#for now youre a vague blob with a cool skull face

[lavenoon]

Past and Present, and their Guardian Angel

Have you read So Cries The Wolf yet? Would you like to? @clxckwork-sun-n-moon :3c

#post let luce #dcamv #so cries the wolf #clxckwork sun n moon #my art #theres a shitton going on in this but its fine its fine #stained glass simplification and symmetry tool once again making creechur easier #one day ill draw you properly monty #for now youre a vague blob with a cool skull face #also yes i will continue to be annoying about eclipse's promised wings #is there a sctw spoiler tag FHJDSK #then again. if you know you know if not. good fucking luck figuring this out #so cries the wolf spoilers #JUST in case

[spotsupstuff]

I have been encouraged by the fact that you seem to be tolerating my rants and I was literally JUST thinking about ancient hair so hi I'm invading your askbox yet again but this time with images to back up my chaos

here is a graffiti! Most likely of an ancient, judging by the humanoid stature, the stripes on its body, the little spots, the covered-up eyes (it bugs me how the ancients black out their eyes in artworks. I get that it's probably part of the whole 'abate thine self' mindset but I WANT TO SEE THEIR WHOLE FACES DAMN IT)

But this ancient is missing their tentacle-hair!! This leads me to believe that some ancients either straight-up lack this feature, have lost their tentacles somehow, or perhaps even choose to remove them.

While no other images (that I have currently found, there may be others) depict completely bald ancients, several show them no visible tentacle-hair.

Here is one of the tapestries:

The one on the right has very long and obvious tentacle-hair. The one of the left doesn't appear to have any (unless they do and I'm just blind). I would guess that this ancient just has the shorter variant of the tentacle hair, or be missing it entirely.

This image shows that ancients also canonically have tiny tails!!! This is shown by the ancient on the right, who appears to. um. not be wearing any clothing. My apologies for showing this indecency, it was either this or the Karma 2 tapestry.

Also their feet. Do not get me started on the pure confusion that is ancient feet.

Here is an image which you've shown several times now. In my opinion it's the best depiction of an ancient that we have. I refer to it as 'the holy grail of ancient imagery' (sorry, I'm a nerd).

This ancient has pretty darn short tenta-hair compared to some of the other art. Their bottom three tentacles have extra rings surrounding the little center dot which could be evidence at tenta-hair trimming (I'm kinda grasping at straws here but idk).

There are several other images depicting short tentacle-hair, but I honestly can't tell whether or not those images are actually ancients or just wacky blobs.

ANOTHER THING!!

This dude looks like a skeleton. Does that mean the tentacle-hair have little bones at its base????? The implications of this for the first graffiti I showed, with the ancient with no tentacle hair! The poor dude lost their head bones!

Before I slither back to my cave I would also like to deposit this graffiti:

It's clearly not an ancient, but it appears to have the tentacle-hair. Distant ancestor, perhaps? It may just be a very heavily stylized ancient (body modifications, maybe?) But I mean. Come on. That is pretty clearly some type of aquatic animal. And it looks vaguely like an ancient. ANCIENTS ARE OCEAN CREATURES. FIGHT ME.

This is all wild and rampant speculation, please correct me if I missed something, got something terribly wrong, or if none of this makes any sense whatsoever.

And my apologies for desecrating your askbox again. You may politely tell me to shut up at any point and I'll move my rampant speculation somewhere else

(and I just noticed that someone made Sparrows fanart. Why did I never think of doing this before arghhhh *runs off to find my drawing tablet*)

oh dear god why's there Bone in The Sasanka jaysus fuck video cult what have you done........

though honestly- if u're allowin my opinion- some things are most likely artistic choices. the skeleton hair thing is most likely to definitely an artistic choice of some dude goin "i wanna draw a cool skull but don't wanna miss out on the hair...- oh i know!"

the holy grail one is legit so fuckin good, gods bless- n i'm really sorry to bap at your straws, but yeah, that's probably not much

i can actually tell you for fact that those are attempts at gettin the end of the tentacle more defined/communicated to the viewer or it's leftovers of the sketch in some way. how am i so sure? cuz dear god.

shaking hands with this anonymous lost soul of an Ancient graffiti artist in these chilli's tonight

with feet i'm also pretty sure a lot of stuff is artistic interpretation tangling in! the most canonical feet pic glimpse we get are these

with the rest being so small EITHER cuz of that artistic decision shit or there might be another bound of body horror involved, from either cutting the toes off or doing similar feet binding technique that was a thing in real life China. i like to think the bottoms of their feet still have pedal disks that sea anemones possess n they gotta wrap 'em up like this to avoid sticking to floors cuz that shit is like suction cups

ah yes, karma three mural.... i've had that shit opened on my browser for a month now, i know that one intimately. yeah! that one is the culprit behind every single tail on an Ancient in the whole fandom n i adore it so much. the fact that it's so... sad (lookit the fuckin teeny nub, whatcha gon do with that) made me decide that the lower circles have more proper ones! and -tsk- AAAAAAHR who give a shit bout nudity up in this bitch, this just how we ball. all from the artistic, biological and religious sense, heavens know each time i draw Sparrows from behind without her jacket on i feel like i'm toeing Some kind of line. nudity is just a different kind of deal for them than for us culturally n i think that is super neat actually. taking things that are a given to us n flippin it all on its head is one of my favorite things to do, rule 180° bayyybeeee

n i do NOT mean this in a mean way, this is lighthearted but i'm JGSDKMCLKMKGKSDLCK i get handed a clam with a whale tale with lil geysers on top of it n told "this is Sparrows' great times 1000 grandpapa" JGSKLCKL

LIKE,,, NOT DISPUTING IT CUZ WHO THE HELL KNOWS ANYMORE. SEA ANEMONES WITH BIPEDAL BODY PLAN IS ALREADY SO FUCKIN WEIRD THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN. i just can't help but see some sorta looney tunes clam whale in it. -dreamy sigh- what if they had looney tunes-esque cartoons...........

but yes, these fucked up things Def came from the oceans cuz the oceans always spit out the strangest shit and i also adore to think that their whole society runs on water energy/steam so the connection of It Came From The Sea with that really tickles my worldbuilding enthusiast brain

#Spot says stuff #rw #n naaaaaaaah es cool whats inboxes for if not barking at other people #n absolutely dont feel obligated to draw any fanart or smth like that!!!! id be honored but as always: you do as you wish

[sophie-jen]

water lilies and tadpoles

read on ao3

James rolled onto his back. He looked up at the sun, shining joyfully in the cloudless sky, then immediately groaned, and rolled back onto his stomach.

"You look like a beached whale, honey."

James groaned again. "S'hot," he mumbled. 

"Why don't you go down to the lake and take a swim?"

James did not dignify this question with a response. His mother had been trying to kick him out all morning. She clearly didn’t want him in her way as she pranced around in her sunhat, gardening tools in hand. James was too miserable to care. He just groaned louder and rolled over again. But this was the wrong move, he realized belatedly, as he felt the crunch of his mother's favorite lilies being crushed under his weight. 

Five minutes later and a shovel shaped dent in his skull found James making his way toward the stupid lake. As he pushed his way valiantly through swarms of mosquitoes, he considered the very real possibility that he would drown in his own sweat before he ever reached water. 

The suffocating heat made everything hazy. Overhead, branches swayed. Leaves rustled. Underfoot, twigs crunched. Moss whispered. Streams of light danced around him. Birds croaked. Frogs chirped. A mushroom tipped its cap to him. 

Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, it occurred to James that he might be lost. Just as the beginnings of panic started brewing in his stomach, his foot caught in a root and he went toppling down a hill. He rolled to a stop next to a small glittering lake, and groaned. This was definitely not the lake his mother had been referring to. He hadn’t known there even was another lake in this area. It really was quite small, resembling more of an oversized pond.

There was something emphatically off about the happy twinkle of the water and the ethereal glow that bathed everything in a golden light. He also couldn’t help but notice that the water lilies were eyeing him suspiciously. To their left, a large, judgmental looking trout poked its face out of the water, took a good look at him, and with a disappointed shake of its head, went back down to report what it had seen. And sat on an outcrop not three feet away, looking straight at him while her fingers combed through her long tendrils of red hair, was a mermaid. This was a little much for poor James to take, and mercifully, after one last groan for good measure, consciousness fled and everything faded to black. 

                                                      *

James gasped awake. He lay in the dark for a few seconds, contemplating the strange dream he had been having, before sitting up. As he did, something cold and slimy slid off his eyes and down his face, taking his glasses with it. He felt around for the glasses, slid them back onto his nose, looked at the lily pad that had dropped into his lap, and felt his stomach drop with it. 

"I thought it might help cool you off."

He looked over at the girl who sat not far away. She was looking at him with an expression of mingled apprehension and curiosity. And sure enough, when James looked down, he saw curled under her a long gray tail, scales shimmering in the sunlight. He had to make a considerable effort not to faint again. 

"I’ve found lily pads are really refreshing. I was afraid you had heat exhaustion or something,” the girl said. 

“Oh. Thank you.” James didn’t know how to explain to her that it most likely wasn’t the heat exhaustion that had caused him to swoon. 

“I'm Lily, by the way."

James considered her for a moment. Considered at what point between rolling onto his mother’s lilies and meeting a mermaid named Lily he had lost his mind. Considered the lily pad laying limply in his lap. Made a decision. 

"I'm James."

                                                      *

“So, uh…” James kept his eyes on the small blue fish eating out of the mermaid’s hand. He was trying not to stare at her webbed fingers. “You live here? In the lake?”

“No, I actually prefer to perch on tree branches.” She gave James such a deadpan look as she spoke that he was inclined to believe her. At this point, he was inclined to believe just about anything. 

