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fandommemequeen · 4 months

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my 2023.

yearly retrospective time LETZ GO!!!

last year i said 2022 sucked but uh,, 2023 was definitely worse :'o)

with the rise in queerphobic legistlation, school getting progressively harder to stay on track with, my dad dying, and just everything else that ive had to endure this year, its been difficult. but.. i somehow made it.

and you might be wondering how i got through everything. did i touch grass and magically everything was sunshine and rainbows? buy some overpriced self help book or online course that changed my life? No <3

i just,, did what i normally do. i played video games, talked with my friends, watched youtube, brainrotted over fandoms, listened to music, came up with cool outfits, somehow made it through skool, drew, wrote, cosplayed, roleplayed, made kandi and crafts, and just overall found ways to find joy in the small things, which goes a long way when youre trans in a world where your joy is an act of rebellion.

i also had some cool fandom moments this year! season 7 of siivagunner has been AWESOME, return to dream land deluxe was great even if it fricked with the lore a little, THE TOH FINALE WAS SO FRICKIN GOOD, marios madness may be my new fave fnf mod, NPMD THREW ME BACK INTO MY HATCHETFIELD FIXATION, i FINALLY got the kirby planet robobot soundtrack cd and the limited edition quiznos training game physical edition, i found ways to actually enjoy WDY again and leave behind itz toxic fandom, i got into pokepasta, tintn, gogos crazy bones, playtime with percy, inside job, tadc, i started listening to mal blum and against me and chonny jash, im currently being dragged into eggotama as we speak and im getting back into mpdsap,,

but the fandom that had the most impact for me this year was the june archive and restoration project. getting into TJA led me to discover bowlbys other works and get into one of the best fandoms ive ever been in, thanks in part to the june archive and restoration project fanserver. ive met so many cool people through that server, and getting to chat and VC with them has always been a blast. [yknow what? shoutout to all my friends that ive loved talking with all throughout 2023 yall are awesome]

back to life stuff for a moment here, i got to do a lotta cool stuff this year! i FINALLY homebrewed my 3ds [with a bit of help from jaco xd], GOT TO SEE THE HAUNTING OF NIGHT VALE LIVE, put together some awesome cosplays for gencon and halloween, im getting better at rhythm games, i got SECOND PLACE in my skoolz national cybersecurity codebreakers competition, i had an awesome bday, i went to go see barbie [my first movie in theaters since lockdown] and fnaf and both were AWESOME!! all of this despite everything thats happened in 2023!

and as for my creative projectz,, DIGIVERSE REBOOT EPISODE 3 FINALLY RELEASED BACK IN MAY!!!!!! holy frick i was SO PROUD of that,, in addition, ive been doing character reveals for gamerz epic megamix take, i created the doomed timelines awoken au, and ive strengthened my artstyle into what it is today while learning how to use my drawing tablet :3

in addition, getting into TJA and watching bowlbys animation legacy made me think about my past as a creator, and i started work on giving my old book ocs from my days in the TWOW fandom the care and attention they deserve, even if it means some slight redesigns or rewrites. speaking of TWOW, EWOW IS OUT AND IM GETTING BACK INTO TWOW AFTER YEARS!! feelz good to be back, and im hoping i can maybe properly host a minitwow at some point in 2024!

overall 2023 wasnt great, but i stayed silly and had fun despite it and i think thatz very swag of me!

now, every time i do one of these things, if i do an overconfident "bring it on" type message at the end i almost always end up regretting it, AND i am absolutely terrified about 2024 so i am not taking my chances!

so i leave u with this sentiment towards 2024 instead:

i gotta survive The Horrors anyway, might as well stay silly and do what i like while im doing it :3

#long post #yearly retrospective #family death mention

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puppygirldanhowell · 2 years

