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Season 1, Episode 9 Transcript: The Alternative

Alex contemplates authority, bonds, and things that aren’t quite right.

CONTENT WARNINGS: - Gaslighting/unreality - Anxiety/ panic attacks - Self loathing - Paranoia - Glitching - Medication - Death mention - Smoking mention - Discussion of mental health - Relationship conflict - Yelling - Crying ____

[Theme Music Plays]

ANNOUNCER Futuristic Trail Mix Productions presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast. ____ [sfx:comms click] FELIX I spy with my little eye… something… grey. C41 The cave walls? FELIX That's 3 points for Cal! [Miles SIGHS] [sfx: Felix writes down a tally] FELIX You next, Athena. ATHENA Right, um…I spy… with, my little eye…something… Mmm, something beginning with the letter A.

FELIX Athena?

ATHENA [Athena LAUGHS] No.

FELIX Alex? ATHENA That's closer.

C41 Alex's communications device? ATHENA There you go! Impressive, good job! ALEX You sure you can't read minds, Cal? C41 I'm full of surprises, Commander. FELIX 4 points for Cal… [sfx: Felix writes down a tally] Your turn Cal. C41 (pointed) I spy something that begins with the letter B. FELIX Do you have any hints? C41 Of course! This thing just so happens to also begin with "No," and "Fun," and "Spoilsport," and can be alternatively spelled as M-I-L-E-S

MILES (overlapping) Alright, that's it! C41 (overlapping) It's just part of the game

FELIX (overlapping) Oh, "Bored!" ATHENA (overlapping) Okay

ALEX (overlapping) Alright, alright

[sfx: comms clicks] ATHENA -didn't exactly do a lot of dancing in the military, Alex. ALEX You watched my streams! It's not like I was out here dancing on the daily either! Come on, look, here,\just, place your hands… mhm, and your foot… there, see? Like a box. ATHENA Oh, so we're waltzing? Fancy, Ms. de la Cruz… ALEX Mm, fancy indeed. Why don't you play us a song, then, Ms. Romero? ATHENA Play… oh my god. ALEX (overlapping) I'll sing with you! It'll be like a mov- hey! Watch where you step! [Athena LAUGHS] ATHENA I was watching. [Alex SCOFFS]

ALEX Wooow. So are we just going to keep staring at each other, or

ATHENA Alright, a

[sfx:comms clicks].

FELIX What's for dinner tonight?

ALEX Your favorite, bud. Pot roast and potatoes.

[Miles SIGHS]

ALEX (CONT'D) Don't forget to eat your Brussel sprouts and drink your milk.

MILES Alex... We don't have anything else? Are these even healthy to eat with no other form of sustenance? I mean, at this point...

ALEX We'll make due, kid. Hopefully, the storm will be letting up soon. 20 days is getting a bit excessive, even for Ophiuchus. So, soon, we'll be getting out of here and we can... find a fruit tree or something? Lots of uncovered land out there to search.

FELIX I can second this. The soil here is perfectly fertile for all sorts of plant growth, and our late Mercutio and his, surely existent, friends must have been eating something.

MILES Hnnnn...

C41 If you really think about it, Miles, there are plenty of other edible things in the caves! You know, moss. Rocks. Fungus. The crew

ALEX Cal... C41 Kidding! Kidding! I was just kidding... heh.

ALEX Sure... Look, if you're not hungry, I'm not going to make you eat, but given that we're already having to split rations, I just... Think you should maybe have something whenever you're feeling it. Okay? Alex offers Miles their rations and a comforting smile. After a small beat, they sigh quietly and take the package.

MILES [Miles SIGHS] Okay.

ALEX Thank you. And for you, Athena.

ATHENA Thank you, angel. ALEX Mm... So. What'd you all do today? Anything fun?

FELIX Actually, I'm very glad you asked. I made a... very good discovery today! Very good news.

ALEX Well, we can always use some of that. Shoot. What is it? [Crew RESPONDS unintelligibly, overlapping]

FELIX Well, since you are so enthusiastic! I actually found a corner of the cave with enough exposed and fertile soil to foster plant life. Perhaps we could even work to make it slightly more expansive. Create a little garden of sorts, maybe?

