#everyone else: did u take ur meds

[conanssummerchild]

okay so id initially put this in the tags of your ask but i thought id put it in your askbox so you don't feel obligated to answer it or you wanna answer privately instead cause it's very rambly and kinda personal

#also im curious. what do you do after you get an autism dx?#because like back when my psychiatrist evaluated me for a bunch of things. i was curious if i was somewhere on the autism spectrum too#cause i did check a lot of boxes#and she essentially told me i have a lot of the overlapping stuff because of other conditions and i could do the autism evaluation#but it would be a waste of time for me because it wasnt my main dx and doesn't make my life unbearable#because im already taking meds and shit for other stuff but you dont take meds or really do anything about having autism#so she basically told me you might be on the spectrum but there's no point in getting a dx cause it doesnt change anything#but also cuz for me it's probably mild and doesnt affect my every day life that much#so yeah i guess i was curious. im so sorry if this comes off as rude btw#because i know getting dxed changed my life and its so much better now. and im so proud of you for that finally happening#and my situation is very different from yours like even if i am on the spectrum it probably doesn't affect me to an extent where it fucks#with my every day life to an unbearable degree yk#but im definitely curious about how you go forward once you get an autism diagnosis when it does significantly affect your life. like do you do anything about it?#i do know it's validating as hell and your parents will finally take you seriously. cause you've obviously known for a while#and again i know its gonna get so much better hereon. getting dxed literally changes your life and im so so happy for you#how did your family and everyone take it?#like i had the worst relationship with my parents i was gonna cut them off after school but it got so much better after my dx#like they became so much more understanding and like put in the effort to change and be better and its still a long road but yeah#it's kind of fucking awesome and life changing and i really hope it is for you too#im so so so happy for you

well i guess i dont really know yet, i had an appointment yesterday at school hours and i went alone and then i went straight back to school and now im at my friends house so i havent seen my parents yet. i have my last appointment with my psycologist in 2 weeks and that one is with my parents so its basically when shes going to tell them, i dont plan on telling my dad about it before then bcs he can go fuck himself but i am going to tell my mum as soon as she gets home from barcelona. so i cant really say anything parents-wise yet. as for like outside that at the moment theres really nothing at all i can do until my parents are in on it, since im a minor my parents are the ones who choose if the school knows and i can get accomodations but if they choose not to tell them theres really not much i can do, so for me a diagnosis doesnt change much (apart from FINALLY after more than EIGHT years knowing whats different abt me) unless my parents let it change stuff, and at the moment i font know if they will :/, so to answer "what do you do after a diagnosis?" i really dont know. if u want to get diagnosed though and u think you could i would probably go for it, you can keep it to urself since ur over 18 so u dont have to tell anyone else if u dont want to and idk it might come in handy even if it doesnt it is nice to feel validated but anyway its up to you <3

ps: you can literally ask me anything u want to know i dont mind and dont worry abt coming off as rude i dont think u r <33 love u

#idk if i really answered ur question sorry 😭 #u can follow up if i didnt #sorryyyy #moots <33 #kavya <3

[bonesandthebees]

Ider if i told u but i got my wisdom teeth removed today and that shit was the worst experience of my life ohmygod

The actual procedure went okay, though like i took an anti anxiety med that was supposed to knock me out but i was Fully Conscious LMFAO AND SO I ASKED THEM TO GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY WERE LIKE "naur bro ur fine" BC I WSNT FREAKING OUT A TON DJFKGKF WHICH I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR (tho it turned out to be a good thing bc those meds ended up making me . Hashtag emetophobia tw ifykwim)

BUT YEAH THE RECOVERY PROCESS WAS SHITTTT THEY TOLD ME I COULD TAKE OUT THE GAUZE IN 2 HRS AND SLEEP BC I WAS VERY TIRED BUT NOOOO IT WOUKDNT HEALLL FOR A WHOLE SIX ASS HOURS

Ahem sorry for yelling i was just very . Upset bc i wanted to sleep or even just drink fucking water man

BUT I DIDDD EVENTUALLY I DIDD WE REJOICEEE i think there was still a little bit of blood but i couldnt taste it anymore and i was really thirsty so shfkfkf and food (literally just broth lmao) made me feel a lot better so that's good

But yeah . -1100000 experience i would literally never recommend it (unless u have to, also from who I've talked to almost everyone else has had a better experience than me so if u are scared, do not worry king it won't be that bad. And even if it is like me, im here!! And alive!! And the nausea wasnt that bad, it kinda just came and went. Much better than migraines bro fr, migraines suck BALLS)

Like everyone kept telling me to watch a movie but that was stressing me out so what i ended up doing wss putting on a podfic (passerine podcast on yt woot woot, i listened to change fate by sircantus) and man it's actually wild how much it helped me. It helped calm my anxiety AND distract me from the pain. Once i did that existing felt less like suffering and more like an annoyance ahahah

OUGH I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY SILLY GOOFY MOMENTS EITHER BC I WASNT LOOPY AT ALL JUST TIRED DHFJFK

Anyways ty for letting me get that out of my system LMAOO

oh man this sounds literally horrible I'm so sorry icy 😭 that sucks that you weren't able to knock out even a little bit but at least the procedure itself wasn't horrible

god that sounds terrible though just sitting there for 6 hours waiting to be able to take the gauze out. that's so strange that it took so long. but at least you were able to listen to passerine podcast that's nice!!

everyone I know whose gotten their wisdom teeth removed had a better experience than this I am so sorry you got so unlucky.

I'm very grateful that I'm never gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had soooo much horribly painful dental work done to my mouth throughout my entire teen years that I now genuinely get bad anxiety anytime I'm in a dentist office even if I'm not there for myself, I straight up was getting anxious when I took my grandma there for a cleaning the other day 😭 and I keep putting off a recommended (minor) procedure bc of this anxiety it's badddd

I hope you're feeling better now though!!

#ask #icyfox17 #tw: dentist

[labratgirlz]

hi girl*ypop. hes my full will wood review again for the bit have fun.

okay so The Plan Is:

listen to each song you recommended, then listen to the albums you recommended + live shows, then listen to the full discography. im starting this at 10pm writing in my notes app. you made this happen to yourself. get ready for a whirlwind

ok so starting with red moon: genuinely epic vibes. love this one actually added to my liked playlist 💪

thermodynamic lawyer: this sounds so fucking familiar but i cant figure out where. also added to my liked playlist loved it. love me some catharsis screaming tbh

l

aplaces angel: like everyone else i was obsessed w the normal album over covid so. i did already know this one but i have not heard it in a Long time. epic and awesome as epic

oh love 6up 5oh. not my normal taste rhats for sure but its a lot of fun. if i ever make a playlist for when im walking home it will be on it. OH WAIT YEAH I LIKE THIS theres too muchwill wood on my liked playlist ufkc u

aikido took me like ten minutes to type in help. sleep meds are kicking in. its ok! not my regular vibe and i Cant stand clapping but it slaps.

front street scratches an itch in my brain that i Did Not know was there. cant tell if the weird knocking noises were part of it or my hallucinations but it 100% added to the experience. i liked the first half betterthough

a little bit mine: is cool.i like the drums. it has a good rylhytme also sorry ill get less and less coherent as it goes on also the piano is very fun. big fan

and if i did you deserved it: ok tbh just string instrumwnt is Not my favourite however his voice... eyes. Whatever maube there's a reason ur gay for this guy. nice voice or whatever. stfu also i loved it. btw. or whatever. i listened go the live vers and i love it wish more live versions were on spotogy.

euthanasia (live): fucks so far. as mentioned i dont love solely stringed stuff but i like it. once again... the live versions really bring out his voice in the softer songs.

