complexity of dialogue, some nightmare pages can take up to two days to complete! Part of the reason I got the estimation wrong was that from the slower-schedule announcement in December 2018, it took me until MAY to rebuild a 50-page buffer, because all these pages you’ve been reading have streetscapes and five costumed characters a panel and all sorts of things that are just so much more laborious than talking heads with gradient backdrops.

Many months ago Souppy organised a monthlong end of year trip to take a break and see family, so I’m also fully aware I won’t be able to work for a good chunk of time over the holidays… yet somehow I’m expecting myself to finish this demanding secret project while also updating three days a week again?

It just cannot work. I know my limitations.

Instead of giving myself goals that will make me miserable to miss, I’m deciding to say that the three-update-a-week schedule will return when I am finished with the secret project. Only then will I take a look at how much I have left in my buffer, how much work it’ll take to refill it, and then make plans to return to a three-day-a-week schedule again.

I’m sorry about that. This means there’s no current date on when the original update schedule will return. Souppy has estimations, but I don’t know how much longer this project will take and I don’t want to give myself a date to build anxiety around.

Not to be salty, but I’m sort of deciding this in a stubborn mutinous way. Mutinous to the world. I hate that I’ve been made to be so stressed out by this. I hate that the only hobby I have at this point is Pokémon Go, because I have no time for ANYTHING ELSE. I’ll wake up, play Pokémon Go, then work until 5 AM. Every day, unless I’m going out to figure drawing class or it’s someone’s birthday or something. The thought of quitting Pokémon Go or playing less of it to make more time to finish this project feels incredibly insulting to me. It’s something nobody has asked of me, but I feel an internal judgement. Like if I my project isn’t coming in on time shouldn’t I just devote more and more hours to it?

But I’ve done nothing else. I considered streaming Grandia and Grandia II for fun this year. That hasn’t happened and I can’t imagine it will anytime soon. Souppy wanted to stream Shenmue for some friends and that Dreamcast has sat unused on the desk since January I think?? (He’s been working nonstop on the huge non-art demands of this project.) I’ve felt too guilty to organise Puyo nights with friends to practice playing Puyo Puyo. I haven’t even given myself the time to DRAW Puyo Puyo fanart more than once or twice. I do nothing else but work on this project and play Pokémon Go to keep myself sane!! I haven’t visited my father since the beginning of the year!

Souppy has organised trips for us this year to break up some of the work, and I even feel guilty over those! Why don’t I just cancel our weekend trip to Florida and work on my project?? Why am I entitled at all??? The guilt eats me up.

But BCB has been alive and updating on time without fail for over ten years now. All I’ve done is reduce it from three to one day a week for a while. And once the project is done, I have no reason not to go back to three.

And while I don’t want BCB to become an unreliable comic, some habits other less-reliable comics indulge in are… okay! It’s self-care! It’s knowing limitations! It’s trying to avoid working yourself to death. Perhaps I should take a hint from all those dead webcomics and webcomics on hiatus out there and practice some self-care of my own.

And my self-care is to update one-day-a-week until the project I’m working on is done!!!! The end!!!!! in I hope it’s worth it. Don’t know what more to say other than I’ll keep suffering, but in a way I can manage.

I hope that is okay. Thanks for all your patience!

#bittersweet candy bowl #news

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marcianek · 4 years

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➻ Newest page ➻ Start reading from the beginning ➻ Vote for “Flow…” on TWC~ I've planned to go on hiatus for a long while now, and wrote about it before on both CF and SJ (including the 1st anniversary post on SJ, but sadly the newSJ got rid of the "News" section, so it all got lost) So, to recap: "Flow..." is going on hiatus, so that I can work on Chapter 2 and finish as many pages as I can, before I'll start updating it again. I did the same with Chapter 1 before, having few months worth of updates done in advance. However, by the end of 2018, and for the most of 2019, I was suffering from a plethora of health problems, which made working on the comic very difficult - if not outright impossible at times - with the most severe time being the first and second quarter of 2019. Eventually I've run out of the finished pages, and was forced to draw them "in real time", so if something sudden had happened, I had to skip a weekly update. In the end, I think I did pretty well regardless, skipping only 3 or so updates in 2019. I've also developed a very consistent working system, that would eventually let me complete more pages per week, and thankfully, I've slowly started accumulating them again. However this whole setup was still very taxing on my general condition, so, to lessen the strain on my health, and also try to prevent the situation from happening again, I decided to take a longer break from publishing the webcomic. I still will be working hard during the hiatus, so technically nothing changes for me, but not having to overexert myself and rush finishing the page for a weekly update will allow some breathing space during the slower days. There are also things regarding working on the webcomic, that I want to reconsider and experiment with, possibly readjust my priorities too. Chapter 1 gave me a ton of very valuable experience, and my current goal is to find out how can I complete more pages faster. This might include experimenting with style in search of something that's more time-efficient, but also visually appealing, or further improving my drawing techniques. It's a bit hard to do during an ongoing publication, since experimenting spontaniously can disrupt the steadiness and predictability of the work-flow and slow it down. I also want to -depending on whether the tone of the narrative allows it- try to implement some of my "derpy" artstyle (which some of you know from my bonus illustrations/incentives) into the main comic. Anyway, we will see how it goes! All that said, even with all those precautions, there's still a risk of me not being able to resume the webcomic in April 2020. Despite taking care of myself the best I can, and getting better since summer, my general condition still isn't the best. Just recently I have lost about 2,5 weeks due to rather persistent eye infection. All I could do at the time was reuploading my pages to Comic Fury, managing to spend 20 minutes max before the screen at a time. Thank heavens for the dark mode, but drawing was out of the question during that time. Of course this is something I want to avoid at all costs. I'm telling it just in case - and if that happens, obviously I will make proper announcements beforehand, to let you all know :) For now fingers crossed the current plan will work out! Once the webcomic resumes, it will go back to its original schedule, which is one page per week. Thank you everyone for all your support, Happy New Year... and see you next time! <3

#flow within the mountain's veins #fwmv #announcement #hiatus #my art #ocs #oc art #page update

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heartbxnd-blog · 5 years

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Writober day 6 - Spirit world

// I have yet to get into full details in regards to Morty’s relation to the Spirit world, in the mean time what people should know is that:

Morty has been there once- when he dies it won’t be his first visit to the place;

The incident took place during his years of forced hiatus, after the accident that led to the death of a trainer- so in between FR/LG - HGSS events. It was in his very first visit to the Sinnoh region, where he managed to obtain his own Dusknoir- by evolving his Dusclops. During his time in the region he was able to apply some of his trainning method, as well as give a contest a shot at- both of which would turn out to go awfully wrong and backfire to him;

During the contest: Halfway through his performance- Morty lost control over Dusknoir, and the pokemon lashed out at one of the judges- putting the man’s life at risk as he was very close into dragging him away. Needless to say how this led into him being banned from participating in any contests, for a long time- but this incident would prove itself to be the first sign of what things were about to come;

A few days later, the fateful incident happened- while he was out in one of routes camping, all by himself his Dusknoir managed to break free from the pokeball- and drag Morty to the spirit world during his sleep;

His reaction to it isn’t THAT important for now, but be aware that- he felt welcomed in that realm... As though he belonged to there. This sensation has been haunting him ever since;

What felt like hours in that world, had actually been 3 days in the world of the living. It should be noted that he was travelling all by himself, so really- no one noticed he had gone missing for this long;

“Ever since he had been dragged into this world the first time by Dusknoir, the pokemon has always remained as a grimm reminder that he could return to it- his very own grimm reaper- his own exit door from this plane of existance.

