#fuck I love dean

[wellofdean]

Thinking about @luckshiptoshore and her liveblog of watching Supernatural and how much I love following it and how great it is to watch someone just fucking ENJOY the show...

And then, there were a couple of people in my Discord who love the fic, but have never watched the show, and folks in there were trying to convince them that it was worth watching (duh!) and that knowing the show by heart makes the fic so much better and like yes, again... DUH! And then I was suddenly overcome with such a feeling of ENVY for all the people who still have the chance to watch Supernatural for the first time already knowing what happens in the end.

I mean, I watched 14 years of it in real time (after downloading and bingeing season 1) and at least I was clever enough not to be in the fandom trenches that whole time, and just enjoyed it for what it was, but the end broke my brain, and changed the whole show for me.

Because, like, here's what happens in Supernatural by the end: Dean and Cas are in love. It was not subtle. Dean can't say it because he never has a single moment of not being up to his pretty, pretty eyeballs in dealing with the ongoing and constantly multiplying trauma of being the man his father raised him to be, and god's specialest boy to boot, but in the end, Cas finally does just fucking say it. Not only that, he waits until he can use it to save Dean, and show him once and for all in an incontrovertible, undeniable way exactly how deeply and truly loved and SEEN he is.

When you watch it knowing that, knowing that the the whole story is going to end in that stupid bunker dungeon with Cas telling Dean who he is and dying to save him, the whole thing just HITS DIFFERENT, because the Dean of season one with his outcast liminality and pretty, pretty lips is the poor, lonely, weird boy who will one day be loved like that by Castiel, an angel of the lord -- an impossible Eldritch being who learned what love and selfhood are from closely observing Dean.

The consensus amongst most Supernatural fans is that it is trashy and bad and that its all evil queerbaiting, but I would contend that it's actually deeply entertaining, culturally rich and interesting (yes, even its flaws and missteps), often impressively well-written and acted, never puts on any airs about being prestige television or high art, but still manages to be ultimately epic and somehow sublime, and that it's a queer story, about queer love saving the universe, and it is so, so worth watching.

Like, my brainworms are not 'they strung me along all that time and then never let them make out', by brainworms are 'they told us so many times and in so many big and small ways, and now I need to watch every bit of it again and again and again so I can finally REVEL IN IT (and, friends, that is the Supernatural rewatch journey: realising it was ALWAYS THERE). My brainworms aren't 'but does Dean reciprocate??' they are: 'of course he loves Cas, and of course Cas knows that Dean loves him, and the one thing Cas can't have? That's just his chance at happiness and a soft epilogue with and for Dean, because Cas, impossible, cosmic, Eldritch being Cas, traded his chance at happiness for his family's lives and sacrificed himself for love of his son and Dean, because that is what you do when you love someone, and what he has watched Dean never stop doing for even a minute of his beleaguered life.'

And then, Dean dies (yes, it's stupid), and he cannot just go to heaven, drink a beer and hang out, he needs to climb into his magic soul vehicle, hit the axis mundi and tear the universe up looking for his angel and his happy ending in The Winchesters? Fuck me.

And like, it's the most romantic, and devastating story I have ever been told? And I love it so much?

#supernatural #anti-trashnatural agenda #I am sometimes overwhelmed by how much I love that story #and dean #fuck I love dean #and castiel #angel of the lord

[kolumander]

this would’ve been appropriate for november but whatever i made it and im posting it now. feast your eyes upon my elaborate shitpost B)

#supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural fanart #this is the stupidest thing ive ever made #and i fucking love it #BAHAHAHS #kolu’s stuff #spn #destielgate

[wickedwitchofthesouth]

Watching supernatural is like willingly sitting down to get hate crimed for two hundred and forty hours by an old man, a gay angel, and their pet moose.

