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hockeyisit · 3 years

Text

We're Having A Baby Pt.2

Summary: Auston and Amelia name their baby.

Part two of We're having a Baby

A.N: here's a quick part for you guys! I hope you enjoy and feel free to send in your opinions and any questions you have or request. I have a long list of them so it might take me a minute to get them all done but I'm working on all of them!!

Masterlist

Unedited

Word Count: 2149

It has been two days since I had been pulled into an emergency C-Section. Two whole days of not having been able to hold my baby. After Auston had left my room those two nights ago he had called everyone he needed to, his family, my family, Steph and his coaches.

Steph and Mitch came as quick as they could with the twins and Auston had brought them to my room immediately. We hadn’t told them all too much about what was going on because I had spent a majority of the time sleeping and crying.

I hadn't been allowed to see my son because they were afraid that I would give him an infection or that he could give me one. Auston was doing everything he could to help me but I was struggling to let him in.

“Mama, can you open this?” Kai asked as he held a bag of chips out to me. I looked at him for a moment before reaching out and opening it for him.

Noah and Kai had crawled into my bed with me earlier this morning. Ema had taken them home last night so that they could sleep in their own bed but they wanted to come the second they woke up and she couldn't say no to them.

“Where's Papi?” Noah asked as he made his way to the end of the bed. I let out a loud sigh as I tried to think of something to tell him.

“He’s with your brother,” I told them after a moment of silence.

“When are we going to meet him?” Noah asked hopping off the bed, he stumbled a little causing Ema to reach out and steady him.

“What’s his name?” Kai asked right after as he followed his brother off the bed. I felt my eyes well up with tears as I shook my head.

“Soon baby,” I whispered, leaning back against my pillow and shutting my eyes.

“Boy’s why don’t we go get some ice cream and let your Mama rest for a little while,” Ema suggested as she reached out to grab each of their hands.

“Okay but only if they have chocolate,” Noah told her as they made their way toward the door.

When the door shut behind them I turned so that I was able to shove my face in my pillow before letting out a little cry which turned into full on sobs. I was crying so loudly that I didn’t hear the door open or Auston approaching my bed.

He slid himself onto the bed and gently wrapped his arms around me pulling me in so that I was crying against his chest. He started rubbing my back in a comforting manner.

“I know baby,” he shushed me as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“How is he?” I questioned after a moment of silence. Auston’s grip tightened on me as pressed another kiss to my forehead.

“Okay. He's still on the breathing tube because he’s not strong enough to breath on his own. They say that his risk for infection is going down though which is good,” he says as he continues to rub my back.

“Have the doctors been by to talk to you?” he asked after I didn’t respond. I nodded my head against his chest before pulling back slightly. Auston’s face fell slightly as he took in my red puffy cheeks. He reached forward and wiped my tears away before sliding my hair behind my ear.

“They said my stitches are healing nicely but that I still needed a few more days before I was risk free,” I mumbled looking down at my lap.

“That’s good. Once your risk free will be able to wheel you down to the NICU,” he smiled at me as he poked my stomach gently. I gave him a fake smile as I nodded my head.

“The twins keep asking if they can meet their brother,” Auston continued, causing me to look up from my lap to him.

“They also want to know his name,” he said softly. My breath hitched as I looked back to my lap.

“I know they asked me today,” I whispered shakily.

“We do need to name him,” he pressed. I shook my head no as tears started welling up in my eyes.

“I haven’t even held him. How can I name him when we haven't even bonded?” I asked as I started crying again.

“I know I’m sorry. I know this isn’t how we wanted things to go honey but he needs a name. He needs something to fight for and he needs us to be cheering him on,” Auston said as he pulled his phone out and pulled up a picture of our beautiful baby boy. He was hooked up to a million different wires that were helping him grow and develop. My heart broke as I took in his little form.

“He’s so little,” I mumbled as I pulled the phone out of his hand.

“So little but he’s a fighter,” Auston said as he swiped to the next photo, which was our little boy holding Auston’s hand.

“Has he opened his eyes?” I asked as I stared at the photo.

“Yeah,” he smiled

“He’s cute,” Auston reassured with a big smile.

“We had a few names we were thinking of,” I reminded him as I stared at the photo.

“Yeah what do you think?” Auston asked as he reached out for my hand. I looked away from his phone screen to our locked hands before glancing up at his face. It was the first time I had really paid attention to how Auston looked. He had some serious bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. His mustache was in need of a trim while his beard had started to grow in full force.

It hadn’t even crossed my mind how mentally draining this could be for Auston. He had seemed so put together and okay during this whole time. I hadn’t even thought about how he was going through the same feelings that I was.

“Well I don’t think he looks like a Kevin,” I said as I looked away back toward the photo. Auston let out a light laugh as he nodded his head.

“I can agree with you there.”

As Auston went to continue the door burst open and Kai and Noah walked in excitedly with Ema trailing behind them. I smiled softly before I felt panic fill my body.

“Who’s with him?” I asked, realizing I had no idea who was with my son.

“My dad,” Auston whispered.

“I’m going to go check on them,” Ema said before quickly making her way out of the room.

“Mama I brought you chocolate ice cream, your favorite,” Kai exclaimed as he made his way over to my bed. He set it down before trying to climb his way up. I reached out for the ice cream so that it wouldn't fall. I placed it on the table quickly before helping him onto the bed. Noah made his way over to Austons side and climbed onto the bed.

“We got you ice cream so that you could be happy,” Noah said excitedly as he crawled across Auston so that he could cuddle into my side. I felt my heart tighten at the idea of them trying so hard to take care of me.

“Thank you guys,” I said softly as I cuddled them both to my side. Kai reached out for the ice cream and pushed it into my lap.

“What are you doing?” Noah asked as he grabbed Auston’s phone that was now laying face up on the bed. He looked at the picture before letting out a soft gasp.

“Who is this?” he asked, looking up to me with big eyes. I glanced at Auston before looking back down at Noah.

“That’s your brother,” I said, giving him a small smile before glancing at Kai. He looked at me with a confused expression.

“Why is our brother on the phone?” he asked, reaching out to grab the phone from Noah.

“Well remember how Mama and I told you he was born early?” Auston asked. He waited for them both to nod before continuing. “He needs a little help growing so he’s connected to machines. Hes here and this is a picture of him,” Auston finished.

“Can we go meet him now?” Kai asked, dropping the phone into my lap.

“What's his name?” Noah asked, reaching out for the phone again.

“Well your Papi and I were trying to name him before you two rascals came in here,” I joked, reaching out to tickle Kai while Auston did the same with Noah.

“Oh! What about Scooby?” Noah asked loudly, causing Auston and I to let out a startled laugh.

“No. George,” Kai suggested.

“What do you think of Brody?” I asked the group of boys, causing everyone to go quiet.

“I love it,” Auston said, breaking the silence.

“Me too,” Noah agreed right after him. The three of us turned to Kai with a questioning look.

“Brody?” Kai questioned, raising his eyebrow. I nodded my head grabbing the phone and pulling up the close up picture of him.

“He looks like a Brody right?” I asked him as I turned it to face him. Kai glanced at the phone before looking up at me.

“Yeah Mama,” he agreed before he leaned up and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“Brody?” I questioned again to see if there were any complaints.

“Brody it is,” Auston grinned leaning forward to press a kiss to my lips. Noah let out a little groan as we squished him between us.

----

“Auston please talk to me,” I said frustrated as I slammed my hand against the bed. Auston was with Brody and they were talking to the doctor. She was talking about how there was a complication with Brody's heart that they wanted to keep a close eye on. We were facetiming as the two talked because I still wasn't risk free. It was now a full week since Brody had been born and we were facing another complication that I wasn't prepared for.

“Sorry, they just said that they are going to hook him up to a different monitor so they can keep their eye on his heart,” Auston told me as he glanced back at the camera.

“Dr. Montgomery, when can I see him?” I asked loudly so that she could hear me through the phone.

“We're going to check all your labs today Amelia and if they are good then you can see him,” she said as she popped up behind Auston.

Auston was going to be leaving for a game tomorrow night, the first since Brody had been born. The organization had given him the whole week off so that he could focus on us but they were unable to give him any more time off.

“Okay,” I mumbled as I reached my hand out to run it over my stomach.

“I’ll be in your room shortly with your results,” she said before making her way out leaving Auston and I alone on the phone.

“He okay?” I questioned leaning back so that I could be more comfortable. Auston was quiet for a moment before nodding his head.

“Yeah,” he flipped the camera so I could see Brody.

“Hi baby it's your Mama,” I cooed as I looked at my beautiful baby.

“He keeps reaching out and it makes me think that he’s looking for you,” Auston whispered, causing my heart to flutter.

“Auston I don’t know what I’m going to do if my results are bad. If I can’t see them and you're away on a road trip. We can't both be away,” I told him as I felt the panic start to well up.

“Shh, will get to that when we get the results,” Auston shushed as he moved the camera closer to Brody so I could be closer.

“Auston,” I said louder, he shifted the camera so it was facing him and he sent me a confused look.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I can do this alone. Especially if I can't even be with him,” I said, glancing down at my lap.

“Hey who said you're doing this alone?” he asked, causing me to look up.

“I-”

“No, you have so many people in your corner Amelia. You have me and the twins. You have my family, they're not leaving anytime soon. You have Steph and your sister, my sisters. You are not alone baby I promise. No matter what you will never be alone,” he promised as he stared at me through the screen.

“Promise me that you will call every day?” I questioned. He gave me a soft smile as he nodded his head.

“Always.”

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bestillmyslashyheart · 4 years

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a soul bruise

“Hey, this is something.”

Liz looked over at Kyle wearily. It was late and they’d been digging through Project Shepherd files since early that morning. It was rare that she, Kyle, and Alex all had a day free so they’d taken advantage of it to see what research they could get done.

“Something to help Max?” She sat up straighter.

Kyle winced and shook his head apologetically then paused and shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t think so but I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“What is it?” Alex didn’t get up from his seat at the bank of computers, merely turning in his chair to look at Kyle.

Kyle glanced at him then back at the papers in his hand. “There’s a report here about a connection.”

“A connection?” Liz prompted when he paused.

“Yeah. Some of the prisoners at Caulfield exhibited signs of an intense connection with another. Um,” he flipped a page, “it says a pairing would be able to communicate telepathically to an extent and share strong emotions, even pain.”

“Okay, that’s something,” Liz sat up. “How do we form a connection? If Isobel or Michael can communicate with Max somehow he might be able to help them tap into their healing powers.”

“Where is that information?” Alex turned around, his fingers poised over the keyboard. “Kyle?”

“Uh, File 263, section F.”

The clatter of keys filled the air for a moment. “Got it.” Liz looked over at the monitors as Alex pulled up the electronic copy of the file. The photocopy wasn’t as good as the original but the big screen let them all look at it at once. She got up from the table and wandered over, Kyle close behind as he scanned through the pages. They were silent for a few minutes as they all looked through the report.

“Here, page 34,” Kyle exclaimed. “It says pairings were formed...oh.”

“Oh?” Liz turned on him. “What do you mean oh?”

“It’s not a choice,” Kyle looked up at her sadly. “It says interrogation revealed that bonds are formed at birth and cannot be severed.”

Her stomach dropped. “Fuck, okay. Um- Max and Isobel have a really close bond as it is, do you think they have this bond?”

“Not unless they’re in love,” Alex replied slowly. He didn’t turn around.

“What?” Liz looked to Kyle but he seemed just as confused as she was.