He is always taunting him with this opportunity- to try and find his place amongst the dead instead within the livings.”

With those out of the way:

Warning for: Suicide and death mentions.

Obviously- the way Morty dies depends on the verse’s plot:

For the majority of the shipping verses - including the main one that is tied with @soulchased: He gets to spend a long life by his partner’s side, they both die old- hopefully in a peaceful manner without any suffering. It’s pretty standard honestly- they both go onto the afterlife together.

Now for Morty’s verse with my Lance ( @wxtaru ): His death was a combination of various aspects- starting with his reunion with his supposed lover from their teen years (a period in his life that he doesn’t remember much of, but bought into the other’s words- as soon as he realised the opportunity of getting together with someone. It’s important to point out how- when Lance approaches him about it, he finds himself in a down point in his life.), that quickly evolved into having his life completely ruined- by someone who he is so devoted and loyal to. Lance becomes the sole reason Morty is still around (at some point in their relationship- he was forced to cut ties with Eusine and even the kimono girls. He will definetely lose his job at the League as well.)- but eventually, it just becomes too much for him- he becomes self aware of his current state and it is the final straw for him.

The cause of his death: allowing Dusknoir to finally carry him to the Spirit world.

However, it isn’t the end of his businesses in the world of the livings- he may have died... But that doesn’t mean he wishes to stay alone in the afterlife, after all this entire time- he still is in love with Lance.

He wants Lance there with him- it is this wish, that turns him into a poltergeist, whose goal is to drag his lover to this world.

For context: By the time of these events Lance is no longer the League’s champion (in fact since they both start having this affair), married to his arranged fianceé- and are trying to have their child, on top of him finally taking charge over his clan’s duties.

He is completely oblivious about what happened to Morty- for him the guy just went missing, without the intention of returning- since he left everything behind in his appartment. His disappearance is around the same time his wife announced her pregnancy.

Despite not really believing in the idea and concept of ghosts/spirits/etc, Lance will be haunted by his former lover- and will be driven to madness. Forcing him to distance himself from his family, in order to try and conceal his image. This will continue, until Lance faces the same fate Morty did.

It all culminates with him killing himself, at the same day his child is born. He used a similar method, and died just like his father- ironic for someone who has always been so vocal about his hatred towards the guy.

It is a gruesome way, and a familiar image for Lance’s relatives- obviously in order to maintain his image in pristine conditions the family makes up a story to cover up the suicide and try to keep it out of the mainstream media’s attention for as long as possible.

Returning to Morty...

Lance doesn’t notify about his disappearance, instead this is only discovered weeks- maybe an entire month later (sooner depending if he hadn’t been already fired from his gym leader position). When it became obvious that he hadn’t showed up, in a long time.

That’s when Eusine, the kimono girls and the rest of the League were made aware of it- through the media. There really isn’t much left of Morty, since almost everything he had- was broken/destroyed/not salvagable at all. All of his pokemon- that hadn’t followed him into the Spirit world, were released back into the wild.

But not all was lost: Zuki got to keep his scarf alongside with the golden pin that she had given him all those years ago. And Eusine got to keep whatever was left of his cassette tapes collection.

Morty’s disappearance will forever be shroudded in mystery- nothing will ever be brought into the light. And Lance’s sudden death will also raise a few speculations/theories from the peers.

#long post tw #Writober2k19 #writober2k19entry #ooc /#verse w/ wxtaru : you are back in my arms ▸ plot ;#Mainverse ▸ Plot ;#ɪ ᴍᴏᴠᴇᴅ. ᴏɴᴇ sᴛᴇᴘ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ. *:･ﾟ✧ mainverse #leveling up #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #death tw #death mention tw #OOOOOOOOOOOOO OKAY I DID IT GUYS AAAAAAAA #Dusknoir ▸ Pokemon trainning ;

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fantabulosogamedev · 5 years

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Fantaria Update

Hey everyone,

Wanted to update the greater Fantaria/Fantabulous community as a whole on the progress, since obviously it’s been a hot sec since the announced April date.

For those who missed it, Le Fantabulous Game was rebranded as Fantaria: The Quest for Sausage -- check out the Q&A video I posted here for more info on that. As a result of this change, I wanted to pivot aspects of the game’s design, to reinforce the link to sausages even further. Essentially, this meant the introduction of sausages to the demo’s level, along with the wide-reaching skill tree. This, as I mentioned in the Q&A, resulted in a delay of a couple weeks to the game -- clearly, it’s been a bit longer than that. I’d like to talk about why, and what the near future of the game holds. Fair warning: this post will get emotionally heavy. I’m going to go into a life event that’s affected me strongly, and ways it’s been exacerbated by other events over the past two months.

If you, understandably, don’t want a brief look into my personal affairs, here’s the short version: due to a several straining events, I’ve needed to take a break the past month and a half for my mental health, but am now in a much better place emotionally. The demo is almost completely content-complete, and with a couple exceptions just needs some level geometry polishing and final playtesting before the Kickstarter -- the playtesting, specifically, has been going on through the past several months of the demo’s development, and as such should not take long. I plan on posting screenshots of the skill tree and other neat things I haven’t talked about in the next couple of days.

For those who find the above explanation flimsy, or those who are just interested in what’s been going on behind the scenes, I’d ask that you take the time to read the rest of the post -- I’ll do my best to be concise.

I’m going to preface the rest of this post with the core reason as to why I’ve been struggling recently. In June of 2017, my mother went to the hospital for what she thought was pneumonia, and was instead diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Less than a month later, her condition triggered a stroke, and she suffered from a rapid decline and passed away within days of that event. Those who have followed the blog for a long time may remember a massive TFG hiatus that eventually led to the game’s hibernation around that time -- this was the reason why. Although two years have passed, this time of year is especially fragile for me, and was straining my mental health even back in May. This compounded with many other issues, which I’m gonna briefly talk about below.

