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#fic: given the choice
iverna · 2 years
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Given The Choice (32/?)
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... in which Emma adapts to life among smugglers, Regina struggles with life among outlaws, and Killian shares a bit more of his past.
~ 10,100 words | read on ao3
Post-Neverland AU where Pan did not escape Pandora’s Box and Emma tries to come to grips with her strange new life featuring pirates,  parents, and flying monkeys. Catch up here, or on ao3!
Note: due to recent Jason-related events in the fandom, I’ve changed the quartermaster’s name to Wesley Carswell - same guy, different name!
Blackbeard’s attack has had one positive side effect: Killian has proven himself to Ria and the crew, and the lingering tension on the ship has dissipated. Wesley Carswell no longer looks uncomfortable when Emma wanders up on deck, in fact he always has a smile and a teasing comment for her now, and Killian is no longer doing grunt work. He’s often in the company of one or more of the crew or conferring with Ria, sharing experiences. Emma wonders whether he realises how easily he slips into the role of advisor. He did the same in Neverland.
The only problem is that with the new camaraderie come questions. Such as how a lady from the royal court knows so much about sailing.
Lynch is the one who asks, when some of the crew shares a late lunch on deck the day after the attack. From his smile, his interest is entirely benign, but the question catches Emma off-guard. “It’s hardly part of a lady’s education, is it?”
“I—well,” she says, trying not to look flustered, “you know, I actually had a pretty good education…”
Killian laughs. “I don’t think you can count that as education, milady.” All eyes turn to him, and he goes on, “Her husband was an officer in the Royal Navy.”
Emma breathes a small sigh of relief. That sounds good. She vaguely remembers watching a Jane Austen movie once where the guy was a naval officer. An officer and a lady-in-waiting, that makes sense… right?
Janssen’s wife, a tall, no-nonsense woman named Inga, raises her brows. “A Navy man? How’d you end up here?”
With Hook and a band of outlaws, is what she means. Emma shrugs with a smile, back on balance now. “Long story.”
“Was an officer?” Carswell asks.
“Yeah, he, uh, retired,” Emma said. “After he married me. He didn’t want to be away at sea all the time.”
Inga smiles. “And now, here you are. You must miss him.”
“Yeah,” Emma says, smiling back and carefully not looking at Killian. “Yeah, I miss my whole family.”
“We’ll get you back there soon enough,” Lynch assures her.
“And I hope your husband appreciates it,” Carswell puts in, mock-stern. “And doesn’t send the Navy after us.”
Emma laughs, shaking her head. “He wouldn’t.”
“He’s far too besotted,” Killian puts in. “All he’ll care about is having his beloved wife back.”
She just about manages to hold back the dirty look she wants to throw at him. He’s enjoying this far too much. They need to get off this subject, not keep going on about the non-existent feelings of her non-existent husband.
It doesn’t help that he never looks better than when his eyes are sparkling like that, and she’s been thinking about him far too much lately, instead of thinking of something useful. Like her non-existent husband.
“What was his name again?” Inga asks.
Emma feels her heart trip, and casts around for a name while she says, “Sorry, what?”
“Your husband,” Inga repeats. “What did you say his name was?”
Emma didn’t give a name. She really should have thought of one. She has pretended to be married more than once in her career, but her usual go-to name is Justin. That doesn’t seem very… fairytale.
“Oh. Uh, William. Will.” She almost winces as she says it. This is Henry’s fault, with his talk about Keira Knightley and Pirates of the Caribbean. And she’s blaming Killian, too, for throwing her off her game.
“What’s he like?”
“Oh.” This should be easier; her fake husband is a fairly solid person in her mind. Tall, brown hair, brown eyes, devoted or distant depending on the situation, likes dogs and hiking and cuddles on the sofa. The kind of man you marry.
General “you”. Not Emma specifically. Emma specifically finds him a bit boring, which is exactly the point, because it makes him versatile and relatable.
“He’s great,” she says, trying to get into the mindset of a married woman who loves her husband, and struggling for words. “Kind, and… dependable.”
She makes the mistake of glancing over at Ria, then, to find the other woman watching her with a thoughtful look in her eyes. Emma doesn’t let her own gaze linger, but keeps looking around as if unconcerned even as she fights back her chagrin. She isn’t selling this. How the hell do people describe their partner?
“He’s a good man. A good father. Like I said, he retired so he could be there for us.”
“If that isn’t love,” Killian puts in lightly, jokingly. “Giving up the sea in favour of a life at court.”
He says the last word with a dramatic grimace. There’s a round of rueful chuckles, most of the crew shaking their heads as if they would never do such a thing. Emma thinks of the Jolly Roger, and swallows hard.
God, she needs to get them off this subject. “Yeah,” she says, looking at Inga and Janssen again. “Speaking of which, how about you two? How’d you meet?”
It’s the right question to ask. It turns out to be quite the story, which Inga and Janssen are happy to tell, amid the heckling and joking of the crew.
Emma breathes a very careful sigh of relief, and settles in to listen.
 *  *  *
 Killian, naturally, doesn’t let it go. When the others are back at work, he wanders over to her, purposely casual. “So, tell me,” he asks in a low voice, a glint in his eye. “Who is William?”
Emma narrows her eyes at him. “Don’t start. You enjoyed that way too much.”
He doesn’t look the least bit contrite. “Guilty as charged. I’m just curious why you chose that name.”
“A character in a movie,” she says, giving in. “Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s—anyway, one of the characters is called William. Will.”
“A movie… a story about pirates?”
“Yeah. Sort of.” She can feel herself getting defensive—she doesn’t usually rely on movies for her cover stories, and it definitely won’t do for Killian to start thinking she just has pirates on the brain. “Henry loves it, and he’s been quoting it, and it was the first name that came to mind.”
“Ah.” He gives another short chuckle. “It was my brother’s name, too.”
She feels her eyes widen. “What?”
“Liam,” he says. “Short for William.”
“Oh.” She doesn’t quite know what to say. “I didn’t know that.”
“Aye.” He looks at her more closely then, and seems to note the sudden loss for words, the odd tension. He grins, just a little too brightly. “A good thing you didn’t marry him.”
She thinks she knows the answer, but she asks anyway. “Why?”
But he doesn’t say anything about wanting her for himself. “Because he was stubborn and overbearing. You’d have thrown him out inside a week.”
A surprised laugh escapes her. “Yeah? Was he that bad?
He makes a face, but his expression has lost that exaggerated brightness, more comfortable again. “Aye. The worst. Though I suppose it served him well, to keep me in line.”
She lets her eyes widen in exaggerated astonishment. “You needed keeping in line?”
“All right,” he grumbles, giving her the gentlest little shove. “No need to oversell the amazement, Swan. I was a terror, I fully admit it.”
“Was?”
“Was, am…” One eyebrow pops up. “Will be.”
She bursts out laughing. “Yeah, I bet he had his hands full.”
Killian nods ruefully. “That he did.”
She can see the fondness behind all the irreverence, and she gets it. She never had a brother, but she often wished for one. Or a sister. Just… someone. Family. Someone on her side. From the sounds of it, that’s what Liam was for Killian.
“He sounds like a good guy,” she says softly.
“The best. Liam is the reason why I ended up in the Navy. He got me a commission, helped me with my studies… I owe him everything.” He clears his throat, then flashes another grin. “In fact, now I think about it, you could do worse.”
She wants to know more, but it’s clear that he’s done talking about Liam—and the grin is more genuine this time. The fact that he’s making jokes rather than rebuffing her feels like a victory.
So she goes with it, lightly slapping the back of her hand against his chest. “Stop trying to set me up with your brother. I’m married.”
He laughs, and it’s that genuine laughter that she so rarely gets to see, the laughter that makes his head tilt back and his eyes crinkle. “To poor old Will, aye. My apologies. I seem to keep forgetting.”
She makes a face at the reminder of her performance earlier. “Be honest, how bad was it? I really should’ve—I thought I had it figured out, but—I don’t know. They put me on the spot.”
“It was fine,” he assures her. “Though you might want to work on describing him. That did not sound like a woman in love.”
“I know. I just couldn’t think of anything.”
“Well, not to worry,” he says lightly. “Perhaps you two are simply going through a rough patch.”