“Yes, of course I live in the lake,” she continued after a moment. She turned back to the fish, which was stretching as far as it could out of the water, vying for her attention. 

“Ah. Right.” James mulled this over for a moment. “But where do you-” he paused, trying to think of the best way to ask the question. “Well, where do you, you know, live?” Well said. “I mean, have you got a bed at the bottom of the lake or something?”

“Yep. I even splurged on a water mattress recently.”

To James’ surprise, a snort of amusement escaped him. Lily smiled as she stroked the fish, which flapped its tiny fins happily. 

“Honestly, I mostly sleep on land. I like looking at the stars.” She gave the fish a final pat, before leaning back onto her arms, her tail stretched out in front of her, and tilting her face towards the sun. “I couldn’t really do that much back home.”

“Back home?” 

“I live in the ocean.”

“What are you doing here?” 

“I got caught in a storm and washed up in a river somewhere, so I swam up here.” She leaned over and lifted a clump of moss off the end of her tail, where a large translucent fin lay. The left portion of the fin was in tatters, and an angry looking rip spanned almost the entirety of it. "I can't swim properly with my tail in that state." 

"So, what, you're just stuck here?" 

"Until it heals and I can try finding my way home. But I honestly don't mind. I grew up surrounded by angelfish and dolphins, so lake trout and tadpoles have been a nice change of pace.“ 

Despite her lighthearted tone, she didn’t look particularly thrilled as she said it. James immediately felt compelled to do something, though what that something was, or why he even felt compelled to do it, were beyond him. Instead, his mouth moved of its own accord. "Oh, so you're usually surrounded by a much more so-fish-ticated crowd, then," he said, placing emphasis on the “fish”. He regretted it immediately.

“Did you just-” She looked at him incredulously, but James was thrilled to hear the laughter in her voice. “That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Yeah, my bad, won’t happen again.”

“Unbelievable,” she said through a giggle. 

Not wanting to push his luck, he stayed quiet, and they sat in silence together. The fish, realizing it wouldn’t be getting anything more from Lily, swam up to James and gave a hopeful wiggle. He stroked it distractedly as the mermaid next to him sighed and readjusted the moss covering her fin. James only hoped she couldn't hear the frantic whirring of cogs as he tried to make sense of the pretty redhead and her tail, quietly soaking up the sun beside him. 

                                                      *

"Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at my tail."

"It looked at me first."

"It's impolite to stare."

"Social norms don't apply when your cousin is a guppy."

A lily pad thwacked James across the face.

                                                      *

The sun was beating down mercilessly. James sat at the edge of the water with his feet dipped in up to his ankles. He watched as Lily resurfaced, yet another trinket in her hands, and swam closer to add it to the row of eclectic objects she had set out on the sand. She called them her treasures, although they looked more like what a demented three-year-old might drag home from the playground. 

While she fiddled with what looked like a vaguely heart-shaped ball of algae, he examined one of the rocks. She had said it reminded her of the hammerhead shark that would dig up her garden in search of crabs. It was oblong and one of the ends was slightly flat. To James, the resemblances ended there, but Lily had been thrilled at the discovery, so he had smiled and praised how hammerheaded the rock looked. 

He set the rock back down and checked to see what Lily was doing. She was still poking at the green blob. Her hair looked darker now that it was wet, pooling like blood in her collarbones and trickling down her back in rivulets. He looked away as soon as she turned toward him, and stared intently at a chipped snail shell. 

“I know, it’s not very impressive.”

“What? No...” 

She raised her eyebrows in skeptical amusement. “I wish you could see the collection I have at home. I’ve got this gorgeous pocket watch I found with all these flowers carved on the back. It doesn’t tell the time anymore though.”

“Where’d you find it?” asked James. He slid into the water and made his way towards a water lily he had spotted. 

Lily hadn’t seemed to notice, focused on smoothing out the wrinkles of the snake skin she had laid out. “We collect them from shipwrecks,” she explained.

“That’s morbid.” He snapped the flower off the stem and waded back over to Lily and her treasures. 

“Is it? I remember when I was little, my sister and I used to go looking for sunken ships and scare the octopuses living in them.”

“Here, add this to your collection.” Lily turned toward him, and he handed her the water lily he had picked. 

“I can’t add that. It’ll start wilting soon.” She took the flower from him, her fingers brushing his as she delicately held the white petals. He dipped his fingers in the water to quell the tingles. 

“Oh. I just thought it was pretty.”

She studied the flower for a moment, before placing it in her hair and securing the stem behind her ear. He watched as she fussed with it, trying to get it wedged properly. “There. That way we can enjoy it while it lasts.”

“I can get you another when it turns brown,” James offered. 

“No, I like this one,” she said. “I don’t want to replace it. Some things are meant to be temporary anyway.”

                                                      *

"GAAAHHhhbrrggllslg..."

"Pipe down, you'll scare the fish."

James came back to the surface, spluttering and coughing. “This clearly isn’t working,” he wheezed. 

“Really? I thought we were making great progress.” 

“Funny, ‘cause I thought that’s the third time you’ve nearly drowned me.” James rubbed his eyes a final time and opened them. Lily floated next to him, her hair like a pool of blood around her. He pulled a piece of it out of his mouth. 

She rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair, picking out a snail that had gotten tangled in the strands. “You’re being dramatic.”

“Well excuse me for having a sense of self-preservation.”

“You’re acting like I’m trying to kill you!”

“Lily, I don’t have gills! You can’t just push me underwater without warning!”

She looked surprised at his outburst, her green eyes were wide with worry, and James immediately felt bad. 

“Listen, it’s fine. I just got freaked out for a moment,” he backpedaled. 

Lily wasn’t listening. “Maybe we should stop.” 

“No, really, it’s fine! I’ll just make sure to plug my nose next time!” 

But she was already swimming away, and with a flick of her tail, she had disappeared to a place where he couldn’t reach her. 

                                                      *

The bite was oozing. Oozing what, he didn’t know. Didn’t really want to know. He had never thought he would be having to deal with fish bites. Hadn’t realized such small fish even had teeth. Evil little bastards. Always sweet and cuddly when Lily was around. But this was apparently a summer of firsts. 

He poked at the angry looking marks, and hissed. Lily would know how to take care of this. Fix it. He had no idea where she was. She hadn’t yet resurfaced. 

Not knowing what to do, he climbed onto the outcrop where he had seen her for the first time, and stretched out. Warmth enveloped him on all sides, immediately making him drowsy. As he drifted off, he thought about how unbothered he was. Everything was fine. He let himself be pulled under, into the depths of sleep, not worried in the slightest. She would turn up. She always did. 

                                                      *

He’s sinking deeper into dark blue depths. His legs keep up a frantic pace as he kicks, trying to propel himself forward. All he can see is her: her long, slender fingers, her wrists, her collarbones, glowing in the murky water as she hovers, ethereal. All he wants is to go to her, but with a laugh she turns and swims further down, engulfed by the darkness. 

He can just make out her tail undulating as she moves inexorably on, never slowing down. As he follows her, going ever lower, several jellyfish zoom by, their tentacles tangling together to form a billowing cloud of exhaust. Somewhere to the side, a school of clownfish float in a large reef together, studying. A preoccupied looking manatee comes out of a dense wall of seaweed and almost bumps into James, muttering an apology as it hurries away. 

James is undeterred, his focus only on the mermaid in front of him. She turns to face him, curls one finger in a beckoning motion, and her smile is a hook that snags him, reeling him in, pulling him closer to her. Her lips are moving. He can tell she’s saying something, something important, but he can’t understand her. The water is filling his ears, muting everything, and he strains to hear her, to make out something, anything. Panic rises in his throat as her face grows troubled, panic so thick it’s suffocating. He can’t breathe, and she’s floating further into the murky shadows, and he hates the greedy gloom taking her away from him with every fiber of his being. As she grows ever more distant, his panic grows, and he’s never felt so lost, so helpless. He has to reach her, to stop her, and she’s screaming, screaming his name, over and over and-

                                                      *

“James!” He opened his eyes, gasping for air. After several steadying breaths, the darkness began receding. He blinked while the world came back into focus. The panic he had felt so acutely was already fading, dripping through his fingers, leaking out of his ears. It was replaced by the feeling of solid rock under his back, the sun wrapping him in warmth, and Lily’s hands cupping his cheeks. Her face was right over his, her hair forming a curtain around them. 

“Here.” He felt his glasses being placed gingerly over his eyes. “You alright?” 

Lily’s voice was laced with concern, her eyebrows knitted so close together they were almost touching. Her face was so close to his that he could see every individual hair in her eyebrows. He focused on one hair that lay slightly askew, pointing towards a freckle on her eyelid, as he finished catching his breath. 

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just had a weird dream.”

“Oh. Sure. I have those all the time.”

“Really?”

“Oh, definitely. The other day, I dreamed that I had climbed up a tree, and I couldn’t get down. And you were in the water, and I kept calling you, and asking you to help. But you insisted that you couldn’t, because you had to practice your underwater somersaults. And I was so angry that I started picking crabs off the tree and pelting them at you. But you kept catching them in your mouth and eating them. And you were laughing the whole time. And then you said, ‘Look, Tulip!’ and did a backwards somersault with so much force that you created a huge wave that knocked me off the tree. And then I woke up.”

“Sorry about that.” James was trying very hard to keep a straight face. 

“I can’t believe you called me ‘Tulip’,” Lily said with a frown.  

She looked so genuinely offended that James immediately felt compelled to comfort her. “Like I would ever forget your name!” 

“What was your dream?” she said quickly. 

“Oh, I was just drowning.”

“Well that’s not bad. Why do you get to have normal dreams?”

“Probably because I know how to do backward somersaults.”