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like a really big inhale

HAPPY BIRTJDAYYY🎉🎉🎉

i have some thingies to give u :3

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS THIS LITTLE CARD THAT I GOT ALMOST EVERYONE TO SIGN WHILE U WERE OFFLINE excluding gabe :(( ANYWAY

i even left her a spot. hes there in our hearts

BUT LOOK ASHEIJI BABIES THEYRE SO CUTE

that was so nervewracking btw appreciate my efforts /lh

NEXT THKNG NEEDS A DRUMROLL I WENT ALL OUT ON IT

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

SAMUUUUUUU🎉🎉🎉

do u see. do u see the pin 👁👁

i didnt feel like coloring but the skk in the corner is so 🥰🥰 babies

LAST THING I HAVE FOR U IS A LETTER THAT. KINDA SPEAKS FOR ITSELF NGL

ASH!!!! ITS UR BIRTHDAYDAYYYYYY how does it feel to be 17?? oldass leaving me behind smh😔 BRUH NEXT THING UR GONNA BE DOING IS PACKING UP FOR COLLEGE AND GETTING MARRIED STOP GROWING UGHHHHHSHDHJSB

anywho <3 i didnt wanna be a sap or homo on ur birthday cuz thats weiiirrdd but WOAHH ilysm. like so so much its unbelievable how amazing of a person you are and i mean that wholeheartedly. our time spent as friends is probably the most amount of fun ive had in YEARS. youre such a sweetheart and youre always around for when i need someone to cry or complain to and. UGHHSHJS YOURE JSUT SO AMAZING TY FOR BEING FRIENDS WITH ME MAN

i am not getting emotional

learning about you and getting to know each other better is something ill never take for granted, so i made u a little dazai drawing as a means of saying thank you. you mean the world to me and as my nominated favorite person 🧍 (thats embarrassing to admit) i feel like you deserve the best birthday EVERRRRRRR!&@*@,!!@;;$,$ if i could bake you something i would, but for now enjoy the little osamu thing i put together like. 4 hours in advance LMAOO

love u so so much as always baby<3

—noah

happy birthday ash🥰 i love you more than anything, hope its a good one love<3

DJDHDJDGDIDHWJWGSISHEIGSJDFWISISGSKSHDKSHDKSHSK🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you sososo much baby i love you so much hehe🥰🥰🥰 dont worry!!! gabe wished me a happy birthday :3 im sorry you miss him though i understand luv</3

TYSM EVERYONE ELSE FOR SIGNING MY CARD THO YALL ARE KITERALLY SO SWEET AND NICE AND😭😭😭😭😭💘💗💞💗💞💗💘💗💕💓💕💗💕💗💞💘💞💕💞💗💞💗💘💗💞💗💞💗💞💗💞

i dont even have. words. for how much i love that drawing bro i just🧍🏻💕💓💞💗💞💕💘💕💗💕💘💞💗💕💗💕💗💕💞💕💘💕💓💘💗💗💗💕💗💕💞💕💘💕💞💕💘💕💞💗💗💗💕💗💗💕💘💕💗💕💘💕💗💕💘💕💗💗💕💗💕💗💕💘💘💗💕💘💕💗💘HES SO CUTE AND EMO AND HISVLITTLE PIN AND AND🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

i love you soso much aslan😭 ur so sweet to me i could never ever ask for a better little brother i love being ur friend and sharing my shitty advice and questionable fics with u. i love u sm nerd🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

#dazai my love #ash is mentally ill #🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#my asks

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honeybeewriter · 4 years

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Icarus

Chapter 1: The Rebel Princess

Au: Fantasy AU

Word count: 2.6k

Pairing: Hawks x reader

Warning: Smoking, light cussing

Link to next part:

A/N: im super excited to be writing this story! its my first story ive written in a long time and im super happy to share the first chapter of Icarus with you guys! hope yall enjoy it as much i as i do!

Aesthetic:

This overbearing weight of being royalty and responsibilities of princess has hung on your shoulders like a horse stomping on a snake, it was awful to say the least. Along with this your father had now set up an arranged marriage to the kingdom next over to make peace: something you did not want. No, your heart soared for adventure and your senses longed to smell the sea and feel the cool breeze through your (h/c) locks. It’s a wish, a dream, something far from your grasp.

