#even with pics still looks like a collective delusion

[sincericida]

ANDREW GARFIELD and RITA ORA were pictured together in Primrose Hill, London | December 24, 2018.

If these pictures didn’t exist, I’d swear that this unexpected couple would have been a collective delusion.

(X)

#remember is to live #andrew garfield #rita ora #unexpected couple #even with pics still looks like a collective delusion #apparently he ended the relationship with her because he wanted MORE privacy #i read that at the time the paparazzi were on duty at the door of his house 24/7 #and that she was telling about their relationship to many of her friends #and that apparently these factors soured the fun of him #collective delusion #candids #2018 #hollidays #london #andrew peter #andrew peter parker #tasm peter #tasm peter parker #the amazing spider man #spider man #peter parker #daily mail #article #sincericida

[ch0lwrld]

10:04 PM (pt.2)

warnings: suggestive? they don't really do anything, mentions spoiler for jujutsu kaizen (sorry) a/n: here is the continuationnnn of pt1 hope you like it I worked really hard on it LMAO I put more effort into writing these fics instead of my assignments guys. lmk what you think! ✍️ proofread by me and @watariisbestboy

You had just picked up Soobin, already returning to your apartment. It was a movie night, and you knew how busy he was, but he insisted on spending time with you before leaving for his tour, even with the preparations already in full force. He was still making time for you, nonetheless.

As you reach a red light, Soobin urges you to look at a picture he took earlier. He wants you to compliment him on their new concept, but you don't dare fall for his tricks.

"Wow," you say in mock awe.

"You didn't even look, ugh, here!" he practically forces the phone into your face. The brightness blinds you briefly before you look at the photo. Damn, he looked good. The photo in front of you entirely took you away. Now you know how MOA feels. And he took your silence as an agreement. 

"I know I'm so sexy in this, right?"

"No, I was looking at Beomgyu. He's been looking a little too good recently, and the long hair suits him." You genuinely complimented the guy.

"Ew, please, I look better. Next thing you know, I'll be in a mullet for the next shoot. Ah, look at this one!" Soobin attempts to show you the next photo, but the light has already turned green. 

"Whatever, I know what you'll say anyways," and he continues to smile at himself, tapping away at his screen. 

"Okay, mister, and speaking of your bandmates, when am I meeting them?" you had been meaning to meet the four of them. Soobin always talks about them, and it warms your heart to know he has such kind people to surround him in such a stressful field. Recently, Hueningkai had texted you, but you didn't believe it was him. It would make sense since you know Soobin, but you were still cautious. You had forced him to prove himself, and when he sent a sneaky pic of him and Soobin sleeping in the background, you just had to believe him. Kai told you that Soobin mentioned your guys' similar plushie collections, and your friendship grew from there. 

"I know you just want to because of Beomgyu, but no, you can't. You're mine."

Oh, does he know what that does to your heart?

"…Maybe, BUT I really wanna meet Kai. Kai has been showing me the recent penguin plushie he bought, and I wanna meet a fellow squishmallow connoisseur." 

"You feed his addictions; it's not good. And I don't even know how he got your number!" He suspects that Kai took his phone to steal it from him after mentioning you once to the guys. He regrets ever bringing you up because now you and the guys want to meet one another, and he can't have that happen as much as he appreciates the people he loves the most actually liking each other; he likes the dates the two of you have... just you two. 

"Whatever! I'll meet them one day. It's bound to happen~."

"Maybe one day.." As his sentence begins to trail off, the expression on his face changes to a familiar one that tells you he's thinking. 

"But you and I both know you would never be able to say a word to Beomgyu. Also... why is he your bias? Hello, I'm right here!" He's been pestering you about that ever since his debut. 

He doesn't understand why you would not like him the most. He's your best friend, why Beomgyu?!

"That might be true, but don't call me out. Let me live." 

"Yeah, in your delusions? It's unhealthy to be stuck there, but I can help you get out."

You had already reached your apartment's parking garage, settling into your designated parking spot and turning your car off. 

"Yeah? And how's that?" you turn to look at him to see what he means.

He places his arm behind your car's headrest and points at himself with his other hand. 

"Me." and he has that damned grin on his face. You push him lightly with the palm of your hand, but enough to see that he has hit the back of his seat. Your giggles are all that's left before you begin packing your things. 

"Sure," you say as you gather your phone and keys from their holders—the car doors closing, resonating throughout the garage walls, and the familiar smell of gasoline and others you can't name became more prominent.

"Oh, come on, you know you love me," and he wiggles his eyebrows in your direction.

"I only use you for body heat, if anything." you look at him deadpan.

"Oh, so I'm being used." he feigns hurt, hand against his chest as you walk towards the elevators. 

"Yup!" You comment gleefully.

——-/-——-/-——

The time you take to reach your apartment feels like little to nothing despite you taking residence on the 20th floor. Quick banter and giggles fill the halls. You fear one of your neighbors will hear and complain. 

Once inside, he removes his shoes and slips into the slippers you bought for him with enlarged eyes and vibrant blue peeking out from under his sweats. He smiles to himself, reminded of his fond memory of you surprising him with the pair. He recognized them the instant you had flaunted them in your hands, already wearing the matching pair in a light green. You had shown him a video of the slippers once, insistent that you needed them because they could tongue kiss and hold hands. 

Making himself comfortable on your couch, he grabs the remote as it's his turn to pick the movie for tonight. He had nothing in mind but wandered to those Studio Ghibli films you love. He could understand why you liked them so much, having watched all of them with you on a movie marathon. He was happy to see you indulge yourself in the numerous scenes played on screen and be there for you when it got emotional. You were the type to cry during movies, and he cherishes the fact his shoulder is the one you chose to cry on. You set the snacks you prepared beforehand on the coffee table in front of him before heading to your room to get ready.

When you return, he's on his phone but quickly looks up to see you in one of the hoodies he thought he lost. But unfortunately, he's not too mad seeing you being its captor. If anything, butterflies fill his stomach, and he distracts himself by scooting to make space for you beside him. 

Your small figure in his hoodie does things to his heart, and he knows he's got to do something about these feelings he has for you. But it's probably too late, seeing how affected he is, and you aren't even cuddling yet. 

You take your place on the couch, snuggling into his side and placing the blanket over the both of you. The warmth that floods you is comforting against the cool air. You look at the screen ahead, and your eyes widen slightly as you recognize the familiar title. 

"Ponyo? I thought you wanted to watch that one anime you like." You were curious why he had picked the movie since it was one that you watched when you were feeling down or just needed something to listen to while you slept. You forget the unfortunate end of a particular character he loves, as you mention in the anime series. The mood then dampens, and his expression becomes downturned. 

"Ahh, sorry, I forgot he died. RIP Gojo"

"Too soon…" he says. "It's bad enough. I had to be reminded of it live the other day." You remember seeing this moment live (what can you say? You're a fan!) and could only watch and adore the cute expressions on his and Kai's face.

"Sorry, sorry," you say, chuckling at his expression. You poke the sides of his cheeks, feeling pity about his loss. "Let's just watch the movie then."

——-/-——-/-——

As the movie begins to play, a scene comes up where Ponyo heads straight for Sosuke. She passes the mom, who holds her arms open for the little girl, only to see her run and hug her son just behind her. It's an adorable scene, and you can feel the pure childlike happiness flowing from it. It's reasons like these that have always drawn you to these films. 

Suddenly, Soobin nudges your shoulder to get your attention. 

"That's us," eyes never straying from the scene before him. 

"Yeah, and you're the mom, right?"

"Shut up.. hey we should dress up for Halloween together."

"Yeah? You as Sosuke and me as Ponyo?" You suggest.

"Yeah! I'm sure I have a plain yellow shirt somewhere.." He ponders the thought that, if anything, he can always scavenge through the other guys' clothes.

"You fit the part, but.. I don't know how I would look as a ginger. Never thought of myself in red." Honestly, you thought red was good as a clothing choice, and you had never dyed your hair besides when you thought going blonde was a good idea. But, ever since, you stuck to staying natural.

"Well, we can buy a wig and test it out, so you don't have to commit. No matter what, I think you'll look cute."

"Maybe… oh, but my friends are gonna be on my ass about this." The realization dawns on you. How could you forget? Their nagging comments still ring in your ears (out of love <3). 

"Why?" he questions, cocking his head to the side. 

"Couples costumes? They already think we're in cahoots." You say as you quote the last word with your hands. 

"Of course, I always tell them you don't think of me as anything more than a friend." you let out a nervous laugh and take a bite of the treats before you to distract yourself after revealing such information. You think about all the times Soobin has come over, and your roommate mischievously wiggled her eyebrows at you. 