ALEX Oh!

MILES Oh, hell yeah.

ATHENA That's great news!

FELIX Indeed! However... [Crew GROANS]

FELIX (CONT'D) We don't... have anything to grow.

ALEX Oh.

FELIX Yes, which is... a bit counterproductive, as a garden with no plants is no garden at all. Perhaps one of us could venture out of the cave and try to collect

ALEX No. No, I'm not letting any of you out into that mess. Not again. Not even as a last resort. I'm sure we'll be able to find something in the caves. A quick beat.

FELIX Of course, Commander.

ALEX I'm sorry, I didn't... that is great news, Doc. We'll have to keep an eye out for seeds and the like on our cave ventures. Maybe they have, uh... those flowers Athena liked so much. For tea. They're probably edible, right? Statistically?

FELIX I would hope so. We've already consumed it.

MILES Uh... ditto... also... hope so.

ALEX [Alex SIGHS] Right, yes...Amazing job, Felix, really. We'll all keep an eye out the next couple of days.

[Felix HUMS] ALEX (CONT'D) Uh, Miles, what about you?

MILES Oh, I just, uh... I made a... video game.

ALEX No way!

ATHENA Really?

MILES It's nothing big, it's just, like... BlickBlock. It's stupid. I just wanted something to do other than stare

ALEX No, don't say that's stupid, that's so impressive! A whole video game? Where?

MILES Just... on my wristpiece. Like I said, it's not

ALEX Your wristpiece?

MILES Yeah. Don't... don't make a big deal out of- C41 Are you replacing me, Miles?

MILES Wh... no. Of course not, Cal, what?

C41 I'm joking! I know I'm cooler than a... couple of bricks on a calculator. Obviously, I am.

ATHENA How long did that take?

MILES Like an hour? What, do you all want it or something

ALEX (overlapping) Yes!

ATHENA (overlapping) Of course!

FELIX (overlapping) Sure.

MILES Okay, I guess I'll... I don't know, just give me your stuff sometime, I don't know.

C41 Hmmph.

MILES Well, Cal, what did you do today, then?

C41 How kind of you to ask, Miles. I've been trying to reach signals off of the planet. Obviously, I had no luck, since we're still sitting in a circle on the floor talking miserably to each other and not to someone back at HQ. When I realized I wouldn't be reaching anyone, I decided to run a few statistical diagnostics screenings and... well, cheerily, it looks, at least based on what I can pull without the correct computing services, like the storm will likely not be letting up for a few weeks, at least. If anything, it'll likely get worse before it shows any signs of getting better. I also deduced that, with our current standing of provisions and victuals and the speed at which you all consume them, we will be running out of rations in approximately 22 days, and water in-

ALEX That's enough, Cal.

MILES You know, I don't see why we're even making an attempt at-

ALEX You too, Miles. (Alex SIGHS) Well, Athena and I spent our day wandering the caves and charting out the tunnels more extensively. I have the work-in-progress map just over there so, whoever sets out next just grab it and help the cause for us.

FELIX I'd assume we'd also be using it as a tool to... not get lost?

ATHENA That too, yes. More importantly that.

ALEX Right, yes. Whenever I die by force of getting lost in the caves you can put that on my tombstone. "Alex de la Cruz. 2062-2094. We tried to tell her to stop mapping!" (Alex LAUGHS) Alright...

[sfx: comms click] _____

[sfx:comms click]

(Alex PLACES CARD) ALEX Uhh... 3.

ATHENA 9. (Athena PLACES CARD)

ALEX Jesus, okay, uh... 11? (Alex PLACES CARD)

ATHENA 15 for 2. (Athena PLACES CARDS)

ALEX Oh my god, brutal. [sfx:beeps of points being input]

ATHENA I'm being easy on you.

ALEX Sure. 25. (Athena SIGHS) ALEX (CONT’D) (Alex LAUGHS) What?