#maybe i am the problem #no fuck that im not #SUPERNATURAL IS THE PROBLEM #my love hate for this show is so normal #im so normal about this i swear #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #spn #sam winchester

[masakia]

Everyday I fight the urge of writing a destiel fic where everything is the same but Dean has a baby girl (the mother didn't want to be involved cause they were both young, like 24 maybe.) So Dean is like "well I guess I'm gonna parent this child now" and yeah he raised Sam and he did the best job he could with the circumstances they were given, but something about this little girl makes Dean wanna cry everytime he looks at her and thinks how he doesn't know how to give her a better life.

Anyway she would be two at the first season and Dean would put her hair up in silly hairstyles and Sam just has to reset himself when he enters the impala during the first episode and there is just baby stuff on the back seat.

When Cas shows up the baby gets attached to him really fast and Cas, who has never interacted with a baby before, holds her by the back of her clothes like she is a kitten.

#spn #fic concepts #destiel #I just think that Dean would love his child and give her everything he didn't have #and Cas would too #he just doesn't really know how to interact with her during the apocalypse times #but after he begins to understand emotions he just buy her toys on impulse #ans Dean is like #Where the fuck I'm going to put those toys? #and Cas just tells him to figure out and goes off to do angel stuff

[boywifesammy]

???????? IM SORRY….

WHAT DID THEY MEAN BY THIS???????

#oc #gifs from @ofnightandlight #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #wincest #spn 9x08 rock and a hard place #SUBTEXT #WHAT SUBTEXT #ITS IN THE FUCKING TEXT ITS RIGHT FUCKING THERE #HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS SHOW #WHEN IT PULLS SHIT LIKE THIS #?????????????????? #im literally speechless #like why would they put this in there if spn wasnt the brother love show. #how can anybody refute that wincest was endgame when they pulled shit like THIS #cw supernatural everyone ….

[winchesterhymns]

Because my being has been enlightened by the divine (wincest), I no longer believe I am able to stomach the mundane (destiel)

#genuinely what the fuck are they putting into this ship #wincest has ruined my life (i cant stop thinking about them) #I LOVE THOSE LITTLE FREAKS #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #wincest #samdean #my rambles

[wigglebox]

Suptober - Day 4 || Nimbus [x]

#suptober23 #destiel #destiel fanart #dean winchester #castiel #spnfanart #spn art #wiggleart #the nature of this prompt resulted in darker stormier shading #however I want to state that I am in love with the line art for deans jacket so when I release it in the coloring pack #I hope y’all understand why #idk why but I just love this one specifically lmao #anyway I saw nimbus and of course my first thought was HP but I am very fuck HP but then my friend #reminded me that it’s also a cloud #specifically it’s a cloud type that produces precipitation so I just wanted them to get caught in a rain storm lol

[secondbeatsongs]

when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts

but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!

and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?

welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast

anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.

#sbs rambles #fandom #fandom stuff #ao3 #basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day #but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms #and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms #and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here #because I'm havin a blast #and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL #my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3 #(double checks) #oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!! #my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!! #time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳 #anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now #but buds. you can laugh at me #I'm thinkin about sam and cas #what's up with those guys? #fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean #:') #but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order #that's what I've realized #now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T #also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status #that's the rules

[sunforgrace]

you guys please understand they were going to say “CASTIEL’S PERSONAL HEAVEN” and paper the walls like a teen girls room with pictures of dean pictures of dean’s face PLASTERED onto the bodies of beefcakes all while cheek to cheek blares out. as brought to you by fucking metatron

#cutting an I love you because your actor who’s been kinning this guy for years thinks is out of character: #cutting part of me always believed you’d come back because same actor thinks that’s too gay: #cutting castiel’s personal half naked dean winchester heaven because tptb go hey maybe this is too gay and homophobic. as a bit: #I understand why we’re picking handprint. but I will put forth the argument that this is the bait rounds and that overall #the handprint is less bait and more so the weird boy besties behavior #listen you know I LOVE the handprint. but in terms of genuine great american queerbait #and I mean they put the handprint back on during the love confession at this point that one’s just textual we’re talkin BAIT #closest to bait here I’d argue is the fact they had anna palm it while having sex with dean #like actively pausing the sex scene to just show anna gripping it and dean reacting #but again that’s more. weird. than bait I’d say. Simply because that transcends bait into what the fuck are you guys doing #but at this point cas was hot off the scene by season 9 they KNEW what they were doing and they were DOING it maliciously in a POST YOURE #NOT CRAZY TWEET WORLD