The morning dew settled among the kingdom, golden warm rays flooded in through the window, caressing your face, rubbing against your eyes as they flutter open. The feeling of silk and cotton danced along your naked legs, you stir awake, outstretching your arms. A gentle knock echo’s out into the silent room, before the creaking of the door opening. “Ah,princess (l/n) you’re awake!” The maid known as Mina entered the room, with a bow. “You know m’lady you should get out for a while! I know about your little dreams” Mina laughs as your face flusters “Mina!” you exclaimed and held your hands to your face “I’ll cover for you, Please don’t bring home another fae!” you had jumped out of bed at the thought of adventure. “Mina! Tamaki is a nice fae!! Don’t be rude!” You both erupt in fits of laughter. What a start to the day.

Adventure was in the air, as you snuck out of the castle. You dawn a fine silk gown that a fair maiden would wear, a pale lavender tone matched with a wine red hooded cloak: To hide your identity from the ones who would stitch to your father.

Across the forest, in a cart with friends laughing and having fun. A winged man stood with a guitar singing a merry tune, a man with burn scars guiding a horse with a scowl, a woman with blonde hair in buns reading her daily tarots card. The winged man lowers his guitar and his singing fades as he begins to speak “Hey Toga, whats is my card today?” he asked, sitting in front of the witch, who then shuffles them a few times before drawing out. The wheel of fortune. “Oh! Change is coming! This can be exciting, this means something big is at work, but what goes up must come down. Therefore be careful when change comes!” Toga explained before putting away her cards her satchel. The man with scars turned around and glanced at the two “There is a kingdom coming up, and we need to resupply before heading onwards.” His voice husk from smoking as teen, he still does nonetheless. The song of the frogs and bird sang throughout the woods as the trots of the horse and that squeaky wheel join in the chorus.

The winged man looks to the sky and ponders,Hm change? I wonder what the winds will bring me? The clouds line the sun, like curtains with only peeks of yellows rays shining down. The cart comes to a stop, and the man with raven hair and scars stood up, while lighting a cigarette “Alright we are here, no trouble, gather supplies and come back to the cart before sunset” He inhales the tobacco and puffs out a cloud of smoke. “Got it, keigo?”

Keigo looks back with a smirk “Me trouble, pssh, never. You’re the one that burnt that caravan, Dabi, oh powerful burnt bastard!” Dabi snarls, clenching his fist tightly “Get out of here you damn buzzard!” keigo waved him off as he slipped on a leather jacket that was inscribed with magical rune that hid his wings. “Meet here at sunset, got it crazy?” Dabi spoke to toga as keigo ventured off into the kingdom.

The town was lively and hardy, towns folk chatter and trade, while the echoes of laughter of children and barks from the stray dogs dance throughout the streets. The smell of fresh baked goods with the smell of blood from the meat market, not very pleasant to smell. You browsed the fruit stands, gliding your hand along the fresh picks, thinking within your thoughts of today's adventure; maybe a nice picnic in my secret garden, or maybe an adventure in the outside forest. Your mind was so deep in thought that you hadn't noticed that a certain knight was next to you.

“Ahem!” the knight coughed, causing you to jump with fear, as your eyes followed the armor, you gulped.. Iida.. “What are you doing here Iida!” you barked as you gathered up some fruit that had caught your eye, paying the merchant. “I should be asking you that Princess.” Iida was a stickler for the kings rules and so the king had appointed young iida as your bodyguard, since you liked to skip out and such. “Iida please let me have today off! Please!” you begged as you held the bag fruit to your chest, bouncing like a child begging for a sweet.

Now usually rumors and gossip caught Keigo's attention but, overhearing the about the rebellious princess, now that caught his keen hearing. As he turns from the stand he sees a tall knight and a cloaked person unknowingly, it was the princess. He strolls on over and wraps an arm around your neck. “Look, knight, i'm sure you have some crown to guard, so do me and my friend here a favor and bug off would yah?” and without waiting for an answer keigo whisps you away into the crowded streets.