ATHENA (Athena GROANS) Go.

ALEX If you say so. 12. (Alex LAUGHS)

ATHENA Can you go?

ALEX Nah, but the round's still mine. Sorry, who needs to be easy on who now, Romero?

ATHENA One win does not account for 2 lost rounds, de la Cruz. ALEX Aww, what happened to 'Angel'?

ATHENA It just slipped out. (Athena PLACES CARDS) Right, so... run of 3 for 3, and 15 for 2, so 5 total. [sfx:beeps of points being input ]

ALEX Mm. Okay, okay, okay. 2, 2, 10, and the Jack of Comets... which is in the turn up suit, so, Jack for 1, pair for 2... Only 3 total. [sfx:beeps of points being input]

ATHENA Hmmmm. Interesting.

ALEX Oh, come on, I'm catching up.

ATHENA A Go can only do so much of the heavy lifting, Alex.

ALEX 13. You take this very seriously, starshine. I respect that. Ready to start the next-

ATHENA Hey, not so fast! It's still my crib. Let's see... Six... three... four, okay that's a 15 for 2, another three, 15 for four, and pair... for 6 total. [sfx:beep]

ALEX I trashed the wrong ones. (Athena LAUGHS)

ATHENA I think you did.

ALEX Nature of the beast?

ATHENA Sure. You know, Miles and Felix are great, and all, but... this match is considerably less argumentative than our usual fare.

ALEX Don't forget Cal, expert potstirrer.

ATHENA Oh, god. Not a surprise you're exhausted.

ALEX ... Me?

ATHENA Yeah?

ALEX I'm... I'm not exhausted, I'm fine.

ATHENA Okay.

ALEX We're all tired.

ATHENA You can say that again. ALEX Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think we all deserve to be a little tired.

ATHENA Alex, can I ask you something?

ALEX Sure, if I can ask you something too.

ATHENA No, actually, you go first this time.

ALEX I don't know about-

ATHENA Seriously, Alex. I insist.

ALEX (Alex SIGHS) Alright. Starshine?

ATHENA Yes?

ALEX Can I kiss you?

ATHENA Huh?

ALEX Can... can I-

ATHENA Mhm. (They KISS)

ATHENA How about one more? For luck.

ALEX Luck?

ATHENA Mm.

ALEX We could use some of that. _______

ALEX This is Alex de la Cruz, Mission Commander and Navigations Specialist of Omnitarian Establishment Crew 0137-F on the Ophiuchus-22 mission. The date is May 15 and it is day 57 of our mission.

Morale is on a steady decline, tensions are rising, and the caves... I don't know what it is but there is something in these caves that is getting to me on a psychological level. Or... neurological. And I've been looking for potential causes since it came to my attention but... there's nothing visible, nothing case typical, nothing Cal knew upon base search. I just... I don't know how much longer we can stay in this situation. How much longer I can keep dealing with this, not being able to trust... anything. Someone has to be hearing us, somewhere in the cosmos, please. We have had a 20-74 Code Drag standing for 24 days, I just need any kind of response.

Rations and water are beginning to run low. The crew itself, we're... well we're all painfully aware that we can't fix anything. None of us know how. It's getting harder and harder to put up a front when, honestly, I don't even know if we'll make it to June. Group conversations aren't even an out when all anyone- myself included- knows how to do is argue, to no fault of their own, and just... I know someone hears me. Give us a sign. Give us hope, give us anything.

Do you want a rundown? Do you want me to... give you a reason to trust me, to explain myself? Sure! Sure, you know what, let's go to the beginning. Day-

ATHENA Alex? Alex, are you alright? I brought cards if you still wanted to rematch?

ALEX Shit. _____ [sfx:comms click]

ALEX This is, once again, Alex de la Cruz, Mission Commander and Navigations Specialist of Omnitarian Establishment Crew 0137-F on the Ophiuchus-22 mission. The date is May 16, 2094, and it is day 58 of our mission.

Given my last log was cut short and no response has been delivered to... any of us... I figured, how about, I just finish what I was trying to say in the first place, kay? (Alex SIGHS) Kay.