“Page 38,” Alex told them and Kyle flipped to the page. Liz glanced up at the screen but the words were too faded for her to read so she peered over Kyle’s shoulder. “It says the bond was only apparent between romantic couples.”

“Researchers were able to detect the existence of the bond due to the close nature of certain prisoners who exhibited signs of an intense romantic and sexual relationship,” Liz read out loud. “Studies were conducted to determine the extent of the bond. It was determined that separating the two halves made both parties abnormally sullen and prone to violence while placing them together resulted in increased docility of both specimens. It is recommended that they remain together whenever convenient so as to have increased opportunity to study the connection. Note: the death of one half of the bond will result in the near immediate death of the other.” Liz stopped reading and looked around. “Well, um, that doesn’t sound like Max and Isobel.”

“No,” Kyle agreed quietly. “Sorry. I thought it might be something.”

“It’s okay,” Liz assured him. “It was worth a shot.” She sat back down at the table and pulled her own file back in front of her. “Still a lot more to go through.” They all quietly got back to work.

A while later, Liz shut her file and stared at the wall, a thought that had been tickling the back of her brain begging to be let out. “How would they know?”

Kyle and Alex turned to look at her. “How would who know what?”

“The aliens. How would they know if they had that connection? Most, if not all, of them possessed telepathic abilities as it was. So if the sign of this connection is being telepathically linked to another, then how would they distinguish between their partner and everyone else in their species?”

“Does it matter?” Kyle asked gently.

She shrugged. “Maybe Max and I…” The only time they’d ever been telepathically linked was after Max marked her but she pushed that thought aside. “Most of the prisoners were older, right? The connection could have built over time.”

“They were both aliens, Liz. In all cases.”

“Maybe that’s just because they hadn’t had contact with any other species,” Liz argued. “What are the other signs?”

Kyle sighed but she heard the clatter of Alex’s keys as he pulled the file back open. Liz pushed away from the table and came to stand behind Alex’s chair. A moment later, Kyle came up next to them. Together they searched the pages displayed on the many screens until, “there!” Liz pointed to the far left screen and Alex brought it front and center.

They craned forward to read it. “There are limited physical signs of the bond that can be seen by a third party. Extensive interrogation of the specimens has revealed that the touch of a bonded will leave a mark on their partner. A discoloration of the skin, similar to a bruise. The deeper the bond, the darker the mark. We have observed such marks in three of the pairings suspected of being bonded. Reports indicate that the marks are only visible to third parties in cases of extreme bonds. In its early stages, only the two parties involved can see the marks. So far, no human has ever reported such an occurrence but it is as yet unclear if it is possible for a specimen to bond with a human. Be alert for any reports of phantom injuries or bruises.”

Alex tensed under her hand as she read but Liz ignored it. Kyle turned to her when she finished. “Well? You and Evans ever leave mysterious bruises on each other?” Liz shook her head and backed up a step, unable to look away from the screen. “Okay then. Back to the drawing board.” He laid a hand on her shoulder as he walked back to the table.

“Actually, I think I’m going to call it a night,” Liz finally looked away. She gathered up the files she’d been going through and set them aside.

“Night,” Kyle called. “Get some rest.”

“You sure know how to charm a girl, Valenti,” her lips quirked upwards in an attempt at a smile and Kyle responded in kind. She grabbed her jacket and her purse but stalled for a minute. “Can I have the file? I want to show it to Isobel and Michael, just in case.”

Kyle nodded understandingly and started to hand it over but paused halfway. Both of them looked over at Alex who hadn’t moved. “Any objections?”

“It’s about them,” Alex sounded strange. “They have a right to know.”

Liz took the file from Kyle. “Don’t stay too late.”

---

It was almost a week before Liz had the chance to sit down and talk to Isobel and Michael. They’d stopped by the Crashdown for dinner and Liz let them stay past closing. She cleaned up before escaping up the stairs for the file.

“Hold on,” she came back into the diner as they were standing up. “There’s something I want to show you.” Isobel and Michael looked at each other then at her. “It’s from the Project Shepherd files.”

“Alex said he’d let us know if you found anything…” Michael trailed off, his shoulders tensing as if preparing to get angry.

Liz waved him off. She had no idea what was going on with them and she wasn’t about to get in the middle. “It’s nothing really, just some information about your people that I thought you might want to know. We found it a week ago and I took the file,” she held it up, “to show you two but I haven’t had a chance to talk to you both since then.” She gestured at the chairs they’d just stood up from and they both sat. Michael didn’t look mollified in the slightest.

“So we were looking for a way to maybe communicate with Max and we found out that your people have this connection that forms between two people.” Liz held out the file and Michael took it. “From what the reports say, these bonds are formed at birth and they can create like these psychic links between two people.”

“Max and I?” Isobel asked as she craned her neck to look at the file.

Liz shook her head. “The bonds are always found between two people with an intense romantic and sexual relationship. So unless there’s something you two haven’t shared…” Isobel scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”

“What about you and Max?” Michael asked as he flipped through the pages. “You’ve communicated telepathically.”

“Only through the handprint.”

“So? Max has never left a mark on anyone else before. Maybe that’s part of the bond.”

Liz sighed. “The only physical indicator of a bond is a discoloration of the skin on contact. If you have a bondmate or whatever then your skin should change colors when they touch you and it’s the same for them. As the bond strengthens, other people will be able to see the color but in the early stages only you and the other person should see it.” Michael tensed, his fingers gripping the pages too tightly.

“So what is this bond?” Isobel asked as she tugged the file from Michael. “Just a means of communicating telepathically?”

Liz eased into a seat as she shook her head. Michael hadn’t moved since Isobel took the file. “Honestly? It sounds trite but I think it’s like a soulmate? It forms at birth, is accompanied by intense romantic and sexual feelings, and creates a link between your minds. Some of the reports said a pair can have entire conversations without saying a word, they can share emotions, and they can share pain.” She cleared her throat. “It also says if one dies, the other one immediately follows.”

“Has a human ever been bonded?” Michael sounded strange and Liz looked over at him worriedly.

“Uh, not that Project Shepherd is aware. If a bond ever did form with a human it’s unlikely that they would have had any contact with one of your people to even know it. I mean, unless one of you were bonded to a human.” Or Noah, she thought, but didn’t say.

Michael stood up suddenly, his chair skidding loudly across the floor. “What the hell, Michael?” Isobel jumped. Michael didn’t answer, his attention fixed on something on the wall behind Liz. Without a word, he rounded the table and was out the door in a few large steps. Liz and Isobel whirled around to watch him go, mystified.

“Do you think he-” Isobel started to ask when a shout from outside cut her off.

“Alex!” Michael’s voice was loud enough to be heard clearly from inside. The two women stood and looked out the window in time to see Alex freeze in the middle of the street, clearly having just turned around to walk away. Michael chased after him, his legs eating up the distance in long strides.

“Uh,” Liz stuttered. “Maybe we should not-”

Isobel scoffed. “Yeah, no.” She crossed the room and perched on a table under the window, not even attempting to be subtle. Liz hesitated for a second before joining her.

Outside, the two men were clearly arguing but not loud enough to be heard. At least, not from inside. So they watched in silence.

Michael was gesturing wildly while Alex stood stone still, his face impassive. He seemed to be content to let Michael tire himself out. Sure enough, when Michael stopped talking a minute later, Alex started talking. Liz got the impression that even if she’d been outside and a block closer, she wouldn’t have been able to hear what he was saying. But that was okay. His words were clearly only intended for one person.

Alex stopped talking and for a moment it looked like they were frozen in some odd tableau before Michael reached up and cupped Alex’s face, his thumb stroking his cheek. He left it there for a breath before pulling away. Liz couldn’t see his face but his shoulders sagged in what look like relief, or maybe wonder. In response, Alex raised a shaking hand. It hovered next to Michael’s face for a moment before he cupped the back of his neck with the other hand and placed his first hand squarely over Michael’s face. He pulled it back after a second, his face lighting up before he started laughing.

“I guess that answers that question,” Isobel muttered.

“What question?”

“If humans can have the other half of the bond. If we have bonds.” She paused. “If Alex is a little bit of an asshole.”

“Hey!” Liz jumped to defend her friend. Isobel shot her an amused look.

“He just put a handprint on Michael’s face.”

Liz opened her mouth then closed it and shrugged. “It’s not like anyone else is gonna see it.” Even as she said it, though, she looked over and saw the faint outline of a handprint on Alex’s neck. “Oh my god…”

Isobel whirled. “What?”

Alex saw them watching and grinned before grabbing Michael’s shoulder and turning him to face them.

“Oh my god!” Isobel exclaimed and started laughing. They were nearly a block away and yet, even from this distance, there was an unmistakable handprint outlined on Michael’s face.

Liz couldn’t hold back her own laughter as Michael rolled his eyes and turned away from them. He and Alex looked at each other for a few seconds before going their separate ways.

A minute later Alex’s truck pulled out onto the road and he headed out of town towards his cabin. Liz blinked and suddenly Michael’s truck was following on Alex’s heels.

#malex fic #rnm #my fic #long post #the title sounds angsty but its not

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sirius · 6 years

Text

Chaos Theory Part 6

Pairing: Cedric Diggory x Reader, Draco Malfoy x Reader, Harry Potter x Reader, others.

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 5641

A/N: I finished this in one! day! can you believe it?? Anyway, some things worth mentioning: a) after this chapter, things are going to start progressing quickly through the months. So far its sort of been day by day but this story has to span over three years so...yeah. I can’t drag it on for too long b) I’m going away for a week so I’m not sure when part seven will be released c) i have redesigned my masterlist! check it out in my description and, finally, d) shawn mendes will be my new cedric for my gif headers! not important but at the same time really important. Anyway, I’ll shut up now. Here.

Chapter Six:

Everyone has secrets to hide

The carriage ride up to Hogwarts is silent, tense and almost insufferable.

Ron’s barely spoken a word since his encounter with Draco, and though you weren’t present, you can only imagine how it went down. His mouth is twisted into a thin frown as he fixes a glare on the floor of the carriage, body rigid with frustration. A dark red flush singes the tips of his ears, a result of his sour mood that simmers beneath his skin.

Hermione keeps eying you with a calculating look, as though she’s dissecting your thoughts and body language and tagging each movement carefully. Her lips are pressed together in a thin line like she’s taming her words back into her throat and is silently forcing them into that spot beneath her sternum where all her other secrets lay hidden. She keeps fiddling with the hem of her robes, weaving the fabric between her fingers to stifle her nervous twitch.

Harry stares out the window, watching the rain and refusing to meet your eye in some sort of silent protest against you. He’s hard to read when he’s like this; silent and solemn and withdrawn into those deep, dark crevices in his mind. You think about reaching out and covering his hand with yours but think better of it.

Guilt plucks your ribs. You should never have left them.

It feels stupid, starting the school year like this. As a group, you’ve been through worse things. You’ve all faced bigger enemies and worse life-threatening circumstances. Why should a couple of secrets stand in the way of a friendship that has endured so much danger?

“So, what were you guys talking about before I arrived?” You ask, curiously glancing between Ron, Hermione and Harry. Harry bristles ever so slightly.

“We were just speculating about what Charlie and Bill were banging on about earlier,” Ron replies, hastily.

“Draco mentioned something too,” Harry snips, his voice clipped and cold.

“Something is supposed to be happening?” You ask, and Harry shrugs.

“I wish they’d just tell us already,” Ron whined, “I’ve had it with all this secrecy. Just spit it out already.”

“We’ll probably find out tonight,” Hermione deduces, and the carriage sinks into silence again.

Lightning forks across the sky, flooding the carriage with white light before evaporating in an instant. Raindrops feel like bullets pounding on the roof, trying to get inside.