In early-mid May, I had an incident where the catalytic converter on my car was ripped out overnight, yanking the rug out from under me and forcing me to negotiate its attempted repairs, and subsequent transport to a scrapyard when I was told the repairs would be more than $3,000 on a car worth half of that. I ended up getting only $100 for the car -- this loss affected me even moreso than a standard car would, as it had belonged to my mother before me, and had a lot of sentimental value as a result.

Shortly after I made it back on my feet from that, the rug was swept out from under me in June when I had to negotiate a lease at a new apartment. The management was incredibly hard to work with and attempted to force us to shell out another $105 for a second application, and this uncertainty about my residence for the next year was immensely stressful -- a minor situation when you look at it from a distance, but when sandwiched between losing my mother’s car and the impending anniversary of her own death, it consumed an inordinate amount of my mental energy.

Once I resolved that situation, the universe had one more gut-punch in store for me before it was done, when I discovered that my cousin had been murdered in broad daylight only a short distance away from where I live. Though I was never especially personally close to him, the death has affected the family incredibly deeply, especially considering the proximity to the date of my mother’s death.

So, midnight on July 8th, here we are. My mother passed away two years and four days ago, on July 3rd, 2017. Now that this year’s manifestation of that horrible anniversary is behind me, and the storm of other bullshit in my life has passed, I’m jumping back into Fantaria with full force.

It’s time to give you all the kickass game you’ve been waiting for all these years.

It’s time to finally make the first real step on the path to my dream.

But most of all? Wherever you are, it’s time to make you proud, Mom.

Stay tuned.

-Sam

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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November 23rd-November 29th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from November 23rd, 2019 to November 29th, 2019. The chat focused on the following question:

How do you personally deal with hiatuses, both in regards to planned and unplanned breaks?

carcarchu

I feel very guilty when I go on unplanned hiatuses and I avoid going to tapas and webtoons at all until I've got an update completed. i'm scared to see comments complaining about the lack of updates and how many people have unfollowed me in the meantime. i also find it very hard to bounce back from a hiatus. when i've got a groove going it's easier to keep the momentum than it is to start again after a prolonged absence

Deo101

Kinda a rough question haha. I don't go on any hiatuses other than unplanned ones. It's only out of necessity, in the past I did it if school/health got rough, and I'd try to be back the next week with a normal update!!! However.. I have a second comic which has been on hiatus for a year. I miss making it, but I lost the person who I was working with on it so it has been hard to start again. I'm kind of not really dealing with it, as the anxiety of starting again gets worse the longer it's been! But, I know that the only way to get out of it is to just do it, and I have to do it as soon as I can or it will never end. So, I just work my way through them to get back on schedule.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

So far I've only taken one official hiatus, after I finished the second chapter of the comic - I worked on the next chapter's pages for the next two months, then came back and luckily haven't been off hiatus since.

I have another planned hiatus after the next chapter, and this time, I'll be accepting guest art to fill the space - it's not something I was aware was a thing until it was suggested to me. It'll be interesting to come up with a cool way to feature any art I receive. I like the idea of highlighting other artists' work while I'm taking a breather!

eli [a winged tale]

There’s such a huge mental barrier for me when it comes to announcing a hiatus but ultimately life and health come first. I have a comic on hiatus since 2015 (one day it’ll come back haha), and sometimes things happen to push my current one back for updates. I want to tell myself that since I’m producing free content, it should be for fun and not a source of stress (despite industry standards and what I want to achieve). It’s a balance. I think the readers who wait are the ones I am most grateful and treasure.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have chronic health issues that can be very debilitating, so having hiatuses is something I have to deal with all the time. I might be able to update regularly for a few months, but eventually and inevitably, a sudden hiatus will come. It’s something that causes me a lot of stress on top of an already stressful situation. Readers leave, and then when I’m well enough to work, I don’t just have to churn out as many pages as I can while I can, I also have to rebuild my audience all over again. I hate going on hiatuses and having such an unstable update schedule, but there’s not much I can do about it.(edited)

Cronaj

Aw man... I also have been dealing with chronic health conditions, so I feel you. I finally got treatments that have been working, so I'm able to update consistently now. That being said, I was on hiatus for a year and a half until just recently. It really did destroy the momentum I was building up, and readers I had accumulated. Because of that, I am determined not to take long hiatuses anymore (a week-a month at most) and to announce it beforehand. I do find it important to prioritize health and mental well-being above my comic, but I find my mental health suffering every time I neglect to update my comic, so I find a middle ground by taking short breaks occasionally. Moral of the story: build up a buffer, kids. Don't be like me.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, same. I'm still trying to get a diagnosis, but I'm kind of an outlier in medicine- my body chemistry is very atypical. I build up those buffers whenever I can, but they always run out sooner or later. I love making comics so much that my mental health suffers, too. I get depressed if I'm not making progress on my comics. I'm really glad you've found a treatment that helps, though! I hope I can too, one of these years.

eli [a winged tale]

What is this mystical buffer everyone keeps talking about

I jest. Keep up the great work everyone! Everyone is trying their best and that’s most important

Capitania do Azar

I always take a small hiatus on the end of each chapter so I can rest and work on writing the next one, usually for a couple months.

sssfrs

I generally take my time with updates anyway. I've lost followers after hiatuses (strangely people only actually started unfollowing me after I came back with a new update) but I'm more focused on getting more of my comic done and progressing towards it being a finished work than keeping a consistent audience. Even though it would be nice...

DanitheCarutor

Fff coincidentally I'm going on a planned hiatus in December. At the end of every chapter I go on one to get feedback, and have some downtime to better plan the next chapter, as well as to get build some buffer. Usually during this time I either hold a Q&A, or do a call for guest art/comics, and I only ever plan to be on break for a month. I don't like being away for longer than that, and the intermission stuff (Q&A's, call for guest art) is announced a month or so beforehand, that way no one is scrambling when the scheduled break starts. As far as an unplanned hiatus, I don't usually have any with my current project. There have been times I've missed the posting deadline due to my fulltime job, but would post either once the page is done or the next week. With my old comic I took a lot of unannounced breaks, not so much because I was busy but I was going through a lot of crap, and morale was really low. It didn't help that it was my very first real attempt at making comics, so I had no idea what I was doing, the story was also hot garbage and became more of a chore to work as time went on. Eventually I just stopped, went on perma-hiatus totally unannounced to this day. I should have let my readers know, but I was really ashamed of myself for not wanting to work on the project (I promised I would complete it), and with a bunch of things suddenly happening in my life I forgot. I'll probably have to go in an unannounced break someday. A lot of things can happen, and being a traditional art only comic creator I'll probably end up running out of supplies eventually, needing to scrounge up some money for more. The nice thing is soooome, hopefully most, of my readers would understand? They know my comic is super time consuming, and that I've been working on it nonstop for 4-5 years now, so they should? Maybe? Hopefully that won't happen, though!

keii4ii

For those of you who take a break after each chapter, how many pages go in an average-length chapter?