“Geez what a killjoy!” keigo said as he leads you to a quieter part of town, “Ha, I'm sorry if that was weird or if i made you uncomfortable, but that knight seemed to be hard on yo-” Keigo was cut off as you whipped out your opal knife, “Look i don’t know you or where you came from, you take me back to my knight!” You snarled. Keigo just laughed and grabs gentle onto your wrist, lowering the knife “Ah so you are the rebellious princess i’ve heard about! Tell me, Do you really want to go back?” you look defeated and huffed, shaking your head no as you sheath your knife.

“No not really i just want to go to my garden and eat.” You said as you lowered your cloaks hood. Keigo finally got a good look at your face, (h/l) beautiful (h/c) hair, along with a pair of radiant (E/c) orbs, that sparkled in the sun. You looked just like a princess, no.. a queen at best. His eyes lit up as he looked your body up and down. “Will you please stop oodling me, come on, i guess you will have to be my pretend bodyguard for now” You spoke, you knew when they found the both of you. The two of yall were in serious trouble, him more so, i mean kidnapping a princess that is very bad to the king.

The streets grew into dirt roads, and the houses disappear as you walked further into the depth of the kingdom, humming a tune, singing as you go. Keigo follows of course, his curiosity growing about you, a runaway princess.

“Down in the depths, where the marble stairs cry, to left pink flowers hang their lives, make a right. Trot down the path into the pine, two stones of moss on the northside, listen to the whisper of the willow that lays upon the pond bank , that is where you will find. The sweet little spot of mine.”

Pure white marble stairs lay in bed against the hillside, a makeshift stream runs down the steps, carrying twigs and leaves, a sight to see. Such sad marble stairs longing to be cleaned and re-purposed. Keigo watched as you took off your shoes, the sound of splashing as you walk down the steps. He follows in suit taking his own shoes off, the pitter patter of wet feet echo throughout the silent forest-line.

You stop and look up, “Up there is where the pink flowers hang.” you loop your arm with his as you tell the story about a lonely prince who once lived in this ruin. How his family had gotten a witch to curse the boy, he was a sweet green haired prince who wanted adventure like yourself, but one day he had crossed a line into the dragon land, and he had fallen in love with the king. But once his family found out he was shunned, and casted out. One day his dragon king had found him and they were happy, but the curse of the witch:

Those be warned who want to find the lost, if you travel further than the pine you will find poison, outcast from his family, a lock against the seal, betrayed, outcasted its a weakened deal. The blood of royalty lay among the scales, heed my warning, your life frail.

“Story of the green prince and the king.. So is this place cursed or something?” Keigo asked as you both walk into the pine forest “i believe it is cause i found the skeletons of the two” You said as your hand glides across the brush as you walk. “That must have been a sight to see.” Your face fell as the memory plays in your head. The two skeletons embracing in against a tree seemly untouched by mother nature. “A pure sad sight” You tug the blonde male along the path.

Two stones with moss on the northside, and the whispering willow. The two of you stop admiring the willows horror filled beauty. The willow had to be at least 100 years old, her branches twisting and growing in a way that makes your stomach get a sick feeling. A thick fog rolling over the lake, like a dress dancing over a marble floor.

“So are we almost there?” Keigo asks his eyes fixed out onto the stilled water. Taking the male’s hand you pull him along into the ruin of clay and brick, a small grotto hides away this lostwonder of a place. Keigo's eyes widen, what a hidden away little base. “Wow, this must have been their home.” Keigo rubbed the back of his neck as he took a seat on the edge of the water basin, you sat next to the male and pulled out the fruit bag that you had bought earlier.

“So what brings you to the kingdom of berbile?” you questioned With a small chuckle as he takes a pear,

“I'm actually just passin by, me and a few friends are heading west towards the coast.” He takes a bite of the green fruit, the juice running down into his beard. Your ears perk up at the mention of the ocean. ‘Wait you mean the ocean! That's like a 5 month cart drive! Give or take if weather and such.” your voice chirps, your eyes brighten at the thought of the salty breeze.

You take a chomp out of your (F/F) as he explains the mission that his leader sent him on

. “Keigo, dabi and toga i need you three to go west and find recruits, send them back this way we are finally going to take down the two kingdoms along the way, When you get to the ocean that is when you will turn around and come back.”

