#feel free to skip to the end to the tl;dr

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

Hello! As someone with an newfound interest in Ren'Py and the way it works, I'm going to be dissecting the code of Our Life to explain (roughly) how the game adjusts Cove's look based on your actions. We'll be looking specifically at the transition between Step 1 and Step 2 Cove since that's the very first one that players will experience (I might detail Step 3's changes and Step 4's changes if people want that).

According to GB Patch themselves in response to asks, the way Cove changes his appearance is relatively simple:

His appearance is based on your choices and not random, but it’s taste/aesthetic-based choices rather than the usual conversation type options. So, being nervous or outgoing or what have you will influence Cove’s personality, while choosing the things you like will impact the way Cove looks.

Technically, this is accurate, but not entirely in terms of some decisions you can make that determine Cove's appearance.

Coding-wise, changing Cove's appearance is a simple True/False (yes/no) variable, not a point system. After one decision, Cove might change from the natural evolution of his Step 1 hair (Hair1) to the fluffier hair (Hair2) and it doesn't matter how many times you pick options that would cause that hair: if the last decision is for the hair with the middle part, that's what you'll end up getting.

The TL;DR of it is that, for the most part, things that the MC notices/picks up/favors/focuses on will influence Cove's appearance, but there are a couple that aren't like that and will change him anyway. If you're doing a repeat playthrough and are intentionally trying to get a different Cove, then picking different taste/aesthetic choices is the way to go, but be aware that it's not a guarantee; some options will lead to the same outcome you chose before.

If you want to see what options specifically change his look, then feel free to continue reading\~

The first chance that the player has is when they meet Cove on poppy hill during the prologue. They're given choices on what to "notice first" (according to the game's internal code) and the options lead to different appearance changes:

Green hair. [takes off Cove's glasses and puts on his left pink beaded bracelet]

Wavy eyebrows. [takes off Cove's glasses]

Huge glasses. [sets Cove's glasses to the rounded brown ones]

Pink casts. [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

Sad frowns. [sets Cove's glasses to the rectangular blue ones and puts on his left pink beaded bracelet]

The last chance is during the ending of Step 1 where you have the option to either go home or stay with Cove, completely unrelated to taste/aesthetic altogether.

If you choose to go home, Cove's hair is set to the fluffy hair, but if you stay, nothing will be set until you get to talk to Cove about his feelings on Sunset Bird.

"Do you hate it here?" [sets Cove's hair to the middle-parted one]

"This can be your home." [sets Cove's hair to the fluffy one]

"It'll be alright." [no change]

This means that you will never get anything on Cove's right wrist (his right, not our right) if you choose not to play any of the moments (or somehow skipped to Step 2 without playing Step 1, because Cove - by default - doesn't wear bracelets). His pajamas and jacket (the one he dons during Step 2's Road Trip) will likewise remain at their defaults.

This includes if you choose to only play Step 1's Library specifically. It's the singular moment that doesn't contain any chances to change Cove's appearance.

As for the other moments...

Shopping

Your chance is when you see the four keychains at the shopping street with Cove.

You picked up the dolphin. [gives Cove the dark blue short-sleeved shirt and the light blue pajama shirt]

You picked up the shark. [gives Cove the dark blue short-sleeved shirt and the purple pajama shirt with the compass symbol]

You picked up the crab. [gives Cove the red salamander sleeveless shirt and the light blue pajama shirt]

You picked up the turtle. [gives Cove the red salamander sleeveless shirt and the purple pajama shirt with the compass symbol]

Grown Up

Cove's pants change (that sounds weird but I'm not taking it back) depending on if you tell your moms what happened between Cove and Lizzie or not.

You told the truth. [gives Cove the pants with the belt]

You lied. [gives Cove the pants with the stripes]

Long Day

Changing Cove's pajamas (and only his pajamas, unlike in Shopping) is done when the MC decides which dessert they're craving.

A popsicle. [gives Cove the purple pajama shirt with the compass symbol]

An ice cream cone. [gives Cove the light blue pajama shirt]

An ice cream sandwich. [gives Cove the purple pajama shirt with the compass symbol]

Then you change his casual shirt when you're watching the clouds with Cove, depending on what you see.

You saw a dolphin. [gives Cove the dark blue short-sleeved shirt]

You saw a car. [gives Cove the red salamander sleeveless shirt]

You saw an alpaca. [gives Cove the dark blue short-sleeved shirt]

You saw a smiley face. [gives Cove the red salamander sleeveless shirt]

You saw cloud shapes. [no change]

Sandcastle

This time, it's the type of sandcastle you make that varies Cove's hair specifically.

A house. [sets Cove's hair to the fluffy one]

A castle. [sets Cove's hair to the middle-parted one]

A mansion. [sets Cove's hair to the fluffy one]

Then, his pants change based on what you top the sandcastle with.

Red bottlecap. [gives Cove the pants with the belt]

Blue seashell. [gives Cove the pants with the stripes]

Green piece of seaglass. [no change]

Fireflies

Cove will wear (or not wear) the beaded necklace from how you respond to your Mom prompting you on your excitedness to see/catch the fireflies.

"Yeah!" [no change]

You started eating faster. [puts on Cove's beaded necklace]

You looked over at your moms. [puts on Cove's beaded necklace]

You pushed your food around your plate. [no change]

Ghost

You get another chance to put on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet regardless of whether you choose to talk to your moms or go outside.

If you went to talk to your moms, the bracelet may or may not be put on depending on what topping you ask for on your toast.

"Jam." [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

"Peanut butter." [no change]

"Honey." [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

"Just butter." [no change]

"Extra butter." [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

If you chose to go outside instead, the kind of genre you choose for the story you say you and Cove are in decides it.

"It's a horror story." [no change]

"It's an action story." [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

"It's a fantasy story." [puts on Cove's left pink beaded bracelet]

"It's a documentary." [no change]

Barbecue

Cove's right wristwear changes if you choose to sneak a snack when no one's watching.

A baby tomato. [puts on Cove's right shark tooth wrap bracelet]

A small carrot. [puts on Cove's right wristband]

A cocktail sausage. [puts on Cove's right wristband]

A rolled piece of ham. [puts on Cove's right wristband]

A potato chip. [puts on Cove's right wristband]

A tortilla chip. [puts on Cove's right shark tooth wrap bracelet]

Cove may also get the beaded necklace if you pick certain drink options from the cooler.

Soda. [no change]

Water. [puts on Cove's beaded necklace]

Juice. [puts on Cove's beaded necklace]

Milk. [no change]

Runaway

This moment only gives you a chance to change Cove's look if you go along with him; specifically, his glasses depending on which snack you ask from him.