🌈ERROR404 🌈

depends on how you're planning to set up your story, whether u want to prioritize to certain print sizes, but the general average chapter size is about 30 pages

Cronaj

I hadn't been planning to take a break between chapters, but we'll see what actually happens. I have chapters ranging from 35-50 pages in length(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Not sure how everyone else is, but I wing it with chapter length. The chapter I'm currently capping off will be 57 pages, although 30-45ish pages is preferred.

eli [a winged tale]

47 for me for this first chapter!

keii4ii

Cool! Was mostly asking a "so how frequently do you take scheduled post-chapter breaks" worded differently

sssfrs

I do 8-12.. I wish I could do more

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I am taking a short holiday break (that was actually planned this time) in between Eryl chapters. My Eryl chapters usually run 30-35 pages, and the break will be around..., 3 weeks I think? I can’t remember exactly. I’m probably going to have to put it back on hiatus partway through the chapter when my buffer runs out because of the aforementioned chronic health issues, though.

spacerocketbunny

I've only taken one hiatus and that was just while my site was being built! But even then we were able to have a short extra comic updating on an alternative site for that time being. We've been updating consistently for 5 years and that's thanks to the stability we've been lucky to have and the fact that there's two of us sharing the work. We've been able to work ahead enough so we've never ran out of a buffer, I'm pretty proud of that tbh(edited)

DanitheCarutor

@keii4ii Oh! So you were asking the time frame in which a chapter is finished? Correct me if I'm wrong. Normally each chapter takes about a year to complete, sometimes a couple months more than that. (for me, that is.)

spacerocketbunny

Nothing wrong with a hiatus though, especially after chapter breaks, I think those are pretty good to keep yourself from burning out!

Cronaj

I do 2-3 pages a week, so I finish a new chapter... about every 4-6 months

keii4ii

I appreciate the answers, everyone!

AntiBunny

I answered this one on Twitter, but I'll answer more at length here. FIrst of all I think a distinction should be made between a Hiatus, which is a planned break, and an extended delay, which is more missed updates compounding with each other.

The former is easier to deal with. Announce it with a clear return date.

The latter is rougher. The artist hasn't planned it, and feelings of guilt can make it harder and harder to return. The best thing to do in that case is to again, get out ahead of it. When you're delayed point people to your social media, and keep posting to make it clear you're still working, or if work has halted completely at least keep posting to let them know when you will be working on it again.

Either way I try to avoid even using the word "hiatus" because webcomic readers tend to read it as "abandoned." Sadly they're all too often right to do so.

Cronaj

Yeah, usually, when announcing a hiatus to my readers, I like to use the word "break" instead

It's a bit softer for some reason

You know, I am 95% certain that my readers thought I had abandoned the project—or died—when I disappeared for a year and a half

Because I know that I have gotten invested in a comic, only for the creator to go incognito

And I always wonder... Are they alright?

keii4ii

I usually figure either life got too busy, or the creator outgrew the project. Or both.

AntiBunny

I know. I stopped updating for almost a year because I wasn't happy with the planned ending of Nailbat. I lost readers I still haven't regained over that one.

In retrospect "waiting for inspiration" was not the ideal way to handle that.

Cronaj

Yeah, the fact that I returned at all is pretty crazy, from a reader's perspective(edited)

I've seen more abandoned projects than I have, "Hey sorry guys! Was dealing with stuff, but now I'm back!"

I mean, it happens

But very infrequently in comparison to the previous sadly(edited)

AntiBunny

Combine the fact that not updating is easier than updating, and the guilt of not updating making you feel like your return has to be even more awesome with every missed update, so you build for yourself a unsalable mountain of imagined expectation, and you have a recipe for abandonment.

Cronaj

Yep!

I'm still trying to regain my momentum

And I always feel so bad if I publish a less-than-stellar page

AntiBunny

There's also the fact that people grow and change. One problem with long form story webcomics is that an artist can outgrow their story.

Cronaj

That is so true

AntiBunny

The most successful tend to be the ones that can grow and change with the artist.

Cronaj

As a novelist as well, I can say that is incredibly accurate

I have dropped so many novels after writing 30k words or more

The only project I've stayed faithful to for over 5 years IS my current comic project

AntiBunny

Sluggy Freelance for example is very different today than when it began. Gunnerkrigg Court as well, and I like to think mine can too.

Though I'll admit I do have a character I've outgrown, and it bugs me people want to see her again.

Cronaj

I think that's just a desire for closure, and for things to come together in the end

AntiBunny

She was more of a comic relief character really. her sort of humor just isn't something I want to write anymore. That kind of edgelord "lol murder," humor isn't something I can write anymore. And unlike the core cast who've grown so that they don't have to come from the same place I was years ago, she hasn't.

I may be drifting off topic a bit there. Anyway I think it serves well as a reminder that for a long term story the characters need to grow with the artist to keep a comic going.

keii4ii

Not every story is meant to grow with the trends, and that's 100% fine. Just means you have to accept the risk of potentially outgrowing the project.

Using the word "trends" pretty broadly

Mine is not very adaptable, and I can't imagine making it more adaptable without altering its core. It doesn't make it less worthy as a story, just... yeah, bigger risk

seetherabbit

I always took breaks or "hiatus" way before I ran out of pages I could in theory add to the buffer

that way I could more easly relax

but also so I don't have to take an hiatus in the middle of a story

Pistashi

everyone needs a break sometimes

I've been updating and working constantly not only on my comic, but alto my yt channel and freelance jobs (because money is always welcomed, even tho I HATE FREELANCE WITH ALL MY CORE)

but I feel like I got momentum now and I dont wanna stop suddendly

sometimes I feel exhausted but then one day later or after 10h of sleep Im fine

I'll take a break later for sure, but rn I feel like this weight of responsibility is helping me build my work ethics

because we cant work just when we are inspired, we dont have that luxury :P

we cant overwork either, so we gotta be smart with our breaks and hiatuses

mathtans

I've been on hiatus more times than I want to count. One of those things where not having much of an audience helps... if no one's really saying much, they either continue not to say anything, or suddenly surface to wish you well.

I will say that I like concluding arcs. My first hiatus was when my wife went into hospital for a bit, I said I'd return but didn't know when. Most of my other hiatuses have been at the ends of arcs... and I'll add that while they were breaks from the comic, they weren't from content. I put up a few behind-the-scenes things, explaining backstory, and had a friend write a column for me too. I've seen other comics do similar, or use guest art.