They'd get a kick out of this one…

“…”

But when Soobin doesn't say anything, it worries you a bit. Did you say something wrong? 

"Hey, is something wrong?"

"No, I just.. it.. Nevermind." 

"You sure? You know you can always tell me. I won't judge." You can tell he's hesitating, but you don't want to pressure him. You're already ready to take back your statement, but he begins to speak up again.

"I... I know you won't. It's just, what if I see you like that... more than a friend, I mean."

You pause. What? 

There's no way that Choi Soobin would like you, of all people? I mean.. he's surrounded by beautiful idols every day at work... What could he ever see in you romantically? You're way out of his league, and the thought has your mind doing laps. You don't know what to say, and he takes your silence as a rejection.

"Sorry, I knew it was stupid. I didn't want to make it awkward; I just thought that tonight would be the night I would finally be able to tell you how I felt."

You continue to stare at him as he fiddles with his fingers. His eyes are darted to the side, away from your knowing gaze. But he continues to spill his heart out for you to hear.

"Maybe it was just me or the way the guys would tell me you might feel the same that's making me say this… Sorry, I shouldn't have told you. I was worried I would ruin what we had, and I couldn't lose you, but.. Ugh, I've already done it."

His shoulders shake as he closes in on himself, regretting his decisions. You immediately take his hands in yours, making him look back at you from the sudden contact. 

"You don't have to say anymore, Binnie." as you place one of your hands on his cheek, his eyes watery, you hate that you're making him feel this way.

You couldn't bear watching as he beat himself up over this. You couldn't after knowing that the possibility he liked you back was real.

"And what if I told you I liked you too?" you whisper, already so afraid as you watch his eyes widen. You couldn't continue to deny your feelings and refuse him because you felt like you weren't fit to be by his side. You wanted to take this moment to finally tell him that all those dates were starting to feel way more than just two friends hanging out. His smiles are the highlight of your day, and his laughter and the sight of his dimples as he grins, are something you wish to see any second you can, especially if you were the one who caused it. That the mere touch of his hand against your own sends your heart soaring out of your chest? That- 

And before you know it, everything has been said. Words slip from your lips faster than you could think, and your distance decreases. Teary eyes stare into teary eyes in the dim light of your living room.

"Can I.. kiss you?" 

All you can manage is a meek nod in his direction before your eyes shut. The feeling of his lips against your own was so soft and everything you could've imagined and more.. you could feel your heart leaping out of your chest, and you worry he can hear it. Your hand on his is starting to tremble, but he only grasps them, rubbing circles to soothe your nerves. 

You meld together so well; finally, having him like this does wonders for your heart. When you finally separate, your hands and legs feel like jelly, and you can only see the soft smile creeping up on his face. A reddish hue can be seen along his cheeks, and you can only imagine the damage it's done to your own.

The movie is long forgotten, and the sound of your heart beating against your eardrums is all you can hear. Even in the quiet of the room, he whispers.

"I like you, y/n—a lot. And I hope that... if you will. Will you allow me to be your boyfriend?" And you don't dare hesitate to answer. 

"Yes! Over and over again, yes!" you say in a giggling fit. You're now straddling his lap and entangling your limbs in his clumsily. You never thought reciprocating feelings with your best friend would feel like this, but you never want it to end.

"Does this mean I can finally do this?" you ask.

He looks at you curiously, tilting his head adorably as you attack his face with pecks and kisses. Hearing his yelps of "help!" followed by giggles. Oh, the things you would do to listen to his laughter on replay.

"Oh my god, get a room." a voice states their presence. 

You jump from your spot on his lap as you both look up at the voice. Your friend had just left her room to refill her glass of water, judging by the empty cup in her hand, to walk in on you, peppering Soobin's face. Sure, she had wanted this to happen for a while, realizing your shared feelings long before you knew. Still, it doesn't make this scene less awkward. A feeling of shame fell upon the two of you, more so Soobin, as he didn't mean to get caught in such an intimate position by your roommate. You look back at him, see his guilty expression, and grab his hand to pull him into a standing position. 

"Maybe we should take this to my room instead," you chuckle. 

You lead him to your bedroom, just a few steps away. He follows behind you, enveloping you in a back-hug, head on your shoulder as you struggle to shuffle your way into the room. 

"I love you." He mumbles near your ear. 

"Moving so fast? We just confessed."

"It's not like I haven't said it before! And plus..." 

You know that it's because its meaning has changed now that you reply back, "I love you too."

#tomorrow x together #txt #txt fluff #soobin #choi beomgyu #beomgyu #choi soobin #soobin x y/n #soobin x you #soobin x reader #choi soobin x reader #choi soobin fluff #choi soobin fic #txt fic #txt x reader #txt x y/n #txt imagines #idol au

[chidoroki]

Heavenly Delusion EP2

aka: NO ONE HERE IS NORMAL

Ah we get the OP this week and that real quick frame of a “game over” screen with our two protags with the options being “continue?” or “kill” is very concerning!

Wait what’s the back of Maru’s hoodie say? “We are neither machines nor..” what? It gets cut off!

The art style keeps changing and honestly I kinda dig it? Especially when it goes line-less, like that once sequence of Kiruko running where it literally looks like she’s chasing her outlines.

I was so focused in trying to figure stuff out that I didn’t really listen to the song.. but I’ll give it another listen now. And I like it.

What’s going on with wheelchair boy’s arm? Is that why we always see him in a bed or wheelchair? Or is this mark a result of something weird?

I’m all for loving whomever you want but aren’t y’all just children?? like that was more than just a simple kiss man!

The hell is with these kids? Last ep it was Taka doing parkour and now this Kuku chick is jumping and clinging to trees like a damn frog.

Why. are kids. sending shower pics. to each other??

Tokio really does have a collection of Kona’s drawings. I’m sure they got some kind of meaning.

What on earth is in the window? Also, this man-eater has a name? Hiruko? What, were they people before?

“She fed us some sort of drug to put us to sleep.” Yeah I thought of that last week too after the fact. Maru fell asleep way too quick for someone who is always up longer than Kiruko, and the inn owner didn’t eat any herself either.

Oh hold up, I can read the back of the hoodie now. “We are neither machines or game pieces.” … That still concerns me greatly! Could they really be part of a game? Or a dream reality? Maybe they got multiple lives? Answers would be GREAT right about now.

That certainly is one hell of a creepy monster, what the fuck? It’s got different attributes of several animals and it has ultrasonic whip things or something?

I love that even in the middle of an intense chase scene they still choose to give our protags some funny faces.

Ah shit, that thing is the lady’s son? That’s why she didn’t want our duo to go out and hunt it..yet she had a huge gun herself.

“I was almost eaten by one, so I know..” Well that explains her scars from before.

Yeaaahh I knew that death was coming. Rest in peace lady. So much for thinking that monster was protecting her.

Aw, I like how Maru accuses Kiruko of only thinking about defeating the monster instead of the lady who just died but turns out she was already shedding tears.

How do you both expect to kill this creature though..? The gun is out of shots and Maru, I know you were strong against those thugs last time, but could your hits really hurt this thing?

… Huh? He touched it and some weird spirit hand went inside it to crush a heart? Maybe? Help??

What was this Great Disaster huh? But damn Kiruko really is bad with numbers, she can’t remember how old she was for anything.

“The only thing I can kill is Hiruko!” Oh is that the collective name of the monsters? I thought it was just the last one individually.

Jesus christ that was such a hard ass fall! Taka has gotta be dead. Or got a concussion or broken something. No way in hell he gets up fine from that.

BRO HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU LIVING??

“There’s a guy with the same face as me out there somewhere.” Okay but how do YOU know that Maru?? And why we gotta inject this person with a drug? This show is good at keeping SECRETS.

Who’s this Mikura now? Oh, his mom maybe? Or whoever this lady that give Kiruko the job and gun to protect Maru.

And she has the same kind of weird marking over her body as the kid from earlier with the wheelchair.. that boy ain’t gonna make it huh?

Oh god so there really were crocs in the water they just sailed over. That’s hilarious. They had every reason to freak out then!

They’re both very trusting to eat the nice food these farmers prepared for them when the last person who offered them a meal drugged them!

Kiruko does kinda look like this Kiriko Takehaya kart racer but not quite the same, however she did react to the whole “killing your brother” thing.. so maybe they are similar? Somehow? Maybe it’s like whatever is going on with Maru and Tokio and how those two look alike.

OH LOOK. A symbol with some kind of bird in it. How very Promised Neverland of you!

Oh, well I picked up the little hints that Maru might’ve felt some kinda way towards Kiruko but I wasn’t actually expecting him to outwardly say them?!

