#finlays trauma

[jencsi]

They say I did something bad

#Julie Finlay #csi crime scene investigation #csi cbs #csi vegas #the gig harbor killer #season 15 #the fic in gifset form #all the violence hold the coma #that dumb sentence has been in my head since I used it in the tag #but seriously CSI #you could have given homegirl a fair fight #its not like she can't throw hands #so out of character to get blunt force trauma and then die #everything about finn after a certain point was ooc #because they knew she was done #and cue sadness #whether she was done personally or in character terms we will never know

[feartheoldblog]

my worst writing trait is spending too much time on introspection because i am adverse to big chunks of dialogue despite that being the literal main focus of fanfiction

#idk why but i struggle so much with dialogue #i know what i want them to say but it’s never descriptive enough #and it makes my writing feel cheap to me #even though i literally know readers are there for malenia and finlay chatting #rather than finlay reliving trauma in her head lmao

[renee-ckstrong]

Possibly my favourite moment in any wrestling match is Francesco Akira being forced to take part in the Dog Pound Cagematch even though he didn't want to fight the War Dogs in a cage. The War Dogs viciously attacked him to a trauma inducing degree when not in a cage.

But he has to take part in the match for his teammates and when he does enter Connors Moloney and Finlay are eagerly staring down the ramp to fuck him up when he arrives. But Akira instead comes in from the Crowd and scales the cage and jumps on all of them. Flattening the War Dogs with the idea of trying to finish the match quickly rather because he never wanted to do it anyway. (The match would still go on for another at least 30 minutes but i appreciate the sentiment from Francisco)

#wrestling #pro wrestling #wrasslin #njpw #united empire #bullet club war dogs #david finlay #clark connors #drilla moloney #dan moloney #francesco akira

[bensbooks]

ARC Review: Glasgow Boys

Neither Finlay or Banjo can remember the last time they had a hug. Against all odds, 18-year-old Finlay has begun his nursing degree at Glasgow University. But coming straight from the care system means he has no support network. How can he write essays, focus on his nursing placement and stop himself from falling in love when he's struggling to feed himself? Meanwhile, 17-year-old Banjo is trying to settle into his new foster family and finish high school, desperate to hold down his job and the people it contains. But his anger and fear keep boiling over, threatening his already uncertain future. Underpinning everything is what happened three years ago in their group care home, when Finlay and Banjo were as close as brothers until they stopped speaking. If these boys want to keep hold of the people they love, they have to be able to forgive one another. More than this, they must find a way to forgive themselves.

My review:

Glasgow Boys is an emotional book about trauma, love and healing. We follow two boys, both of whom have had deeply troubled lives and have been through the foster care system. They had once been roommates in a group home, formed a deep connection with each other, then something happened and they haven't seen each other in years.

Banjo is an angry teenager, looking for fights everywhere he goes. His emotions spill over frequently, and he has a hard time connecting to the world because of it. Still in foster care, Banjo secures a job at a cafe where he starts to form relationships with the workers, especially Alena, a cute girl who deals with Crohn's Disease.

Meanwhile, Finlay has aged out of care and is trying to make it on his own as a nursing student. Rather than project his trauma outwardly, Finlay thinks himself unlovable by the world so he ghosts and retreats as much as he can. He reconnects with an old childhood friend, but struggles with the idea that someone could want to be around him.

This book had me sobbing multiple times; I believe it's a story about love more than anything else. Interwoven between the different POV's, we get snippets of what happened three years ago in the group home. Every single word of this novel had me gripped and I felt emotionally attached to not only the two main boys, but also to the multiple side characters.

If I could rate this higher than a 5/5, I easily would.

#booklr #bookblr #books #upcoming book #arc review #glasgow boys #margaret mcdonald #queer book

[ao3feed-rangersapprentice]

When words don't express enough

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/N6Uinqr by kaatjedeee While on an assignment to deal with smuglars who want to bring illegal medical potions, broths and ingredients into Araluen, everything goes wrong what supposedly could go wrong. Will is old warm weed trauma is acting up again and while attempting to save Will and Horace from being overdosed by warm weed, Halt gets nicked with a knife glazed in an odd substance. Knowing from experience how bad this can become, the men ride for Redmont in the hope master Finlay, a former student of the renowned healer Malcolm, can be of assistance. They were no moment too soon; Halt falls unconscious on his horse and is brought into the infirmary, unconscious. Master Finlay explains to lady Pauline that the knife was glazed in something called a "slow, viral poison", meaning that how longer it is present in the body, the more damage it can do. Halt will live, as Will and Horace got him to Finlay within twelve hours, but how will he be when he wakes up? Will there be permanent damage and will Halt recover? Words: 1943, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/M, M/M Characters: Halt O'Carrick, Will Treaty, Pauline duLacy, Gilan (Ranger's Apprentice), Crowley Meratyn, Horace Altman, Cassandra | Evanlyn, Alyss Mainwaring Relationships: Halt O'Carrick & Will Treaty, Pauline duLacy/Halt O'Carrick, Gilan & Halt O'Carrick, Pauline duLacy/Crowley Meratyn/Halt O'Carrick, Alyss Mainwaring & Halt O'Carrick, Alyss Mainwaring/Will Treaty, Horace Altman & Will Treaty, Horace Altman/Cassandra | Evanlyn Additional Tags: mentions of trauma, Drug Use, Addiction, disabillity, it's gonna get angsty, back to book 9 bitches, will he overcome?, All of this takes place prior to the Royal Ranger read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/N6Uinqr