[da-proti-toku-grem]

📷 Dean Grainger

#another holy trinity pic DEAN I LOVE YOU #god all these are so good i'm unwell #jure maček i'm on my fucking knees #joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #jure maček #nace jordan #jan peteh #kris guštin #jc stewart #holy trinity #bo(jan)²

[sammygender]

thinking about dean growing up and putting everything before himself. hunting and his brother and his dad and his dad’s revenge quest for their mom. he doesn’t matter. he is entirely irrelevant. thinking about dean internalising this as just what you do, just how people behave and how they should behave. him viewing selfish as the worst thing you can possibly be.

then thinking about sam growing up and fighting. brave enough to challenge their father and rebel against him and voice something different, brave enough to focus on what he wants. dean seeing this and it stings - he could never do that. how is sam acting like that? he can’t believe that’s the right way to behave. so sam must be selfish, just in believing he has any right to his own life.

dean sublimates himself for the family and expects sam to do the fame, and his resentment and jealousy that sam doesn’t turns into anger and making sam out to be the mean one, the one in the wrong. and this never goes away. this is always what dean levels at sam - that he’s selfish, that in wanting to make his own choices he’s rejecting their family, rejecting dean……. awful. toxic. evil evil message to send to sam. entirely in character. dean wants to prioritise sam, would save him over the world. but he doesn’t care what sam wants.

selflessness isn’t always a charming character trait. it’s not the same thing as a generosity of spirit and it’s definitely not the same thing as being caring. sometimes selflessness just means you’re incapable of prioritising your life and incapable of understanding how anyone else could or should prioritise theirs. sometimes it means you still act selfishly, you just convince yourself you were objectively in the right, because doing something actually for yourself is unthinkable. sometimes it means you think the very act of having wants and boundaries is selfish, no matter whether they’re yours or anyone else’s.

anyway… thoughts on dean’s specific brand of awfulness regarding sam. what does it matter to him what sam actually wants? since when did it ever matter in the winchester household what anyone wanted? dean had to deal with things he didn’t want for the mission (for john). sam has to deal with things he doesn’t want for the mission (for dean). augh. the cycles

#& what do they get for that? sam gets punished repeatedly for being brave and attempting to have any sense of agency #it’s taken from him repeatedly by everyone around him. hes violated in every possible way. him wanting his own life is framed as selfishness #i can’t stop thinking abt this. Am i dean winchester am i on the pathway to becoming him #it makes so much sense now. of course sam is everything to me. i always always latch onto characters who fight who try to say fuck you i am #worth something. and that’s what sam tried to do. it just didn’t work. the story wears him down too much. augh. #the story + his abused/abusive brother #spn is a horror story #dean winchester #this is written with love but it is very much hashtag dean critical #spn #meta #supernatural #sam winchester #spn meta

[samdeancrimespree]

k hold on im going insane. so. what i just said abt dean beating up the car instead of sam. the Next Episode is the one where sam is like “you miss dad sooo bad and i can see right through you” “you can’t just substitute him with whoever you want.” and then dean punches him. guys if sam KNEW.

then sam is Begging dean to hit him. you don’t GET IT HES CRAZY.

dean doesn’t want to show these emotions to sam. he wants to be strong for him. so he tells gordon about them instead. but sam sees dean choosing gordon over him, believing gordon instead of sam. sam wants to be his equal, not his kid. dean doesn’t think sam knows what he’s doing. but sam understands dean’s emotions more than dean does.

so he goads dean into hitting him, just to prove he can take it. “you can hit me all you want. it still won’t change anything.”

we Know from how hands-on he is when sam gets injured that dean uses physical touch instead of words to show his emotions. if sam saw him fuck up the car, saw his warning, he knows that dean is struggling and wants sam out of the way so he doesn’t hurt him. dean might not even realize he’s doing it, but sam does.

and sam doesn’t let it go. sam shows dean that he’s here for him, no matter what dean does. if dean needs an outlet for his emotions, then sam will make sure it’s him. he doesn’t care that dean is messy and angry and mean right now. those emotions, those punches, are for sam. not for gordon, not for a monster, not even for his car. for sam.