“My body is a woman’s, but in here, my mind is a man’s. So.. I’m a man.”  Are we saying like..by choice? In which case good for you. Or like.. due to some crazy experiment because that’s the vibes this show gives me with these kids being anything but normal? And maybe that’s why she..? he? this person can never remember the correct age.

Mmm the ending is nice too. I might like the song better than the OP? Also, Taka gives me Don (TPN) energy for some reason.

#heavenly delusion #episode reaction

[formulinos]

Hyperfixation Corner: A Special | Undestanding (and Ranking) the Landogates

Oh, what is Formula 1 if not a concoction of men who are products of their times and women that are so much better than them. We have had our share of controversial figures, whether they gladly took the role of the villain or found themselves as a parachute for trouble. It's not different that the masses in 2021 would latch onto charismatic figures looking for guidance in these so trying times or, even worse, look for something that just isn't there as means of a distraction to the utter chaos that is the Roaring 20s of the XXI century.

This is the case of Lando Norris, milk aficcionado and McLaren-Tangerine driver. Lando is practically a child of Y2K, born in November of 2021 and carefully crafted by the British system of drivers to be one of the next generation drivers of our era. He also happens to seem to be a light-hearted boy, who just likes to drive his fast cars and play his silly little video games, but once you unpeel the outer layers, you might just be surprised. Fundamentally speaking, Lando Norris has the motorsport bravado and never shied away from the opportunities that fell in front of him, but to his demise, his loyal army of Lando fans are always by his side, ready to dissect his every move whether he likes it or not.

Today, we're going in the lions' den and ranking the most memorable out of Lando's little run-ins with the outer society, fondly called by the F1 populace "Landogates". 

Before we start, I would just like to thank the 25 Lando stans or former Lando stans that talked to me or answered the form - and to those who attempted to contact me but Tumblr is a bitch and I was also sick so there's that. Anyway, I really appreciate your help and I have learned a lot from you! Thanks for helping science!

5) Fanficgate

No, this isn't about the Reddit meltdown that happened in the beginning of the year, although that was a choice too. We're talking about December 15, 2020, when Team Quadrant posts a very harrowing tweet that will enter the annals of history.

The format is quite known: celebrity goes into social media content about him, reads everything and does funny lighthearted comments or snaps back at the haters. Naturally, all sections of the fandom go insane and start to discuss whether Lando will find out about this or about that and so did f1blr, blowing things out of proportion like one would. People started posting "Lando I'm so sorry" or "Hey Lando, if you're reading this hiiii". TBF I even think I did too, although I hit my head and my memory is glitching ever since. Anyway, the ethics of shipping Carlando were discussed, the ethics of fanfiction were discussed, the ethics of stalking were discussed, but here's the error though: Tumblr believed they were a social media worthy of recognition in 2020.

My guy wasn't even CLOSE to tumblr. TBH? Coward. It's easy to go on Twitter/Reddit, try spending one day in this Godless land. Anyway, the fact that we all suffered from collective delusion there - including those of us who knew there was no way in hell Lando would read their 50k childhood friends to lovers carlando one shot but still had a meltdown - makes it a non-entity gate and therefore, the worst ranked out of those. Overall, the people I interviewed were like "lol oop that was nothing" so, I think the fandom agrees with that one. I rate this a 1 out of 5 suggestive lando pic

4) Feetgate

This is the Funniest Shit ever and nothing will ever compare to this. The only reason I'm ranking this so low is because the following three are more based on reality, but this is the narrative I want to be included in. Absolutely legendary. 

It starts with Sylvana IJsselmuiden, Formula 1 legend (I'm calling her like this from now on) and Dutch personality. Sylvie went on a podcast called "F1 Aan Tafel" on December 7, 2020 and started dropping barz on barz about Formula 1 drivers sliding on her DMs and sending her dick pics (if you know Dutch, here's the link. The Queen of Feet starts talking about it on min 32:50 if I'm not mistaken - I heard a Leclerc in Dutch accent and I am worried). Basically, she says that Lando shoots his shot constantly on DMs and that there are talks of him sending dick pics around, so she decided to answer the last time he had hit her up and see what happens. 

Everybody gangsta until Sylvana said she photoshopped pictures of her feet to make them thicker and sent them to Lando, who responded with 'sexy feet'. Anyway, again, meltdown ensued. Some people latched onto the fact that Lando allegedly send unconsented dick pics to women (that is shit if true), some people decided to DM him their feet (this is so funny i am 10) and some people were just laughing at this, especially considering that when this came out it was really late at night for the Europeans and they would wake up with whiplash.

There were also people who tried to discredit Sylvana because she photoshops herself with drivers on her instagram. To me these look like a joke but even if she wanted to pass them off as reality, you know what? If she says she went to a bike trail with Lewis then to me that's real. She is my queen and God forgive who disrespects my queen.

Mostly, people just laughed at the fact Lando can't get no coochie and has a foot fetish because come on. Come ON. But also, the sentiment is that it's his life and a foot fetish is as normal in these days as wearing a mask to go out (I hope to FUCK no anti-maskers are reading this). The extra funny part is that Lando keeps going back to feetgate himself, by constantly talking about his socks during streams, having a foot cam (I mean, most drivers do anyway because they think it's interesting to see their feet while they play racing video games. I don't think it's even interesting to watch people play video games but well, I like to write things people will never read so who am I to judge). Here are two tidbits: one of Lando himself resurrecting Feetgate from the dead and one of Noel Miller also indirectly referring to it

This is stellar, fuck it. I rate this a 5/5 Sylvana's feet

3) Portugalgate

Portimão was definitely one of the races of all time. For Lando, it had started brightly as he was Top 3 in the first practice session (as if this meant anything) but by Qualis, we knew it was going to get real as he landed in P8, behind Carlos his beloved. The race wasn't sexy either at all, and while his teammate moved up, he actually got left behind, and by Lap 18 his race was as good as dead when he bumped with Lance Stroll, who thought the gap in Turn 1 existed. In case you guys don't remember, on Friday Lance had also had an incident with Max Verstappen on that same Turn - and tbh I think Max was just as amateur there as Lance. 

Naturally, Lando wasn't happy at the moment, using some choice words at Lance. To be quite honest I am not English, so I have genuinely no idea of the impact this has in society, but most of the Brits that talked to me were the ones who highlighted his use of the C-word while the non-Brits didn't even look at it, so that's curious. He apologises for his language at the end of the GP on radio, but boy, he was ready to go wild.

Post race interviews come, he's still not happy: "He obviously didn't learn from Friday but he doesn't seem to learn from anything he does. It happens a lot with him, so I just need to stay away," he said to a reporter who couldn't believe the gold he had just found. Later, he was also asked on his thoughts about Lewis Hamilton's incredible 92 GP Victories, a record he had just taken away from Michael Schumacher's hands. His answer was very sweet: “It doesn’t mean anything to me, really. He’s in a car which should win every race, basically. He has to beat one or two other drivers, that’s it. Fair play to him, he’s still doing the job he has to do.” (I only found the video with Brazilian commentators on top, muh bad).

He was also not done with Lance, having a dig at him on Insta:

Yeah, you can tell the major reception of this was,,,, not what Lando expected. I sincerely think he got post-rant clarity because the Twitter apology came faster than the Merc in Portugal. 

(lmao I love when people say "I am not that kind of person" in their apologies as if they weren't caught in 4k being that sort of person). To be honest, even though the wide majority of F1 fans thought that Lando was goofy as all fuck for having said the Lewis comments, there are still apologists who think that he was just saying what we were all thinking, while Lance's were just part of the game and he was in the heat of the moment, he was also raging still when he also talked about Lewis, it was a bad moment. 

To be quite honest as well, there were quite a few discussions about Lando not being mindful of the race factor when he jabbed at Lewis - some people thought he should have been, some people actually thought that for once someone was assessing the situation as it really is and that removing the "activism" part of the equation was reasonable as cars are cars, political disarray is political disarray. The Lando stans I spoke to were quite divided about this as well, more than the Lance comments and many thought he was a bitch while the rest argued that "he said what we're all thinking". 

There was still a very poignant comment about how part of Lando's identity as a media darling in Britain is that he is the anti-Lewis, and I am going to quote it here because it just…. NGL lads it gave me pause: 

"Lewis gets hate for not living in the UK and “tax dodging”, Lando lives here. Lewis gets hate for being in the best car. Lando can’t be accused of that one. Lewis gets hate for being black, I don’t need to explain that one. Some even claim he gets preferential treatment because he is the only black driver. Lewis gets hate for his clothes, Lando seems to live in black or white. Lewis active support of BLM got him criticism because he should just stick to racing, however Lando’s vocal support of BLM, his support of Mind and his genuinely sweet support and friendship with Sir Captain Tom Moore was applauded. Lewis speaks his mind, gets slated. Lando speaks his mind, gets slated by his fans but Joe public F1 fans think he amazing for speaking his mind. There are people who actively oppose his knighthood. When you see what other sport stars have been given knighthood for in this country, 5 and 6 times Olympic Gold Medalist, 2 x Wimbledon Winner and 2 x Olympic Gold Medalist. I think he’s in that elite bracket now dont you? Lando is celebrated for just not be Lewis by some Brits. Is it any wonder George keeps his mouth shut?"