She shoots him a narrow-eyed look, making him laugh again. “I’m being quite serious, love. It’s probably what they’ll assume, if you keep calling your husband ‘kind��� and ‘dependable’.”
“What’s wrong with kind and reliable?” she asks, even though she already knows he’s right.
“Because love means passion,” he says, “and caring, and knowing the other person. It’s not kind or perfect, sometimes you want to strangle them, but—” He cuts himself off with a shake of his head. “I’m merely pointing out that there’s no passion in dependable. No romance.”
Emma manages a nod, trying desperately not to let on how winded she suddenly feels. Her knees are a little weak. Killian Jones getting passionate about the topic of love and romance might be more than she can handle.
She casts about for a way to get them off the subject, realises that they were originally on a different subject, and reaches for that. “I don’t even know anything about Navy officers. What do they do after they retire?”
“They marry a beautiful woman, apparently.” Killian winks. “Lucky bastard.”
It’s her turn to give him a shove. “You saying that being married to me is a full-time job? Thanks.”
“It might be,” Killian mutters, and she shoves him again, and he laughs. “All right, all right.” He considers it. “Let’s say he made his fortune at sea, and bought a small estate to raise a family.”
“How do you make a fortune at sea?” she asks. “I mean, other than, y’know.”
“My way?” He grins, then sobers. “Much the same way, really. You take it. From pirates, or smugglers, or someone else’s navy.” His voice takes on a cynical note. “It isn’t robbery if it’s endorsed by the king, you know.”
“That’s—” She’s about to say that’s not fair, but then she thinks about it. About her own experience with the justice system, and the foster system, and all kinds of other perfectly legal systems. The bribes she’s witnessed, the deals, the shakedowns. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
He looks surprised at her agreement. “I don’t think a princess—” that last word is so quiet that he’s barely more than mouthing it “—is supposed take that kind of view, love.”
She makes a face. “Think there’s a lot of things I’m not supposed to be doing.”
He grins again, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “I won’t tell anyone.”
She should probably roll her eyes, or shove him away again. But she can’t bring herself to do it, not when she’s just learned a bit more about him.
Liam. His brother’s name was Liam, and he was stubborn and loyal and rode herd on his troublemaking little brother.
So she smiles at him, and hopefully he knows everything she means by it when she says, “Good.”
 *  *  *
 Regina doesn’t like the castle. For one thing, it isn’t hers; for another, it’s in ruins, and though she’s done a bit to help fix it up, there’s only so much she can do if she doesn’t want to spend all her energy on repairs. Which she doesn’t. Because it’s not hers.
And because without access to her vault and her books, magic is frustratingly difficult. She can summon a fireball no problem, but it’s not like she memorised spells for fixing walls or plumbing. Much as she hates to admit it, she’s never been very good at working without instructions.
Besides, Zelena is out there, and it would be monumentally stupid to spend all her magic on repairing the castle when warding and protecting it is more important.
As she has explained to Grumpy at least twice now, not that it has stopped his snide comments.
Her room is fine, now that she has fixed most of the holes and restored the window panes and cleaned the whole thing, but it’s just that: a room. Everything else is shared, and she doesn’t care for that at all. She can’t just go down to the kitchen when she feels like baking. She can’t seem to go anywhere without running into one of the dwarves or Granny or a Merry Man.
She still doesn’t know why they’re called that. None of them seem very merry to her.
And for all of Snow’s talk about being in this together, Regina is alone more often than not.
It doesn’t bother her. It’s not like she wants to hang out with the dwarves, or Snow and Charming and the sappy looks they give each other, or Blue and her sanctimonious looks, or Robin and his snarky comments and not-so-merry men.
But when she walks in on a group of them sitting around the big table in the hall, playing dice and drinking and laughing, she feels a pang somewhere deep inside.
Because of course they didn’t invite her.
Snow looks up, and Regina can’t tell if she’s feeling guilty or if her smile is always that bright. “Regina! Come join us?”
“Oh, no.” Regina is already backing away. She can see Grumpy glowering at her, Robin frowning, one of his men—John, she thinks—giving her a calm, assessing look. She’s not going to inflict her company on them. She’s not going to sit there awkwardly while they all chat and laugh, at a loss of what to say. She never knows what to say. And she doesn’t want to talk to them anyway. “No, thank you.”
She’s sick of the castle, and everyone in it. She needs to get out—away from the looks and the chatter and the constant reminders that she doesn’t belong. She never belongs. Snow is somehow already fast friends with Robin and his people, just like she’s always friends with everyone. It’s like a kind of magic that Regina can’t access.
She’d blame the villain thing, but Hook managed to befriend them all to the point where Snow and Charming miss him, at least a little. And it’s not that she’s never been invited, either.
No, it’s something about her, specifically. The thought makes her gut twist.
She shakes the feeling off as she strides down the hallway towards the castle entrance. It doesn’t matter. She’s not here to make friends. She doesn’t need friends. What she needs is to get the hell out of this castle.
Her instinct is to head for the stables, but she doesn’t have a horse here. She doesn’t have a horse at all anymore. Her gut twists again as she thinks of Rocinante. Another death—another murder—and for what?
She shakes that thought off, too. So she can’t go for a ride, fine. She can walk. Out in the forest, where it’s quiet, where she can be alone.
She has reached the yard when there are footsteps behind her, and a man calls, “Hey! Your Majesty! Regina!”
She turns. It’s Robin, of course, and he’s frowning at her again. ”Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she snaps.
He raises his eyebrows. “Clearly.”
“Since when do you care?” she challenges.
He stares at her. Then he sighs. “Frankly, I don’t know why I bother. Where are you going?”
“That’s my business,” Regina informs him.
As usual, her unfriendly tone has no noticeable effect on him. “It’s not safe to wander off alone.”
“Thanks for the concern,” she says acidly, “but I’ll be fine.”
“If you’re leaving the castle, at least take someone with you,” Robin insists.
“That would defeat the purpose,” she mutters.
“Why? What are you up to?”
The suspicion makes her hackles rise. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She hasn’t done anything except help, in fact. Not that anyone seems to notice. “Nothing. I just want two minutes without someone accusing me of being up to something, or… Look, it’s not like anyone’s even going to miss me, so if you’ll excuse me…” She sweeps past him.
At least, that’s the idea. The effect is ruined when he pivots on his heel and falls into step beside her, and his longer legs mean that she can’t shake him off without breaking into a run. Damn him.
“Maybe they would if you gave them a chance,” Robin says. “Why do you push everyone away all the time?”
“I don’t,” she snarls. “I don’t need to. They stay away all on their own.”
“And you’ve never wondered why that might be?” he asks mildly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demands.
He shrugs. “It means that if you don’t like being alone, you could try being nice.”
She bites back the diatribe about all the times that she tried and it bit her in the ass. “I’m plenty nice,” she bites out, glaring at him.
“Yeah, I can you’re just overflowing with warmth and friendliness,” Robin says drily. “Why wouldn’t anyone want you around?”
To her utter horror, she can feel tears pricking at her eyes. To cover it, she hisses, “Exactly. So I won’t make you endure it.”
And then she calls up her magic—the magic she can access, the magic she has mastered—and whisks herself away into the forest. Long legs or not, he can’t follow that.
Somehow, it doesn’t make her feel any better.
 * *  *
 As the Serena Hawk sails on, Emma finds herself at loose ends once again. Killian is all but an honourary crew member now, and Henry has learned that there are cats aboard the ship, so between trying to befriend them and hanging out with Jim, he has plenty to keep him busy. Which leaves Emma as the only person aboard with nothing to do—other than tidy the cabin and work out, neither of which are activities that take up much of her day.
But she’s the wife of a Navy officer. She can have a little ship expertise. And she did okay helping Lynch during their escape from Blackbeard.
With that in mind, she goes to talk to Carswell.
She finds him hunkered on the deck, discussing something with Janssen who, she has learned, is the ship’s carpenter. Killian is standing nearby, offering the occasional opinion in between his own work.
“Mr. Carswell?” she asks, and the quartermaster turns and looks up at her.
“No, no, none of that. Call me Wes.” He flashes a smile. “Please.”