"Chips." [sets Cove's glasses to the rounded brown ones]

"A muffin." [takes off Cove's glasses]

"A banana." [sets Cove's glasses to the rectangular blue ones]

"Candy." -> "Fruity candy." [takes off Cove's glasses]

"Candy." -> "Chocolate." [sets Cove's glasses to the rounded brown ones]

"Nothing. I'm not hungry." [sets Cove's glasses to the rectangular blue ones]

Sleepover

If you've been following so far and been wondering when your chance to finally change Cove's jacket is, this is it! It's from how you describe the storybook that Cove picks up.

"I love the main character 'cause the squire's really brave and funny." [gives Cove the white and bright pink jacket]

"It has cool pictures. Some of them even take up the whole page." [gives Cove the gray and black jacket]

"Mommy reads it to me. She uses different voices for every character." [gives Cove the white and bright pink jacket]

"There's a dragon in it and crazy things happen." [gives Cove the gray and black jacket]

So, just in case you're the type of player who doesn't like using the Cove Creator but still wants a little more control (either by picking different options or changing the order of moments so your last choices land on what you want), now you can engineer things to your liking because you know how it works!

And if you were just here for the data, then I hope you enjoyed anyway~

#our life #our life: beginnings & always #olba #cove holden #type: cracking the cove

[brynhildr13]

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

#the gazette #reita #visual kei #he's still here and he always will be. #gazerock is not dead #gazerock never dies

[allofthebeanz]

Buckle up, kids, Beanz is gonna rant about fictional characters...

(heads up that while I'm not being negative or critical of someone's interpretation, I do refer to what I've seen in fic and how I feel about it in terms of my own reading of characterization. If you're sensitive about this kind of meta (like I am!) please feel free to skip over this post)

Okay so during my recent marathon of Due South fic reading, I noticed that some people characterize Ray (Kowalski) as seeing Fraser as 'Supermountie' and I definitely see where this comes from. Everyone has an image surrounding Fraser. Ray Vecchio definitely buys the persona and deals with hero worship until the second season where he comes to terms with Fraser being a repressed bastard rather than superman. I personally adore Red, White, and Blue because of Ray's character development in the pretend argument he has with Fraser. (And I have to say it's a shame that the actor didn't want to come back for more cameos so we could see the interactions between the two afterwards).

Now obviously Ray, and most of the people Fraser surrounds himself with (Thatcher, Turnbull, Welsh, Frannie) care about him as a person, but they still see him as an indestructible hero. He does crazy shit and he pulls you along and you're scared for yourself because you're not like him. Or, if he gets hurt, he just bounces right back because his duty is above anything else how can he stay down for too long. He's Fraser, he can do ANYTHING.

Maybe this is just me, but I never got that from Ray Kowalski. Ray comes in, he thinks 'wow, what a weirdo' (not in a bad way, Fraser's just weird like all the other members of the cast tbh). He tells Fraser not to go in a burning building. He tells him not to lick electrical sockets. He calls Fraser a freak - there is zero hero worship towards him. What happens when Fraser turns out to catch a knife? Ray's livid about it. Ray decides to box with Fraser because he sees them as equals, right? There's no 'wow, Fraser's gonna kick my ass' it's just 'fight me'.

To me the only thing Ray had to do, which everyone does, is figure out how Fraser communicates. Ray figures out how Fraser manipulates. He's passive-aggressive with the niggling and the high vocabulary. But he never needed to figure out Fraser's human. Because he told him - to his face - 'you don't have a cape'. He wants Fraser to be vulnerable about him because he already knows he has vulnerabilities. There's no 'do you get angry Fraser' it's 'just get angry already!'.

In MotB Ray gets all snippy again in the submarine because Fraser does that thing where he's blank faced and calm. Fraser, five minutes ago, was yelling at Ray and giving him the beautiful 'are you happy now' face. Ray seemed to be calmer with that Fraser. And, hey, sure Fraser shows anger there but we also get a rare smile at the end. With Ray! That's the most emotion we've ever seen from him since Victoria's Secret!!!

tl;dr: RayK, at least to my reading, has never seen Fraser as SuperMountie

#due south #ray kowalski #benton fraser #fraser/rayk #beanz rambles #i don't know why but I needed to get this off my chest #i have no fucking clue if it makes sense but i've been having some Thoughts

[the-undercity]

Careful With Otherlinking (May Lead To Thoughtform)

(edited as of 8/20/23 to be a little more concise, hopefully sound Less Aggressive, and revised without links for the sake of brevity)

TL;DR available at the bottom!

THE POST:

I'm not an expert on the subject of otherlinking. I'm simply making this post to inform people who either stumble across the community (like I did), or who may be in the community and are not already aware of the information I will be talking about here. Namely that some guides detailing how to form a linktype have a similar enough process to thoughtform creation that there may be the unintended side effect of accidentally creating a thoughtform if you are not careful with what you're doing.

The guides for forming a linktype that I have seen follow the steps of immersing yourself in things related to the linktype you are trying to work towards, which itself is very innocuous and not at all an issue! However, with communities/practices such as soulbonding, the same steps are present. The difference is whether your focus is placed internally or externally (with things such as asking in your head what your chosen linktype would prefer in certain situations, this line of thinking can particularly easily move into the "external focus" area).

With otherlinking having similar steps to something like soulbonding (the example here, and what originally made me write this post), it's no wonder that there have been reports here on Tumblr of people who ended up experiencing accidental thoughtform creation while trying to form their linktypes. The numbers are slim, but the potential does seem to be there, if their stories are to be believed!

Otherlinking itself is nothing that is any different from another alterhuman community. My intention is not to scare anyone off who is a prospective member of their community or make people in the community question what they've been doing already. My whole goal for this post is to inform people that there is the potential for an unwanted side effect like thoughtform creation. You should be aware of the effects of everything you do in life after all!

Whether or not this is a bad outcome to you, or you believe in thoughtforms at all (for those who doubt things related to the topic), the fact of the matter is that it is a serious outcome for people who otherwise may not fully understand what is going on, or what they're getting into. To put it simply, if you follow a guide to form a linktype, you expect a linktype, not another consciousness in your head!

WHAT TO DO:

If you're someone who writes guides for forming a linktype, it would be helpful to add a note about the possibility for this outcome in the guide, or if possible (and if you'd like to), revise any steps that might contribute to the unintended consequence. If you're someone who has linktypes or would like to get into the community, just do your best to be aware and educated! Talk to your peers, get involved, and find out what's the norm and what isn't for your experiences. There's a good chance it'll never happen to you, but do your best to understand the methods you're using and why they work the way they do. If you're someone who HAS experienced what I mentioned in the post, I implore you to reach out and ask questions! Don't hesitate to seek advice or find others who might be able to help you understand your situation better. Finally, if you're anyone else, aside from the above- perhaps even just a curious onlooker who happened to read this all the way to the end (or skipped here)- spread the word if you can! Likes and reblogs help and are greatly appreciated.