I am thinking. I really didn't know Lando was that deep - and honestly after learning more about him straight from his fans mouth's I still don't, but the Lando lore does have meaning. Amazing. Either way, people cannot claim this was all one time road rage if Carlos' commented that Lando goes into terrible moods even while playing golf. GOLF. Mayhaps a therapist could help. However, since he did apologise and then managed to keep his mouth shut about Lance and congratulated Lewis on his WDC later on, one must not dwell too much on these things. I rate this one a 3 out of 5 world records.

2) COVIDgate

This was low. Like, very low. Basically, Max Fewtrell did a livestream and discussed going to Dubai for the holidays (around December 29, 2020. wow all of these really happened in like a week). Max basically made it seem as if Lando would join him and @sebastonstroll, braver than the US marines actually caught some blurry screenshots of Lando's arm and wristwatch during one of the Dubai streams (actually, that was a joke. but God liked and subscribed so I think maybe we could call it "pioneering" instead). That's all fine, I mean, places are there to be visited, except there is this little thing called a "coronavirus" or something I'm not a doctor, which means that you kinda should stay at home…. and there is like, the Law or something that kinda makes it so you have to stay at home as well. I am not an expert on any of these things, but it sounds like Somerset, where Lando lives, was in a Tier 3 Lockdown, which means "sit yo ass down", so the plate was served.

Now, it was the holidays, we were all frustrated I'm sure and overall, there wasn't a lot of meat on that beef stew for one to actually feel well-fed, so there were again discussions on the ethics of stalking, how thin was the line between stanning and paranoia and why. Most fans kinda relaxed and reached the conclusion there was no way this could be real since there was a tier 3 lockdown and Lando was just home for Christmas, but as the days went and suspicious screencaps showed up online, it was harder to discern the benefit of the doubt from denial.

Thankfully, there was no need to keep that debate going for long. Not so fortunately, that was because Lando joined the ranks of F1 drivers ahead of the game who didn't wait for the vaccine to become immune themselves.

The question that remained was: is he isolating in England, or in Dubai? Don't worry fellas, McLaren got him!

Considering Lando was as good as caught, McLaren took no time to 'fess up, and I mean, what would be the point to try and cover up if the whole purpose of Dubai during the pandemic is to be a safe haven for the rich and privileged to have parties for the 'Gram, right? However, they chose an intcheresting expression, "training camp". So, he was there for a scheduled team training camp… but he arrived there early… Ok, maybe so he could have a 14-day quarantine… except that didn't really land because if you knew where to look up you could even see his brother was in an ice rink one day after Lando announced his COVID diagnosis - and arguably as a "contact case" he should also be in quarantine. But that's fine, it's a team training camp and these things are common…. except Danny Ric didn't get the memo because he was doing a tour in Los Angeles as well. Well fuck me, then, Lando legitimate, royally, fucked that one up.

Talking to the Lando side of the website, no one was particularly happy. Doubts were raised about how people reacted to Lando's announcement in comparison to Pierre's or Charles', but like, I don't think one thing outweighs the other, and I agree with the sentiment that people were reasonably madder at Lando because he always sold the image of being a socially conscious person, while Charles' has always been dumb as all fuck and no one is really checking for Pierre, let's be honest. (well, we are checking for Pierre. more of that on #1). I asked the folks how they felt about McLaren's response as well, and the answers basically varied from "good on them" to "they totally lied to cover his ass lmao". At last, there were some valid points on how we're not entitled to know where Lando goes or what he is doing, fair, but then again, we're not exactly in the most "normal" of times, and there were a few sweethearts who were like "sincerely, I didn't even registered he had fucked up until after I digested the fact he had COVID, I was too busy being worried about him and wanting him to be healthy".  Overall, the lowest of lows, really, no one was happy. I rate this begrudgingly a 4 out of 5 covid positive F1 drivers, genuinely not taking any pleasure in this.

1) Pierregate - I'm not gonna call this anything else. Too funny.

The one personality trait I was sure Lando had prior to 2021 was that he was thirsty. Like, mega thirsty. There are screencaps as far as July 2019 of him using his official IG account to like posts of Instagram models, which to me is most pleasing and amusing. I particularly enjoyed this compilation from @opendirection that led me the right way and no, I don't think Lando should use his finsta to get girls, or attempt to. He should be clear, he is here for coochi, so am I, coochi is great.

Enter Katerina Berezhna, a model/entrepreneur currently based in Dubai, and hot, very hot. Katerina had been in Lando's radar since September 2020 at the very least. They would have regulary IG activity - very well received by the most patrician of Lando fans, as you can see and by the Abu Dhabi GP, when he said he was taken, she was the most likely candidate to the role. 

Covidgate comes and with it, some curious activity of Katerina. Seemingly, she takes down pictures of herself at the beach after the announcement and replaces them with pictures in her room, watching Netflix or doing yoga, kinda making it seem as if she was quarantining too. I don't come here, so I won't claim this is true, but I will tell you she has stories from Dubai up in her highlights and you can do the math that the yoga selfies that are up are from that time frame, so she was mostly indoors, officially at least. 

Pierre gets to Dubai around the same time and also decides to party. Not only is he seen, but he is also perceived and pics of him in a party go around, we're all like "fucking hell Pierre, wear a mask, Lando just got COVID". However, if you go to the insta highlights I linked up there, the story right after the yoga pics is a story of Katerina in a beach party… where Pierre and her got clocked at together.

This is awkward. Anyway, the math was done by the most dedicated of Lando and Pierre stans alike, but this only blew up after right at the end of January, Pear also got, as they say it in French, l'infection.

After this, we got a very hard-hitting investigative piece of journalism by @ef-1, who uncovered how far their beef went: they don't follow each other on IG and as far as February, Pierre made a point of not liking Lando posts on McLaren's profile. This gave birth to one of my favourite screenshots of all time:

(btw, here's a picture of Pierre and Katerina FACTUALLY together. I have found none of Lando with Katerina)

Pierregate ranks the highest out of them all because it just brings out the best of all these people: Pierre has a history of being petty out of nothing, Lando has a history of not being able to get any and Katerina is so hot. None of the Lando stans that came to talk to me are actually in the sector that gave a real shit about this besides amusement and disgust at the fact they were most likely kissing the same mouth during a pandemic. Either way, it's their life and none of our business……. but this is so INTERESTING THO.

I would just like to state by the way: Katerina isn't a gold digger per se just because she dated or flirted with two formula 1 drivers, but IF SHE WAS, good for her. There is nothing more girlboss empowering than a Real Gold Digger™, and you know, many Sugar Baby/Daddy relationships are based on sexist concepts, while proper gold digging is one of the most sublime forms of historical reparations out there. I stand with my fellow opportunists. Good for you. I rank this a 5 out of 5 models that Lando liked an Instagram post of.

ROUND-UP: WHAT DID I LEARN FROM THIS

Well, I'm gonna be real with you all: my opinion of Lando and his fandom was very low before talking to his fans and actually looking deep at his controversies. It seems I'm not the only one, as all the fans I talked about quoted at some point the whole toxicity of the fandom and let the steam out. While I do think people take it TOO far when it comes to him, and it's not just here, all social media involving Lando are cesspools in one way or another, I do feel like I can relate to people more. To many, Lando is a young driver that is relatable, a lot of you were in the 20s age gap (and there are younger folks of course) who just has the sort of sense of humour and concerns that we do. There is still a great identity aspect of him being a British McLaren drivers, which is so strong a pull considering this is one of the greatest teams there are and Brits have historically bred world champions, who knows, Lando could be the next one.

That being said, I still kinda don't vibe with him. Not my type. But I do hope that 2021 brings a Lando that stays in his lane for the sake of internet and because my guy could take a break. It seems he is going on the right direction and taking F1 seriously, but also I hope he doesn't try to rehabilitate his image (not that he needs to, but clearly he WANTS to rebrand) too much to the point of losing himself. Also, I did not touch on this week's drama because I even asked around and people weren't able to tell me properly what happened, so there isn't anything much. I hope he behaved well though, if he didn't then I guess it's time to update this post lol.