It’s hard not to glance over at Killian then, given the flirtatious tone of the request, but Emma just smiles back. “All right. Wes. I wanted to ask you something—”
He sits back on his haunches, lifting a hand to shade his eyes against the sunlight. “Ask away, milady.”
“Is there anything I can do? To help? I just feel useless sitting around all day.”
“I thought that’s what fine ladies do.”
She scoffs. “I’m not a lady.” It’s out before she can think better of it, before she can remember who she’s supposed to be. “I’m a lady-in-waiting,” she goes on, recovering. “I’m used to—chores.”
She really hopes he doesn’t ask her what they are.
“Fair enough.” He raises his eyebrows. “Actually, you might be able to give Lynch a hand. Literally. Not a lot he can do at the moment, with the arm and all, but he knows what to do.”
“Sure, yeah.”
“Just…” He leans forward a little, dramatically conspiratorial. “Don’t mind him if he tries to put on the charm. Don’t believe a word of it.”
Janssen bursts out laughing. “Yeah, ‘cause she should take advice about that from you.”
“Aye, she should,” Wes says with a grin and a wink aimed at Emma. Beside him, Janssen is shaking his head at her with a grimace.
Emma laughs. “I’ll be careful.”
Lynch, to her slight relief, does not put on the charm. He’s perhaps a few years older than her, a stout, bearded, slightly hawk-nosed man with a straightforward, easy-going manner. He’s the ship’s cook—as well as an expert sailor, as he assures her, but it’s his cooking skills that he’s most concerned about.
“If we don’t do it,” he says mock-grimly, “Aileen or Janssen might, and then we’ll be in for it.”
So Emma once again finds herself fishing off the side of the boat, and gutting fish under Lynch’s direction. It’s nice to have a job to do, even if she’s not the biggest fan of fish. For the first time since she came aboard the Hawk, she doesn’t feel like she’s in the way as she sits on deck while everyone goes about their own tasks.
Killian is nearby, working in the rigging with Janssen. Emma is busy trying to keep her eyes away from him, so she’s staring out at the sea when the ship dips and she catches sight of something out there. A dark, triangular shape is breaking through the surface of the water, not very far from the ship. Even as Emma watches, another two show up nearby.
“Lynch,” she says, trying not to betray the way her heart is suddenly pounding. “Is that—sharks?”
“Hmm?” He looks over, thoroughly unconcerned. “Oh, no. Dolphins.”
“Dolphins?” Emma all but scrambles over to the railing. Another dark fin cuts through the water, then another, but Lynch is right: they aren’t the sharp triangle she remembers from Jaws. Moments later, she catches sight of a sleek grey body emerging from the waves, a fine mist of water as the dolphin exhales. There are at least five of them, moving smoothly through the water as if they’re part of the waves.
“Hey, kid!” she calls over to where Henry is crouched with Jim. “Look! Dolphins!”
Henry scrambles to his feet and takes one hurried step before he seems to remember the “no running” rule, and walks as fast as he can to the railing.
The dolphins have come closer by the time Henry reaches her. One breaks through the water and leaps, and Henry lets out a yelp. “Look!”
Emma feels a smile stretch across her own face. She has never seen dolphins in person before. “I didn’t think they came so close.”
“Oh, yeah,” Lynch says, his tone far less impressed. “They’ll do that. They like the waves we make—and the company.”
As if to illustrate his words, another dolphin leaps out of the water, half-turning as it does to splash back into the waves. “Mom!” Henry exclaims. “Did you see that?”
“I saw it, kid,” she assures him.
“They’re saying hello,” comes Killian’s voice from beside her as he joins them. He’s breathing hard from working, his eyes bright, and somehow he seems larger than life in that moment. He has left his coat in the cabin, and while his shirt is so loose that it shouldn’t show off his physique, the way the fabric drapes over his arms is very distracting. Not to mention the way he never buttons the damn thing properly, and the glint of the necklace he wars keeps drawing her eye down to his chest.
He goes on, “And probably hoping you’ll share your catch.”
He’s looking at Emma as he says that last, but she’s lost. Is he calling himself a catch? But he doesn’t look like he normally does when he spouts innuendo at her. “What?”
“The fish,” he clarifies.
“Oh.” That’s right, she’s been fishing. “Yeah, well,” she rallies. “I don’t share.”
He grins at her. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
“But what if they’re hungry?” Henry asks.
“They can catch their own fish, trust me,” Lynch assures him. “This lot just wants to play and show off.”
Killian gets back to work, and Emma reluctantly turns her attention back to hers, but Henry stays at the railing, cheering when a dolphin leaps from the water and shouting reports about their antics. When they fall behind, he’s disappointed, but sits down nearby and starts peppering them with questions about dolphins. Emma is almost no help, but for once, she’s almost glad of it, because Killian is. And when he’s answering her kid’s questions, she’s got the perfect excuse to look over at him.
It’s all kinds of appealing, too, him going on about dolphin behaviour while hauling on ropes, muscles flexing under that shirt of his.
Not that she’ll ever, ever, admit that.
“Why’s it called a school?” Henry asks.
Killian lifts his eyebrows. “Where else would they learn how to be dolphins?”
Emma tries her best not to laugh; Henry groans, though he’s smiling. “No, really.”
“I’ve no idea,” Killian says. “It’s simply the term people use. Like a murder of crows, or a gaggle of geese.”
“Oh.” Henry makes a face, presumably at the idiosyncracies of the English language, and falls silent. For a while, the only sound is the wind and the ocean, the creaks of the ship and the now-familiar crackling sound that the ropes make as they stretch, and the occasional comment from Lynch.
After a while, Henry says, “Hey, Killian.”
Killian twists around to look at him. “Hmm?”
Henry is barely holding back a smirk. “Why did everyone forgive the dolphin when he did something wrong?”
Killian looks confused for the briefest moment, before catching on. “Enlighten me.”
Henry’s smirk becomes a full-blown grin. “’Cause he didn’t do it on porpoise!”
Killian rolls his eyes with a good-natured groan as Henry bursts into delighted laughter. Lynch and Emma chuckle, and Henry looks around at them all, so proud of himself for his dumb joke. Emma exchanges a look with Killian, sharing a moment of amused pride.
The silent understanding flares between them, that connection that seems to keep happening where they’re somehow on the same wavelength.
It’s the kind of moment she would—and arguably should—have with Neal. Except Neal would say something, some wisecrack about how Henry gets his terrible sense of humour from her, or how they need to work on his jokes.
Killian just shakes his head, chuckling, and says, “Well played, lad.”
Henry beams with pride. Killian turns back to his work, and so does Emma, silently berating herself. She shouldn’t be comparing him to Neal at all. And she’s not, not really.
It’s just making it clearer to her why those moments with Neal always made her want to pull back, to break that connection before it could break her. The impulse is there with Killian too—it’s there with everyone—but it feels different. It’s habit, not instinct.
Maybe the problem isn’t just with her after all.
Mentally shaking her head at herself, Emma pushes the thoughts away and stabs her knife into a fish.
Gutting the fish they caught is a gross job, but she doesn’t mind. Life at sea, she has found, requires you to change or leave behind any ideas of “gross”. There’s no shower, no mirror, and very little privacy. Her hair is a lost cause; she has braided it back to keep it out of the way and under control in the wind, and she’s doing her best not to think about it. Or how she probably looks in general.
She spent enough time living rough that it doesn’t bother her—or at least, it shouldn’t. It’s familiar. It doesn’t matter.
But she can’t help feeling a little self-conscious at times, especially when Killian’s around.
Which is ridiculous.
If a little grime puts a guy off, she reminds herself firmly, he isn’t worth it anyway.
Besides, since when does she care whether Killian is put off or not?
Since Neverland, a little honest voice at the back of her mind answers.
She scowls at it.
Across the deck, Wes breaks into song. The crew does that on occasion, singing to keep the rhythm as they work on the sails, or simply because they want to. It’s something Emma never thought about; without radios or mp3 players, the only way to have music is to make it yourself.
The one Wes is now belting out is a rowdy song about a young man and his drunken adventures. Various other crew members join in the chorus—and this time, for the first time, that includes Killian.