becoming the lastnames: does it could if your parents REALLY should be divorced? /silly ummm. also i kinda dissociated during this one. but it was cool!! i liked it. makes nice sounds SORRY MY SLEEP MEDS ARE KICKING IN EVEN MORE.

falling up: like the beat its quickwr. and the sounds are nice. i like them ill save it to my grounding playlist tbh

thats enough lets get you home: oh this was fun. also grounding playlist tbh. i wanna learn this one if o ever teach myself guitar

blackboxwarrior: heard it before! dont love it in all honesty... its good! just not my thing soryyyy

marsha thankk you: REARRANGED MY MOLECULES!!!! I LOVED THIS SONG FOR SO LONG I LOVE ITNFORCWR

ok now im doing live vers of songs. starting with uhh whicgeever one u put first lmao ok so 6uh 5oh waz fun. i like it a lot its fun as a non studio i think they both have their good parts

love me normally- why is his shirt off. why dod someone tell him to take off his skin i mean j would do that but also why is his shirtboff in the first place. what

really no opinion on the third one. nothing bad irs just Not my thing lmao

i already liked suburbia but i think i like this live one better

hes funny actually. hes really good about the performer/audience divide which is epic. cj the x taught me about that. epic thermodynamic lawyer tbh i prefer studio vers but the live was also fun. ok whats next ummm

ok live shows ill get to tomorrow. which means i have ro listen to everything is a lot then the normal album. on it boss.

the 6up 5oh bit where like theres rhe chorus of other voices is so epic. i love when thats used

i like jimmy mushroom

lysergide daydream would also go on a walking playlist oh i know what playlist it fits on. banger tbh

everything is a lot is fun i like it also added to grounding playlist. omg my cats just came in

red moon again everyone scream and cheer

big fan of chemical reaction already

skeleton appreciation day wa sfun i liked it

oh oh oh i really likethe first step. liked playlost it goes. epic and awesome

ok ill send this now while i listen to normal album + after that ill go full discography and if anythign sticks out ill just send more asks. i hope u regret ever trying to get me into any media ever <3

YAYY glad you liked it overall ❤️ i would write a response to eveythig you said but that would get very long and i am absolutely sure nobody would read it

[itlivesproject]

Daily Anon Chronicles chapter five

On edge on edge on edge😖

AYO SHE CLAWED US WTF LADY CALM DOWN

Jocelyn being calm and collected after hitting a woman with a boulder. I need that kinda calm in me.

NO LET NOAH GO

THAT'S RIGHT TALIA NOONE TOUCHES NOAH

Ngl but not taking Talia was a pretty stupid idea. Just saying

Ayo we're losing control (hm is that a song or smn)

F

Abel is rattled, mc is on edge WHAT IS GOING ON I'M TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE WAAAAAAAAAAA

Not me remembering the tune as it is and my mind playing it

I would've stayed silent if that kinda thing happened to me ngl i would be SO EMBARRASSED

Lia, please darlin it's hard enough to find someone like you let alone let you die

Ok so, i think the jealous brother did somethings there which made that place like that. 😲😲😲😲😲😲 OMG WHAT IF JEALOUS BROTHER IS REDFIELD😲😲😲😲😲

What Joss is saying is true even tho it stings a bit

THIS CONVO AFTER JOSS LEAVES IS SO FUNNYYY AHAHAHAHAHHA

I hope that if I'm sick and get out of bed(i guarantee you i will just say I'm fine coz first I'm scared of meds and second i don't like staying in bed it makes me restless) that my friend tells me to get my ass back in bed

ABEL LOOKS SO SAD OMG I WANNA STAY LOYAL TO LINKY BUT I'M BECOMING AN ABEL SIMP TOO IMMA FLIRT WITH HIM IN THE NEXT ROUTE I PLAY

idk why i always imagine an angry panda when i hear the word stomp xaxaxaxa

Um I'm in a car Joss so I'm here to give u a lift

Typing after nails are cut is so hard

Oh come on Joss sarcasm is 🤌

Erm hunger is a human thing Joss why u embarrassed. I feel like Allison and Diego with Joss. With Joss being Diego. Y'all remember that scene where Allison's like what was that and diego says hi allison loudly and she's like ya that's better

Pahhhhhhhhh, i don't stay in bed i just work through the sickness or whatever. Unless it's rly srs so

I will change the subject, Wu. I rly wanna do the casual hookup route but then Linky. WAIT FOR ME JOCELYN

Joss i can literally read faces and say if someone is bad ot not stfu. LMAO WE'RE DANCING ON THE TABLE I FEEL THE DEPTHS OF EMBARRASSMENT. Oh thank goodness we're coping but everyone else is prolly on edge.

AY UR THE MORON BITCH WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING

Let's hope it'll be fine.

Shirtless Linky hmmmm what I'd do to lick those shoulders. HE HAS CHEST HAIR. CHEST HAIR ALERT🚨🚨 well thanks Luis, for spilling wine on his shirt. It's alright, Lia he's just teasing.

OH NO OH NO PLEASE NO LINKY I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU I WAS JUST HAVING SOME FUN

Sorry Linky we're all horny here and we'll use any excuse to see a shirtless guy/girl. I kinda feel bad for Noah rn. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY *singsongy* LINKY'S GONNA HELP US with the power thing and some other things if u get what i mean

WOOOOO LESGOOOOOO. F. IF THIS IS U ANNIE ISTG I WILL CASTRATE U.

also can I just say that I love how everyone calls lincoln linky now. it's so great

#ask #anon #mod win #daily anon #we look forward to ch 6!!!

[narconfessions]

See I don’t get that. Why is the default kindness? Not everyone deserves ur kindness bc they exist in ur presence. Actually being rude takes effort, being nice also takes effort. Treating people neutrally doesn’t take effort. I’m not expending the energy to b nice to someone I don’t give a shit about. People r only rlly nice to other people bc it makes them feel like a good person anyway. The whole concept of good and bad people is fucked to begin with it’s a subjective metric we use to judge everyone else and doesn’t mean shit. To some people shoplifting would make me a bad person even if I’m only doing it because I can’t afford it. God fuckin forbid I just don’t wanna pay and it’s fun. Horrible person. Going to hell shame on me. It’s fucking ridiculous. Or being gay, or addicted to drugs, or believing in a different god, not believing in god, whatever it is someone’s gonna think ur a bad person but someone else doesn’t. So if I don’t smile and say please and thank u and bend over fuckin backwards for someone I don’t care about who’s already judged me based on a system that doesn’t make sense that’s my choice. Not meaning to sound like a dick tbh I do just talk like this and I’ve been told it’s harsh or whatever so I guess that’s the “being rude” thing when I’m literally just talking but I don’t give enough of a shit to change how I express myself to make other people feel comfortable. And the rant was not planned when I started replying to u I did run out of meds today my psychiatrist is incompetent and didn’t refill my scrip properly so I’m existing au natural for the next few weeks and it sucks fucking ass. Everything is pissing me off I can’t think straight and I can’t do shit about it which is the worst part.

oh yeah that i get. i think treating people neutrally is perfectly fine, my autistic ass just interpreted "not being kind" as "being mean" and thought you were saying it's okay to be explicitly rude to people who hadn't done anything wrong to you, i agree that morality is subjective in many areas, though to me there are some aspects of morality that aren't up for debate, like bigotry, i just think you shouldn't go out of your way to bring negativity into the lives of strangers, just because you don't know them doesn't mean they're not people, that they don't deserve to be treated with respect- but to me, there's a difference between respect and kindness, treating someone neutrally is perfectly fine to me, i'm just against being explicitly rude/belittling to people who haven't hurt me or someone else is all. idk, i think it has to do with my rsd, because when people aren't overly nice to me i interpret that as them hating me so i get paranoid that if i'm not overly nice to everyone then they'll feel sad or like i hate them and i don't want to make others feel like that, but that's just me and i know that's not everyone so

#npd #npd safe #actually npd #actuallynpd #aspd #aspd safe #actually aspd #actuallyaspd

[surveysonfleek]

1630.