                                                      *

James stared at the water intently, looking for any disturbances in the smooth surface. In his hand, he held a freshwater mussel the size of a large baseball. Lily had dug it up from the bed of the lake for the game she had devised. She had informed him that the mussels' name was Petunia, mentioning something about the mussel reminding her of someone. 

He tightened his hold on Petunia, causing her to give an indignant shake in response. James had discovered that a firm grip was necessary when handling the mussel. She had a tendency to clamp down on his fingers when he wasn’t paying enough attention, and getting her to let go required threats of feeding her to the snapping turtle that lived nearby. 

A sudden ripple drew James’ attention to a spot on his left. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the flash of a tail flicking above the water. As he scanned the green surface, he spotted a smudge of red. Raising Petunia above his head, his eyes following the billowing of crimson under the water, he took a steadying breath, and aimed. He exhaled. Petunia went flying. 

“Fucking ow!” 

The cry told him he had hit his mark. The proud victor had only a moment to celebrate his success before a wave of water was flung in his direction, drenching him entirely. 

“Bit of a sore loser, aren’t you?” James smiled as the top of Lily’s head surfaced. Her eyes narrowed and the green flashed somewhat dangerously, but he took no heed. He was on a roll. “Seems I’ve o-fish-ially won!” 

His laugh was followed closely by a scream as Lily pulled him into the water, and he felt his nose being pinched shut as he went under, smothered by a wave of red tendrils. 

                                                      *

"You know I can't stay here." 

"Can't you? What's so great about the ocean, anyway? So it’s got dolphins. Did you know dolphins are actually vicious? I read that they kill porpoises just for fun."

“James-”

“And they’ve been known to attack people.”

“Are you honestly trying to slander dolphins?”

“I’m just saying, it’s a cruel world out there. But it’s safe here. I can guarantee you’ll never be attacked by a toad.”

“The other day, I woke up with a tadpole up my nose."

“Small price to pay.”

“Small price to pay for not being viciously attacked by a dolphin? Do you hear yourself?”

“I just don’t get why you have to leave right now. How could it possibly be safe? Your tail isn’t even fully healed yet!”

“It will be soon.”

Quiet settled over the little lake again. She broke the silence first. 

"Mermaids can live for up to 300 years."

"My dad is turning sixty next month."

“I want to go home, James. You can go home any time you want. You can be sure that you’ll be able to celebrate your dad's birthday with him. What about me? All I've got here are the tadpoles.”

"You've got me."

"What?"

"You've got me, haven't you? Or do I not count?"

"Of course you count, you idiot. You count so much, you have no idea." 

James' heart must have swollen so big it cut off the oxygen going to his brain because all he could come up with was, "I'm actually terrible at maths." 

She sighed. “I will miss you. But I can’t stay here forever, hoping you’ll visit me occasionally.”

“That’s not-”

“It is.”

                                                      *

The heat had somehow worsened. The pair floated in the cool lake water together, incapable of anything requiring any more energy. He could sense her presence, sensed it constantly, incessantly, tugging on his consciousness whenever he was around her. 

They floated in silence, the only sound coming from two particularly loud swallows. The birds were having it out over a spider they each felt entitled to. The angry chirping hadn’t ceased for at least the last ten minutes. 

James felt a ripple and saw Lily shift over and look up at the birds. She rolled her eyes and smiled at him. He felt the sudden urge to bottle up her smile and keep it stashed away, to take out and enjoy on special occasions. Instead, he dunked his head in the water and pretended with all his might that his heart wasn’t being constricted so tight it would shrink to the size of a marble and roll out of his mouth when he was sleeping. 

                                                      *

And then she was gone. Just like that, the lake was empty. James sat on the outcrop, and watched as a wilting water lily floated by serenely. A small blue fish poked its head out of the water. The fish looked around and then stared at James for a few moments, as though wanting to ask something, before diving back under with a small splash.

Here’s a painting that I think looks just like Lily

#this was supposed to be done so long ago #my bad #i guess i'll go burrow back into my hole now #mermaid!lily #mermaid au #jily #james x lily #james potter #lily evans #fic #oneshot #jily fanfiction

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Godzilla vs. Kong

From the first rumble in the seats in the Dolby theater, I was so glad I chose to see this movie on the big screen. At times it felt like I was on one of those “4-D” roller coasters where the seats rumble and they spray water on your or pipe smells into the audience. That’s how close I was to the action! As at least a casual fan of the previous entries in the Monsterverse, I was looking forward to Godzilla vs Kong and my goodness, those medium expectations sure were met. How medium was it? Well...

I would like the science in this movie to win Best Comedy or Musical in next year’s Golden Globes. This is probably the hardest I’ve laughed in a theater in over a year (obviously there are other reasons for that, but the sentiment still stands). This movie was nonsensical, loud, shiny, dumb fun and I had a great fucking time watching it. Oh, you probably want a plot summary - I’m just gonna refer you to the title of the film. That about covers all you need to know.

Some thoughts:

“Somewhere on Skull Island” - whaaaaat is with this title card? It’s a tiny island. How many possible locations could there possibly be for a giant fuck-off ape to be taking his nap?

I know we’re not here for any semblance of plot but boy, they really sprained something trying to lift these clunky paragraphs of exposition into anything resembling what actual humans would say.

These opening credits are one of the funniest sequences I’ve seen in ages.

My main man Brian Tyree Henry! I had no idea he was in this (frankly I knew virtually nothing about this movie because what do you even need to know about a movie with the title Godzilla vs. Kong). He’s playing a completely different vibe than I’ve ever seen him play - the comedic relief and a mile-a-minute vaguely conspiracy theorist podcast host who is obsessed with Sir Zilla and the other Titans. I really enjoyed seeing this other side of him!

Absolutely terrible waste of Kyle Chandler, who was probably paid more than my yearly salary for 60 seconds of Protective and Frazzled Dad perfection.

One of the highlights of the film is the performance of young actress Kaylee Hottle as Jia. Jia is Deaf, and so is Kaylee in real life, and I’m always here for more Deaf representation onscreen! And her friendship with Kong is one of the few things in the movie that elicits any genuine emotion of any kind. When he booped her I literally said “Aw!” out loud.

The visuals of the hollow Earth are very cool and remind me of those space age desktop backgrounds that most of the guys I know who built their own PCs and spent a lot of time on Tor.com would have had.

Even the most ridiculous films like this one will sometimes include little bits of worldbuilding that are thoughtful and have fascinating implications. For example, the “Titan Shelters” in Hong Kong - who pays for those? The government? Do rich people have reinforced private Titan Shelters while poor folks have to rely on the public ones, which are likely overcrowded and possibly don’t have enough resources? (I think we all know the answer to that).

I am very much enjoying all the neon in the Hong Kong fight, and how much more visually interesting it makes two giant blobs slamming their blob bodies against each other while causing a staggering amount of property damage.

Finally a realistic “I can crack the password!” scene!

Did I Cry? Ok, a teeny tiny bit, about Kong and Jia’s friendship.

Times I laughed LOUDLY in the theater: when Mr. Zilla, who can literally shoot lightning out of his damn mouth just straight up punches Kong in the face. When Kong gets attacked by all those lizard things in the hollow Earth and just uses one motherfucker to slap another motherfucker. When they use an anti-gravity machine (whatever that actually means) as a defibrillator for an ape that is sometimes as big as a skyscraper and other times as big as a mountain.

And now a series of questions:

Why is this high school class just watching the news in the middle of the day? The G-Z has attacked cities at least 3 other times in this universe that we know of. Like, this isn’t their 9/11, this is a thing that just regularly happens.

You decided it was a good idea to transport Kong over the ocean...where Big Daddy G hangs out all the time? Like...that’s where he lives, you guys. You’re basically trying to sneak Kong over the roof of Godzilla’s house and hoping he doesn’t notice.

OH and you had a Kong-sized net and a team of Kong transport helicopters ready the WHOLE TIME? But you still chose “sneaking over Godzilla’s house” as your first plan of action????

How long can Kong hold his breath? He goes underwater for some long ass periods.

In fact, what are the details of Kong’s physiology in general? How tall is he? Because at one point in his fight with The GZA, he’s standing on the floor of the Tasman Sea, no big deal - except the Tasman Sea has a depth of roughly 18,000 feet. And Kong’s just chilling out in the water at waist level? But he’s also shorter than the skyscrapers in Hong Kong? I choose to believe he can grow and shrink at will because that makes more sense than the sloppy joe approach to his biology the screenwriters are using.

I like Millie Bobby Brown as much as the next guy, but does it bother anyone else that she always sounds congested? Is that a consequence of her doing her American accent? It’s incredibly distracting.

Oh, this entire scene is set in Antarctica but no one is wearing hats or gloves? Sure sure sure.

And no one is having any problems breathing the air in the middle of the fucking earth? No one thought to check that the atmosphere was breathable before everyone takes off their helmets? No noxious fumes to worry about in the center of a planet that produces magma and shit?

You’re taking your child to the literal center of the earth? Is this not the ONE TIME you think you might need a babysitter?

The ship that can *checks notes* withstand the forces present during an entire reversal of gravity is crushed by Kong’s fist like it’s a tube of toothpaste?

Even though the Earth is hollow, I’m assuming the distance to reach the core is still about the same, so Godzilla’s lighting can 1) act as a drill to - I cannot reiterate this strongly enough - the CENTER OF THE FUCKING EARTH and 2) Godzilla and Kong can yell at each other for 3,958 miles (give or take) and still hear each other? Do they have superhearing? Is this something we’re studying or are we content to just have them Hulk smash all of that incredibly important evolutionary biology to bits while everyone stands around?