Emma does her best to take it in stride. He certainly does, still focused on his work as he sings along almost off-handedly. She had no idea he could sing, but he carries the tune well.
He’s got a nice voice for it, too.
For the first time in a long time, Emma wishes that her mother were here. No, not her mother; Mary Margaret, her friend. The first woman Emma met who she could actually talk about boys with—not that she herself did much talking, about anything, but she could have.
Because she would really like to talk to someone about this. This man who explains things to her kid and makes dumb dad jokes and gives up his ship for her and sings drinking songs with a voice like that.
She probably still wouldn’t talk to Snow about it if she were here. But she can’t help wishing that she could.
Wes is still singing; the young man in the song has made his way to the bedroom window of a nobleman’s daughter, and there’s a punchline about her father wondering about the size of his daughter’s boots. Henry wrinkles his nose as Lynch whistles and some of the others laugh. “Why did she get bigger boots?”
“Ah.” Killian abandons the chorus and smirks conspiratorially. “Because they aren’t her boots, they’re the young man’s. But her father is blissfully unaware that he’s in the room with her, you see.”
Emma’s first thought is that things like this are surely lost on a kid Henry’s age; her second is that she should probably have stopped Killian from explaining it.
But Henry’s eyebrows rise, and he says “oh” in a way that makes her realise it’s too late to try and preserve his innocence. He might not know exactly what the young man in the song is up to, but he clearly knows it’s more than just a sleepover.
Regina is not going to be happy. Learning about dolphins is well and good, but learning about this… oh, boy.
Then again, maybe Henry simply recognises the insinuations from everyone’s comments and looks back in Storybrooke. It’s not like Regina herself is exactly blameless in that regard. Maybe she shouldn’t have made so many damn comments about Emma and Killian.
Serves her right.
Wes finishes the song with a flourish, catching Emma’s eye as he does. He grins, winks—and begins another song, which prompts Lynch to bark out a laugh as he recognises it. The cheerful tune belies the words, which tell the story of the prettiest girl in the village who stole and then broke the singer’s heart.
And Wes is singing it to her. That much is obvious, from the way he keeps grinning at her in between pining looks. Emma tries and fails to fight back a blush. Of all the dumb, ridiculous…
Lynch takes the cue—or maybe the challenge—and throws a little drama into his performance as well, batting his eyelashes at her. Even Inga, keeping the rhythm by tapping her foot on the deck, sends her a few dramatically lovelorn looks in between bouts of laughter.
Once Killian realises what’s happening, he gives an amused little laugh—and joins in.
It’s embarrassing. It’s like being in a damn Disney movie. But they’re joking, and having fun with it, and it’s… nice. Even with Killian, there’s none of the lingering heaviness she might have expected during a song about unrequited love. No, he seems to be treating the whole thing as a joke, playing up the drama, and enjoying himself.
And that makes it easier for Emma to give in to the part of herself that isn’t embarrassed, the part of herself that likes having a bunch of people sing to her. Maybe it’s the fairytale part, the one she usually tries to suppress or ignore, idealistic and even romantic and everything life has taught her not to be.
But she’s in fairytale land now, quite literally. And she’s not Emma Swan. She’s a lady from the royal court, who is probably used to this kind of thing.
So she laughs, and shoots Wes and Killian wry looks that make them grin, and blows Inga a kiss that has everyone cheering, and enjoys the moment.
 *  *  *
 She has to go belowdecks a little while later to help Lynch cook the fish they caught. It tastes better than she expected, and she takes her own lunch back up on deck, along with portions for Henry and Killian.
Henry takes his food and wanders back over to Jim, who begins telling him a wild story about the time he and the others escaped from the Navy.
“Don’t take it personally, love,” Killian says with an amused smile, glancing over at the two boys. “I gather the lad has always loved fairytales.”
Emma laughs. “Smugglers escaping from the Navy? You’ve got a weird idea of fairytales.”
“It’s close enough,” Killian assures her. “It seems that Jim has yet to learn the difference between embellishment and lie.”
“Oh, there’s a difference?” Emma asks, smirking.
He levels a look at her that says that he knows she knows. Chuckling, she asks, “You think he’s making it up?”
“Of course he’s making it up,” Killian says. “A group of smugglers, taking out a Navy boarding party and then running? Impossible. What he could get away with is a story about a bumbling lieutenant who failed to find their hidden compartments, and was persuaded to let them go. What likely happened...” It’s his turn to smirk. “I’d wager that a bribe blinded the lieutenant to said compartments, and both parties went on their way satisfied.”
Emma has to laugh. It sounds about right, and she’s spent enough time around Neal and others like him that she knows that’s exactly how these things go. “Doesn’t sound nearly as impressive, though.”
“No, indeed. One of many reasons not to become a smuggler.” He winks.
“Might have to tell that to Henry,” Emma says wryly. “He sure seems impressed.”
Killian grimaces theatrically. “Well, if he considers it as a career, we might have to set him straight. If he comes out of this with the ambition to become a smuggler, Regina might murder me.”
“Or me,” Emma says. Then she considers it. “Or both of us.”
“I thought she might be inclined to blame me, but thinking about it, you might be right,” Killian agrees. “Best to avoid it. Perhaps I ought to tell him some stories of my Navy days, chasing down foolish smugglers.”
She smiles at that. “Is that what you did?”
He shrugs, unconcerned. “Not often, but I can spin a better tale than our young friend.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Emma bites back a request for a real story from his Navy days. He rarely even mentions that part of his past, and asking him about it feels personal in a way she should probably avoid. Yes, she’s asked him before, but that was when she didn’t know him as well. Back when they were simply tentative allies. Now…
She’s been trying not to think about it. About him. But it’s hard not to when she’s lying in her hammock and can hear him breathing a few feet away. It’s a little pathetic, actually, just how much of her thoughts he takes up. They aren’t even spending all that much time together at the moment. It just feels like she’s constantly seeing new sides to him.
Or rather, frustrating little glimpses of those sides that have her curious for more.
“I think he’s a bad influence,” she says wryly, trying to get her own thoughts off that track and back to the conversation. “Henry can’t wait to get back to the others so he can tell them all about our dramatic escape from pirates.”
Killian makes a face. “Dramatic indeed. Some stories need no embellishment, I suppose.”
“I think I prefer it when the stories are made-up,” she says. “That whole based on real events thing isn’t so great when the real events are happening to you.”
“Aye.” Killian gives a rueful shake of his head. “It isn’t nearly as fun from this side, I must say.”
She laughs. “Yeah, I’ll bet.”
It’s not until he smiles back at her that she realises he did it on purpose this time, bringing up his past. Not his Navy past—that, he’s still close-mouthed about—but his past as a pirate. That’s something he’s been doing more and more, and she has wondered why. She can’t help thinking that it’s a test, to see how she reacts. To make sure that she knows who he is.
No trickery.
She swallows. But she can’t help seizing the opportunity. “So that’s what you did, huh?”
“Aye.” He makes a face as he reconsiders. “Well. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“I was better at it.”
She rolls her eyes at the ego display, but smiles. “Right. Of course.”
He shoots her a smug grin. “I have the gold to prove it, love.”
“Uh-huh.” She returns the smirk and settles back against the railing. “So, tell me how to be a better pirate than Blackbeard.”
“I never went after smugglers, for starters,” he says. “Bloody stupid, trying to run down vessels made for outrunning the Navy.”
“Makes sense. So who did you go after?”
“Merchant ships, mostly,” he says. “Those flying Navy colours.”
She arches her eyebrows. “Isn’t that riskier, attacking ships that are under Navy protection?”
“Oh, aye.” His grin widens as he warms to the topic. “But that was the point. To hit the king where it hurts—his royal coffers. Riskier, aye, but also far more rewarding.”
Emma can just imagine him in a tavern somewhere, impressing some girl with tales of his exploits. She isn’t that girl—she refuses—but she can’t resist asking, “And what about the Navy?”
“Oh, we tangled with them a few times, too.” He says it with a defiant sort of pride. “And sent them running.”
She smiles. “And how much of that is... embellishment?”
He shakes his head. “Embellishing is for when you’re trying to impress someone, love, and I know better than to try and impress you.”
“Really,” she says, with a tone and expression that should tell him exactly how much she believes that.