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? warmth, loyalty, kindness

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? im in between, i wont lie. depends on the day haha

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? definitely my parents

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? i take meds 5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? of course!

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? i tend to treat them the way they treat me. i always treat my family and friends incredibly well. im only ever rude to people who are rude to me

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? my laptops stupid fan. i have no idea why it keeps running, ive done all the troubleshooting tips to stop it

8~ Where was your last vacation to? the philippines in 2019

9~ Where was your last car ride to? from work to home

10~ Where did you last walk to? my car lol

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? trying to sleep and u can hear the waves outside. id obviously be on vacation by the beach haha

12~ Are you a light sleeper? not really. only when its time for me to wake up

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? it used to be my fiance, but lately its been me

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? one!

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? i literally keep them in the same bottle they came in haha. boring, i know

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? its been a few months

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? the suburbs

18~ Have you ever built something? yes, ive built plenty of ikea furniture!

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? ummm. maker and giver

20~ Do you take naps? hardly! ive tried on weekends and my body just wont let me anymore

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? i like doing it early

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? no lol

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? shes so funny bahaha

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? biting nails

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? yep

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? its def harder for a parent to outlive their child

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? i bought brand new boardgames at a thrift store recently for $3 each!

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? leave people on read/seen

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? people of authority (more so in the workplace)

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? some of my coworkers haha.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? just before i go to sleep

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? meh idk!

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? no

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? its a plain one that says game of thrones

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? 20s, when ur still figuring everything out

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? no lol

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? my fiance lmao

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? the toilet light. it makes the toilet bowl glow at night when it senses movement

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? i love wrapping them!

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

[rennyji]

wants-needs-toGetStarted

My brain seems dull, my vision seems dull, & I’m hearing something about brain waves. 4 whatever reason, somethings dulling my brain & waves. It’s making me feel tired along w/meds. There’s also not letting me say a prayer 4 self,&that too in privacy, w/making me trip on words.

- I have zero incentive 2say anything about “this.” Every point I wanted 2make, every nice ending I wanted2give, has been given. I need money & making it would be better use of my time. I wrote yesterday and the orchestrators worsened my situation.-

- if it was about mind reading/mind control/brain wave spreading w/o being invasive, then this was failure. Had I never broken 4th wall like this, while talking 2family/doctors, this would not evolve in any way. & orchestrators R of mentality 2instill problems 2force me 2speak.-

- I can’t type because fingers feel like wobbly hot dogs that aren’t in full control. I feel flat, dull in mind/vision, and after speaking on alpha/beta waves, I feel like sludge weighing/pressing in my Brain. Like something decided to try harder in a different direction.-

- while everyone else is experiencing an augment in various shapes or forms or being able to multitask, I’m left worse than when all this started. And I was pretty well off in mind/body before this happened.-

-In orchestrators ampingUpTheirBeta waves/frontal cortexes, urNotJust increasing urFocus/willPower 2meet a deadline. Im feeling like sociopaths R in myHead. Its probably b/c, rather than individuallyIncreasing attributes, ur amplifying whole frontalRegion, like a cocaine addict.-

- guy U placed in my head, apparently whatever brain mapped 2 me, means, shows enjoyment in my plight. These R uncomfortable situations w/a lot of fear factors.-

-4majorityOfTime,brainFeelsLike vegetableInEverySense.WeighsLight likeCarrot. Dull/dead likeCarrot.Need circulation/Need waves,I think? Random arguments onInterferencesHeard,butIf lotsOfPeopleDrainingHead,need supplement-al waves 2supportAllPeople. OnNormalDay,mayNotNeedAsMuch.-

- 2 big gripes. When off meds, can function with 5 hrs sleep or even get by with less (can push thru). But meds place limits on health. Need more sleep for some magical reason and face ravenous hungers.Hard 2 push thru. Need some workaround 4 that if ur not going2let me sleepIn.-

- next Big gripe. All I can really do is watch tv. The dark vision, is a constant reminder and annoyance in situation. Color seems prominent, but it’s like looking thru tinted or black sunglasses.-

- On a normal day, I think, 4-5 white lights in room would be very bright. Not experiencing its brightness. Now it’s like when eye doctor puts lens in eye and asks better here or better there. Need a better lens.-

- I’m pretty indecisive w/these things, but a complaint that comes to mind is fog, like eye foggers composing an entire lens of their own. Now I’m getting a taste of the brightness of my lights.-

- In saying more, ur personalities & interests aside, b/c im indecisive, I’d screw thisUp w/more input. Whatever wouldB natural, post-LASIK with hydrated eyes, would be best.I have 20/22 vision. So if I need “supplements” of sorts w/waves & due2increased load2MyHead,appreciated.-

- @ some point in this, Ive been told I’m going 2B harvested 4myLifeForce 2strengthen American military&political leaders.I’ve also been told I’m going to lose consciousness&haveAnother person running w/my body. Uncomfortable/plausible ideas & reasons4me 2 take meds/stay Silent.-

- if I could say 1 more gripe that reminds me this is happening: when I took Vyvanse/ Lexapro & did yoga, breathing/circulation/& control of hands/feet/torso=strong. I had good grip of hands/feet, could plant them firmly.-

- W/o drugs= clumsy, &w/ mind control, horrified Ive no control typing on phone & thought blocked & confused w/ which keyboard to switch b/w number/letter/punctuation keyboards.-

- I want better motor control, thick veins like my dad and brother, strong circulation, East Asian but thick straight hair like the Malu/Parsi actor in head to replace my Indian wavy hair, I want hair period, I want to not have to use eye drops after LASIK,-

- & as a sign of good faith, I want red lines in my eyes 2 go away/the blemishes randomly caused, 2 disappear(my wounds/blemishes Rnot healing 4someReason),-

-I’d like a body that never retains fat (a genetic predisposition4 that), whatever causes lack of firmness in my lips 2stop happening, seasonal allergies gone like runny congested crusted nose & throat clearing sputum gone, perfect lungs and breathing capacity,-

- I want the drive to do things, motivation/interest for what I set my focus on, focus, will power, and a healthy amount of calm. All subtle things that shouldn’t be hard.-

- I need a job for money, to keep me busy, or I need some source of income for gettting out of house to eat at least or maybe watch a movie, or for snacks while I watch streaming apps.-

- I need money to repay my loan, and if I could ask for what’s not a need, I want a pair of Apple visions and a new desk and bed furniture, so I have walking space in my room and for an LA Fitness and Peloton membership.-

- If I can’t get a job, despite 2 degrees, or a masters degree, I need mindset 2 watch reruns in quiet, W/o this guy talking 2 me. -

- I’d like to be able to use the bathroom in the morning and I’d like to be able to cozy to sleep at night, in the way I nod off to sleep during the day, where I have, comfortably. Every Night, in contrast, I’m in mental pain after meds, in moments b4 falling asleep.-

- These things would make what remains of the phenomena bearable.

-&that day: my moms bday, where she’s narrating everything she’s doing, or bum @ clinic who eats obnoxiously, Regarding both situations, if U could remove remote viewer using my voice of reason,incrediblyHelpful. Otherwise,remindMe inSuchSituations, 2ignore&stay quiet or 2move.