Anyway, I guess my point is that everyone is kinda crazy, but I do think that Lando fans are kinda cool now. I cannot repeat this enough, thank you to everyone who spared some time to talk to me and let me know the scoops. This was your girl formulinos in a redux version of the Hyperfixation Corner - stay tuned for the next one that is done, but I needed to take a proper breather from it, you'll get why soon, I hope! Screw you guys, I'm going home :)

21/03/2020 - NEW ENTRY - SEXISMGATE In the words of the great philosopher Jake Paul, "it's everyday bro". The latest entry in the Landogate compilation is a series of clips taken from streams done by Max Fewtrell (at this point laid ease, honestly, if you guys stan Max F. I recommend a doctor, ngl) featuring Lando. Just a few days ago, a very progressive conversation was had during a game session (or whatever you call it, I'm not a gamer girl) of Escape From Tarkov. The clips have been cropped around and shared by @carlandonorri-s (big shout out to you, braver than US marines etc), but I got them backed up on streamable :D. Summaries:

1) Lando says that if a girl talks to you about star signs, you should leave. They talk about a certain girl Max "never had" that could have sat down next to him one night and this elicits a strong reaction from the streamers. Lando adds "you might have been made to sit next to her one night and she might have coughed on you". A charmer.

2) Allusions to calling a girl "cowboy" and "this might not be the only snake in my boot". Max thinks it's not a dig, just funny. Lando has referred to the same person as "cowboy" and "cowgirl" in yesterday's stream on Max's page as well (rather curious how I haven't seen yet the same conversations in Lando's streams, only in Max's less famous ones lol).

I will disclaim I don't have it in me to watch full vidya streams because I don't get what's fun in them, so if there are any further clips out there, yeah they're out there <3. Kush @sebastonstroll (who also ripped the last clip I talked about! Thanks for that) whistleblew and did the post that gained more traction, there are a few commentary posts out there as well (in particular this one from @babettevdw is very neat) and overall, not a good look. I have no personal hot take from this, men are pigs and I think that's it. I was waiting for the apology tweets but to be quite honest due to the sheer volume of "but if this was a woman talking about a man you wouldn't care" and "what about that time this driver said women can't drive" I highly doubt Lando will say something as his new strategy is to lay low - and I don't give a shit about if Max F apologises or not as he will probably never do something relevant in F1 anyway let's be honest. I rate this a 1/5 incel face structure pic due to the fact that if Lando's dad didn't have any money he wouldn't even be in F1 and have the chance to travel around the globe and meet hot chicks. Chaldish.

16/08/2021 - NEW ENTRY - MEXICANGATE

We had managed to spend almost 5 whole months without a Landogate everyone, so of course that when a new one happened, it would be A Doozy.

Let's set the mood: you're rich, you're finally in a good moment in your career, you are moderately ok looking, you have freeloading friends and a instagram/tik tok girl on a yacht and it's the summer. You're at the top of the world, basically, and you and your lads still find the time to be just... whatever this is

On Instagram even. With videos too. A bit extra, I'd say.

There was already a pretty perfect post by @maxricciardo​ on the subject of cultural appropriation and why this sort of display is not humorous, just prejudicial, so I won't elongate myself much on it. I will, however, pull my "As A Latina" card and say that I'm not surprised that's in its majority, a bunch of European Lads on Tour doing this since they tick all the boxes of privileged to think it's funny to do it.

Obviously, I don't want to talk on the name of Mexicans in particular and I don't even think that it's pleasant to go and Ask Your Local Mexican if this is ok or not, but I can draw parallels with my culture and say that when there are cultural parties here and foreigners come, even people who come from the Western Euro/North American are, they are more than welcome to take part in our culture WITH us and wear whatever you want WITH OUR CONSENT under a respectful environment and context. What these guys are doing, however, is basically take a stereotype derived of years and years of humiliating oppression perpetrated by biased accounts and media and laugh it off on their little bubble. It always hurts to me when I see accounts of Brazil being talked about as nothing besides drug trafficking and sexual tourism, I don't need to extrapolate too much to think about how it feels for my fellow Latinos.

And that's another important things I want to get in, I've seen a lot of people claim this was racist, and here's a lil fun fact: we can't tell. We don't know. Our concept of race is incredibly different from the one adopted by Europeans and North Americans, who lump us all into one ethnicity ("latino") and try to tell us we're POC even though, depending on the place you're at, you couldn't tell the difference between here and Germany. This is not cool by the way, because unlike the myth that says that Latin America is a big haven for the plurality of cultures (and it is, the sheer fact we have had different colonisers, influences from a lot of countries, the indigenous presence, unfortunately the influx of African cultures too because of slavery, people who ran away from wars in their countries, etc etc), we all suffered because of "Whitening", that is, the racist insistence of making sure that people had mixed children with white people to improve our bloodline. The result is that our race is very much something we identify socially with and a lot of people who read as POC outside of Latin America aren't considered POC here. That's not to say it wasn't wrong just because "it wasn't funny". It's xenophobic, it's prejudice, it's everything else and a bit more. 

To make matters worse, I unfortunately have to talk about the reactions of the fanbase because during this write-up, I usually checked the reactions of the Landosphere and talked to Lando fans, but this time I didn't need to because a lot of them showed their asses on social media, for free. People claimed that Lando is persecuted, that it was just funny and that it made sense to wear those costumes on a Mexican-themed party, saying that if you can't do this you can't wear Lederhosen in German parties either, and that's the point innit? Germans, Dutch, French, whatever.... they WERE the colonisers. At the very least the colonies in Europe were far more comfortable and less ravaged than the Africans, the Latin Americans, and when you look around, you see the influence in Asia too and it's not a good look (again I can't speak for everyone so if any of you want to drop a comment on how you resent Imperialism etc. feel free to). You're not mocked, at the very least you get laughed a bit but you're not REDUCED to just this as part of your identity. Sorry for the lack of eloquence, it just hit a little too close to home.

So, honestly, I'm done here with the Landogates because I don't want to have to see whatever he did next - and I never needed to, I started these because they were amusing and it felt like the noise they made were not proportional to the actions of the driver, but nowadays it feels like he's having the opposite of character growth, enabled by the fans who believe he can't do any wrong or that he is just a kid. The discussion about problematic faves is a whoooole other topic, but at the very least if you're not ready to unstan, just shut up, take the L and let people rip him off for a day. Stay on your lane when you know there is no defense.

To those of you who were very nice while talking to me, thanks a lot! To those of you who stopped stanning him at some point, don't worry, there is always another driver. And to those of you who think I'm wrong etc, I suppose you're entitled to, but I also do suggest that you evaluate if it's worth it you know.

I rate this a 0/5 and I am tapping out.

#hyperfixation corner #lando norris #to be honest this isn't even banter i was really curious after seeing yet another landogate on the tag i just had to know what is up #my conclusions are these #i hope the other lando stans don't take this personally i tried to be fair while also being partial because well you know

[ersatzlace]

I should get back into the habit of posting about my OCs. I fell out of the habit after some huge bouts of inspiration loss, but lately I’ve gotten back into the swing of things with a new collection of OCs and story that I’ve been kicking around. To give a quick summary, it’s kinda like GO in so much that the interactions of Heaven and Hell are akin to petty office politics (but even lower stakes, amazingly, since any dangers of apocalyptical happenings were squared away long ago). I’m taking inspo willy-nilly from various angelic/demonic myths so names/meanings are superficial haha.

This is Valefar, a Demon/Fallen Angel. Design is still a WIP, but I whipped these two pics and the writing below real quick for MC’s Profile Drive. Left is Pre-Fall, Right is Demon Form.

Before the Fall

Once there was an angel of such joy and innocence that they were the darling of all the Celestial Realm. They looked upon all of Creation with wonder and though not yet tasked with a specific purpose, they flitted about helping where they could. Truly they were the youngest sibling of all the Heavenly Host.

But… Whatever is one to do when they are no longer the youngest? The advent of Man was the beginning of the end for this angel. The Youngest no longer young. Does one accept their new status with maturity? Or do they rail, rail against their inevitable fate.

In a way, they are the most pitiful of the Heavenly Host. Fallen before maturity, were they a bit more prudent, they may have settled into their role as the Angel of Hope. Now, they are nothing but one of the Fallen, name stricken from the Celestial Record.

In a cruel twist of irony, false hope is their punishment and their price. The consequences of wishes granted for those who summon Valefar are never worth it in the end. Meanwhile, as punishment for their rebellion, Valefar exists under the delusion that they may one day find Redemption and be welcomed back into the arms of the Heavenly Host.

What is more cruel? To exist under a sweet lie or a merciless truth?

#mycena cave #my art

[marvelousbirthdays]

Happy Birthday, calbeebellona!