“I can’t wait to eat,” you blurt, cradling your stomach, “The welcoming feast is all I’ve been thinking about...”

“Oh yes,” Hermione agrees, the beginning of a smile tickling her lips, “and I can’t wait to watch the Sorting Ceremony!”

“Welcoming the first years,” you smile fondly, “Merlin, remember our first year?”

“How could I forget?” Hermione sighs, “That was the year we first learned Wingardium Leviosa!”

“So you’re not going to mention the fact that our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was a fraud with You Know Who attached to his head like some sort of evil fungus?” Ron snaps, coldly.

Hermione narrows her eyes and speaks carefully, composedly, “Well, yes, I thought that was fairly obvious though-”

“Aw, remember Norbert?” you interject, hurriedly, “Remember watching him hatch?”

“Yeah,” Harry says, distantly, “Remember how hard it was to smuggle him out of Hogwarts?”

“Ooh and you impersonated the Bloody Baron to keep Peeves off our tracks? That was so clever...”

You catch a hint of a smile ghosting across Harry’s face, though it’s obscured by the low light, “We still got in trouble, though,”

“It was worth it,” you say, thinking back to Hagrid's concerned face, “I can’t imagine what sort of trouble Hagrid would have gotten into if he was discovered. And Norbert was such a cute, little baby...”

“That ‘cute little baby’ nearly killed me,” Ron snaps, fingers grazing the scar on his hand.

Hermione scoffs, “I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

“Uh, no, not really,” Ron barks, indignantly, “Unless you forgot about the part where I was in the Hospital Wing for weeks after that thing poisoned me with its tiny, little devil fangs.”

“Ron, he bit you out of self-defence.”

“Well maybe if Hagrid were more strict-“

“-Don’t blame Hagrid for your own stupidity-“

“-Oh, so now I’m stupid?”

“-Well, only a fool would try to feed a dragon at night.”

“We’re nearly there!” You exclaim, deliberately raising your voice over Ron and Hermione’s argument. You point out of the window to the Hogwarts castle, using it as a distraction from the knot tugging in your stomach.

A heavy silence looms over the carriage again. Ron and Hermione have turned away from each other, both of them stubbornly staring out of the window. You glance at Harry who glances back at you uneasily, and though it’s only a brief exchange, a shimmer of hope bursts inside of you.

Harry looks away, unaware of your hovering fingers that draw closer to his hand, reluctant to touch the skin of his knuckles. Before you can make contact, the carriage rolls to a stop and, to your regret and dismay, the opportunity passes.

The carriage doors fly open, and Ron and Hermione slip out wordlessly. Harry gives you a side glance before climbing out himself. You follow his lead and quicken your pace to catch up with him and Ron. The four of you bow your heads to avoid the rain and climb up the flight of steps hastily. By the time you reach the great, oak doors, you are completely soaked and shivering against the cool air.

The doors swing open and you all pile into the entrance hall, dripping wet as you slip and slide across the floor. The doors close shut behind you as you crowd around the entrance hall, waiting for Professor McGonagall.

“Hey, (Y/N),” says a meek voice from behind you and Neville Longbottom’s shy, dimpled face comes into view, “How were your holidays?”

“Hi, Neville,” you beam, “They were...eventful. Thanks for asking. How were yours?”

Neville glances at his feet, “The opposite, actually. I had to help Nan with her bunions. They’re the size of golf balls and the only thing that helps shrink them is this cream made from mandrake puss and garden-knome salvia. Then I had to poke a hole in her bunions and–oh my god, why am I telling you this?”

Neville smacks his forehead with such a loud slap, it nearly startles you. He winces and rubs the red mark emerging right in the middle of his forehead, “You probably don’t want to hear that.”

You chuckle at his bashful expression and loop your arm through his, “It’s okay. But before I forget, I should thank you for sending me your Herbology book. It worked miracles.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” he murmurs, fumbling with his robes, “Just helping a friend in need.”

“Well it certainly helped me, big time,” you say, giving him an encouraging smile, “I’m absolutely rubbish at Herbology but that book really helped me with my essay. I have it in my trunk so when we get back to the castle, I’ll give it back to you.”

“Nah, you can have it,” Neville shrugs, not meeting your eye, “I mean, if you want it, that is..”

You consider him fondly in the low light, clamping your bottom lip between your teeth thoughtfully. Neville glances at his feet, ducking his chin to hide his blush.

“That’s very generous of you…thank you.”

Neville shrugs again, all sweet and bashful, an adorable, pink flush rising up his neck.

“So,” Neville starts, scratching the back of his neck, “How come you weren’t with Harry today, in the compartment? I missed you...”

“Oh, I was sitting with...another friend,” as you say it, a thought pops into your head and you perk up a little straighter, “Hey do you know anything about Noah Underwood?”

Neville’s brows furrow in thought, “Not really. He’s in Slytherin and he’s a muggle-born. Oh, and he hangs around the greenhouses a lot.”

“He does?” You ask and Neville nods. You beam at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you so much!”

Neville freezes at first, but his shock fades as he hugs you back, “No-No problem.”

“Hey! (Y/N)!” A familiar voice calls out to you from behind and you turn, finding Harper Shacklebolt charging toward you. The editor and chief of The Howler looks harried but determined and strikingly beautiful as she shoves a sixth-year Ravenclaw aside to reach you. Her braids are pulled back into a bun worthy of McGonagall’s praise, and she has the kind of fierce passion in her dark eyes that could strike fear in the hearts of all the boys around her.

“Hi Harper,” You smile, untangling yourself from around Neville’s shoulders “How were your holidays?”

Harper nods dismissively, “They were fine. Listen, we’re having a meeting this evening after the welcoming feast in the Newsroom. Be there at eight thirty. There will be a few announcements and new members joining us.”

You nod and wave as she charges off, slipping into a second-year Hufflepuff as she leaves.

Beside you, Ron and Harry are engaged in a whispered conversation. You try to lean into the conversation, easing yourself closer slowly, slowly, slowly...

And then you’re slipping.

Harry catches you before you can hit the ground, his hands flying to your waist and holding you close. You’re close enough to feel his heart hammering in his chest, sending shockwaves down your spine. Harry tears his hands away from you a second too late. Beside you, Ron snorts a laugh and reaches over to pat your head affectionately.

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Neville splutters, blushing furious shades of red, “I–er–I didn’t mean to bump into you– I’m such an idiot–”

“No it’s okay,” you breathe, voice trembling as the warmth from Harry’s touch ghosts over your waist, heating your skin beneath your clothes. Neville opens his mouth to apologise more but he doesn’t get the chance.

Professor McGonagall dashes our of the Great Hall, nearly colliding with a student.

“Well hurry up you lot,” She snaps, ironing her hands down the front of her robes as she composes herself, “The Sorting Ceremony will begin in ten minutes time and we have a very important announcement to make!”

***

The Howler’s Newsroom is alive with excitement.

Seven loyal and dedicated members of the weekly newsletter crowd around, chatting animatedly about the exciting announcement. It’s wonderful being back and seeing all the friendly faces that you have known since you joined last year. You watch them all with mild interest.

Anthony ‘Ant’ Goldstein, comic artist for the newsletter, hovers near the door looking exasperated as he listens to an excitable Colin Creevey, a new member to the team.

Standing next to Harper is Daisy Tate, a Slytherin in Harper’s year and also Head Photographer. She seems to be staring down at something, her stoic expression as bland as ever.

Next to Daisy stands Troy Hammond, the Head Artist, who always has acrylic paint under his nails and a paintbrush tucked behind his ear. Troy has always been a kind and gentle person, always willing to sit and listen if you ever have problems, and he often finds himself doing so a lot. He also happens to be one of Cedric’s best friends...

Go figure

The last two members of the team are actually sitting on either side of you; Padma Patil, a Writer like yourself, and Dean Thomas, an artist. As you and Padma murmur excitedly, Dean sketches a quick portrait of you and Padma, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his lips as he concentrates.

“So that’s what all the fuss was about,” Padma’s eyes shimmer as her smile grows, “A Triwizard Tournament! How exciting!”

“I know!” You grin, twirling your quill in your hand, “My mum always used to tell stories to Luke and I when we were kids. Never thought it would happen though it’s a shame about Quidditch.”

“Yes, terribly,” Padma muses, but her smile reappears, “We’re going to have so much to write about this year in the Howler!”

“Indeed,” Harper says, and everyone falls silent at the sound of her voice, “Which is precisely what this meeting will be about. Before I continue, though, we will be introducing some new members to our team.”

Harper strides toward the door and pulls it open, and Juniper Cross enters. The Hufflepuff head girl looks startlingly beautiful with yellow flowers pinned to her thick Afro and a radiant smile drawn across her face. You hear the whole room exhale a breath of admiration in her presence.

“She always looks so lovely,” Padma whispers, equal parts in awe and envy of Juniper, “I think she uses that special antioxidant cream every night.”

You bite your lip as Juniper grins, standing next to Harper.

“Ah I’m so excited to be joining the team,” Juniper cheers, voice kind and sweet as honey, “I can’t wait to get to work with you all!”

“Don’t you have Head Girl duties or something?” Anthony blurts, and Harper shoots him a glare.

Juniper smiles gracefully, “Yes. But my role in this team will not be as predominant as the rest of you. With both Professor McGonagall blessing, I will be Head of the Astrology section of the newsletter.”

“Astrology section?” Anthony’s brows furrow, “Isn’t that just staring into a tea cup and hoping for the best?”

To everyone’s surprise, Juniper actually laughs.

“Don’t worry, at first I had my doubts about Astrology but then I discovered that some people have the gift, while others...” she trails off, looking pointedly at Ant, “...Don’t. I find that it’s those who don’t have the gift that are sceptical, possibly because they’ve come to the realisation that Astrology chooses you, you don’t choose it.”

Ant quietens at that, having taken Junipers point seriously.

“Since we are on the subject of those with the gift,” Harper pipes up, stepping forward, “We also have two astrologers who will be joining the team.”

You are surprised for a second time in five minutes as you watch Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil enter the room. Parvati meets your eyes and waves excitedly. You grin back at her and Padma gives her a thumbs up. As Lavender and Parvati introduce themselves, you lean into Padma.

“I didn’t know Parvati and Lavender were joining the team,” you whisper and Padma stifles a giggle.

“It was a secret,” Padma murmurs back, “Sorry I didn’t indulge you.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“Thank you Lavender, Parvati,” Harper nods to both of them and they flinch as though she had narrowed a wand at them, “Now, our final member of the team will be joining the Photography department, so please welcome –”

Your eyes travel from Harper to the figure standing in the doorway, and with a slight shock, you realise exactly who the newest member of the team is...

“– Noah Underwood.”

Anger you didn’t realise you had flares inside of you, prior feelings of pity vanishing completely. How could someone possibly encroach on your privacy and then throw you into a week of emotional turmoil by sending a strange letter to you? The past week of conflicting emotions is a direct result of him and his stupid camera. Your fingers curl into fists beneath the table.

“Noah Underwood?” Padma hisses, eying him shrewdly, “The loner from Slytherin? What is Harper thinking?”

“Apparently, he’s a good photographer,” you snip, thinking back to the picture sitting in your pocket, and you can’t even hide the frustration from your voice as you study him closely.

The first thing you notice about him is how confusingly, annoyingly attractive he is, despite being freakishly tall and gangly, which is perhaps the reason why he slouches. He’s still wearing that black beanie that he hasn’t taken off his head since he first came to Hogwarts, and peaking out from beneath it are thick curls of raven-black hair. He’s also not wearing his Slytherin robes, which you find odd, but Noah is odd anyway so you figure it fits. Over the top of a black v-neck, Noah is wearing a leather aviator jacket that is a size too big for him, and black jeans.