Feel free to message me questions, comments, or concerns related to this post. If you think I missed something or should have reworded anything in here, let me know! I wish the best for anyone who reads this. Thank you!

TL;DR : This is a notice about otherlinking's methods of forming a linktype being similar to methods of creating a thoughtform, and that trying to form a linktype may lead to unintentional thoughtform creation.

#otherlinking #otherlink #copinglinking #copinglink #otherkin #choicekin #important

[utahlive]

Hey guys! SO! we are rapidly approaching the end of the year and I wanna do a quick announcement. If you wanna skip this feel free, I’ll put a tl;dr at the bottom.

First of all, obligatory thank you. It means so much to me that you guys are enjoying this, and although I can’t answer every ask, I do read all of them (I also read all the tags you guys write lol) and it blows my mind that people like? and find my weird idea fun? thats crazy Second of all, no official episode tomorrow or new years, but there will be posts! Tomorrow I’ll do a big Q&A post, so if you have questions for me send those in, and I’ll also post some highlights from the askbox, because some of you guys are really fucking funny.

I think that’s all? Basically: no episode tomorrow or the day after, I love you guys, and happy new years!!

#utahlive #4th wall break

[sysmedsaresexist]

hey, thank you for taking the time to put together that post about childhood emotional neglect. I have a hard time wrapping my head around CEN as something to be pathologized because from where I stand it seems so universal--not sure if I knew a single person growing up whose emotional needs were consistently met by their parents, including people whose families i would've cut off my pinky finger to join. is there any chance you'd be willing to give me some examples of what a parent-child dynamic *without* CEN looks like?

Oh god

Okay, I'm going to give this a fair try, long post ahead. Skip to end for the TL;dr and my suggestion

---

This is a true story.

When I was five, I started having anxiety and panic attacks. Severe ones. They mostly presented in my ability to breathe sort of... Hiccupping. I would suddenly become INCREDIBLY aware of my breathing, and it physically felt slower, harder. Trying to talk to my mom never resulted in anything happening or changing, and I had already learned to not talk to my dad.

Combined with clear anxious tendencies, Tourette's, and a budding, severe case of OCD, this culminated in the conclusion that at any moment, ever, I could stop breathing. I took to sitting in front of fans, so that air could be forced in my face, I developed tics of sounds in my throat to make sure I was still breathing. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function, I was scared to leave the house.

My grandmother was babysitting one night and I had the worst attack yet. Six year old me crumbled into my grandmother's lap, telling her what I was experiencing and how scared I was, and like no one was listening to me. I needed to go to the hospital, I demanded.

Now.

---

From here on out, this is not a true story.

My grandmother held me tightly, appalled that my mother hadn't gotten me any kind of help yet. She whispered soothing reassurances into my hair as she rocked me, calling my mom home from bingo.

At the very least, a quick trip to the ER (free) could ease my fears that I stopped breathing every ten minutes, and for the next half hour, she showed me ways to keep my mind busy while we waited and the next two times an attack hit she held my hand and said just breathe through it. See? You're still breathing.

By the time my mom was home, I was calmer, I told them I was okay and could be brave, and I slept like the dead that night. I knew I could always trust my grandmother.

---

That would have been my ideal situation. If I ever have children, this is how I want to be able to treat them.

With respect, and as if what they say matters and is real. I want them to feel heard and appreciated.

Now, here's the catch.

No one is perfect.

Maintaining those levels of attention, on top of working and other children and whatever else might be going on in your life, can be extremely difficult. Generational neglect and abuse mean that most parents don't even realize what's messed up and what's not.

My ideal situation won't be everyone else's.

Eventually, I will hurt someone, unintentionally. I will be low on spoons, or don't know them well enough to react appropriately to something. Maybe they don't want or need "coddling", and my method will be harmful.

TL;dr

In a way, it's reasonable to expect that emotional neglect is simply a fact of life, and different people will handle the effects differently.

When emotional neglect occurs repeatedly over a long period of time, it begins to have an effect on attachment and child development. The things you're excited about are so consistently brushed off that you start to believe the insidious thoughts in your head as you try to rationalize why they don't seem to care.

Your parents tell you so many times that you're overreacting that you begin to believe it and start keeping things to yourself.

Instead of looking at examples, answer these questions about situations in your past:

1) Would I have done something differently if the roles were reversed?

2) Were my emotional needs met?

3) Did I feel heard? Understood? Believed?

4) Were they interested, and being an active listener?

5) Did I leave the conversation feeling safe, and as if continuing to talk to this person was safe? Did I leave knowing I could approach this person again?

6) Does this one person repeatedly make you feel negatively about yourself or your interests? Is it a trend with them in particular?

Emotional neglect comes in ten thousand flavours-- most unintentional, most one-offs. Many of these situations will be handled by YOU just fine. Some will have more of an effect than others.

But when you're young and it's repeated, you learn bad habits and start to have bad thoughts about yourself.

#emotional neglect #answered asks #mod dude

[nerevarswritingstuff]

Okay, my little chicken nuggets. Come grab a seat and gather round, because there are a few things I need to address.

TL;DR if you don't feel like reading: You want me to update my fics (especially my Hazbin fic) faster/sooner? Pay me.

To those of you who enjoyed my Hazbin Hotel and Lego Monkie Kid writing, thank you. I deeply appreciate all the love you show in how I portray the characters. It warms my cold, dead heart to share my stories with you guys and to enjoy them as much as I do.

I think, however, one thing some of you are forgetting is one tiny fact.

I do this shit for free. I don't get paid to write 30+ chapters that have over five or six thousand words per chapter. This is stuff I do in my spare time, which is dwindling with IRL stuff going on, and other projects that I am currently having in the works (which, fellow LMK fans, look out for in the unforseeable future).

So I'm making this statement here and now. Anyone who asks in my comments or send messages here asking when I will update my HH or LMK fic? Especially my HH fic?? Here's my answer. Pay me and I'll update it sooner.

While I have no plans to abandon either fics, and do have an ending in mind for both, the Hazbin fic quite literally on the farthest back burner right now of what I plan or want to work on. So if you guys want me to continue it sooner, then we can discuss in DM's about how much it'll cost to post the next chapter.

To those of you who are just innocent bystanders, just skip over this and keep doin' you. Quite frankly, I'm getting tired of people asking me on AO3 and in my asks about when I'll be updating. I am busy. I am working. I will get back to it eventually, but it's not any time soon.

That is all.