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #ranger's apprentice #rangers apprentice #ra fanfic #ao3feed-rangersapprentice

[darkthingshappen]

Three Days - Chapter 14

This is a collab with @quietly-by-myself for @the-whumpers-soiree. It features Faolan from their Mercury and Time series (link here) and my original whumper, Finlay Iver.

This story will contain elements of explicit noncon, references to past violent events, including noncon, torture, among other adult/dark themes. Reader discretion is advised. It’s much darker than what I normally post. Minors DNI.

Tags: @oddsconvert, @sparrowsage

CW: discussions of past noncon, PTSD, trauma recovery, whumper taunting caretaker

Another night went by with Atticus negotiating with Faolan to eat again. The doctor at the hospital had kept the majority of what Faolan had told the staff private, but as Faolan’s medical proxy, Atticus knew the rough details of it all. Faolan hadn’t just been roughed up; he’d been utterly traumatized.

It almost felt like the two of them were back at the beginning, in those horrible months just after the war had ended. Sometimes, Atticus was left with an eerie feeling of déjà vu each time they sat down for a meal. He remembered all too well those days when he spent most of the day in flashbacks and had to teach Faolan not to eat eggs off the floor.

Faolan was avoiding anything acidic now. Atticus didn’t ask. He was also strangely defensive of his stomach medications. Again, it was unusual, but Atticus didn’t ask. If anything, Faolan had always been scared to take medicine, not scared to have medicine taken from him.

He never pushed Faolan on why he always begged for the lights off or why he sometimes wound up in Atticus’ bedroom. It all had happened before.

Atticus was most concerned with the eating. He’d offered to take Faolan to the doctor for an appetite stimulant, but Faolan had refused. It was fine. He couldn’t help someone who didn’t want help. Regardless, food had been used against Faolan so many times that he didn’t blame the man for having a chaotic relationship with mealtimes.

One night, Faolan finally said something about the entire ordeal.

Faolan neatly put his utensils down, having taken only three bites of his dinner.

“H-he.”

Faolan was struggling to get the words out. Atticus forced himself to hide his anticipation.

“He tube fed me as a punishment.” Faolan seemed distant. That was okay. Atticus remembered that time before prazosin and venlafaxine when he was, too. “I’m sorry. I left for my perch.”

That was a new term, but Atticus could guess what Faolan was talking about. “That’s okay, Faolan. Keep going. You’re safe here. He can’t reach you.”

Faolan nodded. He knew. That was the difference between then and now - Faolan knew he was safe. “O-one day, the second day, he fed me my medicine in microwaved eggs and lemonade.” Faolan chuckled a bit to himself. “It doesn’t sound that bad when I say it to you.”

Atticus had to try to keep the horror off his face. He didn’t want to startle Faolan by making Faolan think that Atticus was upset with him. 

“No, it’s awful. I understand why it bothers you.”

Faolan went quiet for a bit. “I lashed out because I was scared of what he was doing afterwards.”

Atticus, when Faolan didn’t elaborate, gave him a little signal with his hand that told Faolan “everything’s okay.”

“T-the wound in my side. He cut out William’s brand and put his own.”

Atticus was the only one Faolan ever said William’s name around. Maybe it was because Atticus had been the one to kill William all those years ago. He was Faolan’s ultimate protector and he knew it well.

“I’m so sorry, Faolan.” Atticus moved around the table, slowly, crutch in hand, and pulled Faolan into a hug. Suddenly, Faolan broke down sobbing harder than he’d seen him in a long time. Faolan’s psychologist was on break and he immediately decided to make the call to the answering service to ensure that he would get an appointment with the psychologist in the office. Maybe they’d set up an appointment with their psychiatrist.

Forgetting about the dinner he’d worked so hard to cook - one of Faolan’s favorites - Atticus moved with Faolan to the couch and hugged him tight, letting him cry until, eventually, Faolan had fallen off to sleep.

Slowly, carefully, Atticus helped Faolan move to his bedroom. He tucked Faolan in gently and gave his hand a squeeze. Just before he left completely to place his call to the answering service, Faolan muttered something to him.