He grins again. “Well, perhaps not. But I know better than to try and do it with lies.”
Because she’d see through them. And, she suspects, because it would be dishonourable, but he isn’t big on admitting that. “Good,” she says, refusing to dwell on why exactly it’s good. “So… how many?”
He looks startled. “What?”
“How many ships?” she asks. There’s a challenge in her voice, and she knows it. But she feels like he challenged her first, by bringing up his past. So she meets his gaze, calm and curious, and waits to see if he’ll answer.
He does. “Thirty-four in all,” he says evenly. “Three of them Navy ships.”
Emma has no point of reference, but thirty-four ships sounds like a lot. And she doesn’t want to ask, but the question comes out anyway. “Did you sink them all?”
He shakes his head. “We sank two of the Navy ships and left the other derelict. I don’t know what became of her.”
There’s no apology or regret as he says it, but it inches onto his face afterwards, much as he tries to stay stoic. Emma has no point of reference for this either, but the numbers seem odd. “What happened?” she asks, playing a hunch. “After the second one?”
She catches the surprise flashing across his face at that; a rueful smile follows. “I realised that the men on those ships were men like me—men who thought they were serving a noble cause. Men who had no real choice but to be there.” He shrugs casually. “They hardly deserved to die for that.”
“Ah.” Emma has no idea what to say; he’s right, of course, but now her mind has snagged on no real choice. Together with other comments he’s let slip, it makes her wonder how exactly he wound up in the Navy in the first place.
She’s starting to understand why he rarely talks about his past in detail. She thought it was out of shame or a reluctance to admit to or revisit his crimes, but that’s not it. He doesn’t shy away from that. But there’s a lot of pain hidden behind those easy words, that determined smile.
He’s so open about everything else that it’s a bit puzzling. He’s not a man who’s scared of how he feels, nor of admitting it, but this… this is different somehow.
She understands all too well that the past can be painful; her own is hardly a picnic. It’s just never stopped her from talking about it.
She’s not really sure, now she thinks of it, why that is.
“I was hell-bent on vengeance, for my brother,” Killian goes on. “It’s not an excuse, of course, but that’s what drove me at first. I lost sight of things for a while. Or rather, I simply didn’t think it all through.”
Emma nods. That much, she understands. Killian is smart as a whip, but she knows how aggressively single-minded he gets when he’s riled up.
“And as I said before,” he goes on, in a light tone that tells her he’s determined not to let this conversation get too heavy, “a pirate crew demands treasure. So all things considered… we focused on taking merchant ships. I won’t pretend no one ever got hurt, but it was never the object. We took their cargo, not their lives. Of course,” he grins, and it’s only a little too bright and determined, “that had the added bonus that they were alive to talk about me.”
“Which I’m guessing they did,” she says, smiling back.
He gives a thoroughly unconvincing humble shrug. “They did indeed.”
“So you get a reputation,” Emma says, nodding, “which makes the next time easier, because if people are scared of you, it’s easier to convince them to surrender?”
“That’s about it, aye.” His grin is more genuine now. “You were right about having it in you. You’d make a good pirate captain.”
“Thanks,” she says drily, “but I think I’ll leave that to you.”
 *  *  *
 As the crew settles in to the new routine after the attack, Emma finds that Wes has discovered a new hobby: flirting with her. Mostly, it takes the form of teasing and elaborate courtly compliments—or at least, his idea of courtly compliments. Emma has a suspicion that the gentlemen at court aren’t supposed to be this forward, and from the way Wes smirks, he knows it too.
Thankfully, Emma has plenty of experience with keeping guys like him at a distance, and she’s never shy of an answer. Spending so much time with Killian has really helped to hone her wits, and it’s fun, shutting Wes down and getting laughs from the rest of the crew while she does it.
And to her mild surprise, Killian shows no sign of jealousy.
A few days into the voyage, Emma is ambling along the deck when she catches sight of Killian and Wes, standing on a clear few metres of the deck. Both have their cutlasses out, and as Emma watches, they clash into a bind, but their movements are slow and telegraphed.
“No,” she hears Killian say as she approaches, “you use the short edge, turn it into the—” He breaks off and looks at Emma. “Emma! Just the woman we need.”
She eyes him warily. “Oh, yeah?”
“Aye, you remember the trick for levering your opponent’s sword from his hand?”
She nods, still wary. “Is that what you guys are doing?”
“Trying to do,” Wes says ruefully. “I can’t get my head around it.”
“If you have a moment,” Killian says, “would you mind helping me demonstrate?”
Emma agrees, feeling unaccountably proud of herself at being good enough at this to show it to someone else. Killian runs through the move with her a couple of times, before pairing her off with Wes and having him do it, with Killian watching and correcting his stance.
“Thanks,” Wes says when he’s finally got the hang of the move, sending Emma’s blade skittering across the deck. He winks at her when she has retrieved it. “If you want me to show you a few moves, you know, return the favour...”
Emma winks back. “How about you show Hook, and I’ll watch you guys and make sure you’re doing it right?”
Killian bursts out laughing. So does Wes, shaking his head dramatically, and that’s the end of that.
“You’re hell on the ego, milady,” he says, still chuckling.
Killian pats him on the shoulder in feigned commiseration. “You get used to it.”
As Wes heads off to talk to the captain, Emma hands Killian back the blade. He takes it, and then he grins and nudges her shoulder with his arm. “It appears you have another admirer, love.”
She makes a face; Wes is a charmer, and she knows exactly what he means by all his little grins and comments. “I wouldn’t call it that—and what do you mean another one?”
He frowns as if it should be obvious. “In addition to me.”
Her heart gives a frankly stupid little flutter at that, and she laughs to try and cover the equally stupid smile that wants to spread across her face. “Oh come on, that’s—”
But she cuts herself off, because what is it? Different?
It is, and she knows it—Killian can be every bit as charming as Wes, but it’s not a fling he’s after, and there’s a hell of a lot more depth to the way his eyes linger on her. But knowing that and saying it are two very different things.
“Ridiculous,” she finishes. “He’s just—that’s just how he is, I think.”
“Oh, aye,” Killian agrees, and it occurs to her that she kind of just said exactly what she didn’t mean to say. “You’ll find that with sailors. Perhaps I should have warned you.”
Emma laughs again. “You’ll find that with men. Trust me, I don’t need to be warned.”
He inclines his head, still looking amused. “A fair point.”
She notices movement at the corner of her eye, and looks over to catch Ria looking right back. The captain is still talking to Wes, and she makes no acknowledgement, simply keeps talking to her quartermaster like she didn’t see anything.
But it makes guilt flare inside Emma. Guilt, and the heavy, hot feeling of being caught that she’s all too familiar with.
Ridiculous. She wasn’t doing anything. They were just talking. That’s allowed.
She ignores the little voice pointing out that she’s been telling herself that awful lot lately.
 *  *  *
 The forest isn’t as comforting as Regina hoped. It’s the best she can get, given the circumstances, and it’s good to get away from the castle. She was right about that.
And she was right about nobody missing her, too. Nobody asks her where she went when she makes her way back.
She goes again the next day, and she can already see it becoming a new habit, her daily—or almost-daily--escape.
The problem is that it leaves her with nothing but her own thoughts for company. And she keeps coming across things that make her think of Henry. A deer running across a clearing in the distance. A rabbit burrow. A cave. A fallen tree that looks perfect for climbing.
Henry would love it here, and her heart aches with the thought. She’d give anything to have him here. She’d even let him explore that gross-looking cave if he wanted.
She’s sitting on the fallen tree, staring at the endless leaves and branches and undergrowth, when she hears a twig snap. One, then another, and another. Something, or someone, is approaching, and not being very careful to avoid notice.
Regina gets to her feet, gathering magic to her.
Moments later, she lets it go again, because there’s more rustling and a figure comes into view. A small figure, movements clumsy, eyes wide under a mop of dark curls.
“Roland,” she says, and the boy starts and almost falls as he comes to a stop.
There’s no more noise. So he’s alone. That can’t be good.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks, keeping her voice as light and friendly as she can, and flashing a smile for good measure.
Roland just stares at her, and she knows she has to be careful. She’s never really interacted with the boy before, so he barely knows her. The look he’s giving her is a mixture of fear and irrepressible curiosity.