#not writing #either pay me to update sooner/faster #or shut up and leave me alone #i will get to my writing when i get to it #when i have the time to #//goes back to being an old lady on her front porch

[muninnhuginn]

Ohh, I really like your analysis of the last skip&loafer chapter. It's not shown in the scanlation, but in the japanese version there is also a little comment at the end which reads something a long the lines of "there is nothing wrong with these feelings" and i love how it reflects the idea that there is nothing wrong with enjoying your interests, no matter how silly they may seem, but also that there is nothing wrong with feeling angry about not being treated well. Kazakami wasn't ungrateful for being upset over his possessions being thrown away, it's an understandable reaction... I am really looking forward the school festival arc and how it will expand on kazakami, takamine and kanechika trio! I wonder if we will get some shima, yasaka and kazakami parallels too

Thank you! And aww, that's so sweet with the end note. I guess it's something that's threaded throughout the series in general in terms of people enforcing roles and not needing to fit them, but there's just something nice about it being said "outright", you know?

But yeah, I think the whole thing with his hobbies being dismissed is wildly relatable. The fact that he'd still been trying his hardest to study for third year and abandoning everything else just makes it worse. Because he'd kept this one hobby for himself and he couldn't even have that. And his parents clearly didn't comprehend that his hobby *was* important to him. The bit where his mum referred to the figures as "dolls" just rubbed it in, because if you spend any time whatsoever with anyone into that side of things, you would not be mucking up on basic terminology? It's not any kind of obscure trivia like the handedness. It's super basic, but his mum couldn't be bothered to even learn that.

Same @ the final year trio. If there's going to be any kind of breakthrough with them, it pretty much has to be during the culture festival, I think. Just because timing-wise, that's the big opportunity that's left before they leave. And getting the Kazakami chapter has made me more sure of that, because now we have some solid pieces of info on all three of them. (Though ngl, I'd love a Kanechika focus chapter during/before that. We've received plenty of pieces on him breadcrumbed throughout the series (too forceful, genuinely passionate about stage not just acting, but he puts himself out there in a way none of the other characters are really able to and he has had to work to reach a semblance of "cringe is free" - it's not effortless), but I don't think we've had a chapter that full-on focuses on him in the same way as we have the other two?)

I hadn't been thinking of Yasaka but yee definitely. She has parallels with both Mitsumi (as a contrast. that line about "never having to worry about being loved" (paraphrasing) still rings in my head) and Mika and Shima (as a compare) and I'm sort of guessing her thread may appear more with the Ujie subplot. But Yasaka basically takes Shima and inverts his approach in a lot of ways (appeasing other people, not trusting in being liked for oneself, but she's more active than passive in her manipulation of social situations), so given Shima and Kazakami are now shown to be remarkably similar, it follows that Yasaka would also be an interesting comparison point.

Sorry, most of this is just rambling, but tl;dr yes to all the above. The series truly is parallels all the way down and the way that societal roles colours everything, but the series itself says you don't have to conform to that is so reassuring. I know personally, Nao-chan's worries about having missed the boat on experiencing life really hit

#asks #anonymous #stl manga spoilers #thanks for sending the ask btw! I know I apologised for the rambling but I do enjoy the opportunity to do so tbh #skip to loafer

[polarisbibliotheque]

Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD

Heeey-ho!

I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T

Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition

As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.

They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/

Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)

(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)

As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.

I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.

Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".

I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).

All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.

When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.

I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.

That's all I can do.

You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese

So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.

Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.

Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.

I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.

You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.

I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.

Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha

THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.

(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)

Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)

That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha

I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.

So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.

Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.

Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.

I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)

kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')

That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.

Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D

*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*

***

And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:

I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN

#polaris speaks #update #life update #writing update #personal post #personal rant #ranting #rant post #and I meant it to be a little post going like 'haha it's gonna take a while to update' #but decided to be honest #I always think it's good when people I admire admit going through tough times or trauma or being broke or just overall not good #it makes me be less harsh on myself regarding everything I guess #so I thought this vulnerability from my part could do someone some good as it does for me when other people are vulnerable #I mean I'm hating it #seriously considering deleting this post once it goes live #don't know if I'm gonna do that but for now #I hope it helps someone #I really do #(don't worry Vergil is judging me from the distance the man would probably beat the shit out of me or hug me no in betweens with him) #Youtube

[snazzy-suit]

Incoming Krimbus Gift! (LLoG Edition)

Do your eyes deceive you? Nay I say! You got some LLoG writing heading your way! Before you get too excited, it isn't a complete chapter (yet!), but I thought I'd share another sneak peek before 2023 ended, seeing as the last time I posted anything was... *checks archive* Three years ago? Cripes.

Anyway, I've had a few people DM'ing me earlier this year (politely) asking if I plan to do any more writing for the LLoG AU. I told at least one of them I hoped to start writing again late summer, and I did exactly that! I've been working away at the "Hey! Creatures!" arc off and on for the past few months and have made a lot of progress.

Too much progress.

"The hell does 'too much progress' mean?" you may ask. Well. You know how "Hey! Creatures!" was only supposed to be four chapters?

It's eight chapters now.

EIGHT.

So, those that have stuck around for the LLoG AU, waiting for one more chapter, have actually been waiting for FIVE more chapters. Needless to say, things have gotten out of hand. I'm hoping to trim things down during editing, but I'm not very optimistic ^^'

Here's what it looks like so far:

Chapter 5.4 - Draft Complete. Undergoing Edits.

Chapter 5.5 - Draft Complete. Undergoing Edits.

Chapter 5.6 - Draft 90% Complete.

Chapter 5.7 - Draft 40% Complete

Chapter 5.8 - Draft Complete. Awaiting Review.

Madness. Absolute madness. But, with all the re-writes this sucker has undergone, it's an improvement. My goal (my Writer's New Year's Resolution, if you will) is to be finished and ready to post by March 2024.

ANYWAY.

I have scheduled a preview of the epilogue (Chapter 5.8) to post tomorrow. Why the epilogue? It's the least susceptible to change, for one. Also, the part I'm showing is just a fun little reunion scene set immediately after Luigi completes his mission. It's told from E. Gadd's PoV, and I've found him weirdly fun to write. Story spoilers are minor at best (things that won't really have any meaning out of context), but feel free to skip it if you rather go into the final arc completely blind.

TL;DR

I'm posting a snippet of the "Hey! Creatures!" epilogue tomorrow. It has minor out of context spoilers. Read it or don't. Mer Krimbus.

#haha wow I'm not dead #Happy Holidays! #LLoG AU #update #suit speaks

[etherealnoir]

Found Ep. 7 Thoughts

Spoiler Warning!

So this wasn't my favorite episode. While I did like the show bringing attention to Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (sort of...it would've been nice for them to add an info card or something at the end of the episode, but ok), the episode itself left a lot to be desired.