And for those of you wondering "who's this guy", I've been on hiatus since my daughter was born. Meaning we're going on 17 months. (I may not return to comic work. I have another website I run where I do serials that I'm still maintaining.)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

In most cases I take a hiatus at the end of a chapter. I have taken two official hiatuses and I think there were some shorter, inofficial ones that I had to take because of other obligations like my studies/family issues/freelance work or finishing books for print. Personally I have managed to not get myself too worked up about hiatuses. I'm doing comics for free and I can't live off of them, so it's inevitable to take breaks. Though I have to say I'm starting into a new chapter without having to go on hiatus, which is pretty neat C:

Pistashi

@Phin (Heirs of the Veil) thats niice! its like the more we work on comics the better (and faster) we get, so keeping the momentum between chapters without a hiatus is an awesome thing! Its the little things tbh

also, you're right. its inevitable to take breaks. specially when you're not working full time and can't live off of them. and like @mathtans said, responsibility shows up and sometimes we have to put things aside

like having a daugther! thats awesome dude! hope your family is doing well (and I know you said you might not get back to comics, but if its something you enjoy keep it up when you're free! making comics is fun) ahdksjnd

Neguri-Senpai-Author

I've actually never gone on a hiatus ever since I started really doing my comic. I can't really go on any hiatuses because I market mine as a weekly comic and additionally I have an oddly strong obsession over consistently in my life so I just feel really really weird if I'd do something like a break from my comic even if I needed it ^^; But currently it's not really that bad. I've been consistent with weekly uploads for a bit over a year now (I've started doing it weekly in September of 2018) and I don't plan on going on a hiatus any time soon. Maybe I'll work a bit in advance but I'm not gonna go on a hiatus to get a break

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

@Pistashi Yeah it's really nice when you finally get a little faster because you optimized your workflow

mathtans

@Pistashi Thanks! Family's doing great, but yeah, most of my free time goes to writing rather than drawing these days. We'll see how things play out.

Desnik

I didn't spotlight my hiatus, but when I finally return to acknowledge it, I'd like to have something to show for it, like a new project or 'this is where I am now' or 'This is what the comic meant to me' so that at least my readers get closure

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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aboardthepaintrain-blog · 5 years

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Part 1: Who we were, Who we are, Who we will become

Dear,

I was absolutely in awe the first time I laid my eyes on you. Your long, dark hair was flowing beautifully while the afternoon sun shone through it, giving it a warm orange glow that made me feel a sense of serenity. As soon as you turned your face towards me, I felt myself gaze at you. Awestruck. I knew then, deep inside me that I fell in love with you. Out of the 60 people within that room, nothing else mattered to me except for you. The longer I stare, the more I fell and the more I struggled to suppress the urge to be closer to you.

That is where our story unfolds. A fairy tale beginning; the first chapter to an otherwise unfortunate and tragic novel.

That moment played out as if you were pulling me towards you. I was selling my soul to you without you nor I even knowing it. All I knew was that I wanted to be part of your life; to be part of your life until my last breath has left me and even beyond that. All I knew was that I loved you. To be honest, I did not believe the meaning of the banal phrase 'love at first sight' but I can confidently say that you were my definition of that cliché.

And so I walked towards you. With a heart that is racing and beating so fast that it almost felt like it would burst. Inevitably, I reached my destination, two steps away from you. An acceptable distance to dismiss you of any awkward thoughts that would make you think that I already submitted myself to what I feel for you even before you spoke to me.

I locked my eyes into yours for the first time. Instantly, a warm jolt of energy surged through my body as if I was recalling a very fond memory from the past. I felt as if time froze, my eyes focused on you with pin-point accuracy, everything around me was blurred. The words are at the tip of my mouth but somehow, I was not able to utter them in fear of ruining this moment. My courage betrays me but somehow when I steeled myself and mustered enough confidence, I finally inquired 'what's your name'.

And so we became friends. Every night I would look forward to ringing you up in Skype to ask you about your day. Every night was a bid to get closer to you. Every minute I spent listening to you, the deeper and deeper I fell. I started to long for your voice, your presence in my life at that point is already digging it's foundations for our eventual romance.

For months I listened to how you would complain about your current relationship. My ears are battered every time you share your disappointment to me, telling me that he does not spend enough time with you. It gives me no joy to listen to you talk about him. I even pushed you to give him a chance, suggesting that maybe he is just busy and so urged you to have patience. Upon my behest, you kept on going with him. All the while I was wishing to God Almighty, PLEASE LORD GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE WITH HER. I was confident that I would make you feel loved every second of your life.

Four months passed since the time I asked you for your name. I have had enough of you complaining about how shitty your boyfriend was. I have had enough of your boyfriend not treating you the way you deserved to be treated. Though I would admit that this was a wrong move, I confessed to you even though you were still with him. Naturally you rejected me, because you were too blindly in love.

We then silenced each other's presence from our lives. To me, I have felt like the biggest fool in the world. I did not feel proud about confessing my feelings to you but I was more than absolutely sure that I would have given you an insurmountable amount of affection. More than the pathetic emotions of your current relationship could possibly fathom.

Summer of '13 came. This gave me an opportunity to let the wounds of rejection heal and to put everything into perspective. I have realized that I made a terrible mistake but I did not regret doing so. You needed to hear what I needed to say. There was something in you, though, I do not possess the reason why, I wanted to be yours so badly, eternally. And so I decided to persevere.

August of '13 came rolling by. We were once again going to see each other at school. I had hope that the mistakes of the past have been put behind us to start our friendship anew. Our orientation day came and In all honesty, I was not expecting to see you there. Maybe it was just coincidence that brought you to school that day but damn, it felt good to see you after the long hiatus of summer time. Your long, dark hair was neatly tied with a ponytail. Beautiful. The romance of the previous months playing out in my mind once more. We became friends that day, everything that needs to be forgiven and forgotten was buried by time. A new start.

September, October and finally November came. As we have done so in the past, we would converse on a daily basis. I would always ask you how your day went. We would eat lunch together almost every day. The longer time went by, the closer and closer I felt towards you. And so, crossing my fingers, I attempted for you to become mine once more. Confessing and opening up my feelings to you again.

This time, however, the circumstances were different. You had just broke up with your boyfriend and was still in the process of moving on. My mistake was confessing to you too soon, without giving you the proper time to heal the wounds that you sustained from your past relationship. Once again, you fed me rejection. It was good though that we remained friends and no awkwardness ensued as a result of my confession. But getting rejected twice will not stop me on my path because I knew that I loved you dearly.

Winter of '13.