Because this is a “vs” movie, of course there is no clear-cut “winner” at the end. Instead the two parties leave each other with a grudging respect formed, an uneasy truce in place. But I’m obsessed with the way this final scene plays out, as though Godzilla is a bitter ex walking away from Kong after their doomed relationship has run its course. The lighting, the soft music, the absolute melodrama of this giant lizard slinking slowly back into the sea. Godzilla is giving the gays everything they want in 2k21 and I am here for it. Here’s hoping the next entry in the franchise has Kong hooking up with Rodan to make G jealous and they all have a messy public fight over brunch, Real Housewives style.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #godzilla vs kong #godzilla vs kong review #millie bobby brown #brian tyree henry #kyle chandler #rebecca hall #Alexander Skarsgard #kaylee hottle #godzilla #king kong #movie reviews #film reviews

[whimsimmortal]

Plot Bunny

Wow, I’m alive! And posting fanfiction on tumblr, as if I have any idea what I’m doing!! Please check it out on AO3, where I am actually capable of navigating the website: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441853

Plink. Another small, innocuous sound scarcely registered past Danny’s homework-induced stupor. It could have been a stray raindrop or a kamikaze bug. He had more important things demanding his attention; namely, the book report due tomorrow. This was at least the fifth time he’d rewritten the same paragraph. Words had lost all meaning to him by this point, but he was so close to finishing.

Tip-tap. Clonk, the noise emitting from the bedroom window insisted. He glared suspiciously towards the disturbance, envisioning ethereal arrows or blob ghosts intent on breaking in. He hadn’t sensed anything ghostly nearby, but given his luck, the paranoia was usually warranted. Emitting a groan from the depths of his soul, he rose from his desk to inspect the noise. He spared a second to stretch and shake the pins and needles out of his fingers, trying to wake up. Just in case it was something serious, y'know. Tink. “Alright, jeez, I’m coming,” he muttered, pulling back his curtain.

There weren’t any ghosts, of course. That was somewhat of a relief, even if going down swinging  was preferable to succumbing to a failing high school education. The early sunset gleamed amber off the windows across the street, and the sky was clear, except for— chink— the pebbles bouncing off his window. A lone kid was standing on the sidewalk below, no older than eight or nine. He looked vaguely familiar. He was pulling his arm back to throw more stones and bawling his eyes out.

Danny yanked open the window, sliding up the screen to fully stick his head out. His core vibrated, unsettled. There wasn’t any obvious danger, and the kid didn’t look hurt. Where were his parents? Why was he here? “Hey! What’s wrong, buddy? Are you okay?”

“You, you, you,” the kid tried to start, but great hiccupping sobs interrupted him. He scrubbed his face with his fists, obviously trying to regain his composure. “You’ve gotta send the ghost hero out!”

Danny jerked back, unintentionally smacking the back of his skull on the underside of the window. Well, now he was awake. What? “Uh, a ghost? Here? No, there isn’t—I can’t—what are you talking about?”

The boy was right up against the side of the house now, sniffling loudly and staring straight up at Danny with wide, sad eyes. “Please?” He whined, winding his hands up in the fabric of his sweater nervously.

Well, now he was stuck. Some random kid was going to out his whole identity, but the urge to help was almost overwhelming. “I can’t—there can’t be any ghosts here, but give me a second and I can just come down?” He offered. “Do you want me to find your parents?”

“Noooo!” The kid wailed and stomped his foot, banging on the wall with his tiny fists. “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the superman ghost go in there! Let him out! I need him!!”

Oh, crap, someone was going to hear. This kid’s parents were going to freak out, or his own parents were going to notice, and what if they took that kind of claim seriously? Shoot. Literally. He chuckled nervously. “Hey, hey, shhh, okay! You win! I’ll, uh, summon him, or something! But you have to be quiet, or you’ll, y’know, scare him off.” The child nodded solemnly, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve and stifling his sobs.

Danny ducked back behind the curtain, gracelessly crumpling to sit with his back against the wall. He ran his hands through his hair. He’d been seen? When? He’d tried so hard to be careful, and use invisibility whenever he was close to the house. Maybe he’d gotten lazy. Maybe, sometimes, he let the promise of sleep take priority over precautions. Stupid.  He smacked the palm of his hand into his forehead, frustrated. How long had this kid known? Who else had he told? He couldn’t just scare him into silence, he was too little. That was just messed up, he’d give him nightmares or something.

He wasn’t going to figure anything out by sitting here moping. He triggered the transformation, the familiar prickling electric feeling swiftly replaced by the soothing cold. He turned to peek over the edge of the window, checking for anyone else around. It was still just the same kid, kicking at a pebble on the concrete while he waited.

He floated down slowly, not wanting to startle his impromptu visitor, who turned and saw him as he touched down. The little guy gasped, forgotten tears slipping away from unblinking eyes.

“Hi there,” Danny prompted gently. “Were you looking for me?”

The kid kept ogling, mesmerized, and a few seconds passed by before he could shake himself out of it. “Wow, you’re the real superhero guy,” he whispered reverently.

Oh. That was pretty cute, actually. He couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, that’s me. You can call me Phantom,” he offered.

“I’m Wyatt,” the kid mumbled, covering his damp cheeks with his hands shyly. He tipped his head down, still staring through his eyelashes.

A neighbor’s front door opened down the street, and Danny swiftly disappeared. Wyatt startled, blindly swinging his hands back and forth through the seemingly-empty space. “Wait! Come back!” He recoiled with a yelp when his blundering reach made contact with the specter.

“It's okay, I’m right here,” he reassured the kid. “But we can’t let people know I’m here, okay? They’ll—um. I’ll get in trouble.”

Wyatt squinted, reaching forward again. Danny offered his hand, and the little fingers gripped his glove tightly. He looked like he was offering the empty air a fist bump. “Right,” the kid agreed earnestly.

“Seriously,” Danny pressed. “You can’t tell anyone that I li-” he bit his tongue. Don’t say ‘live’. That’s so dumb. “Uh. Hang out here sometimes. Not even your friends, okay? Promise?”

Wyatt’s little dark eyebrows drew together, and despite his trembling chin and small stature, he looked profoundly serious. He shook the hand. “I promise.”

Well, that would have to do for now. “Thanks. Uh, what did you need me for?”

The kid’s eyes immediately started to well up again, but he squeezed Danny’s fingers and pressed his lips to put on a brave face. “C’mon, Phantom, you’ve gotta-” he sniffed. “You gotta save Fuzzy,” he warbled, turning and pulling. The ghost floated behind like a balloon on a string as the pair stepped down from the curb, heading across the street.

Oh, man, if this was about a dead pet, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. That was closer to Jazz’s expertise. He swallowed his mounting dread. “Who’s Fuzzy?”

Wyatt’s face scrunched up. “He’s my bunny,” he explained, looking away. “I was just tryin’ to show ‘im to Audrey, and—and then,” he sobbed. “He went under the house! And he’s gonna get lost and stuck, and I’m-, never-, gonna see him ever again!” He let go, burying his face in his hands and howling.

Danny rested a hand lightly on Wyatt’s little shoulder, throat tight. He’d never had a pet like that, but he could understand the fear of losing loved ones a little too well, and empathy always felt more forceful when he was in ghost form. Probably something related to ectoplasm being shaped by residual emotional energy, blah blah ecto-science theory. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

The unusual duo walked two more houses down the block and cut through a side yard to a modest backyard, strewn with outdoor toys and an overturned wire fence—likey an outdoor pen for Fuzzy. An even younger girl sat on the paved patio, chewing on the end of her braid. She leaped up as they drew close. “Wyatt! I told my dad about Fuzzbutt, and he’ll call the—um, animal people. But they’re not here yet. Did you find him?”

Wyatt glanced a little to Danny’s left with a guilty expression. Well, crap, so much for his secret. He bit his lip, trying to keep his cool. First things first. A cursory scan of the area didn’t show anyone else in the immediate vicinity, so he faded back into visibility. The little girl—‘Audrey’, he guessed—gave a muffled shriek. “Ghost man!”

“Hush,” Wyatt scolded, voice quavering. “He’s a secret.”

“Oh,” Audrey whispered back. “Hello, mister normal guy man. I think you’re cool.” She beamed up at him.

“Hello, small ordinary human,” Danny quipped, and Audrey giggled delightedly. Wyatt dropped to his hands and knees, crawling up to the house, where a gap between the foundation and dirt was evident. The other two peeked over his shoulder, but there wasn’t any bunny visible past the darkness.

“Fuzzy,” Wyatt choked out. “Hang in there, we’re gonna rescue you!”

Danny turned intangible, letting his molecules seep down through the dirt past the level of his nose. He drifted close to the base of the house, juicing up the glow from his eyes. “Just wait here, okay?” Two grim, round little faces nodded back, and with that minor assurance, he delved beneath the house.

The weight of the floor above loomed. It was claustrophobic, like being buried… well, half-alive. The musty, dank mildew smell was gross, even though he wasn’t breathing. He could taste it. “Here, bunny, bunny,” he muttered. Please don’t be hurt.

A tiny pair of eyes reflected green through the gloom. The little ball of fluff was backed into a corner, and it snorted like a tiny angry bull, stomping its feet. Danny hadn’t even known rabbits could make that sound. It probably didn’t like his creeping, unnatural aura, like most rational animals. “Shhh,” he cooed, reaching for the tiny, grubby ball of fluff and dimming his glow. “I’m not gonna hurt ya.”

Fuzzbutt wasn’t convinced. In a courageous move, it darted through Danny’s forehead, wedging itself under a crooked board and squealing. Danny reached easily through the plank and wrapped his hands around the unhappy creature, sharing his intangibility. It writhed and fussed, trying to bite through his gloves. “Stop that!” He clutched it close to his chest; if he dropped it here, the stubborn thing really would be stuck. He swooped back out into the backyard, startling the anxiously waiting kids.

Audrey shrieked and tipped over. Wyatt recovered first, leaping to his Velcro-sneakered feet expectantly. “Is he okay?”