Eyes/vision needs a “lens up” like when eye doctor asks better here or better there. -

- 1 more request on eyes:Undo LASIK, or negatives of LASIK like lack of corneal thickness, lack of sun protection, or dry eyes, or halos/starbursts. @ least “this much” w/ eyes as I remember it in last 10 min, when some1 decided 2screw w/eyes again, & madeItBetter4BriefInstant.

- when I was on Lexapro & Vyvanse, when I look at a piece of paper or try 2 read a text book, my eyes read in manner of processing/digesting each individual word on the paper, one word at a time, one line- left to right- at a time. I want that, as I’m struggling w/it right now.-

- I would explore the whole gamut of ADD symptoms. An EX. of ADD symptom: When I don’t want to do something, be it submitting/scanning a form or getting out of bed in the morning, I’d visualize it or think about it to get ignition going & engine going “to carry out the action.”

- there’s also a sensation of sedation being slapped onto or into the crown of my head and into my brain. It periodically creeps up during meds and mostly when I’m trying to sleep at night. If that pain could be removed, appreciated…

-next thing: little nuances take away from my focus. Part of reason I want new bedroom furniture is b/c I want space, while some retard might’ve said something about claustrophobia. open space of kitchen eating area make annoying phone calls easy.Another ADD personality symptom.-

- I want 2B able plan something @ will/do things at will, whether it be going to bed, going 2bathroom, starting a project, workingOut, or just working. when I set my mind to something, it should be done. I shouldB able 2functionInAnyEnvironment, however hot/cold/spacious/cramped.

- next thing I notice or am reminded of, the octave of my voice keeps changing. It’s like the firmness to my lip. There is an inconsistency. My voice as I remember it before meds and mind reading was deeper. I feel I’m made to sound passive, with excessive pleases and thank u’s.

- when I walk, I want each movement to count, now it seems like I’m flailing in the wind, or I’m stomping like an angry kid. At this point, something is just f*ing with me, as ur warping natural things…but, as guidance, explore gamut of ADD personalities and flaws…

- voice needs 2B deeper, like when I used 2 do Church readings, moves from walking 2 button pushes shouldB w/ confidence/precision, posture shouldB back straight/chest up/no swagger,-

- this turning off of signal to face and brain to make me immobile unthinking vegetable has to stop. I clearly need my brain waves.

- in school, my classmates would play games on their laptops while the teachers taught classes. While my classmates went about their business, “just by being in the room,” they were able to digest what they teacher said though they were playing games. I want that.-

- I want eidetic memory/photographic memory, but for immediate purposes, I want strong “working memory.” I’m hearing, for the most part, what’s on the news. But I cannot think back to two sentences prior of what I heard.-

- I may get a gist of what’s said on the news, but as child, before mind reading/mind control, I could recite back a book I read with excruciating detail. When I’d read, I’d see a movie in my head.-

- When I studied in high school, I used rote learning, and at years end, I could recite my whole notebook back. On Vyvanse, I could visualize and multiply three digit numbers by three digit numbers. I want that back and enhanced.

- & an observation worth noting, when I drink coffee, nothing happens. Ive heard of people pulling a night shift after 1 good cup of coffee. Now something worse happens,I feel sleepy after a cup of coffee. I thought mayB my adrenals/ glands R drained-But,probably situation/life.-

-On meds, any form of stimulation, any “tentacle reaching” of the “beta-wave induced-projected-frontal-cortex” of the remote viewer, makes me feel sleepy. Then combine it with lack of sleep and meds, more unpleasantness.

- fly away eyes/fly away words or reading; not sure what the term is. But when I try to skim a piece of text on paper, my eyes aren’t scanning 1 word at a time & 1 line at a time. If it were the latter, & it should be, everything should digest 1 word at a time, 1 line at a time.-

- and when whatever decides to speak, it’d be nice if it was enlightening material like what exactly are, eye foggers/foggy things, that some people see?! What’s their purpose? Is it an ailment?

All race/ethnicity hasAdvantages. BlackPeople seem 2have EZier affinity2 muscles/noFlyawayFacialHair. WhitePeopleSeem2B tall/slender/fast metabolism.Asians haveIdealBlack straightHair/pearlWhiteOrOliveSkin. CertainEyeColors haveBetterSunProtection.Itd B nice2 haveBlendOfPositives

---

So I just heard some1 say on news “he’s a wild card; U don’t know what he’s going 2 say.” “I know” he’s talking about Trump w/o saying it to myself. I can have a thought, that orchestrators, 4 whatever reason see me as a wildcard, when they’re the wild card/wild characters. -

- orchestrators cause so much noise in my head even after ECT (4NoReason), after antipsychotics, after dual antidepressants, after benzos…-

-theres no conveyer belt of thoughts in a factory line up. I don’t understand how U don’t see big picture. It’s probably from ur beta wave/focus mind from projecting ur frontal cortex 2 steer my whole brain. Ur interference inHead isCausingLackOf processingOfSenses/info;dangers.-

-Ive learned in yoga, that U do things 2relax &focus. It’s always marijuana or alcohol/cocaine, or legal Lexapro (antidepressant)/Vyvanse amphetamine stimulant) combo.-

-So while U go, full on, w/beta waves (just assuming) w/all my alpha wave sources & innately calm self, I’m not processing what I see/hear.-

-If u go too much alpha wave, then not enough focus/processing. Need the combo, I’m guessing as I’m not a scientist. Need some alpha and some beta waves.-

- And I think there’s a third wave: gamma waves. Don’t know what that does. Maybe there’s more. But that’s what I remember from school. There are thoughts, & when I wrote about gamma waves I had a memory or remembered gamma waves. You can’t say everything, it’s bad health.

- there are expressions: “avoid irritation” and “keep calm and carry on” … ur not keeping calm if ur constantly yammering in the head…see next tweet for a Buddhist monk story someone told me in high school:-

- this is the Buddhist Monk story… learn to let things go rather than letting it ravage your mind…

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1781524720266985805

tweets before midnight on Friday Apr 19, 2024, that I'm putting right side up, in Tumblr blog post below (NOTE: everything else from today and last several days/weeks):

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1781526370541047950

[k1rishiki]

Same anon as bwfore - those are all valid hnoc complaints, i have a soft spot for it since it got me into arthuriana which is now a big special interest (also yk, the thing of making ur own Canon for a media piece in ur head that no one else knows abt)

Appologies for yelling in ur asks abt it, just trying to say I agree

Also sending asks so u can ramble abt ur gripes w hnoc if u wish (no pressure to)

yeah i Used to have the same perspective on it too but as time went on and i developed a stronger aversion to the mechs fandom (everyone say thanks to ts teeth hcs, dr c mischaracterization and any other piece of widely accepted fanon which ppl get weirdly overprotective of) + realized that hnoc Wasn't my actual introduction to arthuriana (shout out to dragon slayer's academy and this niche little vn which i pretended to have read for weeb clout when i was ~12 even though really i had just read the summary of it on a fandom wiki, it was called destiny/leave day or something like that?) an i'd just somehow forgotten about its predecessors + tried to fit my arthurian faves into hnoc-verse and realized that it just Didn't Work and realized just how bad it was in comparison to like. udad. which was soooo good and it just kinda. made me go a little bit insane and tanked my opinion of it. also my growing hatred of a/g/l due to med lit fandom drama (< bizzare series of words that Sure Does Exist) + modern arthuriana like in general probably fanned the flames.