It was a Friday, December 13th, 2013 and it was our winter formal. I remembered casually asking you if you will be going to the winter dance. At this point we have talked non-stop for over 5 months. This was it, I told myself. Our first dance together. I could not sleep the night before. When I arrived, a ribbon was given to me by one of the organizers telling me to tie it to the wrist of the person to vote on who I thought looked the best. I anticipated your arrival waiting for you to come in the dance hall. Excitement had filled my heart because I have prepared something special for you. When you finally arrived, you absolutely took my breath away. You were wearing a red and white dress, your hair flowing freely as you moved across towards me. I did not know how deep the reserves of my confidence are but somehow I was able to talk to you and say hi.

After we exchanged pleasantries, I was called up to perform. Beaming with a confident smile, I went up on stage. Just when the band was about to play the intro, I announced 'This song is for the lady over there. You look beautiful tonight'. The crowd just went crazy. But amidst all the noise and hysteria, my eyes were on you. I sang my heart out, it was Every Little Thing You Wanted by Dishwalla, with the title of the song explicitly describing my feelings. I want you to want me. All the time I was up on stage, I thought of you and how much the words bears its meaning. Hoping that every word that flowed out of my mouth, every verse that I sang, would pierce your heart open to give me a chance.

When the song has concluded, I loved the way you looked at me. Your eyes lit up in amazement, gleefully perplexed by what transpired just moments ago. A slow but mellow song began to play while our eyes are intertwined into what seemed to me as eternity. You gave me a sweet and breath-taking smile. I took out the ribbon that was given to me at the door and proceeded to tie it around your wrist just before we danced. I said 'Tonight and for the days to come, you have my vote".

Remembering how I held your hand, my right arm around your waist, there was no possible way I could describe how I longed for this moment. Just to hold you, to lock eyes with you, to feel your breath, to feel your heart beat so close to mine. I thanked God for this opportunity, to hold you in my arms and make you feel loved.

I went home that night knowing that you had felt something special for me. For the first time, in our almost year-long friendship, we were heading for something special.

Throughout the winter break, our conversations became deeper, talking about our hopes and aspirations, our fears and strengths, our defeats and glories. Out of the blue, you suggested to call me ‘babe’. And of course, you did not meet any opposition from me! I waited though, to confess again. Apprehension filled my intent because I did not want to wreak havoc on this blissful relationship of closeness that I have worked so hard for. I waited until we came back to school to confess to you face to face.

January of ’14.

Start of a new year, start of something new. In all honesty, I have dreaded this month because I knew that eventually I would have to take measures to take our friendship further but at the same time, I was looking forward to it. The night that we shared our first dance was all I needed to boost my perseverance to be yours. And for you to be mine.

So I waited and prayed for the opportunity to present itself. Third time is the charm or so they say.

It was a Tuesday, 14th of January 2014. As per usual, we went to lunch. Here I am looking at you again, enamored by your every move. My heart always skips a beat every time our eyes locked. This was it, I thought, the perfect moment to pop the question once more.

‘Would you give me a chance to be your boyfriend?’ I asked.

You took a moment to gather your thoughts before you entertained my inquiry.

‘Give me some time to think about it’, you said.

And so I waited.

I finished all my homework at around 7 in the evening. It was a chilly and cold evening. The leaves swayed with the gentle breeze of the wind. With you in mind, I went down for a walk. As I strolled through the quiet streets, I silently prayed to God.

‘Please, Lord, give me the opportunity to show You; that should You give me the chance to be with her, I would dedicate myself to her, to give her all the love that I possess. If You will this, Lord, please give me a sign so that I know what to prepare for, whatever her response might be.’

A stop-light stood about 10 paces away from me. Coincidentally, as soon as I finished my prayer, the green light lit up from the stoplight. At that moment, I felt as if God was telling me that He gave us His blessing. As if telling me that your response would be favorable. And so I submitted to His will and waited for your response.

Two days passed.

I can clearly remember every detail of that day. It was a Thursday. At around 2.30 in the afternoon, our classes have finished. Your classroom was right across mine, we both just had our English class but with different teachers. I walked to your classroom as I normally do. Your classmates urging you to break the news to me already, turns out that you have decided. I was filled with both excitement and fear. Then we walked together, watching you move your lips, the sound of your voice inevitably followed the motion, forming the words ‘Yes’.

Immediately, I jumped for joy. I could not believe it. Courting you for nearly a year, the countless hours I listened to your voice, everyday literally falling in love with you. I never thought that this day would come, when you will finally be willing to give me the chance that I oh so deserved. I lifted you up in my arms. I loved you so much. I was ready to carry you, to share your burden, to be the pillar of strength should you need it. Silently, I made a covenant to you and to myself:

I will always be there for you.

That’s how we started, with me bearing you into my arms. All of you; who you have been, who you are and who you will become.

Elated, I went back home. Little did I know, my hardship is just about to start.

I would have loved to share the news to my mother, if not for the fact that she was one of the strictest people that I have ever known. In my mind though you are worth fighting for. I loved you so much and respected you that I did not conceal to anyone that I am in love with you.

I confessed to my mother that same afternoon. Upon my declaration, I immediately felt her displeasure. Her face blushed into anger, her eyes filled with a menacing glare; a predator was about to devour its prey. My mother gave me a stare that seemed to penetrate the deepest recesses of my soul. Then deafening shouts came afterwards.

Everything was blurry after that. I can see her mouth moving but my ears became immune to her negative remarks. It hurts. It hurts to know that loving you was a mistake in my mother’s eyes.

For the next few months, my mother would make living at home almost impossible to bear. She would constantly berate you in front of me and I would constantly defend you back, and in doing so I will receive blows to my face. No amount of pain however, is enough for me to give up on you. I will take what I can take because I chose to be with you and thus, I will live with the consequences. I know I will find the strength from you.

And so we became lovers. There was a daily routine for me. Fetch you at the gate, walk you to your lockers, proceed to your homeroom, go to class, fetch you for morning break, go back to class, fetch you for lunch, go back to class and finally take you to your car once the day concludes. I hated going home because I found it depressing to listen to my mother complain about you and I, with the occasional slap.

Morning comes, a fresh day. I would prepare to see you again but before I leave the house, I would receive my mom’s daily dose of resentment towards you. Sometimes I would leave the house with a slap mark on my face and I would lie to you about it, saying I was fouled hard while I was playing basketball. It did not matter to me though.

You were my motivation. You were the reason why the sun rose in the morning, why the stars and the moon light up the night. You were the reason why I am so joyful to go to school. When I look into your eyes, I saw the world. I saw a reflection of myself; who I was, who I am and who I will be.

I did not hide my mom’s disapproval from you either. I wanted for us to be transparent the moment we began this journey together. You told me ‘don’t worry, we will change her mind together’. I cried with your statement, loving the tenacity that you possess. I felt then that you would not give up on me.

Valentines of ’14.