“Sometimes, he was kind. It’s confusing, because he wasn’t like William. He was kind sometimes.”

Atticus swallowed the lump in his throat. His anger at Finlay was bubbling to the surface again. “That doesn’t justify what he did, Faolan. Just rest for tonight. We can talk more in the morning. Is it okay if I call Dr. Ackehurst? I know she’s on break, but you need to see someone before she comes back.”

Faolan nodded. “Tell the office that I told them it was okay. I thought I signed that paper a few months ago.”

“You did. You have a right to consent to me calling her office, though.”

That was the last Atticus heard of Faolan as his friend drifted off into a deep, probably horrible sleep.

When Atticus got to his office to call Dr. Ackehurst, the phone was already ringing to his surprise. He picked up the phone, knowing it was far too late for any legitimate calls.

“My car is past warranty. My credit cards are all fine. I can’t apply for social security disability. I have a veteran’s pension. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

There was a slight giggle from the other end of the line.  “Good evening, Atticus.  I was just calling to check on how my little pet is doing?  Did you bed him well when you got him home?  I made sure he’d be loose for you.”  Finlay smiled, knowing it would be easy to rile the old war vet.  

“Finlay you fucking bastard!” Atticus had to try his hardest to not scream into the phone. Faolan didn’t need to know that he’d even called, much less know how upset Atticus was over the whole ordeal. He took a deep breath. “He’s doing fine. Thank you for asking. Now give me one good reason I shouldn’t just hang up and change my phone number so you never find it again.”

“Change your phone number and I may have to come find my wayward little pet in person.  He really is an intriguing little creature.  You should have seen the way he bent to my whim.  All I had to do was cuddle with him at the end of the night.  No wonder you keep him around.  He’s a pretty good little cock-sucker too.  I mean, I had to gag him to make sure he wouldn’t bite.  But did you know that just before you so rudely barged in he was begging to suck me off?  I may have to find him one day and let him do it.  You can’t be with him all the time.  And I can be patient.  Or who knows.  Maybe I’ll find another toy and move on from yours.  I just wanted you to know that he behaved wonderfully and was absolutely perfect for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time with him and only wished it could have been longer”

“Well, even if you do find him, I assure you that Faolan isn’t just skilled with what you say that he is. He’s an incredibly talented marksman. I assure you, either him or I will shoot you in the back of the head before you get a chance.”

“Hmm.  That’s cute.  One last thing before I go.  I did him the favor of removing his previous owner’s brand.  I was very surprised, given how highly he regards you, that you hadn’t done it for him years ago.  It was very satisfying to peel it away and throw it in the fire.  And it was even more satisfying to put my own in its place.  I know you won’t lift a finger to have the new one removed, since you didn’t with the last one.  So I thought it could go somewhere just a bit more visible.”  Finlay smiled at his taunt as he hung up the phone.  

“I gave him the option years ago. He didn’t want to do it. You’re a bastard for thinking that I would’ve made that choice for him and you’re a bastard because you made that choice for him. Faolan is his own person. If he wants yours removed, I won’t stop him. I think it could look rather nice with a big ‘fuck you’ tattooed over it.”

It took Atticus a moment in the heat of it all to realize that Finlay had already hung up by the time he’d gone on his little rant. All the satisfaction of being able to say that was gone as he slammed down the phone and held his head in his hands.

Atticus couldn’t help but feel like a total, utter failure. As he held his head in his hands, thinking over everything he should’ve and could’ve done, he found himself in tears. He should’ve done better by Faolan. He should’ve fought harder for him. 

As he cried, he tried to tell himself that it would be okay. They got over William together and he’d been with William for many years. They would get over this together, too. It would just be a matter of time, is all. 

That somehow, didn’t reassure Atticus at all. At least Faolan was safe, at home with him. That was the biggest relief of all.

Atticus focused on finishing what he needed to. The next morning, he’d give Faolan the biggest hug he’d ever given him before. He couldn’t risk losing the man again. In fact, as long as he was alive, Faolan would live a free life without worries of men like Finlay.

*!*!*!*!*

The next morning, Atticus decided to start them off on the right foot. The call with the on-call physician was surprisingly helpful. She’d gently reminded Atticus that the two already had a strong relationship, whether Atticus felt secure in it or not. She’d also reminded Atticus that Faolan needed the reassurance just as much as he did. They struggled with a lot of the same insecurities. 

Well, she’d never actually said that. It was something that Atticus knew well from his time with Faolan. What worked for him often worked for his traumatized friend. After all, they were two gay men with no living relatives living in a house together because they were too insecure to find anyone else to live with. It wasn’t exactly a common set of characteristics to find in a person; dead family, war experience, and a life-threatening encounter with some horrific bug. Even if they all happened a world apart, they were more alike than Atticus often remembered.