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Dean whispers, “I’m glad Colin won’t be the only photographer on the team. It’s bad enough having to share a common room with him.”

Padma giggles into her elbow, and Harper’s eyes snap straight to her, drilling her with a glare. Padma coils submissively.

“Introduce yourself, Noah,” Harper orders, and Noah shrugs.

“I’m Noah,” he says, apathetically, his hands jammed into his pockets, “And I like photography more than I like people.”

There is a beat of silence, everyone slightly stunned by Noah’s blunt remark. Harper thoughtfully fiddles with the gold locket hanging from her neck.

“Good,” Harper nods, approvingly, “We’re not here to be friends, we’re here to work so you should fit right in.”

“Except fitting in isn’t really his ‘thing’,” Padma murmurs, and Dean snorts beside you.

“Alright, everyone take a seat,” Harper barks, and everyone rushes to their seats, “Our meeting will now begin.”

***

Noah is out of the door before you even get a chance to talk to him.

You feel rude as you give hurried apologies to your friends and shoulder past them, rushing for the door. To your surprise, he’s riding a skateboard down the corridor. It looks..strange, like it shouldn’t belong here (It doesn’t, but thats not the point.)

“Noah,” you call, and he skids to a stop, stepping off his skateboard and turning to face you as you approach him in long strides, “I’m (Y/N) And–”

“-I know who you are,” Noah interrupts, studying you intently.

“Right. Anyway, I need your help with something.”

Noah cocks an eyebrow in mild interest as you reach into your pockets and retrieve the photo, thrusting it into his grasp with slightly trembling hands.

“You took this photo, and I want to know why.”

Noah studies it, his face a mask of apathy, completely unreadable despite your best efforts. As his eyes move across the picture, you can’t help but notice how unnervingly dark they are. In fact, his eyes are so dark, you can’t tell where his irises end and his pupils begin. They’re the kind of dark that makes you wonder how many souls he’s absorbed, and the way they glint in the light suggests he’s probably lost count.

Finally, he sniffs and hands it back to you.

“I don’t know what this is,” Noah finally snips, his voice a lot deeper than you remember, “It’s not one of mine. I wasn’t at the Quidditch World Cup.”

“I don’t believe you,” you say, sternly, folding your arms across your chest.

“I don’t care if you believe me. I wasn’t there.”

You glare at him, fists clenching the inside of your robes. He is a blank slate, not even an inch of emotion flicking across his face despite the fact that you’re accusing him of something he may or may not have done. You try to even your emotions, trying to keeping your face a calm and composed canvas.

“If you weren’t there, then why was this photo identified as one of yours?” You ask, jutting your chin at the photo in his hands.

“Who identified it?” Noah queries, and you press your lips together tightly.

“A source.”

Noah scoffs, indignantly, “Well, whoever they are, they’re wrong,” Noah sighs, handing you the photo, “My muggle camera went missing and, like I already told you, I wasn’t at the Quidditch World Cup.”

“Well, where were you?”

“Is this an interrogation?”

“Does it matter?”

Noah gives a derisive snort, “Yes. It does. To me, the person you’re accusing of stalking. So if you don’t have any hard evidence, I’m going to go back to my common room.”

“Why? So you can retreat into your room and sulk?” You snap, hands resting on your hips.

There is a moment where it looks as though Noah is going to smile. Instead, he shakes his head.

“Yeah. That’s right. Because that’s what I do when people stereotype me as the weird, lonely photographer who obsesses over pretty girls...”

You exhale a shaky sigh as you realise that he’s right. It was wrong for you to allow your pent-up emotions to overwhelm you. You roll your shoulders, relaxing into your robes.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry, that was wrong,” you murmur, glancing at your feet, “You said that your camera went missing. When did you first notice it was gone?”

“At the end of last year,” Noah answers, folding his arms over his chest, “Someone must have pinched it on the train back to Platform 9 3/4. I've printed out fliers and I’m on my way to Professor Snape right now to inform him.”

You nod carefully, taking mental notes. It’s hard to tell if he’s lying, having such a perfectly trained expression.

“Okay. Thanks, I guess,” you murmur, folding the photo and slipping it into your pocket. Noah shrugs, dropping his skateboard, and you turn, starting back toward the Newsroom.

“Oh, and (Y/N),” Noah calls and you pause, “You wanted to know where I was on the day of the World Cup?”

You spin around and face him, mildly interested as you nod. Moonlight pours through the glass-stained windows and soak him in a ghostly silhouette, like a dark angel standing in the corridor.

“I was in London, visiting my sisters grave,” He murmurs, coldly, regret bleeding into his words like scarlet-red blood.

He quickly turns away and rides off before you can say another word, leaving you speechless, guilt climbing into your gut and curling up there like a beast.

***

“So, how was the meeting?”

Hermione sits crossed-legged on her bed, running her fingers through Crookshanks fur.

“Don’t tell anyone yet but we have a new Astrology section making its debut next week,” You say, as Nightshade curls up at your side. You smirk at Hermione’s exasperated scowl.

“I thought Harper Shacklebolt was more dignified and logical than that,” Hermione snips, agitated by the new discovery, “It doesn’t matter, I still admire her. Anything else?”

“Well, we also have new members,” you start, reaching into your bedside table and grabbing a small handful of cat treats for Nightshade, “One of them is Noah Underwood.”

Hermione gasps, “Really? Merlin. Did you-“

“-Already one step ahead of you,” you giggle as Nightshade begins to nibble her treats from your cupped palm. Her tongue is slightly serrated, and it tickles as she scrapes it along your soft skin, “Noah wasn’t even at the World Cup, he was visiting his sisters grave on the day which made me feel bloody terrible for drilling him as though he were a criminal. But he’s still a suspect.”

Hermione stands and pins his name to your pinboard, her brows knitted together in contemplation as she studies the board.

“So he has an alibi,” she sighs, as Crookshanks curls himself around her leg, “Did he say anything else?”

“Well, he told me that his muggle camera went missing on the way home from Hogwarts,” you recall, standing and meeting Hermione in front of the board. You scribble ‘Missing Camera’ onto a piece of paper and pin it beneath his name, “So either someone stole it or he’s lying.”

“Well, do you think he’s lying about his alibi?” Hermione asks, glancing at you thoughtfully.

You cock your head as you study each letter of his name, mulling Hermione’s words over, before murmuring, “I don’t trust him, but I don’t think he’s lying.”

Hermione nods, satisfied with your response. You both stare at the pin board for a moment longer, lost in your thoughts. The sound of girlish giggling sounds from behind your closed door, sweeping up the dormitory staircase like a sickly-sweet breeze, and you approach the board.

“A mouse does not trust a hungry snake,” you murmur in Latin, pressing your wand to the board and watching as the pinboard vanished into the wall. Hermione glances at you, impressed.

“Nice charm work,” she smiles.

“Thanks,” you chirp, “Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs gave me the idea.”

Hermione opens her mouth to comment further, but Lavender and Parvati burst in before she can.

“(Y/N),” Lavender manages through giggles, “You have a visitor.”

Parvati giggles and whispers something to Lavender, which provokes girlish laughter to bubble from Lavenders lips.

“Okay,” you sigh, and Hermione gives you a pleading look. You smile at her apologetically, “Thanks, Lavender.”

Your curiosity piqued, you give Nightshade a final pat and leave your room, descending the staircase and entering the common room. Neville and Ginny smile at you from their game of Wizard Chess as you pass, and you flash them a smile.

“Where are you off too so late at night?” Ginny asks, a single brow raised teasingly.

“Someone is waiting for me outside,” you reply, grinning at her expression as the portrait door swings open, “It’s probably just some weirdo-“

You stop mid-sentence, a burning blush creeping up your neck.

“Hi, (Y/N).”

Cedric Diggory’s perfect smile beams at you, eyes shimmering, hands lazily wedged into his pockets.

“Oh, Cedric, H-hi,” You splutter, stupidly, feeling like a bitch for the second time tonight, “I didn’t mean what I - I mean - I don’t think you’re a-”

“- A weirdo?” Cedric mimics, his smile stretching into a grin, “I know. I probably am a weirdo for visiting so late in the evening but...I wanted to see you.”

“Me too,” you smile, your heart clumsy and foolish and swelling in your chest, “I mean, I wanted to see you as well...”

Cedric laughs, and the sound plucks every single heart string in your chest as though it were an instrument designed just for him.

“I’m glad,” he reaches over and tentatively takes your hand, “I want to show you something.”

You bite your lip, chewing your nerves away, fingers intertwining with his and soaking in the warmth of his skin.

“Well, go on girl,” the Fat Lady snaps from behind you, “Before I figure out a way to leave this painting and take off with such a charming, young man.”

A gentle, romantic shade of pink kisses Cedric’s cheek, “I appreciate the compliment, Ma’am, but I could never betray the trust of the beautiful girl I’ve come to like...” he gazes pointedly at you. You twirl a ribbon of hair around your finger, hoping your cheeks are not as red as they feel.

“Such a gentleman,” you hear the Fat Lady swoon from behind you as Cedric leads you into the night.

***

The Prefects Bathroom looks as though it’s been stolen from a romance novel and pinned in front of your eyes.

Floating candles hover in the air, scenting the bathroom with a subtle fragrance that changes the more you breathe in. It’s like Cedric’s bottled a cauldron of Amortentia and poured it into each, individual candle.

Rose petals have been sprinkled artistically across the floor, creating a trail that leads to a chocolate fondue machine and a large bowl of fruit and marshmallows. There is a bottle of what you can only assume is sparkling cherry-apple juice, a sweet delicacy enjoyed only by the richest of wizards and witches, and a personal favourite of yours (how did he know? Could he get any more perfect, the bastard).

Your eyes are drawn to the most touching feature in the room; An elegant bouquet of fire lilies. It’s a memento from your and Cedric’s past, a personal touch that has your heart swelling, overflowing the confines of your ribcage like a bubbling love potion inside the cauldron in your chest.

You bite your lip and inhale the sweet scents, releasing a sigh of satisfaction as you store the moment deep inside your lungs like a Polaroid picture.

“Wow” You finally sigh, reduced to moonstruck awe and admiration of Cedric’s dedication, “You really went all out didn’t you?”

Cedric regards you warmly, “I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic. Besides, I wanted to give you the best, that’s what you deserve.”

Cedric tugs his bottom lip between his teeth like he’s blurted too much, and your cheeks ache as your smile widens on its own accord.

“So...” you trail off, stepping closer to him and teasing him with a smirk, “Did you fancy a late night skinny dip?”

Cedric snorts a laugh, watching you with glittering eyes, “Not exactly.”

You grin wickedly at him, maintaining eye contact as you carefully peel back your robes, “Well I do.”

A rosy blush blossoms on Cedric’s cheeks, “Oh, I-I guess this is happening, then.”

You laugh as you whirl around, your back to his chest, “Do you mind unzipping my skirt?”

“Not at all,” he murmurs, voice warm and low in your ear, and a shiver drips languidly from each vertebra in your spine like long, amber strands of honey. He fiddles clumsily with the zip before finally triumphing and tugging on it gently. Once the zip is undone, he steps away and turns around, giving you privacy as you strip down to your underwear and climb into the large, golden bath.