TL;DR: The highlight of this episode was learning more about Hugh's abandonment triggers, because I feel like it added a ton of context to his behavior in the past and in this episode. Everything else was a chop. I feel like they spent too much time on some things (Trent), not enough on others (Lacey), and overlooked a lot of things as well (Gabi being held accountable).

I wrote a lot, but please feel free to skip to whatever part you care the most about lol

1. The Story

It felt weirdly disjointed and all over the place. The natal doctor being the culprit at the end, despite there being NO previous indicators, kind of annoyed me. It was lazy to have it be this random man we barely saw, with a motivation we learned about in the last 5 minutes. They could've EASILY introduced that he worked with many indigenous/marginalized people early in the episode and also mentioned that he lost his own child.

It would've made more sense if he was a part of a ring of people taking babies of color and putting them up for adoption--because that's a thing that actually happens. I feel like they were originally going to have the culprit be the neighbor whose brother lost his baby and blamed it on Aida. As sort of like an eye-for-an-eye thing. But then they realized it'd probably look bad if a bunch of Non-Indigenous people demonized an Indigenous woman like that, so they changed it at the last minute.

2. Lacey

Lacey is always severely underutilized, but this time it felt just sadly egregious. They emphasized that Lacey was uncomfortable with being in the area because of the kidnapping, but...that was about it. It would've been a good opportunity to show a flashback of Lacey and Gabi together as children, or even a great chance to show Gabi and Lacey connecting over their shared experience in adulthood. Better yet, it would've been the perfect time to explore how the kidnapping has affected Lacey in adulthood, because it's clear it presents as a fear more intense than Gabi's.

Also her randomly kicking in the door and rushing into the house was odd, no matter how much they said in-show that it was ooc. Sometimes it feels like scenes are cut out that would add clarity to the scenes they leave in.

3. Trent x Gabi

As much as I love them together, I get really REALLY tired of watching Gabi use Trent and his network without any repercussions or hard pushback. I know that Gabi agreed to work closely with the police to make sure the people who committed the crimes face punishment, but I can only suspend disbelief BUT SO MUCH. Like what do you mean Gabi and Dhan can threaten a potential suspect into confessing? What do you mean they can just find things about people in less than a day, whenever they ask for it? WHY are they able to break rules with impunity, when doing so would absolutely cause the case to get thrown out in court????

As much as I know that Trent cares about Gabi and is willing to risk his job for her, I'm failing to understand why. What has she done for him that has made him want to give up his job for her? Because, from what we've seen so far, she hasn't really...done...much? We know they slept together at least once, that he has feelings for her, and that she relies on him a lot. But I feel like this show is constantly telling us that Gabi is worth sacrifice without illustrating why.

If this show is going to improve, they REALLY need to stop trying to make us believe that Gabi can do whatever she wants because reasons. It's starting to feel very Mary Sue-ish, and I don't want that to happen to her.

I at least hope that she takes accountability for taking the thumbdrive.

4. Hughbert "Sir" Evans

The one thing I did like about this episode is that we learned a lot about who Hugh is, and what his triggers are. If they choose to stay consistent anyway. Because they said in one episode that one of his triggers was mess/dirt, and then it was never brought up again lol.

In this episode, we learned that Hugh has abandonment issues. I believe that Hugh suffered from Parental Neglect as a child, which ties into this quest he had to "save" Gabi from her own perceived neglect. Hugh illustrates all the traits of someone who grew up not feeling heard or paid attention to: forcing Gabi to debate with him, him lecturing at her when she's eating, him having a meltdown when she ignores him or walks away. He threw a temper tantrum when he suspected that someone else might be taking attention away from him, because he finds comfort in knowing that it's always just him and Gabi in that house, and that she's consciously aware that he's there.

Obviously his traumatic past doesn't excuse the shit he's done. But it does add a ton of context.

These are a lot of thoughts, sorry lol This episode just bugged me. I feel like the writers room doesn't have their shit together. Maybe in S2 (if they get one), they'll find a rhythm that works. They need to. Because I shouldn't be able to tell a better story than these people who were PAID to do so.

#found nbc

[loosesodamarble]

Hello soda, I love your blog. I'm a huge Nacht fan and I want to write a Nacht x reader/oc (haven't decided) fanfic . I'm too shy to post it but I want to write it for myself. Can you give me tips to write fanfic especially about Nacht.

🖤 Anon! The answers you seek are finally here!

It's very exciting that you're writing some self-indulgence! It's one thing to make requests for what you want to see but taking the writing into your own hands is something else entirely! Make the most of it!

(This post ended up being longer than expected so pardon for the rest of it being under a cut.)

First off, reader insert or oc, or heck you could even do a full self insert. Any way you go about it, do what gives you the most fulfillment! You said that you aren't gonna post it but even if you did, your first and most important audience is yourself, so cater to what you want.

Second, when it generally comes to writing fanfic, play to your preferences. Do you enjoy banter or heartfelt dialogue? Then you can easily write scenes that focus more on characters speaking with little sprinkles of scenery and action written in. Or if you prefer prose and detailing the finer details of a moment, feel free to write a fic where you go five paragraphs without character speaking.

(For me, I like fic that's a little introspective. Where prose isn't just about the characters' actions or surroundings but also acts as their inner monologue. And thus, I tend to write fic that's a lot of "their feelings swirled inside of them like a storm" stuff.)

And don't worry about skipping over stuff that you don't feel confident or interested in writing. For me, I can manage a bit of fight scene choreography but it's not my strong suit so I don't write fights often and I usually keep it vague and short. The less interest you have for writing a certain thing, the less you end up writing. (That's not the whole picture since burnout/writer's block can leave you wanting to write but not having the energy or mind to do it.)

Something that I try to keep in mind when writing is the question of "what is the ultimate point of the piece?" It can be anything from a simple "I want these characters to talk/fight/kiss" to a complex "I want to show how a single event is actually a chain reaction of smaller happenings and how they can have massively different effects on people's lives and personalities." For me, the answer should be less a plot summary of the piece you're writing and more your motivation for writing it.

TL;DR for those previous points: write what you like, don't write what you don't like, and know why you're writing (since that can help you stay motivated).

Now when it comes to writing Nacht specifically, I keep these character details in mind:

Nacht has self-loathing issues, making it hard for him to believe he is good.

That self-loathing is projected onto others, mostly Yami.

While he does care for others, Nacht is afraid of loving and being loved. He fears hurting those he loves (see Morgen's death).

Those are probably the most important traits of Nacht's to keep in mind when writing him, pre or post Morgen's death. Although the projection aspect of his personality more shows up afterwards.