Danny recovered a more solid form, holding up the wiggling rabbit. Wyatt gasped, fresh tears glittering on his eyelashes. He reached out for the beloved pet, unable to contain his joy at the reunion. “Fuzzy! You’re okay! I love you, Fuzzy!”

“Let’s go inside first, so he doesn’t get away again?” Danny suggested. The last thing anyone needed was an instant replay. Audrey darted to open the back door, and Wyatt led the way inside. He sat on the wooden floor with open arms, and as soon as the door was firmly shut again, Danny deposited the squirming animal into his lap. Fuzzy looked marginally more content to receive numerous sloppy kisses from his adoring owner. He was actually a pretty cute little guy, black and white like a panda.

Even footsteps padded around the corner. “Wyatt, baby? Did you find-” the woman’s question cut off abruptly as she noticed the glowing stranger in her living room.

Crud. At this rate, the whole block was going to find him out before the week was up. He edged back a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I was just, um,” darn it, wrong persona. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “Doing my heroic duty, ma’am,” he finished in a falsely deep voice.

Audrey giggled (he didn’t sound that bad!), and the woman smiled nervously. Wyatt hopped to his feet, still cradling his bunny. “Mama! Look, he saved Fuzzy! I’m gonna rename him Fuzzy Phantom,” he declared.

Mama Wyatt dutifully stroked the bunny’s dusty ears. “Fuzzy Phantom needs a bath,” she commented, before looking back up to meet Danny’s eyes. She held out her clean hand, and it took him a second to recognize the offered handshake. He started to reach back, thought twice about his messy glove, and hastily peeled it off to shake her hand. Her fingers were delicate, but they didn’t falter at the chill. “You look taller on the TV,” she joked lightly. “It’s nice to meet you. Phantom, right?”

He nodded. “Uh, it was nice to meet you, too, Ms.-?”

“Sylvie Rosales,” she supplemented. Audrey snuck around her to flounce deeper into the house, taking the adult’s distraction as an invitation, and Wyatt started to follow her, but hesitated. He snuck a hand out around Fuzzy to tug on Danny’s arm, so he leaned down accommodatingly.

Wyatt stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Can I come see you sometimes?”

Oh, heck, no. That would be truly asking for disaster. “No,” he quickly replied, but before Wyatt’s pout could evolve into a true objection, he added, “but if you really don’t tell anyone how to find me, I could drop by sometimes.” He looked towards Ms. Rosales. “If that’s okay?”

Wyatt looked over to his mom pleadingly, stars in his eyes. What have I gotten myself into, Danny wondered, but he couldn’t help feeling charmed. Ms. Rosales looked like she was thinking along the same lines, with her thin-lipped smile and folded arms. “As long as you don’t cause any trouble,” she hedged.

“Thank you!!” Wyatt hugged Danny spontaneously, smushing his face into his shoulder. Fuzzy grunted his objection.

Danny ruffled the kid’s mop of hair. “I should get going. Take care of Fuzzy,” he grinned, pulling away. “And stay safe,” he added in his false baritone with a mock salute.

“You, too,” he heard Ms. Rosales call after him as he phased through the wall. He looped above the street once cheerfully before disappearing to sneak back home. He’d left his window open; rose-tinted light and a handful of moths had spilled onto his bedroom floor. This time, he didn’t reappear or turn back until he’d stealthily drawn the window and curtains closed.

He still had an hour or so to plug into his homework. He hummed as he started back in on the paragraph he’d been stuck on. It didn’t seem as daunting now, even with the lost time and near reveal. He’d have to keep an eye on his nosy little neighbor, but in the end, maybe it was the moments like today that made the whole gig worth it.

#Whimsi writes #Whimsi forgot how she wrote her tags #Danny Phantom #fanfiction #fluff #cute #wholesome #drabble #plot bunny

[creaturecarnival]

Hylics

One of several games created by Mason Lindroth, Hylics is a game made out of clay, action figures, and computer magic. The visuals of this game are absolutely bonkers, and the creature design is just about as surreal as the rest of the game. If you’re interested in playing it for yourself after watching the trailer above, it’s available for PC here. So if you’re like me and don’t have easy access to a PC, you can watch this stream of it by Vinesauce’s Vinny which is sort of gonna determine what order I review these in since there’s really no comprehensive information about this game that I could find at the time of writing this. Now let’s take a look at some of these crazy clay creations!

Spiral Polycerate

Yeah, right off the bat we’re getting something pretty emblematic of this game’s surreality. Nothing makes sense and that’s great! So the Spiral Polycerate is basically just a weird yellow spiral cone on top of a little action figure. Most of these creatures will have a similar body plan, just some clay slapped on an action figure, but said clay is usually placed or shaped in a way that it’s still interesting. Like in the case of this guy! 

Also I guess it’s implied that Spiral Polycerates are sapient on account of their being one that’s a shopkeep in Tormaph, pictured above. This also gives us a view of what look like arms that are holding that lowest bit of clay. Weird! Is that a weapon or something then? When I first saw this thing, I was certain it was just a cone with legs sticking out of the bottom, but like most of the inhabitants of Hylics, it’s just the head that’s covered in clay. I guess it’s like, visual shorthand that the creature in question is intelligent. That’s cool and all, but I definitely liked its design better when I thought it was just a funky clay cone with legs.

Cone Cultists

Yippee! Wahoo! It’s cult time babey, yeah!!! These guys look so excited! Either that or they’re in immense pain from those horrible growths on their heads. I’m assuming it’s supposed to be some kind of silly hat, but my brain really wants to read them as cordyceps fungus, which are also yellowish-orange and very tall and slim and also grow out of living things, vaguely controlling them. I think overall they look fine as is, maybe a little bland. But if they WERE in fact cordyceps fungus, well that’d be pretty neat!

Cone Statue

Oooh, now we’re talking. This one’s made entirely of clay (save for the ribbons, made of computer magic) and is just shaped so good! I love the tiny squat body and legs coupled with the asymmetrical arms, of which the longer looks to be gesturing to that pot looking thing being pierced by its big ol’ cone head as if to say “Hey! Hey check out my sweet hat! I’m like a POTHEAD or something haha! Get it?? Hey look at my hat!!!” It can’t do anything but passively “shine” which blinds your party members, but is also capable of falling asleep apparently? Okay!

Fleshtache

Wow, this thing is profoundly unpleasant! The idea of a humanoid being whose head is nothing but a couple of large fleshy growths which could loosely be interpreted as a mustache kind of sucks a lot. Do you think there’s hair on the flesh? I know those little particulate things exist around some of the other sprites, but they’re more present around Fleshtache than any other sprite, which makes me think of them as like, a cloud of little floating hairs or something like what you get when you get your hair cut short and you ruffle it and all the little tiny fine hairs go everywhere except it’s like that all the time constantly. If you can’t relate to that experience you should get your hair cut short so you can appreciate how gross that would be. Anyway, I also misinterpreted this one’s head at first to look like an elephant skull. Y’know, with those two little divets and the big tusk lookin’ things? That would be cool too.

Guard

I’m not sure there’s really much I can say about this one. I think it’s interesting that they’re sort of holding that bit of clay in their hand and it’s also attached to their head unlike the Spiral Polycerates.

As we can see in these overworld sprites, the head is weird. It’s just a big seemingly organic coily thing with what might be the true head which we can see in the top left. I like Guard a lot more knowing that their heads are just big springy coils apparently.

Mustelid

Yeah, this one’s pretty much just a cat. I do appreciate how dopey it looks though.

Edit: It has come to my attention that Mustelid actually refers to the family which ferrets belong to. I like this guy significantly more now that I know that fact, as giant ferrets are something that I’ve actually never seen before in media!

Foothead

Okay I really like Foothead. I especially appreciate the fact that the usage of “foot” here seems to refer more to a gastropod-like foot than a human foot. Although you could make a case for the head being loosely human foot shaped, the way it locomotes (by sort of sliding around and using its arms to push itself along) supports the gastropod-like theory. It’s described as “kicking” when it attacks you, but I think that’s referring to the legs flailing around uselessly in the air. It really makes you think that these creatures might be mutations of some kind.

Despair Puff

Is that what that is? Okay, if you say so! Despair Puff certainly looks to be despairing alright. Again, the most remarkable part of its design is the head, which as was previously mentioned seems to be in despair. It looks like we can maybe see the bottom half of the action figure’s head, which would be really creepy, like the top of its skull burst open and this big sad lump came out. The sprites are just low-res enough that you can’t really tell, but that’s one of the things I like about the creature designs overall.

Slughead

Okay so this is interesting, we’ve got another mollusc-head! Could they be related? Slughead seems to get around by laying “face” down and writhing around, although it’s standing straight up in battle. Its forearms also appear to be engulfed by the head. Again, this seems like maybe some kind of mutation.

Ambulant Skull

These guys aren’t actually encounterable in battle because they kill you the moment you make contact with them. That’s certainly freaky! I love how disturbing this thing is overall, with a lower half that looks like a mess of ground beef. I like that with a name like “Ambulant Skull”, you’d expect it to be just like, a skull with legs or something. But this design goes way farther than that and I appreciate it.

Malign Hologram

I love the weirdness of this thing’s “head” being something like a weird vase with an agonized face emerging out of it, and whatever filter was put on it makes it look like the whole thing is made of raw flesh and muscle. Yeah, I don’t know what else to say, I just really like this freaky hologram(???).

Horrid Projection

Alright, this’ll be the last one for part 1, and what a lovely mess it is. Literally the only recognizable thing I can pick out of its figure is maybe two little legs/feet hanging out of the bottom, and the rest is a huge, dripping, misshapen blob. I think that’s a really effective design choice, because this thing would not be nearly as unsettling if it was all clay with no humanoid features. That one little addition of the legs just raises so many questions.