You sigh and close your eyes as the warm water soaks into your skin, rejuvenating your muscles. The water shifts and ripples around you and you open your eyes, finding Cedric by your side. He’s close, though you can still make out the defined muscles of his torso, occasionally flexing in the water. He’s an amalgam of masculine strength and gentle softness, strong but unassuming, certain but meek and oddly vulnerable. It’s disarming, and it makes you feel like he’s giving you control, reassuring you that he’s willing to stay within any boundaries you have carefully constructed.

In short, he’s the handsome gentleman every teenage girl dreams of having.

“I hope this is okay,” Cedric murmurs, shyly.

“Okay?” You echo, smiling broadly, “This is perfect, Cedric. It’s exactly what I needed.”

Cedric smiles and pours you a glass of cherry-apple juice. For what feels like hours, the two of you sit and enjoy each other’s company, laughing and joking and indulging in the fondue treats. The outside world seems to melt away like you and Cedric have created a pocket of your own universe where everything is whimsically romantic and surreal and seeped in sepia and nothing like the corrupt reality outside of this bubble that is threatening to devour it.

For the first time in a week, you finally feel calm, like Cedric is a home not build from bricks or marble but a home built by teenage dreams.

“Thank you, again,” you sigh, savouring the taste of chocolate on your tongue, and Cedric flashes a warm, genuine smile.

“It was nothing. Seriously, all of this is nothing compared to–” Cedric stops, bites his lip and smooths it over with the tip of his tongue.

“Compared to?” You watch him as he sighs, conceding.

“Compared to how you make me feel.”

You blink at him, wondering with a feeling of dread whether this is all a dream, and you pinch yourself just in case. When you realise it’s not, you smile, the weight and length of it nearly splitting your face in half, your heart feeling like an overgrown pumpkin from Hagrid's patch, because this is real, and nothing really matters anymore, none of it, because he’s moving closer and so are you and he’s bending down and you’re reaching up, and he’s raising a hand to your cheek and you’re parting your lips, waiting, yearning for that earth-shattering moment when your lips will finally meet, and Merlin this is not a dream, not anymore–

A peel of gleeful laughter fills the air.

You and Cedric wrench apart, startled by the intruder, who floats over to you grinning for the first time in what you suspect has been many years.

“So the pretty girl has found someone who’s willing to kiss her,” Moaning Myrtle sneers. She narrows a glare on you when she recognises Cedric, “And it’s the handsome one, too.”

“Could we have some privacy, please Myrtle?” You snap, acutely aware of the flimsy pieces of underwear you’re currently wearing.

Myrtle’s bottom lip quivers, “I get awfully lonely here by myself, yet you have all the boys drooling over you like you’ve cast a spell on them. It’s simply not fair.”

“I’m-I’m sure you’ll find someone, Myrtle,” Cedric offers, expression kind and hopeful.

Myrtle heaves a sigh, “Someday, maybe,” her gloomy, transparent face suddenly lights up with glee, “But I’ll relish in telling the Boy who Lived that the girl he’d die for has found someone else to go on adventures with.”

You steel your spine and look her directly in the eye, speaking firmly, “Myrtle, please. I think it’s time you left.”

Myrtle sighs, defeated, her eyes welling up with tears, “Fine! I will! But, just so you know, I’ll be his shoulder to cry on...metaphorically speaking.”

And with that, Myrtle disappears into the pipes, her wails echoing through the bathroom.

***

Cedric drops you off with a goodbye kiss on the cheek that makes you feel like a burning sunset; warm and beautiful and seeped in daydreams.

You manage to float up the stairs to the girls' dormitory without tripping, creep into your bedroom, and change into your pyjamas without waking anyone, a skill you’ve practised since knowing Harry Potter.

The girls are already fast asleep, curtains drawn on the four-poster beds and curled beneath the sheets. Hermione is even muttering in her sleep.

Climbing into bed, you pull the sheets right up to your nose and grin goofily, thankful that no one can see you. Your churning anxiety doesn’t seem so overwhelming in this moment, Cedric washing away your fears like a river of holy water. And, though you’re life may be shrouded in mystery, at least Cedric can be your guiding light, the single truth you can cling to.

You fall asleep smiling, oblivious to what the next few weeks have in store.

tagging: @marauderskeeper @weaselby418 @acciorinn @hervench @harrvjpotter @depressed-octopods-art @romanofftasha @moonpeachs @emi-loser @steph-fowlie @lilulo-12 @randomfangirl17 @asofslytherin @seunlight if i have forgotten to tag you, please tell me! sorry if i have. i love you. also if you want to be tagged, pls send me an ask :)) thanks for reading babes

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chiseki · 5 years

Text

Figured I’d make this an intro post, since I’m pretty much using this alternate url as an “out” url compared to my usual vagueness.

I’m Joshua. Yes, that matches the sidebar, so it’s not really surprising here.

And that would surprise an entire two people following my main blog that know me irl because the rest were previously informed. Maybe three people, I forget if the last one is on tumblr or not.

Which is, by the way, ““““““““fun”““““““““

Yup, having like three local friend circles that had relations to each other outside of myself, and only one of them being in the know is fun.

You can basically stop reading at this point, because from here on out is just gonna be a massive time rewind to.....jeez, fuck if I know when, my childhood? I promise there will be time skips, we don’t need that mess played at normal tempo. (Also some funny stories after the giant gap in the text, if you want to scroll for that).

Most of this story is actually located in college, but the only real indicator (aside from having a general dislike of dresses) was way back when I was in all of second grade--apparently I was so damn insulted I burned all these facts into my memory--and an older kid was brought into the classroom, gave us this cool sales pitch about do we want to learn to shoot a bow, go camping, build campfires, etc

and then was like “OH YEAH THIS IS THE BOY SCOUTS IT’S BOYS ONLY”

I was so hyped lol.

Wound up being in a mediocre girl scout troop later, and my brother obviously got directed into boy scouts. At which point I got to find out that their camping trips were mostly getting rained on and finding black windows and getting taught woodworking by a dude missing a chunk of finger.

So more suffering than child me would have expected, but they still got to build fires and go REAL camping and shoot bows and rifles and shit.

Meanwhile, in girl scouts, we went to this one set of cabins every year. We never stayed in the damn cabins, because someone would find A Bug in there, or a spider, and then someone ELSE would have the same issue, and no one wanted to be in a cabin alone let alone be the only one in the cabins at all, and we always wound up sleeping in the air conditioned lodge that was visible from the damn cabins.

Except the one year where we went to a different camp, stayed in the legendary caboose, and there was a bat sleeping on the outside of the window so no one wanted to sleep there except me.

My scout group was weak.

I miss the cookies, though.

Anyway, due to not being forced into gender-targeted toys and getting to play with whatever the fuck I wanted, I also have jack shit for anything resembling an early warning sign aside from the above.

Actually, scratch that, I was not really a fan of dresses. I mean, this was fair in general, since they were usually scratchy, didn’t fit my arms/shoulders right, were designs I had no say in, and everyone would get on my case if the dress might get even a LITTLE dirty. Had some skirts I liked in middle school, but even that was a mess of having to wear tights because my genes have never resulted in anything resembling a thigh gap.

And I was like, constantly trying to play with the guys in grade school. And they’d periodically get that “NYEHHHHHHH GUYS ONLYYYYYY” shit going on. That was never not infuriating tbh.

Flash forward to high school, still basically left to my own devices. Only indicator here was that I was just tickled fucking pink whenever I heard that I either passed at cons or was at least tossed in the “maybe.......?” zone.

Flash forward to college. I honestly don’t remember what set me off on thinking about it, but started eyeballing my gender with a microscope. Unfortunately I couldn’t apply a litmus test like sexuality, so there was a lot of “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck” going on.

Actually, I think part of it was that on the forum I hung out on, a lot of the old regulars had assumed I was a dude until a childhood friend had dropped a pronoun several times in succession & asserted its correctness, which then led to a discussion along the lines of “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”.

But yeah, started testing the waters.

Also tried going to a LGBT+ club like, once. With the gal I was either dating at the time or was about to be dating, my memory is shit tbh. “HEY SO HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST COME OUT TO EACH OTHER, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS <33333333″ still freaks me out, honestly. I get why it’s generally done, but like, no thanks. But I was horrendously obvious in ducking about the gender question and she totally called me out on it later in private lol. Also got me my first binder, but I digress.

Anyway, basically spilled on “I’m.....probably..............? a dude...........? jsyk??????” to my immediate friends, which was met with a lot of “.....YEAH ACTUALLY THAT MAKES SENSE” and a “hang on I need a dictionary........ok I get it”

I think I was the least smooth part of anything resembling a coming-out just due to like, me not wanting to have to tell people to do things for me? It’s something I find extremely awkward, like I know it’s that horribly stereotypical dating thing of “what’s wrong, bby, what do I have to do” “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO” but.

And that’s an entire digression about how my relationship with my mother often included me saying a lot of shit I had to say convincingly, but didn’t mean at all, and probably led to me having fuckall faith in what people say, most especially when under a forced prompt. I could do an essay on that, but not here.

Which, admittedly, I’m gonna rewind here because I think it’s funny in hindsight, but it means the dictionary reaction went like “SO...........I’M.............TRANS?” “What?” [thinking this is pushback on the idea] [PANIC MODE] “UH” “Like, literally, what does that word mean, I've never heard it in my life.” “OH. WELL. Heh. Uh. That internal reaction I had was embarrassing then, oops.”

Anyway.

Then the collective action was, “well, have you picked a name what do you MEAN you haven’t picked a name, we can’t just run about calling you by your deadname after all that”

And I tossed some names out, that I’m not going to list, because they were just fucking awful. So I got interventioned and the method became throwing names at me until they stuck.

Adam? Nah I knew an Adam and I can’t unassociate with that

Noah? Violin teacher’s third kid was named Noah. Same issue with Gabriel and Caleb.

Benjamin? I fucking grew up with a Benjamin he would kill me.

you get the idea.

And those were like, actual reasonable rejections. At least half the time I was just like “I DON’T LIKE HOW IT SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDS.” Take, for example, Josh. I 1) knew one in high school and he was a piece of work and 2) I just, inexplicably, don’t like how the word sounds.

Which is part irony and part masochism that JoshUA stuck.

I mean, that name had pre-existing connotations for me. I had played..........a game.........in high school. And given that my options were pretty shafted to Stereotypical White Boy Names if I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, some positive(?) pre-existing connotations were going to be needed.

Incidentally, I had a v. sweet trans girl offer me her deadname, which was a cool name, but just, like, didn’t fit me in particular so. She also picked her name by RNG tournament, with the top 10 baby names for her year being the competitors. Which was neat and worked well for her, but I know I would have just re-run the fucking tourney if I didn’t like the winner lol.

But anyway, continuing on to a less flowery story. I’ll add some blank lines so it’s skippable. No need to set off every other person with gender issues here.

Decided to come out to my family. Apparently time fuzzed down my memories of being devoured by mosquitos outside while my parents were trying to decipher that their kid was holding hands with a girl in the back of the van and that girl had been planned to sleep over that night, and despite the fact that booth teens wouldn’t be jumping to sex that fast nor had the equipment to make a kid between them....it was Reason For Concern like a straight couple sharing a bed.

I mean, my mom was convinced that anything touching the nether regions was SEX and PREMARITAL SEX was EVIL. But I digress.....again.

So. I tell them. And the reaction ranged from “well ok I mean you’ve always been weird” (thanks, bro) to “uh I guess my last name’s odds of getting inherited just doubled........?” to “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Yeah. That last one was word for word. Some stuff was thrown, lots of crying (”I CAN’T EVEN DO MY MAKEUP AND IT’S YOUR FAULT”)--both of which were not my doing, though I got shocked(?) into my own set of tears iirc.