I also tend to write Nacht repeating the same mini arc. -He looks down on himself -He resists happiness when he has a chance for it -Someone talks some sense into him -Nacht lets himself be happy

Yes, it's keeping his character kinda in the same arc over and over. But to me, Nacht is a character that I see struggling to accept that he's allowed to be happy despite his dark past. He lets himself be happy but he doesn't want to risk too much good fortune in case it blows up in his face, if you know what I mean.

I think that writing Nacht is about finding the balance between suffering and salvation. He hated and punished himself for the longest time until he finally learned to let go of his guilt. Although I personally like to keep Nacht from fully letting go of the guilt and grief. Because squeezing out angst from Nacht's character is fun. Giving Nacht love and letting him be happy is ultimately more fulfilling though.

Really, like for any character, you have to write what you want for Nacht. And for me it's that ever present sorrow in his life. For you, it could be something else entirely.

You gotta write for you, 🖤 Anon. But hopefully my advice gives you something to work with. Good luck with the Nacht fic and I hope you enjoy what you come up with~!

#questions from the ask box #soda asides #🖤 anon #initially i was going to start the post with a joke of like #i dont write i just black out and a few days later i wake up to a fully written fic #but eh seemed inappropriate #so you get the watered down version of the joke here in the tags #i really hope that what i wrote actually makes sense and helps #there's no real concrete writing advice #like when it comes to grammar or story structure #but that's not what was being asked for anyway

[ominousunflower]

Lace or Leather (Author’s Note + Recap)

Howdy! As y’all know, it’s been a while since I updated my final Miraculous fic, so this post includes a recap of the story thus far. But first, I’d like to mention two important things about the fic. Specifically, 1) “canon” in the fic, and 2) the “incompleteness” of the Burgundy and Blush series.

Unfortunately, my explanation of those two things ended up being rather long-winded, so I’m linking to the full explanation here. I’ll include a TL;DR in this post—but if you have the chance, I’d appreciate if you read the full-length explanation! The TL;DR gives you the most essential info, but it doesn’t really properly explain everything.

And for your convenience: if you read that explanation post first, there’s a link at the end that links back to this recap post.

TL;DR:

This fic was originally written early/mid-Season 3 and stays true to the canon at that time, which means that we’re operating under the “you must not reveal your identity or else you’ll lose your Miraculous” rule. Hopefully that contextualizes the characters’ perspectives in Chapter 19, along with some of their decisions moving forward! (Also, I have seen very little of Season 4 and nothing from Season 5, so those two seasons—along with a substantial portion of Season 3—have no relevance to this fic.)

There was originally supposed to be a third fic in this series. Lace or Leather is a standalone fic and does NOT end with a cliffhanger, so rest assured that this story will still feel complete! However, there is one “arc” that won’t be explored in the fic, and I’m sorry for anyone who would’ve liked to see that part. There really isn’t a feasible or satisfactory way for me to include that.

And now, the recap, up through Chapter 18!

(Note: I included specific summaries for Chapters 9-18, since a lot of this fic takes place over a short period of time. Feel free to skip to whichever point you find most helpful!)

The first several chapters of the story involve Marinette entering a design competition that’s being hosted by Gabriel. Adrien offers to be her model, and they meet up so that Marinette can watch him try on outfits for inspiration, since she’s struggling to come up with a design. Throughout these chapters, Marinette also spends more time with Chat Noir, who she’s gradually getting to know better. Marinette seems to have romantic feelings for him, but she fervently denies this and insists that she still wants to pursue Adrien.

In Chapter 9, Alya calls Marinette after she spent the day “playing dress-up” with Adrien, and reports that he seems to have a crush on Marinette. Marinette doesn’t believe Alya, but tells her that even if Adrien does like her, he should wait until after the competition to ask her out. Alya notes that Marinette seems surprisingly unenthusiastic.

After that phone call, Marinette realizes that she’s in love with Chat Noir and starts to panic. An akuma attack interrupts her breakdown, and when she runs into Chat as Ladybug, he talks her through an anxiety attack. Afterward, Ladybug wonders if Chat has fallen out of love with her. He notices that something is bothering her and urges her to talk to someone, even if it’s not him.

In Chapter 10, Marinette asks her parents for advice, explaining that she has feelings for two people. They reassure her that her feelings will make sense eventually; after all, she just realized her feelings for the second person earlier that morning. If she gives it time, she’ll eventually be in a better place to make a decision.

Later that night, Marinette is surprised to find Chat Noir on her balcony. He explains that it’s not the first time he’s visited without telling her—sometimes he needs to clear his head, but doesn’t want to bother her. They talk for a bit, and Marinette nearly kisses him, but the two of them end up knocking over a teacup before she can try. Since Marinette is worried about Chat, she offers to let him sleep over. They end up sharing the bed. Chat falls asleep first and seems have a nightmare, so Marinette wakes him up and assures him that he’s loved.

In Chapter 11, Marinette and Chat wake up together. Marinette is embarrassed about Chat seeing her first thing in the morning, but he thinks she’s cute. They talk some more, and Marinette reassures him that he he’s never imposing when he visits the Dupain-Chengs, and that he can consider himself part of the family.

While Marinette reheats some breakfast, she fishes for non-identifying personal details, such as what Chat’s room looks like. He admits that his room doesn’t really feel like it belongs to him. Somewhat concerningly, he notes that he’s probably due for a fight with his father, and mentions that the two of them hardly ever talk. Marinette offers him more reassurances and encouragement.

In Chapter 12, Adrien visits Marinette so that she can take his measurements. He has deviated from his usual style, and is wearing the leather jacket Marinette bought for him. The two of them are predictably flustered while Marinette measures Adrien, but they also banter and tease each other. Adrien opens up a bit about the issues he’s been having with his father.

He then tells Marinette about a photography project that he and Alya have been working on—as long as Adrien spends time constructively with his friends, his father allows them to hang out. (Apparently, though, Gabriel doesn’t like having Nino around; Nino is only allowed to wait in the foyer to walk Alya home.) Adrien shows Marinette some of his photos, and also tells her that he carries her lucky charm everywhere with him.

In Chapter 13, Marinette still can’t figure out a design, and she’s running out of time to submit one. As she’s talking to Tikki, she frets that she might end up rejecting Adrien if he confesses to her—but then she quickly backtracks, saying that she wouldn’t have a reason to reject him. Marinette decides the real problem is that Adrien isn’t opening up to other people quickly enough, which means that he’s not ready to be in a relationship with her. Before Tikki can dissuade her, Marinette transforms and travels to the Agreste mansion to speak with him as Ladybug.

Adrien doesn’t seem interested in discussing any of his insecurities, so the two agree to play video games instead. Ladybug unintentionally oversteps a boundary regarding the topic of Adrien’s father, and Adrien tells her that she’s out of line. Ladybug apologizes, and Adrien explains that while he’s aware his relationship with his father isn’t healthy—and that he tends to bottle things up until he explodes—he’s also allowed to keep things to himself.