During our homeroom period, I borrowed a guitar from the music room. I went into your classroom, packing a wide smile on my face. Grabbed a chair and sat down in the front of the classroom and started singing Look After You by The Fray. The words bearing its own meaning. To this day, I still see your smile. Filled with love and adoration to what just transpired between us. Everyone in your class a living testimony to the amount of affection I possess for you.

That same day, I bought you a rose and a Chunky Kit-Kat Bar with milk chocolate flavor. It was a humble symbol for such a deep well of emotions. You returned the favor by giving me a chocolate with a bear on it that says ‘You’re my Valentine’. It came from a

When I got home, however, it fucking sucked. I was heavily reprimanded for buying you a humble gift. My mother was yelling at me ‘do you have a job yet to warrant your purchase of a rose and a KitKat bar?’. I felt so broken, It was just a rose and a chocolate bar. I do not deserve to be hammered because of a rose nor a chocolate bar. But its ok, it was for you. I would live with the consequences.

#story #pain #letting go #ourhistory #where it all began

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septic-dr-schneep · 6 years

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JSE Fanfiction - In Time of Need (Part 17: Interim)

Summary: Unaware of what’s continuing at home, Chase becomes increasingly restless as he recovers from his surgery. Soon enough he receives a visit that will hopefully serve well to distract him.

Chase had always considered himself a good patient. He wasn’t like Schneep, who would grumble at his caretaker that they weren’t doing it right and he could take care of himself, and he wasn’t like Marvin, who was constantly looking at the clock to see when he could make a break for it. He wasn’t like Jameson, who felt guilty for causing a fuss, or like Jackieboy, who—

Well, at this point Jackie’s a better patient than I am…He’s somewhere in this hospital, just…lying there.

It went against everything in Jackieboy’s nature. As soon as he was patched up, he would try to leap off the exam table and go on patrol as if nothing had ever happened. He’d never been able to sit still when it came to healing. Perhaps that was still the case; he wasn’t healing right now. He was in tandem.

The point was that Chase had always been well aware of his limits. He knew what would stress him enough to hurt and what he could take. There had been a time when he didn’t care, when he had wanted the pain just to break through the numbness, but this wasn’t that time. Therefore Chase had stayed prostrate in his hospital bed for the past several hours. He’d hardly moved enough to wrinkle the blankets and yet he still found himself exhausted, as if he’d just finished a twelve-hour day of filming stunts.

Even if he’d been up and about, he wouldn’t have been filming; he’d put up a notice on the Bro Average channel almost five months ago that he was going on hiatus because of a serious family emergency.

“I…honestly don’t know when I’ll be back,” he’d admitted, scrubbing at his sore, tender, sleep-deprived eyes. “Hopefully by the end of this…I don’t know, maybe by the end of this year. Thanks, all of you, for understanding. Family comes first, y’know?”

Given his history with family, given what his viewers had watched him do for family, they were more than willing to let him have a reprieve. The stream of concerned comments had eased up as the weeks grew longer but there was always that sense of anticipation there. He knew they would be there waiting for him, no matter how long it took, and for that he was grateful. Hopefully he wouldn’t get too out of practice and lose his touch.

These thoughts were among the many he used to occupy himself as he whiled away hours upon hours of nothingness, resignedly drifting between sleep and a periodic staring contest with the ceiling. The ceiling always won.

Sometimes he would do his best to make conversation with Dr. Iplier and the Host, but he wasn’t close or knowledgeable about either of them so he eventually ran out of topics they might have in common. Neither of them were naturally talkative anyway, which only made it harder. The only entertainment Chase got during the day was when the nurses would come to check on him and even that was short-lived.

As the last nurse eased the door shut behind her, Chase leaned his head carefully back against the pillows and sighed deeply.

“Dude, can you grab my phone and see if any of the others have—?”

“They haven’t, Chase,” Dr. Iplier assured him, shuffling through the papers on the clipboard he was engrossed in. “I just checked twenty minutes ago.”

“Well, it’s on vibrate! Maybe we didn’t hear it! I just wanna know if they’re—”

“As impatience mounts within the Septic Ego, he recalls that he hasn’t taken a nap in almost an hour,” the Host cut in pointedly. “As much as he wishes he could continue to fidget and inquire, he finds that it will do him no good and that he should rest if he wants to leave the hospital sooner. The less time he spends awake, the less he will be aware of the time passing.”

Pouting, Chase hunkered down a little lower in his bed and mumbled, “You’re cheap.”

Before he could take the suggestion and close his eyes, however, the phone near Dr. Iplier’s elbow did vibrate. Perking up, he glanced at it in vague surprise and a haughty grin spread across Chase’s face.

“Well, would you look at that? Somebody’s calling! What’s the ID? ‘My Drug Dealer?’ ‘I’m A Kitty Cat?’ ‘Brainy Bub?’”

“None of them,” Dr. Iplier replied, raising an eyebrow at Chase’s phone screen. “It just says ‘Her’.”

At that Chase’s smile faltered, eyes widening as slow realization trickled into his brain. “Oh, no…Oh, no, I was supposed to…Give me that, doc, let me see—”

As soon as the doctor handed him the phone, Chase felt as if it weighed three pounds heavier than usual underneath the tangible frustration and anger conveyed through the text glaring back at him.

>The kids and I are at your house. Where are you? I’ve been ringing for five straight minutes. Don’t tell me you went out and forgot about them.

Cursing under his breath, Chase hurriedly swiped at the keys, wincing as he was forced to pull against the IV lead in his arm.

<Had an emergency, I’m at the hospital. Needed surgery.

>What? What kind of emergency? What kind of surgery?

<Doesn’t matter. Could you bring them here? I still want to see them!

>Are you sure the doctors will allow that?

<YOU’RE MY FAMILY.

As soon as he clicked “send” on that one, Chase knew he had made a mistake. He could almost sense Stacy on the other end, staring at those three words with skepticism and mistrust. His eyes lingered on them just as long, filled with longing, desperation, pleading. At long last, he could see her typing.

>Elvery Heights West General, right? What’s your room number?

Falling back against the pillows, he exhaled slowly and mouthed a silent thank-you, sending the proper information and then glancing back and forth between his companions.

“Okay, sorry to spring this on you, but I was supposed to have the kids today. They’re on their way here instead.”

“Oh.” Flipping the papers on his clipboard shut, Dr. Iplier promptly rose from his seat, brushing down his coat. “In that case, I’ll be excusing myself now. I’m not good with kids; they always end up crying when I’m around. Host?”

“The Host isn’t particularly adept with them either, but he would like to remind the doctor that they are meant to be protecting Chase Brody should anything arise.”

“Then you’re staying?” At the Host’s brusque nod, the doctor waved a hand dismissively. “Alright, then, do what you want. Just don’t let them start pulling on your bandages or anything; you almost ruptured a blood vessel when you took them off during the fight and I don’t think it’d make for good times if they ended up covered in blood.”