“Did you come all the way out here by yourself?” she asks. “Are you running away?”
Roland shakes his head, sending his curls flying. “There’s a rabbit,” he says. “I wanna see the rabbits.”
The ‘r’ sound gives him a little trouble. It’s kind of adorable. In fact, he’s adorable all around, with those curls and big dark eyes and the dimples that flash when he smiles.
He got those from his father.
Regina pushes away the thoughts of Robin’s dimples and feigns thought. There’s no way Roland is out here alone with Robin’s blessing, or indeed his knowledge. She needs to get him back home. “I see. You know, I’m pretty sure I saw a rabbit’s burrow earlier. Do you want me to show you?”
Roland’s eyes grow wider.
“Come on,” she says, holding out a hand as she takes a step towards him. “I’ll show you.”
Roland still looks unsure. “Papa says I can’t go with strangers.”
“And your papa is right,” she says. “But you know me, don’t you? I’m a friend of your papa’s.”
She’s stretching the definition of “friend” to breaking point with that; she’s pretty sure that Robin doesn’t like her, and their relationship is more like “mutual tolerance for the sake of the cause”. But Roland is all of five. There’s no way he’s noticed that.
“And you know my name, right?”
“Regina,” Roland says, with a nod and another one of those half-mangled r’s.
“That’s right.” She gives him another encouraging smile. “So we’re friends, too. Come on, I’ll show you where the rabbits live.”
She can’t help noticing as she says it that this is exactly the kind of thing she’s warned Henry about. Stranger danger. Don’t ever go with anyone unless you know them. It’s the kind of thing an Evil Queen would do, lure children to come with her under false pretences. It’s the kind of thing she has done, come to think of it.
But Roland really shouldn’t be out here alone, and there’s no one else around. Her only other option is to just grab him and return him to his father, and that would terrify him.
Luckily, Roland nods. “Okay.”
He takes her hand as she reaches him, and she begins leading him back towards the castle, keeping up a steady stream of talk as she does. She tells him about the rabbits, asks him what other animals he likes, and whether he’s seen the birds nesting in the stables. Within moments, Roland is chattering away happily, and she has a moment of pity for Robin. His son is clearly the kind of kid who will just forget all the warnings as soon as he sees something interesting, or gets an idea in his head.
They haven’t quite made it to the road yet when she hears a voice. A familiar voice: loud, male, and strained with worry. “Roland!”
Roland comes to a stop, eyes widening again. “Uh oh.”
Regina tightens her hold on his hand a bit, just in case. “That’s your papa, isn’t it? I think we’d better tell him where we are.”
Roland looks reluctant, but Regina says, “We don’t want him getting lost, right?”
That clearly hasn’t occurred to him. He nods.
Regina draws breath, and shouts. “Robin? Over here!”
Robin is rather louder than his son as he comes crashing through the undergrowth, breathless and pale, eyes wide. “Roland--bloody hell.”
He falls to his knees before his son and snatches him into a hug. “Where the hell were you?”
“Papa!” Roland complains, little arms pushing at Robin’s shoulders. “Let go.”
“Not bloody likely,” Robin says, letting out a deep breath. Then he looks up at Regina. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” She’s immediately on the defensive, casting around for the right words to justify herself, to explain. She feels like that a lot around him. She doesn’t know how he does it, but she hates it. “I was just out—for a walk. And Roland showed up. Alone. I figured he probably wasn’t supposed to be.”
“Definitely not.” Robin gets to his feet, still holding onto Roland.
“Papa!” Roland squirms. “Let me down!”
“What did I tell you about going into the forest alone?” Robin asks, his voice taking on a stern tone that Regina knows well.
Roland shakes his head, lips pressed together. “Down!”
Robin is unmoved. “I’ll let you down, but you hold onto my hand, and not one word out of you.”
“But I wanna see the rabbits!”
“Then you should have asked someone to go with you,” Robin says. “No wandering off alone, you know that. Come on.”
Roland’s lips quiver, but he seems to know that tone, because he doesn’t try to argue any more. He lags slightly behind his father as they walk, steps dragging, but Robin says nothing, just keeps a tight hold of the boy’s hand.
“Thank you,” Robin says, turning back to Regina. “I swear he was right there, and I turned my back and he was gone. I don’t know how he does it.”
“I’m pretty sure kids have some kind of magic like that,” Regina says, a wry smile coming to her face before she can stop it. “It gets better when they get older.”
Robin raises his eyebrows. “You have a son, don’t you? Snow mentioned as much.”
“Snow needs to learn to mind her own business.” She snaps the words as the mention of Henry brings pain boiling back up.
“Well, for what it’s worth,” Robin says, a note of impatience in his voice, “she mentioned it to try and explain your behaviour.”
Regina feels her eyebrows rise. “My behaviour?”
“This,” Robin says, gesturing at her. “The rudeness. The way you snap at everyone all the time. The things they all make allowances for, not that you seem to notice.”
“I am not—” But she is, and she knows it. She’s being rude to him right now, snapping at him for asking a simple question.
What does he mean, making allowances? No one ever makes allowances for her. They just make demands.
“No?” Robin says, still sounding a little impatient. “You reckon they all treat you the way you treat them?”
That gives her pause, and she hates it. Because he’s got a point, and that’s even worse.
“Of course not,” Regina says, doing her best to sound disdainful. “They’re far too good for that.”
As clapbacks go, it’s pathetic, and she knows it. Good isn’t an insult, in fact if anything she’s just called herself out for not being good.
Well, big newsflash there.
For a moment, they walk in silence, Regina trying to think of a better retort, Robin giving nothing away.
Then he says, “I don’t know what happened, but I gather it’s a painful subject. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
He apologises like it’s nothing, like it costs him nothing. After all the times they’ve butted heads, all the glares, that comes as a real surprise. She’s so surprised that she almost forgets that it really is a painful subject.
She doesn’t know how to respond, so she just keeps walking in silence. Robin is silent, too. After a minute or two, she can’t take it anymore.
“He’s in another realm.” She swallows, and shrugs. “I’m his adoptive mother. He wasn’t born here. He’s—when the curse brought us all back here, it left him behind. He’s with his birth mother now. Emma.”
“Snow and David’s daughter,” Robin says, nodding as the pieces fall together. “I didn’t know—that sounds complicated.”
She smiles again, like her heart isn’t broken. It’s a well-practiced smile, and she hates it. “We were figuring it out.”
“Right.” He hesitates for longer this time. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” It’s not all right, but the last thing she wants is this man’s sympathy. Or anyone’s, for that matter.
She hopes he’ll drop the subject, but he doesn’t seem to be done yet. “What’s his name?”
She smiles despite herself. “Henry.”
“A good name,” Robin says, nodding.
“He ran away a lot,” she says, to get them back on track. And then, more quietly, “From me.”
She has no idea why she says it. She doesn’t know why she’s talking about this at all, except that he’s asking, and listening, and it’s not like she can say anything to lower his opinion of her. It’s weirdly freeing.
“Ah.” Robin doesn’t look like he understands, exactly, but there’s no judgment in his eyes either. “Roland doesn’t run away, really. He just gets these ideas in his head, and it’s so exciting that he forgets about the danger. And the situation being what it is...” He trails off.
“You have to be a little stricter,” she says, nodding. She can’t judge anyone for being strict with their kids. She was, with Henry—too much so, probably. Or at least for the wrong reasons. “Sometimes it’s hard to keep them safe.”
“Yeah.” Robin smiles at her—an actual smile, not one of the sarcastic smirks she usually gets. “I’m very glad you found him. Thank you.”
Suddenly uncomfortable, she manages something halfway between a nod and a shrug. “Of course.”
He’s still looking at her, so she arches an eyebrow. “What?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. You’re just something of an enigma, that’s all.”
She doesn’t like the sound of that. Enigmas are things to be figured out, and she does not want this man to try and figure her out. “Excuse me?”
“I’m just having a hard time reconciling this woman with the Evil Queen,” he says. A hint of a smirk tugs at his mouth. “Or with the woman who yells at me every time I make a suggestion.”
“I don’t yell at you.”
He laughs. “No? What do you call it?”