I think I set a speed record for climbing back into the closet. Like, a week later, everyone was pretending it never happened. I sorta emotionally cut ties with my mom at that point--kept it civil, but Did Not Want to discuss my life or friends at all with her or in any way that would get back to her.

So obviously, no one in my family knows I go by Joshua. If they asked, I would tell them, but lo and behold, zero questions, they never brought it up again, etc. And I’ve been very careful about not letting that knowledge spread, not putting it on the internet in a way that connects back to my legal name, being primed at any point to pretend “Joshua” is a mutual friend and to not respond to that name if someone accidentally calls me by it.

Incidentally, during Yet Another Family Counseling that was at least performed at an individual level this time, my mom apparently told the counselor that she thought she handled that well. Last I checked, making the situation about yourself and doing the whole “woe is me, the mother, with a child like this” shpeal was not “well”.

And I mean the WHOLE shpeal. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see the posts by parents of trans kids that wax soliloquy about losing their child and mourning their “death” (especially the ones that aren’t all “but I got a new kid!”) like, the ones especially cut from the same cloth that would be like “my child is autistic but ~I~ am the inspiration for waking up in the morning” like no, your kid is the inspiration for dealing with you.

And if anyone is wondering, this is basically the Midwest Stereotype for....LGBT, interracial dating, etc rejection imo. Seemingly ok with it, but NO WAIT HANG ON, NOT MY CHILD. Like, I legit had trans kids explained to me (albeit without terms for it) at a relatively young age by my mother and yet. “X exists but not in our good christian neighborhood” attitude. Ugh.

So where was I? Hmm, yes, funny Joshua stories. Ok I have like ONE story. One of my friends that was in the know finally got me to play Trails in the Sky. Now, this sucker has a chunk of text lead-in with a ~mysterious~ boy that young Estelle’s father has brought home, and the whole discussion skips his name, ending on “my name is....”. Then it time-skips to present day, finally casually dropping this dude’s name, which, obviously, is Joshua.

My friend did not tell me this.

No warning, nada. Only Estelle had really come up in conversation.

And then we collectively dragged another friend into the abyss with us, except he wasn’t in the know. We also had him streaming his playing sessions when our schedules coincided, which led to--because of a shitty accuracy stat--him yelling (as we did) “JOSHUA!” frequently in combat.

I debated on just responding “Yes?” randomly one day in the most casual closet-exit possible. Then procrastinated by deciding to just be out with it at the end of the first game since he’d also played twewy.

Some of you have probably started to eye my avatars with judgement in your hearts. That’s fair.

Anyway, we had forgotten about another character that practically had his name, so at least I had someone to share my weird feelings with.

And then, he started the second game, and I didn’t hold back on responding “yes?” every time “Joshua” was used as an interjection.

Also because of that one post about biblical names, I will respond to any use of “Jesus”.

#chiseki talks about chiseki

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princessdevy03 · 7 years

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Author’s Note: I have a chafe on my lower lip. Can somebody come and kiss it better?

Sealed With A Kiss

Kevin quietly closed the door to the garage and leaned against it as he took a deep breath and let home settle into his bones as he toed off his shoes and kicked them into the cubby hole Edd kept by the door.

He rolled his weary neck and came alive at the sound of laughter coming from the master bedroom.

A quizzical look crossed his face as he placed the pizza box in his hands in the refrigerator and the laughter died down to a snicker and then a gasp before silence filled the house again.

Trudging through the kitchen, he took the backstairs up to the second floor of the house and that’s when he heard it.

The soft whip of a crisp page being turned.

When Kevin got to their bedroom door, he saw Edd literally curled up with a book.

Knees in his chest, the book cradled between them, his arms wrapped around the sheets and blankets over his legs, reading glasses on the tip of his button nose, earbuds in his ears.

And Kevin’s mind flashed back to many a rainy fall Saturday in high school, a crisp winter morning in college, cool spring nights at their first apartment, and bright summer mornings spent on the deck when they first bought the house with Edd’s nose stuck in a book, earbuds in his ears completely oblivious to the world around him.

Despite a good fifteen years between the time he first saw him like this and now, there was still something about the light in his eyes; a child-like yearning for knowledge.

Most of the knowledge came in the form of math and science books, more often than not these days, though, the knowledge was elbow deep in lab reports that he had to decipher to make the correct diagnosis for the doctors in the hospital across town.

But occasionally, the knowledge would be in the form of a comic book, murder mystery series, or the memoir or autography of someone he looked up to.

Tonight, however, it was the latest installment in some chick lit series that one of the interns at the hospital introduced him to that they read whenever they needed something to take their mind of the stress of the job, but still feel like they were engaging their brain a bit.

What struck Kevin the most about the whole scene wasn’t just the fact he was reading a book that was light on any sort of intellectual fare, but that the stack of reports, text books and references he used to decipher the lab result’s, and his laptop were being ignored.

As he stepped into the room, his shadow from the hallway’s night light cast its long, dark cover across the room and Edd looked up from his book, near wide eyed and pleasantly surprised.

And Kevin froze.

It was the same look that Edd gave him when he first approached Edd to ask for “help” on a lab report in their physical science class sophomore year of high school.

A budding friendship had turned into a crush for the redhead and all he really wanted was more time with the smartest of the Eds, but Edd’s time was so monopolized by school, work, his parents’ sudden, heavy involvement in preparing him for college, and his other Ed friends, that Kevin couldn’t think of anything else to do with him that would help him gauge Edd’s interest without letting his own be known.

Edd kindly added him to his schedule and six months later, added him to his quiet life.

It was and now is a life that has its quiet ups and downs, loud celebrations; tears of fury and happiness, and a love lived out loud since the spring semester of junior year of high school when the quiet of who they were got too loud and they couldn’t hear each other for fear of world’s eternal silence.

The world didn’t silence them, and like a deep crescendo, their family and friends surrounded them with love and support.

A deep need wrapped itself in his gut and thudded through his chest as Edd sat up and started to pull his earbuds out of his ears.

“Don’t move.”

Edd gave him a knowing look and Kevin whimpered.

“Please don’t move,” he begged as he emptied his pants pockets of his wallet, keys, phone, and the cough drops that got him through the baseball games he coached at the high school.

Edd cocked a brow and settled back into the bed, picked up his book and pretended to read as Kevin went about his usual routine of dropping the day off at the dresser, ripping his tear away track pants off and tossing them into the hamper with his hoodie.

In the few quick moments it took Kevin to clear out his pockets and shed half his clothes, Edd would catch his eye in the mirror for as split second and the look in Kevin’s eyes had him smoldering.

To be loved was something that Edd hadn’t known he wanted to be until Kevin came along and loved him.

As the redhead’s crush deepened, he would get a longing look in his eyes. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of who Edd was, even with the ravenette rightnexttohim.

With time and so much love returned on Edd’s part, the look eased into simple adoration.

The longing would occasionally return and Edd would jump right into his needy depths, but he hadn’t seen this look in years.

When Kevin’s arm reached around to tug the back of his shirt over his head, Edd said, “Stop.”

Kevin looked at him in confusion until Edd looked over his reading glasses and beckoned him to the bed with one crooked finger.

Kevin stalked to the bed and promptly jumped on it when Edd went to take his glasses off.

“No, no,” he cooed as he put the glasses back in place. When Edd blinked up at him, he said, “It’s just that…you remind me of this guy I used to know.”

“Who?” Edd asked skeptically because they both knew everyone in each other’s lives.

“Just this cutie that grew up across the street from me,” Kevin shrugged and Edd gave him a sly grin.

“Oh, really now?” He snickered.

“Yeah,” Kevin said softly as he tucked a silky black curl behind a perfect ear and pulled his earbuds away. His eyes sparkled as he grinned smugly and said, “But don’t tell my husband.”

“I won’t tell if yours if you don’t tell mine,” Edd said lowly as his eyes grew dark with lust and Kevin flashed him a seductive smile.

“Deal.”

Edd then grabbed the collar of shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, but forgot about a sore spot on his lower lip and the kiss wasn’t as gentle as it should have been.

He pulled back a bit on a whimper and Kevin took his face in his hands as he eyeballed his lips.

“What happened, Baby?” He asked gently as he found the sore spot and his eyes grew concerned.

“I…I dunno,” Edd sighed as he went to bite his lip and Kevin tutted at him as he pulled his lip away from the gap in his teeth.

“You only bite at it when you’re worried and you’ve got a nice sore spot here, so what’s up?” Kevin said as he settled in his lap and crossed his arms.

Edd sighed as he looked at his hands.

He couldn’t really think about how his lip got so sore, but when he woke up yesterday morning, it just was. He put Carmex on it so it would heal up faster and did his best not to nibble at it because he knew that would make it worst, but somehow, it did just that.

“Is it the kids?” Kevin asked because he knew their kids were a handful on a good day and it wore on Edd more than he would ever say.

Edd shook his head no and Kevin caught him glancing at the stack of work on his nightstand as he did so.

“Work?”

Edd couldn’t even meet his knowing gaze as he sighed so he put his face in his hands.

“Baby, you can talk to me. You know that,” Kevin said gently as he tugged Edd’s wrists away from his face and weary blue eyes and a pout greeted him as the doctor’s hands fell away from his face.

“I don’t wanna,” he pouted as he crossed his arms and Kevin couldn’t help the laugh that came out of him.

“And now I know where Noah gets it from,” he grinned as he placed his hands around Edd’s face and drew him in for a kiss.

It was just a small peck to the sore spot on his lip, but Edd could have sworn it healed right up as Kevin pulled away.

“Better?”

Edd nodded, grabbed his collar again, and pulled him in for another kiss, but the way Kevin kissed him back left him shaking.

Their kisses always varied; sweet smooches goodbye, eager lip locks to say hello again, a quick real kiss just because, and hot, passionate kisses that led to clothes being torn away, hickeys laid on sweat slicked skin, and moans drawn from the depths of their souls to communicate just how much he loved and needed him.

But this kiss took Edd back to the beginnings of who they were.

A teasing wrestling-tickle match had ended with Kevin pinned to Edd’s living room floor and instead of saying Uncle, Kevin laced his free forearm around Edd’s, grabbed his collar and pulled him in for kiss that had them in what seemed to be a never ending lip lock, but the grandfather clock in the corner chiming six times as Edd’s mother pulled her car in the garage made it more like thirty minutes.

Just like back then, a needy tongue swiped his lower lip, paying special attention to the sore near the middle of it and when Edd opened his mouth on light moan, Kevin’s tongue eased inside. The dance it did with Edd’s own was slow and delicate, the nervousness that initially accompanied it was long gone but the need was still there.

A heavy hand twisted into his hair, the other gripped his hip, and as Kevin settled between his legs, Edd let out a moan.

Kevin tore his mouth away and his head whipped to the open bedroom door, expecting to hear Lydia whine.

“Mother came by today and took them away.”

Kevin whipped his head back and cocked a brow as Edd went on, a sly smirk playing on his lips, “But don’t tell my husband. He’s pretty protective of his kids.”

“You’re an adult, though,” Kevin grinned as he slid his hands under Edd’s old college swim team tshirt.

“I could say the same about you,” Edd smirked as he ripped Kevin’s shirt off. “But I don’t know too many adults with a body like this. Damn.”

Kevin smiled as awed blue eyes flitted across his torso.

Even in their mid-thirties, Kevin’s body looked like it did when they were in their teens. Muscles stayed toned thanks to daily workouts, Edd’s health conscious diet, and the manager at GNC.