Keigo looks at you and ponders “you want adventure, do you not?”

Keigo quirks his eyebrow at you. You frantically nod your head. “Yes yes!! More than anything! My father has set up an arranged marriage and to hell with keeping the peace to the kingdom” You jump up on the bricks of where you were sitting “I rather see the world!” You exclaimed, pumping your fist into the air.

Keigo grins “Well why don't you get a maid to gather clothes and meet me by the castle walls near the stables, tonight after dark?”

Later on you both went separate ways to avoid getting caught by iida and the other guards, The night set among the land, the quarter moon in the sky guiding your path to the outskirts of the kingdoms edge.

“Mina i have to go, this is my only chance to get adventure! I won't be coming back, please come with me, won't you!” You held your bag in your arms, dawning a black cloak, money clattered in the coin purse as you pull against minas arm. “(Y/n) as much as i know you want adventure you know, your father will be mad if he finds you gone!” She huffs and pulls you back towards your room.

“Tell him I died or something I don't care! I'm leaving this kingdom, and you're not stopping me!” you exclaimed with tears in your eyes, jerking your arms back to your side. Mina looks at you, her eyes soften and a damn broke through, her cheeks flooded and pink.

“Go, Ill cover for you” You embrace each other in a tight hug before your crawled down the makeshift bed sheet ropes and disappeared into the darkness.

Giving one last look to the home you grew up in. The hell that was raised, your mother would be proud of you for leaving this greed filled kingdom.

Dabi tapped his foot impatiently, “You said this girl would be here by now, Where is she!?” he barked, flicking the ash from his cigarette, keigo huffed and stretched his neck looking over nothing to see if anyone was there Where is she? He pondered. Out of the shadows a small hooded figure comes running, a 2 large bag on its back and a large purse in the other.

Toga grins, looking up from her spot in the cart “oh? You made friends with the Princess I see now~” toga giggled as keigo brushed her off, lighting a torch and holding it out “Two stones!” he called out, dabi and toga give him a weird look before hearing. “With moss on the northside!” a soft voice returns

Keigo jumps off the old wooden cart, his boots met the mud as your flats met the end of the stone road. You flipped your hood down allowing your (h/c) locks to fall into place. “So it is the princess, damn hawks. Boss will be pleased.” Dabi takes a drag, blowing out a cloud of ashy smoke. “Alright princess, load up, it's gonna be a long journey.”

You get into action, tossing your bags into the bed of the worn cart, Toga leaning against the edge, looking you over. “This is certainly some change, a princess joining 3 commoners. I'm sure once the king finds out your missing, people will be after us.” The blond female giggles and sits back down, “Call me (Y/n) (L/N). please. No need to be formal, its stupid.”

Keigo helps you into the cart and then jumps up into the passenger seat next to dabi. “Well you know who i am, This burnt bastard is dabi, Just dabi, he refuses to tell us his real name, and that little crazy next to you is Toga!”

Dabi whips the reins, causing the horses that pull the cart to move on. The clatter of hooves against the ground, the old night owl, singing his hunting song. The voices of the howling wolves, echo throughout the forest. Keigo takes off his magical jacket, and a pair of beautiful deep crimson wings emerge. Your eyes in wonder, “Wait you didn't tell me that you had wings, keigo!!”

“Makes him look like a buzzard if you ask me!” Dabi chims as toga laughs. “Hah, Yeah each of us has some kind power, i'm a witch, dabi up there is a warlock and keigo is just cursed!” Toga explained.