She huffs. “You started it last time.”
“I don’t think I did,” he says with a smug grin.
“See, that right there,” she says, pointing, “that’s what I mean by starting it. You’re insufferable.”
“And you’re haughty and conceited,” he shoots back. He’s still grinning.
“Enjoying yourself?” she asks acidly.
“Yes, actually,” he admits, and he doesn’t look abashed or the least bit sorry. “It isn’t often I get to tell a member of the aristocracy exactly what I think of them.”
“You could tell Snow. She’s a lot more forgiving than I am.”
“Yes, she’s very gracious. I like her a lot. And I have in fact told her so.”
She rolls her eyes, annoyed and at the same time feeling strangely… light. “Of course you did.”
They bicker until they get back to the castle, because Robin has an answer for everything and Regina can’t let that stand, and it takes her until they get there to figure out what the odd feeling in her chest is.
When she does, she scowls harder than ever, especially when Robin leaves with a cheery wave that’s not quite insouciant enough to prove.
She’s stuck in Misthaven, without Henry, without her things, with Snow and Charming and a whole host of do-gooders.
She is not enjoying herself.
*  *  *
Tag list - I think this is everyone who’s actually interested in this fic and asked to be tagged, but let me know if you want to be added or taken off! @optomisticgirl​ @mariakov81 @courtorderedcake @spartanguard @winterbaby89​ @kday426​ @sals86​ @superchocovian​ @pirateherokillian​ @scientificapricot​
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theminecraftbee · 1 year
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BigB watches Grian for a while. He’s gotten good, lately, at just watching everyone around him; it’s fun. People don’t normally even mind he’s doing it. Okay, they do mind a little. Or steal his frog. She’d deserved better than that, man, that frog deserved better.
Anyway, he’s watching Grian. Grian is sitting outside, staring at the place where no one is buried, because their bodies have just been vanishing when time runs out. It’s morbid in a way BigB isn’t really used to. Not the whole death thing—he’s used to that—but the lack of much to show for it.
Grian scoffs quietly to himself.
“I thought you cut your losses,” BigB says.
“I did,” Grian says. “I tried, but it wasn’t worth it in the end.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s hard to care about people who aren’t yourself.”
Grian looks at BigB sharply. “I—what gives you the right—”
“Hey, I’m not—you can be as bad at caring about people as you want, man, I won’t stop you,” BigB says. “It’s just, like, man, it’s good to know ahead of time, now.”
“You—you don’t get it,” Grian says. “No one ever—no one. Gets it.”
BigB thinks of the sudden splitting pain of a phantom dripstone, and then nothing.
“I have an idea? I’ve been watching a while,” BigB says.
“No, you don’t,” Grian says.
BigB looks over the place that the two other Bad Boys aren’t buried. Paradoxically, for a moment, he misses arguing about Judge Judy and Executioner with Jimmy. It had been very upsetting at the time, of course, but now both of them are dead, so it’s hard to be mad about it. It’s easiest to just be empty about it. To go with the flow. To keep an eye out.
To remember what these people are.
They are what they’ve always been. And Grian, newest member of the easy-uneasy alliance BigB has found himself in, is the same as he’s always been, and doesn’t seem to know it.
Ah, well. That’s why BigB and Pearl keep an eye out. To know things others don’t.
“Okay,” BigB says, a phantom headache splitting him in half. “I have no idea what it’s like, when you have trouble caring for people. Uh, we made soup, by the way. Pearl insists it’s a family recipe? I didn’t know she had a family until she said it, but I believe her.”
“…okay,” Grian says, sighing. “Yeah. It’s not like we were that close, anyway.”
“Sure,” BigB says, and takes him inside.
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harleyification · 1 year
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Can I talk about Avatar for a second?? Lemme talk about ATLA/ALoK for a second.
Like, so, I have many, many...many....grievances and hangups about A:LoK. I have tried to watch it twice, and while the first season is okay, the second season made me so mad that I dropped it. Twice. I have not watched the third season or got to see Gays In Action in 4k, because I was that disappointed.
I remember a hell of a lot about ATLA...but I can barely remember anything about Korra. That’s mostly due to my disappointment, but the fact remains that I barely remember the show, after watching it twice, and it’s the latest installment. That being said, I remember one thing that stuck out to me most....
Vaatu.
I am so, SO disappointed that they really just!! Made up this AMAZING concept of an Avatar counter-spirit, and they were just like!! “Oh yeah, his concepts are chaos and darkness, he’s EVIL, dudes.”
The one thing in the world that could possibly rival one as strong as the Avatar, would have been Another Avatar. They could’ve done something amazing with that!! They could finally have a balancing act!! A great leadup to this bigger enemy, with a twist at the end - like how ATLA did it with Ozai, with Aang refusing to kill him and instead taking away his bending!! The outcome wasn’t expected, but it still led to the same ending, with a better meaning behind it because it didn’t force Aang outside of his boundaries!! But...LoK didn’t have that. It was “Here’s this sketchy guy, we all Know he’s sketchy, but LOOK, THE TWIST IS THAT HE’S SKETCHY!! BUT ON A MORE EXTREME LEVEL!! Haha!!”
The only thing that LoK managed to twist was the lore of the world, by expanding on the Avatar, how it came to be, and by introducing a spirit of EQUAL POWER to the Avatar. I love Wan’s and Raava’s story, that isn’t my problem with this twist. My problem lies in the fact that Vaatu was merely made to be the Evil Avatar Spirit, in a world where balance and equality mean everything. I think Vaatu being the spirit of Chaos and Darkness would’ve been so cool to explore, if the creators had time to explore him - because Chaos and Darkness aren’t evil, they’re nature. What is morality anyway to a spirit?? Why make an Evil Spirit?? Why not explore WHY Vaatu is the way he is rather than say he just is??
Does that mean that Tui and La are merely good and evil, then?? They’re supposed to represent Yin and Yang, quite literally. Is Tui, the moon, evil simply because they can only thrive in the darkness?? Is La evil, because the sea is unrestrained and takes innocent lives, being a chaotic force?? Shouldn’t Tui and La be CLOSE, or at least GRATEFUL to Vaatu for giving them the darkness they need to remain balanced?? I don’t know too much else about the spirit gods in Avatar, so idk if there’s a Spirit of the Night, but my point still stands - the moon can’t prosper without darkness, and the ocean needs the moon. How can that be constrained to an idea as simple as “evil”??
Was La in the wrong or the in the right for destroying those fire nation ships, for taking control of Aang, for taking Zuko’s crew away from him after their other half died??
I just think that the world of ATLA/ALoK would have been so much better if Vaatu wasn’t just...Evil Bad Guy Spirit. The balancing act would’ve been restored if there are two Avatars (and Raava should be seen as something that can become Too Much - too much light, too much serenity/complacency, too much order means that there’s no room for self-identity, chance, risk, and the ability to look inward. If Raava can go too far, but be held back by their Avatar, then why can’t the same be held for Vaatu??). For a world that says that balance and equality is the true guide to peace, it seems really, really desperate to keep only one Avatar.
Vaatu would have been an excellent twist, if he just wasn’t so one-sided, and if it was anyone else but goddamn Unalaq.
That being said, I think Tui, La, and Vaatu (and maybe Wan Shi Tong, that giant Owl bitch) would’ve been/should be Ride or Die.
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average-hua-cheng-fan · 6 months
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it's actually so important to me that in the memory loss extras xie lian finds out he doesn't have spiritual power anymore (because he's been having sex). it means
he feels comfortable relying on hua cheng
he's able to be 'selfish', and choose what he wants rather than what other people think is correct
he's free from the responsibility of being the most powerful martial god in heaven
he's getting thoroughly dicked down
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000marie198 · 3 months
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The two types of fans:
I don't like how season 3 went so I am rewriting the whole show
JHJGJGHCGCIUGH This series changed my brain chemistry, I'm so so normal I prommy, here have an aftermath fanfic with even more feels
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hanguaang-jun · 7 months
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funniest part of svsss is that luo binghe was the protagonist of PIDW so if u assume he was also the POV character a good chunk of the time... then the original assertation that Luo Binghe is the Hottest Man Alive was like. probably a reflection of binghe's own narcissism.
but shen yuan takes it as word of god and it becomes the primary tenet of his belief system.
and yet he still refuses to acknowledge that he could have had any other opinion abt luo binghe. and also refuses to acknowledge that this is super gay of him
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bearsandbeansart · 11 months
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I know I don't use my tumblr to talk about the fics I wrote, but I keep seeing posts circulating about readers using AIs to 'finish writing' any unfinished or abandoned/semi abandoned fanfics. I hate this idea. This is foul. I can't think of a better insult to any writer, that an AI is just as good of a substitute for their work.