The tan he held in his childhood and well into his college years came and went with the seasons now because between Edd, the kids, and indoor gym classes at the school, he wasn’t spending as much time outside now as he was then. So his freckles would fade, leaving Edd eager for spring.

Baseball season was in full swing now, tournaments nearly every weekend.

And the sun would start to kiss Kevin’s skin with tiny brown spots again and Edd would kiss them back.

“Gotta show the kids what’s up, ya know?” the redhead as he flexed a bit and Edd cocked a brow.

Kevin had left the school with the baseball team at lunch time to head to the city for a game that would be happening a good half hour after both high schools let out for the day.

Edd knew that there wouldn’t be many cheering for Peach Creek as most would get to the game just as it ended, so Kevin had his work cut out for him in keeping the player’s spirits up.

This typically meant that he would tap into his Big Kid side; there would be dirty jokes, general rough housing, very tall tales of his own high school escapades, and worldly advice on how to deal with their own.

He’d usually be dead tired by the time he got back home, but for some reason, tonight he was back to himself again and he wanted to play with Edd.

“Show me,” Edd purred and Kevin dove under the covers.

When he wedged himself between Edd’s legs again, Edd could see nerves shaking through trembling fingers that he hadn’t seen since junior year and they had sat through a sex talk in their health class.

They hadn’t had sex yet because the information they wanted to teach them how to do things right was scant and contradictory.

The talk helped as it gave them resources they didn’t have, but the idea of the act itself was still daunting.

Edd was the one who couldn’t stand the waiting anymore and while he walked Kevin through it, the redhead was just as nervous as he was and it showed.

Shaking, slow, jerky movements.

A million questions as to how he was feeling.

Not enough kisses and too rough touches.

Edd barely got to enjoy it because he was doing everything he could to get Kevin out of the headspace of trying not to hurt him and to just let things happen naturally.

Edd drew him in for a kiss and Special K came back to him.

Hands up his shirt, that makeout kiss on his lips.

Purposeful kisses down his neck and Kevin’s hands down his sweatpants.

A high gasp as Kevin’s mouth found a nipple to play with and just when Edd was ready to reach his peak, Kevin pulled away and Edd growled.

“Shh! Do you want your husband to walk in and hear this!?” Kevin hissed, a teasing glint in his eyes and a playful grin teasing the corners of his mouth.

“Let him hear!”

Needy blue eyes met sparkling green and five seconds later, Edd’s glasses are tossed haphazardly on top of his lab reports and he was naked and moaning, the noise echoing around the room and he vaguely remembered how often he wished someone would walk in and hear them when he was in high school.

The biggest jock in school wanted him.

Maybe if they saw Kevin’s head between his legs, they’d understand, but thankfully no one did, as the look in Kevin’s eyes whenever he saw him in public was enough.

love, adoration, admiration, respect.

When Edd looked down to see that look for himself, his heart took flight as his body shook.

You can call Coach Kevin Anthony Barr many things, but don’t call him late for dinner.

The not so secret rumor was that he was Double Dee’s LiL Cockslut and he liked that just fine as long as Edd let him be the only cockslut for him.

But despite his worshiping of the geek’s dick, he truly loved that he could do such intimate things with him.

The blissed out glow on his face as he arched his back and rolled through one orgasmic wave after another wasn’t just an ego boost, it was a soul connection.

Edd spoke to him in a way no one else ever had or would.

To find someone who understood what his life was like growing up in their small town, to share his feelings about being out in a world that wants you to hide yourself away, and who wanted to stand by his side and live it all with him was a gift Kevin was going to treasure.

A bite to his side made him whine, kisses from his navel to his ear made him moan.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin whispered as he laid down next to him and pulled him into a cuddle.

“Wha?” Edd asked as his orgasmic haze hadn’t faded just yet.

“For messing up so much when we first started doing this.”

Edd titled his head up a bit so he could get a read on what Kevin was thinking as he peered at him through slightly glazed over blue eyes.

Seeing the remorse on Kevin’s face was one thing, as he would often be a bit contrite about any bedroom mishaps they had in the past whenever they would finally experience something in the fullness of its pleasure later.

But the worry in his eyes let Edd know another thing.

Coach Barr had to have A Talk with his team.

“What happened?” He asked empathetically as he leaned his head on Kevin’s chest and started to play a nonsensically game of connect the dots with the freckles on his abs with his fingertips.

“So apparently Tommy thinks that he’s a stud puppy or something, and Tim has it on good authority that he’s not,” Kevin sighed and Edd’s face fell.

“Nuuuuu.”

“Yep,” the redhead sighed again as he tried to shake the memory of the uncomfortable but needed conversation he had with his team over their post-game dinner out of his head.

“Well, let’s be real, Kev,” Edd said as he sat up a bit and propped his elbow up so he could lean his head on his hand. “Perfect first time sex only happens on television and in movies and stuff.”

“She laughed at him,” Kevin deadpanned, as imperfection aside; at least Edd didn’t make fun of him after their lackluster first roll in the hay.

“Holy shit,” Edd breathed, his own ego taking an empathic bruise for Tommy’s.

“Yeah, it was bad apparently and after she left, she called her girlfriends about it and word got around, but no one said anything because Guy Code, ya know?” Kevin said as he played in Edd’s hair, not even fazed by his cursing because what the fuck else would he say to that?! “But then Tommy had to go running his mouth about his hitting and hitting average and Tim just went all nope on his ass.”

“Tell me this was after the game?” Edd groaned into his shoulder.

“Yeah, and we won, too!”

Triumphant grin met mischievous smirk as Edd said, “Does my hotshot boyfriend want a prize?”

Wide, eager green eyes lit up as Kevin nodded.

He hadn’t gotten a prize in way too long and he was dying for a memory to put on his heart’s shelf.

“Oh, dear God, yes, please.”

“Well,” Edd said softly. “My kids are gone for the weekend and I’m not dealing with work because no, and my husband is out for a bit, so maybe we could have a little fun for old time’s sake.”

If Edd was suggesting what Kevin thinks he’s suggesting, he’s gonna lose his mind.

“Oh, dear God.”

“I’ve just missed you a lil bit is all,” Edd pouted as he snuggled closer. “You’ve been gone all evening…”

As his voice trailed off, his fingertips lazily ran soft circles across Kevin’s chest. It was a thing he would do whenever he wanted the redhead’s attention.

And Kevin’s at full staff.

“I’m-I’m here now,” Kevin stuttered as he rolled on top of Edd, slightly shaking with nerves, but so much more need.

“You gonna stay?” Edd cooed.

“Uh huh,” Kevin breathlessly nodded and Edd gave him a grin that made the redhead pull him into a tight hug. “Forever.”

“That’s a long time, Kev,” Edd whispered, gently running his fingertips across the redhead’s shoulders.

“I know,” Kevin said quietly as a hand lightly grazed Edd’s side before grasping his hip. “But I know we can do it.”

“What would my husband say?” Edd grinned as the answer echoed in his head.

“That you should.”

The serious look in his eyes used to shake Edd whenever Kevin would reassure him that he was in it for the long haul. They were mere kids when Kevin would first make these promises and Edd would wonder if he knew the gravity of what he was speaking.

But over the years, Kevin kept every promise he made from texting him when he got home, to making sure he got his homework done and turned in on time, to showing him that he loved him as much as he told him, to saying I do, to making sure Edd and the kids never had to worry about a thing.

“I do wonder, though…,” Edd mused, an amused grin on his face and Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Wonder what, smart ass?” Kevin snarked as he started to pin Edd’s hands above his head.

“What my boyfriend would say.”

That longing look settled into his eyes again as he answered.

“That he’s gonna try and you gotta try with him.”

Kevin’s answer wasn’t what he was expecting, but it was what they needed.

For every misstep back that they took in the tango that was their relationship, Kevin was always the one trying to get things back on the right foot. So many thought it was because the fiery tempered, quick acting but slow to think redhead was the one fucking things up with the even tempered, thoughtful, deliberate acting dork. But the reality was far from typical hot headed idiot pissing off his more level headed boyfriend.

Edd could be petty, easily driven to jealousy, and had a dark side that ran deeper than a black hole.

After they started dating, all the nonsense from those outside of their general sphere of love and support got to Edd quickly and it could be hard to shake.

Kevin would beg him to stick with him and give them a chance and Edd would try but Kevin would try even harder. In seeing the redhead’s efforts to keep them together and just live his own damn life, Edd took the baby steps he needed to get into step with not only Kevin, but himself, and thus, they danced.

“Can we try making love? Please?”

“Absolutely.”

A warm, silky touch eases its way inside him and it’s like his worries and anxieties are shattered away in its wake so that love can break through.

The act itself is arduous, but needed.

He leans into Kevin’s kiss on his cheek and held onto his free hand as Kevin pushed him to the edge only to pull back when he was ready.

A needy whine flew out of his throat and Kevin groaned as he slicked himself up.

“Just wait. Pl-Please.”

Edd nods but the desperate anticipation in his eyes nearly makes Kevin come undone.

He wanted HIM.

Still.

Making love was peak affection for them but with work and the kids, they never got to do it as often as they wanted, let alone needed to.

But Edd would still wait for His Kevin.

He waited for after baseball practice so they could walk over to the library together and study, he waited for him to explain himself after misunderstandings got out of hand, and he waited on him to say I love you so he could hear what his actions meant.

He waited up so many nights for Kevin to come home from wherever it was his dream to play the game that was America’s pride and joy had taken him.

In high school and college, he would worry until Kevin would text him or slip into the bed with him and tell him the score of the game and then score a kiss with his favorite cheerleader.

After college, grown up leagues at the YMCA brought more of the same, and when he got hired on at the high school to coach the baseball team, teach boys gym and the same junior health class that taught them so much, Edd would wait up with a pile of his own work that did more than distract him from the hours the spent apart.

It allowed him help and heal.

But even a doctor needs care.

Kevin didn’t ever really have to fight for his attention because Edd was so good at keeping his priorities straight, unless the kids were involved, and then it was a tag team approach of giving their children the attention they needed and deserved and showing them what a healthy loving relationship looked like by their words and actions towards one another.

But this was one thing they’d always keep for themselves.

A gasp tears through Edd’s vocal cords from the pressure and pain that love oddly brings upon him and Kevin growls as he bottoms out.

Kevin presses their cheeks together as he hovers above him and slowly breathes in and out, and in moments Edd is breathing with him.

“Oh, Kevin. Please.”

The redhead whined as he pulled out, and with practiced perfection, Edd arched his back as he fell back inside.

A hand flies into thick, messy hair as red as the sunset, and knots itself in the soft threads.

Kevin groans at the touch, leaning his head into it as one hand slides up Edd’s back, the other gripping his hip.

“Don’t stop,” is whispered into his ear as Edd’s legs wrap around his waist.

It’s all the encouragement he could ever need.

Edd’s free arm falls back and grips the underside of the headboard as his hips start to rock with Kevin’s own.

The hand in Kevin’s hair holds the redhead right where the doctor wants him; face to face.

Edd’s eyes are closed, but he’s breathlessly breathing him in.

“Just like that.”

Three little words that let Kevin know that he was doing things just right. Hell, in his book it was better than I love you because it was confirmation that his actions in this exact moment were what Edd needed them to be.

He doesn’t stop, even when he kisses him senseless.

The hand that was under the headboard comes away to hold onto his shoulder and hold him closer.

His high and whiny breaths were like a lover’s song for Kevin’s soul.

Tiny, tender kisses to the sore spot on his lip were as soothing to his soul as they were to his face.

A high cry leaves him and his grip on reality is shaken for a brief moment before Kevin pulls back a bit and then shakes him up again.