So that’s it for part 1! Stay tuned for when I post the other half I guess!

#hylics #mod frankie

[heyhowyadoingpally]

it’s been forever since i’ve done one of these, huh?

i figured i’d bring this little series back from the dead (pun intended) for october, but i’m not gonna be looking at one pokemon at a time - i’m gonna do mass reviews.

that’s right, i’m going to do a bunch of super quick, rapid-fire reviews of pokemon. more specifically, different pokemon types. even more specifically, three pokemon types.

i’m gonna review all - yes, all, including half-types and secondaries - the posion, dark, and ghost types, in that order. i would have thrown in one more, like bug or psychic, but i think i have enough as it is to last until halloween. although, if there’s a good enough response and, for whatever reason, a demand for either of those two types, i might do one more.

just to clarify, if a pokemon is two of the types i’ll be reviewing, i’ll be placing them in the review of their first type. i.e. if there’s a ghost/dark type, i’ll be putting it in the ghost type review.

yes, these are going to be LONG fucking posts. so sue me.

with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Spooky Halloween Special Part 1: Pure Poison

#023 - Ekans

there really isn’t much for me to say about ekans. he’s really a product of the first-gen’s shtick, which was having the first chunk of the pokemon be more like mundane wildlife than anything else. and that’s something i’m more than okay with; you need mundane wildlife to balance out shit like fire-breathing anteaters and living, floating magnets.

that being said, i adore ekans’s design. there may be a good amount of pokemon out there that are based on real-world animals, but not many of them heavily resemble the animal they’re based on.

ekan’s look is so subtle yet it just works, from the reptilian eyes to the ring around his neck(?), and even the rattle at the end of his tail. hell, i never even noticed the thin lines going all the way down its body until now! maybe they could be segments that somehow help is slither around easier? who knows!

RATING:

i love ekans, but it’s not something that i would absolutely go crazy for. i gave it the extra half-point because, again, it’s one of the cooler “realistic” pokemon, imo.

#024 - Arbok

in the simplest of words, arbok is just plain awesome.

making ekan’s next stage be a cobra just seems fitting: a pokemon as “average” as ekans definitely would evlove into something weirder than a typical snake, but not too weird. cobras are pretty weird, but not too weird. it goes hand in hand.

it’s a little sad that arbok doesn’t retain some of the subtle qualities its predecessor had, like the eyes or the big ring, but it makes up for it with the kickass hood. i’m sure like everyone knows this, but in the first few games the little design on arbok’s hood differed slightly, because they’re arboks from other regions.

RATING:

again, i love its look, but it’s not an absolute favorite.

#029 + #032 - Nidoran

i vaguely remember how awesome i thought the idea of this one pokemon with genders was. of course, now pretty much every pokemon has some minor detail that differentiates their sex.

i love their cute little faces!!! they’re like adorable little rabbit-things with poisonous barbs!

oh, yeah! they’re poison types! so poison is incorporated into their design, right?

...kiiinda?

the pokedex states that nidorans have poisonous barbs sticking out of their backs, but they don’t really look like barbs. they seem more like really dull dorsal fins or something. like, if your tried to hug one of them the most pain you’d get is an uncomfortable poke more than anything.

RATING:

a neat concept for a pokemon, but the execution of the “poison” aspect didn’t really shine through.

#030 + #033 - Nidorina and Nidorino

these two changed, and for the fucking better.

i love the idea that when certain pokemon evolve, it’s really just them maturing, and the nidos did a fantastic job with their second evo. they look a lot more dangerous, but still not quite “barb-y”. i do love how the nidorino seems to naturally crawl on all fours while nidorina stand on her hind legs. it’s those subtle little things that i like.

RATING:

tbh i really don’t have much to say about these guys that i already said about their first forms. they’re more-or-less improved versions of both nidorans.

before we continue and before you say anything, yes, i’m one of those types of people who have a hard time hating any pokemon. the worst you’ll hear from me is that i’m not a fan of certain ones, but they’re nice efforts nonetheless. plus, i have a strong affinity towards the types of pokemon we’ll be looking at, anyway, so this is more of an excuse for me to gush about cute monsters.

#088 - Grimer

GOD where do i fucking begin???

this was the starting point for when pure poison (not quite yet for the half or secondary type!) pokemon really started to take advantage of the concept of...well, posion.

basically, from here on out, i’m going to be gushing a lot about the pure poison pokemon.

if you’ve been following/have known me long enough, you’ll know that i fucking adore any sort of outlandish, blobby monster. sure, most of those kinds of monsters out there are just the same thing over and over, but for some reason i never get enough of them. hell, my favorite animal is basically just a blob with a vague body shape!

everything about grimer is just so pleasing to me: the dopey expression, the little glob of goop dripping from its lip, the nubby hands...it’s even purple, my favorite color!

not to mention the fact that grimer is literally living sludge, one of my all-time favorite concepts for a monster. probably bc i associate any kind of goop monster with swamps, and you all know how much i fucking love those. i think we need more sludge/toxic monsters in our lives. i know i do.

RATING:

let’s face it: you all saw that coming.

#089 - Muk

you know, i didn’t think there was any way that you could improve a living pile of toxic waste, but game freak proved me wrong.

muk took everything i love about grimer and somehow made it significantly better. it genuinely feels like a grimer that grew larger and nastier through years of absorbing more waste and refuse. the strand of slime connecting the “lips” is a really neat touch!

 the more serious expression on its face makes me think that it hates its own existence, like it somehow just knows that it should not be alive. it’s a sad idea, and surprisingly not the darkest ideas that the pokemon franchise has ever delved into. but we’ll probably get more into that with later entries in this series.

RATING:

grimer and muk were, for the longest time, my favorite pokemon, period. that was, of course, until a certain gen 5 creature was introduced and immediately stole my heart. but, again, that’s one of those things we’ll get to soon.

#109 - Koffing

if i had never gotten into pokemon, or even monsters in general and you tried to describe certain creatures to me, i’d think these were some of the dumbest, most batshit ideas ever put on paper. koffing sounds like a weird or dumb idea, but the way a floating orb that spews toxic gasses is presented here is so fucking original.

i’ve always found it fascinating that we associate the color purple with anything poisonous. i suppose it stems (no pun intended) back from certain toxic plants having purple coloration? idk, i’m not an expert on these things.

as a little kid, i loved koffing, which i guess goes to show that i haven’t changed since then lmao. but what’s not to like about it? that’s a face that you can never say no to. koffing wants some cash so it can go out with its friends? go ahead! it wants to have pizza for dinner tonight instead of a casserole? sure thing!!! it wants to start an underground meth lab to rake in the dough to support its family? right on!!!

i especially adore the little skull-and-crossbones on its belly(?). it’s a really neat, subtle touch that didn’t even need to be on there but works so well. i especially love that it’s not just a standard jolly roger kind of crossbones that you’ll often find on monster/creatures that’re poisonous; it’s just the vague shape that makes it really feel like an animal might be able to evolve such a strange pattern on its body, which fits the semi-grounded-in-reality feel gen 1 was trying to go for.

fun fact: some real-life animals, especially insects and arachnids, have skull-shaped patterns on their backs!

RATING:

a perfect example of a pokemon that exemplifies its type.

#110 - Weezing

weezing is either a really ingenious - yet dark - metaphor, or just a really, really cool concept. or both.

i’m probably not the first person to think of this outlandish idea, but i think weezing might be some sort of weird, “hidden message” behind koffing and, more specifically, weezing.

lets take a look at this round, adorable, little cutie: 

it’s associated with toxicity and poison

it produces a gas that’s unpleasant to inhale

it has a second “head” growing on its side (with a cute little “starting crossbone”!)

both faces look quite glum

now, what in real life relates to to these aspects? what thing or things in real life are associated with being harmful or toxic; produce a gas or gaslike substance that, when inhaled, is unpleasant; can cause those exposed to it to develop large, potentially lethal lumps inside their body; and makes people quite glum?

hmmm....i just can’t think of any real-world items that could cause such dangerous, life-altering side-effects.

jokes aside, i’m more than certain i could just be pulling this connection with tobacco out of my ass. it sounds more like one of those edgy creepypastas from back in the day than anything else.

RATING:

this is the closest i think we’ll ever get to a pokemon with a fucking tumor, and whether or not it was intentional weezing’s design reminds me of real-world issues.

(m)

(f)

#316 - Gulpin

after koffing and weezing, pure poison type pokemon were few and far between. it’s a shame, since a lot of the pokemon that are solely poison are just so damn cool, even when they don’t quite show off the “poison” aspects you’d come to expect.

at the same time, i’m glad we currently only have a few amount of pure poison types out there; it makes them feel more special, like a nice treat you’d get every-so-often.

the first pure poison pokemon (how’s that for alliteration!) to appear since gen 1 was gen 3. there was an entire generation that skipped out on having really cute babies. those were surely dark time. at least they up for that with an abundance of other cute pokemon.

that being said, the first pure poison we get after a long, dark and empty era is an absolute cutie! again, i’m a sucker for round, blobby creatures. they always just look so soft and huggable! i think if i lived in the pokemon world, gulpin would definitely be one of those critters i’d snuggle up with.

you know, i really don’t know much about gulpin other than its adorable appearance. i’d really like to find out why its a pure poison! maybe i should see what the pokedex entries from the games have to say about this little cutiepie:

o h .

RATING:

gulpin’s a really neat concept, but the idea of something small and cute that also has an insatiable appetite isn’t something entirely original, and nor is it the first time a character in nintendo followed that same idea.