May 7 - ShieldShock ficlet for the prompt “Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.” or “Their pick-up line wasn’t as good as any of mine, I’m just saying.” I hate Civil War, so maybe set it in an alternative universe where there is no Civil War? I would also like it to be humourous and a bit of fluff? Basically, I just want a happy story with some laughter in. for @calbeebellona

Written by @iamartemisday

The Avengers had fans. Steve knew this, yet it was still a bit surreal to walk through the halls of Javits Center and see twenty one people dressed in homemade Captain America costumes of varying levels of quality.

He himself was suited up for the occasion. The shield strapped to his back felt heavier than usual and he was sweating under his helmet. So far, no one had recognized him, though. Tony had explained it to him while insisting he couldn’t go to any fan event in plain clothes and sunglasses.

“Do you have any idea how shady that looks, pun half intended,” he said with the beginnings of a grin. “If you really want to do this, you have to go whole hog. Get in there and work that suit like the real Captain America.”

“I am the real Captain America,” Steve had said.

“And that’s exactly why no one will notice you.”

Steve didn’t have to be a genius to know that didn’t make any sense. And yet, he’d been walking around the convention all day, attending panels, browsing the dealer’s room, buying a few things, and not a single person had anything to say about Actual Real Steve Rogers in their midst except ‘awesome cosplay, dude.’

“Maybe we should go,” Steve muttered to Bucky after they’d been asked to pose for pictures for the hundredth time. “Pretty soon, someone’s going to figure out we’re not just fans in costumes.”

Bucky, clad in black pants, combat boots, and a black jacket with the left sleeve ripped off to expose his metal arm, punched his shoulder. “Come on, Punk. I thought you were having fun. This was your idea.”

“I know,” said Steve. He quickly averted his eyes as a girl with his face plastered all over her clothes ran by. “I didn’t think it’d be so… this.”

A man with a distended gut and a cheap shaggy brown wig walked by in an amateurish Winter Soldier costume. His entire right arm was wrapped in aluminum foil, complete with a crudely drawn red star. He caught sight of Bucky and paused to give him a once over. “Your Bucky costume’s not bad, but that’s the wrong arm.”

He waved with his right arm, allowing bits of foil to fall off, then disappeared into the crowd as Bucky’s jaw fell and his face turned bright red. “It is NOT the wrong arm!”

He clenched his fists as Steve made a token effort not to laugh at his best friend’s pain. “Come on, Buck. I thought you were having fun.”

“Bite me,” Bucky stomped off towards the refreshments table, and that was probably the last Steve would see of him for hours.  

He wandered into the main corridor, filing past kids with toy propulsion blasters and young women in catsuits and red wigs. A few more fans asked for photos. One of them wore a shirt which loudly proclaimed she was Steve Rogers’ future wife. He fake smiled like a champ and made a beeline for the dealer’s room as soon as the overly touchy girl set him free.

It was a little less crowded than before. Steve could actually move without fear of crushing someone’s foot. He stayed close to the walls, ignoring the multitude of Hawkeyes, Thors, and even a few Lokis hanging around. A few booths away, a bespectacled young woman in blue jeans and plaid would have been the most normally dressed person he’d seen all day, were it not for the signs she was carrying.

SUPPORT JANE FOSTER!

JANE FOSTER WAS ABLE TO BUILD A BRIDGE TO ASGARD IN THE DESERT WITH A BOX OF CAR PARTS.

JANE ONCE PUNCHED A NORSE GOD IN THE FACE. CAN YOU PUNCH NORSE GODS IN THE FACE? JANE FOSTER IS BETTER THAN YOU.

How she held all those signs with only two hands, Steve couldn’t say. Maybe she was secretly magic. A shirtless man covered in green body paint sidled up to her, his grin a perfect contrast to her irate frown. “Hey babe. Wanna hang out later?”

“That depends,” she said, “do you want to talk about how Jane Foster is unfairly treated by so-called Avengers fans and denied credit for her scientific innovations by drooling fangirls with internet access and delusions of becoming Asgardian royalty?”

The shirtless man blinked. “Uh… Jane who?”

She rolled her eyes and kept walking in Steve’s direction. From up close, he could almost say he knew her, but the name escaped him. “Do you need help holding those signs?”

He hadn’t meant to speak. The words just popped out of his mouth of their own volition. The young woman brightened up. “See? That right there is a much better pick up line. Here you go.”

She handed him the ‘Punched a Norse God’ sign and Steve made a note to ask Thor about that later. He had a feeling he knew which god got punched and that was a story he needed to hear.  

“My real pick-up lines are much better,” Steve said, earning a smile from the girl whose name had finally popped into his head. “It’s Darcy, right? Darcy Lewis?”

“Yup,” she said as they re-entered the hall. “I guess you’ve seen the pics online. I’ve been working with Jane for years and last week I made the mistake of looking at the Avengers fan forums. There was a lot of bullshit on there about Thor dumping Jane because she’s ‘boring’ or that she dumped him because ‘she’s a bitch’. As if the woman just sprang into existence when Thor needed a muggle girlfriend and her life has no meaning outside of him. For fuck’s sake, they broke up mutually. They’re still friends and Jane had been working her ass off on that bridge since before Thor was even a thing.”

“That’s awful,” Steve said. This was why he stopped going to the fan forums after the first time. That and the rather… suggestive art people drew of him and Bucky. Or worse, him and Tony.

“I even found this website: janefostersux.com. And that’s ‘sucks’ with an X because who cares about proper spelling when you’re an unemployed, basement dwelling edgelord. It’s okay, though. I told Tony about it and he broke through the firewalls and filled every webpage with pictures of omelettes. I’m not sure why omelettes. I guess he was just hungry, but it killed traffic to the site so I can’t complain.” She heaved a long sigh. “Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble.”

“No problem,” Steve said. They stopped in hotel lounge for a break, leaving their signs at their feet as they took the last empty spots on the last empty couch. “I think it’s great that you’re doing all this. Dr. Foster deserves to be respected.”

“Got that right.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a spiral notebook decorated with science stickers and a pen attached. “I’m collecting signatures from fans to give to Jane later. You in?”

“Of course,” Steve said. He wrote a quick note for Jane, who would probably be amused to learn how he finally met her legendary intern.

“Aw, you’re awesome,” Darcy said, with a smile that made Steve’s stomach flip. “And you’re the best Captain America cosplayer I’ve seen all day. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were the real thing.”

Steve coughed and rubbed the side of his neck. “Well, actually…”

#shieldshock #fuckyeahdarcylewis

[wincestisasincest]

A Study in Middle Earth --- Part 1 (A Hobbit Fan-fiction)

Hello! I know it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything, but I’m back, and I think you’re in for a treat. I plan for this to be much much longer than a two parter, 10 at the very least.

Summary: I fell into Middle Earth at the worst possible time in my life, though I was lucky enough to encounter a strand of something that I understood in this absolutely insane world. 

To the reader:

I was never that much into recording my life experiences. To me, it always seemed like too much work for a cause that your family might happen to read, and nothing else. Unless, of course, you had a super interesting life that your millions of adoring fans will pay to go further into their delusion that they actually know something about you. I know, I know. I promise that the pretentious attitude will stop soon, just let me have this one moment.

Anyway, I’ve never been into recording my life experiences, but I feel that it actually does seem necessary in this situation. Much like Bilbo did at the conclusion of his most prominent life experiences, I will now be recording down all that I’ve gone through for posterity, so that, perhaps, those in the future can understand the now, and everything that has caused it.

Of course, I don’t expect whoever is reading this to actually believe what I’m saying. You shouldn’t, and if you do, that may be the greater cause for concern. I understand that I could fake a much different reason for this that would probably result in better aftermath, but as a last hurrah to my adventure, I’m going to release myself from having to find a balance between what’s real and what isn’t.

Doubt all you please, I see no reason why I should care. But this is what I am right now, raw, unedited, and this is precisely what happened.