“Kevin.”

The tone is dark, but Lort is it needy, too.

Kevin chuckles and a quick idea pops into his head.

Reluctantly, he pulls his head away from Edd’s tight grip and lays his head on his chest as he wraps his arms around his middle, holding them together, but the position arched Edd’s back completely off the bed and gave Kevin leverage to plow him into oblivion.

Except he didn’t.

He slowed his movements until Edd set the pace and a wrecked sob filled the room as Edd’s mind flashed to the first time they did this.

Kevin had lost all control in this position and while the result was mind blowing, Edd was left wanting. In Kevin’s mind, it wasn’t worth trying again because Edd didn’t think much of it as he did of Kevin.

To him, having the redhead’s genuine affections was enough.

So they moved on, but after what he had been through with his team tonight, Kevin had to make it up to him.

If only to make it up to himself.

“Make it up to me,” Edd thought as he gripped the sheets and screamed.

Kevin followed his pace as he held Edd as tight and close as he could and uttered one word.

“Eddward.”

A desperate call of his name and Edd’s on the edge.

His hands fly into Kevin’s hair as his hips rock faster. The grip around his torso loosens, but a tight grip on his cock replaces it and Edd’s done.

His arms flailed as he thrashed about the sheets and screamed his love’s name over and over again as one orgasmic wave after another washed over them both.

“A-Again,” Edd muttered as the last aftershock died away and Kevin lifted his fuzzy while taking a deep breath that gave him a much needed second wind.

Pulling Edd up and into his lap, he said, “I’m ready when you are.”

He got a nod immediately and five minutes later, Edd’s hips were rocking with his own again, the ravenette’s grip on his shoulders was numbing, but he didn’t care as he gently kissed the sore spot on his lip again and again.

This round was slower, gentler.

The kisses were so much more passionate.

Every touch was soft, and every need in them was fulfilled.

They didn’t need to speak, their actions were a sonic boom, and the reverb just strengthened who they were to each other.

And Kevin finally got it.

Who he was to Edd and for Edd was enough.

The way Edd had kissed him after that first time was like a seal on all they were. Every kiss since then was an epoxy that held their love in place.

He would never break it.

As they cuddled in the afterglow, Edd got more kisses than he would ever know what to do with.

He knew his lip would still be sore in the morning, but he didn’t care.

His lover’s seal was, as always, well in place.

#kevedd #kevedd fanfiction #reg!kevedd #reg!kev #reg!edd #kevin barr #eddward vincent #vincent-barr #tumblr exclusive

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deepseawritings · 7 years

Text

Off Record

Major Alexander Degtyarev had a problem. In truth, being an undercover SBU agent in the Zone, he had many problems. However, the most pressing issue right now wasn't to uncover the reason why the Stingrays crashed; neither was it finding a way to get into Pripyat. No, right now his most pressing problem was to descend the tower's stairwell without tripping down. He managed to do it, of course, and Degtyarev felt absurdly proud of himself. It was no mean feat going down the stairs without stumbling when you were fucking wasted.

It all began when he brought the Underpassschematics to Nitro, and then the stalker advised him to talk with Zulu to assemble a team for the expedition to Pripyat. Fine by him, that was pretty sensible advice. After all, there's was safety in numbers, going down there on his own would definitely be a Bad Idea. So Degtyarev went in search of Zulu.

It was sort of a mystery why this guy lived so close to Yanov station and yet he was never seen amongst the rest of the stalkers. Maybe he was some sort of hermit. Degtyarev hoped if this was the case, at least he wouldn't be as paranoid as Noah. Meeting Noah had been a slightly unsettling experience. Apart from almost getting shot in the face just for knocking on the door, he spent all the time half-expecting Lassie to jump at his throat. Who the fuck sees a human killing mutant and thinks "Yes, I'm gonna adopt this monster," and to top it off names it Lassie?

Degtyarev went up the tower's stairwell shouting "Hello! Anyone here?" to announce his presence. No one answered. And yet his PDA pointed there was someone up top. He arrived to a small room and saw a man sitting cross-legged on top of a cot. Was he sleeping? It didn't seem so, unless he slept with his eyes open.

"Are you Zulu?" Degtyarev thought it was a pretty stupid question, but he wanted to see if the man would stop looking at the wall and answer him.

"What's up man?" He would take that as a yes.

Being the practical and efficient man he was, Degtyarev wanted to get straight to business. Zulu agreed, although he had a curious idea of what a serious discussion implied. Their conversation was like a crash course on how to get shitfaced. Although he had to admit, the guy was actually raising some good points and giving nice advice. But every issue they discussed needed to end with a toast. Every single one. Degtyarev was afraid to know how much he actually drank, matching Zulu drink for drink. At some point he even started to suspect the other stalker was trying to poison him.

But no, the ex-Dutyer appeared to be sincerely invested in helping him, he even invited himself to be part of the expedition! So he kept talking and drinking with him, and the more Degtyarev drank the better he felt about all this. By the end of their chat, Degtyarev felt ready to face off Pripyat's dangers by himself if necessary. But Zulu was right, it was a much better idea to assemble a team. It would be fun having companions for once!

It was dark outside when Degtyarev emerged from the tower. Where had the sunlight gone? It wasn't that late when he went to find Zulu. After fumbling with his PDA for a while, and dropping it once to the floor, he realised he'd been on the tower for almost two hours. Huh. Strangely enough, he felt fine now, not drunk at all. Well, barely drunk, just tipsy, right? He was even still capable of walking in a straight line! More or less. He went towards Yanov station, swaying a bit as he walked. Inside he saw Vano and Strider together on one of the tables. Great, just the persons he was looking for.

"My friends!" He pushed himself between the two stalkers, putting his arms around their shoulders. "I have a prosp– proposition for you."

"What proposition? Is it something indecent?" The ever nosy Uncle Yar butted in the conversation with an impish smile.

"Business proposition," Degtyarev clarified. He may have slurred the words a bit.

"Are you alright? You sound... different than usual." Strider asked him.

"M'fine, top notch condition," he answered. "Talking with that guy Zulu is something else, you know? I think I like him."

"Ah, that explains much." Vano laughed. "It's good to see you're still capable of talking coherently."

"I'm putting together a team to go to Pripyat. Wanna join me?"

"Yes, I'll go with you." Strider didn't hesitate to answer. "I want to know what happened to me and the squad, I hope to find some answers in Pripyat. I don't think the commander will object."

"Awesome!" Degtyarev's grin was dazzling. He turned to face the other stalker "What to do you say, Vano? Will you join us?"

"You helped me, friend, of course I'll help you." The warmness of his answer made Degtyarev's smile get bigger.

"Guys you're the bestest!" For some reason that made Uncle Yar chuckle. Oh, right, Degtyarev completely forgot about him. "What about you, wanna join the team?"

"Eh, I'll pass, I'm getting too old for that kind of thing. You guys can have all the fun." With that, the Freedomer went away to talk with a stalker that was signalling him to come over.

It didn't matter, Degtyarev would eventually find someone else to join the expedition. And the most important part was that both Vano and Strider had agreed to come with him. He had such great friends, they didn't doubt to accompany him to Pripyat despite the dangers they might face.

"We should toast to our success!" Perhaps Zulu's obsession rubbed off on him, but this truly was something worth celebrating.

"I think you might have toasted enough for today, man." Vano tried to dissuade him.

He was right, yeah, but still Degtyarev wanted to do it. He toasted to so much meaningless shit today, not having a toast for his friends seemed wrong now. So with a slurred "I'll be back in a moment," Degtyarev went to buy a bottle of booze from Hawaiian. He returned shortly after with a bottle of vodka and three dented metal cups.

"A shot to our success!" Degtyarev said while pouring the drink in the cups, and also spilling some on the table. Okay, so maybe his coordination was a little off, but it was nothing to worry about.

They all downed their shots with a shout of "Budmo!" and then Degtyarev refilled everyone's cup, this time without spilling so much on the table.

"When are we leaving for Pripyat?" Strider asked him, while swishing the liquid in his refilled cup.

"As soon as I... I... crap, I forgot what I was going to tell you." Degtyarev confessed with a laugh.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it will come back to you in the morning." Vano told him with a knowing smile and a clap to his shoulder.

"Doesn't matter, I'm sure it wasn't important. Not like you, guys."

"We are important to you?" Strider asked him, like he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact. Even Vano seemed a bit surprised to hear so. No, that would not do.

"Of course you are," he declared loudly. Then Degtyarev felt the compelling need to hug the ex-Monolithian, and so he did.

Strider was stiff as a plank at first, but soon he relaxed a bit. It was so nice, Degtyarev didn't want to let go. However, he didn't want to make Vano feel left out, of course. He let go of Strider and leant into Vano, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"You beard tickles," he complained, yet he was nuzzling it with his nose. "How can something so soft tickle so much?"

Vano tried to laugh away his blush, but it wasn't working. In fact he was getting redder and redder as Degtyarev continued to nuzzle him. It didn't help that by now they had started to garner the attention of everyone around them. Uncle Yar even gave him a thumbs up, and Degtyarev raised his cup to him before drinking it up like it was water.

After that, Degtyarev's recollection of the events got a little fuzzy. He may or may have not bragged about finding the Oasis and its legendary artifact, made a bet with a loner to see who found a Compass first, and then mixed some drinks. Energy drink with vodka, to be precise, alleging it would help him sober up. Needless to say, it did not work. Nevertheless, the resulting beverage wasn't half bad, or so his friends said, and the remaining vodka disappeared rather quickly. He didn't remember much of what happened after that.

Actually, the next thing he remembered was Vano and Strider helping him down the stairs to the basement. Someone (he wasn't sure who) slurred something about sleeping it off. That actually sounded good to Degtyarev, he was tired. When they arrived in front of the mattress, he let himself fall on it, taking down with him both stalkers. He was crushing Strider's arm, hard, and at the same time he was partially draped over Vano. Degtyarev fell asleep instantly, still pining both of his friends against the mattress.

When he awoke some time later, the very first thing Degtyarev noticed was the absence of a headache. Oh, he wasn't hung-over yet, good. He also noticed how uncommonly comfortable and warm he was, so unlike any other time he slept since arriving to the Zone. And his pillow was breathing. Did that mean he was still drunk? Probably.

He opened his eyes and saw he was sandwiched between his friends. He was snuggled against Vano, while Strider was cuddling him from behind, one of his arms still trapped beneath Degtyarev and the other hand on Degtyarev's shoulder. He was shaking him lightly.

"Could you move? I can't feel my arm," Strider asked in a whisper. Degtyarev tried to get up and let him free, and in the process he accidentally headbutted Vano in the chest, effectively waking him up.

After a round of apologies, they settled back as they were, with Strider using his back as a pillow. But without Degtyarev crushing anyone's arm. He was alright with this, he was feeling drowsy again and this was a very comfortable sleeping arrangement. He threw his arm over Vano's waist, preventing the loner from getting away.

"Degtyarev? What –?" Vano sounded confused.

"Shh, wanna sleep." Degytarev commanded him. Also, he may have kissed his neck. In his defense, he was intoxicated and half asleep. And Vano didn't seem to mind, although he was also drunk. Not as much as Degtyarev, but still drunk.

The situation had the potential to be really awkward in the morning. He realised there would be some ribald jokes thrown their way, that was inescapable. However, that was something to deal with in the future. Like his future hangover induced headache. Right now, Degtyarev had no regrets about his current situation. His last thought before falling asleep was "I'm totally leaving this out of any future report."

#s.t.a.l.k.e.r.#fanfic #Degtyarev #Strider #Vano

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