anyways. i said almost everything i have to say about hnoc in the og tags (save for some parts that are less a hnoc issue and more of a discussion of th white/mzb/modern arthuriana in general or a frantic explanation of why it's ok when fate does it but when hnoc does it i'm mad and it's not hypocritical of me (< generally it boils down to 'arthurian lit is incredibly inaccessible to english speakers in 2023, imagine what it would've been like to japanese speakers in 2004, nasu did the best he could, meanwhile the mechs have demonstrated the ability to heavily research their albums and are english speakers who would've had university access (p much the only way to read anything other than le morte or sgatgk legally without breaking the bank) at the time they were working on it')) but i got cut off so i'll add a basic summary of the tags which tumblr couldn't handle bc my arthurian takes r 2 complex and well-thought out for it

basically re: "#and idk it just rings hollow to me for the adaptation which made all/most of its characters either lgbt or poc to have written out p much#all the arthurian characters who were originally poc (palomydes. priamus. ysabelle. feirefiz. isolde of ireland. etc.)" there was a second part of that sentence which also pointed out how almost all the academically/historically substantiated lgbt characters (palomydes, tristan, gawaine, galehaut, lancelot, sebile, morgan, galahad) were cut out or unrecognizable (lancelot and galahad fall under the unrecognizable category).

i also had the character assassination of gawaine as it's own point, as it's just. particularly bad and one of the main reasons why i dislike hnoc, as well as the reason why hnoc's world is so hostile to p much Every other arthurian story bc he's basically the main character of medieval arthuriana and he's now. . obligatory disclaimer that i'm not opposed to gawaine as a villain bc god knows i'm a palomydes stan above all and anyone with a passing interest in the tristan tradition will know that gawaine is a fucking asshole an a horrible person but like. he didn't have to be fucking racist. medieval gawaine is an incredibly complex and deeply deeply flawed character and hnoc boiled that all down to 'racist' which is. one of the few things medieval gawaine is not. and so now all the characters and stories that orbit him are dead in the water bc why would anyone want to read about the cartoon racist.

in general all of the hnoc characters seem like they were written to serve the plot and the co-opted into being the nearest arthurian character. not a single one resembles themself at all. the best example i can think of is galahad (who's actually my fave hnoc character) who just isn't. galahad. medieval galahad is young and has been worshipped and dehumanized all his life, the very reason he was conceived was bc a prophecy said he would be good and pure and would achieve the holy grail, and so he was raised like a holy relic for one purpose and one alone, to the point where, when he finally tries to make a friend in le morte, literal angels intervene to remind him of his purpose, and ultimately he did succeed in that purpose! and when he did he had nothing else to do but end his own life. hnoc galahad is never dehumanized nor worshipped or even liked. hnoc galahad is viewed as a crazy person but a person nonetheless, and hnoc galahad genuinely wants the grail. the two are connected by name alone and it's the same w everyone else. medieval lancelot will always return to guinnevere, and she is the source of both his loyalty and sense of self, and he will destroy anything that poses a threat to her, hnoc lancelot genuinely cares abt camelot and uhm. human life. medieval mordred wasn't actually arthur's son in most texts and kinda just tagged along w his brothers' plans (particularly agravaine's) and ultimately took over camelot bc agravaine was dead and it was the next logical step to take considering all they'd done before, if you want something really interesting mordred-wise the alliterative morte gives him genre awareness but his lamentations of his fate are centered around the uhm. fratricide. and not arthur, hnoc mordred views arthur as his whole world which his Only brother gawaine is comparatively a footnote in, and has motivations which are truly his own. medieval guinn is politically savvy and stuck in a loveless marriage unable to fulfill her one purpose as queen (to have an heir) and thus centers herself around lancelot and his devotion to her to cope, hnoc guinn is a gunslinger. idrc enough abt arthur to analyze him but ultimately it's easy to see that These Are Not The Same Ppl in the way that like. myth orpheus, ulysses, narcissus etc. and udad orpheus, ulysses, narcissus etc. are. even in like. ouat(is) where the characters are Obviously Different People from their fairy tale counterparts, they exist in a form of commentary on their other selves, and the ouat(is) approach to characters is true for the prisoner of dorian gray + frankenstein as well. hnoc has no commentary on the original arthurian characters bc it Doesn't know who they are, the characters in hnoc are meant to be the arthurian characters in a different setting like in udad and tbi (the latter i can't speak on bc i don't norse myth and don't tbi). and it gets them wrong.

tl;dr uhm. the mecha arthurian vn that lives in my head wouldn't do this to me

#mentioning the holy grail Not in a fate context feels so weird and alien now. anyway. #romeo.txt #anon

[blurays]

.

the pharmacy wont fill my prescription for this anxiety depression bipolar ptsd etc drug because its not for 90 days but the dr still wont prescribe 90 days because i dont need 90 days of this dose i need to taper on slowly to make sure it doesnt Literally Physically Kill Me and i tried to transfer the presc to somewehre where it wont cost like $300 to fill and theyre like well itll take 48 hrs for us to even get started on that and im just soooo ufcking tired of no one caring lmao some version of this has been going on for months and no one gives a fuck. i barely even have any valium because i used to get 20 for like the year and when i asked for more idk what the hell goes on in my oncology pa’s mind but she gave me FIVE lol i already took 4 like i took one today so if i have none left by my mri just fuck it idc anymore

idk why i still get affected but i feel sad and angry that my parents dont care lol i texted/called my dad hrs ago nd no response and my mom was just like well this is ur fault for not calling the united healthcare nurse and im trying to explain that like beyond me actively thinking abt hanging myself etc that this isnt even uhc its my med insurance which is separate 

god like i want to die SOOOO FUCKING BAD and no one cares other than like a few ppl on the internet i feel like im trying lol like i go to the psychiatrist i half spoke up i agree to get meds i have to call these ppl to get meds i did call the pharmacy i did call to transfer etc and still nothing like seriously if i kill myself i want everyone irl around me to know that its literally their fucking fault bc what am i supposed to do like do u know the amt of times ive asked for help to my various drs and family members and no one cares lol it’s such a lie that ur supposed to ask because u do and its still like no youre all alone in it, no one gives a fuck and if there is anything to be done then like no rush or effort on anyone elses part lol 

[majorxmaggiexboy]

Former Employer is Still sending messages via momsauce trying to convince me to come back. he’s now offering set hours (theoretically no more working 10-11 hours but. more like still working that long, just not getting paid for it. unless he means that if i hit my 40 hours for a week i get sent home like everybody else) and a written, signed exact job description.

which is great but also doesn’t address my main issues with this job. one of which is just, Former Employer himself and the way he talks to/treats other people, and the other of which is stuff that i found out about on Friday that constitutes a whole dealbreaker even if Former Employer wasn’t a self-absorbed gaslighting tyrant.