(m)

(f)

#317 - Swalot

listen: i LOVE swalot. but it’s the kind of love where if i sort of bring that up in a conversation people immediately assume i love swalot because of the same reason that a good two handfuls of people do.

i’m sure you can guess why some people love swalot more than others based on both its name and its rather...erm....interesting eating habit:

i told you that pokemon can get pretty morbid.

i’m really not the sort of person who "points out” something made for kids but with some sort of “underlying fetish material”, but swalot here is one of those few things that make me raise an eyebrow just a little.

but, uh, let’s look at this big cutie in a different, more wholesome light, huh?

designwise, swalot looks fantastic. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i love evolutions that look like a genuine life cycle. i can see gulpin being this sort of nymph that grows over time into this huge, squishy, toxic thing with an insatiable appetite. it almost sounds like the premise of a 1950s b-movie.

even though it’s not a major change, i love the coloring. again, it gives me the impression that young gulpin’s flesh darkens with maturity into a swalot. it’s great.

a detail that i never noticed until getting the pictures for this review is that if you look verrrrry closely, both gulpin and swalot have a faint pattern all over their bodies. it reminds me of how light looks reflecting in the ocean, all broken up like that.

RATING:

potential vorebait aside, i really love swalot’s design, even moreso than gulpit.

#336 - Seviper

there aren’t as many real snake pokemon as i’d like to think, but the ones we do get are pretty rad.

while ekans and arbok have great designs and are always gonna be near and dear to my heart, they never quite felt pokemon-y to me. yes, they were in the first gen and are revered as classics, they seem just too normal to me, you know? like they were literally just purple snakes.

i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you compare them to the outlandish creatures from later generations, they aren’t all that unique. i still love them to death, of course.

seviper, to me at least, looks like what you would mentally picture if someone told you that there was a snake pokemon: it retains the basic idea of a serpent, but takes some creative liberties.

idk why but i really love the eyes it has. they sort of compliment its almost-smile, like its just about to pull a harmless prank on someone and is anticipating the gag. what a smug bastard.

according to the every pokedex, seviper’s best quality is that the entire species has had an ancient rivalry zangoose, another pokemon, for years. from what i can tell, zangoose is supposed to be based off the real-life mongoose, so what we have here is the age-old battle between snakes and mongooses (mongeese?) in the pokemon universe. that’s pretty awesome. i wish they could find more ways to tie in real wildlife habits and instincts like that.

RATING:

overall a good bean with a good design.

#568 - Trubbish

ohhhhh man. ohhhhh boy oh man. we’re at my favorite evolutionary line ever. i’ll try to keep this as contained and condensed as possible.

i’m not sure what it is exactly about garbage monsters, but i adore them a lot. maybe it’s because you can get really creative with how you design the? idk.

i’m surprised it took until gen 5 to get a real trash pokemon. grimer and muk may have been associated with filth, but trubbish and garbodor are the living embodiment of garbage. like, you look at them, and you know exactly what their shtick is. 

i’ve seen a few garbage bag monster before, but trubbish is probably the absolute cutest one i’ve ever seen! look at those big, curious eyes!!!! look at that cute overbite!!!!! look at the little feet made from the bottom corners of the bag!!! it’s such a cute little baby!!!!

unfortunately, not a lot of people share that opinion. and that’s okay. because you’re allowed to have your own fucking opinions on the internet. there’s some pokemon a lot a ppl like that i’m not too crazy for, so sue me. i’ve got my little compost child and that’s okay.

RATING:

is this cheating? i don’t think it’s cheating.

#569 - Garbodor

here it is! the best fucking pokemon to have ever existed!

you might be thinking i saved garbodor till the end on purpose, but i’ve just been reviewing these by the order they appear on the pokedex. besides, there’s just one more after this, so you don’t have to suffer much longer.

GOD i love garbodor so much. everything about it is so creative and fun and cute. i’m so glad it kept the face from when it was just a trubbish. what a cutie!!!!

i love how the garbage bag is sorta draped over its body, like the bag somehow filled up with so much trash that it burst open. i also really love how both of its arms are doing their own different things. it really gives the idea that garbodor wasn’t trying form a perfect body, just a body that works. but the greatest part of this huge baby bean are those cute little pigtails!!! god bless it for looking so cute!!!!!!!

i wanna hug garbodor so badly!!! even if it smells like garbage!!!!

RATING:

i love that funky little compost

#803 - Poipole (aka UB Adhesive)

i haven’t played ultra sun or moon, so the new pokemon in that game are still...well...new to me.

one of the new ultra beasts introduced in the games, poipole has already stolen my heart and i don’t even know it that well. it’s got all of my favorite color combinations rolled into one - blues and purples and pinks!

being an ultra beast, poipole hails from ultra space, and, apparently, from a city in ultra space called ultra megalopolis. jeez, game freak sure loves using the word “ultra”.

i really can’t say much since, again, i’ve never played either of the ultra games, but i like what i do see.

i would have wrapped up this review here, but looking at the pokedex entries for it turned out to be a fucking road trip:

poipole goes from adorably-loved to a fucking sociopath.

alright, i like this cutie even more.

RATING:

for some reason, i still get surprised whenever a new pokemon game has creative and original monster. you’d think they would have blown their wad in the first few gens, but so far they haven’t done so.

that wraps up the first part of this little “review series” next time we’ll be looking at both half-poison AND secondary poison, all in the same post. how terrifying.

...i’m sincerely sorry if you had to read through all of this

PREVIOUS POKEFART: Weedle Line

NEXT POKEFART: (it’s not out yet you dip)

#pokefart reviews #pokefart halloween

[mianite-season-3]

Unofficial Mianite Season 3 - Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Hole in the Wall

Tom ran around for a long time in his half aware state. He cut down the occasional creeper or spider with his pickaxe if they got took close to him.

“Jordan!” was his only shout for hours; he didn’t realize his voice was getting sore until he tried to yell and all that came out was a crackly squeak.

He kept circulating around two particular mountain peaks, scanning the surrounding land but never going too far from them. There was something about it, with the left’s more organic shape and the boxy look of the rightmost one that felt... right.

Tom knew he was extremely close to finding his friend, but none of his shouts or searching yielded a response. The zombie man stomped his foot, stabbing the ground as a rush of anger shot through his veins.

Finally he stopped for a short rest, his chest heaving and hands on his knees. His mind wandered back to the night before, with certain moments carefully censored.

Specifically, he recalled his dream and the strange clarity it had in his mind. Normally, he either didn’t remember his dreams at all when he woke up, or they faded within an hour.

But the fiery image of his dead god was vivid enough to give him chills. Words echoed in his mind. “This world is in ruins.” No shit Sherlock. “Together, we can bring it back under control.” “Don’t abuse your power.”

The thing was, Tom didn’t feel powerful. No, in fact, since the moment he woke up this morning, he’d felt more powerless than ever. First Jordan nearly drowned, then his friends had nearly been torn apart by a pack of wolves and their weird golden-eyed human leader. And top that all off with Jordan nearly having his neck snapped by said golden-eyed human leader.

Something at the edge of his conscience pulled Tom back into reality. He squinted as he looked around, as if that would help focus his hearing.

“--llo?” He recognized the voice floating down from the mountain peak.

“Jordan!”

“-om!” Tom yanked the pickaxe out of the ground and shoved it hastily into his belt. He ran up the mountainside like a goat.

“Where are you?” He called.

“I’m here!” The zombie man altered his course towards the sound, and he kept his eyes skyward,, trying to catch sight of his friend at the summit. He gasped after parkouring across a large gap. How did Jordan manage this climb, with him being hurt?

“I’m almost there!” Tom shouted, wincing as his voice echoed.

“Be careful!”

“Of what?”

Tom cleared the edge of the cliffside and looked around. Jordan wasn’t anywhere in sight. He took a few steps forward and stretched his neck to attempt to see further.

The world decided at that moment to stop making sense, and the ground below him gave out beneath his foot and he fell through the world.

The drop wasn’t too deep, but it did knock the wind out of his lungs. He sucked in a deep breath as soon as his body allowed him to.

“FUCK!”

“Nice to see you too.”

“Jordan! What the hell!?” Tom pulled himself onto his knees and looked around in the dim, green-tinged light that was seeping in through the layers of carpet. Without thinking he stood up and gasped when the carpet above his head bent, then gave and let his body pass through like he was a ghost. “Shit! Did I fucking die?”

“Hope not. If I’m dead, I’m in hell cause my head's killing me.” Jordan’s voice was muffled through the wool, and Tom redirected his attention to vaguely where the sound seemed to be coming from.

“Where are you?”

“Over here.” A fuzzy gray shape waved at him from the wall, and he waded towards it. Tom shuddered as the carpet passed through his body with every step, cool and soft but completely wrong.

“Jordan, what the actual fuck?” Tom asked once he stood in front of the gray shape that was his friend. He motioned to the ghost wool all around them. “What is this?”

“I don’t know, why are you asking me?” Jordan’s voice pitched up defensively, and Tom rolled his eyes. “Do you have any food?”

“Yeah, here.” He dug through his pockets and handed over some bread, watching as the gray blob in front of him writhed as Jordan chowed down. “How the hell did you manage to get up here? Your head--”

“I’m not bleeding or anything! I don’t even think I have a concussion!” He announced happily, mouth full of half-chewed bread.

“But the mountainside! That climb took the wind out of me!”

“And we both know how in shape you are.” Jordan snickered.

“Jordan!” Tom whined. “I’m in shape!”

“Yeah, the path up here was sooooo tough to walk, wasn’t it?”

The zombie man stopped. “Wait, what?”

The fuzzy gray shape grew as Jordan raised his head and looked up at him. “The path? You know, the one you came up?”

“There was a path!?” Jordan snorted and started laughing.

“You climbed up the mountainside? Oh my god, Tom!” The gray shape fell sideways and Jordan’s laughter echoed as Tom’s ears turned red with embarrassment.