So, Atticus focused everything into making a good breakfast. Faolan was a traditional artist. Atticus considered himself a food artist. Ever since those early days where cooking took his mind off of his guilt and self-hatred, Atticus had invested more and more time into learning to cook. Especially with those two hours before the sun he had every morning to do as he pleased.

By the end of the two hours, he’d made sausages up from scratch, baked some pastries, chopped fresh fruit, and somehow found time to make hash.

Faolan came down the stairs of their house and saw the sprawling meal in front of him. A mix of emotions washed over his face - first shock, then anxiety, then relief, and lastly, something Atticus hadn’t expected, happiness. 

“Morning sleepyhead. How’d you sleep?”

For the first time in a while, Faolan actually smiled. “You always used to greet me like that.”

“I guess I just expected everyone to get up at the ass crack of dawn like I do,” Atticus added a little sarcastically. “Let’s eat before the food gets cold.”

Again, another first - Faolan smiled and nodded, walking over to the table.

Faolan started to speak after he’d taken a few bites of the food. “Remember that time I broke a plate of tomatoes and panicked? You thought I’d cut myself on the plate and was bleeding.”

Atticus didn’t have a clue as to why that memory had come to Faolan then, but he played along. Maybe it’s the strawberries?

“Yeah, I do. I was so worried about you.”

Faolan chuckled a bit. “I was really scared of you hurting me for breaking that plate. Today, when I brought my plate over from the kitchen, I wasn’t scared of dropping it. I’d forgotten that I was scared of that for a while.”

“You were with William for a while, Faolan. It’s understandable.”

Faolan hummed a little, like he always did when he was thinking about something deeper than he could handle.

“Faolan, I want to apologize.”

That familiar panic washed over Faolan’s face. “F-for what? Is something wrong? What’s happening?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just…” Atticus didn’t know how to phrase it. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t find you sooner. I should’ve gone with you to that party. I should’ve contacted the police or something. I was just so worried that someone would screw it up that I took it into my own hands to find you. I should’ve done better by you, Faolan. I hope you can forgive me.”

Faolan was quiet for a very long time. “I have to learn to live on my own.” His voice held that wavering conviction Atticus had come to know. “I know I struggle with that sometimes, but…” 

Faolan waved in the air, clearly feeling very guilty for what had happened. Atticus almost felt bad for saying anything at all. “How many people go to parties without being kidnapped like that?”

Atticus soon realized that Faolan couldn’t be more right. He was protective over Faolan as though they’d fought in the same squad at war all those years ago. That commander that hated feeling responsible for the deaths of his soldiers was always there, parroting about his failure to protect people under his command. Sometimes, he forgot that everyone was their own person, and that sometimes, the only person at fault would never see justice.

“I should’ve never gone to that party in the first place. I should’ve done better… as…” Faolan had tears in his eyes that he was holding back. Their breakfast was starting to get cold, but, again, Atticus couldn’t care less.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.”

Atticus paused at the rebuttal. He was proud of Faolan for saying it to him so easily. Everything’s going to be okay.

“You’re right. It’s that bastard Finlay’s fault.”

They could agree on that.

In fact, that seemed to end the conversation right then and there. They were on the same page, as they always were. Faolan came back over to Atticus for a hug to calm his tears, before he ate his first meal without having a panic attack. Afterwards, Faolan helped him clean up. 

Maybe Faolan didn’t speak of what happened with Finlay today, but Atticus was confident he would eventually. After all, they had the same heartbeat. 

One day, Faolan would talk about it. Today wasn’t that day. Tomorrow wouldn’t be either. However, when the day did come, Atticus would be ready to help him put the pieces down and figure out how to put them back together.

That comforted Atticus. Undoubtedly, Faolan also found it comforting.

*!*!*!*!*

Atticus often described those moments where his body went back to the past as a lightswitch flicking on. He assumed it was much the same for Faolan; they were similar in so many other ways - why not this one? Atticus just never expected it to be so… literal.

Faolan had been sleeping with his door open since he came home from the hospital. It was an unexpected request to say the least. Atticus couldn’t sleep unless he knew his door was shut and locked, along with all his windows. He never opened them to sleep, not even in the dog days of summer. For some reason, he assumed that Faolan would want the security of nobody being able to enter or leave without him knowing.

Though, Atticus presumed, Faolan had probably been a prisoner longer than a soldier. Maybe the open door was comforting.

When Atticus flicked that lightswitch on in the hall, he heard a panicked gasp from Faolan’s room. It wasn’t the first time that Faolan had woken up with a start. Maybe the lights had triggered something with a nightmare? Atticus didn’t know.