Still, he says that he’d be happy if Ladybug checked in every now and then. She assures him that if he ever wants to talk, she’ll listen. It turns out that Adrien does want to talk about something: his crush on Marinette. Ladybug is stunned, but she manages to reassure him—although she ultimately suggests that Adrien should wait until the competition is over before pursuing Marinette.

In Chapter 14, Marinette and Adrien casually text each other, but now that Marinette knows he has romantic feelings for her, she keeps worrying about the tone of her texts. When Marinette mentions her conundrum to Tikki, Tikki says that she doesn’t see an issue with Marinette pursuing Chat; however, she refuses to recommend one boy over the other.

Later, Marinette meets with Alya for coffee. The two chat, and Alya says that Adrien made some interesting points about shipping Ladynoir—mainly, that it’s invasive, and that it forces the two superheroes to constantly dispel speculation about their relationship. Alya also notes that it seems like Ladybug and Chat Noir aren’t flirting as much lately, which Marinette takes as a sign that Chat really has stopped loving Ladybug. Marinette then mentions that she’s having trouble coming up with a design, and Alya offers some encouragement.

After an akuma attack, Ladybug tries to ask Chat Noir to grab coffee, but he tells her he’s busy. Ladybug points out that he’s stopped flirting with her, and asks if he’s ever going to flirt with her again. Chat notes, “It sounds like you’re asking a bigger question,” and Ladybug says that she might be. Chat asks for a raincheck on the conversation, since he needs to get back to an event before anyone notices that he’s gone.

In Chapter 15, Marinette has just finished sketching a very nice sleeve…and nothing else. Chat Noir shows up and detransforms so that he’s wearing pajamas and a masquerade mask. He vents that he had a frustrating day because his father forced him to go to an obnoxious party. He and Marinette end up joking about one of her celebrity crushes, but when Marinette jokes about Chat Noir’s “type” being “Ladybug”, he awkwardly admits that Ladybug isn’t the only girl he likes. Marinette wonders if he might have a crush on her civilian identity.

Once again, Marinette almost kisses him, but just barely resists the urge. She asks him if he wants to stay over again, and he says yes. Chat expresses regret that Marinette isn’t allowed to know his identity, since he’s tired of shutting people out. Then, changing the subject, he tells Marinette that he’s still waiting for her to make the lace shirt she “promised” him during a previous conversation.

Marinette confesses that she’s stumped on her contest design. Chat says that maybe she’s not feeling inspired, because “maybe you don’t want to design something for Adrien anymore.” He compares it to a song he once tried to write for a girl he loved, except his feelings changed halfway through it, and he wasn’t able to finish the song. Marinette realizes he must be talking about Ladybug. She protests and accuses Chat of “giving up” on Ladybug, which he objects to. He insists that he still has a valuable relationship with her, even if he’s not romantically interested.

Ultimately, Chat tells Marinette that she needs to design something she’s passionate about, and to stop worrying about whether the design “fits” Adrien as a person. When he jokingly complains that Adrien is getting a lace shirt instead of him, Marinette promises that she’ll make one for Chat, too. The two then go to bed. Marinette worries to herself that if she or Chat end up dating someone besides each other, they won’t remain close like they currently are.

In Chapter 16, Chat and Marinette wake up before school starts. Marinette fantasizes about a domestic life with him, and blurts out a question about how common Chat’s real first name is. He says that it’s pretty common (“definitely top fifty”), and Marinette asks if he can tell her, since it wouldn’t be identifying information. However, Chat says that it’s too risky. (“I guess you could look at a list and pick one to call me, but that’s no different than calling me Chat.”) Plagg shows up to tease the two lovebirds, and then Chat leaves so that Marinette can get ready for school.

At school, Alya and Nino ask about “Charles” (Chat Noir’s disguise at the masquerade dance in Burgundy and Blush). Alya then asks Adrien for his thoughts on Ladynoir, and Adrien says that he doesn’t support shipping real people. Nino is surprised, saying that Adrien used to be a huge fan of Ladynoir. Adrien then echoes Chat’s words about how the two superheroes can be close even if they’re not in a romantic relationship.

In Chapter 17, Marinette still can’t figure out a design. She meets up with Chat Noir as Ladybug and says she wants to continue their conversation from the day before. Ladybug expresses disappointment that he doesn’t love her anymore, which Chat disagrees with; he does love her, even if it’s not romantic. He asks why it matters, when she should be relieved—and Ladybug answers, “Because I’m in love with you.” She admits that she’s been anxious because she’s wondering why he stopped loving her.

Chat gets irritated and says that he hasn’t stopped loving her, and that he doesn’t love her less. He’s tired of everyone acting like platonic love is somehow inferior. He shares that he’s afraid to love people because his father always rejects him and forces him to buy his love, and because other people are constantly sticking their nose in his personal life. Ladybug says that he’s right, and that she was wrong to be dismissive; Chat says he’s sorry that she’s feeling hurt.

When Chat mentions an issue in his personal life, Ladybug offers to listen, but he says that he doesn’t want to ask her for advice about his romantic feelings for someone else. The two agree on a raincheck for the coffee date, and Ladybug ponders her feelings for Adrien and Chat Noir. She wonders if her bond with Adrien could ever be as strong as her bond with Chat, and whether she even has the patience to wait for that.

In Chapter 18, Marinette is still trying to finish her design for the competition; the deadline for her materials request form is in three days. She refuses to abandon her design for Adrien the way that Chat Noir abandoned his song for Ladybug.

Noticing Marinette’s art block, Tom tells her that he or Sabine will take her shopping for some fabric, so that Marinette can get work on a project that isn’t related to the contest. When Sabine takes her shopping, Marinette finds some gorgeous midnight blue lace that instantly reminds her of Chat Noir. After buying it, she immediately rushes home and creates an entire design for Chat’s shirt in one sitting. This success motivates Marinette to finish her design for Adrien as well.

Tikki notes that Marinette seems more excited about Chat’s design, but Marinette says that’s just because of burnout. Since she finished so close to the deadline, she goes to the Agreste mansion to submit the materials form in-person. She and Adrien chat for a bit, and Adrien admits that he begged his father to let him model for Marinette. Marinette thinks about how Adrien would say yes if she asked him out—and yet, it somehow feels like the wrong decision to ask him. She decides that it must be bad timing, since she’s stressed out from the contest. She then invites Adrien to visit over the weekend and play video games.

You can read Chapter 19 here!

#my fics #lace or leather

[nsfwrpg]

Update

So I have changed all of the labels of my smuts to mature so make sure to change your settings in order to see my smut works. Here's a great guide by @usedpidemo.