Spring break is either the greatest blessing or curse to ever be bestowed on high school students. On one hand, it’s a release from the grueling 8 to 3, and further, depending on your extracurriculars, the ridiculous social pressures that still somehow manage to reign supreme, and your typical, boring, town that you know like the back of your hand, but at least you can doodle on the back of your hand during class. For this particular year, spring break had been a long sought after week of independence from my family, a concept that had become almost alien to me at the time, as all of our vacations had been spent together. However, my dad had been sent on a business trip, and my mother, though she would never admit it, was desperately in need of a break from work and family, so I was permitted to travel with a friend. It didn’t hit me as to how knew this experience was until I was on the plane with my long time friend Fiona, her brother David, and her parents, staring faux wistfully out into the window, Paris pulling into view. It would be quite an adventure for my first vacation without my parents to a country with, let’s be nice and say lax, views on alcohol. Excellent planning as usual. The blur of not pronouncing hs, ridiculous border control, and waiting far too long to check into a hotel that was barely worth it passed by quickly enough with a conversation partner, and soon, I found myself on the balcony of a French apartment, a beer in hand, leaning against David, and peering out into a sea of like teenagers who called this evening a typical Tuesday. Losing my grip on reality, I too flowed with the waves of drunk teenagers that were now parading through the city, only to have them disperse into smaller groups. Noticing Fiona’s red hair branching off into the local park, I trailed after her, the way that a lost puppy does, only to find myself in the tempest of horny students against trees, with Fiona having ventured further into the forest. I plodded along, the alcohol pumping through my skull blocking out the rising din of groans that would be doing a detriment to my focus. If I had any, that is. I saw her perfectly straightened red hair disappear behind yet another tree, this time she had her lips already interlocked with a blond haired boy that was surely not in high school, but I’m very certain that her mind was on something entirely. I sighed. If I had perhaps bothered to mingle instead of allowing myself to be dragged along on someone else’s adventure, then maybe I wouldn’t find myself in the worst possible situation. There’s often a misconception that it sucks to be the only sober person in a room of drunk people. Well, that’s not necessarily true. It sucks more to be the only sober person in a French forest of people having sex. My fingers wiped away some of the dirt still sticking to a beer, still sweating, though not from the incredibly steamy surrounding environment. Even though I was surrounded by things so much more interesting than mine, I could at least find solace in knowing that alcohol would always be my friend. I downed yet another, my collected conscience dissipating for good, and I fully lived in the bliss knowing that I would forget all of this tomorrow.

I wake up. I look to the left, and then the right. Sunlight is flooding through the windows, speckling the rest of the furniture in the room, but everything is so blurred that it looks like a warmly colored Jackson Pollock painting. And now, there’s spots of red hiding within it. I sit up. I’m in a storage barn, lying among hay and smelling like shit and copper. There’s hay in my hair. I look down at my clothes, still being unable to decipher what was written on my graphic t-shirt last night, though I can see slivers of my pale skin peeking through parts of my jeans that I’m certain weren’t ripped before. I recall looking down at my hands last. They were covered with dry blood, the copper stench still permeating the atmosphere. I would’ve screamed, cried, or had some indication of horror, but nothing came out. Instead, my mind went to work analyzing all that was there, whilst past cases of drunk “accidents” flooded through my skull. I stood up. My green flight jacket was to my left, so I was still generally together when I came to, and possibly fled to, this barn. I examined the pockets, relieved when my fingers felt the smooth, cold, phone screen still there. I pulled it out, not exactly excited to look at the messages there, but still desperate as to discover exactly what had happened last night. I pressed the home button, feeling yet another wave of relief when a bright picture of my family at Disney World flashed onto the screen. It’s 11:45, and I still had battery, which also means the potential at looking at drunk pics. Oh, great. I heard a creak coming from the presumed direction of the door. I’ve always been a run first and ask questions never type of person, and, no matter how well I knew whoever it was that was approaching, I will always arrive at the conclusion that no one is pleased with finding a hungover person in their barn. I peered to my right, knowing that I would probably have left some damning piece of evidence there. My blue backpack was there. At least I hadn’t left it somewhere else. With unknown speed, most likely due to the adrenaline pumping through me at the speed of light, I slung it over my shoulder and instinctively grabbed what was underneath. I darted into the corner, and jumped over another bale of hay. The comfortable feeling of my sneakers pounding on the ground was welcome. I land into a wall of hay, not tumbling through it because my knuckle is pushing upward on yet another block. The shouts of whoever had entered reverberated through the labyrinth of hay. They were older, male, and had a British twinge to them that was not uncommon in Europe, but a tad odd in France. Whoever they were shouting for didn’t respond, and, if I was correct, whoever they were shouting for had taken the one chance that they had and made a mad dash for the door, run around to the back of the barn, and put her back up against the chipped red paint. My grip tightened on my backpack as I had surveyed the scene. The undulating emerald hills housed a small dirt road, that lead out into a distance hub of action, which appeared to be a somewhat traditional market, buzzing with life and people, though I couldn’t discern which. The only thing between me and that marketplace was an oddly ramshackle fence. Rural France would’ve been intimidating to anyone else, but as someone in French honors, I was certain that I could find a way to finesse myself out of my current predicament. I checked my phone again. No service. Fantastic. How I had arrived here was my smallest concern now, however. I could hear the person inside the barn giving up on searching the inside, and deciding that it was time to take a look outback. I swore to myself briefly, and simultaneously promised that I would present myself to this person and apologize when I found myself in a better state. I bolted away, not bothering to examine the rest of the barn, and found myself hastily scrambling over the fence and rolling down the hill. Princess Bride style. I landed at the bottom, noticing that I’ve attracted the attention of a couple of shoppers from the market, closer in view now. They were wearing some odd choices, but I had come to the conclusion that it made sense for rural France. One of the men came down the hill, approaching me. I backed up slightly, hoping that as soon as I had regained my composure he would recognize me as a drunken force not be meddled with. He continues approaching. I finally found the strength to push myself up, failing to reach the level of coordination that I had prior, despite the hangover. The man looked into my glazed eyes, and I finally had the chance to view him fully. He wore clothes that were oddly medieval in style, with a brown tunic, plain shirt, and black trousers covered so heavily in dirt that they were almost brown. The only thing that was somewhat familiar about him were the biological human traits, like his eyes and hair, which was incredibly curly, so it hid his ears. I noticed another man bounding down the hill, this time accompanied by what must have been a woman, wearing a very medieval dress. I turned to face the original one that had approached me, only to find myself looking down into his earnest eyes. I blinked. The couple coming down the hill joined him, their clothes fitting with the rest of the scene. I suddenly took notice as to how alien I felt at the moment. The smaller man looked up to the others, similarly only reaching the shoulder height of the woman. He was the first to speak. “Are you alright, miss?” I found myself examining him completely. His feet were uncovered, and fit disproportionately to the rest of him, as well as having an unnaturally hairy outer layer. My thoughts were interrupted further. “My god- is that a Dwarven dagger?” I drew back slightly, putting the supposedly Dwarven dagger behind me, feeling as though I might need it in the future, as the company I found myself in appeared to be at least a tad bit off their medication. I looked at the woman, examining how work worn her face was, expecting her to say something that made sense, though my prayers weren’t answered. “Uh-“ I stuttered, quite out of character for me, my usual confidence fading. “Well,” the taller man said, “answer the Halfling’s question.” “Umm…” “Oh can’t you see she’s clearly distressed. Come, dear, what’s-“ “Um, no!” “Hm?” “No, it’s not a Dwarven dagger. It’s my dad’s. I’m bringing it to him.” “I’m sorry, what?” The “Halfing” was unconvinced. “Yes, he left it in this barn, and I was taking a shorter route.” It was at this moment that some sense came to me, and I realized that they weren’t speaking French, and there was not a trace of a French accent in their perfectly dictated English speech. I would’ve been more conscious of my Brooklyn accent, but one quickly becomes numb to that in Europe. “He lives here, does he?” The hobbit raised an eyebrow. “You are from around here, then?” The taller man had joined him. “Um, no! He lives… back there!” I pointed to the distance, only now bothering to realize that the gloomy forest that happened to be there looked rather unwelcoming. “Past the woods, then?” “Yes, out there, and I’m really late, so I have to go. Bye!” I waved and used every bit of athletic prowess that I had accumulated over the years to dash straight into the forest, and not look back, for I’m certain that I would’ve met with some confused countenances, though they matched my own as soon as I ran deep enough into the woods, approached a tree, and banged my head into it repeatedly, hating myself for everything that was last night and trying to recall some sort of explanation. I opened my phone again, desperately flipping through all of my pictures, faces of my mom and my dad and my family flashing by, but absolutely nothing from last night. I felt tears tempted at the edge of my eyes, but I refused to let them flow. I wouldn’t cry. There was no reason. I was just confused, but I would escape this. I would get out of this. Little did I know that that would become my future mantra. My crusty blood hand still grasped the dagger, some of it smearing with the metal. My eyes scanned it carefully, or, as carefully as I could, with a hell of a headache deciding to enter the conversation, as a reminder of just how much I had drank last night. There was something of a beautiful drawing carved into it, though I couldn’t really interpret what it was. It appeared to be too patterned and structured. I squinted and looked at is closer. There was some sort of recognition in the back of my mind, but I just couldn’t reach it. I threw my head back against the tree, sighing deeply, faux sanity once again reigning supreme. Khuzdul. That’s what it was. Khuzdul. Where the hell was going on?