Everything seemed “normal” until he heard the panicked whimpers and breaths coming from Faolan’s room.

Atticus peaked his head in. “Faolan, are you okay?”

Clearly, he wasn’t. He was kneeling on the floor with tears streaming down his cheeks. “I-I’m sorry, Master. I didn’t mean to wake up so late. Please don’t shock me. I’m very tired, Master.”

“Faolan?”

It clicked. This is probably how Finlay made Faolan greet him in the morning. 

Faolan had burns from the shock collar when he arrived in the hospital. It took an enormous amount of restraint to not show his anger. Atticus had long since learned to control his anger during Faolan’s flashbacks. No matter how upset he was about what had happened, it was about Faolan, not him. Faolan needed his support, not his ire.

Atticus pulled out the packet of chewing gum he always kept in his pocket.

He approached Faolan carefully, taking his hand and pressing a piece of the chewing gum into it. “Faolan, it’s okay. You’re with me right now.”

Faolan’s eyes darted to the piece of gum, then back to Atticus. His face broke as Atticus could see his heart shatter through his eyes. Those tears from a bleeding, broken heart came rushing out as Faolan began to sob heavy, hard tears of a man who’d been shattered into more pieces than he could put back together.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Atticus.”

Atticus brought Faolan into a warm embrace. “It’s okay. You know I would never be mad at you for something like this.”

Atticus rubbed Faolan’s back as he cried. He whispered those small words of comfort until his hip couldn’t take the odd positioning anymore.

“Faolan,” Atticus pushed him back so he could watch his face, “I need to sit for my hip. Are you okay with sitting on the bed together? It wouldn’t be triggering, right?”

Faolan shook his head. Atticus could see the honesty in his face.

“He didn’t… neither of them… never on my bed. They never hurt me on my bed.”

Looking at those fresh, but distant tears in Faolan’s eyes told him everything he needed to know. Of course, Atticus already knew that both Finlay and William had raped Faolan. Hearing Faolan speak about it was always different, though.

“Okay,” was all Atticus could manage. Faolan was the first to stand, offering his hand to Atticus and helping him with his crutch. 

Together, the two moved to the bed. That moment with the crying had long since passed. Faolan’s eyes were growing dry as that numbness set in. 

“With William… it was all bad.” 

At first, Atticus didn’t quite know why Faolan was saying such a thing, but he let Faolan speak regardless. He knew it was important. He knew the amount of trust it took for Faolan to be able to tell him anything.

“Finlay… he was kind sometimes.”

Silence hung between them for a very long time. It was only broken when Faolan teared up and began to speak again. 

“He would hug me and bathe me when he was done. Sometimes, I feel crazy for preferring that life. It’s just… I feel lost all the time. That life, even if it’s bad, is familiar.”

Atticus had a million things to say and no words to say them with. Before he had time to say anything, though, Faolan broke down crying completely again. Atticus pulled him into a tight hug and squeezed as Faolan clung to his shirt.

“Will therapy ever fix that? The pills don’t help. I just want something to take the pain away.”

Again, Atticus knew not what to say, even if he had a thousand ideas. Perhaps it was just better to let Faolan talk, regardless.

“I feel so broken. Maybe it’s better to live that life. I’m too broken to fix.”

To that, Atticus knew what to say.

“One day, Faolan, you’ll realize that nobody ever broke you. Something in you never gave up on life, all those years you were with William. Even if you felt like you wanted to die, you’ve endured so much more than I ever could. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel like things aren’t going to get better. Maybe… maybe it’s okay for you to not follow the beaten path. You just need to give things a chance. Hell, I’m a two-time med school drop-out.”

Atticus let out a self-deprecating chuckle. 

“We’ll figure it all out, Faolan. Life will be okay again, like it was before. After what we did to Finlay, he won’t be coming back to you.”

Faolan smiled a little as Atticus gave him another hug. Why Faolan smiled that time, Atticus didn’t really know. Perhaps Faolan didn’t know either.

“Let’s eat out. I don’t want to have to clean.”

With a teary, gargled voice, Faolan gave one of his little quips. “Just so long as it isn’t the marina again.”

Atticus couldn’t have been happier to hear Faolan say that. He’ll be okay.

“Of course. We’ll go to the patisserie instead,” Atticus added sarcastically.

Faolan groaned a little. Atticus smiled.

Things were going to be okay.

#three days #faolan dufort #atticus dufort #kidnapping #captivity #recovery #past trauma #ptsd #trauma recovery #past noncon #whump #whump community #whumpblr

[jencsi]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Characters: Julie "Finn" Finlay, Maya Russell, Katie Russell Summary:

Find your heart somewhere between where we’re going and where we began.

I did a very, very, very bad thing. 