So, alongside the new Tumblr update I've decided to also give somewhat an update on what's going to happen with the blog and me in general. It gets quite personal so if you don't want to listen to the nitty-gritty stuff feel free to skip down to the TL;DR

Mental health is important. Let me start off by saying that even if you're not diagnosed with a mental health disorder, taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health. I have never had any mental breakdowns before 2 years ago, and since then I have had a few. Especially a couple in the past month. There has been a lot on my mind and the past 2 years have put me in a situation where my mental strength was way different than before. I have never experienced something like this and I’m trying my best to deal with it. But personally, I want to get help. It’s just that the amount of time I have to put aside to get myself help outweighs the priorities I have and my mental health and strength have been deteriorating since I’ve been back to college after a long break. Dealing with school all over again after taking that long break is tough, and sadly I’m getting the worst end of the stick mentally. Sadly, because of all of this I’m going to retire from the blog for the time being.

You might be thinking, “Retire? You haven’t posted that many fics, you haven’t even been on Tumblr for that long.” Well I agree, but there are still some people out there who might be looking forward to fics of mine. So to you guys, I’m sorry. I wish I could try my best, but I just need to step away from the time being and hopefully when I’m better mentally I’ll be back. 

I’m happy with what I’ve done so far. I’m happy I’ve met so many people in this community I can talk to. And so, I’m open to talk on Discord through DM or on my dead server (RPG’s Republic) if you’d like, just for a quick chat or to really talk, my DMs will always be open on there. Here’s my username: RPGTwoThree#2820

TL;DR: Take care of your mental health, because I can’t take care of mine I’m retiring for the time being. Feel free to contact me on Discord to talk info is just above.

Seriously, thank you for all the support you guys have given me on here, and especially the support the community has given me throughout the time I’ve been here. I’ll see all of you later, hopefully when a better side of RPG emerges.

Thnks fr th mmrs,

-RPG ⚾

#update

[daisy-billy]

Fic Update!

Hello, lovelies!! I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to provide this update for anyone who's still reading my fic (aka animmortalist ao3 user), and waiting (so patiently!) for an update on one of my wips.

This is probably gonna be too-long and give more detail than is necessary, so if you just want the cliff notes, feel free to skip to the tl;dr, and that will be followed by a quick hits of this post and what fic updates will look like on ao3 for me in the future.

I want to start by first thanking anyone who has ever read, sent me their thoughts, commented on ao3 or elsewhere, left kudos, shared, etc. re: my fic. I can't express how grateful I am and how I continue to be surprised (in the best way) by it all. You're all the mvps and made the past 3+ years of my life so much better. Each of you helped make me a better writer, and I hope I provided some fun stories (even amongst the angst lol) in return.

If I could, I would write fic all the time and push out updates daily that are well-crafted and that I am proud of. Unfortunately, that's not possible for me, probably ever (but if you're living that life go off we love that for you!!!). I don't know if I'll ever have a truly consistent update schedule, just as a warning. It's not ideal, but I'm learning to accept it, and hope those of you who still want to read my stuff do, too.

I've been dealing with a lot of life stuff the past two years. Like...A wild amount haha. But essentially, I've gotten to a good place with my job, mental health and original writing. All of which were a lot and sometimes a mess for much of 2019-2022. I kind of lost my marbles for a while there, but I want to express how much I appreciate that people are still reading and enjoying my fic. I never thought it would get to where it is now. I am always grateful and so amazed every time I see a new kudos or comment, whether it's a one new or older story.

All of this is to say, I do plan on continuing my work on fic. I can't promise updates all the time, nor can I give a concrete estimate on when they'll be finished. However, I feel committed to my works and want you all to know I'm still writing and thinking about them.

You can find a masterlist of wips here in order of priority. There are certain fics I'm going to prioritize writing over others. This is due to a whole bunch of factors, and while not every wip I've posted is listed, that doesn't mean I won't ever touch it again. But for now, it's not one that I'll be focusing on.

I will probably sprinkle in a oneshot here or there for other fandoms, but that masterlist is my goal to complete. I can't promise it'll be done by the end of year, or really give any concrete date/timeline. I wanted to share it regardless though, just to give an idea for where I'm at with writing. I'll update it as needed—whether that includes the completion of a fic, change in priority, etc.

Please feel to reach out to me with anything on your mind concerning this! I adore you all and sending all the good thoughts your way ♥️

TL;DR:

Fic updates are in the works!

You can find my masterlist of fics (ranked by priority) I'm working on here

I love anyone who's read, commented, left kudos, just told me in anyway that they enjoyed it, etc. re: my fic. You're truly the best and I will forever be thankful for you.

Please lmk if there are any questions (asks here and dms on twitter are always open)

#chenford fic #bellarke fic #murven fic #soc fic #m: fic #m: update #tagging the fandoms i've currently got wips for

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

Tl;dr Leon is finally here and I'm happy. He's now EX too for the banger song. Long story under the cut.

So, I've been kinda burned out from this game for a while, mostly because of the bad luck streak happening in several recent banners (Champion Hop, not having enough gems for SC Steven, Adaman & Irida, having to skip Eusine, and Battle Tower Leon too as you can see from the scout points). Banners released every month have been overwhelming, the amount of free gems received per month does not even compare with the number of banners, and coupled with bad luck, it's just an awful time all around. I've stopped spending in this game right when DeNA starts being a little too greedy, what with the 5/5 grid, a lot of banners at once, the lack of gems in the rally (even a complete absence of gems in two Galar VA rallies), and all that. Even doing dailies has become a chore, and I can't be as excited as usual when the datamine drops.

There were times when I got lucky, like when I got SC Zinnia, SS Hau, and SS Acerola, but the terrible luck I got have been affecting my enjoyment a lot more than the fun time, so I recognize this as a sign of burnout.

So, today I decided that if I didn't get Leon in the next multi, I would take a total break. And wouldn't you know it, Leon arrived, two times...but with 231 scout points. It's as if the game knows.

Now I don't feel as bitter as I was before thanks to Leon finally arriving, but that still doesn't completely get rid of my burnout. It's still there, and the temptation to take a break is also still there. Thankfully, he's the only unit I want in this month, so I can save up for anniversary. I dunno if I will still play this game when that happens, but we'll see. This is not the end of my Masters, or even Pokemon brainrot though. I still love Pokemon so much, I still love Masters too, just don't wanna deal with the grind and the gacha for a bit. This kind of time always happens when I play a gacha-based game for a certain amount of time, it happened a lot too in the past with the previous gacha games I used to play, so it's not the first time.

Anyway, of course, I EX-ed Battle Tower Leon for the song, but I prefer the OG color of his suit.

#personal #now this is truly a personal post #pokemon masters #i still love this game though #just tired of the grind and the bad luck streak is all #and the gacha #which is a very normal thing to happen