#i promise i will eventually stop posting about all of this #i kinda Knew he wouldn't just outright take No for an answer but i kinda thought we'd made it to the Acceptance stage #i also think momsauce kinda wants me to come back as well #and i Should but i really don't want to because there are too many problems and reasons why it's a terrible idea #basically a couple weeks ago i did my part of a job and then handed it over to the people whose job it is to take it from there #and then on Friday i found out that they Did Not Take It From There #and there were like. three or four instances of that over the course of the day #just finding out that people didn't follow through after i handled my part #and two of those were things that could lead to someone literally dying because it wasn't followed through on #and i'm just not somebody who can handle that kind of pressure #also Employer does this whole in favor vs out of favor thing and it changes abruptly and without notice #and if you're Concerned or Upset he's all ''no you do a great job you're wonderful you just need meds'' #and he talks about how great he is and how much harder he's had it than anyone else #but then he also just talks over and around u and ''i don't understand what you're saying/you're confusing me'' #and i'm still mad about the whole incident from like three days after i was hired #and then he talks about everyone in the office like they're garbage and i would be Stupid to think he doesn't do that about me #basically to ur face he'll talk u up like ur All That but then when he's talking to someone else ur The Worst and uhhh? #No Thanks? #i might still get dragged back in but i am trying so hard not to i really am trying

[deadravenclaw]

temily (u don’t have to do this i just love ur perspective!)

please they're my faves i love them <3

Who said “I love you” first

tara says it first and emily almost kisses her there and then

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

neither because they call themselves the "cool couple" who wouldn't have pictures of their girlfriend as their background

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

tara because she think's it's cute and also because emily just can't figure out how to do it

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

emily. it usually happens when they're out together and passing by random shops

Who initiated the first kiss

emily after tara brouught her soup and meds when she got sick (but after she got better of course)

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

it changes often because they both hate getting up in the morning

Who starts tickle fights

they both tried it once but failed because neither of them are ticklish

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

emily always

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

tara because emily would work in her office all day and forget about food

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

neither. they both hit off really well and their first date was them pretty much just hanging out as usual

Who kills/takes out the spiders

tara. they both hate spiders but tara a little less than emily

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

both, they did it once in front of the team and that's how everyone else found out

send me a ship!

#aj🦭 #ty for the ask (: #temily #they own my heart #raven answers

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

#life hacks #life #not dying #staying alive #no one will see this #who cares though

[ofstarsandvibranium]

here’s some chubby!bucky headcanons bc he is my absolute fav variation of bucky & he deserves everything:

- he keeps track of when ur on ur period & will prepare (like he’ll buy all ur fav treats, set up a comfy spot on the bed, get u a heating pad, put on ur fav movie/show, & will also get u pain meds)

- he used to be rlly insecure abt his tummy but then u said u liked it once & thought it was hot & now he’s less insecure abt it

- he also loves when u sleep on him, he claims it’s the only way he can get a full 8 hours of sleep now himself bc ur like a weighted blanket to him

- kinda nsfw but he loves when u kiss down his happy trail when ur abt to blow him

- his fav kind of dates are the ones where u guys just drive around aimlessly & get take out & eat it in the car.

- sam actually was the one to get the two of u together bc ironically u both thought the other was too good for u & the way he did it was saying everyone was gonna meet up at a carnival & then made sure no one else went but u two

- bucky always pays for u even when u tell him not to, he just does it’s like second nature to him.

that’s all i have for now ty🖤

I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS! especially the period one. I think I'm about to start mine soon and I'd love for him to take care of me before and during it. 😭

#chubby!bucky

[unbridgeabledistances]

some ian/mickey prompts! (this is not a demand, just some ideas☺️)

• waking up/going to sleep

• cuddling

• domestic scenes in general

• hurt/comfort scenarios

• being in each other’s company (like ur recent fic) and falling in love with each other again

I really don’t know how to describe but I hope these are enough?

<3 ah thank u so much for these ideas anon! i couldn’t fall asleep last night bc i was stressed about a bunch of stuff, so i started to write this little bit of nighttime fluff that seems to fit with your requests:) i hope u enjoy!!

a drabble where ian can’t sleep, and mickey comforts him (can be set as a little coda to 11x05)

--

It was the dead of night at the Gallagher house— Ian was staring up at the ceiling, his eyes trying pierce through the blanket of darkness to count the cracks in the crumbling plaster above him and listening for something, anything, to distract his mind and finally get him to go the fuck to sleep. But it was no use— it was so late that even the usual summer chatter that bubbled up from the South Side street corners into open windows on wafts of summer air had stilled, leaving Ian sweaty and tired and restlessly laying in bed. Ian was more than tired; he was fucking exhausted, his eyes red-rimmed and scratchy and his muscles tense and rigid. Most nights Ian slept well, or slept okay at the least—he kind of had to learn to sleep in any situation after sharing a room with Lip and Carl and Liam for his entire childhood, always plagued with slamming doors and shouting voices. It wasn’t noise that usually kept Ian awake on nights like tonight, it was silence— a deafening, pounding silence that felt like it was crawling under his skin.

He looked over at Mickey, curled tightly on the opposite side of the bed, facing the wall with his arms around his chest and the covers practically up to his chin, the only really visible part of him the sliver of pale skin at the back of his neck that reflected the gauzy moonlight that was streaming in through the blinds. Ian noticed how comfortably Mickey’s face was pressed into the pillow, with even breaths escaping his half-open mouth, and instantly felt a pang of envy. That was the thing about Mickey—he never really had trouble sleeping. Mickey could always drift off the second he hit the sheets, whatever voices that lived inside his head easily quieting when the lights were dim and the world was still. Ian didn’t get it—the voices in his head always ramped up when the lights turned off, always churned and swirled and made him question his entire existence in the stagnant, pitch-black silence— and usually Ian could quiet them, after a little while, but on a night like tonight Ian knew he’d be stuck in the spiral, with his heart racing, until the sun came up. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to will his body to relax.

Ian could feel an odd sense of panic bubbling up in his throat as he laid there unmoving, feeling suffocated by the heat of the deep, dark night pressing in on him. His legs felt tingly and restless, and his head was throbbing because of how tired he was but the static in his mind kept whirring, like a broken radio set to the wrong frequency. He sighed loudly, letting the air burning in his lungs fizzle out of him, just wanting to penetrate the thick silence. He just wanted to be asleep—he was supposed to get up early to put the coffee on before Lip had a job interview, and then he wanted to go for a jog before he and Mickey had a shit ton of weed runs to do that would jam-pack the entire day tomorrow…

Beside him, Mickey shuffled beneath the covers. Ian froze. Fuck, he did not want to wake Mickey up right now. Mickey was crabby and groggy on the best of mornings, but when he didn’t get enough sleep he was truly a force to be reckoned with.

Unfortunately, Ian’s prayers went unanswered. Mickey drew in a deep breath, rustling under the sheets once more.

“Okay Gallagher, what’re you sighing for?” Mickey’s flat, muffled voice piped up from under his blanket cocoon, low and throaty and full of sleep. He sounded exasperated and deflated, and definitely not fully awake.

Ian let out another long breath, more quietly this time. “Nothing, Mick. Go back to sleep.”

But of course, instead of listening, Mickey aggressively yawned and turned over, stretching to shift his body weight and turn onto his opposite side to face Ian. Ian just remained where he was laying, his head lying limp and heavy on the pillow while he stared up at the ceiling.

Mickey dazedly rubbed his eyes, noticing that Ian was fully awake. Immediately, Mickey shook off the sleep that was clouding his eyes. He stared at Ian for a moment, his eyes wide and searching. After a moment, almost on reflex, he carded a quick, gentle hand through the front of Ian’s hair as he leaned in closer.

“You feeling okay?” Mickey’s voice was distant and drowsy, like he was still half-asleep but trying to will himself to wake up.

Am I feeling okay? There was so much latent meaning wrapped up in that question, and Ian felt a cavernous gratefulness bloom in his chest that this was the way Mickey asked—he wasn’t assuming that Ian being manic was the reason that he couldn’t sleep, but he didn’t rule it out either. Mickey was just waiting for Ian to tell him what he was feeling, what he needed, without assuming anything about Ian’s brain before Ian did.

Am I feeling okay?

Ian swallowed, his glassy eyes still fixated on the cracks in the ceiling that he could barely make out in the dark.

“Yeah. S’not anything to worry about, I’ve been taking my meds. I’m just… stressed out I guess.” Ian could hear the fatigue dripping from his voice as it glided across the darkness.

Mickey was still staring at Ian, his gaze piercing and concerned.

“Stressed out?” Mickey questioned lowly, like he’d never heard the two words before.