Don't do this. There's so many better options. Attempt to write the ending yourself. Leave a comment letting the author know just how much you love it; who knows, maybe the comment will be the very bit of motivation the author needs to continue working on it. Make a post on your tumblr about how much you love the fic and link it there; talk with people about theories about how it could have ended. Literally do anything but feed the writing into an AI.
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suffarustuffaru · 10 months
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rating some rezero ships by um. how good they could cover up murder together
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(feel free to read my tags for some explanations T^T)
#rezero#um. given the Various Moral Codes of these characters i figured this would be interesting to give my shot at..... and YES garf shaula and#cecilus are too fucking obvious HAH#not otto being in every single Success tier... except for the selling each other out / revenge one. yeah. yeah hes a bitch alright.#ok but i put rein/emilia there bc... ok i know their energy kinda similar to reinjulius but like i put rein/emilia there bc i feel like#theyd be like OH GOD OH GOD WE JUST DID THAT ON ACCIDENT OH MY GOD IF THIS GETS OUT THISLL BE BAD FOR ALL OUR LOVED ONES like theyd be#panicking and shit#while reinjuli would be like hahaha i am SO NOT OK but we gotta take accountability :(((((#ottosuba is like. literally not even a question that theyre all the way up there. theyd like pull similar shit to sunny and basil from omori#like theyd try to take their secret to the grave and theyd never be functional with each other ever again and then theyd go insane over what#theyve done. either that or theyd just murder some totally evil guy with basically next to zero regrets. otto was already the getaway driver#while subaru was killing petelgeuse in the back LMAO#i feel like with felix itd be like. if theres NO OTHER CHOICE hes gonna whip up reinhard and julius into shape and get them to actually do#it. we saw how he was when subaru was possessed by petelgeuse T^T#emilia rem are put that low bc i feel like theyd have no braincells to use to get out of this and of Course emilias freaking the fuck out so#i feel like whenever otto is paired with someone who has like More doubts and guilt and Panic about it otto would be like GET YOUR SHIT#TOGETHER WE HAVE TO DO THIS. which i feel is also what ram does with certain pairs.#damn... now i want fic where some random pair is trying to cover up murder for whatever reason...#i nearly put garf mimi higher up bc i feel like mimi Could and Perhaps Has gotten away with murder before already. but garf would be TOO#OBVIOUS....#rip mimi. ur a queen for being such a gaslight gatekeep girlboss.
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aleatoryw · 10 months
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they had to decanonize obsession bc they couldn't handle the truth
(you can read obsession here)
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Okay, memes aside, my deep and enduring bias toward c!Quackity and sympathy for his abandonment issues aside, the entire situation in Las Nevadas 4 must have been so fucking scary for c!Karl and if you think about it from his perspective, he didn't really do anything wrong.
The poor dude just came back from a stressful time traveling trip, met god, learned that he's getting tossed between two supernatural realms like a hot potato, and that he might have to choose between protecting the people he cares about and keeping his memories of them intact. Next thing he knows, he's climbing out of his basement and there's his fiancé, standing next to a guest who... wait...
No, yeah. The last time he saw this person was just before he died in a fiery explosion. And here he is again, acting like an old friend back from a long trip, chatting with Sapnap like nothing is wrong, then looking at Karl in shock, like he's done something wrong.
And he still decides to give the guy a tour, waits for a quiet moment to pull his head of security (his fiancé, who loves and adores him, and who he's pretty sure was there when it happened, too, and isn't that confusing...?) aside to explain his nervousness and resolve everything as peacefully as he can.
But Sapnap looks confused, then stunned, then guilty, and Karl is even more worried.
Then this other guy bursts in and starts yelling at him, and yeah, Karl is properly frightened now.
And Sapnap... wait, why is Sapnap taking his side? What did this weirdo say to manipulate him, before he returned to his library? What else doesn't Karl know now? What is he missing?
He has to leave, he has to get away from this man, but he's on the top floor of his house, cornered by the open air, and he has this terrible sensory memory that it wasn't the blast that killed him, but the fall - or was that a different time he died? And now he's descending the ladder as fast as he can, but this man is still chasing him, and his head is going fuzzy again, and... no. No. This is his home, he's not going to let anything happen to it. That's the one thing he knows for sure, and it's the one thing he's clinging to. He's not going anywhere. This murderer has to go, at least until he can think straight again.
Karl doesn't draw a weapon. He doesn't ask Sapnap to kill the intruder. He's seen enough people die lately, and he sure as hell won't see another death on Kinoko's soil.
Sapnap follows the screaming stranger to the edge of their kingdom, and starts looking at Karl like he's the stranger, and for some reason Karl feels a little bit like he's dying all over again.
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hideyseek · 1 month
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what. ? !
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wilchur · 8 months
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We should normalise tagging ship art even if the ship is not seen as "problematic" tbh...
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notmoreflippingelves · 2 months
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Krisnix - Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibilty AU, for the prompts, please? 😉🌹
"You do not suppose me capable of real feeling-- do you, Klavier? I will admit that I do not wear my heart upon my sleeve as you do, but you are wrong to assume that it does not beat and burn and long just as fiercely as your own does. I have known of Mr. Edgeworth's prior claim for months now, and for those months, I have thought of little else than Phoe--than Mr. Wright and the regard that I still hold for him. But the family needs my strength and my resolve--not least after your own romantic disappointment--so I remain ever the sense to counterbalance your own sensibility."
Klavier said nothing in reply but placed a steady hand on his brother's shoulder, until Kristoph covered the hand with one of his own.
Send me a prompt and I'll write a 4-5 sentence drabble about it
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kohakhearts · 6 months
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remember when anipoke gave its only cubone dex entry to the episode where goh…returns home to his parents. hey what was that all about-
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tsunael · 1 month
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WoL Think Thonkers
#3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)
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The short answer is 'bad'.
She's a foreigner, and most importantly a layman. Word of Louisoix's deeds had spread to every corner of the star, but Tsuna was so far removed from Eorzea and Her struggles that it had little bearing on her. After all, the Far East had their own problems with Garlemald, and during the time of her Echo awakening the rebellion in Doma was coming to a head.
She joined the Scions not out of passion for their cause, but because she had nowhere else to go. It was either stay with them, or go back to dancing on the street for coin-- or worse: be ostracized for her Echo. Arenvald and Minfilia were the few souls that had been touched by Hydaelyn like she had been, and so she felt as if she found a home there even if she was pressed to earn her keep.
She's also not the adventuring type-- she's not in it for glory or even for potential riches. Any deeds Y'shtola espied her doing in Vylbrand was borne from reckless altruism. She learned in due time, of course, (how to fight and how to live) but it was a steep curve.
Being 'Hydaelyn's Chosen' does also make her a target. She is blamed for not being more omniscient. If she is 'chosen' then why could she not prevent the Banquet? What was a few dozen soldiers to the power of a primal? Why could she not save Minfilia that day? Why did Hydaelyn have to take her? Ever since she joined the Scions nothing but misfortune came upon them. **
Everything up until Stormblood was her being swept up in events, and surviving because she was 'favored', was the only one who can, or because she had to. It took the events in Stormblood for her to finally confront her past and realize that it was a choice she made to continue on her path.
By the end of Endwalker her candle had been burned at both ends. The deaths of so many weigh on her, and Hydaelyn is now gone. She's dealing with so much trauma by then that much of her journey is tainted for it. She also refuses to wear the 'Saviour of Etheirys' mantle because it wasn't just her that stopped the Final Days.
So, in all it hasn't grown better, just so much more complicated.
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why is it that every time i eat anything my belly hurts >:( i'm gonna need you to stop doing that right fucking now.
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