For starters, I wanted to establish a quick, uh... retroactive continuity, if you will, hm? Because, see, I've been thinking about it. A lot. And... it isn't just the cave. It never has been. Because, thinking back, it wasn't just me experiencing it. Maybe I noticed it more, but... it was never just me. The, uh... the candles. Those... there was... there was something off about them, more than just normal faulty candles. They... Uh, the... the tent! There... the... (Alex GROANS)

Listen, I know what I'm talking about, alright?! You can't keep trying to convince me that I'm crazy because... because I know that I'm not. And I think you do, too! Because it switched from all of us to just me standing as an outlier as soon as we were in the cave systems! Or- no, it was... when the storm came. The radio, it... I know what I've been experiencing, okay, and I wish everyone would stop looking at me like I've lost it!

ATHENA Alex?

ALEX Goddammit.

ATHENA I think we should talk.

ALEX Give me a second, Athena.

ATHENA Now, Alex. (Alex SIGHS)

ALEX What is it?

ATHENA You've... been worrying me. A lot, lately.

ALEX What are you talking about, Athena?

ATHENA What am I talking about? Alex, you... (Athena SIGHS) I don't know. But I just wanted to check in and make sure that you know that I care. You've been secluding yourself, doing some kind of... self-isolation, and talking, paranoid, into your comms about-

ALEX You've been listening in on me?

ATHENA That's not what I'm saying.

ALEX Then what are you saying?

ATHENA I'm just saying that I'm worried. Have you been getting enough sleep?

ALEX Yes.

ATHENA Okay, were you... medicated, or something? Before?

ALEX Athena.

ATHENA I'm serious. Is that what you need right now? To help?

ALEX Athena, please-

ATHENA You said the cigarettes helped you in the past, right? You have a lighter, you could-

ALEX Athena, that's enough! You can stop trying to parent me now, alright, I'm fed up with it! And stop with the face! The pity, I... you keep acting like this, like you're able to fix all of my problems! Like I'm a problem to fix-

ATHENA Alex, take a breath, that's not what I mean-

ALEX Is it? Is it really? Athena, you're important to me. I care very deeply about you and I would follow you to the ends of the Earth, but you don't know me like you think you do. Alright? You're not my therapist, you're not my psychiatrist, you're not my wife. I don't owe you any insight on my mind, and I would appreciate it if you would stop acting like I do.

ATHENA Alex, I'm sorry, but I don't understand-

ALEX What right did you have to tell me how I feel about my son? In what universe was that an appropriate thing to bring up in that moment?

And, you know, maybe it wouldn't have gotten to me as much if it wasn't such a reoccurring thing. Time after time, you keep taking to... I don't know, psychoanalyzing me? Trying to tell me how I feel? How I should feel? And I know you thought you were helping, I do, but I am telling you now that you need to stop.

ATHENA Alex, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.

ALEX No. You didn't. And maybe it's on me for not telling you sooner, but... I'm an adult. I've dealt with my issues just fine this far, okay, for 16 years, and I don't need you trying to convince me that I've been doing it wrong. (she sighs angrily and takes a quick beat; then, shaking her head) I can deal with it. I’m the Commander.

You know what? Take the damn cigarettes, okay, I don't even need them, you can stop bringing them up.

ATHENA Alex, I’m sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you like that... this.

ALEX Thanks.

ATHENA But you are not just the Commander. You’re a-

ALEX Athena

ATHENA No, listen to me, Alex. I’m sorry, I am so genuinely sorry, for everything, but I cannot sit here and watch you… tear yourself apart. You’re not just the Commander. You are a person. A friend. A mother. And you’re… not well.

ALEX Athena, did you not-

ATHENA Alex, please, just let me talk. Okay? I am worried about you. I am worried because I am watching you lose yourself, I am worried because I know this anger is fear, I am worried because you have a family waiting back home for you

ALEX Don’t you dare bring them up right now.

ATHENA -and they would be worried for you, too.