#julie finlay #csi crime scene investigation #maya russell #katie russell #this was in my head for DAYS #Days I tell you #and it kicked out all the other ideas #but I will also proceed with the post karma to burn trauma fic for katie and finn #it's just simmering some more #but this #oh man #this hurt #but I had to do it before I lost it

[yaburnae]

low to medium activity. mostly iconless. muses & rules below. meme tag.

RULES

idk. don't be a dick. if you're here, you know me and you know what i'm about. best way to interact is to send memes and/or throw me a message. discord for mutuals upon request.

many of my muses have severe trauma and/or are neurodivergent. many of them are also very morally grey. as such, please tread lightly when interacting. if you're unfamiliar with a muse, but would like not to be, please feel free to reach out and ask questions. some of these idiots bite with no warning, but i don't unless provoked. ♡

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

anya morovoza. vampire elder. historian and professor at the university of edinborough. age unknown. she/her, homosexual. fc: kate beckinsale. [ pinterest. / info. ]

finlay scott. necromancer. powers student. 20s, he/him, bi. fc: lorenzo zurzulo. [ pinterest. / info. ]

malachi. deserted drow. former allegiance to the crown questioned. affiliated with @icaryan. 20s. he/him, pan. fc: tamino. pinterest.

milo mckiernan. reality hopper. musician and producer. inspired by the back rooms lore and the concept of liminal space, themes of religious trauma present. info found here. late 20s. he/him, closeted bi. fc: oliver jackson-cohen. [ pinterest. / info. ]

nirmala rietveld. desert rose. second generation crow, affiliated with @hebzucht & @taitropa. age varies, mostly teens. she/her. fc: afraah shaikh. [ pinterest. / info. & x ]

zenith. tiefling. self-exiled bastard son and rogue. affiliated with @icaryan. he/him, queer. fc: tbd. pinterest.

LITERARY

arya svitkona. queen of elves. the inheritance cycle. book canon compliant, primarily writing peri and post inheritance. 100+. she/her, queer. fc: laura berlin. pinterest.

azriel. shadowsinger & half-breed fae. a court of thorns and roses. removed from canon & based in dark faerie folklore. 500+. he/they, pan. fc: merayad ali. pinterest.

bruce wayne. detective billionaire. the batman (2022). canon compliant, written post-film. 30s. he/him, bisexual. fc: robert pattinson. (prev. batgeance) pinterest.

cardan greenbriar. the high king of elfhame. the folk of the air series. canon compliant, set within the second duology and beyond. 27. he/they, queer. fc: pietro checchi. pinterest.

eragon shadeslayer. dragon rider. the inheritance cycle. book canon compliant, primarily writing peri and post inheritance. 20s. he/him, bi. often accompanied by his dragon, saphira. fc: tbd. pinterest.

erik bloodsinger. the ever king. the ever seas series. book canon compliant. he/him, queer. fc: tbd. pinterest.

isabella swan. disaster girl. the twilight series. canon divergent post new moon. 20s. she/her, bi. fc: gracie abrams. (prev. delightedends) pinterest.

jacks. fate & the prince of hearts. caraval & once upon a broken heart. canon compliant. he/him, pan. fc: thyme stidworthy. pinterest.

jean gray. phoenix. dark phoenix (2019). canon compliant. 30s. she/her, demisexual. fc: sophie turner. pinterest.

kane ravenwood. onyx king & dragon fae. the sacred stones trilogy. headcanon-driven based in canon. 100+. he/they, queer. fc: xavier serrano. pinterest.

kathani bridgerton. viscountess. bridgerton. post season 2-based. 20s. she/her, bisexual. fc: simone ashley. (prev. vexcountess) pinterest.

kaz brekker. dirtyhands & crow king. grishaverse. removed from canon & based in original lore. 20s. he/they, queer. fc: freddy carter. (prev. hebzucht) pinterest.

misery lark. vampyre. bride. canon compliant. she/her, bisexual. fc: tbd. pinterest.

nesta archeron. lady death. a court of thorns and roses. removed from canon & based in dark faerie lore. 20s. she/her, demi. fc: barbara palvin. (prev. silvreflames) pinterest.

preston héloury. literature student & skeptic. a study in drowning. headcanon-driven based in canon. 20s. he/him, bi. fc: callum turner. pinterest.

roman c. kitt. writer. letters of enchantment duology. headcanon-driven based in canon. 20s. he/him, queer. fc: luke powell. pinterest.

scarlett dragna. crimson queen. the caraval & once upon a broken heart series. post-canon compliant. 20s. she/her, bisexual. fc: tbd. (prev. lacareina) pinterest.

zuko. fire lord. avatar: the last airbender. post-canon compliant. 20s. he/him, queer. fc: gong jun. (prev. ljesaw) pinterest.