Chase visibly flinched at the thought and for half a second the doctor looked as if he may regret saying it, but he didn’t apologize. As the door slid shut behind him, the Host apologized on his behalf.

“The doctor has always maintained a noticeable lack of a bedside manner.”

“Yeah, no kidding…” Picking at some loose string on his sheets, Chase squirmed, discomfort striking a more prominent ache in his head. “Host…uh, my family’s kinda…well, I just don’t want you to be weirded out if my wife—my ex-wife and I are—”

“Chase need not worry; the Host is well aware of his marital status.”

“You are? How?”

At that the Host simply tilted his head, folding his hands primly in his lap. “There is very little that escapes him.”

Then did it escape him how unsettling he was being or was he doing it to toy with him? Chase wondered uneasily. He didn’t bother to ask; he had a feeling that whatever the Host might say in response would only compound the issue.

As soon as he heard their voices outside the door, the vlogger pushed himself up in his bed as far as he could, trying to plaster a smile on his face. His kids didn’t need to know what had happened. They didn’t need to know everything that was weighing on his mind or causing him pain; they just needed to see their daddy smiling. The Host straightened in his chair in the corner and while he didn’t smile—did he ever?—he did seem much more attentive, even expectant.

“Here we are,” Stacy announced as she eased the door open, letting Connor and Brianna shuffle into the room.

“Hey there! Come give me a hug, would you?” Chase urged cheerfully, extending the arm that wasn’t hindered by the IV.

As soon as they saw their dad was upright and alert, in contrast to whatever they may have imagined, the kids lit up, rushing over to latch onto him. Their warmth, their familiar smell, their little hands entwining with his…It never stopped being precious.

“We missed you, Dad!” Brianna exclaimed, wrapping herself tightly around his forearm and rocking back and forth with it.

“Mama wanted to give up, she wanted to take us back to her house but I told her to keep ringing the doorbell, no matter how long it took!” Connor piped up eagerly, tugging on his fingers. “I knew you’d want to see us!”

“Oh, I always want to see you, little man…I’m sorry I wasn’t at the house,” Chase murmured kindly, casting a fleeting glance up at Stacy, who stood at the foot of the bed and hadn’t said a word of greeting.

There hadn’t been an actual face-to-face greeting between them for about nine months—no, nine months exactly. She had known something was seriously wrong with him and the others after Schneep had been abducted, so whenever they had to see each other, she opted to skip pleasantries and get right down to business. The same rang true here. Even as her eyes asked, What happened to you? her mind purposely glossed over the explanation.

“How are you feeling?” she asked evenly, loosely folding her arms against her chest—closing herself off from him. He forced his smile to remain despite it.

“Better than I was. It’s been a long week,” he confessed honestly. “I should be out of here tomorrow, if there aren’t any complications.”

“What happened?” Brianna asked at the same time Connor happened to glance into the corner and notice the other man in the room, holding Chase’s hand protectively in front of him as he demanded, “Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s a—friend of mine.” Hopefully no one noticed Chase’s hesitation. “He’s called the Host. He’s been keeping me company, making sure I’m okay.”

“The Host is happy to inform them that their father has been very well cared for,” the Iplier Ego assured them, his tone strictly neutral but a shade lighter than its usual monotone. Brianna wrinkled her nose unsurely at that, peeking up at her dad.

“Why does he talk like that?” she whispered.

“Don’t be rude,” Chase scolded lightly, ruffling her silky blond hair. “That’s just how he likes to talk.” Come to think of it, he didn’t know if the Host could talk in first person.

Now that he had been reassured that this was a friend, Connor had broken away from Chase and was peering with wide eyes up at the Host, fiddling with his hands. “Do you—Do you wanna see a magic trick, Mr. Host?” he ventured hopefully. “I’ve been practicing one and I wanted to show Daddy when we came so can I show you too?”

“You don’t have to say yes, it’s just a silly trick he does with a calculator,” Stacy cut in, a little embarrassed.

“On the contrary, the Host is quite interested,” he countered, to which she stifled a sigh as Connor scurried to her side and pulled on the clasp to her purse until she fished the calculator out for him.

“See, see, I can make the calculator talk to you when you turn it upside down!” he exclaimed, hurriedly punching in numbers and then thrusting it out for the Host to see. He shrank back only a little as the Host rose from his chair and he noticed how large the man was, but the hand the Host extended to hold the device was kind. As he read it, he chuckled lightly.

“The Host bids the calculator hello in return,” he offered.

Pleased that he was playing along, Connor beamed, snatching the calculator back and typing a second time as he bragged, “I can get it to say your name too! It’s really easy!”

At that the Host raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, but as he watched him wait patiently as Connor fiddled with it, Chase couldn’t help but feel a warm surge of gratitude. He said he wasn’t good with kids…Or maybe he doesn’t need to be if kids are good with him.

“Here!”

After a pause, the Host cleared his throat, announcing in a tone that was measured to be somewhat gentle, “The Host is sorry to break it to the master magician, but that combination of numbers spells ‘HOSE.’”

“What?!” Scandalized, Connor took a second look and glowered, pouting, “Well, maybe you’ve been spelling your name wrong all this time.” The Host bit his lower lip at that, clearly trying to hide a smile, and the little boy took his toy back, returning his attention to Chase as the Host returned to his chair. “Daddy, this one’s for you!”

“It’s a really good one,” Brianna promised. “He showed me earlier.”

“Well, then I’m looking forward to it,” Chase mused, scanning the numbers for a few moments before turning it around. He promptly burst out laughing, the sound causing a ringing pain in his own ears that he completely ignored. “You figured out how to say ‘BOSS’ with numbers?”

“Isn’t it the best?!” Connor burst out, nearly hopping up and down in his excitement. “I did it all on my own and I knew you’d like it! I knew you would! I wanna show your friend Mr. Jack. Do you think he’d like it?”

At that Chase’s laughter waned, his attention falling back to the calculator screen. He could already picture the smile Jack would give if he could see it, the one that always lit the entire room and filled everyone around him with warmth.

“Well, Jack is…He’s been really, really busy lately,” he managed at length. “I’ll see when we can get together and you can show him, okay? Hopefully we can do that soon.”

As Connor nodded and took the calculator back, chattering with his sister about how much he would practice until then, Chase found his thoughts straying. Now that he’d been reminded of what lay waiting for him at home, he felt even more trapped in this bed than before.

#youtube #jacksepticeye #fanfiction #youtube fanfiction #chase brody #chase brody's family #stacy brody #the host #dr iplier #hurt comfort #family life #in which this is filler before the juicy chapters to come #in time of need #i'd love some feedback

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