ALEX You don’t know how they’d feel right now.

ATHENA Then I know how I feel, Alex! I know the rest of the crew feels! And we are worried! For all of us! For you! I want to help you, honey, but I don’t know what I can do! So, please, let me try to help you.

ALEX You can help me by listening.

ATHENA I am listening. What else would you have had me do? What else do you want me to do?

ALEX Nothing, Athena. I would rather you do nothing. Please. I can deal.

ATHENA Alex-

ALEX No, Athena, okay? I said I can deal.

ATHENA Alex, please stop interrupting me.

ALEX You’re not listening to me.

ATHENA Alex, I am. Like I said, I’m sorry that I… tried to dictate how you were feeling. That I hurt you. Okay? I am so, so sorry. But I wasn’t aware of that until right now, and I will fix it in the future.

ALEX Okay. Thank you.

ATHENA But right now, in this moment, you need help. And if you don’t want it from me, then I can ask somebody else to come in here and talk to you.

ALEX I. Don’t. Need. Help.

ATHENA Alex, please! Listen to yourself! Let me in, let somebody in!

ALEX Where the hell do you get off, Athena? I’m done having this discussion, okay, I don’t need anyone’s help! When are you going to realize that not everything is something that you have to fix?

ATHENA Alex, you are hurting! The rest of us are hurting, too, okay? We’re all scared! I am scared for you, and I am trying to support you!

ALEX Well, I don’t need your support right now! What I need is to get out of this goddamn cave!

ATHENA And you’re going to do that alone? After, what, talking yourself mad?

ALEX Don’t you dare insinuate that I would ever leave any of you behind.

ATHENA Then what more am I supposed to take from what you’re telling me, Alex? I’m not allowed to be by your side when you’re… scared? And… rash?

ALEX I never said that. I said that right now I would rather you stop trying to fix me, and make an attempt to hear my side.

ATHENA And I am doing that.

ALEX (Alex SIGHS) This conversation is going nowhere.

ATHENA Alex- (Athena SIGHS) You aren’t letting it go anywhere.

ALEX And you’re just repeating yourself.

ATHENA So are you! If we could just talk this out-

ALEX Not right now.

ATHENA Then when?

ALEX I don’t know.

ATHENA I- (Athena TAKES A BREATH) I want to have it now, Alex.

ALEX You’re not the only person here though, Athena, okay! We've been trapped in these caves for weeks, it's high-stress, and, let's be honest, a bit traumatic! I just want space right now, and you’re not respecting that.

ATHENA I’m worried!

ALEX I am too, alright? So, please, just stop worrying about me and let me-!

ATHENA You know I can’t do that! Listen to yourself, Alexandra-

ALEX Oh, so it’s Alexandra now-

ATHENA Listen to yourself! You need rest! This isn’t like you, Alex, and you need… something.

ALEX You keep saying the same thing.

ATHENA Because I’m right. If Orion was here you would be scaring him. This isn’t (Alex SCOFFS) ATHENA (CONT’D) I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said that, that's not what I meant, you're not...

ALEX I’m done having this pissing contest with you. I’m going for a walk. Alone. I’ll be back by morning.

ATHENA I'm... (Athena SIGHS)

ALEX Goddamn recorde- [sfx:comms click] ___

ANNOUNCER Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

This episode, The Alternative, was written by Jesse Smith, edited by Luka Miller and Lauren Tucker, and directed by Jesse Smith and Lauren Tucker. It starred Jesse Smith as the voice of Athena Romero, Jackson Rossman as the voice of Miles Abbott, Luka Miller as the voice of Alex de la Cruz, Kaleb Piper as the voice of Felix Couvillion, and Pippa van Beek-Paterson as the voice of Cal. Original music by Julia Barnes, and sound editing by Tobias Friedman.

Be sure to stay tuned to our feed for upcoming episodes from the new backpacking intergalactic adventure from Futuristic Trail Mix Productions. Enjoying the show, and want to give us a boost? You can support us by rating and reviewing us on iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts, or telling a friend about us.

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Thank you for listening.

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