“Yes, Mickey, stressed out. I don’t know, it’s fucking stupid, just go back to bed.” Ian sighed in frustration.

Instead, Mickey shifted again, propping himself up on his elbow and leaning fully on his side, looking like a teenage girl at a sleepover who was ready to hear some juicy gossip.

“Well I’m awake now, mouth-breather, so why don’t you tell me what you’re worried about?”

Ian gave a quiet, strangled chuckle. What the fuck was he supposed to say? It just fucking sucked to not be able to sleep, to lie there frustrated with dry eyes and a parched throat, grasped tight in the clutches of whatever worries were lying hollow and dark in the pit of his stomach and not being able to do anything about it.

Ian knew it was stupid, but for the last few months he had been pretty much the only one worrying about keeping things together— getting steady money, putting aside fucking savings, trying to keep the house intact and fill the gaping hole Fiona left behind that Ian still just didn’t fit into right, for the sake of Liam and Franny and Carl now that Lip had moved out. Ian had never really given a shit about money, until he had to start caring about everyone else—and it didn’t bother him, it really didn’t, but now that Ian was caught in this fucking sticky silence, he realized how much worrying about taking care of everyone else was actually wearing him down, grinding away at him bit by bit without him noticing.

He exhaled a heavy, trembling breath.

“Just. I don’t know. Worried about money, I guess? And worried about our job. I know we agreed on guns, and I totally fucking get that now, but I’ve never done a job that’s so… dangerous? And then I’m panicking because what if we make total asses of ourselves with this business bullshit and fail and lose everything, and then we’d be back to square one…”

Mickey just sat there perched on his elbow, listening. He wordlessly reached to press the pad of his thumb to Ian’s forehead, above his eyebrows, smoothing the worry lines and creases that started to bloom there as Ian spoke.

“And I just… I don’t know, my heart’s just fucking racing for some reason tonight and I can’t make it stop.”

Mickey continued to silently run his thumb gently on Ian’s face, tracing above his eyebrow and the side of his temple in a soothing pattern that made Ian’s eyes want to flutter shut for the first time in hours.

“S’there anything I can do?” Mickey’s gravelly, sleepy voice cut through the darkness.

Ian peeled his eyes from the ceiling, and shifted them to meet Mickey’s. He was still staring down at Ian with searing concern, like Ian’s stupid fucking worries were a big deal if they were making him feel this distressed.

“It’s fine, Mick. Just get some sleep.” Ian held Mickey’s gaze for a moment, expecting him to turn back over and wrap the blankets around himself.

Instead, Mickey curled closer, draping a heavy arm over Ian’s waist, followed by a thick and heavier thigh between Ian’s legs, his nose nuzzling into the side of Ian’s neck. Ian froze, just for a moment—Mickey definitely usually wasn’t the one to initiate tender touches of intimacy, but he was half-asleep and he knew how much Ian needed this right now, knew it would calm his racing heart down to a steady beat. Instantly, Ian felt something, some heaviness that was burrowed deep in his chest, dissipate at Mickey’s touch.

“Mick,” Ian said. There was something in his lungs, in his throat, on his tongue. He didn’t know what it was. All he knew is that his heartbeat was slowing, his blood was running through his veins at a normal speed again, and the pressure building in his head starting to dissipate.

“This okay?” Mickey was almost asleep again, and mumbled the words into the crook of Ian’s neck, his breath tickling Ian’s chin.

Ian breathed out with relief, curling a hand over Mickey’s shoulders and drinking in the feeling of Mickey’s warm skin nestled against his, a grounding, solid weight holding him at bay. “Yeah, this is good.”

#wishing u sweet dreams wherever u are <3 #am i just fully projecting onto ian in this one??? yes #gallavich #gallavich fic #shameless #shameless fic #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #ian x mickey #ian and mickey

[fuckimsoft]

DSMP One Shots Because I Can

Chapter two: "tubeloved: Please Stop the Music"

Summary: Modern day AU chatfic chapter where Wilbur psychoanalyzes everyone with sad songs because that's how he shows love :) (rewrite of the very first oneshot I posted because I know I can do so much better then that)

Written by: @ verified_dumbass on ao3 and @ fuckimsoft on tumblr

and just so no ones confused-

Technoblade = Techno (ofc)

Jay Dee = Wilbur

Thesesus = Tommy

tubeloved = Tubbo

ranbeloved = Ranboo

Crow Father = Philza

Swaggers (botboy) = Discord music bot

----

sleepy bois (ft. tubbo) (ft. ranboo now too ig)

Jay Dee: guys. Jay Dee: guys, I have important news.

tubeloved: Oh tubeloved: ?

Jay Dee: I found so many new songs.

Technoblade: Wilbur, you find so many new song every other day.

Jay Dee: NO BUT THESE ARE SO GOOD

Thesesus: Id like to here abt the music

ranbeloved: I too would like to hear about it :)

Thesesus: Shut up Ranboo

ranbeloved: :(

Thesesus: No one asked u

tubeloved: Tommy >:( tubeloved: Be nice

Jay Dee: ok, getting back on topic- the songs.

Jay Dee started a voice call

Jay Dee: everyone join the vc

ranbeloved joined the vc

Thesesus joined the vc

tubeloved joined the vc

Technoblade joined the vc

Jay Dee: phil

Jay Dee: phil

Jay Dee: Phil

Jay Dee: @Phil

Jay Dee: @Philza

Jay Dee: @philza

Jay Dee: for the love of god, what did you all change Phil's name to now?

tubeloved:  @Crow Father

Jey Dee: why??

Thesesus: Crow Father

ranbeloved: Crow Father

tubeloved: Crow Father

Crow Father: What's up?

ranbeloved: THE CROW FATHER HAS ARIVED

tubeloved: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Jay Dee: join vc.

Crow Father joined the vc

Jay Dee: /play [playlist.mp3]

Swaggers (botboy): Now playing... July, by Noah Cyrus.

Thesesus: Its May bitch

Jay Dee: I know Jay Dee: now shut up and listen to the music. Jay Dee: this one kinda reminded me of you :)

Thesesus: Oh Thesesus: Okay

[2 minutes, 36 seconds later]

Thesesus: AWW Thesesus: AWWWW :(

Crow Father: That was so sad

Jay Dee: it's not my fault my Spotify only recommends me crying music Jay Dee: or that Tommy's a Sad Little Boy

Thesesus: IIM NOT A LITTLE BIY Thesesus: FUCJ U BITCH

ranbeloved: haha L

Swaggers (botboy): Now playing... As A Child, by Madeline the Person.

Jay Dee: Tubbo, this one reminded me of u.

Crow Father: Please its already so sadfghj

tubeloved: :0 tubeloved: Oh thus is sad

[3 minutes, 10 seconds later]

Technoblade: Bruh

tubeloved: Please Stop the Music tubeloved: Ur making me sad :(

Thesesus: Welcome to the club big man

Swaggers (botboy): Now playing... Secret For The Mad, by Dodie Clark.

Jay Dee: be more happy, maybe. Jay Dee: OH TECHNO

Technoblade: Nope.

Technoblade left the vc.

Jay Dee: aww man. Jay Dee: well, might as well- Jay Dee: /skip

Swaggers (botboy): Skipped to next song! Swaggers (botboy): Now playing... Elsa's Song, by The Amazing Devil.

tubeloved: So whos the next victim

Jay Dee: Oh, Ranboooo :)

ranbeloved: oh no

Crow Father: Ripp

[2 minutes, 41 seconds later]

ranbeloved: o h ranbeloved: .,_,.