You look over the three with a warm smile. Adventure was well among its way, and youll be there to greet it with open arms

#hawks x reader #fantasy au #my hero academy fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #BNHA hawks #dabi my hero academia #bnha toga #keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader

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fortunemars · 3 years

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Also more art

I love the centrepiece of the green one but its too small to see like this so I'm gonna get a zoomed in piece for this post hehe hopefully tumblr let's you click on them so you can see everything djjdjsjs

I did these all super late last night bc I was having a time and wanted to draw psps I like these a lot tho I didnt like the alt version of the red that had the diamonds. I wanted to keep the vibe of the purple one with the swirls (tho that wasnt my favourite one either hense the plain background of it too djdjbshs) but it just didnt sit well. Maybe it was the shade of the body. Also notice the blue accents on the red 💕

Ps I hope none of the lines are actually symbols!! I wasnt thinking about that when I made these, I just drew lines that looked nice to me. I really hope I'm not doing something bad here :(

The purple ones???? So cool looking???? The purple parts that are detached from the main body were meant to be wings at first but lowkey this could be seen as smthn about body image (bc they arent connected but they are the same colour so it seems like someone who thinks their body is bigger than it is which is smthn I sort of deal with) but that wasnt the intent lol.

They were inspired by this

(Tiktok @/vonex20)

It gave me vibes (while also reminding me of the demons I see when I open doors at night).

Also when drawing these I was reminded of the "drawing my fears as ---" trend and like... its definitely vibes. The only good thing about the diamond red is that the over stimulation that it causes is exactly what I get when I move around at night.

Its very tempting to try to draw things more related to my paranoia psps it would be fun.

Heres one I forgot about but I drew it a bit ago 💕

This one is actually kinda related to my paranoia bc some of the images that flash through my mind are bloody teeth biting into chunks of flesh, but the blood is like neon red/pink/yellow/blue/whatever (it's different colours but they're always neon). I dont actually see images in my head when I try but when I sleep I dream very vividly. I can see some random flashes of pictures sometimes (thus that drawing). Idk why but they're always dark and neon. Like black background and just bright aggressive neon accents nd highlights.

Fun fact I have a hard time differentiating dreams and reality because my dreams are so vivid, but also bc my funky maybe sleeping disorder. I fall in and out of sleep ~10 times per chunk of sleep so my brain has a hard time figuring out if I'm still in my dream or if I'm awake. This affects my memory (the fact that ive forgotten 99% of my childhood doesnt help) and makes me think things that happened in realistic dreams are actual things that happen. Lmao it also isnt helped that I've been taking character's personalities and saying made up cool things about me my whole life so people would like me since I'm an army brat.

In conclusion bc this is long and no one actually cares bc i went way off point and probably lost some trains of thought.

Jdndbshsh hope yall enjoyed the art.

#art #neons #art related #mediggingintothepsycologicalecplainationsofmyarteventhoyalldontcaren

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pyruvatea · 4 years

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Introduction!

heya! this is my first studyblr, and first blog where i didnt just reblog stuff! So heres me. ive had studygrams in the past, but im not a huge fan of insta

About me

My name is Kat, I’m 18 (almost 19) and I’m from the UK

I am nonbinary, asexual and queer, I use they/them pronouns

I am a capricorn sun, gemini moon and cancer rising

I am a ravenclaw!

Interests

Recently I’ve been interested in learning japanese

Horse riding! too expensive to do often!

poetry! im very bad at it!

I want to start learning ukulele again

drawing! been doing digital art especially for a while, sort of want to get back into watercolour

I also love tabletop rpgs, L5R and fantasy age are some fun ones! Im wanting to start learning how to GM

Academics

I am studying A-Levels in Biology, psychology and photography, I am in my last year.

I have an A-level in Russian

I am applying to do Marine Biology at undergraduate level

I really enjoy studying biology! even though it is my hardest subject.

i have developed a dislike for psychology although that may be down to curriculum and teaching

i have no interest in photography, its a complicated situation but at the time i had little other options

Why start a studyblr?

I’ve been passively in the studyblr community for like two years now and i think i would really enjoy actively being in it

Studying has been an issue for me in the past, and though I’ve gotten better I would like to use this as a way to reflect and continuiously check in with myself

tbh the study community is probably something that can be credited for my getting better! i think this is one of the healthiest communities ive come across!

yall seem really cool, id love some study friends!

this last year is going to be really tough, id like a reminder that hard work does pay off!