Battery: 34%

Time: 11:45 AM

Date: Wednesday, April 4

Service: Nada, not even the weird foreign French kind

Background: Family at Disney World

Inventory: Backpack, 60 euros, flashlight, headphones, charger, hoodie, Princess Bride, The Maltese Falcon, The Killing Joke, sewing kit, hair ties, brush, two granola bars, knife with Khuzdul writing

Mood: Hungover, shitty, confused, determined

#the hobbit #thorin x reader #thorin oakenshield #company x reader #thorin imagine #thorin x oc #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit imagine #the company x reader #the company imagine #the hobbit fanfcition #kili x reader #fili x reader

[heathershomilies]

Well, it’s been a while, and this still isn’t a Proper Post. However, you deserve for me to make an effort. There have been multiple prompts in social media today (even more than usual) relating to cats and dogs, so, Cats vs Dogs it is. I’m hoping to get a decent post out shortly. There is stuff I’m working on, but I’m struggling at the moment.

There are several reasons it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, but the main one is lack of motivation. The advice to (real) writers who hit patches like this is always to just keep writing anyway. I have done a little of that, but you don’t deserve to have those efforts inflicted upon you! I will keep trying.

As time goes on, I feel more and more guilty about not writing. I feel I have a responsibility to those who make the effort to subscribe and read my posts. It’s pretty rude to stick myself out there, ask for donations to help me keep going, and then just not write for a couple of weeks.

Of course, the more guilty I feel, the harder it becomes to think about anything else, and the harder it gets to write. I promise I am doing my best.

Ann German sent me this tweet today, which became one of the prompts for today’s post. As it says, make sure you watch right to the end.

worth watching for the end pic.twitter.com/15yc2QBpHL

— hiba (@iatemuggles) May 25, 2018

  Ann also sent this wonderful one:

In case you never heard a lynx meowing pic.twitter.com/UMbWh443jr

— Nature is Amazing 🌴 (@AMAZlNGNATURE) May 25, 2018

  And I found these ones:

📹: momoscatgram pic.twitter.com/A14vpaH0X7

— Emergency Kittens (@EmrgencyKittens) May 28, 2018

  (No, not a cat, but it’s so cute I couldn’t resist!)

Baby donkeys can be so fluffy.. pic.twitter.com/uCQTjLiguL

— Land of cuteness (@landpsychology) May 28, 2018

  Simon’s Cat: ‘Crow’

On top of that, there’s a new short film from Simon’s Cat out today. Enjoy!

    ‘Dogs vs Cats – Which One Is The Superior Species?’

And, Infographics put out a new video today: ‘Dogs vs Cats – Which One Is The Superior Species?’. They answer the question, and even get the correct answer!

    Cats versus Dogs

When it comes to getting a pet though, it’s not really about which is the superior species. Most people are either Cat People or Dog People. That doesn’t have to mean you don’t like the other species.

I’m a cat person, but like dogs too. I adored the Golden Labrador (Hiram) we had when I was a teenager. We always had at least one cat too, from before I can remember. Some of my favourite memories involve our cat having four kittens, which was pretty cool as I had three siblings. Thus we got a kitten each to name and look after.

Anyway, even when I was still a Christian, I had an extremely strong streak of independence which my father told me from an early age was quite unattractive in a woman. So perhaps that’s why I’ve always been a cat person.

Cats are the Pets of Atheists

Cats are known as the pet of atheists, though I know several atheists with dogs, including readers of this site. (One in particular has a lovely Labrador who makes many appearances on Facebook!) You can’t herd cats and, as Richard Dawkins pointed out in The God Delusion, you can’t herd atheists either. Maybe that’s why we like cats – their independence reminds us of ourselves.

Unlike us, animals don’t feel guilt, though we’re pretty good at anthropomorphizing their emotions. Dogs in particular know when we’re upset with them though, and sure as hell look guilty at appropriate moments. Cats handle such situations quite differently.

There are quite a few pics on the internet memorializing the differences between cats and dogs, as you would expect. One I found purports to describe the differences between people who like cats and those who like dogs. I don’t know where they got their data, but it’s fairly accurate when it comes to me anyway:

(If you can’t read the image, right-click on it and click “Open image in new tab”. That will display the original size, which is much bigger.)

    Here’s a slideshow of some of the other graphics I found relating to the Cats vs Dogs question:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I hope you enjoyed that!

Tweets

I know some of you, like me, are political animals, so here are some of the tweets I’ve posted in the last few days to show you what’s been on my mind the most. Before we get started though, here’s my new Pinned Tweet (I change it periodically):

pic.twitter.com/SwesqUQRxk

— Heather’s Homilies (@HeatherHastie) May 23, 2018

And I can’t let this one from Ann German pass without mention:

‘Vagina Envy’ poster from SisterSerpents, US feminist art collective (1989-1998) #womensart pic.twitter.com/q8QK3CqNSM

— #WOMENSART (@womensart1) May 27, 2018

  Political Tweets

(Via Ann German.)

PBS has confirmed that some of these children have been released to HUMAN TRAFFICKERS by the US government.https://t.co/muz4lCQXcD

— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) May 25, 2018

  #RepublicanValues … #Hypocrites pic.twitter.com/td38DY8odh

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  A sinkhole has appeared in the White House grounds (really!) … pic.twitter.com/8xli7V4pgc

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  #Trump on #FreedomOfThePress … pic.twitter.com/fUn5AfEAKY

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  Didn’t #Trump pledge to uphold the constitution?#FreedomOfSpeech #NineteenEightyFour pic.twitter.com/JGFoPgDYc9

— Heather’s Homilies (@HeatherHastie) May 26, 2018

  #Trump puts #TradeWar with #China “on hold” pic.twitter.com/pMWH5zqfh5

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  There are multiple reasons #KimJongUn might call off the meeting with #Trump in this cartoon. Can you find them all? pic.twitter.com/GRIaD5ESKJ

— Heather’s Homilies (@HeatherHastie) May 24, 2018

  Mueller-Time Tweets

I love this one because it shows #Trump‘s narcissistic personality so well …#MuellerIsComing pic.twitter.com/hMtT6ImyMZ

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  It’s not a #WitchHunt when there’s something to find … #MuellerIsComing for #Trump pic.twitter.com/oTl5eZMe5a

— Heather’s Homilies (@HeatherHastie) May 24, 2018

  Gun Safety Tweets

Because the “adults” cannot agree on sensible #GunControl laws, this is the future for US kids … pic.twitter.com/LA7Kty1xSw

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  What it’s like for kids at school in the US these days:#GunContolNow pic.twitter.com/1E94qoDZ4q

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  The US keeps doing the same thing and expecting things will change. And just so you know, more guns is NOT the answer. Better regulation is. #GunControlNow pic.twitter.com/9MNiKiLTUi

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  Another view of the #GunControl debate from outside the US (this time the Netherlands). None of us understand how children can get murdered and no one does anything. pic.twitter.com/Bqw1WMF2RJ

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  Buying a gun in the US …#GunControlNow pic.twitter.com/xyQNPxmBED

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  The process following a mass shooting in the US. Nothing ever changes because of #NRABloodMoney pic.twitter.com/e7fF5Y7Kfo

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  The #NRA and the #GOP – colluding to kill. pic.twitter.com/PCxKcJHLWA

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  Everything the #NRA‘s #OliverNorth mentions is in every other country too. What other countries don’t have is availability of guns. And why didn’t he mention his money-making involvement with #TourOfDuty? #Hypocrite pic.twitter.com/DgIVe1XvzR

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 24, 2018

  Racism Tweets

A short history of #RacismInAmerica #NFL #TakingAKnee pic.twitter.com/eOP2eFnrFY

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  The #NFL owners are on both knees to #Trump#TakeAKnee pic.twitter.com/Bzvjb3rUZ0

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  The #NFL shield redesigned to reflect reality … pic.twitter.com/KUds4407Wi

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  #ColinKaepernick #NFL #FreedomOfSpeech #TakeAKnee pic.twitter.com/zNJnrzzGPx

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  #NFL #TakeAKnee pic.twitter.com/rJkwvWym4Q

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 26, 2018

  Religion Tweets

The arrogance of atheists? pic.twitter.com/rDm1DsAvkK

— Heather’s Homilies (@Heather Hastie) May 28, 2018

    If you enjoyed reading this, please consider donating a dollar or two to help keep the site going. Thank you.

    Cats versus Dogs (plus Tweets) Well, it's been a while, and this still isn't a Proper Post. However, you deserve for me to make an effort.

#Cat Tweets #Cats #Dogs #Gun Safety Tweets #Mueller Time Tweets #Other Animals Tweets #Political Tweets #Racism Tweets #Religion Tweets #Simon&039;s Cat