Crow Father: Welp, that was an experience

Jay Dee: don't think it's over yet, Philza Minecraft! Jay Dee: you aren't off the hook too!

Crow Father: *siiiiigh* Crow Father: Right then, let's get this over with.

Swaggers (botboy): Now playing... Hidden In The Sand, by Tally Hall.

Technoblade joined the vc.

ranbeloved: ?

Technoblade: I like this song.

[1 minute, 52 seconds later]

Crow Father: awe mate Crow Father: maaaate

tubeloved: Well Wilbur u managed to make everyone cry

Technoblade: Not me.

tubeloved: Yeah bc u fucking LEFT

Technoblade: And?

Thesesus: I DIDNT CRY SHITTEAD

Jay Dee: lmao you literally did. Jay Dee: I gave you a hug and everything.

ranbeloved: awww :)

Thesesus: FUCK YOU FUCJ U FUCK YUOFUCK YOU

tubeloved: Man I didn't get a hug :(

Technoblade: You only live right down the road.

tubeloved: Is Technoblade offering to give me a hug??????? :0000000000 THE Technoblade?????? Warming up to me??????????????

Technoblade: No, I'm volunteering literally anyone else in my family. Technoblade: If you try to hug me you die.

tubeloved: I think he's warming up to me :)

ranbeloved: Can I have a hug too?

Jay Dee: you live across town tho?

ranbeloved: i can run

Crow Father: What?

ranbeloved: im omw now ranbeloved: be there in loke 5

tubeloved: YESSS RUN RANBOO RUN tubeloved: I WILL GIVE U SUCH BIG HUG >:)

ranbeloved: :D h gln

Thesesus: h gln?

ranbeloved: sorry I had to dodge a car

Crow Father: W H A T

tubeloved: BELOEVD???

multiple people are typing...

----

thank you for reading!! if u liked this please like and rb, it really makes my day :) remember to drink water, take ur meds if u need to, take a break from ur binder if uve been wearing one for a while, and stay safe <3

taglist: @fruggin-bitch @notdingalingalingalingrita

#I rewrite the first oneshot I posted because I can do so much better then that so here this is :) #Dsmp #dream smp #wilbur soot #c!wilbur #dsmp fanfic #c!philza #c!tommy #c!tuboo #c!techno #fanfiction #please like and rb if you enjoyed this!!

[luthien-t]

New Possibilities

Pairing: General Hux x Reader

summery: You find the General over-working himself and try to pull him away to rest.

warnings: kinda fluffy, angst if u squint ur eyes.

1.2K+ Words

This was in no way how it was supposed to happen, you were supposed to submit your weekly report to the General and leave, you didn’t plan to walk in on him in a vulnerable moment. You weren’t in the wrong, of course, you knocked and he let you in. You just simply noticed the small details that others don’t.

You’re one of the most reliable doctors in the Med bay on Starkiller base, you have strong respect and good relations with your superiors as you are one of them and the only difference is due to being in the medical field. You would deliver all information and updates from the Med bay directly to General Armitage hux, everyone around you feared him and have this hesitation in them whenever it comes to seeing him, you on the other hand, have a friendly relationship with the General, every moment you spend with him was always over-analysed in your head whenever you’re back to your quarters. You have been carrying your feelings towards the General in you for a while now, you blame yourself for allowing these feelings to even surface in you. He was a powerful man who was feared by half of the galaxy, he was demanding and impatient, he also walked around with the pride and confidence that many lacked. This isn’t why you developed those feelings, you’ve always admired him for all the previously mentioned qualities, but your feelings towards him surfaced when you started interacting with him personally after your promotion. 

At first, you saw what everyone told you about him, you saw his stillness and demands, you saw the frown he always had on his face, but with time, he started to soften around you, there were multiple times where he would show you one of his rare smiles and maybe he wouldn’t scold you if you were late with your reports and even sometimes, on rare occasions you two would have a drink in his office when it was stable and quiet, you would share happy memories or even ideas about the future of The First Order with you sitting on his side of the desk close to him while he sat on his chair all comfortable. But you two have never shared your darkest parts to each other, you both have a hard time opening up to the ones around you, so you both kept those certain dark emotions locked away from each other.

So, seeing him wipe his angry tears the moment you walked in caused your heart to ache, you wanted to wrap your arms around him and stop whatever is causing this effect on him. “Your weekly report, General” You extend the arm with your papers and data pad for him to inspect, his shoulders dropped and his gaze was nowhere near your hands or your face. “Just set them down, I’ll get to it when I do” His reply was short and harsh, you can tell from the way he was looking away and how he was busying himself that he just wanted you out as soon as possible, but something in you made you speak, was it bravery or blatant foolery? You weren’t sure, but you couldn’t leave your friend in this state alone. 

“Forgive me for asking this,-“ He eyes were shot up to you, his anger still swimming around in those green eyes, like he was waiting for one small mistake from you to let his anger out on you. You swallow and turn your gaze towards his eyes. “-Are you alright?” The question felt too simple as it came out of your mouth, but how else were you going to appear non-hostile to him in this situation? Fortunately, he seemed to understand your intentions and he let out a long, deep sigh. 

“I wish I could say yes and ask you to carry on with your work but-“ He closes his eyes and rubs his temples for a short second and you decide to walk to his side of the desk and sit on the desk. You’ve been in this position with him far too many times, it has become a habit. This time he turns his chair slightly to face you and looks up at you. 

“I’m just having a tiring week, Y/n” 

You smile gently at his use of your first name instead of doctor, which means he let his guards down this time, so then he closes his eyes, inhaling a deep breath in. This time you really look at him and notice the even smaller details, under his eyes were sunken and his skin was a shade paler than usual. “Have you even slept?” You rest a hand on his shoulder, he flinches quickly before opening his eyes, but he remains silent, like he was studying you and observing your movement. The silence creeping up between you two was worrying you “Did you eat today?” You ask another question to fill in the quietness, still no reply.

You start to wonder if he is going to lash out on you for touching him, he opens his mouth to speak but his actions were faster than his words. He rolled his chair towards you before hugging your waist, you were startled at the sudden contact, your hands hovering just over his shoulder and your heart beat speeding with every second his head remains against your stomach, slowly you wrap one arm around his shoulder and one trying to comb through his gelled hair. “You should take the rest of the day off, Armitage, Maker knows you need to rest” You mumble and his grip tightens around your waist, frowning you try to move away from the desk to lean down to him, to properly hug him. “No, stay like that.” He mumbles against your stomach and you nod. 

This was too open and vulnerable for you both, you two barely shook hands and now he is on your lap holding on to you like you might disappear in any second. You somehow managed to break down some of the gel and massage his scalp with your nails, you know you’re doing a good job at it when his lets out that pleasant exhale and you look down at his hair. “You should take the rest of the day off” You repeat and this time he sighs louder and pulls away, looking up at you, his face red and his hair a bit messy, you smiled gently at him and he nods this time. “Join me for a cup of coffee?” He says too quickly, your smile grew slightly and nod. “Only if you rest.” You say and he quickly gets off of his chair, grabbing his note pad and then grabs your report and notepad, you rest your hand on his to stop him. “The report is not going anywhere, Armitage, you can see it after you rest” And with that he nods and walks towards the door, mumbling a thank you to you as you watch him go to leave the office but then he stops when the door slides open.

“Are you coming, Y/n?” He says, turning his head slightly to look at you and you smile again, walking towards him.

This was in no way how it was supposed to happen, but you’re glad that it did, this opens new possibilities to the friendship between you and the General. 

#general hux x reader #general hux #general hux fanfic #general hux fluff #general hux x y/n #general hux x you #armitage hux x you #armitage x reader #armitage hux x reader