What will you post?

itll probably be a mixture of stuff i like, but mostly study updates, maybe some bujo if i get back into it

ill update on any more progress i make in learning japanese

the majority of this will probably biology notes! theyre usually p messy lol

i would like to start the 100 days of productivity once im feeling a little bit better! I’ll probably start small first

this ended up being really long! basically im excited to start this and i hope i keep it up,, i look forward to meeting some people too!

#studyblr #study #studyspo #positivity #newstudyblr #introduction #katsstudying #aaaaaaaaaaa

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bold · 7 years

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Read it on AO3!

Summary: Eddie thinks Richie might’ve fallen back asleep, because when Eddie hums a noise to check if Richie’s still with him, Richie doesn’t hum back. The arm that isn’t being suffocated by Richie lying on top of it moves to snake around Richie’s waist. Eddie buries his face into Richie’s curls and places a few kisses atop his head while he’s there.

Then, Eddie thinks he ought to practice.

(Or: Richie and Eddie share their first “I love you"s.)

Notes: hey yall. this was SO fun to write i love these boys!! ive rly been craving some one-off fluffs for them and there arent many so i thought id contribute. enjoy!!

(oh also pls note the q-word is used like once so if that bothers u pls be wary!)

Eddie Kaspbrak isn’t afraid to admit he’s in love.

He’d say, perhaps, if his head hadn’t been so far up his own ass all through middle school, that he’s been in love with Richie Tozier since sixth grade. He’d also venture to say that everyone except Richie, Eddie, and maybe a blind, deaf nun could tell Eddie was in love. Subtlety had never been something he could grasp, so much so that it took Richie grabbing him by the collar of his dorky polo shirt and smashing their lips together for Eddie to finally, finally get that the feeling was mutual.

That was years ago, though. Eddie sometimes wishes he could go back to the night of their first kiss, when everything was new and exciting and Richie’s eyes on him would send shivers through his body. Then Eddie looks over to the Richie curled against his side, forehead tucked against the crook of his neck, and decides he likes where they’re at now.

Eddie also decides, for the hundredth time that month, that he’s in love with Richie. The words burn at his throat and tug at his tongue. He wants to say it . He wants – no, he needs Richie to know. But he’s scared. Not scared that Richie doesn’t love him back (well, maybe a little scared that Richie doesn’t love him back), but scared of freaking Richie out. Richie was never the most susceptible to sappy, emotional love confessions. He’d never even officially asked Eddie out. He’d just started grabbing Eddie’s hand in public and casually asking whether he wanted to go see a movie or go out to eat for date night, and Eddie never protested.

But love was something that ached in Eddie’s chest. Eddie’s love for Richie demands to be felt and to be heard, and Eddie’s not sure how much longer he can bite his tongue.

Richie’s still sleeping as Eddie sifts his fingers through the dark locks that tickle his chin. “You smell,” Eddie comments under his breath. Richie needs a shower and maybe Eddie will tell him to take one instead of saying “I love you.”

“On my ass about personal hygiene even while I’m sleeping, huh, Eds?” mumbles a sleepy Richie, earning a surprised squeak out of his boyfriend. Richie shifts, nosing the spot where Eddie’s jaw and neck meet and effectively replacing the squeak with a purr. Richie smiles against Eddie’s neck and Eddie falls in love one more time. His eyes open lazily, lifting to meet Eddie’s. Eddie swoops in for a kiss, which Richie doesn’t protest against. His hands find Eddie’s hair and now his smile is against his lips. “Wow,” he says, hardly separating their lips’ connection, “What a way to start a morning.”

“It’s one in the afternoon,” Eddie corrects him, but he’s smiling. Only Richie, even while unconscious, can convince Eddie to waste a whole Saturday morning doing nothing in bed.

Richie snorts, returning to his position against Eddie’s neck, and the pair fall silent. There aren’t awkward silences between them anymore. There came a point in their relationship where comfortable silence was one of their favorite things to be in. Just existing next to each other was enough. Eddie had never had that with someone before, and he especially hadn’t expected it to be with Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite things about his relationship with Richie.