#he’s so fucked in the head #i know there’s a bunch of posts abt this scene alr #but it’s making me even crazier today #the more i think abt sam realizing that dean is For Him the crazier i become #bcs dean will do it. hell do anything sam wants. literally anything #like sam is the sub but he’s also so completely in charge. Fuck #like. deans emotions are so completely about sam it’s actually crazy #even in this case where they’re about dad. they’re mostly about sam #everything is about sam to him #mars.txt #masochist sam #obsessive sam #wincest #i love you crazy girl #sex and violence #<3333 #spn studies

[insanesonofabitch]

Today I learned that deancasbenny is sometimes called destiny and God. I’ve never seen such a name for a ship that’s equally poetic as it is ironic. I would’ve called it poetic irony but that would wrongfully imply that they’re given what they deserved. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

#I fucking love naming things more beautiful ship names please #it’s such a clever little name that’s so packed with so much meaning #which I don’t think was even intended at all—no one really knew that god and destiny would’ve fucked them up back when it was created. #someone probably just thought “oh they’re destined together that’s cute <3”. they had no fucking idea. #but also it’s about how they each all tried to fight against their fates and what was “meant to be” in their own ways. #but ultimately still lost. #this might never be topped. #supernatural #spn #destiny #deancasbenny #destiel #deanbenny #casbenny #dean winchester #castiel #benny lafitte #purgaytory

[soullessjack]

lord knows I do not have the capacity to explain it right now but I have so much disdain for how heteronormative and nuclear this fandom is hellbent on making destiel and lord knows I have an even bigger hatred for how jack is used to fuel it.

#just say you hate actual queer men and fuck off girl #you don’t want queer representation you want something palatable and sanded down and. Buzzfeed-ified I don’t fucking know #or even just how basic masculinity is treated in the fandom like oh my fucking god. queer men are not a monolith of effeminate nail painters #I am so tired and angry and I want to fall asleep but I can’t so here you get this #cal.txt #spn #supernatural #spn fandom #fandom critical #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #domestic destiel #jack kline #baby jack #you treat cas like a diet woman and dean like he eats raw liver for breakfast and jack looks like fucking junie b jones for some reason #I hate it here I truly really do and yet I can’t leave because I also love it

[whatnor]

"as long as i'm around, nothing bad's gonna happen to you"

#dean's pretty sister #i have no words #bitch.. cut it out .. fucking stop already #what are you looking like that for #they have so much love for each other #it drives you crazy more and more with each rewatch #spn #sam winchester #samdean #wincest

[crownspeaksblog]

Deans face is so good.. to me that looks like a "what the fuck is going on???!!" Kind of look..

Rio goes from beating the shit out of dean, slapping him, humiliating him and being a scary menace to being just soft.. he's walking slowly towards beth, calling her Elizabeth, slowly taking the gun off her hand, softly speaking to her, telling her "it's alright, it's okay", gently pushing her hair and caressing her chin and he feels genuine.. and dean is just sitting there speechless..

Because dean gets violent criminal unleashing his anger on him but this gentleness doesn't make any fucking sense!

#deans best scenes is when he's used as just a reaction to brio.. he literally to me has no other value lol #now obviously rio isn't being 100% genuine but i also don't think this gentleness is 100% manipulative.. #this relationship is fucked up and i love it! #nbc good girls #good girls rio #beth boland #dean boland #brio #beth x rio #gg 2x01 #👑