BY REQUEST ONLY

allison argent. moon goddess & wolf queen. mythos based with original lore. 28. she/her, demi. fc: crystal reed. (prev. queenwolf) pinterest.

elizabeth swann. pirate king. pirates of the caribbean. headcanon-driven. 20s. she/her, bi. fc: sai bennett. pinterest.

fitzwilliam darcy. gentleman aloof. pride & prejudice. book and 2005 film-based. 30s. he/him, closeted bisexual. fc: tbd. pinterest.

lucien vanserra. cunning fox. a court of thorns and roses. removed from canon & based in dark faerie folklore. 500+. he/him, bi. fc: joão jesus. (prev. foxcleave) pinterest.

mieczyslaw "stiles" stilinski. leshy trickster god. unhoused and seeking to grow a bestiary on the supernatural. unknown reincarnated life, 27. he/they, bisexual. fc: dylan o'brien. (prev. lesziye) pinterest.

mitch rapp. retired assassin and hitman for hire. set in the world of john wick. important information here: x. 37. he/him, bi. fc: leo suter. (prev. noretribution) pinterest.

nikolai lantsov. privateer. grishaverse. headcanon-based. 20s. he/him, bisexual. fc: callum turner. pinterest.

the nogitsune. trickster fox. mythos based with original lore. age unknown. they/it. faceless. pinterest.

richard "dick" grayson. nightwing. the batman (2022). headcanon-based. *this portrayal acknowledges dick's romani heritage. he/him, pansexual. fc: tbd. pinterest.

specht. pirate & first mate to captain inej ghafa. six of crows duology. post-canon. 50s. he/him, queer. fc: nikolaj coster-waldau. pinterest.

#pinned. #rio. she/they. 28.

[feartheoldblog]

writing about finlay’s trauma while gimme more by britney spears plays

#this is why i write so slow

[quietly-by-myself]

2 for Briac, 55 for Faolan, and 69 for both Hakon and Cassius? From the most recent ask game!

-verkja

@verkja

2 - Briac - How do you cope with your trauma?

Briac is quiet for a while. "I don't know." He looks down at the ground. "Silvanus and I are working on that. I try to talk to him when I'm panicking. It's easier to justify talking to him now. If I'm worried, he already knows, so I might as well try to make us both feel better."

69 - Hakon - Are you good?

"In what regard?" Hakon seems a little startled. "I'm doing well, yes. That's an awfully strange question to ask." He seems a little puzzled by the question. Something, well someone, is clearly bothering him.

69 - Cassius - Are you good?

"Do I look 'good' to you?" Cassius snaps, before a look of fear washes over his face. "Please, don't tell him I said that to you. I promise I didn't mean it. I'm just in a lot of pain. I can't think right. Please, don't tell King Myndill I said that." He's shaking by the end of his pleas.

TW for discussion of noncon below the cut; @darkthingshappen

55 - If you could do anything you wanted to Finlay right now, what would you do?

"I- he would need to promise to never sell me. I don't want to be sold. If I could do anything I wanted to him, I'd make it so he could never sell me." His eyes are filled with fear. "I can take what he does to me at night. I can take the torture. I just... I can't die like my mother. I need one Master. I can be good. I can serve him and please him. I'd make him understand that, too."

#asks #whump #whump writing #cw are above #discussion of noncon

[on-stained-glass-wings]

Headcanon: Miquella and His Post-Mohg Trauma

Just because Miquella (halfway) achieved his goal of becoming both older and a full god doesn’t mean he isn’t dealing with the trauma of his time ‘visiting’ the Mohgwyn Dynasty. While being mentally and physically in his mid to late 10s (14-16) helps with the processing, it doesn’t help that he lacks the coping mechanisms most people get by growing naturally, AND he’s also dealing with teenager hormones/emotions. Wheeeee.

Anyways, things Miquella does now that he’s free from Mohg:

Suffer from night terrors and sleep paralysis! His dream ventures as Saint Trina grow even more frequent following his return, not only because he’s more powerful, but because being in the dreams of others means he avoids his own dreams. This only works when he’s awake/energized enough to have some measure of control over his dreams. When he doesn’t...let’s just say he gave up trying to hide his night terrors from Malenia, and he currently sleeps as often in her bed as he did when he was smaller, if only because she’s the only one that can calm him down and make him feel safe when he wakes up being unable to move his limbs.

Constantly scrub/pick at his skin! Even though he was asleep, Miquella was well aware of the sensation of being bathed in profane blood/Mohg’s literal blood essence, and so he’s extremely hypersensitive to tactile sensory input as a result. Not only that, but he frequently gets tactile flashbacks of the sensation of blood bathing and drying his skin, and it gets bad enough that he wants to throw up. If he’s near water, he’ll wash something on his body and feel better, even if it’s just his hands. If he’s not, he’ll pick at his skin, which ranges from light, tic-like behavior to full on clawing if he’s in a panic.