Eddie thinks Richie might’ve fallen back asleep, because when Eddie hums a noise to check if Richie’s still with him, Richie doesn’t hum back. The arm that isn’t being suffocated by Richie lying on top of it moves to snake around Richie’s waist. Eddie buries his face into Richie’s curls and places a few kisses atop his head while he’s there.

Then, Eddie thinks he ought to practice.

Eddie rests his chin atop Richie’s head, and Richie unconsciously fits himself against Eddie’s body. Even while he’s sleeping, Richie connects with Eddie in a way no one’s even gotten close to. It makes Eddie’s chest ache. “I love you,” Eddie says into the empty room rather than into Richie’s hair. It feels safer that way, to profess his love to the walls and the desk and the bookshelf. The walls, desk, and bookshelf couldn’t shove him and call him a queer and brush the proclamation off as a joke before Eddie could get a word in edgewise. “I love you,” Eddie says again as his hands curl slightly around the fabric of Richie’s shirt. “I love you so much.”

“Come again?”

Eddie’s blood turns to ice in his veins and he actively resists the urge to shove Richie off the bed. Richie hasn’t moved, and in fact feels stiff in Eddie’s arms. “I didn’t say anything,” Eddie lies.

There’s a pause.

“Oh.”

Richie doesn’t believe him and Eddie knows it, but hell if he’s going to argue with oh . He flattens a hand against the curve of Richie’s back and presses a kiss at the crown of his head. “Relax, Chee,” Eddie murmurs, and Richie does. He sighs against Eddie’s collarbone and curls his fingers into the hairs at the nape of Eddie’s neck, but Eddie can still hear him thinking. Richie heard him, he must have. Eddie feels sick as he tries to steady his breathing, which has gotten shaky without his consent.

Richie rubs his thumb on the back of Eddie’s neck and Eddie sucks in a breath, hopeful. “Hey,” Richie says cautiously, drawing his face away from Eddie’s chest but keeping his thumb in place.

Eddie looks at him and knows, and Richie knows he knows. It’s ridiculous that neither of them are just fucking saying it, now that Eddie thinks about it. He opens his mouth to just get it over with when Richie interrupts him. “I’m scared.”

Richie’s eyes, Eddie realizes, are on Eddie’s chest. Richie loves kissing and touching and intimacy and eye contact , so fuck if Eddie wasn’t immediately concerned. His hands find the sides of Richie’s face and their foreheads touch, but Richie still won’t look up. “Scared? What are you scared of, baby, why are you scared?”

But they both know what he’s scared of.

“What if– What if I say it and then I mess up down the line and– and then you don’t believe me anymore? Because I do, Eddie, I do– I’m just– just–”

“Just scared?” Eddie finishes for him.

Richie nods, resembling a kicked puppy with his scared, sad expression. Eddie aches to kiss him. He wants to kiss all those fears away, to tell him he loves him over and over again.

“Chee, you could mess up a million times and I wouldn’t go anywhere. I’m stuck with you, asshole.” That earns a wet laugh from Richie. “I wouldn’t wanna be stuck with anyone else. I’m– I’m scared too. Let’s be scared together, okay?”

There’s a silence that lasts for a beat too long, and Eddie fears Richie’s going to leave and never come back. Then, a smile. Richie’s hand finds Eddie’s, their fingers grip each other, and Eddie’s heart bursts. “Okay.”

Eddie brings their interlocked fingers to his lips and kisses Richie’s knuckles. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he purrs, love filling his throat and feeling tangible in his words. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us down the line, but I know right now, I never wanna stop… Um…” The word catches in his throat, with Richie’s eyes wide and wet on him.

“…Loving me?” Richie murmurs, a shy smile at his lips.

“Loving you,” Eddie confirms. He finally succumbs to the need for kissing as he dips his head and slowly works his lips against Richie’s. Richie hums against his boyfriend’s mouth before leaning back. Their noses brush against each other. Both of their smiles are wide and smitten. Eddie decides this is his new favorite moment.

“I love you, too, Eds.”

#it #it (2017)#reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #richie x eddie #eddie x richie #my writing #sincerelyme.txt #hall of fame

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