“Shut up! I was trying to find you! I didn’t see a path!”

“Well, here I am!” Jordan opened his arms in a wide gesture with what Tom assumed was a huge grin on his face. “Now, uh, do you have a way to get us out of here?”

“Gods, I need to do everything around here!” He moaned jokingly, groping in front of himself to find the wall. He swung his pickaxe and made quick work of creating a staircase back out into the world. Jordan took his outstretched hand after a bit of fumbling and was pulled to his feet.

They squinted against the sunlight and Tom immediately grabbed Jordan’s shoulders roughly and pushed his friend’s head down so he could look at it.

“Oww!!” Jordan yelped, ducking away from Tom and gingerly holding the back of his head. “What was that for?”

“I wanted to see how badly she bruised you.”

Jordan sighed and let his hands fall. “Could have just said so...” he mumbled. Tom took that as an invitation to take another look, though he was a little more careful this time around.

The man flinched when Tom lightly brushed his fingers against his hair to part it, to reveal the skin underneath. “Be gentle!” he hissed when the zombie pressed against the large purple mark covering the entire back of his skull.

“I barely touched you!” he argued back, stepping away. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Jordan took a moment to stare at him. “Why do you care so much?”

“Cause you’re my friend! And I’m gonna kill that crazy girl if she shows her face again!” Tom promised, swinging his pickaxe wildly in emphasis of his words. Jordan ducked as it whipped too close to his face for comfort.

“You’re gonna kill me! Calm down, Tom, I’m fine.” Jordan flashed him a smile. Then his eyes diverted past him and to the summit of the mountain, and his face took on a curious expression. “Hey, Tom?”

“What?”

“Does that look familiar to you?” Jordan raised his arm and pointed behind Tom. The other spun around on his heel and cocked his head sideways, then back, observing the mountain peaks as many ways he could think of.

“No.” Tom concluded.

“Are you sure?” Jordan sounded slightly worried. Tom took another glancing look.

The mountains were strangely shaped, but he’d already noticed that. Nothing about the taller mountain now on his right, with its mushroom like shape casting huge shadows onto the land beneath it, or the smaller peak on the right with a box of colorful blocks sitting on top of it rang a bell...

Until something inside him struck a sour chord and he physically jolted. “Jordan...”

When he turned around with wide eyes, his friend was gone.

“Jor-dan!” he called, his voice cracking on the second syllable. Tom turned back to the peaks and saw his friend racing towards the summit. He rolled his eyes and took off after him.

The back of Jordan’s head send stabs of uncomfortable pain down his spine with every footfall, but he was too focused on his goal to care at the moment.

He hadn’t been thinking when he was running away from Star earlier, and he’d just let his feet take him far, far away from her. The turns he’d been making were nothing short of random at the time, but now that he’s here, maybe they hadn’t been.

Maybe something was bringing him here.

Jordan stopped in front of the front of the box at the top of the mountain, staring at the leaves in front of him. Faintly behind him, he heard Tom huffing and puffing his way up the path.

“Can you stop running away from me? I thought you loved me!” Tom whined, hands on his knees as he recovered. Jordan ignored him and started pulling at the leaves and vines.

“Jordan, I know you just hit your head, so maybe you’re a little off. But you can’t honestly be thinking that this,” Tom waved his arm at the boxy shape his friend was pulling at, “is your--”

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I just gotta see.” Jordan cut Tom off as he punched through that last bunch of leaves and ducked inside the box.

The air was much cooler, and the light seeping in from the glass to his right and the glowstone forming the wall in front of him illuminated the dust particles floating lazily in the air. The filtered light gave the empty inside of the structure a surreal quality, like Jordan was staring at an image that refused to let his eyes focus on it.

He took a few more steps and wiggled his nose as the dust tickled his nostrils. He rubbed at it vigorously to try and avoid sneezing. He didn’t want to break the mesmerizing spell the shadows dancing on the ground was casting. As he watched, memories and long buried thoughts started bubbling up.

The shadows undulated and morphed and became the image of tree branches, full of leaves dancing gently in a breeze that didn’t exist. He stared until his eyes burned but he couldn’t look away. Then the dark images changed again, and one tendril shot forward towards him.

He yelped as his foot burst into painful pins and needles, and he jumped backwards and blinked hard, looking back at the sunlit floor. The shadows no longer moved, cast in harsh lines as the blocks in front of the glass blocked out the light.

Jordan heard footsteps and soon Tom was standing in the doorway, his face impossible to read due to the shadows cast on his face. “What happened?”

“My foot... I stubbed my toe on something,” he lied smoothly, standing awkwardly with one foot braced against his hip as he tried to massage some feeling back into the appendage.

“What an idiot!” Tom teased, and Jordan managed a small smile. He flexed his toes and decided the needles could be ignored. He put his foot down and turned his back on the window. He was sleep-deprived, and the uncomfortable pain in his foot was just a coincidence. He’d been standing still too long and cut off a nerve. It had nothing to do with the dancing shadows. Jordan was just hallucinating, seeing things he wanted to see.

His friend ventured further from the door and looked to his left. “Have you gone downstairs yet?”

“There is a downstairs?” Jordan’s heart sped up, and he stepped towards Tom.

“Ladies first!” Tom joked, shoving his friend. Jordan threw his arms out and braced against the tight walls around the stairwell, masking his gasp with a growl.

“How kind of you,” he droned, taking the steps carefully. Though there may have been actual stairs here long ago, now there was nothing but cold obsidian. He shuddered as a chill ran down his spine. The cool air flowing up from the basement raised the hair on his arms and neck.

The stairwell twisted to the left about halfway down, and at this point he couldn’t see two feet in front of his face. Blood rushed in his ears as his heart raced.

“Tom? You’re coming, right?” His voice sounded loud, too loud, and he felt a burning urge to turn around and bolt back into the sunlight. Something was wrong. He hated it, he hated it here, but he also felt safe, and his feelings whirlpooled around inside of him until the twang of a loosed bowstring brought him back to reality, and he dove past the last step as an arrow buried itself in the wall behind where his head had been a moment before.

“Tom! Help!” Jordan shouted, rolling to the side as he heard the unseen creature nock another arrow. His brain went into primal mode as he came up on a crouch, swinging his leg out in a wide kick to sweep his attacker off their feet. The edge of his foot hooked around the other’s ankle, he pulled it back and heard the rattle of bones as the attacker stumbled.

Skeleton! Jordan puffed out a sigh of relief. It was just a skeleton. He could fight that.

The man rolled again as the skeleton loosed another arrow in his direction, then kicked out again, this time higher. He glances off the side of its leg, doing no damage. He stumbled and landed hard on his back. Jordan scrambled to get back on his knees and looked up and the dim light coming from the stairwell now across the room from him highlighted the monster in front of him.

“Tom!” he called again, and its head swiveled and followed his movements with scary accuracy. It lifted its bow once more and drew back an arrow. The skeleton aimed, and released its arrow just as a shadow raced down the stairs and Tom loped the monster’s head off with his pickaxe.

Adrenaline pumping and heart racing, he took Tom’s outstretched hand and stood up on shaky legs.

“You ok? Here, lemme put a torch down.” Tom told his friend, placing a lit torch in the beside them. Then, seeing how unstable his friend was,  took Jordan by the shoulders and sat down, effectively bringing his friend down with him.

“Does your face hurt?” Jordan’s hand flew to his face, bringing it away sticky with blood. Now that the heat of the moment had passed, he started to notice the burning pain in his right cheek. Jordan opened his mouth to reply that yes, his face did hurt, when Tom’s face twisted into a shit-eating grin.

“Cause it’s killing me!” Tom shrieked with laughter as Jordan glared harshly at him for a moment. He dabbed at the blood that was now dripping off his chin and wiped it on his friend’s sleeve.

“Eww! Jordan!” He squealed, crab walking back towards the stairs. Jordan snickered.

“You asked.”

“I did not ask for you to wipe your body fluids onto me!”

Jordan rolled his eyes, now using the edge of his sleeve to apply pressure onto the wound. He took a deep breath, then another, letting himself take in his surroundings.

The basement they were in was just as musty and dusty as the rest of the place, and the smell was even heavier. The torch Tom had placed illuminated the walls to his right, flickering yellow light bouncing across them.

“Tom, look.” Jordan raised his free hand and pointed. Tom turned his head and furrowed his eyebrows. He stood up and investigated the line of chests along the walls.

“Nothing good. Just a bunch of random shit.” Tom announced, hefting a dented iron sword out of one and sliding it across the floor to Jordan. “There, you won’t need me to save you next time.”

Jordan deigned not to respond, attaching the sword onto his hip for easy access. Tom took out a couple more iron tools that had seen better days and stowed them away.

“Should we be stealing those?”

“Nobody’s been in here for years, Jordan. I think we’ll be ok,” Tom smirked, hands on his hips as he showed off the leather chestplate he’d found. “How do I look?”

“Like a noob.”

Tom gasped dramatically, miming being stabbed in the chest. “You’ve wounded me! I think I might die!”

Then his eyes shifted, and he stood up tall again, joking demeanor gone. He took steps towards Jordan, then past him. He seemed to shrink as he descends a few steps, staring at the slanted ceiling in awe.

“You were right,” Tom muttered in disbelief. “You were fucking right, Jordan...”

“Huh?” But as Jordan took the torch and stood up, he realized what is was that Tom was silenced by.

The signs on the top of the wide stairwell shouldn’t be anything special. The words themselves weren’t even aggressive, but they sent chills down both their spines.

“The Vault. No block breaking or placing.”

#saphira writes s3 #mianite s3 #mianite season 3 #mianite #captainsparklez #synhd #syndisparklez #iijerichoii #omgitsfirefoxx #waglington