Have a flight-or-fight response whenever he’s around a significant quantity of blood! Lemme tell you, that’s inconvenient when you moonlight as a healer/the fantasy version of a biomechanical engineer, but it doesn’t change the fact that Miquella now has a visceral response to blood. It can range in severity from having the heeby-jeeby creepy-crawlies to literally freezing up in terror.

Startle/panic whenever he’s touched unexpectedly or without his consent! The source of this is pretty obvious. If someone that’s not his sister touches Miquella without his permission, he’ll react suddenly and with a varying degree of violence, either shoving the offending hand(s) away or physically propelling himself away from the offending party. If someone puts their hands on him or grabs him without him knowing, he will literally shriek in terror and panic, which will bring Malenia in with all of her wrath and rage. So...don’t do that.

Get really, really awkward and uncomfortable whenever someone talks about marriage or weddings! Again, pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t freak out intensely, but he will get very uncomfortable and will attempt to change the subject as soon as it’s politely possible. If he can’t, he’ll make an excuse to leave.

Freak out if he wakes up in a strange place and Malenia isn’t around! He’s close enough to Finlay that he’ll calm down when she soothes him, but he’s still going to be shaky and nervous until he sees his sister again.

Avoid tight, enclosed spaces at all costs! Congrats, Mohg; you ruined a perfectly good god. Look at him; you gave him claustrophobia. Miquella is definitely going to have to undergo future metamorphoses in shorter spurts because he cannot stand the thought of wrapping himself back into a cocoon.

#golden abundance and scarlet decay (headcanons) #v: we have dreamt for so long #v: to mend what is broken #about the abundance god (miquella) #tw: discussion of trauma #cw: discussion of trauma #tw: implied PTSD #cw: implied PTSD #(Is there any way Miquella could NOT have PTSD after what Mohg put him through?)

[theliteraryluggage]

13, 19 & 26 for the character asks!

thank you!!!

Character Building Questions

Once again I'll do these for Victor and Alistair!

Victor

13. What’s one secret your character never wants to share (whether or not said secret does get shared)?

This is a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Victor has so many secrets, but pretty much all of them at least one person knows about. Finlay definitely knows most of them, so I'm trying to think of something Victor wouldn't even tell Finlay. Hmm... I think Victor would hide some of the coping mechanisms he adopts after moving out of Ealdor Hall to deal with his trauma, because he's worried they make him sound too crazy. Finlay knows about the most obvious ones of course, like the drugs and the risky behaviour and spending as little time as possible at home. But he doesn't know that when Victor's home alone he covers all the mirrors in his flat because he always thinks he sees something moving in them from the corner of his eyes. He doesn't know about the hours and hours Victor spends obsessively training, especially at night, to distract himself and tire himself out. He doesn't know that Victor still hears his tutor's voice all the time, telling him to stand up straight or speak clearly or stop shaking and that, most of the time, Victor obeys.

19. How does your character define–or even merely think of–success? Has that character achieved success, even in part?

For a long time, Victor thinks of success as achieving something, anything, on his own merit, without receiving any special treatment because of his name and status. And when he does achieve that, by winning his first fencing title, he realises it's not enough. It's not enough for him to have survived growing up in the Sleywrithe house, not while there are still so many others suffering by the hand of the Sleywrithes and the other Impartial families.

20. What’s one thing you know about your character that he/she doesn’t yet?

Oh, that very much depends on where in the story we are right now. If we are at the very start where I have recently begun my new draft, god, I know so many things. But if we're taking into account my last draft and everything I have written for that, there's not much remaining that he doesn't know. Except maybe that he hasn't suffered his last loss yet.

Alistair

13. What’s one secret your character never wants to share (whether or not said secret does get shared)?

What happened during his First Night with Susan, which is a bit of a sensitive topic that I won't go into here without some trigger warnings.

19. How does your character define–or even merely think of–success? Has that character achieved success, even in part?

Most of Alistair's life his only goal is to take care of his sisters and keep them safe until they're of age and can take care of themselves, which he does achieve, so I think he does consider that a success. Beyond that he has a fairly traditional idea of what success means--getting a good education and a good job, having a career, starting a family, upholding the good family name--the values that his father taught him. He doesn't particularly want to do any of these things, except to get a good education, but he feels like he has no choice in the matter. It's not until he meets Victor that he really understands there are much more important things to achieve in life.

20. What’s one thing you know about your character that he/she doesn’t yet?

That he will be the catalyst for a bigger change than he can imagine.

#writeblr #writer #writing #ask #answered #eleanorawritesfantasy #nihi rambles about their ocs #my sweet sweet baby boy #ace of hearts #obsidian victor #impartial #nihi writes stuff

